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00:00:01
Welcome Residents!
63 Plays1 month ago
Welcome to the first episode of Long Distance Roomies! Long distance BFFs Diana and Molly invite you into their inner circle and proverbial home. In this episode, the Roomies yap about the importance of accepting influence, the ins and outs of an intentional break from dating (and sex), communicating assertively when someone tries to screw you over, how to get in the best shape of your life at home (or at the hot yoga studio inside a wealthy friend's home), how to take advantage of this week's excellent astrology, and more. Follow along on IG @longdistranceroomiespodcast.
Gotta question for the roomies?
Drop an email at longdistance.roomiespod@gmail.com
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Transcript
00:00:04
Speaker
I'm Molly. And I'm Diana. We went from local BFFs to long distance ones. Who talks so much? It's like we live together. Since we know we're not the only ones with this kind of connection, we decided to open up the conversation and invite you inside.
00:00:19
Speaker
Welcome to Long Distance Roomies.
00:00:25
Speaker
Let's get into a little housekeeping.
00:00:30
Speaker
Welcome inside. Welcome to the house. The roomies are here Yeah, this is what we're calling um the housekeeping session where the kind of just we're walking the door. We're going to do a little vibe check. We just want to see where both of us are at. um And today we're obviously really excited because we're finally starting the pod. yea This is huge for us. This is something we have been wanting to do years.
00:00:59
Speaker
years And the time is right right now. So this is episode one Long Distance Roomies. It's so funny because it used to be... So like in 2012, when podcasts were first coming out, I had a writer tell me that she would love nothing more than to listen to a podcast of mine. And that was literally 14 years ago And then i didn't do it.
00:01:20
Speaker
And then there was a period of time where it's like, everyone has a podcast. And it was kind of like eye rolly. But now we've actually like apexed that moment and like, or excuse me, eat this um eclipse that moment. And now it's just like, of course we should be doing a podcast and I don't feel bad and I'm not embarrassed and I don't even care about Cringe Mountain. Like I'm ready to climb. Let's go.
00:01:47
Speaker
Well, and this is such a great way to connect with like-minded women. The reason why we wanted to start this pod is because we are best friends who live across the country from each other and we are constantly yapping to each other nonstop throughout the day. And feel like everyone needs a friend like you or like I am to you.
00:02:08
Speaker
And so we want to invite all of these women in so that they can be part of our friendship. And we always say that we feel like even though we live across the country from each other, we're roommates. So everyone can be our long distance roomie.
00:02:20
Speaker
Totally. And I also think, you know, um when you're younger, like in your 20s and stuff, or even earlier, like when you first get into college, you have all these roommate problems. Like you might even transfer whatever school you live in because you had a bad roommate freshman year. And then when you get into your late 30s, early 40s, you start to actually figure out how or think about how you can devise the plan of starting a farm with all of a dog farm with all of your best girlfriends and just living with women. So something happens in those 20 years where actually just creating like a coven of like-minded women actually sounds like the most appealing thing ever. And i think part of what we want to do is reflect on that trajectory and how we got here and keep growing. That is so well said. Yeah.
00:03:11
Speaker
And I think the reason why we made the flip of having roommate problems with women to only wanting to live with women as the ultimate dream and dogs, or for some women, cats, is that we were both married and divorced and lived with men married.
00:03:30
Speaker
It can be a little dicey, but when you actually have your best friend who you can commiserate with and who understands you and who can empathize with you, it is the best feeling in the world. And, you know, that's the type of roomie that I'm looking for.
00:03:45
Speaker
Me too. Totally. And it's all about resetting and filling our own cups. And honestly, we don't also feel like we don't ever want to live with men again. I look forward to the day where I have partnership again, but There's this moment now where how do you know who you want to live with in that way or cohabitate with in that way until you know who you are personally? And i think individual time by yourself is so important. And then to bring in a long distance from me along the way is the best compromise. And doesn't feel like compromise. It feels like finally being in flow.
00:04:25
Speaker
It's a gift. Our friendship is a gift and we want to share that gift with a lot of other people. So let's move into um our first segment that we are. Yeah.
00:04:47
Speaker
but this This is um our dirty laundry section. This is um our confessional space. um And i think something that we are both really into right now and wanting to talk about is setting up and letting people know that in this kind of single moment that we're in, that we are also practicing celibacy.
00:05:10
Speaker
um Somali, why don't you share some of your moments of celibacy and how you got here? Since you led the way and I'm accepting your influence always, no matter what. And that's part of the core of our relationship is accepting each other's influence. So.
00:05:26
Speaker
we We do. And we're both trying to figure things out. And so if we find something that works for us, we want to share it and we don't lead with our egos. So we're like, yeah, tell me what's working for you. I want to try that too. So that's kind of what we want to share with all of you as well. So when it comes to celibacy, I have been celibate and not dating for almost six months, which is insane to me. was...
00:05:52
Speaker
i was in a relationship with my ex-husband for 18 years. And then I was dating basically nonstop for two years after my divorce. And I do have a voracious sexual appetite. It's just who I am. I know, Diana, you are the same way as well. Same as Ace.
00:06:10
Speaker
But being in relationships with men who just couldn't meet me where I was at. It just, it got frustrating. And and i think also when it comes to sex,
00:06:25
Speaker
you realize that it's very, it's few and far between that you find someone that you actually have great sex with. Most of the time it's just kind of like, you know, it's good, it's nice, but it's not that life-changing sex. And even if it is that life-changing sex, it can still be an incredibly toxic relationship. So being able to not only not have sex, but just completely stop dating,
00:06:51
Speaker
not look to be dating. When people ask me out in the wild, I'm saying no, like literally just completely closing it off. It is incredibly empowering.
00:07:02
Speaker
And not only am I using this time away from the distractions of men and dating to work on myself and build businesses and get in the best shape of my life and take courses and like do all the self care, but I am channeling that sexual energy that I leaked out to men back into myself as creative energy.
00:07:28
Speaker
And you just feel so inspired. And so sorry there was something that I've been seeing that's like popular. And I think the new York Times maybe just or the cut just did um something about the loneliness influencer.
00:07:44
Speaker
And I saw one of the. um clips that they had focused on, which was like this 22 year old girl documenting coming back into her apartment at six o'clock at night in New York City and being like, I don't have any friends and I don't do anything. And this is what it's like when I'm at home in my and watching it. I'm like, this girl is 22 and lives in new York City and she's like has nothing to do and no friends. And so what I want to just flag in this is and we can talk about it more in terms of like I'm curious what you think the difference is. And but
00:08:21
Speaker
That's not what we're doing here. I think having like a calculated moment of me time where you're taking that creative energy or like re-metabolizing energy that was going out to men and putting it back in yourself as a form of creativity is especially after spending the first half of your life always putting energy into men, like that that's an okay, healthy reset. We are not by any means suggesting to participate in the loneliness influencer but
00:08:51
Speaker
and culture move that's happening. Like I very much, not like I'm putting a timeline on it or anything, but when I first decided to become celibate in March, I said i would do it for like six months. But like after the summer, it really want spend the summer by myself, like summer of love Diana, not summer of love finding someone else. um And then just like but see where I got if I just put all of my energy into myself for six months.
00:09:23
Speaker
I yeah, and I think that's a really important point to stress. We're not this is not the 4B movement where we think, you know, don't date, don't be with men ever don't have children. You know, this is just for us. It's a reset. It's a time for us to be by ourselves to recalibrate our systems. to reprioritize. And it is the most incredible, empowering experience. And i'm I'm starting to think about, okay, when do I want to get back into the dating pool? Because for me, it has been almost six months.
00:09:57
Speaker
I'm not like desperate to do it. I'm not like, oh my God, I want to start dating. I'm so excited. and I feel like maybe I'll probably wait until I feel more of that. Because I think there's probably more of this time where I'm in this cocoon. And it and it is that caterpillar, cocoon, butterfly transformation that you get to have in this type of celibacy. And I'm like, what more am I going to learn about myself? What else am I going to be able to create? What else am I going to be able to do? But when I do get back into dating, it's going to be from a very different place, not of trying to get some man to choose me, not of totally centering my life around having a romantic relationship be the be-all end-all. I think it's yeah really...
00:10:41
Speaker
shifted me permanently. And that that is the goal. and And that's really what we're talking about here. And also, any person who talk to who practice did like a celibate moment all met their person after that chapter.
00:10:59
Speaker
And so I would be lying if I said, that the that desire wasn't there like of course that's what's there like I do want to be with somebody um but it's honestly my daughter's babysitter or nanny who after I was telling her this like horror story from the guy who asked me to pay for my half of the date after my grandmother died and he asked you out yes he stopped me on the street And I should have known because when I told him I was traveling, he offered me to sign up for a travel credit card through his referral program.
00:11:38
Speaker
So I knew something was off with money. literally said, hey, sorry to hear about your grandma.
00:11:51
Speaker
Could you Zell me $74, please. Like it's literally in the same message. I did give something for everybody at the funeral to laugh at. So I'm glad I could be the comic relief. But um it was after that that my daughter's nanny it was like, you know, i met my husband actually after I decided to swear off dating for like six months.
00:12:13
Speaker
So once once your child's nanny is saying something to you, it's like the universe is. you should probably listen. I've also heard multiple other women say the same exact thing that after six months, a year, sometimes two years away from dating that they found their person. And yeah I didn't go into it saying I'm going to take six months off of dating. I just had...
00:12:38
Speaker
a horror story of a date after a really disappointing relationship and two years of disappointing dates and then my whole marriage divorce and divorce. I was just like, you know what? I think I just need a break. And then it's turned into this definitive time in my life where I'm celibate and not dating.
00:12:58
Speaker
So it's like, I don't think you necessarily even need to go into it with ah a strict intention of it. um I'm doing this for this amount of time. It's just, if you feel the need that you need a reset and you need a break, listen to your gut and take it and see what happens.
00:13:12
Speaker
I think that's a perfect note to go into our tea time, our therapy recap sesh, the love seat moment. I'm going to grab...
00:13:24
Speaker
my D cup, which is not the size of my bra, but just the initial of my name. I don't have my tea cup. I have my water glass, but oh bottoms up.
00:13:39
Speaker
So both of us are major proponents of therapy. And therapy has totally changed my life in so many ways. And one of the things that I was talking about this week in therapy with was having having to have a conversation with someone who has done me dirty.
00:14:00
Speaker
And I got really worked up about it. And my therapist is like, okay, remember the assertiveness formula. And this is something that she's she's always talked to me about. Wait, Molly, you're about to go into it, but I just want to say i should have thought about this this morning when I was dealing with stuff with my ah daughter's dad.
00:14:18
Speaker
Yes. It's really helpful. It's really, really helpful. So it's, it is okay literally a formula for assertive communication, but doing it in a respectful way. So you can either start it with an empathy statement of trying to put yourself in their shoes or not. But then you talk one about the situation and you say like, when you blank,
00:14:41
Speaker
So when you did whatever I feel or i felt. And so you say exactly how it made you feel, whether it was sad, angry, upset, um annoyed, pissed off, whatever it is. And then you say the explanation.
00:14:58
Speaker
Because, and then it it's, okay, so what is it about the action that led you to have that feeling? And then you finish off with the the suggestion. So this is what I would like, i would need, i would prefer moving forward so that we can have an outcome that makes sense to me. So I'm like, okay, this is actually really, really helpful because I wanted to fly off the handle and bite someone's head off, but that wasn't going to do any good. And it really was just...
00:15:27
Speaker
It's so amazing to hear. ah Sorry, just have to flag like for anyone listening because Molly just has like the most genteel, easy personality, but also there is she also has a catchphrase.
00:15:45
Speaker
Kill, kill, kill. Stab, stab, stab. stopb Stab, stab, stab. Molly loves to just stab, stab, stab. And in the tone and I think it's she stabs harder with the tone of her voice because it's just really sweet. She never raises her voice and it's just stab, stab, stab, stab. It's, you know, I think...
00:16:11
Speaker
I am incredibly kind and empathetic and that has. And patient. And patient. And that's really fucked me over a lot of times in my life. so So as I've gotten older and experienced a lot more, i've I've really tried to focus on having more of a backbone, being more of an open communicator, not being so codependent, not being afraid of what people's response is going to be.
00:16:36
Speaker
And with that, there's been this cutthroat side of me that has come out that is really that I, you know, I have to make sure that i I keep it in check, but I'm so grateful that I have it because it's ah it just is, for me, it's a form of self-respect. i i am caring and patient and empathetic, but if you really disrespect me and you do it in a blatant way that is just like beyond the pale and totally beyond any boundary, i will like your growth.
00:17:09
Speaker
Oh, I'm one of my, my old, my old roommate, my actual old roommate used to say about me and she to call she still does. She calls me Diddle, but she'll will say hell hath no fury like a Diddle swarmed.
00:17:22
Speaker
And there, my own family says it about me. Like I, I've had writers when I was a, and a a showrunner's assistant, like the bottom, bottom, bottom level in a writer's room. I had one the upper level writers tell me, the person on this staff that I'm most terrified of is you.
00:17:42
Speaker
Because she was like, you're just so nice and you're kind and patient. You're getting so much done and you're there for everybody. And so if you get pissed off, I can only imagine what happens. I'm like, that's right, girl.
00:17:58
Speaker
That's right. That's right. And I think a lot of times it is really satisfying to be able to go in for the kill and stab, stab, stab. But it's also for me, I know certain times it's just it's coming from a place of ego and just wanting to be like, I'm better than you. You're an asshole. I'm a good person. and I don't need to do that. I know in my heart that I am a good person and I'm a better person than this other person is, but that's like, whatever it is what it is, what, what would actually help the situation is for me to communicate effectively and try and mitigate it from happening again in the future.
00:18:40
Speaker
Well, and, and that's just like communicating boundaries. And I remember my therapist once said to me, my first, My first therapist love, um Evan, he had to he broke up with me because I moved to New Jersey, which was one reason I stayed in California. Just kidding. But um I just remember one time being really frustrated because i was having the same conversation over and over again and restating my boundaries with my mom about something.
00:19:11
Speaker
And he said, that's the thing when you're with boundaries. Like you're not ever just stating them once. You're stating them and restating them all the time. And actually what you're doing is just practicing, the mu you're strengthening the muscle and you get faster, clearer, and better at it every time you do it. But if you think you're only stating that boundary one time to that person, you are selling yourself short of what the expectation is because you should just expect that you have to do that all the time.
00:19:43
Speaker
you have to enforce the boundary. Yeah. not just People without boundaries will cross the boundary. Yeah. They will. And if you... and and if you I think so often if you speak directly to someone and you call them out, but you do it in a way that is compassionate and respectful,
00:20:01
Speaker
stay you can shame someone into behaving right. And so I yeah never underestimate the power of shaming an asshole, but doing it with your head held high. um Boy, have I done that. And that has that is really gave given me some gifts in my life, being able to do that.
00:20:21
Speaker
Well, what do i I always say? It's not about the high road. It's about the fair road. Yes. Yes. Fuck the high road. don't need to take, fuck the high road. The high road does nothing except make you have to walk higher up a hill.
00:20:34
Speaker
Because most, um you know, most people aren't going to take that high road. No, no, they often take the low road. So why does your road have to be so much higher? it can just be like the fair middle road. So um why don't you tell me one thing right now in your life that you're loving that is giving you like peace and filling your cup?
00:20:53
Speaker
So one thing that I am obsessed with is the Ladder Fitness app. it is eleven two it is just the best. this is like I am someone who has never been able to get into a flow of working out regularly. It's just never been my thing. And for the past six months since I stopped dating, i have been working out basically five to six days a week, every single week through this app.
00:21:22
Speaker
I'm in the best shape of my life. I feel so good. your arms look really good. Thank you. and and and And there is something really empowering about being really hot, being really fit and in shape and not letting a guy have sex with you. It's like, this is for me.
00:21:40
Speaker
This is all for me. I'm not doing this for some guy to think I'm hot. I'm doing this for me. Totally. For me, the thing that I love right now, because I'm also doing ladder and thank you. I finally am starting to have abs again because of you, but, um,
00:21:55
Speaker
I also, i have my yoga speakeasy. I found a community of very rich ladies in my neighborhood who have taken me in under their wing. They're in like their fifties and sixties. And this woman has a hot yoga studio in her basement that she teaches out of. And she only has three classes a week, nine to 10, 15. And I try to go once or twice a week. And these women have like held me together in this tiny space and it just feels so good. And I'm so grateful for them. Um,
00:22:23
Speaker
so yeah and they're all woo woo like us um so which that's so cool to have a hot yoga studio in your house wow i know i mean the stories that this woman tells they're like she's wild i love her she also believes the earth is flat and that snow storms are sent to sent to us by the government to get us sick so um yeah listen You know, to each her own.
00:22:53
Speaker
to turn on we We have plenty of woowoo beliefs. So that actually I think this is exactly i think. um So storm sent by the government is a good ah moment to drink ah to bring us into our weather forecast. Yes.
00:23:13
Speaker
So our weather forecast is our weekly energetic weather report where we're going to tell you you Molly has done the research for the week. She's so woo on all things astrology. And um we're going to just share what the planets are doing so you have someone to blame other than yourself for when the shit hits the fan. Exactly. um i love astrology. It's something that I got into really over the last 10 years and it has totally changed my life. And i think a lot of people love astrology to understand themselves, which is great, but it's also really helpful to see what's going on with the planets each week so you can plan ahead. It's like, you know what to wear during ah a rainstorm. You know, you're not going to go run a million errands when it's snowing five feet. So this is, this is what we're trying to do for you. so
00:24:01
Speaker
Today, ah Tuesday, 9th, Venus conjuncts Jupiter. and this is the universe is basically your hype woman today. This is one of the luckiest days of the year. so use this time to start a podcast, send a pitch, send a text message, ask for a raise. And if you don't use this time, it is on you because the green light does not stay green for forever.
00:24:31
Speaker
Amazing. on Wednesday, Mercury squares Saturn. So it's a little bit more of a crunchy, not so helpful transit.
00:24:41
Speaker
And it feels like everyone is reading your texts like they're looking for evidence. So, you know, like a thumbs up emoji becomes an entire incident.
00:24:52
Speaker
So be annoyingly specific or prepare to do damage control. well That's good for me to know. Yeah. Okay. Saturday, Venus enters Leo and this is the time of year to embrace your inner party girl, like make the reservations, say yes to every plan that you are invited to, wear the outfit that you've been saving for a special occasion. This is the special occasion.
00:25:18
Speaker
um And then on Sunday, we have the new moon in Gemini. and this is a this is like a reset for the cosmic group chat. So prepare to have a lot of conversations, meet a lot of new people. There's just new energy, new vibes coming through. And anyone that you've been meaning to reach out to, this is the time. And the worst thing that they can do is leave you on read.
00:25:44
Speaker
So you'll be fine regardless. So that is your weather report. dressing Dress accordingly. I love that. Okay. And then now my side of the woo, I'm going to pull a card from the Shaman's Dream Oracle deck that Molly sent me.
00:26:02
Speaker
but i do my daughter It's my favorite Oracle deck. i I pull a card every single day. I highly recommend that all of you, our listeners, our fellow residents are doing this too. It's just such a good way to set the the tone for the day and just keep something in mind as you go about your day.
00:26:20
Speaker
So this one is the oh my gosh, so appropriate. The Farther Gate, Bold Step Forward.
00:26:31
Speaker
Okay. Well, that makes a lot of sense. Especially, i know, we're launching the pod. We're going for it. We're putting ourselves out there. okay The Farther Gate.
00:26:41
Speaker
The next experience. Legacy. Evolving. Bold step forward. When the Farther Gate card shows up, it is a clear call to lift your eyes to the horizon and begin to walk toward your future.
00:26:55
Speaker
You are marching in place right now, stirring the dust but not getting anywhere. Trust that your forward movement will lead you to a new destination you have already set for yourself, but perhaps forgotten or neglected because of your everyday busyness.
00:27:08
Speaker
The farther gate comes to tell you that an ending is at hand and that you can leave the old behind. Let it peel away like an old skin you shed. Do not hesitate. Cross the threshold boldly and you will be rewarded. If you continue marking time instead of moving, you will miss the opportunity. Oof, that hits. The gate is open. The next landscape of your life is within reach, but the window of time to pass through it grows shorter.
00:27:34
Speaker
Do not dally. A gift of the far the gift of the farther gate is to bring you to the fullest expression of your gifts, perhaps for the first time. It is an invitation to a sacred passage, to a new discovery, and both great challenges and opportunities. It is not a graduation.
00:27:51
Speaker
There are no rewards other than the exploration itself. You have been a farmer far too long till tilling the hard soil and that now bears little fruit for you.
00:28:02
Speaker
Time to put on the Explorer hat once again. i mean, that is literally perfect. I think yeah both both of us are...
00:28:13
Speaker
leaving phases where we've been just kind of circling and not making a ton of progress. And it feels like all of the sudden we are getting shot out of a cannon and moving forward.
00:28:27
Speaker
So we are not dilly dallying at all. a Great card poll. Thank you. It reminds me actually, i think we talked about this, but I had opened an old journal to start like writing things that I wanted to manifest.
00:28:41
Speaker
couple months ago, and I got really upset because i had started writing in it in 2019. And what I wrote that I wanted to manifest were the same things that I was writing two months ago, and none of it had really changed.
00:28:55
Speaker
And and like the last six years has been really, really difficult. But now what I think about is like it didn't change, but so much of my life has now changed. And so now who I am now trying to manifest those things and do those things is where it'll actually be different and happen. And I think we can always blame COVID because COVID Yes, everything up and everything changed. And then through that, it really was a catalyst for both of us to get divorced and totally change our lives.
00:29:34
Speaker
So, you know, I totally understand the frustration feeling like you weren't able to manifest everything. You're still manifesting the same things. But think of how much more wisdom and experience you have. And now a toy you are actually able to hold and receive what you were manifesting for you couldn't.
00:29:55
Speaker
I totally agree.
00:29:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:00
Speaker
And I also feel so much more prepared for it. So much. i feel like of what I was, some things came too early and I was not prepared, but then that also is the preparation, you know?
00:30:13
Speaker
Who are we to argue you with divine timing? Exactly right. Okay. Now let's go to our um last segment, um which is the fridge note.
00:30:27
Speaker
um This is at what we think of as like the last thought we want to leave each other before we go to our day and um you know each go to our proverbial office or work. and um Or sometimes it could be the passive aggressive clean your dishes, take out the trash.
00:30:46
Speaker
um But just like a little drop thought for each other. So I'm going to ready. Let's do it. and I'm ready. Let's write our fridge note. You ready?
00:30:58
Speaker
show you like him Please.
00:31:03
Speaker
I love manifesting with you. Oh, thank you. i love manifesting with you too. We've done a lot of it in our lives. We really have. And in our, yeah, in our now 10 years of friendship, I think it was all leading up to this. her For sure.
00:31:26
Speaker
Can't wait to to see your butterfly wings. My favorite caterpillar. Oh, I love you. I love you too. We're so lucky.
00:31:39
Speaker
I know. I know. um Okay. So next episode, we're going to workshop the exact text to send your ex on his birthday. We've done the research and we have made the mistakes.
00:31:52
Speaker
Indeed. So as we close out our show, i think we should sage the room, get rid of any any bad vibes or any and me energy, anything that is holding us back.
00:32:14
Speaker
You've got your sage. I've got my sage clearing spray that has crystals inside of it. So you're gonna do that. i'm I'm spraying.
00:32:29
Speaker
It smells so good. I'm already feeling the energy clearing. me too. Oh, this was, this really was a treat. So thank you all for being a part of our first episode of long distance roomies. We post our episodes every other week on Tuesdays.
00:32:52
Speaker
So we can't wait to to see you next time and we'll see you in the mail room. See you in the mail room. Bye. Bye.