Transcript
Speaker: Hello, beautiful soul, and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Sol podcast, where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol, and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery, and learning to put yourself first.
Speaker: Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and are ready to embrace their growth journey.
Speaker: If you've struggled with putting everybody else first or battled self-doubt, then you're in the right place. This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself.
Speaker: So come grow with me. Last week, I talked about being introverted and how that isn't a character flaw. And I shared my own little personal experience with all of that.
Speaker: For me, being introverted shows up as being quiet, being observing, often keeping to myself. I feel like those are also some pretty common traits when it comes to being an introvert. Maybe even a little stereotypical.
Speaker: My bad, I fall into that stereotype, but it is what it is. I do want to dive into a little bit more deeply, a little bit, you know, dip my toe into what exactly be an introvert is. What does that mean?
Speaker: So let's get into that.
Speaker: want to start off by saying that, yes, it is true. Quiet people are silently judging you. but I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We're not. We're not. maybe We might be.
Speaker: We are human, so we might be. But we're not. So stop with that. But I have come to realize that being a quiet person, being introverted, like I mentioned before, isn't this like odd man out type of character trait that it's often presented as.
Speaker: It doesn't have to be it being being introverted. doesn't have to be this hyper-significant thing. you know i feel like i feel like it is. i feel like people will make it seem like it's this end-all, be-all type of like doomsday type of character trait. you know But it doesn't have to.
Speaker: like It just kind of is what it is. don't have to make such a big deal out of it. So for me, being introverted or essentially having this like quiet nature shows up as being selective with the people that I engage with and the activities that I do.
Speaker: um Highly focused on the like being selective part. That's that's the key there. Very selective. I feel like with extroversion, y'all are out there talking to everybody, like doing everything.
Speaker: And I'm just like, that's loud. if but That's loud. don't want to do that. Like, why is this happening? Which I I don't. OK, I didn't find this. I didn't find this. Forgive me. Didn't find this in the um research I did for this episode because I did do some sleuthing on the Internet.
Speaker: trying to find a little bit more info about introversion. But I do remember, i don't know if it was a podcast I listened to back in the day or like an article that I read where they mentioned that introverts tend to like a certain level of like volume or like like a decibels or something like that.
Speaker: So like very loud things is not something that like introverts are like drawn to or appreciate. And I do often find myself being the person like lowering the volume on things.
Speaker: So maybe, maybe there is some truth to that. But with that being said, highly selective on the people I engage with and the things that I do.
Speaker: Again, with being an introvert and my own personal experience with it, I do recognize that My energy can be drained so quickly. And because of that, I am a bit more conservative with how and where I spend it.
Speaker: um I often do enjoy low-key activities and events. Being around a lot of people is just...
Speaker: I mean, for lack of a better word, much too overstimulating. Like it's too much. And yeah, I definitely do better with small groups and in one-on-one environments.
Speaker: Like when I'm in a large group of people, I'm just like, who like, no, thank you.
Speaker: noki ra la well thank you Like, I remember two times even recently. And the thing is, like, again, if you missed it, go watch the last episode because I definitely talk about this a little bit more. But, like, I can do it.
Speaker: I can be in a larger setting and be perfectly fine and engaging and enjoy myself. Like, I can do all those things. I can extrovert, you know? But it's going to drain me.
Speaker: So often I choose not to. But I can remember... Just like recently, you know, over the summer, i mean, we're still in the summer, technically it's August, but even recently, I do remember a couple of instances where like I ended up being in like in a larger group setting and f girl, girl, why?
Speaker: Like I went to a, like my friend basically had a bunch of people over to watch the England versus Mexico game. I was told that it was only going to be a few people and like basically a few people that I know somewhat well.
Speaker: Okay? Okay? Like, four people max is what I was expecting. I walk get into this apartment filled with people. Okay? Packed. Okay? Llenísimo de gente.
Speaker: And um I was like like, you mean? When did this happen? I had met a lot of those people previously like, other functions, so they weren't, like, all brand new people, which was nice. But...
Speaker: I saw the people. i was not expecting that. And I was just like, okay, find somebody I know. So I found someone that I knew fairly well that I've hung out with multiple times at this point. And I was just like, hi, and sat down. I was like, okay, watching the game now.
Speaker: And my friend who invited me over definitely made a comment making fun of me in like a fun banter kind of a way. So there was that. And then secondly, most recently, i was invited to go watch The Odyssey with a bunch of people. So I was expecting a bunch of people and people that like some of them I kind of knew a lot of them, might yeah you know, I may have met like once before and like.
Speaker: yeah the like draw to like be this a quiet person just observing was real was so real and it's like girl something is just never changed but it's fine okay no judgment here it is just who i am i accept and if i really need to extrovert i can do it but you know sometimes it helps to just be mentally prepared and I don't know, maybe I accept myself too much and I don't mentally prepare any anymore. Who knows? Who knows? But again, low-key activities, one-on-one activities and smaller groups of people is really where I tend to do best when it comes to like social settings.
Speaker: Additionally, personally, when it comes to my experience of being an introvert, I've never really been the type of person to have a lot of friends. Perhaps that has something to do with being an introvert at Eno. i can only assume that, at least that in my lived experience, it does.
Speaker: am naturally a quiet person. i do naturally keep to myself a lot. And
Speaker: that's just led me to, you know, i think, one, not engage with a lot of people. So my opportunities to make friends tend to be smaller. But also...
Speaker: Knowing how selective I am now about how i expend my energy and also i am much more aware now of like different personality types that I gel with or that are draining to my energy.
Speaker: Like I'm more aware of that now, but I think as a kid growing up, I wasn't aware of that. So instead of realizing like, oh, hey, this person has this type of personality that is a lot for me to deal with. So naturally, they're not going to be my friend. i didn't see it that way. Like we just don't vibe. We don't click.
Speaker: For me, I was like, I'm the weirdo who doesn't know how to talk to people or whatever, who's too quiet. Therefore, I'm not able to make friends. Like as a kid, that's what it felt like. Whereas now I can be like, no, like I could see why I didn't become friends with.
Speaker: X, Y, and Z person in elementary school or junior high, you know? You know? So yeah. But again, that is my lived personal experience when it comes to what being an introvert is like. Those are my experiences.
Speaker: But when we get into how are psychologists defining introversion In the early nineteen twenty s the psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung coined the term introvert, and he coined it to describe someone who is quote-unquote governed by subjective factors according to his treatise, Psychological Types.
Speaker: In other words, what this is saying is that an introvert bases their relationship with the world largely on their internal experiences. That was the initial understanding of introversion. This view has since changed. It has fluctuated and grown.
Speaker: Colin DeYoung, PhD, who is a researcher who studies personality and is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, states that...
Speaker: Leading theories now talk about something a little bit more closer to an energetic style, namely how vigorous people react to and pursue rewards, he says. Introverts are on the low end, they're relatively quiet, reserved, and not looking for excitement, he adds.
Speaker: So this definitely goes a little bit more into that more common understanding, I would say, of being introvert. Again, kind of linking back to my own personal experiences, like I didn't really understand or know about introversion or extroversion until high school when we took a Myers-Briggs personality test, which...
Speaker: I went to Catholic school. We took the Myers-Briggs test in a religion class. I don't know why we did it in a religion class, but we did. Whatever. Cool. You know, hey. um I think.
Speaker: Oh, what are they? It's. Hmm. Is this INFJ? don't know why that sounds right. I definitely got introvert. OK. um But I remember being like, huh.
Speaker: And like, you know, being like, OK, I guess that makes sense. And i as a time goes on, as time went on, I definitely like I was like, yeah, 100 percent clocked me, clocked me so hard.
Speaker: But it wasn't until then where I was like halfway through my life that i came to understand what introversion was. And I think fundamentally at that point, the way we were talking about it was a little bit more of the original definition of kind of being governed by the subjective factors and our own internal experience of the world.
Speaker: It was very just focused on like the inner world of the person. Whereas now we're looking at introversion as these more energetic factors of like, how much energy does it take? How much energy is this going to like expend?
Speaker: You know, again, being in an extroverted setting as an introvert, you are drained by it. Maybe there are certain personality types that are a bit more energetically demanding. And you're like, okay, like this person, like you're a lovely person, no judgment, but you're just not my person. Okay. Like you're cool, but like,
Speaker: in doses, you know, like that nothing personal, you know, it's just it some people are very energetically demanding. And that's now the definition introversion, extroversion and how we are more more so understanding it.
Speaker: So if we are looking at common traits of introverts, what are they? Self-reliant, Even-keeled or calm, often thinking before speaking, prefer a few deep friendships over having many friends, perhaps not as motivated by external rewards, comfortable in quiet contexts, risk-averse, tend to not engage in conversations with strangers, and aren't prone to feeling enthusiastic as some
Speaker: Let me know if you relate to these in the comments, because there are definitely a lot of these that I relate to. Again, comfortable and quiet context. So true. Tend to not engage in conversation with strangers.
Speaker: Don't worry about me, mom. I'm not talking to strangers. OK, never was, never will be. I'm good. but um The one that surprised me, to be completely honest, is like aren't prone to feeling enthusiastic, which Yeah. did it that but Yeah, that's true. i am very selective about what I am enthusiastic about. i Maybe selective is the wrong word.
Speaker: i think it's very, there are very few things that make me like, i guess... outwardly enthusiastically. I remember when I got my first car as like a prime example.
Speaker: So I got my first car. It was this cute little mint chip, little Fiat 500, cute little thing. Okay. I loved it so much. i And I thought I was going to have that car for like the rest of my life, infinity and beyond. Okay. I love that car so much. My little green Fiat.
Speaker: Okay. I can't emphasize enough how much I love that car. But if he would have looked at me, he probably wouldn't have known how much I love that car. But I remember going to my friend's house at some point relatively after buying it.
Speaker: And she comes out of the house and I'm like, oh, my God, look at my car. And I'm like quiet, okay? And mind you, this is like my BFF, my best friend, like roommate from college. Like we lived together for two years. Like she understood me. She knew me, okay? She she had seen me at my worst and at my best, okay?
Speaker: And, you know, I'm like, it's my car. And I'm like standing there. She's looking at my car and she's like, I know that you are not like saying anything right now, but you're like screaming on the inside, like squealing. And I was just like, yes, 100 percent.
Speaker: So, you know, that not prone to feeling enthusiastic and that lewd experience. 100% confirms maybe maybe I am the quintessential introvert. Maybe that's what things that's what's what I'm learning about myself doing all this.
Speaker: But let's talk about the difference between extroversion and introversion. Extroverts are widely accepted in accepted to be essentially polar opposite to introverts.
Speaker: The key difference, um I would say, and what I've seen through like all the articles that I read for this, which I'll link down below in the show notes, um lively social engagement is refreshing and energizing for extroverts.
Speaker: Again, introverts, on the other hand, drained by large social engagements, prefer small one-on-one interactions. We are re-energized as an introvert by spending time alone.
Speaker: And it turns out that neurochemistry does come into play with this difference. In an article by Melissa Hansen, PsyD, she points out that extroverts have more dopamine receptors in their brains than introverts do, which means that extroverts need more dopamine to feel happy because they are less sensitive to it.
Speaker: Essentially, the more they talk, move and engage in stimulating activities, the more extroverts feel dopamine pleasant effects. In contrast, she goes on to say introverts are sensitive to dopamine. So all that stimulation makes them feel overwhelmed and anxious.
Speaker: Girl, are you describing my life? Why are you describing my life? Oh, my God. More so, more on that. Introverts, on the other hand, seek out acetylcholine, which makes us feel relaxed, alert, and content.
Speaker: It also feels our ability to think deeply, reflect, and focus for long periods of time on one thing. When we engage in activities that are low-key, calming, and mentally engaging, we activate the release of acetylcholine.
Speaker: So if you are a little introvert listening to this, just like me, maybe that helps explain a lot of your lived experiences and highlight some of the differences between extroverts and introverts and how one isn't right, one isn't wrong, and it just kind of are.
Speaker: You know, it's just kind of how how we be, essentially. And if you are an introverted baddie, let me know in the comments. Let me know again if you related to any of those other traits.
Speaker: And if there is anything else in your lived experience that you want to share about being an introvert, like what how has it been for you? I've shared a little bit about my experience in this episode and in the last one in case you missed it. But i'm I'm realizing that maybe I am your stereotypical introvert.
Speaker: Let me know if you relate. If you stayed this far, I truly appreciate you. If you are watching this on YouTube, hi hi you get to see my face. Definitely subscribe if you enjoyed this. are be more episodes coming out this month regarding being an introvert and stuff like that.
Speaker: And yeah, if you are an introvert, if you know an introvert who could use some love and understanding, share this episode with them as well because they might need to hear it. And as always, if you are interested in getting some guidance, some support in your own journey, I am a certified life coach. You can schedule your own discovery call. The link in the show notes.
Speaker: And until next time, keep growing.
