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Episode 1 - Tangents Wrapped in Tinsel
27 Plays6 months ago
In our debut episode, we dive into the chaos and trauma of the holidays — from the way they looked when we were growing up to how we survive them now with our ADHD brains. Expect nostalgic stories, off-topic detours, family traditions, and the honest, hilarious ways we (and the people around us) manage seasonal overload. Perfectly messy, accidentally heartfelt, and very us.
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome back to Thoughts Interrupted.
Introduction to Holiday Struggles
00:00:06
Speaker
I am Kristen and this is Melanie.
00:00:25
Speaker
welcome back to thoughts interrupted i am kristen and this is melanie And today we are talking about holidays. Holidays. Holidays.
ADHD and Holiday Overstimulation
00:00:38
Speaker
And specifically we're talking about holiday interruptions. Tangents wrapped in tinsel is what I like to say.
00:00:50
Speaker
And what were you will be calling this episode. That is what you will be calling Yeah, you're going to find, you'll know it already because it'll be called that when you click on it.
00:01:04
Speaker
Okay, let's All right, so we're going to start off this episode by discussing how ADHD brains handle or don't handle, as it were, the holidays.
00:01:18
Speaker
So I think a lot of people with ADHD have some trouble, and you know, to some degree of trouble with planning or enjoying, not planning, but like enjoying holidays, downtime, vacations, any really like any planned activities.
00:01:41
Speaker
It's a lot of stimuli. is. There's lot going on.
Family Gatherings and Noise Sensitivity
00:01:46
Speaker
I know with our family, especially, well, it used to be like this with our family. Now that we're super low there and we don't live near each other.
00:01:56
Speaker
um but it used to be super loud. And and I know that with Eric, especially, He'd be like, oh my God, like this is a lot. you know
00:02:08
Speaker
Eric, my husband. Oh, and also side note.
00:02:16
Speaker
When Eric was listening to our last podcast, he was like, if I can make one critique, it would be to be, to like explain more who you're talking about. Because like, I know you guys. Yeah.
00:02:29
Speaker
But. there are several people that you mentioned that like Kristen never even mentioned the guy who called and said she that he might've been her father. they didn't even say what his name was like at all, not once.
00:02:42
Speaker
Well, maybe I was doing that to protect them. Perhaps. We said everyone else's name.
00:02:52
Speaker
I also started a story and then never even finished it. I, yeah, it's fine. Okay, so my husband, Eric, um I don't know if he has ADHD, but he definitely has something. I you know i know he has OCD for sure, but I think everyone has some sort of something that just bothers them. Of course we do, right?
00:03:23
Speaker
He especially is really overstimulated when it comes to noises. And our family would get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas and just be like cackling with laughter.
00:03:42
Speaker
high pitched. I mean, you've heard us in this podcast, but it was like, you know, 30 times worse in person because we're just, we never see each other. And then we see each other for the holidays and it's loud. Like it's super loud. Plus Kristen has four kids.
00:03:57
Speaker
And then you know, we come, it's a blended family. So at the time that we were all getting together, it was like our, our step family also had, like, we had two step siblings plus a step mom. And, and then there was like a dog and like, just like everyone there. And then sometimes TV would always be on or we would always be on music or something. Yeah. was deaf. Yeah.
00:04:25
Speaker
And, um, and, uh, yeah. So either like some kind of sports game was on the TV in the background or like random country music was playing.
00:04:37
Speaker
You could tell the holiday by what was on the TV. Like Christmas would always be the Lakers because they always play on Christmas day. Um, football for Thanksgiving.
Holiday Traditions and Sensory Overload
00:04:51
Speaker
Football for Thanksgiving, so the Rams. He'd be watching the Rams, probably. i don't think he would watch many other teams besides the Rams. um
00:05:02
Speaker
Was it, no, Father's Day? Would always, know, like the Masters would always be on. yeah Golf. Golf. um Just, that was how it was. Yeah, and it would always be blaring.
00:05:18
Speaker
Dad was definitely deaf. Yeah, definitely deaf. definite And he had like this mat. So not only was it loud, but it was like the size of the entire wall, the TV.
00:05:30
Speaker
So you couldn't miss it. and it was never It's always in your peripheral. 80 something inch screen. Yeah. yeah Yeah. with it And I remember i took up the entire living room. Yeah.
00:05:49
Speaker
So sensory overload, it was like you heard, you were hearing loud things, everything was touching you because there's so many people in the living room. The couch, there was nowhere to walk.
00:06:00
Speaker
If you were going to sit, there was like 70 pillows and like a blanket on the on the couch. um Also like- that I was going to say also with with that last family, the ah the habit or the- the inclination no like that how they would well our stepmother number two always would have everyone unwrap gifts and then throw the paper all over the house oh yeah that that drove me insane like i
00:06:42
Speaker
what? I'm like, what do you mean you don't want me to gather up all of the paper and put it into a just like trash bag to keep it nice and neat and tidy? Let's like throw around. It's fine.
00:06:54
Speaker
It's fine.
00:06:57
Speaker
Is it? Is it fine? You also know when you get ice from the fridge and it fell on the floor, she's like, yeah, just kick it under the fridge. It's fine.
00:07:09
Speaker
fine. Okay.
00:07:13
Speaker
But yeah, so anyways, it's, our family is a lot, was a lot. And whenever we would go over there, Eric would have to steal himself or the for like just being around everybody. And it's not because he didn't feel comfortable with the people there. It's just like, it was just a lot coming at him. And he comes from a very quiet family. Like it's literally like his family is literally just,
00:07:42
Speaker
the same people that they started with. There's no intermission anywhere and in his family line.
00:07:52
Speaker
mom and dad are still together. no one's dead. What's that like? Yeah, I don't know. It's crazy. But um the perspective is definitely skewed for sure.
Memories and Expectations Impacting Enjoyment
00:08:05
Speaker
um But yeah, so like, you know, going over to their house for the holidays is a much different experience than than being around our family. Because even our uncle Jeff, who's our dad's brother, who's still alive, He um is so loud. It's just like his natural volume is yelling in like a, you know, it's it's Uncle Jeff, you know?
00:08:35
Speaker
Mine is also though. Can we, let's take like- Well, we all have to talk over one another. So I think we've just, it's a learned practice. That might be, that might be. I'm also like, I'm i'm known as like,
00:08:51
Speaker
if you need to get everyone's attention on the playground at school, I'm the one to, to do that. And there was at one time i was teaching at our kids elementary school and my husband, Eddie was there.
00:09:09
Speaker
think he was bringing um lunch, I think to our youngest on her birthday. So he's bringing Kenzie lunch too. And yeah. And he's, he's like,
00:09:20
Speaker
I totally heard you today. i'm like, you heard me. you Did you walk down our little hallway? He goes, Nope. he's like I heard you when I was walking down the main hall and they have like the hallway and then they have little like pods of classes. And I wasn't even the first class. I was the second class in down the hall. Like, and he's like, Oh no. He's like, you weren't yelling. You're, you were just talking and you were just loud. You're like, yeah, guess. Yeah. it happens But I really think it's a learned practice.
00:10:01
Speaker
It might be. Yeah. oh I mean, our, our family is all like mom and dad growing up, which you might not remember as much as I do, but like,
00:10:14
Speaker
there was yeah yelling was like the the standard. It wasn't just loud talking. It was like screaming for each other down the hall. Like even, yeah you know, but that's also how it was with grandpa.
00:10:29
Speaker
You know, he would yell across the house for grandma to bring him coffee. Coffee. Coffee. It's like, ma, meatloaf, you know, it's the same energy.
00:10:42
Speaker
I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I do remember a lot of yelling. I do remember a lot of arguing. it was like, there's a lot of passion in our house. Passion de passion.
00:10:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, i also remember being like, good night. No, no.
00:11:06
Speaker
Just from ah like my bedroom across the house. And then it would yeah be mom would be like, good night. It's like the Waltons. is yeah waltons or John boy. Yeah.
00:11:18
Speaker
So yeah, but yeah we're, we're a loud family just inherently. Yeah. And I remember my high school boyfriend um being at his house and his family,
00:11:35
Speaker
family also like the men that we ended up marrying also like they're all maybe they're all like i don't know the normies and we just weren't and so
00:11:51
Speaker
um he would just comment on how so He didn't come over a lot, I don't feel like. So like I don't think he was like, okay, your house is too loud.
00:12:03
Speaker
But what he did comment on was the fact that like we would argue a lot. You have love language. Yes.
00:12:14
Speaker
like This is just like discussion. It's not like we're in a fight. like I'm not in a fight. Are you in a fight? like would know. I'm not meaning to be in a fight. You would know the difference.
00:12:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It's true. um So that got brought up a lot, like arguing and which, you know, come to find out 30 years later, you know, surprise, surprise.
00:12:40
Speaker
a lot of people with ADHD tend to argue because it raises dopamine levels.
00:12:49
Speaker
so Well, that tracks. If we're too bored, um we might pick a fight.
00:12:57
Speaker
but not on purpose because it's fun. Like that's the thing. Yeah. And that kind of reminds me of our previous stepsister where she was just like, no, this is a terrible, we'll get more into that, but terrible gift.
00:13:14
Speaker
Don't like this. remember looking at you too and being like, oh shit. And there was, it was like, crazy. crazy And so crazy. Meanwhile, if and there was one time when I was like very uncomfortable and they're like, you know, it was like a jacket. They're like, put it on, do this, do that. And I'm like, oh I don't like this. Nobody look at me. And, but I would get stuff where it's like, I don't know, dad had designed a necklace.
00:13:47
Speaker
I still have it. It's that for all the girls, right? No, this one was for me, but that was a separate one. Yeah. And because he's a jewelry designer, he's not.
00:14:02
Speaker
He's not himself a jewelry designer for a hot second. He did have that gold saxophone necklace that I remember. do you think that was like solid gold or do you think that was just like a tchotchke necklace?
00:14:16
Speaker
Oh, 100% think he spent money on that. That is like so outrageous. Anyway, for another time, for another time. I loved the idea behind it.
00:14:31
Speaker
It was my kids' birthstones and, you know, and like Eddie's and then, but all our birth, like stones kind of go together. And so it was like, okay, this all works, you know, like,
00:14:45
Speaker
like color theory wise, they all looked nice together. sure And then dad added his and it was like pink. And I'm like, like why did he add his? Because he loved being part, I don't know.
00:14:59
Speaker
he added the pink and I was like, okay, that's great. But it's also like, you know, gemstones that are, you know, on my neck and I'm, ah i mean, you there's, I have, you know,
00:15:15
Speaker
Very simple whatever. I'm not sitting here wearing diamonds and sapphires and rubies like I'm, you know, because like for me, like it's a sensory thing.
00:15:31
Speaker
I can't have necklaces that are too close on my neck. I can't wear can't wear clothes that are too close to my neck. Like it bothers me. I can't wear anything that I that i feel. Yeah.
00:15:43
Speaker
Yeah. Well, yeah, that's true. If my hair catches on it, like I don't like it. Those earrings that like catch your hair. Yeah. Yeah. If earrings are too heavy, they come off immediately. If I can, if I'm wearing a bracelet and I have to like use my hands at all. Yeah.
00:16:01
Speaker
Yeah. It, it just bothers me. So I think most of that is because yeah, it's like a sensory nightmare for me. to have stuff anyway. Yeah.
00:16:13
Speaker
But yeah, dad would always give us weird gifts. And, um, I think he took the easy way out a lot of times. He would just kind of defer to whatever are ah Gloria is our, our, um, recent, most recent step-mom or, or even Suzanne, our first step-mom, like it was just kind of, you know, they would have, well, the whole point I was trying to say about that was she gave me a lot of crap about not wearing it more.
00:16:45
Speaker
Like dad had a party. and Was it his 60th? I think it was his 60th birthday party. And she's like, you know, it would be really nice if you wore the necklace that he made for you, you know, so he could at least see you wear it every once in a while. I i was like, okay, maybe. Yeah.
00:17:06
Speaker
Give me break. He wasn't religious at all, but she definitely had like the guilt thing down. Maybe that's just a mom thing. You know? i don't know. i I thought of it less as guilt and more of like manipulation, but that's another story for another day. I mean, same, same. Yeah.
00:17:25
Speaker
So anyway, okay. let's Let's get back to trouble enjoying holidays or vacations or planned activities. Do you, Melanie?
00:17:38
Speaker
experience any trouble enjoying any of the above um okay with vacations maybe a little bit but it's more like I have these expectations and then if it doesn't happen I'm like well Vacation's ruined. not really. But like, I'll be like, okay, well, I don't know. Like, I'm actually still, even if we go on vacation anywhere, I'm still like cool hanging out in the room, you know, like in the hotel room and reading. My idea is just relaxing and stuff. And I don't need to be doing things all the time. And neither does Eric, but...
00:18:23
Speaker
I think he also is like, well, we're here. Why aren't we like exploring and and doing stuff? I'm like, fine. But if it's like cold outside and I have to put on like winter gear, I'm like, ugh, the layers, ugh, you know?
00:18:38
Speaker
Yeah. With holidays, i don't know. i definitely have trouble enjoying holidays because I have certain memories
00:18:55
Speaker
associated to certain holidays, like with Christmas.
Balancing Family Expectations and Traditions
00:18:58
Speaker
um i I just really don't like Christmas. It reminds me of the last Christmas that dad was alive and I couldn't go to see you guys and like be part of it because my coworker had like a, he might've had COVID or he tested positive for COVID or something. And, and it was like the day before i was supposed to leave. And so I,
00:19:24
Speaker
I called dad and I was like, what do you want me to do? you know, cause at this point it was like the height of COVID and dad and Gloria didn't,
00:19:36
Speaker
believe in vaccinations or anything. So they, weren' they weren't getting it. And, and I was worried because he's on, he was on like 70 different pills and he's older and I didn't want to like be the reason, you know, that he got it for some reason and, and something happened to him. and so I called him and I said, what do you want me to do about this? And, and he was like,
00:20:00
Speaker
Gloria is saying that you should stay home because Steven, is our, one of our stepsisters, our old stepsisters, now husband, at the time they were just dating, he is from Canada and he was like in town and her whole thing was like, well, we don't want to get Steven sick.
00:20:23
Speaker
And. Because Canada is the worst. Boo Canada. Yeah. No, it's because they had all the I mean, this is the height of, yeah of well, not even it wasn't really the height, but Canada was still really crazy about like, they would make you quarantine and like, you'd have to be in a hotel room. Like there was like weird stuff going on in Canada around this time. So that was the reason.
00:20:53
Speaker
it wasn't, you know, oh, you might get us sick or you might be sick or whatever it was. You know, we wouldn't want to, yeah you know, have anything happen to Steven. And that was kind of like, um, the overarching theme of our life was like, whoever he, like our dad was married to whatever, like they came first and their kids came first and whatever they, you know, um And dad never wanted to rock the boat.
00:21:25
Speaker
And especially with the last step-mom, like she was a little nutso, is a little nutso. I haven't really talked to her in a while, but I assume she hasn't changed much.
00:21:39
Speaker
And I can imagine. what I don't know. said she She blocked me recently. So yeah, I don't know. oh well, she blocked me when I changed dad's Facebook page to Memorial page. Okay.
00:21:52
Speaker
God forbid. um Anyway, but yeah, so like i remember dad crying on the phone with me like, um you know, it's like I'm going to miss it because I said I was like, I haven't seen you in so long and I'm going to miss you. Like I feel like I'm so upset that I'm not going to be able to be there. like We never really got to visit with everybody all at once. It was like holidays are the one time.
00:22:17
Speaker
twice a year that we, that we would go and visit. And for me, especially it we would alternate Eric and I would alternate the holidays. So like it was supposed to be Christmas with, with them that year because we had done Thanksgiving with my husband's family.
00:22:35
Speaker
And so not only was I not seeing dad, but I was not seeing you or the kids or Eddie or uncle Jeff. And that's all really cared about, honestly. ah But yeah, I loved the holidays before that because I got to see everybody and it felt a little bit more like the old days, you know, when we were all together.
00:23:03
Speaker
yeah. I was on the phone with dad and he's like, you know, you shouldn't come because whatever, Steven and in Canada and whatever and COVID. And we were kind of, he was kind of like choking up a little bit, you know, and cause he was sad cause he didn't want to admit to Gloria that she was being super dumb and say like, no, I want my daughter there, you know? um And then I remember you called me later. you left a message. I think I still have it. I think I saved your message about you. yelling at dad about it like during oh I think we got into a really big fight about it yeah well big fight you know moral of the story is he died like eight months later or something like it was I had seen him maybe a month before then because I was in town it's five months five months
00:23:56
Speaker
Yeah. yeah well I was overestimating. I have no concept of time anymore, especially during that time period. But I was, I remember I was in town maybe like a month or two before that because my friend Ashley was pregnant and it was for her baby shower. So I was in Moorpark and I called dad and I was like, Hey, I'm in town. do You guys want to like meet for dinner or something?
00:24:19
Speaker
And so I met them for like an hour. And then that was the last time i saw dad. coherent you know that was hard seeing dad because yeah we okay well this is getting off the holiday topic but we'll we'll go there and then we'll scooch back but um It was hard because dad ended up actually getting COVID. but not from
00:24:54
Speaker
Not from us, but from one of the other kids who was visiting.
00:25:02
Speaker
So holiday season's coming up. Ready to deal with everyone else's families again? Please. Last year, your in-laws asked if I needed help finding a husband. I've been married for almost two decades. Exactly why I booked us rent-a-family.
00:25:17
Speaker
Rent-a-what? Rent-a-family. Professional holiday relatives, zero judgment, zero small talk, and nobody asks intrusive questions. Do they also not comment on my plate like I'm being monitored? That's the mind your business package.
00:25:42
Speaker
Yeah, what about you? Like, how do you deal with holidays and vacations and planned activities? Okay, so holidays for me. I don't like them.
00:25:55
Speaker
Period. Let me explain. Let me explain. Um, and I, I think I used to like them up until I had a bunch of kids and then it got less fun for me because then it became work.
00:26:11
Speaker
And that's the same with the kids. Because you're making good for them rather Right. I mean, i buy my own Christmas gifts and like even this year I'm having a hard time. I'm like, I honestly don't even know what I want this year.
00:26:26
Speaker
Like, yeah. Usually, usually it's like, I need to stop buying myself things. Yeah. And finish buying other people things. Yeah. this year I haven't bought, I haven't bought a single thing.
00:26:40
Speaker
Who am I even? I don't know. Okay. So vacations, planned activities, holidays. To me, it's work. Work, work, work, work, work. Yeah. yeah.
00:26:53
Speaker
so It requires a lot of executive functioning skills, which may or may not be there at any given down any given
Thanksgiving Planning Stress
00:27:04
Speaker
day. there It might be there, it might not be. um Lots of planning. And then like you, I feel like I get upset um when there are unmet expectations. So it's a bummer. And then I'm like, well, why did I even bother with all of this?
00:27:24
Speaker
Cause it just sucks. Um, anything that also disrupts the normal flow of our lives is hard because i think along with the ADHD, and we can get into this a little bit later if we have time,
00:27:42
Speaker
um I think there is a little touch of the tism in there. And, and I think that that touch of the tism keeps the ADHD in check at times. um' Sure. It also, yeah. So it also like, I hate a routine, but I thrive on a routine And I need a routine. Otherwise, nothing in my life gets done at all. um
00:28:14
Speaker
I will literally just sit and rot away. i can read all day long. I could read for, you know. Hours and hours and hours. Me too. 12 hours, yeah yeah. It's nothing. I get upset when I have to.
00:28:26
Speaker
Well, yeah. And i have to so i get upset and if I have to stop to like eat or like go to the bathroom. I get upset. oh i' like I'll bring my Kindle with me or yeah yeah the with me. Yeah. Um, but if i have to like shower or if I have to stop to go somewhere and I'm really engrossed in a book, I get very upset.
00:28:44
Speaker
Also probably touch of the tism. I don't know. Thanks. Well, all right it's just me hyper fixating. I don't know. But anyways, so if it disrupts the normal flow or the daily patterns, my brain is like, whoa, we don't know what to do with this. It's crazy. Yeah. Um,
00:29:06
Speaker
And then i I think I was saying if I have to do it on a certain day, it's work. If I've promised someone I'm going to do it, it's work. And then I don't enjoy it because it's work. so But yeah, like I'm doing Thanksgiving this year at my house. And decided it would be... Wait, you also... also...
00:29:29
Speaker
took that on. Like it wasn't like pushed on you. You were like, oh no, no, I volunteer as tribute. Yeah. I enjoy cooking for a lot of people. I enjoy it.
00:29:42
Speaker
The part that I don't enjoy is all of the extra stuff that I put onto my own plate as far as like decorations and like, Oh, I've got it. Like, like, for example,
00:29:58
Speaker
I ordered a bunch of photos from Google Photos to be printed so that I could create a gallery wall for Thanksgiving. And they're all just waiting to be put up.
00:30:14
Speaker
But I was like, oh, wouldn't it be so nice? Because um my friend Janae is coming into town. Hopefully. Last time I heard, she was unsure of whether or not her flight got canceled. But...
00:30:25
Speaker
you know She's going to be in town, and then I've got my in-laws coming over. So i was like, oh, well, I've got to get everyone on the wall so that they all feel like family. Family.
00:30:37
Speaker
family Vin Diesel. um
00:30:43
Speaker
So, I mean, this project I've had for like a month. And it's just, I wish I could show you. i mean, I will show you later. But it's it's literally like I've put them all into frames. Now they're just all sitting on my coffee bar underneath where they need to go. And my brain's like, well, I don't have enough pushpins.
00:31:03
Speaker
Or I don't know how to hang these. And I do know how to hang them. The problem is is i don't have I don't have everything in front of me that I need. And so I'm like in this state of...
00:31:15
Speaker
um Paralysis. Paralysis. Because I don't have everything. And it's like, well, I don't know what to do. So I don't do anything. like i also, I need to start like a grocery list for, you know, all the food I'm cooking.
00:31:36
Speaker
and It's a lot. And, um and then I've got to do that whole like working backwards time wise thing so that I everything is comes out when it needs to and I'm like, okay, well, I've got a I know there are a few things I can make like the day before. but i work the day before because that makes sense.
00:31:55
Speaker
Who's doing that? Who's allowing that to happen? um just instead should be like That should be a national or federal holiday is the day before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, and then the day after for recuperation and and then the crazy people who want to do Black Friday. But like...
00:32:12
Speaker
The day before, like people need to prep, dude. People who are actually cooking like a Thanksgiving dinner need to prep. I'm making rolls. I'm not buying the rolls.
00:32:24
Speaker
like guess But again, i feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself that you didn't need to per se. But I did.
00:32:35
Speaker
um Okay. no i think that Last year, it was so underwhelming food wise. that I was like, I need to do this because nobody else wants to do it. And Thanksgiving's one of my favorite holidays of all the holidays.
00:32:50
Speaker
So I want it to be how I envision it. And it won't happen if I don't do it. One of the reasons that I'm doing it at my house this year is because there's this like big thing where like nobody likes turkey and nobody likes making all the food.
00:33:08
Speaker
Even though like I've, said, I can help, you know? And, uh, so what I don't understand about the whole, you know, I know a lot of people don't like Turkey.
00:33:23
Speaker
What I don't understand is, is like, it's not about the Turkey. The Turkey is the vehicle that we use to eat the sides, you know, like you get a little bit of Turkey, you put some mashed potatoes on there, you get a little bit of stuffing. It's like a whole bite, you know, the perfect bite.
00:33:40
Speaker
It is. I usually, I don't, I'll separate stuff. Okay. But you understand the sentiment. Okay. It's not about the turkey. Don't eat turkey. You don't like
Dealing with ARFID During Holidays
00:33:51
Speaker
the turkey. Don't eat the turkey.
00:33:52
Speaker
Also, if you don't eat, if you don't like turkey, stop eating breast meat. You know, people who, I have found that people who don't like turkey are the ones who are always eating like the leanest part of the turkey. Like get some thighs, get some leg meat.
00:34:09
Speaker
Put some of that cranberry sauce, not the gelatinous, you know, out of the can. Which we grew up on and I have a warm place in my heart for it. That's fine. I prefer the Trader Joe's container, ready-made. Oh, it's there. I was going to make one. It's really easy to make.
00:34:30
Speaker
Oh, my God. Would you stop? You can't even put your little gallery wall up. I mean, I'll get it done. you still have Do you still have the saloon doors? Oh, yeah.
00:34:43
Speaker
Where am I going to put them? There's no room in my garage.
00:34:49
Speaker
Okay, so it's like eighty side note, I had a Halloween party. We don't have time for the Halloween I'm just saying it's a holiday. but It's a holiday. Okay. Fine. I'll allow it. I had it really quick.
00:35:01
Speaker
We had, I had a Halloween party here. It was Maverick themed. ah The Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster and James Gardner, 1994 movie version, not Top Gun. Yeah.
00:35:14
Speaker
Yeah, I get that a lot. People are like, Top Gun? No. Cowboys. The Western. The Western, yeah. jason And my um my coworker, Neil, who's really good at woodworking and and grumbling but making me everything I want for my parties, made me these like really cool, authentic-looking, freestanding saloon doors. And they sit in my entryway now.
00:35:41
Speaker
because it's huge and like what am I going to do with it so it's just like part of my house it's like structural now so that's the end of my story see I can be I can be brief it was a really fun party yes it was you're still going on about it there was poker of if you haven't seen the movie it's all about a poker tournament Anyway. okay But yeah, I still have the saloon doors. So they're just going to be part of my Thanksgiving decor. Okay. Well, we were talking about Thanksgiving food.
00:36:19
Speaker
So let's get back to that. Okay. I'm making turkey. i mean you're making You're making everything. Well, I'm not making sweet potatoes. That's just, that's too much. See, and my favorite dish of all Thanksgiving potatoes is a sweet potato casserole. But the one that I make honornri Not the one you make.
00:36:40
Speaker
The canned yams and the marshmallows. little it It makes me want to barf. Sorry. Maybe it was an unpopular opinion ah while we were still like on speaking terms with Gloria and her children. But I hated her sweet potatoes.
00:36:58
Speaker
I hate the um the marshmallow topping because it would get it would get stuck in my teeth because it was like hard and disgusting and there was no flavor. to the potatoes. maybe Like, you're already making mashed potatoes, just also cut up sweet potatoes. Like, i don't understand, put some sugar in it. Like.
00:37:22
Speaker
Yes, so my version. my My version is basically a dessert. Yeah. ah It's delicious, though. I mean, yeah, so it's the sweet potatoes with brown sugar and butter, and it has, like, a brown sugar and butter, like, crystallized, you know, yumminess on top, um whipped up so you don't get any nasty chunks I mean, oh, when there's pecans in there. Yeah, yours is really good. I've had yours.
00:37:56
Speaker
It's delicious. i'm not I'm not making it this year. It's so sad because I don't feel like it. I don't feel like doing it because it's just us. It's just the six of us.
00:38:07
Speaker
And... Last two years, I've gone all out and I make all the things and we have so much leftover that never gets eaten. And I'm just like, eh. That's crazy to me that it never gets eaten. It's like my favorite part is the leftovers. and we You know, dad used to make like a total soup with like the carcass and stuff.
00:38:25
Speaker
i Yeah, I have done that. It's just, it's so much. It's so much. Which is crazy because you have a lot of people in your family. They're just not into leftovers. Okay. Emma doesn't eat anything.
00:38:38
Speaker
She eats mashed potatoes and rolls and mac and she'll make a mac and cheese casserole and she'll eat that. Um, which gets me to my next topic of why holidays are hard.
00:38:53
Speaker
So I have a child, um, who has not been formally diagnosed with autism. Although,
00:39:05
Speaker
Signs have been there for a long time and it's something well we'll get into that later too, but she has been formally diagnosed with, um, an anxiety based eating disorder that is not, um, it's a sensory sensory based. So it's called ARFID and it is avoidant refusal, avoidant refusal food intake disorder. Um,
00:39:32
Speaker
basically marked by children and adults who just don't eat entire food groups. Like she does not eat any meat. Um, and by meat that's chicken, fish. I mean, nothing.
00:39:46
Speaker
Um, didn't she used to have like chicken fingers or something? Chicken nuggets. You know what? She eats McDonald's chicken nuggets, which i don't think. I think that's, um, not even, I think it's, uh, what, what's like a,
00:40:02
Speaker
Textured vegetable protein, TVP. Yeah. So it's not even actually. So, but for her, she likes those because the the breading is so hard. It's like the texture is okay for her, but it's still not something like she'll order that.
00:40:20
Speaker
But usually when we go out, she'll like just get, like if we go to In-N-Out or something, she'll just have them do a grilled cheese. Plain. Because heaven forbid there should be anything.
00:40:31
Speaker
touching the bread or the cheese. um So this made holidays very difficult. um Trying to explain that, no, no, this is not just merely picky eating. This is a doctor who specializes in childhood eating disorders saying, yes, 100%, this is what she is suffering with. And the only thing that I can kind of say to kind of explain what goes on in her head is if you see like a bowl of spaghetti noodles in her head, i mean, she'll eat spaghetti. So this is kind of a ah bad illustration, but just to make my point in her head, it would be like a bowl of worms, if you will. So like that, um, that feeling of disgust and like, that's gross.
00:41:28
Speaker
No, i don't want any part of that. That's what she experiences with a lot. I mean, most foods. she She literally has, I think, five foods that she eats or her safe foods. So again, doing a holiday where the foods aren't normal, and this is a girl who will eat literally the same thing every with some slight variances, you know.
00:41:55
Speaker
Instead of this one, she this meal, she'll eat that meal. But then it'll be back to meal A on day three, maybe the same meal A day four. You know, it' she just eats the same thing.
00:42:06
Speaker
um And then we would have dad sitting there going, you know, well, first of all, I would ask ahead of time, is such and such food going to be there because she'll eat that or she won't eat that.
00:42:19
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they end up not making it. And then I'm like, well, what the hell? Like, yeah you said you were going to have that. And well, can't she just eat it? You know, well can't she just stop being picky? And I'm like, it's not being picky. And, you know, and he had the audacity to sit there and say, you know, does Myrta, my mother-in-law, does Myrta go out of her way and make separate food for her Like, and I'm like, actually, yes, she does.
00:42:50
Speaker
Every time we're over there. not even holidays, every time. Yeah. And he's like, well, that's just, I'm not going to do that. Okay. And that's my time. It's clear that you're not going to do that. Nothing's changed. Yeah. So that's, so then I have to, you know, not only I'm bringing something to contribute to, you know, that holiday meal, I have to then think, okay, well, what do I need to bring for her to eat? And, you know, I'm going to need,
00:43:22
Speaker
an area or space to make it. um You know, like if she wants a quesadilla, I'll bring some cheese and tortillas, but I need to have a burner available. And there's just a lot of stress involved with that where it's just, it's just more work. It's all it is, is work.
00:43:41
Speaker
And then, you know, that feeling of, oh, togetherness, just you kind of like have resentment that's built up, especially when it's,
Challenges of Blending Family Dynamics
00:43:50
Speaker
Yeah, totally. You know, a side of the family that doesn't, not only do they not get it, they don't want to get it.
00:43:57
Speaker
Yeah. Like, that's what I felt yeah growing up. Yeah. Not growing up, but, like, as the kids were growing up. You know, we were talking earlier outside of this recording about our old stepsister, who...
00:44:12
Speaker
who would open gifts and like, it was like, oh, everyone, everyone look at the person opening the gift, first of all. And that's annoying.
00:44:23
Speaker
and And then like, she would open it and it was clear that her mom was excited to give something to her. And she would be like, what is this?
00:44:35
Speaker
I don't want this. Why would you think I would want this? And i remember her doing that once and you and I looked at each other like, whoa, like, ah like we were waiting for the yelling to start. And it was just kind of like, okay, like moving on.
00:44:50
Speaker
and she just literally gave it back to her mom. Like you keep this. I don't want this. And I thought that was so crazy because us, like if we ever did something like that, it would be like, are you kidding me?
00:45:03
Speaker
yeah do you know how long it took for us to find something that you would want to you know, how dare you? oh my God. Especially like our first step mom, she'd be like, how dare you?
00:45:20
Speaker
ah she, she had some definite trauma when it came to finances because she had been divorced before and before our dad married her.
00:45:31
Speaker
And, um, when she was divorced, she passed away just to me, you know, she passed away. Our mom passed away. Yeah. listen said Just to make sure everyone's on the same page here.
00:45:43
Speaker
Um, when she was still living and she had her first marriage, um, that marriage ended and her first husband was the breadwinner and he left her with a bunch of, um, bills and two kids. And they were in this, like, she lived in this big house and she somehow made it work, but she had to like scrimp and save. And so if we were ever like,
00:46:12
Speaker
complaining about something, even just slightly about anything that she had picked out in her home or like anything that they had purchased for us. It was a big deal because she would say things like, you know, it wasn't that long ago when I had to like save every penny and you're being so ungrateful. And there was a lot of like trauma for us girls.
00:46:40
Speaker
didn't your mom ever teach you to to be grateful for the things you have? Didn't your mom ever teach you to like- Like, she died when I was 11. I don't remember that far back. She didn't get that far. but Yeah.
00:46:56
Speaker
But essentially, um it was always crazy to me the way that like these people who were blended into our family would act. And then our dad would be like,
00:47:10
Speaker
he would just roll with it. Like it was, yeah. Like what they're saying is completely normal. And what I would have said when in reality, like he was a completely different person before he married these people. So I feel like dad went through a lot of trauma as a kid when his parents divorced.
00:47:28
Speaker
And we can talk a little bit about that. um His dad left the family the night of dad's bar mitzvah.
00:47:39
Speaker
And he left the family for grandma's best friend at the time. So. Trauma, trauma, trauma. Yeah. So dad was 13. and he was, yeah, he, he's always been a he was always a sensitive person, a sensitive guy.
00:48:01
Speaker
He would cry if if grandma and Donald went out like on a date or whatever, you know, they would go out and he would cry and grandma would sit there and talk to him and calm him down. um But i there was just a lot of, I think, trauma around that, that, you know, they say,
00:48:28
Speaker
if you experience some really traumatic event in your life that sometimes emotionally you get stunted um or you kind of just, you yeah, you just get stunted to like that age you were when that happened.
00:48:43
Speaker
So I do feel like that held true for dad in a lot of cases where his reactions to things would be like that of a 13 year old where I'm like, I feel like I'm dealing with a junior high kid. Yeah.
00:48:55
Speaker
You know, I have one at home. Similar. I think and you see the similarities here. This is not seeming like someone who, you know, is coming at this from, i don't know, an adult perspective with, you know, whatever it may be, but there were definitely like things like that. So I feel like Yeah, all of these things happened, but at the same time, i have to always kind of think about what happened with mom and dad growing up and what they went through and how what they went through shaped their lives as parents themselves. And yeah, so I i try to give grace. Grace.
00:49:53
Speaker
I don't know. A lot of it was pretty jacked up though. So, yeah, I mean that we dealt with, you know, just kind of in the crosshairs of it all, because like you had said, a hundred percent agree with you. You know, I feel like dad felt like his dad completely left them and started a new family. And I feel like dad always ended up, I feel like dad always ended up with people who he wanted to help fix.
00:50:25
Speaker
Like there was like a sad story, you know?
00:50:32
Speaker
And then he sees like with the first set, and the first, you know, remarriage, two stepbrothers whose dad left. and And feel like dad really wanted to make it.
00:50:46
Speaker
Yeah. But he did that at the expense of- us Us. Yeah. Because, well, and it's like, you know, when your kids are angels at school and they're little turds at home, it's because they feel safe enough with you to act that way. Right.
00:51:05
Speaker
Because they know you're not going anywhere and you'll love them regardless. Right. Blah, blah, blah. And I feel like that's, that was his mentality was just a lot of, you know, that's fine. They know I love them.
00:51:20
Speaker
Okay. So that was hard, but. Well, a lot of it was like dad trying to say every, every marriage he's had, my you know, love the two that he had after mom was like, you know, well, you know, Suzanne loves you.
00:51:38
Speaker
oh well, you know, Gloria loves you. Like, dude, I don't think they ever did. i don't think they ever did. i think they tolerated us. I think for women, and you know, I could be wrong. I've never been a step parent before, but in my experience having two of them,
00:51:55
Speaker
it feels like it feels like, um am am i in my very specific experience, um it feels like the women, women who have blended families,
00:52:11
Speaker
and they already have their own children, it seems like it's very difficult for them to give a shit about the other their partner's kids as much as their own. Their their priority is their own spawn.
00:52:26
Speaker
Period. um yeah And with dad, he was such a people pleaser, and in this case, like a wife pleaser, that he wanted to do he wanted to do everything in his power to make sure that they were happy And in doing so, it really left us out.
00:52:46
Speaker
um Sports, like like like for Chris and Brian, our first step brothers, um they played volleyball.
00:52:57
Speaker
And with sports, it's always like, you know, it's ah it's a new game every time you go see them play or whatever, right? And I was in Color Guard where our show would change, but, you know,
00:53:11
Speaker
very, very like small things would change about our show. Um, because the whole point is to get the best score possible. And so we're building on what we have already. A routine. Yeah. routine yeah And so I remember making a comment to dad about, um, like, well, you know, you never, you you've been to my show once and, you know, Chris and Brian play volleyball all the time. Like, can you come to my thing? and dad said,
00:53:41
Speaker
well your thing is the same every time and theirs is like it's sports and he got sports like he understood
00:53:52
Speaker
i think he probably should have had boys to begin with because I feel like I fulfilled that role for him i was like the boy yeah you were better at sports for sure yeah i I was asked in my own right. like I did more of the very um like more you threw You tossed rifles in the air and caught them. Yeah.
00:54:20
Speaker
I mean also flags and sabers. There was one where I did like I tossed a rifle, did a cartwheel and caught it. And then went into this clip.
00:54:32
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I know. that's athleticism. But yeah, but yeah it didn't matter. Dad didn't care about it. So he made excuses and went to our stepbrothers thing and said, so, you know, well, are we going get into the whole thing about that conversation? Like,
00:54:58
Speaker
Oh, but you can disinvite her. We have to. well yeah, because it's holidays. Because it's holidays. ties in oh my good Thanksgiving. my God. It's just everything always happens around the holidays. motion are arisened So Melanie is telling me we lived, i you know, I did not live in that house at that point. I was older and living on my own. Cause don't know.
00:55:22
Speaker
Kristen is seven years older than me. So at this point, she was you know you don't look it and but she was already living on her own at this point. There was no reason for her to be living with us. So, okay. Continue.
00:55:37
Speaker
Well, I was also told there's no room at the inn, so you might as well just stay there. Lovely. lovely by That's That's first time I'm hearing that. It was either you can share a room with Melanie or stay at other house. and you were like, no, I'm good.
00:55:52
Speaker
I'm like, let me think about it. and Okay. Honestly, though, like it would have been nice to have you in the house. I know it would have sucked for you, but it was terrible for me. And having an eye would have been nice, but...
00:56:07
Speaker
you know Well, based on based on the story I'm about to tell, I don't know how long it would have lasted, and I'm pretty sure cops would have been called. Wow.
00:56:19
Speaker
Yeah. so um So Melanie calls me based on that story. um She's upset. And my sister, she's very sensitive. She has a sensitive little soul. and know she's got little crotchety ah exterior at times. But...
00:56:38
Speaker
Nice. It's all the trauma. you more Very sensitive to anyone. Yes, the trauma. um And so I said, well, Melanie, why don't you just talk to dad and tell him how you're feeling about this? Surely if you, you know, communicate your feelings and emotions, he'll get it. It'll be fine. It'll be great. Probably would have worked.
00:57:05
Speaker
If yeah this the city the circumstances were ideal. I didn't know or realize I had to be more specific. Like, talk to dad one-on-one.
00:57:19
Speaker
Don't maybe talk to dad while... I don't even know if... su Was Suzanne in the car also? ah She must have been because I think we're all going to like a volleyball game or something. Okay, so...
00:57:32
Speaker
So Brian's in the car. Suzanne's in the car. i don't know if Chris is in the car or not, but everyone's in the car and Melanie decides this would be the perfect time to be like, well, Kristen says, did i don't know. What did you say? and Kristen says, I don't remember.
00:57:50
Speaker
I mean, the gist. Um, um You know, I feel like you are always hanging out with Chris and Brian and never coming to my things. And Kristen said that, you know, that's something I should talk to you about or whatever. or Kristen said I need to talk to you about it or something like that.
00:58:11
Speaker
And because I placed the blame on you. You're like, whatever, and she doesn't live here. and It'll be fine.
00:58:23
Speaker
Okay, you have to understand that i it was like, i am by myself. Okay. Even though I'm in a car full of people, it was like, my defense mechanism was to throw it off onto somebody else.
00:58:40
Speaker
As soon as I saw that they were getting upset, I was like, oh, Not I, not i said the cat. Okay. Yeah, like, I was like, no, actually, this was Kristen's whole idea, was to tell you this. i yeah I wanted to be a little bit more professional about it, but...
00:59:00
Speaker
But Kristen said this was the way, and... yeah This is exactly how done. In fact, she to wait until we were all in the car together that we couldn't like leave the the vicinity of of our bodies. yeah um She said to really wait for the opportune moment where we were all like in a vehicle together on on your way to something that had to do with the boys to really drive it home.
00:59:24
Speaker
Yeah. ah No, i know I did not say that, but that's how she made it sound. Yeah. Well, yes. So I get a call late that evening. It was like 9, 930. And I was, um yeah, I was at church because I was at the church intern house because worked there. i had a paycheck from the church.
00:59:48
Speaker
And we were just hanging out. And I remember getting a phone call. like, oh, this is odd. You know, why is my stepmother calling me? And I pick up the phone. Pick up the phone.
00:59:59
Speaker
hi how are you? da, da. And I get read the riot act. um I was called all sorts of names and basically, you know, I can't believe that you would say these things. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what did I say?
01:00:21
Speaker
What are we talking about? Because at this point I have no idea what's happening. And she proceeds to say, you know, what happens, and what happened in the car, And how, you know, your father, you know, spends too much time with Chris and Brian and not enough time.
01:00:40
Speaker
And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all, facts. But besides that, I'm like, this was not what I said.
01:00:52
Speaker
first of all. And I'm like, and then I try to calmly, because I'm like, this is a misunderstanding. If I just calmly explain what's going on, she'll surely calm herself down and we can talk like civilized people.
01:01:08
Speaker
That did not in fact happen. um So I just said, no, what had happened was, is, you know, and I said, and i and I said, whatever. So I explained what you had told me And then I said, I told her she should have a talk with dad just to let her him know how she's feeling.
01:01:29
Speaker
That's all I said.
01:01:32
Speaker
i would, as a parent, think would want to have an open line of communication with my kid, especially if they're feeling upset or hurt or whatever by something that I'm doing, you know, and it could be something where,
01:01:45
Speaker
It's like, no, that's not what's going on. And let me explain. And then like, talk about it. Like, whatever. Again, as a parent with four kids, like, I talk to my kids, we have open lines of communication. Like, I don't know why that's so difficult.
01:02:04
Speaker
And it just turned into, well, you're lying. And I'm like, no, I'm not. I actually am not lying. And the fact that you're saying that I'm lying and when I'm telling you I'm not lying is annoying me now. And then it escalated.
01:02:25
Speaker
And then it turned into yelling. And then it turned into me saying, i hope you understand. I hope you know that everyone thinks you're a bitch.
01:02:39
Speaker
And this is why, like what you're doing right now, this is why. Have ever told you that you're my hero?
01:02:48
Speaker
god I wish I could have said that to her back then Yeah. and this is why no one likes you. yeah This is why no one likes you. And you know what? She must have had...
01:03:00
Speaker
She must have had some big, huge insecurity over that. And I don't know if it's like the cancer in me, July baby, um or if it's just being like hypervigilant all the time and like reading people really well. But I tend to I was actually told by my ex-boyfriend that like I have a really hidden, not hidden because it wasn't hidden. It was used a lot. But one of my many talents in life was, that I could basically crucify people with my words.
01:03:31
Speaker
yeah So I, you know, I knew, i guess, what to say that would really kind of hit every insecurity box for her to shut her down. Because I'm like, don't come at me with this.
01:03:48
Speaker
this isn't my fault. She would also say things to me all the time. That was like, you're just trying to make it seem like I'm this, you know, wicked stepmother, you know? And I, I was like, I've literally never called you that, but you know, you keep calling yourself that you're going it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy,
Anxiety Around Gift-Giving
01:04:08
Speaker
you know?
01:04:08
Speaker
yeah Yeah. So the result of said phone call Verbal altercation was me being disinvited to Thanksgiving, a Thanksgiving trip, not even dinner as a trip. um They were planning on going to Yosemite.
01:04:29
Speaker
Lovely area, a lovely place. um I didn't get to go because I was disinvited. and then when they got back, I had to apologize and grovel.
01:04:44
Speaker
I was like, what? Because, you know, Suzanne loves you. man. She's very hurt by this and what you said. Yeah.
01:04:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, but I do, I try to apologize to my children when I when i know that I'm in the wrong. Yeah. let let me I'll just say that because I'm not just sitting here going, I'm so sorry. No. lot of times I'm like, no, absolutely not. You're not writing this whatsoever, but there are times when I'm like, I recognize it and I go, I'm sorry. Anyway.
01:05:21
Speaker
yeah We could talk about all the different stories of all the the potential 1-800-4-a-child phone calls that could have occurred growing up, even in our family of origin. yeah um That was, you know, it was just a different time. Like corporal punishment was a real thing. Yeah. With with anything, and you know,
01:05:46
Speaker
anything that you but been girls sand yeah yeah um so yeah I mean my last beat down I got was when I was I think when 19 18 19 19 I think and it was also the first time meeting Suzanne and them coming over to the house and dad said something that ah irritated the crap out of me and I was just like No. You took your chunk off.
01:06:13
Speaker
I took my um Chuck Taylor, my Congress All-Stars, and threw that bad Billy across the room, knocked him square in the side of the head, and then ran for my life. I remember that. It was, looking back, hilarious.
01:06:34
Speaker
At the time, was so awkward and scary.
01:06:41
Speaker
I mean, talk about the ADHD, like what's what's it called? Um,
01:06:49
Speaker
impulsivity yeah like not thinking things through because yeah I mean it didn't matter all I was seeing red at that point and so it just shoe came off it was flying across the room before I even knew what had happened and I'm sorry like I was just you know discussed earlier I was very athletic and I had a good one
01:07:16
Speaker
well hey let's get back to holidays
01:07:23
Speaker
let's talk about i'm trying to rein it I appreciate it thank you okay so let's talk about my massive anxiety over gift giving okay I hate it um and it is twofold and it's twofold it's twofold up I really want someone to be very happy with their gift. And I can read a person's face. And I think being older and having done research now, like in my 40s, the whole thing with that rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria, the RSD that a lot of ADHD kids have or people, I should say,
01:08:02
Speaker
um I feel like a personal failure if I get you a gift that you then hate. So do you, is it like either you like love it or hate it in your mind that the person either loves their gift?
01:08:18
Speaker
Yeah. You tell yourself they're they either going to love this or they're going hate it. There's no like gray area between. Oh no. Yeah. It's completely black and white. okay Yeah. so there's that aspect of it.
01:08:31
Speaker
And then there's the whole aspect of, the expectations, and we touched on this earlier, but the expectations put on me opening gifts and how I hate that.
01:08:45
Speaker
And because my face will do its own thing and I can't control it. And then I'll feel bad if You know, again, I'm not built like the other sister where it's like, oh, this is stupid. I hate this. I'm not even taking this home with me.
01:09:06
Speaker
You can go return it. um I would never. And so it there's a lot of pressure to hold on one second. What are you doing?
01:09:20
Speaker
ah I just got invited to another mandatory fun holiday party. Why don't you just say no? Because i have the spine of a wet noodle. Lucky you. i signed you up for nope4u.com.
01:09:34
Speaker
What is that? It's a service that declines invitations for you. Weddings, baby showers, parties. They'll craft the perfect polite excuse.
01:09:45
Speaker
Do they handle a group texts? That's a premium package. They'll even remove you from the thread. Nope4ya.com. Because saying no is hard. But outsourcing is easy.
01:09:57
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Hello. All right. So. Sorry, I'm like going through my 800 emails that I get every freaking day.
01:10:08
Speaker
Okay. So where was I? Oh, ah your face when you open gifts and how you can't control your reaction. Okay. So I'm not picking up. Yeah. Okay.
01:10:21
Speaker
All right. So when I open up a gift, there's a lot of pressure on me and my face to cooperate. And i I don't do it very well. It's kind of like a, you know, it's like a stroke face, which is sad to say. But that's, I just can't help it. Stroke face.
01:10:44
Speaker
Yes, I don't know. It's like my face will do like a contortion. It'll like, more I don't know. So don't watch me open a gift unless it's something where, like you were saying, like I've said, I would love this, get me this.
01:10:59
Speaker
At the same time, I would love to be surprised by something that I'm not saying, like, give me this. But because I've had so many other gifts over the years where I've had to be like, oh, thanks. How did you know I wanted this?
01:11:16
Speaker
It's hard. I think it's a little bit of a crapshoot with you sometimes because I've looked at your list and you've got some random... things on there. Like, yeah, because my list, like my Amazon list, yeah that's some stuff where it's like, I'm thinking about it.
01:11:31
Speaker
Okay. And so it's not, it's not like a, yeah, it's not. thinking about it list is like save the cart, like you save this for later. yeah Well, okay. I do that too, but because there's six people in this house and Eddie always like saves it for later, but then it gets lost in the sauce and it's a whole thing. And so it annoys me. So then I just like, okay, I'll save it to my list and then I'll look at it maybe again. i don't know. Cause yeah, sometimes there'll be stuff that i get and i'm like, why? Oh, this was on my list. Yeah. But I don't know. I mean, whatever. Right. So even my list, you can't trust.
01:12:08
Speaker
You can't trust my list unless I say within this list, there are these items that are for sure. um but anyway, let's talk about how as a child, I would snoop around and look for Christmas gifts um because i had to practice my faces when opening said gifts.
01:12:36
Speaker
and i think there was one time, i think I was like eight or nine, where I came across like a bunch of clothes mom had got. And let me just say, mom stopped buying my clothes in seventh grade because I was like, we don't have the same style, clearly.
01:12:58
Speaker
And her response was, buy your own clothes then. And I said, challenge accepted. And I started buying my own clothes from that point on. I babysat and I i made my own money.
01:13:12
Speaker
So I bought my own clothes. um so But anyway, so I had found, i had come across when I was sneaking. I didn't just find it. I was searching for things. And I came across a whole bunch of clothes that were like, mm,
01:13:28
Speaker
meh not really not excited about and I remember and I was never subtle about things either I thought I was being so subtle but you know like looking back not at all right and I i said something along the lines of oh gosh I really hope I don't get a bunch of like striped t-shirts for Christmas that I just you know Couldn't really imagine myself in a purple and white striped shirt.
01:13:59
Speaker
She's like, did you look up for, did you find me? No.
01:14:05
Speaker
Yeah. um So yeah, there were, you know, I remember when I found that little home video of Christmas 1994 you were opening up and it was closed and you said something like, um, corduroy is so like,
01:14:22
Speaker
I don't 1990 or whatever.
01:14:30
Speaker
You were just very much like, oh, corduroy or something. I think it was corduroy, but it was a lot. I think mom i hate corduroy. Yeah, that's probably what it was then. because and it was probably thick-wailed corduroy. Yeah. it Really fat. I just...
01:14:50
Speaker
God, it was so terrible. Mom loved like the weirdest crap and I just never, whatever. So there were times when I would be snooping and looking for like unwrapped things, but I would take it a step like, or 10 steps further and they would have wrapped gifts under the tree.
01:15:08
Speaker
And I would take like exacto knives. I would unwrap the gifts
01:15:18
Speaker
I would wrap them back up. I would get tape that is exactly the same size. And this is why I always knew when you came in my room. Because I did have... How did you have the time to do that without getting caught?
01:15:32
Speaker
we We were latchkey kids. I just always feel like maybe I just chose terrible moments to do it.
01:15:43
Speaker
I would, you know, either late or I don't know. I think it was usually when they hadn't come home from work yet. And so I would, you know, yeah, wrap it all back up, get the tape exactly, you know, and that's why i have with my four children. i'm like, so now I like, I don't even like putting gifts out. i just don't. Um,
01:16:07
Speaker
But if I do, i tend to have different wrapping paper for each kid. And then I know who has, you know, the wrapping, you know, whose gifts have. Which wrapping paper. Whose gifts. Thank you. And just putting like a piece of that wrapping paper in their stocking. So the day of they can, they know which one is theirs because, you know, when you have your name on it and you can see which one is going to be yours, it's a lot less daunting than like,
01:16:35
Speaker
well, I have no idea who these could be. And I don't want to go, don't want to go through the you hassle of doing all that. I also, i think if any of the kids did that, it would probably be Kenzie.
01:16:51
Speaker
He's like, Nathan just wouldn't. Emma wouldn't. Emma's, you know rule follower. Never have to worry about her. It's really funny. Like just know she's, my most black and white child. And she's like, yeah, nope, that's, we don't do that. That's not thing.
01:17:07
Speaker
So now have to worry those younger two though. All right. Should we wrap it up? You want to keep talking? think so. and Yeah. I think that was a lot of holiday things. Well, if anybody who actually listens to our podcast has stories of their own ah that's holiday related and crazy where anxiety-fied or filled filled, we have an email address that we just made two seconds ago take when we thought about this.
Listener Participation Encouragement
01:17:44
Speaker
um that you can send stories to and if you'd like we if you want us to um we'll read them on air it's not really on air but you get it and if you just want to share with us too and you don't want us to read it that's cool too those are always fun we like getting mail um our email tra as long as it's nice if it's not nice if you're like just mean to be mean then we will do like evil eye on you so yeah yeah or we'll call you out in like a negative way oh yeah we'll totally dox yeah anyways the you know the
01:18:22
Speaker
but wait we have to like really like evil eyes the whole thing like great grandma dorsey i know she would she would throw it and then there are like witches that were it's too bad we shouldn't start this podcast in october I know. Missed opportunities. That's what our podcast name should have been. Missed opportunities.
01:18:43
Speaker
So many. um I bet that email address is open. Not at all. um I've already forgotten our email address. It is the real TIPodcast at gmail.com.
01:18:58
Speaker
T.I. for Thoughts Interrupted because that's the name of our show. And also, i guess, a bunch of other people's shows. Yeah. Because we couldn't just get thoughts interrupted at gmail.com. we really tried, guys. yeah We tried to keep it short. And it's like we had to keep going longer and longer. Yeah.
01:19:17
Speaker
So the real TIPodcast at gmail.com. And so next week, I think we're going to do a little, not not that we don't already do it, but a little tangents episode where it You know, we can kind of talk about, delve into little bits of information that maybe we touched on in these past two episodes and kind of delve into those a little bit more and be a little bit more chaotic.
01:19:44
Speaker
with or Or like finish stories because I've caught one where I've started the story and then went on so many tangents or rabbit trails that I completely forgot to even tell you the story itself. So those will be fun. If you like, um, our fake commercials, I've got some great, uh, bloopers from recording the dialogue. So we'll throw that in there too. Um, yeah, that's it.
01:20:16
Speaker
Okay. Awesome. All right. Love you. I'll talk to you later. Bye. may my
01:20:27
Speaker
Stories we grew up with Hard takes we probably shouldn't share Laughter that comes too easy And conversations that go a little deeper than planned Pour yourself a cup and settle in This is Coffee Talk