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The Peace of Relationships - The Missing Peace Series
34 Plays1 month ago
In this sermon, Ridley Barron preached about the challenge of being a blessing to those who are problematic in our lives, stressing how difficult this task is to accomplish alone. He highlighted the importance of presenting oneself as a living sacrifice, focusing on God’s forgiveness, and leading a lifestyle of worship beyond just singing. By discussing the role of grace, understanding, and positive communication, Barron urges Christians to overcome pride and judgmental attitudes, emphasizing the necessity of conscious choices in pursuing peace. Through personal stories and biblical references, he illustrates the power of forgiveness, reconciliation, and the significance of maintaining loving relationships, ultimately encouraging listeners to choose love and forgiveness in their interactions.
Timestamps:
00:00 Perpetual offense harms emotional wellbeing.
03:51 Outdo in kindness and love daily.
08:43 Pet peeves frustrate everyone and cause tension.
11:33 Living by faith, putting selfish desires aside.
15:20 Empathy enhances influence; prioritize love over arguments.
18:19 Don't post grievances, communicate directly instead.
22:22 Your calling surpasses worldly distractions.
27:00 Prioritize love over petty disagreements and control.
29:10 Church declined; pastoral leadership issues led staff cuts.
31:26 Restoring relationship despite 14 years of bitterness.
36:26 Choose reconciliation and peace in this season.
39:10 Choose Jesus' gift of peace through humility.
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
2,000 years ago in a little town called Bethlehem, a child was born. We've just sung about him, been talking about him. And 10 years ago, Lisa and I had the opportunity to be in the Holy Land and we got to stand on the hillside where they believed that shepherds were the night the angels proclaimed to them the words that we have been talking about. Glory to God, peace on earth.
00:00:25
Speaker
And last week, if you were with us, we started this journey on missing peace, how to find those those places in our life where we just seem to be anxious, worried, full of fear, full of doubt. We established this, the war for peace in your life begins in your mind.
00:00:45
Speaker
and it is a choice you make. Peace doesn't just come on you. It's not just some magical, mystical thing that happens to you. It happens because you choose to think rightly and then the therefore to behave rightly. Last week we used a passage from Philippians chapter four, verses six through eight, and we talked about, ah do not be anxious for anything, but but prayer and petition, make your petition known to God, your request known to God, and the God of peace will be with you. And we went on to say,
00:01:15
Speaker
that you gotta think things. You gotta think a certain way. Put these things in your mind. Put your mind steadfastly on these things. And Paul listed some things, truth and ah noble things, good things. Those are the kinds of things that begin to set our mind in the right place. But let's be honest, people can be annoying, right? and Some of y'all are looking at people next to you. That's not a good way to start this message this morning.
00:01:44
Speaker
But it's a true thing. People can be annoying. People can can ah can get on our nerves. I used to have a friend in the seminary who used to always say, I had one last nerve today and you keep bouncing up and down on it. Would you get off of it? And I'm just like, thanks, brother. I appreciate your encouragement too. um In our culture, it seems like people are very quick to get angry, to get offended, to become judgmental, um steve to even ah become very chaotic in their emotions and their feelings because of what other people do. In fact, I would argue we live in an age of perpetual offense. We're always offended about something. So let me establish this for you. If you're looking for an opportunity to be offended, be angry, be bitter, be worried, ah be hurt, you will find it.
00:02:31
Speaker
You don't have to look very hard to find it. But there's no peace in living an offended life. There's never been anybody in the history of the world who said the quality of my life is so much better because I spend 24 hours a day angry finding fault with everyone. You're just not going to hear those words. People will hurt you because people are people and they will offend you. In fact, I want to establish this principle for you this morning. You'll hear it many times. Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice.
00:03:02
Speaker
Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice, just like everything else in our lives. The question is, are you going to make that choice for yourself and actively pursue it? Are you going to allow people to determine how you feel? As Christ followers, we are encouraged to choose and to choose wisely. So we're going to start in Romans chapter 12, some more encouragement from Paul this morning. We're going to begin in verse 9.
00:03:27
Speaker
Go through verse 18, there's a lot here that I want to talk with you about this morning and it all comes back to you. choosing with your mind to live differently than the rest of the world. Verse nine, it says, let love be without hypocrisy, detest evil, cling to what is good. Once again, as we go through these verses, you're gonna notice these are all action verbs, right? You choose to do this, go do this. ah Verse 10, love one another deeply as brothers and sisters, take the lead in honoring one another. What if we had a competition every day and said, I can out love you?
00:04:02
Speaker
How would that make your life different? What if your goal every day when you woke up was to look in the mirror and say, I'm gonna outdo everybody I come in contact with and being kind, nice and loving. I know you wear the t-shirts and the hats, but there comes a point where you have to make a choice to do it with your words and your actions. Verse 11, do not lack diligence and zeal, be fervent in the spirit, serve the Lord. That word fervent there could be translated ablaze or boiling.
00:04:33
Speaker
with the spirit. In other words, you're going to choose to be spirit-led because what we're about to talk about is impossible outside of the Holy Spirit living in you and through you. You can't do this on your own. I guarantee it.
00:04:47
Speaker
Verse 12, rejoice in hope, be patient in affliction, be persistent in prayer. You know, if if nothing else, Paul was very consistent in the way he taught things from one book to the next. Last week, Philippians, he said, be anxious about nothing but by prayers and petitions, make your requests known to God. In other words, talk to God about these things. Here he says it again, be persistent in prayer.
00:05:11
Speaker
Verse 13, it says, share with the saints in their needs, pursue hospitality. I love this because this is talking about it from two different perspectives. As followers of Christ, as we are a family of God in here, he says, share with the saints. That means go out and find those who have a need. not just a physical or financial need, but spiritual, emotional needs, relational needs. Pursue people within the body and say, I want to help take care of your needs, but the word hospitality says, but if I can't get to you, you know the door is open for you to come to me. In other words, sharing in the needs is an active pursuit of them. Hospitality is an open door for them to come to you.
00:05:53
Speaker
Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud instead. Associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
00:06:21
Speaker
Back in verse 14 where he says to bless one another, the Greek word there is eulogio. And eulogio is two words in Greek brought together, eu which means good and logos which means word. So it means to give a good word, whether it's a word of encouragement or to speak a good word about somebody. It's easy to wish the best for people that I like. It's the rest of you that create a problem for me. And you laugh because you feel the same way, right?
00:06:52
Speaker
We feel that way. when When we see somebody that we like, people that we enjoy being around, it's easy. We gravitate to them. I'm looking at you, Amy Sanchez. Amy Sanchez, her smile lights up the room. When she comes into a building, I'm like, I love Amy's smile. She was in the parking lot the other day going to pray on crutches.
00:07:11
Speaker
walking around praying and I said, i just I love it, just seeing you in the parking lot. You just make me feel happy when I see you. I love that about her personality. There are lots of you in this congregation of that way when I see you instantly. There are others of you, I'm like, oh God, here they come. And you're wondering which one you are right now, and if you're wondering, it probably means you're the latter rather than the former. You just know that. And you feel the same way about me, because when the pastor comes in your business, you're going, oh God, why'd the pastor here? I've had some of you tell me that.
00:07:42
Speaker
But here's the thing, it's easy to be nice to someone. In fact, Jesus and ah in the book of Matthew chapter five verse 46 says, for if you love those who love you, what reward is that? In other other words, that's the easy part. Anybody can love somebody who agrees with them, thinks like them, loves the same movies, the same food. Anybody can love that kind of person. The challenge is loving someone who's hurt you or betrayed you.
00:08:10
Speaker
In the Greek, this is a present imperative. Don't get nervous. We're not about to go into a grammar lesson. That just simply means this. It's not a once and it's over action. It is a perpetual ongoing thing. In other words, Paul says, do what you're told to do, but keep on doing it for the rest of your life. Bless other people.
00:08:32
Speaker
Find a way to be an encouragement to someone. Find a way to lift the spirits of someone. I have to be honest, I don't like doing that all the time. I don't like the person who cuts me off on the interstate. I don't like the person who has 15 items in the 10-item line. They get on my nerves. And that person who rolls down the window and throws trash out, I want to run them off the road and go, do you not know how to use the concept of a trash can?
00:09:01
Speaker
They get on my nerves. Y'all are looking at me like I'm crazy, but I know you have those same things, those same pet peeves. You squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of the bottom. or you know Whatever it is, those are the people that get on our nerves and we we treat each other that way. Literally.
00:09:21
Speaker
But here it is, and let me just say it to you again. Paul says we are to be a continual blessing to people who are a continual problem to us. How do we do that? I'll tell you again, it's impossible on your own. You just don't have it in you to do it. But I want to remind you of the context of Romans chapter 12 that Paul's writing because we go back to verse one and it says this. Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true worship. So how do we begin to live at peace in difficult relationships?
00:10:02
Speaker
remind yourself how much God has forgiven you. How much has God forgiven you? Because Paul says in view of this grace, in view of these mercies, worship Him. Now, worship is not just singing a song, which is really fortunate for some of you guys because you're in trouble if that's what it is. I watch it, you don't sing very much. And I wanna look at you and go, how much has God forgiven you?
00:10:30
Speaker
How much has God taken your sin and wiped it away? How much is your shame and your guilt been taken by Jesus who didn't deserve to die in your place? But I wouldn't dare say anything like that to y'all. No, worship's about a lifestyle. It's about living in love towards other people. It's about being different from the rest of the world. So the rest of the world goes, why do you have that ability to live differently?
00:10:58
Speaker
So how do we how do we worship God? Paul says, a living sacrifice. Which seems like a can contradiction in our heads. so I mean, we can't put the two together using our human thinking. So what is a living sacrifice? It is the dedication of the entire person, heart, soul, mind, and strength. It is the dedication of the total person to living for one person's honor, and that's God. That he gets every bit of the glory and the honor from your life.
00:11:30
Speaker
What does that mean for us? What means we have to lay down our natural responses. We have to lay down our natural defenses. We have to put aside our selfish desires. In Galatians chapter two, verse 20, Paul writes it this way. He said, I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. I don't have it in me to live at peace with the world.
00:11:59
Speaker
but I'm not alive anyway. I died the day I came to know Christ. And every single day of my journey, just as it is with yours, if you're following Christ Jesus, is about putting things to death that don't belong to Jesus. Putting aside my selfishness, putting aside my emotional problems, putting aside my anger, my anxiety, putting all those things to death because it's Christ in me that gives me the ability to love anybody, everybody.
00:12:29
Speaker
all somebodies. That's the only way it happens. In verse 16, Paul writes this verse, really important verse. The reason it's important is because it's a reminder that the Bible has written to every single one of us. Because I'm talking to you in this next passage, ready? Live in harmony with one another, do not be proud, instead associate with the humble, do not be wise in your own estimation.
00:12:58
Speaker
I have never in my years of being in the church, I have never seen as many proud and conceited people in the body of Christ. Now, what do I mean by that? And I'm not talking about Grove Hill Church, I'm talking about the overall church, okay? What am I talking about? I'm talking about as Christians, we've become very judgmental of the world.
00:13:21
Speaker
We've been very prone towards conflict. We're ready to jump into a squabble with anybody at a moment's notice. And we always feel like we have to be right. I always got to get in the last word. I always got to get in the right zinger. I can't stand it when I watch a person on social media say, oh, he crushed them with that statement. I'm like, that's not that's not a goal of a Christian. My goal is not to crush people who don't know Jesus. My goal is to lift them, to encourage them, to point them towards the cross, to get them closer to Jesus. How does crushing anybody accomplish that? Jesus didn't tell us to be right. Jesus told us to be loving.
00:14:01
Speaker
And there's a big difference. Jesus didn't tell us to be right. He told us to be loving. He didn't say that the world would know us by how right we were. He said the world will know us by how loving we are. So when people come to talk to us, don't be the one to rush to correct or respond. Now, there's an old saying that pastors have to preach the sermon to themselves before they preach it to their crowds. This is an area where I had to preach to myself.
00:14:31
Speaker
My wife, it drives her crazy because we're getting into debates and I will go grab the phone and prove it to her. See, I told you so. And I don't wait. Like in the middle of the conversation, I will drop the toothbrush and I will go find the phone and I will get it and I will say, see, I told you. That's not helpful. That's not the way a relationship should work. It's not my job to correct all people.
00:15:00
Speaker
I need to listen with understanding. I need to listen with love. I start with grace and I lead people to truth. We want people to know truth. We want people to be correct in their behavior, but it's not my job to stand behind them and push. It's my job to get in front of them and lead. And there's a big difference between the two. And here's the problem. If you can't understand the perspective of another person, your impact is always going to be limited.
00:15:26
Speaker
In other words, if you can't look at the world through another person's eyes and begin to comprehend what they're up against, the challenges they've been through, the environment they've grown up in, the experiences of their life, then you're not really gonna be able to love people very, very well. And one of the things we have to do is avoid the squabbles over the stupid little things that the world wants to squabble about. We are followers of Christ and we must be bigger than that.
00:15:54
Speaker
I would argue that the church's influence here in America has been undermined by our desire to always be right rather than to love people and lead them towards rightness. And I hope you're understanding what the difference is. Do not be proud and do not be wise in your own estimation.
00:16:20
Speaker
There's a thing I've been doing the last two semesters, Leadership Academy. I do a Men's Leadership Academy here from time to time. In the Leadership Academy, if you've been in there, you'll recognize this statement. You're going to face conflict, misunderstandings, and different perspectives. Because our brains are wired to protect or defend, we tend to tell stories that explain the parts we don't understand. Now I'm gonna explain that to you a little bit.
00:16:46
Speaker
um I call it the gap theory. I was just informed in the hallway that it's actually called being fat. F-A-T. I can't even remember what it stands for. But it's something to do with being adaptive, okay?
00:16:59
Speaker
um So here's the here's my example. When I do something wrong because I know me, I go, oh, I didn't mean to do that. You should know better. I would never do that to hurt you, right? So there's grace for me. But if you do the same thing to me, what our brains do is we fill in the gaps of the story that we don't know. We fill in the parts that we aren't aware of. And sadly, our nature or human tendency is to always be accusers of one another.
00:17:29
Speaker
Let me give you a better example. Walking down the hallway and as you're walking down the hallway, we pass each other and we don't speak. Well, I may say to you, oh, you know, I would never mean to be like ah ah mean to you or hurtful to you. I just found out my grandmother passed away and I was just very, very absorbed with that thought. But if you had that same instance and I didn't know that, my first thought was, oh, she hates me. She doesn't like me. I've done something wrong. I better go home and defriend her.
00:17:59
Speaker
okay That's the tendency of human nature. We want to do that. We fill in the gaps, but we don't do it assuming the best of one another. We assume the worst. Let me give you another real practical ex example. We had this happen just a few ah months ago. um Somebody had something go on in their life in the church. Happens all the time. They went on Facebook and posted about it, and then got upset because nobody on the staff reached out to them.
00:18:28
Speaker
Well, after a few weeks, I don't know how long passed, I found out about it. I reached out to them and said, hey, I heard that you're upset with the staff about something, what's going on. She explained, I said, oh, this is what we tell you. Don't put it on Facebook and expect us to see it. Because number one, I hate Facebook and I don't like to be on there. But number two, you know the algorithms. There's a good chance I never even saw that.
00:18:51
Speaker
Pick up the phone and call us. you know So all it took was a brief conversation. Everything was resolved. she She was sorry that she reacted that way. I was sorry the staff hadn't responded quicker. But it was this assumption she made. Oh, the staff must not like me because nobody's reached out to me. Instead of assuming, oh, you know what? I bet they don't even know about this. We do this ah we do this about everything. We do this about casserole dishes.
00:19:18
Speaker
We do this about the clothes we wear and the way people look at them. When we get our hair done and we go in and nobody comments, everybody must hate our hair, right? This is the human nature that we have. um And and we can't we can't be that way towards one another. As believers, especially within the family of God, our first assumption should always be, hmm, they're good people and they love me. Let me go figure out what's going on.
00:19:49
Speaker
This is why as your pastor, I tell you all the time, if you have a problem with John Robinson over here, we don't have a John Robinson in our church, so don't try to find him. If we have a problem with John Robinson over here, don't go tell the pastor about it. Don't go tell your D group about it. Don't go talk about it in your life group. Go find John Robinson and have an adult conversation with him. And what you will find in many instances, John Robinson never knew he offended you.
00:20:15
Speaker
And you've been all worked up over it, losing sleep over it. It ain't your stomach about it. And John Robinson goes, oh, I am so sorry. That was never the intent of my heart. I'm so glad you came and spoke to me. And we dealt with this. But if I'm unkind, I give grace to myself. If you're unkind, I fill in the gaps with all the wrong assumptions. And the big problem here, as I said, is that the devil always wants us to tell those stories based on accusations.
00:20:44
Speaker
to say things like, I can't trust her, she's only out for herself. I can't trust him, he always lets me down. In case you don't recognize what I'm talking about the right now, this has been played out for the last four years, at least in our politics. Conservative this, liberal that. And we just fill in the gaps and say, because they wear blue or because they wear red, then they must all be bad people.
00:21:11
Speaker
and that's not of Christ. Paul again in another letter in Ephesians would say, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. Again, Jesus said, the world will know you are my disciples by how you love one another.
00:21:30
Speaker
So I want you to do something for me. If you're taking notes, make sure you write down this next thing. If you're not taking notes, now's a good time to start. You need to write this down, put it on your mirror, put it on your windshield, put it wherever you look so that you can see this. Your life is too short and you're calling too great to be offended by something small. Your life is too short. You know what? You at best are gonna live something like 80, 85 years on this earth.
00:21:57
Speaker
And in the course of eternity, that is less than a speck of dust on a beach compared to what you're going to be doing the rest of your life. Now, I just told you 85 years. That little event between you and your sister, that little thing between you and your husband, that little thing between you and your coworker is five minutes within that 85 years within the course of eternity. Your life is too short to be caught up in dumb little things.
00:22:23
Speaker
Number two, your calling is too great. You see, the invitation from Christ Jesus to enter into a relationship with him is an invitation to become a son or a daughter of the Most High God.
00:22:38
Speaker
If you were to get on a plane, fly over to London, England, go up to the Royal Palace over there and to see the Prince of England empty in the trash, wouldn't you go, hey dude, don't you think you're a little above that responsibility?
00:22:51
Speaker
Isn't it crazy that you're spending time empty in the trash when you got people around you that are supposed to do that? If you're a son or a daughter of the Most High God, why are you involved in the trash that this world throws around? Why are you spending so much time tangled up in things that just don't deserve your attention?
00:23:15
Speaker
Can you imagine what would have happened if Jesus had been that easily offended? Oh, John, you weren't paying attention during the summer and on the Mount. I'm not talking to you anymore. Peter, you and I have had this conversation before. You're a little hard-headed. I'm done with you. Mary, would you quit spilling the oil all over my feet? This is becoming a little bit of a nuisance.
00:23:43
Speaker
I remind you, being offended is inevitable. Living offended is a choice.
00:23:51
Speaker
Even the writer of Proverbs said this, a person's insight gives him patience and his virtue is to overlook an offense. What does it mean to overlook an offense? It doesn't mean to say that it didn't happen or to act like it didn't happen. It is instead, again, a conscience decision of the mind to just let it go. To just let it go. To not waste time or energy or words on it.
00:24:19
Speaker
It's forgiveness in the moment, remembering that your mission is more important than being right all the time. I wouldn't encourage you to say this to a person, but when you get that temptation to be drawn into these kind of things, just say this to yourself. You can play down there in the mud all you want to, but I'm not going to join you. I've got more important things to do. Apply this to the people you love the most.
00:24:50
Speaker
Think about it. Think about how much of your relationship with fill in the blank has been wasted because of little things that you let become big things and demand too much of your attention. Many of you are very kind to say to Lisa and I, you two have a really awesome marriage and it is awesome.
00:25:14
Speaker
I'm looking at her because, and I said that in the first sermon this morning, she broke out in laughter, and I don't know what she's laughing about. We're gonna have to have a conversation this afternoon after church. We do have an awesome marriage, but you have to know we have constructive discussions, which is pastoral speak for we have lots of intense arguments. We don't get along all the time, and when I say arguments, I'm not talking about little squabbles. She's thrown the remote control at me before. I've walked out of the room and thrown things around the house,
00:25:44
Speaker
I've kicked the cat.
00:25:48
Speaker
That's not because I was angry, just because I hate cats. But I have done things, said things, thought things. I have gone out of there going, how could she be so hard-headed? And she's looking at me and pointing going, as I walk out the door, you should know you're the hard-headed one. you know I mean, we've had those moments. But here's the difference. Our arguments are couched in love.
00:26:13
Speaker
Our arguments are couched in love because you see, love doesn't seek to win the argument, it seeks to protect the relationship. Love doesn't seek to win the argument, it seeks to protect the relationship. What does that mean? That means inevitably I will walk out of that room or walk out of the house or go get in the car and probably about three and a half minutes later, the Holy Spirit of God goes, you're the biggest lunkhead in America.
00:26:42
Speaker
That woman you just walked away from is the gift that I gave to you and she deserves better from you. And what it usually involves is me going back into the room, spitting and drooling because I don't want to say it, but I knew it's the right thing to say and just saying, I'm sorry. This was not worth fighting for. Y'all ever had those fights where you fight for like 30 minutes and then at the end of the 30 minutes you're going, what did this conversation start with?
00:27:07
Speaker
what What were we even disagreeing about? You want proof there is a Satan, just live in those moments. Where you're going, were we seriously talking about which side of the sink the toothpaste goes on and it turned into this? Were we really fighting over something so petty and so goofy? So church, in your effort to be right, don't forget that loving's far more important.
00:27:35
Speaker
Don't forget that loving is far more important. Your marriage, your ministry, your calling is too great to be caught in something so petty or so small. Now, let me take a little bit of pressure off of you because verse 18 is very clear. It says, if possible, as far as it depends on you, as far as it depends on you, do what's right. You have no control over the response of the other person.
00:28:04
Speaker
You have no control over the actions. You have no control over their words. And can I just tell you, I see this all the time. You see it as well. We spend so many hours trying to manipulate and maneuver the other person when we have actually no authority or control over them. And that's why Paul says, if possible, as much as it depends on you, no matter how rude they were, no matter how wrong do you feel, no matter how taken advantage of, you are to do what is right.
00:28:38
Speaker
Two months ago, I was on one of my prayer retreats. Middle of the afternoon, I was reading the Bible and spent some time praying. I actually was working on this very passage and I was reading it. I was taken back to a former staff member. ah Me and this guy were best friends in seminary, have been best friends Gosh, I went to seminary in 92, so been been friends for that long. And when I came back to Franklin back in 2004, I picked up the phone and called and said, come be on my staff. I really want you to serve with me. And he said, all right. So he came and we had a great time for about six or seven years.
00:29:14
Speaker
As things would go, and and I'll be honest, it was probably because of poor leadership of the pastor, but as things would go, the church began to take a downward turn and the finances got bad and the leadership came to me one day and said, hey, we've we've got to make some changes. We're we're not going to be able to afford all the staff and we feel like his position is probably the one that needs to go.
00:29:33
Speaker
Because I love this guy so much, I said to the leadership, I said, can I just go part-time and let him have the other half of my side? They said, you can't do that. we I mean, we gotta to have a full-time pastor right now. We've got other staff members that need your leadership. You're just gonna have to, we're gonna have to let him go. And they said, we'll we'll be happy to have the conversation with him. I said, no, he's my best friend, and I need to do it. um I had the conversation with him and it did not go well. He was hurt, he was offended.
00:29:59
Speaker
um Didn't really understand why that choice had to be made. um I didn't see any other way around it. and Nobody else in the leadership did either. There was nothing we could do. It's been 14 years since he and I talked. This is a guy I would have gone to my death for. And I feel like he absolutely would have done the same for me. But he was so hurt, just wouldn't even acknowledge me.
00:30:26
Speaker
So two months ago, as I'm reading this passage, his face, his name pop up. So I picked up the phone, and I'll be honest with you, I was too scared to call him, so I just texted him. Long text that said, I'm sorry for what happened 14 years ago. One of the biggest regrets in my life is that this church ever got to that place where we had to make that decision, and although it probably couldn't have gone any differently, there are a thousand of the things I would have rather done.
00:30:54
Speaker
I said, but I want you to know that the last 14 years have been very empty without you in my life as my friend.
00:31:03
Speaker
I said, I don't know if you could possibly forgive me. We could be friends again. Next three days of my life were some of the longest I went home and told Lisa what I had done. Three days, not a word.
00:31:17
Speaker
Then he texted me back. He said, strangely enough, I had to sit on this for three days because you caught me right as I was going into my counseling. um Long story short, we'll go into all the details. He and I are working to restore our relationship.
00:31:34
Speaker
But the problem is 14 years that we're wasted.
00:31:46
Speaker
14 years where he carried around bitterness towards me, 14 years where I carried around shame because I ah never would have picked to do that for my friend or to my friend. My hope is that someday he and I will be able to sit face to face, have lunch, and talk about the good things that we have been through together.
00:32:08
Speaker
But the day I picked up that phone to text him, I had no ability to determine what his response would be. And before I punched the first letter on my phone to start that text, I had to resolve myself to that. I had to go, you know what? No matter how kind I am, no matter how much I beg, it's gonna be his choice. I just have to do what I know is right. I have to do what I know that God would want me to do in this situation.
00:32:39
Speaker
Here's good news for you. As long as you are alive, you have a chance. I talked to somebody the other day who said, I haven't talked to my brother in 20 years. 20 years.
00:32:53
Speaker
And I said, you know what the good news is? And they said, what? I said, you have another day. A day where you can do the right thing. Where you can make the phone call or you can write the letter or you can send the text and not try to control the response you get from the other end.
00:33:14
Speaker
And that's the hope I want to offer to you right now today. Because as I started preparing preparing this series and looking towards this series, I knew there would be lots of people in this room today who are hurting because of bad relationships. Sometimes it's your fault, sometimes it's not. That doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. You've got another day as long as you are alive to prepare to repair that fractured marriage.
00:33:45
Speaker
You can choose to go to your grave being right, but when you enter into eternity, you're gonna have to answer for how you spent the 14 years, the 10 years, the six months. And God's not gonna look at you and go, you know what, you were right. I'm gonna let you off the hook. You know how I can say that with confidence? Because on the day Jesus died on the cross, he didn't look down and go, I was right, y'all were wrong.
00:34:13
Speaker
He didn't look down and say, you guys are worthless, and because of that, you're not worth the blood I'm shedding for you.
00:34:23
Speaker
No, instead he looked down at them and said, Father, will you forget them? They don't even know what they're doing. And in some of your relationships, some of you who were hurting this morning because of bad relationships, it may be the reality that they never even knew they did anything to you.
00:34:44
Speaker
And you've wasted all this time holding onto your hurt, holding onto your anger, holding onto your bitterness like it was some kind of trophy.
00:34:56
Speaker
You have a chance to forgive someone who wronged you. And the reward is this, you just might see, you just might see that God can write the story that you never could in that relationship.
00:35:15
Speaker
The assignment's tough. You cannot do it on your own. You will need help from the one they call the Prince of Peace. You will want to make excuses. I don't have time. They won't answer the phone. We've tried this before. But I will tell you this. It takes two to reconcile, but only one to forgive.
00:35:43
Speaker
As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
00:35:53
Speaker
People will let you down. I will let you down, amen. Don't get too enthusiastic with that one. But I will let you down. But being offended is inevitable, living that way is a choice.
00:36:12
Speaker
Remember, Jesus, the one they call Prince of Peace, didn't tell us to always be right. He told us to always be loving. That's my prayer for you today. For every single one of you. It could be that reconciliation, it could be that living at peace is the very thing you need to enter into this season with the Prince that God has promised, the peace that God has promised.
00:36:44
Speaker
but it's your choice. Choose wisely. Will you pray with me?
00:36:54
Speaker
Father, this is a hard one today. Primarily because if every one of us in this room took a close look at our hearts, we would know that there are people in our lives that have disappointed us
00:37:16
Speaker
dads who never showed up, best friends who stabbed us in the back, ex-wives and ex-husbands who we can't communicate with.
00:37:36
Speaker
Human nature is to say, but I have rights. Human nature is to say, but they hurt me.
00:37:47
Speaker
Human nature is to say, surely God, you wouldn't want me to do that.
00:37:55
Speaker
That's the surprising thing about the gospel. The same mercy you showed us is the mercy we are to extend to others. It's not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about loving each other.
00:38:15
Speaker
and loving each other well.
00:38:21
Speaker
Father, this is one of those mornings as I have looked around the room, not just in this service, but even in the last service, I can see the tears. I can see the hurt. I can see the disappointment. I also know from my own experience, our natural reaction is to feel like we're back in a corner and we have to come out fighting nowhere does the scripture tell us that.
00:38:53
Speaker
Instead, the scripture says, be like Jesus. Be like Jesus. What does the scripture tell us about who your son was? He was kind. He was compassionate. He was graceful. He was forgiving.
00:39:16
Speaker
He didn't consider equality with God something to be held onto, but instead set aside his divinity long enough to come and be the difference maker for us. That's what Christmas is all about.
00:39:30
Speaker
And strangely enough, just like a Christmas present, the only way we get the gift of peace that you've brought to us is to choose it, to actively pursue it.
00:39:46
Speaker
So would you give us the ability to do that today? To swallow our pride, to set aside our egos, to put down our selfish desires, to put ourselves to death so that you might indwell us and give us the ability to love and be loved just the way you intended. It's in Jesus' name I pray, amen.