Transcript

Speaker: Welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. I'm Lara Roberts and I'm on a mission to learn how my autistic son Graham learns best for the sake of the gospel.

Speaker: And friends, we spent the last several weeks talking about some pretty big things around here. Autism, healing, God's sovereignty, redemption, the Great Commission. and We've opened up our Bibles and we've wrestled with theology. We've contemplated the resurrection and redemption.

Speaker: We have been very mature, very thoughtful, very serious Christian people around here, around this podcast, right? We've we've delved in. dove Dove? Delved. Yeah, we have dived in.

Speaker: That's not correct either. But you know what I mean? We've talked about some really heavy stuff. And now, dum-dum-dum, the holiday season is upon us. It is here, friends. i literally just went into the dollar store to buy all these fun little...

Speaker: Prop thingies that if you're listening to the podcast, I've got a light up, um, bulb necklace on. I've got a cowboy hat on. i bought some, which were very much needed oven mitts that are Thanksgiving themed. And then I got this, this cool little mug that says all is calm and all is bright. And it's going to be our mascot for the, this new series, because no, is. There's only one thing correct on this statement.

Speaker: Um, yeah. Nothing is calm in the holiday season, but it's a lot of bright. So it'll just be, it'll tag along here in every episode, being our mascot to remind us that we can survive the holidays, which is the title series, the title of this series that I want to bring you along on because...

Speaker: Here's the thing, we're looking at the calendar, right? We're seeing all these parties and all these programs, all the family gatherings and the Christmas lights and the matching pajamas and special traditions we've done since we were six years old in 1986, which that was when I was born, so that didn't, math didn't really add up. But anyway, we're looking at that the exact same calendar and seeing schedule changes.

Speaker: Sensory overload, late bedtimes, unfamiliar food, different church services, no school. Oh, geez. Travel sometimes or no travel. People in our house or no people in our house. Other people's houses with all their knickknacks and and breakables and if you maybe are listening internationally and you don't know what a knickknack is neither do um welcome to the club but knickknacks are i do know this they are always made out of glass and they can break which is why they're knickknacks okay so you heard it here friends

Speaker: Anyway, here comes another schedule change and somebody wants us to wear an itchy sweater. Do you see where I'm going, friends? So buckle up, cowboy, cowgirl friends, because we're about to spend the next 60 days, the next two and a half months doing something completely different.

Speaker: Literally, completely different. Welcome to the series of episodes titled Surviving the Holidays. And let me clarify what I mean when I say, quote, got to take off my, my oven mitts for this. Let me clarify when I say what I mean by quote, the holidays. I mean, October 31st through December 31st.

Speaker: Yes. October 31st. I said the date. I'm trying not to say the H word because I can already hear the evangelical police starting their engines. Okay.

Speaker: I'll explain more in and the next episode. Okay. about that. um And we are going all the way through December 31st or realistically until school starts again in January and somebody finally tells my autistic kid what day it is, where we're going, what we're eating, and whether or not he's supposed to wear pajamas to school. Because i have recently realized something, friends.

Speaker: Whoever designed the American holiday season did not consult an autistic person or their family. Can I get an amen? Can you say amen? If you're in the car listening this podcast, can you just stop? if you're watching, this can you stop and say amen? There's no way they did. Because starting somewhere around October 31st, we apparently spend two straight months doing one thing.

Speaker: One thing. Changing the plan. Changing the plan. And one more thing before we jump into this whole changing the plan thing. I don't kid myself into believing that I'm funny. Okay. I don't think I'm totally not. Maybe ditzy, maybe a little bit like head in the clouds at times. I'll give myself that. Definitely a little ridiculous. I can, I can surely promise you that, but funny pro no, no. However, however,

Speaker: If I've learned anything along this autism parenting journey is this. is This could be our motto. It's that sometimes if you don't laugh, you're going to cry. If you don't laugh, you'll cry. And listen, we only have time to cry like once a week.

Speaker: I mean, if we need to, we'll carve it out once a day. We'll give ourselves that. But, you know, it's good for us. We got to get it out and then we just move on the next thing. um but But we do got things to do, right? We got people who need us and whatever. We also need laughter.

Speaker: We need moments where we can look at this life we're living and say, okay, that was objectively hilarious. You know, looking back, it may not have been funny in the moment, but it was it was funny. ah It could be funny five days after, right? Because laughter reminds us, friends, that even in the hard, there's still joy there.

Speaker: And we need joy, right? We need joy. So when I call this series Surviving the Holidays... And when I make jokes about things that happen in our family or just like society in general, when it comes to navigating this whole new normal that we are when we're raising autistic kids, I'm not making light of the hard parts of raising an autistic kid. I know that obviously you've listened to my podcast, especially the last four of them on healing. I know some of them, some of our days are really, really hard.

Speaker: I'm trying, what I'm trying to do in this series is shining and spotlighting on the fact that our lives are also so funny sometimes. I mean, they have to be. We can't live in a constant state of doom and gloom, right?

Speaker: So our new normal can be weird. Amen. It at times life is real weird and unexpected and completely different from what we pictured life to be. And sometimes yes, downright comical. um We can honor the hard without making everything heavy. We can advocate and accommodate and learn and grow and still laugh when our kid yells out at the Christmas Eve service. I gotta to go poop.

Speaker: Especially when it's the quiet part, you know? I mean, couldn't he have said it like when everybody was singing and it was really loud? But anyway, that's our life, right? So join me for the next couple of months as we make our way through the holidays together.

Speaker: We might cry once a week or a day, maybe. Apparently that's in the schedule. Now we need to put it on the visual schedule. Okay, Lyrical, cry and scream into a pillow about this time when the sensory overload becomes too much for both you and Graham. But we're also going to laugh. We're going laugh a lot, friend, okay?

Speaker: All right, let's do it. Let's survive the holidays while finding joy in Christ and being with the family he's given us. All right, cue the Christmas music.

Speaker: Here we go.

Speaker: So title of this section is apparently everything is different now. Have you ever sat back and really thought about the holiday season from the perspective of your autistic kid?

Speaker: Have you ever done that? Let me, let me see. Okay, friend, let's, let's take a time out. Let me see if I can paint the picture for you. What's for dinner? Different. What are we wearing?

Speaker: Different. Where are we going? Somewhere different. What time are we going? Different. Who is going to be there? People you haven't seen in 11 months. What time are we coming home? Excellent question. That is no answer for that one. What time are we going to bed? Well, see, ah that's different too. Is there school tomorrow? Maybe, maybe not. What's happening at school today? I couldn't tell you. ah Maybe a new dress, you're dressing up in something. I don't know. Is it a party? Maybe. I have no idea. What are we doing at church?

Speaker: Also not normally what we do every single Sunday at church. And then... We go into their house, the place, the autistic kid, that they're their place where everything is usually right on schedule, you know, we hope, right? Their, what I call the controlled environment, the place that's supposed to be predictable.

Speaker: And we go and start moving furniture. Where's that chair that normally sits there? He says, well, it's it's gone. We had to put it up to make room for the tree that's now there.

Speaker: Why is a living tree in our house now, Mom? Well, Christmas. you You want me to keep going? Why is there boxes wrapped in paper underneath that tree? Well, those are called presents. Can I open them? Absolutely not. When can I open them? In three weeks. Why did you put them there then, mom?

Speaker: That's a great question, son. Because, I mean, Christmas, maybe? That's all. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. He says. so Or we hope he says, right? This seems like a very reasonable system we've created, right?

Speaker: That's sarcasm, if you couldn't tell. And there's probably going to be a lot of that, FYI, in this podcast series in the next few months. And so just embrace it because, you know, like it is, it's a sarcastic season for, wait, who thought about this, right? This this does not seem logical. And somewhere in the middle of all that our autistic kid has the audacity to struggle, right? And we look at him and go, buddy, what's going on with you? This is supposed to be fun.

Speaker: The audacity, right? But friend, here's the crazy part. From his perspective, I think the adults have absolutely lost control of the operation.

Speaker: You know what I mean? And that is really what what made me want to do this series because I love the next 60 days. I always have because i I love Thanksgiving. I love Christmas. I love decorating. I love the music. I love the the silly traditions that I've been doing with my family for years. I love the gatherings. I love people. i love church at Christmas.

Speaker: And I'm not going lie to you. i I mean, I only do sweet potato casserole once a year and I will eat the whole container. I know it's not good, but I love it. I love the and anticipation leading up to it. I love all of it.

Speaker: But I started realizing... That the very reason those things are special to me is because we don't normally do them. That's what makes them special. We eat different food. We see different people. We listen to different music. We decorate our homes differently. We wear different clothes. We go to different places. We change schedules. We we wake up later.

Speaker: We stay up later. We break from the ordinary. And for me, different can feel exciting. But for an autistic individual who relies heavily on predictability, different can be expensive.

Speaker: Lots of emotional sensory currency to give. And I think that that is helpful for us to remember. Expensive currency. Different isn't necessarily bad. Different isn't something we should always avoid. But different can cost more.

Speaker: More energy, more processing, more regulation, more flexibility, more communication, more recovery. That is something I've learned with my gram. Something can be good and still be hard.

Speaker: It can be fun and still be overwhelming. It can require... support and still be worth doing. And something can be one of my favorite traditions in the entire world and mean absolutely nothing to my kid.

Speaker: That last one kind of, it kind of does hurt a little, right? Because apparently when my children were not born with a contractual obligation to be sentimental about all the things I'm sentimental about,

Speaker: ah rude right that suddenly they just weren't born with going oh mom loves to go around the table at thanksgiving and say what we're thankful for and they don't like it i'm just giving an example my kids actually do like that but there's some some sentimental things they don't like to do that i love so here's my point number one friends sometimes i'm the issue I'm just, I'm being honest here. I think we all, get sometimes I'm the problem, right?

Speaker: I'm it. Let's go ahead and name it. The holidays create legitimate challenges for special needs families. There are sensory challenges, schedule changes, social expectations, food differences, travel, not travel, crowds, noise, traditions, all of that is real. But I've realized that sometimes one of the hardest things i bring into the holiday season isn't Graham's autism. It's or the the challenges that he has around all the changes or the difference that comes with the holidays one of those aren't the hardest things the hardest thing is my expectations because before the thing i ever happens whatever thing it is i have pictured the thing

Speaker: You know what I mean? I already had the version in my head. i have pictured Thanksgiving dinner. I have pictured decorating the Christmas tree and all the family blah, blah, blah, blah. It goes to all the family perfectness that goes along with that. I have pictured Christmas morning going a certain way. I have pictured the church service and and we all sitting on the same row so neat and tidy with our hands folded on our laps singing together and I have pictured the family gathering where aunts and uncles and grandparents all just having this lovely Southern living. That's a magazine for all you Gen Zers gathered around. i have pictured the photographs, the Christmas pictures that we're going to live forever in our memories and on our walls that are so picture perfect.

Speaker: I have pictured how my kids are going to react so angelically to everything I spent money on and purchased for them. I have pictured the memories we're going to make.

Speaker: And then my actual family shows up. Right? The one I live with daily. They show up as themselves.

Speaker: I mean, how dare they not be the Hallmark movie family I pictured in my head.

Speaker: or the or the Instagram perfect family that is posted all over during the holidays. And suddenly there's a tension between the family i actually have and the experience I've created in my head.

Speaker: That's when I have to ask myself the question that I really don't enjoy asking. Lara, is this actually important? Or is it just how you pictured it? but Because those are not those aren't the same thing. And I actually think that might be one of the questions that carries us through this entire series.

Speaker: Is this necessary? Whatever this thing is, right? Or is it just how I pictured it?

Speaker: Because some things are necessary. Safety matters. Character matters. Kindness and discipleship. Learning. Sometimes flexibility has to be learned, right? Sometimes we have to do things we don't prefer. Autistic kids are still kids who need to grow and learn, mature and be discipled.

Speaker: And I'm not interested in creating a world for Graham where he never experiences discomfort. First of all, I can't. But second, I don't think that would actually serve him well if it didn't stretch him from time to time.

Speaker: But there are also things i can turn into battles that have absolutely nothing to do with growth and everything to do with the picture, the perfect picture I had in my head.

Speaker: He has to wear this because it's what I bought for him for the picture. Or he has to sit here because this is what where everybody sits for dinner. Or he has to hug every person before we can leave. Or he has to eat this food because that's what we eat on Thanksgiving.

Speaker: He has to stay until the end because everybody else is staying. He has to participate in this tradition because that's what we always do. Friend, but but does he? Does he?

Speaker: Does your kid? do it Is it necessary? Maybe sometimes the answer is yes, but maybe there's a legitimate reason that it we can say that it no, this is not necessary. But I want to get better at stopping long enough to ask why.

Speaker: Right? I want to get better at stopping long enough to ask, is this necessary? Or is it just how I pictured it? And sometimes the answer is going to be, nope. Nope. No, this does not matter. Abort mission. Abort. Mayday.

Speaker: Right? Here's the ultimate truth, friends. Jesus is still Lord. Amen and amen and amen to that truth. Jesus is still Lord no matter if this is picture perfect.

Speaker: that's so That's so good. Here's my point number two. Adaptation is an avoidance. Okay? I also want to establish something at the very beginning of this series because I think we can fall into two extremes.

Speaker: when we talk about our autistic kids and the holidays. One extreme says he needs to learn to deal with it. That's one extreme. No accommodations, no changes, no adjustments. Everybody else is doing it this way, so you need to do it this way too. And then there's the second extreme. This might be hard for him, so we're just not going to do it.

Speaker: Right? You see those two extremes? And I don't think either one of us gives us a helpful framework. I don't want to force Graham through every holiday experience exactly the way everyone else experiences it.

Speaker: But I also don't want autism and the challenges that comes with to automatically be the reason we never try anything. Here's what I want to learn to ask better questions.

Speaker: To ask a better question. Here's the first one. What would make participation possible? Maybe we prepare ahead of time. Maybe we show him pictures on a visual scale. Maybe we practice. Maybe we stay for an hour instead of four hours. Maybe we bring familiar food.

Speaker: He can wear clothes that he can tolerate instead of clothes he doesn't want to wear. We bring headphones. We take two cars so that one of us can leave, one of us can stay. What what if we build recovery time into the next day or the next few hours after said thing?

Speaker: Maybe we try something this year we couldn't try last year. Or maybe we try something and discover, yeah, not not not this year. Maybe next year Okay, so we learned something, right?

Speaker: We learned something because accessibility does not necessarily mean removing every hard thing. Sometimes accessibility means giving someone what they need so that they can engage with a hard thing successfully.

Speaker: And I want you to memorize the definition of accommodations right now. Write it down. Pause this episode right after I say this definition and write it down. Put it on your bathroom mirror or somewhere to remind yourself what the definition of accommodation is. Here it is. you ready?

Speaker: Accommodations is intentional adjustments for the purpose of disciple making. Accommodations is the intentional adjustments for the purpose of disciple making.

Speaker: intentional, intentional adjustments for the purpose of disciple making. And I think there's a big difference between accommodation and avoidance. Okay. We're trying to make intentional adjustments for the purpose of making disciples and, and meaningful participation.

Speaker: Sometimes we're accommodating so that our kid can participate or others were preparing so that our kid can grow and be stretched in a certain area to learn, right? And sometimes we just need to go home, friends. And that's that's okay. Wisdom is knowing the difference between staying too long and just going home.

Speaker: Okay? we're gonna That's what this series going about. so So hang on tight. We'll get to that in a further episode. So point number three. You ready for this? Parents also get dysregulated.

Speaker: Right? Somebody said amen. Parents also get dysregulated. And listen, I would like to formally submit another member of the family for consideration.

Speaker: Me. Because somehow we talk about autistic kids becoming dysregulated during the holidays as though adults are walking around in a state of perfect neurological serenity. We are not.

Speaker: Let me name this. We are not. I'm tired. I've spent money. I've wrapped things. I've forgotten something. I'm late. Somebody needs shoes or pants. Somebody else can't find the thing i specifically told them to put by the door before we left. I'm trying to remember what we're supposed to bring.

Speaker: I'm answering all the texts. I'm checking the time. I'm thinking about tomorrow or next week. I'm wondering if I remember to order something or If I need to order 17 Amazon things, thank you Amazon Prime to be on my porch. And I i no longer know what any of them is anyway when they get there. So, and then my my kids start struggling.

Speaker: And sometimes my internal response is, could you please regulate yourself? Because I'm hanging on by a thread here. Wow, Lara, excellent parenting, like very calm, very emotionally mature, right? That's my inner dialogue with myself. And sometimes I think we need to recognize that we're not having an autism challenge related problem. We're having a family capacity problem.

Speaker: Everybody's done. Everybody's tired. Everybody's hungry. Everybody's been around people for too long that have stretched us right. Everybody's had way too many transitions.

Speaker: Everybody just needs to go home and go to bed, probably go to sleep, be in our controlled environment for a little bit. And the autistic individual may simply be the first person whose body is honest about it.

Speaker: My gram sometimes is the first person who lets us know, okay, enough, enough already, enough. Everybody else is just faking it, right? Everybody else is just hanging on by a thread, like I said, but he's the first to be honest about it. And I think that's what he's causing me to learn about myself is, is, you know what?

Speaker: Leaving the party early is his body's way of the first one to say, that's a lot. and And friend, that's worth paying attention to. Okay? And we're going to do that. That's what we're talking about. Point number five. Here we go.

Speaker: What has this day already cost him? What is this day or this event or this whatever it is that you're going to or not going to or participating in or the tradition or whatever? What does it cost your autistic kid?

Speaker: I've also learned that by the time I see the big behavior, I may already be late. I tend to notice dysregulation when it becomes inconvenient. That's what usually what happens for our family. We tend to notice dysregulation when it already is inconvenient for us. When somebody cries or is yelling or refuses or is um um runs, right?

Speaker: Or melts down, shuts down. Whatever it looks like, right? But the nervous system probably didn't go from a perfectly fine line to catastrophe because I asked him to put on his shoes.

Speaker: There may have been noise, lights, waiting, a transition that didn't you know we didn't prepare him for, unfamiliar people in his face. Another transition after that, then he's probably hungry. Somebody touched him. The tag is touching him on his clothes. The plan changed.

Speaker: Something didn't happen as expected or another demand is put on him and then another and then another. All these invisible expectations that we put on them that is somehow just related to the holidays, right?

Speaker: Then I ask him to put on his shoes and he loses it, right? And I say he had a meltdown because I asked him to put on his shoes. Well, maybe, but probably not. Maybe the shoes were the demand 47 in the list of items that he had to endure and and and navigate. The shoes simply had the unfortunate distinction of arriving at the end.

Speaker: Poor shoes, like they never stood a chance, right? Some of the things I want to get better at during the holidays is noticing sooner. Instead of just asking, what caused this meltdown here?

Speaker: I want to ask, what has the day already cost him? What is this event, tradition, or whatever thing? What cost him? Because capacity changes and your child may be may be capable of doing something. That doesn't mean they are capable of doing it today.

Speaker: In this environment, after this much stimulation, with this little sleep, after three traditions, while hungry, surrounded by people wearing clothes that feel weird, with music playing in the background while Aunt Susan keeps asking him dozens of questions.

Speaker: And adults are the same way. There are things I'm completely capable of doing at 10 o'clock in the morning that becomes absolutely impossible at 947 at night. Can we just be completely honest about that?

Speaker: Do not ask me to make a decision at 947 at night. I have no more decisions. We have closed that department for the evening. The browser tab is done. It isn't open. Try again tomorrow, right?

Speaker: Capacity matters, friend. And I think one of the mistakes I make as a parent is saying, well... You know he did this before. I know he can do it. Yeah, he probably can. But ability and capacity are not always the same thing. And the holidays have a remarkable ability to consume capacity before noon.

Speaker: It is true if you stop and think about it. Okay, point number six. We're not creating a bubble. Okay, I'll explain. Now, i don't want you here I don't want you to hear all of this and think the Roberts family is about to cancel Christmas, right? We're we're not. Although, I'm not going to lie to you. In year like one or two after Graham guys got the diagnosis and we started learning, right? I i absolutely...

Speaker: I absolutely wanted to cancel all things holiday. But anyway, listen, our kids need experiences. They need tradition. they They do. They need the relationships with people that we don't see often. They need opportunities to grow and learn flexibility. And trust me, they do learn flexibility, right? During this time.

Speaker: They need to participate in family life. And sometimes the only way you learn how to navigate something is by actually navigating it. Like actually doing it. So we're going to try things. We're going to go places. We're going to participate. And we're going to be stretched. All of us. Our whole family.

Speaker: We're going to have a season of learning. But I don't want to confuse stretching with breaking. Okay? Think about that. They're not the same thing. and And that is where I think wisdom comes in.

Speaker: Here's some questions we're going to start asking this holiday season. Are you with me? Ask these questions with me. What is a productive challenge?

Speaker: What is a productive challenge? What is an unnecessary demand that we're placing on our autistic kids? What helps my autistic kid grow? What am I simply requiring because everybody else is doing it?

Speaker: What does participation need to look like for my autistic kid in the season with the capacity he or she has right now? Five questions. Those are observation questions that help us understand how to make a good decision around the holidays. I don't always know the answer to each of them. That's why I'm doing this series because I'm learning to too. Okay. but we're going to ask those five questions together.

Speaker: And here's my final point, friends, in this introductory episode of Surviving the Holidays. We're going to laugh. Again, back to the end. We're going laugh. Now, let me establish one more thing before we go any further. Rather, reiterate what I said at the top of the episode. We're going to laugh and laugh a lot because we got to. Because some of this stuff is really hard and some of this stuff is just, it's just hilarious when you think back and just sit and think about the logic of it all.

Speaker: But both things can be true. it can be hard and it and and we can have joy. I can take Graham's autistic challenges and sensory overload seriously without taking every moment of our lives seriously.

Speaker: Right? I can take the challenges that he comes up against seriously, but i don't have take everything that happens in our life seriously. And, you know if if you know, if you've ever watched Winnie the Pooh, I'm referring to Eeyore, right? Eeyore, always sad and always monotone and everything's horrible. I'm not the dish on Eeyore, but that's what it can be like sometimes. I can respect my son's challenges and his dignity as a person and still admit that living with a human, living with our family is funny. Right?

Speaker: All of our family dynamics is funny, right? Including me, especially me. I am, I'm learning more and more about myself as I, um, as I learn every day about who I am, how God's wired me. And some of the things I do is, you just gotta to laugh, right? This is not going to be a series where we laugh at autistic people.

Speaker: Let me be clear about that. We are not laughing at. We are going to laugh at situations of society being absolutely insane and how we have conjured up all these crazy things around the holidays. We're going to laugh at ourselves as parents. We're going to laugh at our expectations. Like, what? what why Why is that a thing, right?

Speaker: We're going to laugh at the absurdity that sometimes happens when when logic collides with social convention. Right? Because it does a lot. Sometimes our autistic kids, here's the thing that's made me absolutely, like as I'm thinking about this series, sometimes our autistic kids have the remarkable ability to look at something all of us have collectively agreed as normal and essentially ask, but why?

Speaker: Why, people? And occasionally the answer is, buddy, you know? Yeah, you you brought up a good point. I have no idea why we do this. We just do. And it makes no sense whatsoever.

Speaker: We put a tree inside our house. We hang socks over the fireplace. We hide parents underneath the tree and tell them... Not parents, wait. if We hide presents underneath the tree and tell you not to touch them.

Speaker: We move an elf, an elf around the house while everyone is sleeping. We don't do that. But if you do if you if you decide that is your thing, do it. Do it. Have fun, right? We stand in line to sit on the lap of a stranger while...

Speaker: while he's wearing a red suit. We make children dress like farm animals and stand on a church stage while somebody else's child screams into a microphone. And then we're surprised when an autistic kid is like, nope, no thanks.

Speaker: All good. Nope, not for me. Fair. Fair. So yes, we're going to laugh. Sometimes because it's funny. Sometimes because parenting is absolutely humbling, friend. It is humbling.

Speaker: And sometimes because the alternative is staring blankly into the distance until January. So I vote humor it is. And most of all, it's because as Christ followers, we have joy that is not dependent on whether the day went according to plan.

Speaker: Our joy isn't found in a perfect Christmas morning, the successful family gathering, the matching po um pajamas, the picture where everybody is looking at the camera, or whether our child handled the change as well as we hoped they would.

Speaker: Our joy is in Christ. And that means even when things are genuinely hard, joy is still available to us. not Not fake joy, not a fake smile, not pretending something wasn't difficult, not slapping a Bible verse over exhaustion and calling it good.

Speaker: Real joy that can sit right there beside the heart. So we cry when we need to cry and we acknowledge something didn't go well and we we do grieve the things that we wish were different and then sometimes we can look at each other and say, well, that was a disaster.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. And laugh until we can't breathe and our stomach hurts at the the logic behind said thing. Because the heart does not get to have the final word over our homes this holiday season.

Speaker: Jesus does. We're going to be thankful at Thanksgiving. We're going to praise God for the incarnation at Christmas. And there is so much joy in both. Now, here's the thing, friend. i I really do want more than survival. Even though I've titled the pilot this the series Surviving the Holidays, I actually want more for our families than just mere survival. I don't want to spend the next two months white-knuckling it until routine returns in January I want Graham to enjoy things. I want our family to enjoy things together. I want us to make memories and to love people. I want us to worship together. I want us to practice generosity. I want my kids to experience anticipation and celebration. I want them to understand gratitude.

Speaker: And I want them to know why we celebrate Christmas. I want to celebrate the incarnation of Jesus who put on human flesh and dwelt among us. I want to pause during the season and reflect gospel truth and be thankful for what he's given us.

Speaker: I just don't think the purpose of the holidays is to make our family look like everybody else's family. and And there's freedom that I'm learning in that. Participation doesn't mean imitation.

Speaker: Graham doesn't have to experience something exactly the way I experienced it for us to experience it together. I don't have to choose between protecting him from everything and forcing him through everything.

Speaker: There's a whole lot of wise parenting available between those two extremes. That's where I want to live. So October 31st through December 31st or January, or whatever day of school finally starts back, we're going there, right?

Speaker: I'm going to tell you what has worked for us. I'm going to tell you what has absolutely not worked for us. I'll tell you stories. I'll walk through some weird situations. Autistic families have found themselves navigating this season that have told me about. We're going to talk about preparation and accommodations and expectations, sensory loads and family gatherings, the food, the church services, Christmas programs, traditions and all that. The things that somehow get crammed into approximately eight weeks, two and a half months, right?

Speaker: And underneath it all, I want us to keep asking one question. Is this necessary? Meaning is this thing that we're stressing over, tradition or event or whatever it is necessary? Or is it just how I pictured it?

Speaker: because I'm on the same mission, friend. I want to learn how Graham learns best for the sake of the gospel. And this is a great season to incorporate amazing gospel truths into our assignment of raising autistic disciples.

Speaker: And part of learning him, or learning your autistic kid, means learning what helps them participate in the life of our family, the one our family's actually living, not creating a completely separate life for him.

Speaker: Not pretending autism isn't part of our life, not but learning him, preparing him, supporting him, stretching him when appropriate, changing expectations when appropriate, and discipling him through it all.

Speaker: Welcome to the series, Survivaling the Holidays. May the Lord be with you, friend, and also with your autistic kid and your family's routine, because it's about to be shaken up.

Speaker: The next episode, October 31st. I'll see you there. Outro music, please. hit it. Hey there friends. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. I was asked a question the other day by a friend and she asked, Hey, is it cost a lot to be on social media? Which I replied with a resounding yes. Yes, it does. Things like this podcast and other areas of social media and email lists and all the things it does cost. So here I am unashamedly putting a plug in for you asking you, would you please hit that subscribe button to follow. Would you please leave a rating or review on this podcast if you enjoyed it? Hey, would you also jump over on Amazon? I got a few books over there, How to Advocate and Stay Christian and the three volumes of Letter to Lindsay. Man, it would be i'd I'd really appreciate it if you grabbed one of those and hey, give it to a friend. But most importantly, friend, thanks for spending your time listening to this podcast and just spending a part of your day with me.

Speaker: Keep learning how your autistic kid learns best for the sake of the gospel. Keep opening your Bible so that you're a disciple before you can raise an autistic disciple. And of course, keep sharing the gospel both to yourself and to those around you.

Speaker: I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you. To God be the glory. He's doing great things for his glory and our good.