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13. The Art of Taking it on the Chin with Nicole Ross
20 Plays1 year ago
Ponies, punches, and panic attacks—just your typical cowgirl kickboxer’s wellness journey.
Nicole Ross can’t remember the last time she worked out in a traditional gym. Perhaps… never? Her approach to physical fitness has always been simple: do whatever you (genuinely) like. Period.
Instead of heart-pumping runs, she opted for heartwarming days brushing and riding horses—more of a workout than people think btw. Being an equestrian wasn’t about weight loss, strength training, or attracting likes on social media (which didn’t exist yet, praise be). It was pure.
Fast forward to corporate life when physical and mental wellness were replaced by long hours at the office and grad school. Then she gloved up for her first Muay Thai Kickboxing class and was… hooked. (Please laugh.) Fighting lit her up inside in ways only horses had—until panic attacked.
In this episode, Business Unbound’s Co-Founder reflects on being knocked down—but not out—by anxiety, burnout, and online dating as a 40-something. (Spoiler alert: it sucks.)
Now, though, with freedom over her schedule, affirmation cards everywhere, and the right people in her corner, she’s finally back in the fight.
For more inspiration, subscribe to Unbound Turnarounds on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts!
LINKS:
- Connect with Nicole
- Connect with Mallory
- Happyish Oracle Card Deck: https://emandfriends.com/products/happyish-deck
- Affirmators® Original Card Deck: https://emandfriends.com/collections/decks/products/affirmators-deluxe-deck
- Affirmators® at Work Card Deck: https://emandfriends.com/collections/decks/products/knock-knock-affirmators-at-work-50-affirmation-cards-deck
- Unroll.me: https://unroll.me/
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Transcript
Introduction to Unbound Turnarounds
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Unbound Turnarounds, a podcast all about the challenges women business owners think about constantly, but rarely voice. We're Nicole and Mallory, entrepreneurs, friends, and co-founders of Business Unbound, a community helping women alleviate the headaches, heartaches, and backaches so work actually works for life. This is your safe space for the ups, downs, and the turnarounds.
Focus on Well-being for Women Entrepreneurs
00:00:32
Speaker
Welcome back to Unbound Turnarounds and our first episode of season two. I can't believe it, Mal. What about you? Yay. I'm so excited. Yay. Yes. We loved season one. It was so fun. It was so fun. We did. So we are really excited about season two, which is going to be all about well-being. So make sure you're staying tuned for that.
00:00:55
Speaker
But first, I wanted to make sure that people know about our Inbound Insights email list. So if you aren't on that so far, just head over to our website at unboundboss.com. And we also link to it in the show notes. So super easy to find.
00:01:10
Speaker
And that is where we share a lot more of our really relatable stories. We do two-parters every month from each of us, where we share some of the things going on in our lives, challenges, and what we are doing about them. So you never know when something might just resonate for you, so you want to make sure you are subscribed.
Is Wellness a Journey?
00:01:30
Speaker
Yep. Hop on over. Get signed up.
00:01:33
Speaker
Before we dive into Nicole, Nicole, this episode one of season two is all about Nicole's wellbeing stories. But season two is going to be about different aspects of our wellbeing and how that actually can relate to our entrepreneurship.
00:01:49
Speaker
We are maybe more stoked that we should be because we love this topic. We love it. And we picked it for season two because of the timing. So we think many of us are thinking about our intentions for the year ahead and all these topics can really support in any goals or visions that we have.
00:02:06
Speaker
It really feels like the perfect time to get real about mental and physical wellbeing. And we have the most amazing lineup of women entrepreneurs ahead for season two. So tune in for this whole season.
00:02:19
Speaker
Though we touch on quite a few of these topics in our Boost Your Brain Wellbeing course, which we absolutely love, so check that out. And hint hint, if you're on our email list, there are codes for discounts on our courses, and that one is featured for January. But this podcast, it gives us a chance to have real conversations about those topics and go a little bit deeper than the course does.
00:02:43
Speaker
Now the big takeaway I want to share with everyone before we dive in is that wellness is a forever evolving journey. Through the years I've added piece by piece to where I am today and I know in the future I'll continue to refine how I approach my well-being as an entrepreneur, as a woman, as a human.
00:03:04
Speaker
just remember your journey is going to evolve too. So don't try and take everything we talk about in all these episodes all at once. It may be too much, but maybe there's one or two things you discover and you decide to try over the next few months and you really want to take your time and then you need to experiment and see if it works for you. Keep the things that do and let go of the rest.
00:03:24
Speaker
So again, for these first two episodes of season two, Nicole and I are going to be sharing some of our personal experiences and insights into how we manage our own well-being. So first up is
Nicole's Approach to Physical Well-being
00:03:35
Speaker
Nicole. I have the honor of interviewing you and my friend. You are in the hot seat. How are you doing? I'm feeling okay about it. I'm feeling okay about it. I actually love these pods where it's just you and me talking to. So I'm glad we could do another one. Yeah, me too.
00:03:51
Speaker
Okay, let's dive in. So to get us started, let's start with physical well-being. I want to talk to you about what physical wellness has looked like for you over time, because I know, we're good friends, I know that you're not exactly a gym rat, are you?
00:04:09
Speaker
I am not. No one has ever called me that. That is for sure. Yeah, I never have been into fitness for fitness sake. That was not part of my life growing up. I come from a family of academics, not athletes.
00:04:26
Speaker
So unless we count, you know, like family skate nights at the roller rink, I was very fast PS. That's fun. Yes, it was. The first time we went, my mom put pillows in our pants because we were going to fall down so much. So just a fun tidbit for you there. But yeah, it's like we were not the family that was going to do five K's together at like, no, no, no, no.
00:04:51
Speaker
Um, we're big nerds. So we do nerd stuff and Ross is go to school. Like that's our, our fitness is mental mostly. So I have always chosen like my activities based on just what I enjoy doing. It's never been because, you know, a specific physical activity is what I quote unquote should do to stay fit or lose weight or look a certain way. So that's just never been part of my life. Okay.
00:05:22
Speaker
I actually think you sidestepped a bunch of problems or issues people have to work through, especially, I mean, we're kind of on the cusp of it, but I know maybe slightly older, like the kids who were raised during diet culture, there's like a lot around that. And I think our society as a whole is shifting. It's slow. And there's still a lot of images projected on both young, you know,
00:05:50
Speaker
self-identifying boys and girls. Um, but just not doing what you felt like you should do and just maybe accepting like this is a body that I, it's like a tool. I don't have to have it look a certain way. I don't care about that. I'm just going to do what I enjoy. So I actually think you probably, you didn't know obviously, but you kind of sidestepped a lot of maybe I think that's true.
00:06:13
Speaker
I think it's true. And it's funny because I always call my body the machine. So when I go to a massage, I'm always walking in, I'm like, you got to fix the machine. This thing has to carry me around and do the things. And so I'm not here for a vacation foo-foo massage. Fix the machine. Get under the hood. Fix the thing.
00:06:37
Speaker
So that is always kind of how I've thought about it. It has pluses and minuses to thinking that way. But I think you're right, like it did have kind of this pure aspect. So like everything that I was doing was just because I liked it. So as you know, a kid, like it was just
00:06:58
Speaker
picking things that I genuinely liked. And I think because we didn't grow up with social media, that was a huge piece too. Not everyone seemed busy, busy, busy, busy. You didn't grow up where people were doing travel sports teams every weekend. That just wasn't a thing.
00:07:18
Speaker
weekends were pretty chill because you don't have a tennis game in the middle of a cornfield. That's next weekend. It was easier. I think that part of it was great. What I do look back on now and see is the flip side of that is that I never got into a traditional workout routine in life. That was never a piece of running the machine that I prioritized.
00:07:46
Speaker
I never really thought that much about what I was eating, like my family were, you know, little nerds. And so we just ate little nerd portions and it wasn't a problem. So I just never really worried about it. And I didn't ever have like this kind of pure joy and just like moving my body. Like you and I are very different in that way too, I think. And so mine was always a bit more like transactional, I guess is how you describe it. So.
Balancing Work and Hobbies
00:08:16
Speaker
Yeah. That's how I grew up. Okay. What were some of those transactions? So I know everybody probably who's listened to an episode knows about horses, but tell us some of those hobbies and how you were moving your body before.
00:08:29
Speaker
Yeah, so for me, primarily the physical things that I did were the riding forces. And I started out at age six and continued with weekly lessons, never owned one until I was adult, but I was always driving 45 minutes each way with my dad to go to riding lessons. And that was also something we got to do together because he started riding.
00:08:52
Speaker
when he was there watching me. So he thought, well, I may as well learn something and do something while I'm sitting here for an hour anyway, which is also just kind of how the Rosses are. And so we got to do that together for, you know, 20 years, which is amazing. Wow. So by high school, I was at a more local barn pretty much daily. Like that was what I was doing. Aside from art, which didn't really build muscle. No, no. And were there any other activities that you picked up?
00:09:22
Speaker
their high school, their college. So I did pick up an actual team sport under duress in high school because I just remember my parents saying that I needed to pick a team sport and they didn't care what it was, but I needed to pick something because so much of what I did was individual, like course writing is individual.
00:09:44
Speaker
are individual writing individual, like I just did my own thing. So they were like, you need to be a more well-rounded machine and pick a sport. So I picked tennis because it had the least amount of running strategies. I bet. I wonder.
00:10:02
Speaker
I mean, were there lessons in that team? I mean, that was your first chance of working in a team. I'm sure that relates to entrepreneurship, but I get that's what they were trying to instill in you. For sure, yeah. I really did enjoy it, so that was one thing that surprised me. I wanted to be good at it, so I picked something that I thought I could be decent at.
00:10:26
Speaker
This girl is not going to stay finals. That's not part of her future. But by senior year, I could be team co-captain and I like doing that because I love cheering for people. And I find that that's still something I love today about being at a barn and going to clinics and watching everyone.
00:10:47
Speaker
I'm not a cheerleader, but I am more like a co-captain type, an encourager. Yeah, totally can see that. Yeah, that's when I discovered that, I think. Okay, so then you went back to college, you went to college, and you found horses again. Yes, you kept it going. I did, yep. I kept taking weekly lessons throughout college, and I couldn't do much more than that because I studied all the time.
00:11:17
Speaker
All the time, I think maybe I could have done that better, but that was pretty much it. Plus I walked every day all day because our campus was super walkable and gorgeous and lovely. And even in like moments of stress, that was what I would end up doing is just walking campus.
00:11:36
Speaker
It could be late at night, which obviously in retrospect is probably not the best idea, but that's what I did. Okay. Well, you were moving your body. You're still doing your hobby. Yep. And then I want to skip forward to your, your life as an adult. How did physical activity.
00:11:56
Speaker
How is that a part of it? Because I know your story gets a little full. A little hairy. Yeah. Okay. A little full. Sure. Yeah. So when I went to college and I graduated and I took that entrepreneurial fellowship and started my first big girl job.
00:12:14
Speaker
I really just stopped doing any kind of physical fitness. I walked from the parking garage to the office. That was two blocks a day. Then I worked forever. Then I walked two blocks back and I drove home and I was too tired to do anything else because that took my entire energy symbol, which we'll talk about later.
00:12:39
Speaker
So that was tough. So I stopped horse riding for probably a decade at that point. And aside from doing it very occasionally, like a trail ride, you know, if I was visiting somewhere, I pretty much gave up horses for the next 10 years and just worked. And your face is unhappy about it. I am.
00:13:01
Speaker
And you know, because what I'm thinking about as you're saying that is like giving up the hobbies is entrepreneurial life. The ones who are so consumed by it and we do talk about it in our courses about like an obsessive suit of success rather than a harmonious one. And again, like we fully dive into that in our courses.
00:13:25
Speaker
just touch on it. It's that giving up of all the other hobbies and any lack of movement. So as entrepreneurs, because we own the company and we own our schedules, it can be tempting to do that. But to encourage people not to, how did that feel? Yeah, it didn't go great. It didn't go great.
00:13:47
Speaker
And I think looking back now, I can see that that was definitely a contributing factor to kind of what came next. I think when I look back on photos from that time, like I'm very skinny. I don't have like, not a good way. We're not, we're not promoting it. Yeah. No, like just not
Learning through Muay Thai
00:14:05
Speaker
healthy. Yeah. Like I just look.
00:14:08
Speaker
kind of like ragged around the edges. So we call horses that you have trouble keeping weight on. They're called hard keepers. And when I look back at those photos, I'm like, oh, she looks like a hard keeper. You just can't keep weight on that thing. And so I think that was definitely a factor of getting myself to a mental place, too, where I didn't have enough else going on in my life to be a full, well-rounded human.
00:14:38
Speaker
So that was a mistake, but, you know, I didn't know that till later. Of course. Love what you're hearing? Business Unbound online courses help you implement the ideas from this show and change how your company runs in big and small ways for the better. Our courses are meticulously crafted, packed with tactical tools and solutions, and designed to help women genuinely enjoy the day-to-day business journey.
00:15:04
Speaker
We've poured insights from our collective 13 years of entrepreneurship and work with more than 100 clients into every course. And the good news is that we're just getting started. We're on a mission to unite women entrepreneurs who understand challenges, loneliness, and vulnerabilities of running a business. And we want you to be part of it. Visit UnboundBoss.com to browse our course library. We cannot wait to join you on your journey.
00:15:34
Speaker
Now you did pick up one activity that really kind of instilled some strength and some confidence and talk to us about what that was and how that made you feel. Yes. So very randomly, I decided to pick up Muay Thai kickboxing.
00:15:52
Speaker
when I was in my out of college days, that first decade in corporate, it was towards probably the middle to, yeah, it was probably in the halfway point. And I just remember deciding I was going to try it. And I found like this
00:16:09
Speaker
really old school, like cinder block gym, under a highway, no AC, like people throwing up outside in the summer. Like just a real, just, it was not Planet Fitness. It was like, imagine the opposite of that. And so then I started taking lessons twice a week, sometimes added a third time on the weekends. And I just like immediately loved it.
00:16:38
Speaker
And I think it was because partially it was unusual and I don't tend to like things that most people are doing. Hence I don't run, although kudos to all you runners out there. But as my grandfather famously said, he will start running when he sees a jogger that is smiling. So until I see it, this girl is not doing it.
00:17:00
Speaker
So I started to kick my scene. I was like, this is cool. Like I actually feel like this is engaging. It's something new. Like I was building up strength, doing something that I liked versus just trying to build up strength. And I think that's always been part of it for me is to do something that I like that happens to have benefits.
00:17:22
Speaker
right? So that's, that's how I do it, right? I'm never going to be motivated to just go to a gym. It's not a thing. Honestly, I think it's a lesson. I think
00:17:35
Speaker
This may not be popular opinion, but I do think that if you find something, I guess maybe it's as I'm older. I did not do this as I was younger. I just worked out because I should or I had to work out and I begrudgingly did it. Yes, begrudgingly. But I think as I'm getting older, movement now is...
00:17:57
Speaker
totally looked at. It's reframed. It's moving as a gratitude for my body and a graciousness almost. And not like this, huh. And some people may be in that space because it still feels good to them. But for me, it's shifted and I think
00:18:15
Speaker
The important call out to what you said is if you love doing it, it's going to motivate you to keep doing it when you have client work to do and your invoices to send and you have all these other things. But if you actually enjoy it, that is the way to make sure that you're still getting movement into your day. We know how important physical movement is. And I think a big piece of it too is whether you're doing something that you feel like you're learning all the time, at least for me, that's always been a motivator.
00:18:40
Speaker
And so if you're just, you know, if somebody was like, let's just go to the gym and do the same thing we do every day, like, yes, that has health benefits. But my mind is so bored that I, like, I will never be able to get myself to do it. I just can't do it. So like, if, you know, kickboxing for me was like, this is completely new. I don't know anything about it. And I will take lessons in almost anything.
00:19:08
Speaker
because that's how I learned, that's what I'm excited about. And so, you know, I would spend hours at this gross sweaty gym, like getting punched in the stomach because that's what we did on breaks between rounds. Like, you know, it was ridiculous and like learning really good form, which I'm so grateful for now.
00:19:30
Speaker
And just immersing myself in something so different with people that I would never be around otherwise. There was a good amount of women at the gym, which was great. And we would have fight nights. Yeah, it's so weird. And it's so funny, because I wouldn't peg this for you. I know. It's part of who you are.
00:19:51
Speaker
But I have always loved boxing. I don't want to compete. That tracks with everything. I don't compete with horses either. That's not a motivator. But I love the learning. So for me, if I can trick myself into fitness by finding something that I generally love learning about, that's my sweet spot.
00:20:12
Speaker
Well, that is a super important call out because one of the factors we talk about in boost to brain course is, uh, using learning and learning new skills to combat burnout. So you basically are doing, I mean, that's why you loved it so much. So that learning piece. And I think what was also happening, cause another one of the tactics we talk about is inducing a flow state. I think that's what was happening as well. Yes.
00:20:39
Speaker
So you didn't know this, but those two things were actually supporting your mental wellness. And, you know, I deeply believe that physical and mental wellness are tied together. So I think that's a nice segue kind of to get into that mental well-being space. Yes. Or lack thereof. Or lack thereof.
Mental Health and Self-awareness
00:21:00
Speaker
As it turned out.
00:21:02
Speaker
So let's talk about kind of let's let's stay on the kickboxing train and tell us maybe how that kind of became tainted by some mental hiccups. Yes. So I've definitely noticed this is a bit of a pattern in my life is that
00:21:19
Speaker
If I start loving something a lot and I feel like I identify as that thing or as that activity or whatever, I also get very stressed about the idea of losing it, which is what eventually happened.
00:21:38
Speaker
So I did find, you know, we talked about this a bunch in season one, episode one. So if you haven't listened to that, you go get the full scoop on my mental deterioration of my twenties. And, um, and so basically what happened in a nutshell is that I ended up developing all of this anxiety during that time in my life and daily panic attacks that just got worse.
00:22:01
Speaker
worse and worse, and it was a whole year of just kind of a downtrend in mental and by-product physical health. I became even skinnier. All the muscle that I gained, kickboxing,
00:22:16
Speaker
went away because I was so stressed about not being able to do what I wanted to do, which was like work 24 hours a day and kickbox three times a week and all of that. So during that time, it was just like over a course of that year, energy just completely drained for my body. So I feel like I, you know, looking back was living on like fruit leather and electrolyte drinks. Like it was just, I was a sad sack for sure.
00:22:45
Speaker
So there came a point when, as you alluded, I ended up making the tough decision to stop kickboxing altogether because I just literally was not strong enough to do it anymore. And that was so heartbreaking. And heartbreaking is a weird word to be like, yeah, I stopped kickboxing lessons. But I was heartbroken about it because it was part of my identity. It was something that made me feel more strong and resilient
00:23:15
Speaker
than I probably inwardly was and I felt like anxiety really stripped that away from me.
00:23:22
Speaker
I think that you are not alone in that and I don't think it is weird. There's a grief that you have to go through. It sounds to me like you were in a burnout stage and so a lot of times what does happen is you lose any motivation and those things that could pull you out of it, you can't get yourself to do. It's an actual physical and mental roadblock that actually happens.
00:23:49
Speaker
Yes. For me, I think I can relate to it and maybe other people listening who become moms for the first time. Totally. You lose a sense of an identity and so maybe that can help people relate to people who have had children relate to what you're seeing. There has to be a grieving period of letting go of that identity. It'd be the same if somebody took our businesses away.
00:24:13
Speaker
I was just going to say this happens later, right? If mom's become entrepreneurs, that gives them a different form of identity is what we've heard. It's a way, yes. And my company, Moria, before this one, we
00:24:29
Speaker
primarily hired moms who had left the corporate world to be the primary caregiver, but still had all these skills and just wanted something to focus on outside of their kids. But then that becomes another identity, right? So if you lose that, then you have to grieve again. So I don't think you're alone in it. And I don't think using the word heartbreak, I think it makes total sense. It just wasn't something that was talked about. I think we forget that at that time,
00:24:57
Speaker
We weren't just googling everything. We weren't seeing all this stuff on social media, good and bad. There weren't all of these motivational reels out there to be like, oh, you're feeling this way too? Hey, we all are. That was not a thing. To me, at that time, I was the only one that had ever felt that way. And what did it feel like? It was terrible. It was terrible.
00:25:22
Speaker
And I couldn't really explain it and I felt like I was alone with it because everyone else appeared to be working out of this place of like so much more energy than me. And I was just like, okay, well, I can't not work because I have to support myself. So that means if I can't not work and I don't have enough energy, the other stuff that I love has to go. Like that's the only thing I can drop.
00:25:52
Speaker
So that just, you know, not doing those activities anymore felt like a real failure. And it gave me like a deep sense of like shame that I just could not apparently get it together enough to keep doing what I was doing. Yeah.
00:26:08
Speaker
And I think we're doing better. I do think that social media is the double edged sword, but we kind of see people. And honestly, this podcast is that's why we call it the turnarounds and the ups and the downs we talk about because we're not here to pretend like we don't have all these hard things. And so.
00:26:27
Speaker
If you're an entrepreneur and you don't have a community of other people doing this type of work and you think that you're alone, cop listening to this podcast because this is literally what we're saying. And get on the email list because that is where we are sharing those kind of stories.
00:26:45
Speaker
The sense of belonging is enough to pull you out of that shame because shame is the worst feeling to have. It's the worst. And I think just knowing you're not alone can bring you out of it or, you know, start that process. Yes. Talk to us a little bit more about what that fatigue was doing to your life and you've hit on it, but I think there's a bit more we can uncover there.
00:27:07
Speaker
Yeah, so when I've started, as I just look back and I am a decade out from that time of life, but sometimes these lessons come later, way later. And I have just probably within the last five years realized how much I associated the feeling of fatigue
00:27:29
Speaker
with the worst year of my life, like fatigue, feeling unwell, feeling panicked. Like those are still my biggest anxiety triggers to this day.
00:27:42
Speaker
So for me, anxiety and fatigue are deeply intertwined and it just kind of lights up my brain in this way that's like, do you remember when you also felt tired and do you want to think about it for the rest of the day? And should we just churn on that? And I'm like, oh no. And now at least like with some awareness, I can be like, okay, that is what I'm doing. She's not at all the same.
00:28:11
Speaker
But it does explain why, like, I am not someone who has ever or probably ever will experience that, like, quote, unquote, workout high. Like, that is not an option for me. So when people are like, oh, like, I love going to the gym and I just feel so much better if I go. And I'm like, never going to the gym. Like, not an exaggeration. Like, I'm never going. That is not an outcome that happens from working out in any traditional way for me, because it just feels like
00:28:40
Speaker
Like PTSD is like the closest thing I can come up with to describe it.
00:28:45
Speaker
but feeling tired can immediately just remind me of when I was unable to do the things I love, and that was so scary. I think, I mean, it was a trauma in your life. It was maybe a small tea trauma, as they talk about, not some dramatic event, but a period of your time, which I know you're working on and you have to process, and it's a long journey because those things still are in your body and in your mind, and they can still come up.
00:29:12
Speaker
Um, well, maybe there's one main tactic or what was some strategies to kind of bring
Year of Exploration: A Recovery Journey
00:29:18
Speaker
yourself out of that? Because we see your 10, 10 years. You're still here guys. Everything's okay. It's all right. We're doing okay. Uh, I could be tired now and lose my mind. So that's good, which is good. Cause I still get tired. Um, of course.
00:29:33
Speaker
But yeah, so I kind of crashed and burned for a year and that is a regret that I have that I didn't figure out better ways to deal with it during that first year. I think I probably could have shortcut the amount of time it took to recover.
00:29:50
Speaker
But like I said, I didn't know anyone. I didn't know anyone. We didn't talk about anxiety. I was just feeling my way through it. By the time I got through one year of that, I was technically functional again. I never quit my job, but I quit pretty much everything else.
00:30:11
Speaker
But I was so disinterested in my life. There was just nothing lighting up that learning center of my brain. And that, as I've said, kind of from childhood, right? I'm from a family of academics. And this is what keeps me going, is being curious and interested and learning.
00:30:33
Speaker
And I couldn't think of anything that I did in the last year that was interesting to me. And that was a real turnaround moment. So I ended up.
00:30:43
Speaker
well, being a real weirdo as usual and created a committee of five of my friends. And I tasked them with basically coming up with monthly challenges that I would have to do for a year to kind of get myself out of this funk back into being curious, pushing past the feelings of fatigue and panic attacks and all of that. And I started to blog about it and I was just like, okay, well, my choices are to just kind of like fade.
00:31:15
Speaker
or throw all of this out there into the open and just be like, okay, here's the thing. Let's try to make it interesting. And so that's what I did. And I called it the Year of Exploration. And at the end of it, I went to this live reading of our friends with another friend that I had, and we both read.
00:31:36
Speaker
part of our memoirs about it. And no, that is still upstairs gathering dust. I know. I know it. Well, you know, join the club up there. But so that's how I dealt with it. And I think that informed a lot of what I did later, because that was the biggest option C that I think I've ever done. Right. And I, you know, looking back, that was probably the only way I knew how to how to deal with it.
00:32:05
Speaker
I think it's so you because we talk about, there's an episode called option C, if you want to go back and listen to that, where we talk about a little bit more. But I think that being so creative is what you, I mean, that is your entrepreneur bone in your body. And so you're using that to get out of a mental low place. So it pegs and attracts perfectly. I think it might be a little
00:32:31
Speaker
two out there for some people. So as another option. Yeah. If that's not your jam, that's totally okay. Remember when we said take it or leave it, you might have to leave that or you leave that. That's okay. Yeah. Maybe people could take pieces of it, but I think let's, let's talk about maybe another tactic that is a little more actionable for people. And let's go back to when we first met, because that was during this low period too, which is probably why you were entitled. Yep.
00:33:00
Speaker
the tail end. Okay. So again, if you listen to Nicole's entrepreneur origin story, which is episode one, we met in Costa Rica at a yoga retreat. I was co-hosting and I think maybe just coming on that trip was a step in the right direction for you. Can you talk about that experience? Yes. So it will probably surprise no one this far into the episode that I didn't do yoga at all.
00:33:24
Speaker
I don't think I've ever done yoga before I went on your yoga retreat. I maybe took one class before I went just to be like, what is it? But yeah, I had a friend who was following along my story of the year of expiration and we sat together next to each other at the office and we became friends with her and she was a mutual friend of yours. And so she basically came in one day at kind of the end of this second year and was like, hey, my friend's hosting this yoga retreat.
00:33:53
Speaker
in Costa Rica, do you want to go with me? And my brain was like, okay, I think because I'd gotten used to just saying okay for the last year, right? And normally I would probably be like a
00:34:06
Speaker
No, or let me think about it. And I was just like, okay. Yeah, I guess. And, you know, traveling, also stress inducing for me, I'm not the world's best traveler, but, you know, traveling somewhere to do yoga, which I've never done.
00:34:26
Speaker
Okay, that's the least interesting, you know, so that's a step in the right direction. So I said yes, and I just remember it being kind of the most healing
00:34:39
Speaker
experience that I could have had at that moment. Right. I think, I mean, I can't say free, I won't speak for you, but I'm guessing I showed up looking like a real hard keeper still. Yes. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. So I had aged a lot. I feel like in those two years and I showed up and I was really worried that the whole trip I would end up feeling anxious or tired or.
00:35:06
Speaker
overwhelmed by having to be in a group all the time, you know, because I'd never done like a retreat of any kind. I'd never done any sort of like community based vacation. That wasn't the thing. And so I showed up and I was just like, I don't know. I hope it works out.
00:35:23
Speaker
And I remember you being so warm and your co-host was the same. And I was like, this feels like a hug for my heart. It just felt like the right place to be. And your mom was there. And I love moms. And I was just like, I love it. I love moms. Your aunts were there. And it was like, aunts.
00:35:47
Speaker
I know it was a little bit of a family affair too. But I met like lovely people and every day we would do yoga like multiple times a day. And even though yoga wasn't something that I've kept as like a daily part of my life, the way that you really dug into it in yours, it was there for me at the moments that I needed it to be. So I am always grateful for that piece.
00:36:13
Speaker
And it was something where you guys plant such healthy food and everything was lovely and we would be active without being insane about it. You know? It was very intentional. It was intentional but not intense.
00:36:29
Speaker
Correct. You know, and that is what I needed at that point in my life. Okay, so I have several things I need to say about this now because God, that was such a good, I love that trip. I loved it too. Okay, I want to go back to before you came on the retreat.
00:36:45
Speaker
Let's just state that we're not promoting just saying yes to everything. That's actually one of the things we teach people not to do now. Say no. But what I think was so powerful for you is that you were specifically using it as a tactic to get out of a rut because you were so unengaged. So I think as a tactic, that was great.
00:37:08
Speaker
as a day-to-day life, don't just say yes. Don't do that. Make sure you're checking in, right? Good clarification. Yeah, so I just want to make sure people are not hearing us say yes to everything. But it was such a good, again, it was a deliberate choice to try and find some joy in life again. So I'm glad we talked about that. I think the other thing we haven't touched on is one of the extracurriculars you chose to do at the event. True. And it literally,
00:37:38
Speaker
I feel very lucky to have been a small part of this, but it introduced one of those hobbies back into your life. Do you want to talk about that? Yes. Okay. So there was a horse ride on the beach option.
00:37:52
Speaker
Not everyone had to do it, but that was probably the first time I'd ridden in a while. And as always happens when you go on vacation, if you're a horse rider at all, you know that they'll ask you a little bit about your experience. And I swear if you say that you could recognize a horse in a field of cows, they're like, she knows what she's doing. She's basically a professional and they handed me this horse and they're like, he's fast. You're going to like it.
00:38:18
Speaker
And I was like, oh no. Like I'm not here for adventure. So yeah, that always happens. So side note, if you've written before, just say you haven't. It's fine. Just don't admit that you know what you're doing. Yeah.
00:38:36
Speaker
Um, but yeah, so like we had this morning beach ride and I remember that your mom was so excited because she loves to ride as well. She never really did, but she loves horses. So you two are like the most into it. Yeah. Yes. So I got to like gallop down a beach for the first time in my life. Like I had only ever really done lessons or walking trail rides. And Costa Rica was like,
00:39:05
Speaker
Take the reins and off you go. I mean, it was a little, it got a little Western. Yeah. I mean, I had insurance on all of us, but thank God we didn't have to use it. Cause hindsight, that was a little risky, but yeah. Cool experience for you. Totally. So it was a really kind of symbolic activity, I think for me.
00:39:28
Speaker
It wasn't that I fell in love with my horse and I had this like whole, it was just like, oh, maybe she's still in there. Like, is she still in there? And I kind of, I think just gave up on that girl from childhood and high school still being in there. And I think I thought that she just was somewhere else. Like she wasn't in my life anymore.
00:39:54
Speaker
So it kind of felt like I found that piece of me again, which was great. And I didn't do anything about it right away. It was just kind of one of those markers that you look back on. And I'm really glad we did it.
00:40:09
Speaker
It was like a homecoming to yourself. Yes. Coming back. Yeah. But it did eventually cause you to take more retreats and do more horse riding retreats.
Finding New Opportunities through Retreats
00:40:20
Speaker
It did. Which led to just the short version of you finding Montana and then eventually moving. Yes.
00:40:29
Speaker
saying yes to something that you didn't necessarily want to do, but you felt was the right move to get you out of this mental rut. Really, you know, it's like looking back on your life, these little steps and these little things lead to the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. It all built. So I love that. Yes, I agree. And I think by putting yourself into some different places and experiences, if you can take a moment to realize when you have those moments,
00:40:57
Speaker
Because they can also go by. You could just go on a vacation show and be like, hey, I did the thing. But for me, it was noticing and being in a place where I could notice, I think I've missed this. I think I missed it. Or that, hey, maybe yoga is good when I'm in this place, mentally or physically. Maybe that's the right time for it. Even if it's not all the time, maybe that's the right time.
00:41:21
Speaker
So many little lessons. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So we've kind of talked about your, given the backstory of your physical and your mental wellbeing. Uh, but now we're going to dive into how that's really shaped you as an entrepreneur and a business owner. So you became an entrepreneur in 2015. So coming up in March, that's nine years, nine years, Mallory. I know I old.
00:41:44
Speaker
I know. It's amazing. And I want to start talking about that energy thimble that you mentioned earlier on, because you and I have had lots of conversations about this recently. And I mean, I'm thinking we're maybe shift this a little bit, maybe reframe it. But what does that mean? Let's start there. What do you mean when you say I have an energy thimble?
00:42:06
Speaker
So when I say energy thimble, I mean it in the sense of mental energy and physical energy. So I am not one of those people that bounds out of bed in the morning, goes all day, stays up late, goes out with friends, gets up tomorrow, do it all again. It's impossible. It's impossible.
00:42:30
Speaker
So I say that I have an energy thimble because it kind of immediately conveys how I feel. Like everyone can envision that, right? It's not a teacup. You know, it's not a Yeti cooler full of energy. It's not a silo. It's like a thimble. So if you were thinking that you got a thimble's worth of something, anything per day,
00:42:54
Speaker
you have to be super intentional about it. And that's I think how I ended up with that kind of metaphor is just like, that's how I felt starting as an entrepreneur. Like I needed to do better about managing my energy so that I didn't ever end up in the same place I was before.
00:43:14
Speaker
So that's kind of, that's how I see it. I would say, as you alluded this coming year, I'm willing to reframe it. I think finally, nine years later.
00:43:28
Speaker
I'm getting there. But I think it's something that I've always accepted about myself as an entrepreneur, that my energy is very limited. And I have taken a lot of steps to intentionally manage it and ration it. And none of those words are very fun when you say them out loud. And so that's a little bit what I've focused on for 2024.
00:43:52
Speaker
But yeah, just thinking about where am I maybe abandoning more energy than I realize I had? Where can I, quote unquote, re-harvest some energy that I might have lost? And again, that's physical and mental, right? It's being excited about coming up with new ideas or
00:44:15
Speaker
just being more into your work or spending more time with your friends because you don't come home tired. Entrepreneurship for me was just a huge way to shift how I was spending energy to a place where I had enough for friends. I had enough for my family. I had enough to get two horses and ride seven to nine times a week.
00:44:41
Speaker
That was impossible before. So for me, entrepreneurship was a total energy game changer. So entrepreneurship was the how of getting all that back. And I think that is so true because when we did all those origin episodes,
00:45:03
Speaker
I mean, probably almost every single one, we talk about the freedom of being in this space. And because of that freedom, you could shape your schedule and your activities and who you're engaging with and all that supports you managing your energy.
00:45:18
Speaker
Exactly. It's such a gift. That's one of the biggest things for me is just that sense of freedom, being able to just text my mom and be like, hey, do you want to walk the dog with me right now? Do you want to go to coffee, dad? Do you want to meet up with my friends at the co-op?
00:45:39
Speaker
I came, yeah, K-pop like I ended up getting a system called Fight Camp, which is a heavy bag for your home and online classes and there's punch trackers in the gloves and the whole thing. And it was the only time I remember this distinctly. It was probably two years ago when I found it. And I was just looking for something that I would be interested in. And that's where I just kept running into a wall. Like I looked at
00:46:07
Speaker
All the fitness things, I was just like, I don't know, I should be stronger. I should be doing more. And that kind of shit was probably true. I probably should have been doing something. But I just was so bored by everything I saw. Because for me, it just didn't resonate. And then I found that. And I was just like, oh, this is my home. If I could possibly get
00:46:35
Speaker
like fighting back in my life. What a gift that would be to myself, to myself. So it's like finding your service offering or your niche. Yes. And you just feel at home and you're just, yes, you're radiating from a thing because you know, that's where you're meant to be and where you're meant to spend your energy. What has caused you this year to let you maybe reframe this energy thimble and realize that maybe it's not a thimble.
00:47:05
Speaker
Right. So I think it's initially being open to the fact that it might just be an illusion.
00:47:14
Speaker
It felt pretty darn real for the last nine years and the 10 before that. But through some conversations that we've actually had on the podcast, so in season one, we talked to a couple people. In particular, we talked to Ashley about human design. We talked with Lorca. She's going to be coming up here in season two.
00:47:38
Speaker
So as she's episode seven and Lorca is coming up after mine and season two. Yep. Yep. So we talked to a couple of ladies, Lorca is all about resilience and just in those conversations and actually I just signed up to do four months of coaching with Lorca of resilience coaching and just having those conversations and being willing to say, well, maybe this is how energy feels to me.
00:48:06
Speaker
in this moment, right? Maybe it does feel like a thimble, but maybe it doesn't have to stay a thimble. And maybe I don't always have to manage it quite so much with the assumption that it's so limited.
00:48:21
Speaker
So that's just something, you know, I don't know where it'll go in 2024, but for me, it's interesting just to consider maybe there's energy that I am not accessing. So we'll see. We will see. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. We'll be reporting back on the pod and in our emails, so stay tuned.
00:48:41
Speaker
Let's go back to that topic I mentioned about the freedom. So as I alluded to, it seems like the top benefit for most people choosing this lifestyle and sticking with it. What is the freedom aspect of wellbeing mean to you in writing your company?
Freedom in Entrepreneurship
00:48:59
Speaker
I think because of my experience before where I felt like I could not ever get off the ride. Like I had to quit everything else besides work because you can't quit work, right? I mean, maybe you can, but at the time I felt very trapped.
00:49:18
Speaker
in having to continue to show up, to continue commuting for an hour or more a day, to continue being in a downtown space. Like I worked right on Monument Circle in Indianapolis downtown, which seems like an insane place for me to ever even be much less for 10 years. Like that is so opposite of Montana that it just baffles me.
00:49:45
Speaker
So it took all of my energy to do it. I mean, it was the right thing in many ways. Like it got me where I needed to be and I learned all the things and insert all benefits here. But energy wise, I mean, I used it all just to get it done. And so feeling like you had to keep doing that and you had to stay on the hamster wheel and you just had to keep going when you felt so terrible.
00:50:15
Speaker
with something I didn't ever want to feel again. So freedom to me is absolutely the top benefit of being my own boss. And it keeps me going, you know, now for nine years. And there are moments when I really realize how much I have gotten from this kind of work. You know, like I love sitting in a field on my horse, checking in on emails and making sure everything's fine.
00:50:43
Speaker
You know, like I just, it feels less susceptible to whatever's in those emails when I'm staring at the mountains on the horse I bought myself and it's the middle of the day and I'm not in an office. And I just feel like.
00:50:58
Speaker
Okay. Like I can, I can do it. I can do it. And being able to work from home on my own schedule is so huge to me. I realize now we talk about this in some of the courses too, but just finding out what times of day you work well and what times of atmospheres you work well, and being able to move my day around and work the way that, that at least keeps my energy neutral, if not a little fuller is huge.
00:51:28
Speaker
And like I said, now I have the energy left for the things that I find more fulfilling. My hobbies and my family and friends. I didn't have anything left in my prior life once I was done at the workday. I was all out. It's a big way for me to feel assisted control, which has its benefits and downsides for sure.
00:51:54
Speaker
To me, like always knowing that if I wake up one day and I don't feel well for whatever reason, mentally, physically, it doesn't matter. I don't have to do anything. Now, most of the time I can end up doing plenty of things, but it's enough for me just to have the mental off-ramp to be like, I don't have to do anything if I don't want to. It's huge.
00:52:18
Speaker
It is super powerful and yeah, like a permission slip. Yes. Like a constant permission slip. Yeah. So we've talked about the freedom. Let's talk about the mindset just a little bit further because we've talked about mental wellbeing, but let's specifically talk about mindset.
00:52:40
Speaker
And what happens when there's an everyday challenge versus back in the past? What does it feel like now in this new entrepreneur space, not new, 10 years in the making entrepreneur space? Yeah. So it's another interesting shift that I'm finding when I look ahead to 2024.
00:53:02
Speaker
I think it's another aspect that I've kind of built in as a given that I need to be constantly managing my mindset, which is true, but also it's just not as fragile as it once was. And I think sometimes I treat it with kid gloves.
00:53:23
Speaker
because of the background. And sometimes I feel less resilient than all the data would say that I am. So it's easy to get yourself into a place where you're like, I don't know. I don't think I could do it. I'm an anxious person, and here's what that automatically means.
00:53:45
Speaker
instead of saying, you know what, I've done a whole lot of work on that, and I've changed a lot of things to make this a much safer life for my brain. And I discount, I think, sometimes the amount of inherent resilience I have, and I need to make it more the default place that I go when I worry, or have an issue come up at work, or personal life, or whatever.
00:54:13
Speaker
So that's another shift that I want to make. I think in the coming year. So like an unwriting of that story you're telling yourself. Yes. Which is so powerful. And it's good to reflect on every once in a while of which, you know, which stories are no longer serving me, right? It almost sounds cliche now, but honestly, what are you saying in your head? That isn't actually true because I've done all this work or I've had all these experiences.
00:54:38
Speaker
Yes. And I think we're, you know, it's like we talk about sometimes with feeling trapped in corporate and then retrapping yourself in entrepreneurship. That's so real. And I think the same is true with mindset. So I think a little bit what I tend to do is trap myself in the mindset of when I started as an entrepreneur.
00:54:59
Speaker
which was a totally different space, right? And so I get a little bit trapped in the Nicole of years one through three.
00:55:09
Speaker
Right? And how that felt and how that was pretty hard too. And yes, there were more benefits, but like that was a slog. And I can get a little trapped there instead of remembering that whatever comes up tomorrow, I get to handle with nine years of entrepreneurship, Nicole, you know, and nine years of experience and my current support network, not my previous one from year one.
00:55:35
Speaker
So that for me is always a challenge. I don't know if other people feel that way, but that's certainly something that I noticed about myself.
00:55:41
Speaker
Yes, I don't think you're alone in that, but I think let's just tie this up a little bit here. So I don't think it's a secret now that you've shared in our emails, our authentic stories on our email list. And if you want the backstory of this, we'll send it to you again. So let us know. But Nicole shares very beautifully and vulnerably a little bit about why 2023 has been a really tough personal year.
00:56:06
Speaker
for her. So Nicole, you kind of talk about dating and how that has kind of been a struggle. And I think, given your history, it could have easily put you back in that place. But because of all this work, yes, you're going through a hard time mentally.
00:56:22
Speaker
But you haven't completely lost, I won't say lose control, but you haven't gone as far down that dark space because of all the work you've done. Are you open to sharing a bit more about that and maybe some of those things you are doing that have helped?
00:56:37
Speaker
Yeah, I think the more experiences that we have and the more we focus on kind of everything that's happened since the harder times instead of just going back to that story over and over and over, it gives you the ability to kind of shortcut some of the struggle.
00:56:56
Speaker
in certain ways, right? So this year, you know, I talked about in the emails, like you said, but, you know, trying to date intentionally and in a way that feels authentic and being vulnerable as a 41 year old with three businesses and an established life and two horses and this kind of emotional baggage of having been single my entire adult life.
00:57:25
Speaker
It's a lot, it's a lot and what I found in kind of sharing in the emails and some of the stories that we've already written for future newsletters is that that is a shortcut for me to kind of getting out of my head about it.
00:57:42
Speaker
a little bit and hoping that maybe someone else who hasn't heard of someone doing similar things or feeling a similar way, you know, you want one person to reach back out and be like, yeah, same. You know, and you want to be the person that they read something and think, yeah, also, also me.
00:58:07
Speaker
So it was a very tough year and I think I underestimated kind of the mental weight of it. And we talked about, you know, letting it weigh what it weighs. And once I let that weigh what it weighs, it was so heavy. It was just so heavy, you know? And I felt for a long time that I wasn't allowed to feel like it was a year of grief over all the time that I have been alone.
00:58:34
Speaker
or grieving, you know, the two times this year that I felt a sense of actual hope for the first time. And then having that lost was so painful that, you know, it seemed, I mean, it seems a little silly with everything that's going on in the world. But to me, if I didn't say that it was heavy, it was just gonna get heavier.
00:59:00
Speaker
It's your reality. How can you not acknowledge it? Exactly. It's my reality. And I don't think I realized that trying to also date while being an entrepreneur would be so hard. I don't think I realized that. Because when you feel like you have an energy thimble, dating takes 150% of it from me, right? It doesn't take 150% from everyone.
00:59:29
Speaker
Plenty of people just go out and they, quote unquote, have fun, I guess. I don't know. I don't experience these things, but, you know, they get excited about the idea. I don't know. Again, not my reality. So for me, it is so much work, so much intentionality, because I'm trying to do it well. Like, I'm not out there to just, like, meet 50 people. And A, there aren't 50 people for me in Montana.
00:59:57
Speaker
But to do things the way I felt like I should be doing them to be authentic took so much time and energy away from everything else that I cared about. And I couldn't figure out another way to do it.
01:00:11
Speaker
And at the end of the year, I'm like, and there's no result. Then it feels like a waste, which again, is just the mental place I'm in a little bit. But yeah, I felt like doing that along with all the other things.
01:00:27
Speaker
was too heavy for me.
Navigating Personal Struggles
01:00:30
Speaker
And that was just really disappointing. It kind of goes back to what we said. You have to try things and experiment and learn the lessons from them. It's not always going to work out and you may not be at the part where you've learned a lesson from it and everything doesn't have a lesson. Sometimes things just suck.
01:00:46
Speaker
Great. So that may be it too. And maybe time will tell, maybe it won't. Combat this kind of low that you've been in. You're not doing another year of exploration. I'm not hosting an association or retreat. Don't submit monthly challenges. I'm not doing them, you guys.
01:01:05
Speaker
So what are what are some of the tactics some actual to wrap us up here some actual tactics You're doing right now to get yourself beyond this. Yeah. Yeah, so it's definitely kind of a sandbox Situation at the moment. Oh just trying things and I think the the biggest trigger for me taking some of these just some of them are really tiny Solutions, right and that's okay but the trigger I think is
01:01:34
Speaker
After this year feeling less resilient and confident about everything, that is genuinely how I feel. Like I forget that I'm good at anything. I forget that I must have some kind of inherent value because to me I feel like
01:01:55
Speaker
Consistently unchosen is the word that often comes up to me. And even though I previously remembered lots of things that I was proud of, in this moment I'm just like, what does it even matter? Should I have been spending any time on any of that? Did I miss the window? I don't know.
01:02:19
Speaker
But what I do know is that it is not sustainable for me to feel not resilient, not confident, stuck in grief. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. I don't like it. I both need to authentically feel
01:02:37
Speaker
that there was a hard year and that's okay. And sharing it and having my support network is all huge, but I'm also just not willing to stay in that place. So for me, some things that it's meant recently
01:02:53
Speaker
And again, I'm just cobbling these together as I come up with things that feel right. So I have started working in what I'm calling like E free time into my week. So I redid my model calendar. We talk about model calendars a lot in the time course, but for me, the model calendars have previously always been work first, which I know sounds ironic from
01:03:16
Speaker
how I speak about things, but I would always put in like my work blocks and then do everything else around them. And this was the first time I think in nine years that the first things I put in to the new calendar were these E free times. So it was two mornings a week, Sunday mornings, Thursday mornings, inbox stays paused. I'm not allowed to work and I will do anything else that does not work.
01:03:39
Speaker
So on Thursday mornings right now, the ideal schedule is, you know, eight to 11, no inbox, no work. And I'm going to walk the dog in the middle of it, listening to our week's latest podcast. Like that is the healthiest mindset place that I can be in. Also because I love them.
01:03:59
Speaker
But I know they're going to be inspiring and I'm going to hear, I mean, selfishly, a version of myself that feels authentic to remind myself who she is. So that's important. Sunday mornings, no work, not doing it. Inbox pause. I'm not writing. Like, I'm not doing anything that feels like an obligation.
01:04:19
Speaker
And then one day a month, I've put on as completely free. Again, not working my courses. I'm not doing emails. I'm not sitting in front of a laptop. And I had my first one of those in December, and it was awesome. Like, I did so much in one day. I was shocked. I mean, little, you know, house life stuff, you know?
01:04:46
Speaker
vacuuming the rugs in the garage. Like the things you don't get to because you're like, that's a dumb way to spend my time. Except there's not been a day since that I haven't walked into the house and felt like cleaner and more organized, you know? So cleaning out the fridge, cleaning out the closets. And I was just on like a clean out marathon that day. And I was so happy to be productive in something that wasn't work.
01:05:12
Speaker
So that's been a big one. That's been a big one. I have also used some of our favorite tools. So one of my favorite things that we talk about in the systems course is called unroll.me. And it is a tool that you can use to mass unsubscribe from a whole bunch of email lists that you may not remember you're on or may not have ever signed up for.
01:05:34
Speaker
So it basically goes through your inbox and says, Hey, for every subscription that they find, do you want to leave it in your inbox, roll it up into one daily email summary or unsubscribe? And so I took part of that free day and I went through on roll again and unsubscribe from a bunch of stuff I don't want. Like I want less clicks, less information in my mind, like just less.
01:06:00
Speaker
I decided to avoid looking at analytics for my website. Just not going to do it. Not doing it. You know, identifying those little things that cause you anxiety that you can just be like, I'm just not going to do that. You know, turning off alerts that you get anxious about seeing, but you're not going to take any action on because there isn't anything to be done. I turned them off. I don't need them.
01:06:26
Speaker
I schedule, this is a good thing for me, I think, I scheduled two weeks of a sabbatical from my website project for the end of the year. It aligns with our break from Unbound that by the time you're hearing this, we will have already had, I should be refreshed and my break from agency. So it all kind of lines up.
01:06:47
Speaker
So taking a break from that and having just two weeks where I'm not allowed to care, which is great. So this is a little solution, but for me, I love it. So I am obsessed with affirmation cards. I love them so much. You are probably super tired of getting them for me.
01:07:07
Speaker
We sent them to each other last night. You referenced at least two of them today and I was like, she didn't get them for real. I pay attention. Yeah. So I love them because if I can just read something else, my brain will consider it.
01:07:23
Speaker
Right? So we'll consider an alternative. Well, yes. You call it changing the station. Yes. Will you link to your favorite decks in the showdown? Yes. There are so many, but I have three. Well, it's just your top. In particular. Yes. So I ended up buying like five more decks this month.
01:07:44
Speaker
just because you never know which one is going to resonate. And I love that. And I don't have like some super woo woo way that I pick one. I just like pick some. And if that doesn't resonate, I pick another one. Who cares? I had I picked some yesterday for my end of year. I know this will be New Year when you guys are listening. And one of the cards was unbound and I just felt honest.
01:08:08
Speaker
So happy about that. I know. The last line was like, unbound, unbound, unbound. I was like, we're doing it. Yes. And another thing I do that's related to that is I have this album saved on my phone called Swirlstoppers.
01:08:24
Speaker
And that's a real nerd way of just kind of having these one-liners that I find helpful. I make them into graphics in Canvo, like a real nerd, and I save them on my phone. And then if I find myself in like a, you know, a mindset spiral place,
01:08:42
Speaker
I can go back and look at them and be like, okay. And a lot of those, that's what we share in the emails too. Like we always have mantras in there because I find them so helpful. So I make you include them. But those are the biggies. And then there are two other things that I think made you really happy.
01:09:01
Speaker
was engaging with two of the women that we met in season one that we already talked about. So I ended up doing a human design reading with Ashley from, I think you said episode seven of season one. So I ended up doing that. And that was really interesting to think specifically about kind of the energy thimble and whether I was maybe abandoning some energy in places.
01:09:26
Speaker
And the types of ways that I am filled with kind of an internally powered energy versus needing to get energy from the external world or people around me. So that was super interesting. Again, just more data, love data. And then like I said, I signed up for a four month coaching session with
01:09:51
Speaker
Borka about resilience and that I'm really excited to start 2024 in that way. I think she probably dropped into my life at exactly the right time. Yeah. Those are the some of the things I've been doing.
01:10:04
Speaker
That's great. And I love that you're not taking a backseat. I think what you said about validating the experience and acknowledging it and knowing sometimes you're in a space where you just have to go through these periods. Yes. Life cycles like this, you will have to go through it, accepting that, acknowledging it, having it witnessed as you shared and then deciding, okay, now it's time for me to take action and you're doing it. You're not doing these big dramatic things, these huge actions anymore. These are small little things and maybe
01:10:33
Speaker
A couple of them can help. I think one of the things you kind of alluded to before you gave your list was your support network. And I think that's probably your biggest thing. We didn't really talk as a specific thing, but just hit on that really quickly to wrap us up. Yes. So that is one thing.
01:10:54
Speaker
that is a takeaway from this year. So this year has been tough on the personal level for the reasons we talked about, but also there's been a lot of business stuff that's happened outside of my control and I don't really like things outside of my control.
01:11:12
Speaker
I don't really like that. Yeah, I hate it. There are things that I have to just admit. I don't control Google's algorithm updates. They didn't ask me. They must have forgotten.
01:11:28
Speaker
I've forgotten to ask me. And even though I sometimes feel responsible for the things that I'm not responsible for, I can't do anything about it. By the time a good hefty list of those pop up in the same year, it's just a lot. And if you layer on it a tough personal year too, like it's just been a real wallop of a year.
01:11:49
Speaker
So the good news for me is that this was also the year I think that I have most valued and leaned on my support network and have been just blown away by how lovely these women are. You know, just people who genuinely
01:12:08
Speaker
are here when I have the tough days and give me a genuinely safe space to just be like, well, this is a dumpster fire. This is a dumpster fire, inside of a dumpster fire, instead of a dumpster that's on fire, rolling down the alley. I am over it. I am not into it anymore.
01:12:31
Speaker
But it made me feel really good about the types of friends that I have in my world.
01:12:39
Speaker
the types of relationships that I have with those friends, knowing that I can be the same for them, but on the years when maybe I need it more, they're willing to just prioritize me, which is really lovely. And I was blown away by that and so grateful because that's something that I've only had a chance to build because of the freedom of being an entrepreneur and having more of that energy left.
01:13:08
Speaker
and learning to be open about the things that are not working, I find that a lot more fulfilling personally than being someone who talks about all the good stuff to me. So that's been a real win for me.
01:13:28
Speaker
a beautiful end to the episode and a lovely takeaway. So to wrap us up, I'm just gonna invite you to, again, only write down a couple things that you can do. You can't do all these things, but maybe there's a few light bulbs that came up for you. Just one thing, maybe just one thing. And then send us an email at heyatunboundboss.com, let us know, or send this episode to a friend and tell them your one thing, or just write it down.
01:13:55
Speaker
Just take your takeaways with you and see how they can support you and experiment with them Nicole Thank you so much for sharing and being so open I think this is the only way to true connection and I just really value that you're open to sharing all this with everybody Thank you so much. You know, I always love chatting about life with you. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks everybody for tuning in We will see you next week
01:14:23
Speaker
Thanks for listening. Hop over to UnboundBoss.com to join our community and leave us a voice memo. We absolutely love hearing from you. If you like the podcast, please subscribe, leave us an Apple review and share your favorite episodes with other women entrepreneurs. Talk to you soon.