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Feeling "Griefy" in Seasons of Change: Empty Nest, Life Transitions, and Grief Waves
28 Plays10 hours ago
In this raw, vulnerable, and deeply personal solo episode, host Kendra Rinaldi shares straight from her heart about the intense transitions she has been navigating lately. From her daughter Mila preparing to move away to college [1] to facing complex personal medical decisions. Kendra opens up about how these major life shifts cracked open an unexpected wave of grief for her mother, who passed away nearly ten years ago.
Kendra breaks down the myth of the "linear grief timeline" . introduces her concept of feeling "griefy" , and maps out the common "doorways" that can trigger sudden waves of grief to resurface years or even decades after a loss [5, 6]. If you have ever felt overwhelmed by a sudden heaviness of heart out of nowhere, this episode is a gentle reminder that you are not broken, you are not failing, and you are navigating your healing exactly as you should .
Kendra shares that when grief unexpectedly returns, it often enters through specific doorways in our lives. Recognizing these triggers can help us navigate them with more grace and self-compassion:
- Transitions that mirror a past loss (e.g., a child leaving for college mirroring when you first left home).
- Major milestones (such as weddings, graduations, and birthdays) where a loved one's physical presence is deeply missed.
- Reaching a milestone age (such as turning the age your loved one was when they passed, or seeing a child reach that age).
- Sensory triggers (a specific smell, perfume, taste, or hearing a familiar sound).
- Reading old physical items (like looking at birthday cards or letters they once wrote you).
- Health scares and medical decisions that you are forced to navigate without their support.
- Watching someone else go through grief.
- Experiencing milestones they never got to experience (such as getting married, building a career, or raising children).
- Anniversaries and birthdays .
10. Seasons of layered high stress (at work or in your family life) that leave your emotional reserves low.
Resources & Connect with Kendra
- Subscribe to the Newsletter: Stay updated on Kendra's upcoming Grief & Gratitude Journal and Self-Guided Course by signing up on her website: Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between .
- Follow on Instagram: Connect with Kendra daily @GriefGratitudePodcast .
- Work with Kendra: If you are looking for a compassionate guide to walk alongside you on your transition or grief journey, learn more about Kendra's 1-on-1 grief coaching offerings .
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Transcript
Introduction and Personal Sharing
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, hello and welcome back to the episode. Today I wanted to record a solo episode and share really something straight from my heart and just a little bit of what's been going on for me lately.
00:00:20
Speaker
And it is going to be very raw and vulnerable and just something that I experienced specifically yesterday.
Emotional Transition: Daughter Leaving for College
00:00:31
Speaker
So Lately, i have been navigating just a lot of different transitions.
00:00:40
Speaker
One of those being that our daughter Mila moves to college just in a couple of days and she will be away about three hours away from us.
00:00:52
Speaker
And at the same time, I'm having to make some decisions regarding just some health matters nothing, nothing to worry about, but still things that I have to make certain
Meditation and Grounding Practices
00:01:03
Speaker
decisions. And these require just a lot of clarity as well as as courage, but it also requires just a lot of research that is, that I'm doing on my part. And actually because of that, and because of these different ah situations, it's really been hard to really stay really
00:01:24
Speaker
grounded. And so I've added even meditation. And I've so far been 25 days consecutively of doing meditation.
Grieving a Loved One: Personal Reflections
00:01:33
Speaker
And one of the things that has happened recently is that I have found myself really missing my mom, especially yesterday, I was looking through some pictures and videos of the day before my mom died before she took her last breath. And I just started to cry. i was very overwhelmed and really missing her a lot and wishing she were here now in order to really give me her wisdom.
00:02:06
Speaker
And I literally was just saying almost out loud like, Mommy, te extraño, like, Mommy, I miss you. And I really was wanting to hear her voice, you know, at these moments.
00:02:23
Speaker
Sometimes, like even though we know what they might have said, especially in the in my case, which which I had my mom for 40 years of my life, you know yeah i would probably know exactly what she would say to me in certain decisions or for her to be with me in these life transitions as my child's moving away, as I'm trying to make these decisions in my life. I feel like I would know what she would say. But the reason I wanted to share this with you all is because There's this massive societal expectation that grief just follows this linear
Understanding Grief's Timeline and Insights
00:02:56
Speaker
timeline. We've talked about this before on the podcast and this whole saying of time heals all wounds. And I want to again remind you all that that is not
00:03:06
Speaker
true with grief. It really is not that way. And really yesterday was proof of that for me. And it's been nine years, eight months since my mom died. Yet yesterday I was transported as if it was just seconds ago. So have that in mind that again, even though we grow and we do get stronger through time and through our life experiences, and we just learn how to carry this grief in a way that is really integrated into our lives, there are certain moments in which really this unexpected wave will show up. And as I've said before, in some of my other solo episodes, is this part of being griefy, you know, just feeling really this sudden heaviness of heart,
00:03:55
Speaker
And it really just appears without any warning. And it could be like you're just in the sea and all of a sudden just this big wave just comes over and just knocks you over.
00:04:07
Speaker
So I want to share a little bit about how grief really can resurface even many years later. And I've learned that from not only from myself, but just from the different people that I've coached through over the years, as well as people that have been guests on my podcast.
00:04:27
Speaker
And there are certain things that really just kind of open this doorway. And I want to talk about some of the most common ones, because I think that we can name That if we can name that doorway, we can name that kind of moment in which these life transit, these kind of moments of grief may show up and may help us in that in
Life Transitions and Grief
00:04:49
Speaker
that moment. So one of those is life transitions that may mirror a loss. So, for example, in the case of right now that I'm in the moment of experiencing this transition of my child moving, that is a loss, right? She's no longer going to be on her home. It's a change in our home environment.
00:05:10
Speaker
It's a change in our routine. So that is, for example, one. It's a a transition that can crack open sometimes an old one. It could mimic, for example, when I left home. Even just her leaving could really remind me of even when I left home for college and then the emotions of missing my mom.
00:05:27
Speaker
Other doorways are also milestones. When we are experiencing different milestones, like weddings, birthdays, things like that, that we genuinely miss the person that is not here.
00:05:41
Speaker
So that's another one. Another one is when we become the age that the person that we lost might have been, or somebody around ah around us becomes that age, that is one of those times in which that could creep
Sensory Triggers and Grief Memories
00:05:55
Speaker
up. So it is not like our body, well, it actually is. It's that kind of as if our body is keeping track of a calendar.
00:06:03
Speaker
Then there's also sensory triggers that may come up, and a smell, a perfume, um something that you tasted that brings you back to those emotions. One for me is a lot of times when I read certain cards that my mom ah wrote to me, birthday cards, things like that, these emotions come up.
00:06:25
Speaker
These are sensory. Others can be set in know health scares, certain situations in which we're having to make decisions. If we ever have surgery, I had an appendectomy after my mom died, things like that, that I had to do without her. And then right now that I'm kind of facing this medical decision that I'm having to do, that also makes, you know, can bring it up.
00:06:45
Speaker
Watching someone else's grief can also bring up those emotions of grief for us as well. That's another one. Another big one is when we're doing something that they never got to do.
00:06:59
Speaker
For me, that would be with my sister, for example. um is one of those. You know, the fact that I am a mom, I got married, my sister didn't. So those are things that also come up, can come up and bring up our grief.
00:07:16
Speaker
And then one of the most common are the anniversaries or their birthdays and things like that, that really bring up a lot of this heaviness again, even if it's 10, 20, 30 years down the
Anniversaries and Grief
00:07:31
Speaker
line. This year will be 30 years since my sister died, for example. So that could could potentially bring up emotions.
00:07:39
Speaker
And then also when ah we have experiences that mimic even the ones that our loved ones had. So again, one of those could be when we become parents and this dynamic of now us as a parent instead of the child, in my case, with my own mom.
00:08:00
Speaker
And then there could also be moments in which we may be layered with just a lot of stress, maybe something at work, maybe something in your family life, and then that can also make the grief show up. So again, all of these are just some examples. There could be many more of ways in which grief may resurface. And again, none of these mean that you're unhealed or broken or back to square one. None of it means that.
00:08:30
Speaker
It just means that there is something within you that is still missing and longing for that connection with your loved one. And you're human. That's okay. It does not mean that you're failing.
00:08:45
Speaker
Doesn't mean that you're grieving wrong. It is just really part of the process. And I say this with the utmost love and again, transparency, just again, because even as a grief coach myself, this has even happened to me as I'm sharing with you right now.
00:09:01
Speaker
So it's okay again, to remember that we can still be grieving and and longing for that chapter at the same time as we are excited for the chapter that we are in and that we are moving into and forward with, even if we're still missing them before.
Focus on Personal Projects and Future Plans
00:09:21
Speaker
So before I close, I want to make sure that I share something with y'all and it's that I am working on some projects and honestly, that's been something that's been something I've really tried to focus on. I've kind of put a hold on recording episodes with ah guests for the next few months. Again, as I'm doing these transitions, some of the episodes you'll be hearing are things I recorded many months ago. But one of the things that helps me is to be creative. And so I've ah created, i am in the process of creating two, two things, two offerings. One is ah a journal. And it's one of the things that I use and it's this grief and gratitude journal. One of the ways that I kind of do, I'll explain more about that when it comes out. And then the other one is going to be a self-guided course that you can take. So both of these will be launching in the next month or so.
00:10:24
Speaker
And I want you to make sure to be in the
Engagement and Support Opportunities
00:10:28
Speaker
know. So to do so, please, go to the link that I'll share in the podcast notes. It's my website, grief, gratitude, and the gray in between, and subscribe to the newsletter because you will be able to see when I launch it there. And also follow the Instagram account at grief gratitude podcast. And you can see that link also on the website and just follow the Instagram account. Cause I share a lot of things on there. And I want to, again, just,
00:10:57
Speaker
remind you that you have a lot of different episodes. You can also listen to if you are feeling that you want to connect with someone that has grieved in the same kind of similar way or similar loss than you have. Again, none of us grieve this grieve the same, but we all may navigate and use similar tools. And so listening to these different perspectives may be helpful. So listen to some of the other ah but podcast episodes and I would love to hear from you.
00:11:32
Speaker
And I really appreciate you holding space for me today as I shared a little bit about my own grief journey with you. So I look forward to hearing it from you. And if you are someone that wants to have someone walk alongside your own grief journey,
00:11:49
Speaker
as well. It would be my honor to do so. i do do one-on-one grief coaching as well. So reach out and we can schedule a time to chat. Thank you again and have a blessed, blessed day.