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Is Saba Faisal a Villain, or a Product of Patriarchy? | EP 20 | Dear Body
8 Plays6 days ago
What do we learn when women are repeatedly told, on national television, how to “save” their marriages?
In the latest episode of Dear Body, I reflect on the recurring advice given to young girls on morning shows in the name of marital happiness, advice that often centers women’s obedience, compromise, and silence, while leaving out the equally necessary responsibilities of men.
Instead of reducing a recent TV appearance to a villain narrative, this episode explores the deeper complexities behind such statements, the generational conditioning that produces them, and the quiet harm they cause.
This episode is an invitation to think beyond soundbites, and sit with the discomfort of what these conversations reveal about marriage, gender, and power.
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Transcript
Controversy: Sabha Faisal's Views on Marriage
00:00:00
Speaker
Sama Faisal has been under scrutiny for the past week for her views on marriage and daughter-in-laws. It did not take long for us to start viewing her as the villain in her son's marriage.
00:00:11
Speaker
Before I dive into this episode, I would like to establish how this episode's meaning to justify controlling or abusive behavior. It is to understand how the patriarchs reproduce themselves.
00:00:23
Speaker
kieriarchchiia ne apokai reproduce carthia In an episode with the morning show host Nida Aasir, Sabha Faisal blatantly promoted the daughter-in-law's clothing attire being pre-approved by the mother-in-law.
00:00:37
Speaker
After all, girl is coming our house. She needs to our dressing. hammari mudabbi konija But what if I tell you there is more to this way of thinking? What if we look a bit closer into this rhetoric and start peeling off the layers to Sabha Faisal's story or the story of millions of women who are mothers, mother-in-laws, daughter-in-laws,
00:01:01
Speaker
But for that, I will have to shift to another clip from the same morning show I viewed where Sabha was detailing her critical labour journey.
Historical vs. Modern Roles in Marriage
00:01:09
Speaker
Four hours pass by after a son's birth and the husband is nowhere to be found.
00:01:14
Speaker
Arriving at the hospital, he explains how he stopped at a popular PTV game show during the time Nilamgar. Take a moment to soak in this revelation.
00:01:24
Speaker
Your wife is about to give birth. She needs her husband around. She's only surrounded by her in-laws. Your wife informed you before you left the house that you might go into labour.
00:01:36
Speaker
You come back hours later declaring, when you talking miniip peopleva geta daylingy Let's look at this dynamic from every possible angle before we jump to conclusions. This event occurred more than 30 years ago.
00:01:50
Speaker
What were the cultural dynamics back in the early ninety s Does that justify or explain the husband-wife dynamics and their specific roles? How involved were husbands in the lives of their wives, especially during their pregnancy?
00:02:06
Speaker
What's upsetting is the way Sabah narrated the entire incident, hasaski highlighting how she has been conditioned to not recognize the mistreatment. Not one individual from her side of the family to her in-laws responded to this
Healthy Marriage Dynamics: Communication and Support
00:02:20
Speaker
behavior. As a result, it became normalized.
00:02:23
Speaker
The husband began to internalize, it is the norm to be emotionally unavailable during matters of pregnancy and childbirth. As a result, the husband's role became limited to stepping out of the house to earn.
00:02:42
Speaker
And then we question the increasing divorce rates. What are we preaching in our online and offline spaces today? yamarka kaerf beikamana yeah orrekakaer but chippa da orna The concept of marriage needs to be laid out clearly first.
00:03:01
Speaker
A union of two individuals who agree to be there for each other and build a life together. Now that life can look differently for each couple but both need to be on the same page in order to live together contentedly.
00:03:16
Speaker
Who wishes to earn needs to be laid out? Do the couple wish to live separately, depending on their financial and emotional needs? Do they wish to build a family right away? Some couples wish to wait until they bring kids into this world.
00:03:31
Speaker
There's lots of scenarios and possibilities and every reality of every couple looks different. Once we accept that, we can proceed further. Now let's start from the very beginning.
00:03:44
Speaker
What happens when a woman in labour finds that her husband is absent? She is only surrounded by her in-laws. Her personal and emotional connection is with the husband, the father of the child.
00:03:56
Speaker
First of all, we need to understand and differentiate certain terms. Pregnancy का किसी भी इंसान से पूचे तो उनको अंदास है कि वो क्या है, it's not some disease, it's a psychologically challenging period where a woman passes through severe social, physical and psychological challenges in life.
00:04:14
Speaker
Pregnancy की दुरान और तो कुछ significant support की जरूरत होती है from healthcare care services. However, this period, patriarchal societies yanipiishha in iam such as in Pakistan, a lot of these decisions related to access to healthcare services are in the hands of husbands and in-laws, which we have seen socially and morally power. Weren't has limited autonomy, with the had limited power of expression, because our societal norms are in submissive position. meakte
00:04:45
Speaker
addition to family values
Impact of Social Support on Maternal Health
00:04:47
Speaker
and beliefs, religion, level of education and awareness of the family members, piroto especially pregnant affected their psychological, physical and social well-being. koassceandaskkati During antenatal period, husbands' and family members' support is necessary to ensure healthy pregnancy outcomes.
00:05:09
Speaker
Especially husbands' presence at the time of delivery is fruitful because partner support strengthens and helps in reducing fear and anxiety during delivery. When term partner support, it means that the support is the mental and behavioral actions that one partner can offer. The fact that the support is the most important source of help especially during the perinatal period the fact to support her partners who consider kijatie subsa important source of help especially during the perinatal period
00:05:45
Speaker
This is not arbitrary. nuti So far, many studies have supported the role of social support to be specific to women's mental health problems and treatment, may especially in the perinatal period. But mother and wife are the most strong protective factor.
Challenges Faced by Women in Low-Income Countries
00:06:06
Speaker
subpsisiada strong protective factor hu tay Social support. This also shows that intimacy which results in a balanced relationship in a mental and physical health. could promote kti him to Even in the case of women suffering from mental illness, partner's support minimizes symptoms. who minimize carteia severe perinatal mental health issues, sadda frequently own women may theykiga hair jaha partners support lohoia
00:06:39
Speaker
more specifically intimate partner violence, partner infidelity, and partner tension. These are the factors that highlight that a is relationship. 2015 study in partner tension was considered an anxiety and depression in women especially during the perinatal period.
00:07:04
Speaker
This defined that poor quality of a relationship is linked to postpartum depression.
00:07:13
Speaker
The relationship between the partner and the relationship has been defined. All fathers reported that there are communication problems that are due to tensions. Now these tensions can be addressed. Different communication styles are due to the role transition during the perinatal period. These are due to deterioration problems. One third of the women has been traumatic.
00:07:43
Speaker
This a very important event which a woman's life completely changed. It leaves a such situation where there are many memories that live with her.
00:07:56
Speaker
Lower middle income countries, which we call technical terms, LMICs, are in every 5-5 women are common perinatal mental disorders.
00:08:07
Speaker
In psychological distress کی وجہ سے during labor women easily vulnerable ہو جاتی ہیں environmental influences کے لیے جیسے کہ جو personnel وہاں موجود ہوتے ہیں وہ ان کے لیے familiar نہیں ہوتے جو medical procedures وہاں ہو رہے ہوتے ہیں اور بھی ایسی conditions ہوتی ہیں چاہے labor کے دوران یا childbirth کے دوران کہ کچھ ایسے لوگ وہاں موجود ہوتے ہیں جن کے ساتھ ان کا comfort level different ہوتا ہے kiuch essay log waham mojud rutee jinkearunka comfort level different ota iskibbavihu health systems in alemies primarily physical help or focus curtti or peer social or emotional needs go derize ye neglect karletia Unfortunately, disrespectful abusive behaviors kaamna or naartahe during childbirth, facility-based settings, may meaning hospitals may staff
00:08:57
Speaker
Inexperience due to these things short term and long term adverse effects are made by the women who experience the same. Like maternity care, dissatisfaction, trauma, postpartum depression or other challenges. Which is in maternal infant bonding. k <unk>less sabiutti him Now you notice that a single incident, a clip that has been circulating everywhere online can open the door to so many necessary conversations. It creates space to talk about a woman's experience in the labour room, her experience of giving birth,
00:09:36
Speaker
the entire pregnancy period, and how all of this differs depending on the household she belongs to, her living conditions, her family dynamics. All it took was one moment to spark this conversation even though it has been translated in a largely negative manner. In that this The mistreatment of women,
00:10:09
Speaker
whether by family members by the in-laws by the medical facilities This mistreatment may vary based on the hospital, based on the financial capacity, living conditions but it can't be denied by its This is an issue that demands far greater attention because as this conversation unfolds, we start to see how this treatment trickles down guhihe from one generation to the next gradually eroding relationships, trust and family dynamics over time.
Benefits of Increased Paternal Involvement
00:10:44
Speaker
marukiharafi maternity care can their lack of involvement egbohad bara major public health issuer
00:10:57
Speaker
Although the people involved in every decision making process, especially for females and children, and for their health care services, but the maternity care and complications, which are in pregnancy, are very low.
00:11:15
Speaker
Developing countries under maternal mortality rate is a very big issue public health. issuehe ahi ta There lot of participation in husbands' who observe that labor during delivery, such instances are the ones that are being made. Ironically speaking, male dominance, low level of education, our culture, these all contribute to low level of marital interest. kitharov the husband's involvement is increased, then there are many psychological benefits such as emotional attachment, family members' kid their on communication, pain relief, a positive birth outcome.
00:12:00
Speaker
Childbirth only made fear the children. We have only limited the support of the children's financial matters.
00:12:09
Speaker
And when talk about maternal care spousal involvement, we can and maternal mortality or infant mortality rates.
00:12:29
Speaker
There are many factors such as individual in aid self, family, community, state. All of these are collective role in maternal health services. So, this is why they need to include these factors policy making. We have to remember that our media or our childbirth and pregnancy events are involved in the of husbands. We have to minimize the role of husbands. We have to minimize the role of husbands. We have to involve the daughters, grandmothers, mothers.
00:13:06
Speaker
We have to understand that we have to know childbirth problems. skiparie patahe don goi a get a kajata Events which circulate messages in different forums, where information provided, education, communication, also the women who are excluded. If there is male involvement, then accessing, reasoning, seeking, all those regarding women's role will be health care services and maternal care. calendarander
00:13:39
Speaker
Just as their participation increases, then the risk risk of the infection, and the pregnancy of the pregnancy.
00:13:52
Speaker
As the participation of their parents increase, their relationship with the mother and the child, if whether it's before pregnancy, during pregnancy, after pregnancy, can reduce. Their increased participation of their relationship
Conclusion: Societal Impacts of Public Opinions on Marriage
00:14:10
Speaker
huga with the mother or child can develop.
00:14:13
Speaker
and then as a result for the woman, her husband's relationship participation will become more positive because there is a vital connection between their wives and family. These decisions be better influenced by the child's health and the mother's health. This is very important to able to get a lot of attention instead of isolating the woman. And this is all about the need to see collectively. Instead of isolating the woman. This is the fact that childbirth, pregnancy, its impact on women, what kind of support is, what dynamics need to change, what kind of relationship can enhance the husband-wife and their roles. What kind of concept is regarding clarity, all of this we have understood.
00:15:06
Speaker
All of this is the main purpose of this conversation johammari di miyan shuruhui that is the video that started it all. The video where Sabha Faisal clearly stated her stance, not just once but twice, about how the daughter-in-law, the future daughter-in-law must conform to the attire pre-decided by the mother-in-law. Now, for understanding this, it was necessary that we previous argument together and connect it. so that we can only do the dynamics decode. is
00:16:00
Speaker
ahvo i victim carulbi nebatiak victimiser carulbi nevana shuru kardati Because this is not just about Sabha Faisal, her responsibility as a TV personality and the words that come out of her mouth.
00:16:13
Speaker
The impact it lays upon the masses, especially the women sitting at home watching these morning shows religiously, is also a contribution to it, to the society as a result. You cannot simply isolate your opinion by saying,
00:16:27
Speaker
This is my opinion, you can choose to digest it the way you want because you occupy a public position. It does leave an impact on the people who view you, who view your work, who do not wish to separate the art from the artist and wish to watch you as an amalgamation of not just the roles you occupy on television, but the ideas you imbibe and preach online when you are given a public platform, whether it's on television or through other mediums. Now what happened here was that there was a woman who had a very difficult labour journey.
00:16:57
Speaker
It was a critical condition that she was predisposed to. The husband was unavailable. It conditioned her to continue living her life, raising her kids with someone who was emotionally unavailable, who limited his role to just being the man who provided financially for the children perhaps.
00:17:15
Speaker
Now these are just some situations we're putting forward. We're not trying to digress ourselves by probing into Sabha Faisal's life. This is just to understand the dynamics. Maybe Aap on some level resonate kar sikein in certain areas.
00:17:28
Speaker
And that is the sole purpose of this conversation that I'm having with you. But this story does not end here. What happens when a woman is conditioned to accept her husband in this emotionally unavailable position? We shall continue this conversation in the next episode. I'm your host, Sarosh, and you were listening to Dear Body.