Transcript
Speaker: Hello, hello friends.
Speaker: Welcome back to another episode of Wholeheartedly Her.
Speaker: I'm your host, Laura Pryor, and I wanted to start off today by just thanking you for bearing with me the past few weeks.
Speaker: I know my podcast episodes have not been up as often as I would have
Speaker: liked for them to be, but between just not being able to book as many guests and traveling and illnesses, just, you know, and having a kid, that keeps us pretty busy and my schedule has been pretty wild recently.
Speaker: I haven't gotten to devote as much time as I would have liked to, but I'm back.
Speaker: And this week I did a solo episode, which I swore I would never, ever, ever, ever do, but I did it.
Speaker: And I am just as awkward by myself as I thought I would be.
Speaker: So, these solo episodes may be few and far between, but this week I just wanted to come on and talk about some different first-time motherhood lessons I have learned.
Speaker: As of today, I am nine months postpartum and I have learned more in the past nine months than I thought.
Speaker: I didn't know there was this much to learn about motherhood is all I'm going to say.
Speaker: Um, it's been a great nine months, obviously, but I just wanted to pass on some lessons that I've learned and some advice that I wish I'd been given before I was a first time mom.
Speaker: I actually asked in a question box on Instagram and had some friends, um, respond with some advice and lessons that they've also learned and
Speaker: So I hope this is beneficial for you if you're out there, you're a first time mom or about to become a mom for the first time.
Speaker: I hope this fills your cup today.
Speaker: I hope you're encouraged and hopeful from today's episode.
Speaker: So here we go.
Speaker: Grab a seat.
Speaker: Welcome to the table.
Speaker: Welcome back to Wholeheartedly Herd.
Speaker: Hello, hello, friends.
Speaker: Welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker: I'm your host, Laura Pryor, and today you can probably hear a little bit of background noise because I am recording on my headphones, on my phone, and
Speaker: because I'm chasing a small human around.
Speaker: And this is what the podcast is this week.
Speaker: It's just been, it's been a wild few weeks.
Speaker: And so I'm just recording a solo podcast this week because I want something to publish, um, just to, you know, keep the podcast going, but it's probably going to be very short, sweet to the point.
Speaker: And you're probably going to hear my kid in the background.
Speaker: And that's why I'm recording on my headphones is because I'm
Speaker: I need to be agile and mobile to be able to chase them around the living room.
Speaker: So this week, I just wanted to talk about first time motherhood, how that's going for me, some things that I've learned, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker: And I actually had some followers write in to a question box that I put on my personal Instagram almost a year ago when the podcast was going to look a little bit differently.
Speaker: And I wanted to go through a few of those submissions, talk about what some moms wrote in that they wish they would have known about first-time motherhood and just about motherhood in general.
Speaker: So if that's what you're needing this week, then I'm hoping this podcast serves you.
Speaker: I hope it's not too...
Speaker: mumbo jumbo all over the place and I hope there's not too many baby squeals in the background but just bear with me because that's what this thing is gonna look like so with that being said welcome back to the podcast I wish I had more life updates for you guys but honestly life in general has just been wild and crazy and like not in a bad way just in a regular like we have a nine-month-old almost kind of way and
Speaker: We have been traveling.
Speaker: A couple of weeks ago, we road trip to Branson, Missouri for our anniversary.
Speaker: We celebrated our fifth anniversary at Silver Dollar City, one of my favorite places ever.
Speaker: Ian said this because I'm an 84-year-old at heart, and I would tend to agree with him.
Speaker: This coming weekend, we are traveling to see my husband's parents for Father's Day, and we're dedicating Arthur at baby dedication at his dad's church.
Speaker: For those who don't know, my father-in-law is a pastor, and so that's going to be a special moment for his side of the family, and obviously us.
Speaker: So we're really looking forward to that.
Speaker: Arthur is literally all over the place.
Speaker: He, honestly, he's just, I don't even know how to explain it.
Speaker: I know that we're in for quite a ride with him over the next 18 plus years because he went from just rolling over and not really scooting to crawling, sitting up, and pulling up all within the same four day span.
Speaker: So that was quite a shock for us because we didn't really think all of that would come for a little bit.
Speaker: But here we are having to baby proof the house.
Speaker: We put the playpen up.
Speaker: And that's just been super fun for everyone.
Speaker: So if you have any baby proofing tips, please send them my way or better yet, I will pay you so much money to come baby proof my house because
Speaker: That is something that I have no knowledge in.
Speaker: So please send me all of your tips and advice because that is a whole new world for us that we are not prepared for.
Speaker: I wish I had more life updates, but like I said, it's just been kind of a busy, not really an exciting kind of busy, just a regular, we have the kid kind of busy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's just kind of get into the podcast.
Speaker: So yeah,
Speaker: I obviously have been a mom for about nine months now, and it's just been so wild because I feel like, you know, you're pregnant for nine months, and for all those nine months, you're just mentally preparing for, you know, obviously birth itself and the immediate aftermath, but for first-time moms, I feel like it's just so wild.
Speaker: I tell people all the time, like,
Speaker: you grow this human for nine months and then you go from not being a parent to being a parent literally in the span of seconds during birth.
Speaker: And it's just like, you're just supposed to fall in love with this child and care for this child and know everything, like what to do, like what's right, what's wrong.
Speaker: And it's just like this wild,
Speaker: flurry of expectations that no one prepares you for and you can't even prepare yourself for it and there's really there's literally no way you can prepare someone or yourself for it because it's different for every person some people have that love at first sight feeling with their kid for arthur and i honestly there was not bonding partly i'm sure because he never nursed because of a multitude of reasons for me it was there was a lot i mean i hate the word trauma but
Speaker: I guess for lack of a better word, trauma.
Speaker: There's a lot of trauma associated with the birth and delivery environment and the immediate postpartum.
Speaker: And I think that had a lot to do with it as well.
Speaker: Like I said, just a lot of factors went into our lack of bonding.
Speaker: And so for me, it really took
Speaker: a few months before I was even like, okay, I'm cool with this.
Speaker: And I would say probably not until the past three months until I was like, wow, like I really love you.
Speaker: Like,
Speaker: I would actually jump in front of a train for you.
Speaker: And I know that's kind of, honestly, that sounds horrible coming out of my mouth because I feel like so many people are like, oh, they're my kid.
Speaker: Like, obviously, yes, I love him.
Speaker: And yes, like, I have always said, like, I love him because he's my kid.
Speaker: But it was not this, like, deep, emotional, bonded sort of love.
Speaker: It was just this, like, I'm obligated to love you because you're my child.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Hopefully that doesn't sound horrible and please no one call like child protective services on me because I actually, I promise I do love my kid and I would jump in front of a train for him.
Speaker: But it took us a while or at least it took me a while to get there because of how,
Speaker: our relationship started.
Speaker: And so I just wanted to do this episode today because I feel like so many people and so many moms are just under the impression that like, oh, I love my baby.
Speaker: And I remember like, I truly have vivid memories of like when I couldn't sleep at night and the last few weeks, couple months that I was pregnant because of the heartburn and just the increased uncomfortability where I would read these random like
Speaker: stupid, curated for you, like suggested for you, Facebook or Instagram articles or posts or whatever.
Speaker: And I vividly remember one of them was a Buzzfeed article about like 30 different moms or 30 different parents that regretted having their kid.
Speaker: And I was like, Oh my gosh, how horrible, how could you not love your kid?
Speaker: How could you regret having your kid?
Speaker: Like that's your kid.
Speaker: You have to love that kid.
Speaker: And so like, I wouldn't say like, I understand it because I don't ever, I have never regretted having Arthur.
Speaker: it was just kind of more of, oh my gosh, what have I done?
Speaker: Why did we do this?
Speaker: How am I going to survive motherhood?
Speaker: Like, is this what the next 18 years of my life are?
Speaker: Because that immediate postpartum, you really can't see past the next day.
Speaker: And it's very hard to imagine that like it gets better or it gets easier.
Speaker: And I don't even obviously want to promise that it does get better or easier because again, every parent is different.
Speaker: And
Speaker: Every child is different.
Speaker: And depending on that child's set of needs and abilities and, you know, a number of factors, parenthood is much harder for others than it is for other people.
Speaker: And I just feel like society puts this insane set of expectations on us moms to just automatically be like, oh my gosh, that's your kid.
Speaker: You love them.
Speaker: You care for them.
Speaker: And again, of course we love them and care for them.
Speaker: But once you become a mom, there is so much
Speaker: There's just so many expectations that are just immediately piled on you.
Speaker: You're immediately expected to breastfeed.
Speaker: You're immediately expected to bounce back and lose the weight.
Speaker: You're immediately expected to just be happy with every circumstance of your child's life because like, oh, a new baby, oh, it's wonderful.
Speaker: And it's like no one sees the postpartum anxiety and depression that the majority of moms end up with,
Speaker: Even if that's just like maybe the form of baby blues, it's still hard.
Speaker: And no one sees how hard it is for some women to either lose the weight or keep the weight on for some women because a lot of women, if they are breastfeeding, they lose weight really fast.
Speaker: And so, excuse my child's xylophone playing.
Speaker: Of course, he would choose to play that during my podcast.
Speaker: He literally just got that thing like a week ago and now he's obsessed with it during my podcast.
Speaker: Anyways, I feel like I'm rambling at this point, but I just want, if you're a mom, I want you to know that, especially if you're a new mom or first time mom, like, it's okay.
Speaker: Give yourself grace.
Speaker: It is not easy.
Speaker: Like, even if you do just like have all the love in the world for your child.
Speaker: There are so many physical obstacles you have to jump over because of just the healing process itself and not to even get into the mental and emotional obstacles you have to jump over because of the hormones and just the extreme wild change becoming a mom is in general.
Speaker: Now, obviously, I don't know what it's like for women who
Speaker: already have children and then become a mom again.
Speaker: I don't know if that gets easier or harder.
Speaker: And I wish I could speak to that, but I can't as I'm just a mom to one adorable child.
Speaker: But I hope it gets easier with more kids.
Speaker: But also I could see, you know, you already...
Speaker: depending on the age of your child, once you have another child, it could be harder because you're chasing around a little toddler with a whole different set of emotions and needs.
Speaker: And, you know, they're running around and they know the word no, and they know how to slam doors and they're a little bit stronger and can like wrangle out of your grasp instead of, you know, it's just the one newborn.
Speaker: It's you lay them in a little lounger on their blanket and you can kind of, you know, just check out for just a second.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: Anyways, I'm rambling, but first-time moms, if you're out there, just know that you're not alone if you're struggling.
Speaker: Just know that...
Speaker: Even if you're on social media and you see the mom that had her baby just a week after you and she already looks like a supermodel and she can exclusively breastfeed and she just is so, so, so happy.
Speaker: And yes, if you're wondering, I am speaking from experience because this was me.
Speaker: And I should have unfollowed this girl very early on.
Speaker: And obviously, it's not her fault because she's just sharing on social media what she wants to share.
Speaker: But mentally, I was like, oh, my gosh, she's already bounced back just, you know, two months postpartum.
Speaker: And she's up and around and being active.
Speaker: And she looks like a supermodel.
Speaker: And her son is exclusively breastfeeding and having no problems and everything.
Speaker: She just looks so awesome.
Speaker: wonderful and beautiful and happy and warm and fuzzy and it's like that might be their reality and but sometimes that's just the social media reality and just know that like whatever your reality is you're doing just fine if your baby is taken care of and fed no matter how that looks and they're warm and you know getting sleep and thriving and growing and learning like
Speaker: They are doing just fine and you're doing just fine.
Speaker: So again, I'm rambling and I've said that like three times now, but I just hope to be of some encouragement to any sort of new mom out there.
Speaker: Whether you are, you know, just a day or a week postpartum or you're going on a year or a couple of years and you're still struggling, give yourself grace.
Speaker: Your kid is thriving.
Speaker: You love your kid.
Speaker: You're doing great.
Speaker: So I kind of want to get into some of these submissions that I had some friends submit to the question box.
Speaker: And like I said, this has been literally a year ago, almost a year ago.
Speaker: This was actually when I was still pregnant and when the podcast was going to look a tad bit different.
Speaker: But I just wanted to share these with you guys.
Speaker: What I asked on my question box was, what is one topic slash issue slash anything related to motherhood you wish you'd known before becoming a mom or one major lesson you've learned while being a mom?
Speaker: So let's get into these.
Speaker: There's so many.
Speaker: Alright, let's start out with one of the first ones that I really agree with.
Speaker: Do what is best for you and your family and don't feel guilty for it.
Speaker: Let's start out by talking about this one.
Speaker: One of the things I felt most guilty about, and probably more after the fact than in the moment, was the fact that we chose to move Arthur to his own room, his own bed, when he was only six and a half weeks old.
Speaker: And I feel like a lot of people were like, oh my gosh, you're psychotic, he's so little.
Speaker: But obviously I knew his crib was safe.
Speaker: I knew his environment was safe.
Speaker: His room was nice and warm, temperate, I guess.
Speaker: You don't want to get it too warm, but of course you don't want to get it too cold.
Speaker: And, you know, of course all the mom guilt things.
Speaker: But I knew he was in a safe environment.
Speaker: And it's not that he wasn't in a safe environment in his basement in Ian and I's room, but babies are loud sleepers.
Speaker: And you would be shocked by the amount of noise a small, teeny tiny newborn can make.
Speaker: They grunt, they squirm, they get startled in their sleep because they're still learning how to sleep outside the womb, adjusting to different noises.
Speaker: And so they make a lot of noise.
Speaker: And on top of the...
Speaker: regular sleep deprivation just from you know waking up every couple of hours because he was hungry and you know x y and z even while he was asleep we could not sleep because he was making so much noise in his sleep and that's fine like I want him to you know sleep however makes him comfortable but we were not well because we were not getting any sleep
Speaker: And so that was already our goal was to move him pretty early on in the hospital.
Speaker: They were harping quite a bit on like, he should sleep in your room for at least six months, but like the CDC or whoever recommends that they co-sleep in the same room for at least a year.
Speaker: And I'm sitting over here like, I can barely make it to six weeks sharing a room with him.
Speaker: And we just made the decision to move him to his own room and that's okay.
Speaker: Obviously, looking back, I know that was the best decision.
Speaker: I would say not in the moment, but in the first couple of months after we did that, I had a lot of friends are like, oh, yeah, you know, he's still sleeping in our room.
Speaker: Like they're they're kids who are similar ages to Arthur.
Speaker: And I was like, oh, my gosh, like, are we actually psychotic for?
Speaker: putting him in his own room.
Speaker: But again, you have to do what's best for you and your family.
Speaker: Um, something else that might not be, I don't know, might be a little bit frowned upon is the fact that he is almost nine months old and he's still only eating purees.
Speaker: A lot of people are like, Oh, baby little weaning, you know, he eats what you eat.
Speaker: The problem is that he only has two easy, beansy little shards of teeth on his bottom row.
Speaker: And so purees are pretty well all he can eat, but I think he's going to be kind of a picky eater when it comes to textures because we have tried so many, like even mashed like potatoes or avocados, you know, those soft things that just have the littlest little lumps in them.
Speaker: but they're pretty, you know, obviously you can chew them if you put any effort into it at all.
Speaker: He just gags it right up.
Speaker: And so obviously when he gags things up, he's, he's actually like throwing like physically throwing up and that empty systemic and that does not help his nutritional like wellbeing at all.
Speaker: So for now we're still feeding him purees.
Speaker: Again, I don't know if that's frowned upon or not, but
Speaker: Again, he's getting fed, he's growing, he's at a healthy weight, and that's what's best for our family right now.
Speaker: So that being said, don't be afraid to go against the grain if that's what's best for your family and it's still contributing to the well-being of your child.
Speaker: Hey friends, I am just gonna pop in here real quick with a little ad break.
Speaker: Ah, my first ad, I'm so excited.
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Speaker: So another submission said, release expectations and surrender to God and the unknown.
Speaker: Very hard, but also very simple.
Speaker: I totally agree.
Speaker: I feel like as a mom,
Speaker: I've learned that I don't actually control everything.
Speaker: I feel like, you know, when it was just my husband and I, it was easy to just like, you know, plan out our day or even our week and know what the next day or next few days would bring.
Speaker: And that's not the case when you're a mom.
Speaker: Obviously kids, or at least Arthur is somewhat predictable and has, you know, somewhat of a schedule.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: But he might, you know, choose to not nap for as long that day or nap longer than normal, or he might be more hungry on some specific day.
Speaker: And so it's just like, I feel like everything is just so, I mean, there's just so many unknowns when you have a kid.
Speaker: And so I feel like that really feeds into your mental wellbeing because you're just like, I feel like I'm doing a bad job because either he's, you know, he's so hungry and he's waking up in the middle of the night, or, you know, maybe he's,
Speaker: not on those developmental milestones.
Speaker: Like, you know, my friends, kids are, and it's just like, you have to release those ultimately to God.
Speaker: You can talk to your pediatrician obviously, and, you know, get advice or you can read the baby books or follow the social media accounts that, you know, are supposed to help you with X, Y, or Z. But ultimately, like I have so, so, so learned that Arthur is in the Lord's hands ultimately.
Speaker: It doesn't matter what articles I read or what YouTube videos I watch to... She's laughing at our cat right now.
Speaker: It doesn't matter all those things that I try to do to, I guess for lack of a better word, control what he does or doesn't do or whatever.
Speaker: His little wife is in the hands of the Lord and literally every day is a new day and we just have to release that to Jesus because we really aren't in control.
Speaker: To an extent, that's kind of terrifying, but also I'm like, man, that's kind of awesome because I would be such a, like, I do feel like a failure as a mom sometimes, but I would actually be a horrible failure if my kid's entire well-being were in my control.
Speaker: Now, obviously I have to, you know, feed him, clothe him, keep him alive, but so much of that is still in the Lord's hands.
Speaker: And I feel like so often we forget that and we get wrapped up in the, you know, developmental,
Speaker: milestone checklists and we start comparing our children to, oh, do not pull my earrings here.
Speaker: We start comparing our children to our friends' kids and we start to get worried if they are, if our child is seemingly behind or, oh, they're ahead, but some people say if they're ahead, that's not good for their body or, you know, whatever.
Speaker: There's always something wrong.
Speaker: And I feel like so much of that has started to go away with me just surrendering his life to Jesus and just taking my fears to God because ultimately he's in control and I'm not.
Speaker: And that is honestly amazing.
Speaker: So I just wanted to speak to that and say like, yeah, totally, totally agree on that.
Speaker: Someone said, wow, this person actually said a lot of things that I agree with.
Speaker: Set boundaries.
Speaker: Ask for help when you need it.
Speaker: I feel like ask for help and set boundaries can go in just the same category because sometimes we ask for help and then people are like, oh, let me just invite myself over, do everything for you, or invite myself over just so I can hold the baby, which some people perceive as helping and sometimes it is, but sometimes it really isn't.
Speaker: And when it comes to...
Speaker: loved ones, especially family, it's like, it's so awkward sometimes for your mental wellbeing, it is going to be for the best.
Speaker: And I think if you set those boundaries early on, even just like before baby comes, I think that's something I'll do differently with our next child.
Speaker: If, you know, we do have another child is, you
Speaker: not necessarily have a family meeting, but just like send out a text to loved ones who you think will come over quite a bit or just be very involved in your child's life and be like, hey, so, so glad that you want to be involved in my child's life.
Speaker: Obviously, they're blessed to have you in it.
Speaker: Here's some boundaries we're going to set, even just like the immediate first few weeks postpartum, because I didn't.
Speaker: And I think part of that was just trying to
Speaker: escape the depression that I was going through.
Speaker: And so I invited a lot of people over and I still tried to play hostess.
Speaker: And I think that obviously, I'm not even think, I know it contributed to how long it took me to heal from birth.
Speaker: But next time I'm definitely gonna be like, Hey,
Speaker: This is obviously a very special and critical bonding time for our family.
Speaker: Here are the hours you can visit.
Speaker: And if you do visit, please know that like I'll be up in bed probably with the baby, but I need to heal.
Speaker: And I don't think that's
Speaker: an unrealistic expectation because for me, I was up and moving.
Speaker: And obviously it's one thing to be up and moving, but it's another, it's like, I remember getting up off the sofa to try to clean my kitchen and I would have to like stop every couple of minutes.
Speaker: I'm like, Oh, my organs might actually fall out.
Speaker: And so it's just, just making that mental note of like,
Speaker: I am healing.
Speaker: Like no one really realizes how much healing your body has to do after giving birth.
Speaker: Even though like, yeah, women's bodies are built to heal.
Speaker: create life and give birth to humans, but like, it's still an internal wound that no one really thinks about.
Speaker: And it's like, if that wound were external and you saw how big that wound was, you would not be expecting people to be up off their butts and hosting and, you
Speaker: making sure you, you know, have whatever you need, you'd expect them to be in bed, taking care of themselves, resting, getting the nutrients they need to heal their body.
Speaker: And so I think that's so, so huge setting boundaries for loved ones and really setting boundaries for yourself ultimately, because if you set boundaries that are good for your mental health, then I think
Speaker: your mental and physical healing will probably be a lot better.
Speaker: This same friend also said, ask for help when you need it.
Speaker: And I would totally agree with that.
Speaker: I did not know before having a child how horrible I am at asking for help.
Speaker: But I am.
Speaker: And that's something I've had to come to terms with.
Speaker: I am very prideful when it comes to asking for help because I'm someone who's like, no, like, this is my responsibility.
Speaker: I saw Arthur as my responsibility.
Speaker: And unless someone offered to come over, I did not ask them to help.
Speaker: I didn't ask them to watch him.
Speaker: Care for him.
Speaker: Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Speaker: Don't be so prideful in yourself that you forget to ask for help.
Speaker: Obviously, yeah, the kid is your responsibility, but you can ask for help with your responsibilities.
Speaker: Because again, if you are not taken care of, if you are not mentally healing and well, then you can't take care of your child as well.
Speaker: And that's obviously very important to be a new mom.
Speaker: One of my friends said, be flexible with everything, with your routine, milestones, et cetera.
Speaker: Oh, they even said message me anytime.
Speaker: That's so sweet.
Speaker: And I kind of wish I'd taken her off on that.
Speaker: Obviously I kind of, um, talked about that earlier, but yeah, becoming a parent really makes you realize like you don't have control over your day-to-day schedule anymore and being flexible and learning to be okay with being flexible is so huge and
Speaker: honestly beneficial for becoming a parent.
Speaker: One of my friends said a lesson I learned when expectations aren't met, change your expectations.
Speaker: So, so good because you don't like, obviously before you have a kid, you do have these expectations for your child.
Speaker: And once they're out of the womb, you still have these expectations, but your kid doesn't know that.
Speaker: I mean, they're a baby.
Speaker: How are they supposed to meet expectations and they don't even know how to like chew and swallow or, you know, talk or walk or whatever.
Speaker: It's like,
Speaker: I think you and society has these wild expectations and yes, some kids fulfill them and some kids don't.
Speaker: That doesn't mean they're like below average or subpar or something like that.
Speaker: That just means they're a kid and they're learning.
Speaker: And that's something that I've had to learn is it's okay if your child isn't specifically on every developmental milestone.
Speaker: It's okay if they don't eat as much as they're expected to.
Speaker: I remember...
Speaker: And one of my many lactation consultant appointments, and I love my lactation consultant.
Speaker: She's wonderful.
Speaker: But obviously like, you know, she was telling me like, oh, he should be eating this amount, this many ounces, this many times a day.
Speaker: And you know what?
Speaker: I took that with a grain of salt because so many people forget babies are humans too.
Speaker: And just like you and I, sometimes we're hungrier on some days than others.
Speaker: So he would eat more on some days and less on others.
Speaker: He was never being starved or overfed.
Speaker: He was just being a regular human, just like you and I. Some days he was more tired and lethargic than others.
Speaker: Some days he was way more active than others.
Speaker: None of that made him a better or a worse kid.
Speaker: It just meant he's a regular human child who's just adapting to his environment and learning and growing.
Speaker: And that's something that I feel like no one...
Speaker: talks about.
Speaker: It's always, oh, are they meeting this developmental milestone?
Speaker: Are they sleeping through the night?
Speaker: Are they eating solids out for months or six months or whatever the benchmark is nowadays?
Speaker: But yes, that is such good advice.
Speaker: When expectations aren't met, change your expectations.
Speaker: Someone else said, don't listen to everyone else.
Speaker: Do what works for you and don't be ashamed.
Speaker: That's something I already talked about.
Speaker: Oh, actually someone else, and this is actually Ian's aunt, throw the books away.
Speaker: They stressed me out and they weren't that helpful.
Speaker: That is so funny and honestly so true.
Speaker: So I tried to be that mom that wanted to read all the books, educate herself, and that's not a bad thing.
Speaker: I think if that helps you feel like you're more on top of parenting, that's great.
Speaker: But for some people, it just overwhelms them.
Speaker: And it just, again, just feeds into that mom guilt, makes them feel like the worst mom because their kid isn't meeting X, Y, or Z.
Speaker: benchmark or developmental milestone.
Speaker: And again, you will know your kid best.
Speaker: You will know if something is wrong with your child.
Speaker: Obviously consult with your doctor, consult with friends that you trust who have had kids before, but ultimately like you'll know you can trust that mom instinct.
Speaker: You can trust your intuition to know that like, Hey, my kid is doing okay.
Speaker: Even if he's not,
Speaker: on the same level as other children or if he's ahead or if you know whatever you know your kid best.
Speaker: This one man I just need to like print this out and frame it.
Speaker: Comparison is the thief of joy and that hits hard when it's your mothering and your kids.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Like I said earlier, I was the biggest offender of this.
Speaker: I, and I feel bad thinking about it.
Speaker: Like who am I to compare my kid to other kids?
Speaker: Like that's honestly so sad, but I've always been wanting to compare myself to other people.
Speaker: I think that's because of my competitive nature.
Speaker: I grew up just always in sports, always competing in something, whether it was a basketball tournament, volleyball game.
Speaker: It was always an athletic competition, I guess.
Speaker: But I think that translated over into just
Speaker: my everyday life i started to compare what i looked like what i wore how i talked to people that i almost idolized and i didn't i don't think i expected that to carry over into motherhood as much as it did like i said i follow a girl on social media who had a son a week after i had arthur and i instantly found myself hardcore comparing like
Speaker: my body to her body, my kid to her kid, my life to her life.
Speaker: And that was not helpful at all.
Speaker: And honestly, it was so destructive, contributed to a lot of mental health issues.
Speaker: And I know I should have unfollowed her.
Speaker: But there was honestly this like, I don't even know how to explain like, I just wanted to always know like, what does her life look like?
Speaker: Like, what is her kid doing?
Speaker: And
Speaker: That was so unhelpful.
Speaker: And so if you find yourself comparing yourself to someone, especially on social media, it's not hard to just press the unfollow button.
Speaker: I wish I had done that much earlier and it will help you.
Speaker: I promise to stop comparing yourself and your life and your child to someone else.
Speaker: Because again, your life, your child is unique and there is no one like you or your kid.
Speaker: And I know that sounds so like
Speaker: I don't even know the word like Pinterest-y.
Speaker: You're not going to have the same life or the same child or the same outcome as anyone else.
Speaker: And that's something I actually tell my wedding clients is, hey, you can make a Pinterest board for your wedding to kind of give yourself ideas.
Speaker: But like, don't be attached to those images because your wedding is your wedding.
Speaker: You aren't going to have someone else's wedding.
Speaker: Their day is unique.
Speaker: to them your day should be unique to you and I wish that I would just tell myself that more in motherhood because Arthur is not someone else's child he's my child I am not someone else's mom I'm Arthur's mom and that's that's going to look like whatever it looks like and that's not only to look like someone else's motherhood journey oh man I've been talking for a long time and I feel like I need to wrap this up
Speaker: What else?
Speaker: Let's end with a good one.
Speaker: I might have already said this, but I'm going to end on this.
Speaker: And don't judge me that it's a Hillary Clinton quote, but one of my dear friends said, it takes a village.
Speaker: And it's so true.
Speaker: I could not be where I am nine months postpartum without the people that surround me, that have helped me.
Speaker: And as much as I harp on setting boundaries, please, like,
Speaker: No, you should embrace those people who do want to love on you and your child that do want to help you, that do want to see you succeed.
Speaker: Because those people are important.
Speaker: And I feel like you really find out who your true friends are, not in the first few weeks postpartum, but in the next months.
Speaker: Because, you know, eventually he won't be a newborn.
Speaker: Your child won't be a newborn anymore.
Speaker: They, you know, your body will heal.
Speaker: You won't...
Speaker: feel like you need as much help but it's the people who just send you those texts when they know you're awake at two in the morning you know struggling to breastfeed like hey how are you doing just wanted to check in on you or the people are like hey here's you know a gift card to the coffee shop go get yourself some coffee take you know take some time away just for yourself focus on yourself for a little bit
Speaker: The people that are always in your corner, always wanting to help you succeed, not judging you for decisions that you might make differently than they would, but cheering you on because they know that ultimately your child's success is at the forefront of your mind.
Speaker: Those people are important and it does take that sort of village too.
Speaker: raise a child and I know that that village will grow it will shrink over time and it will change because you know people are just in different life phases and that's okay but just keep your village near and dear to your heart because you need them and honestly maybe they need you so man
Speaker: I've been talking for a while and I feel like I just need to wrap this up, but hopefully that wasn't too much of just rambling and nonsense.
Speaker: I hope that at least one woman out there gained a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of hope from today's podcast.
Speaker: And you know, at the end of the day, I'm just going to tell you again, moms, give yourself grace.
Speaker: You are doing good.
Speaker: You literally created life, obviously with the help of your husband and God, but you did it and you brought that life into the world and you're doing great.
Speaker: Don't compare yourself.
Speaker: I mean, I shouldn't be that one to talk because I am the worst offender of that, but don't compare yourself.
Speaker: Give yourself grace.
Speaker: Love yourself a little bit better because I know you need it.
Speaker: I know mom guilt is real and no one really knows how real and tough it is until they've been through it themselves.
Speaker: So just don't forget to encourage yourself today.
Speaker: Give yourself grace.
Speaker: Run to Jesus.
Speaker: Surrender it to him.
Speaker: I'm not going to say it's going to get easier, but it gets more manageable.
Speaker: You can do it.
Speaker: I just hope that I've been some sort of encouragement to you today.
Speaker: So anyways, come back next week for another new episode on the wholeheartedly her podcast.
Speaker: I hope you guys have a wonderful week, a restful weekend.
Speaker: Honestly, thank you for taking time out of your day to just listen.
Speaker: I hope I'm never like annoying or take up too much airtime in the world, but yeah.
Speaker: thank you for bearing with me this week and what is probably going to be a rumbly jumbly podcast and for letting my kid just you know babble in the background that's just life and that's the reality so he's just currently banging on our coffee table so I think we're gonna go back to the playpen for a little bit but anyways I hope you have a wonderful week thanks again for joining us on the wholeheartedly her podcast we'll see you next week bye friends
