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Dad Mode: Navigating Mental Health Through Fatherhood
42 Plays9 months ago
Fatherhood is one of the greatest journeys—and sometimes one of the heaviest loads we carry. In this episode of Dad Livin’, we’re breaking the stigma around men’s mental health with real stories, real talk, and practical advice every dad can use.
We share personal experiences of struggle and resilience, explore the importance of seeking help, and unpack how to balance work, family, and self. You’ll hear strategies for improving mental health through self-care, exercise, and intentional living—plus why prioritizing your mental well-being isn’t just good for you, it’s essential for your kids and relationships.
Whether you’re a new dad trying to find your footing or a seasoned pro navigating life’s curveballs, this conversation will remind you: you’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for help.
👊 Join the Dad Livin’ movement — because strong dads make stronger families.
🌐 Learn more, connect with our community, and listen to past episodes at DadLivin.com
📌 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode with another dad who needs to hear it.
#DadLivin #MensMentalHealth #Fatherhood #DadPodcast #SelfCareForDads #MentalHealthAwareness #ParentingPodcast
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Transcript
Introduction to DadLivin' Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Well, welcome everyone. This is DadLivin', a podcast built for dads and really anyone. And I'm Mike, by the way. I got two kiddos. They're 10 and 8.
00:00:12
Speaker
So I'm Brian. I've got three kids, two twins that are six years old now, and a little guy who we like to refer to as our bonus baby.
00:00:25
Speaker
I'm Brian. You guys at this room call me Johnny. Some people call me BJ. yeah They call me a lot of things. but I'm a father of three, actually. I'm Doug Yoko. Yoko. Yokes.
00:00:43
Speaker
And i have a five and a six-year-old.
00:00:48
Speaker
Welcome to the past life.
Recap of Men's Mental Health Discussion, Part 1
00:00:56
Speaker
All right. Welcome to back to dad living, ever everyone. hey buddy Welcome. Welcome back to part two of men's mental health. So um last time we talked about, obviously, we had to split them up because we we're having some fun.
00:01:12
Speaker
Yeah. I was talking about a lot of lot of good things. I'm talking about an important topic. Yeah, I think just to summarize last time we talked about obviously getting help, whether you're, you know, a professional, whether you're first responder, ah using your resources for sure.
00:01:28
Speaker
And, you know, i think that's so, so important. um And then obviously what we'll go into today is obviously hearing from Johnny. Yeah. We all got stories to tell around this. So let's keep the conversation going. Yeah. but yeah never Like we never left.
00:01:42
Speaker
Like we never left. So enjoy and enjoy part two. Thank you.
Johnny's Mental Health Journey Begins
00:01:48
Speaker
I think, ah you know, Johnson is you as you as an entrepreneur, you've probably been through.
00:01:53
Speaker
oh yeah. I could go on a whole nother 30 minutes right now if you want to. But I mean, I mean, I can kind of give you a quick rundown of just my experiences, but um
00:02:05
Speaker
I don't want to say I was always like a depressed person. Um, I think when I was in teenage years, i was not, like not the highest self-esteem, you know, and don't know if I was ever depressed or anything, but you know, you, you go through ups and downs, you work through some stuff, but, um, you know, i remember in my twenties, just feeling just like bouts of like, just isolate, feeling isolated, lonely.
00:02:32
Speaker
i hear a lot about that now, man. And, uh, you know, whether it's just like not feeling like I was fitting in or, you know, um I remember in my twenties, I was just like, I always had the fear of missing out.
00:02:47
Speaker
Like if you guys were getting together, but I couldn't be there. i was just like, just like the worst thing in the world, you know? And like, I'd go into a dark place, you know, like, Oh, maybe they don't even want me to be there, you know, shit like that.
00:02:59
Speaker
um so I, I think I always had this in the background, you know? um, When we, you know, when we had our first child, we, he was stillborn.
00:03:12
Speaker
So this was going on 10 years ago when I turned, when I was around 30. And um so that was hopefully my one traumatic event that I'll ever go through. That was a big one.
00:03:24
Speaker
I don't know. I mean, maybe it's the worst thing a parent will, yeah, definitely the worst thing a parent will ever have to do, you know. um so i mean i that put me into a deep depression for a while um to the point where like i remember doug it was your uh uh your bachelor party yeah and this was just a couple months after that had happened and uh this is the first time i like i really tried to go out to a party after that and uh i made it like halfway through the night and i was just like dude i gotta go i can't i can't be here you know and uh
00:03:57
Speaker
I remember you were like trying to pump me up and like, come on, man, you got to pump it up for Doug. Like, dude, I, you don't get it. I can't do this, you know? Yeah. And, uh, man, when you are when you are in that deep of a hole and you just, it's so hard to just put a smile on, man.
00:04:15
Speaker
Um, you know, you, you feel like you're never going to be happy again. And, uh, you know, eventually, uh, you know, I mean, it's, we're going on 10 years since that loss and it's, it still hits me in waves where sometimes it's out of nowhere. It'll stop me off my feet, you know, or, you know, um, or I'll just, uh, you know, get a glimpse of, uh, you know, I'll get a glimpse of, uh, him and just look at my kids. Like, oh man, like, you know, my whole life could have been, should have been different, you know? Yeah.
Entrepreneurial Pursuits and Grief
00:04:47
Speaker
Um, so anyway, i mean, probably after about six months after that happened, i had started to come out of it and, um, kind of started to go down this road of like, I, I didn't like my life.
00:05:03
Speaker
I didn't, you know, I was, I was like the working for the weekend kind of guy. i had no big dreams or aspirations. It was just, you know, but I thought I was fine. I know, like I, I was happy with my wife and, you know,
00:05:17
Speaker
um I just thought that's what well life was going to be like, you know, just work all week, get through it and get together with you guys and have a good time and do it all over again. Um, so about six months after our loss, I started like going down this kind of ah self-improvement journey. And that's when I got the idea to go down this entrepreneurial road and like it it lit a fire in me and i was motivated. I was excited for this new idea I was pursuing. And, um,
00:05:46
Speaker
I think at the same time that it hit a lot of my grief and I had a lot of mental health struggles that I was bearing down.
00:05:57
Speaker
Um, and I was, ah call it escapism maybe, you know, um Even like right after it happened, I went back to my old job. as like I was like just trying to do the best I could at work and bury myself in work to just avoid, you know, going home and cry myself to sleep or something, you know.
00:06:16
Speaker
um So fast forward, you know, I'm going down this entrepreneurial road. I started a new business. COVID happened. We have two small kids.
00:06:27
Speaker
Um, you know, and I just, the stress and anxiety was mounting on me to a point where I didn't recognize myself anymore. Um, and a couple of years ago, 2023 was like the first hard stretch in my business where, some stuff happened and it's like, man, we're in a hole here and we got to work ourselves out of it. So,
00:06:53
Speaker
I called 2023 was just like survival mode for me where I just had to do what I had to do to keep this afloat. And, um I got through it, you know, but it, it boiled over to my home life and, you know, to the point where like my kids were like, dad, are you okay?
00:07:13
Speaker
You know, I was just, I was just wearing that stress. Like you could see it on my face and, um, 2024, right around the new year, I i call it, I guess I had like a mental breakdown.
Coping Strategies: Therapy and Medication
00:07:26
Speaker
I think it just finally broke me where, uh, I, I just, I couldn't think straight, you know? And all through this self-improvement journey, like I started to get more back into physical fitness and I thought that was helping me a ton. I was doing all the right things.
00:07:44
Speaker
But then when I would get into these modes where I had to just get shit done, get shit done, that would all go on the wayside and i would just... get in these bad habits of eating like shit, drinking way too much, not sleeping.
00:07:59
Speaker
And i mean, I tell you what I learned through this, like sleep is a very, very important thing to your physical mental health. hu And, um,
00:08:10
Speaker
So after that breakdown, I finally, it's like, I got change. I can't keep going like this, you know? So I finally, uh, I sought help. I found a counselor, um, found out I, it was all through insurance. Um, so I actually paid a copay a few times. It was like not a big deal.
00:08:30
Speaker
And, um, I knew I didn't want to. id I'd gone to counseling before and like I this therapist I didn't like. It was like, oh, sit down and tell me about your life and your childhood. I'm like, hey, like I I don't want to go backwards. I want to go forward. So I found a guy to work with.
00:08:46
Speaker
um It was all online through Zoom calls and stuff. So i was like for a while, it was like once a week. you know, was our sessions and, you know, as we progressed and like, okay, man, you're doing better.
00:09:00
Speaker
Let's go every other week. And then and to the point it was like once a month and, um, I thought I was on a good road. ah this was i went to school and i was I worked with them through all of 24.
00:09:11
Speaker
And then um about a year ago, I had a big setback. And I was with you guys at the time. and i just got i don't know. like I started getting all these thoughts of just dread again. I started like waking up in the middle of the night again and just anxiety rushing over me.
00:09:27
Speaker
And um to the point where I just couldn't think straight. And just like all these negative thoughts keep stacking and spiraling. And he's like, hey, man, like, I know you've really resisted medication.
00:09:40
Speaker
um really, ah really think she should give it try. So I did that for a short period. I did like a couple months on ah a pill and um I so i've just reinvested again. And the physical side of things, got on some supplements, some nootropics to boost my mood.
00:09:58
Speaker
And man, it got me over the hump. Like I, I was resisting medication for so long. yeah And um as a man, it, it's what got me over the hump. I, it was just a short time. I got off it. Like, I don't, I've,
00:10:12
Speaker
I don't think I took my pill this week. I think I'm feeling fine, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But man, I wish I would have done it so much sooner. And, you know, i still have good and bad days and weeks, you know, but, um you know, what I learned working with that counselor is just, you know, i had all these thoughts, know,
00:10:33
Speaker
that I thought were, you know, the end of the world or, um, I just learned to like, let
Role of Physical Activity in Mental Health
00:10:40
Speaker
so much of that go. yeah And those little things stack up, don't they? Yes. And, um, you know, your thoughts aren't always reality. And, um, man, I, ah I, again, with you, Mike, I couldn't stress just reaching out for help.
00:10:54
Speaker
And, um, you know, for me to like going back to the physical side of things, like if you were feeling depressed, um, but you're not doing the things that you know you need to do. And when I, when I had that setback, like I, man, like I knew I wasn't doing the things I, I knew I needed to do to take care of myself. That's where I, that was kind of the breaking point for me. Like I can't even drag myself to the gym. I I'm like, I'm waking up in middle the night again. Like can't keep doing that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:21
Speaker
Um, And I was with you guys when I'm talking about this. Like i we were out, I forget what we were doing, but like, I just, I broke down. I'm like, guys, I'm not doing good. Yeah.
00:11:32
Speaker
Yeah. I remember, i remember that exact moment. It's after a concert. No, I just, say I just had to say it out loud. like you know, um yeah I appreciate it. It brought awareness to us. I know, you know, probably didn't last as long, but was checking in on you, making sure you were all right, trying to provide you with the support you needed. And it seems like you did all the right things because man, you look good.
00:11:54
Speaker
now You've taken physical to another level and for yourself, for sure. Yeah. Well, I mean, i can't stress that enough. Like if, you're not going to out think, you're not going to think your way out of this, the hole you're in, you know, it just could be as simple as like, Hey, get outside, go for a long walk every day, get outside nature that can lift your mood and, um, just start doing those little things. And, um,
00:12:22
Speaker
The more you stack those up, you know, you're going to brush off those negative thoughts and um not get into that dark place. So do something. I can't. Yeah. Yeah. yeah hard which is Yeah. hard It's hard. It kind of drives me nuts to like work.
00:12:35
Speaker
It's tough to do the physical stuff. Yeah. You got to carve the time out and I don't make it. or My wife thinks I'm crazy. But I mean, I wake up 530 every morning and do something because for myself, the sense of accomplishment first thing in the morning. Yeah.
00:12:52
Speaker
Boy, it sets me up every day. And I don't know when that was instilled in me, but it's something that I've done and I'm not in the greatest of shape. But it it puts your mind in a place that is that if you can wake up and feel that you accomplish something for me, that's what's triggered me to be able to like, right, I've got a day ahead of me. Let's go. Yeah. Now, at the end of the day, you're exhausted and maybe still those yeah still come over. But like, yeah I can't stress what you're saying more on like the physicality of things. No, eating outside. You're not saying you got to be David Goggins or something, but like I'm to the point where if I don't exercise at least three times a week, like I noticeably feel it in my body, yeah you know, and you not just yeah like, I feel like, I feel like that tension rising. I yeah feel getting angry quicker, quicker, you know, using my patients. So
00:13:42
Speaker
Um, it it's, it's easy to say, Oh, just if you're feeling the press go to the gym, well, not everybody's can even lift themselves up to do that. Um, but I think you got to improve your physical, physical before the mental in a lot of cases. yeah yeah I agree. Yeah, I agree.
00:13:58
Speaker
So, and for me, as far as like, I know I didn't talk about my personal, like is deep with it, but I think a lot of mine, you know, ah obviously you're, you went through a lot in life that impacted you, which
Doug's Work-Life Balance Struggle
00:14:15
Speaker
rightfully so. And obviously Asner, if you've grown to a very successful position, doing a lot of things and have gone through some of life stuff and everything, Mike, obviously your first responder.
00:14:25
Speaker
I work in a space that never sleeps. I work in digital marketing, It's always there and there's always work to be done. And I'm the kind and I'm two really tough traits. I'm a, you know, I can't get my mind off something that's still undone or not complete.
00:14:45
Speaker
And I have to complete it. So naturally I work, and I work late and i always think, that if I can complete one more thing, do one more step, then I have more time with my kids and my family.
00:14:58
Speaker
But what does that do? That takes away time from my kids my family. yeah And luckily i've I've had a wife that has called me out and you know we've talked about it and that that's tough. And I still, it's it's almost like an addiction that I have to this day. I'm still battling it because,
00:15:18
Speaker
I never want to show up to work incomplete. I never want to, especially as a leader, you have a lot of stress on you like that. You don't want to, you don't want to not have the answer. You don't want to not have something for your team or set someone else up for success.
00:15:33
Speaker
And you would sacrifice yourself and your sometimes your personal life at times for that, which is the toughest thing to do. And, um you know, I think for people in that spot, obviously finding a mentor like Mike, your your chief is. Yeah.
00:15:51
Speaker
Great. that's That's huge. Yeah. I mean, so huge. yeah um I, I don't have that right now. It's more of like work, work, work. I work for a smaller company that's fighting tooth and nail every single day and we're very successful in what we do.
00:16:06
Speaker
um And we have an incredible company, an incredible team. And I think daily i'm I'm taking on the burden of the world. And that's my, ah you know, that's my trade. I want to work hard and I take on the burden for people. So that's that's tough.
00:16:19
Speaker
Even with a lot of stuff I do for this, like I could definitely delegate and give some of these things out. I was up to 1 a.m. last night and I did that to myself. And I'm probably not as sharp as I should be.
00:16:31
Speaker
that's just a fault. It's something I can't turn off. And when I do, i I turn it off. Like I'm i'm gone. So that's what I'm planning on next week. That's my goal next week is not to bring my laptop, not to bring anything with me, not check my email. yeah turn your ear And I'm going to have 300 emails. I'm going to have to rely on my team.
00:16:50
Speaker
But that's going to be something that's hard for me. It's almost like, you know, that that person having their last cigarette or alcoholic. It is... Something i can't explain.
00:17:02
Speaker
And that is that's hard. That's hard. Yeah. What you shared, I've I probably I couldn't have said it better. i think the exact same. And um all I can tell you is what you said is shut off when you go on vacation. thats What I did and I haven't done that forever.
00:17:20
Speaker
And i disconnected and got closer to my family than I think I have in a really long time. Sounds amazing. And um so I do it because here's here's one thing that I learned.
00:17:34
Speaker
And my boss actually told me this. And so he got checked me. He goes, if you are if we can't go a week, two weeks without you, then we are not paying you enough money. And you are then you are not indispensable.
00:17:48
Speaker
And he was like. but he goes, think we'll be okay. yeah But if not, come see me when you get back. Hey, oh and you know what?
00:17:59
Speaker
When I was out almost two weeks and sure came back to a shitload of emails and I'm, Oh, everybody, you know, that's going to happen. your revolving door of people coming in, but guess what?
00:18:12
Speaker
The business moved on. And if they figured it out and you, you've got a team, I've got a team they managed. Yeah. And, and so they'll don't let that stress you because i'm I'm cut from the same cloth you are. I work as much as I can because I want to have the answers. I want to do my best. And yeah um I think that's a leveling anxiety and stress that led to whatever happened to me from a health perspective that,
00:18:38
Speaker
You know, you just, you got to let go every once in a while. it Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Would you say it's like you're a perfectionist with work, Doug, or is it just, you feel like you're always going to prove yourself kind of thing? Like, I don't think the proving the self, I feel like I proved myself at this point, maybe 10 years ago.
00:18:56
Speaker
Yeah. I would say that was the my ah mentality. Yeah. I am perfectionist because I feel like a lot of people look up to me and I feel like right now, like I just took on a new role, something I haven't done in with more of a sales role.
00:19:12
Speaker
And I've taken on the burden of, of hitting a number, setting my team up for success because it frankly hasn't been done. And i was fed up with it and I'm going to, I'm going to take control of that. That's my mindset. So,
00:19:28
Speaker
A little bit of perfectionist, but also like i always feel like if I can do that 1% more, 1% more, 1% more than what I'm going to do, I'm going get better results and big get better results. But me sending an email at 1030 at night to a prospect is not going to get him to sign. And I got to turn that off. And I got to say five o'clock is my limit. Me and my my boss, I'm not going to name, but she's freaking awesome.
00:19:56
Speaker
um we have a role. She's a new mom. And, ah you know, she's had some some tough times going through with her husband on just getting getting off on time. I've gone through the same thing with Kel. And I think at the end of the day, we we have a five o'clock role.
00:20:09
Speaker
If we're in the office, which we go to the office Monday, Wednesday, Friday, five o'clock, if we're both there, it's the five o'clock buddy system. We're leaving. yeah So so that's that's cool. So that's helped because I think we can walk out close off the the day. And that's helped me mentally leave work.
00:20:30
Speaker
And then I can, i can get onto my kids. So that's definitely a big part. And then the second part, the second trait that is so deadly. I think in a lot of case, I'm a people pleaser.
00:20:43
Speaker
i I take on the emotions of people around me. I try to make people happy, which is the toughest thing. and i don't know if you you guys have probably experienced that. I try to, I try to make sure like that picturesque scene in your mind happens.
00:20:59
Speaker
And I try to deal with my family and it drives my family nuts sometimes. And sometimes can it. It's the Clark Griswold disorder. A hundred percent. I wish I could be. I know you build these things up in your head sometimes, Sparky. Yeah.
00:21:13
Speaker
I love it. ah it's um Man, I wish I had the forgetfulness of c Clark goes well, though. I just can't. i And it sits with me. And I read a book that was so impactful.
00:21:24
Speaker
Let Them ah by Mel Robbins. If you haven't read it, um I don't care what profession you are. I don't care who you are, what what trade you are. That book made a dent in my life and how I approach things to say, if you want to be sad, let them. i yeah And even as a parent, so I'm going to bring this back.
00:21:46
Speaker
We're going through a tough time. You're going to have sleep regressions. We've all been through it. I mean, they are the most frustrating things. And me and my wife at the time had our youngest son, who's four at the time.
00:21:59
Speaker
He was wanting us to fall asleep with him. And this was going on for a year. I'm talking year and, you know, it it takes you away. Now, it's nice. It's definitely 30 minutes, 40 minutes sometimes that you give to him.
00:22:16
Speaker
But it's also 40 minutes you take away from each other or doing some simple things. And as a parent, we all know when the ah lights go off, you still have the dishes to be done. You still have ah the stuff to put away, the tables to wipe, the laundry to fold.
00:22:32
Speaker
A wife to give attention to. A wife to give attention to. Watch his show. And we were um going on a year where we weren't spending it. and Like, I don't want to say any time, but, I mean, we'd fall asleep at that bet.
00:22:44
Speaker
it was It was nice being next ah next to him and and fall asleep. But it definitely got to a point, and I was reading the Let Them Theory, and Mel said, hey, you're enabling them.
00:22:54
Speaker
you You are letting them – feel okay that you're in that room and it's hard. So instead of enabling them, you're going to let them attack whatever they're scared of.
00:23:09
Speaker
And it's going to be tough. It may be a day. It may be a week. It may be a month. But they're going to overcome these things. and And what they're going to do is they're going to get stronger. And I told my wife, and I think she looked at me like I had 10 heads. like Hold on. You're going to, it's your night with him.
00:23:25
Speaker
You're going to do this. And I'm like, hell yeah, let's do it. So, I mean, it was the toughest night as a parent, him yelling daddy and mommy and, you know, crying and coming out. And what we do, we give him the, Hey, you know, and this is tough for me.
00:23:42
Speaker
Because once again, my people pleaser, that part of my head that's saying i should be empathetic and um go cuddle with them and and just give in.
00:23:53
Speaker
I didn't. I was strong. and And, you know, obviously that's a told my wife, like, hey, let's let's do this. And sure enough, the second night was her night with him.
00:24:04
Speaker
And she looked at or he looked at her and hearne said, why don't you go ahead and leave? I'm good to go. He fell asleep all by himself. And ever since then, he's he's been great. There's nights where, of course, him or my daughter. There's always curveballs. Always curveballs. I think for for me that night, overcoming 20, 30 minutes of him crying and yelling and screaming and you know, when they're older, it means dip more when your baby's crying. Okay. You know, they, they, that the shit eat or sleep, you know, right that's it whatever.
00:24:37
Speaker
Um, so that was, that was a big, big moment. I ever came and I still battle it. I would probably say that's my, my second thing that I'm, I'm just a people pleaser.
00:24:48
Speaker
And ah my favorite word is sorry, in a lot of cases, but I'm overcoming them letting that person obviously, you know, be sad. There's a time to be sad. Obviously, if if you're if they're depressed, i'm going to kick in and not let them be depressed.
00:25:04
Speaker
But I think with kids, too, it's helped me just let them be ah happy or mad or sad. Um, rather than try to fix things. So, um, so if my advice solution is just, you know, read books, I, that has made such a big impact for me professionally and personally.
Reading for Mental Health
00:25:24
Speaker
Um, don't feel like you always have to read the, the professional leadership or get better things. Those things are great. Um,
00:25:31
Speaker
But, you know, reading Let Them was just incredible. ah Matthew McConaughey's Greenlights has been amazing. Even ah Dave Grohl's book was really cool. you haven't read that, that was such a such a cool, cool book.
00:25:47
Speaker
But a lot of celebrities are going through the same things that we are, and they have a very unique perspective and how they approach that. yeah I think for Mel Robbins with the Let Them, it was just it was just her experience of just saying, hey,
00:25:59
Speaker
Let them. Let them be who they are. and let me do do what I can do. so That's good principle. I think you could apply to a lot of areas of life. I don't agree. yeah I think to put a bow on the whole mental health topic of check your mental appetite, if that's the right term. Appetite. I like that.
00:26:22
Speaker
I like that. What are you putting into your what are you putting in your head? you know What are you consuming? if i mean, if you're just constantly doom scrolling all day long or going to bed every night,
00:26:33
Speaker
you know, that's not good for your mental health. I mean, you know, like you said, read some books every now and then, um, limit your time on screens. Um, you know, that that's a, that's a good start to get out of the rough spot. your hands Yeah.
00:26:50
Speaker
Good
Engagement and Social Media
00:26:51
Speaker
stuff. And yeah, I think with that, um, we're gonna, we're gonna cut out, obviously, uh, give us a follow, uh, dad living on Facebook, Instagram, um,
00:27:02
Speaker
God, what what if what are the other... We're getting the so ga you're getting the socials going. Follow us on YouTube. ah were We're going to be putting out content um every week, ah at least putting out some different topics. If you have any topics that you want to hear us talk about or dive in, any questions, ah comment on the videos as well. Comment on socials. Send us a message. We're definitely...
00:27:26
Speaker
new at this, but we're always looking for feedback and always looking for some questions. I'd love to answer some questions or some things that maybe we won't think of. Yeah, we'll we'll get there. there's There's a million things and a million topics that we're going to cover, but we definitely want you along for the journey and and obviously appreciate you ah listening.
00:27:44
Speaker
Yeah, thanks everybody for listening. Thanks everyone. all Bye. Next time.
00:27:53
Speaker
Welcome to Class of Living!