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Episode 058 - Update
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Tribute and donation portal: https://www.online-tribute.com/AndyBell
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Transcript
Announcement of Andy Bell's Passing
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello there. ah This is Sean from Just Shilling. And i am recording this to let everybody know that
00:00:17
Speaker
sadly over the last weekend, our buddy and my co-host Andy Bell unfortunately passed
Sean's Struggle and Need to Inform
00:00:25
Speaker
away. I've...
00:00:29
Speaker
i've been debating i know i knew i wanted to i needed to and i wanted to record an episode like this since i found out um but in a way i think i've been avoiding it uh i think it honestly from some of the shock and then um just not having the words or feeling like i didn't have the words uh
00:00:57
Speaker
to to express how I felt and to to kind of be the one to to bear it to everybody. um
00:01:07
Speaker
in and a There were times where I was like, oh, it's just a silly podcast. I don't need to i don't need to do this. I don't need ah and't need to put it out, but
00:01:20
Speaker
Luckily, ah clearer heads prevailed. And i know I know he would do it for me if if something happened to me. um And
00:01:32
Speaker
it's just it's just something it's something you have to do because like not everybody who listens to this is part of like ah like in on ah on a group chat or maybe they missed it or like theyre they they it could have been posted social media.
Podcast's Importance to Andy and Listener Notification
00:01:44
Speaker
And like I think it's only right. like It's
00:01:49
Speaker
it's It's something that people deserve know and he'd want people to know. I know this i know this podcast was really important to him, as it is to me. and
00:02:00
Speaker
So here I am. This is the third time that I've tried recording this. um And I think this is the one I'm just going to stick with and go and go with. you're goingnna get it You're going to get it as I say it. i I've tried preparing. That went poorly. I've tried just winging it.
00:02:18
Speaker
And yeah. But all that blabbering to say... um for the for the For the details, let's get that get that going. Then I have some some thoughts I want to add to it. um As many of you know, or if you've if you've listened to the last handful of podcasts, you you've you've heard Andy talk about um some of his health complications and always kind of ah talking about it with that with an optimism um that I think he carried through
00:02:52
Speaker
his everyday life and through his personality and just his, his general, his general being. Um, but unfortunately he had the cancer, um, it spread really rapidly and you know how the, the rest of
Obituary and Donation Details
00:03:09
Speaker
the rest goes. so Um, he,
00:03:15
Speaker
I will post a link. I've been, we've we've received a link to his obituary and, and that includes a section where you can leave like a wall, like where can leave like post memories and post pictures and videos and stuff. And, uh, there's also donation links, um, to, to the hospice center, uh, that where he, where he was, it's like kind of in those last couple of weeks.
Sean's Friendship with Andy
00:03:41
Speaker
Um, and also the the cancer fund, um for for things like that because i know i know people have been asking uh for for like if they can send flowers etc e etc and i think those those donation links are probably the best uh the best courses of action going forward um and ways to contribute in his honor and his memory and stuff but uh yeah this is it's it's really it's really really it's really really hard um
00:04:14
Speaker
to lose what I, what I consider my, my best friend. Um, and the Annette probably like is almost exactly almost two years ago. Like we'd already been chatting a little bit cause our buddy, Eric Strother such a set before we both took off to celebration London. Like you guys all know that story.
00:04:35
Speaker
Um, but it's, it's so it's, it's like, there's times where i tell myself it's only been two years, but it's also like,
00:04:46
Speaker
breaking down that wall a little bit and being like, no, dude, it was like, it's it's easy it's easy to say that he was he was my best friend. Like, he was always there for me. we The amount that we talked, we spoke, we spoke almost every day. Like, we messaged every day, and we spoke for hours each week. Like, the stuff we were we we posted on the podcast was just just the part we recorded, but we'd always bookend it with chatting, chatting, catching up,
00:05:17
Speaker
talking about our lives, uh, like little mini therapy sessions.
Andy's Selflessness and Care for Others
00:05:20
Speaker
And, um, I'll be forever grateful for that. Um, he,
00:05:30
Speaker
it's, it's shocking just how fast all of this went. Um, i mean, I obviously knew a little bit longer than probably what was announced on the podcast. Um,
00:05:43
Speaker
But there was always there was always an element of like, I always felt like Andy was kind of the guy who like he didn't want to He didn't want other people to worry. and like He always wanted to be taking care of everybody else. And he did. he was always there for the amount that he gave. He gave and gave.
00:05:58
Speaker
Whether it's time or he was always... hot Like if you had an issue, he'd always offer to pay or to cover it like he did in London for for dinners or drinks or whatever.
00:06:10
Speaker
um ah I think the thing that was different about Andy that, that always, yeah, that it was surprised me is that it always felt genuine. um Like, i never he never felt and never felt like he was pandering um or or saying what, you know, you expect somebody to say or to do. It's like he he genuinely cared about people.
Andy's Support in Mental Health Discussions
00:06:40
Speaker
He made you feel seen and witnessed and really emphasized like mental health like mental health has always been ah big part of my life um through the ups and downs um but he like he practiced what he preached like he t helped me more than probably anybody ever has kind of break down those barriers and like kind of that uh
00:07:14
Speaker
I don't know that like that, that feeling of like, Oh yeah, we talk about mental health. We talk about mental health, but like, but when it comes to actually talking about it, like, Oh, that's the hard part. Like, especially I think for as, as, as, as as men, we get older. I can't speak for anybody else. want to speak for myself. It's like be raised and feeling like, you know, you're buried inside till it becomes a knot and, and and it makes you croak. Um,
00:07:45
Speaker
really he like he always pushed to just be like, no, it's like, be open. Like, how are you feeling? He wasn't afraid to express how he felt. um And like, talk about the things that were difficult.
00:07:59
Speaker
um He wasn't afraid to, to talk about, to tell people what he loved and to talk about those things. Like, he,
00:08:13
Speaker
his family, his, his girls, Lucy, where is everything. And he would talk about them endlessly, like outside, out on the pod, outside the pod and just like seeing them light up and
Community Impact and Support
00:08:27
Speaker
stuff. And just, it, it, it taught me and helped me realize that it's like, you don't have to put on a persona of like who you are and what you like. And like, okay. Like,
00:08:43
Speaker
Like, ace job liking what you like. ah And I think it makes me really happy to see, especially the over of the last 24 hours, kind of see other people coming out of the woodwork and seeing the impact he had on their lives.
00:09:03
Speaker
And knowing that it's not just me. um that he he spent time with, talking to helping, and basically just being a genuinely awesome person with. um
00:09:20
Speaker
And for that I am forever grateful. um ah
00:09:27
Speaker
yeah i Am i and I crushed that I've i've lost my best friend? Absolutely. um
00:09:36
Speaker
do
00:09:39
Speaker
do I know what to do with, with the pod going forward? I don't know. I don't know. I do. I know that if he were here, he would be adamantly like, it wouldn't even be up for discussion. He'd be like, no, you have to keep going. Like you have to keep going.
00:09:55
Speaker
Um, like we need this. You need this. We all need this.
Uncertain Future of Podcast
00:10:01
Speaker
Um, and
00:10:04
Speaker
I think that's one of the reasons why I'm so why i'm why i'm recording this. And also, I'll figure it out. i i don't I don't know exactly what what it it will be, but I do think I'm going to take a bit of a break.
00:10:21
Speaker
um and And then sort it out. I don't know. um If there was something that you really enjoyed about the podcast, I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear ideas of where you think we could take it going forward.
00:10:35
Speaker
Things like that. But I'll sort that out in time. i
00:10:41
Speaker
Like. For now.
00:10:44
Speaker
i I kind of like. Madison and I always talk about it. I just kind of call like. sit Sitting in the shit.
00:10:54
Speaker
Like. we we kind of have this, this thing between us where we'll say like, it's, you know, it's okay to like, it's okay to feel how you feel and like, and to get mad and to react to something. But like after a, after whatever amount of time, if you're like, if you stay angry, that's a choice and you're, you're choosing to like continue to sit in the shit.
00:11:14
Speaker
it doesn't fully apply to this, but I use the term a lot. And so it's like, you know, for now I kind of wanted, I want to sit and and feel how
Creation and Inclusivity of the Podcast
00:11:22
Speaker
I feel. um I want to remember
00:11:28
Speaker
Andy. I'm really ah happy that we started this podcast as much of a joke as it was ah for almost, for almost a year after celebration, we, we joked about and joked about it. And last January was when, like, I remember it so vividly.
00:11:45
Speaker
ah was out on a, a short hike near the house and we, we, we'd recently talked on, on discord. I talked on discord and, And just his excitement for it. I think he just recently been on spelled out and.
00:12:00
Speaker
and was like, yeah, let's do it, man. Like, let's do it. And then we are we were just joking about names, like, uh, podcast title, like the the name of the pod. And like, we, we, we originally focused on a lot of, uh,
00:12:15
Speaker
Star Wars stuff. But then he andy Andy was the one who pushed for for it to not be. Star Wars centered. ah Like focused. Because. He wanted to to talk about all of the stuff that we enjoy. And he he really pushed the.
00:12:32
Speaker
The positivity angle. Which. At first, I'll be honest. I was like, I was hesitant about, because I think some of our early kind of like taglines before we started recording were like, if the little cheese, cause I think I was still resisting that. I think I was still resisting a lot of the like, um,
00:12:50
Speaker
like brutal honesty and acceptance of like what you like, like being okay. And like, not trying to like fit a mold. But I think on our, like when we first start, when we really started kind of like chatting and like recording it and kind of like seeing, it's like, no, like this isn't, we're not doing this to create content. It really is like just two friends talking to each other and like little miniature therapy session sessions sessions.
00:13:15
Speaker
And And just having a blast doing it. um For me, i always spoke i was told him i'm like i that I needed this because like i'm I work from home.
00:13:30
Speaker
I work remotely. And so it's like, I think it's difficult when you don't have a routine that forces you to to go out and socialize. And I think especially after the pandemic and and everything that i everything that kind of happened through that, I think I'd never fully kind of come back from that.
Socializing and Encouragement from Andy
00:13:57
Speaker
And recording the podcast forced me into a schedule, a routine to ah get in front of somebody and like talk and like socialize instead of kind of just isolating and and telling myself it's like no it's alright it's fine and ah and Andy was the one who pushed for that like there were i know the recording every week it was important to both of us but in the beginning he was the one who really pushed to be like we should you should chat every week even if
00:14:33
Speaker
there's not a lot to talk about. Like, let's keep up the routine. Let's keep up the habit. and It'll be good. It'll be good for us in the ends end. And, um, lo and behold, it, it worked out. And like, in the end it was, I was right there with him being like, yeah, dude, let's record. Like, I don't, I didn't, I didn't watch it. And I've been traveling or whatever, but like,
00:14:56
Speaker
and
00:15:00
Speaker
Like it's still, it's still fun. Like we'll figure out something to talk about. Like it's that forced, that forced time. Um,
00:15:10
Speaker
and I'm going to ah miss it, man. I'm going to I'm going to miss it a lot. I know he was really, really important. And really like this community meant so much to him.
Openness About Passions and Mental Health
00:15:23
Speaker
Um, I know in the beginning,
00:15:28
Speaker
we, ah we bonded, we met, uh, just like right before celebration. And it was funny. Like, it's just funny hearing it come out of somebody else's mouth, but like from a different, in a different way of like, Oh, you know, they felt like an outsider. Oh, you know, they've, they've always been on the outskirts and just consuming content, yada, yada, yada.
00:15:52
Speaker
But then just hearing them talk and being like,
00:15:55
Speaker
having such unique and creative ideas and like not just service level. Um, and then going beyond that, just then like really emphasizing the mental health stuff, like just hearing somebody else say that,
00:16:10
Speaker
it's, it was like a breath of fresh air for me. Um, because it's always felt like things were so separated. Like you can like your, you can like your star Wars and that's like a little, that's like its own group. And then like, you know, your mental health stuff is something somewhere else. And then like, I know your family is, is over here as well. Like that's something separate. You keep all those buckets separated, but like for him, it's like,
00:16:32
Speaker
No, he's just everything everything that he loved. And he wasn't afraid to talk about it. He wasn't afraid to say, hey and man, I love you. or Or reach out when it's inconvenient for him. or just ah always be there for people. And that it's just like I didn't know I needed it as much as I did it like the amount that he helped me. It's like with further processing of everything that I, like that, that happened to my dad and stuff during the pandemic and kind of helping, helping me with that, and helping me through that.
00:17:18
Speaker
I'll be eternally grateful for, um, yeah, I mean, I'm all over the place. I tried writing stuff down, but,
00:17:29
Speaker
uh, if you want something a little bit more eloquently stated, you should read his obituary. Um, it's, it's really, it's really, really nice. And it makes me, makes me really happy to see that like other people felt the same way. It felt the same way. It wasn't just like, he didn't just treat me like this. Like he, he treated everybody the same and just was a genuinely awesome, positive, positive,
00:18:02
Speaker
person that just wanted everybody to be happy and to enjoy what they enjoyed and, you know, feel how they felt and to be better off in the end for it.
00:18:15
Speaker
Um, I'm,
00:18:22
Speaker
I was laughing about it earlier because i was thinking of like, God dang, what am I even going to call this episode?
Lightening the Mood with Anecdotes
00:18:27
Speaker
Which I'll probably call like update or something. and But I just heard his voice like getting on me being like, no, no, you gotta, you gotta name it one of your one of your smart ass things.
00:18:41
Speaker
You gotta, which don't, I mean, I have, i have thought of them. Um, like that is a way of how I process things.
00:18:53
Speaker
things like this is to make light of them. But I don't feel like it's appropriate. like like I've, I've, I've thought in my head, I'm like, you know, right from the very beginning, uh, when we started thinking about cover art and I'm like, Oh yeah, you're like, you're like bailing skull. And I'm like Sean hottie. And I got the stupid wig and going to do the cosplay and stuff. And he did not want to go to celebration and in cosplay.
00:19:22
Speaker
He did not want to do that. And just laugh about it now and be like, damn dude, like, you didn't have to like take it just like, you don't have to take the bailing school cosplay this far. Like you didn't have to go as, you didn't have to dress up I wouldn't have made you do it like that. This is a bit of an extreme measure in your bailing school cosplay.
00:19:45
Speaker
RIP Ray Stevens.
00:19:49
Speaker
Like, it's okay. Or like, i thought about naming it. Like, for whom the Andy Bell tolls. Or like, there's a bunch of other ones, but I'm not going to call him that. got to get him out of my system.
00:20:06
Speaker
Yeah. my My heart breaks for his family.
Regret Over Missed Experiences
00:20:15
Speaker
All girls. I know how much they meant to him.
00:20:21
Speaker
yeah hu My heart breaks for all of our friends. Like I'm sad. Those who only knew him online don't didn't get to meet him.
00:20:31
Speaker
You could see how just electric he was in in person.
00:20:40
Speaker
Because it's. it's a it's a It was a sight to sight to behold. Like I've never felt. More included. And seen by somebody. Than when we're hanging out.
00:20:55
Speaker
Just.
00:20:57
Speaker
I'm bummed that. up he was ah He was excited to show Madison and I. ah Portugal. I've never been. He man he was. He would talk about it so much.
00:21:09
Speaker
And. I'm bummed that we'll never get um we'll never get the to see that with him. But... Damn, he's a good dude.
00:21:21
Speaker
he's good dude.
00:21:24
Speaker
Oh, boy. oh boy. boy
00:21:32
Speaker
The world is a little bit less bright without him, you know?
00:21:40
Speaker
But...
Attending Celebration in Andy's Honor
00:21:42
Speaker
He would not want me to dwell on it. He would want me to... Well, first of all, he'd want me to watch Skeleton Crew about nine more times.
00:21:51
Speaker
Which, it's on the docket. I'll get to it. But he'd be wanting me to get excited for Celebration. Because you know what? I was there for a minute.
00:22:01
Speaker
I think if Madison wasn't going... Like if she wasn't going and she had, she has this whole trip planned around celebration and stuff. If she wasn't going, I think I was in the place where i was just like, dude, I'm not, I'm not going.
00:22:15
Speaker
Like, it's not, I don't think I can face it. I don't think I can kind of leading up to all this. like, I don't, I don't want to be there if he's not there.
00:22:26
Speaker
But since we all got the word and just seeing the outpouring of support, ah for i Andy and just everybody who's who knew him just kind of coming together it being supportive and wanting to honor his memory and and all that stuff it's like shit man like I don't feel obligated, but it's like, I want to go now.
00:22:59
Speaker
I want to go and be around friends. I want to go honor his memory. Because he'd be, oh my he'd be so pissed at me if I didn't go. He'd be like, what the what the fuck, man? like What are you doing?
00:23:14
Speaker
You just going to sit around and mope all day? No, get out there and do it. Get out there and live life. What are you...
00:23:23
Speaker
So yeah, I am, I am going, I am going and I'm gonna, and then ah I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna live it up. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go there with Andy and spirit, you know?
00:23:39
Speaker
Even though, even though, here's an update, even though I didn't get a lightning lane reservation for the shop store, I got zero panels. I got nothing. I lost out on all of the lotteries.
00:23:51
Speaker
So yeah, so I'm going to have plenty of time to walk the floor and scavenge bootleg Chewbacca toys. I'm going to have plenty of time to go and look at the artwork and do everything, uh,
00:24:08
Speaker
Just, and then kind of take it all in, you know?
Community Grief and Future Plans
00:24:13
Speaker
But yeah, I wanted to, I wanted to put this out. I know it's, I know it's kind of rambly. I think, i I think I'm going to do another episode at some point. Uh, once, once things kind of settled down a little bit, I want to have another episode where maybe kind of honor, have some friends on, maybe talk about but some of our favorite memories and kind of honor him and stuff like that. Maybe,
00:24:35
Speaker
and But I wanted to get this out. Because I think people deserve to know. um And. That's what this is. I know it's rambling. I'm sorry. i apologize.
00:24:48
Speaker
Yeah. He's.
00:24:52
Speaker
He was a killer dude. And a really. He was the best friend. like The best friend you could ask for. And. It sucks that he's gone.
00:25:07
Speaker
I was going to look it up ahead of time.
00:25:11
Speaker
but I couldn't bring myself to listen to an old episode to catch the phrase.
Closing with Andy's Message
00:25:20
Speaker
But at some point time, I'll have to listen in and see what it exactly is because I want to i want to leave this episode with one of his phrases he always had, wow which is like... ah I can hear him saying it, but I can't think of the exact words. It's... ah like Look after yourself. Look after your family.
00:25:44
Speaker
Look after your health.
00:25:48
Speaker
Stay safe. You know it. You know what it is. and
00:25:57
Speaker
yeah We'll miss you, buddy.
00:26:04
Speaker
Until next time, everybody. Stay safe. Look after yourself, after your loved ones. And may the force be with you. by