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With a Name Like Smunt
38 Plays3 years ago
The Jelly Jury - a chimp on a dolphin
Full Moon Podcast for Werewolves - he’s always looking at his hands
NFT (New Football Team) - “living fossil” Scottie Pippen
Best Buy Date - they all spin down here
Trouble with Phil - attention everyone: I am not a pervert
Anybody Want Two? - welcome to Jay’s Laundromat
His and Her Chocolate Nights with James Corden - it’s a person not an event
Castle Busted - let’s play Catch the Honey Boy
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Transcript
Technical Glitches and Cold Opens
00:00:05
Speaker
Well, shucks. Folks, a software bug appears to have stepped all over my island boy cold open. I won't be repeating myself.
00:00:25
Speaker
That's okay.
Comedy Parodies and Memes
00:00:26
Speaker
I'm a just island boy, psych. I'm a just island boy. I'm a just fee fi fo. I'm a just fum fum fum. I'm a just giant boy.
00:00:41
Speaker
I've returned. We've returned. Was it the smell of the blood of an Englishman that summoned you? It was. I need his bones to make my bread.
00:00:57
Speaker
That's, that's some good bone bread. We have terrible bread here. Got just flowers expensive up here. You know, you can't ship it very easily. You can't grow wheat for shit in a cloud. Just mostly bone meal.
Return from Vacation and New Ideas
00:01:18
Speaker
I was on vacation and AJ was on podcast hiatus. Yes. Having a little staycation.
00:01:29
Speaker
where he still had to go to work. That's correct. But did not have to record a podcast. I think everyone who listened to our rerun bonus episodes, thanks for keeping our numbers up in the charts. But this is the real shit. We're back. Yeah. Brand new. With a whole new idea. Several of them, multiple ideas.
00:01:59
Speaker
I did and I don't remember what I was doing when I put in my notes, I added this idea for a podcast. This is not, I'm not throwing this one out here. This one doesn't count. This is a bonus idea. I just wrote down a completely original idea.
00:02:17
Speaker
That's gonna be a tall order. I don't think that I can make good on that. I'm glad that that doesn't count. Forget about the bonus thing. That's not gonna happen. There's so many that...
00:02:34
Speaker
I go through all the old episodes and we have like the same idea over and over and we just forget that we already did. There is usually like a slight variation, right? Yeah. There's a lot of like seances. Yeah. We're just, we get hung up on a few things.
Seances and Supernatural Themes
00:02:56
Speaker
And, uh, yeah, that's probably part of our problem why we haven't been, uh,
00:03:02
Speaker
I think that it's that we don't do a seance idea every week. I mean, it's great talking to ghosts. We have done that a few times. Talking to ghosts is. It's a great it's a great way to fill an hour. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Ghosts have nothing but time. Ghosts always agree to be on podcasts. That's that is true.
00:03:30
Speaker
Oh, and I just thought of another time that we did a seance. We've done so many of those. Well, uh, I promise that none of my ideas are at all seance adjacent this week.
00:03:46
Speaker
That's good. I actually just deleted one of my ideas because it was. It was. I am totally doing a different sort of idea that we do all the time. Yeah, I do have one in here that is. Well, let's just get into it. OK.
00:04:05
Speaker
What's your idea?
Creative Podcast Segments
00:04:07
Speaker
Alright, this is of the food variety of the let's let's sample This this food item this one's called the jelly jury. Oh And it's just we're gonna get a spread of spreads and See who's got the best jelly Okay, now I'm not sure if we're going to allow jams into the jelly jury
00:04:35
Speaker
There's yeah, that I feel like jams. That's a. It's kind of like how the Olympics, you can't be a professional athlete. You have to have amateur status, except for basketball. What's up with that? Say that again. Like you can't be a pro athlete in the Olympics, except for basketball. That's true.
00:05:05
Speaker
Think that the that they had baseball for a couple of Olympics and they you could I think you could have pro baseball and I think you can have pro soccer players in the Olympics The
Animal and Sports Fantasies
00:05:17
Speaker
problem with the baseball is that all of the pros are using steroids They couldn't they couldn't go to the Olympics or the jig would be up with major league baseball I think they should just have a
00:05:33
Speaker
Just, just make it legal and, uh, have a league, uh, that that's like, we're not doing steroids. And then there's a steroid leak. Yeah. Drug league. Yeah. I feel like we've discussed this before. I know that I have discussed this in my own personal life. I wholeheartedly believe that there should be a drug league.
00:05:52
Speaker
And, uh, also a league just for the air buds, just animals who think that they're people playing sports league, a team of animals that all play baseball. So special when, when they're all of the golden retrievers that can, uh, shoot a basketball or all in one place.
00:06:14
Speaker
They have like a, they have a moat around the, around the diamond for when the aquatic animals are up to bat, they can swim around the bases. You have like the baseball playing dolphin, but he can't swing a bat. So he has a, he has a chimp that rides on his back.
00:06:41
Speaker
It's like a master blaster of baseball. There's a dolphin with a bat. And then he's sitting on a dolphin. Which one of them wears the helmet? Oh, that's a good. Hmm. I guess get helmets. I don't know how you'd make a baseball helmet for a dolphin. They did it. I mean, the Miami Dolphins, they put a football helmet on one. If you can get a football helmet on a dolphin, you can get a baseball helmet on a dolphin.
00:07:10
Speaker
Dolphins have ears, right? Yes. The better to hear you with. I suppose they do make sounds to each other, so they must have some whispering those very high pitched sweet nothings into each other's ears. And now I'm trying to picture a dolphin in my mind. I'm picturing a three dimensional dolphin and I'm rotating it in my imagination, looking for where the ear is.
00:07:40
Speaker
Is it just like another little disgusting hole? I think that it's one of many disgusting holes on every dolphin. Dolphins are just covered with little puckered holes all over their body. I think that the problem with the helmet here is that dolphins are pretty much necklace. If you don't have a neck, it's hard to wedge a helmet on there.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yeah, the baseball helmet does have the little hole on the top, which is perfect for a dolphin though. He can just right out of that, just a little bit of tobacco juice comes shooting at the top of his head. But then the monkey also has to have his own helmet.
00:08:27
Speaker
And, uh, also his own jaw, you know, like, uh, dolphins don't like to share dolphin has seaweed jaw. And then the monkey has, uh, like a banana leaf and they're, they're both just chomping away. Do the, do you think the chimp wears the top part of the Jersey?
00:08:51
Speaker
And then we just have one, one leg of the like tight baseball pants that goes over the dolphin's tail. With the pinstripes. Pinstripes on. Dolphin stripes. Yeah.
00:09:06
Speaker
This is a great idea. I can't believe this is it. This is the completely original idea. Yeah, this is way better than the jelly jury. I'm glad we stopped talking about jelly immediately. Oh, yeah, this was this whole conversation was about jam somehow.
00:09:30
Speaker
Yeah, so I think just like a chimp riding a dolphin, jam should not be allowed in our jelly jury. I agree, and also I'm going to try to get jellies from all of the big brands except for the biggest. Smuckers. Yeah, because that name
00:09:55
Speaker
is just, it's asking, there's a word that rhymes with it that I'm not gonna say that, why even put that in a child's mind? My whole life, you open up the fridge and I'm like, that rhymes. Rhymes with fuckers. Yeah, yeah, you said it. So that's bad, no smuckers.
00:10:22
Speaker
We should start our own jelly company that has an even more obscene rhyming name. Okay. Uh, just a good month. Smunt raspberry preserves with a name like smut. You don't want your children to eat it.
00:10:50
Speaker
Come on home to the country. The way life should be with smunt. Smunt preserves. A little taste of home. Smunt.
00:11:05
Speaker
It's a bad name, but so Smucker, so like I will probably be very successful. I guess that that was their, their ads was like with a name like Smucker's, it has to be good. And it just now occurs to me that they are admitting that Smucker's is a terrible name and that it had to stand with fucker. Yeah. They're right out there in front of it. You know, they're like, well, we're sorry. Uh,
00:11:35
Speaker
Our founder did not come through Ellis Island and he got to keep Smucker. He came through Ellis Island and they were like, all right. Yeah, sure. You can keep that one. It's going to be hilarious. Do you think that the original Smucker was a jelly man? Do you think that he had
00:12:05
Speaker
His preserves with him on the boat. Yeah. This is what I'm going to do. Yeah. I'm going to fuck this jam. Listen, don't get it twisted. My name is Harlan Smucker, jelly fucker. I didn't even know you could eat this stuff.
00:12:34
Speaker
So we're going to, we're not going to ask for jelly submissions. We're going to source the jelly for the jelly jury. If you think that we could get people to, uh, send us jelly, I would be a fan of that, but I'm not going to expect it. Open invitation to any fans out there who have their own jellies.
00:12:59
Speaker
Send them to us. Yeah. Uh, first person to send us a jelly can be the official all time, uh, jelly judge. This jelly. Listen, we don't want any fuck jellies. That's true. We need, it's still still gotta be sealed in the jar.
00:13:19
Speaker
It's got to make the little pop noise when we open it up. I don't know, no, no sending us like a, a Ziploc bag with loose jelly in it. I don't want any loose gel. I don't want any jellies that have your jam in it. All right. That's the jelly jury. All right. Here's my first idea. And this is the one that I said, uh, was very similar to some of our other ideas.
00:13:47
Speaker
Uh, this is a movie monster one. This is called the full moon podcast for werewolves. Oh, so I was thinking about, you know, there's a full moon yesterday. And I was like, you know, werewolves probably get pretty bored when they have to be chained up. So they don't, uh, kill or maim anyone that they care about during the full moon.
00:14:13
Speaker
We should make a podcast that just, you can kill an hour of your time while you're lycanthropizing. Okay. So this is just be, I mean, I guess that we'd talk about things that are werewolf related of interest to werewolves. Um, werewolf news and current events. Oh, the lighter side of werewolfism.
00:14:37
Speaker
And then we can, we can, uh, do, do some, uh, updates on, uh, famous werewolves. Where are they now? Oh God. Doing a lot of bites. Maybe some, uh, cooking tips for werewolves. Maybe, uh, maybe we spit ball, uh, uh, an all werewolf sports league.
00:15:06
Speaker
Another list we're getting, I mean, they're so good at basketball. I assumed that, uh, teen wolf probably could have been the best at elder sports. Now, doesn't he play a different sport in teen wolf too? Oh, I cannot remember. It's, uh, Jason Bateman plays Jason Bateman, the werewolf.
00:15:33
Speaker
And I think there's also the Michael Landon of Michael J Fox's character. Have you ever seen the Michael Landon one? No, it's it's. Older, obviously. It wasn't like, yeah, Michael Landon, circa Highway to Heaven play Teen Wolf. Yeah, there's like a fifties. I think Teen Wolf is like a loosely based on
00:16:03
Speaker
The film, I was a teenage werewolf. But it's, you know. Just a werewolf going to beach, beach parties and. Oh, so they took that thing where he likes to surf on top of the van directly from us. He's doing this dance, you know, what do you call that? The werewolf to see the werewolf to see.
00:16:36
Speaker
Yeah, so that's, uh, the full moon podcast for werewolves. Okay. Who unlike say Dracula, we'd have to put out a podcast every night. Oh yeah. Werewolf only once, once a month. And, uh,
00:17:00
Speaker
I hope that they're chaining themselves up and listening to podcasts, but I'd be a little bit worried that that would be the one time of the month where they probably would not want to listen to podcasts. That's where they're very angry and they keep looking at their hands as they slowly change. They always look at their hands.
00:17:27
Speaker
You never get used to that. I don't care how many times it happens.
Werewolves and Full Moon Podcasts
00:17:31
Speaker
You're going to want to look at those hands.
00:17:34
Speaker
Just once I'd like to see a werewolf in a movie. He starts to turn into the werewolf and he's like touching his face. And then instead of looking at his hands and all my fingernails, he just pulls the front of his sweat pants open and looks down. Then he looks right into the camera and he goes, aye, aye, aye. I did not anticipate this part of being a werewolf.
00:18:04
Speaker
Now that's one thing I don't think I've ever seen is selective werewolfism, lycanthropy. Do you think that there is anybody who has a were dick? Oh, selective in the sense that they could just- Yeah, just that part of their body. Just every floor booth. The werewolf didn't bite me all over. He just bit my dick. The werewolf bit me on the dick.
00:18:31
Speaker
I know every full moon I get a red rocket. There is probably an anime that is just about this, this exact scenario. And it's not pornographic. This is like something that's incredibly popular in Japan.
00:18:51
Speaker
And everyone acts like it's normal. It's just werewolf dick boy. Do you think that it eventually turns into a tournament of all people who have werewolf dicks and it's which werewolf dick has the highest power level? It's like JoJo. It's like JoJo's our adventure but for boys with werewolf dicks.
00:19:15
Speaker
I mean, it's, it's a very universal thing. Shonen jump magazine. It's weird when, when you start growing hair on that thing, you know, like it's something that all, all. You see the sensor said that they couldn't show a penis, but they didn't say anything about a dog penis. And that's where werewolf boy adventures, uh, really found their footing. Do you have another idea?
Dynamic Sports Fandom
00:19:45
Speaker
I do, and this one is called NFT, new football team.
00:19:56
Speaker
pick me out. Had me in the first half. I gotta admit it. Which we've been talking about sports a lot, but my favorite football team just traded for a guy who has 22 sexual assault cases. I have to pick a new football team now. Oh no! So this would be a podcast where I weigh all of the options and choose a new football team.
00:20:22
Speaker
And maybe, maybe I choose a new football team every week. Just be, be a complete jerk who changes his mind every week. Just the fair weather fan. Yeah. You go wherever the wind blows you this week. I love the Miami dolphins because, uh, yeah, they found a way to put a helmet on a dolphin. That's pretty good. More teams should have an actual animal and not just a.
00:20:52
Speaker
guy in a suit, you know? Not just like, like no, no human mascots, only animals and all only animals that are
00:21:07
Speaker
you know, trying to wear a human helmet. Oh, I just meant like the mascot. Now I'm admitting that I, I may not know that much about the actual Miami dolphins. And I'm just going off of what I've seen in Ace Ventura. I see what you're saying, but they have an actual dolphin, right? That's real.
00:21:33
Speaker
I mean, that's a, it's a really great idea because dolphins can do way more impressive stunts than a guy in a furry costume. Now, one thing with that sort of mascot, I know a lot of college teams do that. Uh,
00:21:50
Speaker
Like the Georgia Bulldogs, they have a bulldog, but bulldogs don't live very long. So they're on like the 20th iteration and they just put a number behind the mascot's name. I would prefer to be spared that and just let's pretend like this animal never dies. It's the same one. Switching out on me like I'm a child.
00:22:17
Speaker
Right, yeah, like they do with Air Bud or the kid from Home Alone. I'd notice that one. You gotta get one with spots in the same place, you know? Yeah.
00:22:38
Speaker
I'm just thinking of all the different animal mascots that would be cooler if it was the actual, so the Chicago Bulls. And then they just had, I guess, bulls. Now, do you think that they would paint the bull red so it looks like the logo? Yes. Okay. But that would be a problem if you had more than one bull.
00:23:06
Speaker
because the other bulls would hate the red bull that they saw. Yeah, they'd be running at, well, they'd all be red. So that's, that's another thing that's wrong with mascots. It's the Chicago bulls, not the Chicago bull.
00:23:23
Speaker
We need like a whole. I was picturing like a running of the bulls for the halftime entertainment. They just like turn them loose in the United center. And maybe one lucky fan gets to run the bulls. But if they're all painted red, they're just going to be like a swirling maelstrom of angry bulls. Like you're going to want to set up like some barrels around the court so the players can jump in them if things get a little out of hand.
00:23:54
Speaker
Also, they might want to dress up like some clowns as well. They have clowns that run out on the court to distract the Bulls so that Scottie Pippen can shoot his free throw. Scottie Pippen still plays for the Bulls, right? Absolutely. He's still out there.
00:24:17
Speaker
He's a living legend. Yeah, he signed that lifetime contract, and I think that he thought he was going to get to retire at some point. No way. Basketball scientists refer to Scotty Pippen as a living fossil. The Atlanta Falcons. Yeah, all the birds are good. Yeah, you got it. I can picture a helmet on a on a falcon or on a sea hawk or on a raven or a car bill.
00:24:46
Speaker
halftime comes around, oh, bring out the Falcons. And it's just like a, you know, like a billionaire from the Emirates and he's got the Falcon on it, lets him loose. And then the Falcon just drops hot dogs into the crowd. You know, when they do that, when the hot dogs dropped from the ceiling, but they've got a Falcon. They've got that hot dog bazooka, but that's not nearly as cool as, is a, maybe, maybe it even feeds you.
00:25:13
Speaker
You know, baby bird, like it'll come and perch on your shoulder and just like vomit hot dog. He's got the hot dog in his beak and he just drops it into your mouth. Thank you Atlanta Falcon. Now new football team could also be us coming up with a new football team.
Non-offensive Mascot Concepts
00:25:33
Speaker
Maybe that's true. Listen, if you're, if you're a fan of American professional sports,
00:25:40
Speaker
or any professional sports for that matter. Let's not, let's not act like America is the only one who's professional sports players are terrible people. You're gonna end up liking a team that has some sort of a violent criminal or a sex pest. So maybe we come up with our own football team that is completely unproblematic in every way. Okay. That, that could be fun.
00:26:13
Speaker
So we need like a, we need a team mascot that is unoffensive. Okay. I want to go with an animal. I feel like most of the animals are unoffensive. Okay.
00:26:37
Speaker
So, uh, the beagles, the beagles. Yeah. I think that's, that's safe. There aren't enough dogs in professional sports. Yeah. I mean, as, as team names, not as players, Lord knows the league is lousy with dogs. When will they fix that rule? Yeah.
00:27:02
Speaker
Maybe that's, maybe they're the, maybe not the Beagles, maybe the Golden Retrievers. And then you can recruit from your mascot pool. This is, yeah. Is this Ted Lasso? Is this what we're doing?
00:27:23
Speaker
I've never watched it, but I think that we did accidentally do a dead lasso. I think that it is about like an American who coaches a soccer team of dogs. It's a huge version of a Golden Retriever. Just the most innovative sports. Ah. Ted Lasso. His name is a cowboy thing. It's true.
00:27:52
Speaker
They should have the now maybe I'm speaking out of turn and they've already done this, but they should have like a evil coach whose name is like Johnny 10 gallon hat. I was going to say Johnny Spurs. Okay. Now I just realized there is a team called the Spurs.
00:28:13
Speaker
Yeah, which is very menacing to the to the horse and bull theme teams. That's true. And it's very disrespectful to the boot that the Spurs attached to. Yeah, the boot doesn't get just like I got to go down there, you know, like they aren't going to I don't get paid for this, but the Louisiana Spurs and everyone's like, it looks like a boot.
00:28:43
Speaker
Sorry, our stadium is out in the water by the heel. What are spurs just for causing pain to your horse? Like, is that the intended use of a spur? I think it's, I don't think that a cowboy would say, I use these to cause pain. I think that they days, they would use the euphemism of encouragement.
00:29:11
Speaker
But yes, I believe that it is just so that the horse is like, Jesus Christ. All right. All right. I'm going. All right. I have another idea.
Romantic Dates and Nostalgia
00:29:28
Speaker
This is called best by date.
00:29:32
Speaker
Best Buy Date? Yeah. We're gonna be eating spoiled things? No, no. This is a podcast with a clever play on words for a title. This is actually a podcast about planning a romantic evening at Best Buy. Okay. What can you do on a Best Buy Date?
00:30:00
Speaker
Obviously you're going to go to the Magnolia theater room and listen to, they'll be playing Beyonce really loud. And there's a, there's a 8k television showing you a incredibly crisp footage of a parrot. But then what else do you do? Well, uh, they don't sell, uh, like ovens and stuff like that. So you're probably going to want to order some food in.
00:30:30
Speaker
I think they do sell ovens. They do? I know they do sell home appliances. I know for a fact I was just at Best Buy and they have fridges and vacuum cleaners and microwaves, but it's all in one corner where no one wants to go because there's nothing exciting going on over there. It's over by the automotive stereo equipment.
00:30:58
Speaker
Oh, OK. That's I always stop before I get there, I guess. You get to the Xbox games and you're like, why would I go any further? Mm hmm. There's a whole row of like like ring doorbells. That just no one has ever had any interest in going there or further, so they never get to the appliance section. But for the sake of argument,
00:31:28
Speaker
If you can't use this, the ovens and stoves at best buy, how are you going to prepare a meal for your romantic evening? I suppose they do have like beef jerky and stuff. That's true. That's true. And that's, that's not a bad date.
00:31:53
Speaker
Go get go get a Samsung Galaxy phone and then put the beef jerky on it and wait for the phone to overheat. You got barbecue. That's not a lot of people have jerky sandwiches, but it's not because they aren't good. You just got to bring your own bread. You can you could play a game of Tetris.
00:32:22
Speaker
They got Tetris down there. That's the best buy. Yeah.
00:32:27
Speaker
Do you remember when you used to go into a store like a Best Buy and they had the video game set up where kids could play it and then bug their parents and be like, I want that, get me that. Get me that. I can remember. I haven't played an in-store demo of a video game in decades. Nintendo still does it. They have the demo set up.
00:32:53
Speaker
But I don't think I mean, clearly they don't even have the PlayStation for sale. It's so rare. They can't afford to have one in a in a loose site box and I would love to just go to Best Buy.
00:33:08
Speaker
If they had one PlayStation five, like, well, I think I'm going to play video games for a little bit. I got nothing going on. And then I get in my car and I drive to best buy and spend three hours trying to grind through horizon forbidden West.
00:33:25
Speaker
Just a guy who's put in 80 hours of Elden Ring in Best Buy. It's a character all planned out. You camping out at Best Buy just so that they'll open and you can go in and play their video games. Just grown men like, come on. Give me a turn. I did clock several hours at the local Sears growing up.
00:33:55
Speaker
playing Donkey Kong Country. And then they got rid of Donkey Kong Country, and then the game was the Lion King game. Oh, that game's bad. It was really hard. It was a very difficult game. Nobody wants to play that.
00:34:18
Speaker
I don't know. Like I remember there's one store that I don't think they ever changed the game. It was just. What's the Super Nintendo Mario Brothers game? The Super Mario World Super Mario World. Yes, it was like that for five years and I never like I was just like, yeah, I'm going to go play Mario for a while. I bought Sega Genesis.
00:34:45
Speaker
with my money that I made delivering newspapers as a child. And at the time the base Genesis didn't come bundled with a game. It was just a Genesis. And I was like, Oh, well that's almost all my money.
00:35:03
Speaker
And I looked at all the games are like $60. How long did it take before you got a game to play on it? As soon as I had enough money to buy a game, I went back, but the cheapest game they had was Tasmania. And that's a terrible game. It's incredibly hard. I could never get past the mine cart round that level. I just had that game.
00:35:33
Speaker
And I would play the first three levels and then Taz would get into a mine cart and then it was just game over for me. And I don't believe that I ever owned any other game for the Genesis.
00:35:51
Speaker
I don't know. I think that that would be the beginning of my career as a thief. Just stealing the Genesis games. Going over to kids' houses that I don't even like just to steal their games. Oh, I probably did like borrow games from friends, but I don't remember ever playing any other Genesis game.
00:36:14
Speaker
I think that I may have just told me I had a dedicated Taz gaming system. Well, that's gotta be tough. I don't think that they've put out a Taz game in a while. Yeah, they put out that other game that was like, tie the Tasmanian tiger. That was really kind of a rip off, if you ask me.
00:36:43
Speaker
Tasmanian... I'm not aware of that. You said Tasmanian tiger? Yes. You're not aware of the animal, the Tasmanian tiger? No! It's not a tiger. It's like a little... Well, I mean... It's like a little... The devil isn't a devil. Yeah. The devil isn't a devil either. They've got them all mixed up.
00:37:07
Speaker
It's kind of like a little striping dog. Okay. And it's one of those possibly extinct, but everybody still is like, I saw one the other day. There's a daisy tiger in my backyard, but no one can get a picture of him. He was spinning around like a whirly bird. I'm glad that all of, all of the animals in Tasmania.
00:37:34
Speaker
I think that that shared way of getting around, you know, tornado style. Look out. Look at him. He's just swirling on one leg. Is he? The whole tornado of Kookaburra. So that's best by date. OK.
00:38:01
Speaker
Now let's go, let's go to the pod Tron. Let's wait, wait. Oh, I forgot. We have to go to the department of corrections folks. Sometimes we say something that's wrong or out of turn. And I have an apology to make in our last episode.
00:38:27
Speaker
We, uh, we're talking about those weird, uh, paintings of Humphrey Bogart and Elvis and James Dean and Marilyn Monroe playing pool or riding motorcycles or, uh, hanging out at the public library. And, uh, I, I said that the artist who painted those paintings, uh, also directed the film, the ant bully, the dream works animation film, the ant bully. That was incorrect.
00:38:56
Speaker
He implies it on his website, but he was only the concept art director. Oh, so my apologies. Confusing because I don't, as far as what I remember of the ant bully there, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean and Humphrey Bogart were not rendered in ant form. That was more like the, I think that might've happened in ants.
00:39:25
Speaker
Now there's an idea, what if you started your own business of doing paintings of celebrities all hanging out, but it was like Woody Allen and what's another? Roman Polanski. Roman.
00:39:45
Speaker
Deshaun Watson. Charlie Chaplin, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, and they're all
00:40:00
Speaker
They're all at the public swimming pool with binoculars. Well, they let you into the public pool with binoculars. You have a camera with a big telephoto lens. Like you're not hanging outside of the pool. You're actually going in and just like looking at someone five feet away from you with binoculars.
00:40:26
Speaker
You're not in swim trunks, you have a ghillie suit on, you're just hiding in a bush. Anyway, so yes, again, Chris Consani, the artist behind those weird Elvis and James Dean paintings, did not direct the film, The Ant Bully. I did not bother to look up who it was. That information remains
00:40:52
Speaker
Lost to the sands of time. Now let's go to the Podtron.
AI and Podcast Generation
00:40:58
Speaker
Folks, the Podtron 4500 is a artificial intelligence that we trained using the top charts of podcasts. And then it gives us a list of podcast titles that we can use as jumping off points. Podcast titles like Trouble with Phil.
00:41:21
Speaker
Oh no, what's going on with Phil? I don't know, but this was interesting. It's kind of a sequel to Phil had a podcast before that. Now there's no trouble with Phil. Maybe this is a follow-up podcast where things didn't go so great for Phil. Or maybe it's a different Phil. Yeah, there's more than one Phil. Maybe it's a Dr. Phil.
00:41:50
Speaker
Dr. Phil, it could be Uncle Phil. Mm hmm. It could be my. Maybe it's the Philly Fanatic. Ooh. Do you think his name is Phil Phil, the Philly Fanatic? Yeah, I think that's how he got the job. He's like, you got to hire me.
00:42:09
Speaker
My name's Phil. They look at all the, oh, this one, his name is Phil. The rest of the guys were just normal guys. And then there's that, hock, hock, green freak. Well, his name's Phil. It's like a guy in a, there's a guy in a three-piece suit. His name was like wacky fuzzbo. And they were like, oh, oh, but this guy's name is Phil. And then he's the wacky fuzzbo. Yeah.
00:42:36
Speaker
It says here that he refuses to wear pants, but I think that's okay. It says here that he got his MFA from the Iowa writers workshop. Tell us a little bit more about yourself. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:02
Speaker
You know, if you go to school for creative writing, you're going to end up shooting hot dogs and people in Philadelphia. Now I'm just thinking about what if the Philly fanatic had one of those falconers gloves?
Whimsical and Hypothetical Ideas
00:43:13
Speaker
What if the fanatic was a falconer? Ooh, the Falcon fanatic. It's like, you know, in my off time, I'm a fanatic for falconry. He like retires from Philly fanatic-ing.
00:43:32
Speaker
Then he just gets really into birding. He paints beautiful watercolors. Yeah, he pulls out the binoculars in the woods, not at the public pool. No, no, no. That would be a real shame if you were a bird watcher and there was like a dodo bird. But it was like perched on the windowsill of the YWCA. He'd be like.
00:44:01
Speaker
to look at this with my binoculars, but no one is going to believe me. I'm not a, just announce that you're out in the street. I'm not a pervert. That's how I go about most of the things I do. I just want, want everybody to know. Just before I begin, let me say there is a previously believed to be extinct bird perched on the windowsill.
00:44:31
Speaker
of the Young Christian Women's Association. I have to look at it. That's trouble with Phil. Okay. I've got one here. This one's called Anybody Want To? No.
00:44:52
Speaker
Is this anybody wants to the number? Yeah. The, the number two. So I'm guessing that this could be a podcast about things that people only ever want one of where it's a hard sell for you to have to like an entire Calzone. Ooh. I was going to say, uh, Amazon could sponsor this because every time, every time that you buy something on Amazon, excuse me,
00:45:20
Speaker
Every time that you buy something on Amazon that you only need one of their super smart algorithm assumes that you have become a collector of front loader washing machines. And all you get are ads that are like, Hey, Hey, we noticed that you're really into washing machines. Do you want to buy this one?
00:45:47
Speaker
You know, put it in your rotation of washing machines. You know, like I got this one for the colors and this one for the whites. You got a mansion with a big garage, like Jay Leno, but it's just full of washing machines. I really like, I don't take this one out too often, but this is an old speed king. This is the bat washing machine.
00:46:17
Speaker
I have Batman's washing machine. This is the one that he used to wash his capes on the TV show. When you turn it on, there's a little porthole on the back and fire comes out of it. When it starts to spin, it goes...
00:46:40
Speaker
Anybody want to? I think that you just sold me on a second washing machine. I got the one I got the one for normal laundry and then I got the Batman washing machine. Maybe though they could be the same washing machine and you just put a Batman mask over top of it and you just most of the time you've got a Bruce Wayne washing machine.
00:47:09
Speaker
What you don't want is a Riddler washing machine and a Batman dryer. Something's gonna go wrong. Have you seen that new Batman movie? I haven't yet. I've watched it. I had a layover and so I went and saw the Batman on vacation before my flight. And there's a scene in this movie
00:47:36
Speaker
This isn't a, this isn't a spoiler. The Riddler is in the film and they're trying to catch the Riddler, but he has diabolical riddles and there's like a forensic team trying to, trying to uncover anything about the Riddler. And one of them is on the computer and he goes, this guy's got a, a, a, he's got a social media presence. He's got like 500 followers.
00:48:09
Speaker
500, 500. I laughed out loud in the theater. Oh my God, 500. He's literally going on TV and threatening to kill people. He's got 500 followers.
00:48:34
Speaker
That you could have like a baby that burps really loud and have fun. The riddler gets upstaged by that kid that's high from the dentist. Yep. That makes me wonder like, I mean, don't spoil the movie for me, but is he bad at riddles?
00:49:00
Speaker
Like, I mean, he could be the Riddler and just like always cut, you know, he's only got one riddle and he just keeps reusing it over and over again. Maybe it's that his riddles are too hard, right? Like, uh, it's like he's, he's like the New York Times crossword and he should just be the wordler. Just a quick little easy game for people to figure out.
00:49:28
Speaker
Riddle me this Batman, you have six tries to figure out this five letter word. Is it riddle? No Batman, that's six. Damn. Anybody want two? What about something that there's three of?
00:49:57
Speaker
Then you got to try and talk someone into, into getting a, uh, an incomplete set. Uh, like, uh, did they ever make any, uh, three Stooges shorts where like maybe, maybe anybody want to would have been better than having, uh, some of those just like era Stooges. It's one of the ones with shampoo, but they just cut out all the scenes with shampoo in it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:50:26
Speaker
No shimp. No, it's the shimp edit. Yeah. They just cut him out. The real purists like the Star Wars people, but they just cut shimp out of the, I mean, some of those, they literally did just add shimp in and then use old footage. So I guess that wouldn't be that hard to do.
00:50:49
Speaker
What about this? Anybody want two Matrix movies? And then you just get the Matrix Reloaded and the Matrix Revolution. You don't get the first one. I got this box set here. The first one, it got stuck. It fell off of the tray inside of my Xbox 360. And I can't get it out of there. It's just rattling around inside the machine.
00:51:19
Speaker
But I do have the other two matrix movies. Does anybody want to? Mm hmm. And there's some. Contrarian dickhead is like, those are actually the good ones. Actually. Well, then then that would be the person who wants to he can have. We just have to find somebody who wants to of everything that we have either an incomplete or doubles of.
00:51:50
Speaker
Maybe another way that you could get somebody to take two is if you're trading for something that's more valuable. That's true. I have two washing machines. Yeah. And I'm trading it for, um, one dryer, a gun.
00:52:08
Speaker
It's a bad driver. A gun. Look, I have two washing machine. You see this on Craigslist a lot. I have a bunch of washing machines. I will accept trades for guns, but then they have to put like something else instead of guns because you're not allowed to say that on Craigslist. I will exchange all of these washing machines for things that go boom.
00:52:38
Speaker
That's anybody want to. Here's, I got a second idea from the pod Tron. This is called his and her chocolate nights with James Corden.
00:52:56
Speaker
This one, I have no idea what that would be, but that's a really attention grabbing title. Yeah. It jumped out at me. His and her chocolate nights with James Corden. I didn't check to make sure that this isn't actually a bug. Yeah. Yeah. That has the ring of authenticity to it. I think that he might be doing that. Hmm.
00:53:24
Speaker
So do you think that James Corden would let us be on an episode of his and her chocolate nights? Oh, um, I kind of think he might want that one all to himself, you know. Um, so I looked up chocolate nights and nothing came up in podcasts, but it did suggest this IMDB. It's.
00:53:52
Speaker
Chocolate Nights is an actress. That is the full bio. And Chocolate Nights is known for the films, Tippin' the Scales 2, Biggest Ass Ever 2, Bigum's Fat Black Freaks Orgy.
00:54:25
Speaker
Blaine Bryant's BBB w 33 and fat fuckers too. It's with a P. Oh, also there's archive footage. Chocolate Nights appears in the archive footage of chunky, but funky. What, what, what, what character does she play in these films?
00:54:56
Speaker
I think it's hang on. Let's see. Do you think that? Hmm. Does not doesn't list any. Any character names on any of these, I think that they just kind of. You know, they. They just go right into the action. These ones don't have a lot of. So.
00:55:26
Speaker
Maybe that's the, maybe that's the concept. It's chocolate nights with James Gordon. I thought chocolate nights would be describing. I thought James Gordon was having another date at the best buy chocolate night. Yeah. But maybe this is a, this is a two hander. We have, we have co-hosts his and her chocolate nights and James Gordon.
00:55:58
Speaker
We get them in the car with the music going. They're singing. They're having fun. Yeah. Yeah. But they have to do it with a mouthful of chocolate. Mm hmm. And they can't spill a drop. I don't think that whole song and chocolate mouthful Hershey's syrup. Isn't her chocolate nights with James Corden. All right. Well, that one, I think.
00:56:28
Speaker
much exhausted all of the material out of that one. Yeah. Yeah. I've got another one. Yeah. This one's called Castle Busted.
Historical and Fantasy Elements
00:56:39
Speaker
Ooh. And I think that this is a podcast about siege weaponry. All right. We're going to get across that moat and through the drawbridge and I don't know. What do you think the best
00:57:00
Speaker
castle busting weapon is you got, you got your battering rams, trebuchets. Yeah. You got the, uh, like the big thing that like blows up the gate. Like the bomb, the, uh, petard. Ah. Um, what about just, you know, climbing up the climbing up the poop, the poop tube, you know,
00:57:30
Speaker
I think that's underrated. I think people for obvious reasons don't go with that one, but it seems like it's a winner. They never expect you to come up the poop tube. And I mean, if they did catch you, you're probably in a lot of trouble. That one's not a- They gotta grab you and you're covered in poop.
00:57:58
Speaker
It's sort of like a greased pigs scenario. You're going to be a little hard to handle. Just running around the castle covered in poop and they can't get you. They call you the honey boy. When children play the game, catch the honey boy. They don't realize that it, you know, like so many children's rhymes and games, it has its roots in actual medieval horrors.
00:58:30
Speaker
I was thinking more that if they caught you, they would just pour something down the hole to scald or. Greek fire. You listen, you want to make sure all the Greek fire is cleared out of that toilet hole before you go back to using it as a toilet. Honestly, just. Pretty rough.
00:59:00
Speaker
on the guy trying to lay siege to your castle. You're like, Hey, there's a knight coming up this one. Everybody get in here. We're going all at once. We're doing sword fight. That's the sword fighting that knights really fear is when two medieval serfs inside a castle, both pee on him at the same time while he's trying to lay siege.
00:59:32
Speaker
Uh, I think ladders are pretty good, but they gotta be those siege ladders with the hooks that come down because you don't want to just push it, you know? And then it's suddenly, it's not, you're not cool anymore. You're just a wacky dad trying to put up Christmas lights falling back down into the moat, getting bitten by the alligator. Do we cover the,
01:00:02
Speaker
I mean, we kind of just have been covering mostly like the counterinsurgency measures that people within the castle. Is that a separate podcast? I don't know. We might they might not want to be on this podcast because it's it's about busting castles and that sounds like it's keeping castles from being busted. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
01:00:31
Speaker
But then again, if we can get them, that'd be a real coup. Yeah. You know, if I were trying to, uh, if I were trying to get into a castle, I think that I would just have E Honda come and do that, like bonus round shit on the castle.
01:00:52
Speaker
Well just slap that big door over and over again until it breaks. Yeah, you know the bonus round where you're just breaking bricks or smashing a car up? But it's just a castle and there's little guys inside. You have to bust down the wall of the castle before the timer runs out. Okay, I can get behind that. Now,
01:01:20
Speaker
Are you sure E. Honda is the way to go? I don't think that there's any any any other street fighter that has a move that can be spammed to break down into quite as well. Yeah, I definitely think E. Honda is the way to go if you are smashing up that little Subaru or trying to break into a castle. Yeah. To get it like you pick Blanca and he's like, I'm.
01:01:46
Speaker
I'm watching electricity run through my body. I'm like, well, that doesn't really help me here, Blanca. Blanca, you get Blanca to take out all of the alligators in the moat. That's fair. He just comes up and puts his hands in the water and that's taken care of. Doll seam, you get him, he's got the stretchy arms and legs. He can reach up and grab onto the top of the castle and just kind of catapult himself up.
01:02:15
Speaker
into the pyramids, and then he's got the fire as well. M. Bison might be a good one. If you're good at doing the move where he just spins like a, where he does that thing, you know, where he just spins in the air, like a drill. Like a human drill bit. Yeah.
01:02:39
Speaker
You could use them to drill through the wooden door of the castle. Yeah. I think Zengief also does like a, uh, Tasmanian devil spin that could possibly work. Zengief is good with, uh, doing like a, like a flying knee. You know, I don't know if there's any way to incorporate that into medieval siege warfare.
01:03:04
Speaker
I don't, I don't think that there would be a lot of need for siege warfare if you had a Zangief on your side. Zangief on your team. Just show up with Zangief and they just lower the gate and wave the little white flag. Hmm. We give up. Don't send Zangief. They brought all the street fighters. We're, we're in trouble, guys. They got them all. Blanc already killed all of our alligators. Sagat.
01:03:36
Speaker
And Ryu is that one. They're looking, they have a little spy glass. I think they have Rasputin from the world heroes game. His hands and feet get really big. Do you remember that one? No, I didn't. It was like a, it was like a street fighter ripoff that they always had it like the roller rink.
01:04:03
Speaker
And you could play as Rasputin and he, his hands and feet became giant cartoonish hands and feet when he hit and kicked much like the real Rasputin. Okay. All right. Here are our ideas. We got the jelly jury, the full moon podcast for werewolves NFT new football team.
01:04:32
Speaker
Best by date trouble with Phil. Anybody want to his and her chocolate nights with James Gordon and castle busted.
Werewolf Premium Content
01:04:43
Speaker
I liked full moon podcast. I was going to say, I think that really NFT and full moon podcast are the best of this week. And I think that we already explored new football team quite a bit. Mm-hmm.
01:05:01
Speaker
Let's do the full moon podcast for werewolves.
01:05:05
Speaker
I think we should. All right. So folks, if you want to hear the new, the full moon podcast for werewolves, uh, that'll be available to our subscribers at patreon.com slash we don't have a podcast yet as well as hopefully this is up and running. I think it took me like a month to get it done, but I believe that we will now also have a premium subscription option on Apple podcasts.
01:05:35
Speaker
where if you go and look at our show, you can sign up to be a premium subscriber and you'll get the bonus episode on Friday there, as well as access to all of the old episodes that we've put out for the premium feed on Patreon. I had to convert them all to WAV files and then upload them one by one, which took a very long time.
01:06:02
Speaker
but they are all up there and we are pending approval from Apple podcasts. Also, if you do it on Apple, right now we are running a promotion. You will get the first three months of your subscription for free. So go over there, sign up, listen to everything before your three months are up and then cancel your subscription so that we don't get any money.
01:06:29
Speaker
But don't worry, Apple is seeing to it. We won't get any money either. They take a lot more than Patreon. Anyways, that's our show. Thank you for listening. I'm Nathan P. Woodard. I'm Andrew James Estis. Good night.
01:06:59
Speaker
You stood and you watched as My baby, that's how You could've done something But you didn't try You didn't do nothing You'd never walk by