Transcript
Speaker: Hello there. ah This is Sean from Just Shilling. And i am recording this to let everybody know that
Speaker: sadly over the last weekend, our buddy and my co-host Andy Bell unfortunately passed away. I've...
Speaker: i've been debating i know i knew i wanted to i needed to and i wanted to record an episode like this since i found out um but in a way i think i've been avoiding it uh i think it honestly from some of the shock and then um just not having the words or feeling like i didn't have the words uh
Speaker: to to express how I felt and to to kind of be the one to to bear it to everybody. um
Speaker: in and a There were times where I was like, oh, it's just a silly podcast. I don't need to i don't need to do this. I don't need ah and't need to put it out, but
Speaker: Luckily, ah clearer heads prevailed. And i know I know he would do it for me if if something happened to me. um And
Speaker: it's just it's just something it's something you have to do because like not everybody who listens to this is part of like ah like in on ah on a group chat or maybe they missed it or like theyre they they it could have been posted social media. And like I think it's only right. like It's
Speaker: it's It's something that people deserve know and he'd want people to know. I know this i know this podcast was really important to him, as it is to me. and
Speaker: So here I am. This is the third time that I've tried recording this. um And I think this is the one I'm just going to stick with and go and go with. you're goingnna get it You're going to get it as I say it. i I've tried preparing. That went poorly. I've tried just winging it.
Speaker: And yeah. But all that blabbering to say... um for the for the For the details, let's get that get that going. Then I have some some thoughts I want to add to it. um As many of you know, or if you've if you've listened to the last handful of podcasts, you you've you've heard Andy talk about um some of his health complications and always kind of ah talking about it with that with an optimism um that I think he carried through
Speaker: his everyday life and through his personality and just his, his general, his general being. Um, but unfortunately he had the cancer, um, it spread really rapidly and you know how the, the rest of the rest goes. so Um, he,
Speaker: I will post a link. I've been, we've we've received a link to his obituary and, and that includes a section where you can leave like a wall, like where can leave like post memories and post pictures and videos and stuff. And, uh, there's also donation links, um, to, to the hospice center, uh, that where he, where he was, it's like kind of in those last couple of weeks.
Speaker: Um, and also the the cancer fund, um for for things like that because i know i know people have been asking uh for for like if they can send flowers etc e etc and i think those those donation links are probably the best uh the best courses of action going forward um and ways to contribute in his honor and his memory and stuff but uh yeah this is it's it's really it's really really it's really really hard um
Speaker: to lose what I, what I consider my, my best friend. Um, and the Annette probably like is almost exactly almost two years ago. Like we'd already been chatting a little bit cause our buddy, Eric Strother such a set before we both took off to celebration London. Like you guys all know that story.
Speaker: Um, but it's, it's so it's, it's like, there's times where i tell myself it's only been two years, but it's also like,
Speaker: breaking down that wall a little bit and being like, no, dude, it was like, it's it's easy it's easy to say that he was he was my best friend. Like, he was always there for me. we The amount that we talked, we spoke, we spoke almost every day. Like, we messaged every day, and we spoke for hours each week. Like, the stuff we were we we posted on the podcast was just just the part we recorded, but we'd always bookend it with chatting, chatting, catching up,
Speaker: talking about our lives, uh, like little mini therapy sessions. And, um, I'll be forever grateful for that. Um, he,
Speaker: it's, it's shocking just how fast all of this went. Um, i mean, I obviously knew a little bit longer than probably what was announced on the podcast. Um,
Speaker: But there was always there was always an element of like, I always felt like Andy was kind of the guy who like he didn't want to He didn't want other people to worry. and like He always wanted to be taking care of everybody else. And he did. he was always there for the amount that he gave. He gave and gave.
Speaker: Whether it's time or he was always... hot Like if you had an issue, he'd always offer to pay or to cover it like he did in London for for dinners or drinks or whatever.
Speaker: um ah I think the thing that was different about Andy that, that always, yeah, that it was surprised me is that it always felt genuine. um Like, i never he never felt and never felt like he was pandering um or or saying what, you know, you expect somebody to say or to do. It's like he he genuinely cared about people.
Speaker: He made you feel seen and witnessed and really emphasized like mental health like mental health has always been ah big part of my life um through the ups and downs um but he like he practiced what he preached like he t helped me more than probably anybody ever has kind of break down those barriers and like kind of that uh
Speaker: I don't know that like that, that feeling of like, Oh yeah, we talk about mental health. We talk about mental health, but like, but when it comes to actually talking about it, like, Oh, that's the hard part. Like, especially I think for as, as, as, as as men, we get older. I can't speak for anybody else. want to speak for myself. It's like be raised and feeling like, you know, you're buried inside till it becomes a knot and, and and it makes you croak. Um,
Speaker: really he like he always pushed to just be like, no, it's like, be open. Like, how are you feeling? He wasn't afraid to express how he felt. um And like, talk about the things that were difficult.
Speaker: um He wasn't afraid to, to talk about, to tell people what he loved and to talk about those things. Like, he,
Speaker: his family, his, his girls, Lucy, where is everything. And he would talk about them endlessly, like outside, out on the pod, outside the pod and just like seeing them light up and stuff. And just, it, it, it taught me and helped me realize that it's like, you don't have to put on a persona of like who you are and what you like. And like, okay. Like,
Speaker: Like, ace job liking what you like. ah And I think it makes me really happy to see, especially the over of the last 24 hours, kind of see other people coming out of the woodwork and seeing the impact he had on their lives.
Speaker: And knowing that it's not just me. um that he he spent time with, talking to helping, and basically just being a genuinely awesome person with. um
Speaker: And for that I am forever grateful. um ah
Speaker: yeah i Am i and I crushed that I've i've lost my best friend? Absolutely. um
Speaker: do
Speaker: do I know what to do with, with the pod going forward? I don't know. I don't know. I do. I know that if he were here, he would be adamantly like, it wouldn't even be up for discussion. He'd be like, no, you have to keep going. Like you have to keep going.
Speaker: Um, like we need this. You need this. We all need this. Um, and
Speaker: I think that's one of the reasons why I'm so why i'm why i'm recording this. And also, I'll figure it out. i i don't I don't know exactly what what it it will be, but I do think I'm going to take a bit of a break.
Speaker: um and And then sort it out. I don't know. um If there was something that you really enjoyed about the podcast, I'd love to hear it. I'd love to hear ideas of where you think we could take it going forward.
Speaker: Things like that. But I'll sort that out in time. i
Speaker: Like. For now.
Speaker: i I kind of like. Madison and I always talk about it. I just kind of call like. sit Sitting in the shit.
Speaker: Like. we we kind of have this, this thing between us where we'll say like, it's, you know, it's okay to like, it's okay to feel how you feel and like, and to get mad and to react to something. But like after a, after whatever amount of time, if you're like, if you stay angry, that's a choice and you're, you're choosing to like continue to sit in the shit.
Speaker: it doesn't fully apply to this, but I use the term a lot. And so it's like, you know, for now I kind of wanted, I want to sit and and feel how I feel. um I want to remember
Speaker: Andy. I'm really ah happy that we started this podcast as much of a joke as it was ah for almost, for almost a year after celebration, we, we joked about and joked about it. And last January was when, like, I remember it so vividly.
Speaker: ah was out on a, a short hike near the house and we, we, we'd recently talked on, on discord. I talked on discord and, And just his excitement for it. I think he just recently been on spelled out and.
Speaker: and was like, yeah, let's do it, man. Like, let's do it. And then we are we were just joking about names, like, uh, podcast title, like the the name of the pod. And like, we, we, we originally focused on a lot of, uh,
Speaker: Star Wars stuff. But then he andy Andy was the one who pushed for for it to not be. Star Wars centered. ah Like focused. Because. He wanted to to talk about all of the stuff that we enjoy. And he he really pushed the.
Speaker: The positivity angle. Which. At first, I'll be honest. I was like, I was hesitant about, because I think some of our early kind of like taglines before we started recording were like, if the little cheese, cause I think I was still resisting that. I think I was still resisting a lot of the like, um,
Speaker: like brutal honesty and acceptance of like what you like, like being okay. And like, not trying to like fit a mold. But I think on our, like when we first start, when we really started kind of like chatting and like recording it and kind of like seeing, it's like, no, like this isn't, we're not doing this to create content. It really is like just two friends talking to each other and like little miniature therapy session sessions sessions.
Speaker: And And just having a blast doing it. um For me, i always spoke i was told him i'm like i that I needed this because like i'm I work from home.
Speaker: I work remotely. And so it's like, I think it's difficult when you don't have a routine that forces you to to go out and socialize. And I think especially after the pandemic and and everything that i everything that kind of happened through that, I think I'd never fully kind of come back from that.
Speaker: And recording the podcast forced me into a schedule, a routine to ah get in front of somebody and like talk and like socialize instead of kind of just isolating and and telling myself it's like no it's alright it's fine and ah and Andy was the one who pushed for that like there were i know the recording every week it was important to both of us but in the beginning he was the one who really pushed to be like we should you should chat every week even if
Speaker: there's not a lot to talk about. Like, let's keep up the routine. Let's keep up the habit. and It'll be good. It'll be good for us in the ends end. And, um, lo and behold, it, it worked out. And like, in the end it was, I was right there with him being like, yeah, dude, let's record. Like, I don't, I didn't, I didn't watch it. And I've been traveling or whatever, but like,
Speaker: and
Speaker: Like it's still, it's still fun. Like we'll figure out something to talk about. Like it's that forced, that forced time. Um,
Speaker: and I'm going to ah miss it, man. I'm going to I'm going to miss it a lot. I know he was really, really important. And really like this community meant so much to him.
Speaker: Um, I know in the beginning,
Speaker: we, ah we bonded, we met, uh, just like right before celebration. And it was funny. Like, it's just funny hearing it come out of somebody else's mouth, but like from a different, in a different way of like, Oh, you know, they felt like an outsider. Oh, you know, they've, they've always been on the outskirts and just consuming content, yada, yada, yada.
Speaker: But then just hearing them talk and being like,
Speaker: having such unique and creative ideas and like not just service level. Um, and then going beyond that, just then like really emphasizing the mental health stuff, like just hearing somebody else say that,
Speaker: it's, it was like a breath of fresh air for me. Um, because it's always felt like things were so separated. Like you can like your, you can like your star Wars and that's like a little, that's like its own group. And then like, you know, your mental health stuff is something somewhere else. And then like, I know your family is, is over here as well. Like that's something separate. You keep all those buckets separated, but like for him, it's like,
Speaker: No, he's just everything everything that he loved. And he wasn't afraid to talk about it. He wasn't afraid to say, hey and man, I love you. or Or reach out when it's inconvenient for him. or just ah always be there for people. And that it's just like I didn't know I needed it as much as I did it like the amount that he helped me. It's like with further processing of everything that I, like that, that happened to my dad and stuff during the pandemic and kind of helping, helping me with that, and helping me through that.
Speaker: I'll be eternally grateful for, um, yeah, I mean, I'm all over the place. I tried writing stuff down, but,
Speaker: uh, if you want something a little bit more eloquently stated, you should read his obituary. Um, it's, it's really, it's really, really nice. And it makes me, makes me really happy to see that like other people felt the same way. It felt the same way. It wasn't just like, he didn't just treat me like this. Like he, he treated everybody the same and just was a genuinely awesome, positive, positive,
Speaker: person that just wanted everybody to be happy and to enjoy what they enjoyed and, you know, feel how they felt and to be better off in the end for it.
Speaker: Um, I'm,
Speaker: I was laughing about it earlier because i was thinking of like, God dang, what am I even going to call this episode? Which I'll probably call like update or something. and But I just heard his voice like getting on me being like, no, no, you gotta, you gotta name it one of your one of your smart ass things.
Speaker: You gotta, which don't, I mean, I have, i have thought of them. Um, like that is a way of how I process things.
Speaker: things like this is to make light of them. But I don't feel like it's appropriate. like like I've, I've, I've thought in my head, I'm like, you know, right from the very beginning, uh, when we started thinking about cover art and I'm like, Oh yeah, you're like, you're like bailing skull. And I'm like Sean hottie. And I got the stupid wig and going to do the cosplay and stuff. And he did not want to go to celebration and in cosplay.
Speaker: He did not want to do that. And just laugh about it now and be like, damn dude, like, you didn't have to like take it just like, you don't have to take the bailing school cosplay this far. Like you didn't have to go as, you didn't have to dress up I wouldn't have made you do it like that. This is a bit of an extreme measure in your bailing school cosplay.
Speaker: RIP Ray Stevens.
Speaker: Like, it's okay. Or like, i thought about naming it. Like, for whom the Andy Bell tolls. Or like, there's a bunch of other ones, but I'm not going to call him that. got to get him out of my system.
Speaker: Yeah. my My heart breaks for his family. All girls. I know how much they meant to him.
Speaker: yeah hu My heart breaks for all of our friends. Like I'm sad. Those who only knew him online don't didn't get to meet him.
Speaker: You could see how just electric he was in in person.
Speaker: Because it's. it's a it's a It was a sight to sight to behold. Like I've never felt. More included. And seen by somebody. Than when we're hanging out.
Speaker: Just.
Speaker: I'm bummed that. up he was ah He was excited to show Madison and I. ah Portugal. I've never been. He man he was. He would talk about it so much.
Speaker: And. I'm bummed that we'll never get um we'll never get the to see that with him. But... Damn, he's a good dude.
Speaker: he's good dude.
Speaker: Oh, boy. oh boy. boy
Speaker: The world is a little bit less bright without him, you know?
Speaker: But... He would not want me to dwell on it. He would want me to... Well, first of all, he'd want me to watch Skeleton Crew about nine more times.
Speaker: Which, it's on the docket. I'll get to it. But he'd be wanting me to get excited for Celebration. Because you know what? I was there for a minute.
Speaker: I think if Madison wasn't going... Like if she wasn't going and she had, she has this whole trip planned around celebration and stuff. If she wasn't going, I think I was in the place where i was just like, dude, I'm not, I'm not going.
Speaker: Like, it's not, I don't think I can face it. I don't think I can kind of leading up to all this. like, I don't, I don't want to be there if he's not there.
Speaker: But since we all got the word and just seeing the outpouring of support, ah for i Andy and just everybody who's who knew him just kind of coming together it being supportive and wanting to honor his memory and and all that stuff it's like shit man like I don't feel obligated, but it's like, I want to go now.
Speaker: I want to go and be around friends. I want to go honor his memory. Because he'd be, oh my he'd be so pissed at me if I didn't go. He'd be like, what the what the fuck, man? like What are you doing?
Speaker: You just going to sit around and mope all day? No, get out there and do it. Get out there and live life. What are you...
Speaker: So yeah, I am, I am going, I am going and I'm gonna, and then ah I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna live it up. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go there with Andy and spirit, you know?
Speaker: Even though, even though, here's an update, even though I didn't get a lightning lane reservation for the shop store, I got zero panels. I got nothing. I lost out on all of the lotteries.
Speaker: So yeah, so I'm going to have plenty of time to walk the floor and scavenge bootleg Chewbacca toys. I'm going to have plenty of time to go and look at the artwork and do everything, uh,
Speaker: Just, and then kind of take it all in, you know?
Speaker: But yeah, I wanted to, I wanted to put this out. I know it's, I know it's kind of rambly. I think, i I think I'm going to do another episode at some point. Uh, once, once things kind of settled down a little bit, I want to have another episode where maybe kind of honor, have some friends on, maybe talk about but some of our favorite memories and kind of honor him and stuff like that. Maybe,
Speaker: and But I wanted to get this out. Because I think people deserve to know. um And. That's what this is. I know it's rambling. I'm sorry. i apologize.
Speaker: Yeah. He's.
Speaker: He was a killer dude. And a really. He was the best friend. like The best friend you could ask for. And. It sucks that he's gone.
Speaker: I was going to look it up ahead of time.
Speaker: but I couldn't bring myself to listen to an old episode to catch the phrase. But at some point time, I'll have to listen in and see what it exactly is because I want to i want to leave this episode with one of his phrases he always had, wow which is like... ah I can hear him saying it, but I can't think of the exact words. It's... ah like Look after yourself. Look after your family.
Speaker: Look after your health.
Speaker: Stay safe. You know it. You know what it is. and
Speaker: yeah We'll miss you, buddy.
Speaker: Until next time, everybody. Stay safe. Look after yourself, after your loved ones. And may the force be with you. by
