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Day in the Life as a Stay-at-Home Homeschooling Mom with Ashley Hardwick
106 Plays2 years ago
In this episode I talk to Ashley Hardwick, an incredible mom of three (who also happens to be my sister-in-law). She breaks down everything from the challenges of her last pregnancy while her husband was deployed, to her current days as a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher to her two oldest, and how to make mom friends. Moral of this episode: do what works for your family and don't worry what other people are doing!! (we know, easier said than done)
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Transcript
Introduction & Guest Introduction
00:00:13
Speaker
All right. Hi, everyone, and welcome to best mom ever. Today I have a special guest here to talk to you all about how she does it all. Ashley is my sister in law, full disclosure. She is a mom of three who has been through it all. She's a stay at home mom married to an ER physician who works nights and used to be in the Navy. So she has moved all over the place.
00:00:32
Speaker
lived the single parent life while her husband was deployed and is now also a homeschooling mom. So I thought her perspective would be unique and helpful to have on the podcast to tell us about her day to day and how she does it all with all three kids.
Family Dynamics & Military Life
00:00:45
Speaker
Ashley, welcome to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Ashley was one of the first people I told about this idea to do the podcast. And she was one of the first people I thought of when I was thinking of who I'd want to have on because you truly do juggle a lot. So
00:01:01
Speaker
I think maybe the best place to start. Okay, so for the listeners, Ashley is my sister-in-law. Like I said, she's my husband Chase's sister. You're the oldest of the three of you. And so I married Chase and Ashley became my sister-in-law of course, and she's married to Jason. And you guys have three kids and all three were born while Jason was still on active duty in the Navy. So that's where I want to start.
00:01:30
Speaker
how you managed all of that. So I feel so honored that you want to talk to me. Oh, thanks. And I think this is so great for other moms because I listen to podcasts all the time and get so much information. So it's very helpful in my opinion to hear someone's real life, like what they do, how they do it. Yeah, I agree. So we have three kids.
00:01:59
Speaker
Uh, the oldest is Lily Grace. She is nine years old. Wyatt is seven and a half and Briggs is three. They were all born while Jason was active duty in the Navy. Briggs happened to be born while Jason was deployed for 10 months through the pandemic, which was a great learning experience. Um, yeah, so that, I remember I was around, I wasn't
00:02:27
Speaker
in the family yet when Lilly and Wyatt were born. But you guys, you were living, were both of them born in Virginia? They were born in Key West actually. Oh, that's right. They were both born in Key West. That's right. And then you got, didn't you move with Wyatt when he was like two months? Yes. Wyatt was super new. We were stationed, we were stationed a few places. Our first was in Virginia and then Pensacola and then Key West where we had Lilly and Wyatt.
00:02:57
Speaker
And then we moved from Key West to Virginia where we were for about three years. And yes, so we were there with two kids and Wyatt was born two months before we moved. So he was two months old when my parents decided they would take them and fly them up to Virginia to meet us while Jason and I drove. So yeah, Wyatt was two months old on his very first flight without me.
00:03:27
Speaker
That is wild. And then, okay. So then a few years later you had Briggs and that, and so Jason, you guys knew, so COVID happened. You knew that Jason was going to be deployed, but it kind of got bumped back, right? Yes. So he was set to deploy in 29 or we knew he was going to deploy at some point in 2020 in 2019. So we were aware of it and got pregnant.
The Role of Community Support
00:03:57
Speaker
not really expecting to get pregnant. So that was definitely a wrench thrown into the plan that we had tried to figure out before he left. Right. And so in the beginning of 2020, I was pregnant and then COVID happened and he was supposed to deploy actually in May of 2020 and that was pushed back or I'm sorry, it was like March, March.
00:04:27
Speaker
April, May got pushed back and then it was only supposed to be six months and he ended up getting extended on the deployment. So it ended up being a 10 month deployment. So he was supposed to arrive back home when Briggs was one month old. Um, but he actually didn't end up meeting Briggs until he was seven months old.
00:04:50
Speaker
Yeah, that was, I remember that. That was really, really hard. And Briggs is now three, a little over three. And I think he knows how to use FaceTime better than any other three-year-old because he was so used to talking to Jason. I mean, not talking, but you know, interacting with Jason over FaceTime in those first ones. It's funny because I always said he would never go to any man. Like he wouldn't go to my dad. He wouldn't go to anyone, but
00:05:17
Speaker
is the second he met Jason, he reached for him at the airport and he let him hold him and walk him out and it was like he knew exactly who this guy was. And I really do attribute it to being able to FaceTime with him all the time. I don't know how people did it before this kind of technology ever existed. I agree because he knew his voice, he knew what he looked like and he went right to him without
00:05:44
Speaker
any problem in their best buds, thankfully. Yeah, they really are. Briggs is like a mini Jason. I think of all of your kids, Briggs probably seems so far to be the most like Jason and have similar interests. And the video of Jason coming home in the airport is like, I could cry just thinking about that video. Yeah, it was pretty emotional. Yeah, it was so sweet.
00:06:12
Speaker
It was a stressful time. That's for sure. Yeah. So, okay. So how did you get through it? Cause you were, you had a difficult pregnancy. I think you've told me of all three of your pregnancies, that was the hardest one. And Jason was gone for most of it, right? He was at least at the end, which is arguably the hardest part. Then you had a newborn and two older kids when you were by yourself. So how did you, how did you do it? So.
00:06:41
Speaker
Before I got pregnant, I had a pulmonary embolism, so a clot in my lung. And I learned that I had a clotting disorder. So that made me along with another thing, a high risk pregnancy. So I was considered a high risk pregnancy. I was older. I was about five years older than I was when I had my other two. So it was a lot for sure.
00:07:10
Speaker
And then Jason left, he was deployed and he was in a very dangerous place. Um, they were getting attacked by rockets constantly. So that was also something to have to worry about. I will say that I was extremely blessed. Like our, my parents, my stepmom, my mom, my dad, everyone, no one left me.
00:07:35
Speaker
So between my dad and my stepmom and my mom, someone was with me 24 seven, which was so incredibly helpful. And I know that that's not the norm, but I am so grateful that I had that help because I really don't know how I would have gotten through it. Had they not been there, we had a system for sure of who was taking the kids to school, who was picking them up from school. They were at different schools. One was in preschool. One was in kindergarten.
00:08:05
Speaker
Um, we, we, we had a lot of planning to figure out who was doing the laundry and who was making breakfast and all of them, who was taking me to my appointments because I was getting iron infusions where I had to stay there for like three hours at a time. So I'm very blessed that I had the help of all the grandparents because I don't know how I would have done it without them.
00:08:33
Speaker
But definitely asking for help. That's one thing that I've always had a problem doing. I always wanna do it myself. I've got this. But word of advice, if you're ever in that kind of situation, ask for help. And more times than not, people will be more than happy to help you. Yeah, I think just from watching all that from an outside perspective, it was truly like watching a village
00:09:01
Speaker
Like truly, it takes a village. You had a village, thank God, because that was so hard. It would be hard for anyone. It would be hard for a regular, perfectly healthy pregnancy to have two older kids and your husband not be there or not have your partner there. But to add on the fact that you were having a hard pregnancy on top of that, I think you've told me before, I mean, it was hard for you.
00:09:26
Speaker
You, I know that it was physically more demanding than your other pregnancies, right? Because you were like, you said you would get dizzy a lot. Like it's just, it was hard. Yeah, my heart rate would go up to like 158, 170. It was crazy just, you know, to get up to wash my hands or get, you know, brush my teeth or anything like that, just from a sitting to a standing and walking.
00:09:52
Speaker
to my very short destination. So yeah, it was rough for sure. Luckily I also had amazing friends. You know, you say something and it's true. It takes a village and surrounding yourself with just really good people. That was so helpful to me. I had friends bringing dinners, offering to pick the kids up or take them outside to the playground to play or really anything. That was so helpful.
00:10:20
Speaker
just that, I mean, I even had their husbands come over and say, can we mow your lawn? Can I start your lawn mower? You know, anything happy to help, but we'll pick your weeds. You know, I walked outside one day to my friend across the street,
Motherhood Transitions & Confidence
00:10:34
Speaker
her husband fixing our sprinkler because it had broken and he was digging up the grass around it and literally went to the store, replaced everything. And I was like, please let me reimburse you for this. You did not have to do this. Thank you so much. And he's like, happy to help.
00:10:49
Speaker
And they were military family as well. So they really knew, they really knew what it was like. So that was really amazing. People, when you really need your people to come out, they really do. It's pretty awesome. This was something I was going to, we were going to get to later, but since you mentioned it, we should just chat about it now. So you and I have talked many times about mom friends and how
00:11:14
Speaker
hard they are to come by, but you guys are in such a great community. Like how did you find not only your friends, but like the whole community that you've kind of built there where you guys live? So it's hard to find people where your kids get along, your spouses get along and you get along. Yeah. Obviously no one is ever going to align with every single belief or thought you have. And that's okay. That's what makes it great to have
00:11:44
Speaker
different people in your life because you can get a different perspective on things. I think that when you have little kids, it's really hard to find those kinds of friends. You really have to seek them out, but putting yourself out there, which is so hard. Yeah. So hard as a new mom, like doing it on your own is hard enough, but then you have kids and that's just even harder. I really think that just putting yourself out there, like just taking my kids out to the playground,
00:12:14
Speaker
meeting people at preschool, you know, instead of just walking straight to your car, you know, let your kids play a little bit after school, and then you meet. That's how I met like two very good friends of mine. And we've been friends for probably four years now. And we still talk, we still get together, and
Homeschooling Insights
00:12:35
Speaker
they're a wealth of knowledge. One of them is also was also a military wife, and she
00:12:41
Speaker
was a great support because she had gone through deployments, also had three kids, you know, so that was incredibly helpful. I think that, which is also another hard thing to do is just completely beat yourself because, you know, you want to be friends with people that are, you know, have similar values to you.
00:13:04
Speaker
And a real, like aren't just putting on a perfect persona of what they're like. Exactly. Which I feel like a lot of people nowadays feel like they need to do, but that comes with growth, like understanding that you don't need to be perfect. Nobody needs to see you as perfect. You don't have to have your makeup perfect for someone to be your friend and like you. And, you know, of course we've all had superficial friendships, which can be great. You know, I think,
00:13:31
Speaker
that friends come into your life for certain times in your life that you need them and support. And they're maybe not going to be your friend forever, but they filled a void or helped you with something at a certain time where you needed them. You truly believe that. And so I think just putting yourself out there, which is so hard to do. Yeah. And just kind of accepting people for who they are. Like you're not,
00:14:00
Speaker
You don't believe everything that I do the same way. You don't do everything that I do, but that's okay. You're still a good person, and it's nice to just talk and enjoy time while your kids are playing on the playground. Did you find it was a little bit easier to start meeting people once, well, at least once, Lilly and Wyatt, the older two, were in school? Did you find it was just there were more opportunities to meet other parents versus earlier before they were ever in school?
00:14:30
Speaker
I think once they were actually able to interact themselves with other kids, it was a lot easier when their baby was so hard because, you know, you can have a baby play date, but typically, you know, you see those memes where it's like some kid flying across the room and the moms are trying to talk and you actually get nothing accomplished or never finished your conversation or your treatment of thought.
00:14:57
Speaker
Yeah, I saw this hilarious like tiktok or something the other day that was like this woman was like me and my best friend finally getting together with our kids. And it was like showed her and her son playing in one part of the playground and like on the other side of the playground like like really far away was her friend and her friend's son and she was like,
00:15:16
Speaker
this is exactly what they were too little like their sons were, you know, they weren't they were more like interested in doing their own thing and not like playing together. So I think you're right, like when you can actually play together.
00:15:29
Speaker
I think with boys may, I don't, my experience as we've talked about with Emmett is that he is a wild, insane child. And so I don't even know that I could like trust him to not be kept like, I'd have to keep an eye on him at all times. I feel like once he's a little bit older and I'm a little more cold, I won't feel like, I think it gets easier, you know, as they can.
00:15:52
Speaker
finally decide, oh, I like, you know, there's another little kid just like me, we can play and then maybe you can have a few minutes to at least finish one conversation. Yeah. Cause like you want to get to know, like it's usually if it's somebody you don't know very well, you want to get to know them, you want to like chat and stuff. And it's, I find it hard to do that when you're also trying to keep an eye on your child and make sure.
00:16:14
Speaker
they're playing nicely and not feel judged. Yeah, that too. Like, you know, it's only one and a half. And so he doesn't fully understand yet. Like, you know, you can't just take something out of another kid's hand. And right. So I'm like, feel like a helicopter parent. And I want to be able to relax and be casual and get to know someone without having, you know,
00:16:35
Speaker
That's hard. So yeah, right. I think it gets easier as they get older, but it's hard. Yeah. That's a hard thing. And like, again, they grow, you grow, you know, you realize certain things are, you know, maybe not as important as you thought they were. And it doesn't really matter if someone wants to judge you, you know, you're doing the best you can for your kid and yourself. And that's all that really matters. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. It's a learning curve. Yeah. For sure. Everything in parenting is a learning curve. Yeah.
00:17:05
Speaker
have come to learn so far. You guys also, you live in a really great neighborhood. I love your neighborhood. I feel like that's also a great, like a way that you've met a lot of other families and your friends have made, I mean, your kids have paid friends. You've made friends. Like that I think is so helpful too. Yes, it's huge. It really does make such a difference. Our community is so family friendly, which is amazing. I mean, we have a playground literally across the street from our house.
00:17:35
Speaker
and all the neighborhood kids are there every afternoon, which is like, when we moved here, I was like, this looks like a movie set, like it's fake. But it really does make such a difference in the world to, you know, just have this great community. And I know the difference because when we lived in Virginia, it was very, very different. We had no community.
00:18:02
Speaker
I had a handful, like a very small handful of girlfriends who were kind of in the same stage of life that I was with little kids, a baby. Their husbands were working 24 seven. They were also in the Navy. And luckily we did have that really small group. I mean, there were probably like four of us, but, and that was it.
00:18:29
Speaker
And we really did rely on each other a lot, which is great. But coming from Key West, we had a huge community. It was very much like our community now, where all the kids were out playing in the street all the time, all the parents were out. It was really amazing. And we were like, we need to find this again. And that's really what drew us to our community now.
00:18:55
Speaker
especially after being in Virginia and really not having that. Like our kids did not, were not able to go play out in the neighborhood. There was nothing available during winter. It was cold and everything kind of shut down. So yeah, it really does make a huge difference. Yeah. I don't think I ever realized that about your, I mean, I knew you guys loved living in Key West.
00:19:18
Speaker
Yes, I didn't realize it was that like close knit and family friendly and everything. So that must have been so hard to go not only to make that move, but to move when you had two under two, which can already feel really isolating. And then to uproot your community and move somewhere where you don't know anyone, you're in a different state from the rest of your family. Yes,
Family Management & Meal Planning
00:19:40
Speaker
I don't think I ever realized like how difficult that must have been. Yeah, and I don't like winter. So
00:19:46
Speaker
That was really difficult. This came from a beautiful tropical island. That was hard for sure. It was really hard. I had to pretty much take care of the kids by myself most of the time. Jason was in residency at the time and he really did not have a free day or a minute. He was working around the clock and then he did get a small deployment at one point where he was gone for several weeks. So yeah, that was rough.
00:20:16
Speaker
And between my friends, I found a counselor who was so helpful. She really helped me put stuff into perspective and figure out how to make things better for myself. And she kind of said, just don't have expectations and then you won't be disappointed. And that has stuck with me. Like, okay, well, you know, obviously he really couldn't, unfortunately Jason couldn't,
00:20:47
Speaker
do all the things because he was at work and basically schooling. And if you have no expectations or they're set really, really low, then if they're not, then that's great. So that was really helpful to me for sure. I think there's no shame in talking to somebody and helping you through a really tough time because moving to a place that I really did not enjoy.
00:21:16
Speaker
completely alone after being nearby to family and then winter, which not my friend. Yeah. Coming from an island, you know, that was rough. So all those things combined and having a two month old baby and a toddler, they're only 15 months apart. So yeah, no, no shame to that for sure. I think that you have to do what you have to do to make things better.
00:21:43
Speaker
Yeah. I also feel like you got really, I feel like got really good at, and you must have had to at not letting the fact that you had two little babies keep you from getting out of the house. Like you got really well adapted to, I am getting out, I can get out of the house even with these two kids, which I still find hard and I only have one. So I like, did that just take practice, just time, just forcing yourself to do it.
00:22:12
Speaker
forcing yourself to do it for sure, because you think about like all the other factors. You're like, okay, well, I have to dress them and I have to make sure I have all the extra things just in case. And that's all stressful. And then, you know, is it going to be safe and how am I going to get them in the car safely or get them out or have them in the store? How am I going to put both in their cart and everything else in the cart too? But realizing
00:22:37
Speaker
that once you do get out and you do have some human interaction, that it was worth all of the little things that you had to do to get there. Yeah, it's all a learning, it's all a learning curve, you know? You have to put yourself out there and do the thing, do the hard thing and realize, oh, I could do this and it was great. So now I can do it again. Yeah.
00:23:04
Speaker
I think we've talked about this before, but which transition from zero to one, one to two, or two to three was, did you find to be the hardest? Obviously you had especially difficult circumstances with your third. So of all three, which did you find hardest?
00:23:18
Speaker
So going from zero to one, I think is difficult because it's something completely unknown. Like you've never experienced this before and it's amazing and wonderful, but it's also kind of jarring because now you're responsible for this life and there's no instruction manual on what to do and the right thing to do. And you're constantly second guessing yourself.
00:23:44
Speaker
So that was difficult in the fact that it's a complete change to what everything you've ever known. And now you're learning like something completely new without any set of instructions. And then from one to two, you think, Oh, this is going to be easier. Like I've already done this. So in a sense, it is a bit easier because now you sort of have some sort of grasp on what it's going to be like.
00:24:12
Speaker
but then no child is exactly the same. So that's also a difficult transition. Going from zero to one was probably the most difficult for me, but I also learned the most because, for example, I had a really hard time nursing with my first. I wasn't producing any milk, like no matter what I tried, and I felt
00:24:42
Speaker
like this is what I should be doing. And it was so upsetting to me that I couldn't and I had to supplement formula. And I thought that I just wasn't living up to what I should be. And my husband was like, well, the most important thing is that she eats. So just give her a bottle of formula. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, it's really not a big deal. I mean, like she has to eat and
00:25:09
Speaker
you have to feed her either way and you're still feeding her. You're still responsible for getting her nutrition. So, you know, and then I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. It was like a light bulb. I think the learning curve was definitely the hardest trying to juggle two little kids. They were so close in age that they were basically both babies at the same time. That was also difficult to figure out like, Hey, well who gets,
00:25:37
Speaker
Who gets taken care of first or, you know, how do I manage bathing them together and all of that stuff at the same time? What do I do with them? No, you don't want one rolling down the stairs, which almost happened. And then having two kids and then transitioning to three, I will say that you're definitely more confident. I feel like with each child that you have, you care less what people think of you.
00:26:07
Speaker
You care less what people think of you. And at least for me, realize that I have to do what's best for me and my baby and my kids. And if somebody else doesn't like it, then that's, that's their problem. It's not mine because, you know, obviously, as long as you're not harming them, you're just doing the best that you possibly can and doing what works for you.
00:26:36
Speaker
And that was huge, a huge learning thing for me, because before with only the two kids, I did that to a point, but it was, it was definitely hard to have that stress of like, well, am I doing it right? Am I doing what I should be doing? And then having the third, it's a lot more work, that's for sure. But with that came a lot more letting go and not really caring what other people thought. And that was a huge weight off of me.
00:27:06
Speaker
Um, you know, like I'm doing the best they can. I'm obviously like, I love my children. I'm doing what I need to do. They're alive. So, you know, and I think obviously 202 is so hard. 15 months apart is so hard, but the light at the end of the tunnel is now, you know, they're so close. They are so quiet and they're so helpful with their brother.
00:27:35
Speaker
which is why I know it's having three kids is a lot of kids, in my opinion, it seems like a lot. There's a lot more to coordinate. There's a lot more to just getting them in the car. There are a lot more shoes to put on, but they're
Motherhood Pressures & Self-Care
00:27:50
Speaker
so helpful and they really can do a lot for him and they want to. It's not like their job too, but they really want to help him. And I think that's what made probably the age difference.
00:28:03
Speaker
having them further apart in age made it more helpful versus being harder. Yeah. So you've kind of seen both sides. You've seen the pros and cons of having two really close together, and you've seen the pros and cons of having them spread apart. Yes. Yes. Having two close together, they're both in diapers. They were both drinking out of a bottle, I think, at one point at the same time. Yeah. But you're both in high chairs. I had two high chairs at the table.
00:28:32
Speaker
But now, I mean, like they can both shower on their own. They can put their laundry away, which is so helpful. So in the beginning it was a lot harder and now having them so close in age is really great. They have similar age friends. They can do like a lot of same activities because they're the same age. Um, like they started taking tennis lessons and they can be together in the same group, which is really nice because they're,
00:28:58
Speaker
basically the same age, and they can help with their brother, which is great. Like they can say, oh, he's doing something. He's turning the bathtub on upstairs and, you know, burn it off and make sure he gets out of the bathroom safely. Yeah. Yeah. They both have been so good at like helping with Briggs since day one. Like the first time we came to visit after Briggs was born, especially Lily, I think is such a hands on big sister. She doesn't even like that with Wyatt, wasn't she? I mean, even though she was so little. She was so little.
00:29:28
Speaker
And she was trying to teach him how to roll over. Yeah. Yeah. She's so good with Emmett too. She's just got a little nurturing gene. I don't know. She's so good with all her baby cousins. Being the oldest cousin, she takes that job very seriously, I feel like. She does. She really does. She loves it. Yeah. She's so good at it. Okay. So you mentioned coordinating all of the things for three kids. So I think that's a good transition to talk about.
00:29:57
Speaker
what goes on in your day to day life. So you started this year with homeschooling older too. So what does a typical day look like for you guys as a mom of three homeschooling two of them? Okay. So we started homeschooling this year in August Briggs goes to traditional preschool. It's half a day. So he's there twice a week. Um, and the kids are also involved in other things.
00:30:27
Speaker
But in the beginning, we started with just homeschool before they started going to co-op and an enrichment class. So that was a good two weeks, I think, of learning how to manage time, which was great learning experience for me because I was able to figure out, you know, my kids work better in the morning versus the afternoon.
00:30:54
Speaker
So we plan our activities for the afternoon. Like if we do a field trip or something, that's going to be later in the day if we need to get our work done. So they do not do their schoolwork well in the afternoon and I had to learn that. So pretty much their schedule is they wake up, they have to brush their teeth and get dressed. I make them get dressed for the day. Um, they're not allowed to stay in their PJs and then they have to tidy up their rooms.
00:31:20
Speaker
and make sure all their dirty laundry is in their laundry basket. Now does that always happen? Like without me having to say it? No. But it's a learning process for everyone. So Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, we are strictly like doing homeschool work. On Tuesdays they do co-op and on Thursdays they do enrichment. And those are both drop off for, I think it's about five or six hours, which is great for them and for me.
00:31:49
Speaker
So we, we start off with those things that I mentioned and then we choose what we're going to have for breakfast and they know they've got to get their school carts out. So we don't have a school room. A lot of homeschoolers designate a room, but we did not. I decided not to do that. We have two carts that we bring out and we kind of have school in the dining room, but with our carts, one's a table, the other holds our books.
00:32:17
Speaker
And we learned to alternate. So they're in second and third grade, and they are on level with what their grade level is. So I decided to choose a curriculum that was pretty much open and go. I don't have to plan anything, which I thought was a good idea for the very first year of homeschooling. I'm very happy with it. I think it's really comprehensive.
00:32:45
Speaker
I've compared it to what they should be learning in our county's school district. And they have actually already touched on every single topic that their grade level will finish with. So they've done things that they're supposed to be learning in their grade level at the end of the year, which they've already done all that. So now they're just going back and building upon it. So, so far so good with that. What's the name just for any,
00:33:13
Speaker
parents out there. What's the name of the program? We decided on the Good and the Beautiful. It is really open and go. They provide everything for you. You do not have to plan anything. That's so great because I feel like a lot of people might be thinking about it, might feel overwhelmed with the thought of having to plan out all these lesson plans, but there's programs out there where you just
00:33:34
Speaker
Like you said, oh, if you, if you had told me five years ago that I would be a homeschooling mom, I would have laughed and said, um, never, I would never, ever, ever do that. Um, how things change, but here we are. And it's really great. I love doing it with them. Uh, I love that I know exactly what they're learning and I, and exactly what they don't know.
00:34:00
Speaker
I can tell immediately that they have not understood a concept and we can spend time on that, which is so helpful. They're not behind at all, but we've been able to spend one-on-one time really focusing on something that they didn't understand, which was a problem when they were actually in school. If they didn't understand it, it was passed by and it's hard to know what they're actually doing.
00:34:24
Speaker
when you don't have everything right in front of you. So that's been really great for us and the kids. And they're definitely excelling with their curriculum. So they alternate. Good and the Beautiful has independent work, which is just a review of what they've already learned. So I let them choose what they want to start with, what subject they want to start with, and then who wants to do the lesson first with me. And then we swap.
00:34:51
Speaker
So whoever had just done a lesson will then go do their independent work and then we'll switch and then we'll do the next subject and do the same thing. So one will do independent, one will work with me and then we'll swap. So it's been, it's been a great schedule, just figuring that out. It's a loose schedule. You know, if they want a snack, that's fine. They can go get one. If they have to go to the bathroom, they can go get one. If they're frustrated, they can take a breather, but we pretty much stay on that sort of,
00:35:21
Speaker
schedule. So we do morning work in the mornings. If we do need to catch up on something, we'll do something in the afternoon, but generally afternoons are free. So they can choose what they want to do. Like they started to take tennis lessons. So they have, you know, other things. Yeah. Yeah. And with them going to co-op and enrichment, it's a drop off thing, which is nice for me. Um, they get dropped off at nine o'clock and I pick them up at two. So they do
00:35:51
Speaker
other subjects at co-op and then they do enrichment, they do like a critter encounter or Spanish, American Sign Language, theater, music, art, and it's all, you know, contained at this one place, which is awesome. And it's with other kids who are being homeschooled, right? Yes. So co-op is there with their own grade level. So Lilly is in like a third grade,
00:36:17
Speaker
classroom. It really is like a classroom setting, which is nice because I think it's very helpful. I love the concept of homeschooling, but I also think it's important that they are able to sit in the classroom and listen to a teacher and interact with students and learn how to interact that way. Yeah.
00:36:38
Speaker
I think that's so, I think you're right. And I think, I think it's, so when we were growing up homeschooling, I think was maybe at least my perception of what homeschooling was when we were growing up is that it was very different. Like I did know some kids who were homeschooled. And from what I remember them telling me, you know, this was a long time ago, they were really just at home, you know, with their parents and they didn't always have a lot of interaction with other kids or like, I knew these kids through church so that they at least had interaction at church and stuff, but
00:37:08
Speaker
Lily and Wyatt are so, you have, like you said, they're in co-op, they're in enrichment where they're getting interaction with other kids and other adults, like you said. And then they're also in other activities, they're taking lessons of various kinds, and they're really involved in a lot of other stuff. So I think there's a stigma around how to do this. It's totally different now. Yes, it's so funny because, and I probably thought that as well. Oh my gosh, how am I going to socialize them? And it's so funny now.
00:37:38
Speaker
having kids that are homeschooled. They are so social. I'm like, stop talking to people. So they go on Tuesdays. They're in a classroom with other kids. They have teachers. They swap, you know, classes. They do art stuff and experiments and all that. They rotate classes for enrichment. So they're with other kids and different other kids in different classes, which is great. They have probably like seven different teachers that they rotate with.
00:38:06
Speaker
They do a running club. I mean, these kids are around other adults and kids more honestly than they were in a traditional classroom setting. Like they are interacting with more adults, more teachers and with more kids, which is amazing. Um, and different ages, which is really cool. You'll see at Ho-op these like 15 year old kids helping with the classrooms and
00:38:34
Speaker
teaching the kids, the little kids, stepping in to assist. And it's really awesome that they teach, they treat them like they're an equal, not like a few little kid, which I felt like in traditional school, like, oh, you're a first grader, you're too little for me, but not in this kind of setting. It's really neat to see how big kids and little kids interact together, like they're on the same level, which is really cool.
00:39:03
Speaker
Yeah, that's really cool. I think a lot more people are considering it now. I think it's probably, I mean, I don't actually know the stats on it, but I would imagine there's been a huge increase in it, especially since COVID. Yes, huge. I think a lot of people, I mean, I heard a lot of people
00:39:19
Speaker
who did the co-op, like their own, they kind of built their own co-op during COVID when a lot of the schools were shut down or they were doing like virtual learning and people were like, well, my, you know, my child isn't learning well virtually. So they created these little co-ops, which I remember hearing about and thinking they sounded cool at the time. But I feel like people just kind of continued that into life post COVID too. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of the people I know actually started homeschooling during COVID.
00:39:46
Speaker
And their kid was sitting at a computer for eight hours. And I mean, you can't expect a kindergartner or first grader. I mean, it'd be hard for me to sit at a computer for that long, you know, focused on a screen. You're not interacting with anyone. You're alone at lunch. You don't have recess time. You know, it's just, it's completely different. Yeah. I can't even imagine actual homeschooling, having a co-op and all of that stuff. Yeah. Okay. So.
00:40:15
Speaker
once the kids are done with their activities, what time of day does everybody kind of finish up with everything that they have here? Well, they're usually done with their schoolwork by lunchtime. So like 12, 12, 30, depending on what time we start, they can be done with everything that early because it's just one-on-one. Yeah.
00:40:39
Speaker
they go over their lesson and in a school setting, it takes a little bit longer because you've got, what, 20 other kids in the classroom. And the teacher is focusing on them. So it's a lot shorter because... What does Briggs do when... So I know Briggs goes to school two days a week. Are there days that you're older to or home with homeschooling and Briggs is also home? And if so, what do you do with Briggs during that?
00:41:09
Speaker
So the kids go to co-op and enrichment on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Briggs goes to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays is like free time for me to do whatever I need to do or whatever I want to do. And they're all somewhere. So Monday, Wednesday, Friday, they are all three here. Briggs had a really hard time at first.
00:41:35
Speaker
because he had me all to himself when he calls them his kids. We're at school. And it was a rough transition for him for the first few weeks. He did not understand that these other kids were getting my attention. He came around and he is really great about entertaining himself. He will build with magnetic blocks. He will make a train track.
00:42:05
Speaker
He will sometimes sit with us and he'll want to sit on my lap and listen to the lesson. I'll do like a Bible lesson or a devotional with them and he'll sit on my lap while I do that with them and he'll be part of it. Sometimes he'll color. I'll give him like little cards for his age, like age appropriate or like these counting bears. So I thought it was going to be a lot more difficult to entertain him.
00:42:32
Speaker
And it was at first, but he really came around and he knows, he knows the drill. He knows his kids are going to be doing their schoolwork. Yeah. That was probably also a little hard for him too, to understand like he couldn't play with Lillian Wyatt because they're in school.
00:42:50
Speaker
Right. Right. Right. That would be hard. I mean, a three-year-old in his brain, that would be a hard concept to get used to. Yes. It was definitely hard. And it's hard for the kids, too, to understand that. And they're like, well, we're home. Our little brother's here. And I'm done with this. Why can't I play with him? It's like, well, because you need to read. Yeah. Yeah. So it was a short period of time.
00:43:18
Speaker
They, they caught on to it pretty quickly and Briggs did too. Now I'm sure if there were like more little kids around, if there was another little like younger than him, it would be hard to, to manage probably. But I realized that if you kind of make them play on their own and play independently, they'll get the hang of it. And he's amazing at playing by like he can, he talks and
00:43:47
Speaker
makes up stories and with his trains and everything or, you know, the little people figures. So he's, he's caught on really well. It's not all like butterflies and rainbows all the time. I mean, it's difficult at times, but it's also great. So, you know, you take the good with the bad. We all have our moments. Oh, yeah. Once the kids are done with,
00:44:17
Speaker
all of their stuff for the day, not just school, but then any extracurricular activities you have them in. I know the answer to this, but you guys come home and who makes dinner? I make dinner. I make dinner or my dad will say, anyone want to come over for dinner? Or they'll make, so my dad, Marty will make dinner. Yeah. So, okay. So for the listeners, your dad chases dad, my husband's dad too.
00:44:45
Speaker
He lives down the street, not far. He does. So that's always nice. So if there's like night that you don't feel like cooking, you can always send them over there. Yes, yes. And they think it's like the biggest treat ever. Yeah, I was talking about this. When they do that. With someone else, how amazing it is that to have your kids love going to spend time with their grandparents. Yes. It is such a great feeling to know how much
00:45:14
Speaker
to see and know how much your kids love spending time with them because at least for me, like that, it almost makes me feel less guilty in a way. Like if I know like I'm working and Emmett's with, you know, my mom or with Jadu as the kids call your dad, I know he's so happy with them that I don't feel as bad not being there. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Oh yeah. Yes. That was so important to me when having kids, which was hard when we lived far away.
00:45:44
Speaker
Um, because we grew up, I mean, Chase, you know, Chase can tell you, he attended only 12 days of preschool because my grandmother would come and pick him up, um, and take him to her house and just feed him and let him play all day. Yeah. Yeah. We had that relationship with, um, our grandparents, my dad's parents. And it's so amazing that.
00:46:10
Speaker
our kids, all of our kids have that relationship with them, with our parents now. I think it's huge in shaping who they are, like molding who they are as, you know, they grow. So yeah, they love it. They think it's like such a treat when they can go over there and yeah, to any of their grandparents' houses. Yeah, they think it's so awesome.
00:46:32
Speaker
sidetracked us from dinner. So this is something that I struggle with. That's why I ask because I do not understand. Just finding the time to cook. I love to eat at home. I would love to eat at home a lot, but I find it logistically so difficult to plan for
00:46:53
Speaker
cooking at home, let's say five or six nights a week. I'm so lucky that Chase likes to cook and is good at cooking because he takes on a huge chunk of that responsibility a lot. But I know you do a lot of cooking. So how do you do it? On the weekends, do you do one big grocery shop and you plan for the meals for the week? Or do you do it on a day by day basis? I know you're a big fan of grocery ordering, which we've gotten into too.
00:47:21
Speaker
Okay. So in 2016, I started ordering my groceries and I have never looked back. It was the best thing that I ever did. I started at Kroger and it was amazing. And I very rarely step into a grocery store. So you were doing this pre-COVID, like that COVID was not phasing you. 2016, I was all about the grocery pickup and delivery. I wish that I had the creativity and
00:47:49
Speaker
the patients to sit down and create like a meal plan for the week. I think as far as I get is like three days. It's not as easy, like extracurricular stuff as the kids get older. I definitely was able to plan more when they were little, like we weren't going anywhere. So I was able to meal plan a little bit easier, but now they're picky and they have their own opinions on things. And so I try to,
00:48:17
Speaker
get certain things like I'll get certain proteins or vegetables that I know they'll eat and kind of have some stock in my pantry of like pastas or no sauces or something or just peanut butter because sometimes they just want a peanut butter sandwich. So I try to, I probably do grocery shopping like twice a week, sometimes maybe more if I want to make something special.
00:48:44
Speaker
but I don't necessarily meal plan. I would love to be that organized, but reality is that I am not, and sometimes I'm just too tired to do it. So I generally just put on my grocery list, proteins that I know will eat, veggies that I know will eat. They pretty much like the same breakfasts, so those are always like a reorder. Staples, yeah. And then I just kind of throw together something
00:49:14
Speaker
with the stuff I have already. Yeah, which is, so I'm a big fan of having a stocked pantry so that when I do need to throw stuff together, I kind of have options. Yeah. I think that sounds a lot more doable, especially with, like you said, with kids who like, yeah, it's all great to plan out what you're going to have every night during the week. But then it could, let's say on a Wednesday, you say you're going to make, I don't know, lasagna.
00:49:42
Speaker
And then you go to make it and your kids are like, I don't want that. Yeah. So like you've got, you always have to have other things ready to go and you might as well just ask them day of like, all right, what does everybody feel like for dinner? And like you said, if you have the things already kind of ready to go. Yeah. So like last night I decided to do something really easy and I placed an order from Costco because I needed some stuff from there and I just got a rotisserie chicken, these like, um, rolls. I don't remember what they're called, but they're like square rolls.
00:50:12
Speaker
mozzarella, the sliced mozzarella and their pesto. Their pesto is really good. Um, and then I just toasted, I cut the bread, toasted it, and then put some pesto on it, put the cheese on it, put it back in the oven and melted it and put the chicken on it. And that was dinner. Like it was so easy and almost everybody ate it. My picky eater had a peanut butter sandwich, which was fine because we had the stuff to make it, but
00:50:42
Speaker
Yeah, I would get so frustrated because I do like to eat and cook and I like to have home cooked meals. I don't love going out. I try to like eat healthy and serve healthy stuff. It's not always realistic, but if I can cook, I will. And it's, it was so frustrating because I was making all of these nice meals and then no one would eat it. You're like, I don't want this time. And it's hard to let go of that because
00:51:12
Speaker
You wanna eat good, you wanna have a nice meal, but you also take time to do that and not everyone appreciates it and that's really frustrating. Yeah, there's nothing more frustrating for me, a very type A person who is very structured with my day than wasted time. And so I feel that so deeply like when you spend precious time you have cooking something and then nobody eats it.
00:51:40
Speaker
And I'll never forget like a lot of effort. It takes a lot of effort. And then like, I just, it's hard. Like you said, it's hard to let go of like that control. Like I feel like I want to control, like just eat it, but you can't make them. Yeah, it's so frustrating. So what I realized is if I want something, like if I really want something, I know that I'm going to enjoy eating it. I will absolutely make it, but I will definitely have an option. Like I don't cater and make whatever they want.
00:52:11
Speaker
but I will say you can eat this or you can eat this. It's like I made chili the other night and Lily just, she's my picky eater. Wyatt will eat everything, no problem. Briggs pretty much will eat everything, not Lily. Doesn't like chili, doesn't like tomatoes, doesn't like beans, doesn't like meat. I mean, you can't win with her. So she, I always like have,
00:52:37
Speaker
chicken tenderloins. Like I always just buy packs of chicken tenderloins because I know she will eat it. So I made the chili, but it was so easy just to throw this pack of chicken tenderloins, like season it and put it in the oven. And that was ready. And that's what she ate. She ate all the earth sides I made, but just not the chili. And so, you know, and then I ate the chicken for lunch the next day. So it wasn't a waste. I still got to eat what I wanted and you know,
00:53:06
Speaker
Yeah. I think the eater got to eat what she wanted. I think that that's without catering. Like I didn't make any extra special meal, just a separate protein. So that's a good balance. I think that's a good balance. And I just want to say I, I, you have three kids, right? I think you would say you
00:53:26
Speaker
It doesn't matter, Lily is picky, the other two are not. It does not matter how you started feeding them, whether it was baby lead weaning or purees or a mix of both. I hate that pushy, I feel that sense of pressure and pushiness when I first started feeding Emmett, I felt it. If you do not do full on baby lead weaning, your child will be a picky eater. I don't think it actually matters how you start feeding them as long as you start feeding them and exposing them to different things.
00:53:56
Speaker
They're gonna be how they're gonna be. And every kid goes to a picky face at some point, and maybe they end up a picky eater or not, but like, I think that's just another way to put so much pressure on moms to do it perfectly from day one. Isn't that frustrating? So with Lily, I felt that pressure for sure. Lily's my first. I made her baby food. Like I pureed it in the, that baby thing, you know, cooks it and purees it all at the same time.
00:54:25
Speaker
And I like packaged them and my whole freezer was full of homemade baby purees. Right? And then she also, she ended up getting formula after my husband convinced me that it was totally fine because she needed to eat, which, you know, made perfect sense. And, but she got exposed to everything. She ate everything.
00:54:51
Speaker
I mean, we took her out to restaurants all the time. She was exposed to everything. She is now my pickiest eater. I never would have assumed that this child would be so picky. She does her own thing. That's fine. It just goes to show you it doesn't matter. My son Wyatt, my second, he had a milk protein allergy.
00:55:20
Speaker
And this poor kid could, he was on a special prescribed formula that the insurance company had to send in the mail every month, like these cans of formula for this poor kid. And I for sure thought like I gave him nothing because I always gave him very bland food. Was so careful. Now this child.
00:55:45
Speaker
will go and order sushi and like Caesar salad and escargot and crab legs. And he is my most adventurous, eats everything, never complains about a single thing I put in front of this kid. He'll always tell me how delicious it is. And he will eat everything. This kid will turn down a fudge brownie and ask for a cucumber. Like, who are you? That's so true. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:14
Speaker
Briggs, I always gave everything too. And this kid only wants to eat cookies. So, you know, he'll eat way more than Lily will. And he's not picky. But it's, it really doesn't matter. Like, you could breastfeed them or formula feed them. And it's truly not going to make
00:56:39
Speaker
one bit of difference, what they're going to do when they're seven years old and you put a meal in front of them. So true. What they want to eat or they're not going to eat it. And you just kind of have to go. Oh, well. Yeah. Yeah. And today's what it is. Keep the pressure. You've got to choose your battles for sure. And that is just not a battle. I am choosing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:05
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. Baby lead weaning was something I didn't do because I was way too scared. I was terrified they were going to choke, but it's true. The pressure is real and you feel like you have to measure up. From day one, like you said, with the breastfeeding versus the formula to the, now they've started solids and it's like, which one are you going to do? Are you doing baby lead weaning? Lily had breast milk and formula.
00:57:32
Speaker
Wyatt just had special formula, prescription formula. Wyatt Briggs had mostly breast milk and a little bit of formula as he got older and they all eat completely differently. And no one could look at any of them and tell which one was breast milk and which one had formula and which kind of mix.
00:57:50
Speaker
No way you could tell. And my formula fed, my prescription formula fed kid is my best, most well-rounded eater at the site. Yeah. So I hope any mom's listening who are feeling that pressure, that helps. You just do what works best for you because at the end you're the one who has to go through your day and deal with it. So you don't need to please anybody else. That is a great takeaway.
00:58:21
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that's something like you said that you just it comes easier and easier The longer you're a parent the longer you're getting through it the more kids you have maybe like just you learn to To not care what other people think and feel and you just do what's best for you you and your kids and your family Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I strongly believe that for sure good
00:58:45
Speaker
I don't want to keep you too long because I know I know you have to go get Briggs and the other kids. So thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I have said this to everyone because it's always true. I think we should do another episode and tackle some of the other questions that we didn't get to because there are many, many more that love that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
00:59:12
Speaker
Last question before I let you go, any other mom hacks, tips or tricks, anything you can think of that you, um, like really helped you get through it. I think, and this is a hard one to keep remembering. You have to keep reminding yourself, but doing what you kind of have to put yourself first sometimes, which is so hard to do as a mom. And I think that,
00:59:41
Speaker
We kind of get into this, well, no, I have to put my kids first. I have to do this first. And, you know, you kind of fall to the wayside and forgotten that you forget about yourself. I think that if you, and you have to do this like intentionally, put yourself first and do things that make you happy. Do things that are going to make your life easier by putting yourself first.
01:00:12
Speaker
Everything else that you do will come so much easier. Everything else will fall in line in a more pleasant way, I think, um, because you're happy. So if you fulfill your needs and happiness as a mom, like, you know, happy wife, happy life, like happy mom, everyone's happy. That is a big thing for me personally. You know, put yourself first.
01:00:38
Speaker
And then everything kind of falls into place because you're happy doing your job, basically. This is my job, full-time job. And if I'm happy, then I can perform better at my job. So I think that's something that we feel mom guilt about. But you really shouldn't, which is, again, another thing you have to learn. It took me a long time.
01:01:04
Speaker
If you're happy, everything else is going to go a lot smoother. So that's my hack. That's a great hack. And I think that's a great place to end. So thank you so much for coming on. We'll have you back. Thank you.
01:01:20
Speaker
That's a wrap for today's episode. We hope you enjoyed it. If you liked what you heard, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. It really does help us out. We also love nothing more than hearing from you guys, so be sure to connect with us on social media. You can find us on Instagram at bestmameverpod. Share your thoughts, suggestions, or just come by to vent about the insane thing your child did today.
01:01:43
Speaker
Because let's be honest, we all feel better knowing we're not alone. And if you have an idea for a topic you'd love for us to discuss in future episodes, or if you even want to be a guest to tell others how you do it all, email us at bestmomeverpod at gmail.com. That's bestmomeverpod at gmail.com. Big thanks to our amazing listeners for joining us today. We appreciate each and every one of you.
01:02:06
Speaker
As always, stay tuned for more Best Mom Ever goodness delivered to you weekly. And until next time, remember, you're not just a mom, you're like the best mom ever.