Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. My name is Lara Roberts and I'm on a mission to learn how my autistic son Graham learns best for the sake of the gospel. This is a, this is part three of a four part series on autism and healing. And if you've missed the first two episodes, I'd encourage you to go back and listen to those. We've established two things, very important, two things. First, God gets the outcome.
Speaker: I get the assignment of raising an autistic disciple. And second, not knowing what God intends to do does not mean I stop asking.
Speaker: I can ask boldly, work faithfully with the tools and the resources and the people he's given around me. I can hope deeply and i can hold the outcome, whatever God wills, with open hands.
Speaker: And I can trust him and live my life, right? Okay, so now we need to deal with a word I've been using throughout this entire series.
Speaker: Healing. Okay, because what exactly do we mean by that? When Christians say the word healing, I think sometimes we picture something very specific, like zap, gone. Like it just disappears, right?
Speaker: The kid who was autistic is suddenly not autistic. that' That's kind of we, oh, it's disappeared altogether. everything we associate with autism disappears. And that becomes our picture of what it would mean for God to heal autism. Okay.
Speaker: But there's an assumption hiding underneath that picture that I think like we need to examine. like we we We need to talk about. Autistic means something is not whole.
Speaker: That's what I want to examine. That sentence. Autistic means something is not whole. W-H-O-L-E. Less autistic means becoming more whole and non-autistic means healed. Okay. I'm going to say those three over again here. Here's, here's what we need to examine these, these three sentences.
Speaker: Autistic means something is not whole. Less autistic means becoming more whole and non-autistic means, oh, they've been healed.
Speaker: And I just want to ask this after hearing those three. Who decided neurotypical means whole?
Speaker: who Who decided all a sudden that neurotypical means that it's like whole? Because I don't think scripture did. I can't i can't find it.
Speaker: Now, let me immediately tell you what I'm not saying. I'm not saying disability is easy. I'm not saying suffering isn't real. I'm not saying every part of my autistic son's experience of autism is something I celebrate.
Speaker: I'm not saying autistic people don't experience genuine impairment or that society isn't built. I believe society is built neurotypically and that's really hard for neurodiverse people to navigate.
Speaker: And I'm not saying that parents can't grieve things that are difficult for their kids. And I'm certainly not saying that God cannot heal. Go back to the other episodes and listen to that. I am saying something much more narrow.
Speaker: We need to be very careful before we use the word whole as though scripture has defined wholeness as neurotypical.
Speaker: Because think about that word for a minute. Whole. We say things like, I just want my child to be whole. And I understand the heart behind that. But what exactly do we mean?
Speaker: Do we mean free from pain? Able to communicate? Able to live independently? Able to tolerate sensory and input? Or able to speak? Able to sit through church? Do we mean reconciled to God?
Speaker: Do we mean redeemed and Christ-like? Those are different things. And somewhere along the way, whole can become shorthand for functions the way most people function.
Speaker: Typical speech, typical sensory processing, typical social interactions, typical behavior, or typical development, typical independence. Like we associate whole, whole with those things.
Speaker: Typical development, typical processing, typical independent, all things. But average, which average. Which is how typical is defined. Average and whole are not synonyms.
Speaker: Typical and righteous are not synonyms. Neurotypical and holy are certainly not synonyms.
Speaker: Neurotypical is a useful word. It tells us something real. It describes neurological development and functioning that generally falls within patterns considered typical. But most common is not the same thing as God's definition of complete humanity.
Speaker: That is a theological leap. And I'm not convinced scripture gives us permission to make it. So please be careful. When scripture tells us what is fundamentally wrong with humanity, it does not say our deepest problem is atypicality.
Speaker: Is not being typical. Our deepest problem is sin. Romans 3.23 says, For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Ephesians 2 says that we are dead in our sins and our trespasses. Autistic people, neurotypical people, disabled people, non-disabled people, speaking people, non-speaking people, highly independent people, people who may require lifelong support. We all have the same deepest spiritual problem.
Speaker: We need Jesus.
Speaker: And the gospel's answer to that problem is not, Jesus will make you statistically average. He'll make you typical. The gospel does not grade us on a curve. Did y'all have that when you were in elementary? Like grade you on a curve? everybody It's not everybody gets a trophy, right? The gospel says Jesus reconciles sinners.
Speaker: to God. He takes people who are dead in sin and makes them alive in Christ. He takes enemies and reconciles them. they are The guilty are forgiven. Those who are far away from God from god are now brought near.
Speaker: So here's the distinction I want us to hold. Neurotypical is a neurological category. Redeemed is a theological category. Those are not interchangeable.
Speaker: Because the disappearance of autism cannot become the only evidence I recognize as the work of God.
Speaker: Speaking of my autistic son in this conversation of healing and autism, the disappearance of autism, if you're praying for that, if you're praying for healing and autism, and I'm not saying go back and listen to the episodes, you'll hear my stance on it. Okay.
Speaker: The disappearance Zap, gone. Autistic today, but he you know tomorrow he's suddenly healed of autism. The disappearance of autism cannot become the only ah the only evidence where I recognize the work of God.
Speaker: God can grow my autistic son. God can mature my autistic kid. He can sanctify them. God can give him skills. God can provide people who understand them. God can relieve things that once caused him pain and distress. God can give doctors and wisdom. He can give teachers insight, therapists skills, and he can give parents wisdom on how to raise autistic disciples. And none of those require me to say, look, he's becoming less autistic.
Speaker: I can simply say, praise God, look what God is doing in my autistic kid's life.
Speaker: God's work does not become less divine because he works through ordinary means. And that brings me back to that word whole. H-W-H-O-L.
Speaker: Whole. Because if a kid becomes calmer, more communicative, more independent, more predictable in patterns and behaviors, have they become more whole?
Speaker: Or has something that made life extraordinarily difficult in the past simply just gotten better? Or growth? Those aren't necessarily same things. Now, I know the obvious pushback here. But Lara, Jesus healed disabled people in the Bible.
Speaker: Yes, he absolutely did. Jesus gave sight to the blind. He made the lame man walk. He healed disease. He cast out demons. He raised the dead. His miracles were real, physical, supernatural acts of God.
Speaker: I do not want to explain any of that away. Those miracles show us his compassion. They show us his authority, his lordship. They reveal who he is and they point toward restoration that is coming.
Speaker: Because Christianity absolutely promises restoration. Praise be to God. Romans 8 says creation is groaning and that we ourselves groan as we wait the redemption of our bodies. 1 Corinthians 15 says the body is sown perishable and raised imperishable, sown in weakness and raised in power. Revelation 21 tells us that death will be no more. Grief, crying, and pain will be no more. Something glorious is coming and Christ will make all things new.
Speaker: Our Christian hope is bodily resurrection. But here's where I want to practice the same theological restraint and carefulness I asked us to practice in episode one. Okay.
Speaker: Of this healing and autism series. The Bible tells me resurrection, redemption of our bodies will be glorious. It does not give me a detailed neurological blueprint blueprint of resurrected humanity.
Speaker: And inevitably somebody's going to say, okay, then well, well, your autistic kid be autistic in heaven. I don't know. There it is again. Mystery. I'm not God.
Speaker: I don't know. I can tell you what scripture actually tells me. If Graham places his faith in Christ, and that is, that last episode, that is something, that is the top prayer of for my autistic kid. Jesus, would you save my son?
Speaker: So when Graham places his faith in Christ, because it is through Christ and Christ alone that one is saved, he will be raised imperishable. Sin will be gone. Death will be gone. The suffering belonging to this side of eternity of creation will be gone.
Speaker: He will dwell with God forever. Graham will behold Christ. He will be part of redeemed creation where grief, crying, pain, and death are no more. But will every characteristic I currently associate with my son's autism disappear?
Speaker: Scripture has not given me that list. And i don't I don't need to make one. Because here's a statement that gives me tremendous peace as a as a parent raising an autistic kid.
Speaker: God knows Graham better than I do. And he knows exactly what perfect restoration looks like for my son.
Speaker: God knows. God knows. He knows what suffering is. He knows he knows what limitation. He knows what is personality. He knows what is a gift. God knows what neurological difference.
Speaker: He knows what belongs to corruption and decay on this side of eternity. And he knows the son he created far better than I ever will. God will get it right.
Speaker: God will get it right. I am very comfortable, so comfortable leaving that job to him. Lara Roberts, who i would I would get it wrong. But God is God and he will get it right.
Speaker: but This theology matters now because what I believe whole means will determine what I try to accomplish in my autistic son today.
Speaker: but I got to get the definition. I got to get the understanding of what whole means because it will determine what I try to accomplish in my discipleship, in my my prayer life, and in in the the practical things I'm trying to turn to the the work in my son's life. If I decide neurotypical means whole then whenever i whether I realize it or not, I can start making less autistic the goal.
Speaker: Less stimming, more eye contact, quieter body, more socially typical speech, more tolerance for uncomfortable environments, more conformity, less visible difference. And some of those things may represent meaningful growth depending on the individual and the circumstance, but not automatically.
Speaker: Because if my only question is, does he look out less autistic today? I can accidentally celebrate masking as maturity.
Speaker: I can celebrate exhaustion as participation. I can celebrate compliance as discipleship. I can celebrate silence as regulation. And I can miss the person entirely.
Speaker: I know I kind of landed that sentence like a, like a horror movie. I'm sorry, but those statements made my heart grieve as I was talking them through. I'm not going lie to you. If I got to say it again, because my heart is, my heart is grieving right now that I even had to say those things that, that, that if I, if I mistakenly categorize neurotypical, okay.
Speaker: All right. If I decide, If I decide not typical means whole, then whether I realize it or not, I can start making less autistic, that category, less, ah um we got to make him less autistic. The goal.
Speaker: less stimming, more eye contact, quieter, all those things that I just said before. Some of those things may represent meaningful growth depending on the individual and the circumstance, but it does not automatically. Because if my question is, does he look less autistic? I can accidentally, accidentally celebrate masking as maturity, exhaustion as participation, compliance as discipleship.
Speaker: I can celebrate silence as regulation. And I, with those things, Miss the person entirely. Miss Graham Roberts entirely. I need a better target.
Speaker: You need a better target for your autistic kid. Church leader listening, you need a better target than compliance, than eye contact, than sitting still for an hour on Sunday mornings.
Speaker: And for me, scripture gives me a better target. Christ-likeness.
Speaker: That's the target. Is my autistic kid learning truth? Is he learning to love? Is he growing in wisdom? Is he celebrating? Is he developing courage? Is he learning self-control where self-control is possible? Is he learning to communicate honestly? Is he learning to repent?
Speaker: Is he learning what faithfulness looks like? Is he learning to serve others? Is he learning to receive help where where it's needed? Is he increasingly able to recognize and use the gifts God's given him?
Speaker: Those are discipleship questions. And Graham can grow in every one of those areas while still being autistic.
Speaker: Can I just scream that from the mountain? Right? Your autistic kid can do all of those while still being autistic, while still being wired the way his brain is. And for parents, I want to make sure you hear me on this too. This does not mean you can't want something to change.
Speaker: Or pray for that change. you You're totally allowed to desire something easier for your child. and you're You're allowed to cry when they struggle. You're allowed to pray for communication and for me that they read someday.
Speaker: You're allowed to pursue therapy to help those issues. You're allowed to ask God for healing. You're allowed to hope for greater independence. And you are absolutely allowed to grieve expectations that changed when your kid was diagnosed autistic.
Speaker: Acceptance of that is not pretending hard things aren't hard. I can wish and desire and pray that a barrier was gone without hoping and desiring Graham were a different person.
Speaker: I can grieve something he experiences without grieving that he exists.
Speaker: I can ask God for growth without making normalcy the goal.
Speaker: and I need you to know that those things matter. Actually, this is one of the things I've been thinking about the most. This question. What if Graham, what if my autistic kid communicates something next year that he cannot communicate today?
Speaker: Praise be to God. What if he what what what is something that overwhelms his nervous system today becomes manageable three years from now? Praise be to God. What if he learns to read scripture independently?
Speaker: Praise be to God. What if he develops real friendships? Praise be to God. It's happening, actually. Praise be to God. What if he learns to advocate for himself one day? Praise be to God. What if God develops a gift in him that the church needs?
Speaker: And he already has. Praise be to God. And what if the Holy Spirit grows love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in my autistic son over the course of his life?
Speaker: Praise be to God. Why in the world would I look at all of that and say, yeah, but he's still autistic.
Speaker: As though God didn't do anything. No, no, that is God working and, and, and regenerating a heart toward Christ like this. I celebrate those things.
Speaker: He doesn't have to go zap gone autistic. He was autistic today, but he's not autistic tomorrow. All that like, ah no, that's not what whole means. That is God growing in my son for him to become more Christlike.
Speaker: We need to celebrate those things. Sometimes God changes things and grows things progressively. That's called sanctification. And it doesn't happen overnight. So celebrate the small things that your kid could not do a year ago, but then can do it today. And then pray for the things you want to see happen. Three years from now, start praying for them today. That's why. Listen, we're year out from middle school. You better believe I'm praying for the middle school transition that's going to happen a year from now.
Speaker: Right? Okay, my my watch just alerted me that my my my um blood pressure went up. so But it's so important me that we understand this. Again, if I get it wrong, if I get that the definition of whole wrong, my discipleship lens is twisted.
Speaker: Yeah. So this week, again, just like I'm ending every episode, I want you to open your Bible. Study Romans 8, 1 Corinthians 15, Revelation 21, right? Study the healing ministry of Jesus.
Speaker: Study what scripture actually promises about redemption. And then ask yourself the question that may be uncomfortable. Where did my definition of whole come from?
Speaker: Did scripture give it to me? Does it say it? does Does it, what I believe whole looks like for my autistic, kid did did it come from here? Or have I assumed that typical means whole because typical is what I'm accustomed to seeing?
Speaker: And then look at the autistic an image bearer in front of you and ask, what am what am I actually hoping for? Less autism? Less suffering? Greater communication? Growth? Maturity? Independence?
Speaker: Christlikeness? Because that target, it matters. The target determines what we celebrate.
Speaker: And I want to become better at recognizing the work of God in my autistic son's life without requiring God's work to make him look more like everybody else.
Speaker: Average is not the definition of whole. Typical is not the definition of redeemed. Neurotypical is not the definition of holy. And my son's deepest hope is not that someday God makes him indistinguishable from everybody else or less autistic.
Speaker: My autistic son's deepest hope and need is Jesus Christ. And so is mine. So is yours.
Speaker: And so next week, we're going talk about the thing I've intentionally avoided doing in this episode. What do we need? what What do we do when another family says our all autistic child was healed of autism?
Speaker: Because I don't want to dismiss somebody else's testimony. I don't i don't want to do that. somebody Some people have stories, right? like i don't want to do that. Dismiss that. If God has done something wonderful in the life of their kid and their family, I want to praise God with them.
Speaker: But I also don't want to take someone else's experience and turn it into a theology God never gave me or the Bible, what the Bible says, or even my family.
Speaker: So the real question what we're going to discuss in the next episode, is how do we discern? What can I affirm? What can I actually know? Right? What might have changed? Remember all those things that we just talked about.
Speaker: The growth changes. what what if What if it's just that? What if they just grew from what they didn't know a year ago and now they do? Right? Okay. What conclusions can I make and which conclusions can I simply leave in a 60 second Instagram reel that I may not have all the information, right? And maybe most importantly, when someone else tells me what God did in their family, what does that testimony require me to believe about mine?
Speaker: Because what God is doing in one family may not be what he his will is for our family. Okay? We're going there in the final episode. But for today, here's what I want you to hold on to. God does not need to make your autistic kid neurotypical in order to be at work in their life.
Speaker: God does not need to make them less autistic for you to actually celebrate the the tiny or the huge. Progress is in there like that's got it work. So today, go write those things down. That's why I'm so glad an early mentor of my life did encourage me to write down progress. I mean, I kind of think that's what like Facebook memories kind of help us with two is like, we can see where they once were and where they are today. And that's so that's growth.
Speaker: So so let's let's be careful. I mean, again, you bring your own convictions to this this topic of healing and autism, but maybe healing is not just zap, like gone, disappeared. One day they were autistic and now they're not. Maybe it's looking for how God is at work of what they were not able to do a year ago, but now growth has happened over that year and we're going to praise God for the progress that he's done in their life. Okay?
Speaker: I'm on a mission to learn and to keep learning how my autistic son learns best for the sake of the gospel. And I'm going to trust God with the rest. And I hope you do too.
Speaker: I'll see you in part four of the final episode in the series, Autism and Healing. For God's glory, friend, and our good.
