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Episode 2 - The Executive Dysfunction Olympics: Holiday Edition
34 Plays5 months ago
Welcome to the Executive Dysfunction Olympics, where the events are chaotic, the competitors are exhausted, and the gold medal is simply getting anything done at all. In this holiday edition, we dive into why the season seems to crank ADHD brain-glitches up to an eleven. From “I’ll wrap gifts early this year” (we did NOT) to the mental gymnastics required to remember food in the oven, clean our house, or navigate sensory-overload shopping trips.🎄🏅
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Transcript
Apologies & Audio Issues
00:00:01
Speaker
This is Melanie from the future. i just want to apologize for the terrible audio on my end. Because i bought a microphone and then it didn't work that well.
00:00:18
Speaker
And so I had to return it. And I have since purchased a new microphone, but it won't get here until before our next episode. So... I apologize.
00:00:29
Speaker
Thank you for listening. And here we go.
Commitment Follow-through Humor
00:00:57
Speaker
hi everybody um melanie this is kristin hi and this is thoughts interrupted and um i don't know if like you've you know if you understand this yet or not but we don't make good on any of our promises at the end of our previous episodes this is definitely not like the bonus episode you were looking for. I'm pretty sure that that's what we said last time, right? I think so. Yeah. yeah
00:01:32
Speaker
We're not doing that. yeah Surprise, surprise.
Thanksgiving Recap & ADHD Challenges
00:01:38
Speaker
Instead, instead, we're going to do, going to do a quick recap of how our Thanksgivings went. You're welcome.
00:01:49
Speaker
and And kind of go into how December and the holidays sort of magnify our ADHD symptoms. You want to start with yours since you're Thanksgiving? And so because you slated only it like a five minute recap. Yeah, I don't think my Thanksgiving was all that eventful. ah So our uncle, and well, the uncles, I guess we could say now,
00:02:18
Speaker
Flew in from California on Wednesday. so that put a real pin in um the preparation plans. It was so much fun driving an hour to the airport and back.
00:02:35
Speaker
um So they came out to visit, but they weren't spending Thanksgiving with us. They were spending it with another family who lives in our town. Yeah.
00:02:47
Speaker
Not a random family. It's one that, like, my uncle, you know, our our Uncle Jeff grew up with. So it wasn't like he was choosing strangers over us, but He was still choosing others over us. Well, I don't know. At the same time, though, it's like there were there were reasons, and I understood them. Like, he they were going on a cruise, and one of their sisters... And got to see Heidi before their cruise. Yeah.
00:03:14
Speaker
Well, that's where they were staying for the night and then, or not even for the night. Yeah. Well, the first night they were staying there and then another sister took them from Thanksgiving night out to her house and they spent the night on things.
00:03:30
Speaker
To clarify, when you say another sister, you mean another of Heidi's. Another Heidi's. Yeah. So. Yeah. Not ours. No. um We don't talk to any of ours.
Family Dynamics & Thanksgiving Logistics
00:03:43
Speaker
no so jeff and dad when they were growing up um like rhoda their mom was best friends with elaine yes pulled it out of the hat um but elaine and her three daughters And they were like all kind of close in age um with dad and Uncle Jeff. So they were best friends, Rhoda and Elaine. And they, you know, the kids grew up together. They had vacations together, cetera, et cetera. So, um again, this is someone who was like family to him, especially since, you know, all of Uncle Jeff's other family is now passed.
00:04:28
Speaker
Right? Well, and then there's Eva.
Rejection Sensitivity in Family Events
00:04:30
Speaker
i mean – There's basically no one else. I mean, there's you. Well, I know, but I'm just saying it wasn't like he was choosing a random person over us Like we couldn't, we don't have room in the inn for, you know, a whole, like it just wouldn't have, it wouldn't have worked having him stay, them stay here.
00:04:53
Speaker
So. Yeah. Plenty of. You have height so many like um really good reasons. for why but i have a really hard time what was that like you called it what was that thing called again about disappointment the oh just being rsd or something oh the rejection sensitivity dysphoria yes that hits me hardcore when stuff like this happens i really feel like some like i'm being
00:05:29
Speaker
um like someone else is like being chosen over me. if that If that were me, I'd be like, well, I mean, I literally never see you, but okay. Well, and it's interesting.
00:05:41
Speaker
What's interesting about this is i just kind of clocked myself um really trying to explain what his reasonings were or whatever, like kind of explain it away, or to try to find, you know, the logical part of it.
00:06:01
Speaker
And I actually just saw someone had reel or something like someone was talking about it. Like, I think it was probably some sort of like ADHD specialist or something like that. And they said, that's actually a very common thing to try to,
00:06:19
Speaker
um look at disappointments and find the explanations behind them. Like, I don't know, like to try to like, does that kind of go into, um, like for me, I'd always be told I was being too sensitive about stuff.
00:06:40
Speaker
So for me, i I tend to explain things away, try to really look at it logically, even though like I'm dying inside. or Probably. Yeah.
00:06:51
Speaker
So that's fun. ah Anyways, go on.
Thanksgiving Preparations & Cooking
00:06:54
Speaker
Okay. So i just took up like five of my eight minutes that I had talking about that. um So that was basically, it I was like a, I don't know, a foreman on a crew with my family leading up to it, like getting the house tip top and, you know,
00:07:16
Speaker
I mean, washing windows and scrubbing baseboards. You know, the things you do when you have company coming over. Did anyone even look at the windows? because was dark out. um Did anyone stare at the baseboards? Probably not.
00:07:34
Speaker
But one of the uncles sat on the floor. So i'm like, at least that was mopped. So... so Oh my god, oh my god, sorry to segue, but my father-in-law dropped something on the floor, like a cracker or something, and he goes, five second rule, this is during Thanksgiving, and both me and Eric were like, ah, ah you might want not want to do that on our floor. We have, like, four animals here, it's never clean, even when we clean it, so Yum. Anyways, continue.
00:08:07
Speaker
So, so anyway, so our Thanksgiving, um, because I knew we would have the big like interruption, but in a good way, because I am glad to, you know, see my uncle, um, on Wednesday, you know, day before Thanksgiving, when a lot of people are doing most of their prepping, I had to get my executive functioning skills in tip top shape.
00:08:32
Speaker
Um, so I basically, sat down and I created a very just kind of loose checklist of all of the things I needed to get done. And I did them in like the days, like Monday, we're working on this and this child will do this. my husband will do this. I will do this.
00:08:53
Speaker
um Figured out which cleaning activities, cleaning. And then also like trying anything like Tuesday, for example, i baked the sweet potatoes for my sweet potato casserole. So I just baked them and I peeled them and I put them in a bag so I could, you know, mash them up with the stuff, you know, on Thanksgiving day.
00:09:18
Speaker
So, um, so yeah, so I just was like very intentional about the steps I needed to take on each day. And then i love a checklist. I mean, give me a checklist all day, every day. And I feel like I can fly.
00:09:34
Speaker
so we're really, and so yeah. So, and then I get that little dopamine hit every time I get to like fill in and it's not just a regular checkbox. It was, you know, shout out to, to mead. They use their, um they have like little triangle like checkbox things that so I got to like draw a little triangle and fill in the the little blank triangle is so you have to draw your own triangle yeah it's like outlined and so I just like fill it in oh like a like SAT kind of yeah but it's like a sideways you know like a bullet point but like in the shape of a sideways triangle oh like it's pointing yes the point is towards the task correct you are then
00:10:21
Speaker
done with so you get to fill it in. So the combination of not having to sit every day and think about what needed to get done like beforehand, it was like already thought out.
00:10:35
Speaker
So kudos to me, pat on my back for that like wonderful executive functioning plan. And then lots of music. So We had like best of Otis Redding going and then like one day and then Fleetwood Mac another day. That's fun. Yeah. And I just love that my kids get to hear all these different artists that they normally wouldn't, you So there you go. yeah So yeah, we had, i wasn't planning on doing a lot and I was like, oh my gosh, this year we might actually just do like KFC. Like it was sad.
Thanksgiving Meals & Techniques
00:11:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:11
Speaker
but And then at the last minute, I was like, okay, fine, I'll do it. l Except Eddie does the turkey. So he's in charge of the turkey. He puts it on the roast or the the slope not the slow cooker the smoker in the back.
00:11:28
Speaker
And so, yeah, he did the turkey. How long does that take? Well, we spatchcocked it this year, which was a whole fun thing. and but removing the spine yeah it was is a whole thing um my boss did that this year too he sent me a picture and he said he named it something like ridiculous like I don't know, Ozzy or something.
00:11:56
Speaker
You know what? I saw so many reels ah but of like people spatchcocking this year, probably because we were, you know, talking about, you know, doing it that way. Because that was even like up to the last minute decision.
00:12:09
Speaker
And um yeah, so either it was super popular this year or phones are listening to us. ah um He named it Derp. Derp.
00:12:22
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. but I named mine Carl. Oh. We didn't name ours because that's a little creepy. Okay. You're like eating something that has a name. It's like personified. don't know. Well, I think I mostly named it Carl just because he named his.
00:12:42
Speaker
Derp. Yeah. So I said, that's great. Mine's Carl. You know? As one does. As one does. Okay. I really want to fit in. All the time.
00:12:54
Speaker
and then let's see, let me just finish up my stuff because I really don't have much. um The last thing that I did to stay planned and organized was the day of, I, well, and again, i had thankfully written out earlier all of the side dishes that I had to prepare um and in one little spot. And so I made little sticky notes to put on my kitchen counter to make sure everything actually came out on the counter because there have been two separate occasions where I have forgotten a side or two.
00:13:36
Speaker
One was like my favorite side dish ever. And I left it in the oven because it was just like staying in the oven to like be warm, but you know, but not hot hot and And yeah it was off the oven. um And then it was left in the oven overnight. And was like, that was my favorite side dish. And I totally forgot about it.
00:13:59
Speaker
Was it the green bean casserole? No, it was the sweet potato. it was the sweet potato. Yeah. Yeah. that's That was like back in California. So that was some odd years ago. But last year even...
00:14:09
Speaker
I forgot to bring out the cranberry sauce. And I'm like, who forgets the cranberry sauce? Me? I mean, I almost did. Oh my gosh. After all of that discussion. I know. So anyway, so mine was a very like,
00:14:24
Speaker
type B but like a B plus I would say you know what I mean like on the verge of type a but like but I saw photos of what you did and I was like oh yeah no this isn't type A of me at all so okay well to be I didn't make those I just I mean all of my recipes are from Allison Roman she shout out yeah shout shout out she's a chef?
00:14:55
Speaker
cause you never heard her i teach kind of tell me I'm like, I'm trying to think, is she, cause she, I know she was, she worked with like, um, New York times cooking that like cooking section or whatever. is this the brunette lady that does the the videos where she like makes hold on now. I, well, yeah, food, but like,
00:15:18
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, she cooks. Oh, no, this is not who I was thinking of, but cute. Okay. Sorry. Were you thinking of? A brunette lady.
00:15:30
Speaker
Bon Appetit? Bon Appetit. No? Okay. No. Anyway, um she's like an internet sort of personality. she had a She's got a few cookbooks out. She's like my spirit animal. She also comes from like, I think her dad is Jewish. I don't think her mom, like mom's dad is Jewish. So she'll, she's done like Passover recipes and stuff. And, and she's done Thanksgiving recipes, like the whole kit and caboodle for Thanksgiving and Passover, like in its entirety a couple of times. And so I've used her recipes before. Every single recipe I've ever made of hers is so good.
00:16:11
Speaker
and so I made everything from scratch. I didn't, this year I didn't ah home buy anything from the store that was pre-made or like boxed or anything like that. Although I did make to make a comment when the stuffing was taking too long that next year we're just doing Stouffers.
00:16:29
Speaker
Good stuff. I'm telling you, you just add some like celery. I do that like semi homemade thing where you take like the stuff. on it Yeah. and then And then you add to it and i'm like, it's essentially the same thing. Yeah.
00:16:43
Speaker
So yeah, I took like a like a big sourdough loaf and i I like pulled it apart into pieces and left it out overnight. So it'd get all like crusty. And then, you know, it was like a whole thing. It's her recipe. It's a good recipe.
00:16:58
Speaker
um I've learned that the reason it took so long is because I had it in the refrigerator because pre-make a lot of stuff the day before or like days before.
00:17:10
Speaker
and then when it's time to actually according to my timeline, to put it in the oven for like its first or second bake to warm it back up It just takes forever. And I've realized it's because it was sitting in the fridge. I probably should have taken it out and like like an hour before it was supposed to go in. yeah i also ChatGPT to create my timeline. and what I did is I took all my recipes
Thanksgiving Mishaps & Parenting
00:17:37
Speaker
that I had stolen from Alison Roman's website,
00:17:41
Speaker
And I would like borrowed. I mean, she puts them out for people to use. So yeah I don't think we need to say stole. Okay. Well, I took them. And um anyways, i I put them all onto chat GPT and I said, take all these recipes and create like a Thanksgiving timeline where we serve it for also also if there's any like make ahead options include those.
00:18:11
Speaker
And it did because chat GBT is like the goat. And it was like, yeah here you go. And it st starts on Monday. And it was like, okay.
00:18:25
Speaker
So the whole week i just followed. So as it like one thing a day that you were making,
00:18:35
Speaker
Or more? It depends. It depends. Sorry, I'm getting really distracted. There's like chanting happening outside. Okay. While you're distracted about chanting, I will say that after our long conversation, not really long, but our conversation about you...
00:18:52
Speaker
making everything from scratch and me going, okay, no, I just, you know, I i bought my rolls, you know. I go to put said rolls on the counter and notice that one of my gremlin children had eaten half the freaking rolls.
00:19:08
Speaker
So I was like, first of all, who did this? And secondly, I already know who did it. Number three. Yeah.
00:19:20
Speaker
I'm like, because it's always that one with the rolls. So I'm like, I told you those were for Thanksgiving. And she's like, I guess you just ate all of the rolls that you were going to eat for Thanksgiving. She's like, I only had one. and i'm like.
00:19:38
Speaker
lies but one plus seven no i think there were like four missing so i i was exaggerating but still i'm like when there's only 12 and there's six people and like bread is one of the only things that one of them will eat so but she was also in charge of her her signature dish which was like the the From mac scratch. Mac and cheese. Yeah. Nice. See?
00:20:08
Speaker
From scratch. From scratch, yes. Hand shredded cheese, like everything. Yeah. yeah She makes that. just feel like if there's ever a reason, ah if there's if there's a holiday where you should make things from scratch, it's Thanksgiving.
00:20:24
Speaker
Okay. Well, but then i also feel like if you're the only one doing it, then allowances can be made.
00:20:33
Speaker
i did I did make my own rolls though. I know. They looked really good They were really good. um I had this whole plan that I was like, I made them the day before and this whole plan that I was going to wrap them in aluminum foil, which I did, and then put them back in the oven to warm them up.
00:20:53
Speaker
There was no time. Jadgy PT let me down. but honestly and Honestly, it's because everything was cold still. So when I put it in the oven to re-warm it just took longer like I said earlier but um yeah I didn't even I had a whole thing to make carrots and I didn't get to it carrot it was like my one actual like vegetable like the glazed carrots no it was gonna be like in butter you know like thyme and butter and I probably would have used dill because oh okay yeah would have been really good but it was just like you know zero hour and
00:21:33
Speaker
I didn't make carrots this year either, and I normally do, but I usually do like a honey glaze. then Yeah, it's a good one. It's a good recipe. um But yeah, i you know what? Let me read a direct quote from my mother-in-law who I mean, i was, and not to like toot my own horn or anything, but Everyone loved the food so much they could not stop talking about it. Like, my father-in-law was, like, saying to my husband, um you know, how do you stay so skinny with a wife who can cook like this?
00:22:13
Speaker
i mean...
00:22:19
Speaker
ah So my mother-in-law said, um and I quote, um it was so lovely. she said, again, thank you for everything. And it it was so lovely. And your food was absolutely amazing. I mean, Melanie, you could open up a catering business. It was top quality. oh Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ah You are such a lovely host. Or you are such a lovely host. See how I just like deleted my husband from that in my brain.
00:22:46
Speaker
Well, I mean, what did he do? Did he like start cleaning like the the mailbox, you know? know what? He did so many dishes in between things that I was making. was a real MVP, to be honest. um I think you go you cook like – I'm sorry.
00:23:03
Speaker
I was going to say, I think you cook like my kids cook. You know what? I've been better. I've been better. i clean up in between. Okay, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, but I didn't used to. i definitely used to. It was like Hurricane Melanie in the kitchen. he used to be like that.
00:23:20
Speaker
In fact, the day before when I was making all the stuff like ahead of time, Eric goes... I called him to be like, hey when are you coming home? And he's like, oh, you know, like I'm 15 minutes away. And I was like, okay, I'm just finishing up with all the... You know, making like all the stuff ahead of time. And he goes...
00:23:36
Speaker
is the kitchen a disaster? i was like, no, i actually cleaned up and when I got home, it was super clean and organized. Um, but yeah, I did take those recipes and I taped them to my cabinets because I was making like six different things at once. So I had like a blue Sharpie and I'd be like crossing things off in the recipes and each recipe as I did them, you have to be organized if it's just you, you know?
00:24:08
Speaker
But yeah, um ours went pretty much without a hitch, you know? Yeah. And yeah, it was really good. um Nobody had an allergy attack, so that was good. i was going to say, I noticed.
00:24:24
Speaker
Although I feel like I've had allergies the time and sneezing so much. I'm like, ugh, like right now. Anyways, anyway but yeah, so my Thanksgiving was pretty good.
00:24:36
Speaker
Good. and And everybody liked the food, and I bought a new tablecloth, and yeah, it was cute.
Holiday Planning & Family Expectations
00:24:47
Speaker
Do you think that holidays or parties or celebrations is like one of your like fixations?
00:25:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. think so too. yeah I like when people tell me that they like the things I do. You put a lot of, like you go above and beyond.
00:25:12
Speaker
like yeah Like crazy town. I spend way too much money. Well, that's the thing too. i like That's how I was with the kids when they were younger, like their birthdays.
00:25:25
Speaker
Like I remember, you know, looking at prices of like birthday, like event places and going, Oh my gosh, i that's so much money. i could never.
00:25:41
Speaker
and then I would spend double at home recreating that at the house. And but my favorite, my favorite one was, sorry, tangent. My favorite one was, i think Nathan's fourth birthday party, the superhero birthday party.
00:25:58
Speaker
I thought that one was really fun. And we had like. Oh, yeah. Didn't I make a little city or something for him or help you do that? Or you did that? You might have done that. Like the little cityscape.
00:26:12
Speaker
Yeah. You might have done that. I might have farmed that I think also helped with the little flyer invitation. He was like. Yes. He was like. so he was in a little like superhero cape.
00:26:23
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know if he had like underwear over his pants. Like. superhero outfit because that's what we call it. Yeah. um But it was fun. We made, let's see, I made like little like barbells that were, you know, obviously lightweight, but like I had the kids go through like a superhero like circuit and at the end of the circuit, you know, they had to do all these, you know, tasks.
00:26:49
Speaker
They would get like their superhero certificates and i had a really cool like backdrop of um old comics that were like printed on fabric and so I just made that into a backdrop it was really cool for like photos like a photo op um the funniest pool and the funniest part of that whole thing was I asked Eddie to do streamers in that big we had like that room divider that had that big cutout yeah yeah yeah and Eddie
00:27:21
Speaker
yeah yeah well and eddie I had two like colors and I think I was having him like twist them together. You know, just like twist and tape, like and bottom. Not and not difficult.
00:27:39
Speaker
Boy, was I wrong. he ended up ripping those down because he couldn't get them perfect, like perfectly. Yeah.
00:27:54
Speaker
Like, he couldn't recreate the same, like, spiral every time. So he ended up just taping them up on the top and then, like, using a leveler and, like, cutting them straight across on the bottom. A leveler? oh Well, yeah, I mean. Wow.
00:28:15
Speaker
Because that, to him, like, was better than... than streamers that were twisted that were like not twisted exactly the same way because that was too much for the brain. I feel like I'm probably closer to that.
00:28:29
Speaker
You know, like if it doesn't. But I've also gotten to a place where like sometimes good enough is good enough, you know? Uh-huh.
00:28:42
Speaker
And but if it's If it's like something where I'm like, ah, it just doesn't look how I envision it, I remove it. Yeah. If I don't like it, can't be there.
00:28:54
Speaker
Get rid of it. Well, and that's good. i mean, i think i I think I do something similar. i i i think I can tell right away if something is going to be too much different.
00:29:10
Speaker
work or effort for like the result that it will give and i'll make that calculation quick and if it like does not like give me an ah roi like on my time investment i'm like no don't need it done and i think eddie has a harder time with that like he will stew over something like his end goal is it doesn't matter how long it takes. I will conquer this challenge, you know?
00:29:41
Speaker
And I'm just like, no, it's, there's no point. Like time is, time is money, honey. and Let's go. Like it just doesn't, why waste your time on that?
00:29:51
Speaker
Just why? So anyway, did you have any other Thanksgiving day stories or should we get into why December magnifies ADHD symptoms?
00:30:06
Speaker
Let's get into that. I can't think of anything else besides Glenn picking up a cracker off the floor and eating it.
00:30:18
Speaker
Oh, we did play that um Poetry for Cavemen or whatever game. We did too! Did you? Oh my gosh!
00:30:28
Speaker
Except we didn't have the game. We didn't have the actual game. So we were just using chat to to come up with a, like a topic each time. And um it was really funny. Like, we're trying to explain, like, you know, you can say, like, a sentence. You don't have to just use single words, you know?
00:30:48
Speaker
it was single syllables. Right. Right. So the issue was, like, my brother-in-law and my father-in-law were both having trouble with the concept of that. It was like... It was like... they um I'm trying to remember one of the topics that they had.
00:31:07
Speaker
um I was like lunchbox or something. Right. And so my father-in-law would be like, work cube. food eat.
00:31:20
Speaker
what food eat Yeah, so he was saying all of like the the words that go in between those things that are still single syllables, but you but he just was like so like focused on the words need to be seeing ah ah single syllable that he wasn't thinking of putting in other words to describe the thing. Anyway... um And then my brother-in-law was saying, like like, he had one that was, like, a traffic jam. And he was, like, it he was, like, creating a whole scenario about, like
00:32:02
Speaker
um like, how the traffic jam came to be. So he'd be, like, he was, forget what words he used, but essentially he was saying, like, you know, um there was an accident and police came and, like, all this stuff. And,
00:32:18
Speaker
None of those are single-gible words. She's like, I've got to do a backstory. You're not going to know what it is unless I do a backstory.
00:32:31
Speaker
Okay, well, Harper, every time she would do it, would shout. Like but like we were not like English as native language like learners. I don't know. She's just Everything she did and we were all just laugh because she was getting so into it, but she was shouting at us.
00:32:55
Speaker
And we're all like, har Harper,
00:33:00
Speaker
you don't need to shout. and then Emma, when she would do it, every time she would get it, like Emma and I were a team and Harper and Kenzie were a team. And every time Emma looked at her little card, she'd be like, o okay, like used every single time. And then I pointed it out and then she would still do it because it was just like what she was doing every time. yeah And then that would make her laugh because she was now noticing that she was doing it every time.
00:33:31
Speaker
um It was pretty fun. And we went through, I think... Both sides of one deck and then one side of ah of a new deck. So we sat there for a long time, the girls and i So it was fun.
00:33:44
Speaker
It feels like a game that we should actually buy because I think we all thought it was fun. it was less fun having chat GPT. How about do that for you for Christmas? mos Oh, my God.
00:34:00
Speaker
We can talk about gifts later, but I just thought I could get you.
00:34:07
Speaker
Surprise, surprise. I would love it. Thank you.
00:34:16
Speaker
all right. The gifts you give me are all over the place. Like just vacuum. Caveman. Caveman game. Poetry. Yeah. It is a fun game, though.
00:34:29
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and also if you give me the actual game, them can actually hit each other. blow- up nick I told the girls, I'm like, you hit me hard and I'll hit you back. Like, don't even play. But with each other, they were like, I'm like, okay, let's calm down. let's Okay. You guys can get one good crack in and then, you know.
00:34:57
Speaker
All right. Why December magnifies ADHD symptoms? We haven't actually started that yet. Like when you have any type of break, like a holiday break, you know, from work or school or whatever it may be,
00:35:14
Speaker
how that leads to disruptions of routines and then that lack of structure can be totally like destabilizing. Like, do you ever find yourself like, oh, I have a free day. I can get so much stuff done.
00:35:29
Speaker
But if you don't actually plan out ahead of time what you're going to do, the day like comes and goes and you're like, oh crap, I've done nothing.
Unstructured Time & ADHD
00:35:39
Speaker
Because that's what happens to me all the time. Yeah, every day. Every day is like that.
00:35:46
Speaker
ah Yeah, I can have, like, all the good intentions in the world, but, yeah, if it's not written down for me to check off, yeah, it doesn't get done at all. Yeah.
Black Friday Skepticism & Emails
00:35:58
Speaker
I'll just read all day. was going say, i think that, like, with me, it's like I have to keep myself, like, i have my schedule, and then I have the kids' schedules.
00:36:10
Speaker
all four of them. And then Eddie's is whatever. Like, you know, if he has overtime, he has to work. Like, are you going to be here for dinner? Are you not? That's all I need to know. Do I need to cook more? I need to cook less?
00:36:24
Speaker
But it's hard when everyone's, like, routine gets off because, i don't know, I feel like the kids want to do a lot of, like, last minute stuff. And for me,
00:36:40
Speaker
I don't like last minute things either. Like if like spur of the moment things like, Oh, let's go do this. Like a lot of it was let's go shopping like yesterday. and I'm like, yesterday was black Friday for context.
00:36:55
Speaker
And I'm like, Oh, let's not. Cause that's literally the last thing that I want to do. I did black Friday one time in my life and I swore I would never do that again. um so I do Black Friday. It's just on Amazon. Well, you're okay. You're right. I was doing the early Black Friday stuff.
00:37:14
Speaker
so Right. Yeah. I would never. I had to work at once when I worked at Kohl's and I had to be there at 3 a.m. m Sucked. The lines were so long. and you're like, here's a little, um like, secret for anybody who is listening. Like, they don't actually mark anything down. They just put it back to, like,
00:37:36
Speaker
just above what they what they actually bought the thing for so that they're making something off of it. You're not getting... It's just... It's so stupid. You're not getting a massive deal. They mark it way up normally and then they like say, oh, you're getting it. Now it's a discount because they marked it down to like what a regular retail price would be.
00:37:57
Speaker
Well, I think I noticed that with the Amazon... um What is it? The ones in July... like near my birthday, they do Amazon day, Amazon day. That's right. i gary whatever Prime day. Yeah.
00:38:14
Speaker
I was noticing with like, Oh my gosh, prime day deals. And like, I would, the way I do prime day is like, I'm like, okay, let me put everything that I want in the cart. And then if it goes on like sale, woo you know, and if not, I'll just, you know, save it for later.
00:38:30
Speaker
So I had everything in the cart and I had already kind of tracked like, okay, this cost this much, this is this much, let's see how much it goes down. And I kid you not, like the major deal that's like, oh, 40% off. And I'm like, BS, this was like only like off a dollar, $2 max. um I mean, some of them had decent things, but the majority...
00:38:57
Speaker
of things that I saw, it was very close to like the original price before the prime. Yeah. I think that the sellers, cause it's a lot of, um, individual sellers. Yeah.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah. They're, they're going in there and going, Oh, actually the original price was like $200. two hundred dollars Right. So now it's 90% off. I actually saw that today. i i was looking at it and but I was like, ah, it was for smartwatch. Yeah.
00:39:26
Speaker
So was thinking about getting Eric like a fitness watch. Yeah. um But decided it against it. It was still, um i think it was around 20 bucks, but it said it was 90% off.
00:39:43
Speaker
And I was like, ah that raises red flags for me. It feels like, oh, it this is like a foreign item yeah from a foreign country. And some eight year old put it together.
00:39:55
Speaker
Yeah. And it's, like, not going to work with my outlets.
00:40:04
Speaker
I don't know. Something about it's going be real funk, you know? Yeah. But, yeah. I also noticed that. i think I think they can go in there after the fact and be like, good actually, the original price was, like, this way higher price.
00:40:20
Speaker
So then Amazon goes, oh, well, it's, like, now it's, like, 80% off. so a deal and Such a deal. a deal. I um notice also, well, again, with the kids, I happened to be pregnant.
00:40:39
Speaker
I was going through, like, I'm trying to like unsubscribe to every, sorry, I have to give the backstory. I had to unsubscribe or I'm in the process of trying to unsubscribe to like 800 retailers because like the emails they send me because I literally get like a thousand emails a day. And I wish I were actually exaggerating. i am not.
00:40:59
Speaker
I have to go in and clear my email like eight times a day for it not to be insane. So. Sorry, quick question. Is it not going to your promotions folder or is it going to your inbox? It's going everywhere.
00:41:15
Speaker
Well, because most of it, I, okay. So I usually have, i have one email that just goes, like I, when I sign up for stuff, um, you know, whatever, if I want to order something or whatever it is, i use at my old Yahoo.
00:41:33
Speaker
email address oh yeah I tend to use like anything that like for the kids school or anything I use my gmail and so it's like separate but I have them all like coming through together but anyway it was i just
School Event Planning Challenges
00:41:49
Speaker
I'm like oh my gosh I need to so the last two days I've been like unsubscribing unsubscribing unsubscribing Anyway, so I was going through all these things, trying to get rid of all of my notifications for all the things because ive had finally gone through like the 1800 emails that I still hadn't opened yet.
00:42:05
Speaker
um And so that had cleared like my little red bubble with like 1823 went away. um Hallelujah. And um so then i was like, well, I cleared those notifications. Let me clear all the other little red dots.
00:42:22
Speaker
And i was looking through and one of them is for Harper's little class that she's in. And i was just reading, it was like a little Thanksgiving thing. And I just happened to see a little sentence that said, oh yeah, by the way, on Friday, like this Friday coming up, um well, December 5th.
00:42:45
Speaker
Okay. Coming up. the girls, you know, are it's like we're doing breakfast. So have the girls bring in it's all girls in her class and it's not, so it's not like there's boys and girls and just the girls had to bring stuff in, but have the girls bring in something to share And this is a day after she kind of sprang on me like, oh, you know, i have to get like a a secret Santa gift and I have to do like, I have to get supplies for this final project I'm doing. And and I'm just like, okay. She's like, well, I told you. I'm like, you told me on Monday. Okay.
00:43:24
Speaker
You told me on Monday and I was planning my week to get through Thanksgiving. I'm like never once between Monday and like yesterday was Friday and yesterday,
00:43:37
Speaker
Did you say, like, mom, I made a list. We need to order this, whatever. She's like, well, I just thought we were going to go to the store. And I'm like, oh my God. No. I'm like, will not. girl loves to go to the store. She thinks she's like a hermit crab and just is not allowed to ever go out. I'm like, that's really not the case. You do more than anyone else I know. Yeah.
00:43:59
Speaker
Yeah. So I was like no, we're going to order it online because this is Black Friday and we don't go out because people. This is the one day you don't go out. No. like pee And it has nothing. i saw there is like this whole I saw there was this whole thing about like, oh, no, we're boycotting this, that, and the other. And I'm like, oh, no, I see it. I'm not doing that. I just don't like people and crowds. Yeah, it sounds horrible. clutter. But also, like, people have died.
00:44:30
Speaker
From getting trampled by crazy people on Black Friday. I think that was back like before all the online sales. Like now it's not as crazy. Although Target really did try to like suck people in because they opened at 6 a.m. on Friday. And they're like, oh my gosh, first hundred people get this cool like swag bag.
00:44:52
Speaker
Only to find out later, like inside this like swag bag was like a deck of Uno cards. and yeah And people were like, this is some BS.
00:45:07
Speaker
So yeah, no, this was nothing about a protest over here. But um I was just like, no, i don't want to deal with people. i don't want to deal with crowds. I don't want to have to fight for a parking spot. I'm like, none of that.
00:45:22
Speaker
Sounds good to me. And even like going in a place like Kohl's or, i mean, anywhere that has like a large volume of like clothing displays, like so any of the stores really that aren't like managed in a way that are like, you know, the people are like fixing things constantly.
00:45:43
Speaker
If I see clothes that are like in disarray, it drives me crazy I'm like triggers you but like my skin starts to itch I get hives oh man not a fun environment for me I'm like because I can't focus on anything else I'm just like looking at this pile of mess and I'm just like I can't I can't even my brain is just like stuck on this loop of staring at this stuff oh
Family Scheduling Tools
00:46:10
Speaker
it's terrible and You know, we were talking about altered schedules. And when you were talking just now about Harper, like springing things on you. Yeah. Like, well, you told me Monday. like we were at um Costco earlier today and they had one of these like digital calendar things where you could like, i think there's an app for it. So if anything comes up, you just take the app out and add whatever you need to, to the calendar and it will like sync.
00:46:40
Speaker
And it's this big tablet that like... Is it like the skylight or something like that? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. sounds familiar. And I'm thinking like... What's that? I've looked at it. I was i thought that would be something that would be totally perfect for our family.
00:46:54
Speaker
It's very expensive though. It is very expensive. And I really want it, but I really don't need it because I don't have that many people to account for in my family. um But I do like it just because like you said, it's it's it's the act of writing something down.
00:47:11
Speaker
Otherwise it doesn't like happen, you know? Well, we use a very, after like 8,000 different things that I've tried, literally the only thing that works for me for schedules is getting a giant desk calendar.
00:47:28
Speaker
and oh like old school? Old school. But it's like, I put that up there because like the boxes are big enough to write for our family of six. Everyone that's doing something that day between, you know, dad working overtime or Nathan, you know, working a shift.
00:47:45
Speaker
um Emma practice or weight room, whatever it may be. So um we use that. But then I also have to do like for my stuff.
00:47:57
Speaker
I also have to put it in my phone because if I it's like I need both. Yeah. Yeah. Are you sitting further away from your microphone? No.
00:48:08
Speaker
Oh. Hello. Yeah, so now it sounds like life like the room and more like you. you know what I mean? I'm sorry. i it i was sitting about a few inches away from the microphone.
00:48:23
Speaker
No, my mouth is on top of it. Okay. Maybe that's too close. Okay. All right. Is this okay? Yeah, it's good. Okay. All right. So let's talk about,
00:48:37
Speaker
oh I
Holiday Task Management & ADHD
00:48:40
Speaker
don't know. I feel like we've talked. symptom demands What? I mean, increased executive function demands during the holidays. Yeah. Yeah, but I think we've touched on that, like the planning and organizing that goes into that. And I see where I, it says, I have notes, guys. It says shipping set, but it looks like when I was typing, I noticed that I was hitting um the delete bar instead of something else at one point. And so I didn't know where it was deleting from. And I think it was that. Yeah.
00:49:14
Speaker
Oh. It is. It was supposed to say like the brain's difficulty with constant shifting set. Oh, okay. Switching between different tasks and demands.
00:49:25
Speaker
But it's fine. You did write something here about the pressure to plan, shop, and socialize. um Where was that? to Right underneath cognitive load. ah oh there we go. Yeah.
00:49:39
Speaker
It's challenging for those ADHD. Combination leads leads to overwhelm. overwhelm Frustration and difficulty like with tasks. Like staying organized and managing time. And yeah, there I don't know if this happens to you. or But like if if you have to if you have something planned for like 5 p.m., the day's ruined.
00:50:05
Speaker
Like you can't do anything else because you have that thing at 5. Does that happen to you? um Not to that extent. If it's like... I can plan something for early in the morning and be okay with 5 p.m.
00:50:19
Speaker
If it's like something at 2 p.m. or like 1 p.m. 1 to 2, then my day is screwed because then I feel like I can't plan anything in the morning or in the afternoon.
00:50:33
Speaker
So that to me is worse. Five I can work with. For me, it's not about being able to plan something else. For me, it's like, If I've got this thing at five, my mind is like, okay, we have this thing at five, which means I can't do anything else. I have to be focused on remembering that I've got this thing at five.
00:50:55
Speaker
So I can't relax. Like I've got to be, you know, my brain is like, we can't just shut down yeah for the day. I've got it. I know that I've got this thing at five or whatever. Right. And so that's what I mean by the the day is ruined because You're go are constantly thinking about it. Yeah.
00:51:14
Speaker
I mean, I definitely will set alarms. Like I have, i usually, if i if it's something that's planned over a week in advance, I will set a day before reminder. And then I will set like a two hours before reminder. And then like 30 minutes before reminder.
00:51:36
Speaker
um You know, like I'll have it like that. so i just I constantly build in those supports for myself because otherwise I might not remember.
00:51:51
Speaker
um But i definitely i don't know i definitely do feel like the sensory overload. like if there's If I feel like I haven't had a weekend to just not doing do anything, I get unbearable to be around just ask Eric um yeah I get really um not nice uh and I just need time to like be by myself in my bedroom like without the dogs or the cats or my husband just leave me alone
00:52:34
Speaker
yeah And let me be by myself because it's really, it's too much. It's like, it literally will drive me crazy. Yeah. And that happens often during the holidays.
00:52:47
Speaker
Like I talk a big game about, know, like, oh, I want the holidays to be like a Hallmark movie or whatever, you know? um But then it's like every year I forget how much actually goes into that.
00:53:00
Speaker
And, and then also like if there's friends givings you know, well, yeah, you tend to plan a lot of stuff with a lot of different people. I feel like, I think it's also because we don't have kids. So we're just like, we're yeah, sure. We're available. Like we'll go do this thing with you. Um, and, and I'm happy to do it, but then there are some weekends where I'm like, no, You want to do that at what time in the evening? That's my bedtime. Yeah. 730? Are you joking? so yeah.
00:53:38
Speaker
Now, Eddie's kind of the same way with that. um I know when he was working as a police officer, he would have, just depending, he'd either have three 12 and a half hour shifts or he'd have four 10 hour shifts. Yeah.
00:53:53
Speaker
And I think it took about a year for me to really like of being married because he got hired on in the academy like literally like I think two months after we got married. So it was like from the get go kind of. um And it it took about a year for me to really just realize just don't.
00:54:19
Speaker
say yes to any plans within the first 24 hours of him working or like getting off shift because it'll take him a full day to recuperate.
00:54:30
Speaker
And if he has to do anything, like he is like, like you saying, just not fun to be around. Um, yeah because yeah, he just needs that like decompression and especially in that field of work I mean, I get it. like Yeah, totally. He has stories. um But it's crazy.
Family Routines & Task Dynamics
00:54:52
Speaker
And he kind of – I was kind of laughing as you were talking about this because he kind of did that this week a little bit.
00:54:59
Speaker
um So he now works at a junior high school. And he gets off when the teachers get off. So he's been off this whole week for Thanksgiving. – and But he had like, i don't know.
00:55:17
Speaker
It's like I, there were things to get done. Like, you know, I had my list of Monday, we're doing this Tuesday, Wednesday, you know, Thursday. And like Thursday, his, his thing was, okay, well, you're prepping the bird. Like you have one thing, you know, it's your one thing. And throughout the other days of the week, I think he helped Like I said, like we really did wash windows. um And i at first I was just like, Nathan, that's my almost 17 year old son. I'm like, go and wash the windows.
00:55:48
Speaker
And Eddie's like toxic trait, toxic toxic green flag or whatever is I don't know. Like he will just take over things when it comes to like, I think he thinks he's not going to do as good of a job as I would do. So let me just do it. But then he gets annoyed with doing it. And i'm like, well, I mean, you just took it over. it's a dad thing.
00:56:12
Speaker
ah Maybe. i don't know. You know, because my boss is like that his kids. Like dad was like that with us. Like um Eddie, Eddie.
00:56:23
Speaker
You know, Eric's not like that, but he's not a dad. So maybe it's like, it's like a transformation that happens once we have a kid Maybe, I don't know. But it's like, there's things where I'm like, you need to teach him how to do stuff. Like he's like, well, I just, I just like looked up how to do things and figured it out. How come he can't do that? i'm like, because this generation is built different. Like they don't know.
00:56:51
Speaker
They don't know what to do. Like, they really don't. like Or care. Like, they just, like, his it sounds like his issue is that, well, he's not doing it right. Well, he's not doing it to the same level. Level, right. Okay. But, like, Eddie's level. And Nathan's probably just like, well, I'm washing the windows. Like, what do you mean? I'm doing it. Right.
00:57:13
Speaker
But, again, like, and I have to remind Eddie all the time. I'm like, okay. Okay. hun and try not to sound like condescending when I say it but I'm like you need to realize your level of acceptable is other people's level of perfection yeah and come you need to be okay with like somewhere in the middle like somewhere not at perfect because it's not your thing that needs to be perfect like if it was like something you were working on
00:57:48
Speaker
for your own whatever, you know, like your own hobby or whatever, go have at it. If it is something that it does not matter, like it's okay for it not to be perfect.
00:58:02
Speaker
And he struggles with that. Yeah. But he's a Virgo, so. yeah Oh, man.
00:58:13
Speaker
Speaking of high expectations. ah Segway? Segway. No, but, I mean, like, i'm I'm the exact opposite when it's, like, if
Hyper-focus & Task Procrastination
00:58:33
Speaker
I'm cleaning. Yeah.
00:58:36
Speaker
it's like, as long as it's clean, like I'm good. You know, it does not have to be perfect. Although I will hyper fixate sometimes like today. It was, um, the cat room because in my mind I was like, Oh, I'm going to clean the whole upstairs.
00:58:51
Speaker
And instead I hyper fixated on the cat room. And then I got, um, like tired, like emotional, like, like, uh, like I was was,
00:59:05
Speaker
so hyper fixated on it that my brain was done afterwards you know I'm like okay well i trying use hourbreak you used your brain a lot though because that required like reorganizing things you have to sit there and think okay well this needs a home where's the new home gonna be and there is a lot of brain power that goes in all of that so it is exhausting But most of the time, it's definitely like procrastination. Like I'm definitely like, you know, I'm definitely putting off all the things for tomorrow all the time.
00:59:47
Speaker
And a lot of that is like, well, I've got these 10 other things that i I have to do. But I have to do, it's like that I've put on my own plate that I have to do, you know? Yeah.
01:00:00
Speaker
And so all the things that have been sitting around waiting to be done just continue to sit around and wait to be done because I just don't want to, I don't want to do it. and I don't want to do it or it's like that paralysis thing again. oh well, I don't have trash bags or, oh, I don't have this, so I can't do anything.
01:00:22
Speaker
Well, it sounds like what you're describing is like you just get to a point where you're just like burnt out. like you're experiencing feel I'm burnt out all the time yeah well I mean maybe that's your sign to say no to things
01:00:43
Speaker
I mean i say I feel like I do say no to a lot of things no is one of my favorite words
01:00:53
Speaker
But I think there i
Podcast as Therapy
01:00:55
Speaker
think that... um I don't... You know, I don't know. I feel like this podcast is sometimes like a therapy session. You think?
01:01:05
Speaker
ah I just... I don't know if it's like...
01:01:12
Speaker
I don't know if it's... Like I'm putting all this pressure on myself to like do these things...
01:01:23
Speaker
In order to make other people. Happy. oh and then. Afterwards I'm like. Okay I'm so burnt out. Like I don't want to do the things. That would probably make me happier. Because I'm just like.
01:01:39
Speaker
I'm so tired. You know. yeah I will say that for Thanksgiving. That cooking for people does make me happy. But it is very tiring. And I always afterwards. I always feel like.
01:01:51
Speaker
like glad that it's over and then and then don't know maybe it's kind like women who forget what labor is like they're like I just want another kid it's like me but like holidays and parties I forgot how tiring and exhausting that whole thing was you're talking about labor pains like women forgetting labor pains yeah uh yeah yeah I forget how ridiculous I am about holidays or
People-pleasing & ADHD
01:02:24
Speaker
parties or whatever. And i and i I go gung-ho. And then afterwards, I'm like, why did I do that? Why did I put so much pressure on my shoulders?
01:02:34
Speaker
Well, let's let's dig into that for just a minute. I mean, this is definitely it's like it's a tangent, but I think that's a good one to go down. um They say, well from what you're saying, it sounds like people-pleasing.
01:02:48
Speaker
Like you're wanting to put on something to make people you know happy, whatever it is, whatever. However you just described all of that. um But that's that's what my brain was was kind of shooting at me while I was thinking about this.
01:03:04
Speaker
And people pleasing with you know individuals that have ADHD is often a coping mechanism that is rooted in trauma rejection sensitivity dysphoria
01:03:26
Speaker
mystery solved oh my gosh i just i was googling it back so i'm like i think there's a connection i think i remember like hearing a connection about that and sure enough and so it says For those with ADHD, it can manifest as a survival strategy to avoid the pain of criticism or rejection or a way to seek a dopamine boost and an outcome of difficulty with executive functions like setting boundaries and planning.
01:03:58
Speaker
So this can lead to chronic exhaustion, resentment, and a neglect of one's own needs and well-being. Oh, yeah.
01:04:10
Speaker
It's good to feel validated. Well, and I think that's, you know, part of what this is is, is realizing that what you are feeling, like, there's an explanation. But here I go again. I'm like, there has to be a reason. There needs to be an explanation to to these people. Dr. Vondarchuk to the rest of you. ah I'm like, it's so funny. my friend This is another tangent, but my friend Sasha, she's my dear friend. And, you know, one of the great things about ADHD is, like, I am, like, jack of all trades, master of none type of a thing. But she'll ask me something. And I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, blah, blah, whatever. I'll give her an answer. And she goes, how do you know that? I'm like, ADHD. Like, how?
01:04:59
Speaker
I thought about that one time. And so I did a deep dive like over two days and learned everything there was to know about it. So basically an expert now. because a Oh my gosh. But listen, for going back to that people pleasing stuff, like let's just go over a little bit more because you might, i don't know if you might feel something like from some of these might like trigger something in you. So let's see if it, not in a bad way, but like,
01:05:28
Speaker
yeah sure Like an uh-huh, you know? So we have the RSD, the rejection sensitive to like put a finger down Well, okay. So we already talked about the RSD. um So other causes and manifestations of people pleasing could be friendship struggles.
01:05:49
Speaker
Previous difficulties in forming friendships can create a fear of loneliness, causing a person to agree to things they don't want to do out of fear of being rejected by the few people who offer companionship.
Friendships & Boundaries
01:06:04
Speaker
Okay. So I think I used to be like that. And i used to let a lot of people walk over walk all over me because of that. Since I've been married, I have a built-in best friend.
01:06:19
Speaker
And i'm I have no problem trimming the fat in my life now. I'm like, I got somebody who loves me. yeah like it's i have no problem dropping you as a friend. Like, try bespoken.
01:06:35
Speaker
you know, um but definitely growing up ah was like that. can think of a few people, not anymore. next
01:06:48
Speaker
What's the next bullet point? All right. So executive function challenges, difficulty with planning and time management can lead to saying yes in the moment and regretting it later.
01:07:01
Speaker
Similarly, perfectionism can be used as a mask to hide forgetfulness or lateness. Now, I need do this.
01:07:12
Speaker
i definitely have a hard time saying I would have a hard time saying no to my kids. um It got so bad though and like so miserable that like when they would see like – because see, what they would do is like they would – we'd go to a family function and like this is on Eddie's side and they would see their cousins and without fail, every time they'd be like, can we do a sleepover?
01:07:43
Speaker
And listen. I can barely keep my household running with the people that live there all the time, you know, in it. Like I can't be sitting bringing more people. My house isn't the house that's like, yeah, honey, we have extra bacon and eggs. No problem.
01:08:03
Speaker
um And so it had got to a point where it was just like, this Because they would stay up late and then they would be like zombies in the morning and then cranky the rest of the day.
01:08:15
Speaker
Just not enjoyable, not pleasant at all. yeah And so i finally came up with the thing like I told the kids every time we
Managing Kids' Requests
01:08:26
Speaker
have a, well, I can't remember if it was 12 hour or a 24 hour rule. It might've been 24 hour rule. and That might've been easier for them to understand when they were younger. so I'm like,
01:08:38
Speaker
24 hour rule. If you want something or if you want to do something, you ask me 24 hours in advance. And then i will, you know, give you my decision. yeah but You can't ask me like spur of the moment, you know, with the person there, you know, next to you making, you know, sad puppy dog eyes. like, no, we're not doing that.
01:09:03
Speaker
So I think a mom used to hate when I would do that.
01:09:07
Speaker
Like, as a little kid, I id do the same thing. You know, kids do that. and But you're like Harper, so you probably tended to do it a lot.
01:09:19
Speaker
Oh, a lot. Yeah, totally. um But I remember mom saying, like, something along the lines of, you know, you're putting me on the spot. Like, is she on the phone right now? Like, that kind of thing. Yeah.
01:09:33
Speaker
Yeah. And then she'd be like, if she's on the phone right now, the answer's no. Eddie says stuff that's similar to that now.
01:09:44
Speaker
It is. It's hard. because you you find Do you find that or when you were a kid or even like now as an adult, um that if you don't get your way, you start looking for workarounds in order to like make it work for everybody?
01:10:02
Speaker
Because I did that all the time and i still kind of do it now. But when dad would say no to something, I'd be like, okay, but like, let's back up. a What if this and this and this happened, then can I do it? You were just a negotiator.
01:10:19
Speaker
Yeah. And sometimes it worked. Or like if the friend's parent was like, No. I would be like, all right, but ask them if instead of the way you said it. You were the instigator here for the other person. Yes. Oh, yeah my gosh. i If i wanted something, like, I'd try to figure out how to make everyone happy with it.
01:10:45
Speaker
And I'm sure those parents did not enjoy that. No, because, ah hold on, we have, oh, hi Emma has rejoined the family. She was gone for two days.
01:10:57
Speaker
Hi, Emma. Hi. We're recording our podcast. Make a cameo. Yeah. Anyone say hi? Hello. Hello. but Aunt Melanie was telling us how um for her Thanksgiving they also played the caveman poetry game. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh.
01:11:19
Speaker
I was so good at that game. is this my Oh my gosh. Are you going to keep it for like four weeks like you did her last hitby? Because she'll get mad at you. Oh.
01:11:29
Speaker
cold. I know. i don't know. I was questioning your choices. Anyway, that's fine. Okay, bye. i love you. I love you.
01:11:44
Speaker
No, it's difficult though when you're the parent. and I think about like mom, for example. like Our house growing up, complete disaster. It was like dumpster fire every day.
01:11:56
Speaker
Yeah. and I think there was a lot of
01:12:01
Speaker
embarrassment
Childhood Household Dynamics
01:12:02
Speaker
behind that. I mean, there was for me, and I wasn't even like, like, that was my house, but it wasn't, you know, i wasn't the parent of that house, you know? Yeah, and it's so funny, because, like, I don't think I was at all.
01:12:14
Speaker
yes
01:12:19
Speaker
Like, looking back, I should have been. It was bad. Piles and piles of just trash. I mean, you look at, like, if you Google ADHD household. Like that literally was our house.
01:12:35
Speaker
Yeah. And, but from a young age, like that bothered me. It really did. I was, in i was constantly embarrassed. I felt like I could bring no one home. I, that's, that's why I was always gone. That's why I never had people come over to the house.
01:12:52
Speaker
In fact, did I tell this story before? If I did, you can cut it out. But I remember getting dropped off, um, by a friend like in high school. And i think yeah I might have told you the story offline, but um I had him drop us off in or drop me off in front of our neighbor's house.
01:13:13
Speaker
The cozas. Because even the outside of our house was in disarray. Like I was just like, the bushes were overgrown. Like it just didn't look neat. It was like the lawn probably needed to be, you know, mowed. Like it just didn't look good. It And looking back, I can see that. yeah but like also, it might have also had something to do with the fact that we, our parents rented that house and there wasn't as much pride that went into it. Because I know that when, when they ended up buying the Simi Valley house, dad had a lot more pride in the way that outside of the house looked.
01:13:56
Speaker
and But we also didn't live there very long. So yeah, i don't know. He definitely had more pride in the house when we lived with Suzanne in Moorpark.
01:14:08
Speaker
okay Like he designed the whole backyard and it was like the whole thing. Like he would go out there and make sure the little fountain was working. but It was a nice backyard. and Like it was always well kept. Yeah. So, and like when we lived in Chatsworth at that house, um we didn't have gardeners.
01:14:28
Speaker
No, I was the gardener. Yeah. Well, you were like everything. And the gardening, like, i think I, like, went went on strike after i was using some, i don't even know how old lawnmower was. it was something that was, like, picked up off the penny saver or something.
01:14:45
Speaker
Yeah. I ran over, or I was mowing over, because, you know, the grass was probably, like three feet tall at that point. I went over a sprinkler head that then shot out the back of it and took a chunk from my leg. And I was like, and I'm done.
01:15:10
Speaker
dan du Done, done, done. but But i I remember like getting the edger out and like edging the lawn and mowing it. Like I, I remember a lot of that stuff, but a lot of that was, and I remember even,
01:15:25
Speaker
I remember I would, and I'm the same way now. Oh my gosh, it's so funny. I would trim all the bushes. I remember trimming the bushes in the front and like shaping them up and like getting them all nice. And then having a crap ton of like, you know, the debris that I just, you know, cut like clippings.
01:15:45
Speaker
And at that point going, okay, well I did my, the did the fun stuff. You guys can clean it up now. I am like that to a T. in fact, in fact, I saw a weed growing out of the one of our new plants right now in our front yard. And i was like, oh, that needs to go. And so I like got in there and I dug it out and I just left it on the sidewalk.
01:16:06
Speaker
Melanie, it's still there. It's still there. A single weed. i can't be bothered to do all the weed all at once, Kristen.
01:16:17
Speaker
It's actually right now it's sitting next to this chair that was in the cat room that was all scratched up. It's like an old wicker chair that just seemed way better days with a free sign on it.
01:16:29
Speaker
Let me guess. It's still, so it's just not getting. No. Well, we just put it out today. okay put the weed on top of that. you' like Free with chair. Like, honestly, there's a bunch of cat hair on it. Nobody's going to take it. like like But maybe somebody will.
Seeking Approval & ADHD
01:16:46
Speaker
you know One man's trash.
01:16:50
Speaker
I actually looked at our HOA rules today to make sure that that was okay. There's nothing in the rules that say you can't put out old furniture. Well, there you go. There you go. So my son's favorite is when I'm out there and I'm like, Nathan,
01:17:11
Speaker
you're on cleanup. He's like, Oh, what did you clean now? I hate raking up things. Well, yeah. you know See, it's the worst. Four kids and they get old enough to do it, you know, for you and grumble. I also hate putting dishes away.
01:17:30
Speaker
Also, have four kids, and then every... I have it more every day my husband does it. Well, that's true. Every day of week, have this, too. I the dishes in the dishwasher.
01:17:42
Speaker
I just don't like taking them out again. Right. I get it. Yeah. Anyways. I'm the same wife. I'd rather put them in. What's the next point on your... Oh, okay....ad girl list? Let's see here. Um...
01:18:01
Speaker
Dopamine seeking the brain's reward system, which is often dysregulated in ADHD, can be temporarily boosted by seeking others' approval through pleasing behaviors You like me. You really like me. Or if you really just like this party I'm throwing for you. Yeah. And then there's masking. um It says, its particularly in women with ADHD who may have been diagnosed later in life, people-pleasing can be a form of masking.
01:18:32
Speaker
A conscious effort to hide symptoms to fit in and avoid negative judgment. Yes, I have my life all together. Can't you tell I'm throwing this amazing party?
01:18:44
Speaker
oh I'm not like that at all. I tell everybody how, like... You're a hot mess. Yeah. i'm I'm a hot mess. Yeah. Like, I was... Like, I was telling everybody how much dog hair came out of the carpet in our bedroom. and Oh, gosh, Melanie. yeah Yeah. And i was even I was even telling people, like, it is so gross.
01:19:07
Speaker
doesn't bother me because it's clean now. Oh my gosh. Shout out to Hoover. don't know. Did I get to a Hoover? i don't remember. Oh, it was a it was a Eureka. Oh, Eureka. you Shout out Eureka. Shout out Eureka. Not sponsored. But if they want to. want to. I mean, i got a whole hell of a lot of things that need to be cleaned. Oh my gosh.
01:19:32
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. Okay. So anyway, there you go. There was just some some things there. Oh, look at this.
Decision-making & Overcommitting
01:19:41
Speaker
ADHD and people-pleasing. What's the correlation? pizz says People also ask, what's the 24-hour rule for ADHD?
01:19:48
Speaker
Oh, how funny. Oh! m you Did you just come up with that on your own? i did come up with that on my own. It was like, that's crazy give me a day to think about it because i knew oftentimes, like I would say yes to something without thinking it through or without thinking of how it's going to affect me.
01:20:10
Speaker
And then you know, once I really sat and thought about it, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is going to be so stressful for me. I'm screwed because I already said yes.
01:20:21
Speaker
And let's not get into the whole, like, I remember like being in like mops groups, you know, mothers of preschoolers at church and I remember like one of the things was talking about like as women, you know, we need to be our, let our yeses be yes and our nos be no. And I'm like, well, that's fine and dandy. Like, but it's always a yes for me when like there should be a no sometimes, but I just don't know when to say no because I'm like, sure, I can do that. And then I realized, no, I can't, but I do it.
01:20:58
Speaker
Because I would you know and said I would do it. I just kill myself in the process. Is there anything on the list about FOMO? Because i really experienced that, I think. Because we we are going to Seattle in March.
Vacation Planning Anxiety
01:21:17
Speaker
And we're doing a week. It's like you know Sunday to Saturday or whatever. And um i was looking up things to do in that area there's like pike place smart and whatever yeah and uh there's like an aquarium and then there's like this jazz club thing and and i was like oh oh you know yeah like oh that looks fun oh madeline madeline i don't know how to to say her last name peru or something like that p-e-y-r-o-u-x i have no idea what you're talking about it's a she's like a jazz singer okay um anyway
01:21:55
Speaker
I like, she's going to be at this jazz place and it's going to be, I'm telling Eric, like all, all the prices for everything. i'm like, Oh, can we, can we like book this? Can we do it right Like, but let's do it because this this table, it's like, if they say, if you, if you have dinner here at this jazz place that she's going to be performing, like they seat you preferred seating, whatever. And this is like right up against the stage and it's really cool. And,
01:22:18
Speaker
And it's like $185 or something. um We should like book it, right? And Eric's like, well, literally, like, it's, we're not leaving it's like five months away or whatever. And also it's probably not going to be a problem, but I still have to request that time off. I don't even know like if it's like, if it's going to be accepted, i technically don't have all the hours yet to like request it off. And I'm sitting there getting like more and more upset because I'm so scared that if I don't book it right away, like we're going miss out on that table.
01:22:57
Speaker
you know? and And it's like that with everything. And so for me, it's not like a 24 hour rule. it's It's really should be more like a 30 minute rule, you know?
01:23:09
Speaker
Like, let it sit for like 30 minutes and Because literally I was like man, i don't really want to do it. After 30 minutes.
01:23:19
Speaker
like I was like, don't really like her that much. Well, and I don't – I think that I'm similar in that it it doesn't take me 24 hours. But like that's just a good, you know, rule of thumb of like – Setting that boundary and then like sticking
FOMO & Impulsivity
01:23:34
Speaker
to it. And that's also hard for me to do is stick to boundaries. But you were asking about FOMO. And again, surprise, surprise. There is a connection of the FOMO to our friend RSD.
01:23:52
Speaker
Oh, see, I i mean, we're not doctors, ladies and gentlemen. But like... Aren't we? Aren't we? so it says that they are connected through emotional dysregulation and executive function differences. And it's exacerbated by the ADHD's impulsivity and novelty seeking as individuals fear missing out on what others are doing, which can trigger RSD.
01:24:26
Speaker
So. Yeah. Yeah. But i you know, i understand that. Yeah. like know no But it's it's hard.
01:24:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's see. Okay. That's pretty much it I think so. I mean.
Listener Engagement & Gratitude
01:24:51
Speaker
we really nailed this one. Yeah.
01:24:54
Speaker
I mean, it's pretty good. yeah um Should we do our end of show shout out? Yeah. Okay, why don't you do that one? You can do that one.
01:25:06
Speaker
Okay, so our end of show shout out goes to drumroll. Thank you. ah this My mother-in-law.
01:25:20
Speaker
Michelle. She um is I mean, awesome and so sweet, but also our first email to the email that we set up at the last second on the last episode. And what was that? What was that email again, Melanie?
01:25:40
Speaker
it It is the real T I podcast at ja T as in Tom, I as in.
01:25:50
Speaker
Ice cream, not I.
01:25:56
Speaker
I the letter.
01:26:04
Speaker
Anyways, we have we have a Gmail account. A very long one. A really long one. We really tried to make it short. It it just wasn't happening. Oh, gosh.
01:26:16
Speaker
Now you can deal with it. um But yeah, if you have any stories that you want us to read out ah on quote unquote air, like that pertain to ADHD or any kind of anything that we've ever talked about on here, honestly, if you want us to read anything, we will. Okay.
01:26:41
Speaker
we're We're so all over the place. If you're taking the time out of your day yeah to write out that extremely long email address and actually you know send us something nice, then we will for sure take the time to give you a shout out.
01:26:58
Speaker
Am I reading this or we just not reading it? and just No, you don't think you have to... I don't think she sent us an email and it's so lovely and like encouraging. And like, as far as mother-in-laws go, she's pretty, she's pretty decent.
01:27:18
Speaker
So, and she and I share a birthday. That's right. Um, do you find a lot of, do you find that there's a lot of similarities? No. backgrounds, for sure.
01:27:42
Speaker
my gosh, that's funny.
01:27:46
Speaker
You're both lovely. Thank you. There's that. Thank you. Okay. all right. Well, thanks, Michelle. We love you.
Podcast Consistency & Commercials
01:27:53
Speaker
We love you. and That's it. I feel like I'm kind of sad we don't have any like, oh, are we going to add in any, whatchamacallits, commercials? Are we done with that?
01:28:13
Speaker
Okay. okay And you know, honestly, like, and we can keep this in the podcast. This is a really great example of like hyperfix hyper fix hyper fixation on like something that nobody asked for. um
01:28:30
Speaker
and now, um because I haven't gotten any feedback on it, I'm done.
01:28:39
Speaker
I mean, i don't mind doing it every now and then, but I don't think it should be an every time. Okay. We'll literally have to like edit those things. Well, and I think, yeah, the other ones, the ones that had them before, like we were a little bit more all over the place. So it was kind of just like, those were our segues. And this one has been, you know, yeah, we've done pretty pretty consistent. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, we've you're welcome, everyone.
01:29:07
Speaker
Anyways. That's it. We love you guys. Thanks. Love you. Thanks for playing. Yeah. Okay. Bye. Bye.
01:29:19
Speaker
Stories we grew up with. Hot.