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Emotions, Existentialism, and Eyeliner: The Type 4 Vibe
28 Plays9 months ago
In this episode of STILL YOU, we’re diving headfirst into the enigmatic world of the Enneagram Type Four — The Individualist. Known for their emotional depth, creative spirit, and that unmistakable “nobody understands me” energy, Fours bring both breathtaking beauty and stormy drama to the Enneagram map.
We’ll explore:
✨ The core blueprint of what makes a Four tick (and sulk).
🌑 Their shadow side—from moody withdrawals to “I’m fine” pouting in all black.
🌞 Their light side—where authenticity and artistry shine brightest.
🪽 The role of wings in shaping their personality.
🌱 Practical growth practices to help Fours step out of the fantasy self and into real transformation.
Whether you are a Four, love a Four, or have ever wondered why your Four friend canceled plans because they were “too sad to exist today,” this episode will give you both laughter and insight into one of the most complex Enneagram types.
So grab your journal, pour your favorite melancholic cup of tea, and let’s unravel the magic, mystery, and occasional melodrama of the Type Four.
Email the show: stillyoupod@gmail.com
Book a 1on1 session: https://calendly.com/bundy-katelynn/30min
Tiktok: @stillyoupod
YouTube: @stillyoupod
Resources for todays episode: The Wisdom of the Enneagram and Personality Types by Don Richard Riso
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Enneagram Type 4
00:00:03
KateLynn Bundy
Hey, hey, hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Still You podcast, where we bravely hold up a mirror to the messy, sparkly, dramatic, and sometimes slightly too much parts of ourselves, of our personalities, and say, yes.
00:00:19
KateLynn Bundy
That's me and I'm fabulous. and If that's a little clue and into what we're going over today, yes, we are going over the Enneagram Type 4. We are moving and we're grooving.
00:00:34
KateLynn Bundy
Our Type 4s are... our deep feelers, the aesthetic curators, the human embodiment of a sad indie playlist on Spotify. And yes, the reason probably why anthropology stays in business.
00:00:48
KateLynn Bundy
Zing! If you are new here ah because you're a type 4 or... Sorry, there's something going on outside. Sorry, the police are out there. don't know what's going on.
Humor in Personal Growth
00:01:02
KateLynn Bundy
But if you are new here because you're type four or thinking that you might be a type four, just know that we love to joke around here. We don't take ourselves too seriously because growth is hard, right? It's exhausting, it's messy, so a little humor goes a long way in making this as enjoyable as we can, all right?
00:01:21
KateLynn Bundy
But this is gonna be a good one. and If you have ever thought, no one understands me, and also don't you dare copy my vibe, You just might be a type four.
00:01:32
KateLynn Bundy
So let's unpack it while the sirens go off. Actually, I don't think you guys can hear what's going on on my street because I got a new microphone and I think it's actually doing its fucking job.
Exploring Type 4's Core Blueprints
00:01:43
KateLynn Bundy
But in today's episode, we are going to unpack the core blueprints of our fours, their light, their shadow sides, their wings, which are three and five. And yes, it changes the whole flavor of our type fours. And then finally...
00:02:00
KateLynn Bundy
practices to help fours grow while keeping their beautiful magic intact because we're still remaining ourselves. We're keeping our are autonomy here, okay?
00:02:13
KateLynn Bundy
So grab your journal, your overpriced latte, or that scarf you probably knitted, and let's get into it. um Again, if you are a four or maybe learning that it might be your type, I do wanna say that if you've heard in previous episodes these disclaimers that I give in certain sections of these episodes, that might be difficult to hear, or I just want to frame the right mindset going into it. I wanna do that right out the gate for my fours.
00:02:41
KateLynn Bundy
Don't take it the wrong way. Only because in my past as an Enneagram coach, the type 4s typically have had a harder time hearing about the shadow parts and among other things.
00:02:53
KateLynn Bundy
There is like a massacre going on outside right now. Can you hear that? This is like a busy and loud street already, but I clicked record at the worst time right now.
00:03:04
KateLynn Bundy
Anyway, it's just a little distracting. I apologize. But yeah, so in my past as an Enneagram coach, that's just kind of the theme that I'd seen throughout um the calls that I would do with type fours.
00:03:16
KateLynn Bundy
So I just want to say that all – and you four, you want to be uniquely individualistic and feeling – and so the feeling of like you're put being put in a box is like uncomfortable and it just nothing will ever apply to you or something and you just kind of tell yourself that. But if the Enneagram has taught us anything, if we've learned anything about the Enneagram – Putting people in a box is quite the opposite of what it does. So it's very important for us, for all of us, to see the warts and flaws of our hearts and souls in order to live in our truest form so that you're still uniquely you, hence the name of this podcast.
00:03:57
KateLynn Bundy
So we're just evolving over here. The Enneagram is not black and white. So again, sit back and listen with pure curiosity and let me know your thoughts. And I do like to know how it applies to you.
00:04:11
KateLynn Bundy
Okay, so let's start with the essence of a type four.
Authenticity and Identity in Type 4s
00:04:15
KateLynn Bundy
If you boil down the four into one sentence, it might be, i must find and express my unique identity to feel value valuable and loved, right? We're still in that heart triad, so we're really still chasing that value and worth it worth for for ourselves, for our heart types.
00:04:35
KateLynn Bundy
So for the type four the core desire is to be authentic, special, and uniquely themselves. and their core fear being ordinary, insignificant, or without identity.
00:04:47
KateLynn Bundy
So in which case, their core motivation is to express individuality and create meaning from their experiences, especially their suffering. Put a pin in that. All right, we're going to talk a lot about that.
00:05:02
KateLynn Bundy
So fours are seekers of authenticity, which we love. They are allergic to anything that feels fake or shallow or mass produced.
00:05:12
KateLynn Bundy
This reminds me of that scene in Friends. If you haven't seen that or if you are a millennial or older, you know. But there's this scene in Friends where Phoebe and Rachel are moving in together. And Rachel had to lie about this piece of furniture that she got. I think it was like Pottery Barn.
00:05:34
KateLynn Bundy
And she knew Phoebe would hate it because it was mass produced. So she made up this like big story that she got it at a flea market. And it came from like 18th century England or something like that. And so she was obsessed with it. Like Phoebe loved it.
00:05:48
KateLynn Bundy
And then when she finds out it was mass produced, she was mad. Anyway, but um where some types want stability or achievement or harmony, fours want depth.
00:06:02
KateLynn Bundy
They crave beauty, intimacy, and meaning. But here's the kicker. that pursuit of authenticity often leads them to a perpetual sense of something is missing.
00:06:15
KateLynn Bundy
It's like living with a background hum of longing, a sense that they'll just never quite be fully understood. So think about like if you're with your type four friend and you're walking through a museum.
00:06:29
KateLynn Bundy
The four is not just looking at the art, they're feeling it. And they're thinking to themselves, this painting is basically my soul and no one else here gets it. but Meanwhile, me standing next to you is like, oh, cute, a horse, you know, which is exactly me I love art. I love art, but um it does take a lot of effort to really like dive into it in that way. So that's why we love our fours.
Honesty and Personal Truths of Type 4s
00:06:53
KateLynn Bundy
So the fours, like I said, are called the individualists of the Enneagram because they hold tightly to the sense of being fundamentally different from others. They carry an inner conviction that no one could ever fully understand or love them for who they are. And more than any other type, fours are acutely aware of what sets them apart, their uniqueness, but also their deficiencies.
00:07:19
KateLynn Bundy
And at their best, fours are deeply honest with themselves. They bravely face their own feelings and motives and even their contradictions without denial or sugarcoating it. It's not that they always like what they find or uncover,
00:07:34
KateLynn Bundy
But they don't hide it from themselves or others either. And healthy fours are willing to share their most personal, even shame-based laced truth because they long to understand their experience and make peace with their past.
00:07:49
KateLynn Bundy
And this courageous vulnerability gives them like this quiet resilience. Their familiarity, that's a hard word to say, isn't it? Familiarity with their inner shadows allows them to face suffering without being undone by it. Did you hear that?
00:08:08
KateLynn Bundy
so Here's a little something to think about. I'm going to add in a little extra journal prompts, little little tidbits for you guys to think about because if my calculations are correct, our type fours are the journalers, are going to be, or a most likely the journal journalers of the Enneagram. So I know this is on the right track here. So think or write about a time where you were completely honest with yourself about a difficult feeling.
00:08:38
KateLynn Bundy
how did it How did facing it directly change the way you carried it? Okay. Something to think about. So still, many fours live with this nagging sense that something essential is missing within them.
00:08:53
KateLynn Bundy
Though they can't quite put a pin in it, like of what that is. Is it confidence, charm, willpower or something? They notice, but they they notice other people around them seemingly to...
00:09:06
KateLynn Bundy
being able to embody these qualities like effortlessly while they still wrestle with self-doubt. And while they feel socially awkward or different, they don't truly want to be alone. And in fact, they deeply crave connection. Someone who will see them, love them and validate their most inner self.
00:09:24
KateLynn Bundy
And this is why fours are called the romantics of the Enneagram, which I love. Think of like Fabio on those like romance novels, right? They, and those four, our fours secretly a dream of being recognized for the special self that they've been hiding away.
00:09:42
KateLynn Bundy
But if that recognition never comes, they may build their entire identity on being unlike anyone else. So in this way, the four comforts themselves by doubling down on their uniqueness, reinforcing their core desire, right?
00:09:58
KateLynn Bundy
So they think they think to themselves, I am myself. Nobody understands me and that makes me special. All the while, they're quiet quietly... Long for the ease and confidence that they see in others.
Struggles with Self-Acceptance
00:10:11
KateLynn Bundy
And here's something else to think about or write down, okay? Ask yourself, when you think of connection, what is it you most long for others to see in you?
00:10:22
KateLynn Bundy
Write it down. And what those parts what those parts of you look like and it feels like and what you need, okay? So, because of the type four struggle with low self-image, they often create a fantasy self, an idealized version of who they wish they could be. And throughout their lives, they might experience experience, no, experiment with different identities. They're borrowing qualities, aesthetics, or tastes from people that they admire.
00:10:55
KateLynn Bundy
But underneath all those costumes, if you will, there's still often a lingering uncertainty about who they really are. The challenge lies in the fact that they base their identity on their shifting emotional landscape.
00:11:10
KateLynn Bundy
right? That's not very reliable. And when they look inward, a type four sees this kaleidoscope that's constantly changing, never fixed. And type fours are right about one thing. Human nature is fluid.
00:11:24
KateLynn Bundy
But when they try to build a stable identity out of their feelings, they begin selecting which emotions, you know, belong to me or, and then rejecting other emotions that that's not me, you know,
00:11:39
KateLynn Bundy
ah So understand though, feelings and emotions, they're really important, but big, but they are also not facts. It is so important for our type force to remember this. Feelings are not facts.
00:11:54
KateLynn Bundy
we'll touch back on that at the end with our little like, you know, to do's, if you will. But so the great hurdle for fours is learning to release the grip of old feelings.
00:12:08
KateLynn Bundy
They have this tendency to dwell on wounds and cling to disappointments and sometimes becoming more attached to longing than to what's actually present in their lives.
00:12:19
KateLynn Bundy
And this attachment can blind them to the beauty and abundance that's actually already around them. But as long as they believe that there's some something fundamentally broken in themselves, they resist acknowledging their many gifts and strengths.
00:12:33
KateLynn Bundy
And to do so would feel like betraying their very identity as someone misunderstood and wounded. But when they begin to loosen that narrative, when they stop telling themselves the old tale of deficiency, they discover that those stories no longer define them.
00:12:51
KateLynn Bundy
Their past pain becomes less relevant and they can step into the truth of who they are now. So another thing to think about or journal about is, um,
00:13:03
KateLynn Bundy
When have you felt most different from others and how did that shape your sense of identity?
Emotional Depth into Purposeful Action
00:13:10
KateLynn Bundy
What would it feel like to release that old story and step into who you are today in the reality, in the present?
00:13:17
KateLynn Bundy
And please comment your thoughts. I don't have a lot of fours in my life at the moment or really ever, now I think about it. ah least confirmed type fours, if you will.
00:13:28
KateLynn Bundy
So I need learn from you guys. This is still a learning a good learning opportunity for myself. So let's get into the good stuff, our light side of the four.
00:13:39
KateLynn Bundy
Our fours are like a moody candlelit room, beautiful, soulful, but if you stay in there too long, you just might suffocate. That's the shadow side. But yeah, let's talk about the the good stuff first, right?
00:13:53
KateLynn Bundy
um So our healthy fours, are you ready to cry? Because it's just so beautiful, honestly. They're there's such a sight to see. i would love to witness one in the wild.
00:14:05
KateLynn Bundy
I probably have, but just didn't notice, you know? But fours are just truly and wonderfully magnetic. And at their best, they embody the depth of of beauty of human the beauty of human nature and the human experience. So what their superpowers?
00:14:24
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. you haven't guessed already, a couple of them. First, they're deeply creative and artistic. Love it. They're emotionally honest, willing to explore the depths that most people avoid.
00:14:38
KateLynn Bundy
And yes, they're authentic. They won't fake it for approval. I love that. They're also intuitive and empathetic. They can make others feel truly deeply seen.
00:14:51
KateLynn Bundy
And then lastly, they're able to transform pain into beauty, whether it's through art, conversation, or really just in the way that they decorate their living room or something.
00:15:02
KateLynn Bundy
And some little fun fact, I guess, some of the greatest poets, musicians, or creators and histor in history, yeah, they're probably fours. So think of like Frida, Virginia Woolf, Prince.
00:15:17
KateLynn Bundy
These people's art just didn't entertain. It revealed something raw and real. And I absolutely love that. That really adds just to the richness of life, right?
00:15:30
KateLynn Bundy
So here's what happens when fours lean into growth. When they ground themselves in meaningful action, their growth arrow points to our healthy qualities of the type one.
00:15:42
KateLynn Bundy
And this shift isn't about abandoning their identity, ah right? Please hear me. It's about discovering that their identity is already good, it's already whole, and worth offering to the world.
00:15:56
KateLynn Bundy
And type 1s, we haven't really dug into the the gut triad yet, even though we've talked about a type 1, our type 1s already. um But yeah, the type 1 belongs to the gut triad.
00:16:06
KateLynn Bundy
Again, go back to that episode a couple back if you don't know what I mean by triads. We go over it. But the gut triad means that they operate with instinct in a grounded sense of reality. So when a four learns to trust their instincts and stop being swept away by the endless emotional narratives in their mind, they take a giant step toward integration.
00:16:32
KateLynn Bundy
They realize that self-expression doesn't mean endlessly indulging in every mood or waiting for inspiration to strike. It means challenging their depth into disciplined, purposeful action. This is where fours stop hovering on the sidelines, waiting to be noticed, that like wall weird wallflower person at the party, right? and And instead, they roll up their sleeves and contribute something meaningful, and they fully participate in life.
00:17:00
KateLynn Bundy
And in doing so, they discover a deeper, steadier sense of self through their work and through their relationship. And let's be clear here. okay This move toward one doesn't erase their authenticity. I'm repeating that. I know, but it's important. okay um So it doesn't erase their authenticity or their core desire to be special.
00:17:25
KateLynn Bundy
It actually affirms it. So at this stage, fours no longer feel like they have to search endlessly for who they are or what gives them meaning.
00:17:36
KateLynn Bundy
They've already found it. and And now they can put into work in ways that positively impact the world around them. One of ah the most remarkable strengths of a healthy four is their ability to act or be these deep sea divers of the human psyche. Right?
00:17:55
KateLynn Bundy
They can swim down into the most hidden emotional layers of experience and return back with treasures and insights and stories and truth that help us and the rest of us understand what it means to be human. And they have this uncanny ability to articulate subtle truths about the human condition in ways that are beautiful, poignant, and deeply moving. Here we go. Another siren, yo. hope everybody's okay.
00:18:23
KateLynn Bundy
Okay.
00:18:26
KateLynn Bundy
and Where was I? All right. So in doing so, our type fours remind us what if that what feels most private and personal is often the most universal, right? Really humanizing humans.
00:18:42
KateLynn Bundy
So another surprising hallmark of our healthy fours, you want to guess what it is? I bet you can't. They don't take themselves too seriously. That's why I said what I said at the top of the episode.
00:18:55
KateLynn Bundy
Their sense of humor is often expressed in like irony or like a wry self-awareness, which allows them to laugh at their own quirks. Everybody needs that quality.
00:19:06
KateLynn Bundy
All right. But foresee their imperfections with grace and lightheartedness. Okay. And if this is like, oh, yeah, that's not me. Well, maybe it's a little bit of a clue where you're at in your growth path. Something to think about.
00:19:21
KateLynn Bundy
So let's talk about creativity. I really love this. Creativity is not exclusive to fours. Okay. Remember, Enneagram is not black and white.
00:19:31
KateLynn Bundy
Any type can cook up something original. Think, what is it, Ratatouille? Anyone can cook, which is true. But the four's creativity has a distinct flavor. It often grows out of their personal history or their emotional world and the way that past relationships and family experiences have shaped them.
00:19:53
KateLynn Bundy
This is why there's so many poets and playwrights or novelists that resonate with the four's journey. They turn their inner life into art that speaks to others.
00:20:03
KateLynn Bundy
So yeah, if you're four and you aren't doing something creative. Like girl, girl, it's time. It's time. Or maybe um if you're looking for a new career, side hustle.
00:20:17
KateLynn Bundy
I don't know. I don't know. You don't to make money off of it, but just do it. Do something. So when fours embody the higher side of their one arrow, they embrace reality as it is, not as they wish it to be, okay?
00:20:34
KateLynn Bundy
They stop resisting and start working with the actual circumstances of their lives. Acceptance becomes a core strength. Acceptance of the past, forgiveness for mistakes, and openness toward others.
00:20:49
KateLynn Bundy
With this comes the ability to build real reciprocal relationships instead of projecting them projecting ah their fantasies onto people or tearing people down when they disappoint.
00:21:04
KateLynn Bundy
And healthy fours see others clearly for who they are while also recognizing their own worth without needing to hide behind this idealized image. Okay?
00:21:17
KateLynn Bundy
So in the end, healthy fours develop this lasting, genuine sense of identity and self-esteem. This identity isn't built on daydreams or passing moods, but it's built on real action, honest connections, and a grounded presence in the world.
00:21:35
KateLynn Bundy
So another little prompt here, think or write about a time when you stopped waiting to feel ready And instead took purposeful action. How did that decision shift the way you saw yourself in your relationships?
00:21:52
KateLynn Bundy
All right. Let me know what you come up with. All right.
00:21:58
KateLynn Bundy
That was cute. That was cute. We love our healthy fours. Okay. But let's get into the difficult stuff. Sorry. Let's take a deep breath. And remember, we're listening with curiosity here.
00:22:11
KateLynn Bundy
If you truly want to become the best version of yourself, that's why we're here, right? Right. then hearing this stuff is vital for your girls. I'll make sure to keep it as lighthearted as possible so it's a little bit more fun to listen to. but And I'm trying my best over here, so give your girl break.
00:22:27
KateLynn Bundy
But with all the other types, I will probably do a deep dive into the the light and shadow side so we can really you know uncover the layers of what you ah of our goods and bad sides rather than just, I don't know, I kind of feel like I'm brushing it over.
00:22:45
KateLynn Bundy
I don't know. let me know what you think. But also, if you want to do a one-on-one session with me to dive deeper into your type and what you specifically struggle with and how we can get you to move forward, there is a Calendly link in the show notes.
00:23:00
KateLynn Bundy
you got to copy and paste it into the browser. I'm sorry. i i have no other way to be able to um to do that. So it's old school.
00:23:12
KateLynn Bundy
But you can schedule one-hour session with me. It's just where we're at. But let's dive in. R-Type 4 caboo.
00:23:21
KateLynn Bundy
I still haven't thought of a good word for that. Anti-superpowers? Kryptonite? Whatever. And it's just like the rest of us, okay?
Challenges of Envy and Mood Swings
00:23:30
KateLynn Bundy
We all got our warts.
00:23:32
KateLynn Bundy
All right. First off, they are prone to envy. Believing that others have something that they'll never get. Also, self-absorbed.
00:23:43
KateLynn Bundy
They're swimming in feelings until they drown. They also romanticize suffering. Like they don't just feel sad. They curate sadness like an art exhibit.
00:23:56
KateLynn Bundy
They also have these mood swings that can leave others on walking around on eggshells. And then lastly, they can get stuck in this, I'm special because I'm broken.
00:24:07
KateLynn Bundy
which keeps them from actually healing. Okay. So it's like when you, don't know, feel like reminds me of like those high school days where everyone was very melodramatic, right? Teenagers.
00:24:22
KateLynn Bundy
But when you like text that friend, like, yo, let's hang out. But their response and saying no versus being like, instead of just being like, no i can't,
00:24:33
KateLynn Bundy
They give this melodramatic response and they're just going to stare at the wall crying and, you know, very Bella Swan, right? But um anyway, so when our type fours get stressed, they don't just stay brooding in their artistic cave.
00:24:53
KateLynn Bundy
ni No, no, no, no, no. They take a little detour into the unhealthy side of our type twos, which you can go back and listen to that episode two episodes ago. Okay.
00:25:06
KateLynn Bundy
Obviously doing these in order, at least for now anyway. um But this move to the two usually happens after a long sh stretch stretch of withdrawal and self-absorption.
00:25:19
KateLynn Bundy
Suddenly the four then reemerges like surprise, I'm fine now let me Let me love you aggressively. What this looks like is a slightly forced friendliness, trying a little too hard, maybe texting, hey, just checking in seven times in one afternoon. like They start worrying about their relationships and if they're solid or not, and they just need constant reassurance.
00:25:49
KateLynn Bundy
The problem, yeah, surprisingly, there's a problem with that. The problem here is this clingy of ah please don't leave me energy can wear people down, right?
00:26:02
KateLynn Bundy
I mean, just thinking about it's exhausting. But it's like when your phone is always asking you for that update and you're just ignoring it. and We've all been there. That's really annoying. It's exhausting. Yeah.
00:26:15
KateLynn Bundy
But eventually, friends or partners may pull back, which then triggers the four's deepest fears of abandonment and then reinforcing their core fear, right?
00:26:28
KateLynn Bundy
So this cues the cycle of clinging even harder. and like twos under stress, fours may even hide their own struggles behind this mask of, I'm just here to help you,
00:26:41
KateLynn Bundy
But secretly, they're hoping that giving attention earns it back, right? So average to unhealthy fours can be a little bit of a paradox.
00:26:53
KateLynn Bundy
don't know why did that. Um...
00:26:57
KateLynn Bundy
I don't know. I'll save that story for another time. Anyway, so the four is they push people away with stormy emotions and then demand attention because of those very same storms. Like they're dramatic. I just need to be alone.
00:27:13
KateLynn Bundy
That speech is often less about actual solitude and more like an audition for someone to chase after them. And they retreat into their lair of loneliness, but secretly hope that someone knocks on the door with ice cream and undying a vote devotion, right? I think we've all kind of been there hoping that someone...
00:27:36
KateLynn Bundy
It's movies. Movies, romantic movies have ruined us probably. um But here's the kicker. Many fours become unconsciously ah attached to their struggles.
00:27:48
KateLynn Bundy
Painful feelings and self-pity become like this emotional security blanket that they just cannot put down, even though it's itchy or full of holes. And so some type fours even test love through difficulty.
00:28:02
KateLynn Bundy
Like think of them saying something along the lines of, if you really cared, you'd sit with me while I soak in silence for three days straight. Yes. Instead of throwing loud tantrums, they might just go quiet and refuse to join the family vacation or dramatically wear all black for a week or whatever. It's their way of announcing, I'm suffering, please notice me, without ever actually saying it out loud.
00:28:31
KateLynn Bundy
And the tricky part here is that they often don't even know why they're upset. The moods just sweep in like these surprise thunderstorms. And because fours are so identified with their feelings, they believe that they have to process them before doing anything else, which sadly, unfortunately, means...
00:28:53
KateLynn Bundy
So does ah they expect everyone else to process them as well. And at this stage, fours can become so consumed by their emotional needs that they don't even notice um others have their own lives and their own feelings going on. It's a little bit of of like irony,
00:29:11
KateLynn Bundy
um And their suffering feels more, because their suffering feels more than enough for them to handle.
Dreams vs. Reality for Type 4s
00:29:17
KateLynn Bundy
so And because they're part of that heart triad with the twos and threes, their version of narcissism isn't loud and flashy.
00:29:26
KateLynn Bundy
It's subtle and internal. So type twos love by helping others and threes want love by winning, right? And but fours, they want love by being authentically special and sometimes by being authentically miserable.
00:29:43
KateLynn Bundy
ah Lord. So this is where the concept of the fantasy self shows up that the experts have dubbed. um Average fours often dream about their talents or their brilliant work that work of art that they'll one day create instead of actually, you know, doing the work.
00:30:04
KateLynn Bundy
Think of like having this Pulitzer acceptance speech ready before you've even written chapter one. And most of the time, this fantasy self stays private for type fours, but it can leak out with people that they trust. So again, it's not black and white here.
00:30:20
KateLynn Bundy
The catch... you ask? Glad you asked. um When they're deeply identified with that fantasy self, they don't want any anyone interfering with it. A helpful suggestion can feel like a personal attack or deadlines become optional or um the I'm not in the mood it becomes the ultimate excuse. Come on, honey.
00:30:46
KateLynn Bundy
So if someone questions their choices, they might meet it with a combo of disdain, hurt feelings, and some theatrical long sigh, maybe. And they crave attention and support. But when it actually shows up, they can't take it in. It's like offering them a glass of water and hearing, it's sparkling water though.
00:31:13
KateLynn Bundy
So if you are a four- Or if you love a type four, does this ring any bells? Maybe during a personal crisis or even right now, like there's no shame. This is just the shadow side of a type that also has immense beauty in depth, right?
00:31:31
KateLynn Bundy
All right, there we go. Let's all... Take a deep breath. Yes. You little moody artists in the back, I'm talking to you. Let that soak in and think about it and mull it on, mull on it, but don't take it on.
00:31:47
KateLynn Bundy
That's kind of what we're trying to avoid here. We're we're going to shift gears now and look at our how our fours can grow, evolve, and then lean on their wings, literally and figuratively.
00:32:02
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. Our wings. Yes, they are the spicy side just dishes of the main flavor entree of your personality. Did I say that right?
00:32:13
KateLynn Bundy
ah probably Probably not. So a four's wings are three and five, right? A three? Nope. A four with a three ring?
00:32:24
KateLynn Bundy
Nope. back it up a four with a three wing gosh is called the aristocrats the the you know what i really should have poured that glass of wine before this episode it's too early in the day i'll feel guilty ah all right the four with a three ring oh my god
00:32:51
KateLynn Bundy
too bad i can't edit this out all right let me pause And we're back. Okay. I got this. I can do it. I don't know why this is a tongue twister for me, but but this is serious business. Okay. Stop laughing.
00:33:05
KateLynn Bundy
A four ah with a three wing is the aristocrat, the dramatic individualist. Nailed it. So this four is more outward and ambitious. They want recognition for their uniqueness. So go back and listen to the three episode the type three episode.
00:33:25
KateLynn Bundy
This will make more sense probably. um So this wing, they can they might channel their creativity into performance, fashion, social media, or careers they can show off their creativity.
00:33:38
KateLynn Bundy
And the strengths in this is they can actually take their art public instead of just journaling about it or storing it away in a bin. But the shadow side of this is they can get really competitive.
00:33:50
KateLynn Bundy
They're very image conscious and dramatic. Think like, no one else has my vibe, but also please notice my vibe, right? Does that sound familiar?
00:34:02
KateLynn Bundy
Next, our four with a five wing is the bohemian. which is so funny. The fours I've known in my life, like that is their whole aesthetic is this like boho style, which I love. It's so cute, but it's, it definitely tracks, but they're also called the introspective individualist.
00:34:23
KateLynn Bundy
sure you don't like that example, but I'm sorry. was just a pattern I've noticed. So these fours, They turn inward. They're cerebral, intellectual, and more private.
00:34:35
KateLynn Bundy
And instead of performing their uniqueness, they just study it. We're going to do the five, ah type five deep dive next week. So listen to that. So they may become reclusive artists, philosophers, or people who live surrounded by books and a lot of candles.
00:34:53
KateLynn Bundy
The strength in this is they go deep. Their insights are really profound. Love. The shadow of this is they can become isolated, detached, and a little snobby like, oh, you wouldn't understand my references. I'm just too niche.
00:35:08
KateLynn Bundy
Like, shut up. Sorry, that was mean. But still. All right.
Grounding Suggestions for Type 4s
00:35:14
KateLynn Bundy
in What are the practices for growth that our fours can do.
00:35:21
KateLynn Bundy
um And how does a four keep their spark without getting lost in this emotional swamp, right? So here's a couple of things you yeah can do, okay?
00:35:31
KateLynn Bundy
Ground in the ordinary, okay? First of all, get yourself a type one bestie and then um Seriously, it might be, it's a good influence, at least a healthy one, right?
00:35:45
KateLynn Bundy
So fours resist the mundane, but life is also really boring and mundane, doing laundry, answering calls or emails, and just like eating cereal on Saturday mornings.
00:35:58
KateLynn Bundy
Learning to embrace this ordinary keeps you guys balanced and setting up constructive routines for yourself can be immensely helpful ball in freeing up your creative mind. A little structure really does go a long way here. So don't let, or sorry, don't wait for inspiration to strike in order to take action. So arrange your life, your schedule, or how your home is that, or how your home is arranged, like literally, so that it can support your creativity.
00:36:31
KateLynn Bundy
um So something for you to like think about too, or gratitude you can do gratitude journaling, but specifically like naming everyday simple things like not being just grateful for the beauty of the world or whatever, but grateful for the new thing of socks that you got because they don't have holes in them anymore.
00:36:52
KateLynn Bundy
You know, seriously, simple, keep it simple. Next stop comparing. Okay. If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. Again, Enneagram is not black and white.
00:37:02
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. But this will help you be a lot more self-aware because sometimes if you don't do the comparing or um anything else that you've heard, you might actually start to notice that you do some of these things. It's just is not as obvious or present in yourself. Does that make sense?
00:37:21
KateLynn Bundy
But either way, stop comparing. We all need to hear this, right? The envy spiral for our type fours is real. They need to remind themselves that someone else's beauty or success does not erase their own.
00:37:36
KateLynn Bundy
So celebrate others out loud. When you feel that envy, intentionally name what you admire and then affirm that you already have it in yourself. Okay?
00:37:47
KateLynn Bundy
You got it, girl. All right. Lean into objectivity. Here we go. We talked about this a minute ago. Feelings are valid, but they are not always facts.
00:37:59
KateLynn Bundy
Okay? A four's inner weather can change every hour. God, I do not, and I don't want to know what that's like. But practicing stepping back helps you fours A lot. Your feelings are powerful, which is great. And it can offer you some great insights into yourself or a situation, right?
00:38:21
KateLynn Bundy
But they don't necessarily provide accurate information on the feelings or motivations of others. You cannot read their minds, so don't be assuming.
00:38:32
KateLynn Bundy
right? So something to ask yourself when you catch yourself in these moments is, what's true right now outside of my feelings? This will really ground you and help you stay in the present, right?
00:38:45
KateLynn Bundy
Okay, next. Create and share. If you didn't feel like we were going in that direction, then what are you even listening to? But don't just sit on your art, your writing, or any part of your creativity. Sharing your voice with the world is healing for fours, and it gives others the gift of resonance, okay? We need your creativity, babes.
00:39:11
KateLynn Bundy
Lastly, Anchor in relationships. Fours sometimes withdraw. That wasn't obvious. They're waiting for someone to, you know, find them. Air quotes here.
00:39:25
KateLynn Bundy
Healthy. Growth means showing up, expressing needs, and allowing love without testing people endlessly. Again, find yourself a healthy one or just seek out truthful friends who will be honest with you and call out your blind spots.
00:39:43
KateLynn Bundy
And four, like most everyone, can benefit greatly from reality checks, but especially for yourselves when it comes to your feelings and your feelings about yourself, okay?
00:39:54
KateLynn Bundy
All right. So that's our type four, the individualist, the deep divers, the feelers, the curators of meaning. love that.
Living Authentically without Validation
00:40:04
KateLynn Bundy
When they're balanced, our fours are like living poetry.
00:40:09
KateLynn Bundy
But when they're off balance, they can spiral into cell so self-absorption and envy. But here's the real magic of our fours. Are you ready to cry? This is where going to cry. I'm going to cry.
00:40:21
KateLynn Bundy
The real magic of our fours, they remind us that being human isn't just about climbing the ladder of success, checking boxes, or keeping the Wi-Fi bill paid on time or something. It's about beauty, authenticity, and genuine connection.
00:40:36
KateLynn Bundy
And in their process of transformation, fours let go of that stubborn self-image that whispers, I'm more flawed than everyone else. I'm missing something. they realize the truth.
00:40:48
KateLynn Bundy
Nothing is wrong with them. They are as worthy, lovable, and complete as anyone else. And one four steps into this realization, they stop performing differentness and start living from a place of real presence.
00:41:04
KateLynn Bundy
They see that being themselves doesn't require any special effort. It's who they've been all along. No more hustling to prove their and uniqueness. No more melodramatic, woe is me, and tragically special narrative.
00:41:20
KateLynn Bundy
And instead, they show up to life as themselves, unfiltered, unapologetic. And at their best, floors no longer need art, beauty, or drama as a substitute for worth.
00:41:34
KateLynn Bundy
okay They become a living ah work of art themselves. Their life becomes the poem, the painting, the song. And what's even more stunning, they reveal a deeper truth. Our truest self isn't some fixed identity frozen in time.
00:41:52
KateLynn Bundy
It's fluid, it's alive, and it's ever-changing like the kaleidoscope that never shows the same pattern twice. And the spiritual task for our fours is to resist the urge to grab that kaleidoscope and say, yes, this one, this snapshot, that's me forever.
00:42:09
KateLynn Bundy
And instead, they learn to trust the flow to let the next dazzling pattern emerge. And in this state, they tap into the ceaseless creativity of existence itself.
00:42:22
KateLynn Bundy
They discover that who they really are is not a problem to solve or a mood to curate, but an endless unfolding far more beautiful and surprising than anything they're imagined could dream up.
00:42:36
KateLynn Bundy
And at their essence, fours embody creation itself, the ever-changing, ever-renewing pulse of the universe and the eternal now. And their greatest gift to the rest of us, they remind us that we too are participants in this divine creativity, co-creators in the ongoing masterpiece of life.
00:42:58
KateLynn Bundy
So if you're a four, Here's a reminder. You are already whole. Okay? You don't need to chase uniqueness. You are unique. And the world doesn't just tolerate your depth.
00:43:13
KateLynn Bundy
It desperately needs it. Okay? All right. Snaps for our fours. Thanks for listening, guys, and tuning in.
00:43:24
KateLynn Bundy
Please, if this hit home, please share with a friend or leave a review. even if it's as dramatic as yourself. But ah yes, thanks for supporting the dream here. i am so passionate about the Enneagram and I'm here to you help make the world, my tiny little corner of the world, a little bit better of a place. Okay.
00:43:46
KateLynn Bundy
So next week we're moving on to our type fives. Yes. Yes. Prepare yourself for, ah you got to get your reading glasses out, your conspiracy theories. I cannot wait. I love talking conspiracy theories with my fives.
00:44:04
KateLynn Bundy
Like you would find us in the corner at the dinner party that they somehow showed up at. We'll be in that corner all night long diving into like how the moon landing was faked or something.
00:44:16
KateLynn Bundy
Relax. Okay. I don't actually believe that. at least I don't think so. But it's always fun to talk about. But anyway, until then, thanks for listening and supporting the dream, my dream. And remember, you are still you.
00:44:30
KateLynn Bundy
And that's more than enough. Bye.