Transcript
Speaker: Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Kate Hamilton podcast. In today's episode, we are going to explore the topic of values and reconnecting with who you actually are. And in relation to this topic, the reason why I so i want to speak about this topic is because it is so relevant in order to experience well-being, in order to be able to reach your goals, in order to be for your habits to be able to stick. Really knowing who you are and what you value is so, so, so important.
Speaker: And the thing is, if I was to line up a random 10, 20 people and ask them on the spot, what are your values? Most people probably aren't able to answer that when put on the spot. And that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with that. It's just the way our society is built. We all lead these reactive lives where life is so busy. We're so busy trying to make enough money, feed our kids, pay our bills and climb the corporate ladder.
Speaker: Life is moving so fast that most of us are living very reactive lives. And the problem with living reactive lives is we're not connected with who we really are. We're just reacting to what's happening in life. And therefore, a lot of the time we're going around in cycles and repeating the same patterns over and over again. And then we wonder why we feel exhausted, unhappy, down, unfulfilled, and are usually dealing with habits that we're struggling to kick. So this is why it's so important to align with your values. This is why it's so important to take this time and really just ask yourself this question, and explore this topic, and
Speaker: really tune into what's right for you in your life. So anyway, I'm excited to get into it. m First of all, what are your values? Okay, so your values are not your goals. Values are what matter most to you. Basically, they're the core of who you are. and What is the most important thing to you in your life? What are the most important things to you in your life? and When you live in line with your values, life feels right.
Speaker: And when we live against our values, we feel uneasy, we feel unhappy. Things don't feel good. We're anxious. We're, you know, we're dealing with anxiety symptoms. We're not sleeping well.
Speaker: Something is off. Now, the problem is living against our values can just have this really low level anxiety and discontent that we can live with and do so for a very long time. am that we we're not even aware that that's the case and that we can be living with by just small little tweaks to our life. We can be living unbelievably fulfilling lives.
Speaker: So bear with me. I'm not going to tell you to turn your whole life upside down. It's really just a shift in perspective and a little bit of a pausing before saying yes to decisions, pausing before saying no to decisions and really just thinking about everything that we put into our day, into our lives, everyone we spend our time with and just starting to live more intentionally is really what the secret is.
Speaker: And when you start to live in this intentional way, everything really starts to change. And So you've probably heard people talk about this, like gut feeling, follow your gut, tune in with your gut. and Or my gut was off. I knew that that didn't feel right. And we all know that feeling, you know, it's just under your rib cage, above your belly button and where you feel butterflies of excitement. You feel sick to your stomach with nerves. You someone that you're around that you really don't like their energy and something just sits really
Speaker: Uneasily in that area of your gut. So that gut feeling is a real thing. We all have this spark. I like to call it our spark, OK, because it's actually where our solar plexus is, which is and the seat to our our true self, our personality. And we all have this spark inside of us. And.
Speaker: How brightly it shines depends on how you live. So we've all been around people who are extremely charismatic, who just you you feel happy and you feel safe around them. And it feels good to be around them. And we kind of aspire to be like them and we want to spend time with them. And those people are people who are really in tune with who they are.
Speaker: They are not depending on other people's opinions and other people, ah but other people's praise to make them feel good enough. They know that they're good enough. They know that they're here for a reason. They're very aware of what's important to them and they are living very intentionally. And it's contagious. Like we want to it's magnetic. We want to be around that. But the thing is, that's not just available to some people. We all have that spark. We all have that capacity to connect back inward with that, that spark, with that good feeling and follow it.
Speaker: and really get to know who we are. and this is what i'm going to help you with in this episode. Don't worry. and And to get to know who we really are. And when we do that, spark starts to shine brightly and shine brighter and brighter and brighter. And we all have the capacity to do that. The problem is life gets in the way.
Speaker: And it often stops us from being able to do that to the point that we're living such reactive lives. We don't even have time to think straight, let alone connecting with our spark.
Speaker: So like life gets in the way when you think about Everyone has a different life story and depending what age they are, what they've been through and what their background looks like. You know, everyone has some form of trauma, grief, complicated relationships. The education system even gets in the way here. Our careers, our financial responsibilities, caring for others, raising children like the list goes on. There's so many things. And what I've noticed from working with thousands of women is that The older we get, the more these responsibilities just seem to pile on and pile on and pile on until somewhere along the way it's like, oh my God, who am I anymore? What happened to me? where Where am I in all of this? And that's where a lot of women come to me in the capacity of looking to lose weight. they're They've lost who they are. They've forgotten what it is that brings them joy. And they come to me to lose weight, but also to just get themselves back. And
Speaker: this This is so common and this is so doable to fix as well. So we'll get into it. One one thing that I noticed with a lot of women is that When it comes to actually focusing a little bit in on ourselves, there can be a lot of guilt there. It's like, oh, I'm being selfish. First of all, I don't know why selfish is considered a negative thing. And I think it's important to be selfish. You have to have time where you focus in on you to be able to give to the world, to give to the people around you in the way that they deserve. That sounds a little bit cliche, but it's very, very true. It's also very, very
Speaker: It's also extremely important to know that it's okay to be grateful for what you have and want more for yourself at the same time. And that can often be a clash as well, that people feel I should be grateful for what I have. ah Like, you know, I shouldn't want more or, you know, if people who are striving for more are ungrateful for what they have, you can be so incredibly grateful for your life and where you're at and also want more for yourself. And in fact, I think when we strive for goals, whether they're health and fitness goals, fat loss goals, business goals, career goals, if we're striving for a goal out of desperation, the goal never feels the way we think it's going to feel. And it's also very, very difficult to keep. So really what we want to do when we're striving for more and we're striving for goals is really being grateful for where we are. And like we do this in Nourish Her Coaching a good bit where it's like, okay, I
Speaker: You might find it really hard to love yourself or your body right now, but I want you to think back on your life and all of the things that have happened and all of the things that your body has been through, no matter whether it's let you down at times and for you to just give your body the the gratitude that it deserves to have carried you this far in life.
Speaker: regardless of how imperfectly it has done so. ah Before we start looking at, well, what we want more for our body and for our energy and for our lifestyle. And it's the same when it comes to a business goal.
Speaker: Being grateful for what you have in your life Financially, family wise, home situation, no matter how small, being grateful for the life that you have before you start striving for more. Otherwise, you will think that the smaller body or.
Speaker: the more successful business is going to complete you. And that's you're complete as it is. And it's just about wanting to grow. So that's basically what it is.
Speaker: We I don't like to use the word soul because I think then it it some people zone out because it sounds very religious, but I don't mean it in a in a religious sense. I mean, it's very much in in a spiritual sense, but or in a personality sense. I mean, it very much in a scientific sense as well. We all have this spark or that, as as I've said, i like to call it the spark, but basically like our soul and we're born to grow.
Speaker: If we start shrinking ourselves because we're trying to fit in with others or because we're trying to serve others and there's no time left for us. Our soul or our spark screams for more.
Speaker: And this is what leads to unbelievable unhappiness, dissatisfaction, anxiety, and problems around emotional eating, other addictions that like it just it brings so many things.
Speaker: issues onto us when we and and actually physical illness as well. If we're just our our souls and our spark is trying to grow and expand and learn and help in loads help the world in loads of different ways. And we're just keeping it squashed in.
Speaker: So that other people feel comfortable around us or so that we can continue to tick all the things off our list in our little lives where we're running around like ants.
Speaker: And we're worrying about we're losing sleep over things that at the end of the day don't matter. And I think it's important to remember that we're all going to die and. What's going to be written on your tombstone?
Speaker: Oh, she was super productive and and she and had she was a size ten and she made 500,000 euro one year. Like what? Like no one cares.
Speaker: It's how you make people feel. It's the the the quality times. Think about the conversations that that are had at people's funerals. it's always we It's always these wonderful stories of experiences together. So please stop holding yourself back. Please stop pushing yourself to the brink of breakdown for things that don't matter. and Stop not being you because you're afraid of what other people are going to think, other people who don't matter what they're going to think. and It's just such a waste.
Speaker: And.
Speaker: When we come and when we fall into that cycle of, of you know, our our our soul wants more, we're not giving ourselves what we truly need. And then it leads to sadness, discontent, self-loathing at an extreme. But i like ah that's not me over-exaggerating the amount of women I've spoken to that literally, I know I've said this on the podcast before,
Speaker: say they can't even look at themselves in the mirror. They're so disgusted with themselves. And that breaks my heart. And when we feel that kind of sadness, discontent, that self-loathing, we numb it. We numb it with food, with drugs, with alcohol, with medication, with smoking, with whatever it is.
Speaker: Sometimes it's overworking. Sometimes it's overexercising. it's it' There's always a coping mechanism put in there. And then our habits start to feel out of control. And instead of giving, ah responding with ah from a place of love and care and connection with ourselves and curiosity as to what's going on and how can I fix this deep down?
Speaker: How do we respond? We respond with guilt. with guilt and then what does guilt lead to more sadness more discontent more self-loathing which leads to more numbing behaviors which so then as you can see that cycle goes on and goes on and it goes round and round it go again and again and the longer you're in that cycle the more lost you feel in it Now, I'm not coming from a place of like, you know, on my high horse or on my pedestal there trying to kind of preach this. I have very much lived this.
Speaker: I lived a reactive life most of my life. and I was quite an anxious child. I'm always like afraid to be in trouble, really wanted to please everybody. And, you know, in school, I would have been quite anxious about standing out and getting in trouble. And it it mattered to me what people thought of me. Even through my teen years, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be like everyone else.
Speaker: I made not so good choices in order to fit in. Once I was in second, like the second half secondary school, I worked hard because I decided I wanted to be a teacher. pushed myself to get the grades to do so, went to college. In college, when I look back now, I'm like, I knew it wasn't right for me then, but I just kept pushing, pushing, pushing, working hard, partying hard at the weekends. And I just graduated college, got a job, worked as a teacher for 15 years, had my first child at 23. So I was barely out of college and then I was a mother. I had was very lucky to have a permanent job and everyone was, you know, praising me on. Oh, my God, you're so sensible. You've got a permanent job. Like my child was born in February 2010 and we bought a house just a few months before that. And so I was 23 years old when we bought our house and people were like, wow. Now we got ourselves some massive amounts of debt and we were broke for years because of that. Um, but you know, I had my first child at 23. I had my second child at 26 and I had my last child at 31. So my twenties were very much taken up raising kids. And any of you who have kids will know those early years are very reactive. It is very much caring for kids, especially if you have a full-time job on top of that year, you have a career, you have a kid, you have a kid, you have several kids and, um,
Speaker: It was just very much go, go, go, go autopilot. I didn't really think much about my life. Until 2020, when COVID hit, i I really didn't because I didn't have time to think and keep in mind, my youngest child was born in 2017. So when COVID hit, he was actually only two and a half. So I was still very much in that baby toddler stage and once everything started to change for me. And But even before I had my kids, my early 20s were very much a sign that I was not listening to myself. And so I started to experience anxiety. As a lot of you will know this story, I experience anxiety and chronic daily, great chronic anxiety, daily panic attacks. And this all started at the age of 21. The summer I finished college, it and it happened the very first time I was i was in Dingle with my family. and
Speaker: And it hit me like a ton of bricks. And then it started happening again and again and again. This was not being able to breathe, thinking I was having a heart attack, completely feeling out of body, like like like my soul had left my body and I was looking down on myself. It was the most scary thing at that time for someone who always felt really in control. And I felt weak. I felt like there was something very, very wrong with me. I felt guilt.
Speaker: I felt, you know, and I the only time and like it it had gotten so bad that the only time the only escape like I couldn't even sit down and on the couch in the evening time without not be like I wasn't able to breathe properly. and I had all the physical tests. Everything came back all the time. There's nothing wrong with you. So then obviously I felt like I was going fucking crazy. The only the only escape I got from that was alcohol. And I used to look forward to the weekends. I look forward to Friday night wine, Saturday wine. I was very functioning. I, you know, got up and went to work and Monday, friday like I didn't drink and Sunday night through to Thursday night. And but the weekends, there was plenty of wine and I really looked forward to to just that.
Speaker: that break from the constant pain and anxiety. And I didn't understand where it was coming from. This is the problem as well. So it was very much treating the symptoms. Now, obviously, as that this was my very early twenty s um And I do think becoming a mother so young really saved me and because it stopped anything spiraling because I had I suddenly had a little baby to look after. And through cognitive behavioral therapy and and medication at the time, i I was able to overcome it.
Speaker: And so started my path to self-discovery. So cognitive behavioral therapy was the first time that I really understood the power of reflection and the power of perspective. And that just because I think something doesn't mean it's true.
Speaker: i was like, holy shit. and hearing like me talking about my deepest, darkest fears and my therapist coming back to me being like, or what if it if you thought about it this way?
Speaker: And I was like, well, I never thought about it that way. And um But even as i I got better and the panic attacks weren't happening anymore, I still had this wine at the weekends habits for habit for years. And, you know, you might think, well, what's the problem? Lots of people have wine at the weekends. yet But it really didn't make me feel good. The only time I would actually feel the twinges of anxiety after I had recovered was after drinking. So every time I'd be drinking and keep in mind, I wasn't having one or two glasses. I was having a bottle, bottle and a half of wine at a go, you know, So it it was a lot. and And it was Friday night and Saturday night. And if it was a bank holiday weekend, it would also be a Sunday night, you know. So it was happening every weekend. I would feel like shit until Tuesday.
Speaker: I'd feel good again Wednesday. Thursday, I'd be getting excited for the weekend again. And it was a cycle. And what I found was that the weekends when my kids were small, my older two were small, I didn't do much with them. Like we didn't get out and explore. And, you know, we just, you know, I hung out at my house, friends called over. I went to my friend's house and am I didn't like I think about all the things, the adventures and the things that we do now. And I'm like, I didn't do that when I was younger. But then there's that guilt again. And it's like we we can we can only do what we can with what we have. So that's what my point with this story is, if you're listening to this and this all seems so foreign and so far away for you being able to connect with yourself and that you are are dealing with habits that feel out of control and you feel like your life is is not your own.
Speaker: I just want you to know that I've been there and and there is a way out of it. And it's so simple. And what what I'm talking to and love what I'm going to to give you at the end of this, the values workshop that I'm going to to give you at the end of this lesson will really help you. This lesson isn't a lesson, this is a podcast. The values workshop that i'm going to give you at the end of this podcast is really, really going to help with that.
Speaker: So like I said, what really broke that pattern for me was COVID. and So when everything stopped in 2020, for the first time in my adult life, not even my adult life, my first first time in my life since I was a child.
Speaker: So... I reckon from when I was age 11, 12 onwards, I'd never had a second or never stopped to really think about what do you want, Kate? Like even when it came to picking careers and deciding what I wanted to do after college, I picked teacher because my mom was a teacher and I was like, she made it look easy and it looked at handy and, you know, holidays and short days. And, you know, it just she made it look like it it was a really good job to have because she was so well suited to it and she was an amazing teacher.
Speaker: And So I never really thought about me or even when it came to my hobbies, like, you know, i I didn't really have any. My mom put me in ballet and, you know, I did piano lessons and I, am but it was not, but I was just like, oh yeah, this is what what they want me to do. I'll do it. And it was great. Oh my God, to be exposed to these different things.
Speaker: But it was never a case where I said, actually, i think I might be interested in trying this or this. it would i I was just like, I was a real do what you're told girl. Or someone suggested, oh why don't you do ballet? OK, why don't you? you know Like I just did. i just reacted.
Speaker: And when COVID came, it was the first time that I really stopped and thought. I had gotten into health and fitness a few years beforehand and I was really enjoying my own fitness journey. And what I found was of all the years of trying to break the habit with wine,
Speaker: And it was only when I started to replace it with a love of fitness that I realized it wasn't serving me anymore and I didn't need it anymore. And that made it easier to move. So by the time COVID came, I wasn't really drinking anymore because I'd replaced my coping mechanism with a love for something for the first time without realizing I'd actually started to connect with connect with myself.
Speaker: and and what I loved. And it really surprised me because I wasn't a sporty kid. And suddenly I was loving working out and I was loving learning about nutrition. And and so then when COVID hit, that's when i was like, oh my God, I don't think I want to to live my life I've been living it anymore. And I started to study and I started to qualify myself and I started to build what I didn't realize was going to be an online business at the time. But building a nutrition program and And that spark that I talk about, that gut, that like the I'd never experienced it my whole life. It just like it just burst out of me. I just I couldn't not do what I what I was doing. I couldn't not get up every day and, you know,
Speaker: brainstorm my ideas and create my nutrition program and start thinking about content and designing logos. And I i was just, ah it was just bursting out of me once it once it ignited. Even before that, when I was studying, and when I was doing my nutrition certification, when I was doing my personal training diploma, I just, I couldn't wait to get up to study, to do. And like, you know, the in-person training days and, oh, it was just...
Speaker: It absolutely lit me up. And then, as you all know, I was able to, I got to a stage where I was able to, like that, that, that spark was just so bright that I,
Speaker: I was able to find the strength to leave teaching, to build a business, to work two jobs, like to really work really hard to make this work, because obviously I had a mortgage. I had three kids and, and you know, our our household you know, needed my income. And I, I had responsibility, but I also had that spark deep within. And this is what I mean by the spark, like this, the soul, like, and it, it that this was coming out of me one way or another, this was happening. And I had this deep knowing that it was all going to work out so incredibly well. I just knew it. So,
Speaker: It grew and it grew. And then what happened was I worked really, really hard. And then suddenly I worked really hard for years. And then suddenly kind of late 2023.
Speaker: Things just didn't seem to be working. And i I had kind of gone all in on the online business. And i remember crying to my sister and thinking, this isn't going to work out. I'm going to have to go back teaching or I'm going to have to go work for someone else. and I don't know what to do. And then when I joined a mentorship, that's.
Speaker: to November or December, and i like my business suddenly took off in that December. It was just like all the foundations that I put into place, it all started to fall into place. It all started to build momentum. It was like that compounding effect. It was absolute magic. And it grew from that December 2023 all the way into 2024, 2025. And it continued to grow really rapidly.
Speaker: rapidly okay And then that sounds like a happily ever after story. But the thing is, it wasn't. It wasn't a happily ever after story. What happened was and on paper, it was hugely successful.
Speaker: I had a team of six. We had over 300 clients. The business was making multi six figures. And everybody was like, oh, my God, you must be so excited about this event. You must be so excited about this thing. And you, oh, my God, look at the team you have. And all the clients and you must you must feel amazing. You've been to Miami. You've done this. you And inside I was crippled, absolutely crippled with fear, with stress, with anxiety and And I was just constantly focused on numbers over people. I had no connection. I felt so disconnected from everything. And what the scary part was, I felt so disconnected with myself. And I remember having this kind conversation, a different conversation with my sister where I was bawling my eyes out crying and being like,
Speaker: I sound so ungrateful. It's everything I've ever wanted. And I've forgotten who I am. And I actually get really emotional even thinking about that. um,
Speaker: We sat there and she was actually in the hospital at the time and we were sitting outside the hospital and. and She just recited back to me, not recited, but just told me who I am and reminded me who I was. And it was that day that I made the decision that it was time to change.
Speaker: It was like I had lost. my values i'd lost my values and i was chasing numbers and it's the most empty feeling ever and it's the same what i'm i'm talking about this in relation to business but it's the same in relation to fat loss fitness if you're chasing numbers if you're chasing pbs if you're chasing a number on the scales It's never going to feel the way you think it it would feel. But that moment sitting at the heart outside the hospital with my sister, I was like,
Speaker: Everything that lit my soul up and was bursting out of me felt like it had all been for nothing. I was I had like climbed in my head to the top of the mountain and felt empty. And I was like, have I just climbed the wrong mountain? What in God's name is happening? And.
Speaker: i was like, I because I was so sure everything that I was doing was for a reason and It was a real test of my faith, of my journey, and then it was just about bringing it back to basics.
Speaker: And back to what's important to me and back to my values. So there was a lot of soul searching that needed to be done. And I needed to get back to my why, my values, my impact.
Speaker: So what I started to do was we'd built a huge group coaching business and I decided to scale it back to one to one coaching because from working with a lot of women, what I realized is that you cannot help people properly.
Speaker: achieve the goals in the way that I know, like, I know that it's not just about the calories and the macros and the movement and the workouts. It's so much more, it's so much deeper. And if we've got these blocks and these confidence issues, and we're so disconnected to who we really are, doesn't matter what plan you get, it's not going to fix you.
Speaker: um You have to do the deep work. And i realized there was no one size fits all approach to health and fitness. So I was like, nourish her coaching has to go back to one to one coaching.
Speaker: And I scaled it right back. And we ended up having less staff um and it was it was a hit that I had to make. But I scaled it back to one to one coaching. There's now myself, two coaches and I have Dave helping me as well. And and that's how we run it now. And it it had to be scaled back. I had to focus on the clients again. I had to focus on the message of what's important. I had to focus on the impact and actually helping people properly. And but I did, I took that financial hit and I don't care and I have rebuilt it right and it feels good. And that's the point. And I have no doubt that now building it alongside having my lead, her business mentorship based on everything that I've learned, like that, those are built right now and I won't ever trade my values.
Speaker: for numbers ever again. And I think for a lot of people, it's a lesson that I'm hoping it's a lesson that some people can listen to and, and take an action straight away. For some of you, you might be, you might've already lived this lesson, um, or will need to, to learn it yourself. Um, I was someone who had to to live it to really learn it, but, um, in relation to my value, my three values. So personally, my values are freedom, health and connection.
Speaker: And I was so focused on creating freedom with that business when I was grow, grow, grow, grow grow that I had lost a connection with myself. I'd lost the connection with my clients. I'd even lost the connection with my staff, really. And I was losing my health. Like my anxiety was not in a good place. it had It had come back after decades of being being gone. and my physically I was exhausted I was aging too quick I you know I was I was getting my training in but was training on very little sleep my sleep was all over the place I was stressed like my own my nervous system was massively dysregulated and so my health and my connection were fucked and my freedom yeah okay I like on paper I had freedom I had plenty of money and And I could do what I want when I wanted, but I was also filled with anxiety with the cost of expenses. And, you know, you earn more money. It usually means spending more money. And I had a lot of work to do on my money mindset on actually being able to manage that growth. So I think what really happened with that business was it grew faster than I had time to grow with it.
Speaker: But my God, it was the most valuable lesson I've ever met. So now when I make a decision, It is always based on freedom, health and connection, and it has to tie in with all of them.
Speaker: Is this in line with my freedom, my health and my connect, my importance for connection? And if it's not, I just won't do it. And then it also means when it's difficult things.
Speaker: That sometimes i don't want to do, like go to the gym, for example, like that might surprise you, but quite often I don't feel like going strength training. I'll always want to go for a walk. I love it. But like when I'm in the gym, I love lifting weights.
Speaker: And I love how I feel afterwards. And I love how I feel when I'm there and I really enjoy it. Like it's quite meditative because, you know, you can't really think about anything else when you're in there. But for some reason, it's always a real like, oh, what is the ah the effort, like the effort of going.
Speaker: But I will go. I'm not forcing myself to go because it's something I feel I should do. i I'm like... I know that it's aligned with my values, that I know that it gives me freedom, health and connection, all the freedom, my future body. I want to be strong. I want to be mobile health. Obviously, it's important for my health and my connection with myself and my body.
Speaker: And the connection with the other people that i I get to meet in the gym, because quite often I don't talk to a whole lot of other people bar Dave, my husband and my kids and and maybe my parents and my sister. A lot of the times, or you know, and my staff and or my clients, but I'm not i don't have any many other social interactions in my life a lot of the time. And so I'm like, Kate, get out of the fucking car and go to the gym, you know? And ah so that's not, that's the difference in knowing whether you're being too kind to yourself or too hard on yourself. Is it in alignment with your values? And I'm going to talk about this again in another episode in relation to the guilt that went with, with like building that business and making the career change. And
Speaker: you know, time that like I sometimes even like when I think back to my older two and I'm like, you know, that I wasn't the person I am now and like they didn't get the best of me when I was younger and I kind of grew up with them. and And sometimes I feel a little bit of regret there. And then I remind myself that my kids, particularly my older two, have watched me change career. They've watched me build a business from scratch and they've watched me work hard for a healthy life. And they've watched me still show up to their football matches and their athletics tournaments and and the different things that that they have on. And I think that that is more important. And now I think after being through it all,
Speaker: I'm so much more aware of the of the importance of quality time and of quality time together rather than striving for numbers to give them a better life. It's like, come on, what humans actually need are very little. They just need love and connection and time together.
Speaker: So when it comes to actually discovering your values, In relation to your own habits or that your own the reason why it really matters that you connect in with yourself and really get to know that your values and are are actually backed up by so many studies.
Speaker: And so Sheldon and Elliot, a 1999 study, for one example, Kasser and Rye, 1996, just to name a couple of them. And. The main thing is that you need to think here is goals that you pursue for re for reasons that are truly your own end up getting more effort, more attainment and a well-being payoff. So this is what the Sheldon and Elliot study has found, that if your goals are for your own reasons, you're far more likely to achieve them and enjoy them. And the reason behind the goal as well is important, which is the Kasser and Ryan study. So money, looks and status goals went with lower vitality. So if your goal was based on money, looks and status, it wasn't ah it but it wasn't in line. It didn't lead to well-being, basically. Whereas if your goal, the reason behind your goal is self-acceptance, relationships, health, it showed a higher well-being result. and And also just then there's one other study, Cresswell, 2005, where they state that reflecting calms you.
Speaker: So people who have affirmed their values. So it's people who know what their values are, showed lower cortisol responses in a lab stress test. So cortisol being our stress.
Speaker: levels are stress hormone and people who actually know who they are, what they're about, why they're doing what they're doing, their cortisol levels in general are lower. So it is important.
Speaker: So what's really, really important here when it comes to connecting with you, OK, you want to connect with the real you, the the you deep within, and not the mother, not the teacher, not the accountant, not the solicitor, not the best friend, not the sister, not the daughter, the you deep within.
Speaker: OK, and this can be really hard because a lot of shit has happened in our lives and that's clouding and hiding all of this. But I want to think about it. want you to think about yourself under the age of eight if you can.
Speaker: Because the scary thing is most of how we perceive the world is formed under the age of eight. And this is actually something that I learned in my early childhood education when in college when I was studying to be a teacher. So this is a college educated reference I'm making here and under the age of eight. is is where we form most of our yeah of our perception of the world. So I want you to think about your earliest memory of yourself, you know, around eight or younger, am or however you can just picture one version of yourself that you can remember.
Speaker: And I want you to, if you're not driving, if you're sitting, if you're not, if you can close your eyes and really, really think of her. Please don't close your eyes if you're driving. and But.
Speaker: Even just visualize her now. What does she look like? What is she wearing? Just look at her pure little face.
Speaker: And touch her little face. Is she smiling? Is she sad? Is she happy? Look at the look at her eyes, look at the innocence behind her eyes.
Speaker: The world hasn't gotten to her yet. What was she good
Speaker: And more importantly, what did she enjoy doing? What made her happy? So really sit with that for a minute and think about that.
Speaker: Because deep down. That's who you are. When you're talking negatively to yourself, that's who you're talking to. When you're putting incredible pressure on yourself, that's who you're.
Speaker: Putting the pressure on. When you're feeding yourself substances to numb your emotions, that's who you're quieting. So that's just a little tip of the iceberg. um In the show notes, you will be able to find a link to my values workshop. OK, and I really would love for you to download this and to do this exercise. It's about 25 minutes long. All you need is and a pen and a journal. OK, and you'll have that. You'll have the guide, the the values workshop to guide you through it. And the reason why you should do this is and I'm not going to go through exactly what's in it i'm because you will be able to just download it and do it yourself. But doing this values workshop will make your decisions easier because once you're clear on your values, you can run any choice past your values, a job, a goal, how you spend your time, who you deal with, who you decide to actually give your time. And you'll be able to create habits that actually stick. So you're not relying on willpower or motivation, which you never should anyway, which if you're listening to me long enough, enough you should know that. And
Speaker: You'll be able to create habits tied to what actually matters to you. And they're the ones that hold. And you can stop living on autopilot, which is half the battle. We have to stop living on autopilot if we want to create a fulfilling life and make changes that are going to be lifelong.
Speaker: You need to create, you need to reconnect with you under all of the roles, under all of those layers of protection that you've put together, put in place over the years to protect that little girl inside from all of the experiences of the world.
Speaker: So in the values workshop, I talk a bit more about following your spark. There's journal prompts there for you to put pen to paper where you're going to eventually find your top five themes. and You're going to define, refine and align these themes. So your top five values. and i'm all There's also a section in it where I talk about when it comes to a a decision, how do you know if something is just wrong for you or if it's just scary because it's new?
Speaker: And it's scary because you're afraid you'll fail or, you know, it just it feels uncomfortable because new because new can feel very uncomfortable. How do you know the difference between something being totally wrong for you and you shouldn't push yourself and something you should push yourself because the other side of it brings all your hopes and dreams?
Speaker: That's a hard one. And that's what we talk about inside. That's we. That's what I talk about and inside the and values workshop as well. And you'll be able to score your current ones out of 10 of how of how aligned you are to your values. And it will just give you a real insight where to start. And then after you do that, just start living intentionally. You don't change anything. You're not turning your life upside down. now There'll be massive changes over time.
Speaker: But you'll start to be at the observer of your life and be like, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I dealing with this asshole? Why am I put killing myself to make someone else rich? Why am I doing this? Why am i not spending time with my kid and I'm scrolling on my phone all the time? Like whatever it is.
Speaker: But you're going to be able to make all these changes because like everything I do now, I'm like, it's just a health freedom connection. I'm like health freedom, freedom connection. That's all I need.
Speaker: And everything around, like, I don't care about anything else. And, and, That's the kind of clarity that changes your life. So anyway, you can download that in the show notes. And and actually the original workshop that we did and in in one of our Nourish Her in-person events, and and we've done it before with the Nourish Her ladies, it came from Coach Charlotte. So Charlotte Jane Coach on Instagram, if you want to follow Charlotte, and she's one of our Nourish Her coaches. So this the source of this values exercise originally came from Charlotte. And then I've added to it, I've added to it to align it with our habits and and and these wider goals as well.
Speaker: So just remember every decision that you make when it's aligned with your values. Wait till you see how quickly things start to improve in your life. Wait till you see how quickly the weight is lifted off your chest, off your shoulders.
Speaker: And it's just like the magic starts to come back. And like imagine being able to to experience something. that sense of freedom that that little girl had when you were eight years old, seven years old, out playing on the road and not worrying, not having a care in the world about when they were, except for when you were going to be told you had to come in. and And not that our whole lives can be lived like that, but there can be moments where we really can feel that free. And and I experienced them all the time and it's just pure magic. So I want that for you too.
Speaker: So anyway, thank you so much for listening to this episode. i hope you have found it helpful. um If you have, please do make sure that you are following or subscribe to the podcast. It really does make a difference. And please do share it on your stories, share it in your WhatsApp groups, send it to a friend who you think this might help and because every little share makes a huge difference to build the audience behind the podcast. and And don't forget to download the values workshop. It's in the show notes. Really simple to just download and and and do it like don't just download it and let it sit there. Actually do this. It will change your life.
Speaker: And look, if you are interested in working more closely with me, you can do so. through my Lead Her Mentorship or my Nourish Her Coaching. So my Lead Her Mentorship is a business mentorship for women where we do focus a lot on mindset and personal development behind business, so the mental game of business, as well as all of the business strategies. And with Nourish Her Coaching, then health and fitness coaching, whether your goal is to get strong, to get healthy, to recover from illness, to lose weight,
Speaker: it's all there with all of this deep work as well. So put it this way, whether you come to me for business or you come to me for health and fitness, you're going to get the beat the deep stuff as well as the strategy and the structure and the direction to reach your goals.
Speaker: So thank you all for listening and I will see you on the next episode.
