Ch. 43 - Island Getaway | Those Who Wander (ft. Kingdom Crawlers & Quick I Need a Game

Transcript

Speaker: Now, let's see, where were we? Ah yes, that's right. When we last left our heroes, or should I say hero Either way, Clay and Glimke had died. Clay arrived in Sistilis, the domain of Marwool, the goddess of death, and was met with a familiar yet discomforting face, that of L'Amoris the Skull Thief, a fiend that Clay and Glimke had previously thought defeated.

Speaker: He explained to Clay that she was to stand before Marwool and learn her eternal fate, but L'Amoris also provided Clay with an alternative. It seemed that Clay's mother was a fiend that called this dark plane home, and she was anxious to be reunited with her child.

Speaker: Clay, however, had no interest in meeting her and chose to see the Goddess of Death instead. Meanwhile, Glimki arrived in the spirit plane once more and found himself imprisoned by Nainik, the Mother Crystal, who brought him before the Parishad, a vast collection of nature spirits, so that he and his patron Mulare could face judgment for their crimes against the gods.

Speaker: While being questioned by the entirety of spirit kind, Mulari explained to Glimki that his life had no coincidences and that both the gnomish practice of wayfaring and his previous near-death experience had been carefully engineered by Mulari so that he could break the shackling agreement struck between the gods and spirits long ago, the agreement known as the Gua Sotpal.

Speaker: In spite of this betrayal, the Parishad determined that the just fate for Glimki and Mulari alike was to be imprisoned together within the Great Tree at the center of Dwells. Oblivious to all of this, Farnelon watched as Glimpki's body turned to crystal and shattered, leaving no trace of it behind.

Speaker: Farnelon dragged Clay's body outside and confronted the Firbolgs of the Amethyst Valley that were tasked with killing her. She was able to bluff her way back before the High Priest Hoovel, but future bluffing attempts failed and she was unable to convince the Priestess to resurrect her friend.

Speaker: She was, however, permitted to leave the Amethyst Valley with her life. Farnelon traveled back to Silver Shore's resort and brought Clay's body to a doctor's office so that it might be preserved while Farnelon figured out how to bring her back.

Speaker: After one of the worst days of her long life, Farnelon at last rested, only to awaken to the presence of two furbolgs standing over her. They introduced themselves as Juniper and Lycan, and they had decided to help her.

Speaker: Farnelon figured her best bet at getting her friends back was collecting the boon for rescuing the princess, so she set off towards the vacation home of Prince Elling Malfurth with Juniper and Lycan in tow.

Speaker: They reached the Malfurth estate without incident, but saw numerous staff and servants loading up two large sailing ships getting ready to depart. Faunelin and her new companions hurried to find the princess, and their search led them through the entirety of the estate.

Speaker: They searched inside the prince's vacation home, watched as Faunelin nearly blew everything up for a chance at assassinating him, ran afoul of a priestess of Pharos the Sun Phoenix, explored a semi-abandoned wizard's tower, fought a draconic slime, read the Journal of an Insane Wizard, snuck aboard one of the ships, and after all that, there was no sign of the princess.

Speaker: Realizing that something wasn't adding up, the group decided to check the one place they hadn't searched, a construction site for a new vacation home. They snuck inside and found a stairway leading beneath the structure. There they found a pair of doors that told them one only told the truth and the other only lied.

Speaker: But it was a secret third door that threatened to kick their asses that gave them the most trouble. Undeterred, however, the party defeated the door and stepped over its door corpse into a rotten-smelling dungeon. Farnelan saw countless empty cells before discovering a single occupier.

Speaker: But it was not the Princess of Airdenine inside the cell. Rather, it was a ragged-looking half-orc man. You already said all that. Yes, but you have to agree that a whole hell of a lot happened last time.

Speaker: I don't have to agree to anything. Fine. On with the story.

Speaker: Come gather round, travelers, and sit on the stoop. We'll tell you a story about Batsu. Three lovable scamps in our traveling troop.

Speaker: We'll tell you a story about Batsu.

Speaker: It's Supertime.

Speaker: Hey y'all, my name is Bill Paxton and welcome back to Barred Soup. We're under a bit of a tornado warning here in Canada where I live. So to celebrate, but everything's Twister themed. That's right. This is not a joke. There is an active tornado warning in my area. And if this episode ends abruptly, it's because I've been Dorothy'd away.

Speaker: But before that happens, I'm joined by three of my dearest friends in the world. Prima, who are you? And don't tell us who you play. Hi, my name's Prima.

Speaker: I'm also joined by my lovely friend, Shannon. Who are you and actually, who do you play? Yeehaw, everybody. I don't know who Bill Paxton is because I am culturally irrelevant. And one time in school, we had tornado warning so long that we spent four hours in a parking garage.

Speaker: And I play Fawn and Vade Ark. And also Jordan's here, but he's dead like me, so we don't need to get into that.

Speaker: It's really not that spooky. It's actually very sad. I'm Jordan, and I used to play Quimky Treefellow. ah We wish you would aunt us. You didn't even aunt us. You're Bill Paxton. It's me, Glenn Powell, the new face of Twister. And I'm joined by my two near and dear friends. That's right. Peyton.

Speaker: Who are you? Who do you play? Maybe where are you from if you want? Not like geographically, but like entertainment wise. You don't need to doctor yourself. don't know Peyton what to say. You can you want. it I'm good. I mean, I'm about to move, so it doesn't really matter. But I am Peyton, and then I'm from Kingdom Crawlers, an actual play D&D podcast.

Speaker: And I am playing Juniper Willimer. And luckily, there's no tornado warnings where I am because I don't have a basement. So I would just die. And we'd hate to see that now, wouldn't we? And just to be clear, the Bill Paxton thing was because in like Spy Kids 3D game over, he speaks with a country accent and he's kind of a cowboy. I don't know if he talks like that in Twister, but that's neither here nor I'm Glenn Powell now, so what does it matter? And i'm also joined by Alan. Alan, who are you? Who do you play? And would you please talk to us? Whoa, I'm Alan. and Look, my hand's coming right out the screen. Whoa. Whoa.

Speaker: yeah I'm Alan. I'm from ah the show We Open With and Click I Need a Game. Both of them are adventure creating podcasts where we take fun ideas and we turn them into one-off adventures or just adventure concepts. And I am playing Lycan Mossboro.

Speaker: And I'm Zach. Sorry about Glenn Powell showing up and ruining our damn show for a damn second. Welcome back to Bart Soup. Hope i don't get twisted away. hey, hey,

Speaker: We join our heroes in the dungeon constructed under Garnet Hall's new expansion. This construction site with a well-constructed dungeon underneath. It smells rotten. The air is thick.

Speaker: After running through this place, you are fairly certain there was no one here except for this half-orc man chained to the wall who's looked up at you and said, who the hell are you?

Speaker: Prima, would you please describe your character? He's half-orc man with long brown hair that's falling over his eyes, emo style.

Speaker: And he's got, i guess, I think you said he was like chained up arms like to the wall. So you'll see on one arm, it's covered in like thorny looking tattoos.

Speaker: Who the hell am i Who the hell are you? What? Did Malfourth send you? He sent servants to talk to me? Servants? Oh, I am dressed like a servant. Okay, I'll allow that once.

Speaker: No, i'm I'm trying to rescue the princess. Have you seen her? No, I've been here. That coward can't even come talk to me himself. He's kept me trapped here for over a month.

Speaker: Where else does he keep prisoners? Look around. This is where he keeps prisoners. Yes, but there's no one here. You're the only one here. So you're here to get the prisoners out?

Speaker: Um, yeah. I mean, yeah. and So this isn't the princess, right? No, but we're supposed to be getting the prisoners out who wear pants.

Speaker: Right. Thank goodness for you. Am I wearing pants? You didn't include it in your description, so... I wasn't sure what I'm wearing. I've been a prisoner. What if the prisoner's outfit is a dress?

Speaker: Oh This whole thing's gonna fall apart. You tell me. What? and Then I could have described what he was wearing. Is he wearing his own clothes? couldn't. Alright, let's take this once to have a time. Is he wearing a shirt?

Speaker: If he's are wearing a shirt, then you can't see his tattooed yeah I guess. Let's say no, he's not wearing a shirt, just pants.

Speaker: Perfect. Okay. Pants, though. Pants. is our plantts are I see as see, I see, I see. Okay, so we can rescue. Perfect. You pull on the cell bar and it is locked.

Speaker: It's locked. Oh, sorry, it's locked. I think there's a key. How do you guys get back here without seeing the dragon? Oh, I thought you were going to say the door.

Speaker: We're like really sneaky and stuff. yeah Could you guys break these chains? Break the door open? I can try. No, we have to go, guys. No, we have places to be.

Speaker: Absolutely not. Sorry, we're not doing charity here. We're rescuing a princess. But what if he can, like, help us and stuff, you know? So Malforth wasn't lying? You're looking for Callista?

Speaker: Callista, yes, Callista Galtries. Do you know her? Yes. Is she really missing? He wasn't lying? She's been abducted by him. She's here somewhere. She's here?

Speaker: This bastard. Yes, where? I don't know. He told me. He was asking me questions. Get me out of here. We have to find her. But like we kind of checked like this whole entire estate thing and didn't quite run into her at all.

Speaker: There was a gazebo, but we kind of only walked by. That's true. there could have been like a trap door or something and the flowers around it were so beautiful. And the other boat.

Speaker: Yes. So we could use your help with that. Mm-hmm. Could we, could we, who are you? I'm Lycan. Not you, Lycan. Sorry.

Speaker: My name is Bertram Vestergaard. What? Sir Bertram Vestergaard. Yes. No, Bertram Vestergaard. Yes. You're her lover.

Speaker: oh Yes.

Speaker: You're the prince! You're the prince! Okay, okay. We'll get you out. Don't worry. Don't worry, your highness. Don't worry. We'll get you out. Okay, wait. Okay. Yeah, wasn't the princess supposed to marry the prince that you think kidnapped her Yes.

Speaker: No. No. That bastard doesn't deserve to even be in the same room as her. He's a coward. Sorry, aren't you the bastard? You're literally called the bastard prince of the north. Okay, rude.

Speaker: That's literally what you're known as, like publicly. I'm sorry, is that not your title? I didn't choose that. So just Prince of the North then is preferred. Just Bertram is fine.

Speaker: This is out of character. Didn't at the end of the last session we heard like a growling from like down the door? It was after we defeated door we heard a growling. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You remember that, and you cock your ears, and off in the darkness, you hear just heavy breathing, the sound of claws upon stone, and something moving in the dark. This isn't like a single hallway. It's kind of like ah you know like a cell block. There's multiple rows of of cells. Clearly this guy plans on imprisoning a lot of people.

Speaker: So yeah, whatever is out there, you cannot see it, but there is something making noise.

Speaker: It's a dragon. No, yeah. Yeah. It has the keys. oh wait, what? The dragon has the keys to the cell?

Speaker: Yes. I've seen it. It walks by here sometimes. I can pick the lock. It's like my whole thing. Don't even worry. It's like what my whole class build is made around. Why haven't you started doing that yet?

Speaker: I... Good question. Was networking. Him. Lycan turns to Juniper and he's like, where would the dragon keep the keys?

Speaker: Oh, I don't just maybe, ooh, like a collar. Maybe it's made of flowers. That'd be so nice. I love that. That's such a vibe. The aura, you know?

Speaker: It's not that much of a vibe. It is around his neck. oh Oh, I knew it. If we asked nicely, maybe. did roll a 24 on my sleight of hand. Perfect. What is that?

Speaker: Well, not a sleight of hand check. It'll be a dexterity check with your proficiency from your thieves tools. And then I got a 24. twenty four Excellent.

Speaker: You flip the camera off and then slide a lockpick into the into the the cell door and pretty quickly...

Speaker: It unlocks and you're able to pull it open. If anyone's keeping an eye out for the alleged dragon moving in the shadows, Fondolin was pretty quiet with it. It did not appear to draw attention to this, but yeah, you have access to the cell. All right.

Speaker: Can I pick the lock on the chains as well? Go for it. Uh, 19. nineteen Once more.

Speaker: You pop them both open and Bertram, your arms for the first time in a month fall free. You know, if you were like that for a month, I'm sure you're super tense. Would you like a massage really quick?

Speaker: Oh yeah, that would be wonderful. We have time, right? Yeah. I've been here a month. I could do with a massage. If we just close the, the, the, you know, the door again, it can't get in here.

Speaker: yeah I actually agree with the logic. And I think maybe Prince Bertram can give us a much needed exposition while Juniper works out the nods. And if the DM is so gracious, maybe this could count as a short rest too.

Speaker: I love it. The four of you pull into this cell, slide the door shut silently behind you, imprisoning yourselves yeah in a in a jail cell.

Speaker: And you take it just a clean hour to to to to massage. Whip out my table. I'll use some good essential oils. I'm pretty good at it, I think. I don't know if I have to roll for this. No, no, you're good. You'll get it for sure. Feel free to spend hit dice as you wish. Yes, please. Don't forget to add your your con modifier for each each die you spend.

Speaker: Some of you don't need that reminder. Some people in this party have never taken a short rest. there we go. How many episodes have you guys done? Oh, this is 43. You've never done short You know, we really were a narrative-based show up until about two episodes ago, and then mechanics really kicked our ass.

Speaker: um and

Speaker: What is this thing you're doing? It's like you're resting, but for a brief period of time.

Speaker: You heal up, and while while you're healing and massaging and bandishing and replenishing, you have a a brief opportunity to speak. So tell me what you know of Callista.

Speaker: um Well, I'll start with the fact that we know that she was supposed to be meeting with you the night that she was abducted. hu Whoa. I didn't know that. We did meet.

Speaker: <unk> i like it. I actually am loving your enthusiasm for this quest that you joined less than two hours ago, I think. But like, ah you know, there's a lot you have to learn, I think, about the stakes at hand.

Speaker: You told us like nothing. Yeah. That's true. Going off of vibes and energy.

Speaker: You know what? I'm going to say, I never say this, but actually the vibes you bring to the table are pretty immaculate. Thank you. That means a lot. but fivebes Your vibes are mostly good, too.

Speaker: I know they're rancid, okay? I know they're rancid. You don't have to lie to me. I know what they are. So were you hired by the king to look for Calista? He's offering a public boon.

Speaker: My friends Clay, Glimke and i but have been looking for her for more than a month. Our investigation led us here. Clay and Glimke were slain, horrifically. Part of the boon will be getting them the hell back.

Speaker: But she's supposed to be here and we don't know where she is. Instead, I found you. So you met that night. What happened? Well, she left first and that was the last I saw of her.

Speaker: And when I went to leave, something knocked me out. And ah woke up somewhere dark. Someone was carrying me. I couldn't see where we were going.

Speaker: It was Malphurst. That bastard, he didn't want to court Calista properly. He had to take out his competition. Hmm. But he hasn't courted Calista at all. Calista's been abducted.

Speaker: What do you know about that? The search led you here? She hasn't been here. What if she's here and just kept apart from you? Then we should go look for her. um Okay, fine. Yes, please, Lycan.

Speaker: Didn't you say that, like, the prince guy is has been asking you where she is? Yeah, I don't understand how he thinks I would know when he kidnapped I thought he was playing mind tricks.

Speaker: Yeah, and I don't know why he would ask, yeah, when, if he kidnapped her. So he didn't kidnap her? I feel like we predicted this, didn't we? I do think, I think I said something about her running away maybe?

Speaker: yeah or someone else, someone else could be involved too that we don't know. third A third, fourth party. One, two, three. I'm losing track. he He did ask me some questions and I thought he was playing mind tricks or gloating.

Speaker: But if he really doesn't know where she is, I don't know where she would be. When did she go missing? I say the date. Dates aren't real in Zav. Zach doesn't have a calendar, but I say the date. I do, and they are real.

Speaker: It's just a player. It's literally a calendar. There's an eight-month calendar. there She went missing on the 13th of Zempfist. Fuck you. Zach's just never bothered to invent a calendar for some reason. No, he literally has said this so many times. There are eight months. Each month has 40 days. Each month is named after one of the eight gods of the Divine Octad.

Speaker: Next question. Did you read the world primer? It was actually just a layup so that Zach could talk about his cool lore. You're welcome. I have 13th of December written in my notes.

Speaker: December? I this December. Pretty sure this this was before you decided on the names of the months. so Okay, that might be true. Yeah.

Speaker: There was a time. Don't gaslight me. Yeah. Shit, I don't, okay, there was just, why, he tried to kill me and my friends, Malforth did.

Speaker: He sent the butcher after us because we were looking into Callistica Altries and her location. And we know she was kidnapped. She was wrapped, somebody was wrapped in a rug and put on a boat. We think it was the Kingfisher and the boat went here.

Speaker: What? But like, isn't that... Wait, isn't that what happened to Bertram? That was me. wasn't Yeah, Bertram was like... You, the one! Wow. The audio's cutting in and out is going to make me look so dumb in the edit. Prima's going to be like, I was kidnapped and wrapped in a rug. And then i'm going to be like, somebody was wrapped in a rug. That's going to be diabolical. I think it's normal that you were like, do you were like getting to the connection.

Speaker: Holy shit. So we have no idea where Calista Galtries is. And in fact, Elling Malfourth is looking for her. I guess all this time you've been looking for me. That's awkward.

Speaker: now While Calista is missing for a month. Calista must have run away. That's what I was saying.

Speaker: gonna look so stupid in that. This sounds fucking funny. For 40 episodes. People are dead.

Speaker: Three years of that shit.

Speaker: We're in the sky. ideas? a

Speaker: Did anyone yet ask Bertram, when I was zoned out staring into the distance, did anyone yet ask Bertram where Calista would go if Calista was going to run away? Where would Calista go if Calista were to run away? Good question.

Speaker: Good question. That doesn't sound like something she would do without telling anyone. What if she didn't want to marry any of you guys? No offense. Well, she definitely didn't want to marry Malfourth.

Speaker: She was going to reject him. oh Okay, so maybe when he stole you because he was jealous of you, then she was like, oh what if she went looking for you?

Speaker: ah think she would? Okay, maybe. Damn, that is so good, Juniper. You are right on it. Watch me so far off.

Speaker: Have there been any chic looking people wrapped up in robes and face masks that you've come across on your travels, like periodically? There's not been a single chic looking person, not one.

Speaker: I need to look over my notesack. This is a real puzzler you've given us. Indeed, I have. But you said that that the butcher tried to like kill you, right? Yes, why would Malforth bother to try to stop us so aggressively if he hadn't done anything? Well, I guess he'd kidnapped a prince.

Speaker: Oh. Yeah. Too bad none of us are clerics. yeah ah Divine. My dead friend was a cleric. Oh i shoot, I'm sorry. I could talk to a flower about it, maybe. With that hope?

Speaker: Go for it.

Speaker: I'll just tap my staff on ah on the ground and a little flower will bloom out from it. I don't actually know if I have this spell stocked at all. or but I think I can just do it. i think That is a furbolk thing. You can just talk to plants.

Speaker: beautiful flower. Thank you so much for blessing us with your presence today. Could you please tell me what's her name again? Felicity Galtrist.

Speaker: Yes, where you think a princess would run away to. Speech of beast and leaf. You have the ability to communicate in a limited matter with beasts, plants, and vegetation. They can understand the meaning of your words, though you have no special ability to understand them in return. This flower just kind of swathes. Don't worry, it'll talk back to me. Don't worry, guys, I can hear it.

Speaker: What is it saying? It's saying... Where is she?

Speaker: Oh, that's... Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, just keep that coming. Okay. um Actually, I will say, Juniper, yeah you hear a voice, a deep, rumbling voice say, My treasure.

Speaker: But everyone else hears that as well. Boom. oh Boom. Footsteps start to approach from the dark. They get closer and closer.

Speaker: That noxious smell builds in intensity. as a draconic face peers through the bars at you. If any of you have seen a dragon in your lifetime, this is unlike any dragon you have seen before. There is no majesty.

Speaker: There is limited power. It's sagging. It looks almost like it's made of clay. it is... almost like it's melting. It smells foul and as you look at it, its face almost seems to have human features.

Speaker: Most importantly, there's dark stringy hair growing out of its skull and it looks into the cell and says, my treasure, more treasure.

Speaker: And then,

Speaker: steps past the cell and disappears down the hallway. I knew that wasn't my flower's voice, but I was really concerned for a second there. What is with this place and weird dragons?

Speaker: Yeah. That was weird to sell. That was gnarly. Oh, do you think the dragon knows where the princess is? I didn't think it could talk because it was a dragon, but it can't because it's that.

Speaker: All it says is my treasure every time I've tried to talk to it. Uh-oh. It's giving Big Brother Ed vibes. God, I wish Klimki was here.

Speaker: I am just at an absolute loss. Okay. Do you think Callista would go looking for you? i know you just asked us, but realistically, if you were abducted, would Callista come looking for you?

Speaker: I think it's possible. But would she come herself or would she ask the guards, you know? She wouldn't ask the guards. They didn't know that we were meeting. Only her friend.

Speaker: Who is her friend? remember her name. Milani Marinelli, yes. You're a bad partner if you don't remember your partner's friend's and names. Dang! Hold on. Maybe that's where she hasn't found you yet. Oh, wow.

Speaker: I will interject to say that they met up and by the next morning the princess was missing. So, you know. So was Bertrand Vestegaard. So do with that as you will.

Speaker: So she wouldn't have time to know that I was missing, potentially. Oh. And I will also say an hour has passed. You're welcome to step out of the cell short rested at any point, but the massage can continue for as long as you Oh, yes. Thank you. That's wonderful.

Speaker: just i have another question about her character. Is she clever? Is she conniving? Cunning? She's the most clever creature I've ever met.

Speaker: She knows everything. Can I roll insight on Bertram? Because Leggett is starting to wonder if Bertram's the princess in disguise. Sure, sure. That's fascinating.

Speaker: Prima, you may make a deception or persuasion roll. Your choice. Don't tell us which. What does it mean to roll a persuasion check? To persuade that you are actually the Prince Bertram Vestergaard and not a princess in disguise, I reckon. Okay, yes, I guess so.

Speaker: Got an 18. I got a seven. oh yeah. You look at this prince who's on a massage table. You've not met a lot of princesses nor princes. You basically know one criterion and it's wearing pants.

Speaker: But by that metric, multiple people in this room are princesses. And you're starting to think this is probably they are who they say they are. He's in that same pose from before when he was talking to the lady the first time they were getting massaged. He's like squatted down all the half-orc has their like head in the hole. He's like, yeah, he checks out.

Speaker: look I don't think he's the princess. So what if we went and checked the other boat, and if she's not there, then we hijacked that boat somehow and take it out to those other boats that were leaving, which are probably already really far away, though, so that's kind of bad.

Speaker: I'm just at a complete loss because the person that we tracked all the way here wasn't the princess. The person who did the abducting doesn't know where the princess is, so he claims. And all of this might have been done or or ostensibly was done to necessitate a boon.

Speaker: All of this for a wish. Or so we think. I just, I feel that there's something dancing in front of my face. and I can't grab it. Grimki would know what to do. Grimki probably would have a hundred ideas.

Speaker: I hate this having dead friends thing. Zack, DM, is there any like key piece of evidence that is glaring that you think I'm forgetting or haven't found in my notes yet? Would you like to make either like an intelligence or like, don't know, like ah an insight role even?

Speaker: Yeah, I would. That's a 24. e You are an expert at telling lies. 99% of the time, I dare say, they are lies with a purpose.

Speaker: You don't see a purpose to Malfurth lying about not knowing where the princess is. Least of all to Bertram, a man he had imprisoned for a month in a dungeon with no way out.

Speaker: Which makes you think he's probably telling the truth about not knowing where the princess is. Which likely means he's just as in the dark as you are about where she is.

Speaker: How the hell am I going to revive clay if I can't get to freaking Boone? Okay, I guess we just get out of here. i Juniper, I agree with your plan. Let's go search that second boat because leave no stone or whatever. And then let's get the hell out of, we could kill, never, we could kill Malfour. Let's go check the boat.

Speaker: And why would he be leaving right now? You know, he's packing up and stuff. Yeah, it's almost like they like got a lead. We should follow him if he's leaving. Unless he's leaving because me and my friends tried to execute him and his friends in public.

Speaker: That could be why they're leaving. You did that here? Yeah, in the Opera Hall. Oh. You fought him? Even if you saw a big commotion the other night, people running and screaming, some fire and whatnot, that was us.

Speaker: And you sent him running with his tail between his legs? That's impressive. Thank you. Yeah, that's basically exactly what happened. Just turns to Juniper and is like, it kind of sounds like the prince is also looking for the princess, but he's like doing stuff above board.

Speaker: What if we jump ships, you know? what maybe this is Maybe he's the good guy. i don't know. I'm really new here. I don't understand really much of what's happening at all. Honestly, what we've done is we've broken an entering.

Speaker: We've destroyed property. We've lied. We've tricked. Almost assassinated someone who was sleeping. we freed a convicted criminal, for all we know. So.

Speaker: Sorry to interrupt, but you're talking about the man who kidnapped me kept me here for a month. Oh, you could hear us? I thought I was whispering. Yeah, and my voice is already so low. This is a one meter by one meter cell. Yeah, I guess you're like a foot away, aren't you? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker: Actively talking through Bertram. Above

Speaker: This shoulder feels tense. Can you go to the other side Oh yes, of course, of course. Thank you. Okay, so boat and then maybe try to follow.

Speaker: that the plan? i guess, yes. I guess so. Yeah. I've never been on a boat. This is so exciting. gosh. You were just on a boat, Juniper. Oh, I forgot.

Speaker: message That feels like it was like two weeks ago. just I can remember. who can remember that far back I do think Pass Without a Trace is still active. Well, maybe not. It's been an hour.

Speaker: Never mind. I'll say the massage ends. Bertram, you can have ah an inspiration die because what we've established is what happens if you get massaged. Apparently. hope yours goes better than mine.

Speaker: ten And you are sneaking out? Mm-hmm, yeah. Trying. Could I get a group stealth check, please? Oh, boy. I would love to not be in this cell anymore. Dang.

Speaker: Hey, that's not too bad. Okay. 13. 16. 12. Do I get advantage with my Cloak of Elvenkind? You do. Oh, then that's a natural 20 with a 27. Hell yeah.

Speaker: hello Thank you, Cloak of Elvenkind. You silently slide the door open, silently reset it, and move as quickly and as quietly as you can down the hall, back towards the door.

Speaker: You hear the dragon, though that feels like the wrong word to assign to this creature, moving in the dark. You step over the corpse of the third door,

Speaker: down the hall up the stairs into the open air for the first time in a month bertram you feel cool air upon your face it no longer smells musty and dank it smells like ocean and jungle it's dark out the two moons glow above you you haven't seen them either in a month you appear to be in the interior of an active construction site And three out of four of you know that just a little ways up is a draconian guard who has the same silvery color as the dragon down in the dungeon, but does not appear as deformed or as squelchy, shall we say, as the one down there.

Speaker: And at its side is a similar colored drake, which is a dragon kin. It's kind of curled up at it's at its feet. He's holding a long spear and the drake snuffles.

Speaker: Faunelin pulls out a um ah magic rope, whispers to it, and it activates, slithering up the side of the construction site. And you're able to pull yourselves up onto the wall. And I'd say, just before you jump down to the other side, Faunelin, you glance...

Speaker: over at the bay where that ship is. And you see that there is the red, almost crimson color of Prince Malfourth's personal ship.

Speaker: There's this larger warship that you can see now. it says King Fisher on the side, the ship of Arras' humiliation. And out at sea, coming towards you, you see a little puff of smoke billowing up towards the moons as the two paddle wheels of the swift spop oh that's us okay not franny i heard paddle wheel and i was like franny's here i got scared for context guests franny's an evil hag who hates us who was on a paddle wheel boat i got scared no these are the positive paddle wheels of your personal ship the swift ok You squint, you look as far as you can towards the horizon, and you see the doctor that preserved Clay's body standing Titanic style at the front of the ship, and you see Goofter the Briganoch gripping the hair of this doctor, Ratatouille style, scouring the shoreline.

Speaker: looking for you. And I'll say you see that there's about another hundred Brighanox kind of stacked up on top of each other and Boof, the Commodore of the ship, pulls out ah a spyglass, a telescope, and points it directly at you and then starts to jump up and down triumphantly. me Okay, I wave and then I say like, stay, stay there, don't come any closer with my hands.

Speaker: And then I say like, one, and then I tap my wrist. One unit of time. That makes sense, right guys? We don't want to get picked up right now.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah. One. I'm sorry, do you know them? The ride's here. Oh yeah, that's my crew. Some of them are my friends. One of them is a doctor that I just met. Not sure how that came about, but ostensibly my friend Clay's corpse. That's my boat, yes.

Speaker: Oh. You have a whole crew, but you went into the cave just with the three of you? My crew is made up of three inch tall, Very squishy little creatures. Here's one of them. And I pull out Goofter.

Speaker: Goofter. You reach for Goofter and then you realize Goofter. Wait, Goofter's on the ship. Oh, shit. Oh, Goofter. Goofter. Oh, Goofter went for help. That's so sweet. Yeah, they're like a legion. They're like a little legion of rat things.

Speaker: Rat things. Cool. yes he yeah I've become acutely aware the depth of our lore when trying to just like throw it at new people. It's like, no, this all makes sense in context. It's like, look at all of them on that ship. And you're like, no, they're far away. When they get closer, you'll see through they're very small. They're swarming.

Speaker: Okay, so our ride's here. So I guess we... We check that ship and then we get the hell out of here? Yes. Jordan thinks we should just get on the boat. Yeah, that's an option too. It sounds like maybe there's somebody on the boat.

Speaker: Well, odds are the princess is not on that ship because Prince Malfoy, Buford, I'm um Prince Guy. Yeah.

Speaker: doesn't know where she is yeah princess you're right yeah so we can probably just get on your boat i just thought about going on that boat then we if we needed boat but we could take it but we don't need boat so you know yeah thank you okay okay okay you're right As you're saying this, you see an individual walking up the path from further into the the the estate.

Speaker: You see an individual flanked by a handful of guards, multiple guards, in fact, four of them. She is wearing a hood, but you can see a glint of shaved head underneath. You recognize her as the priestess of Pharos that you previously interacted with in the temple.

Speaker: She walks up this path, stands before the draconian guard and says, make way, we're here to take the prisoner. And he steps aside and the five of them walk through the construction site down the stairs.

Speaker: Let's go. Okay. To the swift. And I'm going to call for a bit of a skills challenge here. Wow. Wow. Wow. Love that. So we're going to roll a wee bit of initiative. Thank you. For those of you who maybe have not played in a fourth edition game or a Zach game, We're do a skills challenge. It is a way of me putting a rolling ah an old TV on a cart into the classroom and putting on a movie wherein ah you take over and you tell the story for a little while. You will whenever your turn comes up, you will ah describe something that you're trying to do to help advance the goal of getting on to the Swift.

Speaker: And we will determine a appropriate skill based on what you've described. I'll assign DC and you roll it. If you get it, that's a success. If you don't get it, that's a failure. Seven successes, you make it. Three failures. Ruh-roh, something goes real wrong.

Speaker: Only stipulations on what you can do is you can't make the same skill check as the person before you, and you can't repeat your own skill check two turns in a row. So if you do a stealth check on round one, you can't do a stealth check on round two.

Speaker: So yeah, give me some ah initiative and we'll get this bad boy rolling. 22. one. 17. Nine. Okay, Faunelin, start us off.

Speaker: You see that the swift has started to slow down as you've issued this command to wait out at sea and the disappearance of the prince has not been detected, but you know it's only a matter of time.

Speaker: I think I, with my hands, I like changed my mind and and I'm vigorously beckoning the ship closer. but I think with my voice, me and my friends are already on the other side of the wall, right?

Speaker: I think you're like up on the wall. You can hop over at any time. Okay, I know that I'm stealthier than my friends. So I think what I wanna is I want to like crawl closer to the guards and use my Malfurth impression that I know is so successful to pull attention while my less stealthy friends run like through the exposed area where they wouldn't have cover.

Speaker: So i just wanna turn some heads. Okay, give me a performance roll. ah Okay, that's the second time tonight that I rolled bad and then I had advantage. And the second time I rolled, I got a natural 20. Let's go.

Speaker: Nice. what do you What do you say? I think I just start in his voice with like, What's going on here? i just want to like snap some heads over to me. The Drake wakes up. The Draconian Guard snaps to attention says, Hey, Prince, I did not hear you approaching.

Speaker: No, i see you approaching. Where are you? I think I like wait. I'm like drawing out the silence. It gets like awkwardly long as I watch my friends like scurry past in the darkness under the moonlight. And then the second the last one is clear of the uncovered gap that they've just sprinted across. I'm like, never mind. hair hair And then I just try to disappear myself.

Speaker: Very well. It's cool and casual, right? I've never seen a natural 20 feel so much like a natural one. But it works. And we go to Bertram.

Speaker: You are on this path. You have not seen this a place before. You see multiple buildings scattered across the estate towards you. You see that boat in the distance drawing closer. It's a lot of open water before it's going to be close enough for you guys to...

Speaker: get aboard. There's workers that are stirring at this construction site. You see numerous servants running around, acolytes exiting the nearby temple. I would like to roll insight.

Speaker: Okay. And I would like to use it to have insight on this group that just rescued me because I don't think they ever answered my question of who they are other than that they were looking for the princess. It's true.

Speaker: didn't even say my name. Give you a massage though, so you know. Yeah. I know one of them is trustworthy. The other two, I don't know. Let's go. Give me an inside roll.

Speaker: Oh my god. What does my inspiration do? You can reroll a d twenty Okay, well, I don't want to use it now, but it's not great. i got a nine.

Speaker: Bertram, you might have some trust issues, which no one would fault you for. You've been through a lot this last month. It's been unpleasant. There's been no pillows. There's been no fine dining.

Speaker: Life's been hard. Gosh, I just realized we're going to two nobles on this damn boat. And... Oh, what a miserable ship this will be. You pause, just kind of hanging back for a second, debating whether or not you can trust them. They continue to move silently down this path.

Speaker: And as they do, you hear a commotion behind you as the priestess runs out from the construction site, locks eyes on you and says, the prisoners escaped!

Speaker: The prisoners escaped! And an alarm starts to sound on the facility that is one failure. oh oh Juniper, it is your turn. Bertram is hung back. You can see he's on the path.

Speaker: An alarm goes off. Lights start to flare up throughout the facility. What are you going to do? How close are we to the water? Have we not even made it towards that yet? You're like on the path, kind like figured you weren't going directly towards the nearest like the nearst enemy ship, but the beach is never far away. You could run to the water. And I'd say as you glance over at the beach, you see several catamarans of furbol design.

Speaker: What is that? What is that? What? Now we know you said previously, we all remember that moment where you said, I've never been on a boat. and There is like a specific type of catamaran that the people of this island have constructed and then sold to the the resort. They are extremely fast. The fastest ships you'll find in all of Zav, but they're terrible at traversing open water. They're very prone to capsizing. They're really only good for traveling amongst shallow waters where you're protected from the surf.

Speaker: I much time in the flower shop, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You you glance over and you do see a couple of these catamarans. Okay, that's cool, but I'm gonna turn into a reef shark.

Speaker: Actually. Oh! yeah In the water! and I'm gonna jump in the water! and and And as I'm like jumping, I'm gonna say, grab on! And jump into the water. That's sick.

Speaker: That's so cool. Much cooler than a catamaran. Okay. So there's no way that the good people who designed those boats made a boat faster than a reef shark. It's impossible. There's just simply no way.

Speaker: You turn into this reef shark, Animorph style, just shifting through the air and, ah, you know what what? What do you want to call this? An athletics check? I'll give you advantage. Yeah, sure. Give you advantage for using a wild shape on this. Oh, well, natural 20 on the first roll. 20. Well, I'm using the sharks info, aren't I?

Speaker: So hold that thought. 22. Nice. I love when the animal is better than the person. yeah It adds up for Juniper, it does. Amazing. Everyone rushes after you, grabbing onto a piece of fin just through the water. This shark starts to move.

Speaker: Lycan, you see soldiers on both of these ships snap to attention. Cannons are started to be wheeled out. Someone's like trying to point a spotlight at you as you move through the water. You see that there's this luminescent coral nearby that's ah glowing beneath the moons, the two light of the two moons. You might be wondering, maybe many a night spent here on this island that you've called home.

Speaker: How come if the sun goes away, the moons are bright? Aren't they just rocks in the sky? They absorb the light, obviously, because they're Phoenix eggs, obviously. So they, ah you know, there's light emanating from the moon and It dances across the water.

Speaker: Cannons are wheeled out. ah priestess is shouting orders. You see every light in the mansion is on. You see a prince surrounded by eight guards run out the front door and look at you. They're all like, get down Mr. President style, surrounding him. And it's your turn. The moons are phoenix eggs?

Speaker: Yes. Huh. Never knew that. Like, we're just holding on to this shark that is like going hard through the water, right? Indeed. Yeah.

Speaker: And I can't swim. Hold tight. I was kind of really hoping we were going to grab the catamaran. You could still, you could jump off the shark towards a catamaran. I would allow that. I could swim.

Speaker: Just hold on. Can I use my roll to just hold on real good? Sure. I'd love to try to roll athletics to just like hold on and not slip and like not drown.

Speaker: Sure. I'll allow it. i think that's, i think that's fitting. The plus six, that's eight. ah Eight. Oh, yes, man. So lichen slips off the shark and immediately starts to drown.

Speaker: gosh. Oh, no. Why did I? I should have just said I hold on and it's all good. Don't need to roll for it. Thank you so much for being on show. It's been pleasure to have you. Oh no. Just take care. This solves the problem of how do we say goodbye to these characters. Oh no. With a funeral. Funnelin, it's your turn. You look back and you see that Lycan is half underwater and things aren't looking good.

Speaker: Can tell me if this is dehumanizing, can I use an animal handling check to grab Juniper, like steer Juniper by the fin so that we do a quick circle and pick Lycan back up?

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, i'd I'd say that's fine. I'd say that's fine. Go for May God have mercy on your souls. ah That's a 13. 13 is enough for your third success.

Speaker: For those of you counting at home, that is three successes and two failures. Things are not off to an auspicious start, but you steer the shark. Juniper, you feel yourself turned around in the water. just And then you see Lycan, and you manage just scoop him up. Also, you grab him in your mouth. And Lycan, you feel yourself yeah gently in them in the mouth of a shark ripped out of the

Speaker: Psh, psh, psh. Bertram, it is your turn. i will say at this point, the cannons are wheeled out and they're being loaded up, getting ready to fire at you.

Speaker: The priestess has like run down the beach and is getting aboard the Malfurth ship. You see that most individuals are in fact boarding their ships. The servants, some of them, it seems like they're going get left behind. There's some carrying just a stack of laundry that the three of you dumped earlier, and they're trying to get it onto the ship, and gangplank is ripped away.

Speaker: Sails are dropped. It seems like it's time to ship out. I can see Malfurth standing there. you can see Malfurth. Also, say he's like running up the gangplank, surrounded by his eight guards up onto the the red crimson ship, Queen Vasiliki. Ooh.

Speaker: And I'm riding a shark? That's correct, yes. I don't understand why you're asking so many questions. Snow really jumped the shark. ah I would like to stand up on the shark and yell at Prince Malphurth and make an intimidation check to scream at him that I'm going to expose him for his dishonorable act of kidnapping. Amazing. And that I will fight him to the death one-on-one next time I see him.

Speaker: Gorgeous. You do that. Give me an intimidation roll. God damn, this dice doesn't work. I can reroll with my inspiration. Might be the time. Again, going use a different dice because that one sucks. Instead of a three, that's a 12 on a dice.

Speaker: Okay. Which is 16. Now, wait a minute. As a half-orc, don't you have advantage on intimidation checks? Or did I just make up something about half-orcs? don't know what this character says. It does sound racist unless I'm...

Speaker: Oh, you gain proficiency in intimidation skill, not advantage. It does sound racist. Aren't you just like innately really scary, actually?

Speaker: And the answer is yes, actually. Right now. yeah yes yeah Prince Malfour screams. He goes, and then drops to the ground and eight guards jump on top of him. And the crew on the ship is like, my prince, my prince, we have to go. They're going to escape. Please, your majesty, please get up.

Speaker: And The ship is delayed for several key seconds as your shark swims past, getting closer to the swift, which is moving towards you full speed ahead. That is four successes, two failures. We go to Juniper. Okay.

Speaker: Yeah. I'm going to say cannons from the other ship. You see that the other ship is larger. It seems slower, but more heavily armed. There's more cannons on it. And boom. Cannonballs start to hit the water around you. Yeah, I'm gonna first poke up briefly so they can all take a nice deep breath.

Speaker: And then I'm gonna dive like deep under the water so they can like they can't see us anymore. Oh no. Nice. Is this like a stealth check are we thinking or survival check? I don't know how many options I have as a shark, so I've got like just the generic six. you tell me. You tell me. Whatever seems like the best thing for you, I'll probably allow it. We can do Dex, sure.

Speaker: Sure. Okay, okay, 14. fourteen nice the cannibals are hitting but they appear to be hitting further and further away it seems that they aren't sure where you are you look over and there's another shark and you hear it screaming and shark oh what have i done to you and you manage to put some more distance between yourselves and the ships and i'm gonna say actually you reach the swift at this point you like stop just short of bonking your nose you like jump into the air and land on the deck of this ship a thousand mouse-sized individuals scream and jump out of the way. And you yeah, you're flopping on the deck and your three companions are deposited and that's five successes. Lycan, it is back to you.

Speaker: situation. I'm gonna... don't know what I can do. Yeah, anything. The answer is anything you say, I'll say yes to. I've never been on this ship before. don't know who's in charge. I don't know where the steering wheel is. Oh, that's easy. There's one Briganoch who's wearing a ah little captain's hat and he's smoking ah a blunt and he says, Pleasure to meet you. I'm Skipper Booth.

Speaker: Okay. Skipper Booth? Fucking get this ship going. And i'm going to... Oh, I can't do intimidation because they just... Oh, no.

Speaker: They did dex. Can I do intimidation, please? You can. 18. 18? Fuck yeah. ah He says, look at you. You're the captain now. And then grabs about 100 crew and runs into this central cabin and you hear gears start turning. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

Speaker: Power starts ramping up and the ship just whips around, by which I mean one paddle wheel stops, the other keeps turning full speed, and it pretty slowly turns. And then the second one kicked in and did do do did it takes off.

Speaker: We are at six successes, two failures. Fonelin, it's coming back to you for the final roll. Good luck. I would like to draw my blade and slice a cannonball in half in midair.

Speaker: Yeah, that's not high DC, right? Oh, we won a piece now. Okay. I just think that would be cool. I was kind of hoping somebody would try something like that. Do you want to just make like an attack roll?

Speaker: Yeah. That's 16. Oh, gosh. Okay, okay. You know how to pull up attention. A rapier. Famously not a slicing weapon.

Speaker: Really good at stabbing.

Speaker: But you think that's because no one's ever tried. And you draw your blade, you slice it through the air. And this cannonball that's flying right at you, if you'd failed, you'd probably be paced. And parts.

Speaker: it parts Can I narrate it? Cause I have a vision. Please, own means. so Fondalyn crawls onto the deck of the ship. She's like helping her friends up. She looks up and there's like a zoom from her perspective as the cannonball barrels towards her and she stands on her shaky sea legs and she just draws her sword and holds it in front of her and the cannonball hits it and splits in two halves.

Speaker: Gorgeous. Thank you. cinema thank you. i'm aura farming, guys. Is it working? aura. Yes. was kind of hoping you'd get hit and then it would be our show.

Speaker: Doing a group? We are ship of theseus-ing this podcast. Oh, that's so funny. Is this just a new campaign? Maybe. that's crazy. You do it.

Speaker: The ship starts to move. The other ships start to pursue you, but you get the jump on them. You don't know if you're faster in a sprint. or a marathon perhaps, but you're at full speed right now and it's going to take them some time to get their sails fully rigged up, get moving. There's coral, they're big ships, harder to maneuver. Yours is lighter, better in this exact situation. And you start to move out to see where are you going?

Speaker: Back to Airdenine, I guess. Well, Mangan's closer, isn't it? Mangan, if we want to be technical, yes. It's like three and a half-ish days.

Speaker: Maybe we'll say four. And Erdeneen in this ship would be about five to five and a half. I guess we need to get the prince home, though, so that he can, i don't know, make a police report. i don't know.

Speaker: have a friend in Erdeneen, though I've been missing for a month. I don't know if she's still there. Sure, I guess Erdeneen. Man, how... Firstly, Gufta?

Speaker: Gufta, where are you? Yes, yes, yes, Captain. And you see Goofter on these big doctor steps, pilots the doctor towards you, who looks at you with just like a stricken face and Goofter like pops up above the hair and says, Hi, Captain.

Speaker: I did it. You're a very good boy. And I scoop him up and I like plant little smooches all over his head and you're the memes of cats that have like a lipstick mark on their head. i do that to him. Like, you've been very good.

Speaker: Very good. Doctor, hello. What on earth are you doing here? The doctor starts sobbing. Oh, thank god! What was he doing? He's piloting me! oh Very well done, Gupta. We will be exploiting that skill. Not to worry, doctor. We're going back to Airdenine.

Speaker: I don't live in Airdenine! I live here! My practice is here! i have a job! I have patience! Okay, well, why don't you practice some patience right now and chill the hell out? Oh!

Speaker: Fucking incredible. The Doctor Charlie Brown trudges below decks. We will be using our body snatching skills again, Gusta. Well done. I assume Klai is on board?

Speaker: Yes, yes, yes. Below deck. Yeah. How stinky are they? ah Not that stinky, honestly. The Doctor seemed to do a really good job. It's like they're like, I don't know, gently reposed or something.

Speaker: Good. Excellent. Excellent, excellent. Okay. Are there any other mysterious figures on this boat that I should know about? You look around. There is a thousand Brighanox.

Speaker: There's a doctor climbing down a ladder with a sad expression on their face. There's two Firbolgs. There's a orcish prince. That's all you see. But he thought that there was going to be like a mysterious figure with a somewhat familiar, slightly different voice.

Speaker: I wish that that mysterious figure would give some kind of indication as to whether going back to Erdineen is the right call for... God, he's just as cryptic as his forbearer. Okay.

Speaker: Alright. I'd actually like to still be a shark, and I'm gonna, like, kinda nose, like, nose at her rope that she has. Keep, like, poking it with my nose.

Speaker: Hello, Juniper. Would you like... Do you want the rope? Do you want to to That's very fun. Okay, magic ropes dither forth.

Speaker: ah Do you want to boost over the side? Yep. I can't say anything. I'm just nodding. Lichen, can you come give Juniper a boost? but Yeah. He's like drenched with water and like shaking.

Speaker: Having like a panic attack. Let me hop with this. I'll go over and roll Juniper off the ship. With a huge splash. Yes.

Speaker: Shark a rope of climbing in its mouth. Yep. Yep. Lands in the water. I'm gonna hope she catches the other end and then I'm gonna go swim forward and try to give the ship a boost for two hours until this wears off.

Speaker: I'll say, yeah, you pick up speed. It's appreciable. Like the ship starts to move. Juniper's swimming hard as she can. And the ship starts to move. The sky starts to cloud over a bit. The moons disappear, but you need some cloud cover and it's dark.

Speaker: It's hard to see if this holds long enough. it was pretty late when you got there, there's a pretty good chance that you'll be able to make it till morning. And then you might have put enough distance between you and them that you can just make a clean getaway.

Speaker: The island's long. You kind of have to, like, wrap around it. There is the matter of what to do with your your new companions who are currently helping you, one of whom can't swim, so will probably need to be dropped off somewhat properly if he wishes to return to the island.

Speaker: I was supposed to get a boon. yeah If really nobody's getting a boon anymore. you all right, by the way, Lycan? You're shaking like a like a lichen.

Speaker: Lycans don't shake. That's not what they do. I'm gonna go downstairs. By the way, I'm the captain now.

Speaker: He heads down following the way the doctor went. Perfect. Yeah, it is ah it is dark. It is loaded up with boxes upon boxes, crates, supplies, some sails, despite the fact that the ship does not have a mast.

Speaker: And yeah, you see see you see the doctor sitting on ah on a barrel, just kind of kicking their feet aimlessly. DeDoctorGuy. to doctor to guy yeah Do you have any medicine for calming the nerves?

Speaker: Well, when I got on board, the the skipper gave me this and they they they hold up a joint. Oh no, my mom warned me about those.

Speaker: Mine too. Mine too.

Speaker: Kind have a bit of morbid curiosity. Can I see this clay guy? Yeah, client confidentiality and all that, but I'm high, so who cares?

Speaker: And they they pull back the sails that were stacked up on some crates, and you see the the body of a red-skinned tiefling. I doubt you've ever seen a cow, but maybe you've seen a minotaur.

Speaker: They've got some bovine features regardless, and these big eyes that are closed and big sort of almost like floppy ears i'd say and yeah these these big horns and tail if decidedly a cow tail huh i'm gonna be honest with you not what i pictured i don't know why but i thought he was gonna be a short guy

Speaker: so is he he's like dead yeah Yeah. See this big axe wound? You may notice that they've got a bunch of broken teeth.

Speaker: Oh. Unrelated. See this big axe wound, though? Yeah, that I think kind of did them in. Nearly took their head off. But it's actually some blunt force. See here? And they point at the back of the head.

Speaker: Looks like they had a big fall. Maybe a couple. Yikes. Yeah. Yikes. Did that lady tell you, like, like what happened?

Speaker: some sort of vacation-related accident, I think. Everything's a little fuzzy, and I was going to go tell the management because you're supposed to file a report any time a patron dies.

Speaker: But ah just when I was about to, that little mouse guy jumped on my head and ratatouille'd me over into the jungle, and then we went down some rapids, and we found this boat at the at the end of the island, and then we we came aboard and then you know sailed through the rest of the night, and here we are.

Speaker: Yeah. Vacation-related incident, though. Happens all the time. Like in gestures to the axe wound? That happens all the time. i mean, there's axe throwing. i don't know.

Speaker: I think Lichen will do... the He's going to pray. Okay. He's never prayed except for that one time in the fire shrine, and so he, like, kneels down and he goes, I'm not really sure how to do this, but fire...

Speaker: Buy her something warm. I hope you feel better soon. <unk> Amen.

Speaker: A question for you. Does Lycan wear any amethyst markings, jewelry, any adornments? yeah Yeah, he has ah he has a necklace his mom got him.

Speaker: Gorgeous. The necklace pulses, radiates purple light, and you hear a voice say, that was very good, Lycan. That was very good.

Speaker: Doctor, I think I am going to take some of that.

Speaker: Doctor wordlessly hands the joint over. Lycan breathes, sucks on it, but doesn't inhale.

Speaker: Hello? Hello Lycan. Mom? Well, in a sense, it's me, Nanique, the mother crystal. Desperately wishes Juniper was here.

Speaker: Like, uh, I, um, hi. Hi. I don't have much to say right now, but be careful with whatever they're giving you on this boat.

Speaker: Are you leaving me? Um, I didn't know you. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Speaker: I don't know. Well, it's okay if you are. We won't be able to talk anymore. We never talked before. That's true. That's true. and I've been watching you for a very long time, and I'm very proud of the warrior you've grown up into.

Speaker: You've kept our home very safe for a very long time. Thank you. Yeah, that's a problem. Thanks for watching me.

Speaker: Of course. It's been a pleasure. An honor, really. Ligen stands up and, like, stomps back and, like, hurries to the the bridge of the ship. Yeah. You climb up the ladder back onto the top deck.

Speaker: Juniper's pulling Bertram, Farnalyn. What have the two of you been doing this time? Bertram's going to go up to Farnalyn and ask who she is. Who? Right.

Speaker: My name's Theradeth Thrillin, but please call me Farnalyn Vedark. o From the house Vedark. Yes, that's who I'm pretending to be. They're actually my mortal enemies. I see.

Speaker: And what brought you Airdenine? okay. Uh, fraud, honestly. i was doing fraud. m I really am a noble lady, but we've fallen on hard times recently, so.

Speaker: Well, I'm not judging. I'm just thankful that I'm no longer in that cell, so thank you for that. Yeah. What are you going to do when we get back? Well, like I said, I have a friend in Erdenine. I think she has access to all my funds right now.

Speaker: And I guess I want to know what the state of the search for Calista is. doesn't feel real that I've been in that cell for so long, and she's been missing for the same amount of time. Maybe she was looking for me.

Speaker: Maybe. Who's your friend? Matilda. They're probably looking for me, or more likely, they might have reported me dead to my parents. I see. Okay. Not like ah like a famous person that I would know.

Speaker: No. Well... Oh, oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, good, yes. In exchange for helping you, by the way, um I hate to ask for a favor, but um I will be needing you to expend your family's resources to revive my friend from the dead.

Speaker: Yeah, diamond, I have that. For rescuing me, that's a deal.

Speaker: We're so back. We're so back. Thank you. Lovely. Lovely. That's great. That's excellent news. Okay. Good. Wow. A reasonable person. So rare that I meet one of those.

Speaker: As you're conversing, Lycan comes back up onto the top deck, looking perhaps a little rattled. The sky is dark. You're in the deepest part of night. Nova is several hours away.

Speaker: Those of you with dark vision can see, kind of as you're wrapping around the coast of this island, these rocky structures protruding from the water several miles off. You would know them as sea stacks, just these columns of rock rising up out of the water.

Speaker: But from behind you, a ways in the distance, you hear a voice projecting out over the waves. Almighty Pharos!

Speaker: I pray that you shed your light upon these sinners. Bring yourself back to us in this moment so that we may see them and carry out your work. The cosmic stardust above you begins to swirl and coalesce.

Speaker: And despite the early hour of the morning, Pharos bursts back into light. You can see behind you trailing a decent distance away, Queen Vasiliki and the King Fissure cutting through the water, sails drawn, these massive ships, they are bigger than yours.

Speaker: And going with the wind, they are faster than yours. You can see the priestess of Pharos at the front of the crimson ship, She collapses to the deck in exhaustion as Pharos bursts back into life.

Speaker: And I'm going to have everyone roll. Well, not exactly initiative, but an initiative for your We're going to be doing things a little bit differently. We're be entering a little bit of a combat sequence of sorts. However, initiative will be done on a ship by ship basis. When your ship's initiative comes up, everyone on that ship who is, say, like an individual of note, we don't need a thousand Brighanox taking action. They're the crew, just like the crews on the other ships will not be getting individual actions. They'll collectively be steering the ship or firing some cannons or whatever. But everyone who's important, specifically the four of you, will get to make a make a go as this progresses.

Speaker: I guess I don't need to call for initiative so much as I just need to roll a die. i love how Lycan comes up onto the top deck being like, I think I want to go home. And then the sun just like...

Speaker: yeah because I really want to go home. She freaking brought the sun back. Yeah, how the hell? You guys will be going last with a natural, well, an unnatural one, but.

Speaker: Holy crap. Lady Veydak, where are your ship's weapons located? You need to have this. Start making Molotov cocktails. do we We've got to have a cannon on the swift, right? You've got two.

Speaker: We've got two. Right there and right there. So the ships begin to close in on you. You can see that the crimson red Queen Vasiliki is faster. It's a sailing ship versus a warship, and it is being carried by the wind towards you with haste. Cannons are firing and testing distance, getting closer.

Speaker: But as it draws up, it doesn't quite reach you, but it starts to close the distance. You watch as there's this magnificent red and gold Phoenix figurehead at the front of the ship, the prow of the ship that begins to burn and smolder. And you watch as the wings animate and with a streaking call, it streaks across the ocean towards you.

Speaker: A wave of fire passes over the ship. I need everybody to make a dexterity saving throw. Why do you hate us, Zach? What if you're in the water? If you're in the water, you automatically succeed.

Speaker: Yes! That's a nat 20. Whoa. Let's go. Jump in the water. They already have more cannons. Do they really need like napalm? Yes, Gracie. I got an 11. I'm a 23. Faunlin, will take fourteen fire damage Oh!

Speaker: Those of you that succeed will take seven fire damage and the ship Wow. Captain Boof looks over, there's a little rear view mirror in the in the captain's bay and he looks at that says, well, that's not good. And cranks the rudder and the ship kind of like turns aggressively to the right and manages to avoid most of the fire damage. But one of the paddle wheels and the hull and the helm will each take seven fire damage. However, the hull does have a damage the threshold, so it'll take zero damage, but the other components will take seven.

Speaker: This doesn't really matter in the short term. How much hit points does our boat have? yeah There's different elements. If you'd like a quick run through, the hull has 100 hit points, the helm has 50, the paddle wheels each have 100, but as they take damage, the speed is reduced, and the cannons each have 50 damage. So, you know, there's that.

Speaker: That is the Queen Vasiliki and the Kingfisher is firing cannons at distance. It'll make attack roll with disadvantage at the great range. And it is simply too far to get an accurate beat on you as cannon fire hits the ocean, kicks up big plumes of water on either side of you.

Speaker: And we go to the crew of the Swift. Juniper, you feel the ship suddenly turn aggressively away from you. The rope, you barely managed to bite onto it and kind of get, you know, like when you're tubing, you ever gone tubing, you know, the ship, the boat suddenly carves aggressively and you get kind of like whipped around kind of like that. But I guess the opposite, but also the same. I don't know what would happen if a tube was in front of a boat, probably something bad to those kids, but we don't need to dwell on that. yeah And it's anyway, anyone can go now. We're in crazy fun times hours now. Fun times. All right, man, let's go. Okay. Okay.

Speaker: No initiative. If you have an idea, call it out. I go for the ship's cannon. Okay. There are about 200 briganochs carefully passing a cannonball towards the cannon. There is one on the back of the ship and one atop the like the captain's cabin at the center.

Speaker: which which Which one would you like to fire with? Uh, the back of the ship? Sure. You run up the stairs to the back of the ship. You kind of just like take this cannonball that they're laboriously trying to load in. You just quickly throw it in.

Speaker: Give me an attack roll if you would like with the cannon. Ooh, a natural 20. Ooh. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So that will be 6d10 bludgeoning damage.

Speaker: And which ship were you firing at? I presume the closer of the two. Which is? The Queen Vasiliki. Malfurth's ship. Malfurth's ship. I'm aiming for that thing that blasted fire at us.

Speaker: Sure. Not a lot, man. I'm rolling like twos and threes. That's like a 23. 23. twenty three Okay. The ram takes 23 bludgeoning damage as this cannonball just hits the the front of the ship. Splinters fly off.

Speaker: But despite aiming just like perfectly, it doesn't hit quite as hard as you were maybe hoping for. yeah that's some stinky damage, my friend. 10 under average. Yikes. Not to make you feel bad or whatever. Twos and threes. Just twos and threes on my D10s. That was pretty cringe. Uh, that's Bertram.

Speaker: Somebody else. Can I see who's driving the boat? You look out. You see that there's a couple sailors dragging her away from the the cannon shot that just hit the front of the ship.

Speaker: Past that, you see the helm, and there is a sort of middle-aged individual. They've got a very crisp sailor's uniform in this crimson red, and they are just steely-eyed, staring at you, piloting the ships. They spin the wheel as the cannon comes in, trying to deflect the blow. And then you look past at the Kingfisher further beyond, and you see a gray-skinned tiefling with slightly curled horns of a ram. And he's got a a tricorn hat on, his jacket's flowing behind him. He's got like just like a shirt that's down to his navel. It's way too unbuttoned. And he's just,

Speaker: Today's the day I reclaim my honor, lads. I'm going home. And ah yeah, that's that's the deal. One guy who's super boring and nondescript and the other guy who's got way too much going on.

Speaker: I kind of think we should surrender, guys. what I'll say, Faunolin, you say that, and a Bryganok tower forms in front of you.

Speaker: And Snuffle, the elder mayor of the Bryganoks, he rises up in front you says, whenever we're outgunned, we just run. And he gestures with a shaky, bony hand towards the the sea stacks rising out of the water. yeah Like over there.

Speaker: Fair play. Full steam away. Do we have anything flammable on this boat? I'm going to try to light stuff on fire again. I mean, there are cannons. Cannons are fire. There's so much booze. There's a lot of booze. There's a lot there's a good amount of dwarven whiskey.

Speaker: So much booze. So much dwarven whiskey. Okay. Lease. Lease. Is that the word? Lease? Less? Loose? Loose. Loose the whiskey. And I want to, like, grab the nearest barrel and...

Speaker: crank it open with the tip of my rapier and tip it over into the water, kind of like turning it so that it creates a just a little bit of a spray. And I want to light it on fire. I want to create a wall of fire. So as we're like throwing barrels into the water, Some of the barrels I think we should leave full so that we could light them up as bombs.

Speaker: And then some sometimes we're just like opening straight alcohol into the water. I don't know if this is scientifically possible, but I just start. I i assume there's torches lit or sources of fire on this boat. 100%. They got those little stick things that they use to like pinnons. Perfect. I'm like lighting up the tip of an arrow and then just making shit explode. a Amazing. Wow. How unexpected. Shannon lighting something on fire when she doesn't know what to do in combat. I'll say it just, it just happens as

Speaker: These barrels get dropped in. You create an oil slick of dwarven whiskey. And again, we'll not examine the buoyancy and the relative viscosities and qualities of two liquids and interspersing. And you, you know what? give me Give me an attack roll with your flaming arrow to try and hit one of these one of these kegs that are left full.

Speaker: Oh my God. i hate my life. 13. 13, it's a barrel. It's not that hard. And this barrel erupts and the sea behind you is engulfed in flame. You watch as first Queen Vasiliki and then the King Fischer come running through the fire.

Speaker: Fire burning, licking at the hull. We'll say, i don't know, ten d six Nice. That was good whiskey. 42 damage to both of their hulls.

Speaker: Oh. Nice. They come tearing through seemingly undeterred. Why am I rogue? I should be a pirate or a terrorist. Wizards, wouldn't you drop the terrorist subclass? Cowards? Yeah.

Speaker: Lichen? Yeah, this idea now seems less cool because the old little rat guy said it, but like, it's like, we'll cut it out. Hey, we'll cut it out. Guess what? No, no, no. We'll cut it out in post. The rat man, he has, he has a heart attack and he he drops dead on the ground. And then the doctor runs up and says, fine, I took a nose. And they start giving him little chest compressions and he springs back. love He's like, I'm fine. We kind of applaud armor because that feels weird about killing us.

Speaker: Thank God, because I would feel so weird if he died. i know, me too. Ligen is... We're, like, near the island still, right? Yeah, yeah, you've got kind of kept it, like, you know, on the... or or starboard side. So, like, Ligen, like, looks at the island, looks at the ships, looks at this lady, and then he grabs onto his necklace and just goes,

Speaker: Watch this. And he heads up to the captain's wheel and he's going to like try to like, I assume there's a captain's wheel and he is technically the captain now and he's going to try to crank it to like get towards those tall pillars.

Speaker: Yeah. The the Briganoch with the the with the little captain's hat is like gripping onto this this wheel and you step in he says, Buzz off! I'm the fuck.

Speaker: No, I'm not. And he goes aside. You grab the helm and you rip the wheel. Give me just like, you know, a piloting check and I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I feel like you've got some proficiency with some boats. Sure, maybe they're operated under like some rigs and stuff, these catamarans, but I'm happy regardless of what anybody said, I think any fur bulk deserves proficiency in water vehicles.

Speaker: So do I just roll a basic with my proficiency? Sure, why not? We'll start with that. And then if it feels like we need add some dexterity or your sp strength or something, then like we'll get a little crazy with it. 16 plus my proportion is three, so 19.

Speaker: Perfect. Boof looks up at you and I like the cut of your jib. Not that I know what that is. We don't have any sails on this boat that aren't being used to cover bodies. I will say, this is a coal-powered vehicle. We're kind of like in a fun little steampunk era in the world, I guess.

Speaker: Turns out, we'll put more coal down there, see what we can do. Captain. And goes running down the stairs. I don't know why, but I thought there was just a bunch of wheels those guys were running on.

Speaker: That's a microaggression.

Speaker: And he disappears down below decks. You feel the ship begin to pick up speed. Peyton, we come to you. Juniper, the shark. Yes. I don't know what your ruling is for wild shape, but if I can, I would like to speak to other nearby creatures and sharks.

Speaker: is Is that okay? Yeah, that's Okay. And I'm going to tell them to help us. And like, I'll say, you can go attack those two ships back there. You can help me pull this rope. And I'm going to like try to like jolt back forward because and try to navigate through the rocks and yeah. i I'm going to ask other animals to help. Amazing. You can make either an animal handling or a persuasion rule your choice.

Speaker: like that you gave them options based on like where they're comfortable. 17. watch as... That's noise sharks make in Zav. Don't get excited. It's not a big whale. It sounded like a big whale. It's shark. And you watch as several sharks go streaking past you and they say, aye aye, shark captain. And go I'm going to just say, like start crashing into the hull of each ship.

Speaker: We'll say 4d10 to both, but the sharks all get minor cases of CTE and will be less accommodating and kind in their older ones. Shark CTE. CTE. We'll call that an even 19 damage to each hull as a school of sharks goes just crashing past. One of them does like try and like free willy jump out of the water and immediately gets lit on fire and turns into a cloud of ash that disperses across the wind.

Speaker: It's fine. You've talked to him and he's a real bastard. love how Zach can only kill animals when he makes up that they deserve to die. Yeah, was like, this is a very like intense moment. They can die.

Speaker: Nope. They deserve it. The round and the ships are exchanging cannon fire. You watch as that, that figurehead, the Phoenix fire kind of swirls through the sky and then real lights upon the ship and re-solidifies as wood.

Speaker: You don't know. how long a cooldown there is on that thing but it seemed to be like a ranged attack more so than summoning an elemental so it has taken some damage if you want to be sure that it won't attack you again probably destroying it's your best bet but it does not seem to be actively an ongoing active threat The swift enters the sea stacks and starts cutting amongst them.

Speaker: Lycans flipping levers, powering up each individual paddle wheel, turning the wheel to to adjust the rudder. And you start to pilot through. chi chi chi chi do Wheels turning, steam billowing out behind. Faunelin, you turn around. You're looking at the at the path ahead of you, looking to see what comes next.

Speaker: And you see through the sea stacks, a shape move, just a flicker of black sails. Then they disappear, then come back into view as another ship coming from the opposite direction moves into your path.

Speaker: You see it's this dark ship with a black hull, these black sails standing at the front of it. You see an individual. She's got dark skin and a crimson red jacket that streams out behind her.

Speaker: The last time you saw her, she was wearing a wig. As you see the familiar face of Electra Boone standing atop this ship, a blue dragonborn knight stands behind her.

Speaker: I was thinking about her all day today. She locks eyes with you and says, Lady Vedak, though i'll I think we both know you are no lady, though neither am I. I'm here to kill a prince.

Speaker: I hope you won't get in my way. as the ship moves past you towards Queen Vasiliki. The two ships crash into each other, just kind of scraping alongside, and she is going to jump aboard, weapon drawn.

Speaker: Cletyr follows, hopping on, heavy steps. You watch as lightning just begins to crackle within his mouth, he lets out a stream of lightning breath, electrocutes a half dozen crew members, sword drawn. He charges in several other rough and rowdy looking individuals, very pirate-themed, pirate-coded, move into intercept, and they just run into a wave of Malfurth soldiers, and a fight begins upon the deck of the ship.

Speaker: They're going to just fight back and forth, weapons clashing. There's still some time for some secondary weapons to fire at you, and I will say that a cannon... Barrage goes firing.

Speaker: That will miss as the crew that they, a couple of them turn cannons to fire at you as Clitier's electric breath cuts through them. They turn to Ash, eyeballs blank, sign says ouch.

Speaker: But besides the fact that they have allegiance to like this evil prince or whatever, they were good people, you know, they had 401ks and families. So you should feel bad about their deaths actually. Their lives had meaning.

Speaker: And I hope that we can respect that on this show, the serious show that we all share together. The kingfish is going to fire cannons at you, though. I will say it has moved into range that it is no longer at disadvantage.

Speaker: It fires with can't two large cannons. One misses, one hits. The helm, we'll call the helm, Lycan, you feel doomed. cannon fire hit you. Uh, not you specifically, but the, uh, for a clear description of the ship, there is like a central box, a central cabin where all the mechanical steampunk gear stuff is in big glass window that you can see out of big wall with charts, big metal ceiling pipes everywhere. Way too many pipes. You don't know where all these pipes are going and you see a several dents and see and start to tear in the ceiling of this ship as it takes 21 damage to the helm.

Speaker: You said the helm has 50? I did say the helm has 50. Oh. We'll say, honestly, with 50 HP, we are now at 28 collective damage. Cannonball just rips through the helm in and out.

Speaker: You look out, you see fight another ship, and you're like, oh, okay. And ah why didn't you see it when you piloting the ship towards the ship? Hey, who can say? Maybe showbiz, maybe. And that is, ah they're they're also going to shoot a... to tooo Yeah, okay.

Speaker: They harpoon the ship. So... our ship yes is that a ranged attack it is a ranged attack yes can i use deflect missiles on a harpoon you most certainly can that's sick okay okay i'll do that why'd you ask where the weapons were you are the weapon it's not like i can punch through the ship from here throw me Uh, damage from the attack is reduced by one D10 plus your dexterity modifier plus your monk level. And if you reduce the damage to zero, you can catch the missile if it's small enough for you to hold it one hand. Yeah, sure, why not?

Speaker: You can then spend one key point to make a ranged attack with the weapon. Yeah, as far the same reaction. I got an eight on my D10. Plus nine. You watch as this harpoon streaks to the air. There's this large cable attached to it.

Speaker: It's like affixed to the to the the front, the the deck of the kingfisher. The idea is to slow you down, winch you in. They're hunting you. And as it's just about to hit, Bertram runs up, kicks into the air.

Speaker: What are you doing with this projectile? are you Are you deflecting it or are you just knocking it aside? Did I reduce the damage to zero? You reduced the damage to zero. Okay, great. I'm going to use a key point and which ship is shooting this at us? That was the Kingfisher. So it's the one that's further back.

Speaker: I'm going to launch it at the Vasiliki. Hell yeah. That's awesome. Give me an attack roll and you are proficient with a harpoon for the purpose of this attack. And just this attack. Sick.

Speaker: Ooh, that's bad. That's a two on the dice. I thought it'd be cooler. It's still really cool. It was cool. You can like, caught a harpoon out of the air in the air like, and then you try to throw back and it was like... I catch it and then I fumble it. Do you have plus 13 to your attack rolls by any chance?

Speaker: It's gotta be close. It's gotta be close to plus 13, I think. Level five character, gotta be close. It's a plus seven. It was actually close. You kick it up, try and kick it back towards the other ship, and it just kind of embeds into one of those rocks and then just falls into the ocean. They winch it back in, but the ship takes no damage. It is not slowed.

Speaker: What hell is going on? Oh, yeah. It's the Swift's turn. Wow. So I can do stuff again. In whatever order we please, I guess. Yes. Which I'm learning this particular group does not like. They like a clear initiative order. I understand that now. Because we don't want to step on each other. we're all very polite. maybe They need more direction.

Speaker: I would try to weave basically where that other ship came out of. I'd like to go there. I'd like to put put more of these stacks between us and what's going on. Yeah, you rip around and, you know what Well, give me you give me another piloting check. Things are getting a little hairy as you're trying to like, duck in between these sea stacks. That is a 13 plus 3, 16.

Speaker: 16. Okay. It gets close. The paddle wheel just, like, slow motion. tch, passes one of these rocks, it comes extremely close, but you whip it around and manage to keep the ship from taking any damage. I'll tell you right now, hey, just to set some stakes, if you hit one of these things, 16 D10 damage to the boat.

Speaker: What is wrong with you? I'm a warrior. Since there's no such thing as initiative, can I do something else? Well, you haven't had a turn yet, so yes. That's literally how it yeah. Okay.

Speaker: I would like to duck so that no one can see me. And we've established that we're close enough that we can hear people calling out from other boats. So um I would like to call out in Elling Malfort's voice. Let the swift go.

Speaker: The traitor is on the other ship! Fire at the Kingfisher! You immediately hear Malphurl's voice from the other ship. I didn't say that! And that impression doesn't really sound like me! i did! I did say that! The winch is impostoring me!

Speaker: Fire at the Kingfisher! Winch is impostor- I would never call a woman a winch. Or a wench. Don't know what they said. And uh... Fire at the ship we've been firing at.

Speaker: Give me a deception roll with disadvantage. reggie specific I rolled a natural one. No. Oh, man. For what it's worth, I'll let still have another action.

Speaker: Okay, cool. Also, I have a weird penis. And then I'm going to stand up and fire my arrow. I'm going to try to shoot him and help Lady Electra Boone. Okay. By impaling him.

Speaker: Give me an attack roll. I'm going to say disadvantage because of the range. Come Unless you tell Lycan that you want to get closer. Nope, I don't. I got a 17. 17. Amazing. Now I've got something for this. Stop having things for this. Stop having things. Stop having ideas. Stop having things. Just this giant flow chart of like, okay, if they're behind the crags and Fanalyn shoots an arrow after saying he has a small penis, then... I said weird. I said weird. Oh, right, weird. That's this bad. Invoked nothing of the size. She's right. It's huge and weird. Just comforting to look upon. Weird how huge it is. need you to roll another for me.

Speaker: i need you to me another d twenty four Why? You'll see. What am I adding? Just a d20. I got an eight. An eight. Yeah. So you see Elling standing upon the deck of the ship, yelling out about his penis, and he is surrounded by eight guards. And you fire this arrow, and it catches one of them in the throat.

Speaker: Oh. drops to the ground, and there are now seven guards surrounding him. His bubble shield remains intact. like a mirror image. That's awesome. That's despicable. it's desicablepicable Despicable.

Speaker: ok i need either a prince or a shark I'll make my turn really quick. I'm going to just provide the help action by navigating through the rock so that next time Lycan rolls, he has advantage.

Speaker: Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Love it. Your sharks keep biting at the hull. They're starting to chip away at it, do some more damage over time. And Prince Bertram. I go back to the cannon and try to shoot it again, i guess.

Speaker: Okay. Give me a shot. 21. 21. That's going to hit. What part the ship are aiming at? I still want to aim for the phoenix head thing. Okay. Give me a bludgeoning damage.

Speaker: Nine. Nine? Yeah. I rolled two and three again. Two, three, and four. You got to knock that off. I don't think Bertram's meant to be a cannoneer. We're figuring him out in real time, but I don't think that's what he's meant to be doing. No, I don't think so.

Speaker: Okay, we go to the top of the initiative. The what? The top of the initiative. Now there's initiative? Yeah, the ship initiative. There's been an initiative the whole time. Oh, of course. Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker: Jesus.

Speaker: I need you to roll a d twenty A what? What game is this? Where are we? You hear Elling's voice.

Speaker: Don't let them get away. Full speed ahead. And they are going to make a little piloting check. Well, shit. Okay,

Speaker: let's just look up a dice roller. I don't have time to roll 16 d10. Oh, no. Yeah, so their hull takes 90 damage as they try and chase you down and ram into you to slow you down, and just wheel turns too slow. Boom!

Speaker: Huge crack forms in the hull as they barrel into one of these sea stacks. Everyone on the deck of the ship is thrown to the ground. The ship is still intact, but I will tell you, it's not looking peachy. It's going to need a paint job. That's for sure. That's the ship that has the prints on it?

Speaker: That is the ship with the prints upon it, yes. yes Shots are fired both ways. Malfurth darts forward, stabs at Electravoon, manages to like catch her on the leg with his his sword.

Speaker: Her knee buckles for a second, she pulls herself back up to her feet. couple arrows hit Clilatyr in the chest, but his armor deflects them. And we pull away from the chaos of the ocean surrounding Bogatyr and move to a slightly less chaotic part of the ocean surrounding Bogatyr, which is not all that far away.

Speaker: we see a grizzled older man standing upon the deck of the ship. They've got a salt and pepper beard, pipe in their mouth, some cool aviator shades.

Speaker: Sure you want to do this? Doesn't seem like our fight. A second individual. They are tall and skinny with a disgusting mullet that runs all the way down to their butt.

Speaker: Just gaunt cheeks, patchy beard. Captain's right. Not our fight. Besides, this is merchant ship. And the two individuals look down at, well, Jordan, would you please tell us?

Speaker: Oh my god. Yeah, standing between them is a small gnomish woman. She's wearing an indigo canvas quarter cloak that's kind of dotted with yellow embroidery of stars and constellations that seem to like wrap around her shoulders onto her back.

Speaker: Weathered leather belts and pouches that have kind of faded into that oiled orange patina. It's got like tanned olive skin and dirty blondish hair that's kind of bleached by the sun, kind of staring through a ah little spyglass at the this little scene unfolding before them and looks to them and says, we got at least level the playing field.

Speaker: Don't know why you're listening to me. What? The captain dies of heat exposure, sun exposure. The first mate looks at you and says, well, rules of the sea.

Speaker: You're the captain now. Whatever you say, Vassanya. Full steam ahead, lads. and sails fill with air and you move to enter the fight.

Speaker: What are you aiming for? There's a larger ship in the back raining down cannon fire. You see there's these two ships that are kind of interlocked. A melee is broken out between the two of them and then you see this smaller steamship trying to dart away through the stacks.

Speaker: Do we have cannons on our ship as well? I think a few for, you know, it's a ship that carries things of value needs to be able to protect itself. Your options are either to hire an escort and that's an ongoing loss leader in the mercantile business, or you can just like one time investment some cannons and then just like, you know, teach a man to fish sort of vibes. Right. Okay. Well, this might take some maneuvering, but I'd like to try carve a U-turn behind the swift.

Speaker: And when we're parallel to the other two, release our cannon fire. Okay. First mate Weevil looks down at you, takes the pipe from Captain Kelkenny's still warm but dead mouth.

Speaker: Anchor maneuver. Got it. Drop the anchor! And you watch as this crew tosses the anchor overboard. The ship whips around on this fixed point. Pull the anchor back up, pull it back up, pull it back up! And much slower, they managed to yank it out of the water and you U-turn into firing range. Give me give me a big ol big ol' attack roll with the cannons.

Speaker: Am I adding anything to that? Yeah, add a six. Six? Add a six. Oh, thanks. Fifteen. Fifteen's what you need.

Speaker: A row of cannons light up, cutting into the hull of the Queen Vasiliki. You know what? Hey, we'll call it, a you know, i have a call it like 6d10 or whatever. He's not really dead, is he?

Speaker: Look down at the captain.

Speaker: Nah, dead as doorknob. Doornail? Deadnail. Dead as a nail. And he holds up a finger and there's just like this one black nail. No way. a The cannons do 30 damage as I try to resuscitate this guy. Sure. are Are we talking like mouth to mouth or just like, you know, like a kick to the chest? I have cure wounds. Can I? don't want this guy to die.

Speaker: Sure. Sure. Fine. Okay. Bleeding heart. Okay. Give me a cure wounds. All right. Not allowed to kill everybody this episode. He didn't even die in combat. Uh, six.

Speaker: He- What the hells are we fighting for? i told you, this isn't our fight. but Last I checked, I was the captain. And you still are. Okay, then stop fighting. ah well okay all right bye jordan thanks for being on show see ya you see it grappling hooks thrown over the side latching onto your ship as sailors from the other one board yours and the fight begins on the deck of wouldn't you like to know the name of the ship you're on it's horizon catcher wow how fun and you enter the fight

Speaker: I'm going to say a couple of just little guys with little swords take little swings at you. One rolled a nat one, the other in that 20 all comes out in the wash. Nice. You take seven slashing damage as this one guy just boots you to the deck of the ship, stabs down at you, catches you in the knee. You pull yourself back up and the fight, most of the action is centered on the Queen Vasiliki between the though the the different factions, but you are now irrevocably part of this fight.

Speaker: Cannon fire is exchanged. I'm going say cannon fire is turned now towards this new combatant. Wow. You're taking a bunch of cannon fire as just the Kingfisher returns fire, just flung one of my D10s away. This might take a little bit longer than it would have normally.

Speaker: 13, 21, 27, and a four is 31 damage to the hull of the Horizon Catcher. That is about 10% of its HP for your record. Oh, biggie. It's not my ship.

Speaker: Can't argue with that. Oh, Jordan, welcome back. You just got that genesis quad that I just can't get enough of I haven't done anything. What the hell? Hey, Swift, in the words of Evil Mario, it's a you.

Speaker: I think Lycan would probably yell down to... to Is it Fanilin? Fanilin. Fan like the deer. I want to always say Fanilin. He yells down to Fanilin. I don't know if you want to kill the prince, but it looks like he's stuck.

Speaker: Oh, we should fire with no mercy upon him in this moment of weakness. We only have two. but Let's use both then. how are other cannons doing 30 damage when I'm doing nine? Yeah.

Speaker: Can I fire the cannon again? Yeah, go for it. Okay. Yeah, can I go operate the other cannon? I'm going to say hold on a second. Lycan, are you turning the ship around?

Speaker: I guess it depends. ah do we have any kind of line of sight to them in their, like, wedged position? I think you, like, round this sea stack, and for a second they're lost to you, but then you kind of come out with the other side, you see a new angle forward, but you can see them for sure.

Speaker: I would probably want to bring the ship to a standstill. Okay. Another anchor maneuver. Is there like a pipe I can talk into?

Speaker: ah Yeah, there's there's all the there's a lot of pipes. You can talk into any of them, but you spot one that probably has the outcome you desire. He yells into he's like, ah everyone stop.

Speaker: Stop all all ah all ah all back full. All stop full. We're giving it all. She's gone, Captain. What does that mean? I don't know. It's it's all a head full to go forward.

Speaker: Just stop. Stop running or calling or whatever. okay Captain. We'll stop. Okay. And there's also, you see like a giant lever next to you. One that controls each ah each paddle wheel and you just kind of like.

Speaker: oh Just kidding. Figured it out.

Speaker: And the ship starts to just drift. There you go. I'll say pulling a lever. If you want to do anything else this turn, you're welcome to it. Sometimes we let him have a second action and you've earned one, my friend.

Speaker: Can I use my action? Like that is me helping. So like whoever takes a cannon shot will have like the help action. Sure. oh Generous. and that's what I'll do.

Speaker: Okay. Juniper, you're pulling this ship with everything you've got and suddenly... It becomes dead weight in your mouth. I will swim really fast and jump out of the water and release my wild shape and land as Juniper on the deck of our ship.

Speaker: It's amazing. Water sprays across the entire deck. Let's give him a

Speaker: What's the plan, everybody? That's all I got. I don't... She doesn't know what's going on. She's been in the water. Kill the prince, I guess. Oh. Yeah, I'm not really into that sort of thing.

Speaker: No. Kill other people, then? But that still involves the killing thing. Okay. I'll be here to provide essential oils or any healing, if need be.

Speaker: unless things go horribly wrong and I'm assaulted first, in which case I will turn into a gorilla. Okay. There's one here against us! Oh, you're right. I'll wait for your command. Kill the prince! Okay, okay, okay. Would somebody like a ride over to the boat to kill the prince? Ooh, me. Dibs. Okay. You know what? You all seem to have your own beef against him. So yes, I will turn into an ape and grab him and help him jump over to the boat that the prince is on. Yes. Prima, get ready to roll another character. That's okay. i wasn't attached to this one.

Speaker: ah Apologies. Who are you grabbing? Sorry. Just prince or multiple people? Oh, can I grab multiple people? You're a big monkey, no? That's true. I'll grab the prince first, then I'll look over to Faunalyn with the hand. All right, fuck it, let's go. Okay, grab her too, and I'll jump.

Speaker: Amazing. You grab Bertram, like throw him onto your back, grab Faunalyn King Kong style, and then just like running... three points of contact on one of these sea stacks. You just push off of it, sail through the air and land on the deck of this ship with a crash.

Speaker: Several guards are set flying. Lycan, you look out the rear view window and you're going to fire the cannon? A legion of Briganox runs up next to you in perfect square formation. ah We will, sir! In unison, and we'll say they fire off with advantage.

Speaker: They're going to do way better than Bertram. And they get a natural 20 as a result. Oh! Whoa! 25 points of damage are done to the hull of the ship.

Speaker: You land guerrilla mode as a couple of cannons just go ah crashing down right next to you. I'll say that's that's that. So a couple of things. I suppose we'll start with Faunolin and Bertram.

Speaker: You see Electravoon fighting there. Several her soldiers are next to her. Clityr is swatting away a couple. You've only seen this man as a bumbling spy, a man who you first enlisted as your spy and then He was Uno reversed upon you.

Speaker: He was never good as a spy, but he is quite good as a warrior as he is fighting just numerous individuals at any given time and holding his own. You see that behind his swarm of of bodyguards, Malfurth has a a sword in one hand. and a little handheld crossbow in the other, and he's sometimes like peeking out and firing and then like taking little sneaky stabbing shots at people.

Speaker: You see that there are the the older individual that he travels with, Vindalgas Tuco, this grizzled older warrior, he's got a kind of just like ah like a heavy wrought walking stick, and he just takes that and just bashes one of Vuhn's soldiers over the head and he drops to the ground. And that guy, morally ambiguous, hard to say whether or not he deserved it. And Faunolin, Bertram, it is your Tauris. Okay, so how far are we from Malfurth?

Speaker: Far enough. What does that mean? Can I get to him? Ask a lot of questions, friendo. I want to punch him. Go for it. oh sweet Oh, sweet.

Speaker: The 16 plus 7. 23. That is a hit. Roll another d20 for me, though. Eight. You run up, perfect punch thrown at his head. And one of his guards says, get down, Mr. Prince, jumps on him. And you just punch this guard in the back of the head. He drops to the ground dead. And six six guards remain around him.

Speaker: Six? Six four guards. I get to punch again as my action. Second punch? Yeah. My second attack is a 24. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Give me another d20. Yeah, I'll punch this guy six times. 11. Boom, boom. Two punches come flying out these massive arms.

Speaker: You just catch a second guard in the jaw. He goes flying overboard. Princes down to five protectors. Anything else you want to do bonus action or otherwise? I say to him, fight me one-on-one, you stupid coward, and then punch him again as a bonus action. Okay, go for it. Nice.

Speaker: That is another 23. Jeez. Give me a d20. That's a two. two. This time, he pops up and says, no. And then you just punch him straight in the jaw. Give me damage.

Speaker: Oh, yes. Finally. That's nine. He takes nine damage. Spit goes flying. Fondlin'. Uh, yeah. I want to hide. i want to use my cloak and I want to see all the carnage and I want to melt into the shadows.

Speaker: Give me a stealth roll, bonus action stealth with advantage. Lovely. Both are 19. I rolled two 12s. Yeah, there's like a stack of boxes and you hide behind them.

Speaker: What you doing? I just want to like cause as much carnage as I can basically. So is the guy who's got the ship stuck, is he still trying to, like, is the hi is the captain still at the wheel?

Speaker: Yeah, there's ahs there's a guy there. Okay. And is the priestess on this boat? You look around, you don't see her. it looks like she's been dragged below deck. She was on this boat. I think I could cause a lot of carnage below decks. Can I dart below decks? By all means.

Speaker: Thank you. I'd like to stealth through the door or down the hatch and down below. I'll say there is a hatch. There's also a set of stairs leading below deck. Your your choice of which interests you.

Speaker: Hatch seems more discreet. Okay, you flip the hatch open, slide down, and you see that there is just rows upon rows. There's multiple, like just like a full row on either side of cannons. And the crew down here is just pulling them out, reloading them, swabbing them, pushing them back out, firing in either direction at the other two ships.

Speaker: And no one has noticed you just yet. There's stacks of cannonballs and gunpowder. I'm like a very old dog and I only have so many tricks. So I'm going to like dart around a corner and Malfur can't hear me down here. So I'm going hide and call out with his voice. Stop firing at once.

Speaker: Give me a performance roll. I got a 21 on performance. A guy will say he's like a big, big potbellied dwarf. He's got his beard in like three braids and he raises up a hand says, stop firing lads.

Speaker: My prince, are we surrendering? Hold. Yes, but for for what? I'm busy. Hold.

Speaker: All right, lads. We'll hold for one round. You hold indefinitely, you impertinent swine, or have you shot out the cannon? Well, we'll see how that plays out next round. And I believe that's everybody on the ah the the deer swift. So we go ah top of the order, hunter's nest. There's more blows traded. Electrogoon will take a stab at Malfurth. She misses and she'll take a second swing and it will also miss.

Speaker: Teehee. Electra! She came in with such a cool entrance and then... Sometimes the dice don't roll, so good man. And, ah you know, her crew's swinging back and forth, firing. and They unleash another broadside into the ship. The people below deck on Queen Vasiliki are like,

Speaker: I really think we should keep firing. This seems seems most curious. We're getting absolutely slaughtered out here, I do say. My dearest brother, who was a good man, by the way, and didn't deserve to die, was just slaughtered and blown up in front of me. But the prince knows best. Yes, the prince knows best.

Speaker: God bless the prince. Pharos, our god, the son, bless the prince. And, you know, natural dialogue and conversation and henceforth and so forth. Horizon catcher, you are there. There are soldiers around you. You see that much of the conflict is centered on that other ship across from you.

Speaker: You see that there's a prince with numerous people surrounding him, an older guy. There's like, oh, there's a big strong man and he's got he's got a crazy hat that I don't even dare describe on this podcast and other things, too.

Speaker: How close are the ships at this point? Like touching, practically. Touching? Basically. Okay. Practically. You roll in that one, you're falling to your death, but anything else and you're probably fine. Okay, gotcha, gotcha.

Speaker: I mean, like, how's the house? How's 30 feet? 30 feet? Like, if I ran all the way to the this the side of the ship, how far can i get with 30 feet? Could I teleport?

Speaker: Sure. Perhaps. If you wish. are you teleporting to? Which ship are we closest to? You touching Queen Vasiliki, the red ship. And this is the one that everyone jumped on? Yes. Yes.

Speaker: But you notice that the larger warship, which is slower, is now catching up amongst everything kind of grinding to a halt in this central location. There's also a gorilla on board the ship. I don't know if anyone mentioned that. right I'll look at the captain and I say, I'm sorry I got you into this mess, but I promise that after this, I'll be out of your hair.

Speaker: Shoot the big ship. I'll be right back. And then I'm going to cast Misty Step and teleport onto the Queen Vasiliski, Vasiliski, whatever you said. Vasiliki.

Speaker: Masaliki? You ever make a name? You ever name an NPC maybe like two and a half years ago? No one asks you to say it out loud going into this episode. You're like, damn, don't love how the mouth feel of that name. But it's like kind of just like been the name in my head for so long that despite the fact that nobody's really heard it, I don't want to change it.

Speaker: I like it. One of those situations, for sure. um So, Vasanya disappears in a puff of smoke and then reappears like Nightcrawler on the deck of the Vesaliki and then is going to try loosen arrow at the guy that they seem to all be attacking.

Speaker: Sure. Avengers-style beatdown of this foppish man and you give me an attack roll. Okay, that's a 13. Okay, for me.

Speaker: Five. Okay. So the good news is you hit the prince. You don't hit one of his guards. Okay. The bad news is you hit him like straight in the side, just like kind of in the rib.

Speaker: And the arrow just hits his suit jacket and just deflects off of it. What the hell? And I think you've been around enough magic to know this is probably some sort of glamored armor. It is a glamor. I think that is the thing you take away. He is magically protected in a way that you are familiar with.

Speaker: Anything else? A second attack, perhaps? Yeah. Who else is of interest on the boat? Well, there's a gorilla. For starters, but there seems to be on our side. Please, please, please. Right? There's a large man with a hat. With the obscene hat?

Speaker: i Yeah, let's let's get that guy. It says fuck on it. And you're like, I don't know about that guy's hat. Can we say that? No. Sorry, my bad. That's a good one. I got a 25. 25.

Speaker: that's a good one i gotta twenty five twenty five yeah yeah yeah give me a damage roll oh nice i've rolled a one nice uh so for four four appears in bro you skim the top of his head it rips the hat off of his off off but off of his head and he goes to curse but then the hat drifts in front of his mouth and censors it ah And it the fight goes on.

Speaker: First mate ah first ma Weevil will hop down next to you. He's going to rip out two daggers. He's going to pull open his his own jacket and pull out two daggers and go, drag them across his tongue and say, fuck, poison. Spit him out and then run into fight. He's going to start stabbing at the big guy because why not?

Speaker: Couple of stabs, rolls a two and a seven. Cannot pierce this man's giant muscles. He's obscenely strong in addition to wearing an obscene hat. Captain Kilkenny back on the deck of the ship says, all right, lads, I guess we got to fire. Guess we're at war now.

Speaker: Takes me back. And cannons will fire at the Kingfisher. miss and a hit, and it does 15 damage. Love it. Kingfisher looking fine. Barely scratched, in fact.

Speaker: Much hardier ship. But the other one, not looking so good. If ships could bleed, it would. So let's see. That's the hunter's nest. That's the horizon catcher.

Speaker: Queen Vasaliki, Fondolin's gone. Hey, you know what? Big man with the big hat going to go and try and big punch a gorilla. Gorilla, he's going to run up to you, cracks his knuckles, and it's just going to punch you in the face. Does 15 Yeah. Yes.

Speaker: Okay, perfect. just Big ol' punch to the gorilla face. You will take almost minimum damage of five bludgeoning damage, and we'll say the prince is gonna run forward, stab at Electravoon again.

Speaker: Stab, stab, 16 and a nat 20. Reduces her to about half her HP. He runs up, stabs her in the gut. She goes... Oh, Zutalar. And the fight goes on. Queen Vasiliki, Mondagos Tuco is going to run up and try and bludgeon you in the back of the head. Bertram, does a 19 hit you?

Speaker: ah Yes. You will take 11 bludgeoning damage as your ears start to ring as you just get clocked over the head by this heavy rot cane that he swings around. And the Kingfisher is going to fire back at a Horizon Catcher. Actually, that's okay. I'm not on there anymore. You're not on there anymore. It does not enough damage to actually break its ah damage threshold. So it takes no damage from the cannon fire.

Speaker: But it does crash into... Yeah, it's going ram you. It's going ram you. Oh, no. It's going to succeed. So it's going to take half as much damage and we're going to roll another 16 So Jordan.

Speaker: Yarp. v I love a Yarp. The horizon catcher is going to take 96 damage to its hull. yeah oh I may have killed some innocent people. which is about a third of its total HP is erased with one crash. And then this naval ram that is the at the that the front of the Kingfisher, it is going to take 48 damage to the ram, but its hull does not take the damage.

Speaker: Gotcha. And then this this crazy guy with the tiefling guy, he is going to swing down from a rope onto the deck of the ship and he's going to cool somersault. And then he is going to, he's going to try and he's going to come after you, Masanya. He's going to strike at you.

Speaker: Does 17 It does. it does Okay. You take, nice, love when my guys roll low. You take five slashing damage, and then he is going to pull a gun out of his inner lining of his jacket and hold it out to you and fire directly at you. It'll be with disadvantage.

Speaker: For the record, this is the first time anybody in this game has seen a gun. Do with that information as you will. This guy's got a heap glass. We've heard of guns. Because the the detective's partner got shot. true and that's you know That's true. The detective's partner did get shot, allegedly. He later found out that was maybe a lie, but he rolls a five on the die.

Speaker: So he pulls out this gun, aims it right at you. You drop to the deck. It barely misses you. And then you spring back up to your feet. Fight goes on. Where we at? Oh, it's the Swift. And let's start with our favorite person on the Swift. And there's gonna be no confusion this time. Nothing I have to edit around. And the more i talk about it, the more I have to edit around it. So let's stop that, everybody. And Lichen, what are you doing?

Speaker: I'm the only person on the Swift. Oh, I'm sorry. Do the thousand and one souls on board the Swift with you not count? No. I think he would just be sitting there like, um they're all over there fighting and I'm a warrior. I should be there. i should be fighting. i You should be there, my son.

Speaker: I look down at the little captain guy. Do you know how I could like get over there? Well... He jumps up onto your shoulder, looks you in the eyes, full steam ahead, and just like falls off of your shoulder, you know, Joker style backwards and lands on the lever.

Speaker: It kicks on and the ship starts moving forward in the wrong direction, but you grab the wheel and quickly turn it and ship moves towards the action. oh God. Oh, this is such a bad idea. i hope the lady is okay with this and I hope that guy's body is fine. hey I turn the ship to try to ram it into the Queen Basiliki. Excellent.

Speaker: We're ramming? Oh, we're ramming? We can't it The captain

Speaker: he looks at you just gigantic guys we can't take it we can't take sixteen seventeen content make gift

Speaker: your blood it blood i and ghost ah captain no i'm the captain now

Speaker: okay of

Speaker: Fuck Maybe we don't rambo try to get closer to safe fashion. Yeah ah Fuck it, we ram. yeah Yeah, yeah. Let's go. Could I get a ah dexterity saving throw for the ship with a DC equal to 10 plus the ship's strength modifier? So the ship has a nine?

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. Unless I get any kind of other bonuses to it. Yeah, no, there might be one. ah Let's see. The ship has a minus two dex.

Speaker: Okay, then yeah, I actually got a seven. Okay, so a seven. Because I was using my dex saving throw. Perfect. So seven versus 13. We're going to roll 16d10. I think Jordan's rubbing off on me.

Speaker: Normally I'd be like, this isn't my show. i should be careful with their toys. Normally I would say I wish Jordan would rub off on me, but that'd it's weird. All right. all oh Okay. And then we are crashing into something gargantuan. So yeah, 16 10.

Speaker: This may be the end of the swift. We'll see. We'll see. So the ship has- That's an awesome way to go. The ship has a hundred HP.

Speaker: It takes 86 damage to the hull. That's fine. It's fine.

Speaker: There is a massive cracking that just like you hear rip up the the the hull of this entire ship, but that damage will be reciprocated to the Queen Vasiliki, bringing it to 86 plus 16.

Speaker: Last I checked is 302 damage total as you punch a hole in the side of the ship and it immediately starts to sink.

Speaker: Oh my God. Let's go. Faunlin, the ground buckles beneath you as the Queen Vasaliki begins to take on water. You like look up to the helm and I'm like holding little Captain Guy. I'm like, it was his idea. Three feet away from me.

Speaker: In Malford's voice, but like my voice cracks extremely nervously as I call out, but I go, abandoned ship. Yeah, this time the the crew is like, okay, no, you're right this time, your majesty. No, we're definitely, sorry for questioning you earlier. I guess we should have just surrendered outright. It looks like we're all going down and most of us don't deserve to die. Yeah, I ignore that.

Speaker: Is there a sign of the servants anywhere? I know there should be like a bunch of like non-fighting, non-sert, like non-sailor servants, people who are dressed like me, who are staffed.

Speaker: If you want that, and I forgot you're dressed like a servant this whole time. If you want that, probably need to go down those stairs rather than down the hatch. That'll be where the more like livable areas of the ship are. i lock eyes with Lycan and I say, don't let my dead friend drown.

Speaker: And then dart down the stairs. Okay. Back up the hatch. You run past a gorilla, a guy with a bald head, probably why he was wearing the obscene hat. Malfurth still has like five guys around him. Voon's bleeding from multiple stab wounds to the stomach. Bertram's punching people in the head, getting punched in the head. There's this gnome who just nearly got shot in the face.

Speaker: And you just run past it all down the stairs. but but pop pa pop You push the door open and enter just a lavish interior. It's like cruise ship vibes. There's carpet. There's no little lanterns. There's about 50 servants screaming, we're going to die. We're going to die. Just cruise ship vibes. just crus And maintaining the cruise ship vibe, I am going to break the a brazier off the wall and shove it at a servant and say, the lords don't care if we die down here.

Speaker: The only way to live is to seize the ship for ourselves. Go, fight or abandon ship or die. and I want to like usher them out of the room.

Speaker: Okay. 49 out of 50 servants say, okay, mutiny it is. The last one says, oh i think the ship is sinking. Why are we trying to claim a sinking ship? But okay. And then he's quickly like, your group think overwhelms him. and he says, yeah, we should probably mutiny. And they run past you and you're left alone. Those on board the the deck, you watch as 50 servants enter the fray and just start throwing punches at anybody within reach.

Speaker: Fondalyn, what else are you trying to do? he Where's that darn priestess who was brought below decks? There's several doors. You see like a couple different hallways branching off several doors. I just start booting down doors. Yeah. Boot the first door down. Someone's taken a bath.

Speaker: Terrible timing. Oh, again. Wait, is it the same person in the bath? Like they stopped bathing in the house and they went and he's bathing in the ship? I can't get a moment's piece. Amazing.

Speaker: That's really funny. Second door, priestess passed out on a bed, looking very pale. Fonelin pauses as she looks down on her and she's like, shame that you're unconscious, but either way, your god won't hear you.

Speaker: And she stabs the priestess through the heart. That is cold. Fire erupts out of the stab wound, wrapping its way up the blade towards your hand. You pull your hand free and she just, and then collapses to the bed, dead.

Speaker: Does the sun turn off? Yeah, good question. Ooh, does the sun turn off? That would be so cool if the sun explodes again. think- Peer pressure, peer pressure, peer pressure, peer pressure, make the sun explode. Turn it off, turn it off.

Speaker: Think of the animated show, Imagine the Night Sky. Those on board the deck of the Queen Vasiliki quickly taking on water, sinking down.

Speaker: The sun explodes once more, casting everything into darkness. Those of you without dark vision, oh good luck, because to meet it. I have dark vision? You do have dark vision, as does the gnome.

Speaker: I'll say there's like some fires burning on the ship, casting some light sources around, but nighttime immediately sweeps through. Why did we do that? We shouldn't appear prejudiced. It's like, oh, and now everything's really, really dangerous. It seems so cool.

Speaker: It was such a cool idea. It's a cool idea. Are you considering the worldly impact of the sun turning on early and then turning back off? Like the world is going to be crazy. Multiple doomsday cults have formed in the last 20 minutes. Oh yeah, for real. Like from every edge of this world, they are going to be like, it's the end of the world. This is crazy. Damn.

Speaker: Grandfather was right. Who needs to go? We need a ranger to go. we need a we need a dam we need a dam a damn gorilla to go. we need a monk to go. Give me one of them. I can go. So I have the ability to throw a rock apparently, but there's no rocks around. So instead I was wondering if I could pick up the guy who punched me and throw him in the general direction. I want to throw him like towards where the guards and the prints were. Yeah. But I can't see anything.

Speaker: I think we'll put this like a little bit of a gamble on this. We'll make you make a grappling check. If you succeed, you can throw him and it'll do damage to him and whoever you hit with him. If you miss, then he'll just like, you slither out of the way. Yeah, yeah, Big slithery guy. Come on, dice.

Speaker: Wow. Ouch. Eight. He like, we'll say like with your first action, you can attempt this and you grab him and he just like grabs your hands back and there's like a bit like a tug of war armor. So he of like bends your wrist back and says, not this time, gorilla.

Speaker: hey well is that my turn you have a second attack do you get a multi-attack as a gorilla yes i do yeah i do i'll say you can make a second a second attempt to throw him if you want yeah yeah i want to try again because that was sad come on okay okay that's way better 22 he gets a nine yeah this time he says hu not again who are you throwing him at I want to throw them in the general direction of like the guards and the prince, but it's dark. So I'm just going off of what I remember where they were. Yeah. Vibes based throwing. There's a bit of fire burning on the deck. i so you know i I'll say you can see them enough. Do gorillas have dark vision? There's no way of knowing. You throw this guy. Give me an attack roll.

Speaker: Heck yeah. 23. 23. Sheesh. three she and then ah roll a for me. Just a raw 15. So the bad news is you hit two guards.

Speaker: The good news is you hit two guards. I guess two of them are just like knocked overboard as this guy. We'll say, hey, Steve Reich. He goes sailing off the edge of the ship, lands in the water. The two guards land in the water before him. And they're like, glad we got out of that situation. Then he lands on them and then they drown and they deserved it. So you don't have to feel bad. The sharks rip them apart. You know that scene in Jurassic World where that one woman just gets insanely murdered by dinosaurs? It's that, but with sharks. like a big shark further out to sea and they like lift him up into the air and then drop him the big shark. It's whole thing, but we don't have time to animate it. So we move on. Oh, I'm so sorry. Malphurt is down to three guards and the big guy with the obscene hat is no more.

Speaker: He had a name, he had a story, but you'll never know it. And we go to Bertram. Okay, I punch Malphurt. Perfect. Yeah. A simple, a simple man.

Speaker: Easy. No throwing, no becoming a gorilla, just punching real good. 17. 17 will hit, but I do need to know if you hit one of the three remaining guards.

Speaker: So give me a good old fashioned d20. That's nat 20. So go to bat. so good about You hit another guard and just crack. He drops down. Malfurth is now like Gotham sandwiching him and he's like, oh, good heavens, this is not going according to plan.

Speaker: Second attack? Yep. nineteen eighteen hits give me another d twenty 19. 19 hits. me another d20. 14. 14. You smack another one of the guards. He goes down. There's one remaining.

Speaker: Well, punch him again. Do you to just do a normal attack or like a flurry of blows? Can you hit two targets with flurry of blows? Like if I hit the guard again, i get another attack on Malfurth after. The way it works, it is it is like ah like a mirror image, but on steroids of sorts. So you can target Malfurth, and if you hit a guard, that's incidental to who you're ultimately trying to hit. Yeah, sure. I'll use a B point. Gorgeous.

Speaker: That was an unnatural 20 for the attack. That's a hit. Give me one more d20. 13? thirteen You hit Malfurth. Okay, this is the first one. The second one, is it 21 to hit?

Speaker: Give me one more d20. 11. 11, two hits on Okay, yes, yay, finally. so the first one is a seven and the second one is a nine. 16 damage.

Speaker: You crack him twice in the face, blood starts to trickle out of his nose, he wipes it away. mothers won't be happy to hear about this. And anything else from you, Bertram?

Speaker: To grabble him would be a separate action, right? To like grab onto him? Yes. Okay, then I don't do anything. Okay. Well, Electra Voon is there and she's going to again take a couple of stabs. Oh, you criticize what you don't understand.

Speaker: She is going to get a critical hit and then hit a second time. On the guard or on Muffer's? on Malfur doing a blistering 18 damage.

Speaker: Klythyr Keldar gonna just swing at some more guards. People are starting to, like the servants are like rioting on the deck of this ship that's going down. I'm gonna say it's like about a third submerged into the water.

Speaker: It is appreciably lower than the other two ships that are flanking it still. Night has fallen. It's chaos. It's madness. And amongst the noise of it all, you hear

Speaker: My treasure! Landing on the side of one of these rocky outcroppings, you see this vile, draconic shape lurching through the night.

Speaker: Rrrrrr!

Speaker: as this wretched silvery acid begins to burn up in the back of its throat and I need everybody on the deck of the ship to make a constitution saving throw. guess you're technically allowed to kill our guest, but it still feels like bad etiquette. He's gonna kill us.

Speaker: wow Okay. Final one, I guess you don't need to make one because you're below decks still. We'll start with Vasanya. 15. 15. Pass. You will take 12 acid damage. Okay.

Speaker: Bertram. That's a 10. You take 25 acid damage. Oh my god. I'm down. oh god don't you have like uh again not to make this a race thing but don't you have a thing or is that i do wait it is a thing wait let me find it it's called relentless endurance when you are reduced to zero hp but not killed drop to one hp okay i'm not down lycan i will say you are far enough away you're like not on the deck of the ship doesn't reach you and then our favorite gorilla uh 15. you take 12 acid damage

Speaker: Still a gorilla, barely. Electra Voon is gonna take 25 acid damage, fall unconscious. Klitir Keltar takes 25 acid damage and says, my lady.

Speaker: That sounds like how he maybe talked a year and a half ago when we last saw him. That's like actually really good. Yeah, that was really good. The older man, Mendagas Tuco takes 25 acid damage and Prince Elling Malfurth takes 25 acid damage.

Speaker: She is looking incredibly bad. Every named NPC rolled real bad. A bunch of servants just die. And you know what? You know what? Hey, they chose to work for a corrupt government.

Speaker: Maybe they should have thought about that before taking the job. Maybe they should have got a job as like a baker or a tradesperson. I don't know. Sure. And that's an official part of utilizing people for existing under the system. That was exactly. You criticize capitalism, yet you engage with it.

Speaker: So that all happens. Malfurth is going to wipe just like he coughs up some blood, wipes it away. He looks at you, Bertram, and says, all right, just you and me.

Speaker: He kicks the servant aside. Tell her to back off. And then he looks down at Electra Voon, who's unconscious on the ground. Never mind. Just you and me. Yeah, let's do this.

Speaker: You've got one HP, he's got one HP. So... has one in oh Oh my gosh. Let's do something fun here. That's so funny. We're going to roll like a... Is it my turn?

Speaker: You know, it is, but we're going roll... Don't you do this. Don't you do this. We're going to gunslinger style. We're going to roll a separate initiative. You and Malfurth right now. shit to decide Which of you draws first? I think I took the sharpshooter feed. I need a big dice. Kill this motherfucker.

Speaker: ah Which dice should I use? They all roll like shit. listen I'm to tell you right now, you need to roll good. You need to beat 19. ah Oh, Oh. I'm a very lucky person. no I'm not.

Speaker: No. Oh, no. 10. Okay. He's going to take two swings at you.

Speaker: ah natural one will miss. okay okay but a 22 will hit.

Speaker: As Bertram drops and he goes, ah I can't be killed. I'm the best. ah Jordan, would you like to go? Why is there a dragon?

Speaker: Wait, how much damage did I take? Does it matter? I just ended down. Not enough to kill you. You're okay. Okay. But actually, why is there a dragon? What the hell's going on? Is that in character? Maybe. Just begging somebody. Don't you remember from earlier? The dragon? From the prison. What the fuck?

Speaker: Sure, let's shoot this guy one time, maybe. oh nope. I'm sorry. Fair enough. so Second time. I got a 10. Okay, perfect. Second attack. Oh yeah, that's good twenty three 23. 23. Can you roll a d20 for me? Fuck You fire this perfect shot right at Elling Malfred's eye.

Speaker: Just as his guard stands up, takes it right in the throat, and just collapses to the ground. Fuck

Speaker: I knew it. That's ah like he stands into frame. Sir, look out. Oh, that's wonderful.

Speaker: Oh, man. It is chaos. The ship, we're going to say it's going to fire up at the dragon. the The horizon catcher will fire at the dragon. damn It'll hit exactly what it needs. So it does 3d10 damage to the dragon.

Speaker: and you know what, for what it's worth, it's a dragon flesh abomination. It's not really a dragon, but it hits for 29. Okay. The Queen Basiliki continues to sink. Kingfisher, the swashbuckling type, he's going to look down at you and say,

Speaker: You're supposed to be fighting me and try and shoot you again with disadvantage. Rolls a 19 and a two. Will then take his sword, try and stab you. Does a downward stab. Does a 17 hit?

Speaker: Yes. And once again, rolled, I think the same damage, five. Just minimum near minimum damage as he's just slashing down at you, but you're fast. You're dancing out of the way. The Swift, the crew of the Swift, things are getting out of hand.

Speaker: What are you doing? That is an understatement. Is there a horn like a like a alarm horn? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Like it's like pulling it and yelling into like every pipe in the the room. Like, oh, we um I don't know if we have lifeboats, but get the lifeboats. Get the backup ship.

Speaker: A voice from the pipe says, we have no lifeboats. We have no backup ship. This is the only ship we've been given. Okay. um I need everyone patching the boat.

Speaker: And um he leans out the cannonball hole in the wall. He's like, everybody needs to get back on the boat. About 35 Brighanocks just jump and plaster their bodies over the hole.

Speaker: Perfect. And then if I can, I need to get down below deck and make sure that Clay's body is not underwater. Perfect. Yeah, you run down, you slide down the ladder, your feet land with a splash as the ship is taking on some water, but you see the body is still where you left it, wrapped up in a sail.

Speaker: Then I guess I'm going to pick it up. It needs to, like, get above ground. Yeah, and I bring it back up to the helm. Okay. Booth is sitting there on the dashboard. Well... I gotta to say, in all my time as captain, I never once sunk the ship, so, uh... Feeling pretty good about my contribution so far.

Speaker: But, I think we still got about 14 HP left in this bad boy, so as long as, uh... He looks at the dragon. Ah, never mind. e Plus, we have to navigate these crags in the dork now.

Speaker: Oh. Yeah. What can you do? That's this thing we call life. And ain't anything else like him? Nope. Okay, perfect.

Speaker: Nope. Juniper. Okay, I'm gonna go menacingly over towards the prince and look at him and look at Bertram and then scoop up Bertram and run towards the... I'm actually gonna jump over to the horizon. Is that what it was called?

Speaker: Ah, the horizon catcher, yes. Yeah, I'm gonna jump over that. That feels a little more stable at the moment. Sure could use a gorilla's strength and passion up some his walls. I'm coming! I want to leave Bertram and contend you back to this the swift. I'll say you're big gorilla. you scoop him up, jump over, and like, drop him off, and then, like, maybe don't quite make it to the swift, but, like, you start move.

Speaker: Yeah, head towards the swift. Yeah, Malfurth will try and stab you in the back. Oh, okay. Great. As you run past, he rolls a nine, so I'm guessing that this is... Raise the Lord. No. Yeah, that misses. He tries to stab at you. Bertram, can I get a death save from you?

Speaker: Sorry, I have healed my death. If you just keep killing Brema's backup characters. That's fine. You can collect them on the swift. Oh, no.

Speaker: ah That's a pass. It's a 17. Wonderful. Fawnolyn. Hmm. Yeah, when we cut back to Faunilin, her rapier is like covered in blood because she, you guys don't know this, but she's been going through a little bit of an arc where the gods have all abandoned her. And I think witnessing a religious figure unleashed the power of a god seemingly so easily that she could literally summon the sun. kind of pissed her off. She's like, oh, this bitch can do that and I can't get a simple revive? Okay, that's fine. So she kind of um did a few extra stabs more than was necessary. oh She's like kind of breathing heavily when she shakes herself out of the first bloodlust I think she's ever experienced in her life and kind of stumbles back from the grisly sight. And then, don't know, I think

Speaker: Did the priestess have like a staff or something? Remind me. She had some kind of religious artifact. had a bunch of tattoos. She was in front of an altar. And she was bald. Any physical... Okay.

Speaker: ah None of that I can take as a trophy very easily. Oh, you could. in her Yeah, Fonelin saws the priestess's head off. Oh my gosh. what I know I goaded you into it, but... Yeah, you goaded me into it. Alan explicitly goaded me. i did not. She said she's bald, and I'm like, the head has to come with You said she's bald.

Speaker: the vi like I'll say you start to saw, and then you realize that there's like a necklace around her neck, and there's like a holy symbol. ah Ah! Thank God. And Fauna's like choking back vomit. She's like, thank God. And she grabs that. She stumbles out of the room.

Speaker: She's like, oh, thank God. Okay. Oh my God. Okay. She stumbles onto the deck and I guess she takes in the sights. but How are we going to get out of this, guys? There's a freaking dragon.

Speaker: There is a freaking dragon. It's not looking amazing, but I guess it doesn't look amazing at the best of times. And there is also, you see Elling Malfurth, like kind of just like covered in blood, a pile of dead guards surrounding him. He's just kind of like barely staying on his feet.

Speaker: Does have any guards left? None. Oh. and I left him free. I mean, this is this is this is a moment. I got to seize this moment. Okay, Faunilin, who is like like splattered in blood, marches towards him with this bloody amulet held in her shaking fist. She says, I wonder if you recognize me, Prince.

Speaker: Of course, you're Lady Farnlin' Veydok, though after a recent discussion with your house financier, I am quite certain that you are merely an imposter. He did seem most alarmed to learn that there was somebody impersonating him, so ah better watch out. Yes, I had tried to have you killed after a house party because your servant was but just snooping on me, and I saved your life for the drifting terraces. So if anything, you owe me one and you should just leave. We can call it even. I tried to take your life. I saved your life. Well, it's fair.

Speaker: You have one sentence to explain. why you sent the butcher after me and my friends. And she levels her gripping rapier at his throat and says, and if I do not find the answer satisfactory, it will be the last sentence you ever speak.

Speaker: Well, one sentence will be quite hard to muster, but I suppose if we are accepting run-on sentences and an abundance of commas, perhaps some em dashes, then I suppose I could maybe find a way to explain it to you. In a way that you found satisfactory, you must see that, ah well, your friend helped me remove the dear Prince Bertram Vestergaard from the city. So I sent the butcher to close up loose ends, kill her and her companions. And then, well, she wasn't around. So he was kind of scouring the city looking for her. And then, you know, she showed up at the house party and your accompaniment.

Speaker: It seemed like you two were in cahoots. I recognized her from the drop off, the rendezvous, ah you know. And, uh, just tried to finish closing off the loop. Haven't seen Thayun in a while. Any chance that you know something about that?

Speaker: He was tortured and killed. Ah, very well. He cursed you as he died. Hmm. Well, that's unfortunate. I feel like my luck has certainly taken a turn for the worse.

Speaker: I'd say so. Your priestess is dead. Yes, that's unfortunate. My plans are proceeding, though, and soon your people will be embroiled in a bloody conflict. So, you know, I suppose eye for an eye and all that.

Speaker: What's your plan? War? of one of my plans. The other is to find the princess so that I might marry her and then, well, ask for a boon, which is, you know, soldiers for my war that I'm planning. Yes, we're retaking the homeland, so to speak.

Speaker: a History check. Can I infer the parties he's talking about? I think without a role. I think you are trained in history. you we may have even discussed it at the show and at some point. There is a region to the west clockwise from the Boascola Peninsula where Erdenin is situated in another region, the Atu Mountains to the south. West or clockwise from that, there is an area known as the Trinelands, which was these three nations that were...

Speaker: one nation and then some stuff happened and they fractured into three separate nations. But at the center of it is the ancient city of Sicarius, which is a constant point of contention. 20 years ago, there was a war for rulership of that city and Onos is not the current ruler, which is probably enough flash context for you to know what's going on.

Speaker: Regional dispute. Lovely. Oh, you dumb bitch. Do you think I would care about you starting a war? Do you think I would try to stop you? I'm literally planning on starting a war with Ulethorthayat.

Speaker: We could have been friends this whole time, you dullard. Well, that's going to be quite difficult when Ulethorthayat is sending their soldiers to fight my war. I mean, I'm glad to know that they'll be weakened. Are they, are you loyal to them, or are they your attack dog?

Speaker: Because it sounds like they're your attack dog. Oh, yes. Yes, I paid the money, and they're going to send soldiers to fight in my war for me. Lovely. Call off your dragon. I will not kill you. Oh, it won't listen to me. No,

Speaker: no no, we kept that thing in prison for a reason. That's my old house wizard. She went pretty fucking insane. And, you know, studying dragons, trying do a dragon blood transfusion. Now look at her. That's a mess. Keeps talking. Only words she can say is my treasure. And we gave her some a prisoner and that seemed to satisfy her. And we're like, all right, as long she's not running amok, you know, melting my my my mansion, this should work nicely. Got a free ah guard dog out of it. Speaking of dogs. Yeah, no, it will. Hey, hey, Karun, stop this.

Speaker: Stop. See, nothing. In new plan, we kill the dragon together and then we talk for a minute. We never needed to be enemies. You won't try and stab me.

Speaker: No. Is this a persuasion or a deception roll? Oh, it's full on deception. but Give me a deception roll. That's going to be a... I'm not going to try to stab him right away. That's cool. That's going to be a 26.

Speaker: He extends a hand towards you and takes a step onto one of his dead guards and then steps off of it. Call off the other ship. Orasis, stop.

Speaker: Very well. I am Orasis Humiliation. I really haven't found a voice just yet, but this one seems to be the best I've come up with so far. I'm Orasis Humiliation. My brother is a good man and does not deserve to die.

Speaker: I'm a bad man and don't wish to die. That's all you need to know about the Humiliation House at this time. Also, I made Jasper a cuckold and was forced to leave home. So that's why I am doing this.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. Yes. Very well, back to my ship. But if there's any shenanigans, I will fire upon anyone involved. Thanks, Arasis. har eraus thanks And Arasis goes back to his ship, tips his hat towards Yuva, Sonia, and disappears.

Speaker: Do we have an agreement then? Now let's kill the freaking dragon. All right. Well, I'm going to go sit in a lifeboat because I am a breath away from collapsing dead into the earth and the ground in the ocean where I do not wish to go.

Speaker: The light of the sun will not find me at the depths of the sea. So I choose to live. i want to grab him by the back of the shirt and say, let's kill the dragon. Oh, fine. He raises a crossbow up with his free hand, fires up at it.

Speaker: immediately it misses and ah who else needs to go? No one else needs to go, but that's fine. ah Swift, okay, it's the dragon's turn. It looks down at Malfurth and is just going to dive towards him, landing on the deck of the ship. It's going to make a claw attack.

Speaker: A 19 will hit and Prince Elling Malfourth is just cut in two. He says, i won't be in campaign two. he dies.

Speaker: The dragon is going to turn its attention to you, Fonolin. oh my god And it's going to make a second claw attack. Oh, that is going to be a 12 to hit, which I imagine will miss.

Speaker: And I guess it will also, you see bile starts to build up in the back of its throat and it shoots this glob of silvery mucus out at you. And it just sizzles across the deck, just burning a hole into the wood, but you step aside.

Speaker: Also, it regains 10 But oh do fuck why not? Just a wee bit of regeneration. And I feel like the hunter's nest is is is good. They're pulling away. Yeah, takes her away. She's going to fail a death save. Tee hee.

Speaker: We'll see what happens. And the rising catcher will fire off another salvo up at the dragon. it will hit once again for a whopping 11 damage.

Speaker: So offsetting its, uh, its regen. And, oh, I think that's enough of that. Amongst the chaos, I think the kingfisher doesn't know that the prince was immediately slain, probably rendering his order null. And, hey, Swift, what you doing?

Speaker: a good question. What the hell are doing? The ship has 14 HP, so, you know, that's not bad. I mean, okay, I can't afford to move the ship without it taking more damage.

Speaker: So I'm going to tell them to drop anchor or what have you, put all the levers in park, and i guess I'm going to go help fight a dragon. Okay. OK, because as long as like that's taken care of, we could like sleep on this raft at this point. Yeah, it's you know, eighty it's it's not sinking actively. So theoretically, if it doesn't sink, then like, you know, you'll be OK. So you spring up, you run out of the the the the helm, the the the captain's cabin, if you will, and leap aboard. You don't have to jump very far. The Vasiliki is

Speaker: almost almost underwater at this point it's rapidly sinking but the dragon is on there treasure and what are you what are you doing uh i'd like to attack it please by all means with the crossbow because i assume it's not is it well as you said it's down right it's's ah it's on it's on the deck yeah and hell yeah i'm gonna use my long sword instead nice unlike most dragons this one's very dumb lu First attack, 21.

Speaker: That hits. Second attack, 22. Okay. Hit, o Okay. it hits okay First one is a nine damage. Second one is a five damage. So 14 damage. 14 damage. Not too shabby. I might as well action surge. I'm going to action surge. And can I have my low crystal necklace glow a little bit? By all means.

Speaker: Hell yeah. It starts to glow and you hear a voice say, When I checked in with you a moment ago, you were just getting ready to leave my island, and now, what is this? I'm a warrior! That

Speaker: that one's only 14. Ooh, 14 just not enough. And an 8. So I literally scream, I'm a warrior, missed one. Aw, no! Aw!

Speaker: The dragon turns to look at you. These initial cuts that you made into it are just dripping with this silver ichor. They're sizzling and hitting the deck of the ship, slowly corroding it. Hey, gorilla, what's up?

Speaker: Well, I'm gonna turn back into me, little Juniper. And I am going to use a bonus action to heal my boy who's passed out at my feet.

Speaker: Or i walked away a little bit. Anyway, same difference. Either way. Yeah. Oh, wow. Sorry. I rolled as bad as you possibly can, but you're up. That's one point of healing and one temporary hit point as well. Oh my gosh. Thank That's my bonus action. And then I'm going to...

Speaker: cast fairy fire on the dragon. So I need a dexterity saving throw from the dragon. Okay. That is a natural one. Let's go. Sweet. So it will be glowing now so that everyone can have advantage on their attacks on it. Nice. And I'll stay on the boat I'm currently on.

Speaker: It'll be my turn. Excellent. Faunelin, there is a dragon next to you, but there's also a friend. not Not the dragon, to be clear. Thanks for clarifying. I got confused.

Speaker: I've done enough crazy shit. I'm just going to shoot the dragon. Okay. Shoot or stab? Stab. for it. I was like, it was a trick question and I was getting it wrong. Well, you're within melee range of it, so you'd be rolling with disadvantage if you shot at it. 21. 21. Don't forget you're rolling with advantage.

Speaker: Does it get bigger than 21? I got 21 twice, so it does not get bigger than 21. Okay. Well, 21 hits. Give me some damage with 3d6 sneak attack. That's 24 damage. 24 damage. 3d6 is a lot of d6, especially when you roll a six and a five.

Speaker: Final one. How do you want to map Mercer this? Yes! And I helped. Oh it's just like the mental image. Like, Fondalyn has darkvision because she's an elf, so she can see this kind of like grayscale dragon clearly. But then I just imagine with Juniper's spell that it lights up and just becomes so iridescently bright and clear. And I just imagine that Fauniline is lit with this corona of light bouncing off the dragon as she just without, like she's still turning in shock from watching Malfurth get sliced in half. And the momentum just carries her to land a stab right through this thing's gooey, drippy throat. Amazing.

Speaker: She's been violent tonight. ah She's always like this, guys. Yeah, she has been. Just stab through. You feel this noxious wave of just like stale air from within. It is released and washes over you.

Speaker: You see little specks of corrosion kind of hit your rapier blade, but you pull it free. You'll have to wipe it down, sharpen it later. But the dragon thrashes about. Trash out! and then just crashes off the side of the ship, landing in the water with a huge splash.

Speaker: For a second, there is quiet, but you don't know what the other ships are going to do. You don't know if they intend to keep fighting. This ship is about to go down, and I think you need to make the decision right now. Is it stay and fight?

Speaker: Is it run? What are you doing? I want to call out to Erasis. Erasis, we haven't met yet. No, he have not. Then I think we should parlay.

Speaker: Truce? Well, my companion seemed content to parlay with you, and now he's dead, so what assurances can you make that a dragon won't kill me?

Speaker: Oh, Erasis, not to worry. I've killed the dragon. Fair enough. How about we meet in the morning at the tiki bar on the coast? Deal!

Speaker: Deal! but la da we screen wife. so hu ah now The ships part ways, apparently, and Faunolin and Erasis are seated at a tiki bar on the coast of Silvershore's resort.

Speaker: You're wearing perhaps maybe not your wig. As you see, there are numerous wanted posters for you and Clay and Glimke for a certain incident at the Opera House a few nights ago. And you see like ah a police inspector walking around with a a big old like a baton and ah a big blue hat. and he's like, if I find them, the trouble will be upon them. I might sound British, but nope. He sounds whatever the hell that was.

Speaker: Now, who are you and why do you want to talk to me? I'm Fonelin Veydark. I'm actually quite good friends with Remus. Ah, everybody loves Rames. Well, he's fine. Everybody. Now you helped kidnap the princess.

Speaker: Well, Malfourth was convinced. and I didn't help kidnap a princess. No, no, no. Prince. Sure. Allegedly. But princess never touched the stuff myself. Do you know?

Speaker: of course, do you know where she is? If I did, do you think I'd be here? Nah, I'd be. Right. Probably somewhere else. Okay, I'm going to be honest with you, Erasis. Malfourth's plan is obviously not going to succeed.

Speaker: I say you and I walk away from this. Deal. It's God-free. There. Lovely. Maybe we'll be allies again in the future.

Speaker: ah Maybe. Ultimately, I just want to go home. And now it seemed like my best bet. You make a cuckold of a certain nobleman and you're not allowed to stay in your home anymore. It's a real fucked up situation.

Speaker: So I'm going to keep on trying. If know becoming your friends with a guy who marries the princess isn't going to work. And if getting a boon, well, maybe I'll still get the boon and my boon will be let the cuckold come home.

Speaker: No, I'm the cuckold. He's the cuckold. Make the cuckold leave so I can come home. Irasis, stop talking about cuckoldry. Stop. it You say the word cuck one more time. Listen, Irasis, you've already committed a noble deed.

Speaker: You see, you're returning home. with- i can't. Shut up. You're returning home with exceedingly important news. You were in a battle at sea. Prince Elling Malforth was killed. You were shot down by a Vaedark vessel. You have news that they intend to attack the north, upon which they shall turn their eyes south.

Speaker: North. And you know you are banished. You mean west? But it would be seditious, whatever. I don't, the world is flat. There's no poles. You return home a hero with proof that the Vedarchs are going to attack the north, okay?

Speaker: Again, you keep saying the north. I'm going to clarify the west. I guess it's all relative if you were south of, if you were south of Sicarius. swear to God, if you correct me one more time. I think starting understand why I had to leave home.

Speaker: You have a plot. There is villainy. You were attacked and you come home with news that it would be treasonous not to share with the king.

Speaker: Well, it's not really our fight. You know, Onos is like its own thing. The Trinelands are their own thing. That's fine. Okay, well, Don't leverage that information and home. All right, maybe I'll see you in Odinine sometime. Maybe we can grab a drink or whatever.

Speaker: Like, as mutual friends. I'm not putting a pass on you for numerous reasons.

Speaker: Not my type. Unless you're married.

Speaker: Thankfully, i am not. Now... What's the pity? No. The point is, pin it on the Vadox, go home, and we'll meet again.

Speaker: All right. See you in the movies. All the best. And also when you- like, slides her bar stool away and, like, joins the table that her all her friends are at.

Speaker: One table over. Lichen, Juniper, Prince Bertram Vestegard, and this gnomish individual. And Clay's corpse. Yeah. He's supposed to come and pass it court I've like not let go of it. like, I gotta keep this safe. The police inspector's like really staring at the corpse like, looking at, ah, no sunglasses. And he walked off.

Speaker: So that went well? Oh my goodness. Lycan, you did such a good job steering the ship. I was so impressed. Yeah, well. You were pretty cool with your shark and then your monkey. Thank you. It was terrifying.

Speaker: Does anyone need a massage after all that? That was a lot.

Speaker: We can decompress. When was the last time someone gave you a massage? Whoa. Oh. Um. I don't, never. I just, I started these services myself. I haven't, don't know that's like. should find someone to do that. That sounds like this guy said you should work out. Yeah, I'll have to find the local masseuse and have some me time. Yeah, that sounds good too. Yeah. Good idea.

Speaker: Yeah. So essential oils, anyone? We'll have to ask, is Visanya with us? Yeah. Um, quick question.

Speaker: Why do you keep referring to yourself as Faunolin Vadar? Isn't your name, Faradith? Who are you? How do you know that? Oh, I saw your statue on Mangan.

Speaker: Oh my i god. Are you a fan? Faradith Thrillwind, the hero of Mangan? Yes! It's me, the hero of Mangan! I'm just a little confused. These two don't really match the other statues. Where are Clay and Glimki?

Speaker: Um... Temporary hiatus. Take the sunglasses off. yeah yes like You'd be surprised. It's actually... Don't meet your heroes.

Speaker: But I'm working on it. They deserve a hero's end. And Glimki too. Yeah, actually don't know. Glimki shattered into a bunch of crystals, but he's up to some spirit stuff. So I'll talk to Ed again. yeah i'm sure you know Ed again or another spirit and figure it all out.

Speaker: Did you follow us or what is this? Um, no, just happenstance. Can you excuse me a moment? And you watch Asanya walk to the other end of the bar.

Speaker: um my God. No.

Speaker: Oh my god.

Speaker: Well, I'm so sorry for your loss of your friends. That's horrible. If you need help bringing the remains back to there're families, I would be happy to do that.

Speaker: I'm sure they miss them very much. There are remains, right? Yes. And yes. Yes, I accept your help. Yes. Good. Yes. Yes. There's remains. Yes. Good. Not to put a damper on the mood, but as gnomes, we all um we all feel the pain of losing a community member. It's like a limb being cut off the mother tree.

Speaker: So I just want to say that I mourn with you. But yeah, I'd be happy to to figure out how to get Glimki back to Dwells and and Clay too, wherever they belong in and lay them to rest properly.

Speaker: No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry, what was your name? Um, Vassanya. Vassanya. Okay, nice to meet you, Vassanya. Good fighting out there. No, no, no, no, no. We're not burying them. We're resurrecting them.

Speaker: Oh. Mm-hmm. there wait The prince has already agreed to help with clay, right Bertram? Oh yeah, two diamonds, no problem. I know you had two friends that died, but for rescuing me, easy. We just got to go get my funds. You see Zach getting stressed. Okay, so okay it resurrect them. that's I like that plan. That sounds that that sounds great.

Speaker: Let's do that. All right, welcome to the party. Juniper and Lycan, what say you? Are you up for some ah resurrection questing? Well, you know what I always say.

Speaker: Have you ever heard of a hydrangea flower? It's beautiful. But if you cut it off from its source, it wilts away and becomes really ugly. Kind of like your friend.

Speaker: No offense. But... Tying to hear the points. Just wait, it's coming. But...

Speaker: Sorry. Sorry. But the magical thing about hydrangeas is that if you put them into water, they suddenly bloom again.

Speaker: So I would love to be a part of this process for your friends to put them back in the water so they can bloom once again. Yes. ah Hell yeah! We've got like a resurrection gang going. What about you, Lycan?

Speaker: This is kind of weird. feel like I spent my whole life doing what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't really feel like I was doing I don't know if that makes sense.

Speaker: But I spoke with the Mother Crystal, which I've never done before. And it was kind of cool to have someone thank me for doing what I kind always thought I was supposed to be doing.

Speaker: But I never felt like I wanted to be doing what i was doing until I got a chance to ram a ship into another ship with Dragon Dragon. That's awesome.

Speaker: Reckless and expensive, but awesome. You're a true warrior, dude. Thanks, Bertram. Yeah, i think I think I do want to join you guys just for this. I think I do need to come home afterwards.

Speaker: And is there going to be less water? We're going to be taking a boat for like five five days straight to Eugenine. Okay, I can do that. I can do that. And then five days back.

Speaker: That's good. As long as I'm near Juniper, so that if I fall off, I can get grabbed. Yeah, I can totally turn into a shark and and catch you again. Yeah, that can happen. Thanks.

Speaker: Yeah, as long as Juniper's there to catch me.

Speaker: As the five of you and Clay's Weekend at Bernie's Corpse enjoy cocktails, mimosas, you notice the bartender pointing the six of you out to the police inspector.

Speaker: You overhear the words, don't have a reservation, aren't allowed to be at the resort, don't have a drinks package. Pretty sure that one's dead.

Speaker: The bartender takes the wanted poster, draws some sunglasses onto the picture of Clay. The police inspector's eyes bulge out of his head. He takes a whistle. Beep, beep, beep. Five of you plus Clay's corpse go sprinting towards the swift and hop aboard.

Speaker: Boof goes, oh say less, and hit the lever forward. The swift to paddle wheels start to turn, and you set sail for Airdenine.

Speaker: Many a podcast would end their episode here with, and that's all for tonight's episode of Bard Soup, but not this one. As you travel for the next five and a half days.

Speaker: You're just going to a hard cut and you're like, and you're done, and we're back, and you can leave. Not quite, not quite. Please leave. You get a ritual. Please leave. You go to Dwell's, yada, yada, yada. Glimke's back on with the main show.

Speaker: As you begin five and a half days of travel from Bogatyr to Eredamine, there's times where you're able to talk and get to know each other, but there's also a deep fatigue and a sadness in some of you.

Speaker: Some of it is obvious. Each of you, some more than others, have endured some terrible hardships in recent times. One of you is dead.

Speaker: Clay is just one of the six of you now, I guess, apparently. Yep. The doctor is gone. She snuck away while you were drinking ah rum punches in the morning, but not before the effects of a gentle repose spell were functionally cast upon Clay, extending the time limit to bring them back by 10 days.

Speaker: That being said, it still takes five and a half days to get from Bogatyr to Erdenine. Much of the time is spent keeping the ship afloat. It's heavily damaged. It'll take months to properly repair it, but that's not time you have right now, and it just needs to make it without incident.

Speaker: Luckily for you, most of the journey is without said incident. most Asanya, you said goodbye to Captain Kilkenny and Weevil and the rest of the crew of the Horizon Catcher, though you did not know them long.

Speaker: The Kingfisher, with Arras' humiliation in his crew, disappeared after your parlay. a bigger, more powerful ship. Perhaps they'll be waiting for you in Erdeneen. You're uncertain what happened to Electravun and Kletir Keldar.

Speaker: They disappeared amongst the chaos. They did not join you at the rum-punch tiki-bar table. I say without incident except for one strange occurrence. The night before are set to arrive in Erdenene, in the late hours of the evening, perhaps 10, 11 o'clock at night.

Speaker: Faunelin, whoever else wishes, you standing out on the deck, scouring the horizon, looking for the Balefire, the large signal fire that burns atop Balefire Palace, the seat of King Feren Galtries.

Speaker: You don't see it. but there is a sudden rush of air from behind the ship. It just is suddenly a hurricane gale force wind rushes past you towards the distant shore.

Speaker: A minute later, a tidal wave sweeps over the ship, threatening to capsize it. A sudden rush of water. Lycan dashes towards the helm, helps Boof and the other Brighanox keep the ship right side up.

Speaker: Those of you who are on deck barely manage to avoid being thrown overboard. And as soon as it begins, it ends. The ship is fine, relatively. There is no storm that approaches. It it seems like a single one-off incident.

Speaker: The morning after you awaken, Faunelin, you have your own room on the ship. There are two other rooms currently unoccupied. Whether you bequeath them to your new companions is up to you and for the time being irrelevant.

Speaker: But you awaken in your bed, ready to set foot in Erdenine once more. It's been a little under a month since you departed, but so much has happened since then, both good and bad. You brought enlightenment to an island led by a well-meaning but ultimately misinformed dragon. You liberated another island of oppressive corporate reign and regime.

Speaker: Things didn't go how you wanted in Bogatyr. Nothing really went to plan. You didn't find the princess. You lost your friends. Nearly lost your ship.

Speaker: But you made some new companions, and that's something worth celebrating. How do you feel? How does Faunlin feel about her return to Erdeneen?

Speaker: impatient. She's like, let's get this Prince guy to his rich friend. Let's get clay back. She's just tired of trancing and being on this boat and she just wants it to be over already.

Speaker: With this in mind, you step out, ready to see the Balefire, ready to hear the endless roar of Ocean Crest Falls, the waterfall that endlessly pours into the city, ready to smell and experience the various islands and neighborhoods that make up this truly unique city.

Speaker: Most of all, you're ready perhaps to reunite with the people you left behind, Fallow, the other friends you made in your time there. However, as you step out onto the deck of the Swift,

Speaker: There is no balefire. There are no islands. You do not hear the cries of fishmongers at the docks or smell the myriad of strange and wondrous smells.

Speaker: There's nothing but the lapping of dirt-streaked waves on the nearby shore and a winged blue shape circling overhead. Boof runs up to you in a panic. Captain, I don't know what's going on.

Speaker: I follow the charts. The city, it should be here. i don't, I don't know. i don't know where it is. You see two roads leading down either side of a peninsula, roads that should end in Erdenine, but there is no city.

Speaker: And as panic grips you, that's where we'll stop tonight's session of Bard Soup. Where's the city? How's the whole city gone and why is there bluebird?

Speaker: It's Krigamon. It's Krigamon, right? Oh, of course. It's Krigamon. Is Krigamon a dragon who he's only previously expressed to the party that due to a magic crystal in one of the nearby temples within Erdenin, dragons aren't permitted to fly over the city or enter it.

Speaker: oh shit Oh my god, Zach. Okay, I guess welcome to the real campaign is like the vibe I'm getting. like Welcome to the real fucking campaign. We just finished arc 205. Oh my god. He's in that city. Things are fucked up. Whoa.

Speaker: Now we only have five days to find somebody to resurrect these guys. Yikes. In a city that's not there. Yeah, we don't have the crystal. Oh, the crystal doesn't exist anymore. Yeah.

Speaker: wait Oh my god. That's crazy, Zach. I didn't do this without Clay and Glimke? That's insane. Well, that's not my fault. They were meant to be here for it. Oh my god. That's fucking savage. So good.

Speaker: crazy That's That was fun. Well, thanks for being here, guys. You guys did such cool stuff. Once again, Alan, Peyton, Peyton, Alan, thank you so much for both of you for being here. i I don't know. You want to plug yourselves one more time? I don't know. You already did it, but you want to do it again? Maybe we'll use both. Maybe we'll only use the first one. Who knows?

Speaker: Sure. Alan's recovering, so I'll go. um My name's Peyton Payne. You can find me playing ditzy little princess on our Kingdom Crawlers actual play podcast show. It's all sorts of shenanigans and fun times, so you should come check us out on all of the platforms, pretty much.

Speaker: There you go. That's me. love it I'm Alan. If you like improv and d and d then you can check out my two shows, We Open With and Quick I Need a Game. Zach and Jordan are on We Open With, which is pretty sick. That's right. So We Open With is we create one shot adventures from ideas in one episode. And then Quick I Need a Game, we use game show mechanics to create RPG elements. One might argue Shannon and I did not really fully understand the concept when we joined.

Speaker: It was a good episode all the same. Not to be like, and I was on that one too. I forgot you guys were on that one too. How could you forget? How could you forget? Scooby-Doo. Kingdom Callers was too. That's true. Yeah. And I actually used one of the elements we created in a personal campaign. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun.

Speaker: love to hear that. That was awesome. That was a really good episode too. That was like the pirate one. yeah Yep. Island. that's so sick. Wow. That was a cool battle. Yeah. that this We've only been here for, what, two sessions?

Speaker: And like, this was wild. Yeah. yeah I got invested quick. Shopping episode. Let's go! Right in the town. We're going to shop on the vacant island. Yeah.

Speaker: I just said clarification. The city is just missing or is it lovely like it doesn't exist or is it rubble? From what you could see, gone. Just non-existent. Like it never existed? like There's roads that end in land that is no longer, no longer occupied by city. The island seemed gone. It's possible the ocean rose several inches and flooded everything or like, you know, several hundred feet. Yeah.

Speaker: yes Yeah. Yeah. So it's like a sunken city now. Shmeep shmup. Uh oh. It's crazy.

Speaker: Thank you so much for listening to chapter 43 Bard Soup. That is the end of our Anchor's Chain arc. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed making it.

Speaker: what What a journey! What a journey! And it's still just getting started. So much more story to tell. Once again, have been your Homer-esque dungeon master, joined by Prima Jow as Bertram Vestegaard, Jordan Johnson as Visanya, Shannon Meikle as Faunal Invade Arc,

Speaker: And once again, thank you so much to our guests, Peyton Payne as Juniper and Alan as Lycan. They are both so, so talented. Please go check out their shows. They're really good and you should definitely check them out.

Speaker: We will be back in two weeks time with chapter 44, the beginning of a new arc. But before that, check us out at bard underscore soup on Instagram and TikTok. There is a bunch of brand new content locked and loaded coming out in the upcoming weeks. So you definitely want to check that out.

Speaker: And ah we'll see you soon. That's it. We'll see you soon. In the meantime, stay frosty and i enjoy August. August. Wow. Pumpkin spice lattes are out and that feels wrong to me, but this isn't the time to get into it. Bye bye.

Speaker: you guys just like on the show now permanently? i don't know. Because I was like, i was like, don't want be left out, but I was ready for my character to stay. Yeah. Juniper's like, I'm going. I'm like, oh, I want to go too. Yes, and you went on to our podcast. Welcome to the

Speaker: the party, you guys. See you next Tuesday.