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The Argos Catalogue – the time Eddie had horseshit thrown at him by Selfish C*nt outside Buckingham Palace; proposes a TV show with him and Half Man Half Biscuit; when he accidentally ghosted Lawrence from Felt and more...
164 Plays20 days ago
Ep. 6: In our most faeces-tastic episode yet, we once again read out a mixture of ABSOLUTELY REAL and QUITE DUBIOUS listener letters to try to capture the life, times and tribulations of the lah-di-dah indie gad-about-town Eddie Argos.
We're aiming to document the life, times and tribulations of Eddie Argos – and boy did we find out some... surprising and turd-adjacent stuff. In this episode, Eddie:
> RECALLS when he had shit thrown at him by the band Selfish Cunt outside Buckingham Palace;
> SUDDENLY REMEMBERS that he has already written a musical;
> PROPOSES a coast-to-coast Roman road walk TV show with Half Man Half Biscuit;
> CRINGES at the time he sort-of ghosted Lawrence from Felt/Denim;
> MUSES on another of Eddie’s terrible jobs (as a postman);
> REVEALS his favourite band that’s named after an animal;
> GASPS as ChatGPT manages to spookily read Eddie’s mind.
There's also a bonus section which is a very Indie music Would You Rather? quiz.
Send your own questions for Eddie via eddieandjoe@iformedaband.com! They'll probably get answered by him!
Here are links to *some of* the stuff mentioned in the podcast but if you want all the good links you'll have to subscribe to our mailing list at https://www.iformedaband.com/newsletter/ :
Horse shit/Buckingham Palace: https://drownedinsound.com/news/9959-doherty-and-selfish-c-nt-in-buckingham-brawl
Listener Kendall’s blog: KENDALLLACEY.COM
Animals That Swim – Faded Glamour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR32O2vXLHQ
Buff Medways: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOo7DepCd9w
Half Man Half Biscuit - “National Shite Day” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARbRMQJGkIc
Recommended
Transcript
Technical Difficulties and Introductions
00:00:07
Speaker
We'll just have to try and be funnier this time. Hi folks, welcome to I Formed A Band. The reason that Eddie and I sound a little bit despondent is because we've already recorded this first 10 minutes of the show once.
00:00:21
Speaker
And now we're doing it again because it wasn't recording properly. I will be honest, Eddie, the audio problems are plaguing this podcast. Yeah, yeah, normally it's me though. But it so I mean, you know, I feel like it fits in with our ethos. I'm not too bothered about audio fidelity.
00:00:36
Speaker
I'm lying here with the rest of the microphone on my belly. Yes. so And you we have paid no attention to echo or sound pinging around the room. trying figure how the mic works. I'm describing the round one and the round one was in circles. And just then I was putting the mic up to look at the bottom of it while I was speaking. Yeah. Oh yeah, i mean look, you're not listening to this podcast for professionalism, are you? So hi everyone, it's him, Eddie Argos, hi Eddie. Hello. And it's me, Joe Sparrow, and we are the Simon and Garfunkel of indie podcasting, which means we're shortly going to have an acrimonious fallout, which actually Eddie is, ah I was saying just before we started, there's a typo here in my notes, which has Eddie's surname down as Eddie Argus, so that might happen folks. um Now this is an episode of the Argos catalogue.
Listener Letters and Reggae for Animals
00:01:21
Speaker
flavoured I've formed a band where we read out your listeners' letters with questions for Eddie and then to with the overall goal of capturing the lifetimes and tribulations of the la-di-da-indie-gadabout town Eddie Argos and catalogue them in the Argos catalogue.
00:01:36
Speaker
Hands up those who want the new Argos catalogue.
00:01:41
Speaker
So these are real letters. Some people, by the way, have... I'm glad you said lardy-dow, not just lardy. By the way. Yes, that no typo. That was deliberate. um Some people, by the way, have intimated that some of the letters we've read out on the show are not real from real people. And I am absolutely offended. Yeah, that's heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking. But these are real letters. This first one ah hails back to our last August Catalogue episode.
00:02:07
Speaker
where we discussed ah the revelation that Noel Edmonds, British TV celebrity, has a radio station that plays soft reggae exclusively to animals. Which is also true.
00:02:19
Speaker
ah This is from Arthur Askey, brackets, deceased, from Dingle in Liverpool. And we are working on the presumption here, folks, that this is Arthur Askey, the 1930s British music hall sensation.
00:02:31
Speaker
Dear Eddie, as the owner of a particularly anxious cat, I can confirm that even the sight of Noel Edmonds turns her to a quivering wreck. So I'd hate to know what listening to his radio station would do to her.
00:02:42
Speaker
um He also points out that his cat prefers Lee Perry's Black Ark output to Studio One. Just some reggae detail there for you, just if Noel's listening, just to fine tune his soft reggae output.
Animal-Named Bands Discussion
00:02:57
Speaker
My question for you is who is the best band named after an animal?
00:03:03
Speaker
So I'm just going to ping that part. these There's a second part to this, but I'll ping that one to you first. Animal-based band names. Well, yeah, I mean, yeah. so My brain went to, like, animal-based. I like the yummy fur a lot.
00:03:16
Speaker
The yummy fur, right. Not specific. or in animal And then i like lots of things with animal in the title. Super fur animals. You're getting all of them then, right? Yeah. Animals that swim.
00:03:27
Speaker
Yeah. The animals. Yeah. Animal from the Muppets. There's lots. Right. That'd be an amazing super group, too. It would be very inclusive, be, as well, to name all the animals. Yeah. sort of Noah style yeah um well I did a bit of ah googling just to pull some out of the ether uh just to maybe help you narrow your focus Arctic monkeys fleet foxes eagles the beetles technically an insect I guess the birds but insects animals I mean biologically I don't know I have no idea the birds bit broad Def Leppard uh-huh
00:04:01
Speaker
ChatGPT clarified this with brackets saying that's a stylized spelling of quote deaf leopard. ah Turtles, black crows, gorillas, eagles of death metal, band of horses, toad the wet sprocket, the mountain goats.
00:04:13
Speaker
Oh, says the mountain goats. It says the mountain goats. When we did this a second ago, I said the mountain goats first. love the mountain goats. That's right. The mountain goats might be my answer. But then also i do love animals. but but My answer is always going to be a kind of folky, speaky, good lyric. Yeah, know I'm a big fan of Animals That Swim as well.
00:04:30
Speaker
And ah talking about Revelations, you've actually collaborated.
Collaborations and Studio Stories
00:04:36
Speaker
Yeah, I duetted with, when we were making it a bit complicated. uh dan swift the producer i've been the drummer in animals i think one day i was just in the studio singing animals that swim lyrics yeah oh that's animals that swim and then we were both surprised that the other one knew who we were talking about yeah i think because i'm a bit young but the um yeah i love him and then he got hank stars in the cool director he retted on the beach side okay i'll drop a clip of that in right here
00:05:13
Speaker
Really great band with a bunch of great albums as well. I love three amazing albums. And at the time, because was struggling with the lyrics, he kept offering me these unused lyrics. which was great. I said no then. He didn't write his book. I wrote his book. He was looking for bit of publishing now, wasn't he? Maybe.
00:05:31
Speaker
But yeah I think I regret that. I'd like to make a record where it's me singing all these unreleased animals that swim songs. He's Animal Men. There's another one. He's Animal Men. and excellent He's always said that. He's Animal Men as well. They can all get together.
00:05:43
Speaker
But yeah, Animals That Swim. um Yeah. And yeah we in he duetted Direct Hit with me. It just sounds like me suddenly getting older in the movie. the verses it's good very similar vocal style and he came in to record and he took his shoes off before he started singing okay i used to do so i think there's a spiritual legacy between animals but i mean if there's anyone out there who can make this happen i mean i i've still got hank star's phone number you just text him hello we could do it right now let's do the show right here folks um so i uh did a little bit of and so second part this question was
00:06:17
Speaker
ah This is from Arthur Askey saying the correct answer in his opinion is to do with chickens, but it is not Frank chickens.
Chicken-Named Bands and Humor
00:06:23
Speaker
Yeah. ah So what do you think? I did. I was pretty stuck here. So I did a little bit of Googling and chat GPT suggested to me the Dixie chicks, which I'm pretty sure is not his correct answer.
00:06:37
Speaker
My brain then went immediately to the American industrial rock band Revolting Cox. But I'm pretty sure they're not named after the male chicken. Okay. and I don't know that band. I like the idea of them. Yeah.
00:06:49
Speaker
um Yeah, see, we were talking... about this before, um because this is the second time we've done this for the podcast. and While you were setting up the microphones, I suddenly realised who it is. Flash of inspiration. I've never seen Eddie leap off a sofa with such glee. So, Eddie, solve this puzzle. I was landing with my eyes shut. Like, who could it be? who yeah what Flash of inspiration came. and yeah a be taught Yeah, animals that swim, it's buzzing around, chickens can't swim, we decided. we were yeah And then it is ah the buff medweights.
00:07:17
Speaker
The buff medweights. The child dishes back. Can you explain that connection? Because I did not go immediately to that. Well, I just... um I have a vague idea. know who Arthur Askey And was thinking, you know, what bands do me in that fed are having?
00:07:31
Speaker
Right. I mean, not the actual Arthur Askey. No. we suspect we suspect this may not be the actual Arthur Askey the deceased musical we're not saying he's been on Desert Island Discs four times yeah so I did all the research Arthur Askey's been on Desert Island Discs four times which means he may have died four times and then come back three times and then died again Well, they were just waiting for them to give the correct selection before they shipped them off to the island.
00:07:57
Speaker
That's right. Well, you know, this is a pro tip for anyone who's invited on Desert Island Discs. Give them fake answers the first time and you will not die until you finally give them the right answers and they'd let they let you slip from your mortal coil. Yeah. yeah but yeah I had my eyes shut and i was thinking very hard. um Yeah. And bought bands, bands I like that have chicken reference to them. And I remembered bought some Billy Childish.
00:08:18
Speaker
I think on that, it's a chicken on one of them maybe. But I just remembered that the Buffman was named after a chicken. I mean, that that was some- Or at least Billy Childish says it. i mean in never there's some Sherlock Holmes level uh like sleuthing going on there that was I've been looking around it's like the end of the usual suspects right my room is full of Billy Childish pictures that's right we are surrounded now by Billy Childish pictures folks so perhaps it just came in like it just sort of just filtered in percolated way down um well there we are problem uh problem and question solved the answer is not the answer probably the mountain goats animals that swim yeah but the to his question yeah is the one that he thinks is the best and that which is really what he's getting at yeah I think so yeah
00:08:57
Speaker
is ah the Batman Airways. Yeah. Of course, Arthur
Arthur Askey and Musical Whimsy
00:09:00
Speaker
Askey did famously a song, ah ah not about animals, but about a bee, the bee song. Not really. Oh, what a glorious thing to be, healthy grown-up, busy, busy bee, whiling away the passing hours, printing all the pollen from the cauliflowers. I'd like to be a busy, busy bee. We'd say bees and animals?
00:09:19
Speaker
I mean, I'm not a biologist, but let's say yes for the ah benefit of this. Okay, thank you, Arthur, for writing in. we're Very grateful. ah Next letter arrived in our ah letterbox here at the Berlin HQ from Kendall Lacey of KendallLacey.com. If you want to visit KendallLacey.com, that's three L's consecutively in the middle there.
00:09:40
Speaker
Kendall Lacey. is it Kendall Lacey? Lacey begins with an L. That's right. Is it Kendall AC? Now, I believe it's Kendall with two L's and Lacey with one L. But it could be Kendall with one L, middle name beginning with L, and then final name beginning with Lacey.
00:09:58
Speaker
Or it could be Hlaacey, like sort of
Buckingham Palace Photoshoot Incident
00:10:00
Speaker
Welsh. Nice. With two L's. Anyway, Kendall says, good day, young sirs, which is very a very inaccurate starting point.
00:10:08
Speaker
ah The recent Argos Catalog episode could not have been better time for me. I wrote a piece on your excellent show, which is very nice. ah And I did read ah Kendall's blog post and it was very nice.
00:10:21
Speaker
yeah So I'm very grateful for that. Thank you, Kendall. um Anyway, Joe, ask Eddie about the day the band got shit thrown at them by selfish cunt.
00:10:33
Speaker
That was a good day. It was what it wasn't, I should really, it wasn't Selfish Cunt's shit. It's just other shit. Hang on, hang on. but but As a starting point then, are you saying that what has actually happened is that the band Selfish Cunt has thrown shit at you? Yeah, not their own shit.
00:10:48
Speaker
But whose shit? This is like, well, I do. True. How far down this rabbit hole do you think? It is true. It was cow poo. Or horse poo, probably. It's outside Buckingham Palace.
00:11:02
Speaker
Okay, wait. So the band Selfish Cunt are frisbeeing cow pants at you or something like this? Yeah, no, so what happened was the NME tricked everybody into going down to Buckingham Palace for a photoshoot.
00:11:16
Speaker
and Now, there there is actually extra information here in the email saying mentions... an enemy shoot outside booking palace so this is all lining up with what i believe is objective reality it only happened to me once i like so this you not you've you've only had thrown at you by selfish good outside booking a palace one time yeah this this is one time uh so we went down there um it was us and the rakes and nil's children uh i think the paddington's and the others don't really know those guys so well
00:11:49
Speaker
uh and some other bands and when we got there wait and way why were you at buckingham palace why did the enemy to meet the queen no no because it was like it was they decided the scene was called london's burning which is already a tv show so that's yeah yeah But the, um so like, you're the- And the Clash song.
00:12:07
Speaker
that? Clash song. kind Oh yeah, alice probably that's probably the one they were going for. I don't know, TV show, I think. And then we got there and it was like, oh, so we've decided London's on fire with talent at the moment. And you're all the bands that have been inspired by Pete Doherty. And we're like, absolutely not.
Musical Projects and Future Musings
00:12:22
Speaker
That's not true. But we were young and vain and wanted to be in the LME, right? It's one of the first things we did.
00:12:27
Speaker
So I love the Rakes a lot. I mean, I still like the Rakes now. I listened to Rakes last week, actually. But the Rakes, especially before, I liked their first record, but before that first record, the first time we played with them, they were edgy and dangerous. I loved it. So they were like my favourite band at time. So I used it as an opportunity to pretend to be in the Rakes.
00:12:45
Speaker
So I stepped over into the Rakes camp, and then Alex Wizgar, this... um He was like our first best guy that ever really liked us. He was a 15-year-old. Then he was 15. Right. He came with us too, and he was in our room. He stood in our room instead of me. I see. In the picture.
00:13:02
Speaker
He's in a band Fight Bilt now, but very good. Oh, yeah. um And then I love Newt's children. They were there. And then the others in the panel team sort of didn't stand in them. Okay. Selfish Cunt was there.
00:13:13
Speaker
I think he decided... We were like, oh, Pete Dock looked bit annoying. I mean, I liked that first Libbyians record. Yes. But we're definitely not inspired. Caveat, caveat. But no, you weren't inspired. yeah I think he took more umbrage to it. And honestly, he was quite, you know, he liked it and that kind of thing.
00:13:27
Speaker
What, throwing shit? I think it was just, you know, causing trouble. Yeah, right. So they... Well, his band was called Selfish Cunt. Yeah, it was their first song called Fuck the Poor. Yeah. So it's like, Terry Ritzs are gay. it's It always reminds me of that thing from Nathan Barley. Yeah, right. um and Which is a compliment, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. once saw, when Selfish Cunt played Frog, they did this amazing thing where he'd hired, like,
00:13:52
Speaker
um He came in a fur coat and he'd I presume he'd hired lots of people with 50s style cameras with flashbulbs to follow him in with a paparazzi. It was really cool. thought that was a good trick. It was an amazing. so Nothing against Selfish Gun.
00:14:06
Speaker
um I don't really listen to their music. Even though they threw shit at you. They threw shit at the entire London music scene. And I always thought, you know, he's right, because we were like, oh, we just want to be enemy, so we'll get our photo taken.
00:14:17
Speaker
But he did something about it. He started throwing It wasn't just us. He threw shit everybody. just picked handfuls of shit up and started throwing it around. and i mean, also, horse shit is mainly just like straw that's made it through. It's not an really disgusting. I was in the countryside. It's nice. It smells like home.
00:14:31
Speaker
It smells kind of sweet. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, he did that. And it went, yeah, I guess it came to later that Andrew Kendall was taking the photos. And then we went back to... And then we drank all day.
00:14:44
Speaker
It was that period of my life. Right. And then all of us with that. Yeah. And then went back to, i think it was Andrew Kendall's house, that garden. Special needs of there, I think.
00:14:56
Speaker
Yeah, there was a lot good bits of that. We're really digging deep that's a bit of a journey going from NME to Buckingham Palace to throwing shit with Selfish Cunt and then that's... Yeah, was... Yeah, I don't know. Those children still stay around? I can't remember. It was a very of its time thing, right? Absolutely, yeah. We haven't actually got the question yet, but... like kendall Kendall also says, I was in an Artbrute franchise band because, of course, Artbrute have franchise bands everywhere. I think he wrote the song i Got Shit for Nappy by Selfish Cunt, right?
00:15:24
Speaker
Yeah. that recorded the song, I Got Shit Thrown At Me By Selfish Cunt, with the band at Keith's Top of the Pops studio after the shoot. You went to the studio? Apparently so.
00:15:35
Speaker
Oh, I thought my memory of that is just being in someone's garden. Well, you were drinking all day and you had shit thrown at you. Anyway, um so we've unpacked that a little bit and that is... What was the question?
00:15:46
Speaker
Well, actually, we've got one more thing to get through before we get to the question. It's more of an observation, really. I have a friend at work that got tickets for Mumford & Sons in Brooklyn because we were talking about Mumford & Sons in the last podcast.
00:15:58
Speaker
And so they're performing in Brooklyn. and That's New York City, folks. ah We live in Exeter in the southwest, so this is insane. i would be impressed with their dedication if the band weren't so boring. So that's Kendall just... Oh, I see. oh his friend is going to Brooklyn from Exeter. He's going of fly from Exeter. and probably not direct, to New York City to see um Mumford & Sons in Brooklyn.
00:16:23
Speaker
Would you fly to New York City for Mumford & Sons? That is not the question. that' That's my question. Mumford & to throw shit in them, maybe. could go round up selfish maybe for coat some um up selfish kind um but get carry on luggage full of horse shit straight to the venue it's not liquid so you can through yeah you can take it on okay ah to the question why have you got this let's throw shit to throw shit at mumford and sons and who would even I still haven't heard mumford sons so I need to That's the remarkable truth, okay folks, actually, that Eddie has not actually heard Mumford and Sons. And we're talking shit, but like... yeah maybe Maybe they're amazing. Maybe. Well,
Postman Tales and Unconventional Work
00:17:00
Speaker
we'll find out. Maybe it's another chicken It's Mumford and Sons are chicken.
00:17:04
Speaker
Oh, Mumford. You should fly to New York to experience the Mumfords in real life. Take a bag of horseshit with you just in case. And, you make your own mind. I might...
00:17:15
Speaker
Collect the horseshoe and I'm there, actually. That might be more sense. Booking a palace first, collect it, then take it. Finally, with my love of the Argos catalogue, I should ask a question.
00:17:26
Speaker
So, with the recent news that Tom Fletcher of McFly... Aha. So... My note here is that McFly is sort of the art brute of pop indie bands, I would say. yes um With the recent news that Tom from McFly is bringing Paddington to the West End of London as a musical.
00:17:44
Speaker
Oh, wow. Paddington the Musical. If you, Eddie Argos, could write the story and music for a West End theatrical musical show, what would it be and would you want to star in it?
00:17:58
Speaker
yeah yeah Yeah, I want to star in it. Yeah. there's two, right? But when um Mike left Arbru and Stuffy joined, in this first rehearsal, Stuffy the drummer realized all songs about me.
00:18:14
Speaker
And he's like, what is this? Eddie Argos the Musical? was like, yes. That's exactly what this is. So you've spent 20 years basically writing. Yeah, already have this. Actually, I did actually have a musical. I just remember but now, actually. I've done it.
00:18:26
Speaker
I actually did this. I have yeah i The Islanders. I did The Islanders. had own musical before. That's right. but So me and my ex-girlfriend, Amy Mason, who's like a writer and a comedian now, we, like a decade ago now, we had musical called The Islanders.
00:18:39
Speaker
And she, we both were recollected, other words, recollected our... I've done this very last night. Yeah, we both recollected our relationship and a visit to the Isle of Wight and our breakup.
00:18:50
Speaker
um So you did this post-breakup? Yeah, we did it. The years after we broke up. So we broke up. When I was, Amy ran, when I was like 18, I left home. And Amy was 16 and she ran away from home to live with me in my bedsit. Right.
00:19:03
Speaker
So we lived in this bedsit and we had like quite a miserable, ah she thinks it' quite miserable life. And then we know we were very, very poor. I was a postman and and then in the bar. Wait, wait, wait.
00:19:14
Speaker
Now, we've already done a segment on this podcast about your terrible jobs, but you've never mentioned you were a postman. I was postman. was a very bad postman. i used to be I took that part for granted. The think the thing about being a bad postman is the worse you're out being a postman, the more you get paid.
00:19:28
Speaker
You get all the overtime, right? So I was finishing at four in the afternoon. Everyone would be very angry at me, but I'd get extra money for being so late. Wait, don't postmen start very early in the morning? Yeah, well, you're supposed to. I used to... I'm sorry to divert, but I'm doing more of any terrible jobs. My
The Islanders Musical and Relationships
00:19:45
Speaker
postman's round was that my house was on it.
00:19:47
Speaker
So I'd like get the post, I'd go straight from the indie disco, like drunk still, to the postman's job. Like, sort of try and so rapid as I get the post.
00:19:58
Speaker
Yeah. And then cycle to my house, get out, but hide my bike and all the posts were the corner. Yeah. Have a little sleep half an hour. Watch Bewitched with Amy, who was my girlfriend at the time, I rode the handers with. Right. Get back on the bike and then go do my postman brand. Wow.
00:20:11
Speaker
And I was exhausted. I did for like six months. and i dyed my hair orange when i was a postman and they suspended me having orange hair even other people liked it yeah yeah it was recognizable postman who would yeah they loved and then people were very sad when it went like oh we told all our friends because like oh almost right so it's right that's all right that's old people we told all our friends we had an orange hair postman it's all gone now You see, and you the Royal Mail, if they need something right now, they need goodwill.
00:20:37
Speaker
but So, orange-haired postman. This is like 25 years ago. Right, okay, yeah, so okay. But anyway, yes. Wait, to hang on. So, you've so you've already written a musical. Yeah. Would you transfer it to the West End? love to do that. oh We did it, like, in Edinburgh. We did it in Edinburgh for, like, well, the only, so what the Islanders is, is Amy remembers our relationship and talks about it, and I wrote songs about it, and we sort of, the combination of our memories sort trying to figure out the truth.
00:21:01
Speaker
That's good. and we project things it's all true projecting like pictures of us behind us the first time we did it like post soothing out by our brute is a bit about yeah and um i will survive by our brute is kind of about one of the houses we lived in so we did those songs And, but it was like a Jim Murray, the folk musician, was yeah enjoy the music. Wow, great. Me and Jim wrote the songs, maybe the Herbitt.
00:21:25
Speaker
And then post-soothing out at the end, the first time we did the Idenses, we were doing, I looked up and people were sobbing and crying. It was kind of amazing. Okay. I also was crying and Amy was crying a little bit. It was weird. Yeah. Very cathartic. Yeah. mean, sort of apologizing, not on stage, like, oh, I'm sorry to each other and stuff.
00:21:41
Speaker
It was very nice. but Yeah, I've already written one about myself, at ten I just forgot about it. So you've written two about yourself. I've written, I guess, all of Uproot. Uproot is kind of a jukebox musical that hasn't been put together yet. And The Islanders, which I'd love to do again, actually. I love this. Now, The Islanders sounds fantastic. will say, it does sound absolutely fantastic. We did it for a month in Edinburgh, and we shared the same, but like, Fleabag was next door.
00:22:03
Speaker
Yeah, which started out as a theatrical extravaganza. Yeah, and then on the board outside, you had, like, the stars. like the first We got, like, five stars from... but yeah We're going to win. We're going to beat Fleabag. Fleabag very much. yeah and She just got a $20 million, dollars or a few years ago, got a $20 million dollars a year contract from Amazon didn't make Prime. Didn't make anything.
00:22:24
Speaker
So that could have been you, $100 million dollars for nothing. Could have been Amy. Amy's to yeah he's the talent there. Amy could have been in in the Indiana Jones film too, right? Because that's what... That's right.
00:22:34
Speaker
She was in the Indiana Jones movies. She invented speaking to the camera, right? That's right. And you've invented speaking to the audience from the stage as a pop star. She's the lovejoy of the naughty. Didn't love to speak to the camera lot. That's right, a lot.
00:22:49
Speaker
That makes you the tinker of ah yeah the lovejoy of the naughty. I would like to do Islanders again, take it to the West End, have a big production. Now, that sounds great, right? ah I haven't seen it. It doesn't sound like a knockabout laugh riot.
00:23:01
Speaker
It was funny. Also, I didn't realise that's the thing when we did it because it was all a true story. So Amy was saying genuine things that happened. And people were laughing. I was like, oh, I didn't realise that our life was funny.
00:23:13
Speaker
we So I'm sensing here a double bill. The Islanders and then... The Islanders. And then when everyone's sobbing, we roll on... What's happy crying? Happy lying. Knock about, gad about town, Eddie Argos to do a jukebox musical based on the life of...
00:23:31
Speaker
a big dreaming orange haired postman also called Eddie Argos it's you know postmodern yeah and we see postman Eddie Argos be elevated to the dizzy heights of success and then the long fall down to the pits of despair second act third act resurrection just Must have a resurrection part. That's exciting. Third act. Pivoting to a podcast career. Signing with Gary Lineker's company. i like i like the idea of this.
00:24:03
Speaker
But I think I wrote so much about myself. It would be nice to write about someone else. Yeah. but There's also... Eddie argues. Eddie argues. Cindy Veld. He's this big, high-browed guy from a band. Yeah. Well, there's this book I was thinking it before.
00:24:17
Speaker
ah One, Paddington McFly. That sounds amazing. Yeah. to there's a book called raging robots and really uncle of i think would be a very good one okay and it's um yeah that's that's my answer either me or me or this book the subscription i i i just realized i have an old friend of mine who is writing music for musical theater i wonder if i should connect you and take my 10 percent later on well i mean i would love actually to write a musical like a proper one okay let me let let me see if we can work some podcast magic
00:24:50
Speaker
there you go Kendall um thank you for ah that question and which sparked off a very long conversation and a sort of pitch very short answer but no no description of the book no just a children's book by Margaret Mahe and stay tuned folks and then i read the book of Peter Pages yeah yeah there we go okay okay one last letter then from Edith Biscuits in Pertheli dear Eddie ah last week that's not Edith Biscuits written to us before I think that might have been Vera Scrotum you're thinking okay Anyway, dear Eddie, last week on my way back from buying my regular weekly order from the butchers, which is half a pound of tong, half a pound trite, half a pound of lard, I bumped into my old friend Dorothy on the high street and feeling in high spirits, we stopped for a quick sherry in the local Wetherspoons.
Tour Stories and Drinking Habits
00:25:36
Speaker
I intend to be home in time for countdown, but we decided to have one more quick half of Plum Porter. Suddenly, it was 1am, and I found myself extremely tired and emotional in the local kebab shop where I got into a proper rumble with some local scallies who were looking at my chips all funny.
00:25:52
Speaker
Anyway, my question to you is, I assume that Aunt Brute are, like Coldplay, a clean living bunch when on tour, who at most may crack open a lager shandy at the end of a gig well done.
00:26:03
Speaker
But has there been a time on the road where you got so drunk something completely absurd happened and what did you drink? but there Yeah, there's like lots of times that happened. Something naive of Edith Pesky. I mean, I think with us is that we formed a band coming out so quickly.
00:26:22
Speaker
I think like most bands form and they get drunk a lot and have loads of fun and yeah and then they start taking it seriously. some point right we got reformed we got drunk and we're having fun and in that period still our demo became our first single right yeah so we never had that bit we go now we have to take ourselves seriously you know like yeah to get successful because we accidentally done it when we were mucking about so i we which is the best kind of art you did it for the love of it and then all of a sudden it became successful i remember being on tour in manchester and we had a reputation for being a bit drinkier
00:26:55
Speaker
And the journalists were saying to me, so now your album's coming out in the summer. ah You're more serious. But you know got this is could be a career for you. I might have seen you on that gig, by the way. On that same show, Dave Gorman came to see us.
00:27:07
Speaker
Oh, right. Mark Reilly accidentally came to see us because he went to see little Barry, but little Barry was on after us. Right. He came earlier. That was very nice you know serendipitous. Yeah, and Mark Reilly's been very nice. Yeah.
00:27:18
Speaker
But the... um Yeah, but it was... Whereas Dave Gorman's been absolute shit. Dave Gorman also very nice. Trying to get us on his show, right? He's very nice too. Yeah. But Dave, yeah. Good.
00:27:30
Speaker
Dave's got this separate story now. Oh, okay. Go on. Take your attention. I did a thing with my band, The Art Goblins, as our group was doing. i like And we did like... I decided to do an acapella gig with The Art Goblins where we would all just...
00:27:44
Speaker
They would just sing their parts, as opposed to playing them on the guitar with the keyboard or the drums, without rehearsing. um yes We headlined this thing in a pleasure, I think, that the drum was going, bump boom, boom, boom, and the guitar, you know, boom believe leaving a minute ah but it got in the newspaper as like an art side project.
00:28:01
Speaker
Some people came to see it quite soon. And I looked up, going like, all my friends going, on stage to see Dave Gordon looking really disappointed at the bar. Because he'd come to see what he thought was like a nice, very side project. It was yeah my drunk friends going, blah, blah.
00:28:17
Speaker
But anyway, um it was a very good show, though. Yeah. He just didn't enjoy it. It was a good show for you. He sent me nice message afterwards. okay He felt like he'd arrived at party today, which is kind of... but The truth, yeah. okay But the um be anyway, so in Manchester, this journalist asked me this thing about, oh, you're going to slow down you drinking and be more serious.
00:28:36
Speaker
said, of course. yeah We don't drink at all anymore. yeah're going to be release And as I said, at the dressing room door opened, Mike fell out onto his face and Ian just walked across him opening a bottle of It looked really bad.
00:28:49
Speaker
But we did get a bit more sober after that, I think. We just had lots of fun. quite exciting. Of course. And then, what was the question? What trouble have got into? Well, um did you ever get, I mean, yeah you've sort of answered this. Did you ever get so drunk that something absurd happened? But it was there any... Consistently. as Yeah. the Yeah, well, even on the last I was in Leeds and I was and me and MJ Hibbert.
00:29:16
Speaker
No, it wasn't MJ Hibbert. It was Steve. I can't remember who it He must have been drunk at least. He kept off the pops. yeah It wasn't MJ Hibbert. the um said and I Very indie gang of people. And we decided to go to an indie disco.
00:29:33
Speaker
and Like a proper indie disco in Leeds. And it was going fine we're down to the pub and hang out and then this really scary lad came over and said are you holding no like oh no i don't i don't actually i don't take drugs i'm a little nervous you no i mean like a knife i was like no and and he's he thought that i was someone that had attacked him in prison and he's like i do want to know that i'm safe because i'm not safe gonna get my gang down all this kind of stuff and he it was a really weird way of intimidating somebody by like
00:30:05
Speaker
pretending to be intimidated of them, you know? And yeah, that got... And I was like, this is hilarious. For second, this is really funny. You like, sort of pretending I was going to be this prison guy. And I remember like... Why am I leaking blood now? They had to put all the merch money on me, so I left. But it was like, that's the most recent adventure. But I quite like...
00:30:24
Speaker
That, you know, not quite getting in trouble, but stuff almost happening. Okay, I am fascinated, by the way, by the fact that you look like someone that has attacked. Someone's brother or something? Yeah, yeah like he had like a stab wound in his shoulder. He showed it to me.
00:30:38
Speaker
Oh, he showed you his stab wound. Yeah, yeah. Do you not remember this? Yeah, this is getting a bit scary. Did have a tear tattooed beneath his eye or anything like that? but he kept saying he was scared of me. Or like someone's brother attacked him. Anyway, maybe this isn't a very funny story for the podcast. It's absurd. Yeah, that's one.
00:30:55
Speaker
but is that one oh i Once I was so drunken, everyone was following me back. We were in Amsterdam. know the way that everyone was following me. And then I was like, so be the Louvre's down here. they're like, the Louvre? And I thought I was in Paris.
00:31:08
Speaker
And we were in Amsterdam. That happened. I was so drunk. So you were so drunk, you thought you were in a completely separate European capacity. Yeah, it would probably be like half an hour. never wait to the hotel. And I was like, oh, the Louvre's down there. So we'd stay over here. they're like, no.
00:31:20
Speaker
i that All the time, stuff like that kind happens. i think I mean, that is the beauty of drinking, isn't it? and Yeah. Especially with, and then like going on a tour bus or something. And like, it's like a moving lap.
00:31:33
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, so every night there's an adventure. Right. um Did you, I mean, did you have a a tipple of choice whilst on the road? used to drink, um yeah, it was brandy for a long time, but then we realized it tends to be mad.
00:31:46
Speaker
So with I had to stop. It's a specialist drink, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I can handle it. but um you're handy with brandy yeah well we have like uh we got this tool manager called ed and he kind of fixed it he said booze o'clock is the thing we have so like you can't drink anything Until it's agreed time. Yeah, two hours before the show.
00:32:05
Speaker
That's very good. Then you just started drinking. ah My ex-girlfriend auditioned to be in Morrissey's band. And she he was asking her about drinking. and what the what the ruless are And she told him about Booth Clock.
00:32:18
Speaker
And Morrissey said, you can drink a lot of vodka in two hours. think Technically true. Yeah, but ah yeah. but Gin. know I drink gin or I drink ah white wine and soda. I don't drink too much before we play anymore. I'm a big fan of white wine and soda. That's a very German drink, obviously. Yeah, i can't drink. I can't have gluten, right? So I drink lot of... um It took me a while to find out why I can drink one.
00:32:38
Speaker
Okay. But... um So if you do see Eddie out there, folks, don't offer him a beer. you Don't offer him This is gluten-free beer. But the... Yeah, I didn't drink so much before we played anymore. It's much more fun not to be...
00:32:49
Speaker
Yeah. that drunk
ChatGPT 'Would You Rather' with UK Indie Bands
00:32:50
Speaker
Obliterated drunk on stage. Yeah. Good. Well, ah thank you for your question, Edith Biscuits. ah that That's all the questions this week, but we do have, again, a super special bonus section.
00:33:00
Speaker
So I asked ChatGBT, which, I mean, this is the laziest podcasting trope of all time, right? So I wasn't going to do this until I saw the questions it came up with. No. And I had to do it.
00:33:10
Speaker
i said, would you make me a would you rather quiz? So it's a would you rather quiz about niche UK indie bands from the 80s, 90s and noughties. Did you... Did you ask it to do that? did yeah suggest I asked that of it.
00:33:25
Speaker
And it gave me eight questions of which I'm going to give you the first two and the final one. Numbers three to seven were fairly vague. But the first one is, question number one, would you rather spend a night road tripping with halfman half man, half biscuit or have a pint with Arab strap in Falkirk?
00:33:44
Speaker
All right. Oh, wow. Now, I'll be honest with you. The reason I think that AI is going to obliterate all of our jobs is I could not have come up with a question in my five minutes. What's the first one? Was Half Man a Biscuit? Would you rather spend a night road tripping with Half Man, Half Biscuit or have a pint with Arab Strap in Falkirk? Now, talking of drinking, I feel like Arab Strap could probably put a lot of booze away. I don't know. I don't want to... My friend, were at Glastonbury a long time ago. My friend, Ollie Hall, saw one of...
00:34:14
Speaker
So, so long ago he had to queue up use the yeah before mobile phones, right? So he was queuing up. To make a phone call. Yeah. And he recognised the guy from Aristrap behind him in the queue. It was like, hey, you're, you're, you're. And the guy from Aristrap said, say my name. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. In a sort of scary, intimidating way. Yeah.
00:34:33
Speaker
I think it's a joke. I presume it's a joke. um And that's hilarious. i like that. mean, that is good. I think, I think, um also i love I love both of those bands. Yes. I think that a road trip with Half-Mond of Fiscus sounds a bit like driving home from a gig.
00:34:47
Speaker
And I think they're not going to... I like them a lot. I think they're not going to be as welcoming in and as fun to drink with as Arab Stripe. Yeah, I feel the same. I love both bands and I don't know, a Half Man Half Biscuit road trip does sound kind of fun but if it's only for one night... I guess it's actually a road trip because in all their songs he likes hiking and stuff. That's right.
00:35:08
Speaker
All the wonderful Bowl Barrow Hills. Yeah. That'd be quite fun. Now, a hiking trip with Half Man Half Biscuit, that sounds good. wrote road means like, this is like a Roman road. Right, yeah. roman roop If it's hiking a Roman road, I would do that with Half Man Half Biscuit. Now, we're veering very much into Alan Partey's monkey tennis territory here. Hiking a Roman road with Half Man Half Biscuit and Eddie Argos. Yeah, that's one of their lyrics. Okay. but the um
00:35:38
Speaker
Or was that one? up just I just distilled a pint with Harry Straff, is it? having a pint yeah yeah I mean I guess that is sort of plural pint yeah um i that's very hard yeah is the Roman road with Half on a Biscuit hiking or you know so the also or some pint I've never been to Falkirk so I would like i would like to do that with the Arab Strap but if there are any TV producers out there low budget you could you could film it on any Roman road near Chester with Half on a Biscuit and Eddie and I think that'd be pretty good you could stop at pubs on the way
00:36:10
Speaker
yeah there you go you've got a few beers in i i'm sold i'd watch that um if uh if um uh a friend that can do that for me as well that's right if i don't know but if if phoebe fleabag oh yeah is listening with her 100 million of my dollars burning a hole a pocket unscripted exactly unscripted it's cheap yeah yeah you're good at breaking the fourth wall we say we say We'd say it's unscripted, but we do it once and have recorded it wrong and have do all of it again, right? That's right, yeah.
00:36:39
Speaker
I'm afraid we've walked coast to coast on Hadrian's Wall, but now we need to go back and do it again.
Influence of Lawrence from Felt
00:36:44
Speaker
like One of the microphones was not on. Exactly, right. Okay, question two from ChatGPT. Would you rather headline a festival with the Delgados or open for the wedding present in 1991?
00:36:56
Speaker
Oh, I have opened for the wedding present in 2000. Okay. okay Whenever that was. Yeah. um In 1991. Yeah, Peak Weddows. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Oh, man.
00:37:07
Speaker
um Or the Dalgadas went. ah No date, just headliner festival with Delgado. So you could still do that. We're both the headliners. Well, I think it doesn't... It just says headline with Delgado. So let's say co-headlining.
00:37:19
Speaker
Split weekend. Yeah, yeah. You're in Leeds, then I'm ready. think I love both these bands. Yeah. I would say... um going on but of i've done that the wedding person it was great i did it as i grew and i did it as the donalds my uh could be banned to the donnas right all male yeah all male donnas yeah so i've done that already um it was in 2011. okay um so that's 20 years after this is this projected uh yeah um yeah oh unless it's actually me in 99 when i'm 10. i'd like to do that or but i think with the delgados festival thing if the delgados and us are playing together it's a bit of a festival all the other bands are going to be amazing right like someone's going to have some very good taste it's like someone's meltdown or something yes my my your meltdown it's my meltdown so it's it's yeah Airstrike can play Half Enough Biscuit can do that show the film they made with me doing Hadrian's Wall that's right yeah Animals That Swim making all the bands you mentioned today could be the support acts sounds like a great festival actually yeah the animals that are they still alive the actual animals I think some of them must be yeah animal from ah Muppets definitely knocking around you could be I mean we've just accidentally curated a fantastic festival there haven't we
00:38:36
Speaker
ah Okay, so Festival the Delgados. And then the final question from ChatGPT made me maybe me catch my breath a little bit with his suggestions.
00:38:48
Speaker
Would you rather be trapped in a lift with Mark E Smith on a rant? Really? Really, truthfully. Or get ghosted by Lawrence from Felt after one iconic night out?
00:38:59
Speaker
Now, first of all, I could not believe... that it has put you in a lift with Markie Smith after us having discussed this at depth. Is it listening? Well, maybe.
00:39:10
Speaker
Oh, maybe listening to the podcast. I don't know. Maybe it's ingested the podcast. It's a scraping in the podcast. I didn't say for Eddie Argos though. So that it, okay. You said for like, yeahdding yeah. Yeah. Well, that's mad.
00:39:22
Speaker
You've been trapped in a lift with Mark E Smith well, we weren't trapped. Well, technically. He was trapped in a lift with me. But the, um yeah, also, the other one of also, I play a gig with Yacht Goblins, that a bru I can't remember, yeah and Lawrence from Denham in the Buffalo Bar came to see me.
00:39:41
Speaker
But I was just in the beginning of a new relationship. lots of weekenders about that weekend. And I went off with the gun instead of hanging around with Lawrence. How do you feel about that now? Awful. Really, really bad.
00:39:52
Speaker
That was a terrible mistake at home. i mean we yout I mean, you don't know those the terrible mistakes until afterwards. but Yeah, yeah. And he was very nice. wrote him a letter. There's magazine in France that's called Magic.
00:40:04
Speaker
And they're really good at putting me in touch people that I like. So I wrote him a letter and they gave it to him. And then he came to see. It must have been our brew, I think. It might have been the launch of brilliant... I don't know what it was. anyway, he was there.
00:40:15
Speaker
And then It was really nice to see you. And then I went out. ah yeah Yeah. But you don't either don't regret those things until later on, do you? So you... But what was the question? So was so wait so wait, hang on. It said, would you rather be trapped in different markets, blah, blah, blah, or get ghosted by Lawrence from Felt after an iconic night out? Well, you ghosted Lawrence Yeah, wouldn't ghost him. I'd love stayed in touch. But... um the Yeah, the second one. I liked the second go-round with Lawrence.
00:40:40
Speaker
Yeah, there you go. Okay, so... that That magazine, Magic, that put me in touch with Lawrence, also put me in touch with Jonathan Richmond. Really? He listened to our record and he sent them a fax.
00:40:51
Speaker
A fax? A fax. It was like handwritten and it said, thank you, not my cup of tea in French. Not my tete-a-tete or something. yeah So he didn't he didn't like that first opera record. They paid it.
00:41:05
Speaker
But it was very nice having that. You should have faxed him back and said, by the way, this was number three in the Pitchforks album of the year. it was going to be a spank. But yeah, it was quite nice having it my wall, Jonathan Richmond, saying, I've lost that bit of paper now.
00:41:16
Speaker
but i't want have faed they They fade, don't they, over time? Much like memories. Email to me. Maybe I can find it in the email. We've covered a lot of ground, I think, in this. We've we've gone from having shit thrown at you by...
00:41:28
Speaker
I was trying to think of better getting drunk on tour stories. I can think of any. I feel like you, I feel like we that's mostly what we talk about. That was the sad bit. That's true. On this podcast. That's what the podcast is. Yeah.
00:41:40
Speaker
It's how well I've got myself into. Yeah. Okay. So just to recap then from the chat GPT questions. You're doing a TV show with Half Man Half Biscuit and also a beer with Arab Strap in Falkirk.
00:41:52
Speaker
You're headlining a split weekend festival the Delgados and you're going to go on an, quote, iconic night out with Lawrence and Feld. Yeah, that all sounds quite achievable, actually. Yeah.
00:42:03
Speaker
And the Lawrence McFelt one sounds like, feel like that they've made a documentary along those lines recently. We tried, yeah. oh there books <unk>s He's just got a great book that's come out, hasn't he, about Lawrence McFelt. Yeah, I've got book i bought a book from, me he was selling books from his personal collection.
00:42:18
Speaker
he ah Really? his Yeah, like stamping them like Lawrence's library. I bought one. You've got a... I'm sitting metres away from a book I bought that from Lawrence from Felt. From Lawrence from Felt and Denim and Go Kart Motorcycle.
00:42:32
Speaker
Okay, look, I know we're about to wrap up, but i'm Lawrence from Felt, right? but I mean, I'm calling Lawrence from Felt, but Lawrence from whatever. Do you have a preferred ah period in his oeuvre?
00:42:42
Speaker
Because obviously i looked that felt amazing and I loved those was early Felt records. Denim were great. I think probably Denim because Denim is when I discovered him.
00:42:53
Speaker
I heard it fell off the back of a lorry on the radio. I thought, this is amazing. I went and got, that's Denim on Ice, right? went and bought Denim on Ice.
00:43:04
Speaker
It was very hard to find back and down in Denim the first time found it. It was amazing. When we signed to Mute, Zoe gave me like a PDF of an unreleased Denim. Wow.
00:43:17
Speaker
Our manager, Richard Hermitage, we signed with him originally because he'd managed in the past Lawrence from Denham and Eurasia. I was like, that's the Yeah. Those are my favourite bands. That's your sweet spot right there. Mainly so I thought, um he's been a manager for 20 years.
00:43:34
Speaker
But the um it was mainly at the time because I wanted to see if it any and release things I could get my hands
00:43:43
Speaker
It's got like a pattern here to monitor. Yes, i like it's funny. like Lawrence from Denham is sort interwoven periods of my life. he I mean, look, we we could do a whole but a whole series of podcasts on Lawrence from Denham and probably someone has.
00:43:57
Speaker
But he really is one of those sort of mystical figure figures of the UK indie scene and has influenced so many people and is meaningful to so many people and has this sort of written slightly tragic um backstory in a sense and that there all these missed opportunities and things that went wrong and i like like the classic one of course is that finally got his big budget breakthrough and the song was about to be released and then it it sort of referred to dying in a car crash and so they pulled it that's right some of the smash and because it was supposed to come out on the day that the day after princess diana died and
00:44:32
Speaker
i I think there's a lot of people who are rooting for like ah a real, like not a resurgence for him, but to have his position really stamped into the firmament. He's maintained himself as
Conclusion and Audience Engagement
00:44:41
Speaker
a pop star. Yeah.
00:44:43
Speaker
He's never wavered from that. He still looks like a pop star and acts like a pop star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sells books like a pop star. Yeah, and the music he makes is doesn't really... is He's clearly doing what he wants, right? so Yes.
00:44:55
Speaker
yeah Yeah, Denim is the bit that I love the most, but just because I discovered it. I love Go Cartmode's last thing. Yeah. I love my favourite felt record. It is that me and Monty.
00:45:07
Speaker
Yeah. but All those felt records are amazing. i think I think I like all of it. think it's just the the bits that I found first, I liked them. Yes. a Primitive Painters, of course, one of the all-time greatest songs, not just from the indie world, but from all songs. I mean, that just an amazing song.
00:45:25
Speaker
And of course, they um talking of all the pop firm and aligning, it was, who was his keyboardist? It was ah Duffy, wasn't it? ah Martin Duffy, who then went on play in a whole bunch of bands, including Parable Scream, and and was it amazing as well but Able to put all these brilliant musicians together. and ah We should try and get Lawrence on the podcast, if you're listening.
00:45:46
Speaker
Yeah. um You can email us at eddieandjoe at iformtheband.com. I can get my iconic name and then can go somewhere. That's right. Finally. all comes true. It all comes true. This is the lift up from the bit you said earlier. It's a dip and then a lift That's right. This is the the the glorious rebirth at the end.
00:46:02
Speaker
And hey, maybe, you know, I mean, we could turn your walk with Half Man Half Pisky into a podcast as well. we could We could do all of this. So stay tuned, folks. Hands up those who want the new Argos catalog. If you do have any ideas for formats that Eddie could pivot to ah involving ah niche indie heroes and unusual things to do with them, please do email us. It's eddieandjoe at iFounderBand.com.
00:46:29
Speaker
If you go to iFounderBand.com, you can also sign up for mailing list, which is really good. And you get to hear about the podcast first. And you get all the bits that we don't put in the podcasts. All the links and things that we we talk about, we've bunged them in there in the email and you get that as well.
00:46:44
Speaker
And, um well, that's it for this episode of the Argos Catalogue. I think we've really filled a few pages in there. That's good. Hooray. Hooray. So that's goodbye from me and it's goodbye from Eddie.
00:46:58
Speaker
Cheers.
00:47:07
Speaker
you