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00:00:01
The Truth Behind My Travel Obsession (PART 1)
30 Plays27 days ago
In this deeply personal episode, Chantelle steps into the guest seat to share her own story—one of childhood loneliness, emotional isolation, domestic abuse, and eventually, escape and resilience. For the first time, she opens up about the trauma she endured behind closed doors, what kept her stuck, and the moment she knew she had to fight for her life—and her children. It’s raw, it’s unfiltered, and it’s exactly why Go Far Girl exists: to remind every woman that even in the darkest chapters, there’s a path forward.
Trigger warning: This episode contains discussions of domestic violence, emotional abuse, and sexual assault.
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Motivation
00:00:47
CHANTELLE KINCY
Hey, hey, welcome to Go Far Girl. Today, our special guest is me, Chantel. So i wanted to just come on here today and talk about me.
00:00:59
CHANTELLE KINCY
um I know that in the introduction to the show, I did talk a little bit, but we've got new people and I didn't go into very great depth. And it's not something that I planned on talking about with you guys. It's not something that I plan on talking about with anybody, to be honest.
00:01:12
CHANTELLE KINCY
But I have been talking to some people close to me lately and they have all convinced me that this is a story that should be heard by other people. And, um, it can maybe help someone else.
00:01:25
CHANTELLE KINCY
So I don't want you to think that this whole podcast is about me because it's about travel. It's about other women's success and sorrows and things. But I do want you to get to know me a little bit so that you know why we're doing this podcast in the first place and what sort of brought me to this point in my life.
Childhood Challenges
00:01:42
CHANTELLE KINCY
So I am going to do a trigger warning that today we're going to talk about domestic violence. We're going to talk about sexual abuse and mental abuse.
00:01:54
CHANTELLE KINCY
And if you don't want to listen, I totally get it. Everyone has to do what's best for them. But that's the warning. It's not going to get into detail. I'm not ready to share everything. probably not will ever be ready to share everything.
00:02:06
CHANTELLE KINCY
But I do want to... share a little bit. So that being said, welcome to Go Far Girl. And let's talk about how I became addicted to travel.
00:02:18
CHANTELLE KINCY
So I grew up in Northern California. And my parents had me when they were very young, like teenager young. And they were already divorced by the time I think I was one or two, maybe two.
00:02:31
CHANTELLE KINCY
um So by the time I was ah toddler, they had both already remarried other people. I don't have any recollection of my parents being together at all, which is fine.
00:02:42
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, I can't visualize them being together, honestly. um they're both great, but not together for sure. Um, And so quickly I became half sister to three other sisters with my mom and my stepdad, and then, a brother and a sister with my, my dad and my stepmom.
00:03:04
CHANTELLE KINCY
had to go to my dad sometimes, my mom sometimes,
00:03:09
CHANTELLE KINCY
just remember when I would get ready to leave to go to my dad's, my sisters would cry and say, Oh, I want to go too. And my mom would be like, you don't want to go there. Like, it's too bad that she has to go kind of thing. And so I would always feel like kind of icky and I just wanted to go somewhere like exciting um,
00:03:29
CHANTELLE KINCY
not feel gross. And then when I got over there, i would just hear about all the things they had done while I wasn't there, you know, vacations and, um, new lives that they just have this whole other life that really doesn't involve me. And, you know, I just kind of felt like I never really fit in anywhere with either side of my family.
00:03:47
CHANTELLE KINCY
And, um, I just was really lonely as a
Teenage Struggles and Dreams
00:03:50
CHANTELLE KINCY
kid. I was so lonely. um In one house, my family was very religious. And in the other house, there was no religion and it was kind of chaotic.
00:04:00
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I didn't know where to fit in with that either because I felt like I was somewhere in the middle and I never felt at home anywhere I was. I didn't feel at home at church.
00:04:12
CHANTELLE KINCY
I felt judged. I felt like everyone lived up to this perfect standard that I was never going to be. And I kind of didn't want to be because I just didn't like, it felt gross to me.
00:04:23
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, but I felt like I was always being judged by that. And then when I went over to my other house, I felt like I wasn't like cool enough to be there.
00:04:32
CHANTELLE KINCY
guess what it boils down to is I just thought that everybody had their own separate lives. Like my dad had a family, my mom had a family and I just sort of was there and like no one really cared or wanted to be there, but I was just like this problem that happened and now I have to be dealt with.
00:04:51
CHANTELLE KINCY
just remember never feeling like very close to anybody. Um, so I used to dream of just getting away and not like running away, but just like being somewhere else.
00:05:02
CHANTELLE KINCY
to have these posters on my wall of like imaginary, like fairytale type places. And I would just want to go there. was just like, Oh, what if I live under this waterfall with this I don't know.
00:05:13
CHANTELLE KINCY
I was a kid, but it started me just daydreaming about always being somewhere else. No matter where I was, I did not want to be there. I
00:05:21
CHANTELLE KINCY
didn't matter where I was or what I was doing. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be somewhere else. And then as I got older, i was in trouble all the time.
00:05:30
CHANTELLE KINCY
All the time i was in trouble. I was grounded my whole life. and I didn't even do anything bad. wasn't drinking. I wasn't partying. um was not getting good grades. um But i just wasn't being that bad. But I was in trouble all time.
00:05:45
CHANTELLE KINCY
All the time. I couldn't talk on the phone. I couldn't go anywhere except for to church functions. i couldn't leave my room. And so I would just sit in my room. And watch the outside go by without me. And I would like see people drive by with their boat. So I wonder which like they're going to. Oh, I wonder what they're doing. And I would sit and watch. We lived across the street from a baseball field.
00:06:08
CHANTELLE KINCY
So I'd sit watch baseball all day, which is, I guess, why I love baseball right now, because it feels like home to me. So I would just watch baseball all day. um during baseball season. And other than that, I would just watch the cars. And I remember thinking, i wonder where they're going.
00:06:23
CHANTELLE KINCY
I wonder where they're going. wonder if someone's happy to see them when they get there. I wonder if they'll meet new friends when they're there. Because I didn't really have any friends either. I mean, I had friends, quote unquote, but not friends because I could never go do anything. Who wants to have a friend that can't even talk to you or go anywhere? We didn't have our own phones and we didn't have social media.
00:06:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
I would have been grounded from it even if we did, but I didn't have all that.
Pursuit of Travel
00:06:44
CHANTELLE KINCY
So I was really just isolated and lonely all the time. So started dreaming of how the heck I was going to get out of there and um what I could do if I wasn't in this small town, in this bedroom all the time.
00:06:59
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I just started thinking, you know, what can I do? What can I do? How can I get out? And so right when I graduated from high school, I moved down to Sacramento and my mom helped me find like this travel agent course thing. It was like,
00:07:15
CHANTELLE KINCY
at nights and maybe like three months or four months or something. Um, but she had said she always wanted to be a travel agent because then she could go places. And so was like, Oh, go places.
00:07:28
CHANTELLE KINCY
Sounds great. Let's do that. But what I didn't take into account is like my debilitating anxiety by this point. And at this point also, there wasn't the computer whole, I mean, there was a computer, but not like the way people use it now.
00:07:42
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, so to get leads, to get clients, you really would have to be like in an office somewhere and making cold calls and, ah greeting people when they come in the door. And just my anxiety was just too bad. i hadn't ever been around people enough to, to talk to them and to know how to hold a conversation and to know how to put myself out there. And all I knew is that My sisters were really smart and my other sister was really athletic and really pretty and everybody wanted to be around them.
00:08:13
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I was just always kind of judging myself by that. I just didn't feel like I was smart enough because obviously I didn't get enough good enough grades in high school because I was in trouble for them all the time. And obviously I didn't.
00:08:25
CHANTELLE KINCY
you know, make any of the sports teams that I wanted to, or make the cheerleading squad or any, of like, I just never fit in with anything. And so I dropped out of that travel agent thing just a couple of days before the final, I had been doing really well. I really enjoyed it.
00:08:42
CHANTELLE KINCY
But what I didn't enjoy was the having to call people on the phone and talk to people. I just, i could not get myself to do it. And I was sick all the time. So i quit that. That was another disappointment to everybody.
00:08:54
CHANTELLE KINCY
At the time I was dating someone who was in the Marine Corps and he lived in North Carolina. i was 19, 18. nineteen eighteen I think i was 18 because I graduated from high school on my 18th birthday. So it was definitely after that.
00:09:06
CHANTELLE KINCY
But anyway, I, um, he invited me out to the Marine Corps ball in November to come and be part of that with him. And I really wanted to go. So I saved up a ton of money and went to a travel agency and booked my flight to, uh, North Carolina.
00:09:24
CHANTELLE KINCY
And, um, I flew across the country by myself and I was like, this is cool. I remember just sitting on the plane and I was talking to people on the plane, which was unlike me.
00:09:35
CHANTELLE KINCY
And i think it's because they didn't know me. So they weren't judging me. So I could really be whoever I wanted to be, uh, do whatever I wanted to do. And they wouldn't know. And it was this cool story, right? Like, Oh, I'm flying across the country to be with my Marine boyfriend and you know, whatever.
00:09:49
CHANTELLE KINCY
but um, Then I got there and we had a great couple of weeks. It was super fun Loved going to the ball, but there was a hurricane and I couldn't get out. um So I stayed a little bit longer and um
00:10:04
CHANTELLE KINCY
then I flew back home. And when I got home, my mom was so mad. Like I didn't live with her or anything. I didn't even live in the same town, but, uh, she was super mad because I hadn't like asked permission or told her or something. So anyway, she took my car away.
00:10:20
CHANTELLE KINCY
So then I was kind of trapped again. um the car was in her name. So that's lesson learned, but I was trapped again. And I remember having like that little taste of of freedom and just thinking, man, I got to find a way to get the heck out of here again. Like, how can I go? How can I go?
00:10:37
CHANTELLE KINCY
was working at Burger King. And this guy would come through the drive-through like every couple days and he'd get the same order. And I would like recognize him by his voice when he came in. I was like, so one day I was like, you always get the same order and you're always here on the same, you know, same days.
00:10:52
CHANTELLE KINCY
He said, oh, I'm a flight attendant with Southwest. These are my like days when I just get back into Sacramento and then I head home and I was like, Ooh, flight attendants, you get to travel all the time. And he's like, yeah, get travel all the time. It's so great. And i was like, sign me up for that.
Toxic Relationships and Abuse
00:11:06
CHANTELLE KINCY
So I applied for that. Um, and then i ended up by having to move back to my hometown because i didn't have a car and I couldn't afford to get a car and to live and to do all this. Like I was working at Burger King and, um,
00:11:23
CHANTELLE KINCY
I was thinking I'm making like 475 or something an hour, which is not livable. um Even back in the old days. But ah yeah, so I came back home.
00:11:35
CHANTELLE KINCY
day I was at this concert and someone shouted my name. And I looked up, it was this guy that was I knew from high school. And I kind of had not really known him, but known him. He was super popular. One of the cool people. And i was like, whoa he knows my name. That's cool.
00:11:48
CHANTELLE KINCY
But anyway, we hung out that night at the concert and then kind of just became inseparable. Like we did everything together just immediately. And I remember thinking it was so cool that someone like him would know who I am and want to hang out with me.
00:12:02
CHANTELLE KINCY
um So I got invited for a Southwest interview. But I didn't take it because I didn't want to miss out on this relationship. Oh, by the way, I had broken up with the Marine Corps guy by now.
00:12:16
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, cause he got engaged to my cousin. Fun story. That's a whole nother one. Anyway. Um, I forgot about that. I actually don't care. It's fine. He's a great guy, but, um, yeah, so I had not taken the interview to the Southwest thing because I wanted to be with this guy and kind of in the background, I had also been like looking at the military and I had taken my ASVAB test and um,
00:12:43
CHANTELLE KINCY
been invited to go to the Air Force. And I thought that would be a good way to get out. um But, you know, he convinced me to stay.
00:12:55
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I did. And he would just show up to my work all the time with like flowers and candy and little notes on my windshield and just all the things. And he just really started in on like you're everything to me. Like no one's ever going to love you like this. Like it just looking back, it started really early, but I just didn't see it because I was stupid.
00:13:21
CHANTELLE KINCY
I had no idea how to be successful in a relationship. I'd had like this one major boyfriend all through high school, well on and off all through high school. And then that didn't work.
00:13:31
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so then i was just kind of just love struck by this. And I loved all the attention. I loved the notes. I loved the silly nicknames. I loved The extravagant presence and all of the things. And so we quickly moved in together and everything was fine.
00:13:50
CHANTELLE KINCY
Except for that, again, looking back, it really wasn't because he was older than me. So he would go out to the bars all night and I would have to stay home. Um, and he would sometimes not come home and then i'd hear he was with somebody else, but then he would lie and I would believe him and he would, you know, he was the perpetual victim, right? Like everyone had it out for him.
00:14:11
CHANTELLE KINCY
Everyone, um, was lying to try to break us up all the, you know, just all the things, which of course he was cheating on me the whole time. It's whatever. Um, but I was stupid and I was 19 and And i had nobody to talk to about these things. We didn't have social media. I couldn't like hear what other people's experiences were. I didn't know what a narcissist was.
00:14:32
CHANTELLE KINCY
Didn't know what love bombing was. I didn't know these things. And I was really isolated. And then I got pregnant and had my first son. And then of course I was just with the baby all the time, which was great because at least at that point,
00:14:46
CHANTELLE KINCY
I felt like I truly had a family and I felt like I had someone that would always be with me and love me for who I was. And that was my kid. Um, but I was bound and determined to not let him grow up in two separate families because I didn't want him to ever feel that pull like I did.
00:15:04
CHANTELLE KINCY
So that point I kind of just gave up on travel. I gave up on, um, everything is ever being a mom. And I just really dove into that head first and I will never regret that for an instant. um I went on to have two more boys, so three boys total.
00:15:18
CHANTELLE KINCY
hum Literally the best things in my life to this day, everything i love in this life is because of those boys. And so zero regrets. But I did give up kind of myself a little bit in that and just became who my husband wanted me to be.
00:15:37
CHANTELLE KINCY
um And the more people told me not to be with him, the more I dug in. because i hadn't really been close to any of these people before. And now they were all of a sudden like, oh he's bad. He's this.
00:15:48
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then he would say, see, they just are trying to mess with you. They don't want you to be happy. They want to ruin us. They don't understand us. um You're the only family I have. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Like we're a team, we're a team. It's just me and you versus the world.
00:16:03
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I was just so vulnerable to that kind of talk. And I was so vulnerable to wanting to be loved and appreciated that I was all in.
00:16:16
CHANTELLE KINCY
But after our third baby, um
00:16:21
CHANTELLE KINCY
things really started to get worse to where he was more and more distant and out with other people and kind of had a whole life that I didn't have anything to do with. But by that time he had isolated me even more from my family. So my sisters and my mom would all do things together. And my, my dad and my stepmom would go on vacations with my siblings and leave me home.
00:16:44
CHANTELLE KINCY
Well, this was like before i had kids, but it just kind of kept continuing that way. And so he would, he would see that stuff and he would tell me, see They don't love you. Like, see, they didn't even invite you to this thing.
00:16:57
CHANTELLE KINCY
See, they didn't tell you they were doing this. Like, so it has to be me and you. It's just me and you. So I got very bitter and angry with my mom and my sisters and my dad and everybody. I was angry at everybody because I felt like they were sliding me and that they didn't care enough about me, but it fit in to what I already believed. And so that's why he was able to make it work so well, because I already had that in my head.
00:17:19
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then he was just able to, you know, keep driving at home. So even when he wouldn't come home from the bar for like two days and have all these stories and all this stuff that I knew wasn't true, i was like, well, at least he's here. i've got somebody, you know, I can't raise these kids by myself and nobody else is sure as hell going to jump in and help me.
00:17:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I just toughed it out. Looking back, I think that he caused rifts between me and my family even more than was already there. um But yeah it was tough. It was tough. I was really, really lonely.
00:17:56
CHANTELLE KINCY
i lived a block away from my mom and I never saw her. I was just really lonely. My sisters didn't talk to me. um My dad didn't talk to me. um And I was just it got really, really lonely. And then it started to progress to where if I would leave the house, he would accuse me of cheating on him.
00:18:16
CHANTELLE KINCY
like I would go get milk. And he's like, that took a really long time. Like, who's your boyfriend? What is all this? Like, what were you doing? Like, I can't trust you. You're a whore. You're disgusting. I can't believe you. And so there'd be all these fights.
00:18:28
CHANTELLE KINCY
So got to the point where I wasn't able to leave the house without taking all the kids with me, like even to the grocery store, even to go get gas, like all the things I just had to take everybody. um
00:18:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
And it just kept getting worse, but so slowly that I don't think I realized it. And I was just slowly getting more and more lonely and more and more sad.
00:18:54
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then it would start with,
00:18:58
CHANTELLE KINCY
um
00:19:07
CHANTELLE KINCY
started getting harder and harder to just do anything. We were fighting all the time. He was accusing me of cheating on him and plotting against him and all of these things all of the time. um And if like someone at the grocery store, say I was like checking out in the bagger would be like, how's your day? And I'd say, oh, it's great. Thank you.
00:19:30
CHANTELLE KINCY
how was yours or whatever? Then I'd get in the car and he'd be like, do you have to flirt in front of me? do you have to like rub your boyfriend in my face in front of me? Like, you're so terrible. Like, why would you do that?
00:19:42
CHANTELLE KINCY
um And I'd be like, what are you talking about? I was literally just being polite. And he's like, see that happy fake tone that you had with them, but now you don't have that fake happy tone. Like you don't talk to me like that.
00:19:54
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, just all of these things. Right. And so I felt like I could not do anything. And like, literally the cashier would just be like, how was your day? And it would start like this three week war. Um, and then he'd be like, no one,
00:20:09
CHANTELLE KINCY
would like talk to you if they weren't comfortable with you. Like nobody would like say hi to you the way he did if you guys weren't already in a relationship or something. And he was just rubbing it in my face. I remember one time we were at one of the boys football games or practices actually.
00:20:25
CHANTELLE KINCY
And um the parents kind of were all sitting in lawn chairs watching the field. And one of the dads came up and like turned his chair towards the rest of us, like so he could talk.
00:20:38
CHANTELLE KINCY
And apparently when he sat down, he like leaned down between his legs, put his hand, like his elbows on his knees and like leaned down. Well, apparently he was facing me when he did that.
00:20:52
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so that meant that ah we were having an affair because ah nobody sits like that and nobody like points their legs at people like that, unless they're like wanting to have sex.
00:21:08
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I would be like, i literally don't know what you're talking about. Like, I don't even know what that means. Like, i have and he's like, of course you don't. You're such a prude. You're so terrible. Like you only have sex with everybody but me. And I was like, you were sitting right there. Like nothing. Like I didn't even speak to this human being.
00:21:26
CHANTELLE KINCY
But everything was a fight. Everything was a fight. And then what he started doing is when things really got fun is, I mean, I was depressed. I was crying all the time because I was freaking lonely and I was getting told I was stupid and i was getting told I was whore and that I was disgusting and that I was getting fat and that, you know, just he was going to leave me too, because I was so fat and so disgusting.
00:21:48
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, just all of these things. And I was a shitty mom and I was this, and I was that, and my parents hated me and my friends hated me. And I embarrassed to the boys everywhere we went and their friends didn't like me and their parents didn't like me. And he was the only person that liked me and I should be so grateful that he liked me.
00:22:03
CHANTELLE KINCY
But, um, then what he would do is he would make me go to the doctor And he would sit in there with me and the doctor would be like, why are you here? And I was like, I think I'm just really depressed. Like, I just need some help. I'm really depressed.
00:22:16
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then he would pile on and he would tell this provider, like, I think she's bipolar. i think she's like, she blacks out sometimes. She doesn't know what she does. She like loses all this time.
00:22:29
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then she just like comes back and she's just crying all the time. And I'm really scared. She's going to hurt my kids, hurt herself. And I'd be like, hold up. I didn't do any of those things. And he's like, no, you do.
00:22:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
You totally just black out and you're not yourself for like two days. And then you don't remember. It's like that whole time never existed to you. And I was like, that didn't happen. And then he would look at the provider and he'd be like, see, she doesn't even remember.
00:22:57
CHANTELLE KINCY
It was so crazy. And he would do like weird shit, like come home and like turn the picture frames on the mantle upside down.
00:23:07
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then he would say, Hey, are you okay today? And I'm like, of course, what's going on? I didn't leave the house today. Don't worry. you know, I didn't sleep with anyone today. And he would say, um, no, the pictures, they're all upside down. Like, did you do that? Or was your boyfriend sneaking in here to like cause trouble?
00:23:29
CHANTELLE KINCY
And be like, one, i didn't do that. Two, I don't have a boyfriend. Three, what are you doing right now? I literally just watched you turn those upside down.
00:23:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
And he'd be like, no, you didn't. That must be like your other person inside of you saying that because I didn't turn them upside down. I came home and they were upside down and I was really scared for you.
00:23:54
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I was like, I just watched you turn them upside down. He said, no You didn't. Shan, you've been doing this for days. Like I'll just come home and there'll be like weird stuff out of place. Like your underwear is missing from your drawer.
00:24:08
CHANTELLE KINCY
No, it isn't. Yes, it is. Did your boyfriend take it? I don't have a boyfriend. Well, why are the pictures upside down? Because you turned them upside down. No, I didn't. And he's like, you did.
00:24:21
CHANTELLE KINCY
He's like, why are the boys telling me you were like throwing knives at them last night? And I was like, what are you talking about? Like the boys were with my grandparents last night. And he's like, yeah, they had to escape over there because you were throwing knives.
00:24:36
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I was like, nope. We planned this like three weeks ago. They're over there to just hang out with Nana and Papa. And he's like, no I think you need to up your medicine.
00:24:46
CHANTELLE KINCY
Have you taken your meds today? You're taking in your meds because this is crazy. And then he would like go outside and he'd come back hella mad. And I'd be like, what is the matter? He's like, your boyfriend keeps circling the house.
00:24:59
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I was like, I don't have a boyfriend. And he'd be like, yes, you do. And he's spying on us. And is he, is he just waiting for me to leave so he can sneak in here? you guys, this onslaught of freaking craziness went on for like two years and it started to make me think I was crazy.
00:25:19
CHANTELLE KINCY
Like, even though I knew i wasn't, but did I? Because what is happening? Like I was so exhausted and so broke down and my family wasn't talking to me and He would say, that's why they're not talking to you because you're crazy and you ruin every family occasion and they don't like you. They don't want you around because you cause so much trouble for them.
00:25:47
CHANTELLE KINCY
And, but then they didn't call, right? They never called. So maybe he was right. And if I didn't remember doing all of these things, maybe I did them.
00:26:00
CHANTELLE KINCY
I don't know. So he just kept upping my medication and it was just like antidepressant. It wasn't like crazy. but he would just kept like making it more and more. And he would just, I think I should have you committed.
00:26:12
CHANTELLE KINCY
So then he took my driver's license away and he took my keys away because I just couldn't be trusted. And it wasn't safe for me to be out and about on my own. So at that point, then I was completely just stuck in the house with the kids.
00:26:23
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, And he would work out of town, but he would call and check in every night and every day and at random times during the day to make sure I was there. And then he would send his brother by. Sometimes his brother wouldn't even come in. He would just like sit in the driveway to like make sure like my boyfriend didn't come over.
00:26:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
um like just all this crazy shit. It was just exhausting. And um at that point, the sexual abuse really started getting worse.
00:26:52
CHANTELLE KINCY
And you guys at that time, I didn't know that you could be raped by your husband. I just thought that was marriage, I guess, which sounds pretty terrible.
00:27:06
CHANTELLE KINCY
But I was not willingly ever intimate with him. And it we got very violent and very controlling and very scary.
00:27:21
CHANTELLE KINCY
And, um, I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would just be attacking me and I would come home from like a grocery store and he would attack me. And it would be because he wanted to make sure that, uh, I hadn't been with anyone else. So he just had to check and be sure.
00:27:39
CHANTELLE KINCY
Or if I was going to leave the house, we would have to be intimate so that no one else would touch me while I was gone. Cause they would know i was his, um Things like, you know, you're my wife, you're gonna um be with me like my wife, but way more vulgar.
00:27:56
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um... And so at that point, but then the whole time he'd be like, oh, I can't even look at you. You're so disgusting. You're so gross. I hate you so much. Like you're so filthy and disgusting. And so then i would just feel like I wasn't worth anything and my body wasn't worth anything. Like it was just getting used, but it was disgusting.
00:28:13
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I would kind of just go away in my head and just, I just wanted to die. kept saying he was going to kill me. And i just would be like, please do, because it's the really the best way out of all of this.
00:28:26
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, remember one day i was able to go to ice cream with my friend from high school and we went and had ice cream and I got home. So I don't know what time I left, but I know I got home before 8 p.m.
00:28:41
CHANTELLE KINCY
because I had to be able to put the boys to bed. And I got home before eight and he was in a rage. Where were you? What have you been doing? I said, I went to ice cream with Danielle. I told you this.
00:28:53
CHANTELLE KINCY
And he's like in the middle of the night. and I was like, it's eight o'clock. He's like, you're out whoring around in the middle of the night while I'm trying to like explain to these poor kids why their mom abandoned them and why she left them to go be with her boyfriend. And I was like, I was with Danielle at ice cream.
00:29:14
CHANTELLE KINCY
It's eight o'clock and I'm already back. You can't be out in the middle of the night. That's not a good look for a wife. Like you're such a whore. Like, i mean, and I remember that night was really bad. Like I really paid for that ice cream in ways that I can't even fully comprehend still to this day.
00:29:32
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so after that, I decided that I was going to file for a divorce.
Seeking Safety and New Beginnings
00:29:37
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I went down to the county and I got divorce papers. My great grandma was sick and she lived across town. So I said, I'm going to go stay with her and take care of her.
00:29:49
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, I didn't tell him I was getting the divorce papers yet, um, because I was scared, but I did go stay with her for a while, but he wouldn't let me take the kids. Um, finally I filed the divorce papers. I had him served and he threatened to take the kids to have me committed, um, to kill himself, which in hindsight, don't know why I protested against that because i just would have been better for everybody.
00:30:16
CHANTELLE KINCY
But I was like, no, don't do that. The boys need you. And I still love you. I just don't want to be treated like this. And so then he's like, Oh, I won't treat you like that anymore. And then we get back together and then we wouldn't. And it would just be this whole thing.
00:30:27
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, at some point, my sister and her husband really angered him, like really angered him. And, um, he came home and I should also say he was, um,
00:30:42
CHANTELLE KINCY
selling drugs at the time and growing drugs, but he was selling other drugs besides just weed. He was really selling hard drugs. so So I would come home. Sometimes there would be guns on the bed and cash everywhere and yucky people.
00:30:58
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so I'd be like, I'm going back to my grandma's like, and I'm taking the kids. Like they can't be around this. One day when I was up at the house, we had like bounty hunters surround the house and like, banging on the door looking for somebody. Like it was terrible, but he would always tell me like, I know people, know people. And if you get out of line, I'm going to have them you for $5,000. Like I know these people that will do this for $5,000. I'm going to kill you.
00:31:21
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then he would send me texts that he'd sent to people. Like my wife's a whore, take her out, things like that. Um, But anyway, back to my sister. So one day, um and I don't remember what triggered this day.
00:31:35
CHANTELLE KINCY
i know that he had been mad at them for a while, but they had two little girls and
00:31:44
CHANTELLE KINCY
one day i came home and there was a picture of my nieces playing in their front yard. and on the table. And I was like, why do you have this?
00:31:56
CHANTELLE KINCY
And he said, Oh, I took it. I said, why do you have this? And he said, um, I'm going to have them kidnapped.
00:32:09
CHANTELLE KINCY
I said, why? He said, because their parents need to learn not to mess with me and I'm done doing having them just think I'm some weak person that they can just mess with.
00:32:20
CHANTELLE KINCY
They're messing with my business and I don't like them and I'm going to hurt them. And I said, Oh, well, let's not do that.
00:32:32
CHANTELLE KINCY
Um, like those are my nieces and I love them. And he said, they don't love you. They're not even allowed to be around you. Like their parents don't even love you. Like, what do you care? What happens to them? um,
00:32:47
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I was so scared. And I went to the police and um they came to the house and he basically just told them I was crazy.
00:33:01
CHANTELLE KINCY
And he was such a talker and such a um convincing person that they just treated me like I was like some crazy, like jealous, like estranged wife because I had vowed for divorce.
00:33:17
CHANTELLE KINCY
And so he had said that I was just saying these things to take the kids and make it look like custody. And they did not believe me. And of course, couldn't find the picture.
00:33:29
CHANTELLE KINCY
Couldn't find the text. Didn't have the the foresight to like record every conversation we ever had. Um,
00:33:38
CHANTELLE KINCY
and so I was scared. but i was so scared. And, um, He said, we need to get out of this town.
00:33:51
CHANTELLE KINCY
And if you don't leave with me, going to hurt everyone you've ever loved. And I am going to cause the biggest chaos in this town. And you need to come with me and we need to work on our family. And we need to start over where it's just me and you, because it's always just going to be me and you against the world. It's just me and you.
00:34:12
CHANTELLE KINCY
and we have to leave this and we have to get out of here.
00:34:18
CHANTELLE KINCY
And then he showed me the picture of the girls again. And so I said, okay, I'll go wherever you want to go. And two weeks later, we moved to Washington where I didn't know anybody.
00:34:34
CHANTELLE KINCY
didn't have any friends. didn't have any family. He had his mom. He had a girlfriend up here. um And I had nothing. And, but we moved.
00:34:44
CHANTELLE KINCY
Changed my phone number. Changed everything. Left everyone I ever knew. And moved to protect my family. And to protect my people. That I cared about.
00:34:56
CHANTELLE KINCY
um And once we got to Washington. And I was isolated. Things got so much worse. So much worse. Than I could ever have imagined.
00:35:08
CHANTELLE KINCY
um
00:35:12
CHANTELLE KINCY
And I need to take a break. Because I'm going to throw up.
00:35:16
CHANTELLE KINCY
But come back next week and let's finish this up, okay?