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The Argos Catalogue –Eddie (hungover) answers: Who would win if Brian Eno fought Moby in a pub car park? What's his favourite Lighthouse Family song? How he'd use cats to build Noel Edmonds a playlist, and more...
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Ep. 4: We continue to document the life, times and tribulations of Eddie Argos – and this time, he's sporting the kind of hangover that required him to be mostly lying down during the podcast recording. Thankfully it allows him to tap into some deep recesses of his mind. In this episode, Eddie:
> Reveals that he’d be happy to listen to a Simply Red, a Fall, *and* a Mumford and Sons album every day forever (or would he?);
> Muses on the winner if Moby and Brian Eno fought in a pub car park;
> Describes how Suede’s Brett Anderson could lasso all of Belle and Sebastian with his microphone;
> Espouses his love for the Lighthouse Family;
> Explains the circumstances under which he’d erase Oasis from existence;
> and theorises how he’d get cats to build a playlist for Noel Edmonds.
There's also a bonus section which is basically F*ck, Marry, Kill for bands.
Send your own questions for Eddie via eddieandjoe@iformedaband.com! They'll probably get answered by him!
Links mentioned:
That bloke from Mumford and sons: https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-57608397
Noel Edmonds’ radio station for pets https://play.you.radio/station/2408
Ian Brown http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/206277.stm
A video of Brett Anderson swinging a microphone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho3krYOImbk
Moby’s tattoo: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4xXSMUoKHI/
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Transcript
Introductions and Hangover Confessions
00:00:08
Speaker
All right, Eddie. Hello. This is take two or three now, folks, by the way. We've had some false starts for this episode. ah But hi, Eddie. Welcome to formed a band. Hello. You're Eddie Argos. I am Eddie Argos.
00:00:20
Speaker
I'm Joe Sparrow. ah This is I formed a band. and And this is the ah the Argos catalogue. ah Sort of in between the episode that goes in between the interview ones. Yeah. As we furiously pad out the schedules.
00:00:33
Speaker
Well, I'm too hung over to interview
Hangover Cure Experiment
00:00:35
Speaker
people online. If Eddie sounds a bit different today, folks, it's because he's, I would say, what, deliriously hungover? Deliriously. That sounds good. I do like hangovers sometimes. Let's say deliriously hungover.
00:00:45
Speaker
No. are you Is the room moving? Are you just... No, it's okay now. It's okay now. Okay. yeah So I heard that Eddie was deeply hungover, and I raced around the corner to come and record this podcast on the off chance that, you know, sometimes ah when you expand your mind in that kind of way, the magic happens, lightning in a bottle...
00:01:03
Speaker
but You gave me some lightning at bull just a second. You gave me a sip of Chantre brandy. Yeah, I brought Eddie as a ah hangover gift some Chantre, which is cheapest... the the cheapest Cheapest brandy I can possibly buy in Berlin.
Exploring the Argos Catalogue
00:01:17
Speaker
On the thinking that if something is going to clear the hangover, it's probably going be this. You're going to have try some. think now we should call this lightning in a bottle. Yes, lightning in a bottle. A little bit of lightning in a bottle.
00:01:29
Speaker
Give us some, what's the mouth feel like? Give us some tasting notes. Like cowpole. It's like a cow bulb for adults apples and worse. I don't know. think that's maybe for cleaning my paintbrush. It's marketed as brandy, folks, but I've got the feeling that it's maybe not been aged for three years in oak cask.
00:01:50
Speaker
You can buy it by the... by the say You can buy really big bottles of this. Yeah, it's a caddy. Wow. oh You can buy a one litre bottles. Yeah, i'm I'm not going to do that. Anyway, ah so Eddie's deeply hungover.
Mumford & Sons 'Would You Rather' Dilemma
00:02:00
Speaker
And so we're going to do the an episode of the Argos catalogue where we try and capture the lifetimes and tribulations of the well-travelled indie troubadour, Eddie Argos.
00:02:09
Speaker
Hands up those who want the new Argos catalogue. And over time, we build up a complete picture, holistic approach to ah the things that you've done and thought over the years. Slowly building like an AI version of me. That's right. Then we'll train in AI and our brew can continue forever.
00:02:27
Speaker
um So first reader's letter then comes from a regular listener, Vera Groinstrain from Lambeth. She writes, dear Eddie, when I'm down at the old folks home, my friend Iris and me have lots of fun playing Would You Rather, the amusing drinking game.
00:02:42
Speaker
Our favorite hypothetical situation is, would you rather have sex with a pony, but no one knows you had sex with a pony? Or would you rather not have sex with a pony, but everybody thinks you had sex with a pony?
00:02:54
Speaker
Her question is not about you having sex with the pony, Eddie, though I don't know what you did. You were drinking last night. i don't know what you did. Anyway, she says, Eddie, would you rather have to listen to all the Mumford & Sons albums every day forever, but no one knows that you listen to all the Mumford & Sons albums, or would you rather not listen to all the Mumford & Sons albums every day forever, but everybody thinks that you do listen to all the Mumford & Sons albums forever? Okay.
00:03:23
Speaker
um Basically, would you prefer to force yourself listening to Mumford & Songs every day, would you rather everyone thinks that you listen to Mumford & Songs? How many... How attentive do I have to be to the listening?
00:03:35
Speaker
And how many albums are there? I think you... So, Vera has not defined the parameters of this question, but I'm going to just assume that you have to listen in full to them. course, you can do other things while you listen to Mumford & Songs. You'll have dinner breakfast. That's okay. But you have to listen to every album, every day, forever.
00:03:51
Speaker
or everybody thinks that you are that person who listens to every minute of every month and now. There's the Iggy Pop thing, right, where he talks about how he thinks being on stage is of like the feedback on the amps and stuff has affected his body chemistry.
00:04:04
Speaker
but Yeah, yeah, it's something like that. And maybe listening to Mumford and Sons every day would negatively affect my body chemistry. it might affect your wardrobe. You might start wearing waistcoats.
00:04:16
Speaker
yeah And start having dress. ah now Now I'm kind of keen. Interesting.
Noel Edmonds' Pet Radio Station Discussion
00:04:21
Speaker
Do you know any Mumford and Sons? No, I don't think I do. So, hang on, one second. Mumford and Sons.
00:04:29
Speaker
One of them is lot of banjos and and and isn't one of them like aren't they have like very right wing? Well, but I think one of them has one of them is related. I think the son of someone who's a wealthy supporter of one of the, let's say, rather right wing parties in the UK.
00:04:47
Speaker
And that's in their songs. I'm not sure if they've been carried through into oeuvre. ah Okay. Well, good. It's probably just songs about like love and waistcoats.
00:04:58
Speaker
Love and waistcoats? um Yeah, I think and I don't... Can you sing me a bit of a mum for the sunset? No. I don't think I know any Mumford. If people think I'm listening to Mumford & Sons all the time, they're going to think that I've been replaced, I think. Right. I think people don't expect that of me. No one would expect that of you. Yeah, or maybe... I don't know. Would it have a negative impact on the fans of your music, do you think, if...
00:05:22
Speaker
They suddenly which truly believe you listen to every Mumford and Son's album. Every day. um I think people just wouldn't believe it. Unless had to paint them. No, no, that's the point. They will believe it. It's like magic. It's like it's not strange. They definitely believe.
00:05:38
Speaker
um Or have to listen to them. Yeah. I think before I make this decision I should listen to something Mumford and Sons, but I don't... and you won't sing me any. I don't... just have a big feeling of sort of swelling choruses. Yeah, exactly. I think I got that, yeah. I don't mean that, that's morning music. Like church bells or something, I could let me put up with it. Right, so... But I think... I mean, they must go on album number five, so that's at least five hours of this every day.
00:06:05
Speaker
Every day. You think the album's an hour long each? Yeah, because the smiles are about 35 minutes long. So there's like an hour long. Yeah. Okay. I mean, this would be a very different thing if we said, hey, you have to listen to It's a Shame About Ray by the Lemonheads. if you yeah It's like 25 minutes. Yeah. i know the toilet come back in his dinner and And I'm actually doing that anyway. yeah It's a great album. Okay, fine.
00:06:26
Speaker
um Okay. I would say... um i I'm big enough to let people think I was in the month and the sons. As long as they don't, because if I start this thing, if it's like from now yeah and I suddenly, everyone's like, oh, this is the month and sons the time. yeah They might think I'm a right wing lunatic or something.
00:06:42
Speaker
So long as that long as they don't think that about me. Well, you've been replaced. I've been replaced. Yeah, I've been replaced by some strange guy. Yeah, the AI we've trained. He's no longer an international... but I don't know, revolutionary communist? yeah he he He's now gone the entire of the other direction. He's really into the Mumfins, which I guess is how the fans refer to them.
00:07:01
Speaker
Okay, ah next question then. i drew just get market Oh, sorry. I'm still just the ruminating. Yeah, I think that. A lot of people think that it's I'm into the music and not the lifestyle.
00:07:11
Speaker
think it would be okay. If anyone is listening and they're into the Mumford and Sons lifestyle, which I presume is some sort of euphemism for some weird sex
Hypothetical Band Fistfights
00:07:20
Speaker
practice. Okay, I'm not into that. Okay, well. Also, I think I have to listen to Mumford and Sons for five hours a day. That would take away my other listening time.
00:07:30
Speaker
Exactly. Like when I listen to my favourite pens. Yeah, that's right. and So yeah, people can think what they like about me. Right, because you can listen to what you want. yeah they just You can be listening to as much Hell and Love. You can be listening to Hell Love 24 hours a day and people will believe listen to Mumford & Sons. Okay, fine.
00:07:44
Speaker
um Next question then. This is from Dorothy Shabaranks from Rill. ah hu Be ready. When I'm not listening to Artbridge's Deep Catalogue of Tunes, I listen to my favourite radio station, which is Noel Edmonds' Positively Happy Pets.
00:07:59
Speaker
I'm sure you're very familiar with this station, but for the benefit of your listeners, here's how the station describes itself. Quote, many were sceptical, but Noel Edmonds believed in his vision, a broadcasting service that helps soothe anxious or stressed pets through carefully selected music.
00:08:13
Speaker
Although some members of the press were initially dismissive... Pet owners have wholeheartedly embraced the concept and now numerous scientific studies confirm that music can significantly ease problems like separation anxiety amongst pets. So ah just to interrupt Dorothy Chevronx here, i've this is a real radio station that actually exists. on Oh, wow. OK. Yeah.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah. She said she continues. North Station is full of my other favorite kind of music after our brood, which is utterly anodyne and deeply generic background music. She's got a contrast going on in her life. But my question to you is, if you were programming a radio station for only Noel Edmonds to listen to, what would be on it? That's going to be thinking about Noel Edmonds.
00:08:54
Speaker
yeah um Am I being nice to him? on my um Well, first of all, let's just like this is a real radio station for pets. He also has a radio station for plants, but for music. Hang on.
00:09:04
Speaker
Hang on. Is Noel Edmonds composing the music? No, it's it's more of, he's more of the sort of ah conceptual director of the station.
00:09:14
Speaker
And so basically he's come up with an idea of music for pets. And then there's a lot of sort of very generic, calming music that you would sort of hear in the hippie field at Glastonbury, sort of.
00:09:27
Speaker
And it says, it has a lot of text on the page of the website that reads a lot like ah when Alan Partridge says, ah need us to say, I had the last laugh.
00:09:38
Speaker
So it's it's a concept. I don't know how many pets listen to his radio station every day, but needless to say, he had the last laugh after, quote, some members of the press being initially dismissive.
00:09:49
Speaker
So it's a lot of very chill vibes. Might be good for your hangover, Rich. Oh, yeah. I do like, no, I like my hangover to be soundtracked by like Fugazi or something. I like, yeah, we work it out. Okay. So, Noel Edmonds, the much-storied British media personality, host of Who Wants to Be Millionaire? What was the one where you open a box and it has money in it? Guess what's in the box.
00:10:12
Speaker
it's goods Deal or no deal? no Deal or no deal. Guess what's in the box. we were buttontra Guess what's in the box, is it? What's in the box? You've got a Boo Rowdy song that would work immediately. Anyway... Noel Edmonds, famously, ah apparently not a big fan of music, despite being a radio DJ for a very long time.
00:10:27
Speaker
and i'm ah In my head, he's more of the crinkly bottom, yeah Mr. Blobby guy. Yes. Longstanding host of Tea Time. Yeah, Saturday Morning TV. So am i am I trying to soothe him?
00:10:40
Speaker
You can do whatever you want to Noel Edmonds. That's the beauty of it. You can you educate him. You can educate him. you If he's making this radio station... Yeah. I think it's going be like loop. So I would make Noel Edmonds make the music for his, for my radio station for himself to listen to. Wow. You're just turning it back on. it Yeah. I'd be like, hey Noel Edmonds. Yeah. it is I mean, because when you first mentioned this pet radio station, I thought the pets were making the music. That's cool.
00:11:05
Speaker
so what So what you're saying is actually you could get the pets that have been soothed by his radio station. Oh, yeah okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you could get, yeah, this is it. You're right. Right. So if Noel Edmonds is programming for the pets, yeah I think in retribution the pets should be allowed to program for Noel Edmonds.
00:11:21
Speaker
Right. So I think we should let some cats loose. I'm going go with cats because they've better taste. When you say let the cats loose, you're not talking in a kind of jazz. Let the cats loose. Let the cats loose. Yeah, let the cats loose, let the pet cats loose. but and You have to build a system, I guess, of like, put a selection
Three is the Magic Number Game
00:11:40
Speaker
of records down and then the ones that the cats choose, or like, maybe like, don't know how you would do it, like let a cat loose on a keyboard,
00:11:49
Speaker
with Spotify open and the songs the cat accidentally chooses is what, oh no no, not accidentally, the songs the cat intentionally chooses. Intentionally chooses. Noel Evans has a lesson to I would let the cat program, one cat, one cool cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd let him program for Noel Evans.
00:12:05
Speaker
I don't know. Every day, ah different animal. So on a Monday, a cat. yeah On a Tuesday, a parakeet. yeah On a Wednesday, a guinea pig. Guinea pig. Yeah. No dogs. It says on his website, ah that's on the radio station website, that dogs and cats particularly enjoy soft reggae.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I can sit there with dogs. I don't know about cat iry cats. I agree. Cats are being cynical or ironic. and But I know, but some stuff is okay, I guess. Yeah, I mean, walk walk if you were a cat, Eddie, what kind of music do you think a cat would choose, given the choice of all the music?
00:12:35
Speaker
um Cats are all different personalities. Yeah, I don't know. I think... um Cats are a bit more, I don't know, I always think of cats being a bit more jumpy around you, but they're quite chill cats, right? They're like yeah like sleeping a lot.
00:12:49
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, well, we'll- but Mumford and Sons. Mumford and Sons, yeah. Is that what it is? Yeah, if we've gone full circle, that's good. ah Well, our link to um Noel Evans' is ah Pet Radio Station, and I had it playing a bit earlier, and I left it going by mistake. Is it artists? I'm going to know, is it? No, absolutely not. It's just ambient vibes. Okay.
00:13:11
Speaker
um Ruby Tripe from Crew writes in and says, Dear Eddie, there's nothing i like more than the raw excitement of bare-knuckle fighting. And I regularly enjoy taking part in the fight club that I've established at my local bridge club.
00:13:24
Speaker
I'm proud to say that I'm the hardest 86-year-old lady in Crew. And if anybody wants some, they can find me in the car park outside of the McDonald's on the industrial estate. Anyway, what I want to know is, who do you think would win in a fistfight between these bands? Okay.
00:13:38
Speaker
So the the first one is a Mancunian battle for turf. It's the Smiths versus the Stone Roses. Oh, wow. Because I think she's picked quite well here because there' it's not that if you put one of them against Oasis, you'd say, well, obviously it's going to be Oasis, right?
00:13:57
Speaker
um Hang on then. So listen, the Smiths, right? Obviously, we know that Morrissey, well, the the assumption would be that Morrissey is not going to be handy, right? No, he's got this kind of perception as the, you know, he's waving the flowers around, blousey. You have someone's eye out with that. you know, like, right. That's what I think. it Right.
00:14:17
Speaker
I think, watch out, Ian Brown. Yeah. And on the flip side, you've got Ian Brown, who was literally jailed for threatening to cut off the hands of an air stewardess. Oh, was he? Yeah. oh But he didn't do it. It was just a threat, you see. I don't know if he would have seen it through. i don't think he would have actually cut off her hands.
00:14:34
Speaker
as he threatened to do. Yeah, didn't know about that. yeah hear that one quite well. And even if you if you take the two front of the equation, right? Johnny Marr, pacifist, he's not going to get punchy, I don't think. Yeah, and who's going to... I mean... John Squire in the Stone Roses.
00:14:48
Speaker
That's him along. He likes painting. I think John Squire and Johnny Marr would be friends. Yeah, I think so. Maybe they are friends. don't know. Manny from the Stone Roses, just a bundle of joy. He's not going to be fighting. it's It's going to be I think the the
Reflecting on Personal Music Journey
00:15:00
Speaker
rest of the band...
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah. The Smiths and the Stone Roses are going to become friends. Right. And I think Johnny, but I think Morrissey yeah and Ian Brown. Ian Brown are fighting in a pub car park. In a pub car park. Surrounded by... think they've seen Ian Brown and Morrissey.
00:15:20
Speaker
Ian Brown's like a little guy, right? He's not very tall. Yeah, i think Morrissey's a bit taller, isn't he? I don't know. Is this we're doing? They're both quite skinny. Yeah. Of a certain age. Yeah, they've both got like... They've both got unusual views. on They're going to become friends too. I've never noticed. that Yeah.
00:15:36
Speaker
Maybe they're just going to like... Do you think though they'll bond over a contrails or something? Maybe both their mums called Martha and it's like Batman versus a Superman. And they're like, what did you say? Right. Yeah.
00:15:47
Speaker
Or both their guitarists are called Johnny, right? They can be like, this don't hurt Johnny. Johnny? Yeah. You have a Johnny. We might have guitarists called Johnny, then they become friends. It's like the end of Batman v Superman. Wow. But it's ah about guitarist called Johnny and not mothers called Martha. I absolutely did not see that coming.
00:16:02
Speaker
i So the answer they all become friends. They all become friends. I would say circling in a very climactic way. Yeah, I reckon Morrissey and... Who do you think Ian Brown would maybe have a swing? Who you think would the best at trash-talking out of Morrissey and Ian Brown in this episode? Morrissey, yeah. Absolutely, Morrissey.
00:16:23
Speaker
Ian Brown would swagger into the pub car park in a more threatening way. He'd say things about cutting off people's hands. Whereas Morrissey would say something does you say that he on a personal go yeah He would say that he's sort of uncouth yeah ah and Ian would laugh it off, but then he'd say something really cutting yeah and get to him.
00:16:44
Speaker
yeah And then they'd realise the futility of fighting. This is the sort of thing they put on Netflix now. I've watched that. Let's leave the rest of the bands out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Morrissey versus, can't forget, Ian Brown. Ian Brown. Okay.
00:16:58
Speaker
I think it would be, like you said, they'd get unwell, they'd bond over something. Perhaps we don't want to talk about this. That is a fight, but yeah, they but they would, yeah they didn't, yeah. Yeah. um and that She also says, what if Moby fought Brian Eno?
00:17:12
Speaker
ah wow. Yeah. They both kind of, they both make ambient music. They're both balding. They've both got quite a good part. i mean, Roxy Music versus... Moby was like a vegan punk, right?
00:17:23
Speaker
Yes. And Brian Eno was in Roxy Roxy Music, which is a big tick in that box. Yeah. I mean, fighting-wise? Moby's got huge tattoos now on his arms. Like, but it says... I'm going to kill Brian Eno. Is that what it said? It's amazing. It was written in the stars.
00:17:41
Speaker
It says, no, I think it he has something about, I think it says animal rights. I he was an irreparable hero. Yeah, and he made a film and everything. and yeah But it's imagine the biggest ah font size you could get.
00:17:54
Speaker
he He's got that on his arm. Comic Sans. Oh, it's... If only. Chilo. Yeah. I think a good, I like that but movie. How old's Brian Eno? I mean, he's not moving into what I would call his pathway years, but he's in his autumn null years. I think this should also be on Netflix. And not only should they fight, they should fight using oblique strategy cards. Oh, yeah. Is it going be like, yeah, defeat you? I mean, I can't
Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement
00:18:20
Speaker
think of it, but I've got them on my phone, actually. Go on, read us an oblique strategy. you're not familiar with oblique strategy cards, Brian Eno and another artist whose name I always forget created a bunch of cards that you can pull out of a deck and it has sort starting points for creativity and fantastic. And it's like to derail your creative process.
00:18:36
Speaker
ah The one first one, it was water. That's not going to help. Water. um Turn upside down. Now, that's sort of a... I didn't do that. A sensitive to wrestling, isn't Yeah, right. Moby could turn Brian EO upside down.
00:18:47
Speaker
And then the comeback would be magnify the most difficult details. Wow. That'd be... What? That's why? His tattoos? His tattoos. Yeah, yeah it all makes sense. He's already magnified them. Well, okay. Turn upside down. This is quite... This is a free app.
00:18:59
Speaker
So I think it's... this Water's an upside down. What mistakes did you make last time? Well, of those two big tattoos, I imagine. yeah Has Brian EO, do you think... Fought other people in the past. LAUGHTER Yeah. Brian Eno, legendary rumbler in pub car parks, often accuses people of looking at his pint funny. at Do you think that when you talk about mistakes, has Brian Eno made mistakes through his career? and he's had a pretty good, solid career, hasn't he? He produced a Coldplay album. him But with him, that's good, I guess. And YouTube, a lot YouTube albums.
00:19:32
Speaker
Yeah. ah Someone said to be expanded a theory to me once, and I think this is a bit cruel, that he works with boring bands because his kink is to make them sound more interesting. Yeah. Well, other than fair play to him, he's doing good job that. I mean, it worked, right? Yeah. I mean, all those early solo records and stuff were amazing, right? Absolutely amazing.
00:19:54
Speaker
I mean, Coldplay is an easy punch bag anyway, right? that that is Coldplay are an easy punch bag. and i don't Before, I used to enjoy... punching Coldplay and now I don't feel the same about it. They always do nice things, Coldplay, right? they They're doing great work for the environment and all this kind of stuff. They're nice guys. Have I mellowed now?
00:20:13
Speaker
but but Because start I listen to Coldplay. dont you use mu for don't you Shouldn't you be starting a beef radio with Chris Martin here? I saw an interview Chris Martin recently. And it was just when Oasis announced that they'd reunited.
00:20:24
Speaker
And he said, and i and this is when I went very soft on Coldplay. He said, it's great news, but it's basically not Oasis if original drummer Tony McCarroll isn't in the group. And I can't actually, i can't get more behind that. i think He's 100% right. I want to see Tony back in Oasis. I want see Tony in Coldplay. Yeah. That's what I would like. Well, actually, that makes him a hypocrite, doesn't it? Because you could bring Tony on stage any time. He's not he's not rushed off his feet at the moment. That's true.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah. um i forward Oh, fighting in a car park.
00:20:57
Speaker
If Moby and Brian Eno were fighting in a pop car park, who would win? I think, again, what's this lady's name from real? This is Ruby Tripe. I think I can see what she's done. She's pitched similar people against each other. Yeah.
00:21:10
Speaker
I think every time it's going to end up in a friendship, Yeah. I'd imagine Moby and Bradley now have more in common than not. They would probably release quite a good ambient elf together. That would be pretty good. Okay, one final one, she says. for Belle and Sebastian taking on Suede.
00:21:26
Speaker
And I'm going to say about original line. Original line of Suede versus Belle and Sebastian. Because Bernard Butler, I think, right, from Suede, that line of Suede,
00:21:40
Speaker
Very, very slight man. Very slight. They were all very skinny, but I reckon he could swing his guitar around head. Well, I was thinking, I mean, I think it'd be very close. Yeah. um I think both those bands are harder than you think they are. just Yeah. i hear those Those sensitive songs, ah you know, that's come from something, right? I think. Suede was very active on the stage. yeah That's what I was going to say. I've seen Suede quite a lot recently. yeah and his mic control is spinning around and catching very good.
00:22:06
Speaker
So he had a weapon. Yeah, exactly. So if he had that microphone, he could take out probably all Bernard Sebastian and then could then whip it back. Yes, because he swings it really high above his head, around, around, around, and you could... yeah And he always catches it back. I think yeah he would, i think, just Brett, but Brett could go around fighting crime with that, I think. I think Brett Anderson could be... Every band we've mentioned, Brett Anderson would beat them with his microphone.
00:22:29
Speaker
what What would Brett Anderson's superhero name be? I'm trying to think of a Suede song. It could be... ah The insatiable one. Yeah. it's The insatiable one. He's he just insatiable for c clonking people on the head with his microphone. He could he would kind of help it. He would tell a brilliant story through lyrics and he would get all of Bell and Sebastian surrounding him in a circle because they're entranced. Yeah, yeah. And then he'd just whip his microphone around and clonk, clonk, clonk, and they're all down and clonk. Or like cattle, like a cowboy. Yes. He could, like, lasso.
00:22:58
Speaker
yeah We'll leave you that image, folks, which is ah Brett Anderson from Suede lassoing all of Belle and Sebastian with his microphone. Hands up, those who want the new Argos catalogue. That's all the letters from this week. We've got another section here now of the Argos catalogue. Again, to scratch the surface a little bit on how you go about it appraising your life in music.
00:23:22
Speaker
This is a a new ah feature designed to understand how you feel. It's called Three is the Magic Number, um its it which has nothing to do with De La Soul. It's basically Fuck, Marry and Kill, but for bands.
00:23:33
Speaker
Okay. Okay. So you're given three songs or artists and one... so you have to pick from the three, right? One... You must only listen to only that artist for the rest of your life. ok One, you can listen to you could you must only listen to exclusively for an entire year, but after that point, you can listen to whatever you want again.
00:23:51
Speaker
by And then the third one, you can obliterate from existence completely. okay So we'll start with a nice broad choice of R.E.M., The Fall and Oasis. ah What were the options? What can I do to them? you One of them you've got to listen to for the rest of your life.
00:24:07
Speaker
One of them you've got to listen to for an entire year and one of them you wipe out of existence. R.E.M. Oasis and The Fall. Yeah. You see, I wrote a thing about R.E.M. Ruth and Martin. Yeah, it was a Ruth and Martin i'm listening first listening thing. And I listened to ma Murmur by R.E.M. And I wrote a very unpleasant review And ever since then, i've they've kind of grown at me. yeah I think, R.E.M.
00:24:30
Speaker
Hang on then, let's do it. I love that first Oasis record. yes And I would be sad not to have it. yeah But boom, off it goes. They're gone. It's gone. They're gone. I can listen to T-Rex or other things. Slade. Roles. You've wiped out Oasis record. And my friend is Keith Oldfopps' favourite band. Sorry, Keith.
00:24:49
Speaker
um I was have, um is it R.E.M. for a year? Yeah. Because like I i get a leg could keep going if wanted to, right? Yeah. And what's the fall? The fall? You're listening to the fall now for the rest of your life?
00:25:01
Speaker
I have to. Yeah. like Prescribed every day. Prescribed every day. But like how much? i One album. You can listen to... An album? Every day. yeah yeah One full album every day. There's lots.
00:25:13
Speaker
there's Any of them, there's lots. There's bootlegs. What about the House of Fall and stuff? Does it have to be it was just specifically Marky Smith? It's definitely Marky Smith. Okay. Well, that's not a bad thing. Ian, you've got a lot of choice. Every day forever. Yeah.
00:25:26
Speaker
You know, I think that's probably the but... but Yeah, okay, Oasis is gone, boof. Because like I can get that in and other places. yeah That exists already. Very strategic. Yeah. REM and The Fall are quite unique.
00:25:38
Speaker
REM, I would keep listening. Yeah, the first year just to get into it and see where I go with that. yeah i think I would probably end up liking it, maybe. Yeah, I think so. And then The Fall is quite erratic and different enough that I would not get bored. Yeah, I think so. There's variety. But an album's a lot. But it's... that's them's the Them's the rules. I can choose to say them twice or something. You can listen to I Am Curious Orange every day forever if you wanted. i think that in that i think that's the sensible option, okay I think.
00:26:03
Speaker
Sensible option. um Okay, here's three more. It's Simply Red, The Lighthouse Family, and Mumford & Sons. Oh, well, Mumford & Sons, I'm going to come back. Yeah.
00:26:16
Speaker
Mumford & Sons, I do not know. Yeah. ah Lighthouse Family? What's that? The sun's going to shine. and know everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very inoffensive soft pop. Okay. Let's just get rid of Mum for the Suns. Right.
00:26:29
Speaker
Don't know them. Not interested. Okay. ah what don like You've got Simply Red. All the latest film. See, the Simply Red. oh I like that Simply Red song, Stars.
00:26:41
Speaker
It's pretty good. like Fairground. Fairground too, It's a good song. I only know sun's going to shine on everything you do. Well, spoiler alert, all of their songs sound like that. Okay. So imagine like the smoothest, softest pop.
00:26:56
Speaker
I think also did Simply Red Knot Did they not begin as like a punt? That's right. They were called the Frantic Elevators. to kind of some of them as well. yeah um Go on then. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do Simply Reds. Yeah. For the rest of my life. Yeah.
00:27:09
Speaker
With them in it. And then, because that star song is good as well. Yeah. um And then light a sound effect for a year. Yeah, in the morning. If it's all like that, it's quite chill. I'd have it as like my alarm or something. Yeah. Just to wake up. Yeah, just to wake me up. You're very strategic about it. For a year. Thinking technically. We're thinking of youthfulness. Very traditional. Yeah, okay, good. ah But for what it's worth, I agree with That's what I would do as well. ah Final one then.
00:27:33
Speaker
ah This is the tricky one. the three um The three bands are Carter, The Unsuppuppable Sex Machine. Okay. Men's Wear. Uh-huh.
00:27:43
Speaker
And Arbred. Oh man, that's hard. Yeah. Oh, have to listen to them. Yeah. Oh man. Well, I love Cartoon and Stopped Bulls, so I'll listen to them forever.
00:27:57
Speaker
Every day. yeah yeah Forever. Oh, pretty much doing that anyway. Okay. That's fine. a but Aunt Brute. um Very good band. I've heard. that They're well reviewed on Pitchfork. Yeah, I've just been compiling a box there, I have been listening to Aunt Brute every day for a year. I've just done that. Right, so you've actually... You've actually done that part. Yeah, I've done that part. it was all right, I think.
00:28:18
Speaker
And I don't want to make myself not exist. Are you one of those artists that you don't want to make yourself not exist? yeah I mean, if you listen to a lot of Mumford & Sons, maybe you would. and But are you one of those artists who doesn't like to listen to your own music, or do you not care?
00:28:31
Speaker
um ah I wouldn't ever put it... on I can't imagine putting it on for some reason. Because if you came home, I'm going to work. You know what I need to calm down. I like it when it's different, I guess. I like it when they send me the music. haven't put the words on yet.
00:28:49
Speaker
But I like it. I'm like, oh, I enjoy the music. like I'm excited. That's the exciting. I like the art brew bit. That's not me. Right. So I could listen to that, I guess. Take me off of of you wouldn't come home and just pop on an album. I mean, no, of course not. But someone said they would do that. it's It said Tom York. I think Tom York said he thought it was Sounds plausible.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I think... um I did quite enjoy compiling the box set because and brings the lyrics round a lot I've surprised myself in some of the live things. I'm like, oh, that's good. Actually, interesting interested in that, really, because you've compiled these two box sets, right? it's yeah As a sort of catalogue of the career, life and times are brute.
00:29:26
Speaker
But dude was there anything, you know, when you revisit art that you've made from a long time ago, was anything that sort of surprised you and you went, oh, wow, I didn't realise that was good? as as as I think it is now.
00:29:37
Speaker
For example, there's that classic thing where people say, well, I wrote this song in five minutes and it became the biggest hit of our our our career and I can't really hear it anymore because it was something I threw away and it became enormous. But was was there anything that sort of... i think more when, because the lineup changes a little bit now, yeah and when the new guys...
00:29:57
Speaker
Say, oh, that's a good one. Oh, that lyrics really good or something. Then I go, oh, yeah. Yeah, you what I mean? yeah. could have not thought about it. just saying it now. I was emoted, doing it, but like it's... Yeah. yeah What about the sort of music that you you maybe you you put you some of the albums you made that perhaps you at the time you weren't sure about...
00:30:16
Speaker
Brilliant Tragic is the one that's like the weird one of it where I kind of sing on it. I'm mostly singing and I try to write lyrics in different way and stuff. And Jake was listening to it. He said, I would go for the box set and he didn't believe it was me to begin with. And he's like, oh, I like it.
00:30:32
Speaker
It's nice to make music when you're mad. I think it younger. Very perceptive. Yeah. Okay. There's this one called Is Dogged, which is like an anagram of my name. And I was trying different things. It's like, Ian's guitar and that's interesting. think I think like it.
00:30:46
Speaker
Yeah. When you look back at the album now, because like this one where you were singing Whisper singing, yeah. Sort of, yeah, but a bit like- Frank Black was teaching me the same. That's cool. Yeah, which is, I mean, if that's a good enough reason to start singing. Frank Black tells to have a go, yeah. But it was a bit like when Pulp did that last album and they were produced by Scott Walker and Scott Walker said to Jarvis Cocker, have you ever thought about singing?
00:31:08
Speaker
And so that album is completely different. completely different vibe. It sounds great. it So it puts you in a very different place, maybe more exposed as well. Well, that was our fourth album. I think four albums and you're supposed to go, oh, what else can we do? yeah And then snap.
00:31:22
Speaker
Back to what you said. Yeah. But the ah no, I don't know. i think it was I always think it sounds like, you know, I've just i've just written about this too in the book, so. Like when you're like you're about 31 or 32, you think, oh, I need to be a grown-up now. And you start actually growing up for a few years.
00:31:37
Speaker
And then you realise actually you're just the same person with less hair or more belly hair. It's that. It's that. that's the That answer that lets me like, oh, we were trying to be growing up or something. We tried to be like adults. And...
00:31:49
Speaker
um Yeah, it has a very, it's a really good feel. It feels like that. It feels like that bit of your life when you're trying to, and it captures it really well, think. so Transitional, yeah. buthel You've tricked me into talking about. I don't feel about that. don't feel about that.
00:32:02
Speaker
What surprised me was, because there's a I nearly did a whole CD of different versions of Rustic Guns of Milan, because this is I changed the lyrics live to lots of things. yeah And I heard that and they're entirely different, some of them.
00:32:14
Speaker
And that surprised me. And some of them I can hear in my voice things and stuff. was like, oh, wow. I was laying some stuff bare there. But there were funny things and things, I think.
00:32:26
Speaker
that was i mean, that we've heard that some different almost every night. And that was quite, was quite proud of that when I heard it. It was like, oh, we wrote song every night. you mean for like, yeah, right, a couple of years. Yeah, if that was kind of, that was kind of cool.
00:32:38
Speaker
like i like I like doing that. I like improvising and stuff. I think a whole album of the same song... i thought it'd be very funny. but as a I mean, in the age of Spotify, why not? yeah There's nothing in the box. I had about 12 different... The music was similar, but the words were all different, apart from the choruses, for Rust-A-Guns-on-Man.
00:32:56
Speaker
I thought, can I have Rust-A-Guns-on-Man one, two, three, four? like the person's name in it. I don't know. So yeah, I like that. I think this is, I mean, listeners, if you're interested in an entire album of multiple versions of the song Russell Guns of Milan, please do let us know and maybe we can make this happen, you know. How hard is it to distribute music onto Spotify these days? all the CDs.
00:33:18
Speaker
But yeah, coming back to your original question, I'd stop Mendo existing. I like menswear for sure. i Even in my first band, I have a song called I Want To Be Johnny Deen. Yeah. But um if it's between me and menswear, sorry, menswear. So you would preserve selfishly yourself. Yeah.
00:33:36
Speaker
And something that... Oh, yeah. I did spend a lot of time making two boxes. I don't want to suddenly vanish after all that. Right. Because who's going to get paid then? Yeah, yeah. Good point. And K.I.O.S.M. doing that anyway, pretty much. Yeah. Okay.
00:33:47
Speaker
So that i thought that was going be the tricky one, but actually that was the easiest one of all of them. and so I guess self-preservation and already I would listen to a little cartoon. Yeah, yeah. Okay. um And well, on that note, ah which we've ended this sort of podcast on quite a sort of thoughtful note, really. how do bro it's the It's the lightning in a bottle. It's the Sean.
00:34:06
Speaker
That's right. Sean Trelley is really kissing you. Loosen the nuts of my hangover. It's loosened something. um And we are finishing on a on a solemn but thoughtful note in this edition of the Argos Catalogue.
00:34:21
Speaker
And so, Eddie, um if people want to get in touch with us, they can email us on eddieandjoe at iformedaband.com. Did you know? good that And as you know, we are very attentive when it comes to the emails and read all of them. Yeah, and then I can answer those questions.
00:34:37
Speaker
And you if you do have a question for Eddie, whether it's about hypo bands hypothetically fighting in pub car parks or having sex with ponies, ah you too can write in and pose your question.
00:34:51
Speaker
To Eddie. I'm happy to answer. Life advice. I can give life advice. ice Should you have sex with a pony if everyone... No. but But what if people didn't know? I'm not saying that. i see what you mean.
00:35:02
Speaker
I'm the one guy that knows that. And now one person knows. It does change the dynamic. yeah um and So, yes, please do email us and let know. And ah from the glittering headquarters I Found a Band here in Berlin, it's goodbye from me. Yeah.
00:35:20
Speaker
And for me too. And it's goodbye from Eddie as well. Thanks for joining us. Take care. Tschüss. Tschüss.