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Are Pakistani Dramas Justifying Toxic Love? | Ep 10 | Dear Body
21 Plays10 days ago
In this episode of Dear Body, host Sarosh returns after a 2.5-year hiatus to critically examine how toxic relationships are romanticised in Pakistani television, particularly in the drama Mann Mast Malang. Through a character analysis of Kabir and Riya, Sarosh explores how media normalises control, silences women, and embeds dangerous expectations into cultural understandings of love and marriage.
This episode delves into the psychological and societal dimensions of these portrayals: childhood trauma, coercion masked as love, the invisibilisation of women's voices, and the deep-rooted pressures surrounding fertility and gender roles in marriage.
Dear Body is a podcast about the lived experience of Pakistani women — their bodies, their stories, and the systems that seek to shape them. Each episode invites listeners to reflect, question, and reimagine what it means to reclaim agency in a society that often denies it.
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Transcript
00:00:00
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Imagine you are sitting in front of the television with your parents and suddenly the scene switches to a young man pulling hard at a young woman's arm, aggressively tying her hands and feet, forcing her to eat to sleep next to him.
00:00:14
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This scene is from a Pakistani drama series called Man Must Malang, starring Danish Taimur as the male lead alongside Seher Hashmi as the female lead. The storyline followed is a typical rivalry between two families,
00:00:29
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whose youngest children were promised hand in marriage, but grew apart due to a child's close contact with a firearm, leading to the accidental death of the girl Ria's father.
00:00:41
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But I'm not here to just discuss the crazy plotline with you today.
00:00:49
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Hello everyone, my name is Sarosh and you're listening to Dear Body. I'm back after almost two and a half years to give you more episodes on a Pakistani woman's experience.
00:01:00
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You can find me on Instagram at DearBodyPod and on YouTube at DearBody. where an Urdu version will be up. With that, let's get into today's episode where I will break down the unhealthy patterns of the male lead Kabir and the female lead Rhea and why this depiction normalized on television can corrupt a Pakistani woman's expectation of love and support.
00:01:26
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While I was watching this television series online, I was surprised to see the comments section in every episode filled with admiration for Kabir's passionate side and how the majority of the females were wishing for a husband like Kabir.
00:01:42
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Truth be told, Kabir is a violent man. He is dangerous. What you define as love is control over young women. Let's try to understand how and why.
00:01:54
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Kabir and Ria belong to two rival families with the girl's family out to avenge the murder of their father at the hands of Kabir when he was just a child. Years go by with Kabir having fled the country after a broken engagement.
00:02:09
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Kabir's return and his entry foreshadow his dominance as a son, future husband, and a man. He is unapologetic, making bold claims and confident about his safety at home.
00:02:23
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At a wedding, he spots Rhea and falls for her immediately, unbeknownst to him that she is the same girl whose family is out to get him. Adamant that he will marry this girl,
00:02:37
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He insists that his mother ask for the girl's hand in marriage. At one point during the drama, he takes out his gun, places it on his temple and threatens to end his life if he doesn't get to marry Riya.
00:02:51
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Despite Riya's refusal upon her sister's insistence, she agrees to marry Kabir and dis deserts him after the first night together as part of her sister's plan to avenge their father's death.
00:03:05
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To make it easier for us to understand the complexity of the situation and these characters, let's break them down one by one. When we look at Kabir, we see someone fulfilling the societal expectations of what a man should be like.
00:03:19
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Manly, dominant, an angry young man in control of everything. When we associate such traits with men, we are eliminating a man's role as patient, soft, understanding and a listener, all of which we expect from a woman only.
00:03:37
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When we look at Rhea, we see a girl who only remembers losing a friend and a father at a young age. She has no dominant role in her household matters. She is presented as a girl uninterested in her education and silently fantasizing about every interaction she has with Kabir.
00:03:57
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Due to the invisible role she has in the life of her siblings and the father she lost so young, she is naive enough to mistake Kabir's controlling nature as his love and shelter.
00:04:09
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Her brother and sister are seen in the entire drama fixated on avenging their father's death that they forget to grieve together. Asma, the sister, spends majority of her life hiding her guilt by masking it with anger towards the rival family.
00:04:25
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She becomes so wrapped up in this tussle that she trades her sister's body to protect her past from being unraveled. Ria's departure in the middle of the night turns Kabir into a panic mode as he is seen laughing hysterically amidst all the guests.
00:04:43
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This nervous breakdown represents Kabir's unresolved trauma. This emotional injury as the woman he wishes to control is no longer physically present. Even though I talk about the Pakistani woman's experience on this podcast, it is important to acknowledge how badly we need to remove the stigma of getting help.
00:05:03
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Our childhood experiences, traumas, when unhealed, can emotionally and physically destroy not just ourselves, but the lives of so many individuals, as is the case for Kabir.
00:05:16
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The night in question is something I briefly touched upon in the beginning. This is when Kabir forcefully brings Ria back to his house, locks him up in his room, and ties her hands and feet.
00:05:28
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None of the females in that house question the behaviour of this grown man. To rob a woman's body of free will, Kabir represents all of those individuals of our society who use violent threats and physical torture.
00:05:43
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ultimately defining a woman's birth. To the commenters who romanticize this relationship, no husband, no father, no man who deprives you of free will loves you.
00:05:56
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From that point onwards, Kabir uses all of the financial, emotional and physical tactics to control Riya. As he declares in one of the episodes, I can't live away from you.
00:06:09
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I can't live without you. I can't stop seeing you. From kidnapping her to purchasing her mortgage house, Kapir ensures nothing and no one can get in the way of his plans to dominate Rhea.
00:06:23
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She's not an adult human in his eyes who has a voice and the will to decide for herself. She becomes an object. a trophy for him to earn and place on his shelf in one of the corners of his house.
00:06:38
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I would also like to take a moment to discuss how the dialogues and the scenes mirror the expectations of society. Every time Kabir delivers a tactic to bring Ria close to him, her response is met with utter silence and staring in his eyes like she has seen a ghost.
00:06:57
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This establishes the power imbalance in terms of gender, where a man's actions remain uncontrollable, no matter how dangerous they can turn out to be for others.
00:07:08
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But a woman must swear to remain silent. Kabir and Ria are the result of unresolved issues in the early years of their life, as a result of which they become unhealthy and at times dangerous, not just for each other but for themselves too.
00:07:24
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Kabir has an older brother named Mubeen who has been married for five years now. His mother has only one expectation from the couple and that is to birth a child, a son, the heir to their family.
00:07:38
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The Pakistani society has limited roles for women. When she is a wife, she is expected to focus on growing and raising her family. She is expected to manage the house, the kitchen and the children.
00:07:52
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Her body becomes a topic of discussion for the members of the house, relatives at a wedding, a funeral and at a family table. which ironic considering the youth is raised to shy away from discussing matters of the body and sex.
00:08:09
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But the womenfolk feel no hesitation towards bringing the subject of pregnancy and trying for a baby casually at home and outside. When the mother-in-law touches upon the subject of carrying the lineage of their family forward,
00:08:25
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oldest son is expected to oblige and silently accept his limited role in the family as well. The wife's role is to ensure her obligations are attached to the family that accepts them into their home, particularly her bodily choices.
00:08:42
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The concept of marriage in a Pakistani society takes away the agency of the couple. When a limited time passes, both families start pressuring the couple to try for a baby or else it will be too late.
00:08:56
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This also points us in the direction of the myth of raising a child in your 30s or 40s being impossible. Science will educate you better on how the concept of ensuring a safe and promising pregnancy.
00:09:09
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The increased chances of getting pregnant vary from case to case. In terms of the mother-in-law, I would like to give a background on her life to help us better understand why she is fixated on her daughter-in-law's uterus.
00:09:23
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She is a single mother, her husband having passed away. Her youngest son, Kabir, is a man who lives by his own rules, with her mother having no idea of his next move, considering he spends a major part of his day in this drama series following Rhea.
00:09:38
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Her oldest son, Movene, on the other hand, is rather reserved and obedient and grows silent at every request or remark of his mother, no matter how illogical or unfair it seems to anyone. The mother's role after giving birth becomes limited to raising them.
00:09:55
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This in turn develops a singular bond between the mother and the child which is close-knit in nature. When the kids grow up and build their respective families, the mother is suddenly left with this gaping hole in her life, having been stripped of her duties.
00:10:11
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The society has laid out a singular role for a mother-in-law and that is to ins ensure a grandchild in her arms, someone to carry the family name forward. With the grandchild having arrived, the grandmother returns to her previous role as a mother.
00:10:25
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Due to the restrictions in the life of a woman, marriage isn't a partnership where two individuals world grow together, support each other through the highs and the lows. Instead, the Pakistani society enforces its expectations on a woman's body as well as a man's.
00:10:42
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However, the inability to perform has different repercussions for both a man and a woman. In the drama series, frustrated that there is no progress, the mother-in-law decides to get his son married a second time.
00:10:56
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Her constant complaint is that a long time has passed since the two got married. Note that it's only been five years and there is no news of any pregnancy from the daughter-in-law of Bofao.
00:11:07
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The consequences of no children in the family result in different punishments for the man and the woman. The wife will have to endure the title of being baron, the childless wife, someone who will eventually be excluded, not just from society but her in-laws both emotionally and financially.
00:11:28
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In a Pakistani society, marriage is treated as a trade agreement. The girl shall receive shelter, food and clothing in exchange for her womb and her obedience towards her husband and her elders.
00:11:42
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A Pakistani girl is typically raised an environment where she is constantly told that in exchange for financial security, she will have to sell her body and her wishes.
00:11:54
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Men are expected to earn, whereas the same expectation is not attached to a woman, especially not after marriage in most cases. The same is the case with Wafa, who hails from an absent family in the drama, with a sister eventually residing with her at her in-law's house.
00:12:14
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A second marriage with no children of hers means complete erasure of her identity. her pleas are dismissed, her voice is silenced, and no one questions the man for having no children.
00:12:28
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Doesn't it make you wonder? What would have happened had the second marriage not resulted in a child as well? Would that have steered everyone in the direction of the man?
00:12:39
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The man in question in the drama storyline is the oldest sibling, whom at one point declares to the mother, am the oldest and will fulfill that role. Immediately, this showcases the pressure on the oldest sibling to perform,
00:12:55
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overcompensate for his parents and their unfulfilled desires, the siblings and their failures. This leaves him no space to be himself to fulfill his innermost desires and serving his family and society becomes his sole identity.
00:13:11
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His masculinity is questioned every time the mother-in-law touches the subject of a child. While it is true that many aspects of the drama were troubling to witness for a typical audience,
00:13:22
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that comprises of families, it made me want to unpack each character's life. These characters might have traits that could be a reflection of our lives, our deepest desires, and qualities we wish to suppress.
00:13:38
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Take every episode with a moment of self-reflection, followed by how you can grow in your respective relationships, walk out of unhealthy ones and identify what's good for you and what's bad for your well-being.