Ch. 46 - Where the Sun Don't Shine | Found and Lost (ft. Kingdom Crawlers & Quick I Need a Game)

Transcript

Speaker: Now, let's see. Where were we? Ah yes, that's right. When we last left our heroes, they had traveled far to the distant city of Sunfall, in search of a cleric to resurrect Clay.

Speaker: They spoke with a beleaguered priest of Yusik and asked him for his help, but he told them the temple had recently been robbed and they lacked the requisite diamonds to help them. Undeterred, the party ventured into the Magpie's Nest, a casino run by the Clutch, one of Sunfall's many mobs.

Speaker: There they found Maximus, Matilda, Tildarun, a drunken orc that while happy to see the prince was alive, had lost all the prince's money gambling. To get it back, she had agreed to help rescue the daughter of the Clutch's leader, an individual known as the Osprey, and reluctantly, the party agreed to help.

Speaker: However, a rival plan was floated, and as Matilda brought the party outside, they gathered in a nearby alley and began to formulate a plan to rob the casino. The party learned that all the casino's earnings were kept in a vault far beneath the ground, and Juniper attempted to scout the vault by transforming into a spider, however, she soon learned that the entrance to the vault was heavily fortified, as a glyph activated and doused her in a wave of acid.

Speaker: An alternate plan was devised, and the party spread out to carry out their individual parts. Bertram and Matilda ventured into the ruins of the old city beneath Sunfall to look for the Children of Argath, a gang who might be able to help get them into the vault.

Speaker: Meanwhile, Lycan got a job as casino security, while Farnelin attempted to blackmail a dealer named Lenny Quinola into giving her favorable luck. However, Lenny was caught, and he along with Farnelin were brought before the Osprey.

Speaker: In her office, Farnelin learned that the Osprey's missing daughter was her longtime frenemy, Electra Voomin. Farnelin was able to alleviate the Osprey's ire by sharing news of the death of Prince Elling Malfurth, and Farnelin was ultimately allowed to leave intact.

Speaker: Lenny, however, was taken to the vault for his apparent execution. Juniper once again transformed into a spider and hitched a ride in a coin purse as Lycan was tasked with escorting Lenny down to the vault with the osprey.

Speaker: They ventured down past the acid trap and an unnaturally cold and dark chamber into the ruins of an old city street far beneath the surface. At the end of this street was the first bank of Argath, and a small gathering of strange eyeless creatures obsessed with cleaning bones.

Speaker: They entered the bank and saw a large open vault door. The Osprey instructed Lycan to throw him in, Lenny that is, and revealed that the vault was an illusion created by a creature that guarded the real vault. As Lenny was devoured by the creature, the real vault was revealed, and the casino's earnings were deposited inside, alongside Juniper.

Speaker: Juniper thought that she was safe inside the vault, but in a sudden twisting of dimensions, she found herself pulled out of the vault into the presence of the vault guardian. she was able to melt with the stone of the cavern walls just as it reached for her with its flailing tentacles back on the surface faunlin vasania and lycan gathered outside to discuss how things were going lycan felt obligated to stay at his newly assigned post but the other two went in search of bertram but unbeknownst to them he had struck a deal with the children of argath who conspired to ignite a gang war so that the old city could rise from the ashes you already said all that

Speaker: On with the story.

Speaker: Come gather round, travelers, and sit on the stoop. We'll tell you a story about Batsu. Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop.

Speaker: We'll tell you a story about Batsu.

Speaker: Welcome, Madame, Monsieur, and everybody else to Chez Bar Soup! We have a lovely meal planned for you tonight, but first, must start with an appetizer. Here, we have a little truffle prince, rich with the fragrance of the dirt and sewer.

Speaker: Prima, who are you and who do you play? Hi, I'm Prima and I play Bertram Vestergaard. Magnifique! Ah, now for our first course, some might say the appetizer is the first course but not even shape out soup. Here the appetizer is as course zero of sorts. For our first course we have, but of course, soup.

Speaker: It is a fine winter melon gnome soup with a hint of Undisclosed Backstall-y. Jordan, who are you and who do you play? I'm Jordan Johnson and this amuse-bouche is playing Vassanya.

Speaker: Oh, that is the truth to her. No, that's something too special. We have a cook-a-bouche coming up next. Look at how it towers, much like the wig of this woman. Shannon, who are you? Who do you play?

Speaker: I am Shannon and I play Funnel Invade Aroc. Narratively, I do not need to be French, but you know me, I never skip an accent. Ah, no you do not. And we never skip an opportunity to dazzle and surprise here at Shape Art Soup. Now normally you might think, three courses, that is a complete meal, no? But here, we have five.

Speaker: So sit back down and enjoy our rotating beast of the day. Sometimes it is chicken, sometimes it is shark, sometimes it is spider. Feel the legs upon your trachea. Peyton, who are you and who do you play?

Speaker: Uh, oui, oui. I can't do accents. I'm Pétan, and I play Juniper. Ah, that is the truth, non? No visit to Chebatsoup would be complete without the dessert.

Speaker: Some of you might be thinking croquembouche is a dessert, mais non. Dessert is the last dish, we all know that. So if you have croquembouche in the middle of your meal, that means it is the entree. And for dessert, we have a big, strong warrior. Alors, cannibalism, mais oui. Hélène, who are you, and who do you play?

Speaker: Yeah, don't get your mouth too watery, but my name's Alan, and i play Lycan. And that is the truth, and this is my menu, and I am your chef, Zachary Micker. Vive la French cuisine, and vive la bat soup!

Speaker: Vive la bat soup! Woohoo!

Speaker: We start on the streets of Sunfall. It is dark out. The stars are shining up above. You hear music wafting through the streets.

Speaker: Countless stalls and vendors with sizzling meats and flagons of ale, little pop crackers going off little little little little pendant little little little little little little things that spin. Yes, some might call them windmill, but a little one. yes and pinwheel. That's the one. pinwheel. Don't you interrupt again, motherfucker. Oh, shit. And we see a pair of one good intro. And

Speaker: Don't know the word pinwheel, but I can write an intro. We see a couple of individuals run through the crowd past everyone. You might think, oh, it's Vassanya.

Speaker: Oh, it's Fonelin. But no, it's two children. They're not important. Ignore them. They run past Fonelin and Vassanya running the opposite direction through the streets, desperately trying to find Bertram, who has descended into the sewers.

Speaker: You hear a sudden...

Speaker: And you might think if you were the player, the explosion's gone off. But the characters would think that's a very small explosion. That's probably some firecrackers over in an alley. And sure enough, they're the same two children throwing some firecrackers down at the ground, some cherry bombs, if you will.

Speaker: And I think that's enough out of me. going to leave it with a Shannon and Jordan funneling in Vassanya. Yeah, you're running. We were specifically running towards the opening of the sewers that we knew about, so I think we just get down there as fast as we can, unless Jordan thinks otherwise.

Speaker: No, I agree. I think while we're running, Vasanya's going to tell you that, look, we tried it this the subtle way, and now people's lives are in danger, so I think we've got to start acting quick and we can ask questions later.

Speaker: I agree with you. Are you amenable to murder? I've been waiting for you to ask me that. Lady Faradip, my weapons speak one language and that language is death.

Speaker: Let's go. Holy shit, that was the coolest thing any of my friends have ever said. Fonnell and Vassanya, I would say you don't you don't actually, I don't think you know of an actual sewer entrance specifically. That was kind of Bertram's thing while you were off getting Lenny Finola killed.

Speaker: So if your general plan is though to defined, you're like, okay, we need to get underground. Sewers are how you get underground following the Bertram school of thought. Give me a perception check as you run through this this crowd.

Speaker: Fourteen. Oh, I can do better. king

Speaker: but live maybe the way you play it. Yeah, it's not a competition, but I did get a 16. So I see like 10% more than Rosania does. wow yeah You are running through this crowd and kind of at the same time, the two of you spot a sewer grate and you see a pair of boots step onto it and looking up, you see Lycan.

Speaker: Oh, thank God I found you guys. um I got the day off. My manager's super cool. That's awesome. I'm happy for you. Lead the way to the sewer.

Speaker: Let's go. It's beneath your, it's beneath your boots. Could you just budge over to the side, please? Actually, while you're there, could you lift the grate also? It looks dirty.

Speaker: And lift the grate. Pretty easily, because i I'm pretty strong. You easily lift it out of the way. Do what you will with the the sewer lid.

Speaker: so I roll it down nearby alley and two kids jump out of the way it crushes their cherry balls. You hear the two children say, that's the biggest coin I've ever seen. We're going to be rich forever. We don't have to live here anymore.

Speaker: And then you hear, Ow! It crossed my foot! I'll never be allowed to leave the village now! And before you can hear any more, the three of you descend down into the sewers and we cut away.

Speaker: Down beneath the ground, it is dark. There is stone everywhere. The pounding of the tentacles has ceased. Juniper, you are alone in the darkness.

Speaker: While melded into the stone, you cannot see anything outside. You can barely hear if you really, really strain with everything you've got. And as you strain, you feel fairly confident that it is quiet. You don't know if the creature has given up and moved on. You don't know if it's lying in wait outside for you.

Speaker: All you know is that you can be in here for up to eight hours. You also know that at some point not too long ago, this creature was able to pull you out of the vault. You don't know if it can do that again.

Speaker: What are you doing? This is all in my head. I'm thinking to myself, okay, Juniper, deep restorative breaths, okay?

Speaker: Calm your heart rate and maybe it will forget about you. So let's do some square breathing. and She counts through her inhales and her exhales. And I would like to attempt to take a short rest in the stone.

Speaker: While in this meditative state. Which I know is an hour, so. Okay. I will say... After approximately 10 minutes, you know, you're resting, you're breathing, you're trying to recover your strength.

Speaker: Could I get a wisdom saving throw? a

Speaker: Fun fact, I built Juniper wrong the first time when I was scouring deep into the bowels of my character sheet to try to get myself out of the situation. I realized that I had forgotten a bonus that would have added plus one to my wisdom saving throw last time, which means I would have saved. Anyway. Oh, Gnar. So that's tragic. But hopefully, you know, please.

Speaker: Okay. Okay. Yes. Yep. Yep. 16. As it were, 16 is what you needed last time. a Like I said, you can't see what's out there. You can't hear what's out there.

Speaker: But you can feel that Lycan is nearby, waiting for you. He's so close. And as you continue to rest and regain your strength for what comes next, can I get a perception check from you?

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. um so I've never been more nervous in my entire life playing D&D. Anyway. you know This is really good. Perception check.

Speaker: Eleven. Eleven. It's really hard with the stone, but just barely you hear Lycan's voice. Lycan, what do you say?

Speaker: What? Okay. um Juniper, are you in here? And we will cut away from Juniper ah in the vault chamber.

Speaker: trying so hard to kill her, man? They're leaving this episode. You don't have to that. I'm making damn sure. When you got your foot on the throat, yeah, don't let up. That's what Gandhi taught me.

Speaker: And first, thank you for guests that we have here on this show.

Speaker: Bertram. From the ashes, Agatha rise. From the ashes, Agatha rise. The city burns. The city it burns. The city burns tonight. At first, it was like kind of this cool, ominous chant, but it's been going for like 45 minutes. It's like you think there'd be like some, you know, variations. Someone else would take the lead, maybe a second verse, but they are...

Speaker: fervorous with this chant as you have been moving through these encased rubble filled streets these slightly reclaimed homes mixed in with these caves and these natural stone formations there's little bits of luminescent mushroom and glowing lichen throughout not that one he's everywhere You and Matilda are being rushed along. You see that more and more people have joined you.

Speaker: And one of these people is this grizzled looking kobold that you know his name is Kamula. And he kind of stumps along beside you. He's got a pretty pronounced limp, but he's he's moving really quick. He barely comes up to your waist and he he looks up at you with this. He's got an eye patch and there's like this one squinting eye and he looks up at you and says, pretty cool, eh?

Speaker: Yeah. So what, where are we going exactly? We're going to the vault, like you want it. Okay. And then we're just going to blow it up? Yeah.

Speaker: Then we're going take the money and bada bing, bada boom. Okay, nice. Yeah. I'm on board. I know. we You made a deal with Uggsmeer not too long ago. It's been 45 minutes. know.

Speaker: i know Yeah, From the ashes of the rise. City burns. Yeah, so listen. And he's got like all these bags and like boxes and straps all over him. A bunch of just makeshift weapons.

Speaker: You see he opens one pouch and it's filled with this familiar looking black powder that you may have seen on Mengen. You wouldn't have. You're not clay. and It's filled with an unfamiliar black powder that you never would have seen on Megan because you haven't been there.

Speaker: And he ties that shot. He's like, nope, that's not the one. He reaches open into into ah another satchel and says, ah, here we go. And he pulls out this, like, just this this handful of fabric and he holds it out to you. You see that it is this gray pinstriped material.

Speaker: but Put that on. um I hold it out. What kind of outfit is this? It is a three-piece suit. oh Is it my size?

Speaker: More or less. Might be a bit snug, but as far as suits in an underground society go, it looks like it'll fit pretty well. Does it, like, match everyone else's outfit?

Speaker: You look around, and you see that there are a few people also wearing these gray pinstripe suits. A lot of them are wearing, like... beggar core outfits, like a lot of rags and, you know, lot of like mole person-esque looking vibes.

Speaker: But there's a few that are wearing these these suits, same as what Kamula is offering you. Is Kamula wearing one? ah No. No, he's not. No.

Speaker: Oh, okay. I take it from him. What is this for? Subterfuge. Ah. Do I recognize it as like one of the other factions outfits?

Speaker: Yeah, you were accosted upon a arrival by a group of individuals from the Tevichi Mafia wearing similar suits. Okay.

Speaker: Does he offer one to Matilda? He does. As you're kind of looking at him, he starts rummaging around and all right, here you go. Put this on. Cool. I put it on over my clothes.

Speaker: Perfect. You look the part. This way, if you're killed, they'll think it's the Tevichi Mafia. Bada bing, bada boom. From the ashes, Argath will rise. Yes, yes. From the ashes. Yeah. yeah City burns, the city burns, the city burns tonight. Now look, we're here!

Speaker: And you see the crowd, the mob stops, and you're in an area that is a little less claustrophobic, a little less tight. And you see Kamula walks to the front of this crowd, and he starts taking off all these pouches and bags and satchels, and starts to just if you were If you were to pull back and you were to watch this, the viewer, you would recognize it as he's building a damn breaching charge. But you, Bertram, you probably haven't seen anything like this. It's just a lot of wire and bags and a couple of barrels. you're like, where the hell is he still on those?

Speaker: And as he gets to work, some of the other children of Argath go and they start helping him. And this pale elf, Uggsmere, walks to the front and a hush falls over the crowd.

Speaker: She starts to speak and, Bertram, you are... Listening, but you're a little distracted because you can feel just beyond that wall. The money you want is so close.

Speaker: It's so close. It's right there. m Juniper. Yeah.

Speaker: You breathe for an hour. Calm your nerves. I just wanted my wild shape back. You get your short rest in. You get your wild shape back. It's still quiet out there. Occasionally you hear Lycan calling out to you.

Speaker: i i would know about its abilities, right? I heard that conversation when I was being carried in. Okay. Okay. It's not him.

Speaker: That's her talking to her her thoughts. she But I do want to listen to anything else that might be going on. give me Give me another perception roll. Okay.

Speaker: No, that's an at one. Eight. He's gone quiet. You're sure he's out there still, but you can't hear him anymore. Maybe that's for the best.

Speaker: What's the plan? Is it waiting for rescue? Is it slipping out unseen? is it waiting for the creature to make the first move? so no um ah Well, I think in her head, she was counting down to when she knew the next like shift change would be, unless she heard something else that would get her to come out first. But Peyton's nervous that this thing's going to try to pull her out again. So I don't know.

Speaker: I have my plan of action for when I'm leaving. I just don't i don't know if she would think now is the time if she didn't hear anything. That's fair. So I think she's going to stay. Okay.

Speaker: Some more time passes. Could I get a wisdom saving throw?

Speaker: Okay. Okay. 14. 14. I can't roll above a 10 tonight. All right, I guess it's plan. It's go time.

Speaker: Juniper, one second. You are in... the the stone wall, counting the seconds, waiting to execute your plan, hoping that your internal clock is right and you'll be able to pop out when the next delivery comes.

Speaker: The next, you are in a glade within the Amethyst Valley. What? There is a trickle of water flowing past your feet. You see these tall, lush trees. There's a thin layer of moss on the ground beneath you.

Speaker: And you see a small beam of moonlight shining down onto a rock. And though his back is to you... Oh my gosh. You see that Lycan is sitting there.

Speaker: Oh my gosh.

Speaker: Lycan? Juniper, do you see this? Look how pretty the flowers are.

Speaker: How did... How did we get here? don't think that matters anymore.

Speaker: kind of start walking towards it, but very cautiously. of course. You take a few cautious steps. The moss crunches quietly under your feet. You see that the moonlight that's shining and sparkling on this water is also reflecting off of numerous purple gemstones embedded in the stones nearby.

Speaker: Little geode clusters. Can you come to me? i can't even see you. Are you... I can hear you. did we Did we get the diamond? Did we resurrect the friend? Are we home?

Speaker: ah feel like I missed a few parts here. <unk> okay, Juniper. We're home. Oh my gosh.

Speaker: Can I really try to perceive around me? Because this is confusing. Yeah, go for it. Make a perception check. Okay, hey, 26. I finally rolled a little bit 10.

Speaker: You look around, and you don't know how you didn't see it before. But the trees are wooden cutouts, the type you might see in a low-budget theater production.

Speaker: The moss that you were walking across is burlap and bones. The amethysts that were glittering. It doesn't take much to realize that they're just cheap glass.

Speaker: And you look over at lichen. As he crumples into

Speaker: just a sack of something not quite flesh, but definitely not lichen. You see the eyes of this creature glitter in the darkness from behind him.

Speaker: And you see these four tentacles

Speaker: flare up. hard to make out the shape of this creature. It's masked in shadow despite the light source, though you don't even know where this light is coming from because you realize you are in that same tunnel.

Speaker: I need an initiative roll. Dane it! This is scary. You

Speaker: think? 13. Juniper, it is your turn. Giant badgers everywhere, eight of them! All over the place! In its business!

Speaker: ah Distraction! and And then, it's- but wait, there's more! Let me just look at- I have been prepping this for three months! Okay! Yeah, with infinite prep time! Yeah!

Speaker: Then I'm going, to ask my bonus action, to use Hidden Step, and I'm going to disappear! Because that's what that does for my whole turn. And then I'm going to... Do I see where next it is?

Speaker: Yeah, you see that kind of just behind you, like, it it was pulling you deeper in with this dummy lichen. And yeah, you look behind you, you can barely see, like, there's some torchlight off in the distance. You're deep within this tunnel.

Speaker: Okay, badgers everywhere, invisible, running for the exit. Amazing. ah Question. ah What kind of disappeared are you? Are you invisible or you? Yes, magically turn invisible lasts until the start of my next turn.

Speaker: Or if I make an attack or whatever. Amazing. that stuff. But I'm not, running. it buts I don't know if they get a turn when I release them, but. You conjure animals, I think they do, right? Just after your initiative?

Speaker: some Usually, but if so, that's eight attacks, I believe. Oh, they get multi-attacks, so that's 16 attacks. Okay.

Speaker: she I feel like Zach also had three months to prepare and never once in his machinations did he expect eight badgers. It did not cross my mind. I can honestly say technically they get their own initiative, but I think for simplicity's sake, let's just put them after you. I think that's fine.

Speaker: Okay, so do you just want me to roll for each of them? Or how do you want to that? That's a lot of attacks. Yeah, if you feel like opening a digital roller and do a I won't be mad about it. But if you want to roll them individually, i will also accept that. what What do they get to as a plus to their attacks?

Speaker: plus three. So I can just, yeah, I'll drop a bunch of dice. You can just tell me the role. Okay. I'm shaking. This makes this even harder. Okay, I'm going really fast. Here we go. Two, no.

Speaker: ah Eight, probably not. Eleven, ah no. Thirteen on the dice. Nineteen on the dice. hits Fifteen on the dice. Nope. Is that someone counting for me?

Speaker: think that's, is that six? Is that six games? Is that five rolls or? Oh, I was counting how many hit. i don't know. I think we'll say six. Okay. 17 to hit.

Speaker: Hit. Seven. Okay. Someone count. Someone count. 11. Three. No. No. Six. Just tell me when to stop, to be honest. 14. 12. 12. 9. 13. 18. 14. 3. twelve nine eighteen fourteen three one is that all one that was last one that was the last one okay well yes it is sure it is by my count that is five hits okay and then i'll just roll five d6 gorgeous plus they each get plus one so plus five 20 points rolled plus five 25 points of damage just clawed into this thing yeah it's

Speaker: screeches out in discomfort. That is a decent chunk of damage, truly, from your swarm of badgers. Kind of changes what it was going to do for sure.

Speaker: I think it is going to, before the badger's, after after the badger's turn, before its turn, is going to use a legendary action to make a bite attack. Does a 19 hit a badger?

Speaker: Yes, it does. Perfect. Okay. The badger takes 20 piercing damage. One is dead. Excellent. Seven left.

Speaker: It is now its turn. It is going to make four tentacle attacks against four badgers. Good, good, do it. Let's see. Attacks. Does a 12 hit a badger?

Speaker: No. ah Yes, yes, yes, yes. Does a nine hit a badger? No. Okay. So that'll be three hits, one miss. One badger is going to take 14.

Speaker: Dead. Bludgeoning. Okay. Perfect. Yep. okay Nine bludgeoning to the second one. Still alive. Okay. And one.

Speaker: to the last Barely cleaning on. Okay, so we have six badgers left, two of which are injured. The two that got hit are now grappled.

Speaker: Okay, that's fine. Two tentacles occupied. That's all I wanted. Two tentacles occupied. Okay, cool cool cool cool cool cool, cool, cool, cool. We are going to cut outside of the vault chamber.

Speaker: Bertram Uggsmere Burlesque is standing there. Children of Argath, today we rebuild.

Speaker: Much was taken from us, much was lost, but today we take it back. Today we show those on the surface that they were wrong to turn their back on Argath.

Speaker: Sunfall. They wear the shame of our city as a moniker. And today, we shall wipe it from their minds with the fire of their own creation. Kamula, when you're ready.

Speaker: And she walks away from, like, through the crowd. And, Bertram, you feel the crowd surge past you back towards her, away from this, uh, this rock wall that you've stopped in front of.

Speaker: Do you follow? Wait, you said I was distracted because I could feel money in there? Mm-hmm. Okay, well, yeah, blast it open. Kamula looks up at you. This is just this gnarled face. You're going to want to take a step back. This is going to be the big one. Okay, I stand like... really You're going to really look crazy out in here, you know?

Speaker: I stand like right behind Kamula. Okay, perfect. You see that there is this long fuse that he's set up, and he takes out this little flint and steel and...

Speaker: This spark ignites and winds its way up the fuse towards this amalgamation of barrels and boxes and wires and blast powder.

Speaker: The chamber fills with dust. You're choking on it. Your ears are ringing. It's so loud. fine suit, you feel shrapnel, just pieces of rock and debris go whizzing past you, slicing up this suit.

Speaker: Lycan, Masanya, faunilin. The ground shakes. go You are in this city street underground and the entire room, this entire passageway just begins to throw you and buck you. need everybody to make a dexterity saving throw.

Speaker: Everybody, everybody? No, no, you're good. Okay. We'll get to you in a second. Oh, okay. Do I make one? Nah. I rolled a five.

Speaker: Just what am I supposed to do if the friends that I got to help bring my friends back from the dead die? You know, how many times do i By the time we reach the campaign finale, it's 25 people and you're still just trying to get claimed. I got a 21.

Speaker: i got a twenty one fifteen

Speaker: you are knocked to the ground. The ground just keeps shaking and bucking. You're not hurt by this, but after what feels like a very long time, the room starts to settle.

Speaker: It feels like the ceiling should have caved in. And that's when it does.

Speaker: I need all three of you to make athletics rules or athletics checks. Lycan, please make yours with disadvantage. Oh my gosh. I'd like to make an acrobatics check.

Speaker: Sure. I'd like to make mine with advantage. ah No. It's a nat one. oh I also got a six.

Speaker: Okay. Fun with it. I got a 10. Oh, my. Well, the bad news is you all failed. The good news is on four dice, I rolled three ones and a three.

Speaker: So you only take six bludgeoning damage, which could have been a lot more. One would argue should have been a lot more. And I'd like to say the ceiling actually doesn't collapse. You start running because you think it is, and like it does. We'll say like part of it collapses for sure, and you just start sprinting as fast as you can.

Speaker: And probably if you just stopped after like a block, it would have been fine. But instead, you know, you hit your heads a little bit. You hit you hit some rock walls. you're You're careening off these damn walls. You twist your ankles. All three of you twist your ankle on the same rock. And that's what does the sixth bludgeoning damage to you.

Speaker: That's right. a twisted ankle is bludgeoning damage. And you you you run. You don't think you can go back the way you came? The only way forward is forward. And we cut back.

Speaker: Actually, Bertram, can I get a initiative roll? Oh, that's a 13. Okay. At the top of the initiative.

Speaker: Juniper, can I get a wisdom saving throw? I mean, guess. 24. 24. twenty four You don't know what it was trying to do, but all the same, nothing happens.

Speaker: At least as far as you can tell. Juniper, you start running away from this creature towards the larger bank room, the first bank of Argath.

Speaker: And that's when the world goes kaboom. So you run out of the tunnel into the vault,

Speaker: as the ceiling comes crashing down around you. Pieces of rock and debris sailing down. There's this large glass dome ceiling that shattered long ago, but the wire casing that kind of gave it structure comes crashing down. Can I get a dexterity saving throw from you?

Speaker: Girl can't catch a break. Dirty 20. You make your save and you take 22 bludgeoning damage reduced to 11. as just this large wire like cage comes crashing down. You throw yourself out of the way. It nearly crushes you Pieces of rocks bounce off your body. There's silence. Your ears are ringing.

Speaker: And then from up above, From the ashes, our gath'll rise. From the ashes, our gath'll rise. The city burns, the city burns, the city burns tonight. You see ropes come furrowing down from above and you see dozens of strangers, some of them wearing rags, some of them wearing these surprisingly nice suits come pouring in from above.

Speaker: What does Juniper do? Hands up. What is happening? That's what she's thinking. But she's way more chill, so it's more like, what is happening?

Speaker: You see this gnarly looking kobold wearing an eyepatch comes running right towards you and then moves just past you. And you see he starts putting these different like wires and boxes up against this vault door that you can now see quite clearly.

Speaker: There's still like remnants of the Amethyst Valley in here. Like there's still kind of like these fake mossy boulders, a few of these like tree cutouts. it looks It looks like a melding of the old original bank and the Amethyst Valley, but the crowd ignores you. Your hands are up. People are running past you. You see them. Some of them are like drawing up, like drawing weapons, and some of them are getting to work on this vault door. Would anyone like a massage while we're here? Okay. Okay.

Speaker: You hear from outside the bank a scratchy voice. i guess, actually, my fingers are quite tired from counting bounds.

Speaker: Also, you're not supposed to be here. You're not wrong about that. I really, really don't want to be here either, to be honest. I just want to go home. You see four gray-skinned individuals wearing the crimson red of the clutch step into view, step into the entryway.

Speaker: They have large bones that they're wielding as clubs. You see that they have skin covering where their eyes would be. One of them smiles at you with this just this toothy maw.

Speaker: It's got these pointy ears, of little tufts of fur growing out of them. Well, you'll soon get what you want, I suppose. Come on, boys. Raiders! And it is still your turn.

Speaker: m Actually, no, it's not your turn. It's not your turn. I'm a liar. I'm a freak i'm i'm a freak weirdo. hurt from You come. sliding down on a rope.

Speaker: You see Juniper standing there, hands up. You see these four individuals with these big, massive... They're like, they're big bones. They're big bones. I don't know if I have expressed this enough. They're big bones.

Speaker: And they are kind of moving towards her and the larger group. You see some of the children of Argath start to step forward. Others go towards the vault door and start working on it. You see that Kamula's got this little stethoscope and he's he's listening to it. And he says, why am I doing this? There's no dial. And it's your turn. what are you doing, in Bertram?

Speaker: I see Juniper. Yep. Okay. I run to her. like, hey. What is going on here? You got into the vault. you see the money?

Speaker: Yeah, there's a lot of money, but i you know, it doesn't really matter at this point. All that matters is peace, and that's all I want right now. Not pieces of gold, just peace. yes Please help.

Speaker: Everyone wants to kill me. and think it's too late for peace, but they're they're going to make a war between themselves and we can get out of here. Sounds like a great plan.

Speaker: So for my turn, I guess, could I just grab Juniper and like, ah so where are the bone guys there? So you're kind of in the center of this, this room. It's yeah, it's this large, what was once a bank. You see that behind you is this vault door that the children of Argath are working on. You notice that to the right of you, there is this dark tunnel. You can hear the sounds of claws and skittering and tentacles slapping. Something or many somethings are in there making quite a racket. You see that there's these large stone pillars, some of them still holding up the roof or the ceiling. Others have collapsed and broken into pieces, kind of providing these little bits of cover and half cover throughout the chamber. These piles of rubble kind stream in from the corners where the Ceiling gave out in spots.

Speaker: And on the opposite end of the building from where the vault is, is this large doorway that's long eroded. And you see these four creatures standing there moving in with their bones.

Speaker: So I guess I grab Juniper and go towards the vault door where the children of Argrath are trying to break in. Okay. You move towards that. I'll say you get, you know, you've used some movement to get down there. We'll say you get like 15 feet away by pulling Juniper. Are you doing doing anything else? i Like the hide behind the children of our cat. We try and find a particularly large child to hide behind. yeah wild The noble Prince Bertrand Vestergaard, everybody. Yeah.

Speaker: I'm like, these people will deal with it. This is not my fight. I just want my twelve hundred gold. I just Where's Matilda? Matilda comes like landing next you does like a combat role and says alright my prince let's go fight and then she looks at you hiding behind this this child of Arga alright and she's going to run in and start boxing at one of these these children that's a miss and children sorry nope the children

Speaker: She does some damage, but less than you might expect based off of prior experiences with her. Okay. Not enough to kill, sadly, with two ones. Oh, no. But she, like, won punches, punches, and this creature gets punched in the gut, and then as it collapses at the waist, she does a roundhouse kick to the head, and it goes flying, teeth go spraying, and it picks itself up off the ground and says...

Speaker: You could have to do a lot better than that if you want to count my bones. And you, Bertram, looking at this creature, think like a stiff breeze would kill this guy. He is not looking good.

Speaker: And Juniper, it is your turn. Are we not fighting? I have the diamond, by the way. ah You have the diamond? Yeah. it Somehow, mission success.

Speaker: Well, i mean, we gotta get out of here still, but... Okay. Oh, I thought we still had to get into the vault, get the money. i have the diamond. that's That's all I was able to grab before I was teleported to my death.

Speaker: But then I survived. Okay. Okay, awesome. Then let's just punch through these guys and get out of here. Which guys? Wait, which guys?

Speaker: The bone guys. Okay, I'm going to turn into a black bear. Amazing. And I'm going to, like, offer Bertram a ride if he wants one. Oh, hell yeah. And then just start kind of charging, we said, towards the bone people.

Speaker: Yeah. Charge towards them and take some swipes at them. If I can. I can't remember. i think I might need one round to turn into the animal and then I can hit. Yeah, I think the kind of druid you are it is an action to shape. Okay, now i'll start charging.

Speaker: You start charging. Okay. Well, in that case, i think it's time for a lair action. And, uh, or sorry, a legendary action, legendary action.

Speaker: Yeah, Bertram, Juniper. Juniper, you're running, doing a bear charge at these bone guys, and I really have a tendency to just, like, obscure the names of creatures for no damn reason. They're Grimlocks. I'm just gonna start saying Grimlocks. That's what they're called. Otherwise, we're gonna have two undisclosed creature names. But that being said, Juniper, as you're running past the entrance to the false vault, you see tentacles wrap around the entrance of it.

Speaker: You see eyes gleaming out at you. and this just slobbering maw filled with sharp teeth. It teleports away from your badgers, so they cannot make an opportunity attack, but it cannot reach you with the teleport. You just... Now, Bertram, you also look over and you see just this mass of tentacles. It's like the Watcher in the Deep.

Speaker: It's just there at the entrance, kind tentacles reaching out towards Juniper and you and oh whoever else is in reach. And it is your badger's turn.

Speaker: They're going to try to run to attack it still. They get 30 feet of movement. 30 feet will not be enough. It teleported 60 feet away. Okay. All right. And they're going to start. They'll dash then. Okay, perfect.

Speaker: They go scurrying after it, just these six badgers charging after and probably should have used another legendary action earlier, but it is going to do a second legendary action to teleport again up onto one of these stone pillars and you see just it's wrapping itself around There is some light from the children of Argath that illuminates the space.

Speaker: It seems a lot of them have acclimated to the dark, but there's still some torches that have been lit and you can now see this creature more clearly and you just see that it is this almost just like this mass of flesh that is just wrapped around one of these pillars. You see there's this large mouth with almost like these two sets of fangs on one on the top, one on the bottom. They're smaller but still deadly sharp, teeth lining it, and these four tentacles.

Speaker: reaching out. It is up on the, up on not on the ceiling quite, but definitely like up off the ground away from your badgers. But that is its second, second legendary action.

Speaker: And it's now its turn. It is going to make a multi-attack. It is going to attack with just tentacles. Tentacles galore.

Speaker: Bertram, does 13 hit. no Okay, this tentacle comes lashing out at you. You deflect it out of the way. Juniper.

Speaker: think That's a natural 20 hit. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. What can you do? Trying so hard to kill her.

Speaker: but Just tell me you don't like my character, Zach. It's okay. I don't really fuck with Juniper anymore. You take 18 bludgeoning damage and you are grappled and pulled five towards the creature. I'm just like an upside down bear right now. Just grabs you around the feet. whole bear. Pulls you up to the ground. Wait, then where do I go? Yeah, I'm on her. Bertram, I'll say you can choose if you want to hold on to Juniper or let go.

Speaker: I want to stay with Juniper. Okay. You're pulled up into the air as well. I don't. Okay. I don't know if I'd recommend, but okay. You're monk. You'll be fine. Bertram's here for a good time, a loyal time, not a long time. And we're going to say one attack against Matilda, which will be a miss and an attack against a random child of Argath, which will hit Matilda.

Speaker: And it's just a random Joe Schmo and they get just grabbed and pulled up into the air and just slammed down and they are killed instantly. Oh my God.

Speaker: That is the end of its turn. And we go to the Grimlocks. maring fun I think they are going to run up and start pinata-ing you two. ah Nice.

Speaker: So they are going to run up and make two attacks against each of you as you're kind of dangling up in the air. Juniper. Uh-huh. Does a 10 hit?

Speaker: No. Okay. A 24 definitely will hit. Yeah. And you are going to take six bludgeoning damage and an additional four piercing damage from this bone that you see has like a spinal cord like wrapped around it. So it's got these like spiky protrusions. Okay.

Speaker: Bertram, you are attacked. Before you do that, um I'm not a bear anymore. Okay. I will say, as you slip from bear back Firbolg, you slip out of the creature's grasp.

Speaker: You just fall to the ground. Not enough to take damage, not big enough drop to take damage, but you're no longer a bear. Bertram does a 17 hit. Yeah. Okay. And a seven will miss.

Speaker: You will take four bludgeoning and an additional one piercing. So five damage total. Okay. That is that.

Speaker: i guess, Bertram, you also fall to the ground or you're like on Juniper's back, like a backpack. youba Your choice really. table on my back. It's not a good fault, sorry.

Speaker: The creature is going to use a legendary action to vanish. Nice. That's silly. It just disappears from view.

Speaker: I'd say Juniper, Bertram, you can still kind of hear it breathing from up above you and you think it hasn't teleported, it's merely invisible. But we're going to the top of the initiative and that is where we find our other three friends. Oh, Fonelin, Visanya, Lycan.

Speaker: The three of you run through the dark. Probably you have some torches or a torch for, for Lycan, but you run through the torchlight casting these long shadows It's a minor miracle that maybe no one will ever talk about when it comes to this day, but you manage to navigate through these winding passages without a guide, without somebody who knows their way.

Speaker: And as you're running through the dark, You suddenly see a group of individuals lurking in the shadows up ahead. You see that they're wearing a collection of just like patchwork clothes and rags.

Speaker: One of them is this Earth Genasi woman. And as the light of your torch flickers on the walls, she glances over and spots you and says, Now who the hell are you?

Speaker: Pauline Vedog, Vassanya something, liken something. who Who are you? Ask a lot of questions, lady. Can we hear the death that's happening just beyond this or no?

Speaker: You see that they are kind of gathered around this large hole in the ground. And from down into this hole, you can hear the sound of fighting.

Speaker: A lot of voices, a creature gurgling, yelling, bones smashing against the ground. She looks at you, Fondalyn says, Woko Sampha. Again, what are you doing here? I don't think I said that before. Vassana keeps running towards the opening.

Speaker: a Is Bertram in there? Yeah. Your friends at Bertram, eh? I don't remember if he introduced himself back in episode 45, but if he didn't, the orcish fellow?

Speaker: Yeah, he's down there. Oh. Getting ready for the big subterfuge. I told you, we just turn left every single opportunity we get and we'll get there eventually. Yeah, you're right. It worked.

Speaker: You were right. but Do we need to be talking to you right now? Yeah, are we? Sorry. Nice to meet you, I guess. We have places to be. Yeah, yeah. The only thing is, I don't know who you are, and I'm not sure I'm allowed to let you interfere with our plans. So until I get the ah lay of the land, I think it's best if you stay up here, huh? and you see I keep running over to the lip of the thing.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. and just want to be like, yep, yep, yep, reasonable. And while we're running past, push him over. try to yeah push him over. Like hand on the side of the face. Just yeah rugby style. You shove her and she falls to the ground.

Speaker: And just when she hits it, just disappears into it. Oh, terrifying. That's good. That's good. That's really good. That's really good. And then Vasani, as you're looking down into the ground or into this hole, you can see there's this vault, this old bank down. You kind of this like this, this bird's eye view. You can see that there is Juniper and Bertram and Matilda and all these people, a lot of them wearing suits. You see that there's these Grimlocks. They've got these massive bone clubs. They're wailing on Bertram and Juniper.

Speaker: You hear a creature gurgling down there, but you can't see it. And then you see a face kind of poke out from the lip of this this hole. Oh, gosh. And Woko is right in your face and says, OK, so consider this a professional courtesy.

Speaker: You're welcome to jump down there. I can't promise you'll come back out. Or you can tell me who the hell you are and we can make sure we're all on the same page, huh? or We're here for Bertram.

Speaker: It just seems like a crazy time to be discussing shit. What are you doing? Can we not talk after? Only if I know you're not going to fuck up our plans. We've been working on this for a while.

Speaker: Okay, quick chat. Which guys don't you want me to shoot? Yeah, exactly. Bone guys, good to go. Anybody else, not so good. There was a creature down there with some tentacles, presumably good to go.

Speaker: If anybody else joins the party, kill him. Which is just saying, kind of the instructions that everybody else has. ah This is the longest, most insane orientation. Missanya walks past her, or a walks away from her floating head back to Fondal and says, Lady Fairbeth, you have a magic rope right you used before?

Speaker: Oh, yes, that is my first solution to every problem, including this one. Magic rope, slither forth. Hold on Give me one end of it. just If I may, it's put these on. And she tosses a couple bundles and you see pinstripe suits inside.

Speaker: If you're wearing these, my people won't try and kill you. Throw on a blazer. You don't have to put on the whole thing. God, Vassanya... Yep, one single loops a the thing over her shoulders and ties the rope around her waist and then tries to tie it to another solid piece at the top here.

Speaker: Faunelin, you see Vassanya making a damn fool of herself, tying the magic rope to myself. Wasting time, Vassanya. Everybody is being so slow. Okay, can I look down the hole and see if Juniper and Bertram are wearing blazers? Juniper is not.

Speaker: Bertram is wearing a full suit. Okay, I want to take the blazer. Firstly, I put the pants over my arms like a shirt, and then I, just to cover myself, and then I wanna drop the blazer and try to like aim it to land on Juniper. and I'm like, Juniper, move quickly. I'm like everyone else here.

Speaker: First thing, put on the blazer. Second thing, climb the rope. And grab money.

Speaker: Fonelin, you can't help but notice in this moment that the vault door, you see a bunch of people working on a wall. The vault does not appear to be open yet. It can climb out. i don't care about the vault door. There's a hole in it.

Speaker: There isn't. What am I shouting down? There is. putting down? Into the bank itself. You're up on the ceiling looking down into the bank. The actual vault itself is still closed. Okay, never mind. Scratch the thing about the money! My bad!

Speaker: So do I put this diamond back? No. No! Okay. but Once Visanya's done tying the rope, she's going to try to rappel down into the opening. Perfect. Yeah, you slide down, rappel down.

Speaker: Lycan, Faunilin, you following? Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell no. no Hell no? no Just the diamond up! Just the diamond, yeah, okay.

Speaker: Just the diamond! Come to the rope! Quickly now. Well, lot of instructions getting shouted, so I'm gonna have the three of you roll initiative. I was gonna say, are we in an initiative order? Well, very much so. natural 20 for Xandos. I also got a nat 20. Wow. No, I know. I was announcing yours because it came up on my screen. That was bad etiquette. I got a 17. I got a nat 20. 23 is what I got.

Speaker: Well, in that case, Vasanya, it is your turn as you go rappelling down into this chamber. It is chaos. There are bones flying everywhere. You see at least a couple bodies already. Yeah.

Speaker: Okay. Where are the bone people? and think Anyone's close to our friends? They are kind of like beating us. Yeah, they're kind of just like gathered around, just like smacking the shit out of your friends. OK, we're going to just loose a couple of arrows at the bone. OK, one is injured decidedly. The others seem untouched.

Speaker: OK, one one one for the injured one first. OK. oh I got a 20 again. Nice! 28. You pin him to the wall.

Speaker: oh He coughs up i just like i do a lungful of blood and says, Joke's on you. You missed all my bones.

Speaker: And then he just collapses dead. ah one One down. Nice. And I'll just use the damage dice I didn't use on the next guy. Perfect. I got a 19 on the next die. 27. 27. What's your damage?

Speaker: Not super. It's only 7 points piercing damage. Yeah. You hit him in the arm and he says, fuck, there's so many bones here. Fuck you. And we'll move on from that.

Speaker: Anything else with Sonya? How far would you say i am from the from our friends here? I'd say you're like not that far, maybe like 15, 20 feet away twenty feet away at the most Okay.

Speaker: I'd like to back back up more. I want to put, like, the rope between us. Like, yeah, it'll be, like, me, the rope, and them, and I'll put, like, 15 feet between between us just so I can give some over overwatch here without being right in the middle of everything. Sure, yeah, you back up. I say the rope is kind of straining as you kind of back up. Like, it's kind of at its limits.

Speaker: Okay. With how far you've come down. So you really can't move any further back, but you you step back a bit. Okay. Cool, cool, cool. So that is Vasanya's turn, and we go to a lair action.

Speaker: I'm going to say, as it's lair action, it is going to teleport a random child of Argath. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. Camula the Kobold is kind of hooking up these, these blast powder barrels, setting up another explosive on the vault door itself. And he's muttering to himself. He's like, right, we're almost there. We're almost there. just got to get out before they arrive. And we'll be good. We'll be good. We'll be good. We'll be good. And all of a sudden he appears next to you, Lycan and Faunalyn.

Speaker: You see this cobalt face appear like right in front of you. And then he goes tumbling back down towards the ground, hits the floor and just crumples. That is the creature's lair action.

Speaker: It should probably use a legendary action. huh It doesn't have to. do It probably should be legendary flippin' legendary action. Oh, jeez.

Speaker: Okay, it does. Is the kobold dead? Oh, he's dead. Oh, I like this. Lycan, it is your turn. You watch this kobold go tumbling away and it is your turn.

Speaker: Lycan dons a big and tall blazer and slides down. The rope is in place, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. Slides down the rope and lands near Judifer with his longsword and shield out.

Speaker: He's like, I'm really glad to see you got out of the vault. I almost died so many times. From what? I'll tell you later, and I point up into the invisible at the invisible where it was can start panically looking around, not knowing what he's supposed to be seeing.

Speaker: I guess he's gonna... Can he hold an action for if anything comes... Within five feet of him and Juniper, he's going to swing at it. Yeah, there there are some Grimlocks right there, but if you're waiting for the bigger thing, yeah's that's okay.

Speaker: So yeah, you hold off in case something bigger shows up and you're immediately vindicated as appearing like right beside you.

Speaker: Oh. This creature goes to bite and, you know, out of love of the game, I'm going to say it goes to bite at Juniper, just this massive mouth snapping down and you get a chance to attack first.

Speaker: That is a 26 to hit. Sheesh! that And to be clear, that hits. Seven slashing damage.

Speaker: Gorgeous. I will also say, as a result of hitting it, you only get the one attack with a held action, but it immediately, its attention is drawn to you. As you slash across it's the side of its, like, you don't know if it's its head or its body, just this mass of flesh, and these dark eyes slowly turn to look at you, and it clamps its jaws down on you, does 18 hit.

Speaker: It's exactly what you need to hit. Oh. it's Funny how that keeps happening. Oh my gosh. 21, 24 piercing hair. Oh gosh. gosh. It bites your real good.

Speaker: i Is this the thing, Juniper? Oh yeah, sorry. I was pointing the wrong way. Right there. It teleports.

Speaker: F-F-F-F-F-Fanolin, it is your turn. who Okay. I would like to take my short bow and shoot one of the bony boys, the Grimlocks.

Speaker: Go for it. Holy, canoly. Does a 10 hit? No. um Yeah. Okay. I mean, when you're a rogue and you miss, that's kind of just like what happens, you know? You're also a warlock.

Speaker: Oh, shit.

Speaker: inces I suppose you're right about that. kind of a learned helplessness. What do Warlocks get on a bonus action? I'm only a level one Warlock. I don't even have any Warlock stuff yet. Yeah, think well, you could go inside your wig.

Speaker: Um, we're not gonna do that at this very second. And then I also want to yell to Juniper, toss up the diamond, please! Please toss up the diamond! Well aware that I sound like an addict. Diamond addict.

Speaker: I need it! Anything else, Fondalyn? I can't. I mean, I can hide around the edge of the corner, around the edge of the hole. I mean, i can so i say this with love. If you wanted to have hidden first to gain advantage on your attack, you can have done that.

Speaker: I rolled first a three and then with advantage, had two. Fantastic. nice Yeah, killing it. Well, you can lead a horse to water or whatever.

Speaker: we can't make them roll a four, which is the number they needed to hit. Awesome. Fantastic. So we are going to use the creature's last legendary action. It is going to teleport up onto the the roof of this this bank vault. So I'll say Faunlin, this is like the intact portion of this structure.

Speaker: it So you you lose sight of It it kind of just like... disappears. The rest of you, those who are in in the shit, look up and see just like tentacles hanging and just like these globules of spit dripping down from above. And we are going to move on to Bertram.

Speaker: Uh, cool. So how far away is the tentacles now? It's on the ceiling. It's on the ceiling. Which is how high? I'd say like probably 20 feet up.

Speaker: Big old bank building. Cool. As a bonus action, I can activate my tattoo, which gives me 15 feet reach, which is not enough. But I'm going to activate it anyways and then just punch the other bone guys.

Speaker: How many bone guys are left? There are three. One is injured. the other two are fine. Okay, I'm gonna punch the injured one again. Just 22. Yes, sir.

Speaker: For 10 damage. Okay. Yeah, you just, you smack him real good and you hear a crack and he says, fuck, I needed that bone. And then he just drops dead.

Speaker: Oh, he's dead. Okay. Nice. And as a muck, do I get to attack again? Oh, you know it. You could attack up to four more times if you wanted. it <unk> Three more times. Three more times. I used my bonus action already. One more time.

Speaker: yeah Then I'm going to attack and one of the healthy bones for a natural 19. That's a hit. Which is eight damage. Okay. Not too shabby. Wait, I forgot about the the tattoo. It gives me a 1d6. Yeah.

Speaker: Gives me extra three force damage on a hit. The extra three damage is what you need to push yourself up over the threshold. You hit him with this roundhouse kick to the stomach. He goes flying up into the creature.

Speaker: creature just chomps it in half. Blood goes spraying down all over you, and the fight goes on. Virtua, what else? Anything else you're doing? You bonus action, you've actioned. Are you moving?

Speaker: Can I go towards where Camula left all of his charges to blow the vault door open? 100%. You go running over, you see that it was almost done. There's just like a couple wires that need to be connected and then it just needs to be ignited.

Speaker: You're a quick study based off of what you saw him do upstairs, God rest his soul. Juniper. So are there any bone people left? I'm sorry, I was zoning out trying to think what I wanted to do That's okay, there's one left.

Speaker: Okay, cool. I'm to ignore it. And I'm going to do turn and just hug the heck out of Lycan. Are you real? Oh my gosh.

Speaker: Oh my gosh. I'm never leaving your side ever again. Also, if you had known what I've been through in the past few hours, you would understand that what Faunilin is saying right now is extremely insensitive.

Speaker: i And then I'm gonna cast on him. I'm gonna cast Balm of the Summer Court, which is a bonus action. And we'll give him some healing. 13 regular healing and one point of temporary healing. And then at the same time as I'm hugging him, I'm gonna touch my own arm and cast Cure Wounds. So it's just this like warm healing embrace.

Speaker: And sorry, cast was the wrong word for Balm of the Summer Court. It's an ability. But Because otherwise I couldn't do both. yeah yeah And then I'm gonna heal myself for... what is that? 14 points. Oh, lovely. And yeah, just never, ever leaving you again. That was horrible.

Speaker: Oh, okay. Also... His face is so red and you think it might be from the balm of the summer court, but it's full blush. Oh. oh Also look out for the badgers.

Speaker: And then I say that because I'm hoping that they have caught up and can attack the bone guy.

Speaker: and come running in. Cool. I got six i got six of them, so that's 12 attacks, yeah? Yeah. Oh my god. Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker: Someone count to 12 for me, please. What a gross thing. Okay. this one is This is all plus three again. Okay, Eight on the dice. 11 on the dice.

Speaker: do it Four on the dice. Two on the dice. of Woof. 12, 18, 8 on the dice. Natural 20. What

Speaker: was that? 9 on the dice. 7 on the dice. my Nat 1 on the dice. Last one. 6 on the dice. ah that was How much damage do they do on ah on a bite?

Speaker: ah It's a d6 plus 1. If you rolled all ones on the, I believe the seven damage dice or eight because of the crit, It would still kill. This creature is just buried in a pile of badgers.

Speaker: Even if you rolled minimum damage on every one of those attacks that hit, it would still be probably like close to twice as much as what you needed to do. And he is just buried alive. And you hear him saying, This isn't so bad.

Speaker: I'm suffocating, but at least my bones are intact. All I ever wanted to do was clean bones. I hope somebody cleans mine. I'm a pass. no yeah So we were having this beautiful moment embracing each other just for a bunch of badgers to absolutely maul the crap out of this guy behind us. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: yeah It's beautiful. There's just a mountain of badgers behind you. yeah having think six badgers constitutes a mountain. Those guys are big. Yeah. They are giant badgers. so All the better. Yeah. ah Amazing. That is the badger's turn.

Speaker: And we go to Balhanoth. It is going to... Sadly, it is going to have to climb. So it is going to just kind of like... pull itself along the ceiling down this pillar that it was on before and it'll stop about halfway down so about 10 feet off the ground and there's a whole cluster of you now we got pertra we got matilda we got juniper we got lichen And I think we're going to say it. Let's see. What's it for health?

Speaker: but it's looking fine. Barely been looking fine. Yeah. Well, to be fair, it got hit by badgers a bunch and then Lichen hit it one time with a sword. And I don't think anybody else has touched it.

Speaker: So let's see. Juniper, that is a nine to hit. Lichen, that is 21 to hit. that's the That's the disgruntled noise of somebody who has been hit.

Speaker: Lycan, you take 11 bludgeoning damage and you are grappled and restrained. Get pulled away from me. He is pulled out of your arms five feet away up towards the creature.

Speaker: The other two attacks, one against Matilda, one again. Oh, nat 20 on Matilda and a 13 on Bertram.

Speaker: Doesn't hit. Nice. Matilda is going to take 15 bludgeoning and is also grappled in restraint and pulled off the ground.

Speaker: The Grimlocks are all dead. We go to the top of the order. We go to Visanya. Okay. First things first, Visanya will use a bonus action to cast Hunter's Mark on the whatever this creature thing is.

Speaker: Gorgeous. Then I'm going to... run parallel to the creature with the rope. Okay. I would like to hit the end of it so my feet come off the ground.

Speaker: so like So I'm swinging at the end of the rope. And then I would like to try to shoot it. And I'm going to use the sharpshooter feet to take a minus five. And the good thing is i got a five on the dice.

Speaker: So that's an eight. Fantastic. ah Yeah, you line it up in your mind's eye and you fail to take into account the pillar that is oh good good good between you and God damn it. Well, guess what? I'm trying again. Ah, second shot.

Speaker: Second shot. Sharpshooter again. Let's see if we get higher this time. Oh my God. I rolled another five on the dice. a couple called Call her 005.

Speaker: five Kids will love that one.

Speaker: And Vassanya, anything else? I guess not. That's actually... No, that's it. Use my actions are and my movement. Fantastic. Yeah. Lair action.

Speaker: I teleported last time, so I guess... Lycan, you're close by. Could you make a wisdom saving throw, please? I'm grappled. Oh yeah, never mind. I take that back. ah Bertram, could I get a wisdom saving throw, please? Nat one. Nat one.

Speaker: Bertram, I'm going to make a ah reading ah call here and say the creature disappears along with Lycan and Matilda. One second, they're hanging in the air. It's attached to this pillar. The next, they're all gone.

Speaker: Everybody else, fuck they're all there. Oh good, oh good. Nothing changes for you. What? It goes invisible and i'm I'm saying that it is carrying the other two and as a result you also cannot see them.

Speaker: And it's Lycan's turn. Okay. You are hanging in the air. This creature is breathing heavy hot air into your face. I can attack. Yes. You are just grappled and restrained so your attack will be with disadvantage.

Speaker: Okay. Okay. then yeah, I'm gonna... I think Lichen's gonna be like, You just interrupted the best hug I've ever had in my entire life. He's gonna... Go Super Saiyan. He's gonna use his action surge.

Speaker: to basically make four long sword attacks against this thing. Each is gonna have disadvantage. Yes! The first one is a 20 with disadvantage.

Speaker: Nice! That's a hit! move The second one's 12. Miss. 10. Miss. And nat one. It started off too strong. Yeah. Okay.

Speaker: Well, I get to hit them once for 11 damage. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. It doesn't like that. Swinging wildly. Managed to catch some of it.

Speaker: Yeah. It's going coin flip on a one or a two. It's going to legendary action bite you. On a three or four, it's going to legendary action bite Matilda. It is going to bite you.

Speaker: Does a... Oh, fuck.

Speaker: if Making me wish I had second winded. That's a natural 20. No. No.

Speaker: you say know You guys brought me here to play huge fan. all Then delete that comment like yeah you take fifty seven trip Are you dead dead or just like kind of dead?

Speaker: How does... I think I would only be dead dead if you would do more than my max... Into the negative. Into the negative, yes. Which if I was much lower would be a bigger threat. oh God bless you, J. I'm only dead. Unconscious. Unconscious, unconscious. Yeah. as this creature just pulls you up to its mouth and just takes this huge bite out of you.

Speaker: And you watch Lycan's body is dropped to the ground, just this massive chunk of his chest missing. He's dropped to the ground, bleeding out. a Right?

Speaker: I rolled like so many tens and nines. Which you don't want to hear, but did. Cool. So that's Lycan's turn and we go to Faunilin. Okay. I famously have literally nothing to heal anyone ever, but I think Faunilin is peeking over the edge in the cowardly place she's hiding out, strategic place she's hiding out, and she watches what happens to Lycan and like...

Speaker: falls back in terror with her hands over her mouth and then has to find her nerve again. And she's going to cast second of her warlock spell in almost 50 episodes of this GD show. i you know you no maybe Bane isn't the best spell, but I just think that atly right right now she it is going to cast bain on the creature that just attacked Lycan and up to two others. So Zach, you can assign to two targets mentally in your little... There's no one else unless you want to start targeting children of our gaff. Oh, there's no one else Or some badgers. that's funny. They seem to be on your side. Not children. Do I?

Speaker: No, I don't think I want to do that. So Fondalyn is kind of still figuring out how to use her magic. And right now it just kind of springs forth out of a lot of primal feeling. And there's just emergent feeling of fuck you, fuck this creature.

Speaker: hes hate you. And yeah, in this feeling of like rage and sort of, I guess, helplessness, she is going to cast Bane. So it must make a charisma saving throw. And I don't think this is just very charismatic.

Speaker: So it gets an 11, which would be a fail, but it is going to use a legendary resistance to choose succeed instead.

Speaker: Why would you do that right now? What the hell? I thought we were robbing a casino. I thought we were friends. What the hell? Okay.

Speaker: That's cool. I'm a warlock since one of my, that is in fact the only spell that I get today. ma Do warlocks suck? Discuss. You can't hate rogues and warlocks in the same character. I might hate this game. I

Speaker: i mean, for what it's worth, burning a legendary resistance is pretty good. It feels so good right now. It's true. It's true. It's true. Anything else fun? I mean, I want to hide it again. Yeah, you hide down back on your ledge, you kind of reposition.

Speaker: You see that the other children of Argath are looking down very like tensely. They're like watching what happens. They're kind of shouting instructions to those at the vault door, like trying to pick up the pieces from where their demolitions guy stopped.

Speaker: And Bertram, you're hearing those instructions. You are at the vault door. There's all these explosive materials in front of you. What are you doing? Since the creature dropped, like, and can I see where he landed?

Speaker: Yeah, he's like kind of like back halfway down, sort of near the center of this chamber, about maybe like 40 feet away. So he's not in the blast radius if I was to blow this vault door open.

Speaker: Probably depends on how you rig up the explosives, but like you think probably not. Okay, well, I follow the shouted instructions to blow the vault door open without trying to hit or trying not to hit other people. Okay.

Speaker: Okay. Give me like a, I don't know, just as like a raw intelligence roll or like a sleight of hand. I would also accept that. This is like a dexterous work. would prefer sleight of hand. Sure.

Speaker: Come on. 22. Yeah. It's like kind of like just makes sense in a way that punching and kicking makes sense. Like it just, the red wire goes here and the blue wire goes here and there's the fuse and all you need to do is light it and this thing should go kaboom.

Speaker: Okay. Alright, I say everybody stay clear of the door. need a lot more diamonds than we did before. And then I blow it open. You spark it up.

Speaker: The fuse starts to ignite and spark moves across the floor from where you where you started. You kind of hide down behind one of these toppled pillars and we'll go to, well, the creature's going to bite Matilda with its next legendary action. Wait, was that my action to do that? or do I have things? Oh, sure. Like, can I do other things? No, no, no.

Speaker: You're breaking an explosive charge. That's definitely an action. Can I use a bonus action? If you got one. Do I have any bonus actions? I can attack unarmed strike towards towardss where I think. Is it still invisible to me? Oh yeah, you were over there when it targeted you.

Speaker: ah Let's see Yeah, it would be. It is invisible to you for one minute. Wow, yeah so long. But you can still attack it. Like you can kind of like see where people are like looking and swinging. I saw where Lycan landed. Yeah, you you got a general sense of where it is. It's kind of off ground. can hear Matilda screaming, I guess. Yeah, I will tell you this. It is off the ground a ways. So you will need to make some, like I will say an acrobatics check to kind of like spring up off of the pillar to reach it.

Speaker: but So give me that to start. Okay. This is athletics? Yeah. I'll also take acrobatics if prefer. When am better at acrobatics? seventeen 17. 17, that's enough. ah Yeah, go ahead. You will can attack. It'll be with disadvantage because you can't actually see us.

Speaker: Okay. 12 and a 14 for total of 19. That will be... sorry. Are you doing a flurry of blows or just a regular bonus action attack?

Speaker: Ooh, if I flurry of blows, I get to hit him again, but it's still disadvantage? Yes. Okay, I'll do that. For the record, the first one is a hit. Oh, well, Flurry of Blows says after you take the attack action on your turn, which I didn't do.

Speaker: You know what? i'm saying I'll say you're you're attacking the damn vault door. I don't care. Thank you. Well, that's a 17 of the lower dice. That is another hit.

Speaker: That's an 11 damage total on both together. That's not bad. It's not bad, but it's not great. Oh, and a 2d6 force damage also because of the tattoo.

Speaker: 2d6 force damage. Okay. Yeah. ya Okay. That was way better. Plus 10. So yeah, I got two fives that time. Okay. You know, it's starting to look a little rough.

Speaker: Nice. But I can't see it looking rough. Yeah, everyone else, you see some flesh squish aggressively, but Bertram, you just feel it. You do hear it

Speaker: And you just feel this hot breath wash over you as you land back on the ground. The second you do,

Speaker: the vault door explodes inwards just another cloud of dust fills the room fondling it's hard to see from up up into your vantage point now i'll say everything's lightly obscured as dust fills the vault another rumble carries through this chamber that could have gone a lot worse if bertram had not rolled so well but the boy's a natural and did it attack matilda No, I think we were interrupted by you bonus actioning, so it's going to attack Matilda.

Speaker: i interrupted the silver. That's another nat 20. Awesome. Oh, man. What? No way. It is rolling with advantage, to be fair, but like, okay.

Speaker: Use different dice. Can we get a third party and investigation on this? Yeah, Matilda also is just knocked out, just chomp-chomp, throws the both of them down on the ground.

Speaker: They land in separate crumples, and it is Juniper's turn. Actually, technically, it's Matilda's turn, and she should make a death save. Oh. Okay, Juniper.

Speaker: Well, has Matilda been attacking at all this whole time? Uh, you know... It's okay, she's being a sponge for attacks. Well, she was like... think she missed a couple of times. Yeah, there was like some punches thrown at the Grimlocks. I think maybe I missed a turn after that. And then this turn she got KO'd before her next round.

Speaker: So she was... She may have like missed round. Like, you know, don't know. Her asthma flared up Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well I care about one of those people. But I think I can get them both up in one go, because I still have some of my Balm of the Summer Court left.

Speaker: So I'm just going use one charge to get Matilda up of the Balm of the Summer Court. So that was four points of healing, one is temporary. And then I'm going to cast Cure Wounds at second level.

Speaker: on Lycan. 11 points of healing Lycan. Nice. Accepted. And here I am! I'm gonna try to help him help him get back on his feet. Perfect. That was awful to watch. Feel nice to have a healer.

Speaker: To be clear, there's two in the regular party of three. I don't remember that. Amazing. Juniper, anything else? Just helping Lichen get up with my movement. Okay.

Speaker: Badgers? Oh, ah yeah. Can they get to the creature at all? I would say if they wanted to do like a like a World War Z sort of like yeah like coal badger tower, like two them could attack. OK, you know, I'll take it.

Speaker: So four attacks. And that one that couldn't quite do it. 17, five and 12. only one hits. so only one hits Okay.

Speaker: Oh, full damage on that one, though. Six plus one, seven points of damage. Seven points of damage. Climbs up and just claws. Okay. I'm going to say with seven points of damage, it's going to use its final legendary action to teleport away back towards the entrance where it of of and of its So you see it kind of just like disappears into the shadow once more.

Speaker: Teleport 60 feet away. you can kind of just see the tentacles poking out, the eyes glinting in the darkness, but it seems to be withdrawing for the time being. Okay. It is its turn. And it is just going to continue slinking away. you just tentacles pull back, the eyes disappear, and it seems to have withdrawn for the now.

Speaker: That being said, we go to the top of the order with Visanya. And there's nothing else here? Creature is just pulled back. And you what? you ask that, you hear shouting from the darkness outside of the bank.

Speaker: It's an area you have not explored, you have not seen, but you see torches flickering in in in the gloom, and you hear orders being called out, Dwarmsmen, kill any you encounter.

Speaker: Okay, get get the stuff. Let's go. The rope's here. I suppose that being said, there is a vault full of things. There's no enemies, but there is a vault full of money. if you go Go, go, go, go, go. Grab some. Although you are tethered, so you can't actually reach. not you are No, not me. I'm just going to shout at them, I guess. And then whatever, I can see there's an entryway. Yeah, there's like a large, large double door that's like kind of long since been, you know, the doors have been, have crumbled off right long ago, but the stone is intact. But yeah, you can see through this opening off in the darkness, you see faces, you see the crimson red of these individuals wearing

Speaker: the suits, the the the uniforms of clutch. And you see at the front of this procession is, you would recognize her, of course, as the Osprey. And you see on each arm are these massive gold or brass gauntlets with these long clawed fingers. And she's scraping them across the ground. Sparks are kicking up and she's charging forward with just this small army, at least as many soldiers as there are children of Argath, possibly Good, good, good, good.

Speaker: Oh, all right. I will use, I'll use a bonus action to switch my hunter's mark to the new threat. Okay. With the we gauntlets.

Speaker: And I will, I think I'm just jumping the gun here and I shout to the rest of them, get the money and go and I'll loose two arrows.

Speaker: Amazing. At the Osprey? At the Osprey, yeah.

Speaker: Hmm, I try sharpshooter again? Yeah, fuck it. If I miss, I miss. that's my Oh, let's go. 27 minus 5. 22. 22 will hit.

Speaker: okay so that's one. Oh, great. I got a 1 on the D8. That's solid. horrible I got a 1 on the D6. Pissing me

Speaker: That's actually insane. So five and then what is it for the sharpshooter? Plus ten. Yeah. So still 15 damage. 15 damage. And that's just the first shot. Let's do it again. Second shot. I got 15. i got fifty That is a miss.

Speaker: She raises up this gauntlet and your arrow just deflects off of it, disappearing into the darkness. Time to go. Get the cash. Some of the children of Argath turn to engage.

Speaker: Faunilind, you would notice from your vantage point, even with all the dust and debris sprayed out, that it's the ones wearing the suits. Step forward, weapons drawn, going to attack. The others kind of just run into the vault and start grabbing up as many bags of coins as they can as these two sides prepare to clash.

Speaker: The creature with its lair action, you know what? It kind of started like this. It may as well end like this. Juniper, I need a wisdom saving throw. Oh, no. Oh, no. Do anything

Speaker: the natural let let's go ah you never seed do anything creature That was not exact. To clarify, that was 100%. Either way, I accept it.

Speaker: I will say, Juniper, everything sort of starts to fade. The noise of this room, the din of combat, the yelling of these two factions fades away.

Speaker: You see darkness creeping at the periphery. You've felt this sensation twice before. You've been pulled out of space, deposited in another, and you lock eyes on Lycan. And the sound comes rushing back in as you ground yourself and you hold yourself in this room and you resist its teleportation.

Speaker: And we go to Lycan. You are pulled up off the ground by Juniper. You see that there's torches and guard soldiers coming in from outside, like running towards the entrance, haven't quite reached you. You see that there's these individuals in the pinstripe suits are on the other side, getting ready to clash them. You're kind of right in between.

Speaker: Just looking, yeah, Juniper's in front of you. Bertram is nearby. Faunlin's up above. Vassanya's doing the the attack on Titan sort of thing, swinging around the room, shooting arrows. um I second wind.

Speaker: That is a d10 plus 6. I rolled a 2, so it's 8.

Speaker: Uh, so it's something. And then Lycan is going to charge forward and try... and He's going to want to, like, pick up Juniper and head for the rope.

Speaker: Okay. You grab her and start running. You, like, get to, like, where the ropes are dangling, and you start to, like... you get You start to climb, and, like, maybe you can't pull her up or off the ground while you're climbing, but she's, like, ready to start climbing herself. I think while we're running and I'm carrying her, i I'll be like...

Speaker: I didn't really say it before, but I'm also never leaving your side again. Oh, that's fate. Lycan, as you begin to climb, one of the children of Argath in a suit looks at you and says, What are you doing? This isn't the plan.

Speaker: We stay and we fight and we die. I'm not part of this. You're wearing the the blazer. You're clearly part of this. I i try to like take it.

Speaker: While I'm in your arms. Yeah. You judge me by how I look. and i Yeah. i don't know. He was going to start monologuing about how life takes you in unexpected directions, but there's battle going on.

Speaker: Amazing. That's Lycan, Fauno, and Okay. You're up above. Foniline is like reaching down to try to help her friends up when the time comes. And she's feeling like such unbelievable frustration that she can't reach to them She doesn't really want to go down there.

Speaker: And she also really wishes she could grab money. And as she's like physically extending her hand, i think there's like a little popping noise. And she's going to cast Mage Hand for the first time ever as a little like delicately, lacily gloved, mostly translucent. You can see straight through the gaps in the delicate lace hand.

Speaker: approaches and with a flourish, like kind of gestures her off. And then i would like to but like this hand to dive down and just grab a fistful of valuables.

Speaker: Amazing. It flies in You see it come back out holding a ah sack of cash. You don't know if it's got copper or platinum inside. You'll find out hopefully down the line, should you live that long? And we go to...

Speaker: we go What an odd thing to say. Isn't it that odd in the middle of a major conflict? And then I would like to also just shout at my friends like, let's it's time to go now. I know you guys know that, but I'm a yappy lady.

Speaker: So it is my nature. I will grab Matilda and like try to pick up bags of money and shove them into her clothes and like send her on her way up a rope.

Speaker: Okay. Okay. Okay. Got it. me Take it. Go. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're getting out of here after this, right? You and me hitting the road. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go, go, go. Okay.

Speaker: I'll meet you as outside. She starts climbing. And then I, I grabbed money for myself and I also climbed the rope. Perfect. You grab a sack. So we're up to, we'll say, a sack, three sacks total of cash.

Speaker: Leave a hand to climb with. And yeah, you see that there's a lot of these other children are like running for the for the rope. Some of them are struggling to climb. Some of them taken too much. And you see this one halfling boy, he drops a bag and just these coins go scattering across the floor.

Speaker: One rolls through the vault and just... You see this black boot step on it and just smack it down, press it flat against the ground, and you see the osprey steps into the bank, and she takes this heavy metal gauntlet and just snaps the arrow sticking out of her shoulder that Vassanya shot.

Speaker: Vassanya, she looks at you and just points this clawed metallic finger at you. Should have killed you when you were in my office. And the... Tides of battle surge forward as these two sides rush to meet each other.

Speaker: Matilda is climbing. She runs over, bleeding profusely. He's like, all right, yep, good load me up. Starts climbing. Juniper, you are at the base of this chamber. There are ropes dangling. You see people are starting to climb out.

Speaker: You don't know how much of the total money is going to get grabbed when it's all said and done, but hopefully enough to get the job done. And ultimately, you still have the diamond. So if nothing else, should you survive this battle, then at least you have completed your mission. Yeah, yeah, you know what?

Speaker: I know Lycan's carrying me right now, but I'm going to turn into a freaking ape and just... A freaking ape and just scoop him up and start climbing up this rope as fast as I can. And you know what? I got all I need in my arms right now. so but I am going to send the badgers to go scoop up as much as they can. yeah Badgers, famously famously good at climbing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll go great. Perfect. The badgers... Yeah, you work with your command to these creatures and they go running towards the vault.

Speaker: You know, ah bite that guy to death. They got that. Bite the scary tentacle monster. They didn't like it, but they they they got it. Grab the money in the vault. They're like, what is the money in the vault? I think they're close. I'm a big squirrel.

Speaker: And... you You start climbing in ape form. And one second, Lycan, you are carrying Juniper. The next, you're suddenly like, you twist in the air and she is carrying you under this this massive ape arm. And you are being dragged up towards the ceiling. The Balinoth seems to be out of the fight for the time being.

Speaker: Vassanya, it is your turn. These forces surge past the Osprey and children of Argath start clashing with the clutch. So there are other they're other ropes, so other people are climbing other ropes. They're not climbing the rope I'm tied to? Correct.

Speaker: Perfect. So I'm just going to say slither forth magic rope as it so it can start retracting back up and pulling me up. Grab a backer on your way out.

Speaker: If can just bite onto my shoes. Carry them out. But from my rope harness, I will try to shoot the Osprey again. okay Okay. Is it a called shot?

Speaker: Yeah, sharpshooter again, let's try it. Nope. Let's try it again. nope i Wow, that's crazy. No, both miss. I can tell you right now they both miss. Sounds good. You shoot these two arrows. I've hit one shot.

Speaker: I mean, sharpshooter's tough. Sharpshooter's tough. No, but that's the, thats it honestly, it doesn't even matter. Yeah, sure. One that die got a one. Oh. and I'm on the other one I got a two that's good sharpshooter is actually not the part that's hurting sure she takes these these gauntlets and just like hold both in front of her head forms like this wall and just ding these two arrows go clanging off damn you are raised up you feel a biting on both of your boots as these two badgers go and just start rising up into the air with you taking the Vasanya elevator

Speaker: Fonelin, it's not your turn, but you see Juniper climbing this rope, carrying Lycan. You see the magic rope lifting Visanya, and you see Wako Sampha, the Earth Genasi who's up here with you, pull out a dagger and cut the rope. My magic rope!

Speaker: The rope that Juniper is climbing. Oh, thank God. No! Oh, come on. No! I'm still upset, but in a different way. More worried about the magic rope than about your friends. She locks eyes with you, Lycan.

Speaker: You see this earth genasi face poke out from the opening. You're supposed to die. It sells the subterfuge. And she cuts the rope, and the two of you go falling back towards the ground.

Speaker: Juniper, can I get a dexterity saving throw? For clarification, she didn't tell us that. She just said that, like, you wear the blazers when you go down there, you won't get attacked. We're supposed to die down here.

Speaker: This is crazy, Zach. Dirty 20. gar twenty You go falling through the air. You fall about half the distance to the ground, but manage to grab onto another rope and catch yourself and don't take any falling damage and start to climb again.

Speaker: Fondlin, you see that the other children of Argath, a couple of them, specifically Wako, have weapons drawn. a couple of them are looking at you with malintent, and we go to Lycan in the arms of an ape.

Speaker: In the arms of an ape. In the arms of an ape. I don't know if there's anything I can do. can Can I see the genasi from where we are?

Speaker: i think for now, yeah. Like her face is currently poking out. She's probably going stand up or move or meld into the stone at some point. But for now, we yeah. Could I take my crossbow and try to shoot from the ape to the genasi?

Speaker: Sure. 100%. Is disadvantage? Nah. Thanks, Zach. I really appreciate that. It's six. Six. up Did hit her? She sees the bolt coming and just disappears into the rock.

Speaker: Faunal and Yussi, she just like kind of stands up. The shot misses. I think, yeah, just the one attack with the crossbow. Anything else? Like, know, okay, you're getting carried. Faunal and Yussi, yeah, these children stand up looking a little bit spicy. Talk us out of it. Talk us out of it. Please.

Speaker: Okay, I know I rushed you earlier, and that was in poor taste. I was feeling a little hectic. Why don't we just take a moment and go over... Why are you trying to kill my friends specifically? They're wearing the colors of the Tevici Mafia.

Speaker: Oh, problem. Take off the blazer! I shout down at them. Too late for that. We need bodies to sell the subterfuge. I've been talking about the subterfuge all day. There's no one listening to me. It's very simple. We're not here to steal the money. The money's nice. We need the money.

Speaker: But we're here to start a war between the gangs. And the only way to accomplish that is to make it look like the Tevichis finally made the move that no one thought they would. Okay, how about this? How about this? This is better. Let my friends go. Splitter splitter cook. let her cook i I am Lady Fawn and Lynn Vedark. Have you heard of me? You're a political player. If you haven't heard of me- of course not. I live in the ground. Oh my God, girl. Okay.

Speaker: Firstly, I'm like famous and important and also rich. I'm from the Vedark family. They run Ulethor Thayat. You know, the big trees, the most important trees. If you let my friends go, not only will i mad talk up the war,

Speaker: I will get my father to fund you. And I will also, o who else can I shit talk at your behest? I know a dragon. That could be useful.

Speaker: You know, Prince Elling Malfurth, personal friend of mine. Onos, imagine how Onos could contribute to a war here, okay? I will pull on my entire professional network for you, but you have to let my friends go. And if you kill me, you get none of that. Now, you're a businesswoman. I know it makes sense to you.

Speaker: Make a deception roll. Mm-hmm. Annalyn doing the medieval equivalent of pulling up her LinkedIn page. Okay, that's 19. She looks at you with these these dark eyes and says, really?

Speaker: You know all these people? Like, yes, personally, literally like two weeks ago, time is going crazy in my head right now, but I was literally at a party like a few weeks ago with Malfurth, every important family in all of Airdeneen. Garfield was there, you know Garfield, the Garfield.

Speaker: He said I could take a ride on his boat. Yeah, he he performed at the cellar a few times. It's like an actual cellar that we store some stuff in. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker: Yeah, let's go get that fricking dragon. Okay, but my friends have to get out first. Yeah, okay, okay, sure, sure, sure. And she sheathes her dagger and starts pulling on the ape rope, and she's like, nope, too heavy, can't do it. I'll help you. and i would like to also help her and haul up the... Sure, you give them a speed boost.

Speaker: For my count, Fasanya, you are being elevated up. Lycan, Juniper, you two are climbing. Matilda's climbing. Bertram, it appears to me you might be the only missing piece of my puzzle. unless you Are you also climbing? You already said it. I'm also climbing. Yeah, you're also climbing. That's right. I'm climbing up behind Matilda. I'm going to say the four of you, Juniper, you carry Lycan up. You get a little bit of a boost from Faunilent and Waco.

Speaker: Bertram, Matilda, the two of you climb up. It's very, very acrobatic. And Zonya, you get up east all the way up under the chamber. You Mission Impossible. You're way ah out of the bank vault, the first bank of Argath.

Speaker: How many badgers make it? There are two badgers latched onto Vasanya. You see a bit of blood pouring out of her boots. ah Nice. Worth it. Vasanya successfully went down a rope, missed six times, and got two badgers. yeah Couldn't have done it without you.

Speaker: You see that there's fighting raging on below. You see Lycan. Just before you're carried out of sight, you see one of the clutch soldiers is your boss, Gerardo.

Speaker: And he locks eyes on you and says, Lycan? What are you doing here? i thought you were going go hang out with your friends. He's one of the ones now coming into the bank? Yeah.

Speaker: Okay. oh This sounds cooler than I mean it to, but consider this my resignation. but He yeah mutters to himself, it's customary to give two weeks.

Speaker: As you disappear out of view, you watch as the elf woman, the pale elf woman, seems to be one of the leaders of the children of Argath. She's fighting. She's got these like skinny blades and she's kind of dancing around, stabbing, swirling. She kind of swirls and rests her back up against one of the remaining stone pillars just as the osprey punches clear through it with this gauntlet and just grabs her and slams her into the ground.

Speaker: The ceiling starts to shake. And as the chaos continues, many of the children start to pour out of the ah of the area. And what what what are what are you what are you all doing?

Speaker: Getting out there? Yeah. yeah know Can push what's-her-name down hole? Oh, can I take off my blazer, on her, and then you can push her down the hole? Yes! Like, Bertram comes up, hovers her head with the blazer, and, like, kick her in the chest. Yes, please. Fantastic.

Speaker: yeah yeah She goes flying. Yeah, Gollum, end of lord of the Rings style, looks up at you says that dragon again and then falls to the ground, splatters. du And you guys who run.

Speaker: I'll scoop up my badgers. Yes, get those badgers. I'd like to shout, I'm not friends with any of those people! And then my mage hand flips her off. And if there's any badgers left, yeah, let's grab them. You...

Speaker: this you I'm gonna say it, those badgers are left behind. They're like- No! No! We got two though, right? We got two. We got two. We got two. No, no. We got two. We got two. You start running, badgers in tow, spectral hand in tow. Some of the children of Argath that escaped with you go running. They shout instructions. Eventually, one of them points out a means of escape.

Speaker: And you kind of climb up this ladder and kick open a wooden hatch and you find yourselves in a cellar and you run up these stairs into this tavern and out onto the street.

Speaker: It's still night out in sunfall. You hear the sound of distant fighting. You see some buildings are on fire. It seems like the that the vault was not the only spark that the children of Argath have set off on this night, towards the Night Sky Parish, I presume.

Speaker: yeah A few streets, fighting spills out onto it. You see members of the Tevichi Mafia clashing with members of the Clutch. You see this massive dire boar come barreling down a side alley.

Speaker: It's got these skulls mounted on each of its tusks and about a dozen halflings all painted white. They're wearing skulls for for cod pieces. There's just it's It's a ghastly, gruesome sight. They're screaming into the night as the Ash Road boys make their presence known. The city is erupting into chaos and you keep running until you reach the Night Sky Parish, this darkened temple of Yusik, the wood scorched by the previous fires that burned through Sunfall, but it was protected. And I hand things back to you.

Speaker: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I don't even want to ask this. Do we still have a diamond? I'll turn back into Juniper. I'll put you down first.

Speaker: Yeah, mission successful, I guess. So I pull it out of my pocket. Oh my God. I truly don't know. You know what? I'm not going to thank you guys until Clay is alive again. So put a pin in that.

Speaker: But remember that I started something nice and then we're going to go in there, we're going to resurrect Clay and then I'm going to finish saying something nice. But I really need my friend back. Okay. I wanna get in there.

Speaker: okay Remember, there was some sketchy looking guy watching us last time we were here. So keep that diamond close. And then maybe we could, I don't know, have a smaller bank of gold. If this guy comes to try to take anything, we could just send him on his way.

Speaker: good idea I mean, should we glance inside the bags that we got down there just so we know what we're working with? If someone much tries to rob us? Did I recoup original not money? I'm so sorry about the badgers. I was gonna flip them upside down start shaking them. And Juniper hates animals. That's true. You start shaking and I mean, it's a lot of money. You don't have the time to count it right now, but there's a lot of pieces of copper and silver, gold, platinum.

Speaker: You see there's a few gemstones in the mix, smaller than that diamond, but still seemingly valuable. Yeah, just like it's it's a lot. Bertram, you think you probably made back your investment, but you're not 100% sure.

Speaker: And it also probably really depends on how eager your friends are to share. this this split. If they intend to give you back your 1200 and Juniper back her, I'm going to say 600? 650. I have my own bag, though. Like, I grabbed a bag and then I put some on Matilda. That's rad.

Speaker: I'm not dumping those into the pool. got those bad The badger pool's for me. rather Perfect. Okay, as long as we have the diamonds accounted for, then the rest, I think, is for your troubles.

Speaker: So are you going in with all of it or are you trying to like stash it? I'm already gone. try to stash mine into like, oh, she's, yeah. I'm going to stash mine into like my table, guess. Wherever I run door, guess. Yeah, in the of the table. I don't know. Excellent.

Speaker: Faunilin, you push the door open. Aragorn walking into Helm's Deep. o Sick. So sick. You are so tired. You've been through so much in the last few weeks.

Speaker: You step into the Night Sky Parish. And it appears that there is a service going on. There is maybe half dozen attendees, worshippers of Ysik, just sitting in groups of one and two.

Speaker: And at the pulpit is the deacon Siphon Saron, who was not the priest that you previously interacted with.

Speaker: Rather, it is the, as Juniper described, sketchy individual. And he is quietly talking and says, and so my children, we must all act in the way Yusik has instructed.

Speaker: Move quietly through this world. Move in the shadows, avoid the harshness of the light and bring with that the tranquility that he provides.

Speaker: Bonalyn boots open the door and just as he's talking about tranquility marches in knocking over like a candelabra and goes like alright it's resurrection time guys it's resurrection time where's the priesty boy

Speaker: i am afraid that the father is unwell this evening he is resting in his sandals no no no no But do not fret. I am capable of providing the same services that he has.

Speaker: Yusik has granted me the same wondrous abilities bestowed upon Father Royce. Can I do an insight check? Because Fondalyn, I don't think is primed to be suspicious in this moment, but I am getting a saucy vibe. Sure. I mean, Juniper warned you that this guy was yeah acting sus. She saw him venting. And, uh... That's 23.

Speaker: He says that he can do this this service for you, that he can provide the same service. He kind of like holds his hand out. You know, it's not like a pushy motion. He like seems, if anything, rather kind.

Speaker: But as he's looking at you, his eyes flicker past you and you just glance over your shoulder at the worshippers in this temple. a And you notice that this is a hard looking group of worshippers. lot of finger tattoos. Fuck.

Speaker: You see a few have like robes on and you're pretty sure you see the shape of hilts underneath. And he yeah looks back at you and smiles and says, please, the diamond. Of course. Thank you so much. I just, um, Father Royce had mentioned, of course, the three ceremonies. So would you like to walk us through? And then I want to uncanny dodge and run the hell out of there.

Speaker: Mid vamp, I just want to dash. Okay. You run and he says, Caesar. No. And the worshippers, the half dozen worshippers in this space get up, pull back cloaks.

Speaker: Weapons are drawn as you're running up the middle of this aisle. And I'm going to say from the outside. who Who followed her in? Who stayed outside? Not me. I did not follow. I mean, I was at the door. I'm and i'm inside for sure.

Speaker: Okay, so you two walk up to, you two are running together. Lycan, you're at the entrance. Juniper, you're a bit behind. Bertram, where where are you? I think Bertram would have gone in, but Matilda would be outside. Okay, so Juniper and Matilda, the two of you are out there.

Speaker: You hear him say, seize her. And a second later, you hear boom, boom, boom. and stepping around the corner of the parish, you see an ogre wearing a pinstripe suit with this sort of howdah on his back, and you see a tiny halfling wearing a pinstripe suit and a trilby. He's got a cigar hanging out of his mouth and says,

Speaker: Now, see, the deacon told us there'd be some cash coming around here. it's time that we get it. What are you doing? And I'm going to let's roll initiative. What the fuck?

Speaker: Is Matilda still wearing her pinstripe suit? You know what? Sure. don't think there's been time to to take it off. I hope you can pull it off. That's not good.

Speaker: Seven. 16. 15. Eight. 21. Fittingly, Faunolan, it is your turn. Okay, paint a picture for me. You are running down the center aisle of this temple, this this parish.

Speaker: Visanya is behind you, presumably following. There are three thug-y looking guys, just like, you see a few of them like rip back their robes. They're wearing these pinstripe suits as well. Man, the tailoring budget for this gang, unbelievable. Yeah.

Speaker: So there's three and three on either side. You hear the priest shouting from behind you. And I'll say there's like a window, kind of like a couple of windows near the entrance. And you see this ogre with a halfling in his backpack, Banjo-Kazooie style, step into view from around the corner and start to move towards Juniper and Matilda.

Speaker: Is Clay out or is Clay put away somewhere? Now, if I recall, you did not want to leave Clay with these folks and you brought Clay back to the boat. in the boat. Okay, well that's good. Because I was imagining Clay like sitting politely in the corner.

Speaker: So, that's good. I'm glad Clay's not here. Alright, I'm gonna use my turn to fly some more. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You guys are part of the gang.

Speaker: Look at me. I have pinstripe pants put over my two arms and across my chest like a mix. But look at me. We are also, we've just got looped in. Literally, five minutes ago. Your leader, she she looked like... And I described the woman that I just kicked in the chest to her death.

Speaker: Yeah, no, we just struck a bargain with her. I'm going to get out of here. I'm friends with the King of Ergenine, so I'm going to tell the King of Ergenine, but we need Father Ruiz. Royce. Well, here's the thing, my child.

Speaker: The person you're describing sounds a lot like Wakko Sampha. Yes, she was a Wakko. High-ranking member of the Children of Argath. And you're not part of the Tevichi Mafia. Fuck. Wrong gang. Wrong gang. Wrong gang. I'm willing to look past that. You're obviously not a member of the Mafia, despite wherever you got those pants. Those are lovely, by the way. Very nice. And if you were a member of... our little mafia, then you should have no problem handing over that diamond because we are going to use it to great effect.

Speaker: Okay. Finalin is going to fall to her knees with her hands clasped in front of her and say, listen, listen, and you're right. I'm not part of the mafia. I'm not part of a gang. I'm just a girl whose best friend on earth died. And you know how they died?

Speaker: Protecting me. Because I was petty and small-minded and I got my best friends killed and I have dragged these poor people into it. I have clawed and scratched. And I hold up the bag of coins and I jingle it. You can have my magic rope.

Speaker: You can have my umbrella sword. You can have whatever you want. Please just let me bring back my dead friend. I know you're not really a bad guy. You're in the mafia, but you're not like, I know you're not a bad guy, okay?

Speaker: I know, i know there's goodness in you. Please, please let me have my clay back. Give me a persuasion roll. Can I have advantage? I don't think so. This is the saddest I've ever been to announce a roll.

Speaker: Eight. I rolled a two on the dice. He steps forward kind of off of the, off the, off the dais.

Speaker: My child, life is full of disappointments. Often Yusik gives us more than we can bear.

Speaker: i think it's noble that you want to save your friend, but you're going to have to find a different diamond. No. We don't have to fight. We just want the money you've taken from the casino.

Speaker: That's so, that's so reasonable. But if you are going to continue to speak to me, You're going to have to find a different trachea, and I would like to take a swing with my rapier right at his throat.

Speaker: Give me an attack roll. I'm actually upset with you. i need to stand up for this one. Okay. Should I use different dice? These ones haven't been behaving. Son bitch.

Speaker: That's going to be cutesy little 12. going to be a cutesy little twelve With a 12, you lunge at him, going for the trachea. He jerks back and your blade slashes up over, like across his chest.

Speaker: It tears his priestly robe, these dark robes he's wearing, and you see that he has a chain shirt underneath. Anything else you want to do? Bonus action, disengage.

Speaker: I like to run past behind him, up the pulpit, and I would like to swing myself to stand on top of any altar that's up there. Sure. Yeah, you say we get like five, ten feet past him, jump up onto an altar, and we go to, you don't know it, but his name is Samson Popper Tavici.

Speaker: He's the half-runner out on Gave him a middle name! Is he named for grand grand Grandpa Popper? or He is going to pull out a crossbow and you see that it has like, it's, you know, that like that line of bullets that goes out of like a machine gun, but it's like a bunch of bolts and he takes this crossbow and starts to turn this handle and- Reaction.

Speaker: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Go for it. Go for it. Look, to be so honest with you, I couldn't give a crap about this money. So all yours and and Mike and we're going to leave.

Speaker: Okay, I'm done. I'm done. You broke her. Damn. you broke her don't want anything to do with that any of this anymore. I'm just a peaceful masseuse.

Speaker: I'll even give you a massage. I don't care. all yours. Start emptying out my pockets.

Speaker: He looks at you and says, I can sit right. oh Thank you. And he he looks at you and he right, thank you. A massage you say. Perfect. Perfect. And he glances over and Matilda and says, are you with her?

Speaker: This doesn't have to come to blows. And Matilda cracks her knuckles and says, nah, we're fighting. And he says, very well. And dooo two do he shoots three crossbow bolts at her.

Speaker: Okay, Matilda's gonna take a cheeky... Get four health, I think. Yeah, like six, maybe. Yeah, Matilda goes down again as you these crossbow bolts, two, like, catch her one on each shoulder, and she says, ah pop poppa pop pop sorry, my prince, and collapses unconscious on the ground.

Speaker: Vassanya. How far am I from the halfling? He's, like, kind of maybe, like, 30 feet away, 40 feet away. Kind of just says back at the entrance, you know. 30 feet away, you said, right? 30 feet away, you said. Mm-hmm. Fucking wee ball, sure. Why not? I'm not a huge temple.

Speaker: 30 feet away, you say? Sure. As Vasanya disappears in a puff of smoke. Gorgeous. And reappears behind the little halfling, and I'm going to try to grapple him.

Speaker: Go for it. Give me an athletics check. okay that twenty Nat 20. Nat 20. Nice. I want you to know he has a plus 7 to acrobatics.

Speaker: Got 17. Awesome. get fucked Just from view, land in his howdah, and just grab him. Okay, I'm gonna like, everybody fucking freeze, or the little halfling thing dies.

Speaker: Not the gnome. Give

Speaker: give me an intimidation roll with advantage.

Speaker: You see this surge of mobsters rush after you towards the entrance, weapons drawn, and as you pull the blade to Samson Popper Tavici's throat, he puts his hands up and says, All right.

Speaker: All right. We miscalculated. I hear fighting over there. i have a feeling the gang war that has long been foretold has started.

Speaker: What can you do? think it's pretty simple. You take the money from the ground. You go that way. We go this way. We keep the diamonds. Okay, so just to be clear, we still get the money in this situation? yeah Wait, wait, wait, wait,

Speaker: so you pass

Speaker: You get the money on the ground. I don't think I should have to clarify the rest of the situation with the rest of the party. We keep the diamonds. You go that way. We go this way.

Speaker: This is a show of faith. You guys could kill us all right now. I've got the upper hand for the moment. But the moment I let you go, if you don't have the money, you could come right back in here and slaughter us. You take the money. That's what you're here for.

Speaker: But the truth is, we just want the diamond. We're just trying to bring our friend back. That's all real. This war isn't our war. Go fight it. We're not part of this. I almost feel bad taking it, but you're giving me permission, so I'm going to. Can I have enough for just like a a passage on a ship? I just, I want to get out of this place. It's just horrible vibes all around.

Speaker: All right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank You can keep a bag. Thank you. Lil' Stepper, load us up. And the ogre starts walking around, grabbing the bags of money, grabs a couple badgers and throws him in the bag. what a They'll disappear eventually. don't think the badges are part of the bargain.

Speaker: They step out. the The mobsters filter out. The deacon steps out. Kind of eyes glaring at all of you. And then Samson Tavici says, All right, fellas.

Speaker: Let's go win the hearts and minds of the city through blood and violence. And they disappear. Good luck into the night. Oh, man. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker: I thought we were all going to die. We were. We certainly were. So okay now we need a priest, right? Yeah, where's the priest? no Are you guys still part of this are you just going to go?

Speaker: um You know, I got you your diamond. Unless there's a priest right through those doors who's going to do this right now, I think I'm good.

Speaker: Yeah. And if Juniper's good... I have to that a door crashes open. You see this older priest. His hands are bound. He's got a gag in his mouth. Oh, he just like kind of starts hopping towards you.

Speaker: true a priest. I guess we'll do that really quick and then I'm done.

Speaker: Really quick. Okay.

Speaker: Priest, I don't even like, I ungag him, but i don't even untie him. I just grab him by the hands. I'm like, it's time now. Let's go. And I would like to march us all down to the docks. Please. Did you kill Deacon Serrano?

Speaker: No. Why the hell's not? There was, there was way too many of them. You all look very strong and capable. no no. Thank you. But no. It was rough Really rough day.

Speaker: We're tired. Looking over I'm going have to fire him now. I have to give two weeks notice. but You actually don't, turns out. Oh. this Yes, I could fire for cause. He did knock me over the head and tie me up in my broom closet.

Speaker: All right, let's go. Can I pick up Matilda on the way out? Right, yeah. Oh, no! I'll use my I'll use my ah balm of the summer court on on Matilda for six points of healing. Thank you. If she's not dead. Yes, she did. Matilda looks you in the eyes. Bertram says, I'm never going to die.

Speaker: We're going to do this forever, you and me. Okay. The six of you go through the streets. You can hear the sounds of distant fighting and you're too far away to know what causes it to stop.

Speaker: But at some point, ah silence falls over the city and a peace seems to settle in. The fires that are burning start to get put out and some semblance of calm comes over sunfall once more.

Speaker: You hurry back to the the swift and climb aboard. Clay is lying in the helm and Boof is sitting there smoking a joint.

Speaker: You ignore the fact that there's a lighter in Clay's hand. You come in. The priest holds out his hand for the diamond.

Speaker: I don't have any baller lines. I don't have anything left. I just want Clay back. He begins to pray over her body, invoking the strength of Yusik, imploring him to release her.

Speaker: Clay, you're sitting next to a river. Nearby, there is a cabin, ah little house.

Speaker: It looks a lot like the one you grew up in. Around you there's swaying grass. It's a beautiful blue sky above. Far off in the distance, there's this immense mountain that looks like you could reach it in a day or two, but you've tried and it never seems to get any closer.

Speaker: It's quiet here. It's peaceful. It's Elysium.

Speaker: There was a thing with Mar-Wool, the goddess of death. You really thought you were going to hell. You kidnapped a princess. You burgled a shipment of silver.

Speaker: You tore a guy's jaw open when his mouth was stitched shut and then incinerated him. You've done some gnarly things, but turns out most of that's in the and the playbook for a priestess of M'Krog.

Speaker: You're sitting there enjoying a beautiful sunny day. And you hear a gentle flapping of wings and the sound of footsteps walking along the rocks of this riverbed that you sit next to.

Speaker: You turn, and you see a familiar, angelic face. He has blazing tan skin and beautiful golden hair. These magnificent white wings that he tucks in behind his back. And you see the angel Lucas standing before you.

Speaker: Hello again. It's been some time. Hello. How much time has it been? Since we've last seen each other, since you've been here? Both.

Speaker: The answer's not so different. Perhaps a month on the material plane. Are you enjoying your time here? I'm bored out of my mind.

Speaker: Well, lucky for you, come bearing good news. You are welcome to say no. You are under no obligation to leave. We could find work for you that you find more meaningful.

Speaker: However, there are those that you have left behind that have been most determined to bring you back. It's my understanding that they've gone through quite an ordeal in order to do so.

Speaker: And so, if you wish, can return. That's all I wanted to hear. My friends are still looking for me, then I want to go back to them. Very well.

Speaker: Clay Campbell, I'm sure we will meet again, one way or another. As long as you continue to walk the virtuous path of Macrog, he is quite interested in you.

Speaker: Cool.

Speaker: And Clay opens her eyes.

Speaker: ah Oh my god. oh my god. Clay. Lady Fonelin. Oh my gosh. Do you feel okay? Does anything hurt?

Speaker: How do I feel as Clay? You feel a little tired, a little exhausted, perhaps, like you had a fitful night's sleep, but you feel alive in a way that you didn't in the past month.

Speaker: The heat of the water, the smell of its brine feels more real. than the other place you were. And as you do, a smile crosses your lips.

Speaker: And Fondalyn, you see that her destroyed teeth have been restored. Fondalyn, like, grabs Clay's face and, like, kind of smushes their cheeks and, like, kind of, like, stretches their smile lines. You have teeth again.

Speaker: Oh, my God. You don't...

Speaker: You look so terrible, my friend. Your teeth look great. You look awful. But we're going to get you fixed up right as rain. We're going to get full meal in you, 12 hours of sleep, a bath because you smell like death.

Speaker: Oh my god. I feel so good. I feel better than I have for the past long time. it Were you in a hell of a torturing you? had teeth! Don't bite the armor again! That was crazy!

Speaker: Where's Glimpki? Who are all these people? Yeah. Um, Klimki is a work in progress. Oh, hey, for Noam. You, Klimki's friend. Hi.

Speaker: What's going on? Um, this is Visanya, big fan of your work. Hi. Hello. You've seen my artworks? I have. Oh. they're They're celebrated on the island of Megan.

Speaker: I saw your statues there. Yeah, that's pretty cool, huh? Yeah, you guys seem to have done some incredible things. um Maybe Fondalyn can fill in, but my name is Vassanya, and i'm I'm here to help you on the next leg of this journey.

Speaker: Clay, you were just the first stop. Yeah, we gotta find that princess still. We do, but we have one more stop to make. Lady Fondalyn? Yeah, we gotta get Glimki back first.

Speaker: Where'd he go? Such a good question. we're going to find out. And then we're going to we're going to get him back. Was he kidnapped too? He turned into purple crystal and then shattered against the floor. and his bird god didn't bring him back?

Speaker: No, the gods don't talk to me, but they do talk to you. So now that you're here, I don't think we'll have any trouble figuring out what happened to him. And then we've just got to go get him. And I'm pretty optimistic because it turns out there's a lot of really nice people in this world who will help me at great personal cost. I've been very rude. um Clay, this is Juniper and Lycan. They are very good people who...

Speaker: Literally, like, for no personal incentive. um I mean, they kind of, Lycan was kind of responsible for the whole cluster in a sort of way in the first place, but like, you know, beyond that, that's just context. I'm not blaming. Just that, you know, with some guilt involved, and then that led to generosity of them traveling all this way from Bogatyr to help bring you back.

Speaker: Yeah, Clay, with without them, you'd still be dead. So... Hundred hundred percent. I think maybe earlier, Fondlin, you said something about holding thanks until Clay's back alive. I think maybe now.

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. um

Speaker: Well, thank you so much. really appreciate your help. I'm so glad to not be dead. You're welcome. Usually I would offer a massage right now, but I'm so exhausted. sorry.

Speaker: Now you sorry the two have done more than enough. Thanks. I mean, without all your help, we wouldn't be wouldn't be back with Clay and and we wouldn't be starting our next journey to get Glimki back.

Speaker: Juniper, Clay gives amazing massages and I think you've earned one.

Speaker: I've experienced that. Yeah, i can give you a massage. Maybe while that's occurring, I could just find room to say that earlier when I was demanding the diamond from you, instead of offering helpful suggestions, I didn't think I was going to leave you behind.

Speaker: But I think the conniving little rat that exists in part of my brain was thinking about that. And that is... unforgivable considering the lengths that you've gone to to help me.

Speaker: You are the purest person other than Clay that I've ever met, Juniper. Honestly, if you two had more time to hang out, I think you'd be best friends. Third, second, second and third best friends.

Speaker: But I really just can't thank you enough. And like in you two, you have been exceptionally brave. And I won't forget about you. Maybe you'd like to forget about all of this, but I really won't forget about you.

Speaker: My Lady Faunelin, I relinquish captainship to you. I hope that your waters are ahead, are smooth, and let the Mother Crystal guide you.

Speaker: Yes, and... Mother Crystal? As in Nainique? Clay, yeah. and We're having like a moment. ah

Speaker: Sorry, sorry. i'm stupid You seem really nice, but I don't know you. a Yeah. Are you related? The first thing you say is to massage my... and We haven't talked about labels, but... but Sorry. Sorry.

Speaker: Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but are you related to those furbolts who tried to kill us at the temple? I mean, related or like with them... Yes and yes, yeah.

Speaker: And I heard something about Glimke turning into crystals. Is that Nainik's thing? I don't know, actually. I don't know a lot about... I didn't... I would have to have maybe, I don't know, what, like 12 hours to catch you up on everything that's happened. Okay, I can wait. You guys have your moment first. I've been dead for a month, so I can wait a little longer. Okay.

Speaker: um Well, yeah, I was just going to say, Lady Fonelin, I can tell you have some conflicting auras within you. That's okay. That happens sometimes. You'll figure out the right path for you and the right aura to lean into. And I i do forgive you.

Speaker: And without this journey, I would never have met or noticed or gotten so close to Lycan. So I have that to thank you for.

Speaker: Okay. I do, I really don't have anything to give you, but i would like to, this is sim, this is a symbolic, you know, gesture and I would like to perform my in code memory cantrip. I sometimes do. Fondalyn kind of like self-consciously ducks down and pulls at her very short. hair beneath her wig and as she does almost like a spider's web dropping beneath her hands this blue glowing filament kind of spins and she quickly does it again and she ties this glowing filament first around juniper's wrist and then around lichen's that is the memory of how it felt when the two of you offered to help me in other words it is the truest experience of hope that i've ever

Speaker: I mean, I still have it, but now you also kind of have it. So I hope, you know, I hope you forget all the bad parts of this journey, but I hope you never forget the sort of incredible people that you are, because I certainly won't.

Speaker: Thank you. I want to turn to Lycan and take his hand. Lycan. While I was stuck in stone, taking a lot of deep, restorative, calming breaths while this monster was trying to eat me, I finally remembered why...

Speaker: I didn't think lichen was a plant. It's because it's not a plant. It's actually two plants working together.

Speaker: There's a fungus and it's like the protective shell of the plant. And then there's an algae within it that produces these nutrients from the sun and they work together to become this amazing organism. And so I guess what I'm trying to say is I was wondering if you would want to be the fungus to my algae forever.

Speaker: Oh my God. Wait, does clay know ceremony? I could do a marriage ceremony. Juniper, even didn't know that.

Speaker: My mom always warned not to fall in love.

Speaker: I'm not looking forward to how she's going to react when I tell her.

Speaker: I can't wait to meet her. You know, think she's actually gonna like you. Was that a yes? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. Oh, cool. I got nervous you were holding my hand. Yes, yeah, yeah.

Speaker: Please, I'll be the fungus. Or you could be, you choose. I'm the allergy, you're the fungus. Oh, I'll be the fungus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes sense, because you have, like, the shield and the sword and stuff, and I, like, heal you sometimes. Perfect.

Speaker: Clay, you've been gone for a while. It doesn't make any damn sense, but you're a little bit stronger. you're i'm stronger? You're little bit stronger than you were before.

Speaker: And yeah you know what? It's also only a level one spell, and who knows what the hell you prepared this morning. Heck yeah! Let's do it right now! Right now!

Speaker: Clay, you go to perform ceremony, and Boof steps forward and clears his throat. Okay. Now, technically only the captain can marry people on a ship, but he takes his little hat and puts it on you. It's very small on your head.

Speaker: Welcome back, Campbell. I've missed you. Thanks, Boof. don't actually know how people do my days. You cast ceremony upon Lycan and Juniper for the next seven days. They have a plus two to AC. They can only benefit from this again if one of them is widowed.

Speaker: But they don't think about that because it's a time for celebration. a time for... Joy. There's still a couple remaining casks of dwarven whiskey that get broken out and a party happens until the sun bursts back into life once more.

Speaker: At some point, I think juniper and lichen, you start planning your honeymoon. seems like the city's calmed down a bit maybe you want to stick around no maybe you want to go somewhere else have you guys ever been to Airdenine it's a beautiful place I think you should go there for your honeymoon Oh.

Speaker: Yeah, you know, we'll really consider that one. Yeah. good Good idea. The Pearl District, you can see the whole Elson Sea. It's beautiful. I really recommend it. There's so much to tell you. Like the fact that the princess you were chasing is this guy.

Speaker: I point to Bertram. don't know. ah yeah Who are these other people on show?

Speaker: We'll talk about it. Bertram looks at you. clay says and says, I think you kidnapped me. Whoa. Oh my gosh. Your voice, it sounds so familiar. Oh gosh.

Speaker: Yeah. Do you want me to stick around? No.

Speaker: He looks towards you two, Juniper and Lake, and says, hey, if you're looking for a honeymoon destination, that's what I thought was going to happen. was like, oh, what the? No, I got like a friends with benefits sort of thing with Matilda. We're good. I knew it.

Speaker: But ah I was thinking of heading home, seeing the Great Mountain and don't know, seeing what my brother's up to. He might be challenging my father for rule of the throne.

Speaker: Might not. Bit of a slacker. Don't really know what he's up to. But if you want tag along, know it'll be a good time. If I'm being completely honest, I really miss the Amethyst Valley.

Speaker: Yeah, I don't. lot of bad memories there.

Speaker: Who are you? hi I'm Prince Bertram Vestegaard. I was kidnapped in the city of Airdeneen by Prince Elling Malfurth. And I believe you carried me in a rug to a boat.

Speaker: What? You never told us Clay was the one that carried the rug person. What? Yeah, you know what? You know, I think maybe I'm just learning all this too, but I feel like maybe we give everyone a little bit of grace. We all have ah some complicated, messy histories. You know, you guys are kind of aligned with some people that try to kill these guys.

Speaker: your crystal god kind of turned one of their friends to crystal and shattered him to pieces so you know like hey let's not pass judgment that i i have one question though that i feel like maybe is like not that pressing when the hell did you guys have time amidst planning and executing a heist starting a gang war and fighting some weird underground demon monster thing to fall in love with each other what did i miss something Damn, I guess it's just something that happened along the way. It just happens along the way, Matilda. You're not him in this.

Speaker: um Yeah, yeah, and let's just, I think home sounds good. Yeah. Thank you, though, Virgil.

Speaker: Oh, you're welcome. Before you go, Clay and I, and I clap a hand on Clay's shoulder, Clay and I would like to offer you guys a couple's massage.

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. To the newlyweds or to Bertram and Matilda? Bertram, I like you, but Bertram, we're not close like that. We said like three words to one another.

Speaker: i just think that he looks at you, Clay. I think we could have been really good friends in another life. Why not this one? is it because I kidnapped you? Well, that's part of it. Stop bringing that up. We've got to let bygones be bygones. I think we're going in different ways, you know? Sort of a shattering of the fellowship or whatever.

Speaker: Yeah. I didn't really talk about him a single time, but yeah, like my brother's kind of like got eyes on the throne and like, um my dad's getting old. He wrote a dragon once. A lot of backstory. they probably Not an exposition, dad. Y'all just never asked me a lot of questions about myself. Wait, so if you're the guy kidnapped, where's the princess? Oh, she's gone along with the city. Oh, what?

Speaker: And as Clay... Starts to ask too many questions. The sun has burst back into life. The city has gone to sleep. Bertram and Matilda say their goodbyes with plans to travel north across the Elsween Sea.

Speaker: ah promise to ask the seers... of the horns of Zav, if they can offer any insights into the princess's disappearance or or that of the city's juniper, lichen, the two of you walk the docks looking for passage back to Bogatier with a real zany captain that, oh, you're going to love him.

Speaker: Clay, Faunelin, Visanya, the three of you are left on the swift. There's a lot to be done. a lot that still needs to be said. we're out a damn time.

Speaker: And that's where we're going to stop tonight's episode of Bard Soup. Oh, wow. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Peyton and Alan, thanks for being on our little show for So Nice Episodes.

Speaker: I'll do as many So Nice Episodes as you ever want. Careful, you say that you say that. For every So Nice Episode, there's a Christmas 2025 episode lurking in the shadows. Yeah. umadeou Was that the horse one? That was the horse one. I listened to it again and it made me laugh out loud. cool. My father says he's not a fan of the Christmas episodes and I don't fault him for it. Oh no. At least your parents listen your podcast. That's true. Can I say wow both of you were firing on all cylinders today. I mean you were great like at all of them but it was holy shit like it was it was like really really good and super entertaining to just yeah I was like damn

Speaker: Getting self-conscious now. It's like, they're good. It's so good. And reacting to like the vision version of like in two and jumping. I like, this is so good. Really, really, really good. I was just so determined to get them their happy ending. Yeah, no, for real. We just gotta live. For real.

Speaker: We just gotta live. So close. Yeah, cutting the rope was the gut punch. I was like, no fucking way. Oh my God. Like, no way. He's trying so hard to get rid of you guys. Another combat. Yeah, that last combat, I was like, I put it in the Discord with just Zach and Peyton and I, but my partner was like, how much longer do you think? I'm like, it depends on if we can talk our way out of this. And then I sent them another one that was like, we're fucked. Oh my gosh.

Speaker: yes oh It so fun though. Thank you for the invite. I'm just so proud of these episodes and it's been a blast to play with all of you guys. Oh, I'm going to miss you guys. so so fun it's it's not It's not the last time, but for this time,

Speaker: Peyton, where can we find you? I've been looking. I've been looking on Google Maps and I just can't find you. It's like, where's Waldo? I just don't know where the heck you are. Yeah, that's the goal. But you can find me online with Kingdom Crawlers, an actual play D&D podcast. We upload episodes every single week on YouTube, on Spotify, and also plenty short, fun clips on an Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, all that jazz. So check us out. They've been upload mocking us. You really have, yeah. You guys are crushing the game. I just like to make myself busy. must

Speaker: Alan, Alan, Alan. You're my favorite Alan now. Thanks. Suck it, Alan Turing. Take a risk on that one.

Speaker: took a w risk in that one I guess I should also follow up with where can where where where can the people find you? I think you're in the same bunker that Peyton's in. Yeah, it actually doesn't seem like Peyton and I end up in a lot of the same places, which is really nice. It's it's always a joy.

Speaker: You can find me on the show We Open With, where we take one shot ideas and turn them into a full one shot adventure. And on Quick, I Need a Game, where we create TTRPG elements in a game show format.

Speaker: We open with, I think, as two more episodes. I've been putting off editing before the show goes on a very long hiatus because I have a baby now. And quick, I need a game. There have been talks now that Gothica is almost finished about that coming back. So that'll be very, very fun.

Speaker: and Excited. Bring it back. Or else. Okay. That's the plan. Amazing. Once again, thank you, both of you. You've been fantastic.

Speaker: And we've been Bard Soup.

Speaker: Thank you so much for listening to chapter 46 Bard Soup. I have been your mob-affiliated dungeon master, Zach Meikle, joined as always by Prima Jow as Bertram Vestogard and Clay Campbell, Jordan Johnson as Vassanya, Shannon Meikle as Faunal and Vaedark, and once again, Peyton from Kingdom Crawlers as Juniper, and Alan from both Quick I Need a Game and ReopenLith as Lycan.

Speaker: Seriously, thanks so much to both of them for lending talent and their energy and their creativity to these episodes. And you like Bard Soup, then check out their shows because they're also just so wonderful.

Speaker: We'll be back in two weeks time with chapter 47. In the meantime, check us out on Instagram and TikTok at bard underscore soup. And leave us a five star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Kind of switched up the order of things this time around. But hey, it was kind of a crazy switch up of an episode.

Speaker: Thanks again for listening, and we will see you in two weeks. Bye-bye.