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The Hardest Skill
67 Plays1 month ago
The most important shift isn't easy...
In this episode of PRIME SPACE: Advanced Conversations in Coaching, Elias Scultori, MCC, explores what may be the hardest—and most essential—skill in coaching: the capacity to set aside our own perspective and truly step into our client’s world.
Drawing on a powerful personal experience visiting the ancient Mayan city of Uxmal in Mexico, Elias invites coaches to reflect on humility, curiosity, and the courage required to let go of attachment to our own beliefs, insights, and “brilliance.” Because coaching doesn’t happen when we bring more of ourselves into the space. It happens when we create space for the client to fully exist within it.
This episode challenges even the most experienced coaches to confront a subtle but critical question: Are you truly serving the client—or unconsciously centering yourself?
Memorable Quotes
- “We live inside our minds—and mistake it for reality.”
- “Coaching is a humbling and courageous experience.”
- “Curiosity is the fuel of coaching.”
- “You are not the center of the session—you are a guest in someone else’s world.”
Chapters
01:28 – A Lesson from the Mayan World
03:28 – The Illusion of Our Own Perspective
06:03 – When the Coach Takes Over
08:32 – Cultivating Humility and Curiosity
11:02 – Letting the Client Take Center Stage
Why This Episode Matters
In a world increasingly driven by opinion, identity, and certainty, coaching calls for something radically different: the discipline to listen beyond ourselves. This episode is a deep invitation to refine your presence, expand your awareness, and elevate your impact as a coach.
Subscribe for more advanced conversations in coaching that challenge assumptions, deepen your craft, and expand what’s possible in the coaching space.
#Coaching #LifeCoaching #ExecutiveCoaching #CoachingSkills #ICFCoaching #LeadershipDevelopment #CoachingMindset #Curiosity #SelfAwareness #PRIMESPACE
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Transcript
Introduction to Prime Space
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Prime Space, a Prime Coaching Academy podcast with your host Elias Scultori.
Journey to Mexico: Culture and Insights
00:00:13
Speaker
Coaches, this past January, I had the opportunity to spend some time in Mexico.
00:00:24
Speaker
Part was working, part was pleasure. i love Mexico. It's a country where I really feel welcome. Perhaps the climate, the warmth of the people, the food.
00:00:37
Speaker
I always have a wonderful time in Mexico. And this time while I was there, i visited the Mayan city of Uxmal.
00:00:48
Speaker
Uxmal is one of the major Mayan archaeological sites in Central America with its buildings and the pyramids. We had a guide telling us the stories and the symbolism of everything that we were seeing. I was in my element there.
00:01:10
Speaker
It is amazing to me when I have the opportunity to experience a different culture.
Cultural Experiences and Coaching Perspectives
00:01:18
Speaker
It excites me. The learning we get when we are able to see the world through a different set of eyes.
00:01:28
Speaker
What's behind that ritual? What made them be so focused on this aspect of life and not not the other? What was the thought process that got them to act this way?
00:01:43
Speaker
Why was their society structured in this manner? And then to see how advanced they were in their knowledge of nature and the world at large. I'm fascinated by these things because they forced me to see the world through a different lens.
00:02:06
Speaker
They pushed me to step outside my cocoon and realize that the world is way bigger than my own little perspective.
00:02:19
Speaker
There is much more in this life than my own experience.
00:02:26
Speaker
I'm sharing this story with you because it is an analogy for a coaching skill. We don't talk about much.
00:02:37
Speaker
And in fact, I believe it to be one of the most critical ones and perhaps one of the most difficult ones for a coach to attain.
Challenges in Perspective-Taking for Coaches
00:02:50
Speaker
The capacity of a coach to put aside their own perspectives and to be able to transport themselves into the world of the client.
00:03:03
Speaker
I'm going to say this again. The capacity of the coach to put aside their own perspectives, their own beliefs, their own persona, their own stuff, perhaps even their own values,
00:03:19
Speaker
and to be able to transport themselves into the world of the client.
00:03:28
Speaker
This is not an easy task. We live 24 hours, seven days a week, 360 days a year inside the little space between our years.
00:03:42
Speaker
That little brain of ours that is so fantastically powerful and also so infinitesimally small.
00:03:54
Speaker
Our minds are our home. It is in there that we experience love, fears, joys, sorrows, insight, innovation, connection, despair, pain, bliss.
00:04:12
Speaker
Everything goes through this little but amazing organ we have inside our heads.
00:04:21
Speaker
And because this is all we have... We tend to believe that the thoughts and the ideas running through our minds are it. This is the truth.
00:04:34
Speaker
This is the only way we perceive this world. So it must be real. This is reality.
00:04:42
Speaker
We live today in a very divided world. And if we pay attention, this is all because we have become so strict, so self-involved, so defensive about our own beliefs, fearful that they are going to go away.
Awareness of Biases in Coaching
00:05:04
Speaker
So much so that we seem to have lost the courage to listen, to connect, to to see the other, to see ourselves in the eye of the other.
00:05:20
Speaker
And here comes coaching asking us to serve the other. And how often do we take this task as a way to once again simply occupy the space with our own stuff?
00:05:41
Speaker
We go to coaching and then there it is. My assumptions, my values, my needs, my need to be right, my need to create value, my need to feel valued, my need to be smart and wise.
00:06:03
Speaker
My intuition must be right. My experience must be the key.
00:06:11
Speaker
My knowledge has to be essential.
00:06:17
Speaker
Is that right?
00:06:20
Speaker
What else is there that I'm not seeing?
00:06:25
Speaker
What else am I blinded to? And in my arrogance, also preventing my clients from seeing.
00:06:38
Speaker
What is our client's truth? What is their reality, their resourcefulness, their knowledge? I don't know.
00:06:49
Speaker
And in fact, will never know. Because even with all the coaching experience and life experience that I may have,
00:06:59
Speaker
I may get a glimpse of their perspective, but I am not living their experience, their life experience. And therefore, I will never experience it
Understanding Clients' Unique Realities
00:07:12
Speaker
fully.
00:07:12
Speaker
I will never know it fully.
00:07:17
Speaker
So, can I catch a breath?
00:07:22
Speaker
Can I shut up for a second? Can I listen? Can I provide room? Do I have the courage to set myself aside and allow the client to take center stage?
00:07:42
Speaker
What is truly happening there? What is making them see this situation this way? What is making them feel this way? What are the intrinsic motivators that are bringing them here
00:07:59
Speaker
Who do they want to be in this moment? Who do they believe to be in this moment?
00:08:08
Speaker
Because we are so used to our own ways, it is so hard to imagine that there can be another way.
00:08:19
Speaker
The client's way. It is hard to believe that the client's way may not be my way. Imagine that.
00:08:32
Speaker
And because we become so enamored by our own way, without realizing, we trump ourselves in the space of the other.
00:08:44
Speaker
We end up preventing our clients from occupying their own space and realizing their own story.
00:08:57
Speaker
So, Elias, how do we cultivate this skill? Well, here are a couple of things for you to think about. The first thing is to practice being humble.
00:09:15
Speaker
One of the tenets we have at Prime Coaching Academy is coaching is a humbling and courageous experience.
00:09:25
Speaker
Regardless of whatever we have accomplished in this world, we know nothing when it comes to the other. Our brains are powerful, but they are minuscule compared to the immensity of this world.
00:09:45
Speaker
I am one, a small part of this whole human experience. There is so much more on the other side.
00:09:58
Speaker
Let's approach coaching with that humble heart.
Curiosity and Engagement in Coaching
00:10:07
Speaker
Another key ingredient for me is curiosity. I like to say that curiosity is the fuel of coaching. It is this mighty trait that supports everything we do in coaching.
00:10:23
Speaker
Without this authentic, real interest... And what is happening on the other side, we can't do anything in coaching. We can't listen. We can't ask questions. We can't establish session agreement. We can't do anything without being truly, sincerely curious about this person in front of us, fascinated by them.
00:10:51
Speaker
We are invited to be enthralled by the other person, eager to learn from them, fascinated by their existence. So much so that our own stuff, our own brilliance, becomes inconsequential.
00:11:14
Speaker
They are in the spotlight. This is their time to shine. This is their moment.
00:11:24
Speaker
I am only a guest.
Conclusion and Listener Interaction
00:11:32
Speaker
Thank you again for listening and thank you for pondering on these concepts. It's truly a privilege for me to share this with you and to get this space in your life for you to consider these concepts.
00:11:55
Speaker
reach out to me if you have anything that i you would like me to address here in these episodes. Otherwise, enjoy week and I will talk with you next time.