Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
When Kindness Is Misplaced And Taken For Granted
388 Plays2 years ago
In This Episode I Discuss...
- The shadow side of kindness
- How resentment comes from always being kind
- How over sharing or giving takes power away from yourself
- The power of saying NO and creating boundaries
Subscribe to Bigger Talks Podcast and listen to this episode! https://zencastr.com/Bigger-Talks
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Focus
00:00:01
Speaker
We on, we on Bigger Talks, Bigger Talks.
00:00:04
Speaker
And we back.
00:00:05
Speaker
Another edition of Bigger Talks Podcast.
00:00:08
Speaker
And I'm your host, Eric Bigger.
00:00:11
Speaker
Call me E for Energy.
00:00:12
Speaker
However you like it.
00:00:13
Speaker
It's a miracle season.
00:00:14
Speaker
Positivity, authenticity, transparency.
00:00:17
Speaker
Be yourself.
00:00:19
Speaker
That's what I've been growing to be my entire life.
00:00:21
Speaker
Trying to figure out who I am.
00:00:22
Speaker
I always say in order to grow yourself, you got to know yourself.
00:00:25
Speaker
But anyway, this episode is...
00:00:28
Speaker
We will be talking about kindness, right?
00:00:35
Speaker
Being kind and how being, I can't say being too kind, but how kind is being, having kindness can be taken for granted and how people can take it too far and mistreat you because you're too kind.
00:00:49
Speaker
But before we get started, I got something new I want to introduce to the podcast.
00:00:54
Speaker
So I have these deck of cards.
00:00:57
Speaker
Oracle cards, Raise Your Vibration by Kyle Gray.
00:01:02
Speaker
So I'm going to pick a card, going to read it to you guys.
00:01:07
Speaker
And, you know, I'm curious to, you know, what what energy my energy is tapped into today once I shuffle these cards.
00:01:17
Speaker
So give me a second.
Promotions and Oracle Cards
00:01:19
Speaker
By the way, It's Miracle Season merch, half off, 50% off.
00:01:24
Speaker
Go to the website, it's miracleseason.co, and use the promo code, M-SEASON, all together, all caps, and get 50% off.
00:01:33
Speaker
A trucker hat, a t-shirt, a mug, a hoodie.
00:01:38
Speaker
It's going to be cold soon.
00:01:40
Speaker
Maybe it's cold where you are now.
00:01:42
Speaker
But let's pull a card and let's see what my energy is gravitating to today.
00:01:47
Speaker
Let's see.
00:01:52
Speaker
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:01:55
Speaker
Let's see.
00:01:56
Speaker
Let's see.
00:01:57
Speaker
Uh-oh.
00:01:57
Speaker
What is my energy saying?
00:01:58
Speaker
Uh-oh.
00:02:00
Speaker
Wow.
00:02:03
Speaker
It is safe to shine.
00:02:06
Speaker
I like that.
00:02:07
Speaker
It is safe to shine.
00:02:08
Speaker
As always.
00:02:09
Speaker
Always shine, people.
00:02:11
Speaker
Always, always shine.
00:02:13
Speaker
All right, so I'm going to read that to you.
00:02:14
Speaker
What does that mean?
00:02:16
Speaker
Let's see what page this is.
00:02:21
Speaker
Always shine.
00:02:23
Speaker
And if you're listening to this, that's a message, universal message to you.
00:02:28
Speaker
You need to shine right now.
00:02:30
Speaker
Always shine.
00:02:31
Speaker
Always shine.
00:02:32
Speaker
Don't dim your light.
00:02:36
Speaker
It is safe for you to shine.
00:02:37
Speaker
That's what it says.
00:02:38
Speaker
All right, one second.
00:02:42
Speaker
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:02:45
Speaker
Patience, will you.
00:02:49
Speaker
Bingo, found it.
00:02:51
Speaker
It is safe for you to shine.
00:02:53
Speaker
This is not the time to hold back.
00:02:55
Speaker
The answer is yes, go forth.
00:02:57
Speaker
Proceed, the time is now.
00:03:00
Speaker
The energy of wishing on a star is coming to you because you are a star, okay?
00:03:05
Speaker
If you've been hanging back or thinking something through before moving forward, or you've been waiting for a sign that it's the right thing to do, please take this card as that sign.
00:03:15
Speaker
Move on up.
00:03:15
Speaker
Positivity, abundance, and excitement.
00:03:18
Speaker
Excitement are surrounding you at this time.
00:03:20
Speaker
Thank you, God.
00:03:21
Speaker
The dreams you've been dreaming are more like visions of what is possible for you.
00:03:25
Speaker
Okay.
00:03:26
Speaker
Know that whatever you're connecting with on the inside is something you'll soon be experiencing in the physical realm.
00:03:31
Speaker
We love that.
00:03:32
Speaker
If you're feeling nervous, shy, or unsure, it's because you care deeply about making a difference and living in the most authentic way possible.
00:03:41
Speaker
Didn't I just say that at the beginning of this podcast?
00:03:44
Speaker
This is what makes you the bright and shiny person you are today.
00:03:47
Speaker
Know that this is not a time to step back or be modest, but to claim what is rightfully yours, reach up, reach higher, and reach higher still.
00:03:57
Speaker
The world is truly your oyster and it's a pleasure for the universe to see you shine.
00:04:02
Speaker
It is safe for you to shine.
00:04:04
Speaker
Let's shine together.
00:04:06
Speaker
Five of the day.
00:04:07
Speaker
I trust in my gifts.
00:04:08
Speaker
I know that I can shine.
00:04:10
Speaker
Forever and always.
00:04:12
Speaker
All right, people.
Understanding Kindness
00:04:13
Speaker
Let's tap into kindness and being kind.
00:04:17
Speaker
And, you know, my intentions of today's episode is to talk about the benefits of being kind and how it serves a greater purpose in the world.
00:04:27
Speaker
But more importantly, how some people can take your kindness for weakness or can take your kindness for granted.
00:04:34
Speaker
Or maybe if you're being too kind, maybe there's a underlining thing there with yourself that you're not looking at.
00:04:40
Speaker
All right, so let's get it right to it.
00:04:42
Speaker
So kindness, right?
00:04:43
Speaker
What is being kind?
00:04:44
Speaker
From my perspective and point of view, the definition of being kind is do for others as you wish someone would do for you.
00:04:55
Speaker
Being gentle, being nice, having compassion, having grace.
00:04:59
Speaker
coming from a place of love and not fear.
00:05:02
Speaker
That's what kindness, being kind means to me.
00:05:06
Speaker
However, you know, sometimes we can get trapped in a cycle of being kind, not too often, but in a way where you're not allowing situations to be what they are, instead you're overcompensating your kindness muscle.
00:05:25
Speaker
So give your example.
00:05:27
Speaker
I was out at Soho House last week.
00:05:30
Speaker
I had a meeting from someone who works within a PR company.
00:05:36
Speaker
He's only a PR, by the way.
00:05:38
Speaker
Shouts out to them.
00:05:39
Speaker
And I was granted a gift.
00:05:42
Speaker
Was very kind of the person.
00:05:45
Speaker
I, right in that moment, say, oh, I got a gift for you.
00:05:48
Speaker
I want to give you an X Miracle Season T-shirt, right?
00:05:52
Speaker
So imagine that.
00:05:54
Speaker
That process, right?
00:05:55
Speaker
That moment.
00:05:56
Speaker
Now imagine me doing that everywhere in my life.
00:05:59
Speaker
You know, someone opens the door for me and then I go to the next door and I open the door for them, right?
00:06:05
Speaker
Or, you know, someone's giving me something or complimenting me and I'm feeling like I'm down planning and got to give them something.
00:06:15
Speaker
Oh, you're amazing too, you know, right?
00:06:17
Speaker
So...
00:06:19
Speaker
What happens in that cycle is that when you're always giving what's given to you that's kind, you don't allow that person kindness to shine within them because it was in their mind and their intentions to give you something without your knowing because that's something that was on their heart that they wanted to do that was nice, that was gentle, that was something that was a kind gesture of them to give you something, right?
00:06:39
Speaker
But when you're in the way of that because you want to throw your kindness on it, you can kind of
00:06:44
Speaker
misplaced the gift of receiving, misplaced the gift of, you know, giving and what they want to do.
00:06:51
Speaker
So that's just one example.
00:06:52
Speaker
Another example is the question comes to mind, like, okay, why are you so kind or why are you so nice, right?
Challenges of Excessive Kindness
00:07:00
Speaker
You're always saying, yes, sir.
00:07:02
Speaker
Yes, ma'am.
00:07:03
Speaker
You're always giving.
00:07:05
Speaker
You're always paying a tab at every dinner.
00:07:08
Speaker
You're always giving things away.
00:07:10
Speaker
And I have struggled with this in my life.
00:07:13
Speaker
That's why I'm talking about it now.
00:07:14
Speaker
I get to the root of it.
00:07:16
Speaker
You're just a very kind person.
00:07:17
Speaker
Like, Eric, you're so nice.
00:07:18
Speaker
You're just always giving.
00:07:21
Speaker
So what happens is, in my lifetime, I realized, I had to ask myself, okay, why am I so kind?
00:07:26
Speaker
Why am I so nice?
00:07:27
Speaker
Like, where is that coming from?
00:07:28
Speaker
Like, there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.
00:07:31
Speaker
It becomes problematic when it's all the time, always, right?
00:07:38
Speaker
Like, there's a quote that said, you can't be everything for everybody.
00:07:41
Speaker
Right?
00:07:42
Speaker
So then I started doing some deep analysis and work on myself and thinking, okay.
00:07:48
Speaker
I remember a friend asking me like, E, like, why are you so nice?
00:07:51
Speaker
Like, why are you so kind?
00:07:52
Speaker
Like, what is that?
00:07:53
Speaker
Right.
00:07:54
Speaker
And so clearly for me, it was, I want to be liked.
00:07:58
Speaker
I want people to like me.
00:07:59
Speaker
I want their validation.
00:08:01
Speaker
I want their support.
00:08:03
Speaker
I don't want them not to like me.
00:08:05
Speaker
I want to be, you know, admired for what I do.
00:08:10
Speaker
Instead of who I am, but because when you're doing so much, you can't really let people see who you are.
00:08:15
Speaker
Right.
00:08:16
Speaker
So mine was a wound of abandonment of not feeling worthy and just overly being kind and nice.
00:08:25
Speaker
Right.
00:08:25
Speaker
Because I think I should, because if I do that, then people like me.
00:08:28
Speaker
Subtle manipulation, but it's deep rooted.
00:08:30
Speaker
So, you know, you don't know until you know.
00:08:33
Speaker
So I say all I have to say, there's nothing wrong with being kind, people.
00:08:36
Speaker
Please do not take the context of what I'm saying for wrong, because it's good to be kind.
00:08:41
Speaker
It's good to be nice.
00:08:42
Speaker
But I also believe in doing things from the right space.
00:08:47
Speaker
So being too kind and too nice, I feel like sometimes comes from a place of lack or comes from a place of fear, right?
00:08:54
Speaker
Mine's that some fear and lack on it.
00:08:56
Speaker
Fearing that I'm not good enough if I don't be kind or nice.
00:08:59
Speaker
Fearing that they might not like me as much if I don't do anything.
00:09:03
Speaker
So.
00:09:05
Speaker
So that's the second one.
00:09:06
Speaker
So the first one, you know, I shared the story about someone give you something you want to give it back.
00:09:11
Speaker
The second one that I just discussed, I talked about, you know.
00:09:17
Speaker
Being kind, being overly kind and figuring out where it comes from.
00:09:22
Speaker
Now, I'm going to bring these two together to make it make sense.
00:09:25
Speaker
And then it's going to be a fourth one and a fourth one.
00:09:26
Speaker
I'm going to bring it all the way around.
00:09:28
Speaker
So the third part of kindness or being too kind or taking kindness for granted is that now you're at a point where you're the person, i.e.
00:09:36
Speaker
me, myself.
00:09:38
Speaker
I know how to give.
00:09:39
Speaker
I know how to love.
00:09:40
Speaker
I know how to share.
00:09:41
Speaker
I know how to be kind.
00:09:42
Speaker
I know how to be nice.
00:09:44
Speaker
So but now I'm at a space in this story that I'm telling you guys is that I've programmed and conditioned myself to be the kind guy, to be the nice guy, to be the guy, the giver, the overachiever, whatever I do.
00:09:56
Speaker
You know, I'm doing it for the wrong reason, but it look like it's the right reasons.
00:10:00
Speaker
So over time, you teach people how to treat you and how to receive from you and greet you.
00:10:07
Speaker
So now you're in this paradigm of this kind guy, you know, the kind person and people appreciate you.
00:10:13
Speaker
You're so sweet.
00:10:14
Speaker
You're such a great person and all these things.
00:10:17
Speaker
So now you didn't build up this perception in their mind that that's who you are.
00:10:22
Speaker
Now you get into a point where you're overly kind all the time and they're expecting you to pay the bill and expecting you to open the door.
00:10:29
Speaker
And because you set the expectations because of your initiation or your intentions, right?
00:10:36
Speaker
So the shadow side of that for that person, I'm talking about myself and many other people, you start to build resentment within yourself for others.
00:10:46
Speaker
But they don't know it because you're like, you're literally doing it, you know, from their eyes, the kindness of your heart.
00:10:51
Speaker
But you're doing it because you want that love and affection.
00:10:56
Speaker
You want that attention.
00:10:57
Speaker
You want to be valued.
00:10:58
Speaker
Whatever it is, right, that I spoke on.
00:11:01
Speaker
But it's not genuine because it's coming from a fearful place and not a loving place.
00:11:05
Speaker
So again, be kind, people.
00:11:08
Speaker
Always be kind.
00:11:09
Speaker
Be kind to yourself.
00:11:10
Speaker
And so the underlying thing is that when you're so kind to others, you take away kindness from yourself.
00:11:19
Speaker
Because if you're overly giving something...
00:11:22
Speaker
Knowing you know why, but you're not giving it to yourself where you should be giving that energy and time to yourself.
00:11:30
Speaker
So that builds resentment.
00:11:31
Speaker
That's the three.
00:11:32
Speaker
That's number three.
00:11:33
Speaker
So you have the giver who gives back.
00:11:36
Speaker
You have two is the overly kind person and what that creates.
00:11:41
Speaker
And three, the condition that you build within yourself and others.
00:11:45
Speaker
You're so kind that people get used to it and anticipate it and expect it.
00:11:48
Speaker
And now you build resentment for them.
00:11:50
Speaker
Because you did this.
00:11:51
Speaker
You're responsible for your kindness.
00:11:55
Speaker
So now, you know, and you pull away the kindness that you need for yourself.
00:12:01
Speaker
And that's, you know, self-respect, creating boundaries, saying no.
00:12:04
Speaker
Now we get into number four where
00:12:07
Speaker
Now all this resentment is built up.
00:12:09
Speaker
Now the people you've been given to over the course of time, say three months or more, now they're taking for granted your kindness.
00:12:18
Speaker
They're misusing it and abusing it because that's what you programmed and conditioned them to.
00:12:23
Speaker
So what happens is now they know if they ask for a ride to the airport, you're going to do it.
00:12:29
Speaker
If, you know, usually you pay the tab at the dinner or the restaurant, right?
00:12:33
Speaker
You don't want us always there.
00:12:35
Speaker
You always pick up the phone call when someone needs help, any device.
00:12:38
Speaker
You're just always just kind, kind person.
00:12:41
Speaker
So you build up this Superman complex or Superwoman or Super, whatever you want to call it, you know, complex.
00:12:49
Speaker
And you don't allow yourself to be seen, felt, or heard because you're covering up your real truth and vulnerability because of fear.
00:12:57
Speaker
So what happens is now this is what emotion of this number five.
00:13:03
Speaker
We're talking about emotions now.
00:13:05
Speaker
Now this is what emotion of anger and frustration comes into play.
00:13:09
Speaker
Now you're angry.
00:13:10
Speaker
Now you're frustrated.
00:13:11
Speaker
Now you're pissed off.
00:13:12
Speaker
Now you're disappointed because it's something you did, something you program people to receive and feel from you.
00:13:21
Speaker
And what happens is when people start taking advantage of the kindness, you build in that resentment, which becomes anger and frustration.
00:13:29
Speaker
And now you look crazy if you disperse in that anger and frustration or you're coming off different or somebody else might get it because you never spoke on it.
00:13:38
Speaker
You was because you're the kind guy.
00:13:40
Speaker
You're too kind.
00:13:41
Speaker
So the moral of the story here, people, is.
00:13:44
Speaker
It's always great to be kind.
00:13:47
Speaker
You should be kind to yourself.
00:13:48
Speaker
You should be kind to others.
00:13:50
Speaker
Love your neighbor as you love thyself, right?
00:13:53
Speaker
Some of us don't love ourselves to know how to love our neighborhood.
00:13:55
Speaker
That's okay.
00:13:56
Speaker
That's another episode.
00:13:57
Speaker
But when you take your kindness too far and you don't check in on why you're so kind or so nice or so giving, you miss out on the kindness you need for yourself.
00:14:10
Speaker
And you create this built-in resentment, anger, and frustration and disappointment because of something you chose to do but wasn't aware of it because you was coming from a lack and limitation place or fearful place.
00:14:25
Speaker
And let's talk about if you're not coming from a fearful or lack of limitation space, and this is just a bonus one, and you're kind, you know, not all the time, but enough times, people still can take that for granted and see it as weakness.
Balancing Kindness and Self-Respect
00:14:36
Speaker
People will walk all over you if you don't step up and talk and speak for yourself.
00:14:41
Speaker
So in that aspect, it's okay to be kind, but also speak your truth.
00:14:45
Speaker
If you feel like someone is taking advantage of it or hold people accountable in a diplomatic way.
00:14:50
Speaker
So that's all for this episode.
00:14:53
Speaker
When you take your kindness too far or people take your kindness for granted, kindness is real.
Conclusion and Merchandise Promotion
00:15:00
Speaker
Be kind, but also understand where it's coming from.
00:15:03
Speaker
And if you remember the card we pulled,
00:15:06
Speaker
It is safe for you to shine.
00:15:08
Speaker
It's a miracle season.
00:15:10
Speaker
Get your merch 50% off, all caps, MCESON, promo code that is, and go to acemiracleseason.co.
00:15:17
Speaker
Get your shirt, get your hoodie, get your hat, and that'd be a miracle walking in your season.
00:15:23
Speaker
Yeah, guys, subscribe, download this episode, share this if it resonates.
00:15:28
Speaker
And I just want to say thank you.
00:15:30
Speaker
Thank you for being here.
00:15:31
Speaker
Thank you for listening.
00:15:33
Speaker
And please listen to your intuition.
00:15:35
Speaker
And it's okay to be kind, but don't take your kindness too far where you're taking yourself from you.
00:15:40
Speaker
You're taking kindness from yourself and resenting others for your misbehavior.
00:15:46
Speaker
It's a miracle season.
00:15:47
Speaker
Be great.
00:15:48
Speaker
Peace and love.