Transcript
Speaker: Hello, everybody.
Speaker: Hi, guys.
Speaker: Missed us?
Speaker: We sure missed you.
Speaker: Yes, we did.
Speaker: And we apologize for having been gone for so long without any explanation.
Speaker: No, we're not ghosting you.
Speaker: And we didn't plan that either.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: It's just been a comedy of errors, you might say.
Speaker: We have been at war with technology.
Speaker: And as it turns out, we were just making things way more difficult than they had to be.
Speaker: We're now coming at you from my phone.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because that's literally all you need is a phone and an app.
Speaker: And we had the app.
Speaker: We've been paying for the app for the last year.
Speaker: We're so used to assuming that things in life are going to be hard and doing hard things.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Sometimes we forget that we can also do easy things.
Speaker: That is a thing that we sometimes do.
Speaker: can remember.
Speaker: So hey guys.
Speaker: Yeah we're here doing something easy for a change.
Speaker: I know it's really surprising and this is just going to be a tiny little mini episode just to catch you guys up.
Speaker: Yeah we just wanted to drop in since it's been such a long time.
Speaker: Do you have a quote of the week?
Speaker: Oh I don't.
Speaker: I might.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Let's see how this goes.
Speaker: If we can, yeah, it says it's done.
Speaker: You guys are learning with us about how to do easier things.
Speaker: Okay, ready for the quote?
Speaker: I'm ready for the quote.
Speaker: It stings a little.
Speaker: This is by Dr. Scott Lyons.
Speaker: If someone can't show up for you, they're revealing their capacity and not a reflection of your worth.
Speaker: That feels true.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: Yes, it does feel true.
Speaker: It can be a little painful, I think.
Speaker: for those of us that tend to default to thinking we have enough control for
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: To foster that in other people.
Speaker: Hard to accept.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: But it's a very important thing to know.
Speaker: I also hear some optimism or some hope or maybe generosity in that.
Speaker: Oh, definitely.
Speaker: Because it's like, it's not a failure of anybody.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's just... Wow, that's a good point.
Speaker: a revelation of this person's capacity.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's not even a slam on the other person.
Speaker: It's just a fact.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's not about you.
Speaker: By the way, your hair looks great.
Speaker: Oh, thank you.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: Well, I'm finally trying the middle part.
Speaker: I notice.
Speaker: And I think it looks great.
Speaker: There's a whole lot of face.
Speaker: When you do a middle part, it's like so much face.
Speaker: I think it's beautiful face.
Speaker: But we're out here...
Speaker: doing hair things we are doing hair things we're doing easy things we're doing hard things we're doing hard hair things we're doing easy tech things we're doing exciting things yeah you're about to do a really exciting thing okay so knowing that I just pulled my hair out of that ponytail and that I look like a crazy person I'm just gonna pretend like I don't know that I look like a crazy person you really don't look like a crazy person good um
Speaker: So I, on Monday, start a new job.
Speaker: I took a job as an academic advisor at a Big Ten University here in town.
Speaker: Yeah, you're even repping the sweatshirt tonight.
Speaker: I am.
Speaker: That's the thing that has made this so easy.
Speaker: I have a lot of this school's apparel.
Speaker: Swag.
Speaker: Swag, yeah.
Speaker: And pride.
Speaker: And pride.
Speaker: And I think that's what I'm the most excited about is...
Speaker: I grew up being a fan of this university.
Speaker: My mom went there.
Speaker: I did my undergrad there.
Speaker: But before I went to college there, I was a 10-year 4-H-er.
Speaker: And I spent lots and lots and lots of summer time at Purdue for whatever camps, workshops, whatnot.
Speaker: I learned to drive on its campus.
Speaker: Yeah, there are so many threads of this place that tie to different parts in your life and nostalgia.
Speaker: That's really special.
Speaker: Yeah, and being on campus is invigorating for me and it's exciting and it's just kind of magic.
Speaker: So I'm just really excited.
Speaker: to be there.
Speaker: And it's a good thing I have a middle part now because if I try and visit you on campus, I don't think that they would let me set foot.
Speaker: No, I think they would chase me off campus.
Speaker: We clearly know that you are not a student.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you can't be faculty because you like red too much.
Speaker: It is my favorite.
Speaker: So yeah, that's a new exciting thing on the horizon for me.
Speaker: You guys just got back from Disney.
Speaker: Yeah, we love to do Disney.
Speaker: It's just, you remember we've had conversations about like, what is fun?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Disney is fun for me.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: I think a big part of adult fun is there has to be some callback to nostalgia.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And like reconnecting with the child that you were.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Or the child that you still are.
Speaker: That you still are.
Speaker: I mean, they're still in there.
Speaker: They're still a part of you.
Speaker: This is integration.
Speaker: This is embodiment.
Speaker: I love that because that's similar.
Speaker: I mean, we just talked about the same feelings.
Speaker: For you, it's Disney.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: For me, it's this university.
Speaker: Anything else you want to share about life recently?
Speaker: I can... It's the holiday season.
Speaker: It's the holiday season.
Speaker: If you ever listen to Hits One on SiriusXM, there's a clip of the morning mashup, one of the morning...
Speaker: DJs, she does that clip and then they play it over and over again and they just randomly like put it into conversation and stuff.
Speaker: So that's why I did that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's, I can't think, I can't hear it with, think of it without hearing in my head.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Nicole's voice just singing that.
Speaker: Well, I usually h ave a lot of... I get really attached to the lead up to Christmas.
Speaker: And then I feel really let down starting on Christmas Day.
Speaker: Like Christmas Day is probably my least favorite because that begins...
Speaker: the decline of now I have to wait a whole nother year for Christmas.
Speaker: But this year I don't, I don't think I am going to feel that way.
Speaker: And that doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying, I'm just not so deep in the celebration of the lead up to Christmas that I'm going to be, it's not like planning a wedding.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You know, do you think it's the Lexapro?
Speaker: I don't know what it is because, I mean, that's been around for years.
Speaker: I'm really not sure what it is.
Speaker: I love that, though.
Speaker: Except that I am excited about Christmas and I am experiencing that excitement at a very stable level.
Speaker: I love hearing that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That makes me happy.
Speaker: That is healing energy right there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's not the high highs followed by the low lows.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Which is really exhausting when you feel that even just once a year, I imagine, is really hard.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um, I was actually just talking with someone earlier today about how I'm really trying to embrace the holiday season this year.
Speaker: I know last year I had kind of processed some of it with my therapist that dear Laura, it's, she's still around guys.
Speaker: Don't worry.
Speaker: You're going to get some great advice from her through us sooner than later.
Speaker: Um, yeah.
Speaker: I was telling Laura how it felt like I was grieving maybe like my belief in the Christmas spirit or whatnot.
Speaker: And so knowing that and having had a whole year to prepare myself for that and decide how I wanted to deal with it.
Speaker: Because that is something I have control over.
Speaker: I don't have control over many things, a lot of my circumstances necessarily.
Speaker: But I do have control over how I respond to them.
Speaker: So I joined the Christmas choir at one of the churches in town where my dear friend Monica is the music director.
Speaker: And it's not been a complete, like, 180.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But it's getting there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: I think that's good because that feels stable, peaceful.
Speaker: You know, instead of, like you said, the high highs and the low lows, instead of going from for Christmas to, oh my God, I'm so happy.
Speaker: Like, I'm like a solid, like, hey, Christmas can exist.
Speaker: And I don't have harsh feelings about it.
Speaker: Yeah, it's just a nice place to be.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It surprised me that I didn't really feel...
Speaker: sort of the Christmas spirit that I'm used to, not even a hint of it until I actually stepped into a store to do some Christmas shopping.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: And so I think that maybe...
Speaker: Doing all of our shopping online, at least for me, has kind of removed me from the experience of, because what I really love about it is like going out and picking out the perfect gift.
Speaker: Oh, see, that stresses me out.
Speaker: It can definitely be stressful, too.
Speaker: It can definitely be stressful, too.
Speaker: But I think that's what makes it feel so good when you nail it.
Speaker: Oh, absolutely.
Speaker: Because that is just exhilarating.
Speaker: Do you think that's why this season has been a little less manic?
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: So maybe there's a mixture of finding the perfect gift.
Speaker: Who has earned the right to that emotional labor?
Speaker: of physically searching for the gift.
Speaker: And something else, I guess, that I'm newer at is just getting people the thing that they asked for.
Speaker: Oh, right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that feels good, too, because you can still make it really special.
Speaker: Like my mom asked for a specific thing, but there was still some flexibility in what
Speaker: Which of the thing, you know, like I'm trying not to give away what I got her, but it's a piece of jewelry that she asked for, but I could still have some freedom in picking out like, which one?
Speaker: Does she want a full crown or just a half tiara?
Speaker: She deserves the full crown.
Speaker: Of course.
Speaker: So yeah, it's, does she want sapphires in her crown or does she want rubies or does she want diamonds or does she want a mixture?
Speaker: You still get to customize.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: I have, last year, I leaned into the fact that, at least for now, I have become a last-minute Christmas shopper.
Speaker: Because I don't really get inspired until it's almost too late.
Speaker: And I'm just leaning into it instead of fighting it.
Speaker: Well, you also probably get some better deals than the rest of us.
Speaker: If you can find what you're looking for, or you can find a store that's open, literally...
Speaker: Christmas Eve or the day before Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve Eve.
Speaker: That was me last year, but I was pretty satisfied with, and I've also tried to do a little bit of shopping ahead of time.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Thinking ahead of time.
Speaker: It's just hard, one, for me to see something and be like, oh my God, that'll be a great Christmas present and then buy it in July and then not be like, I got you the last Christmas gift!
Speaker: Yeah, I can't do that.
Speaker: No!
Speaker: For me, I feel really proud of myself if I've started shopping at
Speaker: Like late November, early December.
Speaker: That's as early as I'm going to get any shopping done.
Speaker: I also have a plan in place where I just knock out a bunch of gifts all in one.
Speaker: But whether or not I actually nail down the details in time, we'll find out.
Speaker: But I have some backup plans on the off chance that I can't make that happen.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Santa.
Speaker: We're talking about you.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Fill in the gaps for us, please.
Speaker: Must be Santa.
Speaker: You know what I was just thinking?
Speaker: We did a little holiday episode.
Speaker: We did.
Speaker: Last Christmas season.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: We were trading gifts.
Speaker: I don't have your gift yet.
Speaker: I don't have your gift yet either.
Speaker: Shocker.
Speaker: You know what we should do, though, is I have those conversation cards and maybe we answer a couple friendship conversation cards.
Speaker: Yeah, let's do that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Let's do this.
Speaker: I shuffled these, but you know what?
Speaker: I didn't prep them by taking out the ones specific to relationships, like dating relationships.
Speaker: So if you get one that's weird, just decide what you want to do with it.
Speaker: I'm going to pull two.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then I'll just...
Speaker: Pick which one I want to ask.
Speaker: Is that okay?
Speaker: Is that allowed?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Why do you think life presented the opportunity for us to meet?
Speaker: I like that one.
Speaker: Oh, I like these both.
Speaker: What do I do that makes you feel safe?
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: I like these both.
Speaker: I like both of them also.
Speaker: Do you want to choose which one to answer?
Speaker: Do you have a stronger feeling about one as far as answering one?
Speaker: I really, it speaks much to me, the why do you think...
Speaker: Life presented the opportunity for us to meet.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: That's very mutual stardust.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Am I. So I'm answering that question.
Speaker: Why do I think that life presented the opportunity for us to meet?
Speaker: I think.
Speaker: It was inevitable.
Speaker: It's mutual stardust.
Speaker: But I think that also that exact time in my life was setting up the scaffolding for when I would be ready for the kind of friendship and nurturing and growth-inspiring relationship.
Speaker: I think it was...
Speaker: Yeah, it was inevitable.
Speaker: But it was, it definitely was a thing that needed to percolate for a minute, right?
Speaker: I didn't have all, I didn't have skills.
Speaker: I didn't have many of the skills that I have today to identifying what a healthy friendship looks like or how to build a friendship based on genuine authenticity and not hot wiring.
Speaker: And yeah,
Speaker: I think it had to set a little bit before we could really gel.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That makes total sense.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Cause I was starting to lose my thought.
Speaker: No, I mean, you can't dive straight into the deep end.
Speaker: I guess you can.
Speaker: And I guess people do, but it's not always the best way to do something.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It doesn't often yield the results that you're looking for.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, the first part I pulled was the rules.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The second one is, okay, so here I pulled a new one.
Speaker: Okay, these aren't tarot cards, but I just shuffled these, okay?
Speaker: These are not tarot cards, but the universe is doing very stardust.
Speaker: I don't know, it's doing something.
Speaker: So one says, how do you think I really feel about us?
Speaker: And the other one says, how do you think I really feel right now?
Speaker: Do you feel stronger about one than the other?
Speaker: I think they both have the chance for you to be really vulnerable without having a lot of leading time.
Speaker: And I know that's not your favorite.
Speaker: So if you would like.
Speaker: Well, I don't mind the being vulnerable, but this is something that I feel like I need to put some more thought into because I don't readily have...
Speaker: a very thoughtful answer, I don't think.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Read it to me again.
Speaker: Well, here, I'll let you look at them because I don't know.
Speaker: How do you think I really feel about us?
Speaker: How do you think I really feel right now?
Speaker: How do I think you really feel right now?
Speaker: That's definitely the easier one.
Speaker: Do I need to set up any sort of, is this just generalized or is this about- These are the rules.
Speaker: I mean, in just a general life sense, I can imagine that you might be a little bit more stressed than you're letting on about some of the changes that are happening.
Speaker: And also, this season can bring up a lot of feelings, feelings,
Speaker: regarding so many things um and some grief about some things and so I can imagine that that might be swirling around in there and you're probably if it is swirling around in there you're probably doing your darndest to just stay as far away from it as possible so me bringing it up isn't helpful to anybody but um
Speaker: I guess those would be my thoughts.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I, I validate your thoughts.
Speaker: That's mostly very on track.
Speaker: I am not quite as, I'm not avoiding them as much, but I'm trying not to dive into them maybe as much.
Speaker: So I'm trying to just be more a casual observer than a full blown circus member.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But the rest of that is pretty spot on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Pretty spot on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That makes sense.
Speaker: You're not typically an avoider of the feelings that you have.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: I think maybe you know how much you gain from how far you want to go in.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, and the detriment of not being naturally avoiding things is the kind of almost addiction to the drama of...
Speaker: The intensity, which is something I have been really, really, really working on.
Speaker: And that's true for all of us.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We know that there's not going to be anything to gain from wallowing in whatever the thing is, but it can still feel tempting to do it.
Speaker: Oh, right.
Speaker: Well, because you can't completely ignore it if you want to get through it.
Speaker: It's just finding that right balance.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Should we do another card or are we... Let's each do one more card.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right, I pulled my two.
Speaker: Are you going to pull your two?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Ooh, how about... Okay, so instead of us, I'm going to hold these two up.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: And you pick which one I read.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What are you ready to learn in this relationship?
Speaker: I am ready to learn...
Speaker: I think that you are a great model of vulnerability.
Speaker: And that's not always, that doesn't always come easily to me.
Speaker: So I think that you definitely have things to teach me about being vulnerable.
Speaker: I just want to say that Emily of December, 2022 would have run screaming out of this room.
Speaker: And I respect the hell out of that.
Speaker: For all this vulnerability on the fly.
Speaker: And that is something that I am struck with.
Speaker: I'm not crying.
Speaker: I just have a... Let me throw.
Speaker: It's allergy season.
Speaker: Something that always strikes me when I listen to our old episodes is being able to witness your metamorphosis of sorts from someone that is amazing and wonderful and I love to someone who is just...
Speaker: even more amazing and wonderful and lovely.
Speaker: So I appreciate that you say that because I already, I think you are already making so many strides in that area.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: But if you want me to push a little more, I'm a pusher, Katie.
Speaker: I don't know if I said that.
Speaker: That's what I heard.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I trust you to push me the right amount.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Now, let me talk.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay, what is it?
Speaker: What experience shaped your perspective on relationships?
Speaker: And I'll let you decide what kind of relationships you want to speak on.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: I think, for me, it was really when I was listening to Brene Brown talk about the marble jar theory.
Speaker: And I know I talk about it on the podcast a lot.
Speaker: I talk about it in life a lot.
Speaker: And I...
Speaker: I'm a metaphor gal.
Speaker: I love a good metaphor.
Speaker: I love a good visual representation.
Speaker: It helps me to be able to really process and comprehend concepts.
Speaker: And that made a lot of sense to me because when you start sorting, our brains want to sort.
Speaker: They want to put things into categories and things.
Speaker: when you analyze your data in such a way that you aren't just kind of like taking a wild stab at it or just going on feeling alone, you have a way of thinking about, is this person going to hurt me?
Speaker: Are they going to help me?
Speaker: Do they really care about me?
Speaker: Um, can I trust them?
Speaker: And that is essential in any type of relationship, friendship, uh,
Speaker: partnership at work, uh, your relationship with your boss, your relationship with the people you supervise, obviously your romantic partner, your kid, like all of these things require that same element of trust.
Speaker: And how do I know to trust this person?
Speaker: Um, and I think that that has helped me it because then in turn, it's also helped with generosity.
Speaker: because it's not so much about that person's intentions, it's about whether or not they have the skills or they've just, they've been able to develop the capacity.
Speaker: This is a nice tie-in to our quote, right?
Speaker: It might.
Speaker: Actually, yes, it is.
Speaker: Okay, the universe is doing us good today.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: The universe is universing.
Speaker: It's universing in all the universal ways.
Speaker: So I think that's probably what the experience that shaped my perspective on relationships was having that metaphor in my head and being able to
Speaker: really buy into that being the way to evaluate not only the relationships in, in my life, but how I contribute to relationships myself.
Speaker: Um, instead of feeling guilty or, you know, like I need, uh, I gotta spend, I want to spend time with this person except I don't, my body doesn't feel like I want to spend time with this person.
Speaker: And when friendships grow apart or, um,
Speaker: When you realize like, I, this person isn't really my friend.
Speaker: This person is somebody that we just both like to be miserable together.
Speaker: That's not the same thing as a friendship.
Speaker: When I'm thinking about how have I contributed to the marble jar of my friend,
Speaker: And earning trust.
Speaker: Not so much in like a manipulative way or I'm doing this so that I can cash out a bunch of marbles later or something like that.
Speaker: Because that's not really the point of contributing to the marble jar.
Speaker: At least in my head.
Speaker: Do you imagine the marbles in kind of the same way that I'm picturing the orbs in Inside Out?
Speaker: Ooh, kind of.
Speaker: Kind of.
Speaker: You know, not every marble is a happy marble.
Speaker: Some of them are, there's some complexity of feelings in there.
Speaker: Mine are all blue.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: What is that?
Speaker: I don't remember what the blue ones are.
Speaker: Are they all sadness?
Speaker: I don't necessarily attribute them to... But that's the same shape.
Speaker: They're that same shape and they're maybe a little glowy.
Speaker: But I don't immediately think... They're like lightsaber glowy.
Speaker: They are.
Speaker: Yes, exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And they're small like marble.
Speaker: Much smaller than the feelings on Inside Out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But they're all blue.
Speaker: They're all the same color for whatever reason.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: So you have it.
Speaker: Do you have you?
Speaker: Do you?
Speaker: I mean, I haven't spent as much time with this metaphor as you have, but I'm thinking about it as you're talking and knowing that the marbles are, I think, just a representation of like the constant exchange of energy between two people.
Speaker: Energy isn't always happiness and positivity and it doesn't have to be.
Speaker: Mm hmm.
Speaker: You can earn marbles by being with someone when they're upset in their darkest times.
Speaker: Honestly, I think you earn marbles faster for me in that way.
Speaker: I'm very good at overcomplicating a metaphor to the point that it doesn't work anymore.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Overcomplicating anything is so outside the realm of our possibilities.
Speaker: Yeah, that's definitely not where we started this entire conversation.
Speaker: Not at all.
Speaker: Well, I think that about wraps it up for our little mini episode here.
Speaker: We hope that you guys made it through to the end of this episode.
Speaker: And we hope that the audio on here is really good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We hope that it's the best audio that's ever been, honestly.
Speaker: Well, sort of.
Speaker: I'm going to be pissed as fuck if it is, but like in the best just of ways.
Speaker: We would love your feedback on maybe questions you have for us that you would like for us to answer.
Speaker: And how do you feel about this season of life and the time of year and with the new year around the corner, what things are happening for you?
Speaker: And you know, we, we haven't gotten, well, because we haven't put any episodes out.
Speaker: We haven't gotten a lot of feedback from our listeners.
Speaker: If y'all are still out there.
Speaker: We haven't given marbles.
Speaker: So we haven't been receiving marbles.
Speaker: We would love to earn some marbles and exchange of those marbles.
Speaker: We would love to hear from you.
Speaker: Guys, like just, are you there?
Speaker: God, it's me, Emily and Emily.
Speaker: So you can do that by engaging with us on Instagram at we can do pod things with underscores between each word.
Speaker: You can email us at pod things podcast at gmail.com.
Speaker: You can find us on TikTok.
Speaker: We're not probably going to be there, but you can find us on there.
Speaker: And if you stalk us long enough, I get emails.
Speaker: So that's great.
Speaker: This has been We Can Do Pod Things.
Speaker: I'm Annalise.
Speaker: I'm Annalise.
Speaker: We'll see you guys later.
Speaker: Bye.
