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The Mother-in-Law vs Daughter-in-Law Cycle | EP 21 | Dear Body
2 Playsin 8 hours
The “mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law” trope is deeply ingrained in South Asian culture, but it is not harmless.
In Episode 21 of Dear Body, we examine:
- How this dynamic is produced by patri-local family systems
- The different forms of violence daughters-in-law face from in-laws
- What South Asian research reveals about intergenerational abuse
- Why celebrity opinions on national television spark such intense public debate
This episode is not about individual blame.
It is about understanding how patriarchy sustains itself, and why recognizing these patterns matters if we want to stop repeating them.
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Transcript
Evolving Marriage Roles
00:00:00
Speaker
Previous episode, we talked about how marriage going on over the years, how roles are attached to her husband and wife and how culturally or socially she can alter of a woman, particularly her childbirth experience. I ended the episode with a question.
00:00:18
Speaker
To understand this episode, you will have to listen to the previous one. What happens when a woman is conditioned to accept her husband in this emotionally unavailable position? She becomes isolated. When she is unable to build a fulfilling relationship with him, she naturally attaches herself to her children who become an extension of herself.
Identity After Children
00:00:39
Speaker
As these children grow up, build lives of their own, they start families of their own, or at per se isolation experience kanashi rukady she relives her trauma feeling disassociated, abandoned and alone. Now, in an effort to regain control over her life, not over her children,
00:00:56
Speaker
But over her identity, she struggles to redefine herself because unke bachyon ki independence can feel like a loss of her own sense of self.
Transition to Mothers-in-Law
00:01:05
Speaker
What often happens then is that the woman begins to exert power in the way that she has learned quite early in life, drawing on lessons she learned,
00:01:14
Speaker
while she had occupied the role of the bahu, the daughter-in-law herself. Yeh transition from daughter-in-law to mother-in-law, it carries enormous responsibility. She faces a choice.
00:01:25
Speaker
Kya wo apna trauma process karengi? She will understand herself better. Perhaps seek therapy or other modes of communication where she can translate her emotions, her experiences. Ya phir wo replicate karengi uni behaviors ko that once caused her pain. So when she assumes this role of the mother-in-law, she exerts power by dictating her daughter-in-law how she should lead her life, including what clothes she should wear, because she taught that this is the norm, the culture, ye social or familial expectation. here By doing this, she not only enforces these values, but then she also reaffirms her own identity in an effort that she is connected with her son or her respective child. And then she is doing what doing with her own complex intergenerational dynamics, which has shaped her experience at one time.
Patriarchal Family Systems
00:02:17
Speaker
Now this is not an excuse, this is just to understand, give you a simple breakdown, that in which way this over time, patriarchal setup, is re-established, reproduce. This is called the Patri-local family system, which is practiced in many South Asian societies. This is the violence
00:02:52
Speaker
threaten hujaha that is the assumption that they establish within themselves the jaoopic television personality co national television
00:03:10
Speaker
She is reinforcing the systemic control that she once suffered. When you recognize that daughter-in-law's own thoughts, your style wearing a style, then you will be as individual respect and space offer. More often than not, we see that daughter-in-law's own intruder can see in the relationship of mother and son.
00:03:36
Speaker
which explains that most of the in-law violence against women because mother-in-laws through this perpetuate. Similarly, a couple who are with the parents, have experienced this in these settings 3 times than those nuclear family settings. miotti him Levels aredaa mother-in-lawki presents me ye those are In fact, in 2012 that the violence show female you peroa against fellow women within the family settings is intergenerational. Where mothers-in-law is young daughter-in-law who is mistreat. And the same cycle from a previous marriage, then the situation in the case of a woman is also being in law. of violence is also being extended to Although the patriarcal norm is in many regions, it is also observed that generational hierarchies are still persisting when you live in different localities.
In-Law Domestic Violence
00:05:01
Speaker
This basically forms the basis for in-law violence against women.
00:05:07
Speaker
Domestic settings can be a significant problem for public health importance worldwide. As a significant perpetrators of domestic violence, literature also includes in-laws.
00:05:23
Speaker
Violence in loss can be expressed through control or coercion, where the victim can be deprived of individual autonomy. say Domestic violence can be emotional, uakkqtie economic, sexual and physical nature. Some of the documented perpetrators included are father-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law and unspecified in-laws. Which the other forms of violence have been researched, which is the literature available for domestic violence, cu perpetrated by in-laws, has been focused on the focus. There is a lot of evidence on the person's experience. kuleki
00:06:05
Speaker
Literature highlight that in a different form of violence by in-laws manifest qtehe on daughters-in-law. For example, emotional violence in a movement can be isolated, where there is no permission to interact or communicate, carneke including the girls' family. Control and coercion, victim has freedom denied that they cannot take independent decisions.
00:06:32
Speaker
ahhiliakim butrahia Reproductive coercion where intentional control used for a person when they talk about reproductive choices. scheme Verbal abuse, degradation is Domestic servitude is a tool that is used very commonly where emotional violence is in loss. economic violence is embodied in lack of autonomy isri jessica apa
00:07:10
Speaker
kamai kakke finances coaxis who ya up decisions lisa kinki kittna harak and nahe abneliia yadurukili Even if you have personal items like clothes or documented acts of physical violence in laws that come to thappers, muckers, muckers, muckers,
00:07:51
Speaker
Deep wells in house, the walls in the house, the hair to inflict pain, these acts of violence are made pregnant women. There was another study in 2019 where the physical violence by in-laws was linked to the and how limited resources a family has a family.
Cultural and Embedded Violence
00:08:14
Speaker
حالانکہ یہ commonly document نہیں کیا گیا ہے لیکن studies میں report کیا گیا ہے کچھ عورتوں نے کہ sexual violence by male relatives of their husbands یہ کچھ ان کا common experience تھا shared experience کچھ in-laws کے abuses intentional اور strategic ہوتے ہیں اور کچھ culturally اور habitually embodied ہوتے ہیں یہ combined research ہوئی تھی اور میں اسی کے results share کر رہی ہوں just to gather understanding of the different forms of violence.
00:08:43
Speaker
Before we talked about strategic and intentional abuses. Victim to control a victim. For example, woman can threaten her to send her to her mother or her daughter or her daughter to send her her daughter or her daughter to send her her daughter or her daughter to send her to her daughter.
00:09:00
Speaker
On the other hand, the community members who have been monitoring the victim's movement, restrict them, where they talk about the movement, so that they can further expose them to violent behavior.
Family Dynamics Discussion
00:09:17
Speaker
Now, what was the meaning of the conversation? This was not just to target a single person. Yes, if a conversation starter was, a dialogue built on the various possibilities, We don't try to probe in any person's personal life or family dynamics. But yes, we want to take responsibility an individual. We can understand what roles we occupy as mothers, as wives, as husbands.
00:09:48
Speaker
ah Certain relationships we feel like mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship or husband-wife relationship better understand. This necessary to understand what the rules are, what the value is, what the meaning of it is. You can see how our culture religion
00:10:17
Speaker
But it is necessary that you do a rich life.
Living a Fulfilling Life
00:10:21
Speaker
And by rich, it means fulfilling life. Where your needs are emotional, hair psychological, hair physical, are full. And And you were listening to Dear Body.
00:10:40
Speaker
trauma part school identifi qrtai au fripa neta but up put the klif poncha gu yeah that was automatically ye mala neye kiapiagialina silo vihirika mehu a youjo sarosh and you were listening to dear your body