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Competencies, Not Rules
71 Plays1 month ago
Is ICF Coaching real coaching?
In this episode of PRIME SPACE: Advanced Conversations in Coaching, Elias Scultori, MCC, explores a common tension in professional coaching today: the "rules" of coaching and the reality of our practices.
Many coaches feel overwhelmed by the structure of professional coaching—session agreements, open questions, avoiding advice, demonstrating competencies, preparing for certification. At times, it can feel like coaching requires carrying a mental checklist that conflicts with supporting the client.
But what if that understanding misses the deeper purpose?
Elias challenges the following rules myth and invites coaches to see competencies for what they truly are: best practices designed to serve the client, not constrain the coach. Using a powerful analogy from surgery, he explores how mastery enables coaches to move beyond rigid technique to thoughtful, moment-by-moment decision-making.
This episode is an invitation to move from legalism to discernment, from performing coaching to embodying it, and from rules to freedom in the coaching conversation.
If you’ve ever wondered whether ICF coaching is “real coaching,” this conversation goes straight to the heart of the question.
Memorable Quotes
- “You cannot coach in a straitjacket.”
- “The goal of the competencies is not rules for rules’ sake. The goal is the client.”
- “Mastery is not using every tool. Mastery is knowing when to use the right one.”
- “ICF coaching is real coaching—if we dare to understand it fully.”
Chapters
00:00 — The Weight of Coaching Rules
Why many coaches feel overwhelmed by competencies, certification requirements, and the pressure to “do coaching right.”
04:10 — There Are No Rules
Why the ICF Core Competencies are not rules, but best practices developed through research and collective professional experience.
07:49 — Finding Freedom
Why some coaches struggle with the rules and ways to find freedom in their practices.
12:01 — The Surgeon Analogy
How true excellence comes from understanding every tool deeply—and then making the best decision for the client in the moment.
#Coaching #ICFCoaching #CoachTraining #ProfessionalCoaching #CoachingMindset #CoachDevelopment #LeadershipCoaching
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Prime Space Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Prime Space, a Prime Coaching Academy podcast with your host Elias Skoultori.
Reflecting on Coaching Rules
00:00:13
Speaker
Coaches, what's your relationship with the rules of coaching?
00:00:22
Speaker
We go through coach training. There is the certification process, maintaining the certification, ACC, PCC, MCC requirements, the credentialing exam, establishing a session agreement, no closed-ended questions, no advice, no telling.
Navigating Coaching Certifications
00:00:40
Speaker
Client is resourceful.
00:00:43
Speaker
Are you overwhelmed? So much to consider, right? The structure of the coaching conversation. And then there is that coaching police, the self-police. I didn't set the session agreement well, so I must be a bad coach.
00:01:00
Speaker
So much pressure. Did you already give up on these rules? I don't blame you.
Is ICF Coaching Real Coaching?
00:01:08
Speaker
Who can coach having to carry this heavy load of stuff to think about?
00:01:17
Speaker
and And then there is the client. Oh, I forgot about that. There is the client, the client's needs, the client's expectations. Wow.
00:01:30
Speaker
Is this realistic? Is ICF coaching real coaching? This is the question I've seen coaches ask quite often, and rightly so.
The Essence of Effective Coaching
00:01:46
Speaker
The coach training process is not for the faint-hearted. Coaching, professional coaching, is a complex practice. We are dealing with human beings, and we are also human beings.
00:02:05
Speaker
And there is a lot for us to consider to make this process effective, safe, valuable. There is a lot to consider about the skills specifically.
00:02:19
Speaker
There is a lot to consider about the mindset, the proposition of coaching. And there is also a lot to consider about ourselves and who we are and how we are showing up in that moment of coaching.
The Complexity of Mastering Coaching
00:02:33
Speaker
I like to say coaching is simple, but not easy, because at first, coaching Coaching is just a conversation to support the other person. But when we start looking a little bit more closely, there is a lot involved.
00:02:53
Speaker
And it takes years for a professional coach to hone these skills and these concepts. I have been practicing and have been closely involved with the coaching industry for over 20 years now.
00:03:09
Speaker
And I am still learning. We, as a profession, we are still learning. We are still discovering new things, and the profession continues to evolve.
Purpose of Coaching Rules
00:03:23
Speaker
And of course, at times, we tend to overcomplicate things, to say the least, make it more complex than needed. But it is in that discussion, I believe, that we become better, and we are better equipped to support our clients because that is the goal, right? The goal of all these rules is not rules for rules sake.
00:03:52
Speaker
The goal of all these rules is the client. How can I best support this individual? So i would like to talk a little bit about this word rules.
00:04:10
Speaker
So here it comes. There are no rules. Let's just put this simple. There are no rules. We don't even officially use this word, rules.
00:04:23
Speaker
We say there are competencies that Skills that we as a community of 60,000 plus coaches all around the world have identified as best practices.
Flexibility and Human Context in Coaching
00:04:40
Speaker
These are not random skills. These are skills, approaches, and a mindset that the best coaches in the world are using now and it works.
00:04:53
Speaker
These are not ICF rules. These are best practices based on research. And I go through coach training because instead of me reinventing the wheel or doing things out of a gut feeling,
00:05:15
Speaker
and let me learn from what is proven to work so I can also provide this great service to my clients. I don't have to recreate everything.
00:05:27
Speaker
I'm going to learn from the best. But these are not rules. These are recommended skills for us to develop so we can be successful and effective coaches.
00:05:41
Speaker
This idea of this is right, this is wrong, it doesn't have a place in coaching. In coaching, in ICF coaching, it all depends.
00:05:54
Speaker
I say this in training all the time. There is no black and white in coaching. We are dealing with human beings and everything will be different every time.
00:06:05
Speaker
My skill how to make the best decisions in the moment of coaching.
00:06:13
Speaker
So the first thing I encourage you to consider is if the way you're relating to these competencies, not rules, this these competencies, If the way you're relating to these competencies feels stifled, constraining, find a way to liberate yourself.
00:06:34
Speaker
You can't coach in a straitjacket. Coaching is free. Coaching is organic. Coaching is authentic. ICF coaching is free, organic, and authentic.
00:06:47
Speaker
We are invited to relate, to be curious, to be interested, to be fascinated by our clients. Coaching is a joyful occasion when two people come together to create, to explore, to innovate.
00:07:06
Speaker
My goal when I am training my students and mentees is to support them in finding freedom in their coaching. And I believe that the more we understand and embody the true concept of these competencies, not the rules, the freer we become.
Training vs. Real-World Coaching Application
00:07:31
Speaker
ah But Elias, this all sounds very nice. However, it doesn't work. I don't always cover all the points of the session agreement.
00:07:45
Speaker
Sometimes the framework of the conversation is a little wonky. i feel it is important for me to share a few things. There are a little bit more daring.
00:07:56
Speaker
but it's a great session. Those are great sessions. Perhaps my the best session I had. It feels to me that ICF coaching is not real. Oh, my dear coach, let's talk.
00:08:12
Speaker
I'm actually not surprised. We are in a moment in our industry right now of great discovery. We are a young profession. We are learning so much.
00:08:25
Speaker
I wish you could participate in the discussions we have in the ICF assessors community. So much going on and so much nuance and newness.
00:08:37
Speaker
We just updated our competencies. We just updated our assessors tools. Assessing itself is going through a transformation right now. And as we explore these points,
00:08:50
Speaker
Yeah, there is a tendency toward legalism.
00:08:55
Speaker
When we clarify and set standards, we tend to look at them as finite. We are so enthralled by the concepts that we start approaching them as this is it.
00:09:08
Speaker
And then a coach trainer sees all of this and because the coach trainer wants you, the student, to succeed, We want you to earn the certification. We want you to be a professional. We want you to follow standards. We want you to pass the test.
00:09:27
Speaker
So, okay, here here are the rules.
00:09:32
Speaker
And then coach training becomes very stifled.
00:09:38
Speaker
So I'm going to say this to you. The goal isn't, has never been, should never be about following rules. That is not real to me.
00:09:51
Speaker
If we approach these competencies as rules, that's not real. If ICF coaching is not real coaching, why should I pay thousands of dollars for coach training, spend countless hours, go through the suffering of
Understanding and Applying ICF Coaching
00:10:07
Speaker
certification? Why should I pursue and ICF certification just to get three letters after my name?
00:10:13
Speaker
That's absurd. If what I learn in coach training and mentoring is not applicable in reality, why bother? It's a waste of time and money.
00:10:27
Speaker
So my invitation to you, coach, to you, coach trainer, to you, mentor coach, to you, coach supervisor, is to go deeper. The ICF core competencies are supposed to be best practices.
00:10:43
Speaker
They are supposed to work. So why? If they are best practices in real coaching and if they are not working, what am I missing?
00:10:56
Speaker
Well, I'll tell you what we are missing.
00:11:01
Speaker
I give this analogy in coach training, and I perhaps even share this a little bit here at Prime Space as well. the analogy of a surgeon in a surgery room.
00:11:13
Speaker
When you go to surgery and the surgeon is there, there are all of these tools available to the surgeon. There are all of these instruments available to the surgeon.
00:11:28
Speaker
And all of the tools and all of the instruments, they are sharp, they are clean, they are ready to be used. The instruments are with the latest software and they are all calibrated, ready to be used.
00:11:43
Speaker
I'm not a surgeon, but I imagine that will the surgeon use all the tools all the time, every time? no
00:11:53
Speaker
Yes, the surgeon has gone through incredible training, spent countless hours, time, money, investment, personal investment in understanding and being able to demonstrate that they can use all of these tools when necessary.
00:12:12
Speaker
And if there is a moment that there is a need for that surgeon to use that tool, that surgeon will know how to use the tool and will be ready to use the tool.
00:12:26
Speaker
But the primary training is in educating that surgeon to make the best decision for the sake of the patient.
00:12:39
Speaker
So the training is not that the surgeon has to use every single tool in every single surgery. The training is has to be capable of using them,
00:12:51
Speaker
but to be able to make decisions in the moment of what is best and appropriate for that particular patient. That is our commitment, to be experts in all of these standards, to be ready, to be on top of our game on all of these skills, to understand them deeply, not simply as rules or how to simply demonstrate them,
00:13:19
Speaker
but the meaning, the reason, the why behind them so that in the moment I am making best decisions for my client.
00:13:31
Speaker
Everything is for my client. And this is very tricky because am I making this decision to use or not to use this tool because it is truly the best to in the moment or because i don't really have full mastery of this tool?
00:13:50
Speaker
I don't really understand this skill deeply. That's the tricky part there that we need to use reflective practice and we need to go through coach training and mentoring and supervision and all of that to have that discernment.
00:14:05
Speaker
How would best practices help me here right now? That is coach training. Coach training is not simply about demonstrating skills. Coach training is about empowering the coach to make the best decisions in the moment based on best practices. Because i am fully equipped about the best practices,
00:14:29
Speaker
Because I have complete control of these skills, then I'm able to customize based in the moment. And therefore, every coaching session is going to be a little different.
00:14:43
Speaker
That is our responsibility toward these competencies. That is why we pursue coach training and certification. So we can support our clients with a state-of-the-art approach.
00:14:58
Speaker
Yes, ICF coaching is real coaching, if we dare to understand it fully.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:15:11
Speaker
Thank you for listening. Don't forget to subscribe. And please take a moment to leave us a review. It's so very helpful. I appreciate it. Enjoy your week.
00:15:22
Speaker
And I'll see you next time.