Transcript
Speaker: hey everybody, it's Matt. ah Obviously, there's no episode this week, and because of that, ah me and Pat, we just wanted to it do something for the listeners. We to give you a little something, so what is about to follow are two separate episodes of a little mini podcast that we...
Speaker: irregularly put up on our Patreon, our paid Patreon tier, which remember, uh, there will be a link in the show notes. You can go patreon.com slash mutant menace, I think. And if if you pay any, any amount you think the show is worth, any amount you, uh, you know, ah how much enjoyment have you gotten from us? How much enjoyment do you get from us a month? And to you, how much is that worth? Is that worth a dollar?
Speaker: Is that worth what the cost of a beer? So, well, actually that's like seven to $12 to go to where you live, you know, ah whatever. But Hey, if you lived close, you might buy me and Pat a beer,
Speaker: One of us at a time. well One month you buy Pat a beer. The next month you might buy me a beer. If you lived close enough too to say, hey, thanks for the podcast.
Speaker: So I've lost the point. The point is you are about to hear two episodes of this silly little podcast we call Puffy Faffin with Pat and Matt.
Speaker: Or the other way around. And it's just us fucking around. There's nothing about X-Men. and Well, there might be sometimes. But it's not strictly X-Men focused. And there's a bunch of these. And...
Speaker: We haven't posted one to the Patreon in a while, but there will be more. There's also outtakes every now and then we post on the Patreon. And remember, you can always subscribe for free and just get our weird little infographics that show the reading list for the next usually like 10 episodes.
Speaker: All right. Is there anything else? don't know. Thanks for listening. That's all. Enjoy Puffy Faffin with Matt and Pat.
Speaker: are you playing the song? No, we're not playing the song. but You know, we should play a song. A song.
Speaker: Hey, everybody. Thanks for subscribing to the Patreon. This is Puffy Faffin with Matt and Pat. You'll get a couple of these. What do you say, Pat? Every couple weeks? Something like that. Yeah, whenever we're feeling... One of these every couple of weeks. Randy, we're not going to do this all the time, but we appreciate... We should have done this at the beginning. We appreciate the folks that have signed up for the Patreon so early on. I have an idea, Pat. We did do this at the beginning.
Speaker: Oh, shit. Cut that, Gerald. Gerald! They don't know who Gerald is yet.
Speaker: you No. deluoo do I don't think you should just start... No, I was not saying I think you should start singing a song. Oh. It's fine that you did. It's fine. No, and like it's fine that you did. It's just I didn't... Do you have a song?
Speaker: Do you have a song to play? You could play Moon River.
Speaker: Dancing in the Street? Yeah. What if are we allowed to pirate songs within a Patreon? Because it's kind of like hidden.
Speaker: Like, OK, OK, plus sides. Can you write this down? OK. In the yes column, it is hidden. It's hidden.
Speaker: They would have to pay to bust us for copyright infringement. On the on the downside, and the negative side. Yeah. I mean, it's we're definitely then making money off of copyrighted material.
Speaker: Copyright. Is it still pirating? If i play the song on Spotify, but I'm on my computer, i would record the sound. I have fucking wondered that like for so long. It's like, okay, if I am Spotify is public.
Speaker: Right. Right. So if you just play or say, you know, even even more YouTube, right? YouTube is free and it's public. So if I am like at an event and I start playing songs from YouTube at the event and it's and it it's it's so good. All right. I'm so good at DJing. I'm i am the world's. Okay. No one realizes that at the time I get i get up there.
Speaker: what is it What does it start as? You just give me an event that this starts as. the county fair okay so what's the county fair i get up there i start playing i i start playing stuff on youtube i become just instantly viral for being the world's greatest youtube dj okay the news media comes they start filming me up there but i'm playing copyrighted material thousands oh now it's going out on the news tens of thousands of people show up it is although a blow it is a massive it is more people than this county has ever seen in their life documentary crew shows up all still fair use i think they start filming me i am the world's greatest youtube gj now what's the g stand for there good i'm a good jockey good jock
Speaker: Is have I violated any copyright? Has anyone of any of us, all of us like now there's TikToks, there's Vines, there's YouTube shorts, there's Instagram minis, there's Tubi pluses and a documentary and news media.
Speaker: And plus, you're not paying for YouTube, so the ads are still playing. Like, the you the advertisers are still getting... Yes! Which people's people compliment. They're like, you know what is so good about him as a YouTube... but As the world's greatest YouTube DJ? Also, the ads...
Speaker: I love the way you work ads. The ads that YouTube serves him are really good ads. He's got such good taste. This guy must have such good taste that YouTube only serves him the world's best ads.
Speaker: God, have you been on YouTube lately? YouTube.com? i i I have. That ads I'm getting. So as you know, Matt, I've been watching the Drew Carey show in its entirety on YouTube.
Speaker: And they plug ads in where the commercial break should be, which is great. They're making their money off of it. that's Do they do it accurately? Or is it like... Or is it like the commercial comes in and then you come back and then they clearly cut to commercial and then come back one second? like it's It's a mix. You can tell the person that was in a computer studio somewhere picking out when the commercial breaks would be had to do this over several days. You can see the beginning of their shift where they're...
Speaker: where they're rigorous about it at the end of their shift where they yeah they get a little lazy with it. Right, right. But because you're watching Drew Carey shows for a full workday, you can chart this out. That's right. Okay, all right.
Speaker: uh the ads that they're showing are so about half of them are ai voices and ai actors trying to sell you a product that they're showing ai images of and there's at no point does it seem like any of it is real there's this one guy who hates the state of Pennsylvania right now. He says it's the worst state to live in and nobody's talking about it. And then he goes on to talk about like car insurance rates, right? And where you can get cheap car insurance. Loves living in Pennsylvania.
Speaker: But it's clearly an AI-generated man speaking on a stage to an AI crowd of people. And sometimes his voice is like a... like a stern mid-range politician's voice. And sometimes his voice is an exact clone of Jordan Peterson's.
Speaker: Like somebody used a Jordan Peterson voice ai Right. and But only for parts of it. There's two versions of this commercial, I should say. One version has him with the just regular person's voice. The other person has him opening with Jordan Peterson's voice and then ah going on to his normal speaking voice.
Speaker: Can I tell you something that I've been thinking about a lot and worrying about and just like kind of sorry, haven't been thinking. I've been worrying about it, but I've been sort of refusing to think about it. And maybe I'm going to allow you to help me think about it now. um thank you my son has been coming over to watch attack on titan which i call okay the attacky titans because i'm a dad so uh very silly ah so okay he is using no okay it's mine okay never mind forget to cut that cut it cut that part
Speaker: Cut it. Cut the Tacky Titans. Gerald! No, leave an attack. Gerald, leave an attacky Titans. He's trying to cut a Tacky Titans, Pat. No, can't just mark the tape after Tacky Titans. Leave an attacky Titans.
Speaker: Cut where I say, I almost say that it's not my Hulu, but then remember that it is my Hulu. Thank you. He's going to leave that part in.
Speaker: Thank you. you you gotta be's not that He was supposed to not do that. Hold on. Whatever. I'm not going to keep worrying about this. You got to be nice to him. He's a little on edge. Well, we do yell at him a lot.
Speaker: And in the main feed, we cut that out. Yeah, he always cuts it.
Speaker: Okay, so we're watching Attacky Titans and the Attacky Titans and he and the ads that come up are number one.
Speaker: like gambling AI generated gambling casino ads. Oh yeah. Yeah. But way more than that is like sex enhancement,
Speaker: aids like hymns or oh you know like not like not like sex toys but like like bony pills like pi pills for your little bony yeah and okay so i can i can kind of sort of reason that right like it's my hulu is linked to my spotify my spotify is probably linked to something else don't know fucking google or whatever it knows i'm a middle-aged man We should also mention that your son is over 18, so it's perfectly fine that he's taking a list of, yeah, yeah. yeah um
Speaker: When it, we should call this, ah hold on, let me think, the Puffy Faff, we should work the word Puffy Faff. The Puffy The Puffy Faff into the name, like the Puffy Faff, Puffy Faff hour, but it's 10 minutes. Puffy Faff report.
Speaker: The Puffy Faff. Or just call, just calling it, we could just call it, hey, it's Puffy Faffin with Matt and Pat. Puffy Faffin with Matt and Pat, that is, that's the one. Okay. I guess, i I'm guessing it's just like, oh, this guy's middle-aged, so he's probably going to have a problem with his bony pretty soon. Sure.
Speaker: We want him to know that he can take a bony pill, get it going. Get all horned up. But if it's following me, it knows I'm horny as fuck already. So it knows that it's not like a it's not a thing I'm facing now.
Speaker: Second of all, it's not recommending me other middle aged people stuff. It's not recommending me like ah back supplement. And I do have a bad back and I don't have a bad bony. Do you see what I'm saying?
Speaker: I think you've fallen into the classic, like, I just bought a fridge. Why are you showing me ads for a fridge trap? Where okay you're on dating sites, which is, I presume, what you mean by the computer knowing that you're horny.
Speaker: yeah i Yeah, because I keep submitting my dating tapes to above board dating websites. i And so even though you are doing what you need to to address it by using the computer, the computer still says, oh he needs sex and starts trying to sell it to you.
Speaker: Okay, because I've been searching for it. So it doesn't know I've had the sex. It's like this guy, this guy keeps looking up sex. He really wants it. So we'll advertise it to him.
Speaker: Exactly. But it's not that I look up sex. I look up the X-Men far more than I look up sex. I look up Stardew Valley guides more than I look up the X-Men or sex.
Speaker: We watch a lot of Family Feud and the Today Show most mornings, so we get a lot of ads targeted for 65 up.
Speaker: lot of retirement options, lot of cruises, this lot of prescription medications. This is sort of what I'd expect, though, right? Like, i'd I'd expect it to be a lot of stuff in this category. And it's just, just bony pills, 100%. They're pretty popular.
Speaker: I'm sure we'll figure it out. Anyway, thank you for subscribing to the Patreon. We're glad you're here. Yeah, yeah. We're just going to goof about. We're going to... I can try to predict what we're going to talk about.
Speaker: Unless I've already forgotten the future. now now we're at the end, actually. I cut it in there. Now we're at the end. Oh, Gerald. Cut it there. Now we're at the end. So... My ruse. Anyway, thank you guys for listening. and but but We'll catch you next time.
Speaker: Bye.
Speaker: recording button oh you're really nosy today i well you keep staring at your screen going wow holy shit yeah sometimes they're just things that people need to experience for themselves
Speaker: can you can you do that on your own time
Speaker: How's it going, Pat? Good. Good enough. I just got back from vacation.
Speaker: What, ah how was How was your vacation? It was good. Okay. ah Visited some friends and some family and some people we consider both.
Speaker: i Got snowed in in Mystic, Connecticut. We had to, because of the blizzard that hit the Northeast, we had to adjust our plans a little bit. Ended up ah in a blizzard in a vacation town where everything was closed and made the best of ah of our situation.
Speaker: It does sound like you're saying like in Mystic, connect like ah like ah like a travel agency sort of We got stranded in Mystic, Connecticut.
Speaker: It's a destination. It's a little beach town. It's really you it's a charming little town. Ah, Mystic, Connecticut, from Hartford all the way up to... but Oh, I see. New Haven. Like, visit Connecticut. Visit the mystic. Visit Mystic Connecticut. Mystical Connecticut.
Speaker: um That'd be way cooler. So, okay, so you were in Mystic Connecticut, snowed in. Snowed in. We stayed at a nice hotel, though. We watched a lot of goofy movies.
Speaker: There was only one goofy movie. We also there's actually two. We also got to you. Yeah, there's they made a second. We also stopped in New Hampshire. We stopped in Portland, Maine. ah Okay.
Speaker: A few different stops. I did. You know, what you know, those bits that you do and they're really funny, but your wife hates them. You know, when that happens.
Speaker: Yes. Well, no. Or your partner, whoever you're yes your romantic partner is. No, but yes, yes. Despite the fact that they are extremely funny. So on our trip, we were visiting friends. We were visiting family. We visited a four-year-old girl who is the sweetest girl in the world. She is very precious. She's like...
Speaker: at that stage where she knows how to talk she knows how to act independently um okay but she's still obviously very reliant on her parents for things that are that she doesn't know how to control right so she would throw a little tantrum ah or maybe it was when she was throwing a little tantrum if she would get hot like just being indoors and having coat on or something, right? she would She would start crying about it a little bit. She would start going like, I'm hot, I'm hot, I'm hot. And then wait for someone to fix the situation. Somebody would be like, okay, we're wellll we had to put your jacket on because we're going outside in just a second and everything will be okay when we get there, right? Or okay let's just take the hat off your head. and you'll You'll be much cooler.
Speaker: We were packing up from the hotel Mystic after after the blizzard and and the roads got cleared and everything. We were getting ready to leave. And i was waiting for I bundled myself up ready to face the snow and was waiting for my wife who was standing in the doorway and did not was not facing me for this.
Speaker: So after a few minutes of standing there and sweating a little bit because I'm in all my winter clothes, I went hot, hot. I'm hot. ah
Speaker: And it scared the shit out of her. scared her.
Speaker: And I had to explain to her that I just thought I would try that approach me to see how it worked. to get her to to get her to so to hurry up so you could go.
Speaker: no no, no. Just ever since I saw You wanted to see if it would cool you down. child handle being hot i was just and i i didn't expect it to cool me down but i was just like i wonder what would happen i wonder if she's got she's got something figured out it seems to work for her uh man are there any ailments that you can recover from just by shouting about them besides quiet i'm quiet
Speaker: um Anxious. Feeling anxious. Is that? I don't know that that. was I think that one might just kind of like raise your blood pressure. Raise your. ah It helps i on a plane.
Speaker: i And the thing about doing that on a plane is it helps the people around you. Yeah. they net Then they understand why you're acting so erratically. And then they say, oh, oh okay.
Speaker: he's a lot Hey, they say to this the the the the stewards, the flight attendants, they say, hey he's allowed to be in the baggage compartment. He's anxious. This boy's just anxious. He's anxious. Let him be there.
Speaker: They will actually, if you're ever having a panic attack on a plane, if you tell a flight attendant calmly, i they'll take care of you. They know what to do. hes He's allowed to open and close the cool bathroom doors as many times as he wants. He's an anxious boy. It's very satisfying.
Speaker: i I think I have. I think I've shared this with you before. but let me ask. Have I shared with you before my remedy for beating the cold when like when you're outside and it's cold and you have to you know, you have to endure it?
Speaker: Um, no, no. Let me, I'm pretty sure I have actually. Okay. Probably just forgot. So let me refresh your memory. Uh, back in the, I want to say like late nineties, early aughts, uh, Wendy's is going real far back. Yeah. Yeah. This is, in this is a it's withstood the test of time. Uh, Wendy's put out a commercial for their spicy chicken sandwich. Uh, it was, it was sometime in the winter, And it depicted a man who was like outside freezing cold. And then the announcer was like, but you wouldn't be so cold if you had a spicy chicken sandwich. I'm freezing. Try thinking about something hot. Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich. And then that man pictured a by a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich in his head. Come on, man. What you thinking about? mind if I open the window? And suddenly the like cartoonish ice that was on him melted off and he's standing outside, but his body is clearly heating up, turning a bit red.
Speaker: And ever since I saw that, standing outside in the cold, i can picture a Wendy's... spicy chicken sandwich and feel my body start to heat i can feel the blood coursing through my veins if you will and uh i can feel my body start to heat up and i i settle from the cold that i'm standing in when you're hot you're hot do you feel like there's anybody in marketing in ah in wendy's marketing who is like look
Speaker: I get what you're going for with this commercial, but if we tell if we show them all they have to do is picture a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich, then they're not going to go buy the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich.
Speaker: so So, like, maybe, like, they tried a draft of the commercial where they all, like, the guy pictures a Wendy's chicken sandwich. There's two guys. And he's like, you know, you wouldn't be freezing if you had a Wendy's chicken, spicy chicken sandwich. And one guy pictures the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich and it freezes to death.
Speaker: And the other one goes into Wendy's and buys a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich and goes... And then the melt, the ice melts off of him. And in fact, the ice melts off of him and his friend, but his friend that when the ice melts off his friend, his friend's body collapses. And yeah, his friend is dead. It's dead. Oh my God. Because he just pictured a Wendy's chicken sandwich and didn't buy one. Yeah. This man is dead. And then it cuts Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich available at limited Wendy's across the United States.
Speaker: I wonder if that like, okay. This raises an interesting question, Matt. Oh, thank you. If I went out into the snow in like shorts and a t-shirt, right?
Speaker: No shoes. at Hell, i'm nude in a snowstorm. All right. Okay. Picture me picture me nude in snowstorm. Thanks. Now,
Speaker: i am under the assumption that the only protection I need from the elephants it is to picture a spicy, a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich. Yes.
Speaker: And... you die i die or maybe i can still get something out of this i get like frostbite i lose a leg well you're you're nude so i'm i'm imagining you lose your penis no i'm sorry if you're gonna go for it if you're gonna fucking go for it
Speaker: then could my next of kin sue Wendy's for false advertising. a All right. So you sit down and you write on a piece of paper.
Speaker: I, Pat Reber, being of sound mind and body. ah Not agreeing to this, just. I'm going to go outside In the freezing cold.
Speaker: Nude. Because I know. based on the um that the the earnest marketing of my good friends at Wendy's.
Speaker: That I will be perfectly fine if all I do is picture a Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich. The only protection I need. And then you walk outside and you freeze your little penis off and then die.
Speaker: Just die. Well, I think probably first you're going to. yeah
Speaker: probably first there's a there's an order of events here and i don't think you can uh you can skirt around all right well we can skip right to the i die okay okay and then your next of kin they see the note and they say oh no daddy and they run outside find your little penis they kick it into a snowbank no one needs we don't want him to be embarrassed that's why did They preserve it. No, I think they they're like, oh, no, I don't want anyone to see my daddy's little penis. And then they kick it.
Speaker: and This is an adult child, by the way. They kick it like under the car or whatever. And then they quick text your other four children. And they run out and they start piling snow on it. And then the first child finally goes over to check on your body.
Speaker: And you're dead. Dead. Okay.
Speaker: That's fine. I'm editing this one. Yeah, they can sue. i think they can sue. All right. So let's dig up that commercial and make sure I have all the details right. Okay. I think we can pull this off.
Speaker: um
Speaker: Yeah, I'm trying to think of what do I do to keep myself warm when I'm out in the cold. Here's the thing I never know.
Speaker: Are you supposed to allow yourself to shiver and like ah tense up and convulse and stuff when you're outside in the cold? Like when you're super cold. Are you are you supposed to allow yourself to do that? Are you supposed to fight that?
Speaker: Because I fight it and then I'm usually like halfway through fighting it. And I'm like, well, is it using more energy to fight it? And I should just let myself shiver. And actually that's going to warm me up.
Speaker: I have no idea. Yeah. Mutant Menace Pod plus Puffy Faffin at Gmail dot com. I mean, usually I use my large penis to keep me warm in the when I'm stuck in the cold.
Speaker: How's that work?
Speaker: I don't have any more. I didn't have a response, nor do I have any other bits. I'm sorry. I wouldn't want to hear the response.
Speaker: Okay, ah fuck it. I had so much fun listening back to these that I'm going throw in a third one. I hope you guys are enjoying them as much as as much as me and Pat are had making them, as far as I remember.
Speaker: I am pretty sure I just broke a record, or at least tied it. It might be a record that you can't break because there is an upper limit here, but I'm pretty sure I took the longest nap in the world.
Speaker: Okay. Just a short time ago. It's why we're starting so late tonight. How? Okay.
Speaker: how How long was this nap? Uh, three and a half hours. Well, so that's going to bed, though. No, no, no, no. Here's what I was going to say. Wrong. Okay. Any...
Speaker: longer and we would be rounding up to four hours which is a full night's sleep and like the low end of a full night's sleep yeah it's not a full night it is a it is a sleep i'd say it's not i wouldn't say it's a full night's sleep i'd say it's just sleep yeah but that's yeah that's where i would draw the line between nap and actually sleeping it's four well so i've definitely fallen asleep after work and woken up four hours later that's a full night's sleep sorry
Speaker: uh okay well how do you feel i actually feel good i think i needed it okay yeah what uh what else is going on
Speaker: Do you have any of other observations about your nap? No. Let's print this. It's the fastest episode yet.
Speaker: I'm back. It's me. It's it's present day Matt Aukamp. Yeah. I hope you enjoyed those three little puffy faffs. And ah again, if you want to join the Patreon, feel free. You can subscribe for zero dollars. You can and you won't get more puffy faffins but you'll get some stuff you can subscribe for any ah if you subscribe for any amount of money you get more little little nuggets like this they're inconsistent at least timed not inconsistent in quality did did you hear those things those are fucking absolute gold Those are, would have won award for this this this one. But ah you get those, you get outtakes every now and then you get, um when we do bonus episodes, you get them a week early.
Speaker: So also you just support us. It just, it just, if you want no pressure, of course, the economy's hard on all of us right now, but it's another way to support us.
Speaker: Anyway, we we'll be back next week with some more X-Men, which are really here for. And oh see you then. Okay.
Speaker: Bye.
