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S6E6&7 feat. Dove - Treehouse of Horror V & Bart's Girlfriend
70 Plays2 days ago
Jon, Michael and special guest Dove (but not Matt!) watch The Simpsons episodes 'Treehouse of Horror V' & 'Bart's Girlfriend', and discuss what they say about society.
Follow us on the Socials:
Jon: @Meroka.bsky.social
Michael: @buttonmashhorse.bsky.social
FIST: https://claymorerpgs.itch.io/fist
Bailiff Free Britain: https://acorntheunion.org.uk/bailiffs/
MRT Fundraiser: https://www.justgiving.com/page/jon-em-black-mountains
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction and Host Introductions
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, this is Mole Man in the Morning. Good Mole Man to you. Hello, welcome to Mole Man in the Morning! Wait, no.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm wait i waiting for someone to do a thing, there's no one to do the thing today. Oh no my my routine is disrupted. We're podca- Did you get the tumbleweed not going through on the mic then? Carabunga?
00:00:23
Speaker
ah ah Sure, that'll Close enough. Yeah. We are a podcast about how The Simpsons has a lot to say about society. i am your host, John, and I am joined not as ever by two co-hosts, Michael.
00:00:41
Speaker
idly ho put guest there you know And as you may have surmised, not Matt. I'm not Matt. You are not. i have I have replaced Matt. I have eaten Matt. I've taken Matt's skin. Matt has gone to Valhalla.
00:00:57
Speaker
probably literally eyes that didn't battle Matt and I met outside the crematorium. It was like on site. Matt is in York. He probably is literally in the bar, which is called Valhalla drinking right now is probably my suspicion right now. But, you know, could I'd have rumors he'd been sent to the salt mines.
00:01:16
Speaker
If you are listening to this podcast live, if you're paying the, like, ยฃ1,000 Patreon tier, you can currently mortar this position. If you... if If you are paying the ยฃ1,000 Patreon tier, I would check that because we don't have a Patreon.
00:01:37
Speaker
and Maybe they're paying for the Arnie podcast Patreon. I'm not sure the Arnie podcast has a Patreon either. If I pay you ยฃ1,000 a month, can I get your Grita coordinates?
Guest Appearance and Podcasting Aspirations
00:01:48
Speaker
yeah
00:01:50
Speaker
As you may be able to tell if you listen to our Christmas special, we are joined by Dove once again. ah you You're here for the Halloween special. Yeah, you've done the Christmas special and the Halloween in April special.
00:02:03
Speaker
I'm just special. I'm a special treat. and We're just like, we're soft launching your podcasting career here really is what we're doing. Thank you. it would It is actually terrible now because other podcasters can smell it on me.
00:02:17
Speaker
Oh yeah, you were gonna be asked to guest on so many podcasts. don't like it I don't like it. It's really You need to start planning like concepts for like five of them, and then just start networking with everyone, and just like, yeah, start to start a whole thing.
00:02:32
Speaker
i need to I need an agent.
00:02:36
Speaker
Overrated. Ah, okay. Okay, John, you be my agent, I'll be yours. Yeah, we can make that work. thats fine yeahll see that yeah Circular agenting.
00:02:47
Speaker
I'll just stand in the corner and die, then I guess. No! You know two agents! You could ask someone someone to be your agent! You have agents! We don't have agents. That seems like a lot of work.
00:03:00
Speaker
Fine, then. Stand in the corner and die, I guess. Two options lie before you.
Episode Discussions and Humorous Exchanges
00:03:11
Speaker
We are here to talk about two episodes of The Simpsons, as is our want, as has already been ah implied. we are on a Halloween special. We've got a Treehouse of Horror coming up. We've got Treehouse Horror 5 for season 6, because they forgot to do one in season 1, and these things lag a season behind forever now.
00:03:29
Speaker
Like, I don't see any way to fix that. And we've also got Bart's girlfriend. But before we talk about either of those, we need to get parasocial with you and like have a little bit of a friendly discussion about what we're drinking today. Like, what's going on in people's lives? Like, what's fresh in your glass?
00:03:49
Speaker
weird voice phrase as i am I am you, the listener's friend. I am your personal friend. I am in your life. I am your personal friend. You do not get to say no to this.
00:04:00
Speaker
It's not parasocial. It is social. Send me ยฃ20.
00:04:07
Speaker
You could ask for more, come on.
00:04:12
Speaker
That's not the response I was... The listeners are your close personal friends. They're they're good for more than ยฃ20. I'm your close personal friend. I've been with you through so much.
00:04:23
Speaker
I deserve at least ยฃ22. That's a
00:04:29
Speaker
very reasonable negotiation on here. This is how much friendship costs. Yeah, I have i hear i've heard this. Very specific that's inflation now. I don't like the interest that's accumulating on this for any people. Well, it's all the all the oil prices going up. You know, the cost of shipping that money to us has gone up, so we've got to cover the shipping costs. you know That's what they call it in shipification. i Everything has to be shipped now.
00:05:05
Speaker
That's really not that good. don't Don't reinforce me like that. Well, I chuckled, so
Treehouse of Horror Commentary
00:05:11
Speaker
that's what I count as good. ah What the hell are we drinking? Somebody tell what the hell you're drinking.
00:05:19
Speaker
I am drinking a can of ting. Ooh, ting. been a while since I've heard of a ting. oh shit. been a while since I heard about ting. Is there anything with the ting or is it just raw tinging it?
00:05:30
Speaker
I am raw tinging it. God damn. I'm on a sugar high. Fair play. That was those very excited. There's a lot of energy in that.
00:05:41
Speaker
There's a little bit of blood there. I like that. That's what happens when you drink three things. You bleed uncontrollably from the throat. did You're ready for battle.
00:05:54
Speaker
I vaguely recall those things being incredibly sugary. Yeah. i forgot how much how sugary, so... I think I had one of those as a kid, and I lost a tooth because I ran directly into a wall afterwards.
00:06:08
Speaker
Yeah, sugar will do that to you. Not because the ting. Sugar's bad for your teeth. When the story began, I thought that's where it was going, then running into the wall happened, and I think that might have been the more primary cause.
00:06:20
Speaker
Sugar's really bad for your teeth, watch this, runs full pelt into a wall! That'll show the sugar industry. You could be a warning video for the dental industry.
00:06:37
Speaker
I am having a Mediterranean slow brew that I found at my local corner store called F.A.' 's Draft. It is 5%. five percent It tells me that it has that fresh draft beer taste.
00:06:53
Speaker
And it comes in... I'm not sure how feel about it, but I have to specifically tell you that. And it... It comes in, like, a bottle I can only describe as looking like an RPG 7 round.
00:07:05
Speaker
it's I don't know what that looks like. and Hold on, i'll I'll take a picture. i can i can I can do this for you. um John, do you want to take it away? What are you drinking, John? wildlife oh Oh, take it away by what am I drinking? I have got... yeah, I'm not like, come round, take away my drink. Like, deprive me of this. I did wonder. i I only have one stupid beer left in my fridge and nobody to inflict it on, so I'm not drinking it. I've got li i've got limoncello and tonic.
00:07:39
Speaker
Ooh, remember that limoncello. You don't remember that limoncello. Wait, do you remember that limoncello? Do i i made I? made a limoncello a while ago. This is not that limoncello. This a limoncello my boss bought in Italy and brought back with him. Oh yeah, no, I do remember this limoncello, but I never had that limoncello. Oh, I've just seen this limoncello. You've seen the bottle, fine. I have a parasocial relationship with it.
00:08:02
Speaker
This is the classiest podcast drinking session we've ever had. I've also got a coffee because it has been a week. But yeah, want pep me up, want to i want to do the podcast juice. Pep you down, yeah. Want to pep me down, yeah, basically, yes.
00:08:18
Speaker
Okay, hold up. Let me just... going to get interesting in the hour mark. That's possible. The lighting here not great, so forgive me, but here is here is the bottle. It's sort of You can see the ribbing on it.
00:08:31
Speaker
Yep, that is a ribbed bottle. Ribbed for whose pleasure, who knows. What what are you implying here? Whatever you want to be implied.
00:08:45
Speaker
It does make me feel a little bit like I'm drinking out of, like, a Davy Crockett round. Like, this is some sort of mini-nuke. Cool. is It's pleasant.
00:08:58
Speaker
It's drinkable. That is what we want from a beer. I don't usually spring for the drinkable ones, but hey. You do you It's just the actors will annoy Matt beers. Oh yeah, literally. the the the The briefing I'm following when I'm shopping for beer is, which ones would Matt hate the most?
00:09:19
Speaker
um i jumpping out i joe bit I might join you in this game. This will be his punishment for not attending a podcast session. Yeah.
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah, and we we're was so happy you're not here. um we miss you. ah We do actually miss you, but also, like, you know, wow. we don't Somewhere he's on a tangent in Valhalla.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah, oh, we're gonna have to up our tangent game today. like Oh, yeah. Yeah. I hope everyone's got anecdotes about their childhood lined up for this. Which
00:09:57
Speaker
cult do you want, boss?
00:10:02
Speaker
Okay, well before we before we tangent too much, let's have a look at Treehouse of Horror, which aired on October 30th, not quite Halloween, 1994. It's closer than they've in the past. What on earth happened on October
Cultural Context and 1994 Events
00:10:19
Speaker
30th, 1994? Well, brace yourself.
00:10:22
Speaker
The leftist coalition wins the Macedonian parliamentary election. Woo! Go Macedonia, I guess. Yeah. Fuck yeah, Macedonia. And Thomas Nicely reports a bug at Intel Pentium's processor on the internet.
00:10:35
Speaker
Oh, cool. Oh. That's your lot. What? Okay, look. Holy shit. I may need to screenshot this just for the video version of it, because, like, they put a surprising... You've just seen the picture of him.
00:10:51
Speaker
Yeah, like, this this is there is a big, big like headline box here that says, Historic Invention. Someone found a bug. And the picture that they've used of him looks like he's on so much pain medication.
00:11:06
Speaker
He's a CEO, he's probably hopped up on all sorts of things. But he looks very much like the McDonald's guy, and he does not want to be here when he's been forced into this photo. This is a wild mental image I'm having to conjure here.
00:11:20
Speaker
I'm like, I assume there's more to this story and they're just like burying the lead wildly. Yeah, like maybe this bug was like super important and probably yeah the world or something. But the way they've just written it, it's like, yeah.
00:11:34
Speaker
Yeah, i mean, onthisday.com is mostly just like, here's some random fun trivia. We're not going to put that much effort into it. It's just so you can go, ooh, look at this thing. So who knows? Local man delivers bug report. World round. Yeah.
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah, that that that is that is about what's being pitched here, yeah. Anyone want to guess what the US number one is? Is it still Boyz II Men? It is indeed. They're still making love to us.
00:11:59
Speaker
I had a look at the music charts for the year at the start of the season. They're here a lot. I would say Boyz II Men is not usually the direction I find they go, but, you know, go off kings.
00:12:14
Speaker
They come back like the baby. Sorry, I thought that segway might work. I'll give you the points for the effort, but... The UK number one is Baby Comeback by Peyto Banton.
00:12:30
Speaker
i I tried, folks. I tried. We're trying. Gang together, we're trying on this one. I'm thrown because Matt's not here. It's weird. It's like, he's not here.
00:12:43
Speaker
It's like there was a guy who's here and he's not here anymore. And I've only done this one time. It's fine. You're doing great. Don't worry. Thank you. I need, I need like my like reassurances every day I wake up. I do my like affirmations.
00:12:59
Speaker
I'm doing okay at podcasting. You are an adequate podcaster. I am an adequate podcaster. Writing that on the wall of your bedroom. And with that ringing endorsement shall we begin.
00:13:12
Speaker
yeah
00:13:16
Speaker
The parasocial relationship where you tell me that I am an adequate podcaster in the comments. that's Okay, so... All right, let's get into the episode. Go on, let's sleep in. So, it's a Halloween episode, so we begin with a bit of a special thought of Marge walking from behind a curtain to reveal that this episode, as usual, is very scary, and the young children should be sent off the bed.
00:13:40
Speaker
At that moment, Marge has then handed a note, and it's from Congress, that says that the show is too scary, so they're not even going to let them show it. So we're getting the 1947 Glenn Ford classic movie, 200 Miles to Oregon, and we get a clip of presumably said movie.
00:13:54
Speaker
I want to watch 200 Miles to Oregon. I want to watch 200 Miles to Oregon. It was a very nice stock footage of a wagon. yeah I didn't actually check to see if that is a thing. um we should We should see if it is.
00:14:07
Speaker
Googling it only brings up Simpsons Wiki, so I'm not sure that's an actual movie. Which is odd, because it seems like the sort of thing they would do to play an actual oldie-timey movie. Yeah, well, fortunately, we don't get to see much of this wagon because the picture comes off pretty quickly and we get a black screen and when we get the little white dot in the green line and we see Bart's voice in the back and he's telling us there's nothing wrong with the television and they have taken over the transmission.
00:14:34
Speaker
Homer's voice then comes in and realizes that they're in control and he realizes we can see his voice and we just then get Homer making sound effects and watching the pitch change. Wait till he learns about podcasting.
00:14:46
Speaker
yeah I'm having the time of life. My life looking at my old after. This episode is actually the first time, that as a kid, it's the reason I learned my first slur. Wait, what? Okay, great. so Oh, here's a tangent. Go on. Let's yeah do the slur tangents. I don't remember what it's looking.
00:15:05
Speaker
I don't remember slur in this episode, no. Okay, everybody, it's time for the trans woman to tell you about slurs. ah So, right. When I was a kid, I got really, really excited by this.
00:15:17
Speaker
And so my father decided to like set up his like video um camera with the various like DVI inputs and stuff so that it would go into the tele like into the television so I could like see myself on it and like variously with my sibling do things that was like oh look we do things and it turns up on the tv and one of these settings was a similar effect for the audio uh so we left it on that and then went to go watch futureama or whatever it was we did as kids
00:15:48
Speaker
um And I came downstairs, and he was just saying various slurs he knew the microphone to watch it, like, go up and down. And I very distinctly remember that that was the first time i ever heard the F slur, the N slur, various slurs for lesbians.
00:16:12
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. there were There were a lot of slurs. My man... Oh, God. You might have to go and get it.
00:16:22
Speaker
The things we do for fun. Back in the day. poke Poking a hoop with a stick, you know. Yeah. As was the style at the time.
00:16:34
Speaker
and We didn't have smartphones. Did you, like Bart, accuse your dad of ruining the mood? I feel like it might ruin the mood, I'm gonna be honest. Mood in the house ruined.
00:16:47
Speaker
butt The helmet goes off and Bart says, for the next half hour we are going to control everything and you're about to get the Treehouse of Horror Halloween special. The intro there with Marge saying, oh, it's so scary. I know it's kind of like a tradition where they're like, oh, it's so scary. You might want to put the kids away kind of thing. But also, like they as we saw with Itchy and Scratchyland, they had been doing a whole thing lately where they're like, yo, they don't they want us to tone it down. They think we're a bit much, so we're going dial it up. So this one is genuinely quite a bit more gory than they usually deliver on The Simpsons.
00:17:24
Speaker
Yes, the title sequence that follows this kind of gives that away. It's sort of the usual amusing tombstones, but we do get the tombstone that says amusing tombstones. I think that is the last amusing tombstone they do. That is the death of amusing tombstones.
00:17:39
Speaker
No, no.
Humor and Missing Co-host Tribute
00:17:40
Speaker
That was my reaction. i was like, wait, no, you can't get rid of those. We get the slightly more jarring thing of Moe hanging from her noose. Oh, yeah. Patsy and Selma being burnt. yeah And Skinner getting decapitated with a guillotine.
00:17:55
Speaker
yeah Completely shown, by the way. No editing after that. And then we see that the family come to the sofa as mismatched zombie parts.
00:18:06
Speaker
And they glom themselves together into random homunculi. They exchange heads, I believe. I think they exchange a lot, don't they? I think what we're missing here is somebody who would be like, oh, this was the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life.
00:18:20
Speaker
Yeah, we do need Matt to do that. I don't think Matt would have liked either of these episodes. Just Michael feeling. Interesting, interesting. um i think we should yeah I think we should be rating these gags on Matt's scores. Yeah. We should say suspend every single scene assessing whether we think Matt would have liked this scene or not.
00:18:42
Speaker
And he can tell us in the comments afterwards whether we were right or not. One thing I do, though, I think he would have liked the title, The Shilling for Our First Story. Oh, God, yeah. do I think he would loved that.
00:18:54
Speaker
So we see the family driving in the car and Homer says it's a long trip but we're almost there. Marge points he didn't lock the front door. So we get the cook to the screen saying Wednesday and Homer says it's been a long two long trips and we're there again.
00:19:07
Speaker
Marge then asks him you when he locked the front door did he remember to lock the back door. He double doze there. Marge you could have pointed that out when he was at the house but okay. Yeah, feel like that one's on Marge. That's not just one. We then come to Thursday, and Lisa realises they've left Grandpa back at the gas station, but it's met with Stonelys Islands and just, what about Grandpa? Yeah, I did spot Grandpa had disappeared from the back seat before Lisa said that. I was like, where's Grandpa gone? And I was oh, they're doing a bit. Okay. They drive up to her mansion, which looks suspiciously a familiar.
00:19:36
Speaker
I swear I've seen it in something before. We see that Mr. Burns is waiting for them, and he mistakes them for sea monkeys he's ordered.
00:19:45
Speaker
Smith then points out that the new winter caretakers and Burns' responses is, yep, they work hard and play hard. went, what? o So Burns gives them a tour of the house and points out it was built on an Indian burial ground and the setting of satanic rituals and five John Denver Christmas specials, which point Homer's shudders.
00:20:04
Speaker
i Just like my house, yeah. I'm not sure what John Denver did to deserve that, but okay. I'm not familiar with John Denver's oeuvre of work. Ah yes, his egg.
00:20:17
Speaker
His egg. His egg. We're in England, bud. We call it an eggie. went, no shit, I'm in Wales. I'm not familiar with John Denver's egg of work. Let's see if it's better. I believe in radical accessibility. We should start referring to them as eggs.
00:20:35
Speaker
The only thing I know about him is he was a musician and... Oh, he's Take Me Home Country Roads, isn't he? Yeah, right. course. That's all I know of him, though. And I don't know if you've ever seen the movie about um Christian fundamentalist groups trying to get to CDs and stuff banned.
00:20:50
Speaker
He was the guy that they used as their star witness because he used one swear word in one of his songs. Oh. Okay. Now, the reason that there's a warning labels on your stiffff on every CD, of there was back in the day.
00:21:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's part the reason. So you're saying that my father saying slurs into the video camera was actually Praxis. this was This was an act of rebellion. He was channeling John Denver.
00:21:15
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. National hero. So the elevator opens and the pool of blood comes out and burns. No, it's that odd because it normally gets off on the second floor.
00:21:27
Speaker
It's good bit. We then go to Willy watering the ah hedge maze and we then see Bart has found a shortcut by using a chainsaw. Willy's about to get angry but then he remembers that he then thinks for himself that the dad's going go crazy and chop them into haggis.
The Shinning Segment Review
00:21:40
Speaker
Bart's response this is asking, what is haggis? And Willy is shocked that Bart can read his thoughts and he's got the shinning. Bart says, you mean Shining? Well, he says, you want to get sued? I do want to add, actually.
00:21:52
Speaker
I noticed when I was up in Leeds the other day, the weatherspoon serves haggis on its own. You can just buy haggis. They exist that were really pushing it on Burns Night, and I suspect some of it probably hasn't sold. It's leftover Burns Night stock. Oh god. That was two months ago, jeez. I'm assuming it's probably been frozen.
00:22:15
Speaker
It was like a pound fifty. It was not expensive, Haggis. Yeah, definitely. They definitely get rid of that Haggis. Haggis was... They also weren't pushing it, it was just sort of hidden away in a submenu of their online app. Discount Weatherspoon's Haggis. Yeah. That's a delicacy in like... That's the name of my next album.
00:22:37
Speaker
Yeah, I think you'll find that's John Denver's last album. Willie tells Bart that if he gets into trouble, he can use his shinning to call Willie, but not to do it between four and five, because that's Willie's time.
00:22:50
Speaker
It is Willie's time. Whatever Willie's doing during 4 and 5 is ah not really established. I don't ask too many questions. I don't, yeah. It's Willie time. It's Willie time.
00:23:01
Speaker
he's He's got his haggis. Speaking of Willie time, Smithers is too busy cutting the wires and stealing the beers, which Burns is ordering him to do because he'll get an honest winter's work out of them.
00:23:12
Speaker
Smithers then points out that maybe this was the reason why the last caretakers was went insane and riddled their families. Burns' response to this is, well, if we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I'll owe you a Coke. Good bit. Gotta chuckle. I think... think... I think he would have liked that.
00:23:26
Speaker
I think Matt would appreciate it. Sorry, I'm talking about him like he's dead. Shame Matt's dead, but, you well, life goes on.
00:23:37
Speaker
He's dead. He's dead for the purposes of this podcast. Dead to us. Yeah. I still hear his voice. How dare you not show up? I would never dream of doing such a thing.
00:23:48
Speaker
This is another one of those ones that if Matt was here, i'd be oh, I need to watch The Shining. I haven't seen The Shining. We should probably watch The Shining. um Maybe Matt has seen The Shining, but I haven't. Have any of us seen The Shining?
00:23:59
Speaker
I've seen bits of The Shining at some stage and like ah enough to get most of the references, which seems like apparently more than Matt Groening did because Matt Groening hadn't seen The Shining either and didn't get most of this this particular episode.
00:24:14
Speaker
But yeah, no like I got a lot of this and I got a lot of chuckles out this. thought this was well done. It went to a breakneck pace though. Like it was just like bit, bit, bit. bit So Homer's watching the TV and realizes the cable's out and then goes to the fridge and there's no beer.
00:24:28
Speaker
And Marge is impressed by how well he's taking it. Then Homer goes a completely insane and then says he'll kill everybody. He then immediately calms down says he can keep himself occupied by going to check out the axe collection.
00:24:40
Speaker
Evil is then says see you later through the door. This prompts police to ask Marge, is dad going to kill us? And Marge's response is, well, we're just going to have to wait and see. she see Oh, it's such a good bit Genuinely, I love this bit The pacing of it is good I mean, they all have to be fast to fit three entire things into 20 minutes A lot It is a breakneck Alma's now sat in the Lodge Bar Why he couldn't have had any alcohol from the multiple the spirits behind on the wall That's not fair It's question, but that's fair Yeah, that's true
00:25:13
Speaker
Ghost Mo appears and asks Homer what wants and Homer wants a beer but Ghost Mo says not until you kill your family. Homer asks why Mo says they'll be happier those ghosts. Then Homer points out Mo you don't look happy. well It's angry and no no I am happy. La la la la la.
00:25:28
Speaker
Now go kill your family so I can't give you a beer. It's compelling argument. We then cut to Marge walking into a darkened room and sees a typewriter and thinks, this will give him to a window into his madness. And a piece of paper just says, feeling fine.
00:25:40
Speaker
Marge goes, that's a relief. And then we see the lightning strike, which reveals the no TV and no beer make Homer go crazy scribbled all over the walls. Marge's response this is, that's less encouraging.
00:25:53
Speaker
We don't see Homer looking crazy and Maj gets spooked and Homer says he's working on a title and he's come up with the no TV and no beer make Homer something something. Marge then asks timidly, go crazy. And Homer's response is, don't mind if I do.
00:26:07
Speaker
This is very good. I love this bit. That's just very well executed. Marge then breaks the emergency glass baseball bat. In case of spousal emergency, isn't it? Yeah. yeah And Marge is backing away and Homer's going, give me the bat, give me the bat.
00:26:24
Speaker
He was the best Jack Nicholson there. Mm-hmm. He then laughs, sees his own reflection, scares himself and then falls down the stairs. tough My just response to this is to lock Homer into the store storage cupboard and go, stay here until you're not not insane, while grabbing a can of chilli for dinner.
00:26:41
Speaker
Mmm, chilli would be good. know, you come back to Homer and Homer's just eating all the snacks and ghost smell the knockup well Ghostmo has to knock on the door say that he and the other ghouls are concerned the project is not proceeding as planned. Oh, yeah. the We're concerned the project isn't moving forward.
00:27:00
Speaker
Almost quite dismissive until ah the ghouls break in and we see Dracula and Frankenstein and many others us dragging Homer out. Amazing. Genuinely great. We then see the family eating dinner timidly, and this eventually leads to Omar getting his axe, and he chops through the first and goes, here's Johnny.
00:27:19
Speaker
And it's revealed that he just broke into an empty door. Then breaks down the second door goes, here's David Letterman. He didn't even say here, just says David Letterman. He doesn't even say here's David Letterman. It's just really weird, but okay.
00:27:32
Speaker
So he says he's David Letterman, we tend to see that Grandpa is finally arriving. goes, hi, David, I'm Grandpa. At point Homer then knocks through the final or door and he does the entire intro to 60 minutes.
00:27:44
Speaker
Which the family gets get scared at and Marge goes to the radio and contacts the police to tell them that her husband is on a mount and' on a murderous rampage. Then unfortunately uses the word over, which Wiggum goes, oh thank god that's it.
00:28:00
Speaker
Because he was worried there for a second. I have been thinking on how to do, like, various radio protocols for people, and genuinely the funniest thing I ever saw was me saying over to somebody, and they went, okay, and then turned the walkie-talkie
00:28:18
Speaker
off. It could be clear. But, so says, don't worry, he's going to use his shitting to contact Willy. Willy's watching his little portable TV. And Willy gets the shitting and realises the little fat boy's in trouble.
00:28:32
Speaker
Yeah. Willy! Can I just ask, does did does anybody else kind of really want one of the portable TVs, though? Oh, I would've loved one of those as a kid. Would you want one now, though?
00:28:43
Speaker
i Because I kind of do. What could you get on it these days? Like, what would it what it show? Like... I don't... know. I don't think they would work, would they? Surely not. I think it's just static.
00:28:55
Speaker
Yeah, because, like, they would they would presumably have picked up, like, terrestrial signals. And, like, i have doubt that that's been discontinued. It's all digital these days, so you would need... I don't know. sure i would i don't know i would love if they were, like, handing that out to public broadcast stuff, but I know they're not, right?
00:29:16
Speaker
Who thinks so? I should check. We should check. I mean, hmm. I found Argos' page for portable televisions, and let me tell you, these are just televisions. LAUGHTER Are you telling me I can't take what it is on the train? I loved the angle you took for this, which is, I should go to Argos, and I should search for portable televisions. No, I googled portable televisions, and the first thing that came up was Argos's page for portable televisions, but 50 inches in 4K is not very portable. That's not.
00:29:51
Speaker
In the strictest sense, I suppose, yes, I could pick it up and move it, and that does constitute portable. That's not what I had in mind, Argos. Portable in the sense of, do you have a polycule, right? Like, are there three to four of you to pick this thing up and carry it around with you all the time?
00:30:10
Speaker
The only things that come close to it on this page are two in-car DVD players, which is also not quite exactly what was after. Gorgeous pieces of tech.
00:30:22
Speaker
So Willy runs off and off to go rescue the family and we see him arrive at the house and says, all right, loony, show me what you can do. Now, as a kid, when I was watching this on Sky, that's where that ended.
00:30:33
Speaker
oh Really? Yes, and it took me, I think, like a good 10 years until I watched it on DVD to realise that's not where the scene ended.
00:30:44
Speaker
Oh, I don't. yeah what i just Yeah, this was one of the more like violent bits, so I can see why it would be a bit that would get censored so if somebody was inclined to do so. So, watching on Sky, there was just these random bits where William came and then...
00:30:58
Speaker
It just cut to the next scene. Oh, God, because this, they make a, wait, did they cut out all of the Willie bits? Because they make a recurring gag of this. They don't cut out his bit at the end. Okay. But they cut for any time of what happens in this recurring gag where Willie gets hit in the back of an axe.
00:31:15
Speaker
They could have every single one of those. it is Yeah, that's what I mean. like the other two The other two times he gets killed in this episode wouldn't make any sense without the context of the first one. and or or Or if you just remove the killing as well.
00:31:28
Speaker
so Yeah, but it doesn't make sense anyway, because just like, why the fuck is Willy doing here? put And Willy's allowed to be there. Willy's like a no context character. He's the shitting.
00:31:39
Speaker
Not by home.
00:31:43
Speaker
But it's Willy gets the back with an axe. the as You don't ask someone, is that the best you can do before he dies? Marge then makes the quip, oh, I hope that rug was scotch-guarded. ha That's funny.
00:31:55
Speaker
That's funny. Yeah, I didn't cut through first time, and it was only when looking at transcript, I was like, shit, that really good joke, actually. That's a really good joke, actually. That's fucking good.
00:32:06
Speaker
I need to Scotchgard my home. In case a Scotchman comes in. Well, I am technically half Scot. Oh, well... ah I know. If you Scotch guard it, then, like, hey you won't be able to enter your room. You won't repel yourself. Shit, you're right. You'll be able to levitate over your rug. I can only half get into my home.
00:32:26
Speaker
having to live in the old way. Homer gives them accent and says, must kill family, and the family run off into the snow. And as Homer's chasing them, Lisa finds Willie's discarded TV and shows it up to Homer, and Homer's response to this is, teacher, mother, secret lover.
00:32:43
Speaker
We then get the slight moment of Homer going, urge to kill, fading, fading, rising, fading, gone. The family all sign home says, let's sit in the snow and let's all bask in television's warm embrace.
00:32:57
Speaker
We don't get the classic shot of the shining frozen to death. And we see that the entire family is frozen. But the family, and unfortunately, are not dead. They're still alive and they but able to see the Tony Awards.
00:33:09
Speaker
But they'll change the channel. And Elmo goes, gone, frozen. And we get the chorus line we'll hear later, and the family scream, and then we hear Homugo, urge to kill, arising. And that's your first segment. And that's the first... Yeah, they don't, like, stitch them together this time. I gather they, like, actually wanted to give themselves the full runtime to actually put, you know, stories in. So instead of, like, trying to tie them together with interstitial bits, they're just like, man, what if it's just three episodes?
Time Travel Chaos in 'The Simpsons'
00:33:36
Speaker
We then get to the next episode, which is Time and Punishment. And Homer goes on to a nice ramble in a beautiful sunny day in The Simpsons' kitchen where he goes, he's had his share of troubles, but here with his kids in this cozy house in beautiful free country, it just makes me feel like I'm a lucky guy.
00:33:52
Speaker
Lisa then screams and points out that Homer's hand is stuck in the toaster and Homer... It just comes out of the house like you know I know to this point that everything is very Homer-centric. I think, like, I have enjoyed this treehouse a lot more than previous ones. I think it was just how Homer-heavy it is, and Homer just, like, screaming, flailing, and bashing a toaster off his hand is just endlessly entertaining to me.
00:34:15
Speaker
So Homer spends a good minute you trying to get this toaster off his hand. He finally does and sinks down to the floor, at which point Bart points out the toaster's back on his hand. Because Homer panics again. Which I thought was, like, trying to lead towards some sort of, like, haunted appliance kind of thing, where the appliances were attacking and it was like, what's this got to do with time travel? But, like, this is just nothing. This is just Homer keeps sticking his hand in there. It's just the laziest setup of all time, why Homer needs to fix this tent toaster. Yeah.
00:34:44
Speaker
I'm not complaining, it was very funny. Oh, yeah. is fucking funny. It's really funny. It just makes no sense. So Homer's downstairs in the basement and he says, this shouldn't be too hard to fix with the right tools. Then smashes it with a rock. Again, amazing setup to the story, right?
00:35:03
Speaker
So we could that good we just go to the next day and Homer has put so much futuristic shit in this dumpster. Yep. He down closes it and then says, it's time to take it for a test toast. He has a piece of toast in his top pocket, which is amazing.
00:35:17
Speaker
Oh yeah I didn't even spot that would just like whip that out of his pocket. I was like, yeah, just carrying bread around. So, Helmer turns on the toaster and, know, he begins to glow and Helmer wonders what's going on. He grabs it and they both disappear into the vortex, which is just loads of clocks around him.
00:35:31
Speaker
Helmer remarks that he's the first non-Brazilian person to travel backwards in time. I don't know what this is about. What the hell? Who's the Brazilian? Who is the Brazilian? I know many Brazilians. I know none of them who've carried back in time.
00:35:44
Speaker
Are you sure about that? Have you checked? Would you ask him them all? but Things are a little awkward between me and Brazilians at the moment. What did you do to Brazil? I know. I've done nothing to Brazil. What happened on the Brazil job? look It's what Brazil did to me.
00:36:05
Speaker
I will note that the original, they actually changed that line. It was originally the first non-fictional person to travel backwards through time and they changed it to Brazilian for some reason. I'm not sure if anybody knows why it was Brazilian. That also is one of the lines that puzzled Matt Groening because he's like, what? who I think he even he was like, who's the who's the Brazilian? Nobody knows who the Brazilian is.
00:36:25
Speaker
There is a secret Brazilian who is changing like changing the cultural landscape. Apparently. uh, Homer is then corrected by this by Mr. Peabody, because he points out, Homer, you're the second.
00:36:38
Speaker
Sherman, that's right, Mr. Peabody, and then he's told, quiet you. I think if you watch that cartoon, that was probably hilarious. I'm sure it was. so my mind is going Somewhere Matt is going on a rant about how the Simpsons do niche jokes that aren't in the sign of the times. I have no idea how niche that even is, honestly.
00:36:58
Speaker
this is oh shit, this cartoon was from the... Rocking Ball Winkles, not that niche, I suppose. No. But was also nineteen fifty s nineteen sixty s TV, so can see where Matt's rant would come into this. I can also just hear Matt like tearing at the walls, beating on drums, sobbing, weeping.
00:37:20
Speaker
Screaming, crying. Miss you, Matt. Anyway, I'm not familiar with Rocky and Bill Winkle, so I do not know these characters. But we then see that Homer has arrived in the Jurassic Age, and Hobo says he's travelled back to a time when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos.
00:37:36
Speaker
So great Jurassic Park reference there. Outstanding. Noah panics a bit, but then says, he'll remember the advice his dad gave him on his wedding day. So we cut back to a flashback of Abe, and Abe specifically gave this advice of, if you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything, because the tiniest change can alter the future. i love this. I love this joke. This is so like i so good.
00:37:56
Speaker
It took a second, and it took me writing Grandfather Paradox down on paper for me to realize the fuck they'd done there. oh Yeah! They beat it! Yeah!
00:38:12
Speaker
You're getting this in real time, gang. um Holy shit, call this a kink because my mind just got fucked. Wow! i Holy shit!
00:38:24
Speaker
That's great writing! Yeah! That's so subtle, but it's great! Matt would've loved that joke. Quite Fuck. Hummer says he'll stay perfectly still, and he won't try the future. Unfortunately, a mosquito flies him, and Hummer says, stupid bug, you go squish now, and kills it.
00:38:42
Speaker
Yep. Hummer realizes what he's done, but thinks, that one little bug won't make a big change, will it? At which point a creature just passes him gives like a shrugger. A giant sloth goes past and goes, hmm.
00:38:56
Speaker
Selma returns to be to the present and sees the family's eating breakfast and declares, oh, nothing's changed. But at that point, a buzzer goes off and a TV screen morphs out the floor.
00:39:07
Speaker
How you think Argos would pay geor you for that one? And we then see Flanders go, greets his slaves. And the family, oh, slaverinos. And the family, a Oakley, Oakley. Homer calls him a geek. And then the siren goes off and Landers declares there's a negative Nelly in Sector 2 and the whole family's got to go off for re-education.
00:39:27
Speaker
Dr. Polycule, bad Polycule vibes. Do not subscribe to this Polycule at all. Duff, how many dates have you been on where you've needed to be re-educated? I plead the fifth. ah That's what happens when you go on dates with the super people unquestioned lord and master of the world, which Flanders is.
00:39:49
Speaker
And then we see that the house is picked up by some weird holographic flying truck. And they head off to the Rean Education Centre. And that we then see that Ned is forcing people to smile by having their ah smiles hooked in with hooks.
00:40:02
Speaker
I just love the hooks to their work. So Homer turns to the guy next to him and goes, what the hell are you smiling at? I like that. That was very good. I think he's in the same boat as you, Homer. As Homer masaches his cheeks afterwards, Ned says, the only thing that will cheer everyone up is a glass of warm milk, a little nap, and a total lobotomy.
00:40:20
Speaker
We don't get Mo behind him going, it's not so bad, Homer. They go through your nose and let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. Mo talks of his piece of brain. And we don't see that. It's happened already happened to Bard and Lisa, and Marge declares it's bliss.
00:40:32
Speaker
This prompts Homer to scream no and starts running away. Well, it's a curse lobotomy. The dogs are released and Homer realises they're getting on him and then pulls out some sausages that were on his Homer pulling food out of his clothes. of his clothes.
00:40:50
Speaker
Instead of giving the that theus sausages to the dogs, Homer decides that the wieners will give him the quick energy he needs to escape. It It does work. So Homer goes back into time to fix the mistake he made and Homer has to run away from a Tyrannosaurus Rex and he's trying his best not to touch anything.
00:41:09
Speaker
Eventually he accidentally sits on a fish and Homer goes, oh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish. Why does it rhyme? think it's a Dr. Seuss joke there, isn't it? Yeah, someone suggested it was and a nod to Dr. Seuss.
00:41:21
Speaker
Who knows, though? I think the the writers just write stuff because they think it's funny sometimes. And, i you know, it's chuckle-worthy. I suppose. Hammer comes back to the present and wonders where everyone is. We then see that Lisa and Barth are giants and they rip the roof off the house and Barth says, that bug looks like that.
00:41:38
Speaker
Let's kill it. And Lisa's very gruff. Okay. Which fobs Homer to run away again. He gets back back in time and he's about to be eaten by a tyrannosaurus but he sneezes in his face. The dinosaur that sneezes and dies. Wipes out mass extinction event caused by one sneeze. And Homer's response this is, this is going to cost me
00:42:00
Speaker
and Can I just say, i just, I love, I love the idea of Homer Simpson being aware of a future. This is like, it it for a moment I am reminded that he is a sapient, sentient person, aware of the fact that he can make mistakes. It's like, i have i have an opinion- sorry, this is definitely a tangent. I have an opinion that a Bidoof is the most throwable Pokรฉmon. Right? Like, because- Sure. This is not where I thought this was going. I yeah i wasn't expecting Pokรฉmon opinions off of this tangent, I've gotta be real with it. We're gonna come back to the point.
00:42:38
Speaker
I think if you throw a Bidoof from, like, three, four stories, it will not have enough time to understand what's happening to it, only that something has gone wrong. yeah And I love the idea of seeing a Bidoof fall and, like, the terror in its little piggy eyes and its legs waddling as it tries to comprehend what's happening to it.
00:42:58
Speaker
However, in this moment, this This Is Gonna Cost Me is, like, expressing to me a level of humanism and understanding that to me is Alien in A Simpsons.
00:43:10
Speaker
okay like A Simpson like it's a Pokemon. Yeah, a Simpson is a lot like a Bidoof. It cannot comprehend what is happening to it if you throw it out of a third story floor.
00:43:22
Speaker
Mostly what I've learned from this story is we should not let you have pets. I, listen, I actually have a Bidoof plush from one of my exes. Hi, Ida. um it Specifically for me to throw out of the window if I never sat. Yeah.
00:43:36
Speaker
How many times have you thrown it out the window? Does this happen regularly? I've managed to not throw out the window, but I've thought about it. Like a little lot of the time. Like a lot.
00:43:50
Speaker
Homer arrives back in the present and we see that the house is now really nice and the family are polite and Patty and Summer are dead. And Homer's very excited about that. Specifically the Lexus as well, actually. Yeah, he's very happy about it. We have a luxury sedan. Wow.
00:44:07
Speaker
Unfortunately for Homer, he sits down and then asks for a donut and Marge doesn't know what a donut is. At which point Homer screeches in terror and is going back into the past. Unfortunately that moment, donuts start to fall from the sky, Marge goes, it's raining.
00:44:20
Speaker
Tragic. Homer missed his window there. Not Bidoof's, but...
00:44:26
Speaker
I go outside, Bedusa falling to the ground, their little legs are wiggling, they do not understand what's happening to them. I am in a state of pure ecstasy and bliss.
00:44:38
Speaker
sir But also, even... Donut Rain notwithstanding, like, Homer knows what a donut is. He could invent the donut in this world. He could bring donuts to the people. He would be hailed a hero. He could easily make it.
00:44:54
Speaker
i yeah Again, he hasn't got the full planning for this. He can't comprehend of the future. Yeah, Bidoof Intelligence, I get it. Yeah, okay. He is necessarily- he has the soul of a Bidoof.
00:45:08
Speaker
Okay, that's unfortunately probably gonna become a sticking bit now, I can see. Insult where I say you have the soul of a Bidoof. You're insouled like a level one Pokemon.
00:45:23
Speaker
the new picture
00:45:27
Speaker
homo homo comes back into the present and uh willie is now in his kitchen and willie sales tells him he can help him go but he's got to do exactly what he says but unfortunately at that moment willie's axed once again this time by maggie who pulls out a pacifier and it's james old jones saying this is indeed a disturbing universe it's weird the bits that they get james old jones back to do yeah um This prompts Homer to go into the past and Homer says he's going to touch whatever he wants and Homer goes on the bit of a rampage, just and including being like a giant butt at the bat.
00:45:58
Speaker
and We see that this has a hell of an effect on the present, which includes turning the house into and McDonald's, a house underwater, a Bart Sphinx. ah Fun trivia on this one. There is a version of the Simpsons house as part of these illustrations where the house is made entirely of squirrels.
00:46:17
Speaker
Oh. This was absolutely completely incomprehensible on a standard definition television screen, so they did not use it. You could not tell what they had drawn. They just weren't like, what? Incomprehensible Simpsons house is such an eldritch concept. That's like a myhouse.wad bit. I just love this idea of a Fox executive staring at the house thinking, what the fuck is that?
00:46:48
Speaker
I am sitting here on my portable TV like, what the fuck is this? And then someone's going, oh, well it's a house made of squirrels. Oh, okay, that was normal. I'm led to understand they have used the artwork for various things like Christmas cards and stuff around the office in the Simpsons studios because they liked the artwork. But like also, yeah, you could not tell what it was in 1994 on television.
00:47:10
Speaker
That's kind of cute. I imagine it just looked like shit, right? I guess so. It's grey, I guess. So we cut to Kang and Kodoss who are laughing at the foolish Earthlings not being prepared for the effects of time.
00:47:22
Speaker
They laugh maniacally for a good 15 seconds before they turn into Sherman and Peabody. And we get the quiet Jew again joke. Yep. real Real one for the Rockin' Bullwinkle fans this episode. Yeah.
00:47:35
Speaker
Palmer comes back and he shouts to Marge that what's his name, what colour is this guy, and what are donuts? Marge finally answers all his questions by telling him that the donuts are plentiful. Yeah, she doesn't really answer the question there. It's like, what are donuts? Donuts are plentiful. Donuts are plentiful.
00:47:52
Speaker
But that doesn't tell him what they are. What if she thinks donuts are something else? Okay, tell me what's a donut. What if she thinks donuts are Bidoof's?
00:48:01
Speaker
What is a donut? Describe a donut. and so I managed to find the squirrel house. Oh, you did? yeah look, there's the- There it is. Oh yeah, no, that's that's nothing. This is nothing. That's what nothing. What the- I cannot tell what that is, no. There's also the original uncolored version, which is a little easier to see, barely?
00:48:23
Speaker
That is not a squirrel. That it sir and it is impressive that you found that. I didn't realise that was just a thing you could look up. Here we are. Here's here's the original illustration. oh okay. Um... Hmm...
00:48:36
Speaker
um
00:48:40
Speaker
ah Yeah, okay. yeah yeah Yeah. I'm sure Jon will post this as part of the video, folks. Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely get this in the video version. If you're on Spotify, sorry you're missing out, go watch it on YouTube. yeah you can Imagine a Bidoof. If you're on Spotify, imagine imagine several hundred Bidoofs.
00:49:02
Speaker
Get edited out image, John. yeah It kind of looks like if you drew the Simpsons' house as like a magic eye picture or something. It looks like a log cabin.
00:49:12
Speaker
It does look like a log cabin, yeah. you You have to really stare at it to pick out any squirrels in it. And frankly, there's speed with which they flashed through them on the screen, like you would not have going like, oh yeah, the squirrel house. You'd be like, oh yeah, the weird brown shithouse. Yeah. Yeah, it does look like the weird brown shithouse.
00:49:32
Speaker
it's just It's kind of disturbing. It's interesting that you seem to have found the low-res version, but the implication was that there is a high-res version somewhere where you can tell what the squirrels are. I'll send you the link as well, so that maybe we can get this on the thing. So the viewers can get the full squirrel house experience. You can get the full experience. I'll send you the link. I think it's just Google Images being Google Images.
00:49:59
Speaker
No one has answered the age-old question yet of what a donut is. Oh, yes, right. A donut is like a doof. I'm very happy with that explanation.
00:50:10
Speaker
As is Homer with his explanation for Marge. And then they just decide to sit down and have breakfast. That was a hell of a segue give over to give it to me. Have I ever told you that you transitioned better than I did?
00:50:23
Speaker
oh so Sorry, just i'm I hate to keep dragging us back to squirrels. Easy, you can't let this go, can you? It took the artist a day and a half to draw the squirrel house and they didn't use it. Oh my god! i would ah I would not be okay. I would i would be struggling.
00:50:44
Speaker
Sorry, is the letterbox also is the mailbox also a Oh, please don't use this. Yes, yes it Yep. Oh. Yeah. Eww. That's... I like the land concept of that, that a house made of squirrels is perfectly fine, but the letterbox is a step too far. I do still- There's just, there's like creative vision in making the mailbox a single squirrel. It's just sort of like perched on top of squirrel, yeah.
00:51:13
Speaker
Yeah, like it in in my mind it sort of makes the squirrels less of a building material and more- end of the squirrel does the male go into? ah
00:51:26
Speaker
It makes them people. I don't like that squirrel are people.
00:51:32
Speaker
yeah I feel like the squirrels being denied their rights. The squirrels are in solid like a level 5 Pokemon.
00:51:44
Speaker
says Okay, that's enough squirrels. well keepboard This is one of the weirdest... Please keep that pause in.
00:51:52
Speaker
I need that, like, pregnant pause where everybody's like, oh, fuck. that that That was John's moment of the toast on the hand. yeah you You couldn't see me. I was flailing wildly over her.
00:52:05
Speaker
yeah So, Patekin's back. Homer accepts his explanation. He doesn't ask her why the house is made of squirrels. He's not that bothered. But they sit down and start having breakfast. and But the Simpsons have a long lizard tongues.
00:52:20
Speaker
Homer goes, eh, that's close enough, and just keeps eating. yeah Yeah. Very yeah we Let's move on to
Nightmare Cafeteria Analysis
00:52:26
Speaker
the third one. Nightmare Cafeteria. This is the weakest of the three, definitely. Yes, definitely.
00:52:31
Speaker
It's the one I remember the most. Is it? Huh, okay. Yeah. I think probably because of the big blender at the end. Oh, the Polytron, yes. i Yes, yes, the Polytron. Yeah, as soon as the big blood appeared, I was like, oh, we've got the right guest for this episode. Oh, Polytron, Polytron. I need you to understand, I forgot the word Polytron, and I was so scared that I actually went to the official Fist Discord and asked, does anybody remember what the thing that turns mice into soup is?
00:53:04
Speaker
And I was, and thank God, what, like, ah one of the people I'm dating was like, Polytron? I'm like, yeah. And they found it. They found the Polytron meme. Like, oh, surely it's not called the Polytron.
00:53:16
Speaker
Oh, it's called the Polytron. ah Yep. Yeah, it is. The Polytron reduces a mouse to suit like homogenous in 30 seconds, yes. With firm reducing generators that minimize sample oration.
00:53:30
Speaker
It's got a powerful 701 motor that develops 27,000 RPM. Just imagine what it can do for your samples. Do you want more information? yeah Check number 140 on the reply card. I guess the viewers need the Polytron picture as well for this now. Otherwise, people are just going to be like, what the hell?
00:53:50
Speaker
Yeah, no, this is this is niche arcane bullshit. like this is This is just for Dove and me. and And any of the, I'd probably also any of the, well, there's your problem fans who've stuck around since Justin was on.
00:54:02
Speaker
Hi. Thank you. Uh, sorry. Well, there's your problem is at least partially why we're like this.
00:54:14
Speaker
Yeah. Well, there's your problem is the reason I'm like this, so you have to deal with this now, right? Like, original sin you listen to, well, there's your problem too. yeah
00:54:29
Speaker
Okay, let's have a third episode of horror. I'll go through a quick one. So the episode starts in Bart's classroom and they're all running amok and Bart says, this will be funny. Let's all turn our desk backwards before Mrs. Krabappo comes in.
00:54:41
Speaker
Everyone agrees. Bart turns his desk back. Woods laughs as she comes in but realises he's the only one actually facing backwards. How did he not notice? yeah He's very slow on the update. He's ensouled like a Bidoof. Yep, no, Simpsons are Bidoofs, yes, I remember this now. Relax Homer's self-awareness.
00:55:00
Speaker
Wow, that is a goddamn fucking insult. If you said that to me, I would Harry carry myself. I would pull the fucking like ritual dagger and remove my belly.
00:55:14
Speaker
God damn, you lack Homer's self awareness. That is a brutal insult. It really is. I would literally kill everyone I know if they heard that. I would i would make sure there were no witnesses. You lack the self-awareness of Homer Simpson. Jesus. Fucking hell. You could end a person with an insult like that. That is... i would I'm actually going to walk into the taff right now. yeah It's like a ten minute walk. I'm going. Anyway, it's been good, gang. Thanks for joining us.
00:55:49
Speaker
Well, it's a tension, but it's absolutely overcrowded, so Skinner tells him he has to go to the cafeteria. We hear one kid going, oxygen running out. Skinner goes, well, you should have made that paper airplane. no Capital varnishment.
00:56:01
Speaker
But in the cafeteria, Skinner's complaining that the overcrowding detention is a powder re keg waiting to go off in an explosion of unacceptable behavior. I think we're past that point, Skinner. Lunch Lady Doris is complaining because the budget cuts mean that she's using great-eff meat, which ah is mostly circus animals.
00:56:18
Speaker
Some filler. someillaer Skinner muses that it would be wonderful if there was a common solution to the both their problems. At which point Jimbo trips up Lopchardy Doris and gets splashed in stew.
00:56:31
Speaker
Skinner's about to yell at him, but then accidentally licks Jimbo. I just want to say, the podcast does not in any way endorse the licking of children.
00:56:42
Speaker
Do not lick children. there is There is no circumstance in which you have to lick a child. Just note the on the grade F meet, that was inspired by a real box of hot dogs that one of the writers saw. saw Wait, what? A box of hot dogs labelled Grade C approved for human consumption.
00:57:00
Speaker
Oh my god That is a new fucking Tinder bio Fuck god damn ah I love you so much that I am putting that down right now That's going on Grindr, Tinder, Discord I'm gonna post that everywhere That's terrible Crazy Approved for human consumption Yep Oh my, how do I get certified like that? Give me a hot dog first.
00:57:38
Speaker
That's a cheap date. Well, we know who is suitable for human consumption because Skinner sends Jimbo off to work with Lunch Lady Doris in the kitchen. Jimbo tells him to buy them Skinner goes, yeah, well, why? Well, why? bri We then hear behind the closed door that Jimbo is finding it hard to work in the giant pot when she keeps spilling meat-tintzeriser on him.
00:57:57
Speaker
Then we hear what sounds like the top of a pot going on and he goes, oh now I've got to work in the dark.
00:58:03
Speaker
Jimbo also does not have the self-awareness of Homer Simpson. i I like... I mean, it's not wrong. We're really just establishing some long-term bits today, aren't we?
00:58:18
Speaker
We then cut a scene and the staff are all eating the burgers and Mrs. Scropple says that it tastes of young and in impotence. Impotence, not impotence. Jesus Christ. Those are very different things, Michael. Yeah, you know what? This child is infertile. This child is not feckened. Well, he is now.
00:58:40
Speaker
deep Skinner finally gives away the secret as he says, the you remember when I said I'd make something of Jimbo Jones and Edna then points out you killed him, processed his carcass and served him for lunch?
00:58:52
Speaker
Skinner tapped his nose and everyone just keeps on eating. That's how I want to die. What? Serve just for lunch. Yeah, I want to be approved for human consumption. i want serve lunch. Okay, I think you have to go talk to the Germans about that one.
00:59:03
Speaker
okay. I was the Austrians. What? You're referring to the cannibal guy. Oh, was he not German? Oh, okay. The dick-eating guy.
00:59:14
Speaker
Yeah, was he German? I think he was, yeah, he was definitely in Germany at the time. I think its i think the the guy he ate was German. Oh, okay.
00:59:26
Speaker
I'm not as familiar with the details of this. I know very little about German laws, except from, I'm so sorry, um in North Germany, zoophilia is legal as long as the animal tops.
00:59:40
Speaker
That's all I know about German law. yes That's a very specific one thing to know. Listen, listen, I'm not saying that I learned this. That's a very very suspicious thing to know. No, no, no, no, no no no no let's listen hold out no i listen this is this is just what happens when you grow up in the furry community people tell you these things you have this inflicted upon you yeah ah yeah sure blame the furry community
01:00:13
Speaker
I did not... look i'm in In many ways, I i refuse... i do not agree with the furry community on this one. I'm just saying, i had this inflicted on me. i was an unwilling, like, victim.
01:00:28
Speaker
um i did not want to know about North German laws... Okay, sure. We believe you. Let's carry on. yeah Bart wonders where Jimbo is because he hasn't beat them up for his lunch money lunchburg money yet.
01:00:45
Speaker
Speaking of German, Uto has arrived because he wants another sloppy Jimbo. How Bart is not working this out is a bit beyond me. Okay. Skinner comes over and tells Uta that's his third helping and he's becoming fat and soft and tender.
01:00:58
Speaker
But manages to correct it to, her oh, you could in line, go to detention. Uta then asks for how long and Skinner goes, oh, about seven minutes a pound should do it. We then go to the next day and it's Oktoberfest.
01:01:10
Speaker
and everyone's wearing their German oopla outfits animals are getting on top it's a it's a grand old time and Lisa then points out that strange Uta disappeared and suddenly serving Uta Braten this prompts Skinner to come in his lederhosen and go ah relax I've got a gut feeling Uta's around here and isn't there a bit of Uta in all of us then he goes a bit too blunt and goes you could say we just ate Uta and he's in our stomachs and he goes oh wait to scratch that
01:01:42
Speaker
Marge and Lisa run home and go to Marge to say that they're cooking kids in school. Marge's response to this is, you're eight and ten. I'm not fighting your battles for you. and
01:01:55
Speaker
Then she tells him to go back to the school and say, look him in the eyes and say, don't eat me. This is... This is good parenting and the wrong time for it.
01:02:07
Speaker
Then come back to the school Miss Krabappel has gained a few pounds. And she's giving away the homework of eat a stick of butter. think She then sees that ah Wendell knocks his pencil to the floor and is sent to detention.
01:02:20
Speaker
And Milhouse then notices that ah she's reading a book that says The Joy of Cooking Milhouse. At which point the kids make a break for it and... But can't resist looking in the detention room and then we see that the the kids are in the hamster cages.
01:02:36
Speaker
And Skinner is annoyed with the person he's chopping up because they're making themselves tired and stringy. He then looks at the three ranged children, which is kids just in the back. I love them just sort of like mindlessly walking around their pen.
01:02:50
Speaker
Yeah, they're level one Pokemon.
01:02:55
Speaker
It's the Safari, the Safari Zone. yeah i'm I'm going around to take it- wait, mmm. Actually, mmm. You know what? No, I'm leaving this bit alone. Okay, you never know what the bit was. I'll do the last statement. I'm leaving away from the bit. I'm walking away from the bit. I've set fire to the bit. I'm leaving. I'm gone.
01:03:15
Speaker
We then go all sweetie Todd as the lunch lady Doris appears with her egg whisker. Oh god. When Willy comes back and he runs out to try to save the children, he gets axed again, but this time he does acknowledge that he's bad at it.
01:03:28
Speaker
Well done, Willie. It's important to know your weaknesses as well as your strengths. And the kids start getting back towards the auditorium and Skinner goes, he's going to enjoy eating Bart and is quite delighted at the thought of starting with by eating his shorts.
01:03:42
Speaker
Which, not, okay, like that's not how you do cannibalism. You don't eat the clothes. I mean, not that I'm an expert or anything, but like I'm pretty sure you don't eat the clothes. I think i think the problem that you will have but the problem that you have that is any way of frozen of like phrasing frozen way of phrasing that does just sound inherently noncey.
01:04:03
Speaker
Like, I don't think there's a good way to phrase this bit that isn't shorts. Okay. You know, it turns on the Polytron and the kids start backing away. Polytron.
01:04:18
Speaker
has setting It has settings. It has chop, pulverize, puree and gooify settings. oh It has homogenous. It has a homogenous setting. he's He cranks this thing up to homogenous.
01:04:32
Speaker
Oh, wow, that is an amazing phrase. Also amazing Tinder bio, thank you. I'm putting my Tinder down as he brings this thing all the way up to her mantra.
01:04:43
Speaker
oop I don't even know what that would mean. I don't know either. I think that's part of the fun of it. ah i love I love a Tinder bio that says, you don't know what you're getting in for, and I don't either.
01:04:58
Speaker
oh Bart tries to use main character theory of nothing's going happen to us. At this point, Milhouse falls over the edge and gets homogenized. it this leads We don't get to see the splat. There's no splatter. We don't get to see the soup. Or soup-like.
01:05:14
Speaker
Yeah, there's no homogenet. Bart tries to use the main character theory again that the two Simpson kids will be okay. They both fall, but then Bart wakes up from his dream. and mark tell us And then we get the weirdest fucking ending all time. What the hell is this? So, this fucked me up.
01:05:33
Speaker
As a kid, this fucked me up. Yeah, no kidding. Honestly, yes. And just reveal i just to confirm, Sky did not edit this at all. Wow. They left this bit in? Yeah. oh o Even the bit where the dog...
01:05:47
Speaker
Yep, yep, yep. All in. oh ah her who So, Marge tells Bob, don't worry, you're at home in your bed and safe, except that fog that turns people inside out. Bob's response is, what, what? And then then Homer realises it's seeping in and goes, oh, that's stupid weatherstripping.
01:06:05
Speaker
And then we get the lovely shot of Homer and Marge turning the fuck its everyone'm turning and inside out. Everyone turns Everyone turns inside out. It's up. It's crimm! This is like, oh, I can see why the censors didn't like this episode, and yet this is the bit they kept when they edited it. And yet when they move, they make splish splash sounds, and these little splatters moving off of them. it turns out they're absolutely fine, and they break into a musical number.
01:06:30
Speaker
yeah And inside out, Willy comes and joins in. Yeah. The thing I don't like about it is that it's kind of anatomically correct. Like, they do just invert them.
01:06:43
Speaker
So the skin inverts in such a way you can see the rib cage. Yeah. But, like, it just inverts. Like, as a kid, i was like, oh, that doesn't look like an inverted body at all. Now, as an adult, I can recognize they inverted a body.
01:06:56
Speaker
And it... Hmm. Hmm. Sorry. the Chorus, I'm just having, like, I'm i'm being, I'm i'm re i' reliving the trauma with everybody.
01:07:08
Speaker
it so the chorus line goes carries on, and eventually Bart is dragged away by the dog, which, after it's ripped out his intestines. Yep. m And that's how this cheery thing comes to an end.
01:07:21
Speaker
Yep. Yeah. And they keep splash splashing, there's blood splattering everywhere as they dance. Yeah, they keep splashing. Who is the other character who joins in? That's Willy. That's Willy!
01:07:32
Speaker
Is it? When he does what do. wow. very Scottish, isn't it? He doesn't look good.
01:07:44
Speaker
He has died three times in the episode. of Listen, i and I've been called an invert before, but I don't think I've ever looked that bad.
01:07:54
Speaker
What did we think? Better than usual for Treehouse of Horrors, for me. Yeah. First two, I think just because it was heavy on the Homer antics, I actually really enjoyed the first couple. Third one, weaker, probably because there less Homer.
01:08:08
Speaker
And then know weird weird goo people at the end. No, not not here for weird goo people. Not here for goo people. I'm pretty much with you. i think the first one was strong, second one was strong, third one...
01:08:22
Speaker
It was okay. um but I agree. and Inverted goo people aren't great. that No, they're not. No. Well, two out three are bad.
01:08:33
Speaker
That's kind of my assessment of it. I like the first two. The third one is just... It's not bad but it's just a What's your opinion on goo people? It was interesting.
01:08:46
Speaker
That feels like you have opinions that you're holding back on. Yeah, tell us about goo. Tell us your real feelings about goo people. It was just a very bizarre ending. Even if our Halloween woman was just like, what the fuck is happening here? It does read like they had absolutely zero idea how to figure figure it out and end it. But also, like, friends have pulled that out their ass for it as well. It's like, where did the where did this come from? There's someone in the background going, they should do it. It's like, no.
01:09:15
Speaker
Yeah. who Who thinks of this shit? What the fuck? Who wrote this? What's wrong with you? You know, you're totally right. Who who did this? Clearly, this is Conan. Conan had stopped writing for them by this point. He did he wasn't a Simpsons writer anymore. Yeah.
01:09:32
Speaker
He still had, like, input on places here and there and influence, but, like, he didn't actually write much past season three or maybe four, I think. The writer of, and excuse my phrasing, inverted Willy, might still be among us.
01:09:45
Speaker
but Very likely, that yeah I don't like that. i don't I know this isn't technically a crime, but maybe it should be. It should be.
01:09:56
Speaker
it's I'm trying to find writing credits, but, uh, yeah, there's not, I can't find any specific credits for the ending. the shinning was Bob Cushel. Time and Punishment was Greg Danielson, Dan McGrath.
01:10:10
Speaker
Nightmare Cafeteria was David X. Cohen, but it does not mention who did the weird ass ending. I wouldn't want to be credited either. Yeah. that Yeah. Yeah. Fair. Yeah.
01:10:23
Speaker
Yeah. Oh no no no, no, no, it's right there. David david x Cohen did that, yeah. He wrote the final scene where a nightmarish fog turns family inside out. Right, so, uh, David, if you're listening to this, you should be in jail, and you know it He is very much still with us, he's 59, still very much going strong. Yeah, you should be in jail, I'm gonna put you in jail.
01:10:42
Speaker
He created the word cromulent, so, you know, ups and downs. Uh, yeah. Hmm. I don't know if that like...
Personal Advice to David
01:10:49
Speaker
ah I'm not giving him the PayPal cut pardon for this one. This isn't this isn't good enough.
01:10:56
Speaker
I need better from you, David. Dave. Dave-o. Boy-o. ah Dave, because you're listening, I know you're listening. um Don't.
01:11:07
Speaker
at the Stop. Get some help.
01:11:11
Speaker
Why this? help for the thing you wrote 30 plus years ago. Dave, if you haven't healed from this, consider doing so. Consider being a better person, making up for the things you've done.
01:11:24
Speaker
good I'm like this because of you.
01:11:31
Speaker
Have we got any out of Homer ratings for this? I'll give it a... I'm bad at this out of Homer. A lot of effort's gone into it, and I'm trying, but... It fails at the final hurdle.
01:11:43
Speaker
Fair enough. Mostly because of goo people. Yeah, I've forgotten every single possible quote from this. doesn't have to be a quote from this. It could just be whatever abstract concept you wish.
Episode Ratings and Polytron Discussion
01:11:55
Speaker
Okay, ah I give this 1d6 out of 1d10. I think that it was... functional, and at times funny, but not great.
01:12:08
Speaker
Horrifying. John, you're rated. I gave it a quite tall treehouse out of Homer because it was slightly more elevated than its usual. However, with you ah particularly dropping the line, two out of three ain't bad. It's like, ah, have just called it Meatloaf out of Homer.
01:12:25
Speaker
this I most hated it, Loafs. Do you have anything to say about this, though, do you think? Um... Polytron's a very useful tool. Yeah, Polytron, great. Got so many settings. You should go best in a Polytron. Did you know that Polytron can reduce an entire mouse to a super-like homodular in 30 seconds?
01:12:46
Speaker
I did! Really? push fog. Did you know it has interchangeable generators to suit your sample?
01:12:57
Speaker
Yeah, treehouse horror. It doesn't say fucking shit, let's be real. Yeah, nah. ah Do not turn people inside out. Inverts bad. but with this Um... Don't call people inverts. Oh.
01:13:11
Speaker
Okay. We had the whole slur discussion, come on. Ah, fine. Okay, yes.
01:13:19
Speaker
Right. Can we move on to the next one? that Let's move on to Bart's Girlfriend, which was an episode airing on November 6th, 1994. What happened on that day?
01:13:32
Speaker
marathon happened. foolo A New York City marathon. It was won, the women's was won by Tiegler LaRoupe. And think the men's was won by German Silver.
01:13:46
Speaker
Cool. Good for Tigl-Alarube and German Silver, respectively. German Silver? That's... jer German. German Silver. Oh, German Silver. That's a real protagonist name right there.
01:13:58
Speaker
It sounds like a Bond villain, doesn't it? It does. Yeah, yeah, I can see it. And speaking Maybe an Arnie villain. Yes. Emolia Rachmanov is recognised as the president of Tajikistan. Wow.
01:14:12
Speaker
Wow. That is it. The number ones are the same. yes Nothing culturally happened in these years. It it was, look, it was the 90s, history had ended, nothing was happening.
01:14:25
Speaker
Nothing happened in 94,000 of the year, everybody had gone home. Yeah, exactly.
Simpsons Episode Gags and Plot Overview
01:14:30
Speaker
So our shortboard gag is, I will not send Lord through the mail. Ew, okay, cool, I guess, sure, why not.
01:14:37
Speaker
And the couch gurg is the eyeballs, which I think we've had before. We have seen this three times before. This is its fourth airing. Yeah, I guess it kind depends if you count Sideshow Bob Roberts, actually. Yeah, we've seen it on Boy Scouts in the Herd and Bart Gets an Elephant. They showed it once and once only on Sideshow Bob Roberts.
01:14:58
Speaker
And then never again. Yeah, if you count that, this is... It's a treat. Yeah, yeah. The episode starts with the kids in the park and they're playing cowboys and Indians and Lisa goes, remember Bart, I mean, dances and underwear. We take the white man alive.
01:15:15
Speaker
Bart's response is is okay, thanks too much.
01:15:20
Speaker
Milhouse says keep your eyes peeled up for Indians then corrects himself says Native Americans woke yeah very woke cancel this cancel Milhouse yes he's also he's upset because they got blankets infected by coopsies Ralph is too busy eating his caps.
01:15:44
Speaker
And the Indians come and Bart says, kiss the prairie, cow dogs, and Milhouse is upset by this because he doesn't want to play this game anyway because his boy is Jax.
01:15:57
Speaker
He's got twosies. My partners would all do this. They would get so excited by Jax.
01:16:06
Speaker
Which wouldn't work on grass, he's playing it on grass. oh You can't do that. That's kind of messed up. This prompts Nelson to appear and Nelson's wearing a futuristic getup and he starts shooting shooting everybody with things and Bart goes, they didn't have the Kilmatic 3000 back then. Nelson's response to this is, records from that arrow spotty at best. should spot no
01:16:29
Speaker
Simpsons Archive reckons he's supposed to be dressed like the Borg, but I'm not familiar enough with Star Trek to know that one. I don't... I guess? a Kind of? In the sense that, like, if you have an eyepatch that has, like, anything bonky on it, then yeah, but... I don't know. Simpsons Archive is also just some guys going, oh, think this is a thing, right? This might like, TNG Borg, which I'm not as familiar with.
01:16:54
Speaker
yeah Yes, they did mean did specify TNG. g Yes, okay, yeah. Maybe more so then, yeah. The church bells begin to ring and we then hear the parents calling.
01:17:05
Speaker
We hear Marge saying it's time for church. Mrs. Van Houten does the same. The old Jewish man goes, it's time for your violin lesson. ha ah Yeah, sure. I kind i can' of like it. it ah This prompts the kids to run off terrified into the cornfield as the parents chase after of them.
01:17:24
Speaker
Nelson is a collared around the neck by his dad and Milhouse is caught in a net by his dad. On horse. On horseback. On horseback. Yeah, ah planet Planet of the Apes referenced this, but they're getting captured.
01:17:38
Speaker
We then see Bart and Lisa are also chained and manacled when they're finally captured. On the next scene, everybody's dressed for church and Bart asks, why the crap do we have to go to church? And Marge goes, you've just answered your own question with your commode mouth.
01:17:51
Speaker
And then she says, it's about time they learn morals and decency and how to love your fellow man. And cut to Reverend Lovejoy talking about flaming swords and piercing the eyes of the fellow man. I do love when The Simpsons does a religious hypocrisy bit.
01:18:04
Speaker
And I want to be clear, they do eat the effluent as well. They do eat the effluent from the eyes. Oh, cool yeah cool. Yeah. Oh yeah, they yeah he they feasted on Floodforth. Yes, I see what you're saying. Yes.
01:18:16
Speaker
I thought you were just dropping some hot biblical knowledge on us there. I was like, oh yeah, I've read the Bible. I know what happened. My knowledge of the Bible ends at Job's wife turned into a pillar of salt.
01:18:26
Speaker
okay That's it. Because whenever I think about it, I'm looking like, damn, what if a woman was a salt lick?
01:18:35
Speaker
i very so That's a very specific feeling to ask. I just... Listen, I know a lot of women. i don't know a lot of salt looks. I'm often dehydrated. Like, I'm trying to... Do you think a salt liquid help with the dehydration, or...?
01:18:52
Speaker
I'm realising as I say this, I sound more and more like a horse. um
01:18:59
Speaker
It's prompt part to break out a troll dog. I didn't know how to go away out of that.
01:19:08
Speaker
And the parts start singing, I'm a soul man, but it's a, I'm a soul man. which point Marge gets annoyed and says, don't want you playing with something with such bizarre hair. Very, very yeah self or self-aware this one, yeah.
01:19:21
Speaker
But Marge isn't self-aware, unlike Ilma. No. Fucking hell. I'm living off my yoga, leave me be.
01:19:32
Speaker
I fear you have this shirk. This gives you power. Mad, we're back next week and I'll be in my corner.
01:19:43
Speaker
Everyone says that his daughter, Jessica, is now going to come to read out the exact same passage he read because he noticed people weren't paying attention. Jessica walks up and we get the heavenly light upon her. And Bob goes, wow, where is her God?
01:19:56
Speaker
no um It's not God, it's ah the sea captain pointing the lighthouse in the wrong direction. The inspector tells him that it would work better pointing other way, and Captain MacArthur goes, I know what I'm doing. We don't see a boat crash in the distance, at which point the sea captain just goes, I ate the sea and everything in it. ate the sea and everything in it.
01:20:15
Speaker
it's It's peak. It's such peak. It's so good. Damn gang, I'm slimed out on this Sea Captain guy. Peng. he's paying he He can get it. I don't know what that means. what I'm sorry, you have to bear in mind, I'm five million years old. What the fuck is Peng? Oh, Peng is actually a little old. That's like zillennial speak.
01:20:41
Speaker
Technically young millennial. um it It means beautiful, pretty, handsome. These days, I'm... shit, no. How would you... I know that chopped is like... no I've heard of chopped.
01:20:55
Speaker
Chuzzy is chopped in respect to the Huzz. Okay, you lot you've lost lost me on Chosie. I was wearing Chopped. I knew things could be Chopped. Did not know about Chosie.
01:21:06
Speaker
Chopped is like bad, ugly. Yeah. yeah I get this. I understand this one. can be like... I'm not super slimed. I'm not slimed up.
01:21:19
Speaker
The kids are not okay. Oh my god. kids are not okay. The kids are sliming it. The kids are slimed. The kids are slimed. They're gooped. they're in insults too Are they a suit like Mogenet? They've turned inside out.
01:21:36
Speaker
Oh. m Please do not invert the children.
01:21:42
Speaker
That's how the church part decides to shoot his shots, and his big chat-up line is, ah i'd live I don't think God's words have ever sounded so plausible. Yeah. Jessica's response is to call him Arthur, then just fuck off.
01:21:57
Speaker
Oh no no She says Excuse me i need to stand Over here And then rotates Which is outstanding That is That is ironically art Then see Bart in the house and Lisa says, it's not your fault Jessica doesn't like you. And Bart questions why. he goes, is it my hair? My overbite? The fact I've worn the same clothes for the last four years? Still very self-aware as an episode. What the hell?
01:22:25
Speaker
And Lisa says, it's just on it's two different backgrounds. He's the sweet Reverend's daughter and you're the devil's cabana boy. This is Bob's part to go to Sunday school. And the teacher is watching the kids draw on and points out to Ralph that Jesus does not have wheels.
01:22:41
Speaker
i no You know, you weren't there, lady. Yeah. The records did. Why couldn't Jesus have one? We've established records of Patio first. I literally... Okay, right. I remember this. So sorry. We were do we were talking we need more tangents, anecdotes.
01:22:55
Speaker
Sure. I was in the park the other day. saw this guy on the unicycle with what appeared to be a long-suffering girlfriend on a bicycle, and I opened her to him very angrily saying, No, babe. I was built for speed.
01:23:10
Speaker
Not all terrain. She like very slowly peddled after him.
01:23:18
Speaker
And she just went, yeah. Yeah, sorry. Her name was Penny. um Which I find quite funny. Very good. You can do a lot better, Penny.
01:23:28
Speaker
You can do better. Penny, if you're listening to this, call me. Penny, don't settle for speed. Don't settle for speed, settle all terrain like me. You deserve all terrain. I say with a walking stick. You deserve you you deserve a woman who can handle a grassy knoll.
01:23:47
Speaker
Like a good jack. Out of interest, which which which is the unicycle supposedly built for? Is it speed or all-terrain? A speed. That's the speed. the The unicycle is a speed option. The unicycle is for speed. It's streamlined.
01:24:03
Speaker
okay sure Minimized. It's one less wheel. that's That's why you see Team GB on them at the Olympics doing the cycling. jingling Unicycles. The funniest part of it is that he was wearing one of those speed helmets for bicyclists.
01:24:19
Speaker
While travelling at about a walking pace. I guess it saves weight. i know? yeah
01:24:27
Speaker
Oh, my everyday carry unicycle. We all have one. Vox walks into the classroom and the teacher goes, but We had an agreement that you weren't gonna come in. And everyone was happy about it, especially the hamster which we see is cowering in fear by this little house.
01:24:43
Speaker
You were happy. We were happy. Bart says he's changed his ways and asks for a second chance, and the teacher was screwed over because the Bible does teach forgiveness, and Bart is welcome back as the prodigal son.
01:24:56
Speaker
The kids all look each other, go, what the hell does prodigal mean? she's just like, oh, for fuck's sake.
Biblical References and Humor
01:25:02
Speaker
So Bart sits next to Jessica and he says the great thing about Sunday school is we're finally learning something we can use and she just turns the chair away Turning on the spot thing again, yeah.
01:25:13
Speaker
But sitting down this time which makes it even more impressive. I do hate to ask, um what what does protocol actually mean? but the chosen It's like the chosen.
01:25:24
Speaker
Oh! Oh, okay, right. Okay, the joke makes sense now. Thank you. it it is Is Prodigal Son not generally what you would refer to, like, Jesus as? He is the Prodigal Son, right?
01:25:35
Speaker
I think it's kind of... so let me I think it's like, the favourite, the best. Oh, okay. When you and use a thing like, the Prodigal Son has come home. He's better than all of us.
01:25:48
Speaker
Ah, he's he's the best one. He's he's the Polycule primary. Yeah, got it. Understood. Editing John here. It's been a little while since I've had to do one of these, but this was a fairly impressive display of collective ignorance on our part, so I am going to step it in and correct this one. I think prodigal is one of those words that, like, a lot of people don't really know what it means, but kind of assume they do based on context. I think that's kind of what I'd done. It's prodigal. it sounds a bit like prodigious prodigy. it must be a good thing. It's about somebody who's great, right? It's it's Jesus. Jesus is God's prodigal son. i assume this is what it means.
01:26:24
Speaker
at Wrong. No, that's that's actually not what it was. It is biblical in origin. the word refers to, like... extravagant or lavish but with fairly negative connotations in a sort of fairly wasteful kind of way.
01:26:40
Speaker
And the the the story of the prodigal son is a biblical one about two sons who get their inheritance earlier on in life. One son stays with the family, obeys the father, works hard on the farm, always like does his duties. The other one runs away, spends all the inheritance, wastes it living at large, but then comes home one day and the father celebrates anyway, sacrifices a calf, throws a big feast. The son who stayed home is a bit upset by this because like, wait, hang on, my brother ran away and wasted all the money and you've come back and are throwing a feast for him. I've worked hard every day of my life and always obeyed you and you didn't throw me a feast. What's going on here?
01:27:16
Speaker
The lesson here apparently is not specifically that, ah, you should run away and spend your inheritance early and like waste everything because it doesn't matter and everyone will love you anyway. It's, so I gather supposed to be more about that ah God celebrates sinners who repent.
01:27:36
Speaker
So there you go. But I don't know. i think I think it's very easy to take the wrong message from that. So make of it whatever you will. Anyway, back to the show. So Bart declares to himself that he's going to convince her he's a good person and he's going to behave no matter what.
01:27:50
Speaker
And the teacher, this at that point, hands out a replica of the slingshot David used to slay Goliath. So while she's doing that, she's just going to bend over the filing cabinet. And while she's presenting her arse to the class, Bart effectively has the slingshot and he's about ready to fire it. But he decides he's got to fight Satan, but he'll make it up to him later.
01:28:10
Speaker
Sorry, can you say arse again for me? Arse. Beautiful. Thank you. that That's all I needed. I should to think what that was for. ah No, right. i use It's a very beautiful pronunciation of arse, right? it was There was those power there. There was inflection. There was strength.
01:28:34
Speaker
Sure. So, Ballard says he's thinking about staying after school and helping clean up, and Justice Sopran says, do you ever think anything you don't say? so that's so That's brutal. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah.
01:28:47
Speaker
At this point, Ballard has finally had enough and messes up his hair and decides that he's got to do something naughty. And we then see that Scotchtoberfest is taking place and Willy is ah giving a little bit of a presentation. Mm-hmm.
01:28:59
Speaker
Which he reveals that sir the kilt is for everyday wear, and in battle they wear full-length ball gowns covered sequins to blind the opponent with luxury. This is true. I wish to see this battlefield, I swear to god. as a hamcot huh As a half-scot, this is true. ah this is This is absolutely true.
01:29:19
Speaker
every Every Scottish person is high femme.
01:29:24
Speaker
Every Scottish person is high femme if you get them angry enough. So Bartai's balloons to Willy's kilt and it lifts it up and we get a full view of Willy's arse. Yep. Willy's response to the shocked fainting crowd is, uh, it's, uh, no more than God gave him, you Puritan pukes.
01:29:40
Speaker
Fair. Valid. Yeah. Body positivity. Bart is relieved because, uh, he'll plan to hold Bart until he can get his hand on some explosives. Then FBI sting begins.
01:29:52
Speaker
With agents everywhere, including the water fountain. Yeah, this was elaborate, apparently. Yeah. Yeah, I love the resources going into this. Skinner says he's got three months of detention and reveals there's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest.
01:30:04
Speaker
Willy is horrified to learn this, and I've never seen a look of guilt on a character's face as much as a Skinner's face when they start shouting, You used, Miss Skinner! I feel like this was entrapment, though.
01:30:17
Speaker
this was. I, technically, legally speaking, this is not entrapment. Okay, right. I realize this makes me sound like a cop. Legally speaking, this is not entrapment. I just want to say, if you if you are invoked to do something, if an opportunity is put in front of you and you do it, that's not entrapment.
01:30:36
Speaker
You're not legally protected. So Bart's depressed about this until Jessica comes up to her and says that's unfair. And she's then inviting for dinner at her house. And Bart can't quite believe his luck and decides that the only thing he can do now is strut.
01:30:49
Speaker
Staying a live place and get all Saturday night fever as Bart is strutting down that street. Yeah, I think this is the point where Matt would be like, oh, this made me feel uncomfortable. Which is but i um I say mainly because it made me feel uncomfortable and Matt usually meet meets that threshold before I do.
01:31:07
Speaker
We cut to the next scene and Barty's getting himself ready and I'm a couple of people going on his first date and he starts singing.
01:31:15
Speaker
and uh yeah he see starts weeping he sings a bunch of stuff he's like sunrise sunset he mixes a lot of songs together fiddling on the roof cats in the cradle and then yes we have no bananas but but i almost sorry i have i have fun trivia on this which is uh they had to pay the rights for all three songs to make that one joke no this this one joke cost them thousands of dollars It's not even that good. No.
01:31:42
Speaker
The payoff of this is that Hover starts crying and Marge goes, oh, that's sweet. And then Hover goes, hes not that's not the reason he's crying. They have no bananas. And he just walks up crying. So we go to the Lovejoys thing and...
01:31:56
Speaker
they're trying to make some conversation which uh includes mrs lovejoy asking about how school's going the points out jessica gets straight a's boss responses family grades aren't important it's what you learn that counts lovejoy then asks him what six times five and then bart goes boom It's 32 for the record.
01:32:13
Speaker
I think that's a number that much use in his future career, which is ah Olympic gold medal rockets led champion. And Miss Little Joy points out that's not an Olympic event. But he says, well, no offence, lady, but what you know, colour warehouse.
01:32:27
Speaker
And Little Joy's losing his patience here. And he says he's ghost he's got a short shoes, which some people find charming. And then the he says he was watching Fox last night and he starts telling his amusing story.
01:32:39
Speaker
This character named Martin was feeling rather Randy and he's hurt her and Mark, at which point we then see that Bart is kicked out of the house. Is this alluding to a specific show? I'm not sure if it is or not, but... I don't know what it is. No, I have no idea. But it's the case. All i know is that Bart keeps there using the word but.
01:32:56
Speaker
And as Bart keeps going but, but, Sloughjold goes, no, make him stop, make him stop. it Then see Bart walking away and then we see that Jessica has snuck out and she actually likes Bart because he's a bad boy.
01:33:09
Speaker
She says let's go for some fun and Bart goes what about your dad and she says I told him the Rev I was going up to my room to say prayers. Bart then says ah smart, beautiful and a
Bart's Behavioral Struggles
01:33:18
Speaker
liar. So much better than Sarah plain and tall.
01:33:20
Speaker
We then see Sarah who runs off weeping. there's a Weird, weird joke. Reference to a children's book from the 80s entitled Sarah Plain and Tall.
01:33:31
Speaker
ah if If you had were not reading children's books in the 80s, this means nothing to you. This means nothing to me. i guess it might have been more relevant in 1994. Some people might have actually read that book. I guess you would have been...
01:33:47
Speaker
Matt's rant about references. think this one's only obscure to us. I think somebody who was like in their teens watching this in the ninety s might have read the book as a kid, and it's like, oh, it's so much better than Sarah Plain and Tall, they go, hey I've read that book. I know who Sarah Plain and Tall is. And then it pans across, and it's like, bam, no, there's an actual character in Springfield who is just referred to as Sarah Plain and Tall.
01:34:12
Speaker
The kids then go on to crime spray which includes loitering under the no loitering sign, eating ice cream in front of the weight loss center to torture the people inside and throwing toilet paper onto the Jeopardy Springfield statue and there's barks but's completely in love here because he's saying your froze your catch and spirals it's like the toilet paper is an extinction of your body Can I about the Pulp Fiction thing? Like, one of the one of the absolutely just
01:34:43
Speaker
beduof-brained bits of the Simpsons archive that I just love sometimes. They've got some real lines in there occasionally. Movie and other references. Pulp fiction. Music when Bart and Jessica Loiter is from the movie.
01:34:57
Speaker
Cool. Yeah, fair enough. Okay. Their actions are also evil, like many actions in the movie. ah I mean, when I said- Many evil actions occur. I mean, when I said crime scream, I might have been being slightly sarcastic. But they did evil things like loitering and eating ice cream in front of people and throwing a toilet roll.
01:35:24
Speaker
I want to know who's moderating this. and you tell me You can be executed for that America. What is what is the morality system at play? Is this Nietzschean? Is this French in nature? what's yeah What is happening here?
01:35:44
Speaker
We go to the school yard the next day and Bart is bragging and nobody believes him. So he goes over to Jessica to prove it. And Jessica goes, am I supposed to know you? This gets him punched in the stomach by Nelson. He tells him that's for besmirching an innocent girl's name.
01:35:57
Speaker
Jessica then reveals that ah because of her parents, they've got to keep this secret because it makes it more exciting. She asks him me if he wants to go skateboarding, and Bart goes, I need to sit down a second because he's just got punched in the stomach. It's quite good attention to detail and to have someone like actually be like, you know, no, this guy has just been punched in the gut. It is going to take him a second.
01:36:15
Speaker
Jessica kisses him and he says, oh I've got the energy to do anything. Then he stands up immediately and goes back over and goes, yeah, give me, give me ten minutes. We then see that there's an impossibly steep enormous hill and Bart thinks it's too steep and Jessica tells him, can't trust your perception at this altitude and pushes him down the hill.
01:36:31
Speaker
I love that they paved this hill. This hill that's like an fucking 80 degree angle. They're just like, yeah, put a road on it. So Bard's doing okay at first, he thinks.
01:36:42
Speaker
As long as the road surface maintains its integrity, he's going to be alright. At which point, he goes over an oil slick and some pauld bearings. Bard sees an overturned the glue truck and goes, oh, that'll slow me down. The glue is one of the best gags in the episode. It's good. But the glue is not leaking. And he goes, nah, that glue ain't going in nowhere.
01:37:01
Speaker
Bart thinks that nothing's going to stop him and then an ant carrying an alman crosses his road. Bart trips on the alman and we get his version of Homer falling down the gorge.
01:37:13
Speaker
Bart finally stops and then we hear workers from afar going, oh no, there goes the glue after all. And we just hear Bart going, no, as he's covered in the white blood. We then see Jessica coming down slowly going, that was fun, and
01:37:43
Speaker
no So we see Bart walking back into the kitchen and so the cat is now glued to his back. And Marge says, have you noticed a change in Bart? And Helbert's response no, new glasses.
01:37:56
Speaker
And Marge goes, no, it looks like something's disturbing him. And Helbert's response this is, yeah, he probably misses his old glasses. Then Marge worries about her getting involved in Bart's activities, but she might be smothering him. And Helbert's response is, yeah, but then we'd get the chair.
01:38:09
Speaker
Marge goes, that's not what I meant. And Helbert goes, it was Marge a minute This is a bit someone shared on Blue Sky recently, and like, weirdly from this and the last episode, is I'm really struck by how many bits completely out of context just seem to pop up in my life constantly, to the point that it's ah my sole motivation for doing this podcast in the first place was just like how ubiquitous and all-encompassing The Simpsons seems to be for specifically the millennial generation, if nothing else. um But like, it just continues to strike me that like, someone will reference bits and yeah, yeah, The Simpsons bits, I remember these bits, I remember these bits. then we'll just sit down and watch the episode and like, oh shit, that's where the bits were from. the The bit about, oh, I'd be afraid of smothering him. Like, I saw this last week, but like, I didn't know where it was from. was just a random Simpsons bit and here it is.
01:38:58
Speaker
It's weird. This is part of the, like, concrete of life. Yeah, this is what i mean. It just kind of is. It's just everywhere. is Simpsons just, like, provides the structure that forms the millennial generation.
01:39:12
Speaker
That's a good thing. Yeah, I was going say, it sounds like an AI bit. It sounds like a hallucination. ah Like, the AI is very confidently asserting that Bart needs new glasses. And the assumption oh, he misses his glasses. And then continues to be like, what if we killed Bart?
01:39:34
Speaker
It's quite the jump in the same conversation, Yeah, I could see ChatGPT talking someone into killing someone on because they missed their glasses. yeah Then we go to the school and Jessica's stopping Bot from getting to class and she says, if you stay with me a while, I'll let you hold my hand. And she holds his hand and makes him pull the fire alarm and then goes then pulls him off.
01:39:55
Speaker
Oh, school runs out in a panic, except Willie, because Willie's got to save the wee turtles because if he doesn't, who will? He kicks down the door and runs into the side slab then we see that Willie is being attacked by the same turtles. As he covered, he's bad at this. Save me from the wee turtles.
01:40:10
Speaker
they He's bad at this. Yep. ah My note here was just at this point, Willie's having a really bad day today, specifically between these two episodes. like i Willie's getting it rough. I wrote in my notes, Willie is getting these episodes.
01:40:25
Speaker
So we then cut to Bart and Lisa, and Lisa tells Bart that she can't believe it because she thought Jessica was sweet, and Bart says she's like a milk dud, sweet on the outside but poison on the inside.
01:40:37
Speaker
I've never had a milk dud he's eating, but okay. Has anybody tried a milk dud for the record? I have not. I'm led to understand they're caramel in the middle, not poison as Bart asserts. Actually, that's what they're supposed to be.
01:40:50
Speaker
It is American caramel though, which I found is like... weirdly bitter. Huh, okay. But then I find most American sweets weirdly bitter. um Americans are not terribly good at making, like, sweets and chocolates and things very well.
01:41:07
Speaker
I'm sure there are some nice niche boutique ones, but, like, the the mass market shit's, like, shit. I thought you'd better say, I don't think Americans are people for some reason. Sorry, you cut out the I don't think Americans- Oh, I thought- For a moment there, I thought you were about say that I don't think Americans are people.
01:41:23
Speaker
Did that again? whatever Whatever you're saying to Discord, it is censoring you. ask thought You have found a very specifically a censored word on Discord here, what the hell? Discord does not want me to say that Americans are- Go out again!
01:41:43
Speaker
Did you say that then, or were you fucking with us? No, I am fucking with you on that one. Okay, right. I can do this. Americans aren't people.
01:41:55
Speaker
Okay, cool. There we go. go okay cool Official stance of the Mole Man in the Morning podcast. Americans are not people. Well, there goes the American sponsorship.
01:42:07
Speaker
Sponsored by America. i don't think that's how that works. i I really want this podcast to be sponsored by Donald Trump. Donald Trump, please, if you if you're listening to this, sponsor us. I think if you want to be sponsored by America at this point, you have to like put a bet on Polymarket.
01:42:28
Speaker
um Lisa tells Bart that he's got to give her up. Bart's response is no, because he's got to plan to be with her for several more years until they get married. And when the first kid comes along, she'll still settle down and start treating him all right. this so Lisa tells Bart that it's naive to think you can change a person, except to the boy that works in the library. And Lisa gets a flashback to the boy being bit of a dick to Ralph, because he asked for Go Dog Go, and that's not in Jubilum.
01:42:53
Speaker
It is in juvenile. It's not in... in This is young adult. Adult. Yep. Hmm. And Lisa goes, oh, someone could take him. The father says, that's fine, Lisa, you're right. I'm going to give up. They're up. And Lisa's not paying attention because she's too busy gooning.
01:43:07
Speaker
God.
Critique on Episode Pacing
01:43:09
Speaker
between um Between this scene and the I'd be afraid of smothering him scene, kind of realized this episode has no B-plot and it really fucking needs one. We've got these occasional snippets from other characters just to like just to pull us away from the main plot, just to break it up a little bit, but it doesn't break it up the same way a proper B-plot would, and it really needs one. It's it's kind of too one note, this episode, I think.
01:43:35
Speaker
Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah, no, I definitely agree with that. We then cut to Bart looking at his calendar and he's crossing off days and he does this for about three months. And Bart says, this is the amount of time I've got to not see Jessica for.
01:43:47
Speaker
He then circles off day one and Marge bites out, yeah, we've got to go to church and your friend Jessica will be there. So he's failed on the first hurdle. Outstanding. We arrive at church and we hear Jesus Joy of Man's Desire being played in sun and Bart thinks it's Jessica singing and Lisa tells to be strong Bart goes, Nope, this is being drawn to a beautiful siren song. He walks in and we that it's actually Ned Flappers. Okay, repeat joke but still gets a chuckle swear. That's good. I did enjoy Bart's little shudder of, that's very stupid. Worth noting on the church sign, evil women in history from Jezebel to Janet Reno. ah Oh, that's amazing. I don't know what Janet Reno did to earn the ire of the Simpsons writers at this point. Whatever John Denver did in the first episode.
01:44:35
Speaker
Well, I looked up, I didn't know much about her. She was attorney general under Clinton throughout the 90s. So like, why the hell would I know anything about her? But like, from what I can make out of her career, it just seemed like pretty perfunctory for ah an attorney general. I don't think she did anything particularly like to earn her ranking alongside Jezebel in history for evil women.
01:44:55
Speaker
We see that the collection plate starts digging past her own and Homer puts in his 30 cent off shake and bake coupon. Marge answered him and Homer's response is, we can spare it, Marge, we've been blessed.
01:45:07
Speaker
Meanwhile, Barth has broken up with Jessica and she says she's been too reckless and she's going to settle down, which point she then steals all the money from the collection plate. And then Barth's response is, what are you doing here? And she goes, well, it takes money to start a new life.
01:45:19
Speaker
Then hands him the yeah empty collection plate saying you've lost your cut. And we see that Mrs. Lovejoy is there and sees it and she gets everyone to turn around and look at it. And Abe's response this is, where's that Unitarian?
01:45:31
Speaker
What is a Unitarian? I do not know what a Unitarian is. They have a big temple in Cardiff. That's all I know. Okay. that They're here. unitarian Unitarianism is a non-trinitarian movement to Christianity which affirms the unitary nature of God as the singular and unique creator of the universe.
01:45:49
Speaker
Cool. i um Okay, cool. That doesn't help me at all. We cut to Bart's in a monologue and he goes, okay, you didn't do anything wrong, just explain yourself and everyone will understand. And he's about to speak and everyone automatically assumes his guilt with Mel going, he confessed. Bart then jumps out the window and we then hear him after it and go, stop him, he's heading for the window.
Family Confrontation and Surprise Voice Talent
01:46:08
Speaker
So we cut to the Simpson household and Homer tells Bart that if you can look him in the eye and tell him that he didn't take the collection money, Homer will believe him. Bart says, I didn't take him. And Homer starts strangling him immediately, like, how can you look me in the eye and lie? At which point Marge points out that she does actually believe Bart. Why? does she believe... Bart is absolutely a troublemaker that, like, constantly does shit like this. Why would she believe him in this one instance?
01:46:30
Speaker
She is the singular emotionally intelligent person in Springfield. Apparently. She's ensouled less than Homer is, but, like, experiences emotions like anyone else.
01:46:43
Speaker
We're a stone's throw away from you opening up Tear Maker and listing all the Simpsons characters by ensouledness. Yes. No, I'm really not that far away from, like, assessing how much glitter there is in people's eyes as they are thrown from a three-story window. How hurlable is each Simpsons character?
01:47:09
Speaker
Homer does not believe Bart and says, where did he get those fancy clothes? And Marge points out that's what he wore to church and Homer's response is, this oh, how convenient. So Marge then asks Bart if he knows who took the money and Bart clearly does know and then goes, no. And Homer goes, see, so I'm telling the truth isn't that bad.
01:47:26
Speaker
We then see Bart trying to walk outside and everyone is booing him, including people driving past and which leads hearing the words crook, thief and someone shouting, steal the money from the church collection plate. As he's driving by.
01:47:41
Speaker
this is a bit that my partners do as well. is What, shouts stealing money from the church at you as they drive by No, but that would be funnier. No, they just say things very, very quickly with the Doppler effect in their voice. As if they're falling past my window.
01:47:59
Speaker
Bart tries to talk to Jessica and Jessica faxes him, we're not turning her in. And then Bart says, if it seems like you care, you should come forward. And Jessica goes, oh, well, don't you see? It's because I care that I can't come forward. Bart goes, that doesn't make any sense. She goes, all right, I just don't want to.
01:48:12
Speaker
Bart says, you're beautiful, but not very nice. And she goes, well, duh. And Bart says, why should I protect you? And then she points out to him that no one will believe him because she's the sweet, perfect minister's daughter and he's yellow trash.
01:48:25
Speaker
that feel That feels- that feels- I know it's the Simpsons and I know they're yellow, but that feels fucking racist. It's kinda- I- yeah, like, it's white trash, right? Yeah, yeah. They're saying white trash. is the Simpsons equivalent of white trash. That is what she's calling him, but holy shit, you cannot be calling someone yellow trash. No, I think you just can't be calling someone yellow.
01:48:48
Speaker
Yeah. that's yeah don't see Lisa walking into the treehouse and we see that bart this is where Bart's hiding and bart says, this is his only refuge from the taunts and the accusations of the town people. Jasper then appears in the window to come for a thief, which Bob Bob has to pull down the blind.
01:49:02
Speaker
They installed blinds in the treehouse, it's really something. Almost 80 grand a year is going to good use. Apparently. So Lisa says they can't let her get away with her. She's a criminal mastermind with 108 IQ.
01:49:16
Speaker
And her hair smells like red Froot Loops. And Lisa goes, well, I eat Froot Loops for breakfast. We don't come back to the church. And the lovejoy says they've taken precautions and... Marge is upset about ah but being put in a Hannibal Lecter-style contract. Really shouldn't have let him do that let them do this. It can't be helping his self-esteem.
01:49:37
Speaker
So Lovejoy says that Lisa will be doing the reading and we'll all be keeping an eye on. I love that Lisa's like, oh, I'm smarter than her, i i can solve this, and her solution to this is, um um I'm gonna tell everyone that she did it.
01:49:49
Speaker
paper Yeah, again, Marge is the only person with any emotional intelligence in Springfield. She knows that Bart's self-esteem isn't being helped by the Hannibal Lecter getup.
01:50:03
Speaker
So Lisa begins going on a bit of a tangent about ah but people judging, but doesn't the Bible teachers judge not lest ye be judged? And Lovejoy kind of goes, I think it says something like that in the back.
01:50:14
Speaker
So Lisa kind of goes on a bit about ah guilty people being tormented in the eyes of God, which prompts several confessions, which includes, it's kind of saying he smelled marijuana smoking Vietnam. Brilliant. Abe confessing he was the one that cancelled Star Trek. Love it. And Dr. Tibbetter meaning he's left his Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick.
01:50:33
Speaker
And Elisa goes full preacher mode and Jessica is ah not saying anything. And Elisa just eventually loses his patience with the whole thing and goes, there was Jessica. And everyone is shocked and she goes, if we go to her room we'll find the money. And Homer goes, to little girl's room.
01:50:47
Speaker
then cut to Jessica's bedroom and Moe is using a car jack to lift the mattress. Jack up the mattress, yeah. We then see the money and Moe sniffs it and goes, yep, that's church money. Smells like church. Smells like church. Lovejoy's explanation for this is Bart Simpson has somehow managed used to sneak his bedroom into his house.
01:51:05
Speaker
And everyone looks at... Lovejoy's like, what?
01:51:09
Speaker
His response is, use your imagination. Jessica finally admits that she did it as a cry for attention. And Lovejoy goes, oh, we brought you home too early from boarding school. She then points out that she was expelled and starts listing off all the things that she did.
01:51:21
Speaker
And Lovejoy starts, singing bringing in the sheaves to try to distract it at which point marge says everyone else has an apology and uh everybody kind of half-heartedly apologizes the part which he accepts he's still he's still in the hannibal lecter straight suit thing as well through this including a poo as i proto why is a poo in why was a poo in the church um pipes Yeah, that huh yeah no that that's a good point.
01:51:49
Speaker
yeah i think he's just covering all his bases. they did but They did in the opening scene kind of do the nod to like, oh, not everybody's Christian in Springfield with like, Shlomo being called to like do violin lessons instead of church. But then like they've completely ignored the fact that they literally just have a Hindu character. Weird.
01:52:08
Speaker
weird So Jessica is now scrubbing the steps as punishment and Bart comes up and goes, he just wanted to let them know that this was a difficult experience. He learns a lot. He's wiser and less naive.
01:52:18
Speaker
Jessica's response is, I learned I can get make men do whatever i want. Bart goes, that's not really learning the lesson. And she goes, well, you finished scrubbing the steps for me. Bart just enthusiastically takes it up. We then see that the boy in the bag who was actually the boy from the library picks it up. Bart calls him a sucker and says, it's amazing what people will do for a pretty face, not him.
01:52:37
Speaker
And says, so wait till she sees the second rate job I do on these stairs. And that's your episode. That is an episode. I i probably should have mentioned this earlier and like I always seem to like leave this right to the end and it always seems to flashbang Matt as well. So maybe maybe maybe I'll get the same effect today. I don't know. Jessica was Meryl Streep, by the way.
01:53:01
Speaker
oh what the fuck Hey, that's the reaction I wanted. I recognized the voice, but I didn't know who the answer was. eight That's messed up. um Hi everybody. Welcome to the podcast where i struggle.
01:53:23
Speaker
Yeah, every time every time they get a character in that's like, oh, this is a special character that you're never going to see again, but we put a lot of effort into drawing it, and specifically made a weirdly outsized effort to make them look hot, in spite of her being 10, I guess. Weird. But yeah, no, it's always like a ah big name celebrity. It's Meryl Streep this time.
01:53:45
Speaker
ah i Sorry, I'm still struggling. Um... yeah she came in Yeah, she came in and did the whole thing in the studio, like, across from Nancy Cartwright, who was surprised because she thought it would be recorded separately. And she was like, oh I can't ask her for an autograph. Like, that would be too much to ask someone I'm working with for the autograph. And then Meryl Streep turned around at the end and oh, my kids are huge Simpsons fans. Can I have your autograph?
01:54:10
Speaker
Oh, that's adorable. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. Aw. That's actually reminding me of the time at the zoo. went to the zoo.
01:54:22
Speaker
oh did Oh, you didn't know about this. um When we went to the zoo, ah John, you would remember this. There was like this this this group of people who were going around and i was like,
01:54:33
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that's such a pretty dress. On this one person. And variously throughout the zoo day, we were like, bumping into each other through the day. And i was like, that's such a cool fucking dress.
01:54:46
Speaker
And then right on the way out, this person came up to me was like, Hey, by the way, i really, i really like your outfit. And I was like... I really like yours too. It's like same vibe of, oh, wait, shit. Yo, August, um, autograph. I could just ask for an autograph. And so we were just sitting there like, I really like your outfit.
01:55:05
Speaker
I really like your outfit too. I'm sorry that it took me a whole day to do it. I'm sorry. Was that the woman that was with, like, the two punk-looking guys? The in- yeah, the ones in, um, camouflage, DDPM.
01:55:19
Speaker
If you were at a zoo with two people in DDPM trousers, hi. I liked your dress. And- and Dove would like your number. Uh, no statement.
01:55:33
Speaker
ah
01:55:38
Speaker
Alright, what do we think about Bart's girlfriend? It was fine. It was... Yeah. Yeah. There's not... Like you said, there's not a great deal to it. I think if it had a B-plot, maybe... I think a B-plot would really round it out.
01:55:53
Speaker
It would, yeah. It just felt... Yeah, felt like it was lacking something, and I'm... I'm... Confident... The bits were good....what that something was was the B-plot, yeah. Yeah, the bits were good. Like, I don't... I don't think the bits were bad at all. I think it just lacked that thing to sew it together.
01:56:08
Speaker
Mmm, I don't know done if part of it is just like, oh shit, we got Meryl Streep, make the most of it. We don't need a B-plot in the Meryl Streep episode. Let's just like cram it full of Meryl Streep acting.
01:56:21
Speaker
Oh, you would if yeah if you had access to, if you got Meryl Streep into the recording studio, you'd be like, I'm not fucking padding this out with like Abe Simpson or whatever. We can do that anytime. we needed some We needed more Ape Simpson.
01:56:33
Speaker
Yeah, we needed more Ape. We 100% did, but I don't think the writers saw that on the day. We needed a Meryl Streep-Ape Simpson interaction. We needed a B-plot of Jasper climbing the ladder to get to that treehouse for that cameo.
01:56:50
Speaker
I would have loved that. I don't think the world was ready for the Jasper Beardley B-plot in 1994. I think they could pull it off today, but in 1994 weren't ready for that much Jasper. We didn't have the technology.
01:57:03
Speaker
We didn't have the Jasper Beardley technology, no. This is why he tries to freeze himself from future series. See, nowadays they're able to use green screen. Yeah, not not the strongest episode they ever done. Yeah, Meryl Streep, fun, but episode, yeah.
01:57:21
Speaker
Yeah. just just Just kind of air. Shout out to Meryl Streep. um Yeah, indeed. Yeah. um any Any ratings for this one? Any out of Homer's? I'm going to give it a, yeah, you used me Skinner out of Homer.
01:57:36
Speaker
Okay, why? Because I feel like i was achieving something, but I feel like the rogue was pulled out from under me at the end. And I blame Skinner.
01:57:47
Speaker
I also also blame Skinner. um I suppose I could give it a second-rate scrubbing out of Homer. It was okay. it it It wasn't bad at all, but like it also wasn't great.
01:57:59
Speaker
Nothing about it reaches out to me. It's fine. I confess that normally plan these things at ahead of time, I haven't actually written anything down for it. I'm also terrible at pulling shit out my ass on the spot for this, so I'll go with a... Needed a B-plot out of Homer. and Busying yourself with a filing cabinet.
01:58:18
Speaker
Sure. Busying myself with a filing cabinet out of Homer. Why not? Don't know what that means, but make of it what you will. ah Yeah. Did this have anything to say about society?
01:58:30
Speaker
Evil woman. o I mean... I'll put my but more context in it.
01:58:42
Speaker
Relationships sometimes are very unhealthy and toxic if they're based on physical attraction rather than substance. I mean, Matt's ah talked a lot about whether relationships should be built on mutual interests or whether opposites attract before, and like, to be fair, I think Bart and Jessica like had common interests. I don't think we we're very helpful or healthy for each other to be like ah synergizing in that way.
01:59:08
Speaker
Definitely probably not a good combo, but like, you know, it's not like it's not like physical attraction was all they had going. They also liked being evil together.
01:59:19
Speaker
Yeah, I think don't date anyone you find at church is my thing to take away from this. Yes, quite possibly. i don't know. I've never tried dating anyone at church. I'd have to go to church for that to be a thing I attempted, I suppose.
01:59:34
Speaker
I think you and I could get into a church. Do you want to go to church? I don't want to go to church. I don't. i They're pretty. i Yeah, you know, if i if I'm out hiking, I will stop at churches to stick my hair in and go, ooh, pretty. I'm not going to a goddamn sermon.
01:59:50
Speaker
I kind of miss them a little bit. I'm here for the architecture. I'm not here for the sermons. I kind of like the sermons. Okay, well... miss them a tiny bit. I'm sorry. i can't go to church with you. I will burn. You can go to church, though. I will definitely burn. i will. I will be there listening quite contemplatively to the sermon as I am just a roiling heap of flesh.
02:00:15
Speaker
Pray for the souls of our podcast hosts. I am more insouled than a Bidoof. I cannot enter a church. Yeah, there's the stuff in there about kids acting up for attention. ah Jessica at the end is like, oh, this was a cry for attention. And then you've got um what's his name?
02:00:36
Speaker
The Bookboy? you The Bookboy, yeah, why not? Bookboy. What the fuck is the name of the preacher? We're called Lovejoy. Lovejoy, that's you man, thank you. Jeez, my brain just like shut off for a minute there. Yeah, Lovejoy is very much turning a blind eye. They're toying with the the the preacher's kid kind of idea of like, preacher's kids are always either like perfect angels or complete demons. which I gather preachers tend to struggle with in life generally. But yeah, he's obviously like too busy with God to pay attention to his kid.
02:01:10
Speaker
And she's doing all this retentions. Like, what about all the stuff I did at school that got me expelled? Why won't you pay attention to me? It's a bit bit on the nose there. because She's just like, pay attention to me, pay attention to me as he's walking out.
02:01:23
Speaker
So definitely something in there about kids just acting up for attention. If your kids are constantly in trouble, maybe spend some time with them. Maybe that's a thing that The Simpsons thinks you should do. Parenting advice from Mole Man in the morning. if If your kids are struggling at school, just just sit down with them. Have a conversation.
02:01:43
Speaker
Say hi Check in. Yeah. Do not ask them about their new glasses and how they feel about them. They probably miss their old glasses, really. They probably miss their old glasses. You should should give them a chance to talk about that.
02:01:57
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, this this episode very much explicitly ended on a and and designedly so, on a nobody-learned-anything kind of note, so it doesn't really come to any specific conclusions. Bart's got the whole bit at the end about, oh, men will do anything for a pretty face, which...
02:02:12
Speaker
yeah do He's not wrong about that necessarily, to be fair. Yeah. yeah there There is a lot that going on in the world.
02:02:22
Speaker
Same.
02:02:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
02:02:32
Speaker
It's just so many pretty faces. Yeah. You've got to do stuff for them. Otherwise, how will they notice you? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. You know, talk to them, like, engage them. No, got to do stuff. You've got to scrub the steps for them.
02:02:47
Speaker
Acts of service. Exclusively. Do not talk to them. Just do things for them. sir
02:02:55
Speaker
Alrighty. Anything else meaningful to add or should we start wrapping things up? We are past the two hour mark now. I think we're good. Cool. Dove, as our guest, would you like to promote anything first and foremost?
02:03:09
Speaker
a I suppose the thing that I should really bring to front, because it's it's not your job to do this because this is actually your podcast. um if If you're in England, or Wales, or Scotland, or otherwise in the UK, you can go to ACORN and sign the Bailiffs in Britain petition.
02:03:27
Speaker
Yes, do that. Do that. Bailiffs are bullies who are used in order to extract money from the most vulnerable members of our communities and societies, and that's bad.
02:03:40
Speaker
Don't do that. Don't let that happen. ah Your community deserves better. Put your name to making the world a better place.
02:03:49
Speaker
Uh... Yep. Nope. That's all I got. Yeah, I'll try to remember to put a link to that in the description as well. Thank you for... That was a very good suggestion for something to shout out. Like, well-recommended. I yeah will definitely dig out the link for that and stick that in the description.
02:04:03
Speaker
I say I'll try to remember and then I say I'll definitely do it. I will try to remember. i can't promise I will definitely do it. Kick kick me in the ass if I don't do it. I'll just hound you. i'll hound you Please hound me. yeah I deserve to be hounded. hound You know what? I will hound you every day.
02:04:19
Speaker
Good. Regularly. Thank you. to End of every hour.
02:04:27
Speaker
Michael, would you like to hound anybody about anything? Or promote anything? No, I'm not. I'm not really a hound, man, but... Two genders of podcasting.
02:04:39
Speaker
You a hound? People laugh. don't know. So you can follow me on Blue Scout Bone Mash Horse if you really feel like it. Just reminder that a classic versions of this podcast are available on YouTube and previous ones before season four. I always forget exactly when we started this are available for you to listen to yeah on Spotify and Apple Music.
02:05:01
Speaker
Thank you for everybody that engages and gives us a listen and gives us a like. We all we we do appreciate it. and Please do. Yeah, wonder that one day when life is less stressful, I may yet go back and make YouTube versions less detailed, but still, you existent YouTube versions of old episodes. There's more chance of Matt finally than me finishing Alva Arnold's next podcast. Oh, one thing. I was actually tasked to do this by the creator of the TTRPG. Go play Fist.
02:05:34
Speaker
Go play Fist Ultra Edition. It's good. It's great. It's good kind of it's a great TTRPG. B is great. Claymore is great. um It's an amazing time. And they just did a crossover with Triangle Agency.
02:05:46
Speaker
So if you are signed up to the Kickstarter for any of the Fist stuff, the Ultra Edition, the Boxed Edition, you should now have that crossover in your like Patreon or various items.
02:06:02
Speaker
So, more content. oh the Go play it. I, for one, am fascinated by this, because I'm sure my old TTRPG group that's sort of on hiatus slash defunct was talking about playing Triangle Agency at some point, so now i know now I'm intrigued.
02:06:16
Speaker
Oh yeah, and feel like, um apparently, because the systems are so different in terms of player agency, it was really difficult to make, according to Bea. But, ah I don't know how she did it, but she did it.
02:06:32
Speaker
Cool. Shout out. Yeah. So, um go play Fist. It's part of a charity bundle right now. You can go support, I believe it's No Ice in Minneapolis.
02:06:44
Speaker
um it's it's It's thousands of TTRPGs, maybe hundreds. it's It's a large number of TTRPGs for a cheap price. It has appeared in a lot of charity bundles on itch.io in the past. If you have ever bought a charity bundle, you may already own it. you may Seek it out. When we started playing it, I already owned it and I hadn't realized I must have owned it for like five years. And I was like, oh, shit I already have this game. Cool.
02:07:09
Speaker
Yeah, it's a great system. Go play first. It is. a yeah Seconded. It is a good game. <unk> just promoting random shit now that we like. Hey, have you heard of potatoes? They're pretty neat.
02:07:23
Speaker
Gang, have you heard of this thing called Star Wars? Um, it's... It's okay. Please, I need to edit this podcast one day, we can't keep going like this.
02:07:34
Speaker
Okay, I'm good. I'm good. Sorry, John. think your turn. Follow me on Blue Sky, maroka.bsky.social. Follow my old YouTube channel, youtube.com forward slash button mash.
02:07:45
Speaker
You guys, between you, have already promoted all the other things I generally tend to promote. i feel like there was something else I wanted to shout out on the side as well, say, but it is gone. So I guess that's probably not happening. No, I know. i've remembered. um By the time this episode goes out, I will have set up a GoFundMe page. i will be doing a charity walk fundraising for Mountain Rescue in May.
02:08:12
Speaker
so go give some money to them. because they pulled me and my then partner off the top of a mountain when the weather turned against us last January, and I kind of feel like I owe them for that one.
02:08:24
Speaker
So I'm doing a charity fundraiser for them this year. They also gave you hot chocolate. They gave me... they get yeah they Yeah, if you get rescued by Mountain Rescue, you get chocolate and hot chocolate and they treat you great. It's fun.
02:08:36
Speaker
If you get rescued by... This is is this not an active call to go then actively get yourself lost to so just to get some hot chocolate mountain rescue. Just want to be clear. Just to clarify. If the date is not going well, call mountain rescue. Right? They will... I'm just saying. It's an option.
02:08:58
Speaker
If you haven't got another partner to call and say, oh, pretend it's an emergency, call Mountain Rescue and go look, can you call me back in 15 minutes and pretend it's an emergency?
02:09:09
Speaker
Can you call me back in 15 minutes and pretend you're Mountain Rescue, please?
02:09:16
Speaker
Okay, right. Get you a partner who treats you like Mountain Rescue? Absolutely. as in, they they they take you and put you in a van and give you chocolates, yeah. Yeah. yeah Perfect.
02:09:30
Speaker
We'll see you next time, folks. Bye, everybody.