Transcript
Speaker: Hello, and welcome back to Since I Became a Mother, the podcast about the things that motherhood changes, the things no one warns you about, and where we figure out who we are becoming together. I'm your host, Taylor Rae Roman.
Speaker: Hello and welcome back to Since I Became a Mother, the podcast where we talk about the things that motherhood changes, the things no one warns you about, and the way that we are figuring it out together. I'm your host, Taylor Rae Roman, and I'm So excited, I feel like i say that every single week, but I'm so excited for today's episode because today we have Rachel Nix. And honestly, i can't believe we haven't met before because so much of our life has so much overlap. She's gonna be a wealth of knowledge for you guys. We're gonna dive in to like a couple different topics because she does it all.
Speaker: She's giving icon legend and she really is the moment. um Some of the ways that we overlap is because we both came up as actors. We spent years working in the fitness industry. We both have done racial justice and advocacy work. And honestly, finding that combo, not that common. So I'm so excited to have her today. Rachel, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. I'm so happy that you're here to give a little bit background on Rachel Nix before we dive in So you know who we're talking to.
Speaker: Rachel is a Juilliard trained actor, long time fitness professional, former mirror trainer, a pre and postnatal fitness specialist, doula and lactation counselor, founder of Birth Queen, which I can't wait to talk about, black maternal health advocate and mother of two. She also told me right before we got into recording that she has a recent breast cancer survivor. We love that for her. We're going to talk about it a little more.
Speaker: Welcome. I'm so happy that you're here. um The first question that I have for you, like I said, there's so much that you could talk about and so much we could dive into, but I want to get into the fact that you were an actor and a trainer for so long. yeah And what did becoming a mother change about your own body as someone that used their body for like their work and their craft and like so much of their life before that?
Speaker: um What's funny is like a DM comes to mind of a husband of like a couple of successful actors. And he messaged me after I had my first and was like, you're giving my wife, um like encouraging my wife to have a baby. Because I think there are a lot of...
Speaker: I say actors, but female actors, actresses who are worried about what's going to happen to their body. Right after I had Samuel, um a very successful actor, dad, friend well, he wasn't a dad yet, male friend of mine who was married to another actor um was like, you know, you having Samuel is giving my wife um hope and encouragement that she could do both. um And I was like, because they were like really successful. And I was like, me? Yeah. What are you talking about? And another super successful girlfriend be like, girl, I just booked this show. What am I supposed to do? What I supposed to tell these people? Because I want to breastfeed my baby. I'm like, well, number one, you don't ask. Yeah. You tell.
Speaker: You inform, you educate. I did not ask permission for anything I needed to do for my children. And I breastfed both of my kids for quite a while. It was um like 18 and a half months and 26 months. Oh, God, I love that for you. Thank you.
Speaker: um I believe in popping a boob and feeding a baby. Me as well. Do you want to wait for your snack? No. um So that was my my methodology. My mom's like, they just get boobs onto me. And I was like, yes, they do. So do you feel like...
Speaker: I mean, I know for me, I actually was so worried when I was pregnant or even maybe even like before I came pregnant but became pregnant, I was like so nervous about my body, especially i think a little bit more being a trainer than being an actor. i was like really concerned about how my body was going to look. Then when I was pregnant, I was like, oh, I actually am healing so much of my relationship with my body. Like, love this. Then when I had my son, i was like, I could actually care less about situation stretch marks and scars and changes in my body like Aesthetically, I thought it was going to bother me a lot more and it I was shocked that it doesn't great. What it what's your relationship to like that kind of thing? So that you like a little fun fact I became a doula before I came a mom Oh, so I like was the kid that like came out of my mother's vagina wanting to be a mother like
Speaker: I didn't talk to my dolls. Ironically, I'm an actor, but I didn't talk to my dolls because I'm like, they're not real. um But I knew how to swaddle the shit out of one. yeah And when they came out with Water Baby, oh my God, i'd be like, she's sleeping. you know like I was like, it's very serious. yes But I, as a trainer, was so conscious of watching my students play.
Speaker: Be super hyper concerned when they got married and when they got pregnant about their bodies and I'm like, I don't like no, like, what is this like? I'm not a big aesthetic girl. Like, let's be real. I am very clear about my packaging and my packaging as a black woman and it being acceptable in.
Speaker: the world, right? yeah um I didn't choose it. It is what it is. you know They called my grandmother racehorse for these skinny legs. It is what it is. They strong, though. But it bothered me as a practitioner, as a professional, how...
Speaker: how many women like degraded themselves, how many women didn't believe that they could have babies. So I nerded out as a trainer in pre and postnatal fitness, again, before becoming a mom, to support women and empower them. like It wasn't like, and now I'm going to empower women through fitness. It just was like, I was like, I don't like that you guys don't believe in yourself. yeah So then I kept like deep diving and nerding out about like how to support them.
Speaker: which then led me become a doula and a lactation counselor. Cause women would be like, I'm just gonna a C-section. I'm just gonna, I'm not gonna breastfeed. I can't. And I was like, what excuse me, what do you mean you can't? We're not doing that. So I was like, I'm gonna figure out how to make sure you know how to do what you wanna do and make the choices you wanna make for you. So I was able to to hone all that information before entering the journey for myself. So by the time i entered it, I did say a lot of prayers to God. I was like, she does not want stretch marks on her stomach. So I will do anything. Lord Jesus, no medical, no medicine and birth, like whatever. i don't want stretch marks on my belly.
Speaker: I didn't get them. um I had very painful labors. And long as hell. So maybe we he listened to me. But um and I didn't tear. So I got you on the pelvic floor. We'll get we' we'll get there. But yeah, i was very blessed um to not worry about it. My booty turned to jello after that was tragic. um I was like, what is this? I remember my butt was so flat. But when I was pregnant, I was like, that's crazy. I would look myself sideways in a mirror and be like, my butt is flat as a pancake. My stomach is one million pounds. Like that's a wild. Everything from the back went to the front. But you had a voice. I was like, huh? What? I was like, okay. The other day though, I was like, my butt, she's coming back.
Speaker: She's coming back. And I love that for me. So I relate i relate to it. Okay, so I love that you really focus on empowering. And also, it seems like just that positive self talk. Yes. And like believing in a positive outcome and like all of that. So love that. You mentioned the pelvic floor a little bit.
Speaker: So I just want to get into it because I think that's such a huge topic. I love that more moms are talking about this. um So but what exactly is the pelvic floor?
Speaker: What is it doing during pregnancy, birth, postpartum? Just give us a down low. I should have brought my little handy dandy pelvis. We could get really get into it. So my kids literally like that. That's that's our coffee table, like our tabletop. It's like a pelvis. I love it. They know where they're going to know. They're to know. There are two boys that are like, oh, you did that for us. I was like, yes, they were like, I don't want to do that. No, they really should know. Because honestly, my son, like, do you know what I went through for you to be alive? Sir? No, I was at the OB yesterday. going know. he was like, are you good? Like, what's going on? I'm like, yeah. I was at the girl doctor. And he was like,
Speaker: do they dig around your privates? I was like, they do. And he was like, ooh, that sounds awful. Not dig around your privates. I think it was something to that effect. He was like, they got to check them. So he's like, are they going? He's like, I've seen that pelvis model girl. oh I know what's in there. It's crazy. So um excuse my broken fingernail.
Speaker: It's like a hammock So Men have pelvic floors Right Your partner has a pelvic floor Everybody needs to do their Kegels Remedy Kegels And it holds your organs Right So You don't have to have had a baby For your pelvic floor to get weak You don't have to have a vaginal birth For your pelvic floor to get weak So there's huge misconception Girl my pelvic floor is fine Because I had a c-section No ma'am That's not correct Because you have your organs, which are loaded weight on this muscle group. I like to think of like if you ordered a new hammock on Amazon, you get it and it's very taut, right? It's like this. Over time, it gets sat on, rained on, sat on, randa ran bounced on and it lowers. So then you add a human bowling ball for hours.
Speaker: give or take a year, then that bowling ball might pass through said outlet. And then you just going back to running and you're going to give me a heart attack. That's why I'm sweating thinking about it. Right. i have people that like I'm going for a run. I just had a baby. And I was like, ma'am, would you like all of your insides on the floor? No, you don't.
Speaker: Would you like to pee when you cough, laugh or sneeze or jump? No, you won't. So don't put your body through um High impact during pregnancy High impact immediate postpartum Until you are healed What does that look like?
Speaker: I had two, eight, four babies that were 21 inches My first baby had a 98 percentile head I didn't want to do a jumping jack for nine months My second one I liked a just cute little jog at six weeks And I don't even like running At all.
Speaker: But I felt good. i like, she does not like to run. I was like, ancestors ran long enough. I'm like, no running for me. um But it was because he had a smaller head because my body was like, we've done this before. i wasn't pushing for three hours. yeah So as a practitioner, I've got to be conservative when I give you general rules of engagement for your body because everything looks different. right I don't know how long you pushed. I don't know if you understand how to do a proper Kegel when you do a squat, when you run. like So my thing is like, let's just back the train up. You can do cardio with without adding load to your pelvic floor. It's not that the baby is not safe when you're going for a run, but you don't want to have to put Humpty Dumpty back together again because you were running. But to really talk about it, there are so many of us that are concerned with our physical bodies, not from our own concerns, but from that of society, partners, friends, parents, whatever it is. I don't know that I would call that a friend. um And so you really need to check yourself and what...
Speaker: is going on in your brain and who's surrounding you about all of your choices as a mom. I love it. Yes, absolutely. Feeding. No, no, no, no. We are not adjusting. Like I will toss this in and probably say it again before we're done. My mother said only you know what's best for you and that baby. Mm That's it.
Speaker: Yeah. Not the physician, not not your mom, nobody, nobody else. The answers lie within you. So whatever I give you is so that you stay seated on your throne of empowerment as a birth queen. That is the only reason I'm giving you all I have to give so that you're walking around your day not like, oh my God, what does the app say? What does Google say? What does chat say? What do my mom say? What do my friend? Girl, you have an anxiety attack. What do you say? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah and i can teach kegels but ask your follow-ups and then i can like break it down no that is so helpful um and exactly like you said it's specific to every person based on their birth experience i went to pelvic floor therapy for six months postpartum i didn't know that i could have gone when i was pregnant yep i didn't even know that was like a thing yep so if anyone's pregnant and listening you can go to pelvic floor therapy While you're pregnant. I thought it was just like after. So when I went after, i had a second degree tear. Okay. And fun times. I did an unmedicated birth and I pushed my son out in one push. Just like one super fast. Oh, we shot him. Because I just like shot him out because I said, I'm done, babe. Wrap it up. It's hurt. it hurts. hurts.
Speaker: I'm good to go. They said, reach on. You could feel his head. I said, that's enough for me. He's halfway out. Just like popped him out. And the doctor missed it. The doctor literally missed it. He was like across the room, putting his like gloves on and his mask. Like he just, I was squatting with the squat bar and I just like pushed him out right onto the bed.
Speaker: So that was me. That's my birth story. Love that for you. That's quick birth story. Don't love your second-degree tear. So I had a second-degree tear. um Yeah, we got to ease babies out. Yeah, you're supposed to not shoot them out. Yeah, don't shoot them out. But your fascia was like, whoo! Yes. One, i actually had a lot of shame and embarrassment that I tore because I was like, if I did a better job, I wouldn't have torn. Because who told you how to push? I also teach how to push. Yeah, I did not know. not yet. and that was something that I was like, I mean, along with all of the other feelings, thoughts, questions, concerns you have immediately postpartum, that was something I was like struggling with.
Speaker: Thankfully, my postpartum um physical therapist is an absolute angel. She was like, no, girl, we got to release that. But something I didn't know was that like a lot of pelvic floor physical therapy, they like are going in there.
Speaker: They're going in. Oh, in. They're going in They put a gloved hand yeah inside. yeah I didn't know that. I thought we're go digging around. I said, we're going to do some squats and some breathing exercises. She said, all right, girl, pants off. I was like, oh, what? is i Something else. So, so much that you should know.
Speaker: if you're going to go floor therapy, you should know my pants off. You are going to, you are going to take your pants off, babe. I was like, huh? I thought I was going to be doing a little foam roller. Like, what do you mean, girl? So just want to share that for anyone that doesn't know. Take a shower first. Yeah, no, exactly. I was like, what is happening? Um, I did have a friend that warned me, so I wasn't completely shocked, but I was like, I don't think it's going to be like that for me.
Speaker: No, it was. it that It's like you're having a whole conversation. You need it. That's the point. No, no, no. any And I'll toss into like, it's really important as you age, right? Like, I think Halle Berry is really talking about like vaginal dryness and like... If your skin ages, your skin ages. And so things shift and we need to talk about it. Like, you know, not to like damper, but as a cancer thriver, like I'm now on meds and one of the, you know, side effects is like menopausal stuff. But it was like vaginal dryness. I was like, I'm not interested in that. This is not her ministry. What are we doing about that? My oncologist was like, ma'am, is that what you're concerned about? I said, yes.
Speaker: I am. I might prefer to lose my hair. And she was looking at me like, sis, really? And I'm like, no, no, no, really. And your beautiful hair. Thank you. For anyone just listening to the audio. yeah I was like, and so I didn't know it was if I was going to share all of that. But that happens with hormonal shifts. Yeah.
Speaker: Which can happen in pregnancy. So I think ah shifts are shifts. And we can label how however we want. But what never can happen as women like suffering in silence. um So I think talk about it. You can call me or slide in my DMs with any question you want. Like nothing is weird to me. yeah um And I think we need to like just take stigma away from Yeah, the more we talk about it, yeah people feel like less alone. They feel like they can ask that question and they also feel like they have The knowledge, like I said, I didn't know I could go to pelvic floor therapy even while I was pregnant as someone that's been in the fitness industry as someone that I thought I read all the books. I thought I had a doula. I was like, oh, I didn't know that. So the more we talk about it, the more you can feel exactly. You said it empowered to make your decisions. Along with the pelvic floor, something else that we're thinking about talking about is your core. And from what I understand, I'm no expert, but from what I understand, diastasis recti pretty much happens to everyone. Like your core is going to open up to make space for the baby. But can you talk more about like what's happening with your core What can we do to rebuild our core after pregnancy to have that foundation so we can get back into exercise? What I'm going to tell you not to do is go for a run and do a bunch of sit-ups and crunches and twists.
Speaker: Because if you imagine a corset, like if the strings are in the front, right? So those you have like, you remember, like the 300 cover with those big fake abs that all those dudes had. that's your rectus abdominals. Those are your flexing muscles. They're pretty, but they just make you forward fold like a roly poly.
Speaker: Your transverse abdominals are the most important muscles of really life in addition to the pelvic floor they work together or they should be working together. So they're like your corset muscles. So as you stretch, like your linea alba, that dark line that most of us get when we're pregnant, that's like where they connect. And then you stretch and stretch and stretch.
Speaker: And whether you're a couch potato or like a premier athlete, they could separate. Now, with time and you giving them time to heal, they naturally may come back together. Most of the separation is at like your belly button, but it can run from here to here. So if you start to see coning and things like that, that is a red, like a signal that the that's what's happening. Now, postpartum, you're extraordinarily vulnerable. So you have your baby and then you're like, I need to go do crunches. Well, if you're not engaging your transverse abs and you start crunching, you're actually ripping them farther apart. And so what you need to do is diaphragmatic breathing.
Speaker: um I call it like ab toning where you're sitting, you know, crisscross applesauce. I love a kneeling on a yoga block. So you're like Yoni is on the block. So you have feedback that you feel your vulva lifting from the block as you may be in a mirror or with your hands. Exhale.
Speaker: Everybody get their notepad out. You exhale, engage and lift your pelvic floor. Exhale, engage and tighten your corset muscles. in Inhale, relax and open.
Speaker: If I inhale, my tummy gets bigger, right? The bottom, the vagina goes down. The anus goes down. When I exhale, need to be lifting like I'm holding a toot and titi. Another excellent, not pretty visual is like when your tampon's sliding out and you're like...
Speaker: That is a Kegel. You pull up. You need that tadpole inside, right? not to my The tadpole needs to stay inside. We've all had bubble. We're like, oh my God. So I think a lot of people are like, what's a Kegel? And we do weird faces and we don't know. Most of us are doing the wrong breath.
Speaker: So I've had so a student that I had parted from for many years who found me and was like, girl, I'm still queefing like a year in. And I'm like, I figured out she was doing a reverse Kegel. She did a ton of reformer, like contemporary reformer Pilates, but she never knew how to do a proper Kegel.
Speaker: So all these young girls, let me tell you something, figure out to how to lift it and hold it in. You don't want to be bearing down and pushing out because then you add pregnancy and it's a wrap.
Speaker: Yeah. So exhale, lift and engage. Inhale, relax. Exhale, lift and engage. Try to hold. And like that is your rehabilitation until you're able to hold. And no, you shouldn't be able to because you just birthed the watermelon. Exactly. And you start your uterus starts as a blueberry goes to a watermelon. You need to give it time. That six week rule is patriarchal sex clearance.
Speaker: Full stop. It's not healing. Yes, that actually gets Immediately into my next question, which was that a lot of women get cleared at six weeks and think that that was actually the next question Yeah, that was my next question. We're connected right now and they think that that means they can go right back into their normal workouts What does six weeks clearance actually mean you basically just said yeah and how should someone realistically return to strength training running hit any sort of movement. Yeah I also want to say that like I so vividly remember my six week appointment. I remember like I was
Speaker: completely soaked in breast milk. was like It was like the first time that I was away from my baby for like a second. I was so stinky. your armpits are funky. I was so stinky, girl. I had so much breast milk on my like gown that they like puty put you in. And then she, my OB, b she like did like an exam and was like, okay, you're good. And I was like, okay, but like for what? And she was like, anything, like whatever. They don't know. I don't know. That's crazy. And I actually loved my OB, but like that was crazy. And that's when I started pelvic floor therapy. god Because she was like, my power four therapist was like, I need you to be six weeks. Like that's what her practice. it was like a huge practice and that's what they required. um
Speaker: So what, what are, what is the six week appointment even mean? So is should we just like not even consider that as like, no about returning? Okay. No. So like, I was crazy when my first son had six weeks. I was like, I'm ready to have sex. Right. My partner was like, I saw too much.
Speaker: So it it is so much nuance, but essentially from like a biological standpoint, that means you're probably done bleeding and your uterus has begun to shrink back to somewhat of the size it started at. um I love doctors and I would like people to speak on what they know.
Speaker: If you didn't specialize in fitness and the pelvic floor,
Speaker: Why are you telling someone, go do what you were doing? Because then I have someone like, I'm back at Barry's. And I'm like, ma'am, your ah insides are going to fall on the treadmill. What are you doing? And why are you doing that? For me, it's that you're going back to do something that intense, not because you feel ready, but because you think you're supposed to to look a certain way. okay And that shit pisses me off. And that then I had years ago... um Speaking of women's health, like she had a she was ah had another big job as an editor of fitness, had a bunch of babies, and like I was her trainer, and she's like, I'm running every day, and like but it feels like i have to poop. And I was like, ma'am, stop. Your insides are falling out. And she's like, it's fine. like We all just joke that like we just wear black leggings and we pee in ourselves, and it's fine. And I'm like, I didn't even have kids yet. And I was like...
Speaker: What about that is fine? It's not it's not fine. Yeah, but it really uncovered How much stress women put themselves under? Physically mentally and emotionally to be a certain aesthetic postpartum Yeah, and then you are actually physically hurting yourself. Nobody wants to be in a diaper. How are you gonna feel confident?
Speaker: At us, okay, say you want to be a size two again, but you need to wear a diaper Is that what you want? How are you going to feel good having sex with your partner yeah if you're unsure if you giggle, you might pee? Yeah. Or what or more. Yeah. Right? Because prolapse can happen in front back. I was just going to say that word prolapse. Yeah. I don't even know if you've mentioned it, but that's like, I don't, can you explain like what is a prolapse? Yes. A prolapse is...
Speaker: My poor mother. I love her. She planted the seeds. She told me she taught me to do my Kegels. Not like granularly like this. But she's like, do your Kegels or your shit's going to fall out. And I was like... Okay.
Speaker: And literally, guys, your organs come out. That is prolapse. Okay. Your organs distend out of your body. No, thank you. No, thank you. But... So incontinence is one thing. And I also want to just say what that is. That's when you, you know, pee, urinate, when you cough, laugh, jump, sneeze, whatever. um And so, but there was this whole underworld, even in the fitness industry, where people are like, it's fine. And I'm like, because I feel like prolapse,
Speaker: It doesn't really seem super uncommon. And I think it's like exactly to your point because potentially people are pushing themselves in ways that they shouldn't be, which goes back to everything you said. Oh, we just wear black leggings because we're peeing on ourself. Okay, like this is the culture, but this isn't necessarily what is like the best thing for our bodies. No.
Speaker: And a lot of fitness professionals, when I had um Baldwin during the pandemic, there was a successful trainer who was a spin instructor and she had just had a baby. And then she's like back on the bike after four weeks, posting old photos in her sports bra with a six pack.
Speaker: I was so clearly she needs a hug because that's Wrong. And she's pushing herself because she's unwell. But what that does...
Speaker: to women, it's really, really wrong. yeah It is wrong because then people are like, that's what I should be able to do. right And I need to say, like I'm a professional. this is My body has trained for this and I need to rest, but I know how to do what I'm doing. right It's what we do all the time. You don't do that all day. So your body's probably gonna take longer Right. And so it doesn't we're all unique and different. And that's beautiful. Like Tiana Taylor, like birth babies in a bed in a shower and they had a 16 pack.
Speaker: We are jealous of her for that. I love that for her. We love that. for That is not. But I don't know what's going on with her pelvic floor. i Exactly. Exactly. Right. We don't know. You don't know. You don't know the details, the nitty gritty of what's going on. You don't. Yeah. But I can guarantee nobody needs to be peeing on themselves. So please don't push yourself. And please don't just listen to everybody that says they know that they're an expert because yeah they're not.
Speaker: Absolutely. It makes me think this morning i was running down a pier near where I live. It's like beautiful. and I was running and I was taking a video of myself and I got such a flashback of my first day home from the hospital walking down that same pier because we used to live right in front of it.
Speaker: And I was limping because I had like a second degree tear and I was like, Every step hurt because my stitches were like rubbing and I felt so just like I was wearing my diaper Yes, girl. I felt so soggy I felt so gross and there my husband took a video of me and I'm like limping and I'm looking in the bassinet stroller every second because I was like, oh my god Is he okay? Is he okay? Is he okay? Because I was so anxious. Yeah and running down that pier this morning I was like 16 months is how long it took. Yeah pelvic floor therapy deep core breathing, diaphragmatic breathing, like step by step by step. Take your step. Taking it, you know, so that today I can run. But I was like, wow, in the moment you think, oh my God, it's going to take forever for me to get back there. But like. Oh yeah.
Speaker: It's scary. And that's so scary. That's so yeah real. So I totally empathize and get it. I've been there so recently that like, you just want to get back into it. And a lot of times like moving is where you feel like yourself you know but everything you're speaking to of like giving yourself time and doing it the right way like I think we I think the moms need to know but listen you guys like in other cultures like Asian cultures I had a neighbor we had a baby at the same time she was not allowed to do nothing she couldn't go outside she couldn't cook she could barely walk down the hallway to see me they made her rest
Speaker: We have to rest. We like don't have that in our society, but like overseas in Europe, every woman gets pelvic floor therapy. They come to you for your postpartum visits, mental, physical. They cook for you. They check on you. Yeah. And you write the two places that matter a lot. Like if your vagina ain't good, you ain't good. Yeah. Like for real. Yeah. After pushing Samuel for three hours, that cute little ah resident came in and he was like, how are you feeling? I was like, like my butt's going to fall out. And their dad was like, Rachel. I'm like, he asked me how I felt. That's how I felt. And I remember being in my kitchen in Harlem. I had a similar limpy story.
Speaker: I didn't want to, I was afraid to, Like we I think we trained there in Harlem and walk back. But my mom and their dad had the baby. And I was like, lip they just left me to go get Levine cookies. And I could barely walk.
Speaker: And I didn't tear, thank God. But it was rough. yeah And this man at the meat store was like, sister, you all right? And I was like, no, I'm not. And they just left me because they're so used to be like keeping up. But I think you have to tell people around you. I'm not going to rush on these stairs. I'm not ready. I'm not.
Speaker: And that is as if I can give anyone anything because i'm hyper independent. It is OK to say no. It is. It doesn't mean forever. It just means not right now. And your job is to enjoy that creation you made. It is crazy to make a human.
Speaker: Crazy. Insane. so I'm not running. Insane. Every eyelash, every fingernail. Your eyeball. Your little toes and a little your little scrotum is so cute. Right? now Do you have scrotum? The scrotum is so cute. I'm done. Every single cell of your body yeah im made. And then your breastfeeding, if you so choose. That's another crazy thing. Wait, I'm still keeping him alive with my body. No, it's nuts. It's nuts. literal nuts, guys. It's nuts. thats Um...
Speaker: So for the mom that is listening who wants to feel strong in her body again, where should she actually start? You talked a little bit about sitting on your yoga block, doing your diaphragmatic breathing. yeah Like, who should she be reaching out to And like, what should she be doing to like get into it? Yeah, I mean, i like including resting. Right. Rest. I can help you gentle stretching, walking.
Speaker: That walk needs to be like, you know, I i lived on 127th. And so my mom stayed with me for three weeks and we would walk a block. Like it was like I would test myself. OK, I made it one avenue today. And then my pelvic floor was like, sis, time to go home. Then, you know, remember that. Right. The you can feel the pressure pressure. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, man, I remember that. So that's a great place to start. And my mom, I think she was conscious of what she did. She made sure I was showered and outside by noon. Because you need to get out of the four walls. Yes. And take a walk.
Speaker: Make sure you bathe. Like simple things. And you're not going to walk a mile. You're like outside. And then you might stop and have to breastfeed your baby. Or just stop and be like, we got to go back. And then eventually you're like, oh, I want to keep going. So that's a really great place to start. And then you're doing your Kegels as soon as that baby shoots across the room. Even with your tears. Scary as hell. But you're like,
Speaker: Holding it so then when you're trying to roll out that bed because you have no cord to get to the bathroom, you're not peeing on yourself. Yeah. So you're doing your Kegels immediately. Very scary. Like the first poop, you're like... The first poop was so scary. Oh, so scary. The first poop was...
Speaker: Wow. You're like, I'm just never poop again. No, the first poop was so treacherous. And I do have to say, because i have no I have no filter, I have no shame about this, because I think other moms need to know. yeah My husband had to get a plunger to plunge the toilet every time I pooped for my first like five poops, because they were the densest, hugest poop that you've ever experienced in your life. They were...
Speaker: humongous they could not be flushed they were unflushable he was like i had to put on gloves and break them in half because i couldn't get it down i said first of all you love me more than anything that's incredible he didn't tell me either the time at the time he was just like yeah i got it down and he was i was like okay love you so much that's iconic behavior you broke my poop with your hand you love me um um but my poops were full treachery okay so so treacherous And I thought I had no filter. Where's your man? Tell him. Kudos to you. No, that's crazy, dude. Like the poops were so rock solid and huge, guys.
Speaker: And I was taking so many stool softeners. That was insane. but I do have to say those poops were out of control. And I just wanted the people to know. And baby, like, and once you have a baby, all you talk about is poop also.
Speaker: Also. poop What color was it? What size? Did it make noise? Like you're like, why is this Why is poop my life now? um Okay, so back to where should they start? Like, so where do you start pelvic floor therapist? Yeah, I mean, I think everyone should go to a pelvic floor floor therapist. I think your boo should go to a pelvic floor floor therapist. Everybody should know what with what they're working with. Yeah. You might be tight in the front, loose in the back, loose in the front, tight in the front. like You don't know. So it's good to just kind of know. Also, like as a doula, husbands or partners male partners love me when I come because I'm like, are you guys having sex?
Speaker: Sex is a big thing after. You're like, oh, I don't know. That thing just got out of me. i don't know if anything else can come back and tell me. Am I broken on some real stuff? You're like terrified. Yeah. So learning to breathe and relax your pelvic floor is equally as important during labor and during pleasure to so relax. Because if you're just like this, it is not going to feel comfortable.
Speaker: Also, if you learn where your tight spots are. you may shift positions and things like that. So like if you've had tearing, having like straight up 12 o'clock missionary might not be great because you have a lot of scar when I can feel where my scar tissue is. I had to use a wand from my pelvic floor therapist to like work through some of that. yeah And I feel like I know where it is, which is crazy. yeah so yeah can So if he kind of like pivots a missionary to like 1 o'clock, 11 o'clock instead of like 12,
Speaker: Yeah. comfortable yeah um also like men are terrified too to try again and hurt you you know so it needs to be i encourage a conversation and it's like yeah i might be like dude i feel broken inside and you're like it's cool i just broke your poop in half let's figure this out Another thing to know is like if you start to work out, you can start to bleed again because your core is contracting. So you might bleed again a little bit. um i think that's important to know. So you're not like I'm bleeding. um But a hard answer, you know, it's fluid depending on what you feel like. But listening to yourself. um
Speaker: I would like walks, gentle stretching, yoga, but not like full chaturanga power flow. Like, ah no, um you are not running hours. I feel like six months, like... I waited six months and a lot of people feel... Six plus? Yeah. I waited six months while doing so pelvic floor therapy and a lot of people are kind of shocked when I when i say that. I have friends that have run sooner. Like i have a run club for moms, so I'm like running with moms all the time. yeah I have moms that are two, three months that show up and we talk it through, ultimately, totally their choice. But like, I waited six months and I did not feel strong enough or like...
Speaker: good it did not feel good for me so I resonate with that well also if you're breastfeeding like yeah my boobs were going to explode yeah yeah so your breast like that the bouncing and all the things but also um it's important I don't always tell people but you hold on to fat tissue because for creating breast milk for up to six months after you complete your journey. The three places that that lives are around your belly button, in your tricep area, and your bra line. This is when I'm like, God was a man, because who wants extra fat storage in those three places? And I feel like I can tell. Yeah. It's like a cottage so much. Cause yeah, my son's. Oh, you're still nursing. Yeah. He's 16. So you're still nursing. But it's really like here. And I'm like, wow, that's so crazy. That's like my, my milk production. Yeah. Storage. And that's what they like to grab. And you're like, sir, really? It's cute. They like, it's soft. And like squeezes it. They squeeze it. You're so cute. Yeah. It's soft. Yeah. They like it. Yeah. And also like, they like it. Yeah. They need it. Exactly. It's keeping them alive. They're loving it. But yeah, I think Pilates is amazing. Be really careful, guys, with like jumping back onto like a machine. A classic Pilates reformer is different than like a contemporary mega reformer because it's so much pushing and pulling and I'm not anti. I've taught it all. You know, spinning, I'm good. But are you engaged in your pelvic floor? I don't want your pelvis shifting all over. highly recommend going to an acupuncturist, postpartum, but first, sorry, chiro, acupuncture and the pelvic floor therapist. So you just get reset. Your body, your pelvis literally opens to allow life to come out, even if you've had a C-section. So you just want to get your bones and your muscles in order before you start pounding the pavement, so to speak.
Speaker: And I think body weight exercises to start are are much more of my preference than coming back into adding heavy load. And I'm like a slow burn girl, period, but I think you just have much more control over. So like a TRX, for instance, or Pilates and a reform, but where you're controlling the resistance um or resistance bands, which PTs, you know therapists use a lot,
Speaker: But understand how to engage your transverse abdominals in your pelvic floor. And I love that you gave some actionable steps because I know it's really nerve wracking. You're seeing scar so much content that's like, do this, do this, do that. And it's exactly what you said. You see your favorite trainer a couple weeks postpartum with a six pack seemingly. And you're like, oh, my gosh, like, where what am I supposed to be doing?
Speaker: um Okay. There are a few questions that I want to ask you. These are our recurring questions that I ask every guest. So since you became a mother, what do you understand about motherhood now that you didn't before?
Speaker: This comes to me. There's so many things, but your children can fill your cup. And often you feel like they're just there to deplete you, especially when you're really tired and stressed and whatever.
Speaker: But i don't talk a lot about being a solo parent, but there are moments when my sons know that I need love.
Speaker: And I remember one time i was like touched out. i was like, just get out. You know, when you're like, I can't anymore. yeah And my son was like, no, mama, I just wanted to give you a hug. And I was like, oh, wow.
Speaker: He knew I needed that. yeah And so at my little one, I think I had like sighed one day. Like I didn't think I was like actively stressed. And he was two. He's like, mama, what's that? oh Why you do that? Are you okay? And I was like, ah yeah, i think so. And later he's like, you feel better, mommy? You feel better? And I was like, yes, Baldwin, I do.
Speaker: So give them space to pour into you. Because they're not just there to take. They really aren't. And every day is an opportunity for all of you to grow together.
Speaker: and it's okay to be a human. And I made that choice to let them know that I'm a human being. And I think they really rock with that. Yeah. Even when they're on my nerves, they like you about to laugh though. You about to laugh. like We have a good time even when I lose my patience.
Speaker: And um I think I'm just like raising dope humans and I'm proud of that. So, and I think they think their mom is dope, which is cool. Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed with that. I love that for you. um What is something that mothers worry about that you wish they could give themselves permission to stop worrying about? You ain't snapping back. Snapping back to what?
Speaker: The pre-version? You need to fly into this new version of you. It is elevated. like you know, my nonprofit, my brand, whatever. Like I, the name birth queen came to me from spirit. And I really see every mother as a birth queen. You cross a threshold. You're crowned when you cross that threshold. You're not dethroned. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: I mean, I hope you feel like you've launched this, like you're a badass. You're like, wait a minute, I could shoot a human out of my vagina? like Honestly, i totally resonate with that. Like, i you do know that I'm a full different person now, but I'm like, wow, I never thought I could be as courageous, as brave, yes kind as as I am now. Yeah. i am a million times better than i feel like i was before like love her but like i what we you just said before i made your eyeballs babe what do you mean like i made a human you mean and then i kept you alive yeah like that's crazy it is crazy i fully agree i love that birth queen that's what that means to you and that's why you created that as your brand
Speaker: You don't feel like a queen when your nipples are crusty after birth or whatever, but like you are you are. And that rawness is real. And I think falling in love with that mess. like I call parenting like motherhood is beautiful chaos, but I encourage you to put the beauty before the chaos. So like if you're like when I had my second and they both need me and I'm like, oh God, it's like triage. And you just like you're like, you know what This too shall pass.
Speaker: But I have all that I ever wanted. That's all I ever wanted is to be their mom. so Yeah. Yeah. And our last question is, what would you say to the mother listening right now who feels like she's the only one struggling with today's topic? So around fitness, getting into your body, all of those. Girl, bye. You're not that special.
Speaker: We've all struggled. we're So the key is to struggle together. I tell my clients, we're like, oh, my God, I'm not going to be able to do this. I say people have been having babies a long time, girl. My mom's like, you don't tell them that. Like, get over yourself, right? If you think about our ancestors and how they birthed,
Speaker: I think you could do this. And then you're like, oh, okay. And how people in this world real time are birthing. Yeah. We were made to do this. So I use sarcasm, but but don't capitalism has women feeling like they can't.
Speaker: you were made to. Yes, you can. And as a result of us fighting for our rights and all of that, we have options. And if you are in a certain area or because of education, and you may have more resources.
Speaker: So use those. But you in no way lack anything and in no way need to come outside of yourself for anything. And so that is why i kind of reset with that sarcasm and humor so that you're like, oh, you're right.
Speaker: I got this. I can. Yes, you can. yeah And you will. And there are days where you're like, I can't. And so that's when you need to never isolate. That's what I would say is never isolate. If you're feeling like you're the only one, that's when you need to text or call somebody.
Speaker: And some days you're not okay. And that's okay. Yeah. vision to Because you shouldn't do this by yourself. It's diabolical. what Yeah, absolutely. No, no. Rachel, I feel like there's 1 million more things we can have talked about today.
Speaker: There's so many things. There's so many things that I want to say. So many things you didn't touch on. um Birth Queen is the organization company that you founded and you focus a lot on black maternal health. I, am my last podcast that I had which is still like on this feed so people can find it I did an episode on black maternal health when I was pregnant because it was something I was thinking about a lot yeah it was something I was scared of petrified of worried about and I'm so obsessed that you've created this platform to talk about this to advocate um where can people find more about you about your platform and just get more information support knowledge um So you can birthqueen.org or rachelnicks.com. You can follow me on as social. I just do Instagram because I'm too old to do multiple platforms. You know what, girl? I respect Rachel E. Nicks. That's it.
Speaker: I just, I can't. I can't. I have a TikTok, but don't try to find me on there. It's really, I just use it to upload my cap cut to get the watermark off. Yeah. I'm dead. i love that.
Speaker: I'm like, I'm all millennial. I'm like, it's too many things. I can't. yeah. Yeah. That's where you can find me and find me. um We could do virtuals, like I can come talk.
Speaker: I think if there are black women listening, if there are any anyone that is human, um understand that black women are dying at insane rates. It is three to four times more likely for a black woman to die in this country than a white woman. But in New York, it's eight to 12 times more likely. It is not economic.
Speaker: It is not economic. It is not economic. It is not size. It is race. It is hard even as a black woman to digest that. Yeah. And survival cannot be like our check mark. Like she left alive.
Speaker: Great. What? Yeah. Do better. Yeah. We must do better. We must do better. Thank you so much for being here today. Friends, thank you so much for tuning in for another episode. Rachel, love you so much. Love you back. Follow her all the things, and i'll see you in the next one.
Speaker: Thanks so much for listening. If you loved this episode, if something resonated with you, if you learned something that you think is interesting or amazing, make sure you share this with another mom that you know.
Speaker: All of the links for today's episode will be in the show notes, my social channels, any info about our guests, any links, products, or resources that we mentioned will be there for you. i hope to see you in the next one released every Tuesday.
Speaker: Before I was a mother, I barely noticed mothers and now they're all I see. see you.
