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7. Dream Job by Design with Ashley Wilhite
17 Plays2 years ago
She had a plan. The universe had a very different one.
From therapist to Uber driver, executive assistant to Human Design Coach, Ashley Wilhite knows a thing or two about pivoting. Armed with a Masters degree from Columbia, and a heart for disadvantaged people, she set out on a traditional career path in therapy.
After a while, though, hefty student loans, workplace politics, and bureaucratic red tape hijacked her joy. She was doing meaningful work, true. But the life that job afforded (ahem, or didn’t) left her wanting more—more financial freedom, location flexibility, and energy left in the tank.
Ashley grieved the life she’d anticipated, but she soon hung her own shingle as an online business coach. No set schedule? Helping people? This had to be right…right? Within three years, massive burnout (the sequel) came knocking.
Rethink. Reset. Recalibrate.
Learn how a chance encounter at a Texas gas station opened Ashley’s eyes to Human Design and “The Science of Differentiation.” Now a full-time (well, four hours per day) Human Design Coach, she’s finally found her calling. All she had to do was listen to what her body was saying all along.
For more inspiration, subscribe to Unbound Turnarounds on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts!
LINKS:
- Connect with Nicole
- Connect with Mallory
- Connect with Ashley: www.instagram.com/ashleywilhitecoaching
- Get Your Free Human Design Chart
- Mallory’s Human Design Chart
- Nicole’s Human Design Chart
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Hosts
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Unbound Turnarounds, a podcast all about the challenges women business owners think about constantly, but rarely voice. We're Nicole and Mallory, entrepreneurs, friends, and co-founders of Business Unbound, a community helping women alleviate the headaches, heartaches, and backaches so work actually works for life. This is your safe space for the ups, downs, and the turnarounds.
00:00:34
Speaker
Welcome back to Unbound Turnarounds. And it's great to see you, Mallory. How's it going this week? It's going wonderful. I'm excited to be here. I'm super excited about our guests today. How are you? I'm doing okay. I had a great ride on my pony yesterday, who I realized I should probably say from the very first episode when I said it was selling him, I've decided not to sell him, you guys. And that's what happens when you put that into the universe. Pony turns it around. So I'm high on life this week for that reason.
Guest Introduction: Ashley Wilhite
00:01:03
Speaker
Awesome. Well, let's check in with our guests today. So we have Ashley Wilhite. She is a 62 splenic projector and a certified human design expert and coach. She serves high achieving trailblazers with unrealistic dreams who want to make them happen in a way that works for their energy.
00:01:22
Speaker
Ashley shares her work through one-on-one coaching, group programs, personal chart readings, and daily free inspirational content on Instagram. She lives in Chicago and her and I actually met a summer of 2022 at the most amazing event ever, a summer camp for grown women.
00:01:42
Speaker
And it was epic. We spent five days together with about 60 other women and it was truly glorious. Ashley shared a bit about her human design at the event and I was super intrigued. So then when I got back for my 39th birthday, we spent an hour on my actual birthday together doing my personal chart reading.
00:02:03
Speaker
And I got to learn a little bit more about it specifically relating to me. I found it super insightful so that I made Nicole get her chart read and we compared them. And Ashley is really going to share her story and her why with us, but then dive into a little bit about what human design really is.
Season Theme: Women's Entrepreneurial Motivation
00:02:19
Speaker
First, though, I need to remind everybody what the season is about. We are talking to women entrepreneurs about the whys of them getting into the entrepreneurship journey. And those motivations can be so different. So we want to hear these stories from these fabulous women out there doing their own thing. And specifically, Ashley, we're so excited to hear your perspective as someone whose service is unique. And we are excited to hear how you initially discovered that topic.
00:02:46
Speaker
So welcome, Ashley. Welcome to the pod. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here and have this conversation with both of you. So just jumping into it, I would love to know about your early career because from what I remember, it has nothing at all to do with human design.
00:03:01
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, whose early career does have to do with human design? I don't know. Right. Maybe somebody's now.
Ashley's Career Transition to Entrepreneurship
00:03:07
Speaker
But my background is actually in psychology. I have a master's degree in counseling psychology. I worked as a therapist at a nonprofit center for a couple of years and really went into that field with the vision and dream of having my own private practice.
00:03:23
Speaker
That's how I saw my life going, but a couple of years into that at the nonprofit one, I started recognizing the financial cap of like, okay, there's only so much money I can make doing this work. Also, there's so many politics at play here and so much red tape and getting things done. Like I'm not loving this. Like I thought that I would.
00:03:45
Speaker
And then separately from that at the time, I was also dating a man who lived in Canada and I was in Austin, Texas. And so trying to figure out how to make that work had a role in my decision to actually become an entrepreneur. So I think that's a key piece that makes my story a little bit unique. So yeah, human design was not even on my radar. I had no idea what it was. I was just someone who wanted to be a therapist and help people.
00:04:12
Speaker
I love it. So tell me, you mentioned a little bit that the life you envisioned once you got into that particular path didn't quite align with each other. It wasn't exactly what you thought. So when you think back on how that life felt to you at the time, what was being fulfilled and what wasn't?
00:04:32
Speaker
That's such a good question. Yeah, because there's definitely pieces that felt really good where I was like, okay, this is important work. I feel like I'm actually helping people. I mean, I was so
Challenges in Therapy Career
00:04:43
Speaker
in the few years that I worked as a therapist, I was in many different divisions or departments. So I did family counseling where.
00:04:50
Speaker
families would bring their kids in, they're going through a divorce, are the kids having trouble at school? So that felt really important and valuable. Then I got into the department of the runaway and homeless youth. Mostly it's a lot of teenagers running away from abusive situations or just families that are homeless that are like, here take my kids because we have no place to sleep tonight.
00:05:10
Speaker
And then I was in the shelter working with kids who are taken out of their home by Child Protective Services. So every day you felt like you were helping people who need it the most. You're like in the trenches with them. And so there was a big piece of that purpose and calling being fulfilled. But then the pieces that didn't feel as fulfilling were mostly the politics of like, okay, well, people can come and get help, but they can only be here for three weeks. But wait, what? We have to send them back? That doesn't make sense.
00:05:39
Speaker
And then the financial piece was huge too. So I went to an Ivy League university. I went to Columbia for grad school. I lived in New York City for two years on student loans. So I have massive student loans at. This job that I got as a therapist paid $31,000 a year.
00:05:54
Speaker
And I was like, how is this going to work? How am I supposed to stay for retirement and pay off my loans and live a life that feels good and comfortable for me? It's not working out. So that was a really huge motivating factor when I discovered the coaching world. And I was like, wait, you can work with anyone. You can choose your clients. You can make as much money as you want. There's no rules. There's no boundaries. There's so much freedom. Like that was super, super appealing. And you can still do important work. Exactly. Yes.
Burnout and Entrepreneurial Shift
00:06:23
Speaker
You can still help people.
00:06:24
Speaker
Now, you at some point in your career experienced what a lot of people experience, and that is burnout. What was that like for you? And then what did that experience lead you to decide to do, to change it? So I've actually experienced massive burnout twice in my life. The first time was working as a therapist. And I think that was more like secondhand trauma burnout of
00:06:48
Speaker
taking on all of these really sad situations all day, every day. And then making that decision of like, okay, I'm going to leave this and start my own business was terrifying. There was a grieving process involved and letting go of that dream and this thing you just spent years getting a degree in and spending all of this money and be like, okay, I'm going to walk away.
00:07:09
Speaker
So that was just so hard. But then the second burnout experience, so I quit my job, started a coaching business, built that up over three years and burnt out again. And so I was like, wait, but I'm doing something that I'm supposed to love that I chose this again. And it's still not working. Like I'm still burnt out. And that was a whole nother grieving experience because it was a business that I had built. And then I was then choosing to walk away from.
00:07:36
Speaker
Really having to let go of the shame that I felt that it didn't feel the way that I wanted it to feel. It wasn't creating the lifestyle that I wanted. So it was super, super challenging. I think a lot of times when we hear the word burnout, you just think that people are tired. But to me, it was so much more of an emotional experience. You get it, right? We get it. That's always what it is. I mean, I think you mentioning the grieving process.
00:08:02
Speaker
It's home for me, probably for a lot of people. There's a lot of paths that you think you're going to take and the ways that you think your life is going to look. And at various points along the way, you have to let go of a lot of those for something that suits you better in a different way. And a lot of times we just jump into that and we don't allow ourselves to grieve the vision of what we thought we were going for. So I think that's really just important emotionally to allow yourself to do that.
00:08:29
Speaker
And I think you hinted at this, that we can go out on our own and do what we think we want to do. And it's so easy to burnout. It's a lot of the things that we talk about in a lot of our courses. And these are the tips and tricks and strategies we're going to share about how to avoid burnout. And you specifically have one way to really look at it through your new
00:08:50
Speaker
expertise that can really help. But before we get into that, how did that burnout lead to?
Second Burnout and Career Reassessment
00:08:56
Speaker
Because you're into your entrepreneurship now, you've built it up, you're three years in, but it's not working. So this burnout leads to you doing what to change it so that it doesn't still feel bad.
00:09:06
Speaker
Yeah, at first I had to come to terms with it, right? I was like this crossroads of either like, I dive back into the business, even though I'm not feeling passionate about it, it's not making the money that I'm wanting it to make. I poured so much time and energy and money into creating a course and one person signed up. And so I was like, so deflated of like, oh, it's not working. And so I was like, I can either dive back in and try again, which felt so exhausting and like a struggle. And like, I just didn't have that fire anymore.
00:09:35
Speaker
Or I can walk away and to me it's like going to the Wild Wild West. I don't know what that's going to be like. I knew I didn't want to get another job. I knew I didn't want to get a corporate job. So it's like, what's the thing? I'm like, I don't know. I'm just going to have to basically jump off the cliff and hope that something appears.
00:09:53
Speaker
Right. Just be open to a new idea. Yeah. So practically what I did to make money, because I had to pay rent. Thankfully I was like single, no kids. So it's just me. But I started driving for Uber. Okay. Got creative. Yeah. I'm going to go drive for Uber. I did that for six weeks. Did not love it, but it made enough money to take care of the bills. And that gave me time and space to figure out actually what I wanted to do.
00:10:19
Speaker
And it was actually through the woman who runs the camp that Mallory and I met at, she recommended me to a life coach. It was like, you would be perfect as her assistant. It's not a corporate job, but you can still work from home, basically set your own hours. It's all the skill sets that you have from running your own business. So go work for her. Got that job. It paid $50,000 a year, which was more than I'd ever made. And I was like, this is it? Hallelujah. Exactly.
00:10:47
Speaker
That was my next step after the burnouts. Tell me as you were going through those early years of entrepreneurship and you look back at that first three years of coaching, were there pieces of it that you did want to keep? Were there pieces of it that you thought, you know what? I do like this part.
00:11:04
Speaker
So you took from your initial role as a therapist, like there were some pieces that you still really wanted, like you want to do impactful
Aligning Business with Lifestyle Needs
00:11:11
Speaker
work and you wanted to make a difference. And so for those three years in coaching, were there things that you still wanted to take into the next space? Yeah, I wasn't thinking about what to take with me necessarily, but I knew that I loved the actual coaching. I knew that I love talking to people one on one. I knew I loved
00:11:30
Speaker
teaching. I knew I love doing even some group programs. I knew I love the internet. I'd been a blogger for lots of years. I was on Twitter, like did the whole thing, like that piece I love, but I was like, I can do that just as myself as a hobby, doesn't have to be a business. But I knew I did not love the now what I call the masculine bro strategies of marketing and selling and building an online business.
00:11:56
Speaker
That was the piece I hated. We don't need any of that. So I was like, that piece felt so gross and like disjointed in my body. And every time I did, I had to like hype myself up and be like, but you have to do this if you want to make money on your business. And that's what burnt me out is because I was like, I don't know any other way. So I'm going to trust these quote unquote experts, even though it doesn't feel fun. And then it burnt me out.
00:12:21
Speaker
Yes. So now you have a couple experiences where you had that inauthentic feeling followed by burnout. And now you're like, this feels like a sign. When I feel this, this is not quite right. Exactly. Yes. So that leads to really your next step is building a business that works for your life, a lifestyle business. So tell us how important that really felt to you at that time and what did it end up looking like?
00:12:47
Speaker
I mean, that was always one of the driving forces for me, even the first coaching business I built. I mentioned the Canadian guy I was dating. I wanted to have the location independence, the freedom to work from anywhere to go to Canada. And so as I was thinking about creating a second business and trying this all again, I was like, I have to do it.
00:13:08
Speaker
in a way that works for me and I have to do it in a way where I'm not going to burn out and I have to trust what feels good in my body, even if it doesn't make sense for what everyone else is doing or what all the experts say that you're supposed to do. It was really about like deep self-trust.
00:13:24
Speaker
which is terrifying. Like it's so easy to say, but I'm not going to do this thing that everyone says I'm supposed to do. And I'm going to somehow have to like prove everyone wrong, but I can do it my way and it still will work. So yeah, that was the foundation for my new business was like, it has to feel good. It has to be done my way. Like I'm going to make it work. It just has to work this way.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah. I think that's your why right there, your deeper why that we've just kind of uncovered. And it's so important. I know it's important for me. I know it's important for Mallory because we talk about it a lot, but being able to build a business and give yourself the permission to do it differently. It doesn't mean that it's wrong and it doesn't mean that it's not a good idea to get advice, but even the advice that people hear on this podcast, that doesn't mean that's for you.
00:14:11
Speaker
It just means be willing to consider finding out what's for you. And the way that I run a business is different from the way that you both do and vice versa. And I think it's really important for women, especially to just have that permission to say, you know what? It doesn't have to look like anything else I've seen.
00:14:29
Speaker
It might in parts, but it doesn't have to. I always say like when somebody gives you advice, that's one way to do it. It's not the way or the correct way. It's just an option. And if it feels good for you, then try it. But if your whole body's rejecting it, it's probably not the correct way for you. It's not right. Yes. That's a great call out. Yes. Okay. So tell us then the next phase of your
00:14:52
Speaker
work and life, I would say combined, is to get into something called human design. So how did that even get on your radar?
Discovery of Human Design
00:15:00
Speaker
After I was working as the executive assistant for the life coach for a while, I quit that again. Another burnout experience and started working in retail to make ends meet again. And also at that phase, feeling so embarrassed and ashamed of like, what am I doing with my life? I was like 33 years old. I have a master's degree. Like I'm quite smart, capable person. Why am I working part-time in retail?
00:15:22
Speaker
But there I was, at that time I knew I wanted to have my own business. I knew I wanted to get back into coaching. I couldn't figure out how to make that happen without going back down the path I'd gone before and doing all the quote unquote bro marketing. So I was like, I want to do this, but I don't know how to do it and make it work for me. Human design came into my world. I say that because I was not searching for it. I wasn't looking for anything.
00:15:45
Speaker
I was literally in my car driving from Austin to Dallas, pulled over at the gas station, checked my Instagram DMs and my friend had messaged me and said, are you a projector like me? And I said, I don't know what that means. I don't know.
00:16:01
Speaker
And she said, it's human design. It's this thing, like Google it and see what you are. I did and I pulled up my chart and I was like, it says I'm a projector, but I don't know what that means. And she's like, well, based off of everything you've been saying on Instagram lately about how tired you are, about how you keep burning out, about how you can't seem to keep up with the rest of the world. She's like, that's what happens for a projector when they're not living as a projector.
00:16:25
Speaker
And I was like, okay, well, this is making sense. Like, how do I learn more? And she's like, just go find some podcasts and listen to it. So got back in my car, found some podcasts and listened to them for the next hour and a half. And then I was down the rabbit hole. I was obsessed. This human design thing is making me feel more seen and validated than anything I've heard of before. I mean, I'm a big personality test person, Enneagram person. I love all of it. And those have all clicked for me, but human design was like a whole nother level.
00:16:55
Speaker
And it's also not a personality test. It's based off of birth information. You can't choose what you want to be. But just everything that I was learning made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me, that it felt like an exhale of like, oh my gosh, I am good enough. I'm not doing this wrong. I'm not lazy. There's other people like me. All of those feelings that I didn't know that I needed someone to reflect back to me, those podcasts did it. And so I was fucked the first day that I found it.
00:17:25
Speaker
I love that. And it seems like you said it was validating in a way that there was nothing wrong with you. And the other side of that coin is that continuing to do the things that felt unauthentic would have been wrong for you. It's saying
00:17:40
Speaker
Yes, all those things that didn't feel right in my body, that didn't feel right in my mind, they weren't giving me energy, they were only taking it. To continue that way would have been the wrong thing for me, and so you can give up a little bit, hopefully, of that guilt and shame around, well, I couldn't make that work. Well, yeah, because that wasn't going to work.
00:18:00
Speaker
Right. It wasn't supposed to work. It wasn't supposed to work. It wasn't gonna work. And so let's just accept that and say, you know what, this is leading me to something that will work. And so no shame and guilt about that. It's just the journey. So I think that's so important that people don't get stuck in that shame cycle.
00:18:18
Speaker
That is such a gift that you found it at the right time. I think even though you said you weren't seeking something, I think you were open. It's almost like your aura was available to accept things. And so the universe put that on your path and it was exactly what you needed at that time.
What is Human Design?
00:18:34
Speaker
Now, I feel like if people don't know what human design are, they're probably itching now to really have like a little
00:18:40
Speaker
little understanding. So can we switch gears and get into maybe a little intro of what human design is, maybe an overview and then like an overview of what the different kinds of types are? I can't remember what you call them. Yeah, there are types. You're exactly right. So if you're brand new, human design is a system to help you understand the energy within your body.
00:19:03
Speaker
And it's created through a combination of four ancient sciences. So we have astrology, the Chinese I Ching, Kabbalah, and the chakra system. And there's many places on the internet you can get your human design chart.
00:19:19
Speaker
A good reference one would be myhumandesign.com and you just put in your birth information and it pulls up your chart. And then what you're looking at is a map of the energy in your body and how it is designed to flow. And so when you become a human design reader, you can understand how this works and you can explain it to people.
00:19:38
Speaker
I always say like when you're doing a chart reading, I'm telling you how your energy is meant to flow, not how it is. And so if I say something and you're like, but that's not what I'm doing, that's okay, right? There's nothing wrong with that. But you're probably not experiencing the most ease or the most joy or there's probably some resistance or frustration in your life. And so human design is a tool to help you see where that's happening and what you can do differently to shift that.
00:20:05
Speaker
Basically to have more of that, the joy, the ease, the freedom that we're all searching for. We'll put it in the show notes, but you can go to that URL and you can type in your birth information. It's your birthday and your time of birth. Right. And your location and your location. Yeah. And then you can get this chart and then it potentially will give you a little bit of information, but you can find a reader to go in depth, which is what you and I had done.
00:20:31
Speaker
So if people are getting their charts though, is there just a quick way to talk about the different types? Just an overview? Because then we want to talk about how that relates to entrepreneurship. Yeah. So most foundational piece of your design is your type. And there's five types. There's manifestor, generator, manifesting generator, projector, and reflector.
00:20:53
Speaker
So you're going to be one type. Your type never changes. It's just what you are.
Overview of Human Design Types
00:20:59
Speaker
Manifestors make up about 8% of the population. I think of them as the trailblazers, the pioneers, the visionaries. You can almost think of them as the startup companies of the world. I've got a new idea. I want to do something a little different. It's never been done before. It's kind of quirky. Most people might not get it, but we're going to push the boundaries a little bit and take us in a new direction.
00:21:23
Speaker
Then we have generators and manifesting generators, which sometimes they're separated. Sometimes they're combined into one group, but the generators and manage ends are here to find work that they love. And within that work, they're helping the manifestor get this idea or vision off the ground. So they're the worker bees. And sometimes that can get misconstrued of like, Oh, I'm only here to work. And it's like, no, but.
00:21:50
Speaker
find your passion, find the thing that you love, and then you're enjoying the process of working. Well, I'll say those two groups, generators and manage ends make up two thirds of the population. So they're the majority. Makes sense if you think about it, like most people are here to be workers. Most people are here to like get a job and that sustains them and they feel pretty good about it. I'll say most people don't actually love their job and that's a big issue in itself, but we can talk about that in another
00:22:16
Speaker
Yeah, most people join things, I would say, right? They're part of something that exists. Yes. And then the next group would be the projectors. Projectors are about 20% of the population and projectors are here to be the guides or I think of them as the project managers.
00:22:33
Speaker
for the generators and manifesting generators. So projectors aren't here to do the work themselves. They're here to help direct the generators and manifesting generators to do their work more efficiently or to get better results. Okay. More of the facilitators? Yes.
00:22:49
Speaker
And then the last group is the reflectors. And they're just like one to two percent of the population. I think of them as the thermometers or the mirrors. So they just tell us how well everything is going. So if you put a reflector in a team at a corporate office and the reflector has so much energy and feels really fulfilled and it feels like they're living their purpose.
00:23:12
Speaker
That's just a reflection of how well the team is working together. But if a reflector gets really exhausted, low energy is really depressed. That's just a reflection of everybody else. Okay. They're the canary in the coal mine is what I'm getting from that. Okay. Yes. One to 2% of you are canaries.
00:23:28
Speaker
And Nicole and I will spoil the big surprise, like people are trying to guess, but really nobody is. So we'll just tell you. I am a generator and Nicole is a manifesting generator. Correct. So we're going to talk about that a little bit more too.
00:23:43
Speaker
So one question I have generally before we get into more of the charts is kind of how you frame the entire thing as the way the energy should be flowing in your life. This tells you the way that you'll be the most fulfilled and happy and feel the most at ease. Mallory's heard me talk a lot about having an energy symbol, so that's how I describe my own state of being.
00:24:05
Speaker
And so I'm curious if you can explain for people when you say how energy should be working, is there a way to get more of it or is this more about understanding what to do with the finite amount that you have?
Managing Energy by Design Type
00:24:17
Speaker
So that's something I'm always working through is like, do I really ever get more than a thimble or am I always focused on what do I do with this thimble that I have? And it's finite. So I'm curious for your thoughts on that.
00:24:29
Speaker
That's a really great question. From the human design perspective, we would say that generators and manifesting generators, which is both of you, are the only two types that have unlimited energy. Oh, interesting. And that doesn't align with you, Nicole. Do we have your chart right? I mean, maybe it does. Maybe I've just been, you know, selling myself a little short on the energy front. Or maybe there's just some places where you're out of alignment and we need to make some tweaks.
00:24:54
Speaker
Ah, yes. Okay. So we would say that about gens and mani-gens because you have a center or a chakra called the sacral chakra. In your chart, you have the center defined, we called it. And that just means that you have consistent energy there. And the sacral center is the center of life force energy.
00:25:14
Speaker
So you are meant to have consistent life force energy. That's not always the case though, because people will, especially gens and many gens, will be making decisions from a place of people pleasing or a place of obligation, or they're doing things they're supposed to do, but they don't really want to do it. And that drains their energy. Mallory, raise all those hands. Oh, my God. My grazing line as well. I am shaking my head so hard right now. Yes. Okay. I get that.
00:25:40
Speaker
And so when you're operating from that energy, it's draining your energy. And so you feel like you don't have any energy. When in reality, the way you're designed is that you're meant to have consistent life force energy and you're really meant to make decisions based off of your gut feeling. So folks like a, uh-huh, or an, uh-uh, or like this decision gives me a burst of energy. I feel so excited about it. It lights me up. It turns me on. Yes. That's the thing you want to do.
00:26:09
Speaker
But most of us are stuck in our heads. We're overthinking. We're afraid of judgment. We're afraid of failure. And so we don't trust that gut feeling. And so you're making your decisions out of, I really want to start my own business, right? But I'm afraid. And so I'm just going to stay in my corporate job that I hate, that drains my energy, and go through this cycle for the next 40 years of my life, feeling like I have no energy. Yes, it'll be fine. That's exactly the right thing. Don't do that.
00:26:36
Speaker
I mean, that's just a very basic example, but that would be one way that a manifesting generator could feel like they have no energy when you're meant to have consistent energy. That makes more sense. And I think there's a piece, I don't know if this resonates for you Mallory, but when I think about energy and the people pleasing and all the things, I personally spend a lot of time wanting to want to do things. Like I want to want to do that.
00:27:03
Speaker
I would like to be a person who wants to do that. And so when I then try to do that, it's not right. So I think it's a lot of, it's people pleasing and it's also wanting to be a person that maybe does something different that doesn't align for you. And I have the benefit of having Mallory and her daily voice memos where I might say something and I'm like, oh, struggling.
00:27:27
Speaker
And she'll be like, what? Are you getting the gut check? Are you feeling a yes? Are you feeling a no? I have been. You would be so proud of me, Ashley. She does. She does. And I'm like, I don't trust this. She's just like, this machine cannot be trusted. But yeah, I think it's something where we all feel out of alignment sometimes, but we can't necessarily diagnose it. And I'm guessing that's where some of the human design coaching comes into play. Yes, that is what I do with my clients. Yes.
00:27:56
Speaker
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00:28:16
Speaker
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00:28:46
Speaker
One thing that you told me when we had our reading that I thought was really helpful being a mom was I get sacral nose a lot, but there are things as a mom or just in life that you have to as a caregiver, right? That you have to do.
00:29:03
Speaker
even though it's not a sacral. Yes. And I was really having a hard time understanding that, but I remember you saying it's almost like at least you know. And so you're saying, I know it's not a sacral. Yes, but I'm still choosing to do it because this is important to me, or this is my responsibility because of this part of my life that I love. Did I get that right?
00:29:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's exactly right. And I just wrote an Instagram post about this last week about, especially when you're running your own business, right? There's times where you're like, Oh, I really don't want to write that Instagram post. I really don't want to send that email, but I have to have to end quotes. You don't have to do anything. Right. Part of you wants to, but you just aren't feeling it.
00:29:43
Speaker
What I encourage, especially generators and managers to do is zoom out and look at the bigger picture. You want to be an entrepreneur. You want to make money. You want to give your clients this valuable information. You want to be a person who does these things. So that is the sacral. Yes. That's one like micro thing you have to do for the next five minutes might be a sacral now, but we're doing that in alignment with the bigger sacral. Yes.
00:30:08
Speaker
Gotcha. And I think just the clarity again of not just sitting in a feeling of unease and not knowing why, you know, it may be something that yes, you're going to choose to do because it serves a bigger purpose that is a yes for you. But instead of just sitting with unease and being like, I don't know.
00:30:26
Speaker
I just don't feel great today, like this is not working. Instead, you can have that perspective of, okay, I know that this piece right now is not a yes for me, but I'm going to do it because of this reason. And it just makes it a little less mysterious, I think, which is helpful.
00:30:42
Speaker
I also think it's important to look at, for example, we'll go back to sending emails for your business. If you really don't like sending emails, you can hire a copywriter and an assistant to do it for you. You can decide you're not going to build an email list and you're going to focus on social media, right? There's always other options. If something is truly, truly a no in your body, you don't have to force yourself to do it.
00:31:04
Speaker
And there was a post that I saw on your Instagram specifically about launching, which resonated for me just because we've been in that process, Mallory and I, for planning for a year. And your point was basically, you don't have to launch the way everyone else does. So can you talk about making some of those bigger business decisions where someone might go online and be like, well, here's the 20 steps to launch a business. So here I go. And 19 out of 20 don't feel right, but I'm going to do it.
00:31:30
Speaker
So how do you frame that with people being like, you know what, you could take advice and best practices, but maybe not every single thing is for you. Yeah. I have two thoughts on this. So the first is if 19 of the 20 steps are a no, then maybe you don't be looking to that person for advice and guidance and coaching, like find someone who
00:31:50
Speaker
has built a business the way you want to build a business or who has the same values as you or the same, I say energy, but like the same sort of vibe as you. I'm not going to go hire a bro marketer to teach me how to build a business because that's not what I want. So find someone who like matches what you want and they will probably have more coaching that feels aligned for you.
00:32:13
Speaker
Gotcha. Another thing I would say, that's part of the reason I wanted to bring in the percentages of the different types. I'm a projector, which is 20% of the population, which means the way my energy works, the way that I launch, the way that I do things has to be different than 80% of the population.
00:32:31
Speaker
So it's really important that I don't look outside of myself and compare to how everyone else is doing it. And remember, like I'm the one in five. I'm going to be pretty rare compared to everyone else. So the percentages can be helpful with that. You are a unique type of person and you might not always know what the other person is. I don't know if you know Maury Forleo, for example.
00:32:55
Speaker
She's a successful business owner. She's a manifestor. So the way that she runs her business is only actually going to be aligned for eight to 10% of the population. And the way that she actually runs her business with her B-School launches, it's a big launch once a year. That's perfect for a manifestor. That would not be perfect for a generator, a manifesting generator, a projector, a reflector. Okay. That makes sense.
00:33:19
Speaker
Now, you talked about our sacral authority for the Manigens and the Gens.
Human Design Decision-Making
00:33:26
Speaker
Is this authority the next part to look at from type and then authority? Is that like the next thing that can tell you the most? And if so, do you want to just touch on what that might be for the folks who aren't the same types as us? Yeah. So the foundational pieces that are the most helpful to understand in the beginning are your type, your strategy, and your authority.
00:33:47
Speaker
Most people can start working with that for like a year before they really start living their human design. That's really all you need to understand. So we did the types already. Your strategy is really just how you move throughout the world. And for gens and mani-gens, that goes back to your sacral authority, but it's more of the responding. So you're tapping into that gut feeling. What is your gut response in this moment?
00:34:12
Speaker
Right. That's your strategy is using your sacral to respond to things that are in front of you. Like here's my to-do list. Every single thing is a no. That's your sacral responding to it. So the strategy is just how you move throughout the world. But the other piece that Mallory brought up is your authority and your authority is how you make decisions.
00:34:32
Speaker
So for gens and mani-gens, most of you are going to be sacral authority, but there will be some of you that will also have emotional authority. The other types like manifestors and projectors can also be emotional authority. So you have emotional authority. What's important for you to understand is that you do not want to make decisions in the moment because if you're making an impulsive decision in the moment, it's going to be based on your emotions at that point in time.
00:35:00
Speaker
So if you're having a really great day and you're in a good mood and somebody invites you on a podcast, you're going to be like, yeah, that sounds fantastic. I want to do it. And then tomorrow you're going to be like, oh my God, I really don't want to be on that podcast. Right? Yeah. Exactly. If it's our podcast, obviously, obviously that's a hard yes from everyone.
00:35:18
Speaker
So emotional authorities, regardless of what type you are, it's about waiting to make your decision. So I say wait at least 24 hours and see if you can get to a place where you feel emotionally neutral. So you're not at a super high emotional state or a super low emotional state, but you're just like calm, cool, collected, and then you can make your decision and that decision will probably be correct for you.
00:35:43
Speaker
So we have our emotional authorities, which are about 50% of the world, a lot of people. And then we have sacral authorities, which are both of you, where you're tuning into that gut feeling in the moment. It's almost the opposite of emotional authorities, right? Sacrals, it's like in the moment, immediate response, don't wait, don't think about it.
00:36:04
Speaker
It's there and it's always happening for you. Like you're always getting a gut feeling. Then we would have splenic authority, which is what I am. And that's more around intuition, but it's not going to be as consistent as the sacral gut feeling. It's going to be more of a spontaneous knowing. So for me, it was like, I just know I need to quit my job and start a business. I just have this feeling like it's this thing I can't explain. It doesn't make sense, but I just know that's what I need.
00:36:34
Speaker
versus the sacral in response to a question. And then there's a few other authorities that are much rarer. I would say like 5% of the population are less. So one of them is called ego authority and that's based off of making
00:36:51
Speaker
decisions with your ego or your heart center in human design. So their decisions are meant to feel really selfish. Like what's in this for me? How is this serving me? Knowing that ultimately what's good for you is good for everyone. Good clarification. Yes. I was like, that sounds great.
00:37:08
Speaker
Let's do that. We have a self-projected authority, which are people who need to speak things out to make their decision. They need to hear their own voice. And then we have a mental authority, which is similar, but they so more need to speak it out to get all of their thoughts out of their head before they can make a decision.
00:37:29
Speaker
And then we have lunar authority, which is just for the reflectors. And they are meant to wait a lunar cycle or 28 days before they make a decision. Oh, wow. Interesting. Okay. Which just this conversation in itself, I think is super powerful because you can see how we all make decisions differently. Right. So within that, the way you run your business is going to be different. Yes. Based on your authority, based on your time. I'll be careful.
00:37:57
Speaker
If you want to have the least amount of resistance, the most amount of ease. Oh my gosh. That's everything that we're trying to help our community have. This is so powerful. So we can really learn this. They can make different choices. It's everything that we do for ourselves too. I would say it's something that as business besties, we do keep each other accountable in all of the other businesses we run all meaning I have.
00:38:21
Speaker
more and Mallory thinks it's too many, which is fine. But it's something where it's nice to have someone that also understands this part of you to be a bit of a mirror, like you were saying, that can make sure that you're checking in with the right things, right? And if you're not feeling good about something, then they can maybe give you that little nudge to be like, is this a no?
00:38:42
Speaker
Like let's think about it. Like a shared language almost. Yes, a shared language is a great way to think about it. So I know it's skipping ahead a little bit on the chart, but it's one of the things that made me laugh the hardest when Mallory and I compared ours.
Impact of Environment on Human Design
00:38:56
Speaker
Probably we shouldn't even compare them, but the environment. Can you talk to me about the environment and why Mallory's is market and mine is cave.
00:39:08
Speaker
I just find delightful I just think that's the best she thinks it's hilarious but your question around that is how is it do you think that we can work so well together being that that seems quite opposite or how you know you'd mentioned early on when people build teams or they even build you know maybe just support
00:39:26
Speaker
contract teams and things like that, like everyone's going to be different. So what are some of the ways that you can navigate those differences while letting each person be true to who they are? I love this so much. I need to go back to something that you said earlier about having lots of businesses because
00:39:44
Speaker
That is very true for manifesting generators and it's actually healthy for you. It's good for you. Okay. Manifesting generators need lots of different projects going on. If they try to stick with one thing, they're going to get really bored. Yes. Thank you. Their energy is going to drop. So I'm just giving you like, this is full permission. I think more is better. Exactly. More is better. Yeah.
00:40:07
Speaker
And the challenge for Mani Jens is that they often feel like they're too much or they can't stick with one thing. And I'm like, you're not supposed to. You're meant to bounce around. Yeah, every two years, clockwork, you betcha. But that's the opposite of me. Exactly. So let's go back to environments. Environments are a very high level human design, advanced concept, but they're a fun thing to look at to see what your environment is.
00:40:31
Speaker
And really, this is just more about the spaces that you feel the best in. And so obviously, if you're just caves, like you don't need to go live in a literal cave. I read it and it seemed very comforting to me. I was like, I love it. I think that's nice.
00:40:49
Speaker
It's more about being in closed-in spaces where you feel safe, where there's probably only one entrance and exit where you can control who comes in, where you have a full view of the whole room. That's going to feel better for you. Cozy, secure. That's my vibe. Yeah.
00:41:06
Speaker
And Mallory is market, so she's going to work best or feel best in places where there's an exchange going on. So it could be a literal market, it could be a restaurant, it could be a coffee shop, but where there's people coming together to exchange goods and services and ideas. Women's crew, podcasts, retreats, all of it. She wants it all.
00:41:28
Speaker
Well, and so what are some of the other types of environments? I'm curious, since I've only seen two, which I think are very aligned with who we are. What are some of the other ones? Where are other people living? So mine is mountains. Mountains, okay. Yes, which is so interesting to me because I've always been drawn to the mountains. I want to live in the mountains. I'm in Chicago right now, which there are no mountains. Come by us, girl. We're over here. We're all mountains all the time.
00:41:53
Speaker
But with mountains, I do live in a high-rise building where I have a higher elevation. I can look down on people, not literally, but like... Yes, in the nicer way. Have a higher perspective. That's really what the mountains is about. There's also kitchens, there's valleys, and there's shores. I definitely don't live in the kitchen. That's not it.
00:42:15
Speaker
Okay. And shores, that's interesting. Tell me about that one. I'm curious. So shores could be literally living on the shoreline, like living on the beach, the ocean, but it can also be like an artificial shore,
Team Building with Human Design Insights
00:42:28
Speaker
meaning maybe it's where a body of water meets, like a lake meets a town. Maybe it's where the forest meets the plains. It's just like a division of some sort. Transition zone. Okay. Yeah. Gotcha.
00:42:43
Speaker
And so when you find that people on your team are different from you, or they could even be, if I'm not mistaken, they could be the same type as you, but have different subcategories. What are some of the ways that you see people successfully navigating that without becoming unaligned with their own type?
00:43:01
Speaker
Yeah, so the first thing to understand is that every type is different and you can even have like two generators that appear very different that operate differently that can take in more energy or we call human design the science of differentiation.
00:43:17
Speaker
because it shows us how different we are from each other. So there's so many nuances within it. Just a few pieces off the top of my head, I would say ideally in a team, you don't have a projector doing the brunt of the work. That's for the generators and manifesting generators.
00:43:34
Speaker
If I think back to one of my previous jobs when I was the executive assistant for the life coach, that was not aligned for me as a projector because I'm doing all of the work. And so while I loved it and there were so many perks to it, eventually it burned me out because I couldn't keep up that pace. So again, that shows you like, it's not that the team didn't work, it just wasn't in the aligned position for me. The roles didn't work. Exactly.
00:43:59
Speaker
So I would look at it from the view of what we did with the five types in the beginning, right? The manifestors here to have the ideas, they're here to be the visionary. Manifestors like to work in big spurts at a time. So think of it like a rocket launch. So they have a big surge of energy and then they need to rest.
00:44:16
Speaker
Generators are here to be like mountains that don't move. They're steady. They're here to master their craft. They know what their thing is. They become excellent at it. Manifesting generators are here to have like five things going on and all the balls in the air and they're running all over the place and their things are falling through the cracks and they're making mistakes and they're just a mess everywhere. But they have this like sparkly, bright, big bubbly energy that everybody loves and can't get enough of.
00:44:45
Speaker
I feel seen. It's just so funny because it's just so odd. What this says to me especially, and I think you mentioned this a little bit before, was when people are thinking about support for their business, which is not something I really thought through about this particular conversation before, when they think about support and what roles they might need help with, this should be a piece of that decision, figuring out both what to delegate and also what kind of person to delegate to.
00:45:12
Speaker
Right. Like what piece are you missing? So like I'm a projector. So if I'm hiring a team member, I'm probably going to want a generator, a manifesting generator to bring in some of that energy so that I can feed off of them. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. So to recap that, are we saying that we can use this as entrepreneurs to really start looking at our type? And then, I mean, I'm just gathering, are we saying like we could send these out to our team to get their chart readings or potential team members?
00:45:42
Speaker
100%. Okay. I would not hire someone without getting their human design. I wouldn't let them come work with me without doing that. Because it's free to get your chart. You can just plug it in and get anyone's chart and then you just have to have some understanding to read it. Well, and it feels like as someone who would be delegating things or bringing on support, this would be an important piece for you to make sure that you're able to fulfill that person's needs also, which is maybe a little people-pleasy of me, but you want people to be in roles that are good for them.
00:46:12
Speaker
and hiring the wrong people in the wrong roles, that doesn't help anybody, right? That just sets you back or gives you a bad taste in your mouth about getting support. And if you could just skip a little bit of that heartache, that seems like a real return on investment to me. Yeah. It's so funny. I'm thinking about it now. Like I've always been a very driven, ambitious person. Like I want to do big things. I want to make things happen, which might be because I was raised by two manifest or parents.
00:46:37
Speaker
Sure. Who knows? Thanks guys. I want to be super successful. And so I had these dreams of working for like Google or these high profile companies that have a reputation of you working 18 hour days. Yes. When I think of that now as a projector, like projectors are only meant to work four hours a day.
00:46:55
Speaker
Which is not how the world is set up. You have to do your business your way that works for you. But if I had just leaned into that drive that I had and that desire for success, it would have been so incorrect for me. I can't imagine how unhappy I would have been.
00:47:13
Speaker
You wouldn't be able to do it. You would have burned out already. Have you seen this in the people who just keep trying and trying and trying to force the wrong things for them? So if people are recognizing some of these signs, like what does that look like if you're on a path that doesn't align with your unique design? The question I always love to ask people is like, how is that working for you?
00:47:36
Speaker
But if we look at our human design, there's a piece here that you can actually look at in your chart. It's called your not self theme. Your not self theme is the feeling that you will experience when you are out of alignment. Meaning when you're going the wrong direction, you're cold, cold, cold. If we're playing hot, cold.
00:47:51
Speaker
I think of the not-self theme as your check engine light in your car. Your check engine light came on, okay, something's wrong here. We need to open the hood and take a look and see what's happening. For our manifestors, your not-self theme is anger. For generators and mani-gens, it's frustration. For projectors, it's bitterness. For reflectors, it's disappointment.
00:48:13
Speaker
So you can just start noticing when are you feeling that? What's going on? Why is it happening? It's most likely because you're not using your authority to make your decisions. It's like we said earlier, you're stuck in your head, you're people pleasing, you're operating out of logic, you're not trusting your body.
00:48:30
Speaker
It's all of those pieces. And this feeling's just coming up to highlight that for you. Like you're headed in the wrong direction. It gives you a little warning light. You're like, no, no, it's fine. I can do it. I can be a bro marketer. I can do it. I'm doing it. I hate it. I hate it. I'm so sad. This is the worst.
00:48:49
Speaker
And I think this is what happens if you're in your corporate job, for example, and you hate it and you're so frustrated every day and you're like, but it's fine. It pays good. Like I've got a good retirement. I'll just go to the gym and work it off and get a good night's sleep and come back tomorrow and do it. It's like, why? Why? It's okay. Well, so this leads me to, so if we're saying everyone should attempt to be more aligned with their own design, a lot of times that's going to be hard. That's going to mean some hard decisions. That's going to mean,
00:49:18
Speaker
maybe not taking either of the paths that you think are the options currently. And we talked about this in a previous pod, I think with Bargo about developing the ability to have an option C, where it maybe just looks like I can do it this way or this way, but you need to really take a step back, look at your design and say, okay, well, I might need to do it a third way that no one is talking about.
00:49:39
Speaker
So what do you coach people on if they're like, okay, I see that, I see that this is not right, but out of my options, none of them seem right. How do I create something that's correct? That would require personalized chart reading, I think, because there can be so many factors at play. But just from a general coaching perspective, I would ask them if you could have an
00:50:00
Speaker
turn out anyway, like we have magic wand and we wave it and it turns out perfectly and you're happy and all your needs are met. Like what would that option look like? Just brainstorm and let yourself dream about it. But that is something that as a coach you would dive into with a client, say who's trying to make some maybe business decisions and need some new options and you're kind of a sounding board for that.
00:50:23
Speaker
Yeah. If we go back to the types, there's typically some like patterns that happen there and that manifestors are so afraid of rejection and people not liking them that they tend to play really, really small. Gotcha. Our generators and manifesting generators typically end up in roles that they don't love and they just feel stuck either because of the money and because of the people pleasing or whatever. And so they're doing work that doesn't really light them up and they don't see an alternative way out of it.
00:50:53
Speaker
Our projectors are typically wanting to be seen so badly that they're overworking and burning themselves out. So there's like these patterns that show up that I would dig into first with people to see based on your type, how is this working for you? And then my favorite way to do a meeting is like looking at the centers, so the different shapes on your chart. Those can tell us so much more about you, which we won't get into today, but that's really a lot worth the conditioning and the misalignment happens.
00:51:23
Speaker
Gotcha. Before we do our closer question, let me ask one more thing related to entrepreneurship and the different types. Because a lot of our community is service-based entrepreneurs. You can't always ask potential clients to fill out a chart and find out what type they are. But there's been conversations in past episodes, and I think it's common language for us to say, I'm looking for a dream client. I'm looking for this right person. These are the kind of people I want to attract.
00:51:49
Speaker
Are there any clues when you're just talking, like maybe having a discovery and call to see if it might be a good fit? Are there any clues on the types? Maybe like if they're saying these kinds of things are acting this way, they might be this kind of type. And then you know, that's not a good person to work with. Or is that not the right way to look at it at all? Because different types have so many intricacies that you could work with one manifesting generator versus another, and it would be totally different.
00:52:18
Speaker
I just want to wrap my head around that in a client deliverable way. Yeah. So here's what I'll say about this. Once you start doing this work, you start seeing patterns. So manifesting generators typically have a lot of energy. They're typically a little bit disorganized. They're typically very big personalities. So if you are a coach or a service-based entrepreneur, you know if you like that in someone or if that drives you crazy.
00:52:45
Speaker
Oh, sure. You can start picking up on that. And there's other pieces of a chart that you can start noticing of like, oh, this type typically does this or has this struggle that they're working through. And I really hate doing that with people. Fantastic. Don't work with that type of person. But just a quick one, I'll speak to the gens and mani-gens since that's two thirds of the population.
00:53:09
Speaker
A good way to engage with them is to ask yes and no questions. So you can ask a question of like, is this what you're looking for? Are you wanting to hit this sort of goal or whatever? A yes and no question helps the generator and manifesting generator tap back into that sacral gut response where they can get that yes and no to come forward pretty easily. And that's been a really powerful tool when you're working with them.
00:53:34
Speaker
Okay. That's a great call. And I think another supporting factor for why it's important to build that community around yourself with people who have that shared language and can ask you those questions, especially if you're thinking about a new client and you're like, I don't know. I don't know. Like let's talk about what's making you feel like yes or no. That's a nice benefit to have if you have that shared language with someone.
00:53:56
Speaker
Yeah. Well, this is fascinating. I want to do approximately 400 more hours with you and that would be too many for a pod. So I have to do that offline, but we do want to ask kind of one fun closer question for me. It's you mentioned your particular type is kind of a four hour a day type.
00:54:13
Speaker
So I'm curious how have you structured your kind of ideal workday to align with your design in a way that might look different from a lot of what people do? My days do look very different than most people's. And I will preface this by saying I'm single with no kids, so I have a lot of freedom and flexibility.
00:54:31
Speaker
But I typically wake up around 7 a.m. and I have two hours to do whatever I want. So that could be journaling, that could be playing the New York Times crossword puzzle, that can be doing yoga. I like a slow morning. I like a spaciousness to it, which is very aligned with being a projector.
00:54:51
Speaker
And then I like to have two hours of work time, whether that's content creation or backend stuff or client calls. And then I take a break and I might eat lunch or watch a show or take a nap, depending on how tired I am. And then I come back and do another two hour chunk of time and then I'm done. But I will say that as projectors, I coach my projector clients to get clear on how they define work. What is work to you?
00:55:16
Speaker
because I can be sitting on the couch at night watching Netflix, creating an Instagram post. And I don't consider that working, but client calls take my energy. So I can't do more than a couple of those a day. Yes.
00:55:27
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. That's so smart. Reminds me of things that we talk about in the time course about just having that model calendar that you create and those gut checks. For me, it's color coding, but like, is this too much that takes energy this week? And I can just look at a quick glance and be like, that's too much. That's not going to work. So you can make those changes ahead of time. But I think it's a great point, especially about some things that don't feel like work, even though you are being technically productive.
00:55:53
Speaker
just finding ways to make those things not feel like they're taking your energy. And I think that's a big deal. I do that as well. Oh my gosh, Ashley, that was amazing. I am so glad you're here. Thank you for sharing all of your insights and your expertise with us and with the community. I think it will be really helpful for a lot of people. I'm so glad to see a camp sister again. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I love this conversation. I could spend hours talking with both of you.
00:56:22
Speaker
Yeah, same here. All right. That's a wrap for this one. We will see you guys on the next episode. Thanks for listening. Hop over to UnboundBoss.com to join our community and leave us a voice memo. We absolutely love hearing from you. If you'd like the podcast, please subscribe, leave us an Apple review, and share your favorite episodes with other women entrepreneurs. Talk to you soon.