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Repost Series: Unlocking Success Through Human Behavior
14 Plays1 month ago
In this episode, we're joined by Anita Tometsky, a Human Behavior Expert and Business Mindset Coach as she shares her insights on the role of understanding human behavior in achieving success, the importance of finding happiness from within, and the shifting dynamics of masculine and feminine energy in society. The conversation delves into the impact of childhood experiences on personal roles, the enneagram personality typology, and Anita's unique approach to helping clients identify and work through subconscious programs. Shanarra and Anita also discuss authenticity in the workplace, leading sensitive conversations, and the changes in the corporate world brought about by the COVID pandemic.
Throughout this episode, you will find valuable tips and insights to guide them through their own career journeys with newfound confidence. Let’s explore the challenges and triumphs of navigating one's career journey!
Introduction (0:00-1:26)
Shanarra introduces Anita Tometsky, a human behavior expert and business mindset coach.
Join Shanarra and Anita, as they discover how understanding human behavior can lead to success in both business and personal life. Understand the importance of self-compassion and working on one's inner world to navigate triggers and dynamics in various settings
01:27 - 08:53 Unlocking Human Behavior for Business Success
Delving into the concept of inner happiness and its relevance to personal and professional fulfilment. Sharing strategies for individuals to explore and nurture their inner happiness. Discussing the role of purpose, mindfulness, and self-awareness in the pursuit of happiness.
08:54 :18:17 Embracing Compassion and Inner Work
Discussing the importance of cultivating compassion towards oneself and others. Exploring various practices and techniques for engaging in inner work to promote personal growth and emotional well-being. Delving into the impact of childhood experiences on the development of masculine and feminine roles.
08:18 - 27:00 Masculine and Feminine Personality Types
Highlighting the significance of understanding these personality types for personal growth, relationship dynamics, and self-awareness.
32:41 - 34:28 Bringing Your Whole Self to Work
Emphasizing the importance of ongoing communication, learning, and adaptation in fostering a thriving workplace culture. Bringing authenticity to work, engaging in difficult conversations, and adapting to the post-COVID corporate world. Encouraging organizations to prioritize employee well-being, diversity, and inclusion in their strategies for future success.
39:28 - 41:20 Navigating Career Twists and Turns
The importance of reprogramming the mind for less anxiety, embracing change and personal growth, and navigating career twists and turns. Cultivate resilience, curiosity, and self-awareness as they navigate life's uncertainties. Emphasizing the value of seeking professional help and support when managing anxiety and career transitions.
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Transcript
Introduction to The Good Guide
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey there, welcome to The Good Guide, your ultimate career companion. I'm Shannara Good and I've been on quite the career roller coaster. From the trenches of entry-level positions to the boardrooms as a now more seasoned professional.
00:00:15
Speaker
Believe me when I say i have been there and know that I've acquired some wisdom over the years that I cannot wait to share with you. Ever felt like you're on your career journey solo?
00:00:26
Speaker
Or maybe you're curious about conquering career plateaus, overcoming imposter syndrome, or leading with unwavering confidence. Well, I promise you are in the right place.
00:00:38
Speaker
Every week, my guests and I will share our own challenges and successes. We'll talk about everything from career development to leadership to even work-life balance. Expect a healthy dose of authenticity and, of course, our tips and tricks that will have you navigating your career with a newfound confidence.
00:00:58
Speaker
Don't miss out on the knowledge drop, y'all. Hit that like, subscribe, and follow button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. Trust me, you won't want to miss an episode.
00:01:12
Speaker
Because this is the good guide where we're not just chasing success, we're defining it. Are you ready to elevate your career game? Let's dive in.
Meet Anita Tomecki: Human Behavior Expert
00:01:27
Speaker
On today's episode, we have Anita Tomecki, who's an human behavior expert and business mindset coach. i'm to be honest, when you first reached out, I wasn't too sure like where our conversation could go. And I've never personally spoken to a human behavior expert. So i was like, and then when I got your voice note, I was like, wait a second, this is exactly kind of like the sweet spot of what I think could be a really intriguing conversation. So I'm really glad that we have a moment to sit down and speak. But before we dive into kind of the topics that we want to cover, i would love for the listeners of the podcast to just get an intro of who you are, kind of how you got to where you are now, and in general, kind of what topics you'd like to focus on.
The Journey into Human Behavior
00:02:14
Speaker
Thank you. Thanks for having me. So nice. And can I just say you are taking my American podcasting virginity. I'm used to being. Oh, yay. Yeah. So this is my, Australians in English are usually my people that interview me. So thank you. just love the accents as well. So I'm really excited for my listeners as well. Yeah, I Very cool. Love it.
00:02:34
Speaker
So a bit about me. So i work as a human behavior expert and people sort of say, what does that mean? Who do you work with? And so the short, most simplistic way that I can describe this is I work with anyone who talks to themselves in their head, who runs movies in their head and wants to understand exactly how and why we create what we do in mind.
00:02:59
Speaker
So that's kind of the the short way because people sort of go, what's your niche? Who is it? And and I say, I work with anyone that wants to understand themselves, basically. Yeah. Long story kind of short is from a very young age, I was very interested did in humans. I used to question and question and question people. And people used to ask me from a very young age, are you going to be a detective when you grow up because you're so nosy?
00:03:24
Speaker
And I think what I could sort of kind of, when I look back at at childhood, i I looked around and I would see adults not being happy. So I kind of go with, I've got no idea whether, you know, I've had, you know, past life stuff. I don't know where this has come from, but there was this real interest from a young age to be the happiest version of a human being that I could possibly be. And so I would go around and I would watch adults and I was like, why are people not happy?
00:03:52
Speaker
And it was like I made it a mission from a very young age to be the best version of of myself that I could possibly be. And I think that's probably what all the questioning of people was was on behalf of. through that- Yeah, like how do you learn from them kind of yeah through questioning?
00:04:07
Speaker
Yeah, and kind of the intricacies of, I love people's stories. I love people's life stories. So I sit from a young age, I was like that up until now. ah The minute I meet anyone new, i want to know. i want to know how they've got to where they've got to. I want to know- because this is it. We can often look around and think that people are doing better than us.
00:04:25
Speaker
That, oh, they've got all of this stuff. They must be so much happier than I am. I'm over in you know Bali at the moment and it's kind of like the Westerners here go, oh, the Balinese are so much happier than us because they've got less than we have. So we're constantly, we're searching for whether it's more, whether it's less. Yeah, we want to get an answer as to what what is happiness, what's, yeah.
00:04:46
Speaker
And what through all of this work that I've been doing and through talking to people, The realisation is it doesn't matter what you have or you doesn't don't have. As long as this is chattering away, as long as we're in our heads talking to ourselves throughout our days, we're not going to be happy.
00:05:02
Speaker
We're not only going to be running positivity in our heads. If we're only going to run positivity in our heads, we wouldn't need to talk to ourselves at all. Cause we're constantly in this fight for compensating good, bad, good, bad, good, bad. Yeah. Just like, yeah. Always questioning something in your mind, always trying to figure out like what side you're on or like kind of what, how you feel about it, I
Childhood and Professional Behavior
00:05:25
Speaker
guess, essentially. Yeah.
00:05:26
Speaker
So it's this kind of quest for what is it that's going to make me feel better? It's not about happiness. I think we just want to feel better. And we are, we're still not quite grasping in humanity. And this is said with complete compassion, and knowing how many years it's taken to even get to the realization of this. We're not grasping that it's nothing on the outside, but it's everything on changing the the programs of our mind. That's what we really need to understand and really start to get to the bottom of in order for us to reach a place of feeling better, let's say.
00:05:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So how, I guess, so you've taken, i guess, your natural curiosity as a kid and you turned it into, it's now you've been able to label it as something and it's the label of human, like ah that human behavior expert.
00:06:14
Speaker
How did that morph into, I guess, passion for specifically maybe speaking to folks in the corporate or business setting in general? Like where did you start to connect those dots between i want to understand people in general to I want to understand people in this specific niche?
00:06:34
Speaker
Yeah, good question. So I Having worked in the corporate world myself for 11 years back in the UK, even when I was back there, I worked in a very male dominated environment. So there was a few women and there was a lot of men. And it was really interesting watching those dynamics play out because from that time I could see how there was this disparity in in in women tending to have this view that they are the lesser ones and that men are men are kind of maybe treating us in in a different way. And I worked in a very technical kind of setting where there was lots of surveyors and lots of men in construction.
00:07:12
Speaker
And I really saw through that process and having had an upbringing with quite a masculine, my dad was very much in the masculine. I coped very well in this very masculine dominated environment because i knew how to stand up to my dad. So I knew how to, i know I knew how to be in this environment. And the main thing was seeing that there is no,
00:07:31
Speaker
inequality here other than what we make of it in mind. And so as I started to, as I finished working there, quit that and started to move into human behavior, already had this basis of my own experience and knowing that it but could have gone that way if I had seen myself as lesser.
00:07:50
Speaker
But because of my fortunate, and let's say, upbringing, I'd already known how to reach in, lean into my own masculine to meet the masculine where the masculine were at.
00:08:01
Speaker
And not everyone in the master that I worked with, there was a lot of men who were more in their feminine than than probably me as well. Once I started doing the the human behavior work, as I said, there was never a niche, but what happened was that someone kind of, a few people that I was training with started to ask me to come into their corporates.
00:08:19
Speaker
and to start speaking. So it was kind of on invitation. So I was working very much in the corporate space, but I was also working in the public space and running workshops in Bondi and all over Australia.
00:08:31
Speaker
So it was never, yeah, it was just invites. And I think the thing with me is because I don't separate anything from anything, men, women, corporate from non-corporate and all the rest of it. It's working with anyone.
00:08:43
Speaker
it' so So working in the corporate and working in the public, it to me, I would go in and pretty much deliver the same content. with obviously different kind of results in in the way that people expected it or not.
00:08:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Now this is just kind of a random thought that came to me right now. And i don't want it to take us on too much of a tangent, but do you think in general, right, culturally, the masculine versus feminine conversation differs in where you've grown up in Australia, where you've spent time with in the UK versus In America, where I do, and this is just my kind of, again, up upbringing, my only lens has been America.
00:09:24
Speaker
But I do feel as a country, there's a massive... record or in disparity of men and women in the workplace and masculine versus feminine. And there's a negativity to women being masculine and men being feminine. Right. So again, not having grown up in, in Australia and not having grown up in UK, I'm just you curious, do you see variances culturally just to kind of ground us on where some of our differences might, might, might come from initially?
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah, i am I think there's pockets. I think it's more pockets of of places. So I spent a lot of time in Beach Sydney. And in Byron Bay, let's say lot of people and their places where people are working on themselves a lot more than, say, in other parts of of Australia or some parts of the UK that maybe I grew up more in.
00:10:19
Speaker
And so I think there's pockets of places where the more work we're doing on ourselves, the more we start to change our perception and we start to change our language around it. But I definitely think that there's this wider, and I haven't done a lot in in America, so I can't yeah yeah in in that sense, but I think there's definitely a movement in general where we are now focusing on the fact that women are more in their masculine and men are um moving more in their feminine.
00:10:45
Speaker
And I think that the way that I see it is it's a necessary movement for us to start to balance out because it's like the women, let's say in general, are kind of fighting,
00:10:56
Speaker
to get to better positions, earn more money. And the only way that they can do that is to be more masculine because that's how the the system works. And then there's this whole thing now with men wanting to lean more in general, wanting to lean more, let's say, into their emotions, which means accessing more of the feminine. So I think there's pockets, there's obviously a generation as well, but there's pockets of people where this is definitely, I agree, yeah it's definitely happening more and more. And there's a bit of judgment now of men being too feminine, as a generalization women being too masculine, and it's all happening.
00:11:30
Speaker
in service of ah hopefully at some stage reaching more equality and more balance.
Gender Dynamics in the Workplace
00:11:35
Speaker
So yeah, I hear Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I wanna jump into the topic of conversation that we kind of covered over voice note a little bit to level set everyone on what I'm referring to is when we had originally started our conversation and kind of wanted to understand a little bit more about what topics she spoke to in her sessions, the conversation was that you really enjoy in the corporate space Speaking about the masculine versus the feminine and women and men leaning into the opposite.
00:12:06
Speaker
Now, there was one other topic that you mentioned you enjoyed speaking about, and it was number one, helping women to not see themselves as the as the underdogs and to not tie themselves to this victim mentality, which absolutely I 100% agree with.
00:12:25
Speaker
However, it was in comparison to having compassion for men. So why does women not seeing themselves as the underdog automatically mean that they have to feel compassion for men?
00:12:42
Speaker
Why is the conversation or the topic that maybe you like to lean into not just women not seeing themselves as an underdog? I think because that's what we start with.
00:12:54
Speaker
So how do we know ourselves as the underdogs is because we are in comparison to men. So it's kind of like to reverse that can only be again in in comparison. So I kind of think it's how we came to be.
00:13:08
Speaker
So to undo it. It's like the chicken or the egg, which one came first kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think it's kind of like it's automatic. The minute we're, the minute we stop seeing ourselves as the underdog, whether it's to men, whether it's in social situations and all the rest of it, whether it's culturally, the minute we stop seeing ourselves as the underdog or we never saw ourselves as the underdog,
00:13:30
Speaker
In theory, we only have compassion because the minute we're seeing ourselves as an underdog, that's a discompassion to self. yeah So if we're seeing ourselves in situations and we're kind of going out there and going, they made me feel like this is this. It's a projection of our own internal reality.
00:13:48
Speaker
If we're judging ourselves, we're going to project that judgment out there and we're going to see people as judging us. Rather than seeing that if people have stuff coming out of their mouth, it's not personal to us.
00:13:59
Speaker
If they're angry about something or they're projecting, it's theirs, it's not ours. If we're taking it as ours, it's because we believe something. There's some judgment of self running.
00:14:10
Speaker
And that's how we get into these dynamics, these unhealthy dynamics with people, because our own inner dynamics are not great. Yeah. Yeah. So is it fair to essentially say that regardless of gender, right, because this isn't necessarily a conversation of gender, male versus female. It's a conversation of persona and what you lean into when, where and how.
00:14:36
Speaker
Is it fair to say that the argument is not that women should feel or should have more compassion for men and more so women or anyone leaning into who's who are naturally in their feminine should have more compassion for those who naturally live in their masculine? Is that a better way to state it?
00:15:00
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And I think with all of this, it comes back to, and this is the work predominantly that I do everywhere, is it it's compassion. It's all our inner world. It's all what's happening inside.
00:15:14
Speaker
So the thing is, that if we are judging someone for being too in their feminine or too in their masculine, there's a shadow aspect within self where we haven't integrated that for ourselves, right?
00:15:27
Speaker
So if I'm out there and I'm judging that girl for being super masculine as a man or a woman, there's something within me that isn't giving myself permission maybe want a mass lean into that. Yeah.
00:15:39
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So it's always coming back to self first. if If we are triggered by anything or anyone, there's something within us that hasn't been integrated that, that needs the work. And the minute we've integrated that within self,
00:15:53
Speaker
We're fine with whatever anyone else is doing. we can we can see it as maybe right, wrong or whatever, but we're not triggered by it to the point where it's eating us up inside. Yeah, that's really, it's funny because it's like, it's forcing me to think about like how I navigate my space at work.
00:16:13
Speaker
And I'm going to be honest, and I'm not even just saying that for this conversation, but I feel like the majority of my, number one, I work in retail. So my days are, My field and the population that I'm surrounded with are predominantly women.
00:16:29
Speaker
Now, that doesn't mean that I don't share space with the a number of men. I mean, my boss is a man. My boss's boss is a man. I've got men mentors, but I'd also say I have equal amount of female mentors, if not more.
00:16:43
Speaker
However, i don't constantly think throughout my days as I'm going through my day, I'm not constantly in a battle or an internal battle of there's this man in this room, I need outdo this male or I need to meet this male toeto toe to toe.
00:17:03
Speaker
For me, I think I do always lead with this is not a space where being feminine or being emotional or being softer is what's going to get me farthest.
00:17:17
Speaker
I do feel like I'm naturally like I need to lean into dominant and kind of being a bit more harsh and straight to the point to push myself. And I think that's honestly why i I've gotten to the place I am i am i in my career Now I'm able to lean into some of the more of the vulnerability and things that we would coin as quote unquote feminine.
00:17:38
Speaker
But I think I'm more of a masculine presence in person or excuse me, in the corporate space, but also in my personal life. So do you, I mean, i guess like when you think about the groups that you've led, do you find that maybe some of the women that are in positions of power, do you find that they maybe have said that about themselves, that they do lean a little bit more into their masculine? Or is that something that is kind of fifty fifty when you're, again, when you're speaking specifically within the corporate setting?
00:18:10
Speaker
So yeah, I love what you just shared there because yeah, you're completely, everything you've said there is very resonant of what some women would say. And where we go to with this is then I will start asking them where appropriate about their childhood because we don't take ourselves into jobs and become our job.
00:18:30
Speaker
We take ourselves into jobs based on who we have become in our earlier years. So this is where the whole masculine feminine stuff gets quite interesting because there will be women that have been brought up in a way where they've chosen that it's been safer to be more masculine in their younger years. And there've been men that have been brought up in a way where being more in their feminine has protected them and served them more.
00:18:55
Speaker
So this is where it's not about whether we're a man or it's not about our body parts. It's about our childhood experiences that have made us choose whatever we've needed to get us love or to protect us in childhood.
00:19:05
Speaker
And it doesn't matter whether that's a man in his feminine or a woman in in their masculine. Then we go into roles that that serve us in in in the way that we've been brought up or the way that we've experienced our childhood.
00:19:17
Speaker
yeah That is so wild. like it's When you say it out loud, it sounds like such a simple concept. Obviously, if I'm someone who's more naturally feels like I can go into my masculine easier, it probably means that I nurtured that or that experience or that environment was what I'm used to. Literally, until you even said it right now, I don't know that I've ever...
00:19:43
Speaker
thought about that or like I've ever put those two things together because I do come from a family of very, I would say, independent, masculine women.
00:19:54
Speaker
Like my family is led by women that are very much, quote unquote, in their masculine, very feminine in the sense that, you know, what we would think of In general, what would present as masculine and feminine, they very they present very feminine.
00:20:10
Speaker
But I would say in terms of how they go throughout the world and how they navigate space, like it is in their masculine more than I would say it's in their feminine. Do you know why that is?
00:20:22
Speaker
Yeah. Why do you think that might be? I mean, I think it's a cultural thing. I think especially like black black females, like it's a very, I'm not saying that is something that every black female goes through, but i do think that it is predominantly the fact that I did grow up with single women that kind of had to do a lot on their own. And so they didn't really have that choice of, I'm going to play the masculine role. I'm going to play the feminine role. They had to be both.
00:20:47
Speaker
And they also had to provide for their families and keep food on the table. And when that takes a certain level of tenaciousness or tenacity to be successful and provide for your family. So I think there's probably, there's a lot of that that. It's the survival of the fittest mentality. Exactly. And I think you've just answered that there. There's the example of, yeah, the experiences that that we have through life that have led us to there.
00:21:10
Speaker
Because that's the thing. We're not, if if we need to survive and we're we're on our own or whatever, we're not going to survive if we're just leaning completely into that feminine. So it's about picking and choosing what serves us best.
00:21:21
Speaker
And I think this is the thing. that The reason you said that you'd maybe never thought about it like that is because no one ever taught us to think about it like that. All that we're ever taught is that you're a man and you're a woman.
00:21:34
Speaker
So as a woman, you should be in the feminine because do that or a wo you've got these body parts and you're a man. So you should be this. So then we go through this whole struggle in our life, especially now going, why am I so masculine and I'm a woman and I should be more in my feminine. The feminine guy's now going, oh, you know what's going on? I'm crying and I shouldn't be crying. It's because no one told us that. And, you know, they go back to, this is something that you'll hear a lot out there is that whole thing of the roles that we had back in the day were very necessary. i assume that's true. Back then I wasn't there, but it's like now we're moving more into this world. We've moved more and more into this world where we don't need those traditional roles for survival anymore.
00:22:10
Speaker
So now what we're going into is what our survival is, is whatever we needed to survive in childhood. I might've had a a parent, a mom who was very much in her feminine and I'm a girl and I'm watching my mom and I'm going, I ain't getting walked over like that. I'm not going to be that people pleaser that she is. So I'm going to be strong and I'm going to be, I'm going to challenge that and I'm going to protect her. And then there's the masculine form. Yeah. Same with the the man that's maybe grown up with a dad that's super masculine. He's angry and he's violent.
00:22:38
Speaker
And the guys like become scared and more kind of in that feminine role and goes, I don't want to be my dad. I'm going to reject that. And then he becomes more feminine in order to not be his angry dad. And so that's yeah that's what's happening to us, but we don't get taught at schools to understand that.
Understanding Human Behavior and Enneagram
00:22:54
Speaker
No one teaches us that to understand how we've created our personality, how we've created our mindset.
00:23:01
Speaker
And so another thing that I work with all of my clients is we work with a personality typology and it's called the Enneagram. And it's nine. Oh, yeah yeah number yes. Nine different types.
00:23:12
Speaker
And so the reason I work with the nine different types is because each type has the masculine and some types are more masculine, some types are more feminine. And I have equal amounts of women that are challengers, the masculine type, as I may do men who are the peacemaker types.
00:23:27
Speaker
So you go masculine, challenger, feminine, peacemaker. Doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman. you may have vipped towards that personality type. That's why the whole gender thing kind of goes out the window in this work. And we start looking at your personality, what you formed in childhood. And we work on on on that.
00:23:45
Speaker
And then you kind of get a better insight rather than going, I'm a woman, so I should be this. Why am I not this? And you've got conflict happening rather than going, okay, there's a personality typology that helps give me a guide as to what I do and why i have become the way that I am. Yeah, absolutely.
00:24:01
Speaker
I think the frustrating part of it's I want to be able to lean into being feminine or masculine regardless of my gender. But I don't see that ever quite if me being the pessimist currently, i don't ever see that being something that like holistically a large corporation would ever really, you know what I mean? That's like the DNA of the working world is men versus women, right? Or not even just the working world, like the world.
00:24:31
Speaker
And it's only heightened, I think, in the working world because there is this constant feel of you have to work 10 times harder. Again, and this is now regardless of masculine versus feminine, this is now going to gender.
00:24:45
Speaker
You have to work 10 times harder as a female, right? It's like how that resentment, let's be real, like us as women, there's i do think that resentment is always going to be until the world finally welcomes the fact that everyone could do both, right? Everyone could be both. And I just feel like that resentment is always going to be there. And so it's like, how do we mesh kind of some of the behavioral, but then also like the biological realities of being a man and a woman come back kind of up against the behavioral of being masculine versus feminine?
00:25:24
Speaker
I don't even know that you have that. That's not even a question that I'm asking. It's just more so like, how do we even get past that? This is the way that I see it. So, because people will always say anything, you're crazy men and women, we are different. And and I hear all of this and I biologically, yes, there are differences, but we are less living by our biology. We are so dominated by the mind.
00:25:47
Speaker
I always say, it let's work on this. get this to a place where it's it's more balanced, it's more compassionate, the rest of it. And then let's see what the potential is of living in the biological sense.
00:25:58
Speaker
We ain't living from biology, we're living from our mind. It's very, good with most of our times in our heads. We're not really kind of in in that biology. and it's And so we are, until we get this straight, we don't know what the biology we're living by. And the more that we the more that we fuck ourselves in our heads, the more that we're doing all this stuff in our heads,
00:26:17
Speaker
Our biology is shifting as well because it's not separate so that that the impacts of our body and our biology and our physicality and all the rest of it is so dominated by our but by our minds. And I always say that if if AI ever gets to the point, if robots ever get to the point of ah of finding a measure for our self-talk, so it just transcribes everything that's going on in our heads.
00:26:37
Speaker
that's really where we will start to get some real work happening in terms of self-development. Because otherwise we're going to just get some chips in our head or whatever, and maybe clear our thoughts to transcend. Exactly. And then we won't think for ourselves at all. That's the right they alternative is just like turn it off. Yeah. Freeing us in a way, but not allowing us to go through a process of ourselves and discovery for ourselves. Yeah.
Coaching Strategies and Authenticity
00:27:00
Speaker
So what exercises do you take? like during your I guess during your sessions, do are you kind of giving people the aha of this is the problem we're against, right? You're kind of working against yourself.
00:27:13
Speaker
And then do you leave them with any type of exercise or tip or trick or like how to work through that and maybe even exercise that muscle of it's not stop playing the mental comparison game and just be? Yeah.
00:27:26
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So I'll give you the short version of it. So what I do is I work with people is what we're doing is I'm listening to them. So that they'll be there saying they're here for whatever they're having, don't know what their purpose is in life.
00:27:41
Speaker
they're too masculine, they're too feminine, whatever it is. and And what we do is we take that surface, kind of the surface level of what they think the problem is. And then what I'm doing is i'm I'm listening to the programs that are running in their mind.
00:27:52
Speaker
So I'm listening to whether they're distrusting themselves, where they're overly trusting, I'm listening to whether they are second guessing themselves, I'm listening to whether there's judgment running internally, externally, I'm watching whether they are confident whether they count themselves or whether they're more on the discounting side. I'm watching if they're more on the people pleasing side or more on the disagreeable side.
00:28:12
Speaker
So through their story and through their language, I'm stopping them, interrupting and then going, let me ask you something. And then it might be, do you trust yourself? And they're like, where did that just come from? Because I've been talking about something completely different, but I'm hearing in their mind, they're second guessing themselves through their language.
00:28:28
Speaker
So what I'm doing is I'm stopping them and I'm now pointing out programs that I'm hearing running in their subconscious, let's say, unconsciously. And then from there, we are establishing their 10 main driver programs out of 120 that have been mapped.
00:28:43
Speaker
And we're then working with these 10 programs of distrust, judgment, discounting, people pleasing, blah, blah, blah. And that's what we work towards. So we're not working on the story. We're working on understanding the programs of the mind and where they were formed. So where did you learn to not trust?
00:29:00
Speaker
I had a violent dad and my environment became very distrustful, for example. And that's the work that we do So as they go away from sessions, they might have an exercise to do of starting to lean more into, they're a people pleaser, saying no more.
00:29:14
Speaker
Yeah. So where in your life do you say yes a lot, everywhere, wherever? Pick one incident, one situation where you say yes a lot and go out and practice something. a no. So it is it's kind of as simple as that, but it's hard. And then they come back and they're like God, that's really oring their behavior Yeah.
00:29:30
Speaker
And all they go away and they, so I can hear a really strong judgment program, go away and start watching exactly what you're saying to yourself, journal it, voice note it, whatever. you so every person has homework to do when they leave and then they come back and then we talk about what happened and then more homework and and that's how we work. So it's a very different kind of, yeah, modality to say therapy where you talk more. This is interruption. This is looking into the the programs of the mind and how they translate into the body, how we do anxiety, depression, all the rest of it.
00:30:02
Speaker
Yeah. that's It's so crazy. i feel like throughout my career, I think the biggest, most the best experiences that I've had throughout my career and the companies I've loved to work for are the companies where I've been able to show up fully as myself.
00:30:19
Speaker
And I think what you even just said right there is why, because it's all of the things that have morphed you into who you are, whether it be Growing up, your family, like all of the environmental things that impact you, you carry around with you can't just shut that off.
00:30:37
Speaker
Like you don't just walk into the door or come over to your computer if you work remotely and decide to like, OK, I'm going to turn that off and never bring that into a scenario. like It is always with you. And so for me, it's if I can't bring the fact that I did grow up in a single family household and in a more masculine environment, like I wouldn't be who I am at work at all.
00:31:03
Speaker
yeah And so that's a really interesting, you don't realize yeah how much, like I have these conversations with my therapist and you don't realize there's that connection there regardless of I think you were saying at the beginning, it's not corporate versus home life versus it's just like you as the person and how you're made up. And that's how you walk around in the world.
00:31:21
Speaker
Yeah. And it's what we do in life. This is called object relations. If anyone wants to have a look into it, what we do in life is we go through life and we replicate things. We objectify the relationships we had, say, with our mom or with our dad.
00:31:34
Speaker
And then we go through our life and we may have a partner who's our dad or our mom, but we consciously or subconsciously replicate those. And then we go into work and our boss is really triggering us. And when we start to unpick this work, it's that a relationship that I had with my mom or my dad. And now I'm in the same dynamic and it's fucking uncomfortable. But...
00:31:53
Speaker
it's familiar so I'm getting triggered not because that person that maybe I've never met before or I don't really know that well or is my boss that I've not worked with that long it's not about the relationship with them that I'm getting triggered by it's the old shit that comes yes that's coming out yeah that comes up from those experiences with my mum or my dad and now I'm in the face of my mum or my dad I'm acting out my childhood stuff so are they we're clashing our childhoods not our interactions day to day if you're really triggered by something in that moment that probably ain't new it's probably not in the right exactly everything that came before that oh my god that's so that like i feel like i'm having a whole again i don't typically connect like my two worlds even though i like i said i show i do feel like i show up as myself like a hundred percent regardless of oh i always say
00:32:43
Speaker
I show up as myself. I might have a few less F-bombs at work, but like I am myself. But I think this is the first moment that I've really been like, oh my God, I really am like, I bring it all to work. It's my therapist once prescribed to me to read The Body Keeps Score.
Impact of Personal History on Professional Life
00:32:58
Speaker
Love it. Have you heard of that book? I feel like it's that same concept of you will remember ever like your body and your mind and your emotions like is made up of everything that's happened to you before whatever moment you're going through and is just showing up in whatever moment that you're going through. Yeah, yeah. So italy do you find that people have a hard time kind of like having these conversations in a work setting? Like how big are your groups that you typically are working with?
00:33:28
Speaker
I mean, the the biggest I've done is like a, say a thousand people that was more of a speaking one and they, they, they, they struggled. Oh, wow. yeah Yeah. Right. Because I think that's the thing with with some of those things. It's like you're, I'm brought in.
00:33:40
Speaker
So when you're brought in, you're not there because they want to, with that audience. Right. Exactly. There's a little resistance there. So that one was, yeah, that one was interesting in terms of there's a few people that really loved it, but but most probably like what's going on in this.
00:33:54
Speaker
But in terms of the groups, the smaller groups, We might do 50, but my preference is when I get 10 people in a room, for example. Yes, smaller groups. I talk. So that's what I find more. Yeah, because people are work. They don't necessarily want to be there, but they also don't want to talk in front of their colleagues as well. You don't want to be showing that. That's exactly why I asked that question. Because some people, I feel like these are one of those conversations that you have to actively opt in to Otherwise, you're not necessarily going to get, you might hear it, but you won't actually hear it or you won't learn from it or gain anything from it. Yeah. But especially think, yeah, I was going to say that is what I have noticed massively, though, is the difference pre-COVID to post-COVID.
Post-COVID Workplace Changes
00:34:36
Speaker
I was just going to say the same thing. people are opening up more now and they're me in more now because yeah yeah feminine is now coming into the workplaces.
00:34:47
Speaker
that Exactly. It's happening slowly. Oh my God. then Literally it's, i when I started this podcast, I didn't realize like how many times like I would refer to kind of like the pre and post COVID, but it's so true. I just feel like pre and post COVID has changed so many things. I think it's made us more vulnerable as people. Yes.
00:35:09
Speaker
And so if that means that men are leaning more into their mat or their feminine, or it might even look like women leaning more into their masculine and like putting up boundaries, because I've realized that like,
00:35:21
Speaker
in like post or in COVID that like, I was like, no, I don't wanna, these are the behaviors that I'm no longer going to accept. And maybe that's more of a masculine behavior, quote unquote, but it's true. I just feel like we've really learned how to navigate the world or have been required to navigate the world in such a different way. Navigate our emotions as well. That's it. The most kind of clients that I ever had coming in was during COVID.
00:35:49
Speaker
and he' I bet. Yeah, because people were sitting at home, freaking out, worst case thinking, all of this stuff running. And the biggest thing that I coached people on is they sat there and they were frustrated and they feel felt like they're being controlled, let's say, and all of this stuff.
00:36:03
Speaker
what was The problem wasn't that they were locked down in their house. The problem was that yeah they were locked down in their head. they There was very little now to distract them from their themselves. Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. So they were sitting there just going nuts yeah in their head. So they would come into to coaching and start to realize...
00:36:23
Speaker
that there wasn't a problem with their being in the house. There was a problem with them being in their current head. So what we did was change, help to start to change up their thoughts so they could be more present as they sat there in the room rather than fucking themselves with all of the self-talk. Yeah.
00:36:38
Speaker
And on top of them being in their head, I feel like there was probably some good that came out of them being in their head because it did kind of force us to take a moment and actually listen to what was going on in our head. Because I stand by, I feel like during COVID you figured out if you hat you hated something, right? You either realized you hated where you lived, where you worked, or who you were with. Yes.
00:36:59
Speaker
And I think like those three things you really didn't think about when you had the external world kind of muting some of those thoughts. And you're glad to have that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go for it. The fourth one would be hating ourselves.
00:37:15
Speaker
because that's so yeah and Exactly. That's the fourth thing. yeah Exactly. Not like who we are yeah or what how our life has manifested. yeah and so I do think that it has forced us to, I mean, look at how many people got divorced in COVID.
00:37:28
Speaker
Look at how many people moved, how many people like, or broke up with their, their significant other, or like you said, went to therapy for the first time. So, yeah, I mean, i do agree. I think even at the company that i I'm working at now, I do feel like we are having less conversations just about like work and more conversations about how you like who you are work. Nice.
00:37:54
Speaker
Beautiful. Like who you are as person. And so I think that definitely has been a nice win. And I think that's so big to it's for us to acknowledge that that there is movement happening. And for me, when I look at some of the corporate corporates that I worked with pre and post COVID,
00:38:09
Speaker
And even though we're not maybe having the depth of the childhood trauma discussions, we're still looking into quite a lot. And we're doing those things like we'll just have a moment in the middle of a workshop where it's just, okay, just take a moment to just take some deep breaths to get into your body. wouldn't have done that a few years ago. That'd be like, what is this weird stuff that you're doing? Whereas now people are, they're just there and they're taking three deep breaths and they're like, my God, I feel so different. It's just great. It's always there with us, but we're lighter. And yeah, it's just, so it's happening.
00:38:38
Speaker
I have faith that this is changing.
Self-Understanding in Corporate Environments
00:38:40
Speaker
Yeah. This has been such a refreshing conversation because, again, i like i when I started to caught this podcast, it was I think my goal was to speak on the topic of being a woman in the corporate world. But I think that, I mean, even this conversation, it it it again, what I was saying earlier, it's sure I'm a woman working in the corporate space, but I am who I am first.
00:39:04
Speaker
Before I have a job, before I show up as a friend, as a mom, as a whoever that is, I'm a individual yeah and it's important that we understand who that individual is as we navigate the world and whatever facet that, you know, we're showing up in. So this was a very refreshing conversation.
00:39:26
Speaker
Thank you for having me. so Yes. I do have one final question that I always end my podcast
Advice to Younger Self and Conclusion
00:39:33
Speaker
episodes with. um And that is, knowing If you knew then what you know now, what advice would you give yourself like when you were earlier on in your career? So think like 21, 22 years old. What advice would you give your younger self?
00:39:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good question. So back then i had just started my corporate kind of the 11 years that I did in corporate. Yeah. And yeah. there was a lot of anxiety back then. There was a lot of worst case thinking. There was a lot of kind of sleepless nights during corporate days.
00:40:09
Speaker
And what I didn't know then that I know now is that what it was the programs that were running in my mind that were the things that were causing the anxiety, not the job.
00:40:19
Speaker
So had I, the advice I would give myself now is to start looking into the worst case scenario program, the future focus, all of the stuff that was translating into this, this, debilitating anxiety that caused me psoriasis all over my body so yeah the advice I would give myself now was would definitely have been to to go and get a coach and start exploring all of those programs that are running in mind so that they can be reprogrammed so that I could use my breath I use my my body more to to breathe through what was happening in order for those yeah to start to to dissipate through an understanding where they were created so that would definitely be my yeah
00:40:59
Speaker
I absolutely love that. Thank you so much for being on the podcast today. i will definitely be sure that everyone has your information. I'll leave it in my show notes and whatnot, but this has seriously been such a, an amazing conversation. So I really appreciate you being here today.
00:41:15
Speaker
Thank you. So good to meet you Thanks for having me on. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of the good guide, the podcast dedicated to guiding you through every twist and turn in your career journey. If you loved this episode, make sure to leave those five-star reviews and share this podcast with a friend, loved one, or hey, even a colleague.
00:41:39
Speaker
If you have a topic that you'd like for me to tackle, check out this week's show notes for links to where you can submit your question. It might even be featured during the Q&A segment of the next episode.
00:41:50
Speaker
But first, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss a beat. Take care, y'all.