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Episode Five: Help me, I'm Burned Out!
162 Plays1 year ago
With all the responsibilities on our plate - caring for our children, working, household duties and more - it's no wonder most of us are burned out!
Ana Vega, family coach, shares how we can battle burnout and her methods for staying mindful. She even offers a free guide for those who want to learn more about her Superpowers Academy.
Sponsored by LiquidIV. Be sure to get your 20% discount coupon code at the end of the podcast!
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Transcript
Introduction to Guardians of Hope
00:00:07
Speaker
Welcome to the Guardians of Hope podcast, where we bring together parents, nonprofits, and legal experts dedicated to positively impacting children's lives. I'm Cynthia, your host. Before we begin, it's important to note that this content should not be used as legal advice. The purpose of this podcast is to inform and unite
00:00:28
Speaker
So please seek advice from your attorney or your therapist to address your specific needs. The thoughts and opinions of my guests are not necessarily my own. This is a platform for sharing.
Understanding Burnout with Anna Vega
00:00:40
Speaker
For my fifth episode, I wanted to focus on a topic that I struggle with. It's burnout. Anyone can get burned out if they don't set boundaries for work or other responsibilities. But when you're a parent and you have so many responsibilities, how do you do that? My next guest, Anna Vega, is a family coach and helps families with parenting and mindfulness.
00:01:06
Speaker
Anna, welcome to the podcast. Why don't you tell me about yourself and your work?
Anna Vega's Journey
00:01:13
Speaker
Yes. Hi, Cynthia. Thank you for having me. So I tell you about myself. I became parenting coach right after my son was born. I was reading every book you can read about child psychology and brain development because I didn't have a very good
00:01:36
Speaker
childhood. So I wanted to make sure I gave myself a very good childhood in an emotional way, you know. So I became my friend's informal parenting coach, and I always had the answer somehow. So I loved it. And I decided to, to, you know, become a professional parenting coach. And I got a certificate from Yale,
00:02:04
Speaker
and also trained online for parenting. And then I started, you know, having clients locally and then I started, you know, my website and having clients, you know, group coaching following my program.
00:02:26
Speaker
My program basically is a combination of, nobody's doing this at all.
Mindful and Positive Parenting Techniques
00:02:32
Speaker
Nobody's doing this is a combination of mindful parenting and what you could be calling positive parenting. But positive parenting cannot be applied if parents are stressed out. Because when you are stressed out or burnt out, you tend to overreact. When you overreact,
00:02:56
Speaker
you're like on a trance and you cannot use the tools of positive parenting. You just lose control. So the mindful parenting part, it is a beautiful process that helps you stay present, stay calm, and then you can use those positive parenting tools.
00:03:19
Speaker
That is so true. Every time I find myself overwhelmed and just handling too much, I do tend to overreact when it comes to parenting my kid.
Parental Guilt and Societal Pressures
00:03:32
Speaker
And part of that, it has to do with the reason being that I want to do everything and I feel guilty when I don't take care of everything. So I think that's part of the bigger problem is why do we feel so guilty, especially women and moms, when we have so much on our plates to take care of, why do we feel guilty when we can't do everything? And what can we do to change our mindsets about that?
00:04:01
Speaker
So guilt, for example, has to do with the stories we have in our minds. That's why mindfulness is so important, the stories that are going on on our minds. Those stories have been put in there by either our families or our society or our culture.
Managing Parental Stress and Burnout
00:04:25
Speaker
families maybe because they made us feel one way or another, verbally or non-verbally, that we were being selfish, that we were being specific as girls. We're expected to be even more generous, more patient than boys, that's how it is. And also the culture expects mothers to be, sacrifice every single thing, sacrifice their life, give up the whole lives and energy and time for their children.
00:04:53
Speaker
So when the story is in your mind, you cannot live up to those expectations, then you feel guilty. And it's okay to feel guilty about things, right? It's a healthy emotion, but one is just out of control is when you can create burnout. And burnout also is created by the expectations we have of our children.
00:05:22
Speaker
We have also these expectations of how they should behave, how often they should listen, who they should be. That is what creates also the burnout and the stress. So what do we do to change our mindsets about this, Anna?
Special Needs Parenting and Stress Management
00:05:41
Speaker
Okay. So stress comes mostly from, this is part of mindful parenting because it's mindfulness, that
00:05:51
Speaker
When we do not accept the reality, let's say you're in New York, you want to grab the subway and then you run down the stairs and you almost get to go inside the train and then the doors closed. And what do people do? Oh, no. Right? No. And then you look at maybe a bus or a bus, and you look at the bus driver's neck and back of the head like, oh, yeah.
00:06:18
Speaker
That person looks bad, must be bad, must be enjoying, you know, doing these, all these stories, right? So we are not accepting the reality. The reality is the door's closed. You miss the bus. So when you do that, then you cannot think to find a solution. So you just have to accept what happened. It's true. It happened. So what are you going to do? And then you have to think of a solution. OK, do I wait for the next train?
00:06:48
Speaker
take a taxi, do I, there are other ways to, I mean, you have to find a solution. So the stress comes from not accepting the reality.
00:07:03
Speaker
Understood. So understanding our realities and accepting the truth can help change our mindsets. What about people like me, for example, who have kids with special needs or are single parents and have more responsibility and a lot of things to accept? How do we handle that? Well, I mean, one way, I mean, there are different
00:07:33
Speaker
tools and skills that I teach in my program. But yes, accept the reality team. Accept that, you know, your child is, you know, what it is. Also, let's say a single mom, maybe you're not going to be able to be like, you know, reach those perfect standards of let's say, you know, maybe you're normally late for school, right?
00:08:03
Speaker
I'm just giving an example. And the fear and the pressure we feel in the morning to get out the door and get to school, part of it is because of the stories we tell in our minds that if we are late, the teachers, the administrators, the principal, whoever is going to judge us, that's part of the stress. The fear of the judgment, because when people judge us,
00:08:30
Speaker
For our bodies, it feels like we are in danger. Right. Right. It does something to our adrenaline, doesn't it? Yeah. And the cortisol. And it has to do with how humans evolved in small tribes. And if people in your tribe didn't like you and they told you to leave, you would die within a couple of weeks. So it was immense death. So it is still ingrained in our primitive part of the brain that people are not liking us or judging us.
00:09:00
Speaker
they could reject us, it could mean death. So, but that's why mindfulness is so important because you look at how your mind is thinking all these things. And most of the times when we start the things that minds think are completely absurd and crazy. I mean, even like Buddhist teachers say, like where our minds are,
00:09:30
Speaker
we're tense or we're stressed out, it's nonsense, it's pure nonsense. And then also when people argue with people or whatever, people are stressed out and they say something to us, something rude or mean, it's also nonsense. Because when we are in our stressed out minds, we just say nonsense because after you said those things, you feel bad. I say, wow, how could I have said that? That's not me. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you regret it. That wasn't you.
00:09:59
Speaker
And if someone is mean to you, it wasn't them also. Absolutely. So lowering expectations or just not worrying so much about what other people think about us.
00:10:13
Speaker
and just trying to get our day-to-day tasks done successfully and healthfully or healthfully is key. And I think something that I've been juggling with is just letting things go sometimes, right? Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, the pressure of, let's say, let's say you plan, okay, this Sunday, this Saturday, I'm going to go
00:10:41
Speaker
I'm gonna go with my kids to this place or this museum or this special place. And then in the morning you have a headache and you don't feel like it. And then you feel like, okay, let's go. And you're not in the best mood and they're not in the best mood. And then maybe you go and then everybody's in a bad mood. Like, you know what? That day you should have stayed home and just in your pajamas and just, you know, play board games or whatever, you know? But yeah, keep life simple. Yeah.
00:11:08
Speaker
Symbol is key.
Holiday Stress Reduction Strategies
00:11:11
Speaker
But you know, the holidays are coming up and it becomes even more stressful and even more expectations and family obligations. What are some tips that you have for parents to make things less stressful during the holidays? Okay, the holidays are to be enjoyed. So obligations, forget about obligations. Do what you feel like doing.
00:11:37
Speaker
Set boundaries. My program, I teach what is called mindful boundaries, which is a super, super effective, smart way to set boundaries. And the other person does not feel offended, doesn't feel attacked, and the other person responds in a positive way. So yeah, setting boundaries,
00:12:07
Speaker
this day, I cannot go here, we cannot be there, or we can only be there for a couple of hours, or let's say about decorating the house, decorate less, or don't decorate if it's too much for you. I mean, you can just say, put boundaries for yourself. You don't even have to tell other people, just like, no, I'm not going to do this, I'm not going to do that. Just take the list of things that you're supposed to do and see if you can just do half of them.
00:12:37
Speaker
And if people have a problem with some of the things that you don't want to do, you know, just be empathetic and understanding, tell them that you understand they're disappointed, but this is for your own health, mental health. And they can be disappointed. It's okay. People can be disappointed. It's no problem.
00:12:56
Speaker
Right. It's not the end of the world if we disappoint a few people. No. I think that's the important thing. You talk about your program,
Parents with Superpowers Academy
00:13:05
Speaker
Anna. Can you describe what your program is and the Parents with Superpowers Academy? Yes. So it's different superpowers. They don't feel like they have a lot of power because they don't have the right tools.
00:13:25
Speaker
It's like maybe you want to dig a hole on the ground. Instead of using a shovel made of iron, you're using a shovel made of rubber. It's like, do you need the right tools for your children to be eager to collaborate and happy to listen? And one of the reasons children do not listen is because
00:13:55
Speaker
of resentment that has been built up. And also part of it also is because a natural human instinct that is called counter will, that is to resist when we are coerced, resist to do something when we feel coerced. And if parents are overreacting, parents are yelling or snapping or being impatient, that is gonna push the child to be
00:14:22
Speaker
more resisting, you know, resist more the parent's influence or, you know, instructions or whatever it is. So that's why the number one superpower is mindfulness. Because with that, you don't use your temper, you don't overreact and your child needs, feels safe. And if your child feels safe, they will want to please you, they will want to listen to you, they will want to
00:14:52
Speaker
You will be the leader. You will be their favorite leader. And parents are like orchestra conductors. So if you sometimes overreact or impatient or snappy or whatever, your children are the instruments, how do you think they're going to play? What kind of music are they going to play? That's such a good example. Yes. So the number one superpower is
00:15:18
Speaker
being able to be a conductor that is playing soft, loving, patient music. And then your children would feel safe, not resentful, and they wouldn't feel the need to resist you, your authority. They will be actually eager to follow your guidance. It's never going to be 100% because that doesn't exist.
00:15:47
Speaker
Um, if we can expect of ourselves a hundred percent perfection either. But yeah, that's the number one superpower. And then there are other tools, superpowers that I use are extremely easy to use and extremely effective. I can give you like one example. Okay. So let's say, let me give you two examples. Like what is self persuasion?
00:16:16
Speaker
When a person decides the rules of something or how they're going to do something, when they are the ones deciding it, even putting it in writing, they are more likely to follow that. So let's say you want your children to plan for the mornings to get ready. You have them, you see with them say, okay, let's make a plan. Why are we going to do the first thing after you wake up? Okay, we're going to do this. We're going to let them choose the order.
00:16:45
Speaker
And then later you stop being the bad cop. You are like, well, you decide, you know, the, the, the list, you know, that you made here says that you actually do this and they don't do that. And because they chose it, they are more willing to follow. Which is their rules. And then another one is people think, you know, forever have thought that by criticizing
00:17:14
Speaker
Let's say a child that's not doing homework and I say, oh, you don't do homework, what are you doing? And you say you were going to do it at five and you're doing it. That is a recipe for disaster. If you want your child to hate homework, that's what you do. But if you want your child to be basically addicted to homework as much as the video games they're playing, you do what video games do, which is every little
00:17:43
Speaker
win. Let's say your child does only 10 minutes of homework. You celebrate that big time because in a video game when the child gets to a certain level or whatever, I don't know because I don't play video games, there are all these fireworks and very exciting
00:18:02
Speaker
So if you do that every time your child does only just five minutes, 10 minutes of homework and you do that, you do like a party, you know, like I call it the party hat. You put the party hat on and you celebrate and the different things that you say, very simple that you do. This is based on neuroscience. Every time you do that after they do like say homework right after and you do that for like a week or two, you're done. That child is going to be loving doing homework.
00:18:30
Speaker
So Anna, when you talk about superpowers, can you tell me what's the most important superpower for us to have? Yeah. Like I said earlier, number one is being able to stay calm, to stay compassionate, and to stay patient. That's the number one. And it's the hardest because if we have the habit
00:19:00
Speaker
of being triggered and then we're reacting and we get into that trance that we just say and do the wrong things. That is what creates this distance between a parent and a child and the child stops listening. Okay. Anna, you have a free guide for listeners, right? What is this guide and where can they get it?
Resources for Parents: Guide and Training
00:19:25
Speaker
Yes. They can get it today, right now.
00:19:30
Speaker
going to my website, which is Anna with one N. So it's annavega.co. It's not that com, it's .co. So annavega.co. And Anna is with one N. And then on the homepage, they can see that you can sign up to get this guide. It's a guide. It's entitled, How
00:19:58
Speaker
how to prevent family meltdowns before they happen. I cannot wait to get my hands on this. And you are going to be so, so, so surprised of what you're going to learn there. Why children throw tantrums or have meltdowns and two tools that I give to change that.
00:20:27
Speaker
But it's going to be very surprising how it is. And then in that guide, you can get it for free. Also, I invite your listeners to then also apply to, I'm going to have a free mini training, live mini training, where I'm going to go even deeper with this.
00:20:54
Speaker
Excellent. When is that mini training happening? Do you have a date yet? It will happen in a couple of weeks or so. So just sign up, you know, and then I will be sending emails. It will stand in advance about it. And then, yeah. Excellent. Once you have that date, Anna, I will post it on my social media as well. And when we
00:21:22
Speaker
get everything live with this podcast. We'll have it in our notes as well so everyone can tune in to your live training and grab that free guide. I know I will as soon as I'm done speaking with you today. Yeah. And if someone wants to talk to me, they can email me or to my website, email me, and then we can schedule a discovery call to see if I can help them. All right.
00:21:52
Speaker
Anna, thank you so much for your time today. I hope that you can come back and we can dive deeper into other topics in another episode. Yes, I would love to do that and tell you kinds of stories of how I have failed as a parent too.
00:22:09
Speaker
All of us do, but I think the saying is if you feel like you're not parenting right, you're parenting right. Because if you're already concerned about the way that you're parenting, you're already there. You're already a good parent. So thank you so much, Anna. And for all of our listeners to learn more about Anna and her work and how to get help
00:22:31
Speaker
go to annavega.co or you can email her at hello.annavega.co at gmail.com. Great. Thank you, Cynthia. This was lovely. Thank you. Thanks so much.
00:22:50
Speaker
Before I let you all go, I want to give you one of my parenting hacks for battling burnout and fatigue. It's staying hydrated. My days tend to be nonstop, sometimes 12 to 16 hours straight, and that includes intense workouts too.
00:23:06
Speaker
So I add one packet of liquid IV to my water in the mornings, especially during the gym, and it hydrates me two times faster than water alone. I love that I could take the packets anywhere and they taste really good. My personal favorite is strawberry lemonade, but there's so many flavors to choose from and they even have sugar free options. It's such a win for anyone who needs a little extra hydration, especially now during cold and flu season.
00:23:34
Speaker
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