Transcript
Speaker: This is a Muck Stain Productions Podcast.
Speaker: Hello homies and trainers, and welcome to Unknown Radio, your mug stain production Pokemon talk show, where we take a peek at every Pokemon. I'm Claudia, and I'm here with my co -host and partner in Crime Catherine. Hello, and once again, I'm Catherine. Claudia brings the flak facts, but I bring the pizzazz. I can also bring the flaks if you want.
Speaker: All right, and we're here today on number seven, our little tiny turtle Squirtle. Squirtle Turtle. Who we have been referring to as the Wet One. I'm just going to say it now so we don't laugh hysterically about it later. And in that note, he is a water type because he is the Wet One of the Big Three. Bless his heart. And do you know what his tagline is?
Speaker: Squirtle turtle, the wet one. Squirtle turtle, the wet one, Pokémon. He is, I said it earlier, the tiny turtle Pokémon. Oh, that's kind of cute. Yeah, they're just saying it as they see it. Unlike the bloody seed Pokémon we had. Don't get me started on that one. All of the seed Pokémon, all three of them. Right, tiny turtle, let's go. Yeah, all right, what he looked like. He's a blue turtle with a curly welly tail.
Speaker: Very accurate, yes. He is a tiny turtle with a curly, whirly tail. He's small, bipedal light blue. I'm sorry, he's, he's, he's paddle light blue. A bipedal, he's on two legs. I, okay, I thought you were like naming his exact colour. Oh no. Now he's a bipedal blue, you'll find it in between, I don't know. Cerulean.
Speaker: I mean, they could coin this as Squirtle Blue, because it is quite pretty. He's probably the prettiest of the three. He's a good blue, but his shiny version is a different kind of blue, like a slightly more purply blue. And the shiny version's shell is green, unlike the regular, which is just a boring old brown. The best part about shiny Squirtle is guess what color his little tummy is?
Speaker: Oh, oh, I don't know. Is it yellow? It's yellow. Oh, I think I want it. Yeah, the catering, I tell you, Pokémon specifically cater to yellow just for you. That's the little, the idea of the little green shell and the yellow tummy. I just want to scratch it.
Speaker: So he is one foot eight inches tall, so he's just a little guy, and weighs 19 .8 pounds. So he's quite hefty. He's like a dog size and dog weight. I forgot to get my translator out for all these measurements you're giving me.
Speaker: What are foots like? No, I know how much a foot is. Okay. It's not the problem, it's the pounds. 19 pounds, did you say? Yeah, 19 .8, basically 20. I mean, that's only like nine kilograms. It's pretty hefty, I suppose. Yeah, just for just for a little guy.
Speaker: So he has this brown little shell that helps him wade through the water very quickly and offers him protection and battle, which is super cute. That is cute. So it's like a boat and a shield. Yeah, a boat and a shield. And then he can also put his head and all of his legs and feet and tail inside of the shell.
Speaker: Aww, it's a house. So it's basically a houseboat. He's a little houseboat. And I'm not sure turtles do that as good as like tortoises do. So he does have some little tortoise vibes too. I don't think anyone really knows the complete difference between turtle and tortoise. I know one goes in water and one doesn't, but like, let's be real.
Speaker: That's basically it. They're the same. They're cousins. So, quite obviously, what he was based on in his origins, that he is based on a baby turtle, though its semi -aquatic lifestyle is more that of a terrapin, which is like a type of turtle that bite. Yeah, I've held one of them. Not a squirtle.
Speaker: But Terrapin, just to clear that up. You wish you held a Squirtle. So it is also that curly, whirly tail that you mentioned is of reference to a Japanese legend called the Mino Game, which is a turtle which lived for 10 ,000 years and grew a curly, whirly tail made out of seaweed. Oh, that's cute. I like it when they put a little bit of Japanese mythology into it.
Speaker: Right. And it's nice to see kind of that's where they got the reference from and it's not just a random little guy. Yeah. I like it. Nice little story. Yeah. But instead of living 10 ,000 years, the Squirtle's lifespan is only one to 12. So actually could live for quite a while. Yeah. Not as long as a seagull, but still quite long. That still messes me up. Yeah, I thought it would. That's why I thought I'd bring it back up.
Speaker: It's just going to keep bringing that up every seven episodes and fuck me up every time. Yep. Just to remind you that they're there watching. So he kind of lives like a comparable amount of lifespan, you know, without evolving as the other three. So it's nice that I know they have these different modes and this one's like the medium difficulty mode, but they're quite comparable. I think this one lives a lot longer than the other two. Din Bulbasaur only lived for like three years. Yeah.
Speaker: So like going up to 12 years, that's pretty... Yeah, I think Charmander lived for seven. So yeah, this one does live a little bit longer, but not like a considerable amount longer. No. But it makes sense. You know, the turtles and tortoises live a long time. They do. Just thinking of Fontanema. How long he lived for, you know? What's his name? Crush? Yeah. Was that the baby? Yeah, Crush. Dude. And what's his son's name?
Speaker: I don't know, man. Squirt. Oh, shit. Yeah. We've come full circle. Oh, we have. Oh, wow. So a little bit of a little fun squirrel fact. Like I said, they can withdraw into that shell for protection. And then that's how they sleep too, inside of their shell. And the way that it's kind of grooved and rounded helps reduce water resistance, allowing the squirrel to swim at high speeds.
Speaker: I like that. Yeah, so you're right when you said that it's pretty aerodynamic for the water. Yeah, like I said, it's a houseboat. Yeah. He's got all of his tools built in with his birth. Yeah, that's probably why he can live so long. He's not got a seed wearing him down. He can get wet without dying. Right. So far, he's the most robust out of them all, I reckon.
Speaker: And then after the birth, the back swells and hardens into the shell. So these guys are actually born shell -less. Well, that's kind of weird. Hmm. I don't know how I feel about that. I guess when like normal turtles are born, they're kind of soft and it hardens up, but it literally says its back swells and hardens into a shell. That's straight from the Pokedex from Pokemon Red. Fair enough. Hmm. I don't want to delve too deeply into that.
Speaker: Yeah. I just think it'll look naked without a shell. I also imagine for the first time seeing that. You're just looking at this baby thing that's just been born and then all of a sudden it swells. Gets hard. You're going to be thinking like, that's it, wrong with it. It just gets this weird growth on its back and then waddles away.
Speaker: Yeah. Little weird guy. So the Squirtle can spray foamy water out of its mouth with great accuracy, which makes sense because it has like water gun and hydro pump and bubble beam. Well done. You actually know three of this guy's moves. I know way more than I know this bulb is still having vine whip. That's solar beam. So I think we mentioned razor leaf ones.
Speaker: But yeah, so this guy is able to do that. And it's very scarce in the wild, although it can be found around small ponds and lakes. So again, makes sense.
Speaker: Only 12 .5 % of the population is female. And if they're very scarce in the wild, then this is the same with the other of the starting three. They get bred in captivity. Which is kind of sad when you think about it, but you know, I could see him just chilling by a pond. Just in a shell hanging out with other squirrels. Yeah, maybe like a Magikarp or something.
Speaker: Yeah. And then in the anime, they had the Squirtle Squad, which was that gang of wild Squirtles that wore sunglasses for some reason. That was the best. I think that's the best thing the anime's ever done. And I do have a little bit about that. It says that the Squirtle is usually well behaved, yet it has an underlying rebellious streak.
Speaker: So that explains the Squirtle Squad, and maybe it's good that there's not a lot of these in the wild. Well, you just think they'd go around wreaking havoc for everyone. Yeah. Yeah, I could see it actually. And there'd be like Squirtle Squad gang wars, like West Side Story. And there was just two gangs of Squirtle coming to each other through the streets of New York, just clicking their fingers. Do you know what? That's the film I'd watch.
Speaker: Maybe it exists in the Pokémon universe. I'd watch it. Yeah, Westside Squirtle. Love it. That works very well. So even though it has this rebellious streak, it says that the Squirtle likes to be open with only a limited number of people and won't advertise its secrets. It prefers to stay within a close -knit group
Speaker: but can still enjoy making friends. What secrets does a Squirtle have? I think the question is, what secrets doesn't a Squirtle have? I mean, you're not wrong. You know, they don't talk about Fight Club. Those don't talk about Squirt Club. The first wall of Squirt Club is don't talk about Squirt Club.
Speaker: I hate that. As soon as I said it, I was like, oh no, it's just come out of my mouth. I heard the tone of your voice too, as soon as you said it. You wave it slightly outside, we're gonna go with it. Oh God. So maybe that's why, maybe there's some kind of underground Squirtle gang system that they don't talk about, and that's the secret.
Speaker: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are actually Squirtles in disguise. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtles. Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtles. That's the other game. You've got the Squirtle Squad with the sunglasses and then you have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtles with the bandanas across their head. It all makes sense. It does. I think we've clicked it. We've worked it out. We've written the plot for West Side Squirtles. Let's get it made.
Speaker: It's gonna happen. We'll get a Patreon and then we'll just put that up there. Alright, Scrips, that'd be great. Don't tempt me, I'll do it. I know you will. So even though other Pokémon may regard it as difficult and hard to get along with, but that's only if they have previously gotten on its bad side. So Squirtle is definitely a gang member. Yeah, fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, you know?
Speaker: Mm -hmm. You know, I'm seeing a completely different side of Squirtle now. I just thought he was a cute guy. Oh, I think he's a badass now actually. Mainly because I'm still imagining him in a leather jacket and sunglasses. Mm -hmm. Yeah. On a motorbike.
Speaker: They could just be riding Magikarp through the water like a jet ski. Oh my god. Or like three of them on a Gyarados. They see me rolling. With little jackets with like a little water gun picture on the back and it just says squirt. Yeah, instead of the T -Birds. Squirt birds.
Speaker: Oh no. A nice other little factoid I have here is that Sharpedo is its natural predator. So Sharpedo eats turtles, squirtles. Yeah, I suppose those big jaws are probably the only thing that can get through the shell. I reckon a Gyarados would give it a go. Oh, maybe. Gyarados can close its mouth, right?
Speaker: I would assume so. I would assume so too. Every picture I've seen of it has its mouth open. I don't think I've ever seen a Charpedo's mouth shut, though. Yeah, only when they bite stuff. Those things are kind of terrifying. I can't imagine a Gyarados would always have its jaw. Anyway, do you know what that is so we have to work out another day? Yeah, when we get to Gyarados, we'll Google Gyarados with its mouth closed. But they could just swallow this thing whole. They don't even get chomped, honestly. Like a snake. Yeah.
Speaker: Exactly like a snake, or just go around the water just with its mouth open and just suck them all up. A good snack. I do find him very interesting. Yeah, I do. Yeah. He's a cutie. He is a cutie. He was my second choice. Yeah, I mean, he was my second choice too. Yeah. And if you get Pokemon Blue, this is the one you have to start with. Is it?
Speaker: You don't have to, but it's wrong not to. That's like getting Pokemon Red and starting with Bulbasaur. Yeah, fair. It's just wrong. Good point, well made. Alright, do you want to move on to our questions section? Absolutely. So if you were just walking around a beautiful little lake,
Speaker: And you're looking over at like a little Magikarp jumping up and down in the water. And then you see a little, we'll start with one Squirtle just sitting by the water, just sunbathing. What would you do? Oh, I'd want it. Just go and pick him up. I'm picking him up. I'm going to make sure he knows I'm friend, not a fight. And I'm going to take him home. And then hopefully you get some secrets out of him.
Speaker: Yeah, I want to know where the secret squirtle layer is, you know? The secrets of the squirt. Yes, I want to know all the secrets of the squirt. Okay. Well, alternatively, so you're thinking about going to pick up this little guy and then five more squirtle come out of the water and put on the sunglasses and they're like leather jackets.
Speaker: What would you do then? See, I'd like to make sure they knew that I was friend, not phi. But more importantly, I might start clicking just to see if anything happens. I'd set my phone to record. I'll be like, Claudia, look, just, you know, watch, watch this. See what happens. Maybe I'll start my own West Side Story.
Speaker: And you can become their gang leader. Oh my god, imagine. Yeah, I feel that could go definitely like one of two ways. Like either they'd be like, oh, you know, this person gets us. Or they'll just be really offended that you stole their secret handshake, if that's what it is. Oh, I don't even thought of that. What if it's a secret handshake? They'll be like, they'll tie you up and stop
Speaker: What a gunning in your face, being like, who told you our secrets? We don't share our secrets and just start fucking prisoner of warring you. Yeah, I see. Now I'm scared. I don't want that to happen. Yeah, they're only one foot tall though. Exactly. You could run, I reckon. I could take them. Yeah.
Speaker: I don't think you could get away from them in the water, but definitely on the land. I don't think they're built for land speed. No, I've got to agree with you. So other than battling, what functions do you think that this little guy would have? Well, apart from gang wars, I reckon he'd just be a nice pet.
Speaker: Like, I'm trying to think what an actual turtle's use is. Well, in the anime they had them as firefighters. Oh my god, yes, imagine. And then the big one, oh, I forgot his name. How have I done this? Blastoise? Blastoise is like the chief and he's like shouting at all of the little squirrels to come put out the fire. Aww.
Speaker: It's actually quite adorable. Yeah, in the anime they kind of got this squirtle gang that was reaping havoc on a town to become the firefighters instead so they could be like a good thing in the town. I like that. Also, imagine them at a water park.
Speaker: Oh, just like at the top of the slides and stuff, just squirting water gun down for the kids. And I think they'd also be trustworthy enough to be put as like, you know, the people at the top of the slides that go, wait, next, wait, next. You know what I mean? With their little sunglasses, then a whistle around their neck. Yeah, because even - A bit of firefight. Yeah, a good lifeguard. Yeah, so you've got lifeguard firefighter.
Speaker: Yeah, and then, you know, if a kid starts drowning, they can go under and I'm pretty sure they're buoyant because of the shells, kind of like a turtle is when they hold the oxygen. Oh, they'd be like a little boy, wouldn't they? Yeah, a little flotation device. He'd be a good friend for like an old fisherman as well. I think he'd just be a good friend across the board. Yeah. Like he's not gonna burn you. He won't tell your secrets. He won't tell his own secrets, mate. Yeah.
Speaker: He'd probably be quite happy to just sit in silence as well. Oh, I think so. Just enjoying his own secrets quietly to himself. Yeah. That's quite wholesome. He's got a lot of uses. This one has more uses than the other ones. Oh, I think he does actually. Yeah. You could race them. I can get on board with... Oh my god, imagine Squirtle races. Oh, you get like, you know them slip and slides. Oh, and then they just go into their shell and just ricochet. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh my gosh. Real life Mario Kart with him. The perfect function. Real life Mario Kart slip and slide version with Squirtles. Dreamy. That's beautiful. So what do you think this guy eats? I think it is a herbivore. Oh, you reckon? I reckon it eats berries and grass. Like seaweed.
Speaker: Alright, who eats seaweed? Seaweed's gross. Maybe a Squirtle. Like algae in that? Algae? Yeah. Check yourself. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. What about like little, are they minnows in the Pokémon universe? Oh, well they're little tiny fish. Yeah, little tiny fish. I don't think you could eat like a Magikarp. That's too big. I don't think anyone could eat a Magikarp.
Speaker: I'd give it a go. I think they're bloody huge. Flee them. You'll be alright. Fish and chip, Magikarp style. So good. I reckon a whole little squad of squirrels could share a Magikarp. Yeah, I reckon they'd share, yeah. Once the gang's murdered it for some unknown reason. Yeah, but I do reckon he just eats whatever he can get. I just like to think of him eating like berries and leaves and stuff.
Speaker: Do they have, like, fruit that exists in lakes? But he's not all the time in water, is he? No. He's just a good swimmer. Yeah. Like... A bit of everything. Like an everything kind of guy. I don't think you'd get fruit in a lake. No, that was wishful thinking. Not enough water. Not enough life. Not enough water in a lake. Alright, do you think we could eat a Squirtle?
Speaker: The same way you can eat a turtle, but why would you want to? I think, yeah, it'd be a bit gamey. I reckon it might taste like alligator. I mean, I would not be opposed. It'd be fishier though, I think. Again, I don't know.
Speaker: Yeah, I've never eaten a turtle. You can eat turtle, can't you? I'm pretty sure, yeah. I've seen it on, again, Naked and Afraid, they ate a turtle on that and they said it was very stringy. Yeah, I don't think it'd be very nice. And it'd be difficult to get into that shell too. Nah, those things you crack open. Oh, apparently turtle meat is lean and flavorful.
Speaker: It's commonly used in soups and stews. Okay, I could see a squirtle soup. Apparently it's the reminiscence of pork. Wait, no, hang on. I'm sorry. So it says, what does it taste like? It tastes like meat. Each reminiscent of pork, chicken, beef, shrimp, veal, fish or goat. They all taste different, hun. You can't say it tastes like all of them. It tastes like turtle. It tastes like turtle.
Speaker: Maybe a Squirtle soup. Yeah, I'd eat a Squirtle stew. Yeah, I'd give it a try. But not if I knew it was a Squirtle though, I think. Oh, so just like mystery meat? I'd eat a Squirtle, but I don't think I'd eat it knowing it was a Squirtle.
Speaker: It's kind of the same with Charmander, isn't it? When we were like, wouldn't want to eat him, it would break your heart to eat him, but you had to. That was one of the last things I googled is can you eat lizard?
Speaker: Oh, the research we have to do for this. So you're walking around this lake, and there's a cute little fisherman's bar there and go in. And as you walk in, a group of squirrels turn to you and the corner of their little sunglasses just glisten. And you know that you've walked in when they're feeling a little bit feisty.
Speaker: who would win in a fight, you or the Squirtle squad? Right, so that's not fair, because normally I only have to fight one. I could definitely take on one Squirtle. Let me go back to how heavy it was again. It was like what, eight kilograms or something? Yeah, nine kilograms. I could definitely take on two. I'm not sure if I could take three or four. I'd give it a go.
Speaker: I think they would have like some kind of synchronicity that would be a little bit difficult. I think they're gonna be too heavy. Like with the Bulbasaur, I said I'd pick it up and use it as like a Bulbasaur shield. I don't think I could do that with a squirrel. I think it'd be too heavy. So if there was just one and then you started wailing on it and it went inside of its shell, how would you go about that? So, you know, the things that open up a crab. Yeah, like the little fire thing. Yeah.
Speaker: So I could either, but then I've probably ended up murdering it and that's not the way I want to go. But to me, if it went inside its shell during a fight, it's lost, isn't it? That's it forfeiting. Okay. Yeah, that's fair. And then you could be like, all right, nice tap out. I win. Yeah. If you're going to go inside your own shell, it's like going home, isn't it? So if there was like a gang, you could somehow like navigate it to try and do like one at a time while fending the other ones off and just get them to
Speaker: Yeah, I reckon I could definitely use one as like a bowling ball. Like knock down the other three. 10 -pin bowling squirt elimination. I was gonna say 10 -pin squirting and I didn't like that. That might be one of my favourite things you said. Yeah, I definitely reckon you could take on one or two. And I think you'd give it a good go if there was more. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. I have faith in you. Yeah, well, thank you. I appreciate that. And then I imagine it's like if you beat one or two of them that they might be like, okay, you know, you can hang with us, which would be really cool. I reckon so. They'd be like, look, fair play, mate. Like, we're rebels, you're a rebel, that's tango. Then you can go have a drink with them. That's the dream, actually, mate. Being part of a squirtle gang. There you go. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm not gonna finish that sentence. You'd love a good script gang. And on that note...
Speaker: On that note, that guy completed. What do you think? Do you like him more? He's definitely my second choice. Yeah, same. I do think I like him more though. I won't lie, especially delving into the Squirtle Gang. Yeah, because that was all it was in the anime, but they put a lot of stuff in the anime that isn't necessarily indicative of the actual like, Pokemon. But this all over says like, rebellious streak, rebellious streak, secrets.
Speaker: close -knit group. And I'm like, this is canon. Yeah. That they behave this way. And I love that. I love that. Like, that might be my favourite thing about Squirtle. Yeah, he's more than just a little cute turtle man, which is what I always thought he was. I mean, you can be cute and rebellious. Just think of us when we were 15, we were adorable. We were so adorable. Maybe that's why he gets away with it. Alright, and next week we are gonna be evolving him.
Speaker: into war tortle. Got a lot of interesting factoids for you. I'm looking forward to learning about war tortle because I'm not really a fan. Yeah, I didn't know anything. Yeah, I'll do my absolute best to change your mind. Buzzing. He's a good one. Right. Bye for now. I don't have a good byline.
Speaker: Well, I'll turtle you later. Oh, Squirtle. Squirtle later. See you later, Squirtle turtle. No, I can't. Squirt you later. Absolutely horrific. Absolutely not. It's like the worst pick up line ever. All right, bye. Bye.
