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Italian Dracula
87 Plays2 years ago
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SHOW NOTES:
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Transcript
Renfield's Toxic Friendship with Dracula
00:00:01
Speaker
I, I saw that Renfield. Oh, meet the Renfield. He's the Dracula's best buddy. From the country of Transylvania. He's a page out of. He is a page out of. Man, this song writes itself. Yeah.
00:00:30
Speaker
Wacky. Get this. What was it? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. The whole thing. It's about what, what a bad relationship they have. Oh no. He's like, Oh, I hate my boss. Oh, I'm going to codependent relationship. Relationship therapy, but I don't think you'd go for it. Hmm.
00:01:00
Speaker
Yeah. It's like they took a movie from like the late nineties. Analyze this with a vampire. No, it's more like a enough, but with a Dracula instead of, uh, some slick back hair guy who isn't Dracula being like, I'll kill you, you bitch. You can't, you can't, you can't betray me like this. It's just like a bad boyfriend movie, but
00:01:31
Speaker
with Dracula as the bad boyfriend. And he's not a boyfriend, he's a boss. Well, it was like, I found myself being like, I think they're trying to imply that Renfield is gay. And then I realized that there was already a whole plot that they'd established where Renfield had a crush on a lady. And I was like, oh, well, I don't know what this movie is trying to tell me. Weird way to live your life if you like the ladies.
00:02:01
Speaker
Yeah. Renfield really will be inviting a girl over to their house and it's got a Dracula in it. Yeah. Got a mattress on the floor and the dark Lord. He just has one folding chair set up in front of a TV on the floor with a PlayStation and Dracula.
Dracula in Pop Culture: Games and Movies
00:02:30
Speaker
Yeah, well, on that PlayStation, he might have Castlevania. So, you know, which one's the better Dracula? Now is the point of Castlevania, you are trying to kill Dracula, right? Yeah. I don't feel like Dracula would be cool with that. You'll spend all your time playing those video games. Somebody makes me the final boss in a video game. I'm going to be very cool with that.
00:02:59
Speaker
I just don't know how I'd feel about my loved ones, uh, all sitting on the couch, like waiting for like a flashing spot on my belly to light up and then firing a rocket launcher into me.
00:03:15
Speaker
I would be, yeah, that's, that's pretty good. Now with Dracula, I think it might be a problem that, uh, they're, they're using garlic and holy water. They're letting all of his secrets out. That might be the problem. If it, if it really were a Dracula game where it's like shoot the glowing spot with the grenade launcher rocket launcher, because, you know, I, I, those, those aren't my weaknesses either. You know, that's fine.
00:03:44
Speaker
You know how sometimes in these like Dracula movies, they'll be like, so we kill them with a wooden steak, right? And they're like, no, that stuff's just from legend. The real way you got to kill a Dracula is blah, blah, blah. They always want to have a different thing for their Dracula movie. So they say, Oh, those are just old fairy tales. You can't really kill Dracula with a crucifix.
00:04:10
Speaker
What if in this new Dracula they were like, no, no, no. Garlic, forget about it. What you got to do is wait for his belly to start flashing and then you fire a rocket at it. It's
Humor and Mnemonics in Daily Life
00:04:26
Speaker
been that way since time immemorial. He opens his mouth and that's when you punch. Yeah, he has to wait for him to expose his weak spot. And then you do a combo move on him.
00:04:39
Speaker
It's the only way to kill him. Folks, we don't have a podcast. We don't. Uh, what did you think? Was it a good movie? It was all right. Okay. They really do make every movie about some sort of trauma now.
00:04:56
Speaker
I was like, couldn't Renfield just be like a guy? He's like, I love bugs. That's the Renfield I know and love. You just want a gummy movie. I want to be like, oh, I love Dracula and I love bugs. This one's just like, Dracula, you're abusive and I don't have to take it. And then Dracula slaps him around and then he cries.
00:05:22
Speaker
Which would, which would you rather see a movie where Dracula is being a real bastard to a person or a movie where a guy's just like, Oh, Dracula, I love you. Oh, more bugs, please. Option B. Give me that bug guy.
00:05:44
Speaker
It was all right. And if it's a comedy, Renfield can end up on a new version of Fear Factor and just eat all the other contestants' bugs. Yeah, that's a great idea. Have Renfield go on Fear Factor. Renfield too. And it's him having to deal with Joe Rogan being a bully to him.
00:06:11
Speaker
But it's not this new, new version of Run Field. We're, we're getting a 85 year old Tom Waits to show up. Let me sing a weird jazz song. I love to eat bugs. That's a movie. Mama Mia. Has anyone ever played Dracula as an Italian guy? I feel like that could be fun too.
00:06:41
Speaker
Oh, um, maybe in Italy. Yeah. Do they have an Italian Dracula? He's like, I pulled your blood on a noodle. I think you're still doing like the regular Dracula voice. Mama Mia, I love the blood.
00:07:04
Speaker
Is that, that's not what Romanian people sound like, is it? They walk around like, whoa. They do that to each other on the street. I think we had a accent game of telephone where Billa Lugosi just talked in his regular voice. And so that's how we imagined drama. And then everybody else did weird takes weird impressions of Billa Lugosi.
00:07:33
Speaker
Yeah, maybe that, hmm. Kind of like how they, how Raoul Julia was so good as Gomez Adams that now he is canonically a Latino guy. To the extent where we can have a Luis Guzman play Gomez Adams. Yeah. That's wild. He's not, not canonically a sexy guy. Like that, that didn't stick.
00:08:02
Speaker
Well, he could be sexy ones. Like I'm like the right in between, uh, John Astin and Roll Julia. We don't have a podcast. Sadly. No, we don't. That's this is, this is what we're here for. Yeah. It's going to change podcast. Um, last time we tried a podcast. What was it?
00:08:29
Speaker
What did we do? Top 10 lists, that's right. I think we did a pretty good job, a little too good of a job because we were told not to do it anymore, right? Oh yeah. Were you just trying to make me feel better? Did David Letterman really get really mad at us and say like, your lists are better than mine and you've made me very sad and I will not allow this podcast to continue.
00:08:58
Speaker
He came busting in here with his wild unkempt beard. Yeah. He'd smashed my laptop and he said, no more top dead lists. They're my legacy. You're undoing my legacy. And then he burst it. He turned into a cloud of bats and flew around the room and I started crying. Yeah. It's funny though that I could not recall
00:09:26
Speaker
what the last one we did was, because the first thing I have written down is a podcast called How to Remember Things. Well, I think we should make that the number one idea of the week. How do you remember things? I mean, I don't for the most part, but I do have remembering some things and really bad at other things. Very true. I can tell you all about
00:09:56
Speaker
the episode of Rescue Rangers where they get involved in a cult that worships a soda fountain, but I still, every time I go to the pharmacy, I draw a big blank on my wife's birthday, and then I say, please don't tell her that I always do this. And then they go, that's your wife? You're picking up for it? I go, yes, I'm sorry, I can't remember her birthday.
00:10:26
Speaker
They're like, how do you not know? Like they seriously start grilling me. Because I remember the things that are fun to run over. Yeah. You should, you should start telling them about that risky Rangers episode. It was called cuckoo Cola. And they sang a song and said, come along. You belong. Feel the fizz of cuckoo Cola.
00:10:52
Speaker
And then they would bathe, they had white robes and they would bathe under the soda fountain and the different flavors and dye the robes. I've changed my mind. Do not tell them about that. If you would like to pick up those pills, that's a dead giveaway. Don't give this man, uh, someone else's medications. I mean, I've been a soda soaked robe chanting, come along, you belong.
00:11:21
Speaker
But I do because I, I, I really just have no, no idea of how to control my memory. I have all kinds of little, little tricks and things that I do to help me remember things.
00:11:46
Speaker
you know, mnemonic devices and that sort of thing. Yeah. I have many mnemonic devices and just, uh, historical associations. Uh, when, when that movie, uh, slumdog millionaire came out, I was like, I really get this. I super get this. Just about any, any, any question I can go directly to a not important time of my life.
00:12:15
Speaker
This reminds me of the time I fell down in a pit toilet. Yeah. I, uh, yeah. And, and honestly, I could, I could not tell you another, another damn thing about the new ones or about the Slumdog millionaire movie, other than the part where he's in the Dookie and then the dance at the end where they sing Jai Ho.
00:12:38
Speaker
That's the highlight reel in my mind. I need to come up with mnemonic devices to remember the other things that he knows in Slumdog Millionaire. There's something though. It's a thing like the concept hit for me. It's well-directed and everything. I've only watched it once and I can't say a whole lot more about the movie itself, but that is how one way that memory works. And I was like, yeah, that's,
00:13:09
Speaker
That's got it. Hmm. Yeah. I wish I could unlock the whatever it is that makes me remember a thing forever because it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be good. Or useful. Or really impactful. But it does seem like maybe.
00:13:32
Speaker
if I learn a mnemonic device that is stupid, it sticks with me forever. So maybe they need to be stupid. For example, I remember learning, like having this guy come to our school who had his system for mnemonic devices to just like memorize certain things.
00:13:59
Speaker
And he had published these books and flashcards and stuff. And he had one that was, uh, like all the States in their capitals and each one had a little funny, uh, illustration. And I don't, I don't recall any of the ones with the States to the capitals, but I do remember that he also had a book that was how to remember every book of the Bible and what the book was about.
00:14:30
Speaker
And I do remember one of those that it was a,
Adventures in Podcasting and Filmmaking
00:14:34
Speaker
it was a little cartoon drawing of two books, trampling a guy while they sang. And it was, it said, do it, run on me. Okay. Do the, for Deuteronomy. Yeah. I know that much, but, uh,
00:14:56
Speaker
As a heathen who quit going to church around the age of 13, I can't tell you what a whole lot of the books are actually about free donuts and soda. It's this one's about two books who trample a man while they say, I wish I'd been paying a little more attention. That sounds, uh, ready for adult swim, you know? Yeah. From the, from the people that brought you Renfield comes do it. Run on me.
00:15:27
Speaker
He's like, the books, they just keep running all over me. Then they're singing while they do it. Is there like a stampede in that book of the Bible? Like what's going on in there? Do you remember?
00:15:42
Speaker
I, I'm pretty sure that this was like the library scene in Ghostbusters. It's one of the many, it's one of the multiple books of the old Testament where God's just making lists where he's like, nobody's allowed to have shellfish. And if you have a period that's bad, I have no idea why that guy drew two books trampling.
00:16:11
Speaker
But because it had to be two books because they're doing a duet, they're also running on him. The thing that I remember the most as far as mnemonic devices was when I was really young, like fourth or fifth grade.
00:16:31
Speaker
I guess they were trying to give us a taste of what was to come and made us memorize something like 25 different elements from the periodic table and their symbols. And my mom came up with a whole bunch of really dumb, but I still think of them when I think of iron, which is F-E,
00:16:55
Speaker
like Phi Phi Pho Phum, the giant and Jack and the beanstalk is strong and so is iron. Or lead, which is PB. And do you want a peanut butter and lead sandwich? No thanks. Sodium, which is salt, is N-A. Do you want some more sodium on your fries? Nah.
00:17:26
Speaker
Like she
Frozen Yogurt Economics
00:17:27
Speaker
just came up with all like a whole bunch of them and I aced that test. And I still think of them all, even though it's not really necessary, but that flashes up every time. Yeah. For whatever reason, I think of periodic table symbols. I think that we've cracked the code. It has to be stupid. It has to be so stupid that you think of it every time.
00:17:55
Speaker
It's the first thing that you think of when you hear that word has to be the stupidest thing you've ever heard. So what's, what's something that we can, that we can remember. Oh, I know my wife's birthday. It's November 12th, 1981. So.
00:18:25
Speaker
Nav,
From Markets to Presidents: A Whimsical Journey
00:18:27
Speaker
maybe, maybe like Navi Dodd, Feliz Navi Dodd. So we got Santa Claus, but he's in a low rider. And then he, he gets out of it. And he goes, Hey, how many days of Christmas are there?
00:18:52
Speaker
Because he's like a Fonzie Santa Claus. He's an A guy. He showed up early. So that's got our November 12th. And then 1981, he goes, this is my friend, Igby. Because 1981 kind of looks like I G B I. And then this little guy goes, wait, what's up, I'm Igby. Here's your films.
00:19:24
Speaker
Um, I've got, uh, I, I, I think that, uh, there could be a gross sex explanation for 81. Okay. I'm listening. Uh, uh, if you think of about 69, uh, number kind of explains itself, I think 81 can also, uh, be self-explanatory. He would like to put the one in both holes of the eight.
00:19:55
Speaker
Uh, this is a sex Santa Claus and he showed up early because he couldn't wait. 12 days of Christmas. Let's extend it. I was picturing the eight being like a, like a big pair of boobs.
00:20:10
Speaker
Okay. It could be a butter boobs. They could be a butt. It can be butts, boobs, or, or two different bowling balls. Yeah. It's Santa Claus. He's getting out of a low rider and he's just putting his hard member in between round things. But a, but a boobs, uh, he's got two big melons, uh, and then two small round pills.
00:20:44
Speaker
He's picking up all the different pills and putting his wiener in between them. Now I have to ask you right now, your camera went off and it says press camera button to activate movie shooting.
00:21:05
Speaker
There I press the button. OK, I thought possibly you were going to make a movie. Yeah, I've been making up secretly. I've been making a movie this whole time. I yeah. I've got a new set up here and it's not all the way put together, as you can clearly see. I understand. But I did. I put I put the.
00:21:31
Speaker
table away
Anecdotes and Nostalgia: From Derby to Rain Sticks
00:21:32
Speaker
and I've got this little couch that I can recline on here while I podcast but I can't if I put my leg up then we see my leg in the camera now which I don't like it's it's very pale and meaty yeah but this could be I mean I was thinking about releasing the video as a patreon bonus feature where you can get the video version
00:22:00
Speaker
now that that's a possibility. They added video to Patreon now. We're in the beta. Yeah. Could be good. I added another light in here because I noticed that I was a lot darker than yours. We gotta get you a ring light. We'll give you some dramatic eyelashes. I don't wanna do that.
00:22:29
Speaker
Can I have one of those minor caps? You just have like a shining light shining directly into the camera. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon. OK. Do you have an idea for a podcast? I do. This one is called The Idol Invisible Hand. This is idol like.
00:22:54
Speaker
Like Adam Smith's theory that the invisible hand guides the market of capitalism, but the idle invisible hand is free to be the devil's playground. This would just be a podcast where from top to bottom, we go ahead and look and see what's for sale this week.
00:23:25
Speaker
We can do the Sotheby's and Christie's auction houses and see the really fancy stuff that's available. And we can go back to our old stomping grounds and just see what's up for grabs at Wish and everything in between. Now, I know that I'm showing my ass here, but everyone's already aware of how confused I was about the
00:23:51
Speaker
parable of the cave, but I've never been able to understand what the invisible hand is supposed to be. Like, I think it's, uh, exactly the same thing as on, in those old sing along videos where you follow the, the bouncing dot or the bouncing ball, the little, yeah. They can. Uh, I, I think it is a metaphor that is, uh,
00:24:20
Speaker
not very instructive. I think he was just like, there's stuff going on that you don't immediately see. Sometimes the market could completely surprise you, like a ghost giving you a hand job. You never expect it. You're not necessarily mad at the ghost, but come on. I'm in my first communion.
00:24:48
Speaker
It wasn't me, it was the invisible hand. Yeah. First you sit on it until it goes numb. Not, not an excuse Shaggy used. Now I, I will, I will say that the, uh, the invisible hand, I think does have some confusing ideas about what I should be buying online for a while. Uh, it was, it kept advertising. Uh,
00:25:17
Speaker
One of the things that a dentist uses to UV cure those white fillings, the little ultraviolet wand that they put in your mouth and light up for a few minutes after they give you a filling. The ads on Instagram really wanted me to buy one of those for home use.
00:25:46
Speaker
Does that actually do anything? Because that always felt to me like a placebo effect thing. Like this thing looks futuristic and sciency. And it's at the dentist and it doesn't hurt. So people are like, well, it doesn't hurt. And it looks like. I mean, we can find out.
00:26:13
Speaker
I got the hookup through Amazon. If we were to buy one, we could start doing our own fillings and see if that thing really does, if it is a game changer. Lately though, it keeps trying to get me to buy an industrial frozen yogurt machine for my house. Well, that's just a good investment. I mean, I don't eat that much.
00:26:40
Speaker
You said industrial. I'm thinking more like, uh, that's, that's the freezer edition. That I would like, it's like the one that you said so nice, but, but also there's just a button so that it's always got about 12 ounces of froyo in it.
00:26:59
Speaker
Oh, this is, this is identical to the one that you might see at like a pink berry or something. Okay. That's too much. It's the whole churning machine that you have to fill a hopper with frozen yogurt liquid. And then it has to run all night and run all the time so that you can pull the lever and a little bit of frozen. You bring up a great point. I just need to go to a pink berry and acquire a.
00:27:28
Speaker
giant industrial plastic bag of Froyo. Yeah. Yeah. And then I can just, uh, keep it refrigerated, but then squirt some into a cup when I'm ready. Oh my God. I think I might've just, I might've cracked the code. So, you know, you go to one of those places and they, they're like, you could put any toppings you want on the yo yogurt.
00:27:58
Speaker
And, and you're like, Ooh, when you go crazy, you're putting too much toppings on. And then you, you get up there to the checkout and they're like, all right, let's weigh it. But I bet we could do the math and find some stuff in that store that isn't traditional yogurt or toppings that maybe we could put on that scale and get at a bargain price, including perhaps the frozen yogurt machine itself. Okay.
00:28:29
Speaker
No, that, that, that, that thing charges by like the, there, there's no, I think that that frozen yogurt machine would cost like a, the same as a yacht. If you put it on that scale. I mean, how much does the yogurt cost? I'll be honest. I don't know anything about, I couldn't tell you how much they charge. I think that the best thing to do is to completely avoid the toppings.
00:28:58
Speaker
Though the yogurt, frozen yogurt is probably heavier than some of them. That's what you're there for and you gotta think about how much aeration is in your topping. Like if you've got a chocolate caramel yogurt and you wanna throw some pretzel pieces in there to get some salt in it, that probably makes sense because pretzels are light.
00:29:29
Speaker
The boba bubbles. Yeah. Are pretty good. But some of that stuff is it's just very dense and not as good as the yogurt itself. Now, I'm looking I'm looking here. I found one. It's the it's the classic. Three different. You got your chocolate, vanilla and swirl. I'm trying to find out how much it weighs, but it does it. They are asking.
00:30:00
Speaker
Like $1,500. If you put that on the scale, I bet that thing weighs. Oh, okay. I got the weights. Sorry. I I've got to guess that it weighs 165 pounds. 274 pounds. Oh boy. Big old boy. Oh yeah. But okay. So what do you think they're charging for Froyo at the Froyo place?
00:30:30
Speaker
Uh, I think that like 12 ounces of it, uh, with, let's, let's just kick it up. Like how much do you think they charge per pound for the yogurt? You might, you might have a point that I think we could do it. I think we can pull it off. It's the perfect crime. We're gonna, we're gonna load a whole frozen yogurt machine into one of the little cups.
00:30:55
Speaker
Just get it balanced on one corner in the cup. And then we got hoisted up. Huge. So we can do that. And maybe we have to buy four cups. That's fine. Whatever their minimum charges that they add on a dollar 50 or whatever it's wobbly. So we'll just offer to hold it up a little bit. And we're just, you know, giving it a little boost. Oh yeah. Oh, look at that. It only weighs 230 pounds.
00:31:25
Speaker
We, we helped it out a little bit. I mean, it would have to yogurt would have to cost like $5 for 16 ounces before you'd even worry about going into the red on this little piece of more than $5 for 16 ounces. Well, shit.
00:31:50
Speaker
It's probably like more than $10, but I think we're still making a profit. I don't know what the used market is on those, but I think we're in good shape on it. And I wanted to say, as far as
00:32:09
Speaker
the Sotheby's auction house. I was looking at their different lots that they had for sale this week, if we did choose this one. And one of them was called important watches. Oh, how important are they? I mean,
00:32:30
Speaker
It depends on who you are, I guess. But it is fun looking at what they have on offer. Other lots going on auction this week. The Samurai, Japanese arms and armor, Irish art, landscape to city, 20th century Japanese prints, the Legacy Collection, fine and rare whiskey from Scotland,
00:33:00
Speaker
And then there's a Ferrari that's just a lot of one, but, uh, important watches. Uh, one, this is the first time they've done important watches, but they intend to do it again. I like this. It's, it's almost like doing like a wacky round of trivia. Yeah. But, uh, then, then we didn't go into, uh, well,
00:33:29
Speaker
I don't know if they sell those on Wish, FroYo machines on Wish, but I think that there are a lot of things that we could talk about and not buy. Yeah. Okay. All right, I got another idea. Okay. And this one, I felt like we'd done
00:33:56
Speaker
But I went back through all of the old show notes and I couldn't find any record of it. So I guess that it just has been living in my imagination for so long. Cause it's been on, it's been on my shortlist for a while and it's called the super president lab. Okay. Yeah. I don't remember this. This would be where we design our perfect president.
00:34:28
Speaker
Kind of, you know that movie, Weird Science? Oh yeah. But instead of a Barbie doll, we've got a little Abraham Lincoln doll. Can it be a Barbie doll dressed up like Abraham Lincoln? Yeah, oh, imagine Abraham Lincoln with a big fake pair of titties.
00:34:55
Speaker
Oh boy, he comes out of our closet. Whoa. He but but he knows exactly what to do. So yeah, he goes somebody call for a rail splitter and we're like. Yeah, I'm wearing a bra in my head. Actually, now I'm thinking a stovepipe bra might be pretty cool. Ooh.
00:35:24
Speaker
Who do you think, who do you think would be the celebrity to wear the bra made of two stove, five hats, lady Gaga or Katy Perry? Oh, um, I think it's, uh, whoever gets to it first, you know, if somebody's got a single, it's going to drop, uh, fourth of July weekend. I think they should get right on it.
00:35:55
Speaker
I see. I would, I would wait and release that on president's day. And I can't remember when it is. It's February, right? I don't know that that's a topic for the memory podcast. Yeah. What is, what is president January, even president's day, January 18th is a guess February. Well, it says February 20th, but I think it's always a Monday.
00:36:25
Speaker
Okay. Well, I need some help in that regard. Let's see. President's day officially Washington's birthday. How do you, how do you do it? It's the third Monday in February. Okay. So how do we remember this? A Garfield, there's three Garfield's. Um, I, I'm, I'm going to, uh,
00:36:54
Speaker
Take my headphones off of this portion, because I do not want to remember when President's Day is. All right. I want to be surprised. You want to be at the bank, at the drive-through of the bank, and then realize there's no one inside the building. You're like, I don't know that there were three Garfield's, but I don't know what they did after that.
00:37:18
Speaker
I would also like to suggest that we change President's Day to November 1st. Okay. Right after Halloween, so we can have another party and we just dress up as presidents. Oh. Same, because like sometimes it'll fall on the same weekend, you know, of Halloween on Friday and President's Day on Saturday.
00:37:43
Speaker
Yeah, you have a special, all presidents wipe, wipe you out for the first, uh, first week of November. God, speaking of people being wiped out, uh, this, this, we're recording this the day after the Kentucky Derby. This is, this is the, uh, what the Brits refer to as horse burying day. It's the day when traditionally the horses were taken out and buried.
00:38:14
Speaker
Uh, but this is also the, the most hungover our city ever is. It's the day after the Kentucky Derby and I shit you not several large, like ancient trees fell down across our major thoroughfares. Barely made a blip in the news and social media. One hungover guy, uh, showed up to run one piece of yellow tape across.
00:38:43
Speaker
There was no one, no one was even talking about it because everyone was in bed. Like, Oh, two different taco bills. And I was like, I can't do this. This is not fair. Somebody just put an old tire in the middle of a four lane thoroughfare. Like, Hey, don't come over here. There's a tree. It's a oak tree.
00:39:11
Speaker
like big enough that you could live inside of it, like some sort of whimsical woodland creature. We're like an entire Swiss family. A trunk, a trunk the size of a tractor trailer, completely bisecting a street. And it wasn't the only tree they fell over that street and no one was talking about it. I think that the street you're talking about- There's three Garfield's, they're dressed up like Abraham Lincoln and George Washington and James Garfield.
00:39:43
Speaker
Huh? We had some sort of a lag there where we both started talking at the same time. Yeah, we did. We did. Uh, I, I was blocked off, uh, on both, both going either East or West on that street, uh, within two blocks. There was a giant tree across the street. You start to wonder if maybe the Joker is trying to rob an armored car.
00:40:12
Speaker
in your neighborhood and he's just closed off traffic. But they were one step ahead. Well, I'm gonna take this opportunity since we're talking about bits of wood that no longer live to suggest my second podcast idea. This is the Rain Stick podcast. Ooh. You remember a time in the 90s when you couldn't go to
00:40:40
Speaker
a bookstore or a mall without someone tipping over a piece of dried wood or cactus and hearing the world sound of a rain stick. Let's be a podcast devoted to bringing them back. Bring back the rain stick. Possibly. It's an ASMR podcast where we just talk over 60 minutes of rain stick noise.
00:41:09
Speaker
Hmm. Yeah. I guess that the rain stick isn't really a thing that you need anymore because you could just play. I'm sure that you could go on YouTube right now and type in sound of rain stick. Yeah. You're going to find one. All right. They take the cactus, they dry the cactus, they hammer the spines of the cactus in to the stick. Uh-huh.
00:41:38
Speaker
So they're sitting there like a game of kerplunk and then you put a lot of beads in it, you stop it up. So technically, while very similar, the sound is very slightly different every single time. So yeah, you don't wanna listen to the same recording of one rain stick. Especially since lazy people probably do the same 10 second loop over and over again.
00:42:06
Speaker
I was going to say that I do know that you can make your own rain stick with, uh, with a foam pool noodle and a box of toothpicks and some dried beans. Okay. Well, maybe I'll just do that. We did that in, in vacation Bible school one year. I don't know. Don't know why I don't remember what the object lesson of it was.
00:42:36
Speaker
Is there a Bible story about rain? There must be. I don't know. Uh, I remember all of my vacation Bible school things, uh, being somewhat exoticized there, there would be a theme of Africa or the rainforest or a safari theme, China one time. Yeah.
00:43:01
Speaker
I remember one time at vacation Bible school, they had a thing where they were like, we're going to recreate the Jonah and the whale experience. And they basically built like a, they taped a bunch of black garbage bags together.
00:43:17
Speaker
And then tape that to the floor of the gymnasium. And then they blew a fan into it to, you know, blow it up so you could climb inside of this completely dark space. And they're like, this is what it was like for Jonah in the belly of the whale. But then the vacation Bible school lady was like, we need to heighten the atmosphere of what it's like to be inside of a whale. So go get some sardines and open the cans up inside.
00:43:49
Speaker
I gotta say it really did feel like I was in the belly of the whale. Uh, it seems like a really great place to set up a smoke machine as well. And, um, I dunno, I, I think that I would also probably like to smoke a joint inside of that. Man, that's what was missing from that story. If Jonah had had just a couple of nice fat pre rolls.
00:44:18
Speaker
in like a, he's got like a, one of those, you know, the metal tubes that cigars come in when you have like a nice cigar, he's got like a, he's got a big doobie, a big blunt. And he's just, he's like, I could, I could get used to this. Hey, it's sure, it's working for a living. Yeah. And that could, uh, if, if they were better storytellers back then they could have gone Pinocchio with it.
00:44:48
Speaker
and the smoke could have made Monstro need to sneeze and expel Jonah. Or he just, Monstro gets real high too. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just trying to reconnect Jonah with his wooden son, Nate. Yeah, that's famously the story of Jonah. He was trying to get back to his wooden son.
00:45:17
Speaker
All right, let's let's consult the pod Tron. OK, let's do it. All right, folks, the pod Tron 4500 is an artificial intelligence. We trained it by giving it a list of the most popular podcast titles that analyzes that and generates a list of titles that it thinks could be the next big thing podcast titles like Bottoms Up.
00:45:46
Speaker
Wingo Akimbo. Getting shit faced with birds, I guess, and ESPN personalities. Wait, which one's the ESPN? Wingo. Is there a guy named Wingo? Trey Wingo. Trey is his first name. Wingo is his last name. Isn't that like some kind of a Native American werewolf? That's a Wendigo.
00:46:15
Speaker
Oh, that's right. Boy. Imagine if they had one of those on ESPN. Uh, it would be better bottoms up. Wingo akimbo. It sounds very Australian to me. It does. Maybe this is it. I believe that there are absolutely other uses of the word Wingo than the one I'm familiar with. Wingo does sound like, well, first, I think first blush.
00:46:45
Speaker
Sounds like a baby version of Ringo, which is very cute. You imagine Richard Starkey himself, Sir Richard, the drummer for the Beatles. Yes. But he's a baby version. And every time he falls off Yoshi's back, he starts crying and floating in a bubble. Yeah, absolutely. I'm pretty sure that Ringo should have been the voice of Mario in the Mario Brothers movie.
00:47:17
Speaker
It's a sliding doors type of what might've been if instead of Wario, they had Wingo and it was just a little baby Ringo. And he's not trying to fuck things up for Mario and Luigi. He's just, uh, just patiently writing back to all of his fans. Bottoms up. Wingo a Kimbo and a Kimbo is like when you stand like Peter Pan, right?
00:47:47
Speaker
Arms of Kimbo. Isn't that what that means? Or does it Kimbo mean outspread? Like I'm right next to the wall, but I think it's when you have your elbows out. Okay. Hands on hips. That's one of those words I've heard many times and it's normally used in some sort of dance terminology. And, uh, I'm pretty sure I never got it.
00:48:18
Speaker
Then it always made me wonder why, uh, that, that pose, uh, made, uh, Kimbo slice when I take that name. Hmm. Yes. Kimbo arms of Kimbo refers to placing hands on hips, arms bent at the elbows, which are pointing outward, often in a standing position. Yeah. So I'm now I'm thinking this is a podcast where we have some sort of Peter Pan type character and he's.
00:48:49
Speaker
He's proposing Australian supremacy bottoms up the globe to be displayed the other way around. Wingo akimbo. Okay. Now I'd like to look at those maps. I, I, yeah, I'm down. And, and, and what we've done here.
00:49:13
Speaker
Is we don't have a very good podcast, but we do have a very good mnemonic device that is so stupid that no one will ever forget bottoms up. Wingo akimbo. That's the name you will take to your grave. And what's it helped me remember the name of the podcast bottoms up. Wingo akimbo. Okay. Yeah.
00:49:38
Speaker
You'll be, you'll be trying to focus on your family. That's all around you on your deathbed. You'll be like, bottom's up. We can go. What do you got from the pod Tron? Okay. I've got call your killers. Oh. And, uh, we, we've, uh, suggested possibly doing a, uh, pen pals with killers podcast where we, we read our.
00:50:05
Speaker
epistles to the killers. And I say, uh, why, why, why have, uh, the postmen as a post middlemen, let's just, uh, call them up, let them drop some bars on the podcast and reap the rewards. So what do we say your killers? We mean, I'm saying, uh, not necessarily that, uh, they've killed any of our audience, but, uh,
00:50:34
Speaker
Our audience are fans of theirs and, uh, the, the people that they've killed, uh, can't listen to podcasts. Fair enough. Yeah. So not, not, not killers of us. No, no, no, no, no, no. But killers to us, maybe these are, they're ours because, uh, there are guys through, uh, the miracle of economics and, uh,
00:51:03
Speaker
Making money off of them. Uh, they're ours. Yeah. We, we have some connection to them. This is like when Laura calls red dead redemption, your cowboys, which is the cold blood of this thing. She's ever said to me. You're going to play with your cowboys again. Oh, it will be out somewhere. And I'm just, I'm like deep in thought. And she goes, you thinking about your cowboys?
00:51:33
Speaker
so hurtful. You're cowboys. We should do a whole podcast of mnemonic devices to help my wife know the names of things. I don't know. I don't think she needs to know the name of that one. She loves not knowing and
00:51:55
Speaker
Yeah, it sounds like getting it wrong on purpose. In that case, I bet she actually knew that one. Yeah, she's doing the classic grandpa calling it Pokemon. Grandpa knows it's Pokemon. I mean, he he learned enough Korean to get by during the war. You mean to tell me he can't say Pokemon. Call your killers that I could just picture my wife popping her head down in the basement.
00:52:24
Speaker
Oh, oh, sorry. Are you calling your killers? I'm sorry. You're talking about your grandpa and Korea and poking made me realize like that. They would call a very different thing, a pocket monster. And, uh, the, the act of mega evolving is, is something else as well. Gross. Yeah. I don't like that. Grandpa.
00:52:55
Speaker
So are we going to call, are we going to call like murderers or can we just, can we connect? It could be secondhand killers, manslaughter killers. I mean, technically a killer. I built a cheap bridge. Yeah. What are you going to do? We can ease into, I wanted to have a Froyo machine in my house. We don't have to start with like a guy who's going to be real disturbing and twisted.
00:53:24
Speaker
Like we don't want to be scared straight. We just want to. Yeah. We can have the guy from Oz, the guy who's like, oh, I drunk drove once and kill the person. Now I'm an experimental but rape prison. I've only seen the first half of the first episode of Oz, but I've never watched any odd. It's very theatrical now. Well.
00:53:55
Speaker
Does it ever get around to its connection to the wonderful Wizard of Oz? Uh, I think the plot really is that a guy like drunk drives and kills somebody and they send him to an experimental prison. And I think that is that it's like the prison is called the Emerald City or something like that. I do know enough to know like everything has that weird green lighting to it. So.
00:54:25
Speaker
Also they, that it does, it does turn out that the warden arrived by hot air balloon during a tornado. That's call your killers. You got another one. I got another one. It's called lost idiot. Okay. And this would be a podcast about me.
00:54:52
Speaker
I am terrible at navigating. Okay. So, uh, we, we can go old school with this one and do it like, uh, cabbies used to do when they had to spend two to three years, uh, on the knowledge, whether they're getting paid minimum wage, just to ride around with other cabbies. Uh-huh.
00:55:17
Speaker
signing a contract saying that, that because they're getting this treatment, that they will continue to work for the yellow cab company. Yeah. And, uh, we'll, we'll get you on the knowledge. We'll just, uh, drive around. We'll learn every street. I did. I did read recently that the, that to be a cab driver in London, you have to take an exam where they just give you two different
00:55:46
Speaker
addresses and you have to describe several different routes on how to get to those different places. And I was like, man, there are just some jobs I could never fucking have. And that is top of the heap. I think I got a better shot at becoming president than becoming a London cabbie. Has Uber destroyed the cab industry in London, like it has here?
00:56:16
Speaker
I don't know. You know, I wonder because it's, it's funny to think about like things, things suck pretty bad here. And I know that there are some places where they still don't and it must be wild. Like places where they're like, no, we won't let Uber be a thing or no subway. You're not allowed to call your sandwiches bread.
00:56:45
Speaker
Yeah. I, I, I think, I think that we are, it's probably a good thing to keep Uber out. Uh, but I don't know how expensive the cabs are in London, but it is definitely London specific me knowing the terminology on the knowledge that's a cab term from London. Yeah.
00:57:15
Speaker
I, uh, yeah, I, I, I definitely am the lost idiot of the lost idiot though. I, I can never, I can never go to my in-laws house without missing an exit and then, uh, than having to.
00:57:36
Speaker
Get off at the next exit and turn around somewhere on the highway. Everyone's just built in that extra time for any time that we're supposed to go visit. Uh, today with the tree falling down, I ended up spending an extra 45 minutes driving around because I got lost in a neighborhood trying to try just trying to get around that one block where a tree had fallen down. I feel you.
00:58:06
Speaker
I do that sort of thing as well. I come from a very flat land. The roads are all a grid. Any curve in a road, my brain doesn't, I'm like the, I'm like the elves and the Lord of the rigs. Like, like I see in straight lines, there's no curve. I, when I first moved here, that happened to me all the time. I'd be like, well, I'm at least headed in the right direction. What just happened?
00:58:36
Speaker
A road, a road will just have a gentle curve to it. And it's, it's as if I've stepped through the portal into the land of the lost. Now I'm surrounded by sleaze stacks. Just like, Oh no, there's a Chipotle here. That shouldn't be. But, but there is an arc to being lost. You find things when you're lost. Oh, I'm very good at that. Yeah. That's, that's the part where.
00:59:03
Speaker
Once you know exactly where you're going and you have one route to everything, you look for a tree to fall down. So you start finding new things again because you get stuck in your rut. You've made your rut. This is my great hope is that when I'm older, when we all get to a certain age and start to lose it a little bit,
00:59:32
Speaker
guys like me will be the ones that are prepared for an afternoon of just wandering aimlessly. I've been doing it for years. Yeah. Oh, this'll all work out. I'm just gonna, you know, I'll walk past this flower garden, pick a little gardenia, sniff it. Just enjoying it. I'm just enjoying the scenery. Ooh. Stop and ask a construction worker what they're doing. I'm gonna, I'm in no hurry. Yeah.
01:00:00
Speaker
I don't need to give me some sort of a. A pale male game of frisbee golf along the way with you. Yeah. If you invite me, you know, off of burned out husks of buildings could be fun. Yeah. Don't need to put me in a home. Just give me a leather jacket that says the wanderer. I'll always come. I'll always come wandering back when you ring that dinner triangle. Yeah.
01:00:29
Speaker
I'm just rubbing my hands together and he doesn't remember any of our names, but I just smell the liver and onions and I come back. Fair enough. OK, I've got another pod tron one here. This is sore histories. Sore histories. This is just a podcast where where they say history is written by the winners.
01:00:59
Speaker
we're going to look at the losers and probably specifically when the losers are like one guy who really got their ass kicked. And we'll just, you know, we'll do combat sports a lot, but also there could definitely be a sore history of Chris Rock after a few years because he's the one who got slapped or, you know, anytime,
01:01:28
Speaker
Famous people attack somebody. There's a sore history there. So the sore history is someone who, it's like an oral history. Lost the fight. Yeah. Yeah. Like when Cat Williams got knocked out by that kid. Yeah. That's a sore history.
01:01:53
Speaker
Or when, uh, that, that, that one, uh, concert where Afro man punch somebody trying to get on stage and had to go to jail. We could have both Afro man and the person he punched. Is that true? They're both sore. Yeah. It did. It did seem like maybe that drunk lady was the winner in the end. Could we interview that, that guy that was on, uh, who wants to be a millionaire?
01:02:23
Speaker
and got out on the first question because he thought a whale was larger than the moon. I didn't even know that happened, but sure. Which of the following is largest? I'd like to go to that fucking Bible school party. Try to fill up that many garbage bags with air. Try to find me smoking my jay.
01:02:51
Speaker
The size of the continental US. A whale. Final answer. The moon. All right. Here's what we got. We got how to remember things. The idle invisible hand. Super president's lab. The rain stick podcast. Bottoms up. Wingo akimbo. Call your killers. Lost idiot and soar histories.
01:03:21
Speaker
OK. I think that both of our first ideas are the two best ideas this week. How to remember things or the invisible the idle invisible hand. Yeah, which I don't love the title of the idle invisible hand, but as a podcast topic, I think it can work. All right. Yeah, I think I think
01:03:49
Speaker
I like the idle invisible hand. Let's do it. Folks, if you want to hear the idle invisible hand, you might have a new title by the time you go. Yeah, it might have a different title. Head on over to patreon.com slash we don't have a podcast yet. Sign up to support us. You'll get access to the vault where we have every attempted podcast as well as
01:04:17
Speaker
an RSS feed, you can paste into your podcast listening device and you'll get the newest episode every time we do a new podcast attempt. We've done, we've done some real good ones. Just last, last week we, we put out top 10, take two, where we guest.
01:04:42
Speaker
What we made up new top tens for the David Letterman top 10 premises of yesteryear. Who's a good one. You can also. Write us a review on iTunes. Give us a rating on Spotify. Tell your friends about the show. That's it, I guess. Yeah. I'm Nathan P. Woodard. I'm Andrew James Estes. Good night.
01:05:21
Speaker
When Chester could be drunk, you're bringing me down You stood and you watched as my baby left town You could have done something, but you didn't try
01:05:44
Speaker
You didn't do nothing. You never walked by.