Transcript
Speaker: Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. So in today's episode, I sit down and chat with Jim Ryan. So Jim is an online coach who specializes in eating foods you love and losing fat without the guilt.
Speaker: and We had the most amazing conversation. It ended up taking a turn into topics that we hadn't even planned to talk about. But these this is just one of those really authentic conversations that really lit me up.
Speaker: And I'm so excited to share with you. We talk about everything from career change to his journey from teacher to coach. and finding himself through fitness after a very difficult time in his life. We talk about inner voice and guilt and how destructive that really can be for our well-being and for our ability to to work effectively towards our goals. We talk a lot about goal setting in general, five-year plans, whether they're a good idea or a not, and how important your goals are and having ah having direction.
Speaker: how important having a clear direction really is. and We talk about mental health and how important health and fitness was for Jim and his mental health. But we talk a lot about mental health in general and particularly in relation to men's mental health and how it's important to talk and how your your happy friends can be struggling and how it's always extremely important to be kind. and this has been This is a really interesting conversation for me, especially in relation to inner voice, guilt, mental health and hearing it from a male perspective and and being able to kind of compare the the male and female trends in relation to this. and So I just know you're going to love this conversation. and Jim, he is such a kind, understanding and relatable coach.
Speaker: And he's a real reminder that these qualities are just so important, especially in today's world. And so without further ado, here is the episode with Jim Ryan. Jim, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker: Thank you for having me, Kate. I'm excited and nervous to be here. First time being a guest i on one. Sure, we've just done a mini podcast before we press record. We're never going to talk about those things all over again. i know. Yeah, we were like, we need to hit that play button. And and it's like, oh God. Yeah, we really do. We really do. Yeah. Excited for it now. Yeah, no, I'm excited to have a chat.
Speaker: Before we get going, do you want to tell everyone a little bit about who you are, what you do? Yeah, perfect. So my name is Jim Ryan. I'm an online fitness coach, basically helping people with fat loss in a sustainable way.
Speaker: And kind of majority of clients that come into me are kind of similar to my journey I've been through with that all or nothing or that poor food relationship. And just to give bit of a background before I got into this as a primary school teacher, teaching about seven years.
Speaker: Loved it, but I was like, it's not my true passion. So that's kind of how I kind of transformed of going into the coaching and like the fitness really brought me through a time when I was struggling. Like I would actually say it came from a breakup. That was when I really put myself headfirst into the gym.
Speaker: And that's how I ended up doing the PT course, doing the nutrition course, and then just dove headfirst in. So that's what I'm doing fully online based in Dublin at the moment. But originally from Tipperary, Kate. From a farming background. Up tip. Yeah, that had me working hard there on the farm as a child. So I'm i'm no stranger to hard work. Yeah, so the strength was always there then.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, it was naturally there. Like, honestly, the things you'd be lifting from a young age, you'd be like, oh don't don't lift things. It'll stunt your growth. Not sure if it did stunt my growth. I would have loved to be taller, but you're looking. Yeah. We can't have it all. No, no. ah But honestly, like, it's weird moving away from the teaching. Like that, that's what I would say. Like the fact I'm moved away from primary school to teaching, everyone everyone's like, it's such a safe and secure job and to move to the online coaching. But like my happiness has gone through the roof by going into coaching.
Speaker: So I think that's like a real telltale sign. Like I always wanted to help people, even interviews. They're like, with teaching. It's like, why do you want to become a teacher? I don't know. I just wanted to be one from like, I'd say I was six years old. was like, I want to be a primary school teacher.
Speaker: um And I honestly even said, what was it? I'd never retire in primary school teaching. So yeah, maybe I like doing a little bit of it, but I was always like that. I'll never retire. But I was just like, I don't know what to do. So here I am. I'm doing online fitness coaching and loving it to this day.
Speaker: I didn't know that you were a primary school teacher. if I did, i i forgot that you were a primary school teacher. Yeah, I was masking that, Kate. You weren't giving off teacher vibes. here and bo So how long, how and like, are you on career break? Have you moved away from it? How long are you away from it now? i um So really, it's just one full year. I was doing the online coaching on the side, but...
Speaker: For me, it was just with the teaching. It was like literally I was enjoying it while I was doing it. But like I did fitness. lab I set up fitness classes then in my previous school, and the first school I was in. And I came out buzzing after that. Like I was doing like HIIT workouts with the kids. Like it be after school. it was an after school club and absolutely loved it. And I was kind of like, geez, there's something to do here with the fitness element. I always was kind of like, geez, will I do PT? But You know, it was like it never started. There was all a some excuse, but it kind of got me thinking and in that way. And then it was like it was more so when I had the breakup, like I was engaged and I was like, OK, I'm moving back to tip having kids there. My future was planned to eat. When I say everything was planned eat,
Speaker: Everything I said i do between like start studying in college, getting a girlfriend at this time, I did all of that. So this is probably the first time really. Well, the second time that I had something didn't go to plan for me. So I was like in crisis mode.
Speaker: And that's when I turned to the the gym, basically. And even turning into the gym there, it kind of saved me because like for a lot of people, they were like, oh, you're going to change your body. For me, it was just literally to silence my head. I was like, I just need this to survive at that stage. Food was just healthy eating. That's literally how I kind of did it. And then i was like, tro I'll just do the fitness course.
Speaker: I had a nutrition course that i was doing for a good few years online. though They had like a cutoff, what was it, four? four years. It was at Ben Comer, Ben Comer over in England. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, it kept going on and on. And I was like, I need to do these exams. So once I started doing the PT course, was like, right, start doing like i literally had no social life.
Speaker: I was doing teaching, doing the PT course, doing the nutrition course, doing the coaching on the side. Like when I say I had no social life, that was really hard. But I actually wouldn't I wouldn't change it.
Speaker: Whereas now, like this year, is the full year, I left. the So I left a permanent job, like when I was stressed to the nines, relationship wasn't going, left a permanent job and teaching.
Speaker: um I actually didn't think much of it. I was like, look, I can get a permanent job again. Moved into different schools. So while all of that was happening, I subbed between three or four schools.
Speaker: And within that time, felt absolutely miserable. So that's where I was like, you can never judge what's going on in somebody's life. Like, even if you look at your Instagram, my Instagram, behind the scenes, you do not know what's going on. Like, I'm actually so good at masking and putting on that brave face, bottled things down. Now, I'm not saying I bottled everything down. I have worked on myself, Kate. I'm in a good place now for anyone listening.
Speaker: What are you hiding, Jim? I won't ask you that. like some note no behind me ah But it is kind of the case that like when you're going through something, people will put on a smile. They do not know what you are going through. So it actually helped me build so much empathy empathy for people that I'm like, OK, right. You're struggling with something. a lot of people are like, oh, I'm so lazy. I can't get to the gym. It's like there's something there that's stopping you.
Speaker: It's not that you're lazy. um And it is annoying and unfortunate, like within the industry, everyone everyone's like, oh, sure, look, they just need to get up and get off the couch. Yes, there's a time and a place for that. And that's where I'd look at. I have that compassion, but I'm not afraid to give someone a kick off the hole when they need Yeah, yeah. need a balance of oats, don't we? Yeah. Oh, like, absolutely. like if If you were telling me that you're just not getting off and it's just excuse after excuse, it's like, right, there's a time now we need to just take action. um And it's the difference between like just talking about it and actually taking action.
Speaker: So yeah I do think it is really important. But Yeah, it's it's mad when I look back on it now on how far I've come, because even I'm always like, you know, I'm always striving for more. And I'm like, I've so far, I have so much to achieve yet. But when I look back and what I've achieved and the amount of people I've helped, I'm like, this is absolutely incredible.
Speaker: So we can really get lost in that stage of trying to hit goals, um especially for me, an all or nothing person. Like if you are thinking of someone who is all or nothing, that was that was me.
Speaker: Yeah. But even like, yeah even what you were saying there about having your whole life planned out. Right. yeah And, you know, like, as I can totally relate to that, like that was me as well. That, and you know, I like I went from school, like and I decided in transition year or whatever I was going to do teaching. So I in fifth and sixth year, i worked to get my points for teaching, went to teaching, got like my first job at 21 years old, stayed there for 15 years. had had my three kids
Speaker: And, you know, everything was planned and like, you know, personal life, everything is is still the same. But I had no plan. Like I, as far as I was concerned, i was going there till I was 65. I had no plans for this career change. i had no plans for this passion to, to land on my lap. And I but i won't get into it. I've talked about it on previous episodes, but it did.
Speaker: And where I am now after, you know, leaving a 15 year teaching career, that permanent job, the pension, the whole lot, you know everything that people are like, you're mad to leave. I've never felt freer. I feel 20 years younger than I was when I was she teaching 10 years ago, let's say and i you know, i I love the excitement of not knowing what's next. Now, don't get me wrong. so as As an entrepreneur, sometimes it's cripplingly scary at times, and especially when things aren't going according to plan. You're like, fuck, what's good what look what's next? What are we going to do? You know, but one thing that I've learned, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this as well, for for your experience. One thing I've learned is, A, is, first of all, I love that uncertainty. I actually do. I quite i kind of, I get a thrill off it because I've never experienced it in my life before. Like that I was just the the k planned, everything's going according plan. and You know, I got married young, i had kids young, had my job and everything was just, you know, going the way was supposed to. And I, am I've lost my train of thought. Now give me a second. i What what twelve was the bit I said there about...
Speaker: you were You got married young, like as everything you were saying of how you planned out life. Yeah, the excitement. yeah Yeah, the excitement, right? So did yeah, the uncertainty, like that it really, really does excite me. And then also the thing I've learned is no matter how bad things get, they always work out.
Speaker: And that was something I was always afraid of. And that's why I was trying to always control everything and plan everything. It's like shit happens. Things get hard. But guess what?
Speaker: You didn't die and you're still here. And do you know what? You're stronger for You're smarter for it. And you take it with you. And it's that evidence that you build when you're kind of you go out on your own and you take a risk. And it doesn't even have to be business related. But yeah. worry What's your experience that's?
Speaker: Yeah, it's it's a funny because it's all just like control the controllables. you You keep having to repeat that to yourself. But it it was a huge one for me because it was kind of like I'm still working through it. So even that uncertainty, I do love uncertainty to a certain degree. yeah But there is still like a little bit of security is nice. Don't get me wrong. And I think that's Sometimes it's always like, you know, having that fallback, everyone's always saying to me, oh, sure, you always have the teaching and to fall back on. And it's like, I don't like to think that way that I have teaching and to fall back on. I'm like, I want to make this work. And you kind of work that way.
Speaker: But even with the uncertainty, because it's funny, I've taught in a varied amount of kind of classes. So I would have been like four class, sixth class, fifth class. I've nearly had a different class each year. Now I've taught like fifth class a couple of years going, but I never had them year after year. And I actually enjoyed that. So like when you're saying the uncertainty, I'm like, I do get a little bit bored of like teaching is great, fantastic everything, but I need a new challenge.
Speaker: So it is like looking at that within business. It is all is there for you, but it doesn't have to be in business for everyone. and So for a lot of people listening, It might be a case of you're going into a fat loss phase or for loads of people. It's like, OK, we're going to push your food up. We're looking at a maintenance stage. So for them, that is a huge challenge. It's like getting out of your comfort zone.
Speaker: And like I will always say it anytime you're doing like them kind of challenges for people trying to get out of your comfort zone. Life seems easier if if you kind of look at it that way. Like you never know what way people will respond or like you said that uncertainty.
Speaker: You could have a plan, but you follow the plan. Life happens. it's It's kind of like, what do you do in the meantime to actually get to the end point? And you have to enjoy the journey of getting there.
Speaker: So even for me, I'm not in teaching right now. And I ended up going along this path and I wouldn't change it. Like, obviously, I was to get married to this person. So it was like a case of I had it all mapped out. That didn't work out as an that amicable split. Not like no, nothing bad about it or anything. But it was just like ripping that rug from underneath because it's like, oh, no, I had all this planned and that's all taken away from me. So now even I'm like, not what do I want in the next five years? I actually don't have that mapped out on purpose.
Speaker: Neither do Yeah, neither do I. I don't believe in five year plans because don't. And like a lot, I know a lot of business owners would disagree and business mentors disagree. But I think What always happens in life is something comes in your path that you'd absolutely, you're like, I couldn't even have dreamt this up if I, like, good or bad, I couldn't even have imagined this happening and it has. You know what I mean? Like, that yeah life has a funny way of throwing it that way. I very much believe that what you need will be put in your path when you're ready for it. And it's and our responsibility is to try and be as, pre like, obviously look a little bit ahead. We have to be responsible, like, but...
Speaker: be in the present moment. And it's our job to grow and learn and expand as humans, you know, and that's what we're supposed to do. And as we do that and as we move forward in our lives, the next thing comes to us as we need it. Now, we plan the week ahead, Kate. Just just just. go down And we will get into that planning and organizing, but you don't necessarily need. But I think a huge problem for a lot of people when it comes to losing weight, if we say, for example, or or getting fit or training for something.
Speaker: in particular, they're looking too far ahead and it's too overwhelming. So it is about present moment and a certain a bit of a distance. You know, that car driving at night, you just need to be able to see that little bit of road lit up in front of you. Not the whole road, not the whole journey.
Speaker: You you're just need a focus. And that that's literally it. It's just you need that bit of light on the focus point of where you're going to next. Because, yeah, you you could get bogged down in a five-year plan. I'm not against people having a five-year plan, but have it, I'd be kind of more like, have a kind of loose.
Speaker: So it's like, okay, potentially go here and there. Because it gives you a bit of guidance on where to work. i i would believe that if you have no plan at all, well, you're kind of spinning your wheels. But especially for people within fitness, It is so important kind of looking a year ahead if you can. But then it's like, right, put it on hold. And then it's like, OK, now you need to reverse engineer. That's what you' you'd always look at.
Speaker: Like, I know you're probably used to do with clients. I'm used to doing it. And it's kind of like, OK, let's bring it back and make it easier. We make the plan easier for them. But it's like getting their bigger picture. So it is like you're saying with people.
Speaker: they get overwhelmed. And if you looked at that for anyone saying, oh I want to come in, I want to lose, like even if they just said, I want to lose 30 kg. I don't know about you, but that is overwhelming. If you were to just go in, right, I'm starting now and I have to lose 30 kg.
Speaker: So for anyone looking to lose that 30 kg, I don't know about you, but if I was to say, it right, i my goal is to lose 30 kg and I'm going to just start now. And that was my plan. I would be overwhelmed. I'd say a week in, I would be so deflated because I'm like, I am not reaching that target for ages.
Speaker: Like you need to set little milestones along the way. And it is so important for people to set their milestones. So it is kind of like... The five-year plan, I wouldn't really be for it myself, but you do need ah a loose one. And then it's like, okay, can we just even look a year ah a year ahead? What do you want to achieve? And then we reverse engineer because like realistically, you kind of need to set it into like a six-week block or a 12-week block.
Speaker: Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more and that you do need direction. You need to know in general, what is it that you want out of life? What do you want for yourself as a person? And, you know, what do you want for your health and fitness goals? and And then I think what's really important is that we don't grip it too tight, because what I found like when I first got into health and fitness,
Speaker: If I'm being quite honest, like to say but this was back in 2015, I just wanted to look good. I just, yeah like I the Instagram had just started, you know, was following on these fitness girls. was I want look like that, you know, and I'd had two kids at the time and I was, you know, lost myself a little bit in my body. And I was like, that, that's, that was my goal over time.
Speaker: Jesus, it became so much more than that, that I couldn't in that beginning moment, imagine that this is going to become my passion. It's going to become my career, the confidence I'm going to build, the weight I'm going to be able to lift, the pull ups I'm going to be able to do, the different challenges and competitions I'm going to do and that like and how it's built into all different areas of my life confidence wise. I couldn't have imagined that when I was that girl ah would doing the workouts, my homework, it's on my kitchen floor, just starting out.
Speaker: e Yeah, it's it's incredible because even to pull a back it back, Kate, like for most nine times out of 10 with people, they want to feel happy in themselves and look sexy.
Speaker: ah For a lot of people, they're kind of afraid to actually say it because like they're going through everything and it's tiptoeing around. And because sometimes I'll be like, do you just want to feel sexy again in yourself? And that's just for yourself.
Speaker: um Because it is funny. Well, it's not funny. I shouldn't be saying it that way. It is interesting listening to people on their goals. And it's like try a lot of people just want to feel happy and good in their skin again.
Speaker: um From what i've I've experienced with my coach now, it's not like some want food freedom. That's a complete different one. But there's there's a lot like wit it's just feeling happy and sexy again. Exactly. But food freedom ultimately then leads to happiness. Yeah. oh And that feeling sexy thing is very much at its confidence. It's it's the the I'm someone who does what I say I'm going to do. I'm someone who can do hard things. I'm someone that can lift weight. I'm someone that can wear my clothes or go out and feel confident and yeah. And just be comfortable in myself. that's Yeah.
Speaker: And building up that self-esteem. Like I think like you're saying with the confidence, building up that self-esteem is so important. Like if you can keep taking habits, like for anyone listening, if you set goals, actually commit to them.
Speaker: Like the amount of people that say, like they say, oh, maybe I'll do it. And you're kind of in that maybe land. It's like either you decide you're not doing it which is is going to give you confidence because you're saying what you're saying true to your word or you decide, yes, I'm going to make a change. If you feel unhappy in yourself, you can make a change. Whereas when you're kind of like humming and hawing, it's probably the worst stage. And I will say I was one of those people. I was probably in that. Well, I won't I. But like then when you actually commit to something,
Speaker: I'm like, it's so much better. Because even like, even around weekends, I know we'll be talking more about that. um And like with food and social occasions, like whatever you say you're going to do, just do it.
Speaker: that That's ah a big one I would like people to take away. If you say you're going, like, let's say if you're going out for pints, I know one of the lads coached before.
Speaker: So instead of double digits with the points, he was like, oh, yeah, I'll cut it back to one. was like, are you definitely going to achieve that? Because I don't want, like, was like, that's a huge cutoff. I was like, could we say six?
Speaker: um I said, like, you pick the number, but like, do something that's achievable. And he did end up like saying, OK, yeah, between five and six. So I was like, grand. And he started achieving that. And he did end up cutting back to like two and even one and then zero at one stage.
Speaker: But it's like staying true to your word instead of saying him saying, oh I'm going to drink one when in reality he was drinking double digits. There wasn't a chance that was, well, there some people will, but for how long?
Speaker: And it's just sticking to your word that gives you that confidence and then you feel better in yourself. You're happier in life. And honestly, I will say for a lot of people, myself included, you don't know how happy you can actually be.
Speaker: I agree. I agree. What I want to ask you about, right, because you coach both men and women and I only coach women, right? But what you're saying in that, you know, doing what you say you you set out to do.
Speaker: I find that a lot of women struggle with this, OK, for for two reasons. One, because. They take on too much and they're already they're already already balancing too much, you know. And then the other thing is when they realize that they can't do what they set out to do or they or they feel they can't do.
Speaker: I don't believe we can do anything. But um the guilt, the shame and the judgment that women in particular attach to not feeling like they can't do it or. letting themselves down or like, and and I'm going in inverted commas here, yeah failing at what they said they would do. And they're like oh, I'm a failure. It's not like, oh, shit, right. We need to re reevaluate this. how How can we make this work? It's like oh, I'm a failure. Here I go again. You know, and it's years and years of diet culture built up. And it's like, I can't do this. And like ah I can't do this. and
Speaker: I see that a lot with women. It's so worth it's so possible to work through. Do you see that as well? And does that happen with men? Yes. It's funny, it can nearly happen in a different way with men. um For a lot of men, they're kind of chasing abs.
Speaker: but But really, it's like you're you're not actually chasing the abs. I i was in this bracket myself. What I will say is if I had to choose like...
Speaker: It's I love coaching both, but I do find that with a lot of men, they can have that ego there. Like the ego is a little bit higher with the men and hard to get the point across. Like when we're coaching, you're never just telling them what to do.
Speaker: But you know this yourself. You can't just tell someone do this but like you can. But there's a subset of people who will respond to that, whereas a lot of people. we need to use a different process to actually coach them to get them to do it. Because like you're saying, with a lot of women, they have that guilt or that shame. It's like, okay, right, kids are back to school. I'm having to drop them off, but I've got a full-time job. And then I'm hitting the gym three times a week, come hell or high water.
Speaker: And it's like, I know as a coach, that's probably not going to work at the start. Yes, they get into it. I have seen it time and time again. At the start, it's setting them wins so low. Like many habits. Honestly, I think it's the best thing you can get for people are the little wins. People underplay their wins. The amount of people that will underplay, oh, I only got out for a five minute walk. five minuteut walk Whereas in reality, it's like you never used to do a five minute walk. i was like, this is a huge win.
Speaker: And that's you keeping on what you said you would do. Yeah. So it's about your expectations for yourself, isn't it? Yeah. and And I've had people on calls like, you know, when you're seeing if that person's a good fit. But sometimes I'm like, I need to see...
Speaker: Are their expectations realistic? And sometimes I'll have a chat and I'm like, look, we can work towards them, but we may need to set our expectations further down the line. And in the sum, it's like, OK, them expectations are not going to work for you.
Speaker: But it's kind of like setting realistic expectations. And it can be hard for people because we all want everything now, Kate. We have that instant gratification. It's the world we live in, isn't it? Might not be shredded in the morning.
Speaker: yeah You know, you have to work for it, but it's like that. What's the easiest way to work for it and the quickest way to get you there? So that's what you have to look at. Or for a lot of people,
Speaker: You may just be trying on your own. You're going in circles. That's what I'd look back on. um I don't know about you, Kate, but if I was to start this again, I would have learned so much more in a quicker space of time by working with a coach.
Speaker: Whereas I just went through the whole process myself, like what I've achieved in my fitness and with my nutrition and food freedom in the last two to three years, I will say, has been incredible.
Speaker: But I probably could have achieved so much more with the right coach, of course. Yeah, it depends on the coach. I am going to preface that because not all coaches are good. Just Kate's good. Don't worry. Yeah, I'm all right. Yeah.
Speaker: But like there are some that will not work well for you, depending on what you need. As you said, Kate, it's like, the thing will come to you at the time in your life when you need it most.
Speaker: So it could be a case, right? Some people want to go into bodybuilding. That's a sport in itself. Yes, it's unhealthy at the top of the game, but it's a sport. So it's all it's looking at someone else's goals. And that's something I found hard. I don't know about you, Kate. Maybe you found this hard. We're probably going a real side tangent here. But for a lot of people, when you're setting goals out with them, that you're not putting your kind of goals of like, oh, this would be great for you. You're actually listening to the person.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Did you find that hard at the start were you like a little bit because of so like it's funny, like when you talk about a bodybuilding, it's a sport I find very hard to understand. And and ah like we're in to those extremes,
Speaker: And, you know, that when people have extreme goals, I'm not, i well, I'm, I, to be honest, I'm just like, I'm not for you. Because for me, I'm like, I will always listen to the client, what they want, what's important to them.
Speaker: But my underlying value in my coaching is health. Yes. It's in the name, Kate Haldon Health. So that's too important for me. And for me, like, and that's what I want for women, that if their goal is unhealthy, I won't bring them there. I don't care. I don't care about the money. i I will refer them. I'll say, look, I know bodybuilding coaches. And like, sorry, like I'm not by any means trying to be judgmental about bodybuilding, you know, I...
Speaker: think that everyone has different goals and different interests and things that they want to go for. I think that nobody should ever start their fitness journey with a but bodybuilding coach because you're going to develop really, really disordered. eating factory You need to know the foundations. You need to work with an ordinary coach and learn how to train, learn how to fuel, learn how to nourish, learn how to yeah to eat properly, move properly, recover properly.
Speaker: And then, you know, a few years into your fitness journey and you're like, you know what? I want to be a bodybuilder. Great. Off you go. Go with a bodybuilding coach. Some people absolutely thrive at it. Other people, not so much. Literally the opposite of thriving. And but if you have the foundations there, you'll be able to make your way back.
Speaker: That's my thoughts. That's a little bit of a tangent to what you were actually asking. little bit, but I'll take it. I was thinking about bodybuilding and I went, yeah. It's not a bodybuilding hate moment at all. No. And I love to train like a bodybuilder. I quite enjoy, you know, that's how and I like to train and I like to develop my physique. It's what I much prefer to train in that way. i am. For me, it's more just it's the it's the prep. It's it's the it's the restrictive dieting. to Yeah. i like that Bodybuilding lifestyle, I think, is great in relation to building muscle, fueling your body, eating good quality foods, like all of the normal stuff. But it's the preparation for a stage exercise. Or for the extreme photo shoots. Now, don't me wrong, I do photo shoots, but you have the extreme ones the where I'm like, that's where I can't bring a client there because it goes against my values.
Speaker: Yes. And I think that is really important, Kate, like that you're aligned with your philosophy, your values, because even for me, if I was to bring someone to a photo shoot of like really the extreme level I'm talking about as well, or a bodybuilding show, I'm not the coach for them either, because at the end of the day, it's it's looking at what's going to be healthy for you.
Speaker: And So many people are like, do you know what? I'm going to go on their program because they're a bodybuilder. They're absolutely shredded. I see this more with lads in particular. Yeah. With a lot of males more so.
Speaker: They will want to go with the bodybuilder when in reality they just want to be healthy. And as you said, it can create it's great to go into bodybuilding if you want to for a certain reason.
Speaker: If you have your understanding of food and realize the consequences of, oh, you could develop disordered eating. So it is important to know that. So like even if I decided to go do this, I'm not saying I'm going to eliminate it completely, but I probably won't. I love my food too much, but you do have to make sacrifices getting there.
Speaker: And it's like what's more important to you right now. And I think what we see online of whether it's men, big, shredded, women, super shredded, that we realize that it's community. And a lot of bodybuilding coaches and coaches can be quite good at ah us communicating that the act what's actually required. But there is still very much out there ah a misconception with a lot of people as to what it actually takes and what you're sacrificing. Not only are you sacrificing and social occasions and, you know, and normal life, but health and, you know, like hormone damage and, you know, whether you're going down the steroids route, whether you're using fat burners, whether you're, you know, whether you lose as a female losing your period. deal Like there's so many things that you really need to know which what you're, what you're,
Speaker: go you're potentially sacrificing yeah achieve that goal and that's it's just to go in with your eyes wide open and then for all those ordinary people to just manage your expectations it's like well you know you want to have a life and this is what you do so well as a coach as well and your content and stuff you want to you want to look good you want to look sexy and you want to have a life And you can do both.
Speaker: Yeah. It's not one or the other. Yeah. No, it's literally, you can be, it's like having a bit of a jack of all trades. Like I'm, I was kind of training performance as well as body composition.
Speaker: They don't really go hand in hand because I'm doing a lot of kind of work towards high rocks and you will see, and it's one that I'm aware of, like within the high rocks photos, there's so many, like from a male perspective, all the males are jacked.
Speaker: I'm like, Jesus, it's incredible. But, It's not because they're doing high rocks and that's where a lot of people are getting it wrong. Like they have trained in a different way to get that type of body. Some are just naturally gifted with genetics. So it's like that the comparisons like I actually think comparison is good.
Speaker: But as I've said before, comparison is the thief of joy. But if you are comparing, compare above and below. I think it was from, I'd say it was Brian said it on his podcast before. It's like if you compare three people ahead of you, compare it three people below you.
Speaker: To just put it as a neutral standpoint. Yeah, yeah. It's actually... all you right Yeah, that's a really, really interesting way of thinking of it. But at that I'd like touching on the hyrox thing there, okay? That's really interesting because we are seeing this hyrox... Because hyrox is still relatively new, you know, mainstream-wise anyway, like, you know, that like that everyone's doing it now. And there is this hyrox body that... thus Yeah. seems to be And, like, the women, like, oh, my God, they're in incredible shape. Like, you know, on the shoulders and the legs and the, you know, like, the abs. And they really are...
Speaker: But these are people that have trained for years in a different way that are now putting their competitive streak, if that's not the right word, competitive part of their personality into a sport, but they've already built all the foundations and now the sport is it's just emphasising that it's all coming together nicely. Am I correct in thinking that? Because I don't know enough about it. Yes, yeah, it would be. And it's like they have trained...
Speaker: it's It's looking at like even anyone at the top of their game is is going to be like they are eating so well. They are training perfectly in the gym with resistance training. They're not just doing high rocks classes. And I'm going to be very clear with that because I know a lot of people going to classes to try and change your body composition.
Speaker: I would always say to people, if you're going to classes, go for the enjoyment. Don't get me wrong. I love going to a class as well. There's like everything is good. But if there's a body composition goal, resistance training in a particular way is probably going to be more important because if you keep chopping and changing your workout each week, you are not going to get the results. Yeah.
Speaker: And there's so many that think it's like, oh, I just need to do high rocks classes to be in shape like them. It's like to hate to be the bearer, bad news, but you're not going to look like them. You're never going to look like them. You're going to look like the best version of yourself.
Speaker: But I don't think by training high rocks classes, you will get to that best version of yourself. What I love love about high rocks, though, it's very functional. A lot of the movements you're training some element of strength, not not everything is covered. Yes, it's technically, my fingers are inverted commas here, it's technically covered.
Speaker: But for a lot of you who might want to change a little bit with body composition, it's not going to cover you there. So there is a different style of training and that way. but like there's running involved as well. So I actually love it because it's the first thing. it i love high intensity work. I haven't been doing a lot. I've been injured lately. And Ethan, that has helped with my diet side of things because I'm training less. I'm actually finding it easier to do keep my nutrition dialed in.
Speaker: Whereas yeah you're not as hungry. Yeah. Cause you're not burning as much energy. It's funny. Like people are like, oh yeah, train more. You can now train a bad diet. You can now train a bad diet to a certain degree, but then there comes a point where it's like sticking point. It's like, no, it's, it's the diet is going to be really important. But like, like that, if you look at swimmers, Michael Phelps, you're not going to get into his shape from swimming.
Speaker: It's just he is the top performer at his game. So when he spent most of his hours in the gym. That's exactly it. miss this yeah yeah He is swimming. It's like I do not know someone who went swimming and got into his shape.
Speaker: Yeah. It's not possible. Yes, you might improve your body shape, but it's like ah I would say like you might lose weight and you don't do resistance training. and You look like a sack of spuds. You kind of lose them that way. I think it is a good analogy. It's kind of you're still a bit meh.
Speaker: But if you pair it with resistance training, it is going to help you not only for health, like to say, that like sitting, like when you're getting off a chair to stand up from that chair when you're older, like there's so much within health.
Speaker: that it will help going forward. Yeah, I think it's important to get the right balance of everything as well. Or also just being really clear what your goals are. What are you going to the gym for? Like, do you want to run a marathon? Do you actually want to just go and have fun with your friends?
Speaker: Do you want to change your body composition? Do you want to lose body fat? Do you want to build muscle? Do you you know what is it that you want? And some some people listening like, yes, all of those. Yes. It's like, well, we need to focus on one thing at a time, really. You know, that there's, you know, like you' you're not you're not going to be focusing on losing body fat while you're training for a marathon, for example. you You need to fuel for your marathon and you need focus on performance. And that's an amazing goal, too. We don't always have to be losing weight. We don't all like it we don't always have to be getting super sculpted and ripped. It's okay to to not look absolutely shredded. Yeah.
Speaker: And it's OK to to be just absolutely going hell for leather with your performance and, you know, wanting to run that marathon, wanting to do that high rocks, wanting but then also doing the training to support the the strength that you need to do that. So like you if you run a marathon, you really should be resistance training to prevent injury. If you want to do a high rock rocks, you need to be doing strength classes as well as your high rocks classes and getting the right balance. And then you get to have fun, enjoy, work towards your goal, but also support it support your body so that you can continue to do that.
Speaker: And even with that, Kate, because it is interesting for people listening. I want it all. as a coach, like I want it all, but I have to be realistic. I can't do it all.
Speaker: Like, yes, yeah you can do a couple of things together, depending on your life. I have no children. Okay. So I have a little bit more time that way. So I'm able to prioritize doing two goals at once.
Speaker: But if I wanted to, let's say, improve my running and do fat loss at the same time, i you can kind of do it, but you can't really. You're bringing the two of them up really slowly. Whereas if you just worked on the running, now this is at my, like at the stage I am within my journey. So I wouldn't have much body fat to lose technically. So if I was trying to lose body fat and improve running at the same time, they just don't really go hand in hand. But there was a stage there. i was like, I want to get ah really fast within my five Ks. So I was able to go out and run a 10K, no bother.
Speaker: wanted to get really fast within the 5k because i had i said i'm setting really hard goals on purpose now that ardent achievable i know i'm going against my advice but i'm look you see i'm kind of doing it from a different standpoint now i used not i used to do it this way before because it would cripple me because i wouldn't achieve them i'm actually setting them now that i can't achieve them so i had that goal of like getting a sub 17 this year Now that I'm injured, well, there's not a hope that's going to happen, but I was fairly confident I had ticked it off before the injury. No, one not that. Sub 19, which is really fast. People don't re realize how fast that Yeah, that is fast. I wanted to gain muscle as in get bigger in size and I wanted to lose body fat. Them three goals do not... go hand in hand and i had to sit down myself i was like jim what are you doing here it's like if this was a client you would be like banging your head against the wall because it's like it's not possible yeah yeah i know and and so so what what happened then so you ended up injured so we didn't do the 5k so are you still trying to lose body fat and gain muscle and get bigger at the same time Do you know what? I've gone through a bit of a spell there in summer. I was like, I just kind of wanted a little bit of a break from it all.
Speaker: um So I actually don't. And I'm kind of tying with the idea because September, like anyone listening, it's the perfect time to go into a fat loss phase. So I'm debating, will I cut off a few kilos there?
Speaker: I am. It's also the first time and the happiest within my body. I actually am like, I don't feel like I need to change my body, if that makes sense.
Speaker: But there's nothing wrong in wanting to change it. So it's been really clear that do I feel I need to from a narrative? A good question and lens I go through is if there was nobody to see it, would you still want to do it?
Speaker: Because it's intrinsic. We're actually looking. How many people are doing this because, oh yeah, I'm getting the compliments or buying the new car or getting the house, settling down. How many people do that because of what every everyone else says? If you were to be on this world and no one saw it, would you still want So that's actually a really useful lens that i still use to this day.
Speaker: um So over summer, to cut it short, I've just been maintaining. for Well, not just been. I'm actually not even celebrating my own win. I have been maintaining within kind of the two-page range.
Speaker: For the first time properly, I've done multiple fat loss phases. I do them with a twist if I can sometimes because I find them interesting. I actually enjoy a fat loss phase. Most people are like, I hate this I've actually flipped it now. I enjoy it because I know the struggles.
Speaker: I pick up new struggles that I can use with clients. I'm like, oh, Jesus, this is the tip you use here. So it's a better coach. yeah Yeah, yeah, it's it's experimenting. And I've had to cut fat loss phases short.
Speaker: So I will say to you now, Kate, I did one where I let people vote on Instagram. So this is a prime example where i was like, oh, God, I'm letting them like dictate because I would have went for a slow and steady fat loss approach with my performance going up at the same time. So I was like, performance has to go up.
Speaker: And then they voted, of course. Oh, yeah. Lose the quicker amount. i was like, OK, geez, we'll go for it. I had to cut a chart. I was to do it for it was it four weeks four or five weeks. I cut a chart three weeks in. i was like, nope, this isn't working.
Speaker: So like even to do that, we're still human because a lot of people put us up on a quote, like as a coach, you're all is so motivated. Like how many times, Kate, have you got that? Oh, how did do you stay um so disciplined? Your willpower must be fantastic and you must be so motivated the whole time.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. no get You get that a lot, but really what it comes down to is, is values. It comes down to what, what you really want for yourself and, know, it And capacity as well, I think.
Speaker: what Yes. actually yeah and Which we've spoken about. and so like in relation to when you say about like you're finally kind of at this place where you're maintaining, you're feeling good about it.
Speaker: Would you like rewind back a few a good few years? Would you have had an unhealthy relationship with food? Did you have like did you have weight to lose? Did you have body image issues? Well, like what what was gym like, let's say 10 years ago or five years ago or or however long ago?
Speaker: um Yeah, struggling. was struggling more than I even realized. I actually didn't. If even just to go back 10 years to when I was 18, I would actually look at, yes, great time. and College. Well, but we won't even get into that, like the amount of alcohol consumed too much.
Speaker: Having a great time, all is up for a laugh, but looking back on it, never truly happy, if that makes sense. But that was all to do with unhealthy relationship with food.
Speaker: Even kind of more so my early 20s. Well, it goes back the whole way, but I would say I definitely had disordered eating when it came to food. So not an eating disorder. I just had a disordered eating. Like I did have binge eating patterns.
Speaker: I would have binge ate as well. So even for me now, I can have sweets in the house. Like that is absolutely huge. Whereas to me, 10 years ago, no, dad I'll tell you a funny one. Dad used to go shopping as a child. This is how young it goes back. I was only thinking about this last week.
Speaker: He used to shopping. So I knew he went shopping. Dad cannot turn down a bargain. So if there was sweets there, yeah, three for a five or three. I think there were like three for three euro of the multi-packs now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he have them. Prices have really gone up now. But he'd have them.
Speaker: But he'd come home and all I see is healthy food. But I used call that good food. So I was like, where's where's like the sweets? And he's like, oh no, I didn't get any. I was always known as the child, as the youngest of three.
Speaker: I would sniff them out basically within 20 minutes. I'd have them and I'd be eaten through them. Kind of had that scarcity. If I didn't keep eating them, my brothers would eat them. Someone else would eat them. Yeah, yeah. It was was kind of like that. But then as the years went on, I couldn't control myself around foods like that. When I say I can eat for a family of five, I still can to this day. um I just have to watch it. I'm just so much more aware around it.
Speaker: But I do not have that guilt because so many people and it kills me to look back on how much I struggled. The names I used to call myself like I'm i'm like stop being such a fat and I won't even finish the rest of that. that But saying that all to myself.
Speaker: So even looking at that, the relationship I had with food was absolutely chronic. But I didn't really realize it at the start. It was kind of more when I got into the coaching. I was like, OK, the mindset plays a far bigger role than we think.
Speaker: Like so many people think a meal plan is going to sort you out. It's like, no, it's really not. It's the mind. You you will follow a meal plan if your mind is right. Yeah.
Speaker: It's so interesting that to hear you talk about kind of, you know, your inner voice and your body, and like your own body image and, you know, how hard that you were on yourself as a young man, because, you know,
Speaker: or Us women, like we talk about that a lot, like within my coaching and women are terrible for like tearing themselves apart. Oh, the inner critic. It's so interesting to hear it from a male perspective. And, you know, you're a very, and you come across really happy, really kind, really, you know, like,
Speaker: And I would imagine you were probably always quite like that's your disposition. Jolly. Quite jolly. Jolly is a good word for you. Yeah. um That people wouldn't even have realized that that was your inner voice, that you yeah you're talking to yourself like that. And even with that case, like because even with body wise, because I would have taken part in GAA, I used to run like as a really young child now below eight. I used to do Irish dancing and I think they want my the the what you call them the dance teachers they really wanted to push me further within Irish dancing like as in they saw something there with me comes out in and the night out don't worry I'll do the Michael Platt this is a fun fact about you Jim you need to talk about this more it's it's actually a mad one because like I think they really wanted to push me like they ended up the dance teacher sent me to a different dance school
Speaker: So the dance teacher actually ended up sending me to a different dance teacher, which was another 15 minutes away. Like I remember it. um But I just did not want to do it. Like they they saw something in me, but I was like, I do not want to do it. So eventually my mom did let me give it. Like I was passionately like, I do not want to do this. My mom was very good. She sent us into everything, did piano, like did the whole lot. So it works brilliantly for primary teaching. was like, I've got this, this, this, this. thisboard i While I was so active, I went through periods where I was overweight. Looking back on it, I um ah have a shorter upper body, so I'll always put on the belly. I was...
Speaker: my stomach, like I put on a good bit of body fat around my stomach. I was always very self-conscious of that. And I think it's only in the last year that i'm like, I actually don't care now.
Speaker: Like I have accepted. Yes, we will all go through days where that inner critic will pop up. It's like, okay, right. Why is this popping up? We do a bit of work on that. But I always had that. And I did go through ah a stage where I did have a lot of weight to lose. Like I know people like, I remember, what was it? My...
Speaker: Yeah, my grand uncle, he said, oh Jim, congrats. Or what did he say? When did you get the new extension? And he was referring to me as being overweight. And it did not cop with me. It was my cousins who were like, oh, my gosh, that was ruthless. But like even comments like that, like I laugh at that now. But at the time, like I was still kind of laughing at it at the time. But that can impact ah you more than you actually know. Like I still remember that comment.
Speaker: And I'm really good for if there's anything kind of semi-traumatic, I can actually like put it down, bottle forget it. That's how I used to do it. I bottle it so much that I'm like, I've eliminated that. I forget it. But it was rooted deep inside.
Speaker: So even the way you're saying, like from a male perspective, males, we struggle too. And it's just It can be harder to open up. That's why you'd always see like I got into hiking. It's great.
Speaker: Lads will always open up walking side by side. so they don't have to look each other in the face. Yeah, it's funny. I actually don't mind opening up to people. I'm quite open in that sense. However, a lot of lads will really struggle and even they'll still struggle quietly on their own, even walking side by side. It's funny. It's the only time I can really talk to my 16 year old son is when I'm driving.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Because then he doesn't have to look at me. It's it's actually a mad one, but it is so common. Like women. That's what I love love about women. They're just so open.
Speaker: They're so supportive. And I know for some lads, it's it's tough for them to open up because depending on the age group as well and depending on your friend group. Some lads may start slagging you for it. You know, they don't mean it in a bad way, but they might have that little bit of slagging. And it's like anyone who has kind of opened up a little bit, they're just kind of put back. Or what I'd even see with some...
Speaker: males in particular is how they joke about themselves. Yeah. And I really hate. don't I'd never laugh at it. I'm like, I will actually just be like, look you need to stop talking to yourself like that. It's not funny. I would just say blank statement out like that because it isn't. It's like you joking about something about yourself.
Speaker: The subconscious mind is always listening. I know it's like for some people, it's like, oh, it's so hippy dippy. But it's honestly. They're well used to hearing me talk about this stuff all the time. So yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, I like it. It plays a massive role. Yeah.
Speaker: And it's something I would always like I can't stress enough, like for men that they should always us reach out, like no matter who it is, find someone you can actually talk to, whether it is going on a hike, going on a walk. And like, as I said, driving in a car, go for a drive. Like if you can speak to someone in that kind of setting, it's crazy.
Speaker: how much lads will struggle and then it's like that ego it's like no no i'm a man man i don't open open up i actually think being vulnerable is so important and so important yeah like it's hard to be vulnerable but i think you can be vulnerable sometimes i found personally when i've worked through a situation because i remember i used to never talk about like the breakup But by actually moving through it and working past it's like, OK, I know I've actually healed.
Speaker: Whereas in the healing process would have found it very hard. Obviously, I had my friends very open that way. Even my family, I didn't tell them everything I was feeling. And like they they probably didn't realize how bad I was feeling.
Speaker: um Like did Kilimanjaro, that was the best crack ever. Like that would have been part of the time of going through And I was like, that was my best experience ever. Just feeling so connected to people. You could open up to them. No phones.
Speaker: No phones, I tell you, is an unbelievable. That social detox is needed every now and then. Yeah, no, honest to God. Like, and hikes, and there is more of these groups emerging, and like, Brian's great for, like, well, he does more of but Everest Base Camp is next. Like, he does mad ones, but you know, even just in your local area, there's always, like, there's more and more groups. Like, I live near Greystones, and I always see in the open forum on Facebook, there's, you know, some sort of men's hiking group, and, you know, I'm always saying to my husband, Dave, I was like, you should go that, and he has yet to go, but maybe he'll go somewhere day.
Speaker: long You sugar we should go. But you said at the very start of the podcast, I kind of want to just bring it back to this because we've been talking about mental health and men's mental health in particular here, and which is such an important topic to talk about. and You know, um you said that the gym or fitness saved you basically. That's true. of Like one of your most difficult times.
Speaker: Talk ah to me a little bit about the gym and what you meant by, like what it what it did for you and what what you believe that it it can do for people, particularly men, I think, in relation to their mental health.
Speaker: Yeah, so even for a lot of men, they like look at it running. It's like, what are you running it away from? Like, like you're sometimes you'll notice with a lot of men, they'll.
Speaker: You'll actually see it a lot after breakups with men, they obviously get into the best shape possible. i'd Like there's so many men that have done that, but they haven't addressed their actual mind. So for me at the time, I knew i was like, okay movement actually makes you feel better.
Speaker: Food is actually going to make you feel better. Journaling is going to make you feel better. Listening to certain songs, depending on your mood, is going to help you with that as well. um I actually did go to therapy for a little bit, but I was actually so in tune with all the psychology side of things there. I i didn't go for too long I was doing everything and nothing felt like it was working.
Speaker: Like was going to the gym, eating the healthiest that could have been. Like I wasn't tracking calories now at this stage or anything. But I was doing all the healthy things that would make you feel better. And I wasn't feeling better.
Speaker: doing the work on myself, that inner work. But looking back on it, it was helping me at the time. Like I could have gone on, suffered, but I think for me, it was literally going into the gym and afterwards it's like, okay, I've achieved something today and not beating myself up because my inner critic was awful at that time.
Speaker: I was like, oh, I should have shown up in this way or this was wrong. Like I didn't actually... do anything wrong as per se in the relationship. It was just the two of us didn't work out. We actually learned so much from each other.
Speaker: And I actually became such a better person because of it. So would I change it? No, because a lot of people are like, would you change it if you could go back? And I'm like, absolutely not. But it's like that.
Speaker: How much you can beat yourself up, the thoughts you're having. Like I haven't publicly spoke about how I actually felt mentally and I still probably won't. But for a lot of people listening, no matter how bad them thoughts are,
Speaker: the days get easier or there's brighter days ahead. Even when you feel like things are not going to plan or you're like, not this isn't working. It probably is because for me at that time, nothing felt like it was working. Going to the gym, I was like, this is doing absolutely nothing. It was improving my body shape. Yes, I will say that because I was eating healthy. I was going to the gym, drinking water. It was journaling. Like stress was coming down to a degree that it could come down.
Speaker: um But again, it's like that. I still remained jolly as per se. Facially like when I went into schools, nobody knew i was I went around sub into schools. They did not know what was going on in my life.
Speaker: But it was like that doing all them things got me through the other side. Like I look back and I'm like, thank God I did all that because if I didn't, I don't know what would have happened.
Speaker: But it's like that you could go down a wrong path. But like for me, It was a healthy path. It was sustainable. And it was just to kind of just silence the mind. It's like it's I was good, Kate, as well. I e spoke to friends about it. So they knew how I was feeling. Like I wasn't bottling this all inside.
Speaker: Just just for anyone listening to that, like bottling is not going to help or this kind of like, oh, sure, we just get on with it. That is not going. You can get on with things, but you'll never be truly happy. I will say I am truly happy right now to this day.
Speaker: But just getting on with life is not the solution. but There's a certain there's a time and place like I was getting on with it then, but I was doing the deeper work as well. Yeah, to be doing both and to have the the I like but I think what I was I've experienced from anything that you kind of put your time into in life. I just what I've kind of learned about life, I think, is, you know, when you're in the middle of doing something, whether it's where you're going through something bad or you're going through something good or you're just consistent with something when you're in it.
Speaker: You don't feel the consequences or the effects of what you're doing in the moment. it's always afterwards. I even find that, you know, with the scales, like it's like, you know, oh, it's fine. I'm like maintaining and this and I'm eating whatever I want. And then like four weeks later, I'm like, fuck, it's all hit me like a ton of bricks.
Speaker: But I think you' the same as but the with the gym, it's like quite often, it's not until you you're like, this isn't doing anything, this isn't doing anything or, you know, the the the journaling or the talking to someone or the just going for your morning walks or whatever it is that helps you kind of work through things or And you're just feeling shit for so long and it feels like it's never going to end.
Speaker: And then suddenly. It starts to lift like it's it's it's just funny. I just think I've noticed that pattern both good and bad with it. It's it's like it takes so long for it to build momentum and suddenly it lifts like.
Speaker: Yeah. And then you come out the other side and you're like, oh, yeah, it's it's it's a crazy one. Like, yeah, did the amount of people that struggle even getting new clients and it's like, geez, you do not know what's going on. Like even they for a lot of you listening, you may find it hard to open up with your partner.
Speaker: And it's kind of it it is hard because you feel like you can't put that burden on them. But it's always looking at it. Sometimes they'll share things with me and I always say it to them. Obviously, like I'm not a psychologist or any of that. I just love psychology.
Speaker: But it was something I was quite good at is holding space for people. And I say to my clients, I'm like, it's probably terrible. It's like and ah this does not come across in the way that I'll say it. But it's like, I actually don't care about your problems. I say I will have a great sleep tonight. I want to hear them. I'll hold the space for them.
Speaker: But it's like it's not going to affect my life because I know a lot of people are afraid to share things with you because I don't want to put my problems onto And it's like you putting your problems, you're just sharing. I can hold that space, but I am going to sleep tonight because it's not my initial problem. Yes, I want to help you.
Speaker: And I think that's what I would say to people. It's like... try share it with your partner. And maybe if your partner, it's the open communication, because I think that's what we are good at as coaches. It's like, okay, if you just want to vent to your partner, just tell them, I just want to vent. I don't want you to come up with a solution. Just let me vent and be a sound important. And even you just saying that, because as men,
Speaker: We are not emotionally intelligent. I can say that for a fact. um The amount of lads that I have had to tell some of my friends, I had to explain it so simply. It's like, this is how I'm feeling. This is why, because of your response, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: And even just explain that to them. They're like, oh, I didn't realize that. Like men, for women, a lot of you assume we know how you like what we like. We know what you're going to come at.
Speaker: I will say from coaching, i know now, but as a person before coaching, I hadn't a scooby-doo. Yeah, I know women, I think, think men are are more complicated than they are. It's like, you know, you're you're assuming they should know. They don't know. They don't know. OK. And you have to tell them. And that's really, really important. so You know, we and it's so easy to get frustrated. And ah but that takes us. And I think that also that it puts us in a position to be like, We have to take responsibility for our own selves and our own lives and our own experiences of life. And if we're expecting something off someone else, you can't expect something off someone else we don't tell them what you need. you have to You have to communicate that. And... and
Speaker: And I think that women you know women can be very guilty of that, of you know just like put expecting expecting their husbands to know, expecting their their partners to know. And I think men, you know, are like they need to share more. Yeah. and Because they can't expect us to know that they're not okay when they're pretending that they are as well. Yes. and and that Yeah, it's just as everything. that That is a hard one because I do know some men, they're just very...
Speaker: it's hard to actually, like some of them just really, there's something stopping them from sharing. So like, it's a funny one. You can't force someone to share it either. Like there is a fine line. It's like traditional roles. Is it like, does this kind of go generational? Is this in our DNA a little bit? You know, that it's like, you know, the men, the man is the provider and they're going out and the woman is the nurturer. And I know there's a certain amount of natural,
Speaker: you know, that that that's in our DNA. But in the modern world, you know, that... ah in most relationships, the women don't need the men to be so go, go, go all the time. And they, you know, and that it's okay for a man to be like, okay, well, that's the, we could, things can be a little bit more even, you know, most, yeah most women I know, you know, want to be out there providing also. And, you know, and I think it's really important that everyone does what they want to do within their, their relationships and what works for them. But that's, there could be, I think there's a huge block for a lot of men. Yeah.
Speaker: that goes, you know, their their fathers, their grandfathers, their great great grandfathers, just it's just so ingrained in what they believe is, even if they don't even realize that that's what they believe, it's just so ingrained in their subconscious mind.
Speaker: Yeah, oh it it is literally ingrained. And that's a big point I want to highlight here is they may often be unaware of it. Like, again, how many women are unaware of how guilty they feel or unaware of like not celebrating them wins?
Speaker: You got up this morning, you made the bed, you got the kids ready for school, but you take that for granted. How many of you actually take that for granted? Take a step back and actually look at that is fantastic. There's two massive wins straight away.
Speaker: So it's even just being aware of them things. Like I know that I went on to the women there, but even for men being aware, is it societal values that I'm following or my own values?
Speaker: Because it's like the societal values is like, oh, right. Well, I'm the male, all traditions. I'm the provider. That generational thing is still coming true. I think it is breaking a little bit. spring help though I hope so. I hope so.
Speaker: It's I also think it will still be there for generations to come. But it is, there is a new kind of element coming out. Like I even look at myself, like I'm not afraid to be vulnerable now.
Speaker: But I think if... I went through as planned the way my life was going to go. It would have been that generational don't open up, bottle it down, all of that. I would have done that.
Speaker: So it's it's an interesting and one that way. But I would have been unaware of it too. And I think the awareness is just step one. It's a step one for everything, isn't it? yeah It's slowing down enough to just be like, who am I?
Speaker: What do I want? And this is relevant for health and fitness is relevant for this is relevant for any area of life. Who am I? What do I want? And then just take the small steps in the direction of what you want. Stop. giving yourself unrealistic expectations, stop rushing stuff. Like I'm also a bit like, you know, people for rushing. I'm like, what is the rush to reach your goals? What is the rush? Like enjoy becoming the person that you want to become the person that you're meant to be. and Like it's it's such an amazing journey when you stop putting the pressure on yourself and you stop judging yourself and you stop or stop doing things for because you think that you should. The amount of people that just enjoy the journey and how they feel. And then when they get to the end goal, they're like, oh, yeah, it's like, yeah, you were enjoying the journey. You're like, oh, I'm here. oh all right. so its just life Yeah, yeah. That was easier than those ah than I thought. But it's like, do you realize that you're enjoying the journey so much more?
Speaker: like and And that's how you keep it though. But like when you get to your goal of your goal body composition or whatever your goal is, you can maintain that if you've done it in an enjoyable way and you're a bit like, oh God, this is great. I'm here, but but but okay.
Speaker: But keep it. It's even chasing what you want, because even like Jerry Hussey's book is very good on that. It's like, are you driven out of fear or out of love? And if you're driven out of fear, you probably won't be able to keep it.
Speaker: You might. But usually what happens is people are driven out of a little bit of fear or guilt or whatever it is. And it turns into love as they go on. And it's like, john I'm enjoying this. I want to do it.
Speaker: yeah Whereas if you're kind of like trying to run away from something, you can't keep that up forever. And that yeah, you'll have a bad week and you're like trying to tell. And that's why your actual starting point doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you are doing it out of fear of health conditions or you're, you know, of disgust, you know, the amount of women, it makes me so sad. they'll good to be I'm disgusted with what I see in the mirror and I hate, i like it breaks my heart, but it's a starting point.
Speaker: And the mindset work and the deep work alongside the slow and gradual habit change, it has to happen because you cannot achieve a goal and keep it out of self-loathing, out of, yeah, out of those really dark negative emotions of fear, guilt, disgust, any of those words that we're using.
Speaker: we If you're in it, don't judge yourself for being in it. But over time, you will you will shed it if you do it right. It's you evolve within it, which is absolutely fantastic because it is a case like the amount of people that start like I i was there myself and and it's like absolutely hating yourself.
Speaker: The amount of people that hate them themselves themselves and use these horrible words towards themselves. it's more common than people think. They do not realize like, it's like, oh, no, it's just me.
Speaker: Like, I don't know what podcast I was listening to. And was like, tro that is so fair. This is ah now it probably shouldn't be aired too much, but it was like how when mothers have a newborn baby, they just did. They have the thoughts of wanting to throw the baby away.
Speaker: And while it's horrible, it's like a lot of mothers will have them thoughts. So I've never spoken about it. Never. so Yeah. And it's literally like when they shared it, they were like, oh, my God, you had them too. It's it's just making you feel like, oh, you you feel seen and heard. So it's like no matter how bad you feel about yourself, someone else has actually either gone through it or is currently going through it. So it's like to make that change.
Speaker: So that's what I would always say is to reach out to someone if you need help. Like the amount of people they're like, oh, I'll just do it on my own again. But it's like that. How many years are you doing it on your own?
Speaker: And you're just repeating your subconscious patterns when you're doing it on your own. And and you you may not even be aware of this, but hopefully after listening to this podcast episode, they will be like, oh, my God, I've been stuck in that cycle for 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years now.
Speaker: And it's like, OK, it's time to do something differently. Yeah, it's like breaking the pattern. Yeah, Jim, this has been an absolutely amazing conversation. And thank you so much for giving like sharing all of your thoughts and ideas and your own experiences as well, because this has just been hugely valuable. And before we finish up, I want to just ask you one more question, which I like to ask most people in the podcast.
Speaker: What does the word health mean to you? ah For me, so physically that you bring your body to the best ability that it can go to and function with ease.
Speaker: So to even break that down is literally like, like if you have osteoarthritis, any medical needs that can you improve your body a little bit? So that would be one. And that you're happy in your own body.
Speaker: So it's like, OK, I can move the best it can possibly move. Then with mental, because I think this is important. Health isn't just physical, it's mental, they're intertwined. And it's like having that ability to live a balanced life without regretting any decisions.
Speaker: Yeah. So if you have whatever chocolate bar you have, nothing is good or bad. You can have it and you do not suffer in guilt. that That's ah a big one that you have a healthy relationship with food. You don't overthink anything. You can go out in social occasions and not worry about something.
Speaker: You're like, oh, I'm going getting further away. So just having that mental freedom would probably be the better word there. Yeah. but No, no, I couldn't agree more. and Jim, thank you so much. and Is the best place, if anyone wants to follow you, wants to reach out to you, is Instagram the best place or is there anywhere else you want to direct people to? um Yes, Instagram, definitely. Sorry. um Instagram, Jim Ryan underscore fitness.
Speaker: TikTok, I'm not really active on that. I e post and ghost. i like no Yeah. you'll you'll get me on Instagram I'll have more on there like more stories if I'm documenting there that's probably the best spot then if you actually want to reach out send a message to me amazing I will share that in the show notes anyway from there if anyone wants to find Jim and and thank you so much this has been great Absolutely delighted to be on, Kate. Thank you so much for that. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. And as always, if you enjoyed it, please do share it with your friends and your followers in your WhatsApp groups, on your stories. If you do, tag me at Kate Hamilton Health and at Kate Hamilton Business and do share the episode with anyone that you think it may help.
Speaker: Also, if you haven't yet, please do subscribe to the podcast. This makes such a difference in growing it. These little things of sharing it with people who need it, subscribing. and And I really, really appreciate and your help and your support as I continue to grow this.
Speaker: If you are looking for support with your health and your fitness goals and you want a long term sustainable approach that is realistic and science backed, this is exactly what we do inside my Nourish Her health and fitness coaching.
Speaker: If you're looking for support while you're building your business and you want to do it in a profitable way that doesn't cost you your health and your freedom, this is exactly what I do in my Lead Her business mentorship. I'm I've shared links to both in the show notes. So if you're interested, have a click, have a read, reach out to me.
Speaker: I'm happy to answer any of your questions and I hope you have a great day and I will see you on the next episode.
