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Enneagram Type 9: When Keeping the Peace Costs You Your Voice
68 Plays3 months ago
Enneagram Type 9s are known as The Peacemakers—calm, grounded, easy to be around. But beneath the laid-back exterior is a quieter struggle: losing themselves in order to keep the peace.
In this in-depth episode of STILL YOU, Katelynn dives deep into the inner world of Enneagram Type 9, unpacking why Nines avoid conflict, suppress anger, procrastinate on their own dreams, and often feel stuck or invisible in their own lives.
We explore the core blueprint of Type 9, including their deepest fears and desires, the misunderstood passion of sloth (hint: it’s not laziness), and how self-forgetting becomes a survival strategy. You’ll also hear about the light side of Type 9—their stabilizing presence, emotional wisdom, and quiet strength—alongside the shadow patterns that keep them asleep to their own wants and needs.
This episode breaks down Type 9 wings (9w1 and 9w8), how anger really shows up for Nines, and the subtle ways resentment leaks out when peace is prioritized over honesty. Most importantly, we’ll talk about practical growth practices to help Type 9s wake up, reconnect with desire, and learn that having preferences doesn’t make them selfish—it makes them alive.
Whether you are a Type 9, love a Type 9, or want to understand why some people disappear instead of explode, this episode will help you see the Peacemaker with more clarity, compassion, and truth.
Youtube: @stillyoupod
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Schedule a 1on1: https://calendly.com/bundy-katelynn/30min
Resources :The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Risso
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Transcript
00:00:04
Speaker
And we are back.
Introduction to Type Nine: The Peacemaker
00:00:06
Speaker
Happy New Year and welcome to the Still You Podcast where we dive deep into you I hope that your 2026 goals is to become the best version of yourself possible and that's why you're here. Also known as the right place, okay? I do know it's February. i took some time to get some new equipment, do a little bit of a different setup, level up, all that stuff.
Challenges and Traits of Type Nine
00:00:27
Speaker
But so today we are talking about the Enneagram type nine, also known as the peacemaker. We'll be talking about why avoiding conflict feels safer than speaking up, how anger gets buried instead of expressed, and what it actually looks like to wake up to your own life without blowing everything up. Okay. So,
00:00:47
Speaker
If someone asked you where you want to eat, right? Very common question. And your honest answer was, don't care, but actually inside you a thousand percent cared. Yeah, welcome. You just might be an Enneagram type nine.
00:01:02
Speaker
Got it? Our nines are the embodiment of a weighted blanket, a deep ex exhale, and also maybe a Google doc titled things I'll deal with later. So relatable. These are my kind of people.
00:01:17
Speaker
But nines are some of the most beloved people on the planet. They are grounding, steady, kind, emotionally intuitive, and wildly unappreciated, often because they underappreciate themselves. So sad.
00:01:34
Speaker
That's ending today, okay? But this episode is for the nines who feel invisible, the nines who feel stuck, the nines who feel like life is happening around them instead of through them, okay? And if you love a nine, definitely stay tuned. You are about to find out and understand why they disappear or why they procrastinate and why their anger maybe like leaks out sideways, like some sort of passive-aggressive text or post-it note.
Transition: New Series on Childhood Patterns
00:02:03
Speaker
But let's get into it. Actually, but first, all of my 2026 goals are centered around this podcast. So if you could be a little peach and help me out, because I can't do it without you guys. And so, you know, you know the drill, rate, review, share, subscribe, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. So every single one of you makes a difference. And I really appreciate those of you who are already here. You're easily already a real one, Okay.
00:02:33
Speaker
But anyway, this all sp up but lord this episode will also conclude our deep dive series of all the nine types. ah So next week we are starting our childhood pattern series where I'll go back around to each type and dive into everyone's childhood patterns and how it's still showing up in your adult life and like what you can do about it. Okay. get niche So All right, now let's get into it.
Spiritual and Emotional Connection of Type Nine
00:03:00
Speaker
So what is really at the core of our type nines? They are known as our peacemakers, as you already know, because no type is more devoted to creating and preserving both inner peace and outer harmony. not just for themselves, but for everybody around them. They're the ones who feel calmer on a long walk, during a slow morning routine, or sitting silently with somebody that they love. And I i i love that. I do vibe really well with type nines because i I love all those things. And I don't know why anybody else wouldn't. But if you listened to last week's episode or the last episode where we talked about the type eights, which is me, my main wing leans on the type nine. So I embody a lot of these type nine qualities, but the major key difference is that my core desires and fears are vastly different. So pro tip if you feel stuck on two different types and don't know which one you really are always go back to the core fears and desires like that that will always clear things up but anyway this isn't about me so nines work just as hard to protect their their peace of mind as they do to smooth over tension in their relationships and their environment if there's conflict in the room they feel in their body somewhere. if If there's like emotional chaos, they instinctively try to soften it, right? And the the deeper issues nine wrestle with are actually the core issues of all, of all inner work for everyone. Like being awake versus falling asleep to who you really are or being present versus numbing out on autopilot, holding tension versus going back into comfort, choosing peace versus avoiding pain, union versus separation from yourself and from life itself. You know, stuff like that. We all deal with it. But do not feel overwhelmed, my nines, okay? Please stay tuned.
00:04:57
Speaker
Type nines also sit at the center of the instinctive triad. And as we've talked about before in episode two, those middle positions are not easy real estate. I'm sorry. I'm here to give it to you straight. But what's ironic about this placement is that nines often deeply ah are often deeply oriented toward the spiritual world yet, They also have the potential to be the most grounded in the physical world and in their own bodies, which is amazing if you think about it,
Struggle with Identity and Personal Desires
00:05:29
Speaker
right? It's like their superpower. We already talked about the types who tend to live in the clouds, right? Well, the nines have the unique ability to live in the clouds and down on earth. Think of the type nine or the person who feels really connected while gardening, cooking, stretching, or just kind of
00:05:49
Speaker
Breezy, easy breezy moving throughout their day, right? But that contradiction resolves when we realize that nines are either fully in touch with their instinctual energy, showing up with a quiet magnetism, steady presence and elemental strength,
00:06:06
Speaker
or they're cut off from it entirely, drifting through life, disengaged, in the clouds, stuck, or just vaguely disconnected without really knowing why.
00:06:17
Speaker
So what are the core fears and desires of our type nine? If you haven't guessed already, their core desire is to have anxiety inner peace and harmony. And the opposite of that is their core fear, which is loss of connection, conflict, separation, or just being affected by tension. So our nines, all they want to do is just keep the peace internally and externally. And that's a lot of work if you ask me, even if it costs them themselves and their own voice. Their super ego message says you are good or okay as long as those around you are good or okay. So who therefore nines learned early on if I stay agreeable, calm, and adaptable, I won't be disrupted or rejected.
00:07:07
Speaker
So instead of asserting themselves, nines merge. think of Think of the meme of Homer Simpson backing into the bushes. Like that is such a type nine thing. that's That's what they do. They merge with other people's opinions, other people's emotions, other people's priorities until one day, hopefully, they will wake up and be like, wait,
00:07:30
Speaker
what do I like again? Like, what do I want? Let's see why that is. Type nine is also called, we have one more, they have like three different names that they're known for, but they're also called the crown of the Enneagram, which sounds really impressive. And it is, but before anyone updates their bio,
00:07:50
Speaker
Just keep listening. The nine sits at the top of the Enneagram diagram thing, you know, and symbolically they contain the whole of the Enneagram within them. Really cool, right? So nines can access the strength and grounded presence of eights, the optimism and sense of possibility of sevens, the loyalty and responsibility of sixes, the insight of fives, the emotional depth of fours, The ah adaptability and charm of threes or the generosity of twos and the moral clarity of ones. Like what a fucking mouthful that is. Like that's a lot.
00:08:28
Speaker
You'll often see this in how a nine can blend into almost any group and somehow also belong everywhere. But like with any other type, there's always a catch. So...
00:08:40
Speaker
The catch here, what nines often don't have is a strong sense of inhabiting themselves, a clear, solid experience of this is who I am and this is what I want.
00:08:52
Speaker
So ironically, the type the nine tends to not resemble is nines. The nine itself, right? Being a separate individual, someone who has to assert, differentiate, or risk depending or risk disappointing others. And that can feel genuinely terrifying for them. So instead, nines just melt into relationships, quietly go along with someone else's plan, or retreat into comforting daydreams about what the life to live someday.
00:09:23
Speaker
ah I think we all do that. But if all else fails, they emotionally wander off into the bushes like Homer Simpson style, right? Nines also reflect a very human temptation to avoid the disturbing, painful or tense parts of life by just numbing it out, right? We can all relate to that.
00:09:44
Speaker
But when things hurt, they may respond by trying to live in a state of premature peace, whether that looks like excessive positivity, zoning out on the TV, or telling themselves, like, it's fine, it really doesn't matter.
00:09:59
Speaker
but But more than the and any other type, Nines can try to escape the paradoxes of life, joy and grief, peace and comfort, right? By transcending them too quickly or looking for simple, painless solutions. And while appreciating life's pleasure, pleasures,
00:10:18
Speaker
pleasures pleasures. While that's not wrong, nines have to resist the pull toward what we might call premature Buddhahood, right? Checking out of the real world in the name of peace. Because the truth ah for nines, as is for all of us, is the only way out is through. So let's talk about why everyone loves you guys. And if they don't,
00:10:41
Speaker
love or like you, tell me who they are and I'll take care of it. But I have a lot of great nines in my life and they really do offer a quiet, like dis discomfort. I almost said discomfort. Oh my God. A quiet comfort and steadiness that really does go on matched. And also, you know, because I know who my type friends, type nine friends are, i personally have to be careful. I tend to be a bulldozer, right? Typical type eight, right? yeah
00:11:11
Speaker
but But because i know i know that they'll go along with whatever for making plans. i know I'll get my way, right? But because I love and respect them, i don't want to do that. So I always have to kind of personally keep myself accountable and stop myself and make sure that that is not what I'm going to, or what I am doing to them and give them the there the space and the chance to speak up. And if they don't, that's their fault. but but this is, that's just like a little tiny example on how the Enneagram enhances all of our relationships, right?
00:11:48
Speaker
But anyway, this is not about me, unfortunately. So let's talk about the light side of our nines, the healthy, healthy nines. Okay.
Healthy Behaviors of Type Nine
00:11:58
Speaker
So 9th can walk into chaos and lower the temperature without saying a motherfucking word. They make people feel seen, heard, accepted, and they don't escalate emotions.
00:12:13
Speaker
They regulate them. And my God, do we need that in every single person on this planet, right? Can you teach us or your ways? Took me a while to figure it out. But one of the greatest sources of strength for nines is their profound patience, a deep letting be of other people that allows others to develop in their own way, in their own time. Their patience is supported by a quiet strength and tremendous endurance. They're able to hang tough through hardships and difficult experiences. And nines also often report their ability to outlive
00:12:50
Speaker
outlast ah flashier competition in work settings or even in relationships, which kind of reminds me of that kid's story, the the tortoise and the hare. Great example of a healthy nine. Like, sorry, that's not sexier, but it's true. Yeah.
00:13:05
Speaker
But when they are healthy, nines are able to work steadily and persistently toward their goals and often achieve them. Their willpower is liberated and they discover incredible grit and stamina.
00:13:17
Speaker
Another great quality of a healthy nine is their big picture wisdom. Nines naturally see multiple perspectives. hidden motivations, long-term consequences. They're great they're great like mediators ah because they actually understand everyone, and sometimes including even including the person who's clearly, obviously wrong, right?
00:13:40
Speaker
Although the type nine um Type nines are deeply invested in supporting the people around them and are they're often also mistyped as type twos or confused with them They aren't type nines are not motivated by the role of the rescuer or the helper right the type two They don't show up with advice fixing energy or a need to be needed like a type two Instead they support others by offering something even more rare. Okay, non-judgmental presence.
00:14:11
Speaker
They're the friend who listens without interrupting, the partner who doesn't rush you to a conclusion, the or the co-worker who lets you talk through something without trying to solve it Their philosophy is very much live and let live, and that gives people a sense of freedom and dignity.
00:14:31
Speaker
Nines are also naturally forgiving and tend to give others the benefit of the doubt, something my mother taught me early, early on. She's definitely a nine. She hasn't taken the test. But when something goes wrong, they're often in the first to say, i'm sure they didn't mean it like that, or there's probably something more going on for them. You know, you never know.
00:14:52
Speaker
And they instinctively look for the most generous interpretation of a situation because they create so much emotional space and offer everyone a fair hearing. And people are drawn to them because of that.
00:15:04
Speaker
Friends vent to them, families lean on them, and teams rely on them to bring balance. And while healthy nines can genuinely entertain multiple points of view, they're also capable of taking a firm stand when it truly matters. Especially when someone or something is ah when someone vulnerable like needs protection. That's a big one for them. But this is what we mean when we say type nines have gentle strength. Nines are not weak.
00:15:33
Speaker
They are quietly resilient. They endure. They stay. They hold space when others just tap out. And when a nine, a healthy nine finally speaks up and says something like, actually, this is not okay. Or here's what I think. People listen because they know it's coming from something deep and considered. Their simplicity, innocence, and directness, and lack of manipulation, keyword, put others at ease. You trust them because they aren't trying to control the outcome. They're just simply being real. And that, like,
00:16:09
Speaker
oh That is, you isn't that incredible? And doesn't that just sound so refreshing to somebody like that in your life? If you know you're a nine, can you please fast track your personal growth journey, please? if you haven't already, but we need you guys so badly in this world. But if it sounds like somebody, you know, also tap that share button right now, girl. Okay. Anyway, let's talk about where healthy nines land on our little Enneagram diagram. Okay. Any guesses here? When nines become truly healthy and integrated, they begin to recognize their own essential value, much like the healthy threes. Okay?
00:16:48
Speaker
In other words, they move out of the unconscious role of I'm nobody special and start to understand that they are actually worth their own time, energy, and attention. Instead of say staying in the background, they begin developing their gifts, investing in themselves, and showing up in the world.
00:17:06
Speaker
Whether that looks like sharing their ideas at work, pursuing a creative project, or just finally saying, x Y, Z matters to me, right? So the biggest obstacle in this process is the nine's tendency toward inertia, which...
00:17:21
Speaker
you know means integrating nines, the nines moving toward the healthy space and staying there, we'll often notice that whatever they try to do, like whenever they try to do something good for themselves, like set a boundary or start a habit, speak up, whatever it is, they suddenly feel heavy, tired, or just...
00:17:42
Speaker
really sleepy. It's not laziness though. It's just resistance. But as they continue moving forward in health, something shifts there. Their energy starts to increase. And with it, their natural charisma. Ding, ding. After spending much of their lives feeling invisible,
00:18:02
Speaker
Healthy nines are often genuinely surprised to discover that people not only listen to them, but actively seek them out for their perspective and leadership. Like, seriously, dudes, we need this. Abraham Lincoln was a type nine, and if he can achieve something as great as the presidency and absolving, abolishing slavery, you can too. Okay? Thanks.
00:18:25
Speaker
Okay. Anyway, as nines begin to ah value themselves, others naturally follow suit. And when they reclaim the vitality of their instinctual nature, they become grounding and energizing to be around.
00:18:40
Speaker
Their presence wakes people up instead of calming them into numbness. And in this stage of growth, nines discover their inherent worth and then see it reflected back by others, which can feel both shocking and also deeply affirming.
00:18:56
Speaker
Along those lines, healthy nines learn to assert themselves when necessary. Understanding that self-assertion is not the same as aggression, like type eight loves.
00:19:10
Speaker
They stop resisting reality as much and become more flexible and responsive to what life is actually asking of them. And as they find the energy to invest in their in their own growth, the love, steadiness, and strength of their heart becomes an indomitable healing force in their relationships, communities, and the wider world in general. So what does this actually look like in real life?
00:19:34
Speaker
In real life, a healthy integrating type nine starts doing small but noticeable things differently. They answer the question, What do you want without freezing, right? They choose the restaurant instead of deferring to whatever else. They follow through on a personal goal instead of endlessly putting it off, right? Or at work, they share their ideas and meetings instead of assuming someone else will say it better.
00:20:03
Speaker
Or in relationships, they name their needs early rather than waiting until resentment built up. They still bring calm and steadiness, but now it's paired with direction and presence. You don't feel like they're fading into the background anymore. You feel like they're actually there.
Conflict Avoidance and Resentment
00:20:22
Speaker
Okay, so now that we're all feeling really good about ourselves, it's time to come back down, okay? So let's talk about where things get a little sticky. Yes, we're talking about the shadow sides here. Okay.
00:20:35
Speaker
As a reminder, the best way to listen to this section is to listen with curiosity. Okay. And again, as another reminder, the shadow side of any type begins at the average levels. And so, because not everybody's a monster, right? Or there may have been a period in your life where this will sound really familiar and you can put some pieces together and all that and begin to understand yourself in a much deeper level.
00:21:01
Speaker
Or maybe this feels familiar because you might be currently in this period of your life. And if that's you, don't fret or judge yourself too harshly here, okay? And with any type, the shadow side is not always a fun thing to hear. But for me personally, honestly, I loved it because I got so many answers about why I was at a low point in my life or why I responded certain ways or why others were responding me. to me so negatively, like so many answers. And that's what I encourage here. You are getting answers and your life is about to get so much easier. I promise because this podcast is a hundred percent guaranteed success rate or your money back.
00:21:41
Speaker
all right so moving on the type nine the type nine experiences a strong pull to be overly accommodating because at a deep level they fear that conflict could mean losing connection so for nines disagreement doesn't just feel uncomfortable like for anybody else it can feel threatening like it might fracture the relationship itself Remember at the beginning of the episode when you get asked what you want for dinner, where you want to eat for dinner, right? That moment actually reveals a bigger pattern.
00:22:15
Speaker
Over time, nines develop the habit of saying yes to things they don't truly want to do, agreeing to plans, commitments, or expectations that just to keep everything smooth and pleasant, right? And this strategy might successfully avoid disagreement in the short term, but almost inevitably it creates resentment on both sides, like it's guaranteed. The nine feels unseen or quietly frustrated and the other person senses a lack of follow through or enthusiasm without really knowing why. And this is often where passive aggressive behavior really starts creeping in. Instead of saying no directly, a nine might agree to something and then procrastinate, forget, or suddenly resist, suddenly, subtly resist doing it. And the results, the very thing they're trying to avoid in and the first place, bigger conflict, confusion, hurt feelings, and it ends up happening all anyway, just later and with more emotional fallout, right? Nines need to remember that
00:23:22
Speaker
clarity is kindness. Okay. And before any nines feel called out, remember this isn't a character flaw. It's just a coping strategy, a very polite one and a very tired coping strategy. Okay. And I also do want to pause here because we're making a really good point and speak to every single type that is listening to this episode. Have you noticed a theme here with the shadow sides? Every Enneagram type has a core fear, right? The thing we're trying to avoid in our life, but it ultimately becomes the exact thing that they encounter in their life, right? If you are self-aware enough, you can stop those toxic cycles and reverse engineer your type and begin the process of integration to your healthy side. Okay. I will be repeating that more than once on this podcast. Okay. So anyway, on pause.
00:24:15
Speaker
Where were we? Okay, so the nines accommodation also puts them in danger of being taken advantage of, right? Since they are willing to pay a high price to keep the peace so they can do and do so they can and do disappear inside of relationships, right? They stop asking, what do I want?
00:24:33
Speaker
What do I feel? And then they start, but they start asking what will keep the peace over time. Resentment builds in them and for others. And it leaks out as passive aggression, withdraw sudden emotional shutdowns.
00:24:50
Speaker
Another key thing we have to talk about here yeah is the relationship the nine has with anger. Because being in this gut triad, anger is the most common theme for eights, nines, and ones. So for nines, they 100% absolutely feel anger, unlike the eights who express it and the ones who suppress it. The nines, yes, they have anger, but they just don't identify it as anger.
00:25:19
Speaker
pretending it's not there and that it's something else. So it shows up as stubbornness, forgetfulness, um chronic procrastination, silent resistance.
00:25:30
Speaker
A nine won't yell at you like an eight or one will. Sorry, I promise we're nice. but But lower to average unhealthy nines, they seem to not have an aggressive or assertive bone in their body. Underneath their outward appearance of ah contentment and neutrality, however, we often find a great deal of hidden anger and resentment that nines do not want to acknowledge, much less deal with, okay?
00:25:56
Speaker
An anger is an instinctual response, and if it's not processed, it is eventually transformed into rage. If their rage remains bottled up, many other powerful human feelings and capacities, even the capacity to express love, also get bottled up.
00:26:14
Speaker
Average to unhealthy nines fear that if they were to allow their rage to surface, they would lose the two most important things in their lives, their peace of mind and their connections with other people.
00:26:26
Speaker
but actually the opposite is true, right? Once nines become aware of it, repressed rage can serve as the very fuel they need to escape their
Subconscious Anger and Personal Space Issues
00:26:35
Speaker
inner inertia. So nines experience this anger slash rage for a number of reasons. subconsciously, they're angry because they feel that they do not have the you know space to have a life of their own. They're so busy trying to ah accommodate everyone else and maintain harmonious relationships that a good deal of resentment builds up.
00:26:57
Speaker
They're also angry because they feel that others are continually upsetting them, trying to prod them into action when they want to be left alone or reminding them of problems and difficulties when they would just rather not think about them like duh.
00:27:13
Speaker
But lastly, nines are angry because other may others may have been um abusive or have taken advantage of them in some way and they just felt powerless to do anything about it. And just to be clear, this isn't about something being wrong with the type minds. These patterns form to keep you safe because connected and at peace, right? The problem isn't the strategy. It's that it's outlived its usefulness.
00:27:40
Speaker
I also want to say that the anger here isn't a sign that something is broken. It's a sign that something in you is still very much alive and wanting more. So because forward movement feels disruptive, nines can get trapped in unfulfilling jobs, one-sided relationships, comfort zones that just end up draining the life out of them. Not because they're incapable, but because choosing themselves feels like starting a war.
00:28:09
Speaker
Before we move on to what the stress arrow is, I want to talk about the very final nickname known for the nines of the Enneagram. They have a couple here, but they're also known as the sloths of the Enneagram. But pause on that because this does not mean lazy.
00:28:25
Speaker
Type nine sloth is a psychological inertia. It's the tendency to fall asleep to their desires, anger, their sense of purpose. And nines don't avoid life because they don't care.
00:28:37
Speaker
They avoid life because engaging fully feels disruptive. Change to them equals conflict. And conflict feels dangerous. So they numb it out with TV, doom scrolling, busyness, comfort routines, all of that. And those behaviors can be a great clue and indicator to what season of your life that you're currently in. It feels comfy, but conflict is coming. And if you if you don't address the things that we're talking about here, okay? Little warning. Okay, so now let's look at where the type nine goes on the diagram when stress shows
Stress Responses in Type Nine
00:29:13
Speaker
up. And as we've already seen, nines tend to manage stress by minimizing their own desires, avoiding difficult decisions, and retreating into their own desires.
00:29:22
Speaker
into their little comfort zones, whether that's zoning out or staying busy with low stakes routines or emotionally checking out. ah But when those coping strategies stop working and the anxiety starts coming out, nines move toward type six. They begin investing heavily in ideas, c plans, relationships that promise safety and certainty or reasserance reassurance of some kind, right?
00:29:49
Speaker
When worry and anxiety rise, Stressed out nines often swing into overdrive. They suddenly become intensely focused on work or projects or responsibilities as if trying to secure every possible outcome at once. It can feel like they've snapped out of avoidance and into urgency, making lists, double-checking details, and feeling internally pressured to, you know, get it together. And at the same time, they may become more reactive to the expectations of others, responding with subtle defensiveness, irritability, or again, passive-aggressive behavior when they feel overwhelmed. Yeah.
00:30:30
Speaker
But in this state, the nine's usually positive, easygoing philosophy of life begins to crack, revealing the doubts and pessimism they've been pushing away. Like stressed sixes, they may start voicing long buried complaints about people who haven't shown up,
00:30:48
Speaker
responsibilities that feel unfair or how hard life has been for them. And while vening venting can temporarily reduce their stress, it can also lead to a kind of siege mentality where suspicion grows and blame gets projected outward.
00:31:04
Speaker
And in more intense moments, this can escalate into sudden anger, like out of nowhere or defiance or emotional outbursts. Anger episodes that often like surprise nines just as much as people witnessing them, right? So...
00:31:20
Speaker
To compare the light and shadow sides, a healthy type nine responds to stress by staying present, naming what they need and taking steady grounded action.
00:31:31
Speaker
a stressed type nine swings between checking out and suddenly over-functioning, going from avoidance to anxiety from it's fine, everything's great, everything's urgent without realizing how intense these things have become.
00:31:47
Speaker
Okay, let's take a deep breath here. How are you feeling? Did you zone out there and need to rewind? Because if so, I really encourage you to do so. But I hope that you got some good good insight into yourself. And before we move on to growth practices, let's touch on the wings for our type nines. Okay.
00:32:06
Speaker
First off, the wings in, ah they add an extra spice, little bit of flavor to your core type. You can lean on either side with throughout your life or maybe even throughout your day, depending on the circumstances.
00:32:19
Speaker
But typically you do have a dominant side. So the nine wing one is the idealistic peacemaker. These nines are more organized, more principled, more internally critical. They want peace, but the right kind of peace. Okay. Okay. They may repress anger even harder because they believe that um they should be calm, good, and correct. And growth here for them looks like allowing imperfection and emotional messiness. Okay.
00:32:55
Speaker
Now the type ah nine wing eight is the assertive peacemaker. These nines are more grounded. They're more protective, more ah quietly powerful. They still avoid conflict, but when they're pushed, that eight energy comes out oh like, all right, I tried being nice. Like,
00:33:15
Speaker
Scary.
Shadow Sides and Personal Growth
00:33:16
Speaker
but But growth here looks like proactive assertion, not waiting until anger explodes. Okay. All right. Touched on that real quick. We might deep dive into those. I'm not sure. Let me know what you think.
00:33:29
Speaker
But let's get into the homework. Okay. Things to take with you to try out and implement into your life permanently. ok nonnegotiable ok Okay. Okay.
00:33:41
Speaker
First off, practice naming preferences. Just start small, babe. Start small. So instead of, I don't care, try. Well, actually, no, I would prefer XYZ.
00:33:54
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No justification, no apology, which ah even for me, that can be hard. Be like, not sorry, but i actually think we should. ah Try it. Give it a shot. Okay. Preferences are not aggression. Practice saying no. and Easier said than done, right? But the word no holds so much value to you and you need to access it. It's so much easier Trust me, please. It's so much easier to let others know your preferences upfront rather than regretting it later.
00:34:26
Speaker
Also remember, other people are much more likely to be upset with you when they know that you are resisting their plans when you initially agreed to it in the first place. Okay. The majority of people genuinely want to know what your real opinions are or what you prefer, even if for you in the moment, it feels unimportant. Okay.
00:34:46
Speaker
think that I think a lot of people need to remember that. But second, develop your talents, okay? Take a big cue from our healthy threes and begin intentionally investing your time and energy in developing yourself and your natural
Strategies for Personal Development
00:35:02
Speaker
talents. There are plenty of enjoyable and perfectly valid ways to spend your time you know, watching movies, scrolling, relaxing, or being with friends and family, right? But be mindful not to shortchange yourself by consistently putting your own growth last, right?
00:35:21
Speaker
Growth doesn't have to be so dramatic. It can look like just taking class, practicing a skill you've been avoiding, sharing your ideas publicly, or committing to a personal goal that actually matters to you, okay?
00:35:34
Speaker
Those first steps may and will stir up anxiety and or self-doubt old fears about visibility, worth, or failure. but It all tends to surface when nines prioritize themselves. Okay, that's normal.
00:35:46
Speaker
Let it be. But if you stay with it, the rewards of continuing your development are far deeper and more satisfying than temporary comfort. Okay. And here's the part nines often worry about the most. Investing yourself in yourself won't disconnect you from others. Okay. In fact, it strengthens your relationships. When you are more alive, engaged, and self-expressed, everybody around you benefits from a fuller, more present version of yourself.
00:36:18
Speaker
Okay. All right. Two more. Three, schedule desire. This is a short and sweet one, but yeah, literally schedule desire if you have to. Ask yourself weekly, what do I want more of? What do I want less of? And then act on one small thing. Even if it's the restaurant you've been wanting to try that you saw on Instagram, text your group chat or your spouse partner about it um when they're trying to make reservations for Friday night. Be like, I saw this. Great. thing. ah I would love to try that. I'll make a reservation. People were like, cool. If they don't go along with it whatever. You still spoke up for yourself. That's a win. Okay?
00:36:55
Speaker
All right. Lastly, befriend anger. Anger is not the enemy. For nines, anger is a signal that something matters. Remember that. Write that down. Okay. Let it inform you without letting it run the show. So learn to recognize and process it. For most type nines, anger feels genuinely threatening. And of all the emotions, it often, it seems like the one that's the most capable of destroying all this inner peace, right?
00:37:24
Speaker
And yet paradoxically, paradoxically, you know what i mean? Anger is also the doorway to a nine's inner power. It's the fuel that can burn through inertia and wake them back up to themselves. This doesn't mean you need to start yelling at people or picking fights or suddenly becoming aggressive with people. Anger doesn't require explosions to be real, okay?
00:37:49
Speaker
What it does mean is that When anger shows up, it's okay to acknowledge it and communicate it. It's okay to say, that hurt, or I'm actually upset about this, instead of swallowing it whole, okay?
00:38:03
Speaker
One of the most powerful practices for nines is learning to notice anger in the body. How does it show up for you? Tightness in the chest, clenched jaw, heaviness in your belly, or just a sudden urge to withdraw, right? Becoming familiar with anger as a physical sensation rather than a moral failure can help nines relate to it with curiosity instead of fear and ultimately use it as information rather something to avoid, right? I relate to that too because I feel anger.
00:38:35
Speaker
it might i describe it as my blood starts to boil. well and That's when I know I need to take a clue from my type nines and just take a beat before I ruin something. I swear I'm nice. Anyway, so to wrap this up, type nines reclaim their essential nature by doing what all of us need to do, facing their deepest fear, the fear of losing
Rediscovering Presence and Worth
00:38:59
Speaker
connection. In doing so, they also begin to release the belief that their presence doesn't really matter, that they don't need to fully show up in their own lives. And over time, nines discover that the unity and wholeness they long for can't be found by drifting into imagination, distraction, or emotional numbness. It's found by engaging fully in the present moment, exactly as it is. And that engagement requires connecting with their instinctual energy and physical presence, being in their bodies in real time with real feelings.
00:39:34
Speaker
This process often brings nines face to face with long repressed anger and rage. Emotions that can feel deeply threatening to their familiar sense of calm and identity. But when nines stay with themselves, when they don't collapse or disappear and learn to integrate that anger rather than avoid it, something just stabilizing emerges. They begin to experience the steadiness and grounded strength they've been searching for all along. And from this foundation, growing and actualizing nines become quietly powerful
00:40:09
Speaker
graceful, resilient, and aligned with a deeper sense of purpose and truth. Liberated nines are fully present to the wholeness and unity of existence while still retaining a clear sense of self.
00:40:22
Speaker
Less healthy nines may glimpse the vast boundless nature of reality, but tend to lose themselves within it, merging with their surroundings or disappearing into comfort.
00:40:32
Speaker
Liberated nines, however, don't forget who they are. They learn to hold the paradox of life, understanding that pleasure and pain, joy and sadness, union and loss, peace, anxiety, life and death are not contradictions to be avoided, but interconnected realities that can be lived with openness, courage and presence.
00:40:53
Speaker
So my type nines out there, you are not here to disappear. You are not here to make everyone else comfortable at your own expense. Your presence matters, your desires matter, your voice matters. The world doesn't need you to be quieter, it needs you to be awake.
00:41:10
Speaker
Okay. but that concludes our type nine episode. So please let me know what you think in the socials or on YouTube, whatever. I am so grateful again to all of you that are here supporting the dream. And as mentioned earlier, we will start our next series, the childhood wounds, where I dive into each of your types childhood wounds. Okay. It's going to be a little juicy.
00:41:33
Speaker
But until next time, stay grounded, stay weird, and don't stop being you. This is the Still You Pod. Peace out.