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Ep. 86 The Basics Of Survival
233 Plays1 year ago
The Swords attempt to escape the trouble they walked themselves DIRECTLY into. I swear they'll never learn..
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Transcript
Introduction to The Hired Swords
00:00:20
Speaker
You weren't listening to the Hired Swords. A D&D podcast wherein an alternate universe, the dice roll you.
00:00:41
Speaker
Clap them hands in three two one That's pretty good. Yes smash Stop it. Stop it. Stop it right now. You stop it right now Push up together. Stop it that drop and listen
00:01:07
Speaker
Yeah, kind of hurt, though.
Recap and Spider Battle Setup
00:01:09
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of The Hired Swords. I, Michael, am thy dungeon master. When we left off, these fools were fighting spiders. They found them in the untouched lands. They were fighting them. The people who were fighting them. Let me introduce the cast of the show here. Sorry about that. Derek is Daven. Ain't no arachnophobia here. That's right. Joxers played by Mikey. These would be BBs.
00:01:37
Speaker
E.B. Foyters. Ash is Gwyndolin. Tis me, the druid. And, uh, Krieg's Galdor suffering in Broke is here too. I've got 20 eyes and they're all for you.
00:01:54
Speaker
And yeah, like I said, we're fighting spiders. We're in the fields next to the spice fields covered in nasty corruption next to the spice, the elven spice village in the untouched lands. The party traveling up here trying to figure out what is going on with this darkness creeping across.
00:02:11
Speaker
the world and currently the darkness that's creeping towards them is the spiders they've been fighting.
Gwendolyn Under Attack
00:02:17
Speaker
We ended the last episode after Ash or Gwendolyn took a nasty hit from a surprise spider that came out of the third burrow that was in the field. Surprise! Shoved both of its of its impaling legs through her like two spears and causing severe damage
00:02:36
Speaker
And when then backing up and getting ready to go again, we come to Krigs turn at the end of that round, actually. Right. So let's. Double check the size and shape of the map. So what it's looking at is I got one spider that's relatively close and the other two are pretty far south. Gwendolyn is a good chunk away from me. It appears, I'm assuming.
00:03:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, Gwendolyn is about 55, 60 feet away. All right. Fly to me. Fly to me. What I'm going to do. And that is so far away and I have short stubby dwarven legs. I am going to.
Krigs' Support and Healing
00:03:30
Speaker
Move over to Davin. I'm going to walk over to Davin. It's only like 20 feet. How close does that put me to Gwendolyn? Moving towards Davin is...
00:03:46
Speaker
It's going to put you about the same distance from Gwendolyn because it's pretty much parallel across the, um, you know, from, yeah, the angle there doesn't really give you any, any cover, any of the distance between you and Gwendolyn it's straight across to your left. And that's 20 feet. Why do I have to be so slow? I got short little legs, but you know how to use them.
00:04:17
Speaker
I guess I'm just gonna do it. I am going to...
00:04:28
Speaker
ignored Daven and I'm going to go towards Gwen as far as I can. And, uh, so are you saying you didn't use the 20 feet to go towards Daven? I did not use the 20 feet to go towards Daven. I'm going to cut the distance and go towards Gwen and try to put myself kind of between the spiders and Daven. Cause it's kind of a triangle hidden him being North of them being East and West and Gwen being South of me or of, of Daven.
00:04:54
Speaker
I'm going to get as close to when as I can, which should be within a 30 feet radius. And I'm going to cast with it's not really casting, I'm just going to use the. Oh, right. Or a vitality that I have, and I'm going to dump two to six of HP per direction. Great, great, great.
00:05:16
Speaker
Uh, should be another eight. All right. So you get eight hit points as Krigs gets close to you. You feel this warm radiant aura around you, just barely edging closer to you as he comes near you. And you feel the, some of the wounds that you had taken inside through from this puncture of these legs start to heal up a little bit. And the bleeding starts to slow down.
00:05:46
Speaker
And I get an actual action still. I have... Yeah, man. Use one. Do it. Do it. Trying to decide. I'm not close enough to really attack anything. Maybe I will cast a spell. Is that something I can do? That's a thing that paladins often do. Right. I am going to cast Entangle.
00:06:14
Speaker
Grasping weeds and vine sprout from the ground and a 20 foot square starting at the point within range. The range is up to 90 feet away from me. So the monster that is not not the one that just attacked Gwen, but the other one that is close to her. I'm going to entangle the one we have a red dot on on our map. Yes. Got it. Intangle to make a strength check against my spell save DC.
00:06:45
Speaker
strength. Twenty five foot spiders. They're not very strong. You don't know. Oh, it's only a five. Because of a low roll. Yeah, so it's stuck in place. OK, thanks. However, lose my aura of vitality because this is a concentration spell. Oh, OK. Just want to say that it's entangled. Got it. I'm not cheating.
00:07:13
Speaker
Alright, so that has entangled that spider there. It's stuck in the sunbeam.
Joxer's Counterattack
00:07:19
Speaker
Probably not enjoying that situation. We now go to the spider that was in the original burrow that you guys crawled down into as it emerges from the hole and Joxer had a spell being held that is released now. What is that?
00:07:34
Speaker
Yeah, so that will be just a nice purple blade just appearing in my my hands. Just shadow blade appear shadow blade appears and the creature then goes. 20 more feet. To get, I don't think it is within 10 feet of. Davin, it is not so safe.
00:08:01
Speaker
So it's going to shoot its webbing out at you or not web, but it's this black goo that it's gathers in its gathers in its pincers and it launches it like like a gooey spit at you and makes an attack for that.
00:08:18
Speaker
Oh, this dice is going bye-bye as that was a nine total. So the stuff splatters near your feet and you see it's more of this goo it's using and like throwing like shooting like tar at you like a spider would shoot web. And it's like, it's trying to get you tangled up in that kind of thing as well. So, but it fails to do so jockser. It is now your actual turn.
00:08:42
Speaker
All right, so now that I got my little shadow bling out, I am going to make a move. And now that I see the one, I guess, that I think everybody kind of came up on originally because it came out of the hole I expected. I am going to move because I am hasted. I can move 75 feet. I think that is more than enough to make it behind.
00:09:08
Speaker
or at least kind of above it. So I'm going to move just kind of off in this respect. So the north of it, kind of behind it. Yeah. And and would you consider it dim light right now because it's at night? Yes. All right. I, because of my fun little dark blade, shadow blade, get advantage on that and I will do a bunch of attacks.
00:09:35
Speaker
So that will be so I get to attack three times. Right. And it is all going to be unlimited damage. Unlimited. That sounds really good. Seven and two. So that is.
00:09:57
Speaker
That's a 17 plus. Plus, oh, no, I roll for an attack at advantage. What am I doing? That was my good. That is better. So 22. Does that hit? Oh, yes. All right. So I'll read roll damage. 16 damage. So that'll be psychic. Name it. Oh, 20. That'll be plus four. 16 plus four. And then I roll for another attack.
00:10:27
Speaker
And that will be 14 plus eight, so 24 damage, or I mean 22 again. 14 plus eight, yeah. So, or 22 attack, and then roll for an attack. Was that 22 damage, or 22 to hit? 22 to hit, sorry, 22 to hit. And then this one is 10, and that's another 20 damage. And then my third attack.
00:10:52
Speaker
Is 17 plus eight. So it'd be 20. Definitely hits. Five to hit. And then. That is that is 15 plus four. So 19 damage. Yeah. So as I just start, you know, pulling out the blade and kind of flipping it down and aiming for like joints in its in its legs. Yeah. Trying to jump up and down.
00:11:20
Speaker
And then as I will spend a key point to then kind of take the back of it and just start nailing it with the back of my hand and punching it. So I'm going to do two more. Do I want to do that or do you want to try to stun it? We haven't tried stunning. It hasn't been a thing. So we could do that. So hold on. Class action. Bonus action.
00:11:49
Speaker
No, for Flurry Blows. All right, so we'll do it twice. All right. Sorry, too much reading. So 17 plus seven. So 24 to hit. And then that one is a 16 to hit. That just hits. Oh, OK. So that one's a little less damage, but let's do this and this die. All right, so that'll be.
00:12:17
Speaker
Seven magical damage and then six magical damage as I continue to kind of dig at that joint that I'm sitting next to. Okay so jocks are just the speed of flash just darts behind this creature and starts
00:12:36
Speaker
stabbing with this phantom sword and then finishing off with a couple of big jabs to these already open wounds, just causing this thing to cry out in severe pain. And that is the, is that the end of your turn? Yeah. I believe, I believe, I believe it is. I,
00:13:04
Speaker
Yeah, it is possible to come to the end of Jox's turn when he's hasted. We've learned that it can be done. I think he actually has more attacks than all the rest of us combined. I think you're right, actually. I think so. He definitely does more damage than all of you combined. Carmen now has his opportunity to fight. He is going to shoot an arrow from his hidden position at this one down here that seems to be all entangled and in trouble. So with advantage,
00:13:37
Speaker
And yeah, he gets a 17 plus stuff. So, uh, nine it is. So he gets a D six plus five damage, which would be of course a one. So six plus six D six sneak attack damage. So it's plus 10, 20 to 23, 23 total damage from the sneak attack from his arrow.
00:14:08
Speaker
And he kind of, after watching, after noticing what Joxer is doing over there and he shoots one arrow and catches up for 23 damage, he kind of looks back and he looks at his arrow like, come on, starts, tucks, tucks himself back away, trying to hide from the creature again, uh, using his, uh, bonus action to hide and amazing. That guy was ever a challenge to us.
Gwendolyn's Summoning
00:14:31
Speaker
And so that leads us now to spell slots. The spell slots has anything they would like to do.
00:14:38
Speaker
No, no, they're, uh, they're tucked away. Just trying to decide on, uh, if they can be useful in the future. Okay. All right. And so.
00:14:49
Speaker
That takes us now to a spider, one of the spider's turn. This one is the blind one that is also tangled up in all this mess. Does the sunbeam do anything to it if it's still in its... No, it just hits one time and then it's still holding in my hand. So it got hit the one time and just blinded it for the time being.
00:15:11
Speaker
Gotcha. So it's blind. It's stuck, but it does know it's tangled up in this stuff. So it's going to make it strength check to try to get out of the entangle. And so that is a twelve plus three fifteen. Does that beat your spell say your spell DC? Talking to me. Yeah, it is it crap. Where is that?
00:15:36
Speaker
It's on your spell. Well, you got to start small. It's on your character sheet. It's on your character. So yeah, 15 beats it. So it is no longer entangled. But it has a disadvantage because it's blind. Duh. And, uh, I don't think that counts. Not the blind. The blindness doesn't make it disadvantage. Come on. Sorry. I'm the worst. This is why I don't get paid for this. Well,
00:16:01
Speaker
Yeah. So he's not entangled. So, uh, but that was, that's it. Like that's the end of his turn getting out of that. So that's all he's able to do, unfortunately. And unfortunately for me, you guys are probably happy. Gwen, we come to your turn after that through these vines. I put his blind bandana back. Gosh. Um, Gwendolyn is going to reach up to the sky and cast her bear totem.
00:16:31
Speaker
So I can give me temporary hit points. I felt like we were all supposed to say together like audience participation. I know we failed. And it is a 30 foot radius of 60 feet. So it's a total. Um, and I want to place it on top of me. So. Okay. Bear totals on top of you. All right. Which one was the bear total? Yeah. What does it do? Uh,
00:17:00
Speaker
For the listeners, I of course remember. I'm looking right at it. Each creature of your choice in the aura when the spirit appears gains temporary hit points equal to five plus my druid level. In addition, your allies gain advantage on strength checks and strength saving throws, which I don't think we'll care about, but I do care about that five plus 12.
00:17:25
Speaker
to give 17 total. So people would get 17. Temporary hit points. You get that? Anyone who's in the aura. And the aura is how, what's the diameter? 30 feet from me. The diameter is 60. The radius is 30. So if I place it on me, 30 feet from me. Got it. So here's Galder, you also get the 17 extra hit points.
00:17:52
Speaker
That now takes us to know because that's a free action my bro. Oh good. So now I get to do my thing. I love that for you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Yeah. I'm gonna conjure minor elements and I'm going to do it at a level six.
00:18:14
Speaker
So that way I get to deal with them. So for my elementals that I choose for the rating two, I am going to choose two gargoyles, because I'm casting it at level six. And these guys, they get initiatives. So for, let's say, for Jason, he rolled a 12. So, and then for Fred, he rolled a 13.
00:18:43
Speaker
Jason and Fred yep yep yep 12 and a 13 you said mm-hmm and I said they appear behind me and there's gone oh ah I can't do creepy noises
00:18:59
Speaker
And what's cool about this is that I have Mighty Summoner, so they get two extra hit points per hit die if they need it, and the damage from natural weapons is considered magical. And also as a guardian spirit, my spirit totem safeguard is the beast and fey that you call forth with my magic. So when a beast or fey that is summoned from a creature, that creature regains a number of hit points equal to half of the druid level.
00:19:27
Speaker
Nice. So you guys see as she casts a spell, she does her totem, she casts a spell. And after the when the spells cast, you see these two statues just clink, clink appear next to her just behind her, just off her two shoulders on either side. And these two statues seem to be sitting there. Awesome. Is that your whole turn now? Yes. Now I'm done. All right. That takes us to Davin. Davin's turn. Fred's going to be next.
00:19:54
Speaker
Devin is going to look around, see that he's got spiders all around him. He's going to run southwest about 30 feet and then realizes he can't get all the way behind
Daven's Strategic Assault
00:20:05
Speaker
this creature. He's going to use a bonus action and cast Misty Step and he just disappears from the spot he's in and with a puff of mist, he appears directly behind the spider to the west.
00:20:17
Speaker
the one that was attacking Wen earlier. And then that was a bonus action. So with my action, I'm going to take that light in my hand and I'm going to throw it forward again and cast a 60 foot beam straight through the spider and hopefully hitting the second one as well. I think they're within 60 feet of each other or 60 feet of me. If I can hit both of them. Yeah, I think you can. Sweet. So they both need to make a constitution saving throw.
00:20:45
Speaker
Will do. First one fails. The two. Yes. Second one is a, uh, where is the constitution's a plus two to 16. Um, 16 it fails. That's a 17 DC. All right. So yeah, they both fail. Excellent. So they both take 35 points of radiant damage.
00:21:11
Speaker
Okay. Is that beam goes straight through them and they are both blinded until the end of my next turn. Okay. Now, was that any, did you do any math to that other than? That was just the straight roll. Okay. So, uh, you see again as that beam comes through them, the first one you hit is right in front of you and it just erupts in this scream of agony, which I won't do because then blades will say binya binya again. And then as it goes, as it goes through that one, it hits the other one and the other one just disintegrates.
00:21:41
Speaker
and turns into nothingness as it is completely destroyed by the radiance of this sunbeam. Oh yeah, there's also one point of lightning damage. I keep forgetting about my lightning damage. Fred, guys?
00:21:55
Speaker
No, it doesn't hit. It doesn't hit Fred. That was that randomly. That was an accident. I was reading something and I just looked over and Fred was gone. All I know is these gargoyles appeared. I don't know if they're evil or good. I'm just destroying everything. That's a good point. No, Fred, Fred was accidentally deleted when he when I deleted some artwork that had been drawn on the spider. So they were taking double damage, right?
00:22:23
Speaker
Yes, they were. So each one took 70 points of damage. Correct. So I take, I did 140 points of damage. You win. Well, you did 70 points of damage just to two different creatures. Yeah. So total of 140 points of damage. I don't, I guess it depends on how you look at it. Uh, satisfied with my turn. I will end it. Okay. Uh, Fred will end it. Fred is still alive and it is his turn. Hello, Fred.
00:22:53
Speaker
Oh, that's me. I was like. You just made sure I do a bunch of stuff now. And then you had a panic attack when you thought he was dead. And now you just completely forgot. I don't even care. I was reading about him. OK. You read Fred's diary? Yeah, I'm reading. It's lovely. So Fred has multi attack. He's going to move close to the little spooter. How far can he get out of this little gargle? I want to say hops over.
00:23:22
Speaker
He can fly 50, 60 feet. Okay. Well, still, I want him to, I can't move him. Okay. So he gets close to them. Doesn't matter. He can. You can move them here. Um, I apologize. Plus, uh, he's going to take a bite out of the spider first. So eight plus four, 12 does not hit.
00:23:42
Speaker
Okay. So he takes a bite and misses, but it's okay. He's going to do himself with a 11 plus four of 15. That's what you needed to hit as he claws into the spooter, the claws scrape across the spider. He does some slashing damage, uh, five plus two. So he does some damage to this, to spooters face.
00:24:08
Speaker
Seven damage to the space of the spooter. All right. Jason's next. Fred's done. So Jason, he, instead of him hopping over, he's going to fly over to the other side where Daven is and he's going to take a big chunker out of the spooter.
00:24:30
Speaker
Oh, I don't know for the flank manage. So is this Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger? So that's what we're doing. Yeah, like town. Nineteen plus four. So like twenty three. I'm assume that hits as he takes a big bite out of this juicy hamburger spider. Oh, yeah. But he doesn't bite much because it's three damage total.
00:24:56
Speaker
OK, a little chunk bit out. And since he didn't get a big bite, he's going to try to claw up the spooter. Is that advantage again? Uh-huh. Oh, my gosh. 13 plus 4, 17. It's. And then I love rolling dice. 2 plus 2, 4.
00:25:19
Speaker
Alright, forward damage. As this thing is starting to take little chunks out of the backside of this spider which is basically not paying any attention to these gargoyles as it just barely plucks the hairs out of its front side and back side. Is that Jason's entire turn?
00:25:37
Speaker
Yes, he is done well the spider you were just attacking takes its next turn it is blind So it takes its two It's actually going to pull you in Gwendolyn to try to grab you and pull you in and make a bite attack No, that is going to be done um
00:26:00
Speaker
Well, we'll start with the two with the legs since you're in close enough.
Gwendolyn's Peril and Krigs' Victory
00:26:04
Speaker
So it's going to do the two leg attacks. Those are both done with disadvantage because it's blind. So, yeah, a five plus seven. Twelve doesn't hit you. Second one is a 13, which I'm sure won't hit you. Correct. And now it's going to try with this bite. Bite is a 17.
00:26:28
Speaker
Yeah it hits. I rolled a 16 into 10, that's 10 plus 7. Okay, so a 17 hits. So you take 6d6 piercing damage and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. What? Okay. Oh boy. Oh my god. 26 piercing damage.
00:26:53
Speaker
Um, so your temporary hit points of 17 are gone. They're completely gone. And then, um, nine. Yeah, sorry. Nine more damage to your main stack of hit points you had left. What's the next? What did you roll on your constitution saving throw? I rolled a one. Oh, okay. So you take. So I don't know if I should add the four.
00:27:22
Speaker
I'm not sure it's going to matter. Five. Clearly that's enough.
00:27:34
Speaker
This might be bad. 22 poison damage. Wow. As this black thick tar like goo gets injected inside of you from this creature, as it seems to be having this coursing through its body. You are now also. Poison. Paralyzed. Paralyzed? Yes.
00:28:03
Speaker
You are able to repeat your saving throw at the end of your turn. And you have to make three successes to end your paralyzation. Oh, geez. Three successes? Correct. This must kill Gwen tonight. Oh, I'm sorry. You're done. Correct. Smokes. And then so that's its whole turn. And we go to Krigs. All right. I'm displeased.
00:28:33
Speaker
You just saw this thing bite down on Gwendolyn's chest and just pump this nasty goo into her chest and Gwen just stays this laser paralyzed still in the the maw of this spider creature as her eyes are just wide open and she can't move and she just got this face still of terror on her as she is caught in this thing's grasp.
00:28:59
Speaker
I can't believe this happened right after I birthed Jason and Fred. It's fine. The spider is facing which monster? Or which combatant is the spider facing? The one that just attacked Gwyn is definitely still facing Gwyn and Fred.
00:29:20
Speaker
I'm going to, seeing Gwyn essentially take just such a heavy beating from this biting monster, I'm going to just drop my shield and
00:29:38
Speaker
grasp my war hammer in both hands and just start running sprinting towards this monster, just kind of in a fit of rage. And I'm going to swing two-handed, kind of a leaping swing as best I can with the crappy footing here. And I'm going to come down on the hind end of said monster as hard as I possibly can with my hammer.
00:30:09
Speaker
Make that attack with advantage as it is engaged. Otherwise. Sixteen. One. So sixteen will hit. Sixteen plus my actual like weapon. I didn't even add that. I weren't scared of that. You needed a fifteen, so it is. So let me roll my damage on just the hammer itself, and I'm going to be adding some stuff because I am PO'd. Uh huh.
00:30:40
Speaker
So for my damage on just the hammer alone, I rolled nine bludgeoning plus two for the feed ahead. There should be 11 bludgeoning.
00:30:59
Speaker
All right. Eleven damage as the hammer smashes down on top of this thing, creating this this dent in its backside, pushing this goo out as it splint is it splits open around the edge of the hammer. I'm going to add I'm going to cast just.
00:31:18
Speaker
The righteous fury that I have inside of me. I'm going to cast divine smite at the absolute like highest level I possibly can. I'm going to cast it a third level. And that will add a total of. Trying to see. So it'll be five D eight. Ouch. That has potential to really hurt.
00:31:45
Speaker
That'll be 27 on that divine smite That's no math so we're at 38 total damage currently 27 of that being holy
00:31:59
Speaker
But as that radiant damage from that divine smite comes in, it pulsates from the inside of this creature. It seems to take hold for a second longer than just passing through it and sear away more of it, doing twice the amount of damage and then pulsing through, shooting through every wound. This light of the radiant damage shoots out of every wound. This creature roaring in pain as the radiant damage seems to do more to it than you even thought.
00:32:30
Speaker
And it's still holding on at this point. It's still alive, but it is in rough, rough shape. Rough, rough. With the momentum of the hammer as it is, it hits and it, it makes the landing on the spider itself and the, the radiant nature damage from the, the wilds that I've basically been blessed with comes back in the recoil of the hammer coming backwards. I put.
00:32:57
Speaker
the momentum of it coming back and I swing it back around almost baseball bat style and try to hit the broadside of the spiders. I guess what I have left is to try to hit as much as possible with my hammer on my attack. Still at advantage. 15. That is what you needed. Whoo! Close call. That's with my hammer.
00:33:28
Speaker
And I did 14 bludgeoning damage on that one. And I'm gonna add another Divine Smite with my improved Divine Smite. Alright. It's gonna be a lot. And that is another 27 radiant damage.
00:33:46
Speaker
All right. So as the other one, when the radiant damage hits this one, you slam your, your hammer into it and it caves in the backside of this creature as it barely holding on and you cast that radiant
00:34:03
Speaker
divine smite into your hammer and it swells inside of this creature slowly it seems like everything slows down and as it swells it swells until it reaches the inside the the underside and the inside of this creature and then it pulsates once and then it splits the singing of pieces just throwing Gwen 15 feet across the way as it as it propels her and her paralyzed state away from the monster
00:34:33
Speaker
And this creature is now completely dead. And coming out of my rage, I kind of scream to the sky, you can have my peppercorns, but you'll never take one. Oh, yeah, too long for a T-shirt, but I liked it. All right. Is that your whole turn? And I go, oh, crap. And I look around for my shield because I don't know where I dropped it. OK, it's back there by Daven.
00:35:03
Speaker
All right, cool. So that takes us now to the spider. The only one left, this big giant spider, has now turned to face its attention towards Joxer, who has just wrecked into him. And it does, it's all it knows to do in this moment of survival and does both of its impaling leg attacks, followed by an attempted bite. So the first impaling leg attack is only a 13.
00:35:33
Speaker
That's a negative. The second one is a 23. That's positive. And the bite attack is a 14. That's a native. All right. So you take 66 piercing damage from the impaling leg as it goes through your gut, just straight into your stomach, doing 10, 16, 20, just 20 damage.
00:36:04
Speaker
It sounds so disappointing. Yeah, I know. It's 66. So that, again, you just get run through the stomach once again, Joxer, but this time by this giant creature shoving its impaling leg and then pulling back out, pulling bits of bone and chunks of the inside of you out with it with the burrs that were attached to its arms. Those were required, right? Yeah, those were extra parts.
00:36:33
Speaker
And it's your turn now, jockser. OK, so it's it's still it's still dark out. So I'm just going to I'm going to start going at who. Is it worth it? I don't think it's worth it, I think. 40 10.
00:36:57
Speaker
All right, so this is something. So if I'm hasted, I get. So tax per action, he's grants additional action on each turn. So I know I only, so I did. So it says the tax per action, the haste spell grants an additional action on each turn. So I can do.
00:37:18
Speaker
three tax and then do I gain an additional action? Is that the way it works? Yeah, that's what it sounds like. You're using your action as an attack, then you only get one attack from it, but yeah.
00:37:30
Speaker
Well, but but I get a but I get an extra attack and then I get a bonus attack. So, OK, so I get I get two attacks, whatever my bonus action plus another action. All right. So I'm just going to my no. So that's all right. So we're just going to attack a bunch of stuff. So we're just going to go to town. Too many, too many thoughts. Yeah. So, you know, we just like to this this blade is so enticing and so dark.
00:37:58
Speaker
All right. So, yeah, Shadow Blade. And we're just going to we're just going to attack it. All right. So that's an 18 plus things. Eight. Twenty six. And yep. And that will. Oh, not bad. So eight. Eight. So that is 26 of psychic damage.
Joxer Ends the Battle
00:38:26
Speaker
And then we're going to go for another one. All right. So 18. Yep. That'll hit. It could be better. So that'll be 12. 12 psychic damage. 12 damage. Okay. And we're going to go.
00:38:52
Speaker
Another attack, so that'll be 18 plus eight, so 26. Just maybe, ooh. That's three eights. That's 28 damage, and I will send that picture in. Describe how you kill this creature.
00:39:18
Speaker
Okay. Uh, yeah. So, I mean, I've, I've literally been just focusing on this, uh, this one, one spot, this like ligament that I've been trying to just bear off. And, and as it like starts to slice through, I will, you know, jab this dark, deep blade straight through it and turn it and twist it and then just.
00:39:44
Speaker
Bear down and try to like throw the blade through it's a through it's like big soft inner body it's core yeah see how sorry i could throw it. As you worn down this spot to to receive this creature you throw over the sea of the sword you throw the sword into it and it just shoots through.
00:40:03
Speaker
and comes out behind all of those eyes just right out of the front of it and it's almost it's silence it's almost eerie as your friends across the way are breathing heavily trying to.
00:40:17
Speaker
trying to kind of gather themselves after their little battle down there has ended. Carmen is watching with his bow pulled tight, ready to fire. And then this sword shoots from the face of this creature, blowing it apart into pieces as the thing falls down. The only carcass of these creatures remaining as the others were disintegrated by radiant damage. And you have successfully killed all three of these ogre spiders.
00:40:47
Speaker
But after after like that and kind of walking around and seeing that all the others are gone, I'll just kind of lean on on the little bit that's left or, you know, one of the legs that's still standing and just kind of stare at everybody else. Am I still paralyzed? Yes. Great. You are still paralyzed. You'd have to make a. You'd have to make a. It's a saving throw, which one is it? I can't remember. Constitution.
00:41:18
Speaker
I think so. Is there anything that bad happens on, like, failures? Let's not find a saving throw. Constitution saving throw. Oh, I hit a 20. Nice. So a 25 total. So that's one success. Oh. Cool. A natural one. Five. All right. So again. Yeah, you can do it again.
00:41:49
Speaker
Go for it. Something happens after three of one or the other. Uh, 14 plus four, 18. Okay. So you need one more success or two more failures for something to happen. Can I rush over and like check on her while this is happening?
00:42:04
Speaker
i'm standing like right there i'm basically like dirty 20 six and plus four so you suddenly you see you guys approach gwendolyn and you run up and you realize she hadn't been moving and then after about 20 seconds
00:42:20
Speaker
her fingers start twitching and her foot starts moving a little and she starts to blink again. Her eyes super dry from not being able to blink her eyelids and finally able to breathe and swallow and just she's, she feels super rough, but she is no longer paralyzed. Jason, Fred, where are they?
00:42:46
Speaker
Oh, they're fine too. Yes. Thanks for checking on all of us. That's good. And she kind of tries to sit up. She kind of hurts a little bit. Being low to the ground, I help her sit up a little bit. I kind of put my hand on the back of the shoulder and try to give leverage.
00:43:08
Speaker
Um, I, I outstretched my arms to Jason and Fred and hopefully they fly over. I would assume they would. Yeah. If you want them near you, they come over to you. I like it. You have two friends by your side and you're reaching for your doll. I reach you for my fake friends now. I'm babies. I'm going to, I'm going to touch one of her outstretched arms and I'm going to cast cure wounds on her while she's lying there. Uh, I'll do that a second level. Give her two to eight plus five. Oh man. That's only eight points.
00:43:39
Speaker
How far off like health wise are you from full? Um, let's say she allowed 70. She roughly a little less than 70. 64, I think 68. I'm going to. I'm going to kind of put my hand back on the shoulder as she's sitting there and say, don't.
00:44:05
Speaker
I don't wanna ever see you do that again. And I'm gonna dump 60 points of health with Lay on Hands, just my entire pull. And I'm gonna, after I dump the full pull, I'm gonna kind of just have like a look on my face of just like panic, but not panic, but just kind of like fear. And then I'm gonna go back and grab my shield.
00:44:32
Speaker
I was never really worried. I think we had that under control the whole time. Yeah, that was stupid. Meet me too. We did good. And so she's gonna, oh, I feel, I feel, I feel much better now. She sent, like she touches her body, checking for the wounds. Everything okay down there? Whose bright idea was this? Mine?
00:45:00
Speaker
Don't ever listen to me again. I'll take the blame for this one on Derek. Uh, Derek, that's me. Hey, I'm Derek guys. Nice to meet you all. Nice to meet you, Derek. David has that light in his hand and he just going to squeeze it. And when he does, it breaks out into like a hundred different pieces and the fireflies kind of go everywhere. Yeah. Oh, you've been holding onto that gym. Yeah. Interesting.
00:45:27
Speaker
Um, I, I touch the faces of my gargoyle babies and I say be free and elvish. And they look at you a couple of times, they blink a couple of times and then roll initiative. No, I'm just kidding. And then they start to, they just look up in the sky and start to fly away going to go gargoyle somewhere. They immediately feast.
00:45:51
Speaker
I stand there kind of just in dismay and distraught about like how close that was to yet another terrible event for us. And a little angered at just the whole whole thing. I'm going to cast heat metal on my hammer and just sizzle off the remaining spider guts and put my shield back on my back and just take stock in the fact we're all still alive.
00:46:25
Speaker
Right. Where do you guys want to go next? Carmen walks up just as you're saying that. And he's, I, um, I, uh, must've underestimated you all before. Yeah. We handled them. You all really handled them pretty handily.
Carmen's Admiration and Party Rest
00:46:42
Speaker
Uh, jocks are, how do you move so quickly? I've never seen anything like it. Uh, it's.
00:46:51
Speaker
It's a little it's a little game or it's just a little something that i am davin helps me with. He's a little bit of magic magic here and there gives a little bit of boost and then immediately you see me kinda like slum.
00:47:06
Speaker
What he reaches for like afraid you look we're gonna slump over and fall like grabs you by the elbow in the back of his other hand on your back like oh i see it takes a lot out of you does it okay well i'm shipping this now i feel like this i feel like we have made it maybe made this a safer place to rest for the night if we. Think that's a good idea still i think that was the plan originally but.
00:47:32
Speaker
Yeah, I don't believe that there are any more giant, boring spiders coming to attack us. That was anything but boring. Sorry. I'm glad you got what I was putting down. Yes, okay. And he just turns and starts walking back towards the village. I'll see if there's anything left of the fire, unless he walks back that way.
00:48:01
Speaker
Would the shipping name be Jarman or Coxer? I was so about to say that. I think for our podcasts, it should be Jarman. Sounds like toilet paper. I thought that was like that thing for GPS back in the day, right? Yeah, Garman. Oh, yeah, it's close. It is close. It's the GIF argument. Maybe it is Jarman all along. Don't do it. Don't do it.
00:48:29
Speaker
So what are you guys gonna do now as he's heading back towards the village, but you know, the short couple minute walk over that direction. But what are you guys gonna do? What happened over here? Are you guys okay? I'm perfectly fine. But Gwen looks a little out of it. Did I miss something? I was taking over your leftovers from under the ground. Leftovers? You just got to it first. I was gonna vanish them off.
00:48:57
Speaker
Nah, he was pretty singed. That wasn't all of me. Gwen, are you all right? I'm fine. She's watching the dust fade as the gargoyles had left. You want to go digging through the corpse again or something? There's a spider over there, the osmond. I can give you first dibs on... You're all a little too...
00:49:26
Speaker
on a little too cavalier for yet another instance where we were almost not again. I know Carmen said we handled that plainly, but we gotta be better about this. We have to be more. I can't let y'all get so close to demise. Like it's not, it's not acceptable. Well, I mean,
00:49:52
Speaker
I mean, I will admit that the plan didn't work out nearly as sound as we had hoped, but I mean, what can we do? I realized that maybe someone stepped a little further out of, away from their friends and put themselves a little bit more in danger, but I can say the same for myself as well.
00:50:21
Speaker
I just- Are you talking about me? I don't want- I don't feel like we need to get into the nitty-gritty of a play-by-play of how everything happened. I- Look, maybe it's the old regiment we found that's bringing back into light just how fragile and frail life can actually be, but I feel like we've been playing fast and loose a little bit too much and relying on dumb luck.
00:50:50
Speaker
I understand that we had the upper hand on these creatures and we needed to dispatch of them before they became a problem we weren't prepared for. But I can't. I can't lose any of you. And I'm not going to let that happen. I don't plan on losing you or any of anybody else. Look, shut up. This is my speech. Then why did we fight them?
00:51:17
Speaker
It was reckless. I thought the whole plan went the way we planned it. I mean, yeah, I mean, I honestly think that that went extremely well for going from one gigantic beast to three. And, and I'm, I just, I feel like we need to, maybe we need to talk about tactics a bit about not spreading too far from the group randomly. I don't know. All right.
00:51:46
Speaker
I know he's talking about me. I am this close to Al Menorah and we put ourselves in danger that was not needed yet.
00:51:58
Speaker
So I won't argue that maybe it didn't seem like it was needed yet, but if we had walked this direction without any any guidance, what would have happened? We would have been lost. We'd have been attacked at once. None of us have eight legs, at least at this moment, at least I said at least twice. That's real stupid of me. I'm working on it. None of us have eight legs, at least right now.
00:52:27
Speaker
I don't think we need to be fighting amongst ourselves whether or not I just I'm afraid I can't I don't know it's I'm gonna
00:52:39
Speaker
I'm going to see if Carmen needs help and I'm going to, I'm just going to walk towards, towards the fire or what was left of the fire. Yeah. So as, as you do that, like I'll kind of grab your arm. I assume you'll brush me off, but leave me alone. Yeah. I'm not saying you're wrong. I just, we have to take wins where we can get them. This is one of our better moments, not our worst.
00:53:08
Speaker
It may not be my job, but I'm afraid I can't protect you all. I've done that once and I'm not about to do it again. I've lost too many. I can say the same. I am, I'm terrified. I honestly don't think that I can protect any of you and, and I just try where I can.
00:53:35
Speaker
You're not the only one here to protect. I'm sorry, but I did just think you guys are being overdramatic. Everybody here is fine. Nobody is really that hurt. Everything went fine. I mean, I could protect all of you guys. Like, that was fun to me. That wasn't even, like, hard, you know? Yeah, I mean, as long as a giant elk doesn't come and, you know, bump into a... That was a long time ago now. All right.
00:54:04
Speaker
I'm just saying that a couple of spiders is nothing. I think that we could take on a God at this point if we wanted to. I mean, I agree. I think, again, I think we take the wins where we can. I just, do I, do I sense any kind of bizarre boldness from Daven when he says that having my experience, what with challenging gods.
00:54:34
Speaker
Uh, you can make an insight check. I would like to. After I get my hand unstuck from the stupid toy I was playing with. Oh, but not very good, Bob. Uh, Oh, nevermind. I have plus plus five insight rad. That's 16.
00:54:52
Speaker
Am I rolling anything against this? Uh, I mean, you can roll a deception or you can roll and add either a deception or persuasion to it. Whichever. If you think you're lying, you can add perception, uh, deception. If you just are trying to convince them, then roll persuasion. And you only have to tell me which you're rolling, like which, which you're using perception or persuasion, unless it's really bad. Then you may, it may just come out. Well, either way, tell me and I'll let you know.
00:55:22
Speaker
Okay. I put it in discord chat for you. Okay. What'd you roll? 27. 28. Oh, in that case, no, just kidding. So you just feel like he's on maybe just a
00:55:41
Speaker
an adrenaline high from just being so successful in this fight. Like you've seen it before guys come out of combat where they were successful and they feel like they could go, you know, kill anything, take on anything. And that's just the vibe. It's just kind of the vibe you think you're getting from him. Yeah. I mean, that's amazing, Devin. You did great. I go up and feel his temperature. I placed my hand on his forehead.
00:56:07
Speaker
yep, yep, you have a fever of insanity. I think that you need to go check that. Anyway, I'm gonna get some more stool. I think there's some leftover, right? Yeah, no, I mean, you deserve it. I mean, coming up with that dropping of the, like, communicating through the, I would have never thought about communicating through the bags with coins.
00:56:31
Speaker
I wonder if there's a limitation to that. You were on fire today, Devin. I feel a little bit of condensation coming from your plate. That's the water on the drinks.
00:56:41
Speaker
I walk away and I'm a pretty good ways away. Suck up! And as you guys approach the village, you get into the village and kind of one right after the other, make your way there. Maybe Daven and Joxer walk in side by side, Daven a little suspicious of all the compliments he's getting from Joxer and Gwendolyn.
00:57:04
Speaker
telling Dale that something's wrong with Davin. She knows he's a little bit insane. And you get into the village and there sits Carmen. He's kind of stoked the fire up a little bit to where it looks to be kind of reheating what was left of that stew. It's a little, it's a little bit soupy now, you know, a lot, you know how it is. Everybody gets all the chunks first when you eat super stew. So it's mostly liquidy, but it's still refreshing. And so you guys start your evening.
00:57:28
Speaker
Uh, just kinda chilling out doing that and, uh, resting a little bit. And, uh, uh, I assume if you, if you'd like, you can just make this the beginning of your long rest for the night. Yeah. I think, I think jocks has just been kind of like, he he's in that same spot where this was like one of the better battles, even though it came off a little, a little out of, out of, out of plan. And then like, he, I mean, honestly, he's, he's just kinda just lost in like.
00:57:58
Speaker
You know the sun beam that he saw was pretty sweet and then you know the like the little plan with the drop like he would have never it would just would have never done on me just was not in the space today. Craig's i have a on my shield i have. A little sliver of potato or whatever we had from that stew and i have it cut into.
00:58:23
Speaker
small kind of equidistant squares all the same size cubed basically and I'm taking a handful of those peppercorns and I'm sifting through and I have a black one, I have a red one, a green one and I have a file from my blacksmithing pouch and I'm grinding very like delicately a single peppercorn over each of the actual pieces of potato and I'm tasting it and okay this one's a little more fiery
00:58:51
Speaker
This one is a little numbing. Okay. Okay. And I'm documenting literally just like as much about these spices and just, I'm trying to forget the day. Uh, Gwendolyn's probably sitting there a little frustrated at the whole group. Just everyone was fine.
00:59:11
Speaker
But her, she felt so she's just maybe angry drawing. She probably picked up some stick and then put it towards the fire to get some of the suit on it and probably just sitting over there like a little angsty kid drawing on the back of the journal or something or a journal that she has.
00:59:35
Speaker
All right, so as you all are kind of taking, doing whatever you were doing to end the night, whether you're doing your angsty drawing or you're testing spices and food and discussing the battle as Carmen jumps in and talks about, I just, I've never seen anybody strike some striking enemies so many times in that short amount of time there. It's amazing. You guys are kind of complimenting each other back and forth and
00:59:59
Speaker
talking over how great of a game you had today. And that's where we're going to end the episode as you go into your long rest. No, no, no. I need to know what Daven's doing. You want to know what Daven's doing? Yeah. Is he also drawing? Daven is kind of sitting over by himself and he pulled his necklace, the locket out of from underneath his shirt and he's got it cupped around his hands and it looks like he's whispering into it.
Daven's Mysterious Whisper
01:00:29
Speaker
gross. Oh, that's where we're going to leave the episode. Wow. See, I told you he's a demon boy.
01:00:51
Speaker
Thanks for listening to this episode of the Hired Swords. If you like our show, tell a friend about us. I mean, that'd be great. That'd be the best. Thank you again for listening. You can find us on all socials at the Hired Swords and find us shop if you want at thehired.store. Thank you and see you in the wild.