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Nostalgia Is Just Queer Palestinian PTSD- Episode 10
68 Plays1 month ago
Ali and Khalil, the queer Palestinian hosts of The Olive People, set out to discuss nostalgia—but quickly spiral into queer trauma, family dysfunction, and the chaos of growing up displaced. Through the lens of complex PTSD, they unpack everything from sippy cup discourse (are they cunty?) to Khalil’s ongoing feud with his homophobic brother. Along the way, Ali nearly chokes on a dentist’s crown, they compare Zionism to heteronormative siblings, and take down Love, Simon as peak white-gay fantasy. Also featuring car-crash confessions, Co-Star betrayals, and the bold question: can a Honda CR-V heal generational trauma? Dry humour meets existential dread in an episode that proves if you’re nostalgic for your childhood, you probably peaked at 12.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Success
00:00:06
Speaker
I'm sorry. i feel like I would lose my mind. ah It's fine. i'm i'm I'm all up in the numbers. Yeah. So I guess that's exciting for me to see. Yeah. How are we doing?
00:00:19
Speaker
It's funny, the last, the newest podcast episode. Out now. Also, hey, all of people. I'm Khalil. This is Ali. Today we're talking about nostalgia.
00:00:29
Speaker
We were catching up. We will get there. i Honestly, we're doing good. So this last podcast episode we released, I was like, oh my God, we're at like 300 something followers.
00:00:42
Speaker
And you were like, oh my God, really? That's so good. And now we're like a thousand more than that. It's insane. You guys showed up. Yeah, please like and subscribe while you're here, though. Yeah. That's helpful. Rate the podcast.
00:00:59
Speaker
Halumi says rate and subscribe. Oh, the prettiest Halumi's looked on the podcast. It is. She's usually such a little stinker. There we go.
Audio Fixes and Self-awareness
00:01:09
Speaker
That's good. um I think we have our audio issues fixed. Mainly my issue. I was just being silenced.
00:01:16
Speaker
Were you silent or were you silent? Also, i
00:01:25
Speaker
Sometimes I'm like, ah I don't even make sense. Like, my sense of reality is so different from what actually happens sometimes. I'm like, well, this bitch talks fast and makes no sense.
00:01:37
Speaker
It doesn't articulate. I mean, like, you noticed how you were saying like a bunch, which I didn't even notice until you made a comment. Yeah. oh Not that you're talking all the time, but...
00:01:49
Speaker
Yeah, I was listening to myself and i was like, I mean, that's bound to happen. We're bound to pick up like things that are like, wow, we really should know. But yeah, no, full on. I was like, whoa, I have undiagnosed ADHD like that. It makes all there's one episode where i was literally rocking back.
00:02:08
Speaker
Biting my lip. I literally looked like a meth head. But see, the good thing is, is I didn't I never noticed that, which means if I don't notice that other people won't. Maybe. I mean, yeah, no, honestly, all the feedback is so positive. I think, I don't know, you should check your message requests because I got this.
00:02:26
Speaker
Did you get a message or request from someone insane? Not yet. It's never been any Zionists, alhamdulillah. It's just been Muslims. Mm-hmm.
Feedback and Online Challenges
00:02:36
Speaker
Interesting. I have not yet gotten that. I've gotten, I've actually gotten like a couple of like sweet ones, like the ones that you pointed out as well, which honestly, i we welcome those anytime.
00:02:49
Speaker
um But yeah, I haven't gotten insane Muslim ones. Like what? um don't I think maybe be already I usually just delete and block them or I'll say a couple things just to entertain myself and block them. yeah But it's pretty much just like, oh, you glorify sin.
00:03:05
Speaker
This guy was weird because he was also like, this is why your nephews or whatever are getting blown up. And I was like, girl, what like what are you even fucking talking about? Oh, my God.
00:03:16
Speaker
Audacity. Like... Well, I don't know. The more I think about it and the more more my stance is like people who are. No one deserves. No one deserves murder.
00:03:27
Speaker
No one deserves to be murdered. But Zionism and homophobia are literally the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's hate. It's the yeah. It's it's a kind of fashion when you're a fucking hateful bitch for no reason.
00:03:43
Speaker
Like it you just have to draw on the same things. Like you could literally like I. OK, so recently also this funny, the last podcast episode, I had a positive story to tell with my brother. This ah this podcast episode, if you're watching this, fuck you.
00:03:57
Speaker
He fucking sucks. He's useless. He's retarded. And I hope all his kids are queer and trans.
00:04:06
Speaker
And but anyway, point what where where is I going with this story about your brother? But why? Because you said you had a positive story before. Now you have a bad one.
00:04:18
Speaker
And it's because you were talking about fascism. You were talking about Zionism and homophobia. So I was talking to my brother. i was like, we were discussing something that I don't want just discuss on the podcast. Well, I guess I'll just have to bleep it up. But I was talking about him up to me.
00:04:33
Speaker
blah blah was like oh yeah like you know I could use some help blah blah blah like you know maybe you can like be ah the conduit to tell mom and dad what's going on something yeah fucking something yeah help how Like your brother literally did this amazing achievement and like now has this whole thing to do, like yeah fucking off or something.
00:04:53
Speaker
And instead, we just have a conversation about how he feels bad about how my mom and dad reacted in terms of me being
Family Dynamics and Social Issues
00:05:00
Speaker
gay. And I'm like, you literally just sound like a liberal Zionist where you're like Israelis have it hard as well. And we should acknowledge that.
00:05:07
Speaker
It's like, fuck you. I'm the victim. I'm the only victim. Like, their tears literally do not matter. Like, they have all the money. They have all the emotional support.
00:05:18
Speaker
They have all the connections. Like, they could literally go sit on a fucking spike. Can I say one thing? Yeah. feel like I, similarly, my sister, I feel like is in a similar boat to your brother.
00:05:31
Speaker
Does your sister or listen to this podcast? No. not Oh. Does your brother Probably not. Okay. Yeah, the my sister su definitely doesn't. No, no, no, definitely doesn't.
00:05:42
Speaker
But I feel like my I learned to empathize with one thing ah about the heterosexual sibling struggle, which is when the cookies crumble...
00:05:54
Speaker
We don't get to see it happen. Like us as the people who are the victims, like you said, we get to leave. They get to deal with what's left over, which I will say can be shitty.
00:06:08
Speaker
like But they can also leave. They can also leave. the thing is, if we were this is what if we were a union, like actual real life workers union, and we all went on strike, they would have to change. Like if my siblings banded together say and said, you know what? No, we're boycotting you guys here. um This is fucked up.
00:06:26
Speaker
so that Then there would be there would be a more of a negotiation. But instead, they're fucking cowards. And them they themselves are a little bit homophobic. And they're like, well, I don't want to stir the pot because ah how does that help me? It's just causing stress for our parents. It's like, no, you're a fucking coward.
00:06:49
Speaker
I will say I don't see it as full cowardice. I just see it as pragmatic in their way. Like in their way, don't... Well, paste pragmatism and apply it to Palestine and tell me if that's acceptable to less ah america i see you. I see the analogy you're making.
00:07:04
Speaker
I just think that if I was our siblings, I would do what our siblings are doing. Like if I'm being real, if I have to like look in the mirror and say, what would I do if I was the straight one?
00:07:15
Speaker
i would help as much as I can, which my sister does do. And your brother does in a way by in his own way, being supportive and communicating with you and talking, not in the way that we would like.
Family Engagement and Isolation
00:07:27
Speaker
I think in both of our cases, not in the way we would like, like we would want a little more and they're not giving it to us. I just don't think, yeah, I think we gotta forgive them for their flaws on this.
00:07:41
Speaker
I disagree. I think I would be, so I'd stand, up i've I don't know, the more I'm growing up, I'm just like, wow, the way my parents reacted to children was just so fucking weird. lower I'm sure, no, like most, actually, most adults are weird.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know what I would be like as a heterosexual, but I don't think I'd be that ah fucking weird as like most people are. i don't know. Right. No, that's fair. I don't know. I can't imagine another, ah different reality where I'd be like,
00:08:09
Speaker
It's just kind of insane. It's insane. Like if I had a sibling that just wasn't there anymore and we just like didn't talk about for like years, I'd be like, I think I would say something a couple times and be like, this is fucking weird.
00:08:22
Speaker
that's suck You're right about that, especially. ah Can I change the subject? Yes. Only because it's on my mind that I want to talk about it. I've had a wonderful week.
00:08:35
Speaker
Amazing week, actually, with my cousin. I just need to say I've had the polar opposite, I think. It's so funny how it it is it does feel like when we show up to the episode, we've had like...
00:08:47
Speaker
Like you said, you said one time you were like, either one of us looks like a hobo and one of us dresses well. I feel like similarly, one of us has like good things to say. And another one has like, you know what I mean? Like we come in with like, yeah, my week was shit. Like that week I had a dentist.
00:09:02
Speaker
Remember that was a horrible. Anyway. And I was about to go to Colombia. I was so much happier then. Exactly. Exactly. But no, my cousins being here, I was a little nervous.
00:09:13
Speaker
I was like, they're going to take up space. It's going to be hard. But honestly, it was so much fun. And it's the perfect balance because one of them is like very neurodivergent, like and a home body never wanted to leave.
00:09:27
Speaker
And then the other one was like, go, go, go. Let's go out. Let's go out. Let's go out. So it was the perfect balance where I could like literally go between either of them, you know, and just do whatever they're doing.
00:09:37
Speaker
and You had like a buffet of socialization. Literally. And I had so much good food. Yeah, it was a good time. And then we ended it on Leylit the last night. And they got to see me DJ, which honestly felt so special having family be there.
00:09:53
Speaker
So that was nice. If you're in New York, next DJ gig, June 13th. Also like contrasting experiences. Yeah, indeed. No, well, it's ah I guess to make you feel better, i did have a horrible experience yesterday.
00:10:09
Speaker
my um temporary crown popped out. If you guys follow the pod, you know about my dentist journey. So I'm not going to recap, watch the other episodes. But my temporary crown popped out and I went to the dentist and um they tried to put in a new one for me.
00:10:26
Speaker
And it popped out as she was adjusting it and it lodged itself in my throat. Like, it literally, because you know how the table is, like, bent back and your head is tilted back? So this bitch was, like, trying to put, and listen, I literally shove her hand away, jump out of the chair and start jumping up and down, coughing, and then it projectiles out of my throat.
00:10:50
Speaker
And then I lay back down on the chair and I'm crying. Like, literally tears are coming down my face. And the dentist and the technician were both, like, Let's take a moment.
00:11:02
Speaker
And we literally just sat in silence for a whole minute. I had my eyes closed. And yeah they're like, let's but let's do this again. already have so much anxiety about dentists.
00:11:16
Speaker
I didn't realize my life was on the line. i didn't realize I could actually die. i thought it was just pain.
00:11:25
Speaker
I swear, I was like, my fight or flight, I was like, panicking. But alhamdulillah, that went well. Otherwise, yesterday was a great day. I did absolutely nothing, which was a good thing. Not gonna lie.
00:11:37
Speaker
If I got the news that you died, God forbid, like yesterday, I would have been like wow, that makes sense for my week. That my podcast, ended off my podcast partner dies. That's so funny.
00:11:48
Speaker
Death by dentist. That's the best part. Like... ah I would hope, oh wait, actually, I would hope that if I died on the dental chair, you as a friend would sue them on my behalf.
00:12:02
Speaker
As a future bleep. I don't think I have any, like, standing to do that. I'm not even, I'm, I, why would, how, why would are my damages? Okay, help John suing them.
00:12:18
Speaker
But I think because you and John aren't married, John has no... He can't sue. I think because it's like the government doesn't recognize your union in any way. John is... Legally, i could... Someone... If there's a legal expert in the watching, comment below.
00:12:34
Speaker
But I'm pretty sure if you don't have a common law or any kind of marriage... So annoying. You and John might as well be strangers. Really? Really? Maybe your parents could sue. I could try to reach out to them. Yeah.
00:12:48
Speaker
ah Send them the podcast. Be like, this is your son. Hey.
00:12:54
Speaker
As he lived a whole memory. Well, I don't know. Yeah, that's kind of cute. I guess maybe they would enjoy that. very would Let's not talk about your death, though. Okay. need to explore that.
00:13:05
Speaker
Yeah. I had ah shitty week of, I think, post-vacation blues. Yeah. Like I just came back from vacation to my shitty day to day.
00:13:16
Speaker
It's not shitty.
Managing Changes and Depression
00:13:18
Speaker
It's fine. I was just in a, uh, I'm kind of serving face right now. Um, I was in a good spot in a but having a vacation. Vacation is just like an amazing bubble.
00:13:31
Speaker
I feel like I was able to be away from my phone and or all the horrible news. And not have to deal with work and not have to think about all the things I have to do And now that I'm back to the things that I have to do, I'm just like, oh my God, I've just fucking like my family's become more of an issue.
00:13:52
Speaker
i feel like this week I specifically found out things about my well, first of all, my brother, my sister got married. I was not invited to the wedding. She's fully, like, married, whatever, has a whole different life. No idea about it. Whoa.
00:14:07
Speaker
My brother, find out he's engaged and getting married. And then I was like, oh, am I invited to the wedding? And pretty much the response I got was no. And then i was like, okay, well, like, fuck this. who Whoa.
00:14:21
Speaker
So I'm just, like, in my... Back in my loner era, I'm just like, wow. i'm I mean, I do have friends and they i can be helpful, but yeah friends only go so far in capitalism.
00:14:35
Speaker
i think also it's the fact that change is coming. Like... I feel like forces you to confront things and deal with things in a way that being in the same place that you are allows you to just go about your day to day. In general, change is not easy.
00:14:51
Speaker
So you're going to have to like figure out all this new stuff and then also confront, like you have to close this chapter of your life and doing that means you're going to have to do a lot of painful things of like figuring stuff out and like confrontation with people. And yeah, it's not easy.
00:15:11
Speaker
But it's also exciting. I'm just kind of like I'm in a state of I'm honestly, i feel like if I had to pick a state, I would say I'm depressed. It's OK. OK, well, I guess I hopefully will balance you out by saying i am feeling very undepressed.
00:15:28
Speaker
I hope that helps. ah It does. it really does. No, but i get you. I've been there, honestly, like especially after a good trip. For you to get all these mows right after. It's kind of like coming down from Mali and being told you like failed your driver's test the next day.
00:15:47
Speaker
Literally, yeah. It's just like, oh my god. Yeah. What a drag. It's fine, though. I'll be fine. There's exciting things coming. I just like... Yeah, all doing all the things is just... And jury a liian you're a resilient bitch, so I'm not worried.
00:16:05
Speaker
I'm just tired. get tired. Resilient bitches get tired. too. Capricorns get tired too.
00:16:14
Speaker
Capricorns are resilient too? I think so. Because you're stubborn. i'm not kind I'm not a Capricorn. I'm a Sagittarius. Oh, I meant Sagittarius. I meant Sagittarius.
00:16:26
Speaker
Sagittariuses are... Sagittariuses... are very, wait, what was the thing I said? Resilient. Very, Sagittarius's are very resilient.
00:16:37
Speaker
There you Should we talk about nostalgia? Yes.
Nostalgia and Childhood Experiences
00:16:42
Speaker
So the reason why I thought about this is because John and I had just had the conversation. i feel like him and I are opposites.
00:16:49
Speaker
I'm not a nostalgic bitch. I actually, i feel like you might be similar to me because our nostalgia doesn't exist. We don't reminisce about our times as children, do we?
00:17:03
Speaker
Like, i I don't think he, you know what I mean? Like, guys, John, for example, if he sees a movie he watched as a kid, will like tear up or i like feel emotional because he misses those days and misses what it was like being, you know what I mean? And I'm just like, I can't relate because I'm so much happier now It's, yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, I miss living rent free, but I miss nothing else.
00:17:32
Speaker
Like, I don't even miss living rent free because it was like living in prison. Exactly. Exactly. So like it's like, I guess I have, I don't, I don't have nostalgia. I have complex PTSD. Yeah.
00:17:46
Speaker
No, literally, literally, I don't think, like, even, even like, oh you I know you're, like, uncovering things about your psyche. But even because sometimes I do, I will hear my dad's voice, like, screaming in my head randomly.
00:18:01
Speaker
I do too. Part of PTSD. I do too. No, literally, I do too. Actually, yesterday I was on the phone with my dad. And now in his older years, I just kind of, like, humor him.
00:18:13
Speaker
But he was telling me what to do. And I was just like, yeah, yeah. And ah full like literally I'm moving to a city that's a driving city. And I told him this.
00:18:24
Speaker
I'm like, oh, yeah, where I'm going, like it's a driving city. He's like, you have to buy a car, by the way. You have to, you know, like telling me obvious shit that I'm obviously doing. I'm like, wow, this is such a throwback because he used to like. Oh, God. you you're We're both buying cars at the same time. Yes.
00:18:41
Speaker
we're both kind do you Do you drive? what do you hope What are you hoping to get? Yeah, I have my license. I grew up in a driving city. Oh, right. You did, you did, you did. You don't have your license? I do. I just haven't driven in so long.
00:18:53
Speaker
Well, it's only been a year. It'll be easy. Yeah, I'm a bad driver, though.
00:19:00
Speaker
I'm a bad driver. totaled my car one time, and it was fully my fault. Yeah. I almost die we died. Oh my god. did you do? So I was literally like vibing to music and I was driving to work and the view was so lovely and right off highway. Such a dumb faggot. It was a, I look, imagine this, a highway in Massachusetts.
00:19:24
Speaker
It was a beautiful spring day. The clouds were clouding. I was listening to Billy Martin. I actually was listening to Billy Martin, like my favorite artist. And I was fully. She claimed she saved your life too. Yesha was the old Jodmi. Um, I,
00:19:37
Speaker
um And I was literally just like driving on the left lane, which I never do anymore. After this incident, I will never drive on the left lane, which is like the fast lane on a highway.
00:19:49
Speaker
And I was going like maybe a little bit above the speed limit. And I hadn't noticed that cars all the way in the front were stopped. You know, when suddenly there's like, so I didn't stop and I hit the car in front of me.
00:20:04
Speaker
and then the wheel speed, my wheel flew off. And literally my car sunk to the ground and skidded all the way down the like the highway.
00:20:15
Speaker
I was like, and then, oh, the whole car filled with smoke. The airbag deployed and smashed my face. Which, by the way, no one tells you this, but the airbags are covered in this material that burns.
00:20:28
Speaker
Oh. It burned my skin. but ah And I remember like the first person I called was my sister actually. Cause I was like, I can't tell my parents. i don't want to freak out anyone here.
00:20:44
Speaker
which it was just like, what do I do?
Music and Cultural Nostalgia
00:20:47
Speaker
yeah, that was fun. by yeah that was fun That's crazy. I hate driving. i hate driving. if i couldt I think I'm a good driver, but I got distracted by a moth and hit a light post.
00:21:02
Speaker
and But it was at night and there was not a lot of people. Was it a pretty moth?
00:21:09
Speaker
No, it was a regular, like, white moth. Like, I was just trying to get wave it out of the car, and then I forgot I was driving. And then... But it's, like, my excuse for that is, like, the activity, it was something... Like, i i think I'm a good driver where, like, oh, I can, like, look at something and be like, bitch, you're driving. Or, like, text and, like, know you're driving.
00:21:29
Speaker
But it wasn't an activity in my mind where, like, oh, you should be driving. Like, I was just fully, like, I just switched it to let me get this moth out. That's so funny. You were like, I am not behind the wheels right now.
00:21:43
Speaker
But the airbag deployed. The car was smoking. Oh, shit. There was like oil all over the road. The light literally fucking felt like I took the light out. Oh, shit. You really did run into it hard. I hit the post.
00:21:56
Speaker
Yeah. so I don't know. Maybe like 30 miles per hour. Wait, when did this happen? What if it happened at the same time? as only did this happen What if it was the same exact day?
00:22:10
Speaker
It could have been. Maybe. It was probably before. Maybe before. I don't know. Time is such a fucking mess to me. and I think maybe 2020, 2019. Okay. wait when did I fucking crash into the light post? Maybe 2021. Maybe three years ago. So.
00:22:33
Speaker
mine was three years ago so not No, I don't think it was 2022. Anyway, this is pointless. Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, but to go back to nostalgia and like... What are we nostalgic for? We just both have PTSD. No, that's the thing. i'm ah The thing that I was going to talk about was that I actually don't relate to nostalgia.
00:22:53
Speaker
Like, I don't get nostalgic. Like, even music, I will always prefer new music. Like, I like the sound of something that's new and interesting over something that's played out and...
00:23:06
Speaker
I feel like that's the opposite of so many people. A lot of people will gravitate towards things they already like because to them that's comfortable and avoid listening to new shit. Or even movies.
00:23:17
Speaker
Like nothing. The only thing I can think of that I find nostalgic is like Studio Ghibli movies. But I think they're meant to create that feeling of nostalgia. Like that animated, like Spirited Away and... What's the other one? The the big guy?
00:23:35
Speaker
Totoro. Howie's Moving Castle? Oh, Heart, My Heart, My Heart, My Heart, Heart. But those movies, I get nostalgic just because I really like them and they remind me of like Sad Boy era of me, but nothing else.
00:23:48
Speaker
For me, it's old school Little Kim.
00:23:54
Speaker
Little Kim came before ah ah Nicki Minaj, right? Nicki Minaj resurped her throne. it I mean, I think it's the optics of it is more, I guess that's how people, that is how in the mainstream has ah classified that moment in history as.
00:24:18
Speaker
But with a feminist lens, you kind of see the misogyny in the way that it's like one person is on the throne and one person is dethroned. Meanwhile, in like any kind of, you know, male or in men's hip hop, you know, you have Kanye West, you have Jay-Z, you have all these big rappers all at once.
00:24:39
Speaker
But for some reason, for women, there can only be so many.
Social Growth and Authenticity
00:24:43
Speaker
it's i think it's a it's weird. It is weird. But isn't like Nicki Minaj, for example, playing into that by...
00:24:51
Speaker
She acts sometimes like there is only one. There can only be one. Of course. i mean, come everyone participates in patriarchy. Yeah.
00:25:02
Speaker
Yeah. that's That's fair. But that is what happened. I'm nostalgic for old school little Kim, though. Because if you listen, she got a lot of plastic surgery. She has a lot of issues.
00:25:16
Speaker
And they've just gotten worse over the years. And I would just... I i like... um I like when she releases music, but I like when she releases music in her her old school way.
00:25:28
Speaker
So it's my nostalgia. but Am I nostalgic for anything else? What makes me nostalgic? you're right Do you rewatch TV shows that you watched a long time ago?
00:25:41
Speaker
Rarely. See, I'm the same. Like my sister, i think it's a mental illness actually. My sister will watch Friends, which is a horrible show, and she agrees it's a horrible show and very outdated and out of touch with reality and very problematic in the jokes that they make.
00:26:00
Speaker
For the time, it was okay. But um she will for her, having it playing in the background soothes her brain. And i think it's just because she's used to it and knows it.
00:26:11
Speaker
And so it's something she can expect. And I think it is ah anxious people like to do and watch or see things where they know how the ending is going to play out because then they don't have to be anxious about it.
00:26:24
Speaker
So i don't get that way. Like, there's no show that I'm willing to watch again unless I'm watching it for the first time with someone else. Yeah, with somebody else is the key. yeah Or if it was, like, really, really good, but, like, rarely things, seldom things are that good.
00:26:39
Speaker
Like, I didn't even want to watch Wicked for the second time. I thought about it, and I was like, man, nah, fuck that. I'm nostalgic sometimes for, like, Palestinian stuff, because I feel like there's the old part of my life when I had hair, no tattoos, no,
00:26:57
Speaker
I wasn't as queer and I was more involved. I was involved in family activities and that was my source for that kind of thing. So now when I come across it, it brings me back to that, those moments.
00:27:10
Speaker
And I get nostalgic for some of it. Yeah, I get nostalgic for it. I mean, yeah. It's hard. I don't a got complex, complex PTSD. That's what it is. We should title ah this episode's Complex Complex PTSD and Nostalgia, yeah. But the thing is, is I feel the same way where I can remember moments in my life where it was so comfortable being a kid.
00:27:33
Speaker
And oblivious. But there was always that seed deep down, knowing that we were different, like knowing that we were gay and knowing that if anyone found out, this would like destroy everything.
00:27:45
Speaker
And I don't know weird concepts to like exist with that is just so normalized in my mind. But then you have to pull yourself out of and be like, whoa, this was all just constructed.
00:27:59
Speaker
know what I mean? Yeah, it was all constructed. But also, can you imagine the burden of being like, i that's why I'm. Yeah, my tan, I lived it Yeah. we loving It was in it was it's insane. But the thing is, it's like it was so normalized for me. It's like, yeah, whatever. It just kind of like that's just how it it that's how it was. And that's how my existence is now. You know what i mean? Like now that I live without my family, it wasn't a surprise when I was disowned because I was like, yeah, I mean, this is kind of what I knew was going to happen the whole time.
00:28:28
Speaker
So it's a different sense of process versus other people like, oh my God, yeah, that's so fucked up. It took a minute for me to realize because it it I was born into the expectation that this is what was going to happen.
00:28:40
Speaker
Right, right. Like it was an inevitability almost. But also like that is why I'm not nostalgic for that time. Like you're right. There are some parts of it where I'm like, it was nice. Like...
00:28:51
Speaker
feeling the full love and like, or the quote unquote love of like fitting in But ah do I want to fit in? And I know you you agree with this, that no, actually, i feel so much better now in my own skin doing whatever I want to do.
00:29:10
Speaker
Exactly. I mean, the way mainstream, anything mainstream is usually retarded and ugly to me. Yeah. And it's not in a hipster way. It's just like, I don't know. Do people really want to go on a cruise ship?
00:29:23
Speaker
Or like, I don't know. Like when I mean, I time I see like, like tick talks of like straight clubs promoting themselves. And it's like a crowd jumping up and down to like apple bottom jeans or like something by the black eyed peas. Oh my God. Apparently
Personal Fantasies and Realities
00:29:38
Speaker
Soulja Boy is huge in the white straight community.
00:29:43
Speaker
I like it. that's the thing. They get that their and kind of nostalgia is pathetic. where yeah It's like you guys so brave when you were in high school and miss that time, which was crazy.
00:29:55
Speaker
Like that tells me that you peaked then and now you're downhill. Whereas I feel like our peak has yet to come. So for us, it feels like why would I miss when I was less than?
00:30:07
Speaker
I'm a shark now. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, i exactly. I don't. Well, sometimes I do. I wish I was a little bit stupider, but I don't imagine what that would look like. I just wish I just my brain worked less.
00:30:22
Speaker
Also, that I'm not like, oh, my brain worked. No, I can't hear anything at all. Perfect. Perfect. Sorry. You could repeat that thoughts. No, it's just like, i don't like like i don't i'm I don't want to become stupider so I can go in the club and dance to Apple Bottom Jeans, but like I just don't want to suffer greatly.
00:30:43
Speaker
i feel like, though, i get I'm nostalgic for a specific... Not even former lover. We only ever made out, and we only ever went on one date, and then we were like friends for years. But...
00:30:56
Speaker
I'm going to be moving to their vicinity soon, and we're going to run into each other. And in my mind, I'm like, what if we like somehow end up in a romantic situation?
00:31:07
Speaker
Which I know is not an inevitability. It probably won't happen at all, but like I kind of like the drama of like fantasizing about it. So sometimes I feel like in that way, my nostalgia is literally just an insane asylum, because I'm just like...
00:31:23
Speaker
No, I do that too. I think everyone does that where honestly, like it's good that you recognize that it's a fantasy as opposed to some people who think it but it could happen. Like part of me is like, it could happen.
00:31:34
Speaker
going to try. oh oh i mean, I'm a different person from when this person last saw me and I think I'm much, much more sexier. and mean, there's compatibility. Yeah. I feel like it is fun to do that. Like it is fun to hope.
00:31:47
Speaker
and to like actually like project your desires onto someone you might yeah was gonna go for it because I have nothing to lose with this person they already hate my gut so if I just like grab it and be like remember the good times like but even if they don't I know that you're strong enough to tell yourself they whatever it was a fantasy like oh Yeah, I mean, it was this is just like a thought experiment. Yeah. ah so It's like not even a thought experiment. Like, I'm not gonna... I need to, like, try, though. Like, it just needs to be something where i just, like, I need to, like... Right. I need to get stuff off my chest.
00:32:19
Speaker
Yeah. yeah It's like, okay, actually, when i during my shitty week... I'm really like out of touch with my body and I don't, I mean, like you're a crier. I'm not a crier, but I cried this week and you know how I hate crying. yeah I actually like detest it.
00:32:32
Speaker
And I was on FaceTime with my my friends crying, being like, oh my God, I fucking hate crying. He's like, do you want to come over? i'm like, absolutely not.
00:32:41
Speaker
I'm staying here, but it did feel good. And I didn't even recognize that I needed to cry. But then after it like happened, was oh, I feel so much better. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah, I feel like it's ah necessary to like let the floodgates open a little.
00:32:57
Speaker
Just so that you can really... It's like growing up. Yeah, it's like psychic energy that has to come out. Also, I love that Halumi's head is the only thing in frame right now.
00:33:08
Speaker
And she's just like this. She's being a slut for attention. Yeah. She's just like... She's very cute. Oh, you're... and I'm being so chaotic. don't you... Are you nostalgic for any... I guess, is this taboo to say because you have a boyfriend? Tell me. Are you nostalgic for any former lovers? No. I hate everyone else.
00:33:28
Speaker
Like, honestly, honestly, I am I don't want to like be that bitch, but John is perfect. I'm very grateful. But ah am I nostalgic?
00:33:39
Speaker
I did go through a phase where I did the projecting thing where like I put my fantasies
Nostalgic Foods and Memories
00:33:47
Speaker
onto somebody, except i was delusional about it.
00:33:51
Speaker
I wasn't realistic like you, where I was like, this probably isn't going to work out. or Or it's probably like whatever happens, happens. Who cares? No, I fully was like, I'm getting married to this man. No, but give us details on the history of this man. Like, had you met this man? Were you friends for years? I'll tell you how we met.
00:34:08
Speaker
We literally met at a club made out. And that's it. They were Lebanese. I think it was the fact that I think it was the fact.
00:34:20
Speaker
That's even crazier than mine. Mine's someone that's like, we i knew for like years. Had we like, had traveled together. while We like that hung out for a long time. That makes sense. So you know this person.
00:34:33
Speaker
I know this person. i and I know there's compatibility. i I did not know this person. I didn't even know who they were. i literally knew. How new were you? ah
00:34:44
Speaker
I was either like 19 20. Okay, that's understandable, though. that's I feel like that's just canon for everyone. maybe Yeah, but honestly, looking back, I'm like, that's so pathetic of me.
00:34:56
Speaker
No, but I did that too, though. No, no, I think everyone, when they're like 18, 19, first started dating. First of all, you believe all the sweet talkings guys tell you when they're flirting with you.
00:35:06
Speaker
And when you like make out. And then you like you just believe people in the moment. That's all it is. You're just naive. I think it was that, but it was also the fact that he showed me so much interest initially.
00:35:17
Speaker
And it was clearly like now looking back, it was just because he was looking for a hookup. And that's it. But in my mind, and you're naive yeah I saw it as attention. And then we exchanged numbers. At the time, I was like, oh, like i I don't want to go home with you just because I'm here with friends.
00:35:33
Speaker
So then we exchanged numbers thinking that, oh, like... You're an annoying type of gay guy. I'm annoying. And then I thought about it. I leave my friends. My friends will get mad at me. Yeah, literally.
00:35:44
Speaker
so ah So I literally, like, in my head, he occupied my brain for so long. And he did- I didn't even know this person! I didn't know them.
00:35:56
Speaker
So I projected all my hopes and dreams, picturing what our dates would look like, what our children would look like, blah, blah, blah, what we would do, where we would go, where we would live. i'm I was insane.
00:36:08
Speaker
but when you're new to getting attention in a romantic way, you don't understand that people do that just to fuck and that they actually just want it to fuck. Like, you it's a learning curve. I think everyone has to learn that.
00:36:20
Speaker
I think it's also because... And it's not all the time. Because I had a whole conversation with an ol ah a little olive about this, about hookup culture. On a different podcast, we'll fully flesh out this topic. Yes.
00:36:32
Speaker
But yeah, like guys are horny and they will act like you're the only girl in the world to try to fucking do whatever they want to do with you. And I think it's especially difficult for young gays, especially from our background, because we grew up with no validation.
00:36:47
Speaker
Like we grew up. Yeah, we want someone to save us low key. Exactly. and We want someone to tell us you're the best thing ever. Like you're as in we want the validation. We want to feel validated. So when somebody gives us a little validation, but then pulls back.
00:37:02
Speaker
We start chasing after it because we're like, oh my God, no, no, no. I need to like vie for his attention or whatever. Because you it almost becomes like a surrogate for your parents' validation. but the listla and But yeah, basically the validation of a stranger becomes a surrogate for a validation of your parents'.
00:37:27
Speaker
I tried to repeat that. Yeah, I think so. um I mean, kind of like how you have John as Baba on your phone, and it's kind of very telling. Yeah. but But I think that comes, I don't, okay.
00:37:40
Speaker
See, my co-star said something kind of real the other day. And actually, it kind of really encompasses how I feel.
00:37:50
Speaker
It said, wait, I hope it's still here. Frock, did I screenshot it? I'm going to kill myself if I didn't screenshot it. Okay. It said, you need one person to be dominant, but you don't know if it's you.
00:38:04
Speaker
That is so good. ah And I was like, damn, co-star. That is so good. Wow. And I always think about that. I'm like, I don't know if I want... Because I do attract men who seek a lot of validation.
00:38:20
Speaker
Like, they just, like, find me and they're very simpy. But I'm like, no, I don't want that. But I think if I attracted someone like me, it'd be, like, really challenging and explosive. So maybe I...
00:38:31
Speaker
I don't know. But anyway, that is very accurate for me. I feel like, yeah, I can see why... Are you on CoStar? i am. Compatible with moods and emotions.
00:38:43
Speaker
Love and pleasure. Sense of responsibility. Not compatible in basic identities. Intellect and communication. Philosophies of life. I kind of agree with the communication part. I feel like we do different things to...
00:38:58
Speaker
i would I think I agree with this for the most part. It makes sense. Yeah. Well, this is very extensive. We do t poorly communicate with each other. ah feel like it's a learning curve, but we have different communication styles.
00:39:14
Speaker
Yeah. I'm just saying that I think our communication is poor. It's not poor. but we communicate fine. I think. it's a mean mean i ah How are you going to tell me what I think?
00:39:28
Speaker
ah just like i I don't know. but Fair, fair. um I think we make it work. We do. I don't think it's great.
00:39:41
Speaker
ah Fair. Fair. um Nostalgia. What else should we cover about nostalgia? Some nostalgic about certain foods. Like there are certain foods that when I eat back home, I just miss. Like, for example, KDD chocolate milk.
00:39:59
Speaker
KDD is a brand of Kuwaiti produced like box drinks.
Adult Responsibilities and Support
00:40:05
Speaker
And I will literally ship chocolate milk. And the thing is, it's a phenomenon. I'm not the only one that does this.
00:40:10
Speaker
Everyone who grew up in Kuwait seeks that chocolate milk. And I think it's just a universal like makes us think like Kuwait. Well, there's like a, I don't know, I think chocolate milk in general is a nostalgic drink because I think it's like universally if you went to a semi-okay public school, meaning like a public school with refrigeration accessible.
00:40:35
Speaker
yeah You were probably drinking milk as a child. you Right, right. I'm actually going to send you a picture of the... I think I'm also nostalgic for chocolate milk, but I grew up in Canada, so it's just like everything that is, i like, in terms of food.
00:40:49
Speaker
I guess I'm nostalgic for my parents' food at their restaurant. Oh, hey. Yeah, it's and the thing is, it's like, do you ever outgrow and things that you're nostalgic for?
00:41:01
Speaker
There was a point in time where I i liked sippy cups. i was nostalgic for those. Something about ah sippy cup is actually kind of cunty. What's a sippy cup?
00:41:13
Speaker
It's like cups they give to toddlers where it has a cap on the top with a little... That's what I thought. i could draw I was like, I needed to make sure. with you With a nipple, I actually like like i like suckling.
00:41:26
Speaker
but you Those bottles exist. I'm nostalgic for suckling. Water bottles. Water bottles. Yeah, so there are those water bottles with the spout where you go. No, no, but I like when it's controlled. I don't like It's like I don't need a lot. Like for babies, the sippy cups, it will only it will only allow so much through so your baby doesn't choke.
00:41:46
Speaker
Oh, interesting. Interesting. That's fascinating. Like imagine like sucking milk out of a nipple. Wow. And you were nostalgic for that. I don't remember what it's like to do that, but so I like that. ah That sensation of like, like hitting a vape where it's like you suck, but you don't get, I'm not, I don't fucking suck all the vape juice at once. Like there's resistance. Right.
00:42:11
Speaker
I'm curious. Till, when did you use Zippy cups? How old were you? I don't know, but then I remember like randomly when I was 14 or 15, just started using them again, my mom was like, the fuck? Stop using this.
00:42:26
Speaker
And I was like, boom. Why not? I'm with your mom on that one. but But like, it's just a, it's just like cup to, it was just nice. I'd put iced tea in it and then that way I don't guzzle.
00:42:38
Speaker
Like, honestly, in a way it's like you have a dog and you give them a slow feeder so they don't eat as fast. yeah For me, cause it's like, I will just guzzle my drink down. ah this It made complete sense to me. I felt more comfortable doing it and it like helped me drink less.
00:42:52
Speaker
You know what? I'm not going to pick up shame if that was fun and enjoyable for you and helped you regulate. What is there to shame about it? What's shameful about it? I think the shameful thing is that it's meant to be for toddlers and babies.
00:43:08
Speaker
You call your boyfriend Baba, you freak. I call him Baba as a joke. ah ah But all I do is... actually I don't actually call him Baba. He's saved in my phone as Baba, and it's like, ha, ha, ha.
00:43:21
Speaker
But... But drinking out of a different comp is, like, too far? no I think it's fine. I'm just saying its intended use is for babies. But who's to say what's intended?
00:43:34
Speaker
It's kind of like using those, like, you know, those plastic... ah it's like Our buttholes are intended for poop, but we ah we use them for other people. Which we should be shamed.
00:43:47
Speaker
We are, yeah, we are shaves.
00:43:51
Speaker
um and No, I was going to say something about that. But that's so interesting. I feel like, is there something from my, like i guess the chocolate milk, but I didn't use the, I used to be a big mama's boy. And feel like the privilege of being able to hide behind your mom is nice but I don't obviously do that anymore sometimes I do wish I had a metaphorical mother to just hide behind and not deal with any of my problems but we're in the adult world i can't even imagine that reality I literally like I don't even wish for but my personality type is I don't trust other people to do anything so I like being hands on yeah
00:44:33
Speaker
Yeah, I can't pick But it would be nice if there was someone who I like trust, like a trusted adult to like get something done properly. That would be really nice. I think it would be very relaxing.
00:44:45
Speaker
Yes. That's why I kind of I love the idea of like. In my favorite part when I was in Colombia, was it when I was at like a it wasn't an all inclusive resort, but it was like a hotel hostel on the beach where I had my own room and the front door was like right at the beach.
00:45:02
Speaker
And then you could just like they had a bar slash restaurant and it was everything was so cheap and you just paid a tab all at the end at once. It was just so nice that is to like have everything like done for you and you're right at the beach.
00:45:16
Speaker
Yeah. yeah So in a way, that was like a metaphorical parent. Right. They were like already preparing everything for you. all you had to do was just ask or take it. Yeah, that's nice.
00:45:26
Speaker
That's nice. Yeah, I pray that for you, inshallah, one day you find somebody who can be that responsible adult. I feel like it's nice to have that.
00:45:38
Speaker
But it's nice to take a take a break every now and then, like to alternate, you know, like you don't have to do it all the time.
Relationship Dynamics and Cultural Pressures
00:45:45
Speaker
don't have to be the adult all the time. Yeah, I'm coming for my man and coming for your ass.
00:45:53
Speaker
but I have to bleep all that. ah
00:46:01
Speaker
But I think it's funny. Honestly, something about censor bleeps make me laugh. No, they are funny, especially when it's done. ah Like when somebody is like cussing someone out and it's just like and it's just a long one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:17
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. And it's just their mouth. And they you don't even have to be saying anything that's like that. Like e that's not even eating that hard. But if you just put a censor beep, you're like, oh, they got their ass good. Yeah. Yeah. They ate them up. They ate them up.
00:46:29
Speaker
Exactly. um When John is like feeling nostalgic, do you do you empathize with him? Are you like jealous or do you feel like am jealous? Get over it. No, no. I've told him I've told him this before.
00:46:41
Speaker
I've told him I'm like, when you get sentimental about your childhood, it kind of like it makes. And i am I this isn't me saying, please stop being sentimental about your childhood. I'm very happy for him.
00:46:54
Speaker
And I love that he misses that era. But I just remind him thoughtfully, like, hey, by the way, like, when you like, for example, he sometimes will think about his parents aging and that like distresses him.
00:47:10
Speaker
Whereas I tell him like, wow, that means I'm plotting my debts. exactly I'm like it's so funny that you say this because like I feel like damn am I broken like should I be wishing that too you know like like is it that I for me it's the other way around no you're just different yeah yeah no I know but it's just I guess I wish I had that kind of relationship or feeling towards them where I like I would want to keep them safe forever if they just like yeah you know
00:47:42
Speaker
No, I'm with you. The thing is, I don't necessarily know if I feel jealous of people who have better relationships with their parents. I think I've accepted mine's just different because I also know people who have some fucked up relationships with their parents. Like there is like positive relationships.
00:47:57
Speaker
And then there's like where I am kind of at no relationship. But what i don't want is like what my dad has or what some of my friends have where it's like, My dad, they took so much, his parents took so much money from him. They took so much like emotional labor. Like I'd say they were like semi parasitic.
00:48:17
Speaker
Yeah. And like, I'm sure, you know, examples of parents who are like that, where they're just like, are their kid. And it's like, fuck, they like suck them dry. No, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, it could definitely be worse.
00:48:31
Speaker
I'm not saying that. I agree. I i just think it's it's always like heartwarming. It's heartwarming at the same time. it makes me feel wistful. That's the word. When I see John like miss his childhood, I'm like, oh, that's kind of that's very sweet. Like, I wish I had that. Like, I wish I felt that way too about certain things.
00:48:50
Speaker
But again, just like you said. Jealousy is poison. Yeah, just like you said, we don't always, like, everything is different. Everyone has a different, has their own, like, struggles and shit that they deal with.
00:49:02
Speaker
You know, your complex PT. I'm sure, does John have no, now this is a ah ah ah podcast on John, but does he have no, like, I feel like everyone has their trauma arc. They have to have something.
00:49:13
Speaker
Not to speak on his behalf, but i'm everyone has, I'm sure everyone has their thing. You know, I'm not going to speak for him. But he you can confirm that he does for sure. Yeah. Because I feel like I know what my my childhood bestie he and his parents are so fucking they're both amazing people he was just like the star basketball player all throughout fucking from middle school to university like he didn't peak after high school like now he has a fucking computer science degree and an amazing girlfriend who is also in med school like oh he's just killing it and has I don't think he's never had a real problem in his life wait do you know them personally
00:50:00
Speaker
Yeah, I know them both. Like, I mean, he was my childhood best friend. Cute. that's I mean, now I'm curious. I haven't spoken to him. at We haven't had a good conversation in like two years. But I wouldn't be surprised if all the updates were just perfect.
00:50:15
Speaker
that's That's honestly wholesome. Like, it's some people really do be living like that.
00:50:23
Speaker
But that's not John. No, I don't think so. I mean, just being gay alone, i feel like... ah It's not that traumatic. Yeah, fair. I don't think it's very. The thing is, white gay guys have this thing where they're like their biggest demon was themselves. And it's like, girl, shut the fuck up. Like, who cares that you like dick in your ass? Like, I've gotten past that part. I'm trying to figure out how to just like survive. Right.
00:50:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ah Yeah, maybe we should get John to answer that question. feel like he would be better suited to answering it. But I think we all have our traumas. I feel like our as a Palestinian podcast, though, you should you need to speak on behalf of your white person.
00:51:07
Speaker
on behalf of, you know, i think... Because that's your white person, so i'm I'm not asking for specific details, but, like, you know, do you give him valid... Do you give him a card to speak on complex trauma, or do you think he needs to sit the fuck down?
00:51:24
Speaker
Oh. Complex PTSD? Like, do you know what i mean? Where it's like, do you have the right to speak on this? I see what you're saying. See, our communication style is... Korea, yeah. I think... I think...
00:51:36
Speaker
um John is a very, very supportive person. i don't think he fully has experienced what I've experienced.
00:51:48
Speaker
Like to answer your question, like... Keep it vague. Yeah, but I do think he is... Like he, in the way that... Kind of similarly to his like support of Palestine, he's very much the right type of support where it's like they don't take up space.
00:52:05
Speaker
They're listening yeah and they are like doing what you're telling them to do in terms of what is the right way to support. You know what I mean? But he's not taking it upon himself to just and like put his white lens on something and say,
00:52:21
Speaker
He's just his place. But the thing is, i like there's this British guy at one point I was involved with. And I feel like I had some kind of mutual respect with him because he also he didn't have the same similar thing happened to him. But he did have his like mom die when he was like 12 of like some horrible illness.
00:52:40
Speaker
So in terms of like the trauma of like that, I was like, OK, I can have a converse. Like I can respect what you're saying. So ge can you only like feel like you can have a meaningful conversation with someone if you feel like their trauma can somehow is on par with your trauma? Or do you feel like Yeah, I think lived experience is important.
00:53:02
Speaker
ah In terms of like, depending on the type of like, if you're going to give me advice, i don't want to hear advice from some bitch that has lived happy go lucky, you know, you know, hand to mouth all the time. Like, I don't really need to hear what you have to say. Right.
00:53:18
Speaker
Right, like for example,
Trauma, Identity, and Cultural Narratives
00:53:20
Speaker
in in terms of like my coming out or my like process of dealing with like John and I living together and like what the future is going to look like, he's never given what he thinks should happen.
00:53:33
Speaker
He's always fully like... waited to hear what I am experiencing and telling him what I think will happen and him just like supportively suggesting things or like talking through it, but never saying this is what we have to do.
00:53:47
Speaker
You know what I mean? and Like he's never, he's not, I know that there are some people who unfortunately have partners who are like, you should come out to your parents. Like, what's the big deal? You know what I mean? Like, because they didn't have a hard experience with it. So in their mind, they're like, I don't get it. He's never done that.
00:54:03
Speaker
which I think is a big deal. But yeah, so I agree with you. I think there is a type of lived experience that is necessary to be there for you to be able to give advice. like hard advice where you're like, you should do this or you should do that. Yeah. See, the thing is, I don't, ah that I don't know.
00:54:19
Speaker
i feel like it'd be really triggering for me to date somebody and your position, which is kind of shitty to say, because I didn't like when I was not out to my parents and like still out, it was kind of annoying to hear, but it is, I don't know. It's like, especially I feel like if you had a lot to overcome, know,
00:54:42
Speaker
in terms of coming out to your parents. I don't know. For me, I just think it would be a really triggering situation all the time to like deal with someone navigating that. It's not easy. so no easy It's definitely not easy.
00:54:56
Speaker
Kudos to John. No, I wasn't. a co I don't know. Not kudos to John. its I think for me specifically, it would be triggering. because of my I don't know what John's coming out was like it was he embraced was he not embraced exactly okay so John is this metaphorical white man named John Doe yeah John all the John Doe's out there who had a love Simon type fucking coming out experience like shut up forever that movie but that's what I mean that movie was made for your boyfriend yeah
00:55:30
Speaker
Yeah, it was made for people who had just had the, I mean, it's the hope. It's the hope of the future, like a hope where I guess people come out like that, where it's like not a big deal.
00:55:43
Speaker
But I don't think it was a hope. Like, i don't think it was supposed to be a hopeful film. I think it was so. I think it was meant to be like, like, this is the new era of like coming out where it's like not a big deal.
00:55:57
Speaker
But in in that moment, I was still in the closet slash out to my friends. And it was not like that at all. So it just felt to me, it felt insulting. I remember I literally oh my god my I I literally snuck I like this was back in the day when I still lived in like a basement at my parents house I snuck out climbed out of the window i like 10 o'clock to go watch that movie with my friends and then I think after we went to a strip club nice but I thought it was really nice and supportive of my friends to all to take me to see that movie
00:56:29
Speaker
I mean, it's cute. i I do see how it can be insulting. I felt insulted because I'm like, this wasn't my experience and it wasn't this easy. But I think that the point is that it's hope for not us, but for the future. I was currently going through it, though. My parents didn't know I was gay. I was like, oh, my God, they're going to kill me.
00:56:49
Speaker
So it wasn't even like, oh, how can I be hopeful for the future when I was like fucking 17 or 18 or whatever it was yeah his's coming out. Damn it. Was that old?
00:57:01
Speaker
When did it come out? Maybe it was 2019. Well, yeah. Yeah. is four years younger than just love zion release date
00:57:14
Speaker
twenty eighteen so we i was eighteen nineteen Wow, 2018. I was like finishing up school. Close. Damn, I am much older than you.
00:57:27
Speaker
It's only four years, but four years is one degree. like Yeah, yeah. There's like one whole degree of right separation between us. Yeah, like when I was finishing high school, you were starting high school.
00:57:42
Speaker
Yes. That's wild. It's funny how like back then, four years apart is like such a big deal. But now it feels like not that big of a deal. Now we're like both getting new apartments and cars at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in the same. I was going to ask, what kind of what kind of car are you hoping to get? Highly, highly recommend.
00:58:01
Speaker
Like the car that I used to have is what I'm going to get. A Honda CR-V. That shit is reliable. And they're affordable. and They're affordable, reliable. They're kind of big too. And it's nice because once you're done with it, it's easy to sell.
00:58:16
Speaker
Maybe I'll get a Honda CR-V. I was thinking because I'm like, oh, I kind of want something that I could fit furniture into because I want to buy used furniture. So I'm like, it'd be nice.
00:58:27
Speaker
It seems a little indulgent as like, cooler than getting an SUV. Yeah. ah But I might do it. I don't know. do I mean, do it if the means are there. You should do whatever makes most sense to you I mean, well, like...
00:58:44
Speaker
Okay, I don't know. The thing is, it's like, what's a difference between like, you know, $75, $200 month? Like, I feel like when you break it down, depending on the type of car, if it's used, new, like, the market's not great anyway. So I'm kind of, it's just going to be an indulgent moment. I wonder if it's going to be better in Canada than America even with the, like, I hate that I'm about to mention this, the tariff.
00:59:12
Speaker
The tariffs are fucking up everyone's lives. But not as much. Like, I feel like it's going to fuck up American lives. Not so much Canadian ones. Like, I feel like cars are everything we sell.
00:59:25
Speaker
Everything we sell goes to you guys. Right. So it's going to. Yeah. But I guess it's not going to really affect me because my any money I make doesn't involve. It doesn't really matter.
00:59:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:38
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. Not my problem. and thenmo just ah Honestly, in terms of everything that's happening in the world, feel so...
00:59:54
Speaker
and Not like nihilistic. i just I'm so powerless at this point. like The podcast is the best I have to offer. i i agree. This is it.
Conclusion and Audience Interaction
01:00:05
Speaker
I agree. For me, it's like podcasting and DJing are my two forms of like just doing whatever I want to do. You know, like it's totally me. Everything else I feel like has a tint of ah is tarnished, not tarnished.
01:00:21
Speaker
So why should the Zencaster be owned by some like crazy fucking weapons manufacturer some stupid shit like somehow? Yeah, actually that that's true. Or like Spotify or whatever. i don't know.
01:00:35
Speaker
Anyway, we're of now. We're all going to hell anyway. Okay, so our question for you guys, all of people, if you were moving to New City, what car would you buy?
01:00:46
Speaker
Leave that in the comments. And also, what are you nostalgic about? What a crazy question. good And also, what are you nostalgic about? to keep it in topic, but and truly also give us advice on cars.
01:00:58
Speaker
Okay, love you guys. See you next week.
01:01:04
Speaker
Bye. Bye.
01:01:10
Speaker
Let's give it like a couple seconds for the outro music.
01:01:19
Speaker
So nice to be back on stable Wi-Fi.