Ch. 41 - Romancing the Cube | Those Who Wander

Transcript

Speaker: Now, let's see. Where were we? Ah yes, that's right. When we last left our heroes, they were reeling from their botched assassination attempt at the Noon Moomin Opera House.

Speaker: Glimke's mind had been wiped, and Fondlin was mad at her friends for their more impulsive tendencies. After a night's rest, Glimke was still incoherent, despite being fed enough magic fruit to make him a genius, and the party decided to set off for the Forbidden Amethyst Valley to seek healing at the Temple of Nainik, the island's nature spirit.

Speaker: After failing to secure a ride into the island's interior, Farnelon punched out a resort employee and the party rode into the jungles of Bogatir on a wagon pulled by a giant beetle.

Speaker: Before long, they reached a rope bridge that crossed a massive rushing river, but they weren't the only ones there a trio of displacer beasts attacked them. The party made a run for the bridge and nearly reached the other side when a group of Furborgs, residents of the Amethyst Valley, emerged from the jungle and told them to turn back.

Speaker: But Farnalyn pulled out the dark Amethyst Stone she'd stolen from her brother Dianil, and the Furborgs agreed to let them meet with their chief priestess, Huvel. Some tense negotiations followed, but Huvel, a massive furbolg with a geode-encrusted head, restored Glimke's brain in exchange for the party's assistance, returning the stolen amethyst to its rightful place, in a forbidden area known as the Tarnished Bethel.

Speaker: The party was brought to the Bethel under the watchful eye of more than a dozen guards, and once inside they discovered it was an unnaturally dark cave with a strange elven inscription on the floor, a dead follower of Karasar, and the odd glass cube they'd first encountered on their journey into the Anchor's Chain.

Speaker: As they began to investigate their surroundings, Farnelin read the inscription on the floor, and in an instant, Clay and Glimki were teleported inside the cube. Farnlin looked for a way of getting them out, and overheard the guards outside talking about plans to kill them, regardless of whether they were successful or not.

Speaker: She didn't have time to address this problem, as Clay and Glimke were attacked by two animated suits of armor inside the cube, and it was only with Farnlin's assistance from outside that they were able to defeat them. As they did, door opened up inside the cube, granting them access to the second of six rooms that they would have to navigate if they were to get out in one piece.

Speaker: You already said all that. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. There's simply no way of knowing. On with the story.

Speaker: Come gather round, travelers, and sit on the stoop. We'll tell you a story about Batsu. Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop.

Speaker: We'll tell you a story about Batsu.

Speaker: It's soupin' time!

Speaker: Hello and welcome back to Bard Soup. I am your dungeon master, as always, Zach Meikle. I've been getting some comments from the last episode saying that my intro seemed different, a little bit more subdued, little low energy maybe.

Speaker: And I just wanted to address some of the comments that I had been seeing. One of them said, i think he's been Jim Carried. And Prima, who are you and who do you play? And could you please tell everyone at home that I have not, in fact, been Jim Carried? Hi, my name is Prima and I play Clay Campbell.

Speaker: And I don't know, I haven't seen Zach in a while. So who knows? That's great. Thanks. Other people think that I was ready to speak out about the deep state.

Speaker: And that Jordan is one of my handlers assigned to make sure I don't speak at a turn. ah Jordan, could you please tell the folks at home? Who are you? Who do you play and that you are in fact not an agent for the deep state who's keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't speak up at a turn?

Speaker: Yeah, I'm Jordan. I play Glimke Treefill. I'm definitely not a handler, even though I do help Zach get to his appointments and take his medication and make sure that he's faithful to his newfound relationship with God. But I, I'm not a handler.

Speaker: That's great. Thank you so much. I wish you would handle me, if you know what I mean. Stop. ah Jordan is going to sue you and I am going to be a character witness for him. Yeah, I'm going to report you to HR.

Speaker: I am HR. For real. No. Oh, no. And ah last but certainly not least, speaking of medication, a lot of people have been saying seems like maybe Zach's on some new medication or maybe he's medicated for the first time and I would just like to assure you that I am shockingly unmedicated.

Speaker: And here to back that up is not my pharmacist friend, but Shannon, my sister. Who are you? Who do you play? And what drugs am I currently taking? hi my name is Shannon. I play Fondyl and Vedark and I can confirm that I have been crushing up a multitude of pills in Zach's food.

Speaker: And you're welcome, everybody. It seems like it's working. Prima gives me the pills. I don't know what they are. I think they're the ones she sweeps up on the pharmacy floor. Wow, it's crazy that you have another friend named Prima that works at a pharmacy. Definitely not me.

Speaker: Prima came in with that. Don't put my license on the line. We don't even joke about professional misconduct. A professional, ladies and gentlemen. That was so great. Thanks so much.

Speaker: Again, my name is Zach Meikle. Thanks for listening to Bard Soup. I think this is going to really good episode. i didn't like that intro. I know I never liked them, but I didn't like this one. Made me queasy. Yeah, I know. me, like, melancholy.

Speaker: We join our heroes. Well, hero, standing in a dark place. gloomy cave, the only source of light is this inscription that's glowing, sending light up towards the ceiling, and this hero's Fondolin, and she's holding an off-putting glass and metal cube that Clay and Glimke are currently inside of.

Speaker: You have just rotated the cube very carefully so the two of them could pull themselves around the corner into the next room. And the two of you inside and Faunlin, honestly, it might be easier just to describe from Faunlin's perspective, you see a labyrinth.

Speaker: There is a maze of walls and holes that permeate the surface. And Clay and Glimke, you are standing next to a small to Faunelin, but rather large to you, dark metal ball.

Speaker: And Faunelin, you can see that there's kind of like this little... little u-shaped bit of wall that kind of holds the ball in place and then kind of through this maze you can see a small like a like a like a finish line a a receptacle a a divot for the ball to wind up in Man, one day this is going to make a great episode to talk about in like an after show because I can see the inspirations from our shared childhood in these different puzzles. Like the last one was the Mario Party game. and means I played Hello Mario Party growing up. And this one is, we had a labyrinth game that my grandfather made, i believe.

Speaker: Or if not made, it was in his house growing up. And it's a little wooden box. And yeah, and you tilt it. And normal Zach was hella good at it. I was really bad. I've never beaten it. But Zach, even when we were little kids, he was really good at it.

Speaker: just Just so you know. If you're ever thinking negative things about Zach, just know you will never be able to touch his labyrinth skills. This is like the slumdog millionaire my grandpa tied him up and tased him a lot. great Thanks so much.

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. Now that I've woken up and I'm i'm back on the game show I'm out of the memory palace. Ahem. I want to shake the box around and beat the labyrinth game. We're in here.

Speaker: Hold on, guys. This looks really fun, actually. Just hold on and give me a minute. All right. yeah Just don't, don't squeeze out. Are you attempting to navigate the ball? Are you grabbing something? Is there anything to grab?

Speaker: Yeah, there's there's a bunch of these walls. there like Like I said last time, they are not to the ceiling. Clay, you can see over them. Glimki, you can't quite. But you could definitely just like grab onto a corner as Fondland begins to tilt.

Speaker: Okay, just to clarify, the endgame here, Archie Kins, is just getting the ball into a hole. Apparently, you don't see a door. There doesn't appear to be a doorway.

Speaker: And there's how many holes? Like, dozens. Dozens. But is there a visible end point? There is like a divot. You can see that there's like through the path. Yeah. Like there's a divot where the ball itself is already resting in a little divot.

Speaker: And you can see that there is appears to be another one, which you would assume to be the finish line. Kinda if you were at six o'clock on the clock of this cube, it would be at nine o'clock, but you kind of have to take a pretty circuitous route to get there. of course.

Speaker: Okay, let's do it. There's no door for us to get into the maze. Is what you're in the maze? Oh, we're in the maze. You better start believing in maze stories. You're in one.

Speaker: Tough crowd. who Tough joke. So you're going to try ah navigate the ball through the thing? Yeah, I'm going to it. I'm getting... up big as the ball Call me the seminal producer who made the winning soundtrack to Euphoria because we're about to get labyrinthine.

Speaker: What are those faces? I just think the energy's bad right now. I think everybody... is I think we're doing, like, comedic kung fu, but every time somebody lands a karate chop, you just, like, pull out your dick and piss on the other person. We're all willing to make jokes. None of us are willing to laugh. No one's willing to laugh. It's a tough craft tonight. We need to lock in. don't want to point fingers, but you set the tone with the weirdest melancholic open uniforms. You literally said Jordan, wake up drinking energy drink, and then you hit the intro with, hi, everybody, I'm not on Lexapro. Come And I never will be.

Speaker: And put that in my obituary when I die at 43 for reasons we won't disclose on this show. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Speaker: giving obit like well at least he wasn't on Lexapro aww think it's twenty a boy he's 28 maybe boy 27 alright off the box Analan I'm going to need a series of sleight of hand rolls from you to be transparent it'll take three consecutive successes to navigate the ball through the labyrinth. Okay, I'm getting three dice. We pick the right person. Do them one at a time, if you don't mind. Okay, I will use my dice.

Speaker: Because one might argue that there's different DCs depending on which part of the maze you're in Yeah, okay, that's fair. This guy's not ahead. This guy might have prepped something. Can I just say something? I refuse to do these rolls unless you commit to doing a labyrinth song on top of this scene.

Speaker: I don't know what that means. i don't know what that means either. You made that joke. You guys don't know? I just think. am leveson is a is a i don't don't know What Labyrinth!

Speaker: Labyrinth made the soundtrack to Euphoria. What was the party?

Speaker: Sorry. Are you too old? Is it Naya? Yes. He has 21.8 million listeners on Spotify. Literally, you're being a terrorist right now. How many numbers did you get on your dice?

Speaker: Okay. Jackass is my first report. and this is like I would love to check the analytics on this episode when it comes out. and The drop-off is going to be crazy. Somehow we got negative listeners. yeah That's crazy. They actually went back and scrubbed their listeners. We get our first hate mail and they're from Q, Laura, and Elliot.

Speaker: It's weird. It's like you let the fame get to you, but you're not famous. You're not famous? ah That's 23 for the first one. Clay, Glimke, you kind of just are able to walk alongside this ball as Fondland gently tilts the cube and the ball slowly rolls out of its divot and you roll it around the end of this wall and you see that there's, yeah, these numerous holes, but they're decently spaced apart and you're able just slowly surely navigate around the corner and through this straight if you were were to tip to the left or right it would fall into a hole but clay and glimki just like kind of following along watching the ball super easy so far nice please make a second sleight of hand roll

Speaker: Yeah, and I'm going to do something really clever and good, which is I'm going to tie the story that I told in real life to something in my character's backstory starting now, which means that Zach can't edit it out. So what I wanted to say was Fonelin is playing this game, and as she sits on the floor, I think she adjusts. She's sitting on this cave floor. I think she adjusts to be sitting cross-legged.

Speaker: And she has this like sense memory of playing a similar game in her childhood. And she gets a dirty 20 on her next check.

Speaker: A dirty 20. Out of curiosity, what does it take for you to roll a dirty 20? A 13 because I have a plus seven to handling. It's a sleight of hand. Plus one from fruits too, right? Oh, plus one of fruits. That's a 21. A dirty 21. Okay. There's kind of like this free flow portion where the walls are less present and you kind of have to do like this tricky little S turn and Clay and Glimke, you don't know what happens if the ball falls in the hole.

Speaker: Maybe the box explodes. Maybe you die. Maybe you're little forever. You don't know. Mm-hmm. But you watch this funnel and just like with shocking proficiency navigates this ball through this maze.

Speaker: And before long, you're kind of in the final stretch of it. Could I get one more sleight of hand roll, please? Yeah, she she feels her hands. Her hands are normally very steady and she feels a little bit of sweat forming and she can remember. And it's like she's in two moments at once. She remembers her brother elbowing up close to her and saying, give me a turn. I want to go And she she can remember elbowing him back and And she gets a 12.

Speaker: You start to shake and there's only a couple holes left, but the box suddenly jolts ever so slightly. And Clay and Glinky, you can see the ball is rolling right for this hole.

Speaker: oh It will fall in unless you intervene. Is there anything you want to do to try and stop it? Can I use a Channel Divinity to use spectral vines to, I don't know, stop the ball to like get a second chance? Or would you even narratively let me bridge the gap? 100%. You draw your sword and you watch as these spectral vines emit from the tip of it and form this canopy over the hole.

Speaker: Nice, nice, nice. The ball rolls over it for a second. It kind of dips and then continues on. Fondal and unclench and you can repeat the sleight of hand check. Awesome.

Speaker: oh I'm so glad I got to redo that because I was going to hinge my little decision of how that memory of hers went depending on how I rolled. And I was either going to say that her brother was always better than her at that game. And I was just about to say that. And then Glimki saved me and I get to reroll it. And I got an 18, which takes me to a 26 on the dice. oh And I'm just going to say...

Speaker: Fonelin, like as she sees the ball proceeding, I won't say whether I pass, but as she gets over that difficult moment, she regains control over the box. She just remembers the satisfaction of being better than her brother at this.

Speaker: Fantastic. Turns out you need a 30 to pass. The ball falls into a hole and everybody dies. Sorry, bro. If Dino was here, he would have done it. you would have gotten that 31.

Speaker: You expertly pilot the ball, regain your composure, pilot the ball through the last couple bends, and Clay and Glinky, you watch as the ball comes to rest in this depression and you see a portion of the wall slide away, revealing a doorway to the third side of the cube. Okay.

Speaker: Good job, Final F. Sick, you did it. Yeah, this thing's fun as hell. I like it. I hope the next side is Plinko.

Speaker: onto the next side. Just a reminder, maybe one that you don't require, if I'm not mistaken, I believe Clay and Glimki, you both kind of got your asses kicked by gravity.

Speaker: you you can You can take, maybe not like time, if you want to like, you know, do a lay on hands or like a a healing spell, you're welcome to, you don't know what's up ahead. I don't want to like be like, oh, and we're going if you like meant to or wanted to heal up at any point. and How are you feeling, Clay?

Speaker: Um, bloody, but otherwise... Do you have anything to mend yourself at all? Yeah, I can cure wounds myself. Okay, because I have i can do lay on hands on myself, which I think I will do.

Speaker: Cool. I will cure wounds myself then. Okay, roll it. I got 9 HP back. Nice. And Glimki, I used 15 points on my lay on hands, which brings me back to 27 hit points.

Speaker: Sheesh. I'm still hurting, but that should give me a buffer. If I need more, I can try again. Excellent. I'm at two thirds health too. Okay. twenty one I prefer to think of it as one third down.

Speaker: Because you're a pessimist. What? The two of you as Fondland twists the cube, the two of you pull yourselves up over the edge so that the ground kind of falls out from under you and you pull yourselves up onto this new room.

Speaker: Unlike the first one with the statues and the second one with this maze, this one is relatively simple. You see that there is a massive wall of water that divides the room.

Speaker: It's hard to tell, but you get the sense it's 50, 60, maybe 70 feet thick. And inside it, you can see numerous skeletal fish shapes. They appear to be sharks. Some of them are smaller, maybe piranhas just swimming around in this seemingly solid wall of water.

Speaker: And on the other side, you can see a door. The water is like just floating. It's not in a pool or behind a glass or something. Give me like if you want, like maybe a perception roll or an investigation roll. 16. You get up real close to it and you see it doesn't look like there's any glass. It looks it looks like if you wanted, you could just reach out and touch it.

Speaker: But you don't. you you You get up close. You don't quite touch it, but it looks just be like free flowing water, free form water. Yet it's holding a solid shape. And I will say with a 16, actually, you glance and you see that there's the smallest of gaps at the ceiling, like maybe a couple feet wide, like very, very small. It doesn't quite reach the ceiling.

Speaker: Okay. Last time we saw something like this, it was acid. And it started dissolving people. Yeah. Yeah. i Okay. And those skeletal fish, they're like dead fish or they're moving around?

Speaker: They're moving around. oh and so they're not dead fish. And how far does it look? It's hard to say exactly, but, you know, just just looking through the room. But I'd say you do a bit of like quick math. The rooms appear to be around 100 feet to a side.

Speaker: You think it's probably around 60 feet across, based off assuming there's a symmetrical amount of space on either side. Okay. Is this the side of the cube that's opposite the first side we started on?

Speaker: No. You went forward and then left. Okay. What can we do here, Clay? I don't know about swimming all that way. i don't know.

Speaker: I don't know if I can swim that far, actually. and those Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. What happens if you stick the box?

Speaker: Yeah, just tilt it. I just rotate it and then you'll fall a long way. But if you just cushion your fall at the bottom, I can handle the getting over the river part. But we'll still have to go through the water? No, it's a river. I'll just tilt it and then you'll fall over the river. It's a wall. It's a cube of What? Like a floating. It's like a wall of water. Dimensions are weird up here. cube floating water. nevermind. Fonilin, what if you tilt the cube a little bit? What happens to the water?

Speaker: Ooh, good question. I would like to tilt the cube a little bit. You tilt it and the room shifts and the wall of water maintains its shape.

Speaker: But does it slide anywhere? Oh, okay. So let's walk on the wall slowly, like tilt us 90 degrees. We'll walk all the way to the end and then tilt us another 90 degrees. Cause it's still, so there's still that couple feet gap at the top.

Speaker: Yep. Okay. Yeah. Fondalyn! this upside down. Turn us 90 degrees. Fondalyn gets ready and holds the cube carefully and she's going to begin to slowly, with the expectation of not slamming her friends against any side, but almost like treadmill style, just start steadily moving the box so that if they run, they can keep up with the rotation.

Speaker: Yeah. You slowly tilt it and the floor starts to move out from under you and the two of you scurry down and smoothly make the transition from floor to wall and you find yourself standing on this glass wall.

Speaker: You can see they the floor of this stone cave beneath you, but you are well above it. Okay, so can we have can we fit through the gap? It's going to be tight. If you want to like go through it without touching the water at all, it'll be tight, but you think you know packs off, sliding up against the wall, you think you can do it. I will, i will just full disclosure, you'll need to make a a check. It won't be a super high DC, but... Got me that. Okay. Yeah. All right, Clay, I guess I'll try squeeze through see how far i can get. Okay. I'm right behind you.

Speaker: Glimki, could I get... i think this is an acrobatics check. It's like kind of just like squishing through. if you've got a different check that you want to to make it, I'm open to suggestions, but my initial instinct is an acrobatics check.

Speaker: ah The only one that I would say maybe that I could argue would be like survival because it says like track forage, find a trail or avoid natural hazards.

Speaker: And I have better survival. So if I like I'm like imagining squeezing underneath some like poisonous bush or or something, I'm trying not to touch anything. I think I'll allow it. As Glimki, you press up against this wall, you're taken back to a time in Dwells, perhaps walking alongside a riverbed or squeezing behind a waterfall, and you slide along this wall. Could I get a survival check, please?

Speaker: I got 15 and plus 3, so 18. so nice Okay. You carefully skirt along. The water is maybe an inch or two from your nose, but you slide through without touching it. You don't even know what will happen if you do.

Speaker: And before long, you find yourself on the opposite side. Nice. All right, Clay. Careful. Okay. I will follow. Can I roll survival also?

Speaker: I'll allow it out of the spirit of fairness, even though I think it makes less sense for your character, but I'll allow it. I rolled 12. You're bigger than Glimke? Mm-hmm. and you're sliding along.

Speaker: Your shoulder comes within millimeters of the water. You see one of these bony sharks just swim right at you. And then as it is about to breach the water, it just suddenly turns around and swims the other way.

Speaker: Carefully slide, slide, slide, kind of sucking in, you know, just like, ph just kind of like compressing your stomach and you managed to slip through just to the other side.

Speaker: well Okay. What's next? Now what? Was that the puzzle? Now I rotate the box the other way so that they can be on the same ground they started on. Excellent. feel like as Fondalyn's rotating the box, she like has a moment where she remembers how bad Glimki pissed her off yesterday. And as a testament to her growth, she continues rotating it slowly, but now with the satisfaction of knowing that she chose to be merciful.

Speaker: And the box realigns itself and the two of you stand in front of an open doorway. Okay. Things are going well so far. Good job. Things are going really well so far.

Speaker: We are so smart. You stand at the doorway, and once again, it kind of falls off onto another side of this cube. Okay, okay. Not bad. What's this room look like?

Speaker: Faunlin rotates the cube once more, and the two of you step up over the ledge as the floor is starting to fall away from you. And as you step through the doorway, you see you're standing on a narrow ledge, a narrow platform. It's maybe five feet across, barely big enough for the two of you.

Speaker: On the opposite side of the room is another platform with a doorway all the way across. But between you and that door, there is a seemingly endless pit. You just see a black void beneath you. There is nothing to be seen.

Speaker: But you do look around and you see that there are a pair of small little wheels, little handles that you could spin kind of on opposite sides of the door that you just walked through attached to the wall. So where are the wheels? They're either side of the room?

Speaker: No, they're just off the platform that you're standing on opposite sides of the platform. Oh, ok okay. Okay. I'll take one wheel, you take the other?

Speaker: Yeah. Try turning the wheel. Okay.

Speaker: The two of you turn these wheels expecting to see something, anything happen, but nothing seems to happen in the room. Faunelin.

Speaker: Yes? Standing in the cavern, you watch as part of the ceiling begins to separate. but As this disc pulls itself apart, a disc you didn't realize was up there, this metallic disc separates and pulls itself apart, and a flash of bright sunlight cuts into this cavern, illuminating it.

Speaker: What? But like the disc is kind ok the disc is not poised as to crush me, right? No, it's it's just like it's like ah it's like a skylight. It just separates and spreads light here. Clay and Glimpy, nothing seems to change in the room. It gets maybe a little bit brighter.

Speaker: But Faunlan, as you look down into the box, the sunlight hits it and you can see a path start to appear across this void. Oh.

Speaker: Oh my God, it's like the other Mario Party game where you have to remember the pathway. It's like, this is so fun. Oh, I love this. Oh my God. Oh, this is so fun. Oh, this is so fun. Okay. Okay. Everybody line up to Clay's left. Go.

Speaker: Yes, a little to the left. Good, good, good, good. Stand in the line. Okay. Okay. Okay. Perfect. Perfect there. Now go forward one step. Okay, that size of step you just did is the size of step you're always going to do.

Speaker: As they let go of the wheels. Oh no. And take that first step. They come spinning back, the hatch slams shut, and the pathway disappears.

Speaker: o ah Oh, this is clever. Oh, this is fun. Okay, okay, okay. This is so much better than being a seamstress. Sometimes I don't even care if I die on this journey. I'm just glad I'm not hemming pants anymore.

Speaker: Okay, are we just stepping off the ledge over the like the hole in the ground? I'll say you did. I'll say you like took the first step onto the platform or like on onto the the walkway, but when you let go of the wheels, like pretty quickly the hatch slams shut, and then the light disappears.

Speaker: Fondlin, you can no longer see the pathway, but Clay, you find yourself just floating in the air. like The path evidently still exists. You just can't see it. Okay. Clay's on her hands and knees then. Just feel for the edges of something. Okay. I mean, let's go let's go back and try again.

Speaker: Like you're going to have memorize the thing. and Not a problem. i It's a steel trap up here. I will say i do want to try one thing and I want to cast want to cast light on my wig so that as I'm like leaning down over this box, suddenly my wig is like a bright light source. And does that do anything?

Speaker: I love what you're thinking. Unfortunately, daylight no. It appears that it needs to be daylight. Okay, you're going to crank the wheel and then I'll draw it in the dirt, but we're still going to go fast, okay?

Speaker: um Oh, I don't know if this will work even because I'm inside of a cube. i have the spell daylight. Can I cast that? oh o Give it a try You can certainly try. A 60 foot radius sphere of light spreads out from a point you choose within range.

Speaker: The sphere is bright, but is the scale of the spell going to be like inside of the cube? I don't think you've, you cast like a scorching ray so far. i don't think you really know what to expect as far as I guess, I mean, the limitations of your spell craft.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. To you, like to scale, this room appears to be about a hundred feet hundred across, like total. So theoretically, either it'll fill the space appropriate to your current dimensions, or it'll just like fill this entire cavern. and I'm going to cast it. I'm going to cast it anyways.

Speaker: Okay. If I'm not mistaken, this is the first time you've cast this spell. Yes. Would you like to describe how it manifests? Okay, I think Clay goes to cast light as she would usually would, but instead of like a small light, it like grows bigger and bigger until a it fills 60-foot radius. But it's just like a really bright light flashes.

Speaker: Yeah. Fondlin, you watch as the box starts to glow brightly, daylight starts to emanate from it, and the power of the spell is enough that you can see the pathway. Your friends cannot, but you are able to dictate to them where they should be going.

Speaker: The walkway is pretty narrow, but you seemingly have enough time that they can take their time navigating this this passageway, and before long, the two of them stand on the opposite side.

Speaker: Bravo. Well done, Claire. Thank you. Thank you That was a big help. And thanks for leading us. Extremely timeless, Phil. Light was not enough, but daylight was enough. And i was unsure if our level five cleric had access. or I knew they had access to daylight, but whether or not they had taken daylight at this on this day. Apparently I did. Apparently you did.

Speaker: It's on my prepared list. so There we go. Oh, i might be like always prepared because you're a light domain cleric, actually. Oh, is that what it is? I think that might be what it is. Oh yeah, it is. Always prepared.

Speaker: Nice. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Well, out that made that whole thing a lot easier. h We're so clever. And we played so much from Mario Party. i don't want to jinx it.

Speaker: This is pretty easy. What rooms was that? Five? That was the fourth room. Four. Four.

Speaker: Faunalin, once again, you tilt the box as your two friends pull themselves through the doorway and you find yourself standing in a solid floored room.

Speaker: It appears to be tiled, but the tiles are large. they Basically, there's 15 of them lining this room, almost like a 4x4 grid, except it's missing one in the bottom corner.

Speaker: And you can see, Faunlin, that there's inscriptions carved into each of these tiles that you easily recognize as numbers in Elven script from 1 to 15. Ooh.

Speaker: As the two of you step into this room, the door behind you slams shut. Oh no. And you look up at the ceiling and you see that there's small holes in the glass falling. You see air start to suction out of the cube. And the two of you feel the air grows thin. You have enough time to take one big breath before you find yourselves in an airless vacuum.

Speaker: Now, for disclosure, outside of the narrative, i am going to send you a link to a four byf four slide puzzle. Oh, fun! Oh, I know what this is. The rule is I can send it to either Prima or Jordan. There's no neat way for the two of you to do it at the same time.

Speaker: So one of you will be in charge of controlling it, but you can only do what Fawn Lynn says. And also, let me just record this real quick. Hey, listener at home, I put a slide puzzle into our audio only D&D podcast.

Speaker: I came up with five really good rooms and then my brain was just melted. And this was the best we got. The other option was playing a game of corridor on board game arena, but I didn't want to do that. So slide puzzle it is. Oh, and by the way, ah this was actually a genius social media strategy because the slide puzzle, if you want to see it is going to be posted on our Instagram at bard underscore soup. So you can play it yourselves.

Speaker: And also it is just available on sliding tiles dot com. And there's nothing special about it. I did not program an Elvin slide puzzle.

Speaker: Jordan and Prima, Clay and Glimke, are your constitution scores counting the the bonus from the fruit? It's normally plus two. So that means it's plus three.

Speaker: Yes. Okay, so plus three. Plus three read for both of you. So what is that, three minutes? That is one plus three minutes, so four minutes. Whoa. Okay. Which means after that, you'll have four rounds and then you'll start to die. You'll fall unconscious. So you've basically, if if they if you can't solve this in four minutes or less, you might be dead. And I tested this and I got it in about two and a half. So, ah okay.

Speaker: Do we understand the rules? No. And not to call my bluff, but if y'all die to it, if it's a TPK for a poorly designed slide puzzle, We'll have to have a serious conversation because show probably shouldn't go out like this. But...

Speaker: Hello, it is me, future Zach, here to tell you that this room was a disaster. They failed multiple times and it took nearly an hour to complete. It truly sucked.

Speaker: I've managed to cut it down to a tolerable 10 minutes or so, but you can honestly just skip ahead until the funny jazz song ends and you wouldn't miss anything important. Okay, bye.

Speaker: And three, two, one, go. Seven. Fourteen. Ten. I'm actually not. Four. I'm not good at puzzles like this. Six. okay Fifteen. Okay, it looks like you're doing good. Fifteen.

Speaker: Fourteen. Thirteen. I can't do it! Oh, Glinky's down! Fourteen! No, not twelve.

Speaker: Undo twelve. Fuck, tutfakela. Fourteen! Fourteen! Other way maybe, i don't know.

Speaker: 12? Why are you doing this to me, brother? How much time has passed? Four? I don't want to tell you how close we are to four minutes. Four? Fuck. Fuck.

Speaker: Put the four back. Put the ten up. think Clay's dead at this point. 12 over. Rotate. Five, six, seven. No, no, no. 12 back. Five, six, seven. Yes. Spinny spin. Go. Spin. Spin. Spin, Clay. Five, six, seven. Five, six, seven. Eight. What? Okay, start there. Yeah. Shush. Hush. Hush. Hush. Shani's thinking. And time. Seven up.

Speaker: What? Fucked up! This is so fucked up! Clay and Glimke, your lungs are empty. Your lungs are empty. You

Speaker: collapse. Bring the game back. Each of you takes 11 psychic damage, and then sho the roof reopens. The two of you find yourselves standing at the entrance once more, and...

Speaker: We're gonna have you try again! There's like no consequences! Bring it back, bring it back! There's like no consequences if I fail. They are bleeding from their ears. It's fine. There's nothing happens if I fail. No consequences! I'm very hurt. Glimki is lungs burning, blood vessels in the eyes popping.

Speaker: The thumping of his heart and his ears is looking up at Fondolin and through horrible near asphyxiation, in a mean way, in a very sincere way, says Fondolin, please get this right.

Speaker: I was fucking it up for fun, but now I'll try to do it for real. Finally, look me in the eyes. This is not a game. It literally is.

Speaker: A dumb one. I don't know if I can do this, guys. Okay, let's do this. I will say, so Prima Hick quit as the puzzle resets itself.

Speaker: Are you shitting me? i have to do it from scratch every time? i was doing well. You guys all think I was doing well. Every time? This is your last second and last chance.

Speaker: In three, two, one, go. And you gotta be so much faster. Eight, 15, four, eight, undo. Four, two, ten. Fuck.

Speaker: You guys are gonna die for real. Ten. Ten.

Speaker: Shaitza... You evil son of a bitch.

Speaker: Eleven... Ten... Look, did I get a treat for doing so well up till now? That's time. No. Look how good I did. Look how good I did, guys. Okay. Well, this was a failed experiment. I think we can all agree. I am not stopping at this. Everybody on their own computers opens sliding tiles.com.

Speaker: I kind of want to try it. i have never been good at these. I haven't either, but I solved mine in two and a half minutes. So I figured that was indicative. I'll fold my floor! Yeah. I still maybe can't do it.

Speaker: For the record. What wicked thing you've put me through today. I love how we're just playing this game now. It's kind of fun, though. Well, I solved mine in two minutes and 12 seconds. So forgive me for thinking that I could count on you to do this.

Speaker: You guys hear this? You guys hear this? This is the manosphere. It's not the manosphere! It's not the manosphere! Talking with the manosphere, this is it, Jordan. Jordan, I know you've been talking about the manosphere.

Speaker: Some of the things you say to me are foul.

Speaker: I give up. This is my weakness. More like, yeah. My obliqueness. My oblique piss. Eww, ahhh! What? I'm not allowed to talk about piss on this show now? Oh, Zack's too dead inside. Oh, Zack's too crude. Make it up. Make up- make it up the mind.

Speaker: Pardon? Okay, Shakespeare.

Speaker: Make up in thon mind! it be too crass nor- nor too- too pure? Oh! Zack, you fucked us. I- you know...

Speaker: And the worst part is that I'm the one who's left trying to fix the problem. We're too dumb, Zach. We're too dumb. Already feeling terrible about this. I didn't want to do it this way, but I genuinely just felt like I was creatively bankrupt after five decently conceived rooms, I thought.

Speaker: I just needed one, hey, we're going to watch a video today room. I'm thinking maybe not creatively bankrupt, perhaps morally bankrupt. Yeah. Very creative. You're also very evil.

Speaker: but i know, right? You know those story time videos that it's like someone jumping around on Minecraft? Yeah. We just do story time, but it's this puzzle. That's pretty good. Like subway surfer clips is what you're saying? Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm trying to say. Except this isn't pleasing at all because it's not good. I'm good at this! interesting strategy.

Speaker: I'm doing good. I'm doing... In fact, Superman does good. I'm doing... Fuck! It's backwards! Yeah, man, it's backwards. It's flipping backwards. No. I see the strategy, but it's so slow. The nagging in this group is crazy. Yeah, well, that's just because people are suffocating for the third time watching you do this. Ask me if I give a hoot.

Speaker: Do you give a hoot? I like puzzles.

Speaker: I want to see Zach do this while holding his breath in real life. Yes, Patreon content. Oh, can we take a can we take a gander?

Speaker: At what? And look how good I'm doing. Are you? I'll kill you. When I'm in the zone like this, nothing can ruin my concentration. This is where I got stuck, though.

Speaker: This is about where I got stuck. Well, I'm not you. I'm... Whoa. Jesus.

Speaker: Nice. Five hours later, finally solved the puzzle. Clay and Glinky's bodies being eaten by miniature vultures. I did it.

Speaker: Yay. Okay, okay, that's okay. Hey, that's okay. Sometimes you gotta make a mess to un- un-make the- Fuck.

Speaker: Backwards count. Eight, eight. Why are you counting? What are you counting? Our count- The only numbers that matter are the ones in front of me.

Speaker: Hey, I got the top row! gonna get more than the top row. Well, you're out of time. Okay, no, let them take brain damage. I don't care. won't get this. Whoa! Yeah, but this is where you get stuck. Maybe you. Maybe you get stuck. Stop saying that to Prima. It's true. I have it. Minus one. Yeah, what is that? The new Godzilla movie? Okay.

Speaker: All right. Time's up. No, I did it. Can we all agree that I did it? We all agree you didn't do it. But you got pretty close. Oh, well, I did. I know. I got so close. can Can the air open up every time I get a row? Can there be like a burst of air? And then it adds the 30 seconds I need to get it. And then I get it. And then we all just pretend that I got it.

Speaker: think we gotta go three by three.

Speaker: That puzzle baby mode. I don't want to do that one. This is the worst bit of podcast content we've ever done. I was entertained. Holy shit. The three by three is not what you think it is. Is it worse? What does that mean?

Speaker: The way I was set up and humiliated. Okay, but could you stop doing the puzzle now, please? you would Oh, you want me to do the puzzle, and then you want me to don't do the puzzle. Yes, because we've been doing this for 30 minutes, and I can't use any of it. I'm begging you to stop doing the puzzle.

Speaker: As your friend, as your brother, and as your podcast producer. Fine. I stopped doing the puzzle. ah So you paused the puzzle. It's different. I stopped doing the puzzle. See, it says three by three here, but this is still a four by four. Yeah, because it's still three by three. Once you hit start, you'll see.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Three, two, one. Go. What the fuck? What is this?

Speaker: We're dead, we're dead. up. easier. 13? Four. The one to the left. Four. The one to the left.

Speaker: the one four ah ah Four. We're fucked. Bottom four. Oh man. Six, Twelve.

Speaker: Four. Two. Ah. Thirteen. Eleven. Okay, and then just make the other two swapped and then we have it. no know you have to get the dollar da Yes, doing it. doing in circle Spin in circle spinning in a circle is an affair on structure i'll put it backe okay rose it

Speaker: go into circle oh in and spin in a circle to read them off spin them in a circle spinning in a circle is an affair introduction lie Now down, right, left, down, six, seven.

Speaker: Wow. And thus ends the darkest chapter in barn soup history. With lungs burning, you move the last of the tiles into position. First try.

Speaker: And you feel air comes back into the chamber, filling your lungs. I really thought that this would be fine. oh well, the other rooms were really fast. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Well, it was fundamentally flawed. That was the meanest thing a DM's ever done to me. just Well, a door appears. The two of you pull yourselves through. We should be more excited about this. Yeah, please. Oh my god, and we did it! Good job, Fondlin.

Speaker: Putting that one together. I'm really good at that specific type of puzzle. Clay has no teeth and like her brain's oxygen deprived. yeah She's like having a seizure on the floor right now. One more room. Do something about Clay. Clay is convulsing.

Speaker: Just got us the hell out of here. Glimke drags Clay into the sixth and final room. Fondlin turns the box one last time. And it's a 10 by 10 grid. A one hour timer appears on the wall. ah you You enter a room that appears to be a diorama of the room Fondlin stands in.

Speaker: It is the room in miniature. I love dioramas. You see that there are the same curved stone walls and there's this thin layer of dirt on the floor.

Speaker: And I'd say it's like a one for one recreation with two exceptions. One, there is a familiar set of wheels or dials next to the door.

Speaker: And two, you glance up and there is a very small gap in the ceiling. Not big enough for you to fit through, but a very small funnel and you kind of run your finger over it. It's like a very, you know, like a couple inches wide.

Speaker: Otherwise, you appear to be in the same room that funnel is in. So this side of the cube, there's like a ceiling under the glass. No. Okay. What does it look like? Gotcha. Then there are three variations. This the darkest chapter in our history.

Speaker: There are three variations. There are two dials on the wall that look familiar. There's a crack in the ceiling. And also the ceiling is glass, not stone. Otherwise it is recreation. It's a diorama. You and you look down into a diorama. There can't be a ceiling on the diorama. Otherwise you can't see the diorama. The ceiling is glass.

Speaker: So if we, what if is the- Yeah, so is the closet. Are the like sigils or language or something on the floor as well? Mm-hmm. oh What? oop ah Wasn't there like a spell sigils? or Yeah, there is not. The floor appears to have a layer of dirt, which is different than- Okay, there's four differences. four differences. The floor appears to be made dirt. spot difference puzzle? I think we're nailing it Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: You make should be making us roll for these. We're nailing this. A perception check, please. You've perceived everything. Hell yeah.

Speaker: Cool. Okay, sorry, there's dials on the wall? do we What did the dials do in real in the real room? They made a skylight appear, like skylight open up. So if we spin the dials, maybe it'll open the crack in the ceiling.

Speaker: Let's try it. The two of you. Once again, the skylight opens up and as it does, a thin beam of light emerges from that crack in the ceiling.

Speaker: Distinct from the light in the cavern itself. So like in the box. In the box. There is a light. And is it landing on the dirt in the room? Yeah, it's just shining onto the floor.

Speaker: Okay, I go to where the bottom of the beam of light is and look around. Okay, give me an investigation roll.

Speaker: That's a 19 on the die. I'd say the size of this room is enough that the beam of light kind of, I know I said it was thin, but I'll say it's big enough to illuminate the cavern walls somewhat.

Speaker: And as you glance, the light hits one of these stone diorama walls and you can see almost like a thin outline carved into one of these walls.

Speaker: Hmm. Is there a matching one in the big room where Fondolin is? Is there? You walk over and as you do, you exit the beam of light from the skylight. It does not reach the furthest corners of this cavern and you enter into this unnatural darkness and run your hand over the stone wall and it appears to be solid.

Speaker: No, it's not happening. In the diorama, like what is the outline of? It's just like a stone in this outline. It's like ah just like a square. like It looks like a panel almost.

Speaker: Just like a slightly oblong square. One might call a rectangle. Not me. I call it an oblong square. Cool. it I go over to the square I like press on it.

Speaker: Touch it. As you do, Faunlin, the wall that you're running your hand over, a piece of it shits.

Speaker: slides away revealing a small little like ah like a safety deposit box sized opening and inside it there is a small rectangular piece of dark metal the same dark metal that is inside the cube that you've seen time and time again inside the cube like a dias?

Speaker: it's thin like a key? it's not like a platform to put things on doesn't appear to be Okay, i I'm gonna touch I'm gonna pick it up. There's just like it the faintest wave of nausea that passes over you as you touch it, but otherwise you pick it up. It's pretty tiny.

Speaker: nothing Nothing really stands out about it. Other than that, it honestly, it looks kind of like the the doorways that Clay and Glimki have been going through.

Speaker: Kind of like that sort of design. Can I put it on the cube? Sure. You put it on the cube and it just It just sits there. Back. Is it like shape like the crack on the, like there's a crack in the box now, right?

Speaker: Like a hole? Yeah, there's like a ah gap in the in the glass. Can I slip it in there? Yeah, is it like a key, tap A, sloppy thing? You insert it into the slot and let go.

Speaker: Boom! Holy shit. Clay Glimke, this massive slab of metal comes slamming down next to you. You barely jump out of the way as it hits the ground and then topples over. There's a faint clang as it hits the ground.

Speaker: Whoa. Whoa. What do we do with this thing? Put it in the light? I don't know. Okay. I think you guys should attach it to the door or to a wall. Cause it looks like the opening. I see. Okay. I see.

Speaker: How big is it? Like pick this thing. Yeah. In our scale. Like how big it's taller than you clay. Okay. Can I lift one corner? Yeah. It's a, you like kind of like bend your legs and sit, squat down.

Speaker: It's heavy. If you're going to move it, I'm going to need both of you to make an athletics check or yeah, I'd say a joint athletics check or one of you can roll with advantage. What's your athletics? I have a plus two.

Speaker: Don't forget about the fruit. Plus three. I'll give you advantage. Okay, advantage. you roll with advantage. Oh my god. Ten. It is heavy. Damn it.

Speaker: but 10 is what you needed. wow Wow. If you had gotten a nine or lower, you would have gained a level of exhaustion. Oh my God. But you just them barely managed to strain it up into position and you kind of walk it on itself to the far wall and you slam it up against this wall.

Speaker: Faunilin, you see one second there's nothing and the next second there is a massive metal door at the far end of this chamber. Hey! Whoa. Nice one.

Speaker: okay that was awesome. i would like to open the door. You walk up and you place your hand upon it. There is no lock that you can see. There's no opening mechanism.

Speaker: It just feels like a solid piece of metal.

Speaker: I'd like to knock on it.

Speaker: Nothing happens. If we nudge the metal like a foot to the side in the box, does it move the door in the real world? You attempt to slide it and it seems magnetized into position. It seems just locked into place.

Speaker: Can you open it in there? Can we try? You pull on it, you push on it. Donk, donk, donk. Nothing. The fuck? What the hell is going on here?

Speaker: You know, it's been really special becoming friends with both of you. I do think you are both going to die in this queue. Oh, okay. But it has been an adventure, hasn't it? I don't think so I think we're so close.

Speaker: Is that the oxygen deprivation talking? Yeah. What the fuck? What do we do? It's a door.

Speaker: I took the door from the real world and it was small. Then I put it in the box and you positioned it and in the real world, it became big. Oh, what if you drop something else through the crack?

Speaker: Is there a fulcrum to open the door? Is there anything else in here? and what Yeah, what else is down here? Give me a, I'd say both of you inside, outside, maybe like the two of you, like the three of you start like comparing like, okay, obviously there's these dials on the wall that open the skylight. We don't have a skylight, yada, yada. Give me just like a perception check both sides of the room or an investigation check both both sides of the box. Perceptions perceptions better. 17. Sorry, did you say per perception or investigation? I'll take either. 12. 12.

Speaker: twelve I'd say Fondlin, you start pacing around. Clay and Glimke, you start looking around. you start feeling around the rest of these diorama walls, seeing if there's any more indents or secrets hidden amongst them.

Speaker: You're walking through this dirt floor. Fondlin, you're walking around, looking at the same things. Your feet are clanging off of this dark stone floor. And then Glimke tilts his head to the side.

Speaker: Clanging off the stone floor? Mm-hmm. What the hell? Oh, it's not. Can we turn the dial again? he I don't know. them My good lad, whatever for this. It is open. I will say it like it's permanently open.

Speaker: Is the floor metal? It seems that way. The cubes metal. And these are all this is a fake version of the room outside. Do something to the floor.

Speaker: Oh, yeah, i wanted to do this. Let's clear the dust off the floor. Yeah, we brush the dirt aside on the floor. you oh my god but You brush aside some of this dirt, revealing the familiar dark metal floor.

Speaker: And as you do, Fondland, you see a streak of stone wipe away, revealing the same dark metal. Oh. Oh.

Speaker: What? This whole place is made of this creepy metal.

Speaker: Can I pick up the metal on the floor? It appears to just be floor. I wanna brush away the dirt, I guess, on my side too. To you, it's just a solid stone. What?

Speaker: That's crazy. Okay, what you change in there, you change out here. So what are the objectives that we want out here? i just want you guys out of the freaking box. But maybe I'm thinking small. Maybe there's something to be revealed out here that can only be revealed by you two in there.

Speaker: I mean, the point of this gauntlet surely is not to just make you go through a gauntlet. Surely there is a reason why it was constructed. So ah guys, just start manipulating things, everything.

Speaker: Uh, okay. he So, okay, we try to clear off the whole floor, I guess, of dirt first to wipe away all of the stone that's up above. You spend a while and, you know, you're just brushing aside, brushing it into piles.

Speaker: And as you do, Fondland, more and more of the stone melts away until essentially all of the floor is this metal. And you see that it is smooth with the exception of three circular indents.

Speaker: Oh, we're so back. We've got this. Okay. Each of them is a different size. Okay. But they all are ah so approximately circular. They're pretty big, you know, like few feet across.

Speaker: Dude, we don't have any more orbs. you're or blast They're how big across? For you, several feet. Clay and Glimke, you see the same ones and they are, mean, to scale, the same.

Speaker: To you, Fondlin, like looking in, they're, you know, maybe a couple inches across, the biggest of them. Okay. We're fresh out of MacGuffins, guys. What are we going to put in here? Are they like the size of coins?

Speaker: You say that out loud and Fondlin, you look down and you think... Maybe. Oh my god, put the coins in the slot? who Pay to play? What does that have to with Kairosar? We got a slit of space in our... Yeah, we're in a literal piggy bank. We're a piggy bank.

Speaker: Okay, I want to push three coins through.

Speaker: whoa whoa These three large metal slabs come crashing down amongst the two of you. You press up against the walls and they dooooooooo come to rest on the ground.

Speaker: You see that, like I said, there are different sizes. You push the gold piece to the largest one, silver to the next biggest, and the copper piece to the to the middle. Do they slide in?

Speaker: Wow. The door in the box and the door in the real world both slide open. Oh my god. Oh and Before we screw this up, Fondlin, get in here.

Speaker: yeah

Speaker: i see no problems with that plan wow yeah can we like see her through through the door and like in the cube before we go through you peer through the door clay and glimki and it is just dark you see nothing on the other side h Yeah, Fondlin, why don't you come in here? No, no, no. was kidding. I was kidding. I'm kidding.

Speaker: I stick an arm through first. It's cold, icy, but nothing pulls at you. Nothing hurts you.

Speaker: Where does this door lead? Like, is it back into the bigger room? Fondlin, can you see my arm? Poke it out. I am. I'm waving. More, more, more, more, more. Okay.

Speaker: okay I'm like halfway through the door now. Just a little, just a little more. Okay. Then I slip all the way through the door. Fonelin, you see Clay standing in the doorway.

Speaker: Oh, thank God. Whoa. But it's Negaclay.

Speaker: Glimki? Yes, I will follow through. A second later, Glimki appears. The air feels stale from this doorway.

Speaker: And Clay and Glimki, I'd say, standing right in it, you see that it's not pure blackness in front of you anymore. It is a cavern that continues ahead. And you hear just faint whispering.

Speaker: susha's

Speaker: What the frick did you guys just release? Us. What have you just released? Oh God, it's it's the it's the goddess of war and peace made this little toy box. What have you just done?

Speaker: Get out right now. I'm saying the incantation again. Get out right now. You're going to say it again? we just got out of this thing. Yeah. you We have to put it out. ah This is bad. ah We're hearing like this building crescendo of noise and tension, right?

Speaker: not building. It's just... It's just echoing. From further into this cavern. Okay. Well, that's not our problem. Someone else's problem, I'm sure. Isn't it exactly why we came here?

Speaker: Yeah. The door we came through no longer leads back into the cube, is what you're saying. It's like leading towards the voices. Correct. Oh my... And there's no other doors in this room. There is a door that leads further in and there is the cave entrance behind you. And i guess the skylight above, if we want to be real technical about it. Yeah, I think this is do this is it. I don't know. Do we go in there or do you really want to just bail?

Speaker: I mean, i think we should just use this cube, trap our enemies and then get out of here with the crystal. We don't owe Nainik anything. Nainik doesn't like you for no reason.

Speaker: No good reason. i don't think you intended to put us in the cube, so I don't know how you're going to target other people to put in the cube. I just said the words. I think the cube is And then ended here. think the cube is the key to go deeper into this temple.

Speaker: That's probably why Dainal stole it from Sabido. needed it to come here. That's interesting. Yeah, like the door wouldn't have opened without without the cube. We had to solve the cube to open the door.

Speaker: and we did that. So I think we have to go inside the thing and at least see what this spirit is, you know, where they stand. Sure. Do want to just take the word of these 10 foot tall freaks?

Speaker: Whoa. Sorry. They're so big. We're allowed to be mean to people who don't wanna... who want to kill you, okay? We're allowed to be a little mean about people who want to murder us. We're not racist, right?

Speaker: They're ugly too, okay? We can say it. What? What? I'm not racist, you're racist. Yeah, no wait. We should definitely go in and see if they even... like, what this orb does.

Speaker: If they want it back. Yeah. Let's see. right. You're stepping in. Apparently so. We've come this far. Let's just see what this thing wants. The three of you step through the threshold into the darkness.

Speaker: The skylight quickly fades behind you, the light failing to penetrate into this dark gloom. Again, you all have dark vision, but it seems unnaturally dark, even to your senses.

Speaker: You carry forward. You see that there's a thick layer of dust across the ground, yet a couple of recent sets of footprints cut through it. You walk for a while, you feel the ground slowly sloping down under your feet, and then this passage you're in opens up into a large circular chamber.

Speaker: you see several concentric circles descending into the floor almost like an amphitheater style just rows upon rows descending downwards and you see that this is the site of a great carnage as you look and see dozens upon dozens of skeletal bodies scattered throughout the space What the hell? You see many of them hold rusted, ritualistic daggers that just lie there in broken skeletal hands.

Speaker: You see down at the bottom of this chamber, probably 40 feet down, is a simple pedestal. And perhaps one of you glances up and you see that there is a symbol engraved into the ceiling.

Speaker: It seems simple, yet something about it fills you with an unease you can't immediately explain. But it's the same sort of unease you feel when you've gone through Dino's Portal or interacted with the cube.

Speaker: Just this mix of nausea. In the past, clay I've described it as almost like rotting meat mixed with something sweet. Though Glimke and Faunalyn, that's not how you would describe it to you. You just feel the rot.

Speaker: It's simple. It almost looks like two exes overlaid with each other. Whoa, that's cool. Okay, sorry, what is this exactly? It's like an engraving in the ceiling. Okay, I see, I see.

Speaker: What the hell? Is there anything that I can pull from memory? Does this look familiar at all? Yeah, is this a known symbol? Yeah, is that the symbol of Garasar?

Speaker: Yeah. I will say any of you can make any form of intelligence based check. One intelligence based check of your choice. Okay. Arcana, history, religion, nature.

Speaker: Tell me what type of check it is. Don't forget your magic fruits. And I will tell you if you know what it is. Okay. I'm going to do religion, I think. Oh, damn. That's a bummer.

Speaker: I rolled a three on the dice, plus three. I guess plus four. And don't forget that fruit. It was actually a DC seven check. Wow. Whoa, I got it then. Twelve.

Speaker: Plus zero. for really Ten. Plus zero. The three of you look at it, trying to figure out what it is, trying to identify if it's a religious symbol or an arcane rune.

Speaker: Faunlin, you know thieves can't. You wonder if perhaps it's a warning. i need everybody to make a wisdom saving throw. This is such a mindfuck of a temple. Oh, nice. I got a 21. 10. 30, 20.

Speaker: twenty one ten thirty twenty Clay, Glimke, the symbol, it feels like it's pulling at you. You feel just like the tips of your fingers start to twitch.

Speaker: Your muscles seem to imperceptibly move of their own accord, but you pull back, you collect yourselves, you withdraw from it, fondling. huh Madness takes you.

Speaker: Oh. You suddenly feel an overpowering urge to eat something strange. What? Such as dirt, or rock, or slime.

Speaker: You just feel a sudden compulsion. What? You need to fill yourself with something that you can understand. You. Something you can you can hold on to. Something that isn't whatever it is above you on the ceiling.

Speaker: That's disgusting. oh Can I like knock Glimki's hat off his head and just start like biting at his head like it's lettuce? Sure. hu Glimki Fallen jumps on your back, starts trying to rip at your hair, rip at your head, eat at the leaves.

Speaker: I tried to hold her back. Wait, calm down. Lady Fallen, please. What are you doing? What's going on? Don't don't look at the symbol.

Speaker: Can I like try to cover Lady Fallen's eyes? Sure. What are you covering them with? My hand. I bite her hand. You cover her eyes.

Speaker: Fondalyn snaps at you and continues trying to bite. Fondalyn, what the hell? I start like ripping at Glimki's shirt. I'm like trying to eat the fabric. Must consume it.

Speaker: want to slap Faunolin. it Go for it. Give me an attack roll. 15. 15. What's your AC? My AC is 16. You reel back as Glimpy's hand snaps out at you. You snap at the hand. i grab his hand and start just gnawing at it like it's like a rib bone. Up and down like it's a cob of corn.

Speaker: What else do we see in this room? You're just ignoring me? what am i I don't know what to do. I have nothing to do to you.

Speaker: i like put something like a strap the between her teeth like a gag so that she stops biting Gloom Key. I'm not sure to fuck with this arrangement. i have it.

Speaker: Can I try to finesse the magic rope from Faunlin? Sure. Okay, so I'll just slither for magic rope, and I would like it to try wrap her up like a snake. Amazing.

Speaker: Yeah, Faunlin, you are bound by the rope. You've got a piece of leather in your mouth that you're trying to chew through. Show me in the Constitution where it says the pie digger's a crime!

Speaker: yeah the fuck is going on? ah Stop biting. What the hell we do? Clay, what we do? I don't know. What else is in this room? What else is in the room?

Speaker: There are, by your estimate, at least 100 bodies, all fairly large. You assume either adult or larger humanoids.

Speaker: What the hell is going on? Like I said, there's just these concentric circles descending down, just these tears, and at the center of it is this dark pedestal.

Speaker: If you were real friends, you would let me eat your hair. Give me the crystal. go a course on give me the no make the stuff from her I would say Fondlin is bound up, gagged. No great effort required as Glimki just pulls it away from you.

Speaker: you think this is right or no? Did I put the crystal on the pedestal or no? Wait, wait, wait. Do the bodies look like they've been here a long time or that? They look like a long time and maybe I'm just reading into this, but he said there's ceremonial daggers with all of them.

Speaker: Ransack the bodies. Am I crazy? Is that what you said? Yeah, I say you like look at a nearby corpse. Give me just real quick like a medicine check. Can I help?

Speaker: Yeah, I'd say either of you can make a one or you could roll with advantage. Ooh, 18. I have a plus 7 on medicine, so that is an 18 as well The two of you kind of walk over to one of the bodies. Let's say you walk over to like the lip of this depression. You look down at the first row and you look at one of these skeletons and you notice that like it's intact, but you see evidence of crushing.

Speaker: Clay, perhaps at one point you dealt with a crushing wound at Fuzan's place. And you see that just like the pelvis of this skeleton has been crushed and cracked, almost powdered.

Speaker: What? As if a great weight. And you look around and you see the same can be said about any one of these bodies. Whoa. you think this might be the the crystals doing to begin with? like I don't know. i don't know.

Speaker: God. i don't know. well clalarl clalara cla cla ah If you aren't telling I promise not to bite you. Are you going to bite? No, no, no, no. Because have really good ideas.

Speaker: I'm not going to bite. Is there any... Oh my god. Oh my god. No, don't listen to her, Clay. She's gonna bite you. I'm not gonna eat you. I'm not gonna eat Just say... You can it can talk. Just tell me what your ideas are.

Speaker: this so hard to talk with? Just take it out of mouth. No, no, Don't take that out of her mouth. Okay, okay, okay. I'll take that out of my mouth. Please! Okay, first things first. I'm gonna use my divine sense.

Speaker: I take the gag out of Joplin's mouth. Phonelin rolls herself over and starts inchworming towards a nearby corpse. ah Oh, wait, don't eat that. I'm going to use this fel. I can nudge the location of a celestial fiend undead within 60 feet.

Speaker: If it's not my total cover, whatever. Okay. There's something in this room with us. Phonelin inchworms over to a bone and starts gnawing on it. Klymki, open your senses.

Speaker: It immediately starts to overwhelm you. Oh. It feels like you're choking on ash. Things are bad here. The last time you experienced something even remotely close to this was underneath the Prailmi estate. And this is- Oh, God. Infinitely worse.

Speaker: What? You see flecks of light darting throughout the room. This room is almost pitch black. It is pitch black. But you see just little streaks of ghostly energy moving amongst these corpses. The voices still are swirling around.

Speaker: Same as before. What the fuck? Beyond that, you sense there is a strong undead presence in this room, though that you cannot see what the specific source is. It's not like one of these skeletons is moving around.

Speaker: It's not like there's a zombie lurking towards you. But beyond that, you can also tell that this ground that you stand upon has been desecrated.

Speaker: It is unholy. What the fuck is going on? oh Okay. As an action, I'm going to pull my hood off or my headwear to reveal my branches and kind of brandish my shield that had like depicts like some some foliage and trees. And I'm going to use Turn the Faithless just to give myself up path down towards the pedestal.

Speaker: Okay. So I present my holy symbol if a or fiend within 30 feet has to make a wisdom saving throw that'll be turned for a minute. Okay. For the folks at home who are going to yell at me I believe you only have one use of channel divinity right? Oh you're right. Yes you're right. Did you use it?

Speaker: yes i did because i used it to make the vine bridge in the maze oh limke you reach out with your holy symbol and just that specific divine connection that you're able to pull on you find yourself unable to grasp it it's tenuous you're in this dark place and you find you just can't you can't form that connection that you need in this moment damn okay oh man okay i'm gonna keep i'm just gonna walk down still I used my channel divinity, but does my amulet give me another use or just a plus? It gives you second use. That's correct.

Speaker: I'll use mine because I used it once. What's my other channel divinity or the same one? turn undead. I'll see Glimki like trying to head down to the pedestal and I'll quickly grab Fondlin so that she is not a worm on the ground trying to bite at the skeleton and follow after Glimki and I'll grasp my amulet and do a quick prayer to Makrog and turn undead.

Speaker: Okay. Each undead that can see or hear you within 30 feet must make a wisdom saving throw. I thank God every day that Clay is in our party, but never more so than in this moment.

Speaker: Am I glad that we have someone with turn undead. What is the spell save? It's a DC 15. Does my DC go up with the fruits or no? Nice.

Speaker: nice Oh, sweet. So it's 16 then. And when an undead fails its saving throw against your turn undead feature, it's destroyed if it's a CR, what is that? Half or lower?

Speaker: Okay, excuse me, I need to roll a lot of dice. Because there's a of undead in this room. How many zombies did Clay just activate? And how many diseases am I going to get from eating flesh? All of them.

Speaker: You've already had, like, what is it? Sewer plague. So maybe you're immune. and mouth hole disease. Yes. Yeah. Glimke, you step down. It's it's like you have to like climb down. Like it's probably like seven, eight feet from like each of these tiers. You have to like, oh, she's lower yourself down. There's not like a smooth set of stairs. So each, each one is like a commitment.

Speaker: And Clay, maybe we'll say you follow because you know that it's this 30 foot radius sphere. So if you get closer to the center, you can hit more of anything that might be in this room with you.

Speaker: So perhaps we'll say the two of you climb down to the bottom. And just as you reach it, Clay, you let loose with this channel of divinity, this turn undead. And you watch as a wave of holy fire emits from you and spreads out across this chamber.

Speaker: All but a few of the skeletons are turned to ash.

Speaker: Oh yeah. Immediately destroyed. Good job, Clay. The whispers, however, remain, and they begin to grow louder at this. Uh-oh. What are they doing? Who are another What does that mean in Elvish, if I may?

Speaker: It's fragments of thought, and you are slightly distracted by your sudden obsession with bones. But I will say about 10 minutes have passed, and you find yourself lying at the top of this pit with a bone in your mouth, and it turns to ash, and you feel the compulsion leave you.

Speaker: a Bits of this elven is a lot of what you're hearing in common. Things like, have they brought it back? Is it returned to us? Our lord will be most pleased.

Speaker: Ooh. The voices grow louder and louder and louder. You begin to see something form around, like, we'll say a tier up. It appears to be a skeletal figure with a ghostly visage.

Speaker: It's elven man, and he looks down at you with just these dark eye sockets, streams of ichor emitting from where his eyes would be. are you? Why have you come?

Speaker: Before you have a chance to react, the face twists and melts away and is immediately replaced. You shouldn't have come here. You're not welcome in this place. Again, face just like a sea of tides, faces swirling, coming and going, forming, each of them asking you questions, saying things. Clay, this wave of energy emits from you.

Speaker: yeah A hundred voices ring out in unison, and the spirit immediately begins to fly away from you towards the doorway. Faunelin, you are bound, and you see in the corner the skeleton of a minotaur, massive, intact despite the injuries that it suffered, lurches to its feet. It grabs a massive femur off the ground and starts to thum, thum, thum on shaky feet towards you.

Speaker: But it reaches you and you're like writhing, bound by this rope, and it just steps over you and moves towards the door, falling victim to Clay's turn undead as well.

Speaker: Fuck. What? Fonlin, are you sane yet? Yes, I'm not going to bite you. That's good. That's what you said earlier, too. there There was a min- a minotaur.

Speaker: Magic group Slitherforth. Okay, that's ah I don't know what to do. I'm going to hold up the crystal above the pedestal and look at both of you and say, do we put it back or do we break it?

Speaker: Wait, and we we need more answers. It's not time yet. I want to like untie myself because I know the words through the rope that was tying me up. And I want to rush over to this minotaur. He turns to Ash also.

Speaker: No, he is strong enough to resist the destroy undead effect, but he failed his saving throw for the turn undead. So he just begins to move out of this chamber as quickly as he can.

Speaker: Move out of this chamber. ah Okay, well, this worked last time we met an elvish ghost. So I'm going to call up and say like, who is present here? The room has fallen silent.

Speaker: whatever spirit or spirits or amalgamation of spirits, at least for the time being, has vacated the chamber. What? I just, we just need to talk this through. Hang on now.

Speaker: Okay. Clay, you know that the spell will end or the effect will end within a minute. So if you're going to do this without interacting with whatever that creature is, you got to be quick.

Speaker: Otherwise you can assume it will only be a matter of time before it reappears in front of you. who We don't have much time. He's going to come back, but I don't know if it's a good idea to give them back the crystal that they want.

Speaker: I agree. i just need to know who the players are here. We need to pick a team. But whatever's here is very evil. It's very evil. Unholy.

Speaker: How is Karasar involved? Because this art of the cube is an is an artifact of Karasar's. That's what Subito said, but... That's what Subito said.

Speaker: So, I see the cube was a key to get us into this chamber. So, someone has gone through a lot of trouble of protecting this chamber. And ostensibly, this crystal is the precious item in this chamber?

Speaker: think Why would there be so many priests here who have all been killed? Because someone took it. Is it that ghost thing? I mean, your brother stole this. I don't know. Yeah. Like, were they here when they died? Was it here when they died? Did they die because it left?

Speaker: We don't know. Maybe we want to keep the crystal. Maybe we should destroy it So let's just leave? Maybe we should destroy it and this place. Aren't they just waiting outside for us and said that they'd kill us if they don't do this?

Speaker: No, they're going to kill us anyway, so we have freedom in here. Because we're going to have to fight or outsmart them out there anyway. Oh, you guys don't know that. I overheard. They're going to put us down like dogs anyway because we're cursed. We've touched the artifact.

Speaker: Oh. What? Yes. What? Okay. So, what do we think is going to happen? What we think is going happen? We put this thing on the pedestal. What happens? Well, we can always take it off. We're already in here, right? I feel like, oh yeah, I guess so.

Speaker: but Okay, let's just put it on Let's Let's talk this out. Let's talk this out. What do we think is going to happen? We're going to put this on the pedestal. And is that, is the spirit going to manifest here? It's going to be returned to power. What do we think is going to happen?

Speaker: Oh, but the crystal is an artifact of Nainik's, right? Yeah. Which means perhaps Nainik keeps whatever malicious forces bouncing around in here at bay. Context clues seems to indicate. And you know what?

Speaker: I don't love ghostly, necromancy magic stuff. I mean, I don't feel great about this whole vibe. So maybe we just... But then why would my brother want it? Obviously, it's useful to us. And if we don't know what's going on, we might as well act in our own best interest and then get out of here.

Speaker: Why would your brother want it? I assume it's a tool, so we should keep it. Seems very dangerous also. Can i like look at this thing? Can I do like, i don't know, an arcana? Do I get a vibe off of this thing?

Speaker: Is the crystal like purple like the Nyx geodes, like everything from the valley? It is purple, but it is darker, less radiant.

Speaker: Because it doesn't have any power. Yeah. Was there another question? My question was, could I, um I don't know. Could do an arcana check or something? Go for it. Give me an arcana check.

Speaker: Oh my God. I got a nat one. God damn it. Can I give you a help action to give you advantage on the roll? Sure. No, no. Here comes another nat one. 14. Glimke, you are currently a man with an 18 intelligence.

Speaker: You should have done the sliding puzzle. My character has an 18. Jordan has a 9. Are you saying I didn't do a good job at the sliding puzzle? Wait, were you saying I didn't do a good job at the sliding puzzle? I'm just telling Glimki. I just turned purple from his 60 HP. Canonically, we did great and got it on the first try. the sliding puzzle on the first try.

Speaker: Yeah. Glimki, you've got an 18 and I'd say your defined sense is like, maybe, we'll say it's still active to some degree. There is a familiar darkness to this crystal that is reflected throughout this chamber, but a part of you wonders.

Speaker: It's a stone. It's ah it's ah it's a rock. You haven't had a chance to figure out why Dianil wanted it, why it's sealed away here, why the people of the Amethyst Valley are so afraid of it.

Speaker: You can only assume it has some properties that can be utilized or harnessed. You also sense that there is this darkness in it. Perhaps it is cursed, perhaps it is corrupted, but you know that corrupted things can be restored.

Speaker: You know that desecrated land can be healed and re-consecrated. It just takes the right skill set. And that is a skill set that you and Clay, at least theoretically, can touch upon.

Speaker: Fomlin, I don't know. I think I got to put it on the pedestal. Okay. I trust you. If you think that's what's best. Clay, you do it. And then I'm going to draw my sword and I'm going to hold it over my head like a sledgehammer and be like, you put it on the pedestal.

Speaker: And if anything bad starts to happen, I'm going to break it. You set it down. ah Yeah, I guess if I'm holding it, I'll put it down. It's heavier than you would have expected. And you place it down.

Speaker: Glimki, you have your sword drawn, poised above this rock. Thonelin, from the darkness, you hear the sound of footsteps and a hundred voices swirling and mixing and rushing towards you.

Speaker: What are they doing here? They seek to undo our Lord's work. We can't let them. Have to end our. Till end our. As once again, this mass of spirits begins to congeal and form, this time in the entryway to the chamber and then bursting through it, you see the minotaur skeleton just into view.

Speaker: As the turn undead has worn out, a minute has passed. a face appears to be Elven as well. Some of them appear to have like spectral strands of hair. This one appears to be bald. The ears pulled back, extremely long and pointed, looks down at you.

Speaker: are you doing here? In Elvish? Sure. In Elvish, I say back, we don't know.

Speaker: You shouldn't be here. It's not for your eyes. What is this place? Who is your lord? The head turns to look at you. You see now it is an elderly woman's face.

Speaker: The impression of skin sagging, pulling back, forming these jowls. It is not a place to say. It is his name his alone. We do not speak it.

Speaker: That's fine. I wouldn't want to pry. Is your lord a god?

Speaker: Of the Octat? What is this Octat you speak of? I see. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Speaker: Oh my god. You serve the progenitor. Hell shall serve him. You serve the progenitor, and you are bid to serve him. Of course, we all, in a way, serve the progenitor.

Speaker: This foul crystal is, of course, I assume, an artifact made of the power of nature spirits designed to bind your lord.

Speaker: Sickening. Does not bind him. It is a thing of beauty. Contains his strength.

Speaker: Oh. It is a thing of beauty. Then why is it kept here?

Speaker: Ours to protect. You protect it? You don't want it out in the world? Unleashing his raw power? It is ours to cherish.

Speaker: I see. Okay. It has been lovely meeting you. I'm just gonna...

Speaker: You're done? Okay. um I'm just gonna, i'm just gonna i'm im quickly, I'm just gonna convey that to my friends so that they know that they're in the presence of such power. I just hope that they're sufficiently in awe and humbled. So I'm just gonna convey that to them and just give me one moment. Guys, guys.

Speaker: What did he say What does he want? This is the fucking progenitor. Don't say his name. The father god is kind of in this crystal. His power is in this crystal. And they want it here because it's like a mega super god bomb.

Speaker: Okay, so it should stay here. Well, in this we want to use a mega super... It's safer in our hands than it is in anyone else's. No, absolutely not. It's not. No, it's not. Glimky, I'm taking that god bomb. Glimky, Glimky, I love you. Glimky, your friendship means the world to me. I'm keeping the god bomb.

Speaker: What? What? but What? Give it to me. No. Wait. No way. You're saying that... It's not holy.

Speaker: The father of Zav is in this crystal? No, a fraction of his power is. Yeah, that sounds like too much power.

Speaker: Glimki, don't... Glimki? Glimki? Rock, paper, scissors over it. No! What? Clay, i'm not I'm not crazy, right? I agree with Glimki. I don't think we should be dealing with this at all, but...

Speaker: I'm sorry, are we not taking the life of a princess in our very own hands? We are capable people. If not us, then who? My brother who will come right back here and take it again?

Speaker: i can do good with it. Let me get this straight. You don't know what it does. You just don't want me to have it. Fondlin, you're giving me whiplash. I don't know. i just, I don't know. yeah Sometimes it seems like, i don't know.

Speaker: If you don't know. scare me. and I do know. I know that I want that effing crystal and Fondlin's launch for it. Give me a contested the hell athletics. Fondlin, if you want, you can say acrobatics.

Speaker: Fuck that. Oh, man.

Speaker: Oh my god. I got an 11. I hate this game. What did you get?

Speaker: Wait, I'm helping Glimki. Does Clay have an opportunity to snag it? Yeah, can snag it? They were closer to it than I was. I'll say Clay can also make a grab for it. Come on, Clay. Oh my I don't know what's happening.

Speaker: Sorry, what am I rolling? What is this? Acrobatics or athletics. Is this the fucking ring? oh these both freaking suck. 14. 14. If I'm not a mistaken person, Fondlin rolled an 11. Yes. Oh, hey, I missed it. Clay, you watch as Fondlin springs off of Glimp Key and lunges for the crystal and you just throw your body in between her and it and you grab onto it and just like a football player, just tuck it between your arms and grab on tight as Fondlin starts reaching around trying to snag it from you.

Speaker: Fondland, there's better ways to do this. This is beyond us. Yeah, let's about it first. If we don't need it, we'll bring it back. When? Two days ago, we got our ass kicked nearly to death in an opera house because there are people so much stronger than us in this world. This can help us.

Speaker: But at what cost? I think we should destroy it, if anything. doesn't. There is no cost. It will just make the spirits a little angry. And look how evil this place is. You really think that we should leave something in this place to lure people back here? That's foul.

Speaker: you don't think if we take it, all those people outside are going to like chase us down? Once again, both of you, they're going to do that anyway. Our agenda today involves either killing or stealthing away from an entire group of really big people who are professional hunters. So what, we're going to bring this crystal of zide and blow up these people? I don't understand. Maybe, maybe we hold it up and say, let us go or we'll blow this shit sky high.

Speaker: Or maybe we suck them into the cube as I've proposed, which is a good idea. And you both know that I have lots of good ideas. And my good brain that was really good at the puzzles back there, all of them, is saying that we should take this thing because I want it.

Speaker: I really don't like it though. I don't like it. Yeah, it doesn't feel good. don't you like? You don't like having an ah an artifact of a dead god. No one else in the world has this and they can't.

Speaker: Oh no, it just feels a little... Yeah. This place is evil, let's get out of here and take the pretty crystal with us. It's just... Like, am i If I'm remembering my Sunday school properly, wasn't the progenitor also the god of malice and rage?

Speaker: Yeah, there's a reason the Octad fought him, right? I... ah I don't know, Fonilin, this is kind of You're freaking me out a little bit here.

Speaker: Like, the power is is great, but this also feels like this is the wrong kind. It doesn't feel good. Power always feels uncomfortable in the hands of those who are not prepared to wield it.

Speaker: I am. Maybe you were both too weak to hold it, but I am not. I'm going to look at Clay and remind them that I think Macrog played a role in destroying something. I have like some sparse notes of when I spoke to Brightscale long time ago and I'm trying to remember everything.

Speaker: don't know if your faith to Macrog is true and this is something that represents all of this horrible rage and malice.

Speaker: I don't know. Maybe we gotta follow in your God's footsteps and break this thing. Break it?! Yes, that's what I was... Okay, wait. wanted to ask Zach. You said earlier that this place is like desecrated, but because of me and Glimke's like religion that we could do something about it.

Speaker: Like, what does that entail? Like, our can we like purify stuff? Yeah, what the hell? With the right resources, that is something both clerics and paladins could do.

Speaker: I'd say, you know, we could tie it into, as with many things, your your past conversations with the Brightscale, you would know... through his teachings and just conversations.

Speaker: I would say probably there's a pool of water in one of the chambers, not like a, you know, like like more of like a basin, right? A basin of water in one of the back chambers of the Dragon's Heart Cathedral.

Speaker: And when you were younger and studying there, he told you that it was filled with holy water. And that holy water is something that devout followers of Macrog and probably to your understanding other sufficiently powerful beings can create and it has the power to to damage undead and to fix desecrated ground, to purify places that have been desecrated.

Speaker: So can can we make our own holy water? Yeah. That is something that paladins and clerics can do. Okay. I think Glimpki with an 18 intelligence, you would know that a cleric or paladin can create holy water by performing a special ritual.

Speaker: It takes one hour to perform. It uses 25 gold pieces worth of powdered silver, and it requires the caster to expend a first level spell slot.

Speaker: don't know. Am I going to debate Fondlin for an hour while I do this ritual? this Just leave Fondlin. Listen to me. We can take the crystal with us if you promise to, at the first chance we get, let me and Glimki try to purify it.

Speaker: Otherwise, I'll smash it on the ground right now. That is such an abundantly reasonable deal. I was going to say, honestly, he's a god. I think it's more ethical to get such an artifact out of this desecrated place. I mean, obviously someone desecrated this temple with bad juju. Let's get out of here with the pure divine artifact and do some good with it.

Speaker: This artifact is neither pure nor divine right now. It is- We'll fix it. We can fix it. I like this plan. Happy compromise. Yeah, we definitely can't leave it here. i don't think we should keep it the way it is either.

Speaker: As long as we try to fix it or bring it to someone who can fix it. ah You're so smart. I've always said you're the smart one other than me. If we can get out of here. Forgive me if I'm over explaining or again, putting fingers on scales, but just to make clear, and I think with an 18 intelligence, Glimki, this is something that you could probably just come to naturally.

Speaker: Holy water could be used potentially to purify this item, this artifact, this object. But not only that, it could also be used to potentially in enough quantity, purify this entire place.

Speaker: How long would it take to do it this whole place? Well, give me your water. Give me your water skins.

Speaker: Like actually, we're gonna go out and get potentially murdered by these people. The least we could do is purify this place. Let's do it. Maybe we'll fix all of their problems, you know? The valley will open again. And then Gorjak will be happy to come with us.

Speaker: This place has been here this whole time next to like an entire resort of innocent vacationers. Someone else could have stumbled upon this place and just It's probably not that bad then. If it was here at the whole time, it's probably not. Well, look at all these dead bodies.

Speaker: Okay, you got me there. Yeah, you got me there. One vial of holy water can purify a ten foot a ten foot square of desecrated ground. so Okay, so how much can three water skins purify?

Speaker: who You know, it really, water is not the... ah It's the powdered silver something, gold. Because it says that each water skin can hold four pints of liquid.

Speaker: Sure. Sure. Yeah. Well, it's ultimately, i think water is not going to be your limiting reagent. To put it into chemical terms, yeah it would more so be the spell slots and yes silver, powdered silver.

Speaker: Well, I've got three spell slots and three water skins. I have- You could do this all day. don't have any powdered silver. Of first level spell slots, only have two left. Actually, wait a minute. What?

Speaker: He digs through his bag and pulls out a drawer of silverware. You still have that. Quick, start turning it into powder. i don't know how to do that.

Speaker: I'll grind it! And Fondolin... Fondolin... I just want grind silver. Fondolin just starts like scraping the edge of the fork on the ground, like on the stone floor. Honestly, maybe. like Pull a cheese grater out of my pack. Yeah. You do have a thieves kit as well, and it includes files. So you could start filing it down yeah pretty readily.

Speaker: And I'm going to move my silverware to the my used folder in my inventory. Perfect. Is that minotaur skeleton still? Yeah, it is looming over you, kind of at the edge of this pit that the two of you, i guess the three of you now stand in It's looming there, looking down at you, creaking bones, just this large jaw,

Speaker: pulled back, teeth exposed obviously, these massive horns. I think the voices are just a constant chattering amongst you. But for the time being, the corporeal form or this amalgamated form dissipates and you hear them just swirling around you, probing, asking questions, for remarking.

Speaker: So far, all you have done is grind down silver so they haven't taken offense. They have not reacted adversely to anything you're doing, but it stands to reason that something more could set them off.

Speaker: Can I chat with this entity while we prepare for the spell? Do you guys have any questions? Real quick before you start asking questions and before you start potentially brewing up holy water, this chamber is you know roughly circular, approximately, not perfectly, but approximately 20 by 20 squares, which would be 100 feet by 100 feet.

Speaker: So I believe you would need 100 vials of holy water. Jesus Christ. which would cost you 100 first level spell slots and 2,500 gold pieces worth of silver.

Speaker: ah So I don't think we can do this just... We can't even do this. Okay. The math's not even mathing. Okay. All right. I'm back on Break It.

Speaker: I will say doable, but difficult. Okay, well, let's focus on the crystal because that seems to be big part of it. Yeah, can just the crystal.

Speaker: And then we go find the princess. And then the boon I ask from the King of Ergenine is to airdrop 100 vials of holy water on this place. Yeah, right. Or what if, hear me out, Clay, you channel Muckrog and you use holy fire instead?

Speaker: o And we just break the thing. And then Vaughn Lynn will forgive us. I won't. She will. She always does. I never do. i never forgive, but I always forget. Okay, we take the crystal, we purify it, and we can burn this place to the ground behind us.

Speaker: I want to ask the elves questions really quick. Right. Yes, please. Yeah, yeah, you do that. Yeah, you do that. We're trying to... Let's break it. Keep talking to them. Keep talking to them. That's really good idea. Not if you're going to break it. I'm sorry. I'm not breaking it. We're trying to purify it. Let's burn it, Clay. You don't think if you break it, you're going to release the... You're going to set off a bomb.

Speaker: If you break that thing, the only it doesn't have buttons or switches, okay? The only way to engage with a crystal is to break it. Which means that when you break it, you are going to unleash the power that my brother wanted it for. Okay, I have another idea.

Speaker: i should hope so. I have another idea. Clay, keep grinding the silverware. can if ah How long does it take to attune to an item? Typically an hour. like Can I just sit with this thing?

Speaker: Like genuinely. You could, assuming no one else in the group takes umbrage with you attempting to attune to it. Do you promise not to break it? I'm still going to try to purify it, especially if we keep going. Let's keep working. We're going to spend an hour regardless. We're going it? we spend an grinding forks and trying to do this ritual.

Speaker: I'll sit here for an hour and I'll, I don't know, we'll see what happens what if it speaks to me in some way. And then, you know, if it gives me the heebie-jeebies, we'll try purify it like we're going to anyways.

Speaker: Exactly. yeah i mean funnel is not wrong breaking it like as much as i want to just destroy it like i don't yeah go supernova like like pharaoh so yeah we don't want that to happen holy water is our best spot yeah you chat with the with the undead folk i'm gonna sit here and meditate okay and i'll do the holy water ritual hi you know this you shouldn't be here I know, and we're getting out of here. You're true believer.

Speaker: No, we're just, we're learning a lot about the Great One, and we're basking in his power, and you must understand, our lives are short whilst we're living. It's it's truly a humbling moment, and we want it to last.

Speaker: You see spirits start to swirl around clay. Like you can see just like little traces of ghost lights moving throughout this chamber at any given point.

Speaker: Voices, clay, they seem to be congregating around you as you begin this process of creating holy water. But you can keep talking to them. Okay.

Speaker: I guess what I'm really curious about, if I may be so bold as to ask, I did not know that there was a relationship between the elves and the progenitor. And as an elf, could you explain?

Speaker: we are the first of this world. He created us in his image. You are his original priests and priestesses.

Speaker: Save for those that turned traitor. Those that turned traitor? Did they side with the enemy?

Speaker: are the enemy. He's talking about the Octad, I think. Were the Octad originally... Did those who turned steal Gordrak's power for themselves?

Speaker: Forgive me, forgive me. permitted speak it. Not permitted to speak it! That's my bad, that's my bad.

Speaker: The minotaur skeleton.

Speaker: The sound. Fonelin falls to her knees and says, forgive me. i have been in the presence of queens and nobles, but I have never yet been in the presence of such greatness.

Speaker: I find myself clumsy and unknowing. Give me either deception or performance roll. Oh, that's a natty 18. So with my deception, which is of course plus nine, that's going to be a 27. Mind your tongue or we'll rip it out.

Speaker: Of course. And you would be within your right. I just, I seek to understand any shred of this great power.

Speaker: Okay, so just for my own history. Please. My understanding of the situation is that Gorjak was the progenitor god. He gave birth or created the divine Octad, and then they turned against him.

Speaker: And it's not known why. Because he's evil. He was cruel and malicious. I see. I mean, the legend was that he's like a super controlling, powerful, and that it was like supposed, I don't know, maybe what we know is of ah a lie, but it says that like once they killed him, like peace came to Zav. but I see.

Speaker: But I don't know. Maybe we're wrong. Why did those foul traitors turn on the Father God? They were corrupted. They believed that his children would look after them.

Speaker: You start to get the sense they're not talking about the Divine Octave, though they know not that term. They appear to be talking about other elves. Spicy.

Speaker: I don't know of any, Shannon the player doesn't know of any special relationship between Gorjak and the elves other than that the elves were the first people to be created on Zav. Is there anything else that Fondlin would be aware of in the lores or histories?

Speaker: Give me a history check if you would like. want a needy one. Oh, that's a 16, but I don't, I think I have plus zero, but I have plus one because of the fruit. So 17. The teachings of the church, arguably this could have been a religion check as well. by the way Is your religion any different? Any better or worse?

Speaker: and It's exactly the same. As far as you or anyone in this room is aware... There was no special relationship with the elves and Gorjak or his his destruction.

Speaker: It is the teaching Glimki has read which does not directly indicate or implicate any special elven involvement that the progenitor was overthrown by his children.

Speaker: and ushered in, yeah, this era of peace and prosperity and light into Xav from what was once a ah dark and terrible world with a evil god ruling over all.

Speaker: But these spirits seem to be indicating Otherwise. Otherwise. Like this is, this is why I'm asking about this guys and I feel like Fawnland would be genuinely interested because she's discovering that like her people have this relationship to this god that she didn't know about. h They were deceived.

Speaker: They were corrupted. I understand. I understand. Did they bind the Great One here in this artifact?

Speaker: He cannot be bound in a mere crystal. Where is he? We know not the fate of the war. Those who would seek to usurp him, we know not their fate.

Speaker: Though assuredly, their efforts were foolhardy. Of course. None can stand before him. None can challenge his might. No, of of course not, of course not. And so so this is a fraction of his power that you have been entrusted to keep here.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Would it not be a beacon of his might out of this temple across Zaf? Locked away, the people will never see the light.

Speaker: But taken from this place, his power could be felt. I'm going to need a very high persuasion roll. e yeah Yeah, that's my trauma. My trauma is that I always roll really high when it kind of doesn't matter that much. And then when it really, really matters, I get like a seven. But this time I got like a 10 and my persuasion is a six and I have a plus one because of fruit salad. So that's 17. a 17 sufficient?

Speaker: Oh! It is ours to keep, ours to cherish, ours to protect. Of course, I understand. And Faunilun like falls into a deeper like, Neil.

Speaker: I apologize. i That was product of my ignorance. You must forgive me. My, the world has been kept in darkness. I feel that I'm just now seeing the light.

Speaker: One more question, if you would permit it. What does it do?

Speaker: Carries his power, his might, his control over the very fabric of reality, the fundamental truths of this world.

Speaker: Which truths?

Speaker: At this moment, Clay begins to pray over this vial of holy water that she is slowly concocting. You feel the spirits, like I said, looming over you.

Speaker: And Faunilin, before you can hear a response, they begin to swirl and form up once again. You can now see them in a way that you couldn't before. Another elven face looks down, hawkish features.

Speaker: What are you doing? What is this? These words you utter are foul upon our ears. That was uncommon to Clay, right? Yes. Yes. Um, it's a prayer. I'm gonna fix your stupid crystal.

Speaker: There is nothing to fix. Nothing to trifle with. You're here to take what is ours. What we cut short are many years to protect.

Speaker: We can't allow that. No, we can't allow that. You mustn't do this. You won't do this. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do, bud? Them's fighting yours.

Speaker: We will silence

Speaker: Stop. Or leave. Or die. The choice is yours. Hmm. Hmm.

Speaker: I don't think I want to do any of those. you're crazy, Luca. Hmm. Hmm.

Speaker: I guess we'll decide for you, won't we? I need everybody to roll initiative. No, I'm busy. I'm busy. yeah He's busy. yeah wait how close He's doing puzzles. How close am I to having completed the holy water?

Speaker: i say you were like in the back half of it, but like, you know, not, not there. So I can attune to this thing? You cannot in this moment attune to it. Lame. 16.

Speaker: six te Do I get any pluses to initiative from the fruit? You do. You get an extra plus one. 17, man. 17. 14. 14 for Clay.

Speaker: Six. Six? Yeah, I rolled a two. The heck? So as this begins, you watch as the remaining skeletons in the chamber.

Speaker: There's only a few that survived Clay's destroy undead. You watch as a few of these bones break.

Speaker: rattle to life. They draw forth spectral bows, pull back, and let loose a rain of spectral arrows down upon you.

Speaker: There are six what total, and they will fire twice at each of you. Okay. Do I have any warding flares left? I'm so in need of rest.

Speaker: How many do you get? One per wisdom point? Yeah, so I guess five. I remember you using two during the displacement. that's what I have on my sheet. So I have three left.

Speaker: Three? Wow. Three? Yeah. So two attacks against Glimke. That'll be a nat one and a nat seven. Those will miss. Let's go. Two attacks against Clay. Are you warding flaring these or are you waiting to see what anybody else does?

Speaker: I'll wait and see how bad these arrows are. I'll roll them one at a time in case you change your mind. I'll my reaction so you don't waste yours. I'm going to use protection to invoke disadvantage.

Speaker: Disadvantage, okay. So that will be either that or... does a 14 hit click? Yeah. No! No!

Speaker: I don't have a shield on me, right? I think at this point you were like, you know, maybe like your stuff was out in case things went bad. Like, you know, you had your mace at the ready, but you were like doing this ritual, preparing the holy water.

Speaker: I will say you have not expended that spell slot yet because the ritual was interrupted. So don't mark off a spell slot yet, but you will take seven necrotic damage as this spectral arrow passes through you.

Speaker: Oh my And then a second attack from them. Are you warding flaring? Yeah. I should not be getting it. Okay. That'll be a 10 because of the warding flare.

Speaker: Okay, good. yeah So this second arrow, you manage at this point, you grab the shield and you raise it up and you don't understand how it works. The arrow kind of passes through the shield, but you managed to like still twist out of the way.

Speaker: Fondlin, two attacks against you. does a 19 hit. It does. And then 10 will miss. So you will take eight necrotic damage as one arrow hits you.

Speaker: Ouchie. I would like to uncanny dodge. You twist out of the way, and this spectral arrow just, like, grazes your cheek, leaving it the faintest of of scratches. It otherwise probably would have just, like, shot you in the head, but you managed to just barely twist out of the way, and it is Glimke's turn. The voices are speaking in unison. It is loud. it is chaotic.

Speaker: There's a bit of a wind forming. Okay, is the like the multi-faced one also joining into this? it is It is there. It is behind clay, just like looming over clay.

Speaker: Okay, I'm gonna try to, I don't know, take a step past clay and try to hit that thing, I guess. Wait, sorry, what was the thing that shot at us? Some skeletons.

Speaker: How far were they? They're kind of gathered up on the these raised sections. So they're kind of just like three and three scattered around this chamber. They're just sort of scattered around this chamber, like firing down at you.

Speaker: If they're further than 30 feet, then I wouldn't have been able to use Warding Flare. ah Farther than what, sorry? 30 feet, I wouldn't have been able to use Warding Flare. You know, we'll say there's one that's pretty close. We'll say that there's, they're kind of scattered throughout this chamber. So we'll say that in this this case, we'll give it to you.

Speaker: Okay. Thanks. Because I don't feel like, you know, I've technically got a map, but it's pretty low quality, mostly just for internal reference. So I could be like, does this make sense architecturally? And I decided it did. So we'll say it We'll say it works.

Speaker: Just FYI, I got a net one. a Natural one from Glimke. um I hate that. Go ahead, make your second attack. What the frick? Oh, that's absurd. 12. A 12 is what you need. Oh. oh For the multi-phase guy?

Speaker: but Yes. I'm going to use Divine Smite. Okay. Okay, yeah, like sidesteps Clay, swings his sword, and that kind of glowing green energy erupts for the blade. So that's five slashing damage plus another nine radiant damage.

Speaker: Amazing. Does the Divine Smite do additional damage to Fiends and Undead or Fiends and something else? Undead and Fiends, yeah. So an an additional D8. Yeah.

Speaker: Oh, I rolled max. So that's nine plus eight. Let's go. Hell yeah. Okay. 17. You feel this the blade passes through. And as you're looking, like it's become more corporeal. You see that it's got these like tattered spectral flowing robes. They don't mean look like cloth. They're like tendrils of dark energy. But it looks like a cloak, and you can see within the shadows of this cloak, more of these faces looking out at you with these haunted eyes, these empty eye sockets, these black ichor dripping down their faces, and it's just a constant sea of moving, tortured expressions.

Speaker: The blade seems to not hit as hard as you want it to but as it flares with this green, radiant light...

Speaker: A hundred voices scream out and it seems to do some serious damage. Nice. Hell yeah. Anything else from you, Glimke? No, I'll stay right there. Okay. Just like back to back.

Speaker: That's clay here. Yes. Okay. Glimke, its attention is put onto you and it is going to target you with suffering echoes. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. Wow.

Speaker: 18 plus three. 18 plus three. 21. eighteen plus twenty one Wow. Glimke, you feel your darkest, most personal memories start to well up.

Speaker: They start to fill you. They start to hurt you. But you focus on that flash of green light and the darkness fades away and you resist this attack. No damage. If you had failed, it would have hit everybody.

Speaker: But it's because you succeeded, nobody takes any damage. Whoa. Oh my god. Hmm. And I think, I think it's going to fade away into the floor, which means it'll take some force damage.

Speaker: Oh, that wasn't, that wasn't good. Rolled max damage on the force damage it took for fading into the floor, but it disappears from view as just descends into the ground.

Speaker: can go into the floor, damn. It is incorporeal. The minotaur skeleton is going to come charging in. And I'm going to say it just like leaps from the upper portion of this room.

Speaker: It's just going to go, o charges and jumps and will take nine bludgeoning damage from the fall damage. Faunlin, it is going to jump off of the upper portion of this chamber and land horns first, trying to impale you and drive you to the ground.

Speaker: horns first. bug Oh, it rolled so bad. rolled a natural two, and it just crashes into the ground next to you.

Speaker: Empty eye sockets looking at you, but unable to hit you as you step out of the way. That is its turn, and we go to clay. How close am I to anything? Me and Glinky are back to back. I'd say you two are back to back. The gallows speaker, as it is called, has disappeared.

Speaker: The minotaur skeleton is in this like bottom portion of the chamber with the three of you attacking Faunolin. And then there's just a so ah a smattering of skeletons that have remained intact throughout the chamber.

Speaker: And how close are Faunolin and the minotaur to me? I'd say like 10 feet away. Okay, cool. I will cast Spirit Guardians for the first time. Oh. oh Yeah. This is by last third level spell slot because I cast Daylight earlier.

Speaker: You call forth spirits to protect you. They flit around you to a distance of 15 feet. And i can designate any number of creatures you can see to be unaffected, which is Glimki and Fawnalyn.

Speaker: An affected creature's speed is halved in the area, and when the creature enters the area for the first time or starts to turn there, it must make a wisdom saving throw.

Speaker: On a failed save, if the creature takes 3d8 radiant damage. Okay, so on the Minotaur's turn, it will be affected by this spell. Presumably, if the Gallows Speaker returns from the ground to which it departed, it'll also be affected.

Speaker: And what do these spirits look like? Yeah, so I think they appear like little dragons that flit around her. i think when she clutches the amulet, the scales that she has collected on there, they appear around her. Amazing.

Speaker: I love that. Fonolin, it is your turn. There's a minotaur skeleton looming over you. God, okay. i Is he prone because he dove He is not prone.

Speaker: He just took some big ol' bludgeoning damage. This turn, I'm gonna try to pull something off that isn't combat. Uh, what else is new? So I'm gonna use my bonus action to disengage and like dance away from the Minotaur, hauling my skirts away. And I'm going to spin to Clay and Glimki because my whole conversation that I just had was in Elvish.

Speaker: I am going to say in common, the crystal is part of a grand plan. If we leave it here, it will be used for evil. We just have to get out of here. Okay. All right. I mean, they are attacking us now. And I don't know.

Speaker: i don't know. We probably should still purify this thing, but all right. We can do it out there. They think we're interfering with the crystal, which is why they're attacking with us. They want it here. We must take it out. are interfering with the crystal, I guess.

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. Well, let's purify it once we get out of here. So we're running? i I guess so. What are we going to do? i guess we'll figure that out in a second. What are we going to do about the people outside? ah Yeah, we can run. Cube! Cube, baby!

Speaker: I am going to take the dash action towards the door. Okay. I already disengaged with my bonus action. Okay. And throw me the cube throw me the crystal. Why does this feel so shady? I've got it. I've got it.

Speaker: rat i've got it What do you mean rats? What are you going to do to us I don't understand what the hell's going on. She's going to take it and run. Okay, that's what you're doing, running?

Speaker: We just agreed to. We've got to get out of here, I think. i mean We probably could win this fight, but I'm in really rough shape. Me too. Okay, so you are going 60 feet then? You're disengaging the running 60 feet? Yeah. So we'll say you get five, 10, 15.

Speaker: You can get up to like the second level. You just like scramble up. There's like I said, these like these big ledges. So you get up to like the second highest ring near the the top, but you don't get all the way there.

Speaker: It is the skeleton's turn. And I'm going to keep it simple. Have two fire at each of you, starting with Glimki. What did even do? It's just because my friends are bad house guests. Glimke does a 14 hit.

Speaker: Nay. Does a 16 hit. Nay. Sword out. Swiping at these spectral arrows, knocking them aside. Clay, two attacks against you. Are you warding flaring?

Speaker: Yes. The first one? Okay, well, say it's like the close one again. so you you you flare at him. The one that I can flare. Would have been a 22, but instead is a 12.

Speaker: yes And then the second one shoots at you 19 to hit. Uh, let me think about it. i'll get actually I won't. That is for necrotic damage.

Speaker: Okay. And Faunolin does a unnatural 20 hits. It does. That means a 22 will definitely hit. oh First attack does eight necrotic damage. Okay. Uncanny dodge.

Speaker: Okay, reduced to four. Second attack does seven. I'm do go down. down. Yep. Shit, I'm down. Fonelin goes sprinting up, gets nearly to the exit, and then couple of arrows pierce her back, and she falls unconscious, slumps down on this ring. We can all agree I deserve it.

Speaker: Karma hits you immediately for lying. That's what you get for lying to your friends. Oh, we're all screwed, though, because I'm close. Awesome. How close are all these things together?

Speaker: I mean, the skeletons are scattered throughout the chamber. The minotaur is, like, right by you. The minotaur... Sorry, the minotaur and the other spectral thing? The spectral thing is in the ground. You don't know where it went. It disappeared into the ground.

Speaker: Oh, But it is your turn. And sorry, how much is everything else spread apart from each other? Just, like, scattered throughout the chamber, you know, like, anywhere from... I mean, chamber's not that big, so we'll say 30 to 60 feet away.

Speaker: Perfect. Perfect. Just like I planned. But actually, Glibkey watches Fondolin go down, and then he like turns to scan the room, and he like squeezes his eyes shut and like says a small prayer to Ed again and Malari. And then when he opens his eyes, they're flare green.

Speaker: And he's going to cast Moonbeam at the farthest target. Okay. They fail. Okay. that's, oh damn. That's only nine radiant damage. Okay. but bubb ba ba and Yeah. I mean, that's it for now for that. And then I'm going to run towards Fonulin.

Speaker: Okay. Runs towards Fonulin. Are you trying to climb out of the, out of the, like outer layer? I guess I have to, whatever is in the way. Okay. I'd say, so i here's your options.

Speaker: You can either run directly towards her, which will take you right beside, I'd say with your movement speed, like it'll take you right beside the Minotaur skeleton. You won't be able to get out of the pit, but you also won't provoke an opportunity attack.

Speaker: If you want to get like up to the next layer, the next ring, you can just climb up from where you are, but it'll like take you to the opposite side of the ring from where Fauna is. Wait, so if I, sorry, if I run past it, I do provoke an opportunity. You won't, You won't be able to move fast enough to get out of its range to provoke an opportunity attack. You won't have enough movement to climb out of this layer.

Speaker: So you'll be like moving directly towards her. It's the most efficient route, but it also puts you right beside it right before its turn is about to start. But will I be able to get there in the next turn, you think? Uh, probably not.

Speaker: Just because, uh, you've got 25 movement speed, so it'll take you basically 20 feet of movement to get out of this one. It would still be the fastest route, It'll be the fastest route for sure. Okay, then I'm doing it.

Speaker: Yes. so you run up next to this minotaur, shield drawn, sword out, and this thing is about to go, but before it does...

Speaker: rising up out of the floor into Clay's spirit guardians. Is it a wisdom saving throw, Clay? Yes. Wisdom 17 the fruit. 17. Oh, Clay.

Speaker: It rolled a 19 total. Does it take half damage on a success? Oh yeah, it takes half damage still. So 11, to 5 radiant. eleven have to five radiant Okay. It takes five radiant damage, and we will say it is it's still after Glimke.

Speaker: And so it is going to rise up out of the ground behind you, Glimke, and it is going to attempt a foretelling touch. So it's going to make a spell attack against you. does an 18 hit.

Speaker: That is my AC, yes. Oh, buddy. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Don't say that. Don't say that. 19 psychic damage. Whoa.

Speaker: And I need you to roll a D4. Oh, my God. Hold on. Where did he pop up from? Just like out of the ground. But like closer to me or closer to where Glimm Q is? Like right behind me. Oh, my God. I rolled a four. Oh.

Speaker: A four. You subtract four from the next attack roll or saving throw you make before the start of the Gallowspeaker's next turn. That's awesome. Oh, shoot. That's awesome. up All right. All right. All right. 19. You're still up.

Speaker: Yep. Then that is its turn. kid And the minotaur skeleton will go. will also have to make a saving throw. it rolls a natural one. So Clay, go ahead and give me some damage for it. 13 radiant damage.

Speaker: 13 radiant damage. Nice. It takes a big chunk out of it. It's still looking okay, but that's a big chunk. Glimkeek, also, could I get a constitution saving throw to maintain concentration on your... Oh, shit.

Speaker: Oh, shoot. That's only a nine. Damn it. Now, wait a minute. Did you remember your fruit? I guess 10 then. A 10 is what you needed. Oh my God. Okay. Fruit salad, fruit salad. Oh, the DM is nice. The DM is nice. Okay. Okay. okay He's an honorable and just DM.

Speaker: That is Clay's turn. Faunolin has gone down. You are standing there in this pit. There are skeletons all around you firing down. Sorry I keep asking this, how far is Faunalyn from me now? Faunalyn is roughly taking into account hypotenuses and the like, we will say about 45 feet plus, a say we'll say about 60 feet away with the let the elevation change.

Speaker: Perfect. My bonus action healing word. Amazing. And then action sacred flame, which is a cantrip. So I can do both in one turn. Yeah, let's go. Yeah.

Speaker: Sacred flame, the gallows speaker or whatever. Nice. It's a... Oh, sorry. Let me heal faunal in first. I'm doing two things at once. Thank you. You get eight health back.

Speaker: Sheesh. Very nice. Yes, that's plus the fruit. Perfect timing to have your cleric go right before your turn. Yeah. You're welcome. can just keep getting knocked out. Sacred Flame is a dex saving throw.

Speaker: Dex saving throw. Okay, it rolls a 17. Well, nothing happens then. Okay, rolls 17, nothing happens. Anything else, Clay?

Speaker: Any movement or... Yeah, I'll run closer to them just to start like heading out of the pit as well. Okay. You could either run up like next to Glimke or you could try and flank the gallows speaker. Your choice.

Speaker: Yeah, I'll flank, I guess. Okay. I'll go around. Sounds good. So you are behind the gallows speaker. glinkee is on the other side. Fondlin, it is your turn. Things go black for a second, and then you immediately open up your eyes. You look around. You're lying on the ground.

Speaker: You can see your friends are in the pit below you. There's skeletons all around. What are you doing? I really have nothing for this. I am going to... That was really nice of Clay, but I feel like Clay is closer to the exit, so I'm gonna look at Glynki and I'm going to say, you're doing really well and give him the help action.

Speaker: Something hilarious about Clay reviving me and then me looking over at Glynki and giving Glynki the help action. And then assuming we're still running, though It kind of seems like you guys are not so much runny runny.

Speaker: It's a deep hit and Glimki has short legs. Yeah, kind of hard to run when not you left all the bad guys here for us. All right, then I am going to... Do I have sneak attack?

Speaker: You can, yeah. I mean, depends on who you're going after, but you could have it against... The one that Glimki is near. He's next to both the Minotaur skeleton and the Gallowspeaker, so both of them could be sneak attacked. I'm just going to notch my arrow and sneak attack. And who looks worse, the spirit guy or the Minotaur?

Speaker: Hard to say. I'm just like the quickest of glances, fairly even. I'll go for the spirit guy. He's scarier. Okay. That's going to be a dirty 20 to hit. That will hit.

Speaker: Okay. me damage and 3d6 of sneak attack. Oh. And separate it out for me if you mind. Okay, so it's 21 total. 10 of that is from my regular shortbow attack.

Speaker: Okay, so that'll be reduced to five. The additional 11 is from sneak attack. Okay, it looks up at you. You see 100 faces.

Speaker: swirling. It didn't like that. That hurt a lot. It's got like an arrow sticking out of one of these like agape jaws just in its cloak. It's just an arrow sticking out of it. This black ichor starts to pour out of the mouth and rise up towards the ceiling.

Speaker: Gross. Anything else from you? I'll use my movement. I use my bonus action. i used my action and now take my movement to move towards the door. Okay, you're able to climb up onto the final layer. You're on the top layer. The door is right by you.

Speaker: You could run. Yeah, basically, you you could basically reach the door if you wish, or you can stick around and help your friends or whatever. Help my friends. I guess I'll stick around and help my friends or whatever. Okay.

Speaker: It is the skeleton's turn at the start of it. Glimki, what is the spell save for your moonbeam? 14. 14. oh fourteen 14 or the plus one 15 15 it rolls a 15 exactly okay so then it's gonna take half half damage okay oh nice 16 half eight radiant damage sheesh the skeleton turns to ash let's go nice let's go okay nice nice okay it is the skeleton's turn one attack against you clay

Speaker: Do I have a warding flare left? I think I believe you've used up four warding flares. I think you've got one more. Yeah. Is this my last one? I'll use it. Yeah.

Speaker: I'm on your side. Genuinely, genuinely, am on your side. But also, fuck you, Nat 20. None of them wasn't at 20. The other was an 18 on the die, so 22 total. Yeah, I guess that hits. And you will take seven necrotic damage.

Speaker: Seven? Okay, I'm still up. Oh my god. Oh my god. Fonelin, two arrows are going get fired at you. Leave me alone, man. We'll say they fire with disadvantage as you're like kind of across.

Speaker: They're outside their normal range. That would be an eight or a 11, both of which will be arrows firing at you as you make a scramble for the exit. They're not really moving around. They're just firing into the pit, firing at you. And then Glimki, two arrows fired at you.

Speaker: Does a 12 hit? No. That means an 11 will also miss. Let's go. So arrows p firing around. Clay gets hit by one. Glimke, it is your turn. Okay, how many... Okay, where's the ah the next big threat?

Speaker: t I mean, the two biggest guys are standing right beside you. Right. Are they within five feet of each other? I was... Diagonally, I was envisioning them like, you know, you're here, one's like on a grid, like one's behind you and one's to the right of you. So I could not put the five foot radius beam between them and get both of them?

Speaker: I think you could, but only if you get yourself as well. I can move, though. That is true. Then I'm going to... How far am I from Fondlin?

Speaker: Like, so far at this point. You're down in the pitch. She is like... Like, we'll say like 50, 50 feet away. Oh, then fucking easy. Glinky's going to use his action to move the moonbeam towards himself. So you see the moonbeam kind of slide through the space in a flash.

Speaker: I kind of like imagine it like when you're moving your hand really fast and there's like that blurred trail of it sliding across the room. And right as it like sticks right between them, I'm going to use a bonus action to Misty Step 30 feet towards Fala.

Speaker: Oh, sick. So I'm going like in a flash, disappear from that position yeah as the Moonbeam replaces me. That's so sick. So we'll say you can't make it all the way to her, but we'll say you can make it up to like the second, the second ring.

Speaker: So that was just my bonus action for the 30 feet. Yeah. And I still make the 25 feet of movement. hot so You climb up and we'll say you get like an extra five feet. You're basically right beside following it.

Speaker: that point. Okay. We made it. So you run up. I need dexterity safes for both of them. No, it'd be the start of their turn technically because they they have to start their turn there.

Speaker: Isn't it? Okay. I've been looking this up because I was trying to figure out if I could pass it through space and hurt targets on the way there. But it seems to like be tricky language. Essentially, it says when a creature enters the spells area for the first time,

Speaker: on a turn or starts it's okay that's the same okay so technically it's the same it's the same as spirit guardians yeah baldur's gate is that's why i gave him the day so the the skeleton that took that first hit it damage technically that wouldn't have counted but then the 16 follow-up would have been enough to you do it i guess he technically yeah i was i was trying to read it like i was looking at a bunch of forums i was like oh that's like a tricky they made a confusing language because it's like on a turn Yeah, exactly. So well going forward, it is, yeah, we won't do the double dip. It'll just be, yeah, it'll be at, so when they start their turn, which will be right away. Then they make a con save, yeah. Make a con save, okay. That is Glimke's turn, and it is the gallows speaker as this searing moonbeam carves through the ground, just burning through this space, and it'll make a constitution saving throw and roll a 13.

Speaker: Nice. Hell yeah. Is it in my spirit guardian still too? And it's also in your spirit guardian, so it makes a, sorry, wisdom save? Let's fucking go. Let's go. Synergy. It failed that well. Give both of you damage.

Speaker: Holy. Okay, so that's nine damage. Nine radiant damage, okay. And 19 radiant damage. How are you rolling so goddamn high? I rolled an eight, six, and a five on my Goddamn.

Speaker: You watch. It was hard to tell at first, but with each of these hits, some of these voices are being silenced, and now it's just like barely held together.

Speaker: You are liars. Betrayers.

Speaker: It is going to 30 feet and then 30 feet. Clay, you are the only one within range of it. I guess you could fly up after them. Its movement is halved in my spirit guardians.

Speaker: What the hell? Just while it's in the spirit guardians? Okay. Yeah. I'm going to say, Clay, it is going to attempt to fly away from you. Okay. After Glinky and Faunelin. So you can make an opportunity attack.

Speaker: Oh, sweet. Oh, please. 16? sixteen 16 will hit. Give me damage. AC's 12, I remember. Please, Clay, do it for us.

Speaker: Do it for us, Clay. I rolled a one plus one, two damage. No. That is reduced to one damage. No. is Imagine that's all it takes, though.

Speaker: It is not. but i meant g And it's crazy that it only had one health. That's awesome. I'm not meant for attacking with my mace. That's it's not what I do.

Speaker: The muscles are just for show. Oh, why you say my name? It's going to fly up out of the spirit guardian. Some of its movement is reduced, but it just kind of flies straight out of there. The rest of its movement is enough for it to get within range of its suffering echoes.

Speaker: And it looks at you, Faunolin, and you kind of just like feel yourself inadvertently turn to face it. You see it floating there above this pit. Most of the corpses have been burnt away by Clay's holy magic, but it looks at you.

Speaker: Join us, won't you? have a choice. Unlike the others, you can be with us forever. Make a wisdom saving throw, please. Oh God. I don't want to. I'm scared.

Speaker: That's a 14. I have a plus, I have plus two for wisdom saving throws and plus one because of fruit salad, which takes me to 17. Let's go. That seems pretty good. Just as a thought experiment.

Speaker: Yep. If you had failed, you would have taken 12 psychic damage, which we know would have been enough to knock you out. And Glimpki would have taken an additional 15 psychic damage. Which would have also knocked me out.

Speaker: But because you succeeded, neither of you take any damage. You're welcome. As once again, these dark thoughts and memories start to well up within you, overwhelming you, but you shake it off, you hold strong, and it floats there in space above you. It is the Minotaur Skeleton's turn. I will need it to make a Constitution and Wisdom saving throw.

Speaker: Fale's Wisdom succeeds on Con. Okay, still half. I kid you not, I rolled max on both. oh So 20 to 10, but still 10 radiant damage. Takes 10 radiant damage. Clay. I'm sorry. I was, how do I roll concentration? Cause I got hit.

Speaker: What hit you just earlier. Oh, right. An arrow. The arrow. ah That'll be a constitution for spirit. grading So make a constitution saving throw. If I roll it retroactively, is that okay?

Speaker: Yeah, no, for sure. I hope you succeed. Otherwise, that guy's going to lose 19 radiant damage. ah Yeah. what's the what What am I trying to hit, though?

Speaker: The DC is only 10. Okay, that's fine. I got 12. I just wanted to make sure I rolled it. Okay, so the do your spirit damage from last time still counts.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. 10 radiant damage. Total? On 3d8? 442. four four two am i'm the math The math checks out. It just makes me sad. Math is not great. It makes us all sad.

Speaker: Well, Clay.

Speaker: It trudges up next to you and raises up this massive femur. And as it does, you see this blade of spectral energy forms and it's going to swing down at you.

Speaker: That's 19. nineteen

Speaker: Yeah, sure, it hits. I don't have Warning Flare, but I have Hellish Rebuke. Does that count if I go down, or do can I still do damage? It'll still count if you go down. Okay, yeah, well, I'm going cast it then. Okay.

Speaker: Give me, what what's that for me? ah what kind of save is that for me? It's a dex 14. It fails. Okay, cool. Burn. Yeah. I'm so tense right now. actually like remind myself to take deep breaths. We're definitely on a knife set here. I'm also very tense because I'm like, I i thought you guys would be at more health going into this fight than evidently you were. i think Yeah, we started this half health essentially. Yeah. And the thing is also there was time after the box. was like, maybe let's take a short rest. They got time. I was thinking about that, but oh well. Yeah, I'll just win it. I was thinking it won. Well, i just didn't know there was time.

Speaker: Yeah, we're not really a short rest partner. heal after the displacer beasts. Like, I should have healed after that. Yeah, same. There was ample reason to short rest at any point, especially once in the, like, tarnished Bethel where they won't come in because if they do, they'll be put to death.

Speaker: but Right. Nine fire damage. Okay. Yes. Fire emanates from the empty eye sockets. It is reeling on its feet, but it is still upright and you are going to take 16 slashing damage.

Speaker: Yeah, I'm down. No. We still have- I had three health. And the bowman too. Oh no. If you die, we're coming to hell to get you. fun Fun little side art. The spirit guardians fade away.

Speaker: Clay, it is your turn. I need a death saving throw from you, please. Cool, is that a d20? No. That's a d20. 17. 17. Good, good, good. One success.

Speaker: Faunelin, it is your turn. The gallows speaker floats above you. You see clay go down in the pit below. What are you doing? There's Glimke, tree fellow. He is right beside you.

Speaker: Okay. I'm gonna say to the gallows speaker and say, no, thank you. I have no healing power. The only thing I can do is try to drag clay away.

Speaker: Which you simply cannot do. That's so far away. You're so far away. 70 feet away. I could get to clay with my movement sprint and bonus action.

Speaker: don't know if you can though. because But once I get there. Right, because you need to climb down the levels. And I could jump and take some damage. Okay, I think i think there's and i think there's no way for me to save Clay.

Speaker: So I am going to shoot at the spectral entity in front of me for my action. I'm sending, I don't think I have sneak attack, do I?

Speaker: Not in its current state, no. okay Okay, okay, okay. Sneak attack I can get from flanking with a friend, hiding, and that's basically it. That's basically it.

Speaker: There's nowhere for me to hide in this place. Right? I hate to say it, but maybe you can suck them into the cube. i'm I'm going back in the cube, aren't i Or we all just get sucked into the cube with them. I don't know how it works.

Speaker: Is there anywhere for me to hide? Uh, not really. I mean, there's- Yeah. Behind Glimm Key. You're at the entryway. You could run down the tunnel, but like, it's kind of looking right at you. You okay? You're just shooting at it raw.

Speaker: Can i I, have my cloak on. Mm-hmm. Could I just blend into the shadows? I think the only reason this would even be possible is because of your cloak.

Speaker: You will still need to succeed on a stealth check, but you can attempt to. Okay. This be your bonus action to hide. Bonus action hide, I got a 15.

Speaker: fifteen The eyes, you can feel them on the back of your head. You begin to run down the tunnel with the thought of just disappearing into the shadow, quickly whipping around and shooting a sneak attack at it.

Speaker: But you run down into the shadow, you turn, and you just lock eyes with it. It has not broken eye contact with you. You felt like it was pretty dark, but evidently this creature can see beyond what you were expecting. it is highly perceptive.

Speaker: probably on account of the numerous eyes and souls living within it. But give me an attack, and it was a dirty 20. So give me your just regular damage, no sneak attack.

Speaker: That's an eight. Eight, which is reduced to four. Fuck. Yeah. And it survives. Oh. Yeah. Clay's gonna die, bro. Is that what you want? It's okay. I have one save. I'm just gonna pass out for a bit here. That's what I was hoping for. Skeletons are going to go Clay is down. They're gonna shoot five arrows at Glimke.

Speaker: that's how we will say That's nuts, actually. That's Because of positioning, we will say ah we're gonna say all five will be at disadvantage because of the range to you.

Speaker: That'll be a miss. That'll be a miss. Oh man, I'm rolling. I'm rolling a lot of fours, but that was a 22 to hit. Yeah. and And double sevens makes it 11.

Speaker: So you only get hit by one arrow. Eight necrotic damage as five arrows, many of them falling short of you, but one catches you right in the shoulder. That's a bummer.

Speaker: my God. Are you up? Are you up or are you down? Are you down? No, I'm down. think we're going to die here. Shit. ah that's i had exactly eight.

Speaker: Oh no. Is there? Oh my gosh. Is there anything I can do? have a question. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I have... No, my feet, the Shieldmaster feet is only if I'm making a dex save.

Speaker: Unless, wait, hold on. No, it's a, ah, damn, yeah. the reaction for the Shieldmaster evasion is only for dex-related saves. Fair.

Speaker: Shoot. Ah, darn. do have one question. Did you give yourself the five extra HP from your fruit? ah I think so. Yes, i think we did that last time.

Speaker: Okay. Then Glimki goes down. shoot. With him, the moonbeam fades. No. No. Oh Son of bitch.

Speaker: It is the gallows speaker's turn. great We're just fucked. What the fuck? Fonelin with eyes fixed on you, it begins to float towards you slowly.

Speaker: It stretches out a hand towards you and then slams it down onto Glimki's throat. Oh, oh, oh. whoa

Speaker: What the fuck is your problem? Your mind spikes. You kind of thrash on the ground and immediately take two fails. Oh no!

Speaker: Bonalyn screams. The minotaur skeleton looms over Clay, raises that ax once more.

Speaker: Clay, you immediately suffer two fails.

Speaker: Oh my God. What are you doing? Oh God. Oh my God. Clay, I need you to make a death save. And if I fail it, I die. Die, die. die You can't kill Clay Campbell.

Speaker: Oh my God. Oh man. Prima, remember your fruit salad. Yeah. Yeah. I got a 14 on the dice. so oh i Yeah. Shut up. I got 14. Yeah.

Speaker: yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. No problem. Faunlin, it is your turn. Okay, okay, okay, okay, stop, up up up stop, stop, stop so stop everybody just chill out chi out you said that i could join you you will let me join you willingly however that works and just let let my friends go

Speaker: You don't want them anyway. They don't believe in the Father God like I do. They would corrupt us. But I believe, I am pure. They will learn.

Speaker: They're really stupid. Can't be taught. They're so dumb, they can't be taught. That one is stubborn as a bull.

Speaker: makes no further response. Okay. Fondalyn is going to start. It's standing right on top of Glimki. It's, it's that skeletal hand is still around Glimki's throat. It has not released him. It does not appear that it's going to. Okay. In for a penny, in for a pound. My bargain didn't work. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Speaker: I'm sorry if I kill us all, guys. ah Fondalyn's going to say, well, I tried. And Fondalyn, I am going to, going to use my movement. I'm going to sprint.

Speaker: I am going to take the disengage action as I throw myself across Glimki's body and past this creature with the intention of getting the crystal out of his out of his still hand.

Speaker: So that's my movement and my bonus action. I'd say you don't need to disengage. It's floating. like You can just like slide in right next to him. Great, then I still have a bonus action to dash.

Speaker: I am going to run as far away as I can from both of them, both of them being Glimki and Clay. Okay, so then in that case, you would wanna disengage.

Speaker: Okay, I'll disengage. So that's my movement, my bonus action. I will take my action to dash as far as I can get from both of my friends. And then I'm gonna say,

Speaker: Fuck you guys, weird ghosts. And I'm gonna throw the crystal on the ground and try to break it.

Speaker: I'm sorry if I just TPK'd us, Zach. I'm gonna be honest, I don't know i don't know what I could've done. I have no healing. I have no healing, I couldn't talk us out of it. And there's no way I can- I have eight health, there's no way I could kill both these guys.

Speaker: Right? Can you guys think of anything else I could've done? No, I like where this is going. Yeah, yeah, see the this is cooler. If there's a hell arc, I'm down. Let's go meet Clay's dad.

Speaker: Yeah. My dad is going to heaven, but yeah. Small town. Okay.

Speaker: Where are you dropping the crystal? or Where are you smashing the crystal? You know what? I'm going to say Faunilin winds up and throws it as hard as she can against the wall behind her to get it even further from her friends.

Speaker: Okay. So we're saying you, I'm just using my map, trying to make this as fair as possible. I trust your judgment. I i used my movement and my and my dash action to get as far as I could, but i know there were the levels. I'm not opposed to vaulting myself down those levels if it gets me further, but takes up some of my movement. Do you know what i mean? Like hypotenuse wise, just put me wherever. yeah I'll say it took you 15 to get back to Glimki, pick up the crystal, and then you could go an additional 45. Finally, I need a dexterity saving throw from you.

Speaker: fuck Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. i don't even care if I die. and even I don't even like playing Lady Fonelin Eugene Veydark. I don't even care about her. i don't even care about her and her 8-page backstory.

Speaker: you have plus 1 dex because of the fruit. So, that's a 7 on the dice. I have a plus 7 on my dexterity saving throws. And a plus 1 because of the fruit salad brings me to a 15. And that is...

Speaker: I don't have anything else unless I can somehow use my uncanny dodge if I was going to take damage from this. But barring that, that is everything I have.

Speaker: Okay. Apologies. I'm really not trying to milk this. I just really am trying to do this fairly. No, I get it. i get it. got to commit. Yeah, you're TPKing us. It takes five.

Speaker: 30, 35. Pardon? I can get there.

Speaker: roughly oh you're talking about feet I was like 35 damage he's about to be burned to dust he's about to obliterate me it's literally the blast radius no one explain what the crystal does it's just nuke okay Fondolin you take this rock and you smash it against the wall next to you you feel your hair start to rise up as gravity reverses in the chamber You succeed on the dexterity saving throw, and you're able to grab onto just a chunk of rock, a pillar.

Speaker: You dig your hands in. digs in to your hand. Your hand starts to bleed. The blood starts to rise up towards the ceiling, scattering across the roof. But you manage to hold on as the crystal shatters, reversing gravity within the chamber.

Speaker: You watch as the skeletal bodies

Speaker: explode across the ceiling, bones plastering to the roof. The minotaur skeleton rises up and shatters into a thousand pieces. The gallows speaker slams against the ceiling as well. Evaporates.

Speaker: The voice is silenced.

Speaker: But Clay and Glimke's bodies also smash up against the ceiling. And they are both killed. No! What?

Speaker: And that's where we'll stop tonight's session of Bard Soup.

Speaker: I love you guys. I'm sorry.