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S5E18&19 Christmas Special feat. Dove - Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song & Burns' Heir
73 Plays6 days ago
Jon, Michael, Matt and special guest Dove watch The Simpsons episodes 'Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song' & 'Burns' Heir', and discuss what they say about society.
Follow us on the Socials:
Jon: @Meroka.bsky.social
Matt: @mattperspective.bsky.social
Michael: @buttonmashhorse.bsky.social
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Transcript
Introduction and Welcoming Remarks
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, this is Mole Man in the morning. Good Mole Man to you. Three, two, one. Nailed it. Everyone clap? Yeah. No, I lied.
00:00:13
Speaker
Okay, cool. so We'll figure it out in post, I guess. Do I do i need to put my ex's sock over my microphone? Or is the pop okay? That's the only pop filter where I have is my ex's sock.
00:00:26
Speaker
You could try it. it might right um I think Discord does so much audio cleanup, it's always hard to tell, to be honest, from this end. I've turned it all off, just to give you that pure audio experience. Let me just and me just put the sock on.
00:00:38
Speaker
Let's just... That's the start of the podcast.
00:00:43
Speaker
Sock noises. Oh, that ASMR sock noise. How's the sock? How's the sock feel? Give us some pops. Um...
00:00:55
Speaker
um Plosive. Explosion. Explosion. Yeah, sounds good. okay Yeah, think I think that's alright. Sweet. I'm just gonna be smelling my ex's sock is soft this whole time. Delicious.
00:01:06
Speaker
But shoutout to Beth. ah Beth's socks. The real hero of the podcast. Shoutout to my ex, I don't miss you. And I did steal your socks.
00:01:16
Speaker
yes Let's move
Podcast and Episode Overview
00:01:18
Speaker
on! ha Right, sorry, yeah. Hello and welcome to Mole Man in the morning. Mole Man, Mole Man, Mole Is he climaxing? What's going on? No, because you know like when he says vast?
00:01:33
Speaker
Vast. Oh, vast. Vast. Unusually specific pull from the episode. I am wasted here. Wasted.
00:01:44
Speaker
Are you wasted or are you wasted? I'm about to be.
00:01:49
Speaker
near the intro Welcome to More Man in the Morning. We are a podcast about how The Simpsons sometimes has a lot to say about society. Don't say sometimes, so fucking misery. This was your bit.
00:02:02
Speaker
Yep, no, I'm not necessarily sure. got a lot on these ones. I was hoping they would have more, but I'm... yeah but I'm clutching those drawers a bit this week, I'm afraid. We're just going to have like... We'll get there. We'll get there. Get there, I suppose. But for now, I am your host, John, and I am joined, as ever, by my two talented co-hosts. Looks behind myself. Michael?
00:02:23
Speaker
Oh, I'd like a podcast-terino. And Matt. I should get a catchphrase. Yeah. Cool. We are joined also by a bonus guest to celebrate a meaningless milestone this week. I've got a friend of the pod, Dove, is joining us.
00:02:38
Speaker
Hello. That's me. I don't have a catchphrase. What's the meaningless milestone? Yeah, what what is the meaningless milestone I'm here for? No one paying attention to the chalkboard gag.
00:02:49
Speaker
Yeah, none none of you read that chalkboard then, huh? No, i i've I've got that bit, but then i thought we were having a I thought we were also having a meaningless milestone, and I was excited because I like celebrating meaningless milestones.
00:03:01
Speaker
I don't know that necessarily lines up because we've done some episodes that got split in two. So we've probably done more than 50 episodes, but this is the one hundredth episode of The Simpsons that we're doing. Oh, is that what? Okay.
00:03:12
Speaker
Neato. Yeah. out Sweet Seymour Skinner's badass song is episode 100 of The Simpsons. It is a meaningless mind milestone. Woo. Yay. Go Yay. Go
Simpsons' Milestones and Cultural Commentary
00:03:24
Speaker
you three. I'm so proud of you all.
00:03:26
Speaker
You've done so well. No one's ever said that to me. I can tell. My life now has meaning. As random ah trivia aside, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here, but apparently the original airing of this had like various celebrity guest stars showing up in the ad breaks to congratulate them on 100 episodes.
00:03:43
Speaker
We got Luke Perry, Leonard Nimoy and Kelsey Grammer to pop up in the ads and congratulate them. Anyone that's on a guest spot. Yeah. yeah Kelsey Grammer said, ah felicitations to the people who bring the Simpsons to life. May you make a hundred more. Which has aged interestingly.
00:04:02
Speaker
I think he was probably just psyched about the continuing source of income. Well, yeah, that's true. It does get, it does get work out of this. Yeah. But before we delve too deep into any of this, let us, let us do what we always do. Let us talk about what we're drinking first.
00:04:19
Speaker
I was boring and got the same thing I'm drinking ah last week. I just got another bottle of Asahi because I don't care. And it's delicious. You want to celebrate the meaningless milestone. I did actually listen to the last episode, so I've heard about your opinions on Asahi.
00:04:34
Speaker
It's great. It's fucking delicious. Yeah, it's delicious and it's there. Yeah, it's present. It is sure there. how are you dating yeah it present i That's tip. That's your Tinder profile. I am delicious and I'm here.
00:04:48
Speaker
yeah What more do you need to know? I'm not touching Tinder anymore. I know. Tinder is in many ways the like, lager of dating sites. I think that's very fair. It's the Stella Artois of dating. and Speaking of, i actually do have a lager. I hate to interrupt, but I have a chukas.
00:05:06
Speaker
Chukash? It's the one with the deer, boy, though. Jon's had it before. Have I? It's fine. Yes, you have. It's the one that I said was herbal and then wasn't herbal. Oh, The one that i gaslit you about.
00:05:22
Speaker
Fair enough. Michael? I am drinking Northern Monk Faith. Ooh, love Faith. It's a very solid one. It's a good hazy classic, dependable.
00:05:33
Speaker
Absolutely. Thank There is no pun involving the word Faith that Northern Monk haven't already done, but yeah. What are you drinking, John?
00:05:45
Speaker
Thank you for asking. I've got Brooklyn Brewery's Butterfly Photobomb, which is 8.4% dipper. 8.4% on a Monday evening. Oh, why not? It's a meaningless milestone.
00:06:00
Speaker
yeah You wanna talk about something? This is what I got in my fridge. was that all It was that all silly, sugary crap when i was like, eh, I fancy a nice beer today. Before we started recording, Matt, I said you were gonna be the problem on this podcast. I owe you an apology. And it's now clear where the source of this machine's gonna I'm delightful, is what i is what I am. How dare and I think I've snuck more than a few 8% pluses past you before and you've not even noticed when I'm going, yeah, I'm drinking this, it's like, no sense, and you've you just gone with it.
00:06:34
Speaker
You've never admitted it.
00:06:37
Speaker
I said it on air, you guys just, like, didn't notice, I guess. I had so add something like, what was it, a couple episodes, it was like 9% or something. You had the 9%. We're normally just yeah lamenting about the dragon soup more than anything.
00:06:50
Speaker
The dragon soup is only an enhancement to the enjoyment of the hosts. the the yeah it's like It's not the 7.5% in the dragon soup that gets you, it's the caffeine in combination. Absolutely.
00:07:04
Speaker
i'm just loving the way that it's being compared to like doping. like It enhances the It's a podcast enhancing drug. yes
00:07:16
Speaker
It's a gateway to podcasting. Yeah, we're going to do enhanced podcasting where like doping is encouraged. Yep. Yep. i'm I'm sorry, Mole Man in the Morning has been disqualified from this year's podcast awards for podcast enhancing drugs. For using for using dragon soup. we can don We don't condone that behaviour. It's been in the wrong gender category.
00:07:36
Speaker
ah Brackets, politics. Brackets, blood hole.
00:07:44
Speaker
We're never winning an award, are we? i probably not. No, I don't think we are. Beery. But... thought We can dream. Award brackets politics brackets gender brackets blood bowl brackets male.
00:08:00
Speaker
Fucking Simpsons. Fucking Simpsons. Season 5, episode 18 is Burns' Air and it aired on April 14th, 1994. What happened on this day? Billy Joel got divorced.
00:08:14
Speaker
Say it ain't so. Him and Christine Brinkley could not make it work. There's two kids. I have no opinions on Billy Joel. Or Christina Skidingle Bingle, whatever you said.
00:08:28
Speaker
don't even know who that was. Supermodel, apparently. i hate to illustrate how young I am, but who is Billy Joel? He's the singer, piano man. a We didn't start the fire.
00:08:41
Speaker
oh classical music. Yeah. i fuck ah I'm having a fucking barney with this. What the kind of music do you listen to that gets you Spotify rap to say you're 70?
00:08:54
Speaker
Yeah. Is that what happened to you? Yes. Mine said I was 27. I was fucking complimented. I'm 27. What the fuck? Good for you.
00:09:05
Speaker
i proud of you. Thank you. It said I was like 18. Ouch. Fucking hell. I'd take that as an insult at that point. It was, yeah, no. I feel hurt. Jackie Kennedy has us also, so she was more hurt than you.
00:09:19
Speaker
That was new. Fuck me. um Here's some more meaningless news for you. Ted Turner hosted a ceremony at 6pm exactly to mark the exact sentinental anniversary of the first public movie showing in New York City. you have another go that word? Centennial. That's the one. I wasn't going to bring it up because I'm a nice person. I like sentinental.
00:09:44
Speaker
Sentimental. I think it's a very sentimental word. It's a better word. It's a better word. Leave me alone, I'm 70. Yeah, he struggles now. He's 70.
00:09:58
Speaker
Shall I do the number ones? What's in the music? yeah The UK is Everything Changes by Take That. And yet it doesn't. Do you want to feel slightly uncomfortable about the US number one?
00:10:11
Speaker
Bump and Grind by R. Kelly. Why would that make me uncomfortable? Well, you know, Mr. Kelly. Oh, yeah, he was a bad person. Yeah, maybe not the most morally nice human being that's ever lived.
00:10:23
Speaker
That's fair. That's so vague. Well, could say nonce, but... Or sex trafficking, whichever one you want. Please, just go in on all the, like, allegations. She just wants to read out what he was convicted of. Let's let's talk about Simpsons, guys.
00:10:45
Speaker
Let us do... crack on. Right. That's a fucking lie. That's lie. That's straight up lie.
00:10:53
Speaker
thrill is nows a lie that's that's a fucking lie that's a lie that's straight up a lie And, uh, look at Couch Gag, everybody is bouncing balls.
00:11:04
Speaker
I fucking cackled at this. I am so easily pleased. It got a chuckle out of me. It was the noises, like the actual bouncy ball noise. I was just on i was so amused.
00:11:17
Speaker
I'm so easily amused. And this is the first time we've seen it. I was going to say, I thought I'd remember that one. Now, for some reason this season though got they got extra material in the tank for these ones. Yeah, it.
00:11:32
Speaker
Speaking of no effort, the episode starts with Homer at the nuclear plant and he's lamenting the fact that nothing exciting ever happens. At that moment, panfare begins and a presenter comes in with a woman in a bikini telling him that he's won the employee raffle.
00:11:45
Speaker
Homer asks what he's won and it's the job as the industrial chimney sweep. Homer doesn't react for a minute, but such a dumb intro. This is the dumbest intro ever done. It's good. I have not watched Simpsons in decades, and I was like, fuck, this is great. What the fuck?
00:12:03
Speaker
Goddamn. It's great. I like this. yeah Look at Tahoma and Homer is literally the Jimmy Sweep as he's being gone How quickly would this kill you? How quickly would this kill you? Pretty quickly Like I have an asthma I would die immediately They're just cooling towers Like like As ever, the answer is for the bit. But like, why does a person need to be in that? There's just no call for it. Well, I think it's not just for the bit, though, is it? It's it's meant to show. It is the joke that people look on top make people do shitty things, not because it's needed for the company, but also for their own amusement or just because they like to make people suffer.
00:12:47
Speaker
Homer finally works out that this isn't a great job. Yeah, I lied. Takes him a hot second. And then makes the right that makes the very wry comment that, well, if he's having this dirty job, the people working above him must be working even harder. We don't even cut to see that Boones is watching this on a monitor. He's wearing a top hat, smoking a cigar and eating extra fancy potato chips and blah.
00:13:08
Speaker
Oh, of course, he is watching monastery. It is for his entertainment, isn't it? Yeah. What kind of fancy hat would you wear in the bath? Oh, a top hat. I'd go Burns' fashion. You'd go straight up with the top hat? I think that's fair. I think I'd go bowler hat.
00:13:20
Speaker
Is there a fancier hat than a top hat? Maybe a pimp hat without a feather. I didn't say fancier, I just said fancy hat, so it doesn't have to be the fancy is. Yeah, going for like a new shanker. Oh,
00:13:32
Speaker
That's like containing the heat, it's making you warmer. o ah I feel like I would get heat struck. Yeah, if I'm in the bath, I don't need to be hotter still. Water gets cold. I'm already as hot as I can be.
00:13:44
Speaker
oh Ben says that the sponge has corners and Smith tells him he'll go find a sphere corner. That's so fucking good. Unfortunately, Smithers puts the hat what's the ah sponge on top of Burns' hat and this begins to weigh him down as Burns starts to slowly sink into the bath.
00:14:02
Speaker
We then see Burns say that his life is flashing before his before his head goes underwater. Then his head just re-emerges to say finish to work the word eyes. Wouldn't when his head falls back though, the sponge and hat fall off his head so that then he wouldn't be sinking anymore?
00:14:15
Speaker
so I think when he re-emerges later, he doesn't have the hat, does he? so Yeah, I think he virtually takes the hat off to save his own life. We don't get a flashback of Burns' his life, which includes him firing his nursemaid.
00:14:26
Speaker
You're fired. Burns shooting at a man's foot to make him dance and then having to do the musket thing of reloading the bar. Oh, I love that. The fucking reloading. That was great. Just staring at him as he reloads it. love a firearm, this was great.
00:14:38
Speaker
I love when my special interest is also the bit. But I like that the guy didn't keep dancing. he He just danced for the bit, the moment of the gunshot, and then stops. Yeah, he just stands there waiting for him to reload.
00:14:49
Speaker
I want to see Burns do, like, a mad minute with this, like, fucking black powder rifle. A Mad Minute? well I realize I'm the only person who knows what a Mad Minute is. I do know, Harold. A Mad Minute, thinking like colonial British um black powder firearms.
00:15:07
Speaker
No, it was with a Lee Enfield. It's a specific exercise that you can do in order to fire bolt-action rifle as quickly as possible. And it's basically hip-firing plus...
00:15:20
Speaker
360 no scope from burns that's what we we really want we want mr burns twitch streaming i'm sure someone's done an ai thing of it at this point and fucking ruined it god don't don't don't god don't don't manifest it i don't ai mr burns the purest soul of the simpsons yes this purest soul who's deliberately sabotages a greenpeace voting thing thing with his giant comedy screw where screwed a hole into the board. This bit just kept going. I loved it. It was great. Burns in revealing himself, it feels he's not gravy wavy at all.
00:15:56
Speaker
And he's been smoking harmless tobacco instead of doing it. I've been smoking harmless tobacco. we did see Burns jump into the sea and inflate life jacket. Just laughing maniacally.
00:16:08
Speaker
We then see that Spimbers comes in and he's got a chamos, but he then realizes that Mr. Burns is underwater and declares, why did the good always die so young? Exactly. He's the purest soul.
00:16:21
Speaker
and Just a note on wavy gravy. like I'd kind of picked up that the Simpsons Archive, I think it was, like mentioned it as a reference, and I hadn't stopped to look up what the hell it was a reference to. Apparently, this was an entertainer who appeared at Woodstock.
00:16:36
Speaker
said he was Wavy Gravy. His name was Wavy Gravy, yeah. Mr. Birds was disguising himself as person who performed at Woodstock. Apparently so, yes. He did have a guitar. Of course, of course. How could we not be convinced by his excellent disguise? Yeah, I mean, when he said, I'm not wavy gravy at all, my assumption was that was just some sort of weird, euphemism for a hippie. Yeah, exactly.
00:17:00
Speaker
No, he was literally pretending to be a specific named hippie. how how How surprising that Simpsons would make such a ah niche, unknown reference that most people wouldn't get.
00:17:13
Speaker
i wouldn't yeah I wouldn't have thought Simpsons would do that. Why would they betray us? They do it every time. it Turns out Burns is not dead as he rises from the water and begins to strangle Smithers.
00:17:25
Speaker
Smithers, while being choked, tries to put the towel away because he's skinned. Too weak to hold a sponge up. But god strong enough to strangle Smithers. Yeah, yeah. I mean i so also saw a theory that a Smithers might have been playing along to placate him. Yeah, that's probably why. We then see Burns is in his armchair later, and Burns laments the fact that, due to his hectic schedule and lethargic sperm, there's nowhere. I like that. that he's He's about to blame his rock-style life, but then he's also just like, and my lethargic sperm.
00:18:00
Speaker
Burns laments the fact that he's got no one to leave his enormous fortune to, which Spivers then makes a subtle cough. But then we get the revelation that Spivers will actually have a greater reward of being buried alive with Mr. Burns. He demonstrates this from a model, which shows... The Smith is terrified. Smith is terrified. That's one of those bits I've seen posted as a gif quite a lot, and I wasn't sure what the context was, but there we are. It's another another origin story.
00:18:23
Speaker
surprised Smith this doesn't isn't excited about this. He says, oh, goody, what more do you want? My apologies. Yeah, it's enthusiastic. and i miss I misunderstood the the tone. Might be. We then cut to the movies and Siskel and Ebert are playing. coach It's given a great review by Siskel and Ebert, who are film critics, I believe.
00:18:44
Speaker
They are, yes. Famous film critics. We don't get the THK sound promo and we see that this bit hawking yeah it might be a bit loud because it breaks Hans Mormon's glasses. It breaks a man's teeth. All the signs explode. A man's head randomly blows up.
00:19:00
Speaker
I love on the screen that it then says, the audience is listening. I just love the screams. I love how fucking feral everyone is. yeah Everyone loves it. Everyone loves them. Except Abe who can't hear it. The audience is listening, I think, is actually like their slogan, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, I think so. They used to that, didn't they? Yeah.
00:19:21
Speaker
This entire bit THX liked enough that they just took it and used it as their own like trailer for a while, I think. That's a amazing. um yeah My dad used to work in a cinema and they had it printed on all the speakers.
00:19:34
Speaker
Brilliant. It's great. We're going to cut and see that Mr. Burns has bought some ad time and he reintroduces himself and Homer screams. And Mr. Burns says he's looking for a male heir to take his fortune when he passes away and makes the point to say vast quite a lot.
00:19:49
Speaker
There! There! Fortune. Fast. Burns reveals that the auditions will be tomorrow, then introduces the feature presentation. Someone whispers off camera, and then Burns to has to do with the Let's Go All Go To The Lobby song, which he does want great enthusiasm, to be fair him.
00:20:04
Speaker
Is this done live? There's a vague implication there that that's almost live. I think i think it was. The Let's All Go to the Lobby thing is like a thing that actually used to get shown in amazing cinemas, yeah that's why. So if they had like celebrity people doing like presidents doing campaigns or things like that, they would then sometimes have them do that top their heads. okay. didn't realise that a thing. Actually adorable. Okay. Yeah.
00:20:28
Speaker
We cut to the auditions and Mr Burns is ah in a full director's outfit. okay He's taking this seriously and Milhouse comes onto to the stage and says he's got nothing to offer but his love and Mr Burns says he doesn't want any geeks.
00:20:41
Speaker
My mom says I'm cool. Nelson comes on and says he'll be Mr Burns up and Burns goes ooh I like and he's on the call list and mine comes on and tries to do a musical number until Nelson punches him which gets him an extra point yeah thank thank you thank you Nelson Lisa comes on and tries to propose that, yeah, it doesn't need to be a boy, it can be a girl.
00:21:05
Speaker
Burns doesn't know what phallocentric means, that it's no girls. They don't see that Milhouse was trying to dress as a girl, because that was his plan B. So no mu for so much for plan B. They don't cut back to Bart, and Homer declares that Bart is their last hope. Bart doesn't really want to do it because he started a fire early, and he really should keep an eye on it. I love that bit. But Marge says that she wouldn't encourage him to do this, but this could provide for his entire future.
00:21:32
Speaker
Marge has a fantasy about Bart going into Harvard because he had money. And Lee Majors shows up and whisks Marge away. Marge comes back in. This is so good. I really should stop fantasizing about Lee Majors. Oh, one more. Yeah, Marge just comes back into the moment, says she shouldn't do it, does it again. And then we just hear that sound when he was going up. The fucking sound effect is so good.
00:21:52
Speaker
Oh,
00:21:55
Speaker
Homer reveals that he's written down exactly what Bart should read and pushes him onto the stage and Bart starts reading the cards and calls Mr. Burns Mr. Burns Mr. Burns he wants money now me sick and we just hear Homer in the background go ooh he can't read good He then says, so pick me, Mr. Burns, and Homer yells, it's Kearns, you idiot.
00:22:14
Speaker
And Marge has to point out that it's not, and Homer goes, disregard. Disregard. Burns has had enough and cancels the audition, but tells Bart to step a little to the left. Step to the left. Yeah, remember that for later. And we see that term Mr. Burns is at two giant wheels, which brings, that the first one brings down a boot, the second one winds it up, and the boot kicks Bart in their arse. Mr. Burns declares, excellent, and Homer laughs maniacally.
00:22:37
Speaker
wamaniac Mr. Burns is one of the few people that that we tend to tolerate these like long drawn out bits of him doing something physical. You know, because obviously he's like struggling to do the wheel and then he struggles to do the next wheel. A lot of characters, you just kind of find it annoying, but because it's Mr. Burns, it somehow makes it funny.
00:22:57
Speaker
It's very weird. i think it helps the the fact that the whole mechanic of it is absolutely absurd. Yeah, it's definitely absurdist. um I think, again, because it just really compounds the whole he is weak thing.
00:23:10
Speaker
say i think Homer's very good for physical comedy. If Homer's got a long drawn out bit, I will tend to appreciate it. But but the thing is is, when Homer's bits are long drawn out, it's usually involving pain. Like him falling down the canyon. the So it's it's it's it's dropped it's drawn out, but it's also very active. Whereas Mr. Burns is like, if you described it, to if you described this bit to someone, they would say it sounded boring.
00:23:34
Speaker
But watching it because it's Mr. Burns, you find it funny and tolerated. It's weird. I don't know. You like to watch the twink suffer. Don't we all? Are you... yeah Okay. don yeah i I don't like you calling Bart the twink, but okay. not Bart.
00:23:52
Speaker
Burns. but Burns is the twink! Burns isn't suffering. and now He really helped you really had to work to get that boot wound up. Yeah. He's in agony. certainly but then cut to the entire family leaving and uh much courage is homer to give them a pep talk homer's pep talk is kids who tried your best and failed miserably the lesson is never try never try he doesn't he don't laugh about the fact about kicking the arse one more time and then we cut back to mr burns and burns is now going to leave all his money to the egg advisory council because eggs are getting quite a bad why This has to be a fucking reference to something. What the fuck is he talking about? as bearwars Eggs have got a bad rep, you know.
00:24:36
Speaker
rock comes through the window and birds because it's a petrified bird. Again, what the fuck? This has to be a reference to something. Spirit says it's rock and Burn says he's going to take it down to the lab to see what they have to say about it. See what the boys the lab say about this. Another petrified bird comes through the window and they don't look is that calling them petrified birds from now on all time? All rocks are petrified birds. All rocks are petrified birds. We then see that his bar actually breaking the windows and Burn declares him that Rapscallion is breaking all the windows.
00:25:05
Speaker
Rapscallion. but brings it up a notch by wrapping a hose pipe around all the statues and flooding Burns' his car while at the same time decapitating all the statues. That's elaborate. It's impressive. He also does the slightly less impressive taking away the solicitor's signs or the solicitors come to the door. I love her that's the only thing that was holding them back. Oh, wait, sorry. There was something else. One of my other notes that I point... Because, again, I feel obligated now that we have this knowledge to always point this out. Something that would help provide for Marge is Homer's extremely high-paying job.
00:25:35
Speaker
Yeah. Because she says that, but you know, butt getting this could help provide getting gain this job or whatever you'd call it, inheritance, would provide for her and, you know, his family. Homer's extremely high paying job could also do that.
00:25:48
Speaker
Homer can 100% put any kid through Harvard. 100%. Yeah, but there's a difference between financial security and Lee Major's going to fuck your money. i mean Big difference. Michael, you see you you're speaking from personal experience, it sounds like. All I know is I'm working my nine to five and Lee Majors has not come to my house yet.
00:26:06
Speaker
Got a quote from Lee Majors and it was been out your price range. Do you think Lee Majors is on Cameo? You know, we'll get a Christmas present for Michael. I'm trying to work out if Lee Majors is still alive. I don't think he is. He's got some very high Patreon tiers.
00:26:21
Speaker
Please support the podcast so I can meet Lee Mages. Lee Mages is 86 and he is alive. So you're saying there's a chance? You're saying there's a chance. But the window might be narrowly closing. so let's stop safe Listen, if you need a wing woman.
00:26:39
Speaker
Well, he might have lethargic sperm at this point as well. so Burns declares that Bart is a creature of pure malevolence and the perfect one to suckle at his proverbial teat.
00:26:50
Speaker
Then asks out the window what day is it. Then see a cockney boy saying, hi, it's Christmas. It's Christmas Day. Burns says he wasn't actually talking to him, he was talking to Bart and Bart's got a rock in his hand. He says, Burns tells Bart this is the day he becomes his heir. Bart throws the rock and hits Smivers in the head.
00:27:04
Speaker
I always want in shows like this, when when something like that happens, I really wanted Smithers to have a fucking bruise for the rest of the episode. I don't know why. I like continuity. Smithers suffers in this episode.
00:27:17
Speaker
Also, yeah technically that makes this episode a Christmas special in the same way that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. i Merry Christmas, everybody! ah Is this a Christmas episode? There is actually evidence to say that this might have taken place on Christmas because Bart later drives through Santa's Christmas village. Oh yeah, there is other Christmas So maybe it actually did happen around Christmas. The Mormon and the Morning Christmas special. Continuity.
00:27:45
Speaker
Well, yeah i coming up to Christmas, depending on how long it takes me to edit, this could be a Christmas episode. This is the Die Hard of podcast episodes. No, don't do that.
00:27:57
Speaker
don't ruin this Don't ruin this podcast for me. Die Hard is not a fucking Christmas episode. well No, it's a festive film. It fucking is! it ram I'm going to be quiet. I'm to be quiet before I start yelling.
00:28:10
Speaker
Then cuts to the Simpsons living room where the legal documents being signed. Well, it signs and enthusiastically tells Bart to get over to the mansion to open all the windows so they get the old people's smell out. Get the old people's smell. There is an old people's smell. Do you know it's it's a scientific thing as well?
00:28:26
Speaker
Basically, yeah, it's big it's to do with the breakdown of their kidneys. So basically urine starts coming out of their sweat glands or urea comes out of their sweat glands. So that's why the old people's smell is so distinct because it is a mix of fucking sweat and piss.
00:28:40
Speaker
Eww. I don't know that I wanted to know that. Well, you know it. Apparently I do. It sounds efficient. It sounds efficient. I piss through my sweat glands now.
00:28:51
Speaker
Who needs kidneys? I can so much time pissing. I don't don't need this. What if you were just pissing all the time through all surfaces? Everyone was just always lightly pissing. Then the world would be a better place.
00:29:07
Speaker
amen unitard brackets slightly pissed brackets political brackets blood bowl this is going to be a long shirt these are points out that mr burns isn't actually dead and uh homer asks if you're in good shape no heart problems and burns answers but uh homer tries to surprise him and then we see grandpa boom Works on Grandpa, unfortunately, as if she collapse yeah poor a him. Poor Abe, man. Poor Abe.
00:29:34
Speaker
Oh, my boy. but Ben starts to leave and starts commenting on that. to He's going to return to his empty mansion to rattle around and wait for the inevitable or alone. Marge says, do you want to think... she gave What I'm thinking, Homer's response is, yeah, let's push him down the stairs.
00:29:48
Speaker
Let's push him down this stage. Harge finally encourages Bart to go spend time with his new benefactor, and Homer's complaint to this is Bart gets to go do that, that he can't look outside the bushes outside Chef Boyardee's house.
00:30:02
Speaker
Won't we all do that? There's only so many so much room in the bushes, Homer. for the can-do attitude. We then Bart and Burns having dinner together at the very long table, and Burns reassures Bart that he's not some sort of bugger man and tries to get him some fresh milk, but it instead ends up for attaching Bart to the chair with a straight... Yeah, wrong button for the fucking arse.
00:30:24
Speaker
I'm not such a bad guy. Immediately presses Dr. Evil button. Oh yeah, but bad dude. I love when Mr. Burns says dude. He says it a lot in all of Simpsons and it's never not amusing.
00:30:37
Speaker
Bad dude. Because he says it very how do you do fellow kids. I was going say, it's very, yes. If Bart wants to go home, the Ben's said, Barbe's in my saying, he can have anything once, and including some form of gelatin dish.
00:30:50
Speaker
Even some sort of gelatin dish. It's made of hooves, know. Bart asks for a pizza, and he wants it delivered by Christy the Clown, and we see that this actually happens, and Christy was paid 400 bucks. He's on cameo.
00:31:01
Speaker
That seems high for Christy, do you know what mean? I don't think Christy has that kind of standards, man. Well, I ask Christy how he can be here and not on live TV and Christy says, he's just playing an old episode, it won't be a problem.
00:31:13
Speaker
Then cut to the episode and Christy's juggling but then announces that the Falkland Islands have been invaded. This was so fucking weird. No, this is funny. The Falkland Islands have been invaded and then he pulls down a little convenient little fucking chart to explain where the Falklands are. A lot of Americans probably would not have known that.
00:31:32
Speaker
quite very You know, i don't know where the Falklands are but I'm shit at geography. Well, Christy told you they're near Argentina. Well, I wasn't listening. Near is a strong word. oh i was i was distracted by the clown man.
00:31:45
Speaker
My main thought on this was that if you did this joke today, it'd have to be 9-11. Yeah, true. yeah i don't Do you know, though, i bought Americans are very sensitive about 9-11. Most of them have forgotten. They said they would never forget, but let's let's be real here. Most of them have forgotten.
00:32:02
Speaker
No, they haven't. 24 years ago, half of them are too young to remember it. The reason they're in the situation they're in right now is because they refuse to forget. Matt saying this like ah during his recent trip to our friends abroad. He may have used some comedy material that may not have gone down. No, it's not. Does that go down and we don't like the Twin Towers? Oh! Our award! Someone did ask me if I wanted to go to Ground Zero and I did immediately go, fuck no.
00:32:35
Speaker
sure they weren't coming on to you? Is that your pick-up line? Want to go to ground zero? Want to go to ground zero? You want to hit my twin towers? That sounds like you have two penises. You don't know what I got.
00:32:51
Speaker
This is true. I don't... Have you seen me? Do you have a mental image of me? What parasocial image of me have you constructed them in your mind? Am I a shark? Do I have two cocks? You have no idea. I'm not allowed to say it alive. I don't think this podcast is rated for what my image of you is now at this point. 9-11 jokes. Completely fine. no ha It's fine. We're not monetized in any way, shape, or form. You can say whatever the hell you want. Do you want to be the third plane that hit my pentagon? God, that's not.
00:33:22
Speaker
ah stop So anyway, MeUndies, do you want to hit my Twin Towers right on my ah on my crotch? I think that'd be a great... You're never getting sponsored by anyone. No, this is true. Maybe GamerSubs. Maybe GamerSubs. I'm so sorry. It was never happening.
00:33:43
Speaker
We then, uh, Coctin Burns shows Barty's secret surveillance room. He got the idea from the movie Sliver, which was a delightful romp, according to Burns. And we then see that, uh, Moe is doing his best Pacino impersonation of Taxi, and he ends up breaking his own mirror. yeah, Taxi Driver, yeah.
00:34:02
Speaker
That was an antique. Then Coctin, we see Homer sneaking into the bathroom starts eating tulips. I don't get, why did this mean he had to go to Holland? Because Holland's famous get tulips.
00:34:13
Speaker
Yeah. Wait, that's the bit? Yeah, That's the bit. That's fucking shit. That's so shit. That is the shittest. that That's not even miss it Little Mrs. Mr. Lisa Goes to Fucking Washington shit. That is just a shit joke. Oh, these flowers come from this fucking country. Hilarious.
00:34:32
Speaker
Well, he wanted to eat the best flowers, so he had to go to the source. You can fucking grow tulips anywhere. They're not as good as in Holland. Yeah, but Springfield is not famous for specifically having... I thought it was like a dodgy surgery joke or something.
00:34:46
Speaker
What? fuck the clogs the Fucking tulips. That's so fucking dumb. it is It is extremely... Like, Homer just eating flowers is just entirely dumb, but I think it's ah it's funny because it's dumb kind of joke. Yeah, but Homer eating flowers is funny, but the the Holland bit... Like, I just... What the fuck?
00:35:06
Speaker
That's so shit. Yeah. When I was a child, because of this bit, I did start eating flowers. I don't believe you. No, it's true. i I straight up, I took a bouquet out of, like, my mother's vase and then just started consuming them. it's just I love the way you were just started consuming them.
00:35:26
Speaker
yeah Oh yeah, no, I was voracious. Voracious. The podcaster's never heard such words.
00:35:40
Speaker
If I could have, I would have imbibed the water.
00:35:45
Speaker
God, those flowers were potable. Oh no. Fucking hell. I'm gonna die. this who've established map likes 9-11 jokes and hates Holland, apparently. This is good to know. Horatious for carnations, man. That's what I am Moving We see Barter reminiscing about his time, which includes talking about the hedgemates, the moat, and the bottomless pit.
00:36:08
Speaker
These are the debates it's bottomless and boxers. It is for all intents and purposes. i you know and I don't know why this got me, but it did make me giggle, because it's just that kind of like, well, you know, you're not going to live to see the bottom, so fucking shut the fuck up.
00:36:23
Speaker
Also, it's another line you can put on the back of your MeUndies. it's Bottomless, probably. Couldn't possibly be bottomless. Wink. he Well, yeah, you give it to Twinks.
00:36:35
Speaker
in Then see the family having dinner and Bart throwing peas at Lisa and Marge tells him not, but Bart says, Mr. Burns for his peas at Smithers. And Marge instructs Homer to say something. Homer's response is, Lisa, stop getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas. That's fair's fair. That's fair. think that's reasonable. Bart is then disappointed to be having meatloaf because it's the most hated of all loaves and then feeds it to the dog.
00:36:56
Speaker
Homer's horrified because it's the end piece and Homer says he will he will tolerate Bart being abusive to his family but he will not stand idly by while he feeds a hungry dog. He tries to send him to his room and Bart declares that the family stinks and Homer tries to turn him off again and Bart tells him to go eat flowers as he throws at Homer. Homer's a sponsor, this is um my sick my secret. My secret shame.
00:37:17
Speaker
We then see Bart leave and Mr Burns is cackling evilly because his evil plan worked and he will now mould Bart into his son and says, he may even grow to love him. We then see Bart run up to Burns and Burns goes, ah, get it off me. Yay, Smithers, get it off.
00:37:32
Speaker
Homer arrives and immediately runs over Bart's bike and orders him to come home. Bart says he wants to stay with Mr. Burns and Burns tells him to leave immediately. How was the sponsor this is? boy you going to do? you going to release the dogs? Or the bees? Release the bees. Or dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees?
00:37:50
Speaker
tells him to do his worst and burns and everyone just walks back into the house and shuts him off. Release the robotic Richard Simmons. Not this one. No. That's to come. They had actually, like, fun trivia aside, like, we will see this later in a season or Only boring trivia is what John just said.
00:38:08
Speaker
Yeah, but also, like, they did actually create that scene for this episode, and in test, like, they decided, like, to not run with it, but then, like, showed it in, like, test screenings elsewhere, and people absolutely loved it, which they were surprised, because they didn't think it was a good scene.
00:38:23
Speaker
Look, it the Richard Simmons thing is hilarious, and it's a shame they didn't make it into this scene. They also invited Richard Simmons to to voice his robotic counterpart. But he didn't want to he didn't want to play a robot for some reason, so... he was okay with like being in it, just not not a robot. Yeah, yeah, literally that. He would like he would have would have played himself, but he didn't want to play a robot self. Wait, they should have compromised that and then just said, Smithers, release Richard Simmons. And then it's just Richard Simmons comes out and chases him away. Considering you' seen that scene particularly ended with his arse exploding, might have been a bit to explain that real life.
00:39:00
Speaker
Well, you just never have a Richard Simmons carro cameo again. Or you get him some me undies that say bottom left. LAUGHTER
00:39:08
Speaker
We will see robotic Richard Simmons in season seven anyway. So hang on for that. He's a coming. He's a coming. Yep. But the they just shut the door and Homer is disbelieving. As in, he locked the door. He just rings the doorbell and runs away to show him.
00:39:21
Speaker
Yeah, it's just a fucking knock-a-door run. not Not as good as robotic Richard Simmons. Gotta be sad. We then cut to the police station and Barge announces that Mr. Burns has stolen our son and won't give him back. We're going respond to this is, for God, why can't you people solve your own problems? We can't police stop so he yeah the We can't be policing policing.
00:39:44
Speaker
We then cut to ah Lionel Hutz and Lionel Hutz is now doubling as a shoe repair guy. Why is Lionel Hutt so pale? I've never questioned this until now, but in this particular episode, he looks very pale.
00:39:55
Speaker
Well, he's not been eating a lot because his job doesn't pay very much. This is true. This is true. This is true. Shops adjacent to it gum for less, and the crematorium. The crematorium. I mean, realistically though, now, if you release like a goth ice cream place and call it the crematorium, that would be a viral sensation within days.
00:40:17
Speaker
Such a specific business model. It would just instantly be a queer hotspot. I need you understand that. want to buy ice cream from from a hot lesbian goth mommy. Hi.
00:40:28
Speaker
on I'm on my way. I got ice cream in the fridge. Excellent. What a What a day. one take Oh, bloody wonderful.
00:40:44
Speaker
Great. It's all coming up, Bill House. It's all coming up. Matthew is what it is. Hooray for me. I get ice cream and a goth mommy. Brilliant.
00:40:55
Speaker
I just broke up with one of my five partners. I've got an opening. I can fit you in somewhere. i mean Lee Majors is interested. I don't know if I can compete with that. I'm sorry. What's your sound effect? I don't have one. I need to work. I need i don't even have a catchphrase.
00:41:18
Speaker
Oh, Lionel Hutz's catchphrase is, you've got he's the best in legal representation at that moment. He tries to sell Skinner a half-drunk and orange juice, and Skinner says, why don't just drink out of the toilet? He'll be bad. reassures him that he's argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes there's a lawyer. Sometimes there's a lawyer. Oh, that's so good. We go to the actual court case, and it's it's ruled that a Mr. Burns is actually Bard's biological farmer.
00:41:44
Speaker
Meanwhile... Yeah, what the fuck? When I go to Lionel Hutz, he's repairing the judge's shoes. I know the whole bit is just that Lionel Hutz is that terrible a lawyer, but i when he was just like, the court has decided that Burns is Bart's biological father, just thought, what the shit?
00:42:01
Speaker
Yeah, he's so bad at being a lawyer that they've lost biological ownership of Bart. Not to bring this back to my childhood, but when I was a kid, the like shenanigans that Lionel Hutz was getting into made me want to be a lawyer, because he seemed to be having such a fun life. as a adult as an adult, I still want his life.
00:42:23
Speaker
Do you? Like, i still want... Yeah. want to know how to repair clogs. Yeah. Well, apparently it takes a long time because there won't be video until Thursday.
00:42:34
Speaker
which point Marge goes, why do we keep hiring? Yeah, we really should stop hiring. That was so good. think this is the first time anybody in The Simpsons has actually particularly acknowledged how bad he is as a lawyer. yeah We then cut to Bart in his room with toys and Milhouse is over and we see a train go past and Milhouse gasps where it goes and Bart says it will be back for three hours and 40 minutes.
00:42:54
Speaker
Very specific. One time it had snow on it. Milhouse laments the fact Bart has loads of toys while his parents use the excuse of love to deprive him of his own. yeah he He's about to leave it but Bart tries to bribe him to stay with his Bob Mackie jacket.
00:43:07
Speaker
Milhouse is very tempted but decides to... macy Mr Burns walks in and says, you don't need him. I'll be your school, your chum. But don't cut to Mr Burns wearing a really old school football outfit.
00:43:19
Speaker
So Burns starts his running to to take the kick. He flags pretty much halfway through and then just kicks Smith's football. It's a proper satisfying pedunk sound as well. I just look at him like, what the hell is happening?
00:43:37
Speaker
You we don't see that Mr. Burns has gifted Bart a car. Bart points out that he doesn't know how to drive, but Burns says, don't worry, there's a Jaws of Life in the back. You'll be fine. Then see Bart driving the car, and we get his viewpoint where he can't see over the dashboard. We just see things floating time. Eventually crashing into Santa's Christmas Village, and we see yeah some candy canes, a reindeer, and an elf.
00:43:56
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And then Bart finally speeches to a stop and goes, that was some ride, and the elf pops up in the back. You're telling me. You're telling me. Lights up. Would you like to know what this character's called in the official Simpson?
00:44:07
Speaker
Oh, wait, he's got name? Is it racist? It's Estonian Dwarf. Estonian Dwarf?
00:44:14
Speaker
um That's what it's listed on there. Canon. Canon. I mean, it's not really, like, made explicit, but, like, it very much seems to be the same character who plays Lisa in a later scene. Yeah. um So we then see that a lot Homer have got quite desperate, so they're seeing a deprogrammer, and he says, it's obvious that the part has been brainwashed by the evil, charismatic Mr. Burns, and says he was the one that deprogrammed Jane Fonda, and Margie asks about Peter Fonda, he goes, oh, that's a heartbreaker.
00:44:42
Speaker
But he also got Paul McCartney out of Wings, which Homer's angry about because he wasn't the best one. He was the most charismatic. We then see that the proper grangamer has now kidnapped someone and we see them in a bag and we just hear him screaming, you do not love Mr Burns, you love Homer and Mark. It's so easy to guess the punchline, but that doesn't stop it being funny. Yeah. We get a little introduced of Mayor Quimby banging on the wall because he's killing the passion. Killing the romance. We then see that Homer and Marge are pacing anxiously and the proper grangamer comes out and says, it took two weeks, but you have your son back. At which point Hans-Murman walks out and goes, Mom, Dad, I missed you. I love you. Homer is touched by this and starts kissing his head. I like how Marge knows Moorman's name. Because she's like, it's not Barge, it's Hans Moorman. He's famous, he's Hans Moorman. He's Hans Moorman.
00:45:29
Speaker
She's a member of her community. She knows these people by name. This is true, Marge is kind of like that. Marge points out, is Hans Moorman. Homer's response to this is, can I keep him anyway? His hopeful little face. There was a a sneaky little 1984 reference in there because he got deprogrammed in Room 101.
00:45:50
Speaker
Oh, clever. Nice. so Nice. Go back to the mansion and we'll get another episode of Itchy and Scratchy, which they're on a tour of the Mint for. Scratchy gets thrown onto the money press and gets turned into money.
00:46:01
Speaker
Yeah, because that's how Disney works. That's how Disney works, yep. Thank you, I'm not the only person that thought that. Wait a second. No, I'll say, I'm impressed. Yeah, and the Scratchy dollar bills end at Tycoon Convention and we see that Scratchy is set on fire as his eye slowly starts to come near the flame.
00:46:19
Speaker
Yeah, i this was I was genuinely surprised by this for some stupid reason. Because like, oh, he's been turned into money. That's the punchline. But obviously they have to keep escalating, itchy and scratchy to be more and more ridiculous. So he took the money. So i was like, wait, wait where's he going to?
00:46:32
Speaker
Is he just going to spend the money? And like, no, the the the tycoon convention is like a genuine stroke of genius in terms of like really playing the bit to completion. It's brilliant.
00:46:44
Speaker
ah Everyone is laughing. ah Both Burns and Bart are laughing. Burns especially because that cat got slaughtered like a hog. and This is the point where Bart decides that he actually does want to go home and see the family. Which point Burns tells him that his family doesn't want him anymore.
00:46:57
Speaker
He takes him back to the TV room and then we see that... a the family are talking you very static voices. And then we see Homer drop his sandwich and go, Bo. Bart says, it's probably my imagination, but that something didn't seem quite right.
00:47:09
Speaker
Burns excuses himself then walks into the TV, said that's next time. At which point he says, they got it wrong. He doesn't say Bo. And has to check the script and then goes, Do. Is this supposed to be Michael Kirk?
00:47:20
Speaker
Yes, this one was meant to be Michael. Is it? Oh, okay. all right I have no idea who the female was supposed to be. No, me neither. Lisa is the Estonian dwarf making his second appearance of the episode. Well, after Santa's Christmas village was destroyed, he needed to get new work.
00:47:36
Speaker
Yeah, fair enough. Burns actually threatens to send them all back to ah come blow your horn at the Westport dinner theatre. So he's in demand. Yeah, i mean he's a popular dwarf.
00:47:48
Speaker
Ben says, let's check back on the family. And we come back and Michael Caine drops the sandwich again. And this time goes, oh, oh, oh, oh. But it accepts that. That is how it's written. is how it's written. Yeah. He's reading off the script. He's never heard it before. And he's got it being given a bit of paper. There's D apostrophe O H. And he's like, well, how do you read that?
00:48:07
Speaker
Duh-oh. Duh-oh. Far is suitably convinced and realises that Mr. Burns is the only one he can trust and calls him Dad. They do have a slow hug and we hear a loud snapping man because, uh, that rib always drinks.
00:48:20
Speaker
We cut back to the Simpson family and Lisa is just randomly destroying the house and Marge asks what she's doing and Lisa says she's trying to fill the void that Bart left his absence. She then trips home and Marge's response is, oh, that's sweet.
00:48:33
Speaker
It was a proper good scream from Dan Castaneda. Oh, yeah. We then cut back and Bart is in a Mr. Burns suit and Mr. Burns says, it's to correct his posture because he'll have a mighty hump. Soon you'll have a mighty hump.
00:48:47
Speaker
Burns says, this calls for a celebration. Let's go fire some employees. And Bart is very psyched for this. He's very Burnsian excellent. yeah Excellent. lenny walks into the room and ben says you my lens but it will'll make it sporting leonard because he'll get to keep his job if he can use he can explain i shouldn't be fire i using like and well he does a reasonably all right job your ammer he says i work good work guy yeah then some fire somebody goes by didnt say then ben says you will do you will e
00:49:19
Speaker
Well, that says, let me try. And then we see that Homer's walking in because he's following a child. The trail of donuts. How much do you lure Homer into an office? I mean, realistically, you could say, Homer, come into this office. he He'd do it.
00:49:31
Speaker
Burn says this is a chance for Bart to finally prove his loyalty and tells Bart he can find one ready. We then see Bart struggling and Burn starts to threaten Bart for saying he will disown him and Bart will lose everything, the toys, the wealth, the gift certificate for Blockbuster, the whole shebang. Oh no, wouldn't want to lose that.
00:49:49
Speaker
So Bart finally apologises to his dad and then says the words you're fired and it's revealed that he actually said it to Burns. And Burns says, gas you will never be my son. Bart tells him to move a little to the left to call back from earlier.
00:50:02
Speaker
Burns abays and we then see Burns falls through the trap door. very you well. Smirms jumps in afterwards and tells him to land in Leonard's caucus. The implication that Lenny is stone-ass dead. Spoiler, Lenny's not.
00:50:16
Speaker
No, he'll be back. He's not even fired. No, it's actually Lenny's twin brother that we see for the rest of Simpsons now. I mean, my note here is, that this is the second time we've seen Lenny be fired at this point.
00:50:28
Speaker
I, yeah, I, yeah. Don't, don't question it. Don't worry Don't worry about it. Yep. You then see the family all back together and Homer reveals that they were actors and Bart asks how they know and Homer reveals because they weren't hanging out with him. Trying to get the character down. This is also reveals that that midget taught her a lot about his native Estonia.
00:50:46
Speaker
So Marge says that the real family are happy that he's he's back and Bart says he loves them and Homer says yeah, we love you all back. And then introduces him to his new brother, Hans Malma. Kawabanga dudes. Kawabanga dudes. As Mormon walks in holding a skateboard dress like that, and Homer just leans down to begin kissing his head. It's like kissing a peanut.
00:51:05
Speaker
that just hear home just The episode ends with Homer just kissing hands, Mormon. Episode fades to black. Fades to black with kissing noises, yeah. And then we just hear Margie go home like, what not fear my ass?
00:51:17
Speaker
And more kissing noises. what are that tremendousend What And that's an episode Surreal episode
00:51:29
Speaker
I think we're definitely seeing the tonal shift of Simpsons being a bit less realistic family life What are you talking about? That's how it normally goes This is what my family life is like I'm kissing old man all the time He's not old, he's younger than me Wallman?
00:51:45
Speaker
Wallman's like 32 isn't he? He's 31 years old! yeah he like spent ah he just he works in the sun or something I can't remember what the uh Alcohol alcohol has ruined my life I'm 31 years old isn't it?
00:52:05
Speaker
What did everyone think overall? I liked this episode. This was a fun episode. Yeah, was fun. was a good one. I can't hate on this. Pretty fantastic episode, to be honest. you Just weird with a lot of jokes. I can't really hate on like such a Simpsons-esque episode of Simpsons. you know It really was just bizarre and fun.
00:52:26
Speaker
I really liked it. It was blistering. Blistering. That's a descriptor. so I really bring the words out today. Do you mean as in fast or that you need to... Yeah, like fast. Not as in, like, I need creams.
00:52:40
Speaker
Fetch the creams. I've been watching Simpsons again. I don't need the cream. ah Matorium. We're back to the days Marge foot fetishes aren't we?
00:52:53
Speaker
Oh god. Oh god. thought what Don't question it. Yeah don't worry about it. I didn't listen to this episode. Shall we move on to like it Out of Homer's?
00:53:05
Speaker
let's Yeah let's give it some ratings. i will quite happily give it It won't be back for another 3 hours and 40 minutes Out of Homer. Sometimes the long ones are worth it. Was this a long one? Yes it was.
00:53:17
Speaker
Oh, okay. both Yeah, the chalkboard gag. Both off vote, but yeah, but no... but No intro. Truncated intro. Yeah, truncated intro. Yeah, just because, you know, the intro, the the long ones for the past few episodes have not been amazing.
00:53:31
Speaker
And we've got, like, consistent long episodes. Yeah, there's no like mega obvious like padding for padding sake. There were a few long gags, but within you didn't feel like like anything was just like, this is just here to expand the runtime. And that's the thing is like, even even with the long ones that do feel like padded, I'm never like, oh I wish I could have seen the intro for the 1000th time.
00:53:53
Speaker
Yeah, you're not missing that bit. The one minute 30 intro every time. we Really want to see it. Sounds like you don't want to see it. Sounds like you're lying to us. Don't put words in your mouth.
00:54:07
Speaker
Wait, mine? What? My mouth? I can put whatever I want in my mouth. Oh, God.
00:54:15
Speaker
Words? I feel threatened. Cream from the crematorium? John, what's your art of humor? Me, I gave it throwing rocks through a billionaire's windows out of Homer because it's a good time.
00:54:31
Speaker
Hell yeah. I gave it a Paul McCartney out of wings out of Homer. It's the best one. Do I get to give it an out of Homer? You absolutely do. Please give it an out of Homer. I like how you said you get to. You're required to. I'm going to fucking smack you for doing it. You ain't leaving here if you don't give one. It might not feel special anymore.
00:54:52
Speaker
like and wanted to I want it to be for you all. I'm going to say that it's a Falklands or a series of islands off the coast of Argentina or out of Homer. Informative or factual? I like it.
00:55:03
Speaker
yes Should we go on to politics? Politics? Society? what Let's not go on politics. Brackets. Blood Bowl? Brackets. Oh, the Now it's enough the Falklands section of the podcast. what What are your thoughts on the invasion of the Falkland Islands?
00:55:24
Speaker
I think the Foul was like insufficient weapon for the terrain. And it really should move to like... Really, it's it's it's a real issue that America decided to move away from 7.62 when they did, because 303 is a good cartridge.
00:55:43
Speaker
ah Well, as as the one that always fucking makes the effort with the society bit, it's um there is like obvious references to like the modern-day work culture, so so focusing so focused on like grind and earning money that you forget to have an actual life and a family.
00:55:57
Speaker
obviously that's coming from mr burns so it's lot more played for like comedy but there is you know that nods to the fact that people are working themselves to death uh the idea that money can even solve that problem because the you know the richer fucking billionaires get they do just think oh just throw enough money at it it solves the problem and it fucking does and it's terrifying uh and then the obvious classic the fact that in the end money can't buy you love No.
00:56:25
Speaker
I mean, I suppose the corollic corollary to that is that the one thing money can't stave off is death, which is the one thing that all the ultra wealthy actually genuinely do fear. See everybody trying to build a bunker to avoid the apocalypse or pump themselves full of drugs. I'll put Luigi Mangione in German miles. To live forever.
00:56:47
Speaker
not going to work, but try it. Bathe in children's blood. Bathe in children's blood, yeah. maybe maybe Maybe less of that. I could do with it less bla bathing in children's blood, but I'm um i'm fine with billionaires like microdosing oestrogen to see what it does. like More of that. People should just do that generally. Normalise oestrogen.
00:57:05
Speaker
Normalise microdosing oestrogen, yeah. Billionaires should be allowed a little bit of suprotorinacetate as a treat.
00:57:12
Speaker
They should be on dual therapy, like right now. I like the idea of billionaires having a little treat. Billionaires should all get fat double D tits. Dov, you're looking for work, right? How would you like to be hormone advisor to Brian Johnson?
00:57:32
Speaker
but um Yeah, I'm going to have to fit it in between my schedule of... I forgot the guy with the sound effect. Leave ages. Leave ages. You know, the guy... Yes, exactly. Yes, sorry. forgot my hero's name.
00:57:49
Speaker
Go on, I'm a failure. We don't need to listen to me. Anything else it says of about society? you
00:57:58
Speaker
just the John, you're not allowed to complain about involvement in this podcast ever again. I always fucking bring my fucking air game. I gave you my thing. Billionaires fear death. That was my thing. I was waiting for somebody else to give us a thing.
00:58:14
Speaker
The evil of capitalism is perpetuated by abuse and manipulation. Yeah. We'd be lucky to have Hans Morwen as a brother. We would. when we We fucking would.
00:58:27
Speaker
He's so rad. He's so, so radical. jesus And he's like kissing a peanut. He is. Moving to next Simpsons-pisode. Sweet. Seymour Skinner's badass song. Badass spelt with lots of extra letters. Why the extra S's and stuff? Is this a reference?
00:58:47
Speaker
It is absolutely a reference because, like, The Simpsons is trying something new for a change. There is 1971 blaxploitation film called Sweet Sweetback's Badass Song, spelled with the same amount of As and S's. It's referencing that. What the actual fuck does this does that have to do with this episode? yeah ah That is unclear.
00:59:13
Speaker
I think they knew they would deliberately annoy you, so they've just changed all the wording. I think they did, man. They did it 31 years ahead just to annoy you. In 31 years, this is going really piss off a podcaster.
00:59:27
Speaker
Well, I had to be annoyed at the fucking dude that tried to insert himself into the Simpsons discourse back in like season 1 and 2, so I have to find something else to be annoyed at now. i'm trying to find if there's any mention of why they picked that film specifically, but I don't know. Maybe maybe Sweet Sweetback's badass song was like popular in 1994.
00:59:47
Speaker
Maybe it was a Vietnam theme. 23 years after its release. That one guy in the comments is losing his fucking mind that I haven't seen this film.
00:59:59
Speaker
Alright, we'll add it to All 4 Art, or we'll watch Sweet Sweet Bags, badass. It's just an in-between. I'm not sure you were the audience is for a 70s black exploitation film to be part If you support the Patreon.
01:00:12
Speaker
Bonus episode, yeah. genuinely thought you were to say, if you support the patriarchy. If you support the patriarchy, you will love this film. Well, we've established you want to give them little treats. I mean, thanks. If you support the patriarchy and reclaim the Falklands.
01:00:30
Speaker
Michael, I like giving everyone little treats. What, like the Falklands? Ha ha ha ha.
01:00:37
Speaker
This episode came out on April 28th, 1994. Something somewhat substantial happened. Aldrich Aimee's former CIA officer and his wife, Rosanna, pleaded guilty to for spying for the Soviet Union and Russia.
01:00:52
Speaker
Oh, damn. They are both currently serving life sentences. I'm not surprised. i imagine they got hella tortured. You get promoted if you do that these days. Yes, you become president. Yeah.
01:01:05
Speaker
We've got another divorce. Is Lisa Marie Presley separated from musician Danny Keogh? I got then where the divorce... I was like, oh, and they got divorced. I'm like, oh, well, I mean, that's also kind of sad. Yeah.
01:01:15
Speaker
You would get divorced if your partner came out as a Soviet spy. Well, didn't she also come out as a Soviet spy? Maybe only one of them wanted to come out as a Soviet spy. Maybe neither of them did. What is going Anyway, Michael, carry on.
01:01:29
Speaker
I'm a Soviet spy. This is my beard. Ha! All Soviet spies are actually gay. It's like a requirement. That's actually not wrong, but yeah. Well, UK number one has changed. It's the most beautiful girl in the world by Prince.
01:01:45
Speaker
Fair enough. okay Mark Elliott is still bumping and grinding his way to the heart of the US nation at number one. cause So much stuff from the 90s we're not allowed to like anymore because it's made by pedophiles and assholes.
01:02:00
Speaker
I mean... sound like you really lamented that fact.
01:02:05
Speaker
I used to love Jimmy Savile, but... I wish I could still watch Louis C.K. and laugh, but I can't, because he's a dickhead. Not to drag us back to the Michael Jackson discourse for, like, the bazillionth time. But, like, if you really want to, you'll find a way, you know? I still listen to MJ, man. I can't not. That dude was a fucking genius musically. Exactly.
01:02:28
Speaker
I think we can appreciate paedophile culture. when That is not what I said. want that known. not do not want that on my tombstone. Thank you very Well, that goes any chance of the me undies sponsorship. No, no, no. That would go hard on a pair of undies. No. we would no There be nothing softer in those undies than if it says that on her. This is why you should not have drunk that 8% beer.
01:03:02
Speaker
taking taking Taking off her skirt. Oh, I was expected. No.
01:03:11
Speaker
Oh, fucking hell. We're all going to hell.
01:03:17
Speaker
I'm going to Valhalla for this bit. What the bar in York?
01:03:26
Speaker
I deserve a treat. I just told pedophile to hook. I'm going to Valhalla. That calls for a pint. Yo, the beers in Valhalla, though, are sick. the place. go there every time.
01:03:39
Speaker
I don't think they're go to thank you for the association of the last two minutes of conversation. I'm not going to tell them. I've got to be honest.
01:03:48
Speaker
This is a chalkboard gag. Yeah, let's move on. Let's do some Simpsons. Well, I will not celebrate meaning meaningless mind milestones, but... Milestones. Milestones, that's the one I meant.
01:03:59
Speaker
That's what I was in surgery for.
01:04:03
Speaker
Fucking dammit. I'm gonna fucking die, man. Matt's not gonna make it to the end of this episode. Yeah, my job's to kill Matt. yeah I think you're doing a really good job. Yeah, I took a contract out.
01:04:17
Speaker
Is this like, are you working- are you assuming this podcast operates on like a dead man's boots principle? Like if you can kill someone, you can just take their job. yeah Yeah, I'm trying to replace Matt. i don't How do you think I got this job?
01:04:29
Speaker
i don't know if I want your goth mommy ice cream anymore, fucks. Oh, no, man. It's okay. Okay, I'm on my way. It's okay. You put up some good resistance, though.
01:04:43
Speaker
I love when they put up good resistance.
01:04:50
Speaker
Oh, dear Amy. God, tell us about some symptoms. Well, the couch gag involves the Fox logo, the family peel it off the thing and start stomping it out. This is good.
01:05:01
Speaker
This is good, yeah. Is that ever reused? I don't think No, I don't remember. This one and the last its one both apparently appear in At Long Last Leave. I don't know that episode. is but the apparently That's the Brexit answer episode.
01:05:16
Speaker
That's a Brexit episode? I don't think so, but I would believe you. Season 23. Oh, it's the 500th episode. We're a little bit away from that one. Yeah, I think we'll be all right.
01:05:32
Speaker
So yeah, there is a, I guess, a couch gag montage in episode 500, because of course there is. Yeah, that's because they can't- feel like all yours age when we're there. They're no longer able to write fucking 25 minutes of good comedy anymore, so now they have to do montages for their fucking intros.
01:05:49
Speaker
The episode begins with a montage of Homer. With Homer and Marge washing the car playing, and then we see the car just slowly sp go down the driveway. Another instance of Homer's car being green.
01:06:04
Speaker
Instead of pink. Well, this I understand, because he obviously lost his car and had to a replace it. I did spend more than a a more than reasonable amount of time googling the Simpsons car during editing the last episode. um Yeah, no, that the green car was just some weird animation mistake
Humorous Anecdotes and Simpsons Trivia
01:06:23
Speaker
last time. it was never seen before or since. Like, that's not the same car. this screen how they get a green there is a There must have been a green car in Simpsons, because I know you can get a green car in um Simpsons Hit and Run, the video game.
01:06:35
Speaker
one of the One of the Simpsons characters has a green car, so i but I don't know if that's... one of the Simpsons family cars or if it's another character's car you know i mean? But there is a green car in the game Is the Simpsons hit and run canon? Is it endorsed by the Pope?
01:06:51
Speaker
um it was Is that what canon means? It was inducted into biblical canon in the year of our Lord It's right there in Leviticus Yeah, the Simpsons had a green car and the And the Lord said, run over Ned Yeah, that's what canon means. Canon is biblical canon.
01:07:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. We then scoot back and we see that it's Homer's birthday and he's got his book about beards and Homer's got a beard himself. He tries to blow out the candles and he sets his beard on fire while Grandpa is just laughing hysterically while Homer's just running around. I know it's just in the background, but this goes on so long. Yeah.
01:07:29
Speaker
Why I'll try with little help from my friend's play. Does Homer grow beards in The Simpsons at any point? Well, yeah, because he has stubble and stuff. I was just thinking, is that why Homer's never depicted with a beard? Because he has a horribly scarred face. But no, he just has a short beard. God! That ain't stubble. Homer has received, like me, laser hair removal.
01:07:56
Speaker
like Yeah, it can't be that. Anyway, because there was the episode a couple... i always want to say a couple weeks ago, because it just to pretend the illusion that we record these weekly. But yeah, there was an episode a couple episodes ago where Homer shaves and then doesn't his beard just like thump, just like pop out face. yeah, that's a recurring gag. That's so good.
01:08:16
Speaker
Every time it's just bop and it's back. yep turns out that this is home movies and Bart is planning to show this at Sheldon Tell. Marge says that she's not comfortable about the thought of the classmates laughing at the family's private moments and Marge's response to this is how would you feel in 20 years people laughing at things you did? Bart said, that's not likely.
01:08:33
Speaker
They might as well have just looked at the fucking camera. I mean, yes, in with the benefit of hindsight, but also, like, they'd only been going for five seasons now.
Botanical Humor and Show-and-Tell Antics
01:08:43
Speaker
I don't think they could have expected this to run for another 20 at that time. No, I think they were just, yeah, making the joke that the cartoon will eventually end, but it's funny enough. Mm-hmm.
01:08:52
Speaker
So, we don't see... Oh, they've come for the goth mommy. We can hear it in the background. Did I know that Peter Fowl joke?
01:09:01
Speaker
I don't respect their culture. ah until i know I take you back. So Bart says... Tells Bart to have a bit of so sense of humour about herself. We see that bar isn' baby Bart is on the toilet saying that he made potty and we don't see that Lisa is laughing hysterically.
01:09:19
Speaker
This made me uncomfortable. li Bar realizes he needs something else for show andel and tell and Marge is just a potato Barthes says you're always trying to put potatoes on me what's the deal with that and Marge goes I just think they're neat I always wondered where this one was from that's where this is from yeah and there really is just no fucking context for it it really is just Marge being like yo here's are potatoes it's just great admittedly they're pretty fucking neat they are neat i i genuinely think that if i if well i said generally if i was to take a guess where this gag came from it's from the fact that one of the writers found out that potatoes are the only only vegetable native to america like they came from potatoes came from america oh really yeah so they found that out and then they were like Who in The Simpsons would know that? And then we're like, Marge found that out and she loves that fact. She loves that potatoes are American. So she's just like, I think they're neat.
01:10:21
Speaker
There must be other vegetables from America. Not that aren't in other countries. Oh, shit, really. As far as so as far as I'm aware, there's a potatoes are the only thing that only grew in America but everything else. Like llamas.
01:10:37
Speaker
Did you say like llamas? Like llamas. Llamas are a vegetable. Yeah, America. They're my favorite vegetables. Grow from the ground, I believe. Yeah, there's two vegetables. Potato and llama. I am learning a lot this evening.
01:10:53
Speaker
there Again, that guy in the comments is like, potatoes aren't actually vegetables. They're a root. Blah, blah, blah, blah. but they I think they're gonna be more concerned about the llamas going from the ground statement than you just know that's just facts, you fucking idiot. If you wanna diffuse the commentators, like... Vegetable isn't like a a defined category anyway. Like, normally, like... There's no real, like, specific, like, this is what a vegetable is. There's like, culinary vegetable. Because, like, a tomato is a culinary vegetable, but it's not a vegetable.
01:11:21
Speaker
Like, fruits are defined, vegetables are not. Vegetables are a bit of a plant. Yeah, just bit of grain that we eat. Like a llama? Like a llama! I hate to interrupt you here on this, John, but most of the fruits I know are not defined.
01:11:34
Speaker
ah
01:11:39
Speaker
too shy. Don't call John out like that. I can call John out however I like.
01:11:47
Speaker
Bart runs up upstairs and says that he needs something for show and tell and march tells him and Lisa tells him to take one of the geodes. Bart stares blankly and Lisa clarifies the rocks on my desk. Bart then picks up all the rocks that aren't, which includes a trilobite, petrified wood, and then ran a bran muffin.
01:12:05
Speaker
That classic fossil. But petrified birds. No petrified birds! Well no, she she used the wrong... touch she does she doesn't know that yet. This is actually a subtle reference to the fact that Lisa is actually kind of stupid.
01:12:16
Speaker
She thinks they're called rocks, and she's just a fucking idiot. It's all the petrified birds on her desk. Lila should be able to metagame, yeah. Also, I'm fairly certain that when we see Bart getting on the bus, he's got the bran muffin in his hand, but then when we see him in the bus, he's got the geode.
01:12:35
Speaker
No, he's got the geode. Eat the bran muffin before he goes on the bus. Right. i said That's his little treat. His little treat, Bart the billionaire. Hey, he was rich last episode. That bran muffin is filled with estrogen. LAUGHTER but
01:12:52
Speaker
So Bart gets on the bus and we see that all the kids actually have geodes, including Martin, who greets him as his fellow geologist. Bart tries to find something for show and tell him. Geodologist. Which is not the word.
01:13:03
Speaker
no no. love that correction. It's a pun. You can appreciate the pun. It's not a fucking pun. It's not a pun. It's geode geologist. Geodologist. portmanteau. What is the name of someone who studies geodes? We are ahead of time. I can fucking Google this if I want to.
01:13:21
Speaker
yeah It's just a geologist. I'll be looking at the clock and going, how much derailing can I fit in today? That's fucked up, because g geologist is earth and like logos for like reasoning for words of science. So would it be... gelog Geologist is like the broader category, a speleologist would be a geologist technically, right?
01:13:44
Speaker
Like you'd have to understand geology to be a speleologist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In same way you'd need to be like a physicist to be like, you know, fucking gravitationologist or whatever the fuck. Gravitationalologist! Gravitationalologist! Okay, yeah. So you were making a very good scientific pointer for the last one. Yeah, i i I was like locked in. I was like, oh, you' matoy you're you're making a lot of sense. This really interesting. And then you said gravitationologist.
01:14:10
Speaker
you can You can fascinate a gaggle of podcasters with a trans woman. It's that simple. It's that easy. yeah just put I can say whatever the fuck I want. It's Falklandsologist. Falklandsologist.
01:14:24
Speaker
thanks Falk's trying to find something to take instead of the rock, and he finally sees Santa's a little helper, and he picks the dog up. The dog makes a full-on yulping noise as it gets picked up.
01:14:35
Speaker
We cut to the classroom, and we see that Nelson is is reading out the ingredients of a can of tomato paste. This can contained tomato paste. This went on for so long. He read out every single ingredient.
01:14:47
Speaker
yep And Mrs. Gruppel, this is a regular occurrence because Mrs. Gruppel says she's looking forward to hearing it again next week. Yeah, and but the thing is, she says looking forward to seeing it next week, which means it's a regular occurrence, which means that the tomato part the tomato past, the tomato... but Tomato paste. Use your words. Fuck me standing man. I mean it is tomato paste. It's not there anymore. There is a hauntology of tomato.
01:15:13
Speaker
Look can we get a Forklonsologist to really explain this please. The tomato. tomato paste that is on the edges of that can must fucking stink. Jesus Christ, it wasn't even that funny a joke, and I struggled through it.
01:15:33
Speaker
Fucking hell. I hate myself. He could have rinsed it out first. She is smiling. He didn't know. That's the thing. You can see in the frame that there's bits of tomato paste, like, on the can.
01:15:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. That totally is, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So that must fucking reek. Well, struggle through this riddle because Bart comes up now and he's got Santa's little helper under a box and he says, This is a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries. but What has four legs and ticks?
01:16:01
Speaker
And everyone's response, this is a walking clock. yes because I think it is actually like I've been referred to as that. It's like a... No, that take out the L and you've got it. Um...
01:16:13
Speaker
Awaken fuck? Which hell am I taking over? Is this actually, again, this is a reference to something right, and the joke is that everyone knew the answer to the riddle, but then obviously Bart was like, no, it's my dog.
01:16:27
Speaker
Then reveals the dog and everyone is very excited, and Mrs. Kraboppo gives them the cookies that Martin made, which were his Raisin Roundies. Bart tells the fairly tame story about the dog crawling under the house, cominging coming back covered in ants, and then going to the church to drink all the holy water, which everyone's amazed by.
01:16:43
Speaker
Random note, but I saw on the Simpsons wiki, they're like, oh, there's a goof in this episode because the dog eats the cookies with raisins, and raisins are bad for a dog, and like, dog would fucking eat the cookies, mate. Yeah, that's not... Unless the dog is going to die in five seconds. Dogs aren't self-aware enough to know that it will kill them.
01:17:01
Speaker
Bald gets congratulated on a great job and Milhouse brags that he knew the dog before he came to the class. Has Milhouse ever interacted with Santa's Little Helper? He must have done. What a fucking little liar. What a little piece of shit.
01:17:17
Speaker
Are you arguing that Milhouse does not know Santa's Little Helper as canon? Yes, I am. That's like EU. He's never actually... in the comic books. Milhouse has been to the Simpsons household on multiple occasions. He has to have met that dog. i' Circumstantial.
01:17:31
Speaker
Yeah, unless we see it on screen, it's not true. Those are kinds of evidence. It's hearsay. Hearsay. Hearsay and circumstantial are kinds of evidence. What does the Pope have to say about this? I'm going to call in a laurologist and they're going to set you straight. A law-talking guy.
School Chaos and Comedic Moments
01:17:50
Speaker
Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, la-ologist. that I want to see Lionel Hutz fight Pope Leo. I want to see Lionel Hutz fight. That's the end of that. Aw, he would be so out for blood.
01:18:05
Speaker
Lionel Hutz would fucking cut a bitch. Like, straight up. He would cut a bitch. He carries a switchblade on him. Yeah, exactly. for For when he's sleeping at the YMCA. trying to remember if Lionel Hutz was a playable character in the Simpsons wrestling game. Oh, I'd hope so. I don't think it was because I think Phil Hartman had been murdered before that came out. I have to ask for the health of my polycule. What's the tech like in the Simpsons wrestling game? The health of my polycule?
01:18:35
Speaker
Is it like the Shrek game that's surprisingly good? I played a lot it. It was all right. I remember being quite clunky. It was a decent game.
01:18:46
Speaker
Okay. For me, when I was 14, I thought it was all right. don't know if the click is coming for us. I'm just going to make a note here. I don't think it troubled any of the WWE games in terms of wrestling marketplace. don't think it It's all right, because now that the WWE games have fucking shat their bed, maybe Simpsons can make a comeback. It should be, there's a comeback again.
01:19:08
Speaker
I want to see The Simpsons create star. Holy shit, I want that. Absolutely. I want that so bad. Anyway, Simpsons. So Martin goes up front and is about to do his giant presentation about the birth of geodes and everyone's ignoring him because they want to stroke the dog, including Nelson doing it quite roughly. People love a dog.
01:19:29
Speaker
Santa's little hofer sneezes and Edna goes, ah, he thinks it's people. thinks it's he'll hear Willie through the dog going, poochie, poochie, poochie. Groundskeeper Willie, man. I'm that excited to see a dog.
01:19:40
Speaker
I mean, that the look of Joey's face when the dog looks at him is amazing. I fucking love it. Dogs are great, man. Everyone loves a dog. Everyone loves a dog. Bring a dog into class, everyone's going to be like, yep, dog time. Yeah, the rest of the class is like, oh, because dog. Yeah. Great news about my dating pool.
01:19:57
Speaker
Well, I'm being a prick, his geode to be acknowledged. so ah Well, you know, every young man at some point wants his geode to be acknowledged. So Mrs. Grabopo makes part of the dog into the cupboard. Actually Geodes would be an analogy for young women, right?
01:20:10
Speaker
Surely. No, we see that... Just keep going, Michael, it's fine. no dog The dog is locked in her closet now and he eventually wakes up to the smell of something good and we learn it's actually horsepots, including more testicles. Now with more testicles. I googled this. I googled this. I was like, is it true do testicles contain more iron? I googled it and yes they do.
01:20:32
Speaker
Testicles are a great source. We need a biologist. about it it work It doesn't work with it. A biologist. A biologist. A biologist. A biologist. How many professions hired for this podcast?
01:20:46
Speaker
A testicologist. There we go. a Yes, they're a great source of iron. So if you if you feel like you don't get enough iron, ah you should eat some testicles. and take test eat some Eat some balls. it's yeah i Go out to a club and eat some balls, man. you know yes It's that simple. It's that easy. Specifically horse if you want the most iron.
01:21:09
Speaker
ah podcast does not condone bestialogy bestiology bestiology suggest yeah we soology on gray we so we yesteology bestsiology the study of bestiality so bestiality but not i'm so sorry for what i've done to your podcast if this Is useful it what you've done to my brain?
01:21:39
Speaker
I've been doing that all year. I think John feels like Ralph right now. and Ralph sees the dog and goes, Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent. Miss Hoover's response to this is, do you remember the time you saw said Snagglepuss was outside? Ralph's response he was going to the bathroom. Yeah, so this is a weird... Because Snagglepuss is a Hanna-Barbera character that's a bipedal cat that's pink.
01:22:01
Speaker
Yeah. So... Yes. is There's so many ways to, like, guess this joke. Is it just that he saw a, quote-unquote, pink cat that was peeing? Or was did he see a naked man peeing outside that was only wearing a hat? Like, I genuinely want to know what the punchline is supposed to be.
01:22:20
Speaker
Because the punchline is just... It's weird. Yeah, I think the punchline is lol Ralph. But, again... Yeah, don't think they put that much forward. But, you say that, but they have you they use Ralph a lot of for a lot of these kind of jokes. Because there's the one with um Skinner and Kraboppel making babies in the school closet. Oh, yes. And he saw the baby and it winked at him.
01:22:45
Speaker
They use Ralph for these kind of jokes. So, what is the incredibly inappropriate joke they just made a six-year-old say? And I'm very curious about that. I would like to know. i'm I'm not saying cancel Simpsons. I'm just saying this joke could have very... You're saying explain yourself, Simpsons writers. The joke could have very dark connotations, and I'm genuinely curious what they are.
01:23:09
Speaker
Cancel Snagglepuss. No, Snagglepuss. Snagglepuss, exit. Stay dried. I love Snagglepuss. I love Hannah Barbera. Gets his cock out for children. What?
01:23:20
Speaker
Why do we keep coming back to pedophiles this episode? just want to point out, right now, i have in the Discord, I have put put the no back in nonce, and I do not remember when I wrote that.
01:23:35
Speaker
was just going to post that for posterity. that's it Let's move on from one unfortunate thing to some ah racism, I guess. yeah but Skinner is on the phone to being talked up by the superintendent because he didn't know what a young teen Pearl was thought it was a made up We then see all the kids running past and Willie bursts in quite frantically saying, Sir, you've got to come quick. There's a dog running around the vent.
01:23:59
Speaker
And the Skinner says he understands and announces over the PA, but no one remains calm. They get very excited about it. Why is um Skinner so ragged? He's having bad time.
01:24:10
Speaker
is is he yeah Is it just that he's stressed? I don't know. It just seems a bit like... it It's because he's anti-semitic. He hates Jews so much that he ruffles his clothes when he has to talk to them.
01:24:22
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, the last time we saw him, he was having a very stressful phone call and he's looking sweaty and disheveled. And I think it is just off the back of that, isn't it? I guess so. like ah like The thing is, it's it's not that I won't accept those kind of answers. I'm just curious because animation takes time. So they had to make the choice to animate Skinner in, you know, ragged clothing and like disheveled. You asked for continuity.
01:24:47
Speaker
This is true. This is true. They did it. They gave you continuity. I don't know. It's just interesting to me. It's just a phone call. Chill out. You're not millennial. Yeah.
01:24:59
Speaker
Skinner sticks his head into the vent and is immediately licked by Santa's little helper. Why didn't you just grab the dog then? Just grab the dog then, you fucking moron. No, because he wants to send Willy in to go get it. Willy says that he will not fit, i he then calls Skinner a croquet playing mint muncher.
01:25:14
Speaker
Skinner's response to this is to tell Willy to go grease himself up and go in, and then calls him a guff-speaking work slacker. Willy's response to this is, oh, good, come back. Willie then goes into the kitchen and asks Lunch Lady Doris if she has any grease.
01:25:29
Speaker
He rips off his clothes and goes, Grease me up, woman. Lunch Lady Doris having some dreams tonight. now that That lives in my head rent-free. Grease me up, woman. Okie dokie. We don't get a great shot of Willie's gooch as he's going through the vent. Excuse me, is there anything but?
01:25:48
Speaker
He doesn't make a sound effect. Skinner is now monitoring this on some sort of radar system. that's Yeah, this fucking aliens ref alien reference. This was so strange and so great. I loved it.
01:25:59
Speaker
It was good. I mean, the whole dog in the vents bit is alien references, but yeah. yeah Willie has a rapid things going in front and back of him, and then we see the dog coming up behind going to good lord, it's coming up behind him.
01:26:12
Speaker
We see that Sadness Little Hope is licking the grease off his feet, and Willie is laughing, and the kid's response, this is to throw books at the vent that Willie's in. Jesus! Poor Willie today, man.
01:26:23
Speaker
Willie's getting abused. Skinner runs out and says, whenever he gets this upset, he gets hiccups and then starts hiccuping as everyone laughs at him. Why not? ye But Willie's finally had enough of this shit and we see him get a bit of a pace on.
01:26:35
Speaker
He's doing like a butterfly stroke kind of thing. He's fucking sliding. He's had enough. And willie Willie finally catches him and says, there's ne an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman. It's true. He then punches out the vent cover and we see them in the gymnasium and the vent begins to pull away from the roof and Willie's response to this is, it is more dizzying than the bell fright in Caligula.
01:26:58
Speaker
So he intended... Yeah, no, I have the word written here, and I do not know how to pronounce that. I'm not even to Len Walgans. He intended to go out of the vent and still jump down, clearly.
01:27:10
Speaker
Falling down, however, is too much. We see that the fire department and the police department have been called, and the police are playing basketball, which... Nice work, boys.
01:27:21
Speaker
All cops are bawling. All cops are bawling. Google guys and find out more about all cops are bawling. It's pointed out that Superintendent Chalmers is arriving and the Skinner is still hiccuping.
01:27:34
Speaker
And Chalmers comes in and the Skinner shows and that everything is going fine and we see a fireman fall through the window. Admittedly, that's not Skinner's fault. don't think Skinner can be held responsible for that. That's not his fault.
01:27:46
Speaker
Chalmers has had enough and says that he's had enough with the school before it's low test scores and ugly children. Classes of the class children. Skinner's response to this is that ah he doesn't think the children's appearance, but then he's told he's in big trouble.
01:27:59
Speaker
Then the dog falls down into Chalmers' arms and Chalmers says, this mutter's melted his heart and tells him that all is forgiven. We then hear Willy shout, make way for Willy. And Willy lands on Chalmers and he goes, I said make way for Willy. It's only fair he did say it.
01:28:13
Speaker
Well, he clambers off Chalmers, who's now covered in grease, and Chalmers tells Skinner about his mouth. With a perfect, like, little leg, like, ass print with the legs. Oh, yeah, he's like the grease stain on his chest. Chalmers fires Skinner, and Bart is shocked, and then Skinner goes, I'm sorry, did you call me a liar? And Chalmers goes, no, I said you were fired. that's much worse. Skinner's response is, oh, that's much worse. And then he just hiccups.
01:28:35
Speaker
Then got to breakfast and Bart's sad because ah he thought he'd be jumping for joy, but Skinner got fired, but now he's just got a hot feeling in the back of his head. Lisa points out that's guilt and Bart goes, yeah, I guess you're right. We then go ahead and see there's a small spider biting into his skull. Also, shut up Lisa, that wasn't Bart's fault. Like, you didn't have to put the dog in the ah easy access to the vents. The dog could have been anywhere.
01:28:59
Speaker
Yeah, ultimately apples really anything not really Bart's fault at all. He just brought his dog in at show and tell. Yeah. It's not the worst thing he's done. Homer's response to this story is that ah they all got let out of school early because he brought in their dog.
01:29:11
Speaker
And Bart says, yep. So Homer says, he's taking them off to work. Marge says, the dog's had enough excitement. Homer's response is, dogs can't ever have enough excitement. He just starts swinging the dog around. Clearly not having... Yeah, this bit didn't really go anywhere.
01:29:24
Speaker
This was a weird bit. I thought he was going to go for the cat at least, but no, he picks up Maggie and tries to take Maggie instead. Chama says he will take the dog in and then grabs Maggie and Marge is not having this. We cut back to the school and Chama says they're going to have a new principal and he introduces Leopold. and This was not the voice I was expecting from face. No.
01:29:43
Speaker
no So Hawking Leopold starts threatening the kids in a very aggressive way because he's saying things are going to change around here. With their new principal, Ned Flanders. Bradley Ho. So...
01:29:54
Speaker
So Flanders comes and he says he's diddly-lighted to take over and he thinks he can put the power back in principle, which everyone laughs at. Charleston stands up and says he'll put the super back in superintendent. to No one laughs.
01:30:06
Speaker
Even though it's the same joke, what gives? And then says he knows everyone's eager to get back to class and we just see him as a proper laugh. Yeah. He says he thought it'd be nice to have a Q&A and there's no questions at first and he only forces Jimbo to say a question and Jimbo kind of stammers over his words and eventually asks about the lunch policy and then says he's going to put the stew back in student and Chalmers has finally had enough because it's a damn popularity contest around here.
01:30:31
Speaker
Leopold, for what it's worth, the Simpsons Wiki reckons is based on Dirty Harry as a character. so I guess. I guess. Fucking hell. They just wanted to give Charmers a boyfriend. That's it.
01:30:46
Speaker
I mean, he feels like he's supposed to be a reference to something. I'm struggling to place it myself. Yeah, i he's definitely a reference. Dirty Harry... And fuck you guy in the comments, I have seen Dirty Harry. Lick my balls. They've got iron. He's had that one loaded in the chamber for some time. I watched Dirty Harry with my dad. It was a dope movie. Yeah,
01:31:15
Speaker
a good Christmas movie. Fuck off. Leave that pause in, Jon. Just that fucking know were silence.
01:31:28
Speaker
So we are... We could the quickie Martin Apu is not impressed with Bart's abuse of the self-service ice cream cone because he's got the ice ice cream cone on him. We're making mockery of our self-serve policy.
01:31:39
Speaker
If it doesn't and if all fits in one cone, it's still one serving. It kind of doesn't because it immediately topples. Well, he was distracted. Bill has a distraction, turns out to be Principal Skinner because he's not wearing a suit or tie, and Bart apologizes for the dog getting him fired, unbinding him, and then getting on with his leg.
01:31:57
Speaker
And Skinner really feels philosophical about this whole thing and says, he's got time to do what he always wanted. Write the great American novel about futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques, which is dubbed Billy and the Clonosaurus. And Pooh is having absolutely none of this. Someone on Etsy. has made um actual sheet uh like book sheets for uh michael crayton's jurassic park that are billy and the colonosaurus that you can buy um i genuinely want to read the original fucking michael crayton book i know this has nothing to do with the podcast i just want to read the original jurassic park i've heard it's really good
01:32:36
Speaker
further Further trivia on that one, apparently there is also a real book called Billy and the Clonosaurus by, i assume he's just like, just taking it straight from this episode, by ah name that I'm going to struggle to pronounce, but i'm going to try anyway, Steven Koznievsky?
01:32:52
Speaker
Wait, what? It's apparently not a ripoff of Jurassic Park. But plenty of people have reviewed it using Apu's rant as a joke. yes so so Yes, because Apu is not very impressed by all of this, and Apu starts to point out the flaws in the plan, which include giving it a title that no one liked, the idea's been done, it was a best-selling book, and it's one of the most popular movies of all time, ending his rant with, what were you thinking? I like i love the time-lapse guy, because he just keeps fading so between bits, of like, this is he's been at this for a long time. And everyone just tolerates it.
01:33:23
Speaker
yeah Now Skinner doesn't because he starts see him get more and thoroughly depressed.
01:33:29
Speaker
The Pooh then catches himself and goes, thank you, come again. So it's all right. We come back to Springfield at the Men's Room. We see that Bart is in Flanders office and keeps getting into trouble, particularly since the peanut butter cups were introduced. And Ned tells him that he does have to punish him because isn't a clubhouse. and But he frowns his glass and Ned asks him whether was drinking Slice or you would... How do people drink their their drinks so that there's still ice in it by the time they're finished, man?
01:33:55
Speaker
Like, I i fucking savour my drinks, man. Some of us have things to do. no don't. Don't do that. Women, usually. Ha!
01:34:04
Speaker
Ha! could do a skinner in the longerro about he's giving ah I feel like I'm in high school getting called a virgin.
01:34:16
Speaker
You're like Skinner at this laundromat looking for your laundry options. Which include Tide, Cheer, Bold, Biz, Fab, All, Gain and Whisk.
01:34:29
Speaker
What the hell is Whisk? I believe today I will try Bold. Bart's gate pause past and Skinner stops him and asks him how school is and Bart says, it's a lot of fun. We get that awkward pause and he says, well, it's good to see And Skinner immediately invites Bart to his house, which probably would fly these days. but they Interesting choice, yeah yes yeah. So Skinner says, do you know where i live? And Bart says no. But then we get the flashback of Bart putting dog shit that's on fire outside his house and Skinner using his new Italian loafers to put it out. I don't know why I was thinking about that gag earlier that day when I watched this. I was like, huh, it's weird that that was already in my head.
01:35:05
Speaker
Bart's about to say he's busy, but so we then see the bullies come in and steal Skinner's underpants and tell him there's nothing you can do about it. And Skinner says, that's not true, he can buy a new pair. I can buy a new pair. Turns out he can't, and he really needed those. Do you only have the one pair of undies?
01:35:21
Speaker
They're me-undies. Ah, quality. yeah High quality. Sponsor Principal Skinner. no sponsor Please sponsor we sponsor this podcast. We've established no one is going to sponsor us. We have to get the sponsorship for Skinner now. Please join the Patreon. His twin towers and need support.
01:35:41
Speaker
go my My twin towers will never fall down now that I'm using me under this. These have got reinforced steel beams that no jet fuel can melt.
01:35:58
Speaker
Oh, no. Pure cotton. It's actually made of micro-modal fabric, and I know that because I genuinely watch a lot of people that talk about MeUndies because they're fucking awesome. I haven't seen or heard a MeUndies advert in years. Do they still do advertising on content? Any Austin gets sponsored all the time.
01:36:18
Speaker
And I love Any Austin. That dude is fucking amazing. Well, it does go to Skinner's house and is it greeted by Skinner's mother, who sends him up to his room and goes, don't touch the wallpaper. And we see that Skinner is doing conducting to Beethoven's Fifth, and he offers him a diet caffeine-free Dr Pepper on individual fruit. like how Skinner gives critique, even though it's a fucking recording.
01:36:39
Speaker
No more legro than last time.
01:36:43
Speaker
So Bart sees a photo of Skinner from his Vietnam days and Skinner points out his troops were loyal even though they're all looking... And he says the photo was taken shortly before he was shot in the back at a Bob Hope show. Also worth noting that he's got a purple heart hung on the board there as well, which suggests that he got the purple heart for being shot in the back at the Bob Hope show. Yeah, mate.
01:37:05
Speaker
But then see he's going to have a brief conversation with his mother about... the fact The fact that Bart is here and the Skinner doesn't want her to tell her when it's 7.30. Why would he need that? what's is I'm guessing there's something on TV that's on at 7.30 that Skinner would watch.
01:37:19
Speaker
if I was was kind of wondering, is like is that his bedtime or something? I don't feel like they've established that kind of vibe with Skinner and his mum just yet. i don't Maybe, maybe. It could be that.
01:37:33
Speaker
I hate to say this, 7.30 feels like a radio time, not a TV time. Why? Ooh, could be. It's at half past. Who the fuck would watch something at half past?
01:37:44
Speaker
There are half hour shows. Simpsons is half an hour. There half hour shows, yeah. But why would you watch something after The Simpsons? The next episode of Simpsons. Whatever aired after The Simpsons had to be on at half past.
01:37:56
Speaker
Who watches whatever's on after The Simpsons? Malcolm in the Middle was on after Simpsons, I can tell you that much. That black exploitation from me had been on after The Simpsons.
01:38:08
Speaker
So we see that Seymour and Bart are having a yeah barbecue and Skinner's wearing his A-pop that says, principles do it nine months a year. And Skinner's amused that Flanders eliminated detention, put the whole school on the honour system.
01:38:22
Speaker
And Skinner asks if anybody's mentioned him and Bart says he thought he'd heard his name in the cafeteria, but they may have been saying skim milk, which... is possible. We don't see that they're on the beach together at sunset, because why the fuck not? Yeah, that's... Whatever they're doing now. They're just having fun, I guess. The Springfield Beach. Yeah, where the fuck is Springfield?
01:38:46
Speaker
Next to a beach. Where did you say Portugal or something you said it is per Peru. Peru is where we established it. Are there beaches in Peru? I thought Peru was waterlogged. Where the fuck is Peru? I have already said I am not a geologist. Do you mean landlocked?
01:39:03
Speaker
I presume you mean landlocked, but to best my knowledge Peru has a coast. Peru does have quite a significant coast. yes So wherever he is, Skinner listens to a shell, but there's a crab in it which latches onto his ear, but has to bat it off with a stick.
01:39:15
Speaker
He does a hell of a swing on that! If he'd been slightly off... He's just dead Skinner. Yeah, I'm kidding. Skinner takes Bart to Luigi's and his main selling point of this is that they'll do a pizza pie a topping of your choice.
01:39:31
Speaker
wow uh i'm not making a joke he's gonna reveal to luigi's darling of a friend of luigi says oh that's so nice and the skinner tells if it's nice and we did just hear luigi screaming from the kitchen herself with all i guess who's here mr kooka la bons it's not established yet but no further note that luigi's surname is risotto Well what else would it be? He's Italian.
01:39:57
Speaker
It's Luigi Risotto. It should be Boyardee. should be Mario. That would have been funny. but that is Luigi's actual surname. Is Mario. This is the part which I got really uncomfortable about these two together.
01:40:12
Speaker
Having a romantic dinner in an Italian. I did not like the Italian romantic nonsense. It was 1994, they hadn't invented paedophilia yet. Yeah, it never happened. Yeah. We see that the ah school has completely disintegrated into kind of chaos and Martin is now in a cage and he wants his water bowl refilling and Milhouse is spraying ketchup onto himself as Bart laments the fact that they need Skinner back to keep some form of order.
01:40:39
Speaker
Because chaos. Anarchy. For flavour, yeah. Flavour. You've never done a fucking belly button shot? Not with tomatoes Of ketchup? Now i understand what Craig David's What's Your Flavour song was about.
01:40:53
Speaker
called a Bloody Mary. We lead different lives. We really don't. We then see that Skinner walks past the school at night and we see the flashbacks in this thing of helping someone to read and Martin giving them those raisin roundies and Ralph saying he got car sick in his office.
01:41:09
Speaker
Skinner sobs and walks away. The next time Bart comes to the house he gets a note from Skinner which was thanking him for his friendship but he's decided to return to the army. But as the press thing goes to Luigi's restaurant and Luigi tells him his couple cheer him up and then we see him yell, give the ugly kid a pill into the red crab.
01:41:27
Speaker
Oh, I love Luigi. We then come back and we see that Skinner's now at Fort Springfield and we see that ah they're discussing things which include ah Valor of Armour, which includes the colonel saying that he received a number of medals for securing that Montgomery Ward in Kuwait City. There was also on the um on the sign for the military base, it says, and secret mail opening program.
01:41:50
Speaker
Oh, was it? I missed that detail. So Skelly's enthusiastic about the fact that they've moulding their neurocouple to discipline off army meet people, and the colonel says, yeah sure am. Officologists? That's the one.
01:42:02
Speaker
Yeah, warfighters. Warfighterologists. I'm not very into my military, but my man's not giving very colonel vibes to Not really, the dude seems like he's familiar. No, he's really not.
01:42:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. We see the recruits come out and they don't seem very sophisticated, which included one. and They want their grenades and whatever the group toilets are. Yeah, he was he was like, when do I get my grenades? And then the other guy said, they don't have them group toilets here anymore or something like that. Like as if he was either disappointed or was thankful that he didn't.
01:42:36
Speaker
I got the impression he was thankful. Like, he's been here before and doesn't want them. but Also, like, just to just to be pedantic about the pronunciation, it's not toilets, he's turlets.
01:42:47
Speaker
Ain't got them group turlets here. Yeah, exactly. My boy missing the sponge on a stick. ah You all don't know about the sponge on a stick? Nah, I've seen it I've seen it. It's gross.
01:43:01
Speaker
Okay, cool. Yeah. um See, Margin. We can come back to this. We really don't have to come back to the sponge on the stick. but we can. Return with a V to the sponge on the stick. The threat is always there, is what she's saying. The threat is always there.
01:43:17
Speaker
A natural sponge from the ocean on a natural stick from the forest. Put on your ass naturally.
01:43:26
Speaker
It's what God wanted us to do. Amen. Shared between political, brackets, blood bowl, brackets, male. Brackets. Yes. Oh, dear. We see that Marge and Homer have visited Flanders, and they're concerned about the way the school's being run. Homer's too busy eating peanut butter a cup. Yes, very concerned.
01:43:43
Speaker
well Ned says he might be a bit soft, but he's only that way because his dad was hard on him as a boy. And we cut back to ah Ned's flashback and we see him spill ink over the table. And this is where we learn that Ned's parents will be mixed. Ned spilled ink, spilled ink all my bombs, man. He's down a real square, a cube.
01:44:00
Speaker
He's putting them on the train to Squaresville. Is this the first sighting of Ned's parents? I believe it is. There's a few first sightings in this episode. Leopold comes back late, so this was his first episode.
01:44:14
Speaker
We don't see if Landers wipes away the TOR, Marge wonders what the hell is going on. We don't see that Skinner is running with his company, and their first chance is a bit racy, which includes a hole in her underpants.
01:44:28
Speaker
Should have bought me undies.
01:44:33
Speaker
That's how you get a sponsorship. That was fucking genius. Oh, that was... That was smooth. Thank you. Like the undies. Like undies with their micro-modal fabric.
01:44:48
Speaker
Are you sure we're not sponsored? as What have you been taking deals behind my back? Are you secretly getting paid? No, I've been very honest from the start. I do not want to be paid in money by me. and I want to be paid in underwear. Oh, I meant paid in underwear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. refuse to take money from them. I just want underwear.
01:45:06
Speaker
I actually, weirdly enough, I think I've told this story before, but I had a boss when I worked to the bank. I had a boss that genuinely never wore a pair of socks more than once. He would buy fresh pairs of underwear every week and wear them and then bin them.
01:45:19
Speaker
And I thought, some people have too much money. And this dude wasn't even like a millionaire. He was just had money. So imagine the fucking dumb shit Bezos gets up to. I mean, we don't have to. He rented Italy.
01:45:32
Speaker
He could be putting on fresh underwear every, like, hour. I also do that, but also my clothes washing machine is full of mice right now, so I feel like turning it on will solve that problem. Oh my god. You get a lot of clean mice. A lot of clean mice. The mice don't die. They're just very fashionable. Listen, I'm a fan of mice. I don't need my mice rotated at 1400 RPM. don't need it. Need it? No. Want it? Yes. They're not dead. They're just stylish now. Now they just look beautiful.
01:46:11
Speaker
Only Dev's laundry machine reduces 14 mice to a homogenous goop. Suplick homogenous. There may be a potential alternative energy source going on here.
01:46:26
Speaker
Mice-powered. Oh dear. It's okay. The mice are great because they've eaten all the cockroaches, so we don't have a cockroach problem anymore. Now you just need snakes to get rid of the mice. Yeah.
01:46:38
Speaker
I think the mold's gonna get rid of them. i think I really hope the mold wins. Because if i don't know what's gonna beat the mold when the ceiling falls through. The ceiling falling through, I think.
01:46:50
Speaker
We have people upstairs, I'm scared. Well, now you can- it's a fun way to make new friends! Here are my- here's my mouse soup! And my snakes!
01:47:03
Speaker
My backup snakes. I think we've finally discovered what the Gravitologist is needed for.
01:47:11
Speaker
I will now provide you a lesson in gravitology. Brings Ruth down. It starts kicking through your floor. Fuck's sake.
01:47:22
Speaker
Well, Skinner is not going to have any filth in his ah regiment, so they start thinking about the perfume, but they don't know how old it is. Skinner asks how old, they just respond, we don't know. It needs improvement.
01:47:34
Speaker
Then cuts apart, and d reading is he's looking at a photo of Skinner, and Lisa comes in and says, she didn't think he could look any more square, but there's the proof. Boil laments the fact that he misses him as a friend, but misses him more as an enemy, and Lisa thinks he does need a nemesis, because Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Moriarty, Mountain Dew has Mellow Yellow, and Maggie has the baby with one eyebrow. And we come to Maggie scowling at the baby scowls The introduction the with one eyebrow, which That's another character that's being introduced. Yeah, genuinely, this was a short when I went to see fucking Frozen 2, I think.
01:48:03
Speaker
Really? yeah What? um There was a fucking terrible shot of ah basically the plot of Casablanca played out with Maggie and a baby at the park, but the with the villain was the baby with the eyebrow.
01:48:18
Speaker
It's fucking stupid. Maybe he's apparently called Gerald, but it's not introduced by name here. No one cares. Were you watching Frozen 2 by force? I went with my partner at the time. It was okay.
01:48:29
Speaker
So, under duress. yeah It was fine. I hate it. Those partnerly wiles. What? Those partnerly wiles.
01:48:40
Speaker
no i'm Forcing you to watch Frozen 2 by being your partner. I didn't mind it. I thought i like Disney. No one's sounding very convinced by this.
01:48:52
Speaker
Believe if you need help. I'm not even with this person anymore. You don't, you don't, you do not like Disney. You like, you like Marge and Homer Simpson. Marge and Homer Simpson and Godfather. you're doing is wrong. Wrong. You have people that care about you.
01:49:09
Speaker
Die Hard is a Christmas movie. No, it's fucking not. I will die before I admit that. Frozen 2 is a Christmas movie. No. It's got snow in it. Yeah, it's got snow in it. Let's move on.
01:49:26
Speaker
Skinner is having a mortar practice and we see Bart is riding his bicycle through the landmine so Skinner has to make them change their field of fire. Oh, it's so good. We come to the Quake Marta and Napu has had 16 new gas pumps installed so they can compete with the gas and gulp. And we just hear the noise of the missiles coming down and the muffle came off. That's great cutaway. And then, yeah, the fucking K coming down is so good. A few seconds of conversation as the walking lock in the background, the K falls out of the sky. It's perfect. It's so good. know. I think it was just okay.
01:49:59
Speaker
Oh, I cackled at this. It was great. It's a blast. Skinner, if he'll come back, if he can get Flanders fired. And Skinner says, he does miss the school in the armies, and now he remembered it. And some recruits drive past, one's mooning him, and one tosses a beer cup at him, and goes, actually, it's exactly as I remember. Just a question, actually, something I saw in my notes. Wouldn't re-enlisting in the army mean he got discovered as a fraud and not as Seymour Skinner?
01:50:25
Speaker
Don't think about that. Okay. um I don't know if they've like thought that heavily about his character and background to that extent. I don't think they think about anything. I think what you could probably do, because this was like Vietnam discharge, is you could take the discharge papers and provide them, and since it's like oh pre-digitalized records.
01:50:46
Speaker
You could just throw them on and be like, yeah, fuck you. I was a sergeant. A gimme. give him Gimme a company of men. Is that what you say in club? I'm always saying this. Give me the company of men.
01:51:02
Speaker
It's been a long month. I'm i'm tired of these hoes. These hoes ain't loyal. I need some men and or other. And or other. Well, this is what you've got the mice for.
01:51:14
Speaker
Bestiologist.
01:51:22
Speaker
the weirdest fucking episode we've ever recorded I think it's the funniest one we've done so so skin Skinner says that ah if they if he does go back that will end their friendship unless Bart becomes a good student barzz says that's not to happen so Skinner goes well we'll always have the laundromat and they both reminisce about that I guess Good times. We don't go to Bart's bedroom, which Skinner has been invited to.
01:51:48
Speaker
And at least Homer's in there as he walks in and he asks what Homer's doing there and Bart says, once he found that we were going Flanders fired, he insisted on helping. And Homer says, that is true. And then proceeds to offer absolutely nothing to the operator. He just wanted to be there. Fine. Go on. He's moral support.
01:52:05
Speaker
He's their remembrancer. A remembrancologist.
01:52:11
Speaker
Okay, that's a 40k ass term right there. Absolutely. Bart's brilliant plan is just to invite John to the school to see how crap it is, so little fire Ned. And Skiddar says, how does he get out of the army? And Bart tells him, make a pass at your commanding officer. And Skiddar's very fucking enthusiastic to do this. He also wants the company of men. Skinner gay?
01:52:31
Speaker
Yeah. Don't know if that comes up again, but like interesting one to throw in there. So Marge calls through the door what's going on in there, and everyone just goes nothing. Oh. So Bart takes John to the closet and we see that Martin has done up his cage and is now, a it's now quite a nice little place to be. Don't Martin's parents miss him? Apparently not, no. No. I mean, would you? Would you? Yeah. There you go. well You and I need to get off this brain cell. This is weird. I've just met you. You don't hear about Geode. Move over, I want more of the blankets tonight.
01:53:08
Speaker
You don't have to question I told you you could sleep at the foot of the bed. What the fuck are you doing up here?
01:53:16
Speaker
I'm not continuing this because it'll go weird real quick. but But tries to implore Chalmers to fire Flanders, but Chalmers says all schools are heading in this direction, so you might as well just enjoy it.
01:53:28
Speaker
And then the moment, Ned goes over to the PA and thanks the Lord for the beautiful day, and Chalmers realizes that's the prayer in a public school and says that God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place in organized religion.
01:53:40
Speaker
this i'm this was very surprising because it's very just on the nose and not like simpsons on the nose this was like comedian on the nose just straight up insulting religion kind of thing which whatever cool um you do you know um it didn't feel like a simpsons joke no no no does feel a little out of place yeah for sure yeah I don't know if maybe that's just because of its superintendent, Chalmers, but I don't know. each Like I say, it felt very un-Simpsons kind of joke. They'll make jokes about religion, but in very roundabout ways, like with Ned.
01:54:17
Speaker
But yeah, like say, this just felt very strange to me. It basically works, and we see the next scene as the school comes back under order, and Ned tells him that he joins his tyrant principal and says, may the Lord bless and keep you, and Chalmers tells him to take it outside, God boy. Take it outside, God boy. Yeah. We see that Skinner starts telling off a couple of students and Leopold says, you think a good idea to give that freak his job back? And Chalmers responds to this as he knows the kids' names.
01:54:41
Speaker
That's all you need to be teacher is to know the names. It's a good start. So Bart and Skinner admit they're enemies again, and uh, but Skinner thanks Bart for helping him, and they have, they share a hug. And as Skinner walks away, we see that Bart has put the sign, kick me on him.
01:54:55
Speaker
And as Bart walks away, we see that Skinner's put the sign, teach me on him. And uh, we see Skinner chuckling, and the stepson goes to black, and we just hear the words, oh mercy. That was adorable. Yeah, that was cute. Good ending.
01:55:05
Speaker
And that's an episode. Kind of noncey, but cute. Cute in a nonce kind of way. Don't say that! Don't say that! Cute in, like, an ephibophilia kind of way, you know? I had the MeUndi sponsorship back. Why did you keep going? They were on the hook.
01:55:31
Speaker
What did we think of the episode? I... That was said with the depression of somebody who just lost the MeUndi sponsorship. You really sold that. Fuck. All I know is that my heart will now remain bottomless. I'm not happy.
01:55:46
Speaker
Okay.
01:55:49
Speaker
ah Jesus Christ. I really liked this episode, despite it being like incredibly front-loaded in terms of gags. like The beginning of this episode is so good.
01:56:00
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. The intro bit's fully the first quarter episode. It's like five minutes or more long, but it's a very good intro segment. I genuinely really liked the rest of the this episode. you know I think it's really cool when when Simpsons managed is to tell a story, but sprinkle in a few jokes.
01:56:18
Speaker
and be still kind of absurdist with it and not go like totally insane with it simpsons really shows it's you know classic sitcom roots so i genuinely really liked this episode i thought it was really very very simpsons very fun it manages again like because the last episode wasn't really like there was a plot but no one was there for the plot people were there for just the nonsense whereas this one we were here for the nonsense but different meaning no lots of nus The nonsense The nonsense The nonsense The non-sologists
01:56:58
Speaker
Yeah I mean honestly both of these episodes feel like they're leaning a little bit back more towards sort of old school Simpsons and being more character driven and less ridiculousness driven Yeah And that's fair As a kid, this is one of my favorite episodes. It's a great episode. I loved it to bits. Yeah. this As a kid, I was like, I really hope they do that one episode with the dog in the tube.
01:57:18
Speaker
The dog in the tube. which kind of sums up a lot about me as an adult now. In many ways, and i'm I'm like hunting the high of being the dog in the tube. Aren't we all... Don't look up my search history.
01:57:31
Speaker
it Just wolves waiting to be pounced on by a greased scotchman. Aren't we all... If the pathologist dog into... Dog into... Dogologist tubologist.
01:57:43
Speaker
Dogologist can't pay the rent to tubologist. What will he do?
01:57:54
Speaker
Fucking hell. Michael, what did you think of this episode? i enjoyed it. I enjoyed the first part immensely. But yeah, it was good. It's a good episode. Yeah, like that's what I'm saying. is like it's It's hard to keep the energy of a great opener in Simpsons. I think we've noticed that a lot. We've had that a couple of times. and We've said the intro was great, but the rest of the episode was just meh.
01:58:19
Speaker
But I think they managed to, it's not the same energy. There are like quiet moments in the later bit, but it manages to be consistently still fun in my opinion. And I think that's impressive more than anything, you know?
01:58:33
Speaker
So well done to them. Yeah. I don't if they lived up to the intro for me. like I think the rest of the episode was lesser. i's not say Not specifically to say bad, I still enjoyed it, but the, you know, the Grease Scotsman and dog antics were about a real high point. They're good, yeah.
01:58:51
Speaker
Shall we go on to Out of Homer's? Let's do it What are we rating this episode? I will quite happily give it just the right amount of testicles out of Homer. The iron being jokes and the meat being story in this analogy. You get it. You're smart. I really respect you for that.
01:59:09
Speaker
I'm giving it a potato out of Homer because it was neat. Well, fuck you. I'm also giving it a potato out of Homer because it was neat. That's why I went before you because I knew you were going to that.
01:59:20
Speaker
Oh, fuck. The bit would be funny. But no, um this is the army I remember out of Homer. Fuck you all. Fuck your potatoes. Fuck your potatoes. Potatoes are 90% water, by the way. And yet they're one of the most like satisfying carbohydrates. I've been waiting on that since the potato discussion. They are neat.
01:59:40
Speaker
theyre They are neat. Can't deny that. Society. We do live in one. We do live in one. Allegedly. It had a few jabs at the school system and like the state of the military.
01:59:52
Speaker
But like I'm kind of reaching for that. those they They were just like jabs. It wasn't really critique, commentary, anything really thoughtful. It's just soldiers these days, kids these days. you know Something about the nature of like the crisis of your life being dismantled after losing a single job could be in there somewhere.
02:00:10
Speaker
Yeah, fucking hell. didn't even think of that. Lisslessness. Yeah. No, I'm um yeah i' with John. I put down, that you know, there's the obvious jokes about the ineffectiveness of the underfunded school system. There's jabs at that kind of modern idea of a soft approach ever since they got rid corporal punishment kind of thing. Although I think corporal punishment was still legal in 94.
02:00:31
Speaker
um But yeah, you know the soft approach, simply resulting in kids doing what they want. I think you know there's there's jabs, but is it trying to say anything is the kind of question there.
02:00:43
Speaker
So yeah, I kind of agree with John. It said it's perfectly fine for a grown adult man to go to a fancy dinner with a 10-year-old boy. It did say that. Yeah, it did.
02:00:53
Speaker
It was very brave to say that, actually.
02:00:57
Speaker
It was very brave of them to speak to that. We need more sitcoms that'll stand up for the nonces out there. Oh no. yeah They need to respect our culture.
02:01:10
Speaker
And by our, mean us. No, don't say our. Don't say our. Don't let me in. Nah, I don't want to be in. No. I don't like this.
02:01:20
Speaker
better I think we'd better wrap this up.
02:01:25
Speaker
Oh my god. Jesus H, man. Dov, thank you so much for joining us. Are you sure you want to say that? Are you sure thank you is the right word? Yes, this was an excellent episode. um do you have anything you would like to promote to the watchers slash listeners out there before you go? No.
02:01:47
Speaker
ah If you are renting in the UK and all worldwide, consider Acorn, the union. Thumbs up. It's good. Join it.
02:01:58
Speaker
Yeah, it's good. Your house can be like my house, but for a shorter amount of time.
02:02:07
Speaker
You can be reducing mice to a soup like homogenet any time you want. Right in front of your landlord as well. Oh, we should do that. That should be action. that'd great. we got a bucket of mice and a blender. We need live mice into the polytron outside the estate agents.
02:02:30
Speaker
i like I brought like a diesel generator right there in the street. I'm pouring in bucket after to bucket of mouted cockroach into the We're having to put the action on pause because there are like kids there and we don't want them to see.
02:02:56
Speaker
what have you got. um So I already posted this in the group chat, but I'll say to the audience as well. The episode of All for Arnold that was supposed to be editing is just the audio on my end is completely unusable. In my opinion, John's is fine.
02:03:12
Speaker
Mine was shit. ah so But hopefully where what we're going to do is we're just going to move on. We're going have a lost episode of All for Arnold. Ooh, exciting. um I will give my opinions briefly on that on the film Raw Deal, and i so I assume John will as well. It was weird, and I don't know why it was made. The end.
02:03:29
Speaker
But yes, we will be recording Predator soon. we will talk about it, and we will release it. And what I have said is that... Every three episodes of Simpsons, there will be at least one episode of All for Arnold.
02:03:43
Speaker
And if I do not live up to that promise, there can be a forfeit of some kind. Maybe that I drink one of John's fruity-ass beers or something. Yeah, because that will keep me on task.
02:03:55
Speaker
as it were. Yeah, I can give you my letterbox review of Raw Deal if that fills the gap. Please do. Two stars. Forgettable and unremarkable mid-80s action schlock, but I'm not sure what i expected. There's a reason this isn't one of the Arnie movies people still talk about.
02:04:10
Speaker
Yeah, this movie might benefit from a second watch, but so I could actually follow what the hell was going on a bit better, but it wasn't good enough to motivate me to do so. Absolutely. I think that's fair. Yeah, what a film. What a film, guys.
02:04:23
Speaker
But yeah, so more All for Arnold soon. I'm doing a bunch of voice acting stuff. ah So that's why my streaming has kind of taken a fucking curb stomp.
02:04:35
Speaker
I'm trying to focus on, you know, the whole having a career thing. So if you've got any voice acting projects that you'd like me to be a part of... feel free to hit me up on my Casting Call Club um profile, which is Matthew Adam Dixon. I have to go by Matthew Adam Dixon because there are two Matthew Dixons out there that are getting money. So I have to make myself unique. So I went with my middle name. And yes, I am aware of what my initial spell.
02:05:01
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm very excited about it. And it means a lot to me. So thank you for the support to all the people that have been supporting me. Oh, I'm going to be a horror game. Sorry, I should have fucking said that. under cho yeah um ah there is a there is a horror visual novel that is in development. i I genuinely do not know if I'm allowed to say anything other than that. So I'm not going to give the name. I'm going to say anything, but I am going to be in a horror. Yeah, don't breach your end. Yeah, I'm going to be in a horror visual novel. I'm super excited about it. um
02:05:32
Speaker
Yeah, ne I love video games, so being able to be in them. I actually, the the cursed smile, I think is what it's called, is something else. I'm going to be in the dead smile. The dead smile is an animated horror that's coming out some point next year. I am the fucking demon in that.
02:05:48
Speaker
I am the antagonist of that. So if you want to hear me be all fucking spooky, yeah, keep an eye out the dead. so Keep an out for the dead smile. feel like it's going real weird to play a video game and have just, like, my podcast co-host be one of the guys in the game, though. Yo, what's up? Well, I talk in an American accent, sir.
02:06:07
Speaker
Oh, okay. That'll help. Why does that demon keep talking about me on this?
02:06:14
Speaker
Jon, I want you to know how fucking weird it is to go around to my partner's house and hear your voice being played through it. It's like, wait, John's here? Oh sweet, hi John. and No, it's just a phone.
02:06:27
Speaker
It's just a phone and a speaker. That's how you know you feel. Yeah, that happens. Stole their voice. Michael, you got anything for us? Nope, nothing more further than usual. You can follow me on Blue Sky at Buttermash Horse if you really still want to.
02:06:42
Speaker
Just a reminder, as always, that the this lovely podcast that you're listening to is available in audio form too, which includes our back episodes on Spotify and Apple. And if you're listening to the audio form, it's available in video format as well on the YouTubes. I already sneezed.
02:06:59
Speaker
I didn't sneeze. because chew There we go. I didn't lie. Gesundheit retracted. Fine. Goddamn. What are you, a sneezeologist? got so excited.
02:07:11
Speaker
John, why can the people find you? Oh, I guess it didn't come through on Discord. I did end up sneezing. No, I didn't hear that. It's a massive thing on my do on my audacity now. Gesundheit reissued. Thank very much. You've been issued a Gesundheit.
02:07:28
Speaker
One government issue Gesundheit. Jesus Christ, let's end this. ah Follow me on Blue Sky, marocca.bsky.social. Follow me on Letterbox, marocca42. Join Acorn the Union.
02:07:44
Speaker
Do you not follow me. Bye. Bye, everybody. Bye.