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Dad Livin' Ep 5: Exploring the Work/Life Balance Myth
46 Plays8 months ago
Is “work–life balance” real or just a catchy phrase that sets parents up for frustration? In Episode 5 of Dad Livin’, our four dad-hosts tackle the popular notion of a 50/50 split between career and family and explain why the perfect balance doesn’t exist. Many experts argue that striving for an even divide between work and personal life is unrealistic—life isn’t neat or predictable, and a rigid 50/50 approach can lead to burnout. Instead, it’s better to aim for an adaptable, ever‑changing rhythm that fits your current demands and protects your well-being. Drawing on personal stories and research, the dads explore the idea that “work” and “life” aren’t separate and that being fully present wherever you are matters more than trying to balance scale. The guys discuss why the notion of work–life balance is considered a myth and why aiming for perfect balance is a losing game. They share three keys to meeting the demands of work and family while still prioritizing health and personal time, including seeing life as a circle rather than a finish line and giving 100 % to both work and home. You’ll hear insights on adopting practices that create better harmony and learn how small, consistent adjustments lead to significant changes in how you feel about time.
Episode highlights include:
-Why chasing a 50/50 split is unrealistic and can lead to burnout
-How to shift toward work
–life integration and be fully present at work and at home
-Practical strategies for dads to meet work and family demands without sacrificing personal health
-Personal stories from the hosts about navigating shifting priorities, boundary-setting and dad guilt.
-Tips for recognizing when life is becoming too lopsided and how to make adjustments.
Dad Livin’ isn’t just a podcast—it’s a movement for dads everywhere. We’re four best friends, dads first and storytellers second, bringing laughs, real talk and the unfiltered reality of modern fatherhood. Whether you’re a new dad, seasoned pro, single dad or stepdad, you’re not alone. Grab your favorite beverage, pull up a chair and join the conversation. If you enjoy the episode, please like, subscribe and share so other dads can find our tribe. Drop us a comment with your thoughts on work–life balance (or integration) and let us know how you handle the juggle.
👉 Tune in, laugh with us, and remember: this is DadLivin.
🎧 Listen now on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or at www.dadlivin.com
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Transcript
Welcome to DadLivin' Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to the DadLivin' Podcast. This isn't just a podcast, it's a movement. Hosted by four best friends who are dads first and storytellers second, we dive into the real, messy, hilarious side of fatherhood.
00:00:14
Speaker
From diaper disasters to teenage drama, work-life balance to building a legacy, we keep it real, fun, and meaningful. Whether you're rookie dad or pro, this is your weekly reminder you're not alone.
00:00:25
Speaker
Grab a drink, kick back, and join the conversation.
Friday Night Vibes and Listener Shoutout
00:00:32
Speaker
How's everyone out there doing? Doing good? Not as good as we are. Yeah. It's a Friday night right now. It is. Let's go.
00:00:43
Speaker
It's beautiful, isn't it? oh And it's nice. about that The heat broken. his bro and I know we're starting to get into the fall-ish weather. Well, no. Summer in St. Louis is going to kick us in the fall again.
00:00:55
Speaker
Yeah. There's no way it's not coming back again. so Hey, you know, I was looking at some of the statistics. We have a listener in Australia. How about that? From down under. All right. Let's throw another strip on the barbie. Yeah. Well, welcome. just lost it. He longer listens.
00:01:13
Speaker
Hey, you know what? If you're a parent out there in Australia, we appreciate you. Yeah. Well, I'm jealous of having warm Christmas. How about that? I want to go swimming in Christmas. I'm cool with that. I almost just said that they have a cold Fourth of July, and it's like, oh, wait a second.
00:01:29
Speaker
They don't do that. You know me. I'm Clark Griswold. I want snow white Christmas. Swimming on Christmas doesn't sound good. ah love it. It is a little different. i love it. Love it. Well, welcome everyone
Balancing Life, Work, and Relationships
00:01:42
Speaker
listening. Obviously, we're the DadLiving Crew.
00:01:44
Speaker
um Today, we're really going to be going over balance. I think balance in life and work and love and just everything. But I think ultimately balance.
00:01:55
Speaker
that's um I'm going through it. I know everyone's going through it. We're back to school. ah Even if you're a new father, we have some new fathers out there. um Shout out to Timmy, our buddy who just had had a cut a baby. Congrats. Join in the dad dead life. val time budy You know, even if you're out there with a teenager, I've been talking with some people that have kids going off to college and moving them into, you know, parents expecting. I think balance is such a hard thing.
00:02:24
Speaker
And I was looking at some statistics that ultimately for spouses, you know, that 75% of relationships out there have a negative impact due to just balance in general, work, life, balancing all these elements. So think so much. Yes. balance It's hard.
00:02:44
Speaker
yeah It's really hard harder than ever now to think into balancing the spinning plates. Yeah. What fatherhood. And then people are throwing stuff at you while you're doing it. you know It's true.
00:02:54
Speaker
I mean, it is, it is insane. and I think you know, today as we go through it, we'll bring in some different perspectives as far as what we're going through now. And I think ultimately too, ah throughout just kind of life, what we've experienced. And, you know, as you're, as you're going through this, you know, comment on, you know, what experience you're going through. I think that's important. We'd love to hear your story.
00:03:15
Speaker
And, you know, as we kind of go through, absolutely incorporate that throughout. So I think that'd be cool. So it
Back to School: Transition and Challenges
00:03:21
Speaker
sounds fun. So let's do it. So before we get to that, Dad happenings. what's ah What's been going on, fellas? What's happened? What's not happening? Back to school week, buddy. Back to school. Vacation's over.
00:03:34
Speaker
Yeah. It's good and bad, I guess. Back to routine, which we were kind of craving in our household. My wife's a teacher, so she stays home in the summer. is yours.
00:03:46
Speaker
We have no bedtimes during the summer. Yeah, it's hard. So I was trying to it's hard ease them back into it the last couple weeks summer. Yeah. Dude, Monday was rough, but they adapted quicker than I am, honestly. Yeah, they do pretty well.
00:03:57
Speaker
and Yeah, that's that's true. I mean, I think i think with with that becomes a lot of change and a lot of good change. Obviously, get to habits, especially, you know, I was talking with one of our neighbors that have a 12-year-old, and I think just...
00:04:11
Speaker
getting them back to not being at home, being on video games until 3 a.m. has been just so positive. Like, oh, my God, they're not sleeping until 1 and doing all those things. Like, they're actually productive.
00:04:23
Speaker
And, I mean, I agree. You guys remember that? Like, growing up and just staying up late. It's going to be so much worse then. You know. Yeah, it was fun. They did a golden eye. Yeah, until the sun came. old and I sent you guys that picture the other day.
00:04:35
Speaker
was like, your yeah it's crazy. Your mom and dad just said we could stay up late. The pizza rolls just came out of the microwave. You're 40 years old. You're 40 years old. We all still love to have that. Oh man.
00:04:50
Speaker
You know what I did? I bought the biggest bag of pizza rolls from Sam's. mouth I was like, man, I'm craving it. Now I have my kids. I wonder if that's in our generation. I don't know if people still eat those or not, but.
00:05:02
Speaker
I don't know. Hey, they're they're at Sam's. Oh, i've we buy them. but We buy them. Yeah, think you can find anything there. But, but i mean, I think for for me right now, change is really a
Solo Parenting: A Two-Month Experience
00:05:15
Speaker
different shade. I'm two weeks in to, for those of you that don't know, my my wife, who's a badass,
00:05:21
Speaker
is training for a new job and she's away for two months. So I have a five and a six year old at home, which ah which is insane because I'm not going to be, I'm not going sugarcoat it. This week was, was crazy. It was stressful.
00:05:35
Speaker
It was everything under the sun. And, um You know, we had tantrums in the middle of Sam's. We had um sickness. We had, you know, me taking things away and and obviously trying to discipline them to get back on track. And it was just one thing after another.
00:05:50
Speaker
And I felt like for a little bit there, I couldn't get back up. And, uh, well, here we are, and are you know, ill just take it step by step, but you're doing it. Yeah. You're doing it. Like, yeah which is amazing.
00:06:03
Speaker
Like crazy. Most people probably think dads can't handle that type of stuff, but we're not, you know, apes. We got it. We're going figure it out. You know, we can do this. now I think, and you're probably being hard on yourself. You got to give yourself credit too. mean, that's a lot to do and I'm sure the days are long and difficult, but You know, you're here and you're doing it and it's not easy. It's never easy for any parents to be doing those things, but now you're here, you're standing, and your kids are breathing. They're outside right now with my wife. They're having a good time without the mix. Yeah. They're my kids and it's all good.
00:06:41
Speaker
Obviously like it sucks right now. It's a huge shame just disrupting your household, but. You're going to look back a couple of years from now and say, this was all worth it. This was just a short sprint, short part of time where, you know, it's wild, it's chaotic. It's probably bringing you closer together. Three kids. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Well, and I know, i know too, my, i I gloss over, you know, I would do it in a heartbeat for my wife who I'm super proud of. She is awesome. Kel love you. And I think for all of us dads out there,
00:07:14
Speaker
you know, she's dealt with my late nights, early mornings, working extra. I mean, switching jobs back in the day, doing all these things. And, and, you know, obviously then having kids, I think we don't give our wives enough credit. it If you're a guy out there, I mean,
00:07:30
Speaker
Right now, um your wife, and if you're next to him, obviously, and tell you that you love him because I think it's important. um You know, and and I think as we kind of go through this, supporting them is important.
00:07:42
Speaker
And that's number one thing in my mind. I try not to complain to her. Obviously, like last night she called while I was going through a difficult situation with my son who was, I think he had more water outside of the bathtub than he did it.
00:07:55
Speaker
And it got down the drain. I'm seeing spots on the ceiling. I'm just like, yeah the rage comes up and you have to kind of check yourself. But when they don't start listening, then you got to take action.
00:08:06
Speaker
You know, and that's, that's kind of where I was at She caught me right in the middle of that. Luckily my, sweet daughter, grabbed her and was like, I'm going to have some private time with mom. Perfect. But I think ultimately supporting her is number one in that. And then I get to spend time with the kids too,
Dad Guilt and Emotional Milestones
00:08:22
Speaker
which is awesome. I tried to do some, talk about balance, you know, ah work up, put in a full day, sometimes put it in a full night and in cases. And I try to wake up and give them the best experience in the morning.
00:08:35
Speaker
ah made breakfast a couple of times this week, which is fun. You pancakes, it doesn't take that long to make them. And, uh, and then as we're coming home, trying to do some, cool stuff we had burner i know i'm i'm the dad who had breakfast and pancakes and then had burner for those are some of my kids favorite being dinners like they love breakfast for dinner it's a treat so that's fun you're making fun experiences yeah so so it's been it's been a little chaotic little hectic um i'm here and i'm glad i'm with you guys and obviously miss my wife too um but grateful for obviously your wife that's watching the kiddos and hanging out with them so yeah
00:09:10
Speaker
um so yeah but yeah what's new for us i mean same thing back to school i think this one uh you know wasn't sure what was going to happen kids are we've got you know a little bit younger um they're kicking off their first grade and I was lucky enough to be able to get down there and see them on the bus for their first day.
00:09:32
Speaker
I remember kindergarten seems like just like yesterday, it was it was difficult, right? you know They didn't want to get on the bus, didn't want to do those things. And boy, this year, they... They climbed right on that bus, didn't even look sad really looked back. They didn't even didn't even shed a tear. And I got in my truck and drove to work and I'm sitting there thinking, I was like, first grade, okay, we're starting first twelve you know first through 12th, right?
00:09:56
Speaker
And then it hit me and I'm sitting there getting teary eyed in the car on the way to work. And I'm like, what's happening? Like, wow, they were totally fine. No big deal. And that one hit me pretty hard.
00:10:08
Speaker
And I was just trying to reflect back and then you know, I, I think dad guilt's a real thing. I started looking back on the summer and was I there enough to do the things we wanted to. um and you know, I, I, I felt it, I felt it, but, um, I think we did our best. and ah you know, to me is if you're thinking about those things, you're wondering, like, did you do your best?
00:10:31
Speaker
And in my opinion, you're, you're trying hard and you're a good dad. And, um, Yeah, it it was emotional, man. I don't know. I guess with age and kids, you get soft, but especially the mile milestones, right? mean, first grade is a milestone and you know you'll have the same thing when your youngest goes in.
00:10:51
Speaker
um was the same way. I was driving in. i i saw my daughter who's in first grade, but my son go to kindergarten and you know not in
Balancing Kids' Sports and Family Time
00:11:00
Speaker
daycare anymore and him just running to the bus and taking that step that step in was so awesome.
00:11:07
Speaker
And I like to throw out songs. So my biggest thing I listen on and repeat, weigh on is Next Thing You Know by Jordan Davis. If you haven't listened to it it's a country song. It is, it talks about timeline in life. And there's a point where,
00:11:21
Speaker
you know, it it goes through various stuff, like having kids and then, you know, the doctor giving you the baby and calling your dad for the first time, which kind of chokes you up a little bit. And then them getting on the bus. and It's such a cool song. I was choked up. I'm glad I didn't have that song as I was driving to work. I don't know if I would have made it, but boy, I'll tell you what.
00:11:41
Speaker
Yeah, it was just different. I think it hit harder, too, because they were so comfortable with it. and it again they didn't look back and he almost wasn't even didn't even look for me like i was like wow time you know time's a yeah it goes fast can enjoy those moments as much as you can i want my kid i walk my kids to the bus every morning and uh today like they just must goes up join pulls up and they just dart off and like i'm like hey where's my hug you know they're like oh yeah right like they're
00:12:14
Speaker
I don't know my dad. Yeah. Yeah. yeah That's tough. Yeah. You want them to look back. Yeah. And that's, and that's, that's, hey but at least you're walking them there. Yeah. You know, I get to do that that. Moment in time with them or it's you and just them. Like I'm trying to find more of that.
00:12:30
Speaker
Um, as part of what I mentioned, like dad guilt, I'm like, okay, then how do I start giving, even if it's a small amount of time to each kid so that I know that I get that one all the time. And, you know, right now it's soccer practices and those kinds of things, but I get to ride in the car. I get to be the only one there and with a a little bit of bonding time, which I think has helped me and hopefully them as well. Oh yeah.
00:12:53
Speaker
Yeah. Well, so yeah, lots of emotions happening right now, but yeah it's all good. We'll get there. It's all new, right? No, right. Right. and No, guys not not right now. Yeah. And Johnny and Doid, you guys had your wives go back to school teachers. Oh, yeah. They went back the week before school started. so How are you guys supporting that and supporting them?
00:13:12
Speaker
I mean, I'm supporting it, but I hate it. i like um'm I'm one of the people that like having my wife around. it It's just like lonely now. It's like not as fun. I just I look forward to the summer, and not just with the kids, but to spend time with her because, you know, during the school year, it's like it's crazy just like any other.
00:13:30
Speaker
So ah that's been different. But yeah. but you know Kids are in the background. Sorry. I couldn't wrangle all that. I love what she did damn good It's good background noise. Yeah, I like it.
00:13:43
Speaker
Yeah, but kids are back. My daughter started middle school, which is – I can't – she's talking about time going by two guys. like holy cow, they're already in middle school. Like, it's crazy. So that's been a challenge because it's challenge for her. So we're kind of feeling it at home with, you know, the – the different moods and stuff of just trying to navigate through a new school with all new people and new friends and people are already being me and so we've just been kind navigating that a little bit so it's my wife's taking the brunt of most of that because so sometimes i just i don't know what to say and that's probably just a fault of mine or maybe it's just a fault of like men like sometimes i'm like
00:14:22
Speaker
I don't really, I can tell you how I would deal with it, but that's probably not the right way to deal with it. You know? and So, you know, I kind of default to my wife sometimes, but, but I still try to have those conversations with my daughter too.
00:14:33
Speaker
I don't just completely shut her out. Nobody thinks I'm a total turd. Yeah. Yeah. So thanks like that's all going on. Yeah. And then hockey started for my son, which I look forward to. I love it. So that youth hockey is awesome. It is fun. I, I, when you told me that it would, it would be serious.
00:14:50
Speaker
We've had, seven practices in the past week and a half. Yeah. Seven full in man. bowl in And I'm hockey is not for the faint of heart for a parent. Yeah. If if you have any kids out there and you're looking, obviously it's, it's, it's rewarding and fun to watch them.
00:15:07
Speaker
But I mean, you're paying the thousand dollars for a season for five year old, which is and mind bothering. Now I know what my parents were talking about shelling on money. But I'm like, yeah, seven practices are great.
00:15:20
Speaker
My kid's out there, and you can see them getting better and better and better. Then it's like, oh, my word. Like, wow. You know, and what you have to go through. So it's crazy. crazy but Soccer's a lot cheaper, man. It's nice fun to watch the long run. My son was immediately like, nope, I don't want to play soccer. And he was like, well, you have the same attitude as I did. um I just wasn't a soccer guy. didn't like running and kicking them all, but that's it.
00:15:45
Speaker
Like a lot of people love it. So it's a big change of season. You know, my I think this week's been harder on my wife going back to work. And I just i just try to step up and pick up the kids.
00:15:57
Speaker
I'm available. You know, yeah if I'm home first, get dinner going. Just try to take a mental load off of her because – She's going through a lot right now. ah Just going back and get us in and everything. But we're also starting sports. And, man, I saw a couple of funny meme the other day, theme from Hangover, they're, like, getting out of the car and barely people's on the phone. He's like, yeah, yeah we messed yeah We over-specialized all these sports. How many sports?
00:16:26
Speaker
ah Well, my son's doing football, ball baseball. My daughter started soccer. She had her first practice last night and then my son didn't want to be, he wanted to be done soccer. And as we're at practice, we're seeing everybody playing. I'm like, I bet he's going to want to do it again now. yeah sure Sure enough, he's like, yeah, I kind of want to play.
00:16:44
Speaker
So we're going to have three practices week. We're going to restart games this weekend. So tomorrow's all games and birthday party. Yeah, that's crazy, man.
00:16:55
Speaker
Crazy, crazy. We got the same weekend going too. Yeah. Yeah. Sports. Soccer, football. Lincoln's playing football. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Flag football. You get the build for it. Yeah. I was like, let's go. So, yeah, we're
Parenting Styles Debate: Gentle vs Traditional
00:17:07
Speaker
we're doing the same thing. Three practices a week and then double headers now on the weekend. So, I'll see you guys when I see you. We're jumping in. Yeah. Saturdays are not your morning. mean, it's two more, though, man. What i yeah else would we be doing? Well, and i think I think every you know new parent out there right now that's thinking about, oh my God, I can't wait for my son to play in this, my daughter to do gymnastics or play soccer, whatever it is. like It's fun.
00:17:33
Speaker
Don't let us deter you on that. It is a lot of fun, but... it's a lot of work too. So when we get to balance, you'll hear a lot about that too. It does. Sometimes it does.
00:17:45
Speaker
It's also tough to deal with when you just had in your mind, like my kid's going love sports. He's going be a baseball player. And then it's like, he doesn't love it, you know? Yeah. And you can tell. And you don't want him to quit yet because they're still at a such young age where they don't really know what they like yet.
00:18:01
Speaker
So I'm just, I don't want to be that parent to like pressure my kids to to do anything. I'm like, Hey man, i ever i All I'd tell him is like, go try your best and have fun. And the rest is going to work itself out. yeah So he was like like baseball last year, just not kind of like going through the motions, not really loving it.
00:18:20
Speaker
But towards the end of the season, something clicked. And like this confidence came over him where, coach is like where's that been all year you know like give me more of that and you just like as the confidence grows like that's when they start to fall love with sports yeah that's awesome and when it hits it just it's awesome Yeah, I agree.
00:18:41
Speaker
we We talked about that last time a little bit or talked about it personally last time, but that's so fun. So, but yeah, well, you know, I think as we kind of continue on before we jump into the balance side, I want to hit a little hot button thing.
00:18:56
Speaker
i've' I've seen it on TV a little bit. and i mean I like the Today Show in some cases. I know I'm a little bit old school. my but I don't know. My mom always watched it, so I ah had it on. So I'll catch it on in the mornings so i'll work from home from time to time and They were talking about parenting trends. And i I'm a little bit biased on parenting trends. I feel like it's a silver bullet sometimes, like people lean on it too much.
00:19:20
Speaker
But I also think it does have some good philosophies. And obviously, the gentle parenting that we're getting kind of rid of is not rid of. I mean, a lot of people can choose what they want to do.
00:19:31
Speaker
But I felt like, you know, we will have some opinions on that. But the news thing, mess around and find out, or you know, FIFO or, you know, there's a literal term um with it. But kind of letting your kids explore and and learn. And i I love that because I have such a Uh, failure is key in everything.
00:19:52
Speaker
Uh, you know, I failed 10 times today and I'm going to continue to get better. And I instill that in my, my, my kiddos. So, you know, i want to what what are your guys thoughts on obviously like gentle parenting versus mess around and find out. believe what you're referring to is F around and find out. Yes. Okay. Yes.
00:20:09
Speaker
Say it. This is not a 18 and under, p but, ah ah What does that mean? I don't know. I think that's just going back to not old school beating your kids.
00:20:25
Speaker
Walk around and find out the back of my hand. pat But no, um I think like what you said, Doug, letting them fail. i think the problem I had with seeing gentle parenting is just always overcorrecting your kid and being there to you know always – interfere, you know, and interject. Save them. Yeah. yeah And, you know, as these Gen Zers are getting out to the real world, they have this sense of entitlement that, you know. And problem solving skills.
00:20:53
Speaker
Right. Because they were never forced to solve a frigging problem. Yeah. Well, and if you're Gen Z. I'm not saying just Gen Zs in general. talking about people coming into the workforce now. Like, you're starting to see the results of the gentle parenting to an extent.
00:21:06
Speaker
And this is just a broad brushstroke. It's certainly not everybody, but you're seeing people that don't have the ability to solve problems for themselves because they were never made to. Well, yeah. and it all is direct reflection of parenting.
00:21:19
Speaker
I mean, I have a very old school mentality. i think a few of us do where it's like my dad raised very much and my mom to like a little bit more of like their era of work hard, work hard, work hard. And I mean, that was my that's my mentality still to this day of just I got to work like I got to work hard.
00:21:41
Speaker
So, which is good, but yeah. It was different, certainly different for growing up in the eighties and nineties than it is now. Like my parents didn't beat me by any stretch, but there was an absolute expectation and F around and find out was part of it. It just wasn't called that.
00:21:56
Speaker
It was like, yeah, you're going to jump off that. and Yeah. You're going to break your wrist or whatever. And then, know, you won't do that again type thing. So, well I think there's just got to be a happy median. yeah It's going to be a blend. it's It's like you see kind of with societies these days, like everything will veer way over to the left and then and we need to come back to the middle a little bit. and with these parenting styles too, it's like,
00:22:15
Speaker
okay, is the old school way? There's some good things about Yeah, there's to it. You way that we were brought up. Yeah. And there's other things that, you know, I mean, I remember growing up and thinking my parents were so mean to me had it so bad.
00:22:29
Speaker
And looking back, you know, life wasn't that bad at all. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. No, I think I take a similar approach. Like I always tell Megan, I'm always like, hey, let them, like, you can only guide them so much. You can tell them what the consequences could be, but they'll find out.
00:22:44
Speaker
Like, they're gonna learn through experience. And to me, like, I think that applies for everybody in life. You learn through failure, you learn through doing things, you learn through all of those experiences. And so if you're not gonna listen to what I have to say,
00:22:57
Speaker
then you'll figure it out. You'll figure it out, right? Like, I mean, you're climbing on top of the tree house, get down, you're going to get hurt, you're not going to listen. All right, well, he'll figure it out, right? Something bad's going to maybe happen, hopefully not terrible, but, you know, that's, I've always, think at least I've said that too in my family and my dynamic is I don't want to overcorrect. You have to learn some of these things, but it's one of those like,
00:23:21
Speaker
You know, right you'll learn. I think it's a touch easier for men to do that too than it is for women. Like women naturally like want to protect and care and that's great and everything. And dads, it's not like we don't, but it's like, well, I don't want them to get seriously hurt, but I definitely don't want to do this. i want them to learn from it. So like, I have no problem with letting my kids do stuff that, you know, may not have the best consequence at the end, as long as I know it's not going to be a hospital trip or something. Yeah. That's kind of the drawing line there. Like we're not going to go to the ER to learn a lesson here.
00:23:48
Speaker
yeah so But I do think it's easier for men to do that. i i don't I'm sure it's some type of wiring or something that we have, but it generally seems easier. I agree. I agree. Well, and I'm also too, like gentle parenting.
00:24:02
Speaker
Like we tried being more gentle with situations, but I also think too, and this is just my philosophy, I felt like I were i was enabling them a lot. And I talked about that with kind of some of the mental health and overcoming these things.
00:24:17
Speaker
ah You know, if you're gentle on them at all times, and you can hear the the like the kids going crazy if you hear that, but mess around find out. Case in point, right there. yeah um But my whole thing was I felt like I was enabling them.
00:24:31
Speaker
You know, you're gentle on them or or, you know, obviously talking about their feelings is important. I think that was the biggest aspect that I took out is making them understand their feelings. If they're feeling mad, or if they're feeling sad and really kind of pull them out, I felt like that was a good thing.
00:24:46
Speaker
Like I would have never, my parents, I love Olivia. They never ever sat me down and and talked about my feelings. um So I think there is some some proof around that, but enabling was such a big thing around that where you're just so gentle with them.
00:25:02
Speaker
And you know they sleep in your bed and they do all these things and you wanna be so gentle. I felt like that was that was a little bit too far for me. So it was always like, hey, like we need to do these things and you need to sleep in your bed or you need to confront those fears. You need to do those things and you'll be stronger at the end of the day. So that was my two cents with it. I think like one good aspect with gentle pairing is...
00:25:28
Speaker
trying to meet them with compassion not, you know, understand their brain is not developed. You know, but if you, if they're not doing something that you want them to do, don't fly off the handle. Like maybe right now, ah I just, I don't want to go talk to them. I, I i hear Megan like... you it's it It's okay. negative But it's real life, right, guys? Yeah, yeah real real life. That's it. Squeeziness in between taking care kids.
00:25:56
Speaker
On the flip side, I will say participation trophy drive me crazy. Oh, that kind of stuff is obnoxious. Please earn it. Just absolutely obnoxious. I mean, that was our era. like We had to earn those things. if Remember getting a second place trophy? Remember those little dinky second place trophies? and I was like...
00:26:12
Speaker
Yeah. So damn bad. i I broke a bat off at one time. I was so pissed. And guess, guess what happened the next year? First place. First place. Bam. Like I got that big trophy. It's still in his room right now.
00:26:26
Speaker
It's still downstairs. It's still down there. Yeah. All right. So, so that's, that's awesome. And it, it, so so that's that's awesome and and a If parenting styles, if you're researching some of those things and you're you're interested in it obviously, absolutely read on it.
00:26:45
Speaker
I think as we look towards the different styles, obviously. Mess around and find out we're probably a little bit more in tune with than the gentle parenting, but there's good components of everything. but I think it takes some experience too. like We're going to like you have to practice and try some different things before you figure it out. You're not just going to go in and be like, hey, infant, mess around and find out. i think you you yeah You need to know your family dynamic. You need to know where your wife's at. yeah mean You guys got to find a compromise and balance of everything.
00:27:12
Speaker
got to communicate those things, but you learn through experience. So balance. like As my kids are getting older, i see this transition from their caregiver to more of the coach and mentor and like they're experiencing life now. It's not just about protecting them. I mean, you're always going protect them, but like.
00:27:31
Speaker
hey, I'm going to give you my life experience. I'm going to give you my advice. If you want to take that, great. If not, you're going to figure what you own. I agree. I agree. you So good stuff. Good stuff. And I guess perfect segue now we're talking about communicating and balance.
Is Work-Life Balance a Myth?
00:27:51
Speaker
Talking about balance in life. I mean, I think it's important. And it is men today. The ah biggest things we have, so we have, our lives are fast. We have technology. We have, our jobs are more stressful. I mean, and whether you're first responder out there, whether you're living, you know, working through this crazy environment as an entrepreneur, God bless you.
00:28:17
Speaker
ah You know, and and even working for a scrapping company that and we're continually growing and doing. It seems like as dads, you know, some of us are bread runners. Some of us are working up right on the side. And sometimes feels like the rest of the world is on us.
00:28:35
Speaker
And you bring that home. And for me, it's always, okay, when I pull in, how can I separate those? How can I? get my mind right, or then I can give my time to my wife and spend some time with her and my kids and spend some time with them.
00:28:51
Speaker
And that's hard. That is hard. Whether you're parent expecting, whether you're, you have teenagers and you're obviously well-versed in this or whether you're just like us. I mean, it is hard at every stage. So,
00:29:04
Speaker
you know what do you guys you know What is your advice when you when you guys look at that? take I mean, what you just hit on trying to just shut it off, at least coming from a corporate perspective, nothing ever stops in my world.
00:29:17
Speaker
That's what's tough. And I don't think I have found the perfect solution other than putting my phone down, not checking emails, trying to do that and be present there, right? I mean, they say, I think they call the present the present for a reason, right? it's It's a gift. It's something that you should be in, but it's tough in this day and age to be able to do that all the time, especially with the stresses, I think, of work, at least from my side, coming from a ah corporate professional setting.
00:29:47
Speaker
um You know, you said it, I'm an HR, whether people like this or not, I don't believe in work life balance. I think it's a myth. It's all about the choices that you want to make in order to give yourself balance.
00:30:01
Speaker
but um And that's different for everybody. So I have a choice to continue to work late every night and to check my phone and respond to every single email and do those things. or I make a choice to make sure that I leave work at four o'clock so that I can be home and take my son to soccer practice and do these things at work and wait because it'll be there the next day.
00:30:21
Speaker
It just depends on where you're at and kind of where you sit and what works best for you. And I think you find that out as you go through your life and your life stages change. I mean, I can tell you early on in my career, it was all about work. I knew i wanted to climb the corporate ladder. i wanted to do all of these things.
00:30:40
Speaker
And now I'm lucky enough to say, you know, I've done a lot of that. I'm um' grateful for the career that I've had, but now I'm starting to reflect back and say, hey, I got to find some balance here too and make sure that I'm present for my kids and and I'm showing up to the things that I need to.
00:30:57
Speaker
And so I make the right choices that I need to. And and I do that with not only for my personal self, but I communicate with my wife. We make sure we're doing what's needed. you know She knows when I have late nights and how she needs to flex.
00:31:11
Speaker
If I'm out late, we always try to make sure that she has an opportunity to decompress with her friends and go out and do what she needs to. So we try to strike that balance as best as we can. but you know In my my opinion, it's all about choices.
00:31:24
Speaker
When you're with your spouse, it's all about communication. And if you're not doing those things, then it's going to be tough to ever find the right balance. Let me ask you this. I'm going to ask you 20 of you guys because I think our perspectives are different.
00:31:36
Speaker
What struggles have you had, like you and Meg's had throughout the journey? Especially like now you're very successful on a very corporate level that I think a lot of our viewers look at and be like, damn, like i I would love to be in his position, but you know, not, not everything's rainbows and butterflies.
00:31:54
Speaker
You know, what, what struggles have you kind of run against? No, I think there's a lot of things that you have to do, at least in the environment that I'm in that require after-off experiences, right? It's, you know,
00:32:07
Speaker
It may seem like fun, but it's social hours. It's things with new hires. It's with high potential people. You're spending time getting to know people outside of the work setting. um And that doesn't always look like work, I think, to your significant other. you know you' You're at a ballgame. You're networking. you're you're at a happy hour you're at these things but um it is a lot and and again i think it's i've had to communicate what those things are and why we're doing them and balance that to make sure that okay you had to take all three kids tonight you had to go through all the routines you had to do that all um on your own
00:32:45
Speaker
And my wife has the hardest job that I think anybody can have. And that's being a stay at home mom and taking care of everybody and realizing that there is never a break in that. There is not a, I get to work and I get to come home. There's not, she's all there's no lunch break. There's none of that.
00:33:02
Speaker
So, again, kind of going back to my previous comment, it's how do I find the opportunities to um make a dinner? And she's probably going to laugh at I don't too often, so that's not a great example. But, you know, how can I pitch in in other ways to help alleviate what she's having to do?
00:33:19
Speaker
And then, again, you know, how do I make sure that we carve out time for her to go step away and do what she needs to on her own with her friends to decompress or just just get a break? Oh, yeah, man.
00:33:30
Speaker
and We weren't good at it. you You find your way to communicate. And I think we've been through ups and downs, but you know having children and getting to a point where we're at, it sometimes gets forced.
00:33:44
Speaker
And we found that stride and I'm i'm I believe, and she may think differently, but I don't think so because we're we're really close and I feel like we complete each other's sentences all the time. But we found out how that works and what we need to do in order to make our situation work for the best for not only ourselves, but our family.
00:34:05
Speaker
That's awesome. That's awesome. What about you? What are you? oh Oh, as far as like, ah just like an overall balance, like as a first responder, it's, it's difficult because it's always changing. Like my shift changes every two months between nights and days. The days i work are always different. So like balance, like normal, what you would call normal balance. Like, oh, I do this every Wednesday or whatever. I do this with my kids on Friday.
00:34:28
Speaker
Like I don't have, I don't have the ability for any of that. So, it's really just carving out that time. Like, even if it's just a little bit of time, like with the kids, like, especially on work nights, I work 12 hour shifts. So like by the time I get home, especially in like the heat of this summer, I'm like, I'm just done. I barely got anything left, but I only have like an hour before I got to go to bed.
00:34:47
Speaker
that includes eating dinner and getting ready for bed and everything. So it might just be 15 minutes with my kid of like playing the game Fortnite or something. Or, you know, if I can find a little time to bake with my daughter, cause her and I really like to bake stuff together. So it's just finding like little pieces of time.
00:35:02
Speaker
um within that because it is so difficult and that that's how I try to balance things. And the same thing with my wife. I try to give her a little bit more and when I can, but it's just like you got to carve out time when you got it because it is so irregular, so different.
00:35:15
Speaker
um And it was tough at first, especially when we first started having kids and stuff like it took practice and getting that, you know, we were maybe better or worse at certain times, but we seem to kind of get the hang of it now. So it's working out rather well. So, um and as far as challenges go with, with that,
00:35:35
Speaker
My wife does so much because I'm gone a lot. yeah It's not like I'm at the bar hanging out with my friends. you know I'm at work so and you know trying to support the family in my way. So she really picked up a lot of the slack with all that. So on my days off, i just like you said, Brian, like I cooked dinner on my days off like religiously. like I make sure she doesn't have to worry about that.
00:35:56
Speaker
You know, when I'm on nights, I make sure I do all the laundry and get all that done while I'm up on my nights off because I stay up on my nights off to kind of keep the sleeping. Yeah, it makes sense. so it goes back to, again, ah kind of working your life around work, which doesn't sound great, but like in this lifestyle, you almost have to or else you won't survive because.
00:36:15
Speaker
The sleep is different. The days off are different. It's not Monday through Friday, you know, eight to five or whatever. So you just improvise, overcome, adapt,
First Responder Challenges: Balancing Work and Family
00:36:22
Speaker
and you just kind figure it out. Makes sense. Yeah. And that's why, you know, 17 years in the career, most people don't make it that long, you know, and most are out by, you know, year five or 10 or whatever.
00:36:30
Speaker
Rightfully so, because it it's a burden. It definitely is. so I think the thing you hit on there, what I have started to try to practice this is how do you give everybody a little bit of time and it's your focus time, right?
00:36:44
Speaker
And that's something that I've been trying to work on too. And I think that's a big piece and and takeaway for anybody, even if it's just 10, 15 minutes for each kid. Obviously, you want to give a little more attention to your wife. Yeah.
00:36:55
Speaker
If you can give your undivided attention to your child for 10 to 15 minutes, that's enough. Regularly, that's all they need. yeah and That's all they want. And most of the time I've learned, at least with my three kids, when they're acting out, it's because they're wanting somebody's attention, right? And so your your comment there of how do you...
00:37:13
Speaker
baking, playing for it. now just like It's perfect. Yeah. And I have to throw back to my mom. Love you, mama. Like that was, she told me that when I was a young parent, there was four of us and she worked full time too for, ah for a lot of the time when we were younger, she did go to part-time eventually, but she's like,
00:37:29
Speaker
just when you get home carve out 10 or 15 minutes that's exactly what right so she had 15 minutes with each of us and that was still an hour out of her night when there's hardly any time as it is but she still did that and i remember it like her just spending time with just me doing whatever or my sisters and stuff and so like it was just great advice yeah i just i love that yeah that's awesome yeah let me ask you something first responders one of the biggest things that i've read And then out there is, is balanced with your family and your love life, but it's also balanced with yourself.
00:37:58
Speaker
how do How do you, how do you, how do you, you know, like you'd mentioned the traumatic events that first responders see a lot more than normal person and all those things. How do you balance your.
00:38:09
Speaker
you're personal in that equation. I try to take good care of myself as far as like I exercise religiously. Like we're fortunate at when I'm on duty, they give us an hour out of our 12 hours to go into the gym and do what you need to do. Now we don't always get it because we're busy or sometimes another. So like today was just a complete e show of work. So like we just, I just wasn't able to get it in today. So it's not a big deal, but yeah,
00:38:33
Speaker
ah that's probably the primary thing um try to eat healthy as much as i can you know just like anybody else and keep the drinking to a minimum like i took this month off august to not drink anything it's the first time i've gone like a whole month that i can remember of not consuming any alcohol sauce and yeah it's uh i feel a little better like i notice it first couple weeks because you know just out of the habit like oh i'll grab a beer it's saturday or whatever yeah i'm cutting along but after that like i haven't really noticed it yet you know i had a couple of any beers or whatever but uh that's been a challenge so there's there's small things of self-care that's kind of how i try to keep it in balance because that's important yeah it is it's not just for first responders for anybody and doing anything like you can take care of yourself like everything else is going to be a little bit easier yeah just a little bit yeah as much as you try to put everybody you know in front of you if you don't take care of yourself yeah
00:39:22
Speaker
That starts with number one, your mood, everything. you're going to suck at everything else. no you've got You've got to find that. And it's not easy. I think us as fathers, in my opinion, I think we try to we try to put everybody ahead of us maybe And you forget about yourself sometimes. So finding ways to do little things like that, yeah a whole month off.
00:39:44
Speaker
Congrats, man. I mean, a lot of people out there have probably been sober for years. but it Like my sister stopped drinking after... ah some ah medical issues that she had. So she completely stopped drinking. It's been several years now. So, you know, a month's not really much, but, you know, just anything to kind of give the body a chance to recharge and recover a little bit. that So yeah it's never a bad thing. We all know that booze isn't good for you It's just fun.
00:40:08
Speaker
It is fun. It is fun. I mean, this is basically all it is. so I agree. I agree. Donnie, what about you from an entrepreneur perspective? I mean, you're living a... Life, you're always in work. You're working through stuff.
Entrepreneurship: Integrating Work and Life
00:40:22
Speaker
I mean, if a deal comes in, you have to pick up the phone. How do you balance everything?
00:40:26
Speaker
I've been self-employed for, God, eight years now? eight God, that's crazy. That's fantastic. That's awesome. ah So, you guys ever see that graphic of, this is an entrepreneur's life, and it's just...
00:40:40
Speaker
you know, chart of like, Hey, I started my business. Yay. Oh my gosh. My life sucks. I closed a big deal. Yay. I think I'm going quit.
00:40:51
Speaker
That's my life. yeah And, uh, I've learned to reign it in, but the first few years, man, were tough. Um, i heard So I started my business with my partner about five years ago, five years ago now.
00:41:04
Speaker
And um the the week we started out was when the world shut down with COVID. So we're like, dude, what are we going to do? It's crazy. we're We're in real estate. Nobody's moving. Are people gonna love going to let us go in our houses? Can we buy and sell houses?
00:41:19
Speaker
And we were actually at a business conference when we in the hotel in St. Louis City said, hey, we're going on lockdown. so we're freaking out. But there's a story I heard at that conference that stuck with me.
00:41:33
Speaker
This guy was saying, he was a coach up on stage. He said, one of my clients, big CEO, real estate developer, does what I do.
00:41:44
Speaker
And he was grinding and grinding for years, growing his company. And the day he did his biggest deal was like a million dollar deal. His wife filed for divorce.
00:41:55
Speaker
Wow. the bad day. So when I think of balance, I agree, Brian, I think it's bullshit. I think it's a myth, this work life balance myth. um The picture I see is like the tipping of the scales where like, okay, i'm I'm all in on work right now. So my, my work, my, my home life's down here.
00:42:12
Speaker
And for the first couple of years of my business, that's kind of how I felt, you know, business I'm, I'm crushing it right now. We just had a three straight awesome months, but I feel like my home life's falling apart.
00:42:23
Speaker
You know, just always try to balance that out. And when I started my business, my partner and I, we sat down and like had this vision that we created this like five year plan, you know, and when I would get to these benchmarks where I thought we were supposed to be and we weren't there yet, I would just beat myself up about it so much.
00:42:44
Speaker
And i wish I could have learned earlier that just things are going to happen how they're supposed to because I'm not where I think I'm supposed to be yet doesn't mean I still can't get there.
00:42:55
Speaker
And maybe there were some lessons and some growth, internal growth I needed to go through before we can actually get there. yeah And, um, so I, what I've learned over this entrepreneurial journey is is there are seasons of life where you're going pulled in different directions where you're required more to be at home with your family. You're required more to focus on your health or your marriage or business. And, you know, my wife and i I, think we just learned to give each other grace.
00:43:24
Speaker
um She hasn't supported me in the sense of like, I thought when I started out, like this is going to be a business. She's going to be a part of we're going to husband and wife team. And we're going on HGTV. You know, and that's, I mean, I've let go of that idea, but,
00:43:38
Speaker
she supported me in the way of like okay you're gonna do this all right you need to go out work late tonight okay i got it at home and just so being there to when i couldn't be giving my 100 at home she's picking up the slack and like i said giving each other grace in that sense but um so i like to think of it more today as the idea of i like the word integration where like you said mike making those investments into yourself and your health I'm trying to practice daily gratitude. So like right now, I'm actually excited excited about school starting back up because I get the kids on the bus early.
00:44:15
Speaker
My wife's out the door a half hour later. So it's 730 at this point. I usually don't have to be anywhere that early. So I have like an hour to myself where I can go straight to the gym or I can just sit out on the patio, drink my coffee and just kind of just practice daily gratitude, just kind of mentally prepare for the day, be alone my thoughts or whatever.
00:44:35
Speaker
um So when I work-life integration, if you make that investment in yourself, you bring that energy to your job, to your marriage, to your kids,
00:44:46
Speaker
every it's not It doesn't feel like you're compartmentalizing these different areas of your life now where things are out of balance. It's just, I feel good. yeah I bring in the right energy to everything and everything's just, um no, my my family's not involved in my business and that's okay.
00:45:03
Speaker
I've only seen one other person that does what I do where his kids are all homeschooled, their husband and wife team, they travel the country working on their business and like, that's just life.
00:45:16
Speaker
And I think just finally realizing like, everything's gonna work out how it's supposed to. And, you know, That's all it's got to be. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love that.
00:45:28
Speaker
Yeah. Well, and I think you hit on a couple of things, you know, um, for entrepreneurs out there, I mean, there's, there's so much there and I think you have the ups and downs a lot.
00:45:39
Speaker
mean, everyone has ups and downs, but you're, you're, you're bringing that home. I mean, everything is, yeah and everything's not, everything's weighing on it, but you have control, which is why you became an entrepreneur. Yeah.
00:45:50
Speaker
Um, but sometimes you can lose focus and you can lose that, but yeah, yeah You guys ever heard the phrase, comparison is the thief of joy? It's like in my space, networking with other real estate entrepreneurs and you're always comparing yourself to them. Like, why don't I have as many doors as them yet? why don't how How come I don't do these bigger deals like those guys? you know um you know And then maybe people started their journey at different places. Maybe they had a rich uncle, funded their business right away, or they had...
00:46:20
Speaker
uh but big chunk of change to start out their business you know so um letting go of that idea and not compares comparing myself the other thing too is in the uh this entrepreneurial self self-employment space like there's all these online influencers this the hustle and grind crowd maybe this you're out your guys algorithm doesn't fall into it as much as but i see this stuff daily you know it's like You got to sacrifice years of your life.
00:46:47
Speaker
All you got to do is grind it up, grind your dick into the ground at work, and then you'll be a millionaire. Fuck that. With nothing else to show the world. Yeah. I got to go back to the beginning. like You want to be that guy that did that and then just all that to get divorced and have half his wealth wiped out? The kids don't like you. Yeah. just like, don't forget that. You got enough to show for you.
00:47:05
Speaker
You had a million dollar deal and now you got half of that. That's not worth it. Right. You know, I mean, maybe that's good advice for 20 somethings or they don't have a family yet. Like you got all the free time in the world, man. If you want to build an empire and focus on that, do it.
00:47:20
Speaker
But for married dads, you know, you got to be there for your kids. You can't, you know, even if you're working a nine to five and you're that dad, comes home and sits on the couch and watches sports all weekend fuck that dude yeah you're not doing what you're supposed to do you're doing what signed up for and told your wife you know yeah i'm gonna be here i'm gonna do this you know well i think just one more thing like like you said like you said that get that dad guilt of you feel like work-life balance means like well i can't work late tonight i should be spending 40 hours week with my kids you know
00:47:54
Speaker
that that 10, 15, 20 minutes or whatever day you have with them, make sure you're present. yeah Be there. yeah Don't be on your phone. ah Just check out and be in their world. It's 15 minutes. right You can do it.
00:48:06
Speaker
um I put my phone in the room because i yeah I've caught myself doing it. like During that time, I'm like, oh, I got a text or whatever pops up. I literally go put it in my bedroom and shut the door so I have no distractions at all. and That's hard to do sometimes, especially for people that have to do stuff from home. Like I'm fortunate enough i don't have work from home or anything like that, but some people do. So that's true it's even more important if that's the case.
00:48:28
Speaker
Well, when you're in the startup phase of business, like you feel like there's always something that has to be done and there is, you know, and it's stressful trying to figure that out. But realize when you realize, okay, there are urgent matters or okay, this is my month bread baking activity.
00:48:44
Speaker
have to be there for this. Everything else is not urgent and it can usually get done in due time. Yeah. so yeah What would you be your one tip or advice for an entrepreneur out there that's going through maybe the struggle where they just come home and and obviously it's stress and they shut down or they lean on a bottle or whatever. What would be your one advice?
00:49:08
Speaker
We talk about alcohol a lot on this, you know, and I think we all had a... Pretty poor with alcohol growing up. oh And, you know, I've changed that over the years where I don't feel like I need to lean on that anymore.
00:49:25
Speaker
And, you know, we're having drinks right now, but we're just hanging out.
00:49:32
Speaker
I remember a few years ago, I'd get two, three, four glasses of bourbon in on a Tuesday night. Like, yeah why? Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it's like 500 calories. I always look at it for a physical. Off of that though, I would just say anybody that thinks they're trying to build something, you're always going to want more and that's just inherent with any entrepreneur.
00:49:56
Speaker
But allow yourself to enjoy the journey. Don't tell yourself, okay, when I achieve X, then I can be happy. Because that was the trap I fell in for the first few years and I'm you know, that would just be a perpetual cycle of letting yourself down.
00:50:13
Speaker
Love it. that That's great. That's great advice. then And, you know, I'm reading
Impact of Work on Marriage and Family
00:50:20
Speaker
book right now. It's King's Code and it's about an entrepreneur. Now you got the kids in there. think they're getting louder.
00:50:25
Speaker
And you would like it a lot. I had one of our yeah one of our clients. Yeah. And, you know, he talks about having a bottle of tequila every night and overcoming that and, and kind of seeking his pain.
00:50:38
Speaker
And it, that just hit home. And I started doing some, ah you know, research on a lot of entrepreneurs. One in five have families that have, you know, school grade kids.
00:50:50
Speaker
So, whether they're kindergarten 18, but one in five, like that's crazy. there a lot of There's a lot of entrepreneurs out there and a lot of them drink, you know, and and lean on that. So I think that's really good advice.
00:51:03
Speaker
So, yeah um you know, I think for me, As we're talking about, like one of my biggest traits is, you know, we talked about the mental but stuff is I have a habit of just working, working a lot, working hard.
00:51:18
Speaker
And sometimes and especially i would say like five years ago, I i would forget about that. You know, you have a kid at home, have a baby at home. And sometimes you just push on through and you think I can still keep the same habits.
00:51:33
Speaker
And that was honestly the point in life where ah had Kel call me out. we had, you know, we we weren't communicating as as well as we should.
00:51:44
Speaker
Obviously, she was going through changes with her her work and taking on a new career. ah we We lost sight of a lot of things that were important, you know, as far as you're spending too much time with kids. and ah we weren't spending that personal time together.
00:52:00
Speaker
And that was that was really important for me at that point because it was like, wow, we aren't. Like, i either some one of us are with the kids at night. We're falling asleep with them or, you know, you barely see and when you do, you had three hours sleep and you got to go to work and then I'd work till 630, come home, you would already be stressed with the kids.
00:52:21
Speaker
We just fight. And I think ultimately that was the moment where I immediately stepped on said, okay, I need to get a focus here and i really need to figure out a way that I can disconnect from work, from a very demanding job.
00:52:37
Speaker
and get back to a point where I'm able to support not only my kids, which I've felt like I've, I've always done that naturally. yeah love to cook. Um,
00:52:49
Speaker
love interacting with the kids, especially as they get older. I just love playing with them and being with them. That's fun. But all outside of the most important thing, my wife, that relationship. And I feel like as we looked at that, I agree with you. I like the integration piece um because when you talk about balance, there's so many different components. And I feel like people do lean on it.
00:53:13
Speaker
um You know, I've had employees, I've had mentors, I've had all these people lean work-life balance in a negative way. And it's like, okay, well, you put yourself in that situation.
00:53:24
Speaker
Just like I put myself that situation and realized that. And I think one of the biggest things we did, obviously, ah Kel, my wife, is very, I love her to death because she is so straightforward and honest.
00:53:36
Speaker
And she called me out and I couldn't deny it. I mean, it was one of those things where i just, Absolutely. So from that point on, I've really focused on, you know, really putting my time into the kids, which I'm, I'm always, I've always been good for, like you said, not sitting on the couch with sports.
00:53:56
Speaker
I've, I can count on one finger how many times I've taken over TV with sports in the past year. and And that was, you can take over your TV. cause I know. Right. Right.
00:54:07
Speaker
I had, I had down on my hands, how many football games I've watched like the last five years. Like, I know. I know. Well, and, and I've, I've naturally kind of gotten my kids to like, like blues hockey.
00:54:19
Speaker
If you're a hockey fan. My kids beg for it. It is so awesome. We took them to hockey game. And if you, if you're out there and you've never seen a hockey game and in person, go, when, when the season starts, go see a minor league game, ah go see a professional game. It is the funnest thing in the world. And, and,
00:54:36
Speaker
and immediately my kids were hooked where my daughter was like, Stanley Cup playoffs, the Blues were on. Let's watch that. The Blues got knocked out. She immediately was like, what team are we going for?
00:54:48
Speaker
And I was like, well, i don't know. what do you What do you want to watch? And she goes, I saw this really cool team lifting the Stanley Cup that had a lion on their shirt. I was like, oh, yeah, let's let's watch let's watch them. Nice.
00:55:00
Speaker
you know, as I've kind of grounded myself and and one one of my methods is to leave work um and turn on some music or turn on something that's going to turn off my mind.
00:55:13
Speaker
So I try not to think about it because I know when I pick up the kids, it's dad time. But then I talked last time about really kind of getting over sleeping with the kids and and not enabling them, letting them battle that.
00:55:27
Speaker
And that's given time back to my wife where, you know, we may watch ah an episode of Big Brother. We may watch just an episode, but we're hanging out. We get to talk and we get to be each other. And then, you know, on a Friday night, ah you know, what ah playing a game of Monopoly Deal or. Hell yeah. Yeah, Monopoly Deal. Oh my God.
00:55:47
Speaker
um It's just fun. Just turn off TV, turn on some music and and just be with each other. And i think that's the the one thing, like when I look at it, I've really been grounded in those those things.
00:56:00
Speaker
So much so where, you know, and I'm horrible at this. Like you guys talk about personal. I'm not that right now. I am... I go to bed at 1230, I wake up at 530, so I get less than six hours of sleep. I'm listening to you guys right now and saying I need to work on myself a lot more. I mean, it doesn't show it, but I'm stressed.
00:56:22
Speaker
not feeling 100% right now. and And that's on me. Like you say that work-life balance and balance in life. That's on me. So, um and that can be tough. um youre in a top script we be Yeah. yeah yeah be so hard myself I do like what you said there.
00:56:39
Speaker
Find those when you're with Kel, like, you know, what are those little moments that you can have? Even if they're short amounts of time, like we try to do that too. You get the kids down and you have a moment. We'll go just go sit on the patio in silence. yeah it's just like,
00:56:52
Speaker
but Well, not in silence, but we'll actually get a chance to talk, but we kind of take ourselves outside of the home, you know, and just sit there and just for a few minutes, how was the day, catch up what happened. You got to find those at times and you can get in a habit very quickly of being overstimulated throughout the day. And it's just like silence, go to bed, be done.
00:57:11
Speaker
Yeah. And finding those, again, finding those little moments are, I feel, key to to continue to have a strong relationship.
Advice for Expecting Parents
00:57:21
Speaker
nobody tells you how much your marriage is going to change when you have kids.
00:57:26
Speaker
And, you know, when you're dating and, you know, engaged, like you have, everything is about each other. And you have all like, I remember just come, we'd come home from work, binge watch shows and have drinks. And it just felt like every night was like happy hour, you know?
00:57:43
Speaker
And now, I mean, you're lucky to have that half hour a day with your wife if you're lucky. And I think what you touched on there, Doug, is changing your habits. If you're this, if you're, we're all pushing 40, if you're still behaving like a 20 something year old at this point with the family, like,
00:58:04
Speaker
I, you're a borrow time yeah as far as your marriage goes. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a 50% divorce rate in the U S for no reason. I mean, there's reason that people are getting divorced and that's probably one of them.
00:58:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, that's true. And I think kind of going back to the, Grounding that, you know, 75% of couples out it there have a negative experience with that balance. And rightfully so. I mean, that's a large statistic that makes sense because, you know, whether you're executive or you're working, um you know, working a service job and and trying to balance those things, that could be tough, like 100%.
00:58:41
Speaker
Um, and you know, I always kind of ground it back to, Hey, if if I were to give advice, pick a, pick a one time throughout the month, just have a date night go. And you know, in that, in that same sense, you talked about this with, uh, with the wives, uh, or your significant other, let them cut away too.
00:59:00
Speaker
100% like let them go do their thing. We talked about the man trip last time. Get away and treat yourself to some of those things. But then I, you know, don't forget about your kids too. Because I think that's important, especially if you're a parent expecting kids.
00:59:16
Speaker
um It is such an amazing journey um that, you know, don't let us scare you in a lot of these things because we're just being real with you. And if a lot of cases, if you can start communicating and talking about, hey, life's going to change.
00:59:30
Speaker
These things are going to happen. Talk now with your significant other. talk Talk about it often. um Be excited for the journey, but be prepared. Like, hey, i have a very demanding job. I work six to six.
00:59:42
Speaker
I know that can't happen with the baby. So I need to support you. You know, what do you need? Or what what what do you feel like I can do differently? Like have the conversation now. um to get ahead of that. If you're a first responder, obviously with some crazy hours, I think it's really important. Even if you're not a planner, like I'm not a planner, but my wife kind of forces it, which is good.
01:00:03
Speaker
But if you're a first responder out there, and like start talking about it. Yeah. Like it doesn't get easier as a first responder once you have kids. It just it way more difficult. So yeah, like you can talk about that beforehand yeah because you kind of know what it's going to be like, you know, or how it's set up, the the lifestyle is. so once you throw a kid or two into there, you can just only imagine how much more complicated it gets.
01:00:22
Speaker
Yeah. Well, and and I think too, one thing I've been really diving into, especially with my wife being gone is I'm trying to really focus on positive.
Finding Positivity in Parenting Challenges
01:00:31
Speaker
So you guys have seen me post some stuff around like just being in here and like, this isn't going to last forever and and just soaking in it. Even, well, even if your son throws half the water out of the bathtub and it's driving you bonkers, you know, I, I still in the night with, um,
01:00:46
Speaker
with a goodbye kiss and apologizing for my outbursts and just, just really grinding myself and saying, Hey, like, like you're awesome. and I love you. Um, just got to listen a little bit better, but you're awesome. So, you know, I think that's important when we're talking about that balance is,
01:01:03
Speaker
just just be in there for your kids and and i like do it what you said as far as picking that one thing and i've i've taken that over you know we talked about it weeks ago and just kind of mental health and bringing some of that stuff in and i've i've started to pick one thing with adeline which she loves baking so on the weekend we we follow someone on Tick tock be Dylan.
01:01:25
Speaker
He does old style recipes. It's the coolest thing in the world. And he's such a fun guy um to a point where and' i watch your watch a video. We'll pick that recipe out and we'll do it on the weekend.
01:01:37
Speaker
That's awesome. And then and then Gus, he just wanted me to play high psyche with them. Yeah, I decided to be a coach even with demanding. So I'm there. And, you know, I i watched a Jeff Daniels thing talking about his kids in ice hockey and, you know, the ride to and from and turning off the radio. And a lot of times it's just me and Gus and I'm able to, you know, hey man, how was the day?
01:02:00
Speaker
Like what's going on? I'm able talk one-on-one with him. So we have some time then we have some ice time and we can just be a father and son, which is awesome. So yeah, I think as men, men want peace and harmony in their marriage.
01:02:17
Speaker
And when you have young kids, things seem like chaos, but you have to realize like, There's going to be a day where the house is quiet and there's not that mess to pick up.
01:02:31
Speaker
And you're going miss that. You're going to miss it. And it's just going to be you and your wife. Yeah. What do we do now? If you're not investing, making those investments now. Yeah. Yeah. When the kids are gone, there's not going to be anything else. I love that. Love that.
01:02:44
Speaker
love that oh um but Yeah, well, that's that's today's episode. Hopefully everyone enjoyed it and loved hearing about some of the balance tips from different perspectives. And if you're going through, like said, some balance, drop a comment to us. We'd love to talk with you and and obviously interact with kind of your situation, especially if we didn't touch on it. I think that's important because.
01:03:07
Speaker
Obviously we have kids that are all similar age and we try to bring in the new parents and obviously the, the parents that have some teenagers. So, uh, drop line in the comments, obviously, you know, as you're looking at it, like, like us on, uh, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, you do YouTube. Yeah. Subscribe.
01:03:24
Speaker
Hit subscribe today. yeah's I didn't know that was a big deal about like subscribing and like till we started doing this. And I'm like, oh my, it's like hard to get people to click that little button. I don't do it either. I just like zoom around on there and I don't, yeah.
01:03:37
Speaker
If you made it this far, you will see this button pop up right here. Click it, click it. the button um And I think ultimately too, dadliving.com, Engage. we have a We have a new hotline number.
01:03:49
Speaker
Our website's sweet. Yeah. check Check out our website. We have a hotline number. Call us. ah leave a Leave a little something, something. You may get an answer from us too. You know you just never know. and But ah we love your feedback. Love your thoughts and and comments as well. so Thanks for being with us. Thanks, everyone. Bye. Take care. Bye.
01:04:15
Speaker
Welcome to the Pound of the Living!
01:04:24
Speaker
Welcome to the Pound of the Living!
01:04:32
Speaker
oh