Transcript
Speaker: a hostage situation now you refuse pay Wait, hang on. That's not the order.
Speaker: Welcome to Movie Life Crisis. Join us as we watch the best movies from 30 years ago.
Speaker: There's a hostage situation on Alcatraz. You refuse payment, I launch the gas. One way in, find them and defuse them. Okay? Okay. No way out. Don't you think there's a lot of anger flowing around this island?
Speaker: This summer, the jailhouse rocks. Enjoying this? Well, it's certainly more enjoyable than my average day. Connery, Cage, Harris. had such an interesting day today.
Speaker: I had kind of an interesting day myself. The Rock, rated R, starts June One way in, no way out. we We're recording at not the normal time because ah Jeff's got his Kanye West jaw-wired shut dental situation.
Speaker: It's really bad, but I'm taking my medicine, which is smelling a Sharpie every 20 seconds, so we're good. Yeah, drinking drinking scotch out of a curly straw. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, The Rock. I'm so glad we did this one. Movie Life Crisis, Season 6, Episode 10, The Rock. Welcome to The Rock. I didn't practice my Sean Connery as much as I would have liked to.
Speaker: I thought ah Dwayne Johnson was in this. I had no idea he wasn't. I was upset. I thought Kevin Hart was into it because I was like, oh, they're going to be all up in The Rock. Surely that's Kevin Hart.
Speaker: I don't do Sean Connery impressions as much as I want to either. I should have practiced. Well, you're going to have to get ready because we got Entrapment in a couple of years. so Yeah, but that one conner I'm ready for. See, and that's the other thing, too. The whole time I was like, Sean Connery is pretty good at this. he's He's a pretty good actor. He should play like James Bond or be next to Catherine Zeta-Jones' booty in a tight pair of black pants or something. But like...
Speaker: I don't know. I didn't... Dude, I really like The Rock, and I really like this movie, but I didn't think Sean Connery was Sean Connery in this. Like, am I picturing him something different?
Speaker: Did he remind you of Sean Connery? Like, I put him higher. in I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking. i don't think I don't think this is like, this might be one of my favorite Sean Connery movies. I don't think like film historians will say, in the pantheon of Sean Connery films, yeah The Rock is up near the top. like dure in the Because we did on Patreon, we did indian Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Yeah. And he's freaking so good in that entire movie. Yeah.
Speaker: And that's like not that's not a James Bond role. Right. But he was really good in that. And I feel like I don't know. I was just picturing i still loved it and I still remember loving it when I saw it the first time.
Speaker: But I don't know. Like the whole time it was like seeing those videos that they post of Seagal where he's doing those things where he's big and fat inside his gi and people are running at him. And he's just like just swiping his hands and they're flipping over. That's all the fights with Sean Connery kind of look like. I know he's old, but I'm saying like.
Speaker: I don't know. It was weird. The whole time i was just like, this doesn't seem right. that don't I don't remember Sean Connery being like this, but he still had his quips and good stuff. All that part was good. Dude, I didn't really, I didn't notice all that, but I mean, it's, yeah there requires a suspension of disbelief. Oh, yeah. No matter how badass you think Sean Connery is, to think that he's going to fright freaking whoever, Tony Todd. Yeah. like And win. That guy's 35 years younger and 40 pounds heavier and just built like a brick shithouse. Yeah. that like And Sean Connery's been in prison for 30 years. I think he's going to be a little rusty because he was in solitary confinement because he kept busting out.
Speaker: It doesn't matter. Point is, this movie's freaking badass and there's all kind of explosions and it was delightful. Speaking of much bayhem. Last episode, Mars Attacks, i'm gonna I have to say is gonna maybe one of the worst episodes we've ever done. Really?
Speaker: Dude, our freaking hosting site kept jacking stuff up. No one wants to hear about how Congress doesn't pass laws, but I'm just saying. We were halfway through the episode before we gave our reviews. That's how that's how out of sync we were on that one. So the point is, like we're now that Jeff is medicated and we're not doing it things at the right time like we usually do, we're going really dial it in, take it up a few notches, sniff the Sharpie. Yeah.
Speaker: ah dude i like i've always liked this movie and uh i still like it do um is it because it's bayham like do you like that whole thing i know we both like action and we both like comedy and dude i have the imdb like a splash page pulled up for this movie and it says it's an action epic dark comedy is this a dark comedy Wikipedia has calls it an action thriller film, which think is a better title. Yeah. is about This is action epic conspiracy thriller dark comedy.
Speaker: I mean, the 90s is great for all movies, but for action movies, it felt like... Because the 80s, it was just a lot of really jacked bodybuilding dudes hitting each other with sticks. It was a lot of freaking Conan the Barbarian type shit. Yeah. But in the 90s, it started to get more like... I mean, in 99, we get The Matrix. But I'm just thinking about how many completely unique...
Speaker: action movies we got in the ninety s And like we've done a bunch of them on the podcast. Like T2 is an unbelievable movie that there was no precedent for. They did stuff like Speed, Twister. And I put this in this category. I never saw a movie like this. Yeah. And I was like, dude, it's just it's ah it's an original concept and it's f freaking well executed and I like the score and there's like 25 dudes in there and I recognize all of them and there's some funny lines. like i Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, there's quips, there's explosions, there's freaking... They're cutting to the president. like there's yeah Yeah. Yeah. Like there's a shit going on. I just. ah Yeah. I'm all about it. Michael Bay. But people dump on Michael Bay. he He brings some good stuff together. I dump on Michael Bay now, but not I'm not like this is like peak Michael Bay. Yeah, it is.
Speaker: All right. A rogue Marine general takes over Alcatraz and threatens San Francisco with nerve gas, is what I put. ah The only hope is a twitchy FBI chemist and an imprisoned imprisoned British spy. He was a spy, right? Yeah. Who knows the secrets of the island.
Speaker: Dun, dun, dun. And there's only one way in and no way out. And he sold tortillas on the corner. ah What I like about this, especially in the mid-90s, is like you could take the Hans Zimmer Bad Boys score and drop it right on this movie. blam Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Dude, that but he... i guess that's Mark Mancina, but regardless, like... No, the Michael Bay scores. Yeah. Yeah. um But that this um hit this Zimmer style, like, ah very punchy synth stab sounds was all through this.
Speaker: Like where you just go on the the low side of the keyboard and hold the thing down and it's going here or like in the background while stuff's happening. I like that. Well, Hans Zimmer's like famous for that because he was an electronic musician. Like that's yeah that's his shit right there. Yeah. $75 million dollars budget, So three hundred and thirty five million dollars gross so and Almost 5X Multiplier. It's the number four movie on the year between Mission Impossible and Nutty Professor. Nice. Both of which we have either have done or will do this year on the podcast. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, man. was a freaking smash. this is but what This is like, didn't this kind of cement Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer or Bruckheimer and Simpson? Bruckheimer's long since cemented, but I do think Michael Bay, because he's doing like, I think Bad Boys was maybe his first like really big movie. Yeah.
Speaker: um No, for Bad Boys is his first. his That's his directorial debut. So he he goes the bad he does Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys 2, The Island, which, meh. But then Transformers. Dude, The Island's good. You're going to like it. We're doing it.
Speaker: When's that? 2004. It's 2005. 2005. it's two thousand five five Yeah, that's fine, dude. The island barely broke even, but I'm saying all the other movies in that list, Pearl Harbor got shit on, but it made a bunch of money, and I like it. Yeah, I do too.
Speaker: Pearl Harbor made almost $500 million, people are like, Pearl Harbor, that movie freaking crushed. But all the other ones, but then he just started just freaking cranking out shittier and shittier Transformers movies, and that's why people make fun body now. Yeah, that's everybody makes fun.
Speaker: Dude, we're in the absolute freaking meat. Like, Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys 2. When's Armageddon? Is that next year? No, that's the year after. That's 98. 98, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: he's He's killed. but ah But didn't he do a lot of those with Bruckheimer, right? Yeah, with Bruckheimer, yes. ah like I like that. But yeah, but de Jerry Bruckheimer didn't need Michael Bay. You could delete the Michael Bay movies from Bruckheimer's films, and they would still be an incredible production company. Like, they did Top Gun and shit.
Speaker: Everything that's filmed at um the magic hour is Jerry Bruckheimer, it feels like. Yeah. You know i'm saying? Like Beverly Hills Cop and Top Gun and Bad Boys and all that stuff.
Speaker: It's all like that. yeah It's freaking great. What's the, do you find any awards? ah Yeah, it got nominated at the Academy Awards for Best Sound. And dude, how did you how'd you watch this, by the way?
Speaker: Did you? On a big TV with the sound turned way up. Oh, no, me too. But did you watch you didn't watch it on DVD. who No. What where what was it on? I don't have a DVD player. Yeah, I had to watch it on a DVD. Or I did watch it on a DVD because it was a 5.1 mix, which is what I have. And I cranked it up, and, dude, the sound editing was fantabulous.
Speaker: My version was a 5.1, but at my house where I watched most of the movie does not have any sound system whatsoever. My studio does, but I wasn't here for a lot of that movie. you um You missed out on this one because there was like a lot, you can hear the stuff like when they're yelling in that shower scene, the echoes. were really... It was good. It was good. So I could see how they got that. Yeah. We don't get excited, women and gay people. The shower scene's not as exciting as Jeff's, making it sound. No, pretty exciting. It was exciting for me as a straight man, but there's no... It's just stupid exciting me. drops the soap. MTV Movie Awards, Best On Screen Duo.
Speaker: um They won Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage. um Dude, I like it. That's freaking loud and... In a very specific late ninety s way. i Dude, I liked it.
Speaker: I thought it was the gunfire and the echoes and the rocket launches. Dude, fantastic. what What I'm always trying to figure out, I know I like Nick Cage, but what I don't know is if he's good at acting. Yeah.
Speaker: But, dude, that's so... I mean, he won an Oscar, but, like, I just... And I like his movies, but always always talked about... Biggin and I used to talk about this with Keanu Reeves. He hates Keanu Reeves' acting. I know.
Speaker: But, like, dude, what... i people are weird you've never met weird people that you're like when you you're like you're shaking his hand he's like what the hell's wrong with this guy and then you leave and you're like why did that guy talk like that that's just how he is like right but he can't like he's presumably at some point he's supposed to play a normal person and he's not able to which means if he's if his job is to make believe he's not that great at it but he did win an act he won an oscar in 95 it's a normal person in his world that's what he's like
Speaker: Yeah. and Dude, i think I think Nick Cage has a lot more range than Keanu, but both of them I'm like, I'm not sure. I like their movies, but I'm not sure if they're good at acting. I really don't know. Yeah. If I like the movie, I don't care if they're good at acting.
Speaker: I don't care either. I just don't, I literally don't know. that ah we're We're six years into this podcast. The point is talking about movies and I'm not sure if Nick Cage is good. I don't know. know. I don't know. um Sequel spinoffs, they apparently was a conversation about doing The Rock 2 where Nick Cage and Sean Connery were like on the run from the U.S. government because they had the microfilm but it didn't ah didn't get made.
Speaker: Oh, man, that's that's nice. wouldn't have been as good. I didn't remember the microfilm until I watched it this time. I remembered it just because I remember the movie ends with him going like, do you want to know who killed Kennedy? and She's like out in the car with like put the windows rolled down. Yeah. um I did find... I had the Criterion Collection DVD of this at one point in time, so I had the official fancy shit. That's the one watched.
Speaker: That had all freaking commentary tracks Michael and all that Behind the scenes and yeah. Yeah. I did find an Indian remake or like inspired version, City Under Threat. It's from 2003. I don't know how to say it.
Speaker: Q-A-Y-A-M-A-T. I watched like 30 minutes of it dubbed in English, and I was like, no, I'm good. This is... i don't do yeah I don't know how you have time to watch a a movie dubbed from Hindi from 2003 with the shit you don't have time for. Dude, I was writing my notes up and I found it streaming. So I clicked it and just started watching it off to the side while I was typing my notes. And I i couldn't even focus because I kept going, what that, why are they doing it? What is this?
Speaker: Because you're always like, yeah, they did a ah they did a of kids' live action series of Mars Attacks TV shows that was a direct to VHS. I watched like nine episodes of it. It wasn't that good.
Speaker: I was like, how do you have time to watch? Dude, when I'm grading papers, I just have stuff on in the background constantly. That makes sense I got to take myself out of the bad grammar or I'm just going to go insane.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, dude, it's not bad grammar. It's just like Nellie says. It's country grammar. Oh, man.
Speaker: Do you remember when you saw this movie? I saw this in the theaters, I'm positive. Because it was a summer release and I was 16. No, I definitely saw this in the theaters. I don't think I saw it with you. I would have remembered that, I feel like.
Speaker: ah But yeah, i I saw this in the theater, too. I am... This... I feel like I would have either gone with my dad because he always loved action movies or I have gone with whoever my high school girlfriend was at the time. But probably it might have been my dad because I remember the movie. And if I'd gone with my girlfriend, I probably would not remember as much of it. I'm 99% sure this was at the mall theater.
Speaker: Um, I can almost picture being there. Um, but I know I saw it in the movie theater because I can remember saying, Ooh, I really want this. I want to buy this on VHS. soon I saw it in the movie theater.
Speaker: I, Oh, Rented it at Blockbuster. I owned it on VHS. And then I bought the Criterion Collection DVD. I've had like. Yeah. It's great. I'll always have my collection has this one in it. Yeah.
Speaker: That's because it's fantastic. That's because it's awesome. Yeah. All right, Jim. Let's talk about ratings. Yeah, so how'd you rate One to ten, no sevens. Yeah. we should We should mention that because ah somebody I work with was watching it and said, um dude, why no sevens? I'm like, because everything lands at a seven. You can't do sevens. Yes.
Speaker: We said originally when we started rating movies, which we started in season two, we're like, we're going to rate it from a scale of one to ten, and we're going to say that you can't rate a seven or a seven and a half because there's too many movies that will land there, and then it forces you to make difficult decisions. Right.
Speaker: You're like, this movie's a seven, but I can't give it a seven, so I've got to either say a six or an eight, right and then I have to really think about it. Then... um So this one was not was not in kind it wasn't it wasn't competing for a seven. No, it wasn't. I was thinking either a nine or an eight and a half. I ended up eight and a half. Me too. Mainly because it's two hours and 15 minutes. there The movie is an hour in before they get to The Rock. Right. So so like the whole everything up to that felt like Prelude, which is whole hell of a lot of Prelude. Yeah, there was ah there was a lot of lead up. And I didn't know that we needed all of it either.
Speaker: We did not. Like the huge freaking set piece car chase scene through San Francisco, that shit took like 20 minutes. And the first 10 of it was awesome. But then I was like, did he just hit another freaking roadside stand and watermelons went everywhere? I think we just did that. Dude, I don't know if I talked about it here, but I'm pretty sure we've talked about it. I want to make a movie.
Speaker: where you show a clip from a movie like this where the guy's driving the water truck full of the water jugs and the ferrari or whatever he was driving goes through the back side of it and rips off a bunch of the water truck the water bottles and they go everywhere And then you cut to that guy walking over to a payphone to call his boss and try to explain what actually happened. Like, I always think about, like, what about the person that, like, parked right there on the side of the road? into bakery. Isn't that what...
Speaker: Isn't that one of the things that was so genius about The Incredibles is it was like a superhero movie where the real world was happening around the superheroes. Like they had to go home and they had to have jobs and like, yeah, i love that shit.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what I want. I want it to be more because look, that's like four billion dollars worth of damage that they're just driving around doing and nobody's saying anything about it. I don't I don't get it.
Speaker: Well, I like that Sean Connery like took a guy's Hummer and freaking drove it. And then Nick Cage, who's the FBI agent, he's he's chasing him. He freaking hijacks the guy's Ferrari.
Speaker: And then when the Ferrari gets wrecked, he steals some kid's moped. And I'm just going, like dude, this is so expensive. They're doing so much property damage, and I am confused. Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah, so I gave it a slight downgrade because of the length, especially the first half. I'm like, we should have gotten Alcatraz like 20 minutes sooner because that was the part that I really loved. Yeah. But it's an incredible concept.
Speaker: It's great casting. It's really good direction. It's a really good script. The music is fucking badass. Yeah. And I just, i hadn't seen anything like it. And explosions. It's got like... Yeah, dude. I mean, there's like but basically no women in it at all. Yeah. but like So women, sorry, this podcast probably is going to suck for you because this movie probably sucks for you.
Speaker: At Crabtree and Evelyn. Ding, ding, ding. Bing, bing. Dude, Kat loves this movie. She watched part of it with me. She's all about the action movie. Nice. Yeah. um Dude, I gave it an eight and half, too. Like, I love Bayhem. Dude, I know we're crapping on ah Bay for his Transformer movies, but when I saw that first Transformer movie, and what's his name's like freaking yelling, Bumblebee, and he's running, and the other guy's like, a little bots roll out, and there's they're freaking transforming, and shit's blowing up.
Speaker: That's a... I like... That's like popcorn eating... I love that. I love it. I'm not clowning the first Transformers movie. The first one was great. I'm clowning the six after that. The six. Yeah. that They do kind of get repetitive. But um if you're just trying to eat popcorn and you want something to rattle your butt with bass, you can't beat a Michael Bay movie. um but so i love bayham uh and i like the like cheesy dialogue like hey you know you like that song rocket man or whatever the hell he says like yeah like i you're him you're the rocket man yeah i like that kind of cheesy dialogue uh so i gave it an eight and a half also ha dude it was freaking fun two thumbs up dude it's highly enjoyable i also like that it's another one kind of like um
Speaker: like freaking Infinity Wars where where i'm kind of like, I think Thanos had a good point there. ah Or like im i'm I'm on the side of the bad guy. Like, dude, freaking Harris, General Francis X Hummel, he's like, hey, we had all these Marines under my command died in engagements they were not technically supposed to have been doing that we were ordered to do. And they didn't get a military funeral. they didn't Nobody got benefits. And like, I'm tired of it.
Speaker: And my wife died. And that's why I'm doing this thing. I was like, i um I'm with him. They should give him the money. but see isn't that cool and dude don simpson the guy from simpson and bruckheimer he's the one that came up with that guy's i the idea for that character because he was watching like a 60 minutes interview uh with some like uh soldiers that didn't get the respect that they know deserve and um dude i he it's great because you can really see like, Hey, this guy's not just a crazy dude. That's just trying to blow up San Franciscans. He's trying to get something out of it. Like I, that's great.
Speaker: The funny thing is it's kind of like, it's kind of like speed where it's like, uh, what's his name? Dennis Hopper. He wants like $3 million. dollars And it's like, we're not giving you $3 million. dollars We're going to do hundreds of millions of dollars of damage to the LA transit system. Instead, this is like,
Speaker: ah We're not going to give you $100 million dollars for soldiers that died doing stuff that we told them to do. We're going to instead spend way more than that wrecking all kind of shit and having bombers we have thermite duct taped to the wings and then fly over right at you and then send Navy SEALs and drop out of a helicopter. All that shit costs money. Just yeah give it to them.
Speaker: Yeah. Every time they do a flyover for a football game, it costs money. So, like, I know flying and actually shooting stuff costs money. So, I don't get it. Yeah, dude. But, I mean, you know, it's it's they're spending the money where they need to. Like, you're you're saying, like, we probably need, like, textbooks and, like, toilet paper. No, we need a new... And then we're going to have a plane fly over the football.
Speaker: And then your high school students will go, Ed Payne, because they can't read. So, that'll be great. USA. So, I'm saying, like, just give them the money. I say give them the money. We don't need a new reflecting pool. um The old pool was fine. I liked it. Jenny! Jenny!
Speaker: That's all had to say about that. Yeah, dude. Eight and a half. It's delightful. I would like to get to the rock a little bit earlier, like Kevin Hart says. Scenes. What's your first...
Speaker: respect Dude, the first scene that I have is when the SEAL team ambushes them in the shower room. Dude, that's exactly the one I got. Dude, they came through the tunnel. They came up ah from the the floor, and they realize they're surrounded, and they...
Speaker: Anderson and Hummel are both like, everybody's yelling. They send a squad of Navy SEALs infiltrate Alcatraz to take back the hostages from the Force Recon Marines that Ed Harris is commanding while he's trying to get his like money for the guys that died. And so it's U.S. s Marines against U.S. s Navy SEALs. And like none of them really want to shoot the others. Yeah.
Speaker: Dude, you could tell Ed Harris is like, that's such a good part for him, man. Because he's just like, he's ah he's not evil, dude. He's a good guy. He's a Congressional Medal of Honor winner. And he's like, just put your weapons down. We have the high ground.
Speaker: Yeah. Like you can't win. And the Navy SEAL captain's like, you know I cannot give that order. i was like, dude, this shit is awesome. Yeah. i dode And how it complicates his character. yeah And shows like he's responsible for those guys dying, but he's not bloodthirsty. you know he's just It's just his eventual um unraveling, it just makes that more interesting. And i dude, i freak it i loved it.
Speaker: I love the direction. I love how it looks. It's great. And Ed Harris's character arc in this movie is freaking awesome. I also... You could tell that I would not have been... My dad was in the Navy. My grandpa was in the Navy.
Speaker: There was a time when I didn't want to go to college because I hated it. and I was like maybe i'll go in the Navy. And I decided, like, I don't like waking up early. I don't want to be told what to do. i don't want to tuck my shirt in. and And in the, like, 25 years since then, I've been proven right a lot of times about that. Yeah, i don yeah.
Speaker: But this is one of those where I'm like, i definitely am glad I didn't go into the Navy because if it was me and I was in the freaking shower, I'd be like, they got the high ground, dude. We're surrendering. This is not.
Speaker: Yeah, man, we tried. They got us. here's my gu go Look, I put my gun down. no I would have surrendered immediately. Hey, good try, guys. You got it. out Let's go. Is there cells? Let's go sit in the cells. I'm out.
Speaker: I got to be honest. When they dropped out. cannot give that order. And they're all du they're all pointing the guns and stringing shit. up Blood pressure's all high. Just surrender, dude. They got you. um They dropped me out of the making and the the helicopter and I get a little water inside my mask. I'm surrendering right there.
Speaker: Dude, Nick Cage was fine. He had the mask on. He was trying to talk to people. his room And Sean Connery was showing him how to like open the air valve on his tank. Yeah. That's the first one I had to do. That shit was so good. Yeah, it was it was awesome. what So what's your second one?
Speaker: My second one is actually happens earlier in the movie. So they need they they take hostages in the in Alcatraz, and they need someone who has a knowledge of the island to lead an incursion of Navy SEALs. And the whole freaking situation room is like, there's nobody. The warden died. None of the guards would remember anything. And the FBI director, like one of his associates, takes him outside. He's like, dude, you've got to tell him. He's like, no, he doesn't exist. He's a ghost. He does not exist. We've locked him up for 30 years. We we have a key.
Speaker: And it's Sean Connery, who's an SAS agent, who's been escaped from Alcatraz and they kept it a secret and he's been locked away forever. Yeah. And so do they go get him? And he he's like, i'll he's like, I want to suite at the Fairlane Hotel. going to get a haircut.
Speaker: And while he's at the hotel getting his freaking haircut and his beard trimmed and he's wearing a nice suit, he freaking takes a like clothesline from the shower, ties around his hand and he's like going to shake the FBI director's hand. Who's the guy who imprisoned him? He's like shake on it.
Speaker: I mean, he freaking throws the loop over his hand, throws him over the railing, ties the thing to a chair, and Nick Cage is like trying to, he's got all the other agents eating like lobster and shit inside, like fucking Axel Foley. Yeah.
Speaker: That, that was my third point. That bit. The hotel is key. The hotel. yeah dude and then the chase scene afterwards didn't have to be as long as it was but that hotel escape was amazing yeah um yeah i do like how he gets cleaned up gets a haircut even though he did kind of look badass with the long hair um yeah he freaking escapes throws womack what's his name womack over the over the railing dude it was awesome It was awesome. um
Speaker: Right after that, is that where... Also, Womack is Leo McGarry from west West Wing. John Spencer. Yeah. Who's fucking so good. Yeah. Dude, I just went through it. Every time I saw somebody, i was like trying to type out where I remembered him from. Everybody. Everybody in this movie has been in a million. Like freaking Johnny C is in there. John C. McGinley. David Morse is in there who we just freaking saw in Long Kiss Goodnight. Yeah. Dude, I loved him in The Negotiator.
Speaker: yeah um Michael Bean from Sergeant Kyle Reese from the Terminator. Yeah, Kyle Reese. Dude, friggin' ah yeah Double D guy. of Yeah, Melvin Melvin. Melvin Melvin.
Speaker: Tony Todd. Willahoochee, Georgia. No, wait, that was... That was as Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. Claire Forlani. Yeah, dude. And the what's his name's friend from Titanic?
Speaker: ah He was in there. Nucci. Danny Nucci. Yeah. Yeah. Danny Nucci. There he is. Danny Nucci. um And Bokeem Woodbine, the guy that I always recognize, but i can never remember his name. from Dude, I... All right. So I put that down. You know what don you want to know why?
Speaker: ja Jay comes up to me and goes, Hey, you ever heard a song by a group called BMU? was like, have I? Yeah, written by singer-songwriter-producer D. Angelo. Yeah, so he's like, um who he's like there I think there's a lot of singers in here. It sounds like people like that you've showed me before. The first guy sounds like Tavon Campbell. was like, dude, I couldn't be more proud right now. Let's go through this. yeah And we pulled up the video and watched it. ah He freaking loves it. He made a playlist of all of the, like, each person in order. He took, like, three of their songs and just made a whole playlist. Nice.
Speaker: It's a really good playlist. that I should get him to share it with you. um Yeah, dude. ah That guy, he's fantastic. He's Fathead on Ray. He played the saxophone on Ray. He's been a ton of stuff. And every time I see him, like, dude, I don't know that guy's name, but I remember different stuff that he was in. Bokeem. And then you said Tony Todd Candyman, even though you didn't watch that movie. Me and. Nope.
Speaker: Yeah. But still. um But yeah, dude, right after that, when he escapes the people and they have a little chase, is that where he goes to meet his daughter?
Speaker: Yes. Yeah. All right. Yeah, he eventually loses everyone except Nick Cage. Right. He loses everyone, including Nick Cage. And Nick Cage calls Dick. I haven't had time to fully absorb that one yet. Yeah.
Speaker: And has him look up his frickin' next of kin. And then he goes, Nick Cage goes and intercepts him. But he's like meeting his daughter for the first time. Yeah. Claire Forlani. Claire Forlani. And then Nick Cage kind of covers for her.
Speaker: Yeah, it was. He did. He covered for but like there was already like cars coming to a screeching halt with lights on the top and guys coming out with guns. I think she probably knew though, right? Yeah. Well, she was she because she knew that he'd broken out of jail multiple times and she didn't know why he was in jail because no one ever he didn't have a trial.
Speaker: Right. And she was just like, is this for you? Did you break out again? And he was just like sitting there like wearing in a suit. He didn't answer. And then Nick Cage comes up. He's like, hey, we got to go. is like Your dad's helping us out. He's like, come on, John, let's go. Nice. Yeah. Now I see. Now I see the angle. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Nick Cage. like He made him look good instead of like freaking handcuffing him and dragging him away. Yeah. In some place super uncomfortable, like the back of the boat's back. That's my second scene. What's your third scene? My third scene is ah when he ah diffuses the bomb in the lab.
Speaker: Nice. Wait for it. Hang on.
Speaker: I lost my headphones. Um, he diffuses the bomb in the lab and they had to like suck out the stuff out of the middle. You know, the, yeah it it was like a like whirlwind extraction. Yeah. It was awesome. Um, I liked that they introduced him not as a bad-ass, but like as a specialist and it makes the movie more fun to me to know that he was like a wicked smart chemist guy.
Speaker: um Instead of like a military, you know, like everybody's really good at guns and I know he's in the military. So he knows, or he's in the FBI. So he knows how to handle weapons, but you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, dude, it was, key he was, he was a chemical freak. He's like yeah came a chemical super freak actually. And they're like, have you, he's like, is there like, where's your sidearm? He's like, in my sock drawer. He's like, I'm a chemist. Yeah. I did too.
Speaker: I know again, like, you know, I don't know anything about guns. If somebody tossed me a gun and said, come on, man, let's go. I'd be like, hold on. Please show me which way to point this and what button to press. Like, I don't know anything about it. I know he knows enough, but i I like it that he didn't like carry it with him all the time and say like, hey, I need a freaking shotgun to blow a hole in the door. And also I'm a chemist. He like ah he was like a bumbling labkeep tagging along. He was an FBI guy, but he wasn't a field agent. right And that's why he kept having to get Sean Connery. Sean Connery kept being like, I'm not dying on this rock. I'm not dying on this rock.
Speaker: sean con so Welcome to the rock. What is that? he' think he was Irish there for a second instead of ah Scottish. but it But Nick Cage is like, that's fine. I'll take on a platoon in U.S. s Marines. I've got three weeks weapons training. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, Christ. that They offered that part. They offered the Nick Cage part to Arnold Schwarzenegger. And he didn't like the script. And i'm like, dude, I'm glad he didn't do it because it would have been Arnold Schwarzenegger can't play chemistry nerd who doesn't know how to shoot guns. Yeah.
Speaker: Also, can you imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling at Sean Connery like friggin they would have a field day with the accents going back and forth, the comedians. Dude, I...
Speaker: I'm so glad Nick Cage took it. Also, I read that Schwarzenegger didn't take it because when he got the script, it was just 70 pages of like scribbled notes and like a rough draft. And he said he should have taken it, but I'm glad he didn't.
Speaker: No, dude, he made the right call because that this would not have been as good with him. And this kind of jumps off Nick Cage's like action thing. You know what I'm saying? like he's he's He wins the ah Oscar for the year before leaving Las Vegas.
Speaker: um But then after this, he's doing Con Air. He's doing Face Off. He's doing Gone in 60 Seconds. He's doing The National Treasure. those are awesome. like Doing a bunch of really fun movies that he may maybe would have not gotten if not for this. I mean, maybe. He wins and out he wins a f freaking Oscar, and he's Francis Coppola's nephew, he would have still gotten work. But I don't know if he'd gotten all those action movies. What's the one where he's in the ambulance and it's freaking really dark? And I think it's Scorsese. Oh, man. it's
Speaker: It's like 2000, somewhere up in there. It was really weird. And I remember watching it and going, now this guy's weird. I like it. Dead? think bring it out Bringing out your dead? No, that's Monty Python.
Speaker: Bring out your dead! i don't know, dude. In 2000, he's just gone in 60 seconds. And he does the Ghost Rider stuff in 2007, Kick-Ass in 2010. What's before that? Oh, Bringing Out the Dead, 99. 99, Bringing Out the Dead. Dude, that's a weird-ass movie.
Speaker: Yeah, i never saw that. I liked it. it's good I mean, Scorsese's got great people in It's friggin' Cage and Arquette and John Goodman and Vingrams. What's the one where he's the but there's a boxing thing and he's wearing a stupid leopard shirt? And the guy takes the fight and falls down. Snake Eyes? Snake Eyes. When's that come out?
Speaker: You got it pulled know, dude. Probably in the 2000s. Dude, they don't well he's I don't think so so many They don't have his whole filmography listed on night on Wikipedia. He's done so many things. Snake Eyes, 1998. I fucking love that movie. 98. Matchstick Men in 2003. That's one of my favorite Nick Cage movies.
Speaker: Oh, Matchstick Men is with ah Sam Rockwell. Sam Rockwell, yeah. And they're con they're con men. i Dude, I love movies about con men. Dude, Nick Cage is the jam.
Speaker: Yeah, dude, he's great. My third scene, I had a lot to pick from, honestly, and the one I ended up doing was one I think I was i kind of liked the most, and I wouldn't have thought it beforehand, but it's when when Mason goes and surrenders to Ed Harris because they're like, he's on the f freaking... Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Speaker system and like he's like hey, I'm gonna shoot this guy in the head if you don't give me my guidance chips back for my rockets and Sean Connery's tells Nick he's like did you just go find the other rocket? He's like I'll take care of you know this guy I'll make sure his head doesn't get blown off. He's just like freaking Cool as the other side of the pillow just walks down the stairs with his hands in his pockets. It's like yeah, it's like what's up? It's like it's just me I've been killing all your guys and taking on your guidance chips But they're doing the like thing where they're saying like quotes back and forth. He's like, that the tree of liberty's got to be fed by the blood of patriots. Yeah. and like
Speaker: And then he's freaking Sean Connery's got a quote right back for him. did God, what was that? Doesn't he just tell him, like, no, go ahead, shoot him in the head.
Speaker: Like, hes he tells him to shoot because he knows he's not gonna. They have the, like ah like, ideological battle. Because Sean Connery, when they pull him out of his cell, he's, like, got the art of war and he's got philosophy and he's, like, right supposed to be a friggin' smart guy. Right. and And then, so Ed Harris, like, did they bother to tell you who I am and why I'm doing this are they just using you like they do everybody else?
Speaker: And Sean Connery goes, all I know is you were big in Vietnam. I saw the highlights on television. And then freaking Ed Harris you have no idea what it means to lead some of the finest men on God's earth into combat and then watch their memories get betrayed by their own fucking government.
Speaker: And then Mason says, i don't see how you cherish the memory of the dead by killing another million. And this is not combat. This is an act of lunacy, general, sir. Personally, I think you're a fucking idiot. Yes.
Speaker: And dude, and that's when Ed Harris goes, the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Thomas Jefferson and then Sean Connery says, patriotism is a virtue of the vicious, according to Oscar Wilde. Wilde, yeah. And then he freaking hits him with his pistol and he goes, thank you for making my point.
Speaker: Ah, man. Well written. And then after that, when he breaks free again, when he gets out of his cell, he's walking off the island and he's Hummel won't do it. He's a soldier. I saw it in his eyes. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: So I really liked the confrontation between those two. Yeah, that was a good that was a good call picking that one. writing was great. Yeah. I got a bunch of stuff about the writing because there's three credited writers, but there's also a bunch of people that you and I and the people listening know that are not credited. Yeah, people, I was i don't remember who it was because I should have wrote it down. um But when I read stuff like that, think that like it makes sense that Aaron Sorkin was one of the people who did script doctoring on this because that's exactly the type shit I would expect to write.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. All the political stuff and those quotes, that's definitely Sorkin. Yeah, that's awesome. who Wait, isn't Tarantino one that punched up stuff too? Tarantino's one of the ones who did script doctoring. Nice, nice. Let's do that. What's your first first quote?
Speaker: ah My first one is ah Welcome to the Rock. um It's the guy, the tour guide, where he's talking about all the things. And I don't know what it is about that guy's voice.
Speaker: I loved it. And it's like high pitched and it's very nasally. And he's talking about like, there's this many cells and spend this much time here and welcome to the rock.
Speaker: And then when I hear Welcome to the Rock, all I think about is Burbigleboo, Mike Burbiglia, talking about um having to go to go to bed. at No, wait, it's not him. It's John again. Tommy John again, where he's talking about, I didn't realize when I got married, I was going to have to go to bed at the same time like we're... cellmates get in process at the same time give me your shoelaces give me your belt we got house hunters till 11 lights out at 11 30 welcome to the rock bitch like that that's what i think dude i just it's freaking it's simple it's like ready for the trailer you're like welcome to the rock i can't believe they didn't use it in the actual trailer um
Speaker: and the fact i got sean connery saying that in the trailer and yeah yeah yeah no that was better but dude the way that that guy i don't know i like that it was just enough little comic relief right in the middle of everything coming together i liked it so that's the first one i picked yep i did not pick that one the first one i picked is he uh
Speaker: He's broken out of the hotel, and he's got the FBI director dangling over the freaking thing, and he gets into the elevator, and in the corner of the elevator, curled up and cowering, is the effeminate gay man who ah cut his hair, played by Anthony Clark, who is a comic who was on the show ah Yes Dear. Yes Dear, yeah. But he's just like, and he's like, dude, he's like shivering in the corner. He's like, okay, I don't want to know nothing. I never saw you throw that gentleman off the balcony. All I care about is...
Speaker: Are you happy with your haircut? Yeah. And it freaking always cracks me up. He played good guy he played a good hairstylist.
Speaker: Yeah. um Because he can go over the top with it. um My second one was ah Sean Connery's talking to Nick Cage, and he's like, your best.
Speaker: Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. And he says, Carla was the prom queen. And I was like, oh, yeah, I remember that line. That's a freaking good line. i like I like when he does that. Because Sean Connery's face changes right after that. He's like, hey, yeah yeah all right. I like... like I like that line. I remember it. What I don't like is it immediately says, after he says Carla was the prom queen, he cocks his pistol, which is already cocked because he's been shooting it.
Speaker: And that's... But it's got to make the noise. It's like a chiropractor. That's the kind of thing that, if you know about guns even a little bit, drives you crazy about movies because it's like, ah the guy's already been shooting the pistol. That doesn't do anything. It makes you look like a dipshit.
Speaker: um Yeah. If you went through fbi What about the shotguns that do this, the but like the pump shotguns? like Once you put all the stuff in there, all the shells in there, you do that once and you're ready, right?
Speaker: Yes, but then after you shoot once, then you have to pump it again, like in freaking T2. Right. Like every time you shoot, you have to pump it again, because the pumping is how you load the next shell. Okay. So you can, can you doing that? If you, let's say you do it once to get ready and you shoot, you don't shoot anybody, but then you want to accent the end of a cool line, like losers, fuck the prom queen. sh And you like cock it again. What happens?
Speaker: You look like an idiot, and a shell that hasn't been fired flies of side of the shotgun. Okay, that's what thought. You do it like an air rifle, and you pump it up a bunch of times, and then all the shells are out, and the gun doesn't work. What's the thing that he was doing in T2 where he was shooting the fence from the bike where he was, like, spinning it around? Is that just a different— That was a lever action shotgun. So instead of, like, using two hands and, like, levering it, he just freaking spun it around like a badass mofo. Yeah.
Speaker: Like a hard-ass pterodactyl. He was killing it. Yeah. which My second quote is they get they surrender to Hummel. They get thrown in the cells. And Nick Cage is just... They're in different cells. And Nick Cage is just like laying on the bottom of this empty cell, just like staring up. Yeah. And he's just cause's just like they're just like chatting like very casually. And then like eventually he just...
Speaker: Nick Cage is like he's like, you broke out. Let me see if I can get this straight. Down the incinerator chute on the mine car, through the tunnels to the power plant, under the steam engine. That was really cool, by the way. And into the cistern through the intake pipe.
Speaker: But how, in the name of Zeus's butthole, did you get out of your cell? I only ask because in our current situation, it could prove to be useful information, maybe.
Speaker: um All right, two things. One, Zeus's butthole freaking destroys me. He fought to keep Zeus's butthole in because Michael Bay wanted him to curse more. And Nick Cage said, no, I want to say Zeus's butthole. We're keeping that in.
Speaker: ah Second, your Nick Cage impression is so much better than your Sean Connery impression. Dude, it's a lot easier to do Nick Cage. Just do regular stuff, but just be kind of unhinged.
Speaker: That Zeus's butthole is improvised by Nick Cage. That's why wanted to keep it in. But it's also hilarious. And I promise you, if you Google Zeus's butthole, the only thing that comes up is stuff about this movie. there's um No one else has ever said those two words together. When he's swinging the, he's got the little piece of pipe on, ah on the end of his sheet and he's trying to hook the lever and he's opening the wrong gate the whole time they're having that conversation as a great, that was a great scene.
Speaker: I love that scene. it almost made my list, but I really just wanted to capture the, uh, the quote. zoy spotho lunch kills me and Right. As he's like getting into like, he's really starting to like lose his shit. Sean Connery hits it and comes down and unlocks the door and he just just goes, trade secrets, my son.
Speaker: There's that impeccable Sean Connery impression again. i didn't I didn't attempt it. I tried it. Feedback was not good. he was Irish. Fine.
Speaker: That's why he was Irish. He was Irish.
Speaker: ah My third one is um while they're under there in the tunnels, Nick Cage turns to him and says, are you enjoying this? He's like, well, certainly more enjoyable than my average day reading philosophy, avoiding gang rape in the washrooms, though it's less of a problem these days. Maybe I'm losing my sex appeal.
Speaker: um I like that because in a couple of years he does entrapment all because it's Sean Connery and his sex appeal, even though he's old. i Dude, i I don't know why, but that made me giggle, so I picked it.
Speaker: Yeah, I like that bit. ah My third one is from the very beginning of the movie. And he's like, he's Nick Cage and freaking Dick from High Fidelity or Defusing Bombs. And then he comes home and he's like sitting there with his shirt off listening to a freaking Beatles record, like playing a guitar. And his girlfriend, Vanessa Marcelle, comes in.
Speaker: And she's like, man, I had a day. He's like, i i had a bit of a day, too. He's like, I got to tell you, it's such a screwed up world. He's like, just think anybody who's thinking about bringing a kid into this world just got to be a complete lunatic. Yeah. Sorry, tell me about your day. She's like, I'm pregnant.
Speaker: ah Dude, and then she's like, did you mean that stuff that you said about bringing a kid into the world and he's like he's like well he's like well I meant it when I said it. She was like but you just said it seven seconds ago.
Speaker: yeah and his quote is gee kind of a lot has happened since then. Yeah. was like God definite fuck I fucking love that that exchange right there. Yeah. that Like
Speaker: So the people that came in and punched up the script, is that you think that was just like a regular, hey, this is what we have. And then they just punch it up and add like extra lines in there. Like when Aaron Sorkin comes in and punches it up, I feel like there's a lot of walking and talking and longer like monologues almost.
Speaker: But like. Well, so there was a there was a shitload of, like, so there's they're the original writers, the original writing team who did the wrote the spec script, which means they had the idea, they wrote a full script, and then they sold it as is. Yeah. And so and then then they brought in a but another writer to completely rewrite it, and then another writer after that to rewrite it. And then Sean Connery brought in two people from England to rewrite his dialogue, like freaking Alan Rickman did in Batman, Prince Thieves. Yeah. if Not Batman, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. I was Batman, Prince of Thieves. I would watch. I would totally watch that one.
Speaker: But then they also had like Quentin Tarantino do some script doctoring and Aaron Sorkin doing some script doctoring. And yeah I'm guessing that Aaron Sorkin's script doctoring is probably like, just go through there. And when people are talking, make it better. And yeah Quentin Tarantino might've been like, when people are shooting stuff, maybe you can think of funny things they could say. Like, I don't know. Right. But like, they're probably doing like just a little bit here and there.
Speaker: Yeah. But there were other writers who did full passes. And then like Connery had people doing his dialogue and Nick Cage is improvising shit. And it's like, that's why there's 50 people working on the script. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But only three get credit.
Speaker: Sometimes we do movies and it's like, yeah, all these people had to come in and write on it and it ends up not being that good. This is not the case with this one. They did the right thing. Well, I have a story about that after we get to the writers. Yeah, yeah. But let's do let's do characters first. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I picked Sean Connery as my first one.
Speaker: I got Sean Connery. John Patrick Mason. He's the frigging... He's the cheat code for the whole movie. He's a freaking, he he was Bond and he plays ah an SAS spy who got betrayed by the government.
Speaker: Um, he, he's older and even a little stuff, dude. Like he's gonna, he's gotta go through the freaking incinerator and it's like big spinning wheels of death and like flames are just shooting out. It was like fucking, it was like a Mario brothers game. It's like only the penitent man. Penitent man.
Speaker: Yeah. he did Kneel before God. and he's Dude, he's got his freaking stocking cap that he made himself because he cut the eyeballs eyeballs out. He's like pulling it over his head. and he's like... oh He's like telling the Navy SEAL captain, he's just hanging out here. just he's like And he's like laying on the ground. He's like doing the thing with his hand. He's like timing it. He's like, I had the timing memories. he's like I just hope they haven't changed. like Even just like little yeah like physical stuff he's doing before he like rolled through. um Dude, when he freaking walks out to talk to...
Speaker: Ed Harris, he's freaking just cool as shit. He was great. I wonder if the people writing it, once they knew Sean Connery was doing it, had to resist saying, like, damn, man, you're like James Bond.
Speaker: Like, I'm glad they didn't. they he They didn't need to say that, and he was still kind of cool. You know, even though he's angrier and older, I think... ah Dude, I like him.
Speaker: i like I like Sean Connery. I like his voice. He was awesome. I like him. I got Nick Cage for second character. Yeah. I mean, this is not ah it's not a buddy movie, but it's it is a two-hander with the two of them, and their chemistry is awesome, and both of them are really well cast and really well written.
Speaker: So good. And him being, he plays a very good, frantic, like, out of his depth type person. Like, well, that's the thing, dude. If I put like, if I put John Cusack in the Nick Cage role, this movie would still be awesome. John Cusack can do that. Yeah. But like, I mean, just because there's other people who could have done a good job doesn't mean he didn't also do a good job. Right. right No, I, that, I, I just think he's, he did a great job. Um, yeah the whole, like where he kept saying like, uh, a hole,
Speaker: And you said, like, gee whiz and Zeus's butthole and stuff like that. i was reading about how he fought to keep those in there because he says his character wouldn't use hard profanity because he was a he was a chemist.
Speaker: He was a chemical super freak. He was a super freak. Plus, again, he was like those... Leaving Las Vegas and movies like that is what he was doing before. And then he goes into this one and Con Air and Face Off and whatever you said after that. Gone in 60 Seconds. Gone in 60 Seconds. God, those that one's awesome. um Yes.
Speaker: ah Dude, i like I think a lot of people didn't expect him to be the action star that he is. And I do they think he killed it. And like you were saying earlier in the 80s where people are bodybuilders hitting each other with sticks.
Speaker: Like, I don't see Nick. I see Nick Cage as an action hero or action movie person, action star. But I wouldn't put him in like... a One of those movies with Rocky where all the action stars are in there and they're... Yeah, the Expendables. Expendables! I don't put Nick Cage in the Expendables type action.
Speaker: You know what i'm saying? Well, it's cool because it's like when Michael Keaton is Batman. you' like He doesn't look like a superhero. Like Christopher Reeves... His Superman suit was just freaking tight. That's what he looked like. He was just that jacked. yeah But like Michael Keaton's was f freaking molded out of plastic because he's Michael Keaton. I like that yeah like Nick Cage has got like thinning hair and he's like not really in good shape. He probably smokes cigarettes every time they said cut. I like that he could still play an action. Some people just don't care about their bodies.
Speaker: but So who did you put third? Did you pick a woman? Because there is none. put Ed Harris. Did I pick the woman? No, I didn't pick the woman. ah I picked Ed Harris, General general Francis X. Hummel.
Speaker: He was freaking great. Yeah. he Dude, Ed Harris is good in a lot of things. um I like that he... um
Speaker: He changes the coordinates before it hits the football stadium. He, like, you can tell he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't he doesn't want the government to force his hand. Dude,
Speaker: I'm not saying he's the best action villain ever written, obviously, but his underlying motivations, like for the men that he will did. fall He's not a villain. That's the cool thing. Like he's, yeah, yeah. He's an antagonist with depth who has a character arc throughout the movie.
Speaker: Do even little shit like about this movie. His name is Francis X Hummel. Yeah. When you're in the military and you don't have a middle name because the military has a shit ton of paperwork. You just write X in as your middle initial. Nice.
Speaker: Like just even shit like that. It's like also freaking General Hummel is a badass name for a general. Yeah. I always wanted to name my son General. Would you mess with a kid on the playground if his name was General Horn? I don't think so.
Speaker: Kid's badass. ah I mean, too late now, because your kid is 13. thirteen You could still change his name, right? Yeah, dude, he could change his name.
Speaker: He might change it tomorrow. He might change it anyway. He might change all his shit. You don't even know. Yeah, dude, who's your third? No, Ed Harris is my third also. God, he's freaking so good. Dude, I...
Speaker: Because like you look at all the guys that are with him, with Ed Harris, and they think they're like in a terrorist movie. And like all those guys that are um on his side feel like they want to do... Like ah Melvin Melvin and yeah freaking um Ray Saxophonus. What that what the hell's his name? Bokeem. Fathead. bo they they I feel like they want to do stuff. Yeah. David Morris and John C. McGinley. All those guys. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Dude, what's the what's the Ed Harris movie that you think of? like If I just go like, Ed Harris movies, like what's the first thing you think of? Well, um there's two I think of, and it's stupid because it's probably not what everybody else thinks of, but I think of Truman Show and Milk Money.
Speaker: Mine is 100% Truman Show. He's got the freaking tiny microphone. Yeah. I always think of Truman Show. He's fucking awesome, and I love that movie. Did you ever see Milk Money with Melanie Griffith?
Speaker: Yes, I did. i don't like it as much as you do. I don't think of that one, but I play it probably be after because of the podcast, it would be probably Glen Gary, Glen Ross. Oh snap. Yeah. I forgot he was in that. Cause he's freaking bad-ass in that. Yeah. God, that movie is so good.
Speaker: Yeah. It's incredible. We've done some, we've done some bangers. absolutely have. We've got over 100 episodes. um Speaking of, by the way, we keep forgetting to tell people, thank you, Patreon supporters, for supporting the arts. We apologize that we have not gotten any bonus movies done because our schedules have been an absolute nightmare. But we do appreciate you guys supporting the arts. We're gonna get there.
Speaker: We're go to get there. Yep. All right, dude, let's do writer director stuff because we were just talking about the writers. So the credited writing team is David Weisberg and Douglas S. Cook. They write the spec script. They're a writing pair. yeah Mark Rosner also gets a credit. He does a complete rewrite.
Speaker: Um, But then there was, like, some controversy about this script with the Writers Guild because Michael Bay said that he worked for eight months with ah with a guy named Jonathan Hensley.
Speaker: ah Jonathan Hensley also wrote, like, Jumanji and Armageddon, The Saint, Die Hard with a Vengeance. Ooh. It's like... So he's an incredible action movie writer. And Michael Bay worked with him for eight months. And Hensley wrote the shooting script, which is the very last revision that they take to people before they turn the cameras on. Right. And Hensley did not get any writing credit by the Writers Guild for this project. And Michael Bay was so mad about it that he wrote an open letter to the trade publications saying that, like, like the difference between the spec script that is credited and the shooting script is so dramatic that yeah's it's it would be impossible for those guys to say they're writers of this movie but him not.
Speaker: Dude, that's awesome. So like Michael Bay was pissed, but didn' then this guy wrote Armageddon, so he's just fine. But right like just the writing shit is complicated because the Writers Guild rules is like you have to have modified 50% of the script to be credited as a writer.
Speaker: And so that's why sometimes it's like the this guy, ampersand, this guy, that's that's a writing team. Right. And then there's and, and then that's another credited writer. Yeah. So the writers Writers Guild is like the original spec script team, they did half, and then the rewrite guy, he did half. So that's all the halves there are, so there isn't another credit to go around here.
Speaker: um I just pulled up that Jonathan Hensley guy. Dude, Die Hard with the Vengeance is fantastic. Die Hard with a Vengeance. We did it on the podcast. It was fucking incredible. Jumanji's awesome. The Saint is my Slim Slam jibbity jam.
Speaker: yeah Armageddon? seven I can't wait. I like Armageddon. The Punisher with Thomas Jane. Fantastic. Dude. This guy. That's saying. That's the guy that worked with Michael Bay to do the draft of this movie that we ended up seeing in theaters.
Speaker: And like Michael Bay's like, dude, I worked with this guy every day for eight months. Other than Jerry Bruckheimer, no one knows more about this movie than me. And I'm telling you that his version is the version that you saw. And he didn't get a credit.
Speaker: That's crazy. Yeah, but the funny thing is in the same year. He went Tulane, by the way. Yeah, I saw that. ah The funny thing is in the same year, Cable Guy came out, came out which we did.
Speaker: Yeah. And Judd Apatow had a like thing with the Writers Guild for that because he directed it And he's like, I wrote every single line of dialogue in that movie. And I also wrote all of the scenes, but I don't, get I didn't get a writing credit. So like there's two movies that we've done on this podcast from 96 that were writer's guild.
Speaker: Um, there was some arbitration over like who the credit was supposed to go to and who got it. That's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. But then there were are like seven other people who worked on that.
Speaker: Quentin Tarantino, Aaron Sorkin, they did punch up script doctor stuff. Yeah. Um, And director Michael Bay, who we've talked about. Yeah. friin How many Transformer movies do we do, actually? Just the first one.
Speaker: The first one I'm super excited to do. After that, I'm going to be way less excited. There was one. Dude, what's the one? i think it's called Ambulance.
Speaker: I'm pulling it Yes, it was. Yeah. Dude, that was kind of good. That was like. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah. And what's the one with the actual rock where he's lifting weights with Marky Mark? Pain and Gain. Pain and Gain. That one was good. That was.
Speaker: I like. Dude, I like Michael Bay. Yeah. I don't think we have to worry about doing ambulance in 2052. But there's definitely some others. We'll do more Michael Bay. There's no doubt about it. And I'm happy to do the first Transformers and then talk about it.
Speaker: and By the time we get to the second Transformers, one or both of us could be senile. So it might be this might be easier to convince. 2052. That's not even a real year. That's like flying cars.
Speaker: Well, I was thinking about it because my son was born in 2021. I was like, this motherfucker's going to live to see 2100. Yeah. I hope it's fun because I will not be there. so it's not going to be fun, I promise.
Speaker: Unless he makes it through the freshwater wars and then it'll be fun. He might he might make it through the water wars. you done You never know. He'll know to not just cock the gun just to accentuate a sentence. Dude, he's an only child. That motherfucker... No, he's not. If the air conditioner goes out, he's going to be surrendering. ah He's not built like that. I got water in my goggles!
Speaker: Oh, man. Not these socks. The other ones. i hate it here. The lions or the lambs? I don't know. They both look kind of lame. I said lame. All right. Do you got any worst?
Speaker: um Oh, wait. I didn't have something on here. Did you know Alcatraz couldn't be shut down when they were filming? So they had to do it around tours when people weren't in the thing. Great call. Because in that because Alcatraz is a state park or at a national park. They're like, you can't we're not shutting you down to film. You just got to film around the tour groups, yeah which is awesome. And one one last thing, since we like talking about this kind of stuff, the Chilcot Inquiry, which is the inquiry into the intelligence about Iraq's chemical weapons.
Speaker: and It was most likely drawn from this movie um because British intelligence, the MI6... um, used, uh, I'm going to say faulty information, um, that said Iraq was storing chemical agents in spherical glass containers.
Speaker: Um, and it was nerve gas, green nerve gas and spherical green, uh, glass containers. Um, that's pretty crappy if that's why we did that.
Speaker: Uh, because so the, uh, the, And what people said after this came after this came out is like anyone who deals with chemical warfare at all, if they read that description, like green chemicals in plastic and glass circles, they would know that it's total bullshit, number one, and know it's from the movie The Rock, number two, like... yeah That was clearly made up.
Speaker: Right. And that was the that was the inquiry that was the premise for the United States going into the a Iraq War in the early 2000s. George W. Bush, right? Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. The 2003 Iraq War. that's cool. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah, you got to be specific because there have now been several. separate brushes i would Several several iraq wars and several Bushes.
Speaker: Yes. Both involved. USA. Um, yeah. Speaking of the worst, what do you got? Um, I do just want the opening chase to be like 10 minutes shorter. Yeah. I was going to say they could have taken some stuff out. Um,
Speaker: Dude, I don't know. I think tony Tony Todd, the Candyman, I think he could have dialed, like, because Ed Harris was so subtle about what he was trying to do.
Speaker: Like, not subtle about what he was trying to do, but subtle in the way to go about His performance. Yeah. but And Tony Todd was just out there. just it was so obvious, and I wanted that to be less. Yeah, kind of liked it, because like I thought his character was actually like was that unhinged. Yeah. And same with freaking Melvin Melvin.
Speaker: Yeah. Melvin Melvin, though, even was kind of like, he was just like, we're doing this. I don't know. It's just, uh, uh, remember he's like laying on the cot that doesn't have a mattress on it. He's just like yelling. He's like general to rockets ready rock and roll. And he's like, the general is aware of the time soldier. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: He just was kind of twitchy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I like that. Yeah. No, I guess that, uh, dude, that's a really good rain in this one. I don't know if you saw it, but there was some good rain. You know how i feel about that. Uh, and this was, you know, we're talking about San Francisco.
Speaker: Yeah, the the compositing of the explosions, like with the planes yeah and stuff like that. On the DVD, I watched some of how they made that. yeah That still looked all right, I thought. Yeah, dude, I thought the effects were really good. I didn't notice anything where I was like, ah, that seems fake. I mean, you could tell it' some shit where it's like, every time anyone throws a grenade, it looks like the Hiroshima blast. Right, right. But that's normal movie stuff. Dude, the the the cable car, that what they're called? their Yeah. Cable car. And it shoots like 20 feet off the Yeah, mine cart. Yeah. Yeah, that was that was good. Those kind of practical effects were good.
Speaker: All tech, what about the little cameras mounted on all the Navy SEALs and going back to base? Yeah, that little camera. But then on the screen, they just saw the the giant red dot just flashing. I don't... Still there.
Speaker: um Yeah. um I like the big monitors, people typing in stuff. There's a couple of shots, which they're very good at. This is a Bruckheimer thing because they didn't...
Speaker: what's the submarine movie? Uh, red October. Uh, no, wait, crimson tide, crimson tide where he's looking at the screen and this, the cameras on him, but he's like looking at the screen and the text is like on their face that they, they do that a lot. Um, I don't know. Lots of ah Pentagon war scenes where people are just yelling at yelling in phones and screens and yelling in the headsets. Uh,
Speaker: And the $40 million dollars of damage, like, I i don't know. I just. I liked how in the situation room they were pretending like they didn't know who the president's chief of staff was. Like, number one, the president's chief of staff was in his 30s, which pretty much it would never happen. Right. And also, like, everyone in the room didn't know who that was. Like, that's, like, arguably the third or fourth most powerful person in the government. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Like, he's not elected, which is USA. But, like, everyone knows who that is. Yeah. um Yeah. All right, dude.
Speaker: Let's do five questions. Yeah, what you got? What's the first one? Is it okay for kids? It's freaking awesome for kids. Yeah, I was going to say 13. It's rip-borne good time. Yeah. it's not It's not bloody, right? I didn't feel like it was. It's not bloody. I mean, there's like like Tony Todd gets impaled after getting blown off of the roof. but Yeah, but it was like a tracking shot. It was fast. Like, I don't even think. Yeah.
Speaker: I think if you can handle like, you know, Mission Impossible and Die Hard and Con Air and stuff like that, you can handle this. There's language, but I think we know how where we stand on that. So does this get made if it's?
Speaker: They wanted to redo it? Yeah, dude. I mean, i yeah, action movies. I mean, i guess the only thing that really gets made reliably now is pre-existing IP. But yeah, I think if someone comes up with a badass idea for an action movie like Michael Bay, he just he still does them.
Speaker: ah Yeah. that's If you look at his is IMDb, it's either Transformer sequels or it's he had a good idea for an action movie. like He's still doing it. What's the Ryan Reynolds one where it's ah there's like a magnet or something?
Speaker: and he could turn it on. i don't know. There was a more recent Michael Bay one. They were like on a boat and he flips a switch and it turns a magnet on and it Oh, Six Underground. Six Underground. Yeah, like that was a good premise that he had and just made some explosions and quips. I thought you were talking about the Red Notice, the Michael, the Ryan Reynolds, like Netflix action movie with The Rock and Gail Godot.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like Netflix is still doing a bunch of those action movies, which is sweet. Like they're still happening. That's where they they're not really releasing theatrically, but that's they're still doing them.
Speaker: Yeah, I think i think that they could make this they can make this again. Yeah, what for sure, Ubi. Do you do it the same way, though? Do you have like American troops taking over and do it the whole thing, or do you switch it and make it like actual terrorists?
Speaker: I think you've got to keep the premise the same, right? Dude, I like the model moral country. Yeah, yeah me too. It's got to be a movie, though, right? Definitely movie.
Speaker: Movie. Movie, no, no. I didn't recast. I feel like i should this would have been fun to recast. I just didn't have time. Oh, I did. I did. Okay. Hit me. All right. So for sean Connery's part, I either want Gary Oldman or the incomparable Liam Neeson's.
Speaker: I think either of those guys would kill it. For the Nick Cage part, I only want one guy. It's Jesse Plemons. Do you know who talking about?
Speaker: Yes. He's fantastic. um Although, for some reason, when you were doing your impression of Nick Cage, it came across as Adam Driver, and I could see Adam Driver doing that part.
Speaker: um And then for a General Hummer, I want ah Jeffrey Wright, Peoples Hernandez. Do you know what they call me, Peoples? Because juice always takes care of your people's. I want Jeffrey Wright to play General Hummel. I really like that.
Speaker: ah But that's those are the only three people I recast. I was thinking about the most fun one for me to recast is Sean Connery. And I was like, dude, like... So he's in his 60s, so i was like, all right, Daniel Day-Lewis is in his 60s. He's not doing it.
Speaker: Stanley Tucci, he's in his 60s. That could be kind of fun. He doesn't even look like he's in his 60s. Yeah, he doesn't look like he's in his 60s either. That's the problem, dude. Sean Connery looks like he's in his 60s, and now like Brad Pitt's in his 60s, so it's kind of weird. Like Kevin Bacon's in his 60s. He'd be kind of fun. Yeah. There's some really fun people you try. Like Tom Hanks is, so I think he's 70 now, but yeah, dude, that to would be a really fun one. But I'm like, Vincent D'Onofrio?
Speaker: I don't know if he's to be the kid in the lead, but freaking love that guy. Kevin Spacey, obviously not for a lot of reasons, but he's in the right age range. Yeah, I don't know, man. I like those ideas.
Speaker: i want Liam Neeson has the ah the accent, too, so I think that just you wouldn't have to change any of that. He does. He does have the accent. You're right about that.
Speaker: Cool. a Can you still watch and enjoy this in 2026? Yeah, it's a Michael Bay, Bayhem masterpiece. Relentless pacing, except for that beginning part.
Speaker: The Zimmer score. Yeah, it's it's available now on Hulu, but it's also available for you know rental or purchase on YouTube and Apple TV and Amazon Prime and all that.
Speaker: I found it on YouTube, but it was pretty blurry. Yeah. Like for free. Somebody just uploaded it. But it's really blurry. Don't watch that version. Way to stick it to the man.
Speaker: um Cool. I like that when we first started doing this podcast, the movie rentals were $2.99 and now they're like $4.49. ah Did streaming get more? Why is renting shit from the internet?
Speaker: More expensive. Dude, it's because you have to, because each time you say, I want to watch it, they have a guy somewhere that pulls out the DVD and sticks it in a tray, pushes it in, yeah and sends it to your computer.
Speaker: Yeah, and I like how they ah they say that if we don't watch it, we owe them money. That's money that we lost. No, you didn't. I wasn't giving you that. You can't call that a loss. Sail the high seas, my friend. Ha-ha-argh.
Speaker: Yeah, dude. um All right. That's the end of The Rock. We're back in two weeks with, what do we say? Multiplicity. She touched my peppy Steve.
Speaker: I got a wallet. go sea well I'm going to eat a dolph dolphin. You're going to pet a dolphin, Lenny. God, dude, I fucking love multiplicity. I know it's not. I can't wait.
Speaker: Hurry up. I don't want to go watch it right now. It's freaking delightful. All right. It's really good. Bye, Acundios. Bye, Acundios. Oh.
Speaker: Thanks for listening to Movie Life Crisis. Please subscribe, rate, and review, and remember, don't drive angry.
