Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to Dirty Briefs.
Speaker: Dirty Briefs.
Speaker: Dirty Briefs.
Speaker: Dirty, dirty, dirty.
Speaker: Fun one today, children.
Speaker: Because we're talking about our old friend Faith.
Speaker: And not Faith Hill, the gorgeous country music star.
Speaker: But actual Faith.
Speaker: Now,
Speaker: Let me preface this episode by saying this.
Speaker: This is not about religion.
Speaker: Because I am not a religious person.
Speaker: In fact, I grew up with no religion whatsoever.
Speaker: I thought religion was evil.
Speaker: I still think a lot of religion is evil.
Speaker: Religion is responsible for more deaths over time than anything, including the plague.
Speaker: That's a lot of death.
Speaker: That's a lot of murdering just because somebody doesn't like to think exactly the way that you think.
Speaker: Now,
Speaker: I'm fine if religion brings you community, if it brings you belief in a higher power, but it's when you try to inflict your views on other people, when you try to impose, you're a poser.
Speaker: I don't need that in my life.
Speaker: Whatever works for you, great.
Speaker: And if you want to preach about it, that's fine too, but only when people ask.
Speaker: Do not just go up to people and talk about,
Speaker: religion and how it's going to save them because it worked for you, especially when most of it is a bunch of hokey pokey bullshit.
Speaker: Faith.
Speaker: is very different than religion because faith is about loyalty it's about commitment faith happens constantly when you get on an airplane you have faith that that plane is going to take you to your destination when you go to a restaurant whether you think about it or not you have faith that your food is not going to come out with a bunch of dark curly hair in it
Speaker: that the food's gonna be delicious.
Speaker: When you get in the ocean, you have faith that a shark is not going to chop off your leg and use it to floss his canines.
Speaker: When you have sex without condoms, better believe you got faith that you are not gonna explode inside and cause a baby to come out nine months later.
Speaker: When you begin any endeavor
Speaker: There's faith, whether you think about it or not.
Speaker: Even if you just say, I'm going to walk to the grocery store today.
Speaker: There is faith that you will arrive at the grocery store and be able to pick up that vanilla bean creamer that's going to make your coffee oh so delicious.
Speaker: There's faith in everything all of the time.
Speaker: If there wasn't, you'd feel helpless.
Speaker: You'd feel listless.
Speaker: You would feel just...
Speaker: Lost.
Speaker: That's the word I was looking for.
Speaker: Lost.
Speaker: You got to find what works for you.
Speaker: When I first started stand-up comedy 14 years ago,
Speaker: I had faith that one day it would just magically work out as long as I put in the work, I planted my seeds, and I kept trying to do it to the best of my ability.
Speaker: If I'm kind, if I work hard, and my talent will shine through, I have faith that all of this work that I have done
Speaker: will continue to build my career, myself, everything around me will rise up because I believe that it happens.
Speaker: Because what's the alternative?
Speaker: What's the alternative that I say?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Maybe it won't happen.
Speaker: Maybe I'm just doing all this to pass the time because I can't think of a better way to spend my life.
Speaker: No, I have to believe that all of this is going to work out.
Speaker: I have to.
Speaker: I have faith in myself because that is what has worked for me in the past.
Speaker: I've been tested, as I'm sure you are.
Speaker: What do you do when you're told no, when people are trying to rock your faith and bring you down to their cataclysmic unhappiness?
Speaker: What do you do when it feels impossible?
Speaker: I'm going to tell you a quick anecdote.
Speaker: I remember when I was...
Speaker: about to film Roast Battle Season 2 for Comedy Central.
Speaker: And I had not been cast yet.
Speaker: I was going through the motions.
Speaker: I was the number one Roast Battler in LA.
Speaker: I was the top-ranked person at this comedy game.
Speaker: And I had been so for over a year.
Speaker: I knew that I was going to get chosen for Roast Battle Season 2.
Speaker: I knew it.
Speaker: And then, all of a sudden, I'm at the comedy store one day, and there's all of this talk going around, all this hush-hush.
Speaker: People are congratulating each other, and finally go, okay, what happened?
Speaker: And I found out a bunch of people had gotten a call that they were going to be on Roast Battle Season 2.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: It rocked me.
Speaker: It shook me to my core.
Speaker: I went home and I pondered quitting.
Speaker: I thought about what have I been doing for the past eight years?
Speaker: I finally have found something in comedy that is really marking my name, that I'm showing that I am here to stay, that I am a player in this game.
Speaker: And even this, when I'm number one, I don't get a phone call?
Speaker: I was depressed, I was angry, I was livid.
Speaker: But you know what?
Speaker: The next day, I got that phone call.
Speaker: The next day, after I'd been freaking out, thinking I'm not good enough, why don't people see what I feel inside?
Speaker: Now at that moment, I did not have faith, but that's what this story, this anecdote is about.
Speaker: Look for past evidence.
Speaker: I'm sure that you have done many things right in your life.
Speaker: And there are many times when you did not expect anything to come out of a situation and then magically it does.
Speaker: You have been successful in a myriad of ways.
Speaker: And that will happen again.
Speaker: Maybe not on the first try, maybe not on the second, maybe not even on the 17th.
Speaker: But if you have faith and are willing to do the work, well, that's when miracles happen, everybody.
Speaker: That's when they happen.
Speaker: How else are you supposed to keep going?
Speaker: You got to believe in something, even if it's only yourself, even if it's just the fact that the sun will come up tomorrow.
Speaker: That's probably not what you were thinking about.
Speaker: Some of you might go, fuck, it is?
Speaker: I don't want the sun to come up.
Speaker: I want to be shrouded in a dark cloud, which is exactly how I feel all of the time.
Speaker: But that's not going to happen.
Speaker: Because those clouds are going to dissipate.
Speaker: And there she is again.
Speaker: That beautiful sun.
Speaker: Shining down.
Speaker: Giving us all life.
Speaker: Giving us a reason to believe.
Speaker: Once again.
Speaker: Faith can be found anywhere.
Speaker: Anywhere.
Speaker: But you have to at least believe.
Speaker: That something better.
Speaker: Will come.
Speaker: Because it will.
Speaker: I was tested like fuck this past year.
Speaker: And you know what happened yesterday?
Speaker: I played tennis for the first time.
Speaker: For the first time in eight months.
Speaker: I had a knee surgery and my orthoscopic surgeon told me, do not ever play tennis again.
Speaker: Well, I didn't believe that.
Speaker: I had faith that if I did my exercises and if I was patient and I worked hard, I could play.
Speaker: And you know what?
Speaker: It felt incredible yesterday to be back on the tennis court.
Speaker: Smashing that ball, forehands, backhands, beautiful serves.
Speaker: Did I have my full speed?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Was I able to burst out of nowhere like I used to?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: But I have faith that
Speaker: that those things will return as long as I believe I'm patient and I put in the legwork, literally in this case, the legwork.
Speaker: You gotta believe.
Speaker: You gotta believe that it's gonna happen for you.
Speaker: Otherwise, what are we doing here?
Speaker: What are we doing?
Speaker: I have faith every day and I didn't realize that that's what it was because for many years I didn't.
Speaker: For many years I was just a curmudgeon that wanted to die and make the world as miserable as I felt all the time.
Speaker: Well, that's not faith.
Speaker: Faith is belief that I will get better.
Speaker: Faith is knowing that after 37 years of having hardcore debilitating eczema, that maybe tomorrow I will wake up and my skin will be magically clear.
Speaker: Maybe?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But I have faith because if I don't, I'm afraid of the alternative.
Speaker: I don't want to not believe that it can't get better.
Speaker: I don't want to believe that my status won't change, that it can't change at any given moment.
Speaker: That's the beauty of life is you don't know when you're going to win the lottery, even if you didn't know you were playing the lottery.
Speaker: You do not know what is going to happen.
Speaker: You can plan and you can put things in your calendar, but in the end, it's all a crapshoot.
Speaker: From day to day, we never fucking know what is coming.
Speaker: And that's how I wake up.
Speaker: Every day I wake up and I say, gosh, will today be the day that that magic audition comes in that does thwart my life in an upward direction and I can keep that momentum going, keep fueling that fire?
Speaker: Yeah, it will.
Speaker: Because if it didn't happen today, well, tomorrow,
Speaker: is gonna be goddamn beautiful.
Speaker: I'm still not religious.
Speaker: I'm barely even spiritual.
Speaker: I believe in things, sure.
Speaker: I believe in the power of kindness, in that our energy can neither be depleted nor created.
Speaker: I mean depleted, sure, it can be depleted.
Speaker: It can't be extinguished.
Speaker: Where's my energy gonna go when I die?
Speaker: Is there gonna be a blade of grass that's annoying as fuck that's trying to make you laugh by how loud he can be?
Speaker: Or is how silly his voice can get?
Speaker: Maybe, because it's gotta go somewhere.
Speaker: And I have faith that if I continue to do the work, that all of this will work out in the end.
Speaker: Think about your past experiences.
Speaker: Think about times before when you couldn't believe that it worked out.
Speaker: Maybe it was as simple as you cooking a new batch of bolognese sauce.
Speaker: Maybe you thought, this is never going to be as good as my grandmother's.
Speaker: And then you put just the right amount of spice, of oregano, of basil, of a little bit of crushed red pepper, and then suddenly you taste it.
Speaker: Delectable.
Speaker: Delicious.
Speaker: You nailed it.
Speaker: You don't even know how it happened.
Speaker: You believed.
Speaker: That's how it happened.
Speaker: Because if you don't believe, you're never going to get there.
Speaker: But if you do, what's the worst that can happen?
Speaker: Something doesn't work out?
Speaker: Who fucking cares?
Speaker: There will be plenty more opportunities for you.
Speaker: I really like doing this, everybody.
Speaker: I'm glad you're here.
Speaker: I hope you're listening.
Speaker: I hope you're getting something out of this.
Speaker: I hope you're entertained.
Speaker: HooperComedy.com, you know that's where the tour dates are.
Speaker: At HooperHairPuff on all social media.
Speaker: Follow me there, everybody, because it's just going to keep coming.
Speaker: Ooh, let me give you one more quick example of faith.
Speaker: When I was in Japan for two weeks, I barely did any stand-up.
Speaker: And then I came back, and the very next day after I returned, I shot a set with Comedy Central.
Speaker: Now,
Speaker: I had faith that I just knew what I was doing because I've been doing this for 14 years and I know how to be a stand-up comedian.
Speaker: That is one thing I can confidently say I know how to do.
Speaker: So I went in there, loose, ready, relaxed, and I did what I did because I had faith that I would do it to the best of my abilities.
Speaker: Do you have faith?
Speaker: Check in next week and we'll talk about it.
Speaker: Leave your comments here.
Speaker: And everyone, whatever you're doing, you gotta have faith!
Speaker: Thanks, George Michael.
Speaker: Thanks, Limp Bizkit.
Speaker: I'm Alex Hooper.
Speaker: We'll see you next time.
