Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. My name is Lara Roberts and I'm on a mission to learn how my autistic son Graham learns best for the sake of the gospel. This is episode two of a four part series on autism and healing. And if you haven't listened to episode one, I'd highly encourage you to go back and start there because I spent that episode establishing where I've landed theologically. So The short version is this, I believe God is sovereign and good. I believe God can heal, but I am more theologically certain about the Great Commission than I am about whether God intends to heal Graham's autism on this side of eternity.
Speaker: And I gave you this little sentence that has become really important to me. God gets the outcome, i get the assignment of raising an autistic designer. But that raises another question. If I really believe I don't know what God intends to do with my Gram's autism, like if if I believe he doesn't intend or I don't know if he intends to heal Gram's autism, then what do I pray for?
Speaker: Like, what does that consist of? Do I just stop asking God to change things? Nope. That's a big note, friend. Friend, I i ask God for a lot. Okay. And actually trusting God's sovereignty has not made me pray less. If anything, it has taught me how to pray more honestly.
Speaker: And I can tell God exactly what I want. I can ask him boldly. I can work faithfully toward those things. And I don't have to turn any of those requests into promises God never made me. And there's a passage that has helped me with this. 2 Corinthians 12. I encourage you to go read it. Paul tells us about what he calls a thorn in the flesh.
Speaker: Scripture doesn't tell us exactly what it was. And I'm not interested in diagnosing Paul. That's above my pay grade, right? But what matters for this conversation is what Paul did with something he wanted changed.
Speaker: and he asked for it. Okay. Actually, he pleaded three times with the Lord. It says concerning this, I plead with the Lord three times that it would leave me. I need that, friends. It's helpful for my theology because Paul didn't say this. Well, God is sovereign. So I guess I just shouldn't ask.
Speaker: No, he asked God to take it away. So trusting God with the outcome does not mean I stop asking him for an outcome. Last episode in Daniel 3, it gave us language for trusting God with the outcome. He is able.
Speaker: God is able. Even if he doesn't. Even if he doesn't. Paul gives me the same language for what to do when I don't know the outcome. You ask.
Speaker: Ask God. Ask God with what you desire. Ask him to change something. Ask him to provide something. Ask him to grow something. Ask specifically and ask boldly.
Speaker: Now, God's answer to Paul was not removal. God told him, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness. And we're going to come back to that idea and that that bold and that promise later in this series, because there is an entire conversation to have about what happens when we ask, specifically autism and healing conversation, and when things don't change.
Speaker: But today I want to stay right here. Am I allowed to ask?
Speaker: So, no, I don't spend most of my prayer life saying, God, make Graham not autistic. But please don't hear me saying either that I pray, God, leave Graham exactly where he is. I don't pray that for any of my children, actually. I want my children to grow.
Speaker: And above everything else, I want them to grow toward Christ. So what do I ask God to do in my autistic son's life? Oh, friends, a lot, a whole lot.
Speaker: So let's jump in. I'll tell you what I pray for. First and foremost, I pray for salvation. If you asked me to rank everything I pray for my autistic son, number one is not communication. It isn't reading. It isn't independence. It isn't behavior.
Speaker: It isn't even that life would become easier for him. It is Jesus. Save my son.
Speaker: Would you save my son?
Speaker: Because the greatest miracle I could ever witness in my autistic kid's life would not be watching an autistic child become non-autistic. It would be watching a spiritually dead sinner be made alive in Christ.
Speaker: Ephesians 2 says we were dead in our trespasses and sins. And then come two of my favorite words in scripture, but God. God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ. Those of us who have placed our faith in Christ for salvation, that is the miracle I pray for my autistic son.
Speaker: And that is the miracle my son needs to be saved of his sins and made alive in Christ. And so, so do And so do you.
Speaker: Autism doesn't change my son's deepest spiritual need. His deepest spiritual need is Jesus. And that prayer shapes how I think about every other prayer I pray for him. Because the ultimate destination i am praying toward is not him being typical or even him being healed. It's him being like Christ.
Speaker: Romans 8 29 says God's people are being conformed to the image of his son. So here's one of my convictions. The goal of the Christian life isn't to become more typical. The goal of the Christian life is to become more like Christ. And those two things typical and Christ like are not the same thing. Okay.
Speaker: The second thing I pray for is communication. I pray for Graham's communication all the time. I pray for it since he was two years old up until now when he's 10. I want him to increasingly be able to tell me I'm scared. I don't understand. That hurts. I need help.
Speaker: I need a break. I disagree. I have a question. Those are all things I want him with whatever way communication surfaces or evolves. I want him to be able to advocate for himself. I want him to build relationships. And yes, I want him increasingly able to communicate what he believes in his learning about Jesus.
Speaker: Again, let me be clear. Communication does not mean to have speech. Speech is not a prerequisite for dignity, personhood, discipleship, or knowing God. There are autistic people who communicate through AAC devices, sign language, gestures, and other means. But I know communication is an area where growth is possible for my gram.
Speaker: So I do ask God for growth in that area. And when that happens, praise God. I don't have to look at every new skill Graham does and say, oh look, he's becoming less autistic.
Speaker: I can simply simply say, look what God is allowing him to learn in this season. Look how God is growing him. You know, it does it doesn't have to be this miraculous. Oh, he lost that autistic thing today. No, friend, he's just growing. God is is producing in him growth. And I praise God for that. One little thing at a time, right? One growth at a time. And and we credit that to the Lord. And we ask him as parents to help us disciple and it grow in practical areas of life too.
Speaker: And then we praise God for it. But not every celebration of progress has to be, oh, he's becoming less autistic. anyway okay another thing i pray for is reading it's practical but that's that's one thing in this season i pray i pray for grandpa to become a strong reader for very specific reason i want him to read the word of god for himself i love teaching him scripture as his mom i love explaining it to think him things so does colin but i don't want his access to god's word always to be dependent on his mother
Speaker: I want Graham to open his Bible someday and wrestle with passages without me. I want him to notice something I missed. I want him to ask hard questions of me. I would absolutely love for him to correct my theology someday and make me go, well, hang on. Let me look that up. Buddy, you got a great point there.
Speaker: I want God's word to outlive my voice in his life.
Speaker: Now, does that mean someone has to independently read in order to know Jesus? Absolutely not. Faith comes by hearing. God is not limited by literacy. But because reading is an ability I now see stirring and developing in Graham, that I'm going to pray for it.
Speaker: But I've also asked people, just to be honest with you, also asked teachers and fellow people that I look to for questions is, if that's not something, help me pray to that end of relinquishing that, right?
Speaker: So that's okay too. For him, reading may be another avenue, right? For which he knows God. And and and so I'm just praying in this season, Lord, if he's a reader, would you make him a reader? But if it's something that I'm praying for and that not in his developmental... sphere, then help me relinquish that to you. And and again, that's something I'm wrestling with, right?
Speaker: Another thing I pray for is regulation. I pray for self-regulation. Regulation. But I've had to examine what I mean when I pray that, friends. Because the prayer, Lord, help him regulate, can very easily become, to a Christian parent, language for, Lord, please make his every behavior more convenient for everybody around him, including me.
Speaker: And that's not, I've got to be careful with that, that prayer. I'm not asking God to make Graham really good at hiding what's happening inside his body for everybody else's comfort.
Speaker: I'm praying that my autistic son increasingly understands himself and his, his brain and his body in a way that he learns and navigates the world around him.
Speaker: Not for everybody else's comfort. I want him to to understand and and to help ask, what overwhelms me? What does my body need? what When do I need a break? What helps me stay calm? How do I communicate that? how do How do I safely navigate an environment that is becoming way too much for me? Those are all things I am praying for Graham to to help understand and and ask to help regulate, right? And this matters for discipleship.
Speaker: Because neurological dysregulation and sinful lack of self-control are not automatically the same thing. One more time. One more time. Because this matters for discipleship. Neurological dysregulation.
Speaker: Okay, over here. And a simple lack of self-control are not automatically the same thing. Sometimes Graham is overwhelmed. Sometimes he's exhausted. Sometimes something is sensory.
Speaker: Sometimes something is a communication breakdown. And sometimes Graham just sins because he is sinful individual on this side of eternity.
Speaker: Just like his mother is, right? Those categories can overlap, but they are not interchangeable. So part of my prayer isn't simply God help grant to regulate. It is God give me wisdom to know what I'm looking at.
Speaker: Because I don't want to morally condemn a neurological limitation. But I also don't want to decide that because my child is autistic, he never sins or needs to be lovingly addressed.
Speaker: Discipleship requires me to learn the difference.
Speaker: And the Holy Spirit helps us on this endeavor. And a great segue into the next thing I pray for is, deep breath everybody, patience.
Speaker: I pray for Graham's patience. And I pray for my patience. Probably mine first. I say all the time in the the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13.
Speaker: Love is patient first for a reason. And there's truth in that statement. It's first for a reason. I pray Graham learns to wait. I pray he learns to persevere, to tolerate disappointment, to keep going when something is hard.
Speaker: Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. Endurance matters in this Christian life. But again, sometimes waiting is spiritual a spiritual formation issue, a discipleship issue. And sometimes waiting is an executive functioning challenge.
Speaker: Sometimes it's both. Which means I need to know my child. I need to be a student of my kid. You can't disciple a theoretical kid. You have to disciple the one standing in front of you.
Speaker: You have to know your kid in order to disciple them. That's why... My mission is to learn how my autistic son learns best for the sake of the gospel. Because I have to disciple the kid that is standing in front of me. Not just a theoretical person that is like in the ether of these things I read about or I see on social media. No, my kid is distinct.
Speaker: I've got to learn him in order to disciple how he learns best.
Speaker: Let me say it another way, okay? You cannot disciple the kid you wish you had. expected to have, hope they might become someday, you have to disciple the one in front of you, the one, the assignment of disciple and the kid God has given you on this side of eternity.
Speaker: That is your assignment. That's why I'm learning about autism. That's why I research things. I'm not studying Graham so I can excuse everything he does. I'm learning how he learns best for the sake of the gospel so I can disciple him as a person, as an image bearer, the way he learns.
Speaker: Lastly, in this season of life, and this one will be in every season, just like praying for salvation until Graham places his faith in Christ, I pray for self-advocacy. I pray that Graham learns how to advocate for himself.
Speaker: Right now, I do a lot of that for him. I explain, I prepare, I notice, I anticipate, I help others understand what he needs, but I all won't always be standing beside him.
Speaker: So I want him to increasingly know how to say, hey, I need help. I need more time. I don't understand. That's too loud. Please explain that differently or I need a break.
Speaker: And yes, I pray that he uses the word no appropriately, kindly, and boldly. I want gra Graham to understand that word too. I want him to understand boundaries. I want him to understand his dignity. I want him to understand his value and worth.
Speaker: I want him to understand and know himself well enough to communicate what he needs. I'm not praying that his voice becomes more like his peers around him. I'm praying that his voice becomes increasingly his. And saying that word know is a part of that. Again, both kindly and boldly.
Speaker: And so friends, i listen, I pray for so much more than just this list that I've told you. I, let me just spout off a few. I pray for friendships, real ones, not charity friendships that are just friends just because Graham's autistic. No, like I'm not praying for someone just to tolerate him. People who, I want i want people who know him, love him and notice him when he's missing.
Speaker: I pray for courage, wisdom, protection, independence, where independence is possible and good, meaningful work for him to do with his hands, right? I pray God reveals Graham's gifts to him. I pray the church recognizes those gifts. I pray Graham understands that he isn't merely a recipient of ministry.
Speaker: When Graham places his faith in Christ, that I pray that he understands he's a part of the body of Christ, that he has something to contribute. And ultimately...
Speaker: praying again i'm praying for the day that graham places his faith in christ and then i'm jeez louise i pray that graham becomes a disciple who makes disciples gosh that's what a dream what what it's not even a dream it's i'm i'm asking the lord oh god would you save my son so that he can make other disciples
Speaker: not simply praying that the church successfully includes Graham in somebody else's discipleship program. I want to watch my autistic disciple make another disciple.
Speaker: Now we're talking about the Great Commission.
Speaker: If I could see that in my lifetime, praise be to God. Would you save my son? Would you help him to make other disciples who make disciples? Praise be to God.
Speaker: I believe it. I believe it to my core.
Speaker: Okay, here's where this gets really hard for me in real life. Because I can sit here and tell you all the things I pray for Graham. But what happens in my heart when I really, really want one of those things for him.
Speaker: And I don't know whether it's going to happen or not. This came up in real life just last week when we had Graham's parent-teacher conference. And while I was sitting there, i saw a dear friend of mine who is um who is professionally an exceptional children teacher with years of experience.
Speaker: She works in in the SPED classrooms. Then just a couple of nights later, a mentor of mine, who is also a longtime educator in the same field, was sitting in my living room, which is awesome that the Lord has given me all these people. And and that's how faithful the Lord is to to do that, to surround you with a village of people who have professions and can speak into your life. But I found myself asking both of them basically the same question.
Speaker: And here it is. I said, You both know this weird tension special needs parents live in. It's a mixture of grief grief and hope.
Speaker: So what I'm asking you to help me understand is this. How do I know if Graham reading just isn't in the cards for him developmentally? Okay, remember in this episode, I told you that one of the things I'm praying for him is reading, but I know my kid.
Speaker: I don't know if that's certain, if that's certainly going to happen on this side of eternity. And I'm holding those two in tension. And I immediately, in this conversation with both of them, I immediately wanted to to qualify it.
Speaker: you know what You know what I mean? Like I wanted to qualify it. Because I wasn't saying, tell me when to give up on him. I was not saying that. I will not give up hope. Just like some of you listening to that. You may not, after listening to the series, give up hope of praying for healing for your autistic kid. And that's, that is your conviction. I'm not going to give up hope that he will read on the side of eternity.
Speaker: I'm going to keep teaching him. I'm going to keep giving him opportunities. I'm going to keep asking God. I'm going to keep believing Graham may surprise every single one of us and just open up a book one day and just spout off words, right?
Speaker: What I really was asking them was this. You ready? Help me know how to hold hope without turning my hope into an expectation on my autistic kid that he may not be able to fulfill on this side of eternity.
Speaker: Because those are different things. And that that tension, I think, is a lot is' where a lot of a special needs parents need to understand. I can pray, God, please help my son read.
Speaker: I can work toward that. I can get him support. I can celebrate every letter and every sound and every word and every bit of progress. And at the same time, I have to hold hold the outcome with open hands.
Speaker: Because I don't know. He may not read. Maybe Graham will become a strong reader. Maybe reading will always be incredibly difficult for him. Maybe God will answer that prayer differently than I ever pictured it today.
Speaker: Hope does not require me to predict an outcome. So I'm learning that I can ask God boldly for Graham's future without demanding that Graham's future look like the way I pictured it.
Speaker: And maybe that's one of the hardest prayers for us as a special needs parent to pray. God, this is what I would like for my kid. I'm going to ask you for it boldly because you tell me to approach your throne boldly and ask.
Speaker: I'm going to work faithfully with the tools and the resources and the people to help that you've given me. And then I'm going to trust you with what I cannot control.
Speaker: That's where I'm going to learn to live, friends. Ask boldly, work faithfully, hope deeply, and hold the outcome with open hands. I don't have to pretend i don't want things for my son in order to trust God with my son.
Speaker: So, what do I pray? If I could boil down this episode down to one prayer for my autistic kid, maybe it's this. Jesus, save my son.
Speaker: God, help him to grow. Give him wisdom. Give him words. Give him communication. How, whichever way he communicates, help him understand himself so that he's able to advocate and communicate.
Speaker: Lord, if if he if you if it's in your will, would you help him read? Give him friends. Give him courage. Help him advocate for himself. Protect him, Lord, from this world who doesn't understand how his the the wiring of his brain and how he navigates things. Show him the gifts that you've given him. Give him opportunities to use them, to to help others know you. Give him a church that recognizes those gifts.
Speaker: Help him know your word. Help him love your people. And help him obey you, Lord. And above else all else, Jesus, make my son more like you and make me more like you as I disciple him.
Speaker: Notice how my prayer did not say, make him, Lord, less autistic. Lord, make him more like Christ.
Speaker: And if I'm going to pray that for my gram, for my autistic image bearer, I need that to pray that for myself too. Because while I'm asking God to grow my kid, God, would you grow his mom too?
Speaker: While I'm praying for Graham's patience, God, would you, what God, would you grow mine? Would you give me patience too? While I'm praying for, for his communication, God, and God is teaching me to listen.
Speaker: While I'm asking God to help him understand scripture, help my autistic kid understand scripture, God is teaching me to dive deeper into scripture because shallow answers aren't going to be enough for my autistic kid.
Speaker: I've got to be a disciple of Christ before I can raise an autistic disciple who knows and loves God forever. This must be buried in my heart first.
Speaker: So while I'm asking God to disciple my autistic son to help me disciple him, God is growing me. So here's what I want you to do this week. Don't just ask yourself, do I pray for my child's healing?
Speaker: I think there's there's a little bit of a better question. What am I asking God to do in my child's life? Get specific. What are you praying for? Salvation.
Speaker: I hope you're praying for salvation for your autistic kid. Communication, understanding, wisdom, courage, friendships, regulation, self-advocacy, a love for scripture, opportunities to serve in the church, greater independence. Write them down, friend.
Speaker: Pray for them. Ask boldly for them. And then leave room for God to answer however God's will is. Because sometimes he removes the thing And sometimes he says, my grace is sufficient for you.
Speaker: Both require me to trust him. And then one more question. Here it is. What am I asking God to grow in me? Because I'm on a mission to learn how my autistic son learns best for the sake of the gospel. While I'm learning how to disciple Graham, God has every intention of discipling me too.
Speaker: Because you can't raise an autistic disciple without first being ah a disciple yourself. So I'm going to keep on praying. I'm going to keep asking. I'm going to keep trusting. And I'm going to keep discipling the autistic son God has given me today.
Speaker: Next episode, we're going there. Yeah. We're talking about these videos, these reels, the testimonies that you've seen of a family saying our child was healed of autism. What do you what do you do but what do you do with your mind and heart after watching those?
Speaker: What exactly are we looking at? That's what we have to ask. What am I looking at in this one minute video? What might have changed that I, that's not in this one minute? What would do I don't know, right? What might've changed? What can I affirm?
Speaker: This family story, what can I affirm, right? What can we conclude, right? And how do I respond without either dismissing this family's testimony or turning their testimony into a promise for our family?
Speaker: We'll talk about it in part three. See you there.
