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Episode 2: Breaking the Silence on Men's Mental Health
55 Plays9 months ago
Dad Livin' Podcast – Episode 02: Breaking the Silence on Men’s Mental Health
In this powerful episode of Dad Livin', your go-to dad podcast for real talk, laughs, and life lessons, we tackle a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention—men’s mental health, especially among fathers.
What We Talk About:
Join our hosts as they open up about the mental health challenges faced by dads today. From the emotional weight of parenting to the unspoken pressures men face in their roles as providers, protectors, and caregivers, this episode dives deep into the reality of being a dad in today’s world.
We share personal stories, honest reflections, and plenty of relatable dad fails, including the often-chaotic experience of traveling with kids. It's real, raw, and at times hilarious. Most importantly, it’s a conversation that encourages breaking the stigma around mental health and promoting men’s health awareness in a supportive, judgement-free space.
🎙Why You Should Listen:
If you're a new dad, seasoned father, or simply looking for a parenting podcast that isn’t afraid to talk about the tough stuff, this episode is for you. We explore the importance of:
- Opening up about mental health struggles
- Seeking help and support from your community
- The role of peer support and dad-to-dad conversations
- How to balance parenting, work, and personal well-being
Remember, you’re not alone—and it’s more than okay to ask for help. Let’s change the conversation and support each other.
Topics Covered:
- The impact of mental health on fatherhood
- Common dad struggles and how to manage them
- Traveling with children: tips, fails, and survival strategies
- Dad humor and learning through the chaos
- Encouragement for self-care, therapy, and seeking community
Subscribe for More:
If you enjoy parenting podcasts, fatherhood content, or just want to hang with fellow dads who get it, hit LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and turn on notifications. New episodes drop every week!
Let’s build a community of dads supporting dads. Drop a comment, share your own story, or tell us your best (or worst) dad fail!
Follow Us:
Instagram: @dad.livin | TikTok: @DadLivin | Website: www.dadlivin.com
#DadPodcast #ParentingPodcast #MensMentalHealth #FathersMentalHealth #DadLife #ParentingStruggles #Fatherhood #NewDad #MentalHealthAwareness #SelfCareForDads #PodcastForDads #DadSupport #ParentingFails
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Transcript
Introductions and Podcast Theme
00:00:00
Speaker
Well, welcome everyone. This is a dad living podcast built for dads and really anyone. And I'm Mike, by the way, I got two kiddos. They're 10 and eight.
00:00:12
Speaker
So I'm Brian. I've got three kids, two twins that are six years old now and a little guy who we like to refer to as our bonus baby.
00:00:25
Speaker
I'm Brian. You guys at this room call me Johnny. Some people call me DJ. They call me a lot of things. but I'm a father of three, actually. I'm Doug Yoko. Yoko. Yokes.
00:00:43
Speaker
And I have a five and a six-year-old.
00:00:48
Speaker
Welcome back!
00:00:55
Speaker
All
Men's Mental Health Awareness
00:00:56
Speaker
right. Welcome back to dead living. Welcome back. Number two. Number two. feel that energy. Episode number two. How about that, boys? Still working to King's.
00:01:07
Speaker
We made it. We made it. So, yeah. Dad Levin, today we're going to be talking about men's mental health awareness. In June, obviously this episode will be little bit after, but I never knew was a celebrated month until this year. know. Apparently it's been going on for a while.
00:01:25
Speaker
Celebrate. You know, and I um think any awareness make more awareness of it too. Yeah. So... The, you know, and that's the big thing.
Depression and Societal Pressures
00:01:34
Speaker
One in one in 10 men experience depression at some point. And, you know, I think even that like furthermore, 40 percent more men die by suicide, which is morbid to start.
00:01:45
Speaker
Wow. So then women, i mean that is. So, I mean, ah think it's definitely one of those things that obviously I took it to the extreme right there. And if you're going through something, obviously reach out and talk to someone, but having a close group of friends and talking about it and us talking about it today, I think helps.
00:02:03
Speaker
So, yeah. But I think we've, ah as dads, naturally you get put in situations that immediately, you know, obviously raise your anxiety, which it's fight or flight. So you get the depression going, you get the stress going. And I think ultimately ah it's definitely not talked about enough, right?
00:02:22
Speaker
Not at all. Yeah. And it's not just being a father. It's everything that's weighing against you and supporting your family and and all of that. And I think those are the things that definitely, you know, people don't think about. i think us as fathers or even just as men, there's a lot of things that society has taught us that, you know, you don't normally talk about or share. Like you're supposed to put that all behind you. and It's all weighing on you and it ends up building up quite a bit. So, ah yeah, there's I think there's a lot to unpack here. and
00:02:53
Speaker
a lot to, for us to understand from different perspectives of how to handle those things. It's a, it's a deep topic. It's hard for some guys to talk about.
00:03:04
Speaker
So, um I mean, let's be honest, even between us four, I don't, we've never had a conversation about something like this. So this will be, I think it's
Parenting Challenges and Mental Health
00:03:13
Speaker
good. Well, I mean, usually when it's too late, you know, yeah yeah when we're going through some hard stuff and it finally boils over and you guys are there, hopefully, know, fortunately, but, um I don't know before we get into there all that what's going on uh yeah the rest of our lives but but yeah before we get into the uh the seriousness there uh some dad happenings what's what's going on we got middle vacation land we got mexico we got doit nasty just got back from vacations with their kids which how was that boys it was well needed but also stressful at the same time
00:03:47
Speaker
Traveling with kids is special. Yeah. yeah yeah We were actually talking about it just before we we went on this podcast. and you know Traveling with a two-year-old, almost two-year-old, is not easy. Let's put it that way. I felt like we were being stared at the entire time.
00:04:04
Speaker
We had the stewardess trying to help us. We did everything we could. Let's talk about anxiety levels being high. It's a privilege to go be stressed and yell at your family in a different location. Yeah.
00:04:16
Speaker
Actually, I think being in public helped me on an airplane not scream at my children. and Yeah, you didn't want to let your true self out. Yes. Yeah. yeah Like you yell them at home. That wasn't happening. I didn't want us to emergency land the plane. What's wrong with that guy? There was a big video that went viral a couple weeks ago from ah one of the guys on Barstool.
00:04:34
Speaker
he was on a plane and there was a screaming baby behind him the whole flight. And he made a whole thing about it. Like, what do you do to shut up a kid on a plane or something? and People just laid in. yeah You obviously have no kids. You have no empathy for parents. like i probably thought that at one point too, though, before children. Like, dude, can't can't you make them stop? Oh, you can't.
00:04:54
Speaker
and And trust me, most parents are doing everything they can to, make you know, quiet their child. Right. And sometimes it just doesn't work. No. Yeah. No. And, you know, I think in those so sir like situations where you're younger, you don't have kids.
00:05:09
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely builds up even when you're older. i guess you could have sympathy. But yeah I was like, we had a lot of sympathy. like goly But even then it was like, oh, boy, the screaming. but i mean, he was throwing things at other passengers.
00:05:22
Speaker
I try to get him to be quiet. Launching the peanuts. Yeah. Oh, man. It was toys. It was everything. But luckily, we had really good people around us. So we survived. And, you know, traveling home is always the worst. Your vacation's over. That's when and all it happened. Yeah.
00:05:37
Speaker
So, but hey, we we made it back. We had a great time. it was good family bonding. ah It was fantastic. I completely cut out work. There was zero connection to work and really got to spend some good time with everybody. And it was needed. i Talk about mental mental health right there. Yeah.
00:05:54
Speaker
It was good. us as americans have a problem doing that like you go to these other countries and you talk to like europeans and stuff they're like they they think it's crazy we go on vacation for a week they go for like two two weeks so yes you know they're like why are you only doing a week it's like holiday is what the yeah what they just they do it
Vacations and Family Bonding
00:06:10
Speaker
for real though i I remember, I think it was when we went to Mexico and the, there was a couple guys that were like, well, where we can half in, we got, we still got four more days. So I'm just like, wow. Yeah. What's like the standard vacation in Europe? It's like what? At least a few months to here something. It's a lot more than us. I know that. yeah
00:06:25
Speaker
That's amazing. Absolutely amazing. But you just got back from Mexico too. Correct. Yeah, we did. And we had ah we had a blast. One with a brother-in-law. Yep, one with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and her two kids. And they're a little bit younger than my kids, but they get along nicely. you know but The beers were cold and the pool was nice and can't really complain about too much. So it's ah it's fantastic. I recommend it to anybody.
00:06:49
Speaker
you don't know what to do with your kids in the summer and you don't want to have to do anything for yourself, all-inclusive resorts are fantastic. rate if you can swing i i would say i think you know i've talked to multiple people and they were always worried about traveling outside of the country in particular to mexico um with young children and boy i mean it was it was easy not even a blip they' not concerned and i think for a vacation i didn't have to cook yep i didn't have to clean and that was like that's all i needed oh mean it was just tough to figure out what i would yeah you're just decide what you're gonna have but it was it was the it was
00:07:22
Speaker
more relaxing than I think other vacations that I've had. It was good. It was good. It's good to be back, though, and get back into a good, healthy groove. Yeah. yeah And get together with you guys. Absolutely. What about you guys? What do you guys got planned?
00:07:34
Speaker
ah Well, we did our big vacation earlier this year to Disney. and Yeah, that's right. yeah That was a big deal, so we're just doing a Branson trip to the lake next month. that grants in missouri for never been it's a wonderful little town i i don't think i've been since i was a kid even when we went to school in springfield yeah yeah we never visited that's right there it was the lamberts plenty of time yeah i guess you haven't been to lamberts too i'm gonna throw rolls worth it but how southern missouri how'd you guys like disney when you went i mean dude it would like they call it the happiest place on earth and i had totally bought into that like i don't know how you could have a bad time there and um
00:08:11
Speaker
it was We built it up in our head for so long and just what to finally be there and be in it was awesome. I was so worried. It was the first time we flew with the kids and they were amazing.
00:08:24
Speaker
I don't know. makes it nice. don't just finally got there. I'm like, I was more worried about like, this is going be my nightmare. Waiting in all these lines. You can go either way. That's why I still haven't gone. Well, I mean, I like go on a vacation, just have no itinerary, just up for whatever.
00:08:39
Speaker
When you go there, yep you got to plan exactly when going to each ride. I'm like, I'm just going to let go. I'm going to take it all in. And would i mean, I had the best time ever, so. yeah good that's good nice
Balancing Parenting and Self-Care
00:08:50
Speaker
oh it's so fun so fun especially if you stay did you guys stay on resort oh it wasn't honors it felt like we were on the resort it was like right next to it but um and you know you get some of the same perks but i mean it looked like a disney resort so it's nice when you drive in like their highway and it's all disney ah that's just awesome this It's cool place. Where are you headed?
00:09:11
Speaker
We're going to New York next week. New York. Yeah, we're we're going to the exact opposite of laid back and fun. Yeah. Yeah. Ashes to elbows. had someone on my work. Say I'm the, you know, best dad, me and Keller, the best parents in the world. And I'm just like, well.
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah, it'll be fun. You know, it's it's all about the adventure. Sorry, I heard it there. A little bit, a little bit. it may I'm more anxious and nervous around some of the tall buildings. and I was just going to say that.
00:09:40
Speaker
Like Midwesterners, big cities like that freak me out to an extent because we just, there's not that many big buildings here in St. Louis. and That's true. There just isn't. That's true. My whole thing, love sitting at the bottom and looking up.
00:09:52
Speaker
Love it. But when you're in there, and especially like the elevator or going up. No elevators. I had a dream the other night about going to the Empire State Building. and I've already been up there. So it actually was the most calm I've been in a large building.
00:10:08
Speaker
But if you know they have two elevators, you'd go up to the 80th floor, you get off, and then you have to go up to the 110th floor. Cool. You have to get off. And once we got off, the first elevator was broken and they were just like, oh, walk across and you can see down. Oh, you know, I have a little bit of nervousness around that.
00:10:23
Speaker
Other than that, I think the ah kids will enjoy it. It'll be fun. yeah Seeing the, you know, the sights and the sounds. We're going up there with my my sister and brother-in-law and they have two kids that are older that get along with our kids well. Nice.
00:10:37
Speaker
good or it'll be It'll be fun. Are you going to get a dirty water hot dog from the street corner? Yeah. I kind of have to, don't you? I've never been. but we we We talked about two things, getting copious amounts of pizza.
00:10:48
Speaker
yeah I mean, I'm talking eating the pizza. Any corner you go to, there's pizza. Some Sbarro's. Oh, hell no. You know, I realize that's unique now. They are really. no ball in a rare yeah yeah The kids are going to have fun no matter what you're doing. You know, like we built up Disney in our heads and we had all these worries and everything, but like it doesn't matter where you're at. They're going to have so It's time with your family.
00:11:13
Speaker
like Well, and and we went to Chicago last year. That was the toe in the water in a big city, and it was awesome. fantastic it was it was so much fun had a blast other than my my son busting his chin helping and having us having to find an er which is not fun with uh two kids at 10 o'clock at night in the middle of chicago but made it work um but yeah i think uh new york will be fun we have a our wife's ah a huge planner so she has everything planned and uh it'll be a blast just having them see all the the stuff out there so cool um so yeah
00:11:48
Speaker
yeah but i like no that's great um let's talk a little bit about some uh dad fails how about that oh yeah how about our dad fails yeah you had him yeah oh oh yeah what were you saying earlier about colton uh oh man we're just you so you know you get a little relaxed on an all-inclusive resort And when you got an almost two year old, he is running and he is going everywhere and he gets ahead of you at times. And man, he had some good spills.
00:12:18
Speaker
You know, you just, you feel for, he came back, his shins did not look great. Uh, not all caused by the trip, but I mean, the kid's just on the move. And I think, you know, compound that with slick surfaces and,
Seeking Help for Mental Health
00:12:30
Speaker
yeah you know, all the things, um,
00:12:32
Speaker
Yeah, probably could have had a little better eye on him at times. man By number three, you're paying just a little less attention. Yeah, we know that you know they're durable. So, yeah, that was awesome. I feel bad for him.
00:12:45
Speaker
yeah He's all right. Yeah, he's a strong dude. Yeah, he paid me back on the airport. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, got got you back with that. I had one on, uh, on Sunday. It was, uh, very hot here in St. Louis and I have pool in my backyard.
00:12:58
Speaker
You know, lucky with that. And we were out, ah Kelly was out running errands. We were in the pool and I was in there with the kids and it was just glorious. If you ever have a pool and you're just out there with the kids, you're, you're jumping, you're diving.
00:13:11
Speaker
And, uh, five hours later, um I didn't apply any additional sex or myself. Oh, my God. you want to talk about the biggest dad felt in morning.
00:13:22
Speaker
Kelly got home, and she's laying in the pool. I'm like, shit. Everybody's done. I came inside, and I looked at my shoulders. I could just tell. Everything was just red. Be red. I immediately was like, oh, my God, kids, get out.
00:13:34
Speaker
We got to put sunscreen on. I mean, it's 5.30. It's 5.30. Now it's okay to be. Now you need to apply Halo. Yeah. So I did the same thing last week in the mirror at the pool doing on our four-year-old I could not get my daughter out of the pool. Like, ah hey, take a break. It was 100 degrees. ah Take a break. Go take a snack and get something to drink. She wouldn't get out of the pool for four hours straight.
00:13:55
Speaker
So no sunscreen. yeah she Our parents didn't even miss sunscreen. I know. Yeah. We could we can talk about those all time. I mean, I had sun poisoning one vacation, and they all put me in a hotel room with, I think it was a Nintendo at the time. And I was at there. Yeah.
00:14:11
Speaker
They still went and had fun. They left me there. I see all over like online now, like don't wear sunscreen. It's toxic. like um okay What is it? It's either toxic or you get skin cancer, I suppose. so Or you get burnt really bad and you have to deal with that.
00:14:25
Speaker
I just wear a long-sleeved sun shirt the whole time. i'm I'm that dude that does that. It's not even the kids now. We went to Alabama a couple years ago. I just got burnt the first day. The one thing that you should not do is just drink and sit on the beach. Yeah, get burnt the first day. And, of course, about the $50...
00:14:42
Speaker
um long sleeve shirt at the like tourist center. yeah Still have it. And I've only worn it once. I wore that thing every damn day on vacation. I did. I did. i gets its use every year. Right. You're right. But you know, course, when you're, when your kiddos go through that whole pain and, and feeling that like the itchy part and all that stuff, you're like, great. That was on me.
00:15:01
Speaker
That's on me. hundred percent. Yeah. Dad failed. We're all human and we make mistakes and you just got to learn from them. And you know, next time I guarantee you you're not going to forget to do the sunscreen. Oh yeah. I've been Mexico and had too many surveys. and might be That was the only thing that was top of mind for me was sunscreen.
00:15:17
Speaker
I really haven't necessarily dad failed my own kids, but the other night we were at the ball game with, uh, it was my son's like little league night at the ballpark. The whole association was there. They got to walk on the field and everything for us. Awesome. but It was scorching hot out, humid.
00:15:32
Speaker
So ah I go to the kids. i'm like, hey, I dare you guys to take all your shirts off and wave them around. And like, yeah, I'll do it. And all the parents are and like, look, put your shirt on. I'm like, I kind of dared them.
00:15:45
Speaker
And then like we hit we brought a bunch of snacks and like, hey, here's a giant bag of gummy bears, guys. They have at it. And they're like, ah sorry, we don't like sugar. Yeah. All things have changed. yeah Speaking of. We got a child popping their head. Did he jump in the pool? Looks like he jumped in the pool.
00:16:02
Speaker
Oh, yeah. There we go. You get that yeah the dad living. Dad, look. Just, yeah, there it Even when you're doing a podcast, dadding doesn't stop. it doesn't. It doesn't.
00:16:12
Speaker
When you talk about the kids jumping in the pool. So yeah, I heard you. I heard you. All right. No. All right. don You don't have a dad. i you I'm perfect. I don't, I don't fail at anything. I have plenty of dad fails. I can, I can go on for days and days about all the dad fails I've had over my Maybe that should be an atmosphere.
00:16:31
Speaker
yeah if you guys Have you guys caught yourself at all just to have like that burst of, it's almost like you get mad for no reason at all? Have you had that? That's where live. and Most times, yeah.
00:16:44
Speaker
I swear. That's right as I walk in the door after work. Yeah. Well, you know, and it's like mine is always either in the morning or at night. In the morning, I have the roughest time waking up the kids. and I'm the first up. I'm waking up Kel. I'm waking up the kids.
00:16:59
Speaker
And I swear, andm I'm like, all right, I'm going to keep a level head. I'm going get stuff out. And one of the kids just has to be a, you know, shithead. So, and it's just like, I get mad for no reason. I catch myself. I'm like, why are you getting mad?
00:17:13
Speaker
Because they can't pick out a shirt. I'll pick one out for them. I'm at that point right now. So. I float my struggle lately is like, I'll ask him to do something. And it's like, I'm talking to a wall and I got to repeat myself 10 times. And then I started to get mad and I'm like, what else do I do? But start raising my voice, you know, like nothing else works. Right. Yeah. Sometimes that doesn't work. No, that's right.
00:17:34
Speaker
Yeah. When, when you have a baby and they're crying and you have to feed them and wake up in the middle of night and man, I can't wait till they're older. Yeah. Yeah, this is what you get when they're a little bit older and noop yeah and and they start getting a lot crazy. It's easier. Yeah.
00:17:48
Speaker
So. So. oh But ah awesome. Well, switch it over. So now we're going to the main, main part. Yeah. Mental health. Yeah. Mental health. So I think the big thing here, like as we're talking about this, obviously, you know, i just want to reiterate, if you're going through a tough time. If you're you're having, you know, depression or just bad thoughts, just talk to someone.
00:18:12
Speaker
Talk to your significant other. If you don't have a significant other, you know, reach out to a friend. Hell, reach out to one of us. I mean, hell, we'll talk with you. And seek help and and I think that's the biggest thing as we enter this because it's something where I've even held it in. I think we all have at some point. And it's tough because, you know, we have to show up for the family and the kids every single day.
00:18:35
Speaker
And so do our significant other. So, you know, they're obviously women out there. You're in the same boat. So yeah ah just talk to someone, I think, as we go through this. a lot more awareness on this topic already. And there's there's professionals out there that you should seek and they do help.
00:18:55
Speaker
ah And it's, you know, and if you're not comfortable talking with somebody that's close to you for whatever reason, That's why they're there and they do know what they're doing and they make a difference. Yeah, they really do. Because I think, you know, parenting is tough.
00:19:10
Speaker
Life is tough. Honestly, you know, when ah you don't even have to have a kid listening to this and you may just know like us talking and love the topics we're talking about and be going through something.
00:19:23
Speaker
And that's that's something that's tough. I mean, when you become a dad, I mean, you. yeah have this weight of the world world on your shoulders all of a sudden, you know, and um man, you feel like you, you gotta get everything right and you don't want to let people down. And you know, ah you don't always want to share some of the insecurities with your wife. You just want to feel like you're doing a good job and providing and being a good dad and Um, it can.
00:19:53
Speaker
Yeah. if If you're not talking to people, if you're not taking care of yourself physically, doing the right things to be in a good mental state, um, you can end up in a dark place. Uh, I've been there. I'll share some of my experiences, but, um, you know, I, I looked into this a little bit, just knowing that we're going talk about it. And I jotted down some stats here.
00:20:13
Speaker
Um, one in eight men will experience depressions at some point in their lifetime. One in five men will go through periods of anxiety at any point in their life. Um, worldwide, there's 800,000 suicides every year, roughly 500,000 in the U S alone. 75 to 80% of that are men.
00:20:33
Speaker
It's crazy. Nobody talks about yeah And with that, that we're getting to the extreme end of this, you know, but it starts with, um, you know, feeling lonely, isolated, which you hear about a lot more in today's society with men.
00:20:45
Speaker
Um, but yeah, I mean, this one blew my mind. Suicide in the U S the
Expectations on New Fathers
00:20:50
Speaker
11th cause of death and number two in men under 45, which is wow. And that's, that's shocking.
00:20:56
Speaker
I mean, think about 45,000. forty five thousand Wait, what's, what was that? 50,000 in the U.S. So 30,000, 40,000. I mean, that's a full house at Bush Stadium. yeah Think about that. Every year. Yeah.
00:21:09
Speaker
Year after year. Yeah. And that's that's crazy to think about. Like, absolutely crazy to think about. Mostly because ah we've we've just been kind of trained as men, not maybe from our parents, maybe from social media, maybe just from social norms to, well, you're a man, buck it up, deal with it and move on.
00:21:27
Speaker
And that works sometimes. But in my experience, like it only works for so long. Like you can keep shoving it away, but I'm just going to keep getting worse and worse. And I'll certainly share some of my experiences as well. But um, just sucking it up.
00:21:40
Speaker
It only takes you so far. And we kind of talked about this already. It's like, you got to find somebody to be able to help you else you're not, you can't do it by yourself. It's hard. How much have you heard over the last several years too, that just men are the problem.
00:21:53
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Yeah, exactly. Not, not men have problems. yeah They are. No, we are the problem, you know? Yeah. And, uh, at that that alone, I mean... That'll get to you. Yeah. yeah That'll get to you.
00:22:04
Speaker
No doubt. I mean, sure, have men done shitty things? All people have done shitty things in the world, but just to lump all men into, you know, all men are... Yeah, that category. Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:15
Speaker
Well, and I think, too, as, ah you know, the society we're in, obviously, men were dominant throughout the years, and we know, obviously, women have just the amount of fair rights as we do and all that stuff, but...
00:22:28
Speaker
And there's almost a point where, you know, I think why we started this, there was so much content out there for moms. Yeah. And moms have obviously gotten together and talked about it. And I don't think there's a lot of men that are coming front like forward to say, hey, I'm experiencing this.
00:22:44
Speaker
But the cool thing is, as I've been researching topics for this and i've as I've been working with you guys on. what's going on here immediately. I'm starting to see some of this, this content up there on Tik TOK and Instagram on Facebook, which is so cool because it was something I didn't have before.
00:23:00
Speaker
Just guys saying, Hey, it's okay. And even, you know, I saw a thread where, um, some, someone was going through a very tough and, ah the amount of support and comments out there was just astronomical. And I think I sent it to you guys from a sense of just, wow, this was awesome.
00:23:19
Speaker
I think it's touching. And I think it's um it's awesome when you can say, hey, like, stay in there, stay strong. You know, we're all together. um Much like, you know, women have had to do over the course of the years, rightfully so.
00:23:31
Speaker
So it's just awesome see, for sure. absolutely So I think when we talk, you know, obviously parenting, What that does, and i do you guys remember the first day you walked with your first child or children Asti's case right there? yeah um just i took a picture, and I still look back at it because I was so young, naive, and I didn't know road ahead.
00:23:56
Speaker
They literally give you a baby out of the hospital. They don't give me any instructions. I wish they did. And maybe as we go through this, this will help you build some confidence in what you're doing and just give you a pat on the back saying, hey, you're doing a great job.
00:24:09
Speaker
But I remember at that moment how overwhelmed I felt and how excited I felt, but how you're starting to get that anxiety. And i remember that first night.
00:24:19
Speaker
ah remember, um you know, the drive home. To drive home. Oh, yeah. You talked about that last time. Yeah, we did. oh you and White knuckle. I triggered it right away. Yeah. There's just so many different things you don't think about until you're in it.
00:24:31
Speaker
And sometimes that can just feel like it just overwhelms you. Oh, yeah. Right. And immediately in our bodies, you know, we have cortisol levels that... You know, in today's world, it's highest it's the highest it's ever been.
00:24:43
Speaker
ah Each person on average has 10 times more cortisol in their bodies than their're than they're supposed to. So as you're fighting that and you have different stressors with work that come into play that then compound when you come home,
00:24:58
Speaker
And you have young kids or you have a crying baby that can't sleep at night or has colic. God bless you if you do. um But that's something that just compounds in guys and and especially dads and parents. You know, mom's out there too if you're listening.
00:25:12
Speaker
I think it's definitely one of those things that for your significant other, one thing, the one advice that I have is talk. You don't sleep at night, talk. If you're um leaning too much into the bottle, talk.
00:25:25
Speaker
And if you're the mom out there and your husband's doing that, talk with them. Like, honestly, that's the biggest thing I could tell you is confront them because I think I leaned on that. We'd put the kid down.
00:25:36
Speaker
Kelly naturally would go to sleep and I would just ah go into the ah bourbon a little bit more. So ah not because I ah needed to, was because i I just felt like I needed the alone time. But then it started to get progressively worse until we had the kind of blow up fight.
00:25:51
Speaker
And that that's the moment I remembered, oh, wow. Okay. I need to pull it back. I need to pull it back and I need to check myself because I'm not 100% right. Yeah. I'm sleeping four hours a night, which doesn't help. That's part of being a parent. Oh, yeah.
00:26:05
Speaker
Like, it's okay that you're sleeping four hours a night. It's going to happen. Your body's going get used to it. Maybe less than that. Less than that sometimes. We've all been there. Just don't let that stress, like, go to bed.
00:26:15
Speaker
Go to bed with your significant other. You'll feel a lot better than drinking that, that three or four glasses of bourbon. I guarantee it. So, yeah, I, I, I don't think, uh, you can get by being a new parent and not have your mental stress, your mental health tested. And it's gonna, you're going to take a knock for a while.
00:26:37
Speaker
And yeah, Man, I mean, I looked at some of these periods I've gone through where my mental health was struggling and like I go back to like, how was my sleep regimen?
00:26:47
Speaker
What kind of food was I putting body? Was I getting out in the sun every day? um Was my physical activity? When you have a brand new kid at home, that's all out the door. yeah And you go through this stretch of just feeling like a zombie some days and like, man, looking back, it's just a blur. Like I was saying we should do an episode about being new dads. It's like, man, it's Yeah.
00:27:07
Speaker
I don't even know. I don't know how much I can recall. I'd have to like really do some deep thinking. yeah that's Yeah. Even with my third, that was, I didn't, I felt like I was parenting all over again and it was different going from twins to just one.
00:27:20
Speaker
um but It was easier. Don't get me wrong, but it was still. Yeah. t I mean, those talk your your wife's going through all kinds of hormonal changes and postpartum depression and all that. And that's another layer on top of what you're trying to struggle with as a new father and figure everything out. So, it man, I'm not trying to scare people away from having kids. yeah It's just as it's a tough stretch when you have a newborn to married.
00:27:48
Speaker
brazz is we've evolved to be able to handle this so like you'll you'll be fine like if any new parents out there like the thousands of generations before us have experienced it and gone through it so and what's better now is you're not alone no you're out you can find people like us that'll talk to talk about it or other things like you know generations before literally just had to deal with it yeah Yeah. Well, I mean, we're all the same age. were all starting families around the same time. So, you know, we had a lot to lean on and like, what, what are you guys doing about this? Anybody else going through this? Again, communication, right? Be able to pull on the channels that you need to. oh I mean, just community. Yeah, I, you know, i I think even nowadays, it's something um I find myself turning for, you know, um we we go through these stretches where we're all busy with work or doing stuff with our family and we go maybe um maybe a month or so without seeing other sometimes. And man, it's like ah in a perfect world, like, man, like I think every dad should have like at least one night out, you know, go be with friends or go do your hobby or whatever. you you need to get a break. Yeah.
00:28:59
Speaker
Well, think the big thing there too, is give your a significant other a break too. Yeah. You know, balance it out. And I know it can get like a tug of war in some sense, but there's three areas that I've found that you need to focus on obviously.
00:29:12
Speaker
Well, actually for your personal, you got to give yourself some, some love, um, be with your friends, you know, obviously have some guy time. That's important. Let your significant other have their time with their friends.
00:29:24
Speaker
or family or whatever. Just tell them to get away. But then the fourth one, which is important, go out. Take take a date night. At least have one date night, at least a month, where you guys can just go out without kids.
00:29:36
Speaker
ah See a movie. Yeah. ah Go out and get some, you know, appetizers and a drink or ah dinner. So... That's, that's my big thing. yeah So, and to genuinely want that for your partner too, and not always like jockeying time with each other. Yeah. and You do that sometimes like, you know, you did this, so I get to do this. It's yeah yeah it's not about keeping score or anything like that.
00:29:57
Speaker
So, which can one percent be tough. It is. Yeah. No. great I agree. um What would you guys, as far as you know advice for dads out there, what have you gone through and what would you give from that as advice?
00:30:12
Speaker
For me personally, i went through some... what I believe undiagnosed, but I think stress levels and anxiety got really high and I had some health issues. ah I know you guys all know about this, but at one point at work, there's, I think the culmination of everything, um ah new, a new son, i think yeah he was only two months old. I had the twins um and I found myself at work with having some type of seizure stroke.
00:30:41
Speaker
Nobody can really tell me what it was, but Falling to the ground, my body had reacted to me. and And I'll admit, I'm one that I hold it all in. And
First Responders and Mental Health
00:30:50
Speaker
I think my body had finally reached a point to where there was too much going on. And it was its way of reacting and saying, you got to stop.
00:30:58
Speaker
yeah um And so my now recommendation and also just through my profession and and working in human resources is making sure that you're taking full advantage of the things that are offered to you.
00:31:10
Speaker
A lot of employers offer fantastic benefits. um whether it's, you know, through um counseling sessions, and free therapy sessions, um you need to be looking into those things and taking advantage of them and don't feel guilty or, um you know, out of place because you're you're using that or talking to somebody. um You know, unfortunately in my life, I've had people recently pass away.
00:31:38
Speaker
I've had people in my life commit suicide. um A lot of things that you know, we're hitting on here and, um, you have to find ways to deal with that. And you have to talk to people. You have to communicate.
00:31:52
Speaker
Lucky for me, I have a spouse that I can do that to, you know, unfortunately some things at work, you try to hide, you try to do your best and you don't want to let that bleed in. Um, because you worry about, well, what, what will that do to the family dynamic or you know, whatever, but you've got to talk to somebody and, and whether that's a professional, whether it's your spouse, whether it's a friend,
00:32:12
Speaker
sibling, your parents, you know, whatever it may be, ah there's, you've got to get out of your head that that's, it's okay to do that. And I think as society, at least for men, we've been brought up to, to not think that that's okay. Like we're the men, it's not, we don't talk about these things. Feeling, you don't have feelings.
00:32:30
Speaker
Yeah. you You swallow that and you move on. Yeah. Like you got, I've realized the more that you can talk about these things, it it is such a sense of de-stressing just to be able to communicate about it. Yeah.
00:32:45
Speaker
Yeah. Well, yeah so, yeah, I would say look into all the resources that are available to you. Turn to family, turn to friends, um because you're going through this. If you're having those types of thoughts about are you important? You are.
00:32:59
Speaker
You're unique. People care about you. And that's all that matters. Like you are important. Yeah. You need to be here. You were put on this planet for a reason. And so take care of yourself.
00:33:12
Speaker
Seek help. I, know yeah, just life experiences. It's, it's tough. You, you, you grow a lot, you get exposed to a lot of things. And, you know, even us, we've had difficulties that we've been able to lean on each other. And, uh, again, just being able to talk, being able to get through it, like,
00:33:30
Speaker
Don't be ashamed of that. I think it, I think at every, so at some point in your life, you're going to feel that way. Yeah. And it's how you react in that moment. That's going to change your course. Yeah.
00:33:41
Speaker
I mean, I, I've certainly learned that stress will wreak havoc on your body. And I don't know if that's what it was for you. It was panic attack or what, but it was, who knows? Nobody, nobody knows. Nobody can tell you. The shaking, the, yeah, it's,
00:33:55
Speaker
Yeah. Which, which in your, you're really everything. You're the most vibrant person probably all ah out of all of us. Like, well, thank you. If anyone saw Asti, he's fun. He's loving. He's the life of the party.
00:34:08
Speaker
I mean, I'll, I'll say that. I'll take, I mean, I, I think we all have our characteristics and I mean, that certainly doesn't describe me. I mean, this is a guy who were an Ashless, S-less chaps in the Halloween party. Okay. Okay. That's way before the edge of the, oh, but maybe I should bust those out. I don't know. Maybe I fit. He still has them.
00:34:28
Speaker
If I could fit. Oh, I don't throw anything away. It's a Halloween costume. yeah Oh my word. But the resources that as that you have with your, obviously, company and All different, but reach out to your h r director, VP, yeah person over your division.
00:34:45
Speaker
And yeah, that's such a key, key piece. And I've, I've had employees use that and I've asked myself a lot of times like, well, why haven't I used that? Or why, why haven't I taken advantage of that? So that EAP employee assistance program is what they're referred to today. And i and I guarantee you if you work for ah ah almost any organization is going to have something like that.
00:35:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Or if not, it's built into your medical plan. Great. Yeah. Great. Any anyone else? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I could talk about this for hours and hours. I know last time we were on, I talked about me being a police officer. So for all my first responders out there, I feel you because we probably deal with this.
00:35:27
Speaker
more than anybody else and are forced to kind of shove it aside more than anybody else just due to the type of work that we do. So I think, and I wasn't as prepared as you guys were, but I know the stat is like the average American experience is like two traumatic incidences in their entire life.
00:35:45
Speaker
An average first responder will respond to at least two or three traumatic things in a week, if not in a single 12 hour shift. Wow. So it's it's literally death by a thousand cuts because we are just constantly exposed to like the worst of everything.
00:36:02
Speaker
And you have to deal with it, finish the call, and then go to the next one and act like nothing happened. Wow. as you go home to your family go home to your family so you might literally be dealing with like you know a dead baby that just drowned in a pool or you know whatever horrible thing you could possibly think of and then literally yeah you have to just handle it like deal with it however you're supposed to move on to the next call then you got to go home to your family and and and be dad be husband be whatever it is so it is extremely difficult knife certainly
00:36:34
Speaker
I didn't know what it was for like the longest time. um Years and years it's built up. I've been a police officer for seventeen almost 17 years now. I described it as i could feel my pot of boiling water was always full and the lid was shaking.
00:36:51
Speaker
You know, when you're cooking pasta or whatever, and any little thing would cause it to just that lid to explode and I would lose it, whether it was my kids. I say this, like the only person I was nice to all the time was my wife. And I can honestly say that like for whatever reason, she didn't piss me off. but everything else did all the time. Like it didn't matter what it could be the smallest, like the things that kids do, they drop shit or, you know, whatever stupid stuff yeah I would, I would lose it.
00:37:16
Speaker
And as soon as I lost it, I knew i was responding incorrectly, but I had already responded and I didn't even have a chance yeah to like pull it back or like try to deescalate myself a little bit because my anxiety and my stress and later I learned my depression was affecting me so much that that like my body would didn't give me a chance to because I was in such a state of not shock, but just a state of whatever, just to heightened yeah everything all the time.
00:37:44
Speaker
So I finally hit kind of a breaking point last year. There wasn't like a, well, I say there's not a specific thing. We added a dog to the family, which I think just added more stress to my life. It seems silly, but puppies add freaking stress to your life. Another kid. ass yeah Yeah. Child. And so, yeah, kind of hit a a breaking point where my wife and I finally just kind of and we talk a lot, just like Asti said, like my wife and i have a very good relationship. We talk about stuff all the time. She's a great sport.
00:38:09
Speaker
I try to protect her from some of the more horrible things that happen at work, but. She's always right there to listen and talk to me all the time to try to try to get me through this. um But yeah, I kind of hit a breaking point last year I just felt terrible all the time. I was just kind of in the dumps.
00:38:24
Speaker
I was just yeah mad all the time again for no reason. And I i sought it help. I literally went and I went through our yeah EAP program. I found a counselor that that we had who was actually a former police officer as well. So it was kind of nice having somebody that had experienced it. Oh, yeah.
00:38:40
Speaker
and talk to and stuff like that, which was great. And I went talked to my doctor about medication, which I never thought that I would have to go talk to my doctor about like, hey, man, I'm really feeling like crap. Like, what can I do for this?
00:38:51
Speaker
And it took a minute, more than a minute. It it took a little while, a couple different medications until I finally found something that man, I feel awesome. Like I, I, I've said this to my wife and any of my family members that are listening, I'm like is this what you're supposed to feel like all the time? Like happy and not mad at every single thing that happens and just ready to tear somebody's head off constantly.
00:39:12
Speaker
So it's been so freeing and so liberating to be able to like, just feel like that. And you see it in your wife. She's like, when I do, when something happens, she's like looking at me for a reaction affecting like me to lose my shit.
00:39:26
Speaker
And then she's kind of waiting and then nothing happens. and I'm like, hey, what's up? What's going on And then she's like, you're good with that? I'm like, yeah, fine. That's fine. So I'm like a walking billboard for seek help, whether it's counseling, whether it's your doctor for medication, whether ah all the different things that are available. Like I can tell you that it does work.
00:39:45
Speaker
It takes time. It's not instant. um So you're going to have to be patient and work through it while you're going through that because there's lots of stuff out there and not everything's going to work for you. But have hope and um then be strong because it you you can get
Breaking the Stigma and Conclusion
00:40:00
Speaker
through it. yeah Yeah. Again, walking billboard, I've seen the most horrible things that people can experience. and um I'm coming through it.
00:40:08
Speaker
So, you know, I still got a lot of time left, but I feel equipped and and ready to go to to finish out this career. And for all my first responders, I can't say it enough. It's like, man, don't be the macho, badass SWAT guy or whatever. They're like, well, yeah, we don't talk about that shit.
00:40:25
Speaker
F that, dude. Like we're human. We experience it. If anybody thinks they can go through a career of law enforcement or any other first responder and not experience depression or any of the other mental health issues, dude, you're nuts. You're lying to yourself is all you're doing because we all go through it. We just don't talk about it.
00:40:43
Speaker
I couldn't even fathom yeah half of which, I mean, i agree one thing. yeah I mean, you you see that as a, I'll say as a civilian or just normal person. And and like like, you can't imagine that.
00:40:56
Speaker
You've told me about accidents and and some of the stuff that you've, like motorcycle hitting a car going 50. Most horrible thing. Without a helmet. it's just like, you know, that guy.
00:41:07
Speaker
like It phrase sounds terrible. I've gotten used to a lot of that stuff. And again, any of my first responders listening, they're all shaking their heads right now. Like, yeah, I've gotten used to, you know, you know, the, the, the gore and all that stuff of, you know, accidents and different, you know, violent scenes and stuff that. The stuff that bothers me the most is the stuff with the kids.
00:41:25
Speaker
And if I talk about it, I'll get teary eyed just, just talking about it's just like, cause kids are innocent, you know? And when horrible things happen to kids, it's just like, damn, like it just gets to you. all right It just gets to you bad.
00:41:37
Speaker
um That makes me angry. And it probably, it probably makes you angry too. It does. And you have to control yourself, obviously, especially nowadays. I mean, eyes of the world, they're on police more than ever, which I'm fine with because I do my job professionally and I do it well and I don't worry about, yeah you know, what you see on the news and all that stuff.
00:41:55
Speaker
Uh-huh. Yeah, we're just taking it one step at a time. And it is. Yeah. Well, and that's that's another thing with the first responders, like using your resources. Yeah, I think more so than ever. I mean, I have to give a shout out to my chief. I'm not going to name him on here, obviously.
00:42:09
Speaker
But he's been fantastic with being open about we're all dealing with this. You need to seek to help. Here it is. Every few weeks, it seems like he's sending something else out about help here, help there. We have a peer support group that they've started our department.
00:42:25
Speaker
If you don't have these things at your departments or whatever, like, I highly recommend it. And even if your chief's not on board with it, i I bet you your city or your district or whatever has some type of EAP that is willing to help you out.
00:42:38
Speaker
um Because you're not going to do it on your own. You're just not. No. I thought I battled it for years thinking I could just deal with it until, like, again, it finally just was like, hmm. I mean, that's, that's the manliest thing you could have ever done. Just finally say, Hey, I can't keep going on like this and I got to change. And, you know, it was my doctor that told me that my, my GP doctor was like, dude, you've, you've just shown how much of a man you are by coming in here and talking to me about it and trying to figure this out because most men won't.
00:43:04
Speaker
Yeah. And it's a shame because there is help and you can feel better and you can feel normal. You just, you have to go out and find it. It's not just, it's not just going to work. Sounds terrible.
00:43:15
Speaker
We're all, all of us first responders, we're all already screwed up. We've all been scarred and we've all been, our brains have literally changed due to what we've experienced. And you can't,
00:43:26
Speaker
normal people can't hardly do it on their own. So if you think you experience all this traumatic stuff and you can still do it on your own, you can't, it's impossible. It took me way too long. Like I, that's the only thing kicked myself about is I waited so long. I wish I'd have did this 10 years ago.
00:43:41
Speaker
I'd wasted all that time with my kids of just being kind of an asshole sometimes because I was always mad. And I kicked myself for that because, you know, my kids are 10 and eight now. They're not obviously teenagers, but it's like, I missed a lot of that because I was,
00:43:54
Speaker
in my funk all day you know so yeah it kind of sucks so i'm trying to earn some of that back right now like i'm trying to like he gain some of that back yeah yeah i have to earn anything back oh i know yeah to me it feels like i my kids love me no matter what and and you're an incredible dad you know at the end of the day that i know that that we're all going to be tough on ourselves yeah and especially through what you've been through but you i mean you're an incredible dad yeah i appreciate that yeah i'm trying hard We all are. We're all fortunate to go see it. And shout out to all the first responders. We appreciate you yeah What you do i mean, it is is something, once again, I mean, I'm not built for that.
00:44:31
Speaker
ah My brother-in-law is a first responder as well as Mike. and That's something that ah we appreciate all you, uh, throughout the night. I talked to you about the overnights and what that does to your head too. That's a whole nother aspect. Talk about, talk about putting the stress in and and going from ah vacation of going from the day to night. Once again, I can't even fathom it. I'm doing it tomorrow. going back to night shift after they're being, you know, awake on days for the last week and a half from vacations. God bless you. And, you know, thank you for all you do. for why you think I got all great hair. Yeah. Yeah.
00:45:04
Speaker
ah yeah I'm just glad you can open up and share all that with us today, Mike, because like i I know a lot of other first responders. It's like, I'm sure maybe you felt at this too. Like it's hard to relate to the normies. Like you just want to gravitate to your circle of definitely people doing what you want to do. Well, that's the problem though, is that like you gravitate to your circle of first responders and everybody acts like it's not a problem. Right.
00:45:25
Speaker
And then it's just a vicious circle of nobody does anything to try to fix it. out Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I am so glad that we're doing this and I'm able to talk about it because I was like that. I didn't want to tell anybody about my problems or I didn't want to tell anybody I was on medication.
00:45:37
Speaker
Forget that dude, like that we should all be able to enjoy ourselves and have a happy normal life, whether you're on medication or not. It doesn't really, that should that doesn't make a difference. Like it's a pill you take once a day, whatever it is.
00:45:50
Speaker
And if it makes you feel great, awesome. That's, that's why it's there. That's why they were created. So do what you can for yourself to, you know, make yourself better. agree. Yeah, I agree.
00:46:01
Speaker
So, yeah yeah yeah, that was, that was, a ah oh that was, that was a good one. I'm not going to lie. I did expect something like that, Doid, but that was, uh, I think I just saw a new side of you that I've never seen even through those years of friendship and knowing that, you know, you've, you've dealt with that. Yeah. Well, I didn't talk about it.
00:46:20
Speaker
Yeah. Your buddy's always like, oh, what's the craziest thing you've ever done? You always just kind of blow it off or whatever because you don't really want to tell them right what's the worst thing you've seen and all that. It's like, you don't want to know the worst thing that I've seen, you know? oh But no you guys have always been there for me too. Like, even if I didn't talk about it and stuff, just having like the relationship and having you guys around and it's it's always helped kind be normal. I mean, I think always knew to pick up like when you didn't want to talk about those things and you just wanted a normal night, there you know?
00:46:46
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. ah how do How do you think you masked that for so long. Oh, I did a poor job of masking because it was coming out. It was just coming out in different ways. And, you know, like I said, it was coming out in my anger. It was coming out in, uh, just, just depression, just feeling yucky. And, uh, just a couple times just completely falling apart and breaking down and just horrible sobbing just with my wife. I remember it vividly and like,
00:47:15
Speaker
I remember just looking up at her and I like was uncontrollably crying, had no control over myself. Like, what's wrong with me? what What is going on right now? And I didn't know because we talked about it. So it's again, I didn't didn't know what it was.
00:47:29
Speaker
Those types of experiences are weird and a lot of people maybe don't experience them, but, um, I don't think there's abnormal as I think they are. I think people are going through them. They're just not talking about it. yeah So, um, wow. Uh, yeah. But I, as far as masking, I, uh, I think I did a poor job masking. it I think my wife always knew, like, I think she, something was wrong, maybe not able to identify and exactly what it was, but,
00:47:54
Speaker
Um, cause she, well, shoot, we'd been together for, oh my gosh, we started dating when we were 12 years old. So yeah. Uh, quite a bit. toio i'm eleven I'm a, I'm a one woman man. Um, so she knows me and she has seen me change.
00:48:07
Speaker
27 years. Wow. Yeah. She's seen the change over this career. So she's had a front row seat to it all. So, um, yeah, I didn't mask it well. Like I said, uh, it, uh,
00:48:19
Speaker
Well, I mean, maybe it was hard to at home around your wife, but like just going back to work the next day or yeah like being in a social setting where maybe you just wanted to put on a tough face, you know, or. Yeah, definitely. And, they you know, he's just trying to blow it off with a joke or laugh. Like most first responders were pretty good at dark humor. So we, we blow it off some way like that, that, you know, not talk about it or just make it funny or whatever when it,
00:48:44
Speaker
You know, it's not funny if you're being completely, none of it's funny, but you, that's just kind of how some of us deal with it is, yeah you know, dark humor, kind of blowing it off type thing. So, because nobody, they don't tell you in the police academy, like, how to deal with that.
00:48:59
Speaker
You know, like, they're not like, hey, you're going to see some horrible stuff. um This is what you need to do. No, there was no class on that. Yeah. Wow. There was nothing. So... Well, definitely use it. Use your resources if you're out there and you're going through it.
00:49:12
Speaker
Yeah. That's the name of the game of this episode. Yeah. My goodness. All right. So this is the end of episode one on mental men's health. So we're going to continue this over to another episode. So stay tuned for more next week.
00:49:25
Speaker
Before we go. Yeah, real quick. I got to give a shout out to my baby girl. ah Her birthday was just the other day. She turned 11. So I love you so much and so happy you're part of my life. sweet Happy birthday.
00:49:37
Speaker
See you all. See you all next week. All right. Don't forget to follow us. Like everything. Comment um on anything that you like. You want to hear? Yeah. All right. Dad will living Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Twitter. It's not Twitter anymore. No, it's X. You can tell I don't tweet. ever Definitely not on LinkedIn. So catch us next week for part two.
00:49:59
Speaker
That's right. Of men's mental health. Love y'all. yeah Love y'all. Bye. See y'all. here Bye.