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Sarah Gilson, Ten Tequila Shots & Male Entitlement | Ep. 331
22 Plays3 days ago
What does it actually mean for a man to be independent?
Bruce and Jay start with an argument from the Pink Pill Rx podcast: independent women get talked about constantly, but nobody talks about independent men. A woman gets the label for earning her own money and handling things traditionally assigned to men. A man who cooks, cleans, runs his home, and parents rarely gets it. Why does self-sufficiency read as masculine on a woman and feminine on a man?
That opens a bigger question about men as providers and protectors. Can a man call himself a provider after helping build a system that restricted women from providing for themselves? And who are women being protected from, when the threat is so often another man?
From there the conversation turns to Sarah Gilson. After allegations against her estranged husband, she did everything she was supposed to do: got a protective order, spoke publicly about what her family was facing. Bruce and Jay sit with what her story exposes about control, accountability, and why leaving danger does not automatically mean a person is safe.
Then it lands somewhere lighter but just as revealing: a DC rooftop party, ten Don Julio tequila shots, and a little over $200 quietly dropped onto somebody else's bar tab.
What do people believe they have the right to take from somebody else?
#IndependentMen #SarahGilson #ToxicMasculinity #MaleEntitlement #RelationshipBoundaries #DomesticViolenceAwareness #GenderRoles #podcast #UnsolicitedPerspectives #CoerciveControl #FamilyBoundaries #Accountability #knowthesigns
Chapters:
00:00:00 The Excuses We Make When Someone's Boundaries Get In the Way 🚧🧠⚠️
00:02:14 Why Ignoring Someone's Messages Can Still Feel Deeply Personal 📱😬🫥
00:04:20 Pink Pill Rx Exposes What Men and Women Are Actually Taught 🎙️🧠💬
00:05:52 Independent Men Do Not Exist and Nobody Ever Flips the Script 🧹🍳👨
00:12:14 Men Never Provided, They Restricted How Women Provide Themselves 💰🚫⚖️
00:15:56 How Welfare Rules Helped Push Black Fathers Out of the Home 🏠💸⚠️
00:17:14 Girls Mature Faster, Yet They Never Get Handed More Authority 👧🧠⚖️
00:20:04 How Maturity Became an Excuse to Sexualize Adolescent Girls 🚨👧🛑
00:24:54 Sarah Gilson Followed Every Rule and Still Wasn't Protected 💔🚨🕯️
00:27:00 When Public Accountability Feels Like a Threat to Male Control 📱⚠️🧨
00:32:30 Why He Treated Her Autonomy Like a Personal Rejection of Him 🚪🧠⚠️
00:36:00 How Control Escalates When a Man Feels His Power Slipping Away 🎛️⚠️🕯️
00:39:05 See the Signs and Get Out, Then When She Speaks Just Listen 🧭🛡️❤️
00:42:58 Ten Tequila Shots Somehow End Up on Somebody Else's Bar Tab 🥃💳😳
00:46:15 A $200 Bar Tab Suddenly Exposes a Much Bigger Family Problem 💸👀🔥
00:48:02 Why People Stay Silent When Their Own Family Crosses a Line 🤐👀⚠️
00:56:44 What Do You Believe You Have the Right to Take From Other People 🧠💰🚫
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Transcript
The Importance of Boundaries
00:00:00
Speaker
What happens when somebody decides their comfort, control, or good time matters more than your boundaries? We're going to get into it. Let's get
00:00:20
Speaker
Welcome. First of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I am your host, Bruce Anthony, here to lead the conversation in important events and topics that are shaping today's society. Join the conversation and follow us wherever you get your audio podcasts. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for our video podcasts, YouTube exclusive content, and our YouTube membership.
Introducing the Hosts and Themes
00:00:39
Speaker
Rate, review, like, comment, share. Share with your friends, share it with your family, hell, even share with your enemies. On today's episode, it's the Sibling Happy. I'm here with my sis, J. Andrea.
00:00:52
Speaker
The excuses we make when somebody else's boundaries get in the way, the tragic case of Sarah Gilson, and a crazy bar store. That's what we're going be getting into, but that's enough of the intro.
00:01:03
Speaker
Let's get to the show.
Digital Overwhelm and Communication Gaps
00:01:12
Speaker
What up, sis? What up, brudda? I can't call it. I can't call it. I sent you something. I've sent you a lot of things on. You have. And you have not gone through them yet. And so. I have not. No. I saw something that I thought would be a good topic for the show. So I texted it to you directly and you still didn't respond to it. So I'm going to be real honest. You did text. You texted it to me? Yep.
00:01:33
Speaker
I sent you a personal text. Via text message. Via text message. Yes. I message. me specifically. To you specifically. Yes. Is it in a group chat? No.
00:01:46
Speaker
There it is. There it is. Right there. Right there on Monday. Okay. Well. Yep. Send to That is on me because I...
00:01:58
Speaker
Did not see that. Okay. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I wanted you to to look at it before we got to it, but but that's okay. Hey, look, I understand that sometimes, you know, wanting to talk to your big brother it's not cool.
00:02:13
Speaker
And then guess I'm just getting older and I guess I ain't cool no more. And you just, hope you don't, you don't respond to my text messages. You don't respond to my DMs. I mean, that's evident. I think I got like three months worth of DMs that you have to respond to. have no argument like that. You are absolutely right. It's not personal though. It is 100% across the board for everyone in my life right now. And I deeply apologize. I am so behind on emails.
00:02:44
Speaker
DMs, text messages, phone calls. I owe people phone calls. I've owned owed people phone calls for weeks. So that is 100% on me. That is on me. And I don't have any excuse.
00:02:58
Speaker
ah And I'm sorry, everybody. i'm I'm issuing a public apology to my brother and to everybody that I owe contact to. ah I am sorry. Fuck.
00:03:11
Speaker
You know, it is something that I think is is like, it's a me thing that I need to work through because that bothers me. I've stopped talking to friends because I'm like, hey, look, I just sent you some DMs.
00:03:26
Speaker
I just sent you some reels. And the stuff I send is funny because yeah if I laugh, I know other people going to laugh, right? Yeah, not denying that. It is funny stuff. Yeah. And they don't respond back to it, but yet send me something. It, it,
00:03:42
Speaker
pisses me off. And it's got to the point where I'm so behind and it's so much stuff that it's literally like I have to sit down and like dedicate an hour or two to go through everything, return calls, return messages and stuff. And it's like, where am I going to find that time? Because every time I think I'll do it this weekend and somebody call, we're doing this and this and this this weekend. I'm like, well, there goes that.
00:04:06
Speaker
Here goes another week of me not responding
Exploring Male Independence and Gender Roles
00:04:09
Speaker
to things. At this point, you might as well just chalk it up to the game. You might as well just send mass text message and just be like, sorry. Hey, guys, let's all start over from today. all right Well, what I sent you was a reel. And the reel is, I want to shout out the podcast. It's called Pink Pill Rx. It's hosted by our husband and wife team, Kate and Jay Fillmore. They describe it as a fast pace. They call it an ADHD-laced educational show about the gap between what mimit what not women what men and women get taught That might be a new thing. Memmen? It might be. yeah it's ah It's a show that talks about the gap between what men and women get taught about women's real-lived experiences. So it's big on critical thinking and open dialogue, and they came with some
00:04:59
Speaker
really interesting clips that i was like a friend of mine sent them to me and i was like you just helped produce the show because yeah i'm going to talk about this in the first segment with my sister because i think the show have a interesting take on it so there are three topics pink pill rx yeah pink pill rx once again that's katie and jay philmore you can find them on tiktok instagram and youtube at KTERS88, that's K-A-T-O-R-S-H-H, or just search PinkPillRx on any of those social medias. So the first topic,
00:05:37
Speaker
i I created these on labels, but I'm going to give you a synopsis of what the reels were talking about, especially since you didn't watch them or listening listen to them, even though I sent them to you. All right. Independent men don't exist. That's topic number one.
00:05:52
Speaker
They said, the problem isn't that women are independent now. It's that men aren't. A working husband comes home to a cooked meal. A working wife comes home to cook the meal. The phrase independent man doesn't even exist because we call a woman independent when she can do for herself what a man normally does for her.
00:06:16
Speaker
But nobody has ever flipped it By that same standard, an independent man is one who can do for himself what he used a woman to do, what he's used to having a woman do for him. Cook, clean, hands-on parenting. So I was just like, well, yeah, no.
00:06:32
Speaker
The idea of an independent man has never been brought up. Yeah. I mean, independence, like inherently in the idea of independence is masculinity, right?
00:06:44
Speaker
So that's why you get a lot of pushback with the term independent. well We don't want all these independent women because they're equating it to masculinity, right? Because it's a woman who can pay her own bills and... you know, takes out her own garbage and, you know, goes to get her own oil changed or whatever. Things that are typically... Or changes the oil herself.
00:07:07
Speaker
Or changes the oil herself. Things that are, like, typically thought of in society as, like, male-centered or masculine things. But the inverse doesn't exist. Like, nobody flipped it, right? Because an independent man, somebody who can cook clean, do hands-on parenting, like,
00:07:29
Speaker
Nobody, our society doesn't want that. Our society doesn't want independent men? Our society does, ah the patriarchy does not want that. And our society runs on the patriarchy. So the patriarchy does not want men in a in a like household, cooking, cleaning, hands-on parenting.
00:07:55
Speaker
Women want it. Like, heterosexual women want it. We do want that. But ah society as a whole, if it's operating under a patriarchal model, does not want that. Because those things are seen as inherently feminine.
00:08:09
Speaker
And we all know that the idea of masculinity is anything that is not feminine. To the point where you got guys out here, man, I don't even really, don't really even care about these females out here. Okay, you don't like women because...
00:08:25
Speaker
Women are the feminine and you're supposed to hate things that are feminine. So that's why. Yeah. No, of course, nobody flipped it. To create space for men to tap into their nurturing side. Nobody, nobody did that. Nobody's doing that.
00:08:41
Speaker
That's crazy because I'm going to start referring to myself as an independent man because i have lived on my own. I got divorced, I don't know, 14 years ago and have lived
Challenging Hyper-Masculine Norms
00:08:51
Speaker
on my own ever since. I cook and clean thoroughly clean. yeah yeah I'm anal about being clean in every place except for the bedroom. That's where all my junk lies. But I cook and clean of taking care of myself and was a single parent. Single parent, as this was a it was a pet. But I was a single parent. who took care of the dog all by myself for 14 years. So I'm going to start calling myself an independent man. It's funny when you bring up masculinity or toxic masculinity. I wish I had it sourced right now. I don't. But there's this Instagram influencer.
00:09:26
Speaker
And yes, I started following her because I think she's gorous she's gorgeous. But she's Puerto Rican and in and New York. And she does this, like, these red pill mock podcasts with this other dude. Gotcha.
00:09:37
Speaker
m And they were talking about, she pretends that she's a man and she's on the podcast with another man. and they And they're always talking about how, you know, I don't even like, why would you want to be with a woman who's been with other men?
00:09:51
Speaker
That's like me kissing men. I might as well get her out the way and just go to kissing men. I would rather kick it with you and be with you as opposed to be with the women. Basically implying that these men are all close closeted gay. When you get these hyper-masculine men, that's what they actually are. They're compensating for something.
00:10:12
Speaker
I will tell you something. i I might have sent it to you. I might not have because I already knew I was behind on DM, so I probably didn't send it to you. But there was a podcast. It was three young Black men, probably Gen and they were talking about how they don't shower after hooping, you know, playing basketball with their friends. Right.
00:10:39
Speaker
and what And they don't shower because they don't want to be in the shower thinking about their friends. So one of the men posed a question.
00:10:53
Speaker
What do you do if you're about to see a shorty that night? Like, do you take a shower? And they all, like, unanimously like, nah, still can't do it. And it's just like... What?
00:11:04
Speaker
What sense does that mean? Yes. What? They're so afraid of of the potential for homosexual thoughts that they will not shower if they just came back from playing basketball with the homies.
00:11:21
Speaker
Oh, brothers. Might as well go ahead and lean into that. and And it's because they don't want their friends to cross their mind. while they're showering.
00:11:32
Speaker
Well, okay. who It's deep. It's deep. So you want to talk about why is there no term independent man? That's why. it's that the The patriarchy is that like deep and insidious and like that it's just... And the homophobia, of course. But like I saw that and I was like, this isn't a parody. like This isn't Please find that and send that to me. Yeah, because I will. Oh, my goodness. All right, let's go on to topic number two that was on the Pink Pill Rx podcast that I came up with the title of this topic.
Re-evaluating Provider Roles and Female Restrictions
00:12:10
Speaker
Men never provide.
00:12:12
Speaker
They restrict it. This is what I mean. They said, historically, men never actually provided for women. They restricted women for providing for themselves. They made laws so women couldn't work or they couldn't do certain work at all. Then turned around and said, we're the providers. Good thing you got us. So yeah when men always talk about they're the providers and the protectors, and another comment that they made during this clip that I didn't write down in the notes, but I'm remembering now
00:12:44
Speaker
When men say they're the providers and protectors, it's because they restricted women to be able to provide for themselves for so long, right? mean, we're talking in the 1970s. And then the question needs to be asked, you're protecting women, but you're protecting them from whom?
00:13:03
Speaker
right Other men. So are you truly the protector? Or you're just the aggressor? And I was like, yo, they dropping bombs on this one, because that's that's some truth. I never thought of it like that. Men are the providers.
00:13:18
Speaker
We're the restrictors. Yeah, and i i I want to be clear that that's a certain kind of woman, right? Like, the Black women were allowed to work. In fact, we were forced to work outside of the home.
00:13:32
Speaker
We were only allowed to work certain, like, domestic jobs. And, of course, we couldn't have... you know bank accounts or own property or things like that. And then, you know, was there any equal protection like labor laws? Like, no. Right. So they were still being what's the word I'm looking for when people use you? Manipulate it.
00:13:55
Speaker
No. They were still being exploited. Exploited, okay. Right. Just in a different way. so so but they were still being underpaid. so men They were still being underpaid. And in that household, the men were still technically the providers because men could get jobs that women couldn't do that could pay a wage where they could provide.
00:14:17
Speaker
Well, then you have when women were able like later in the 70s or whatever, go out and and get their own jobs. Then you have women trying to apply for social programs and being forced to not have a male in the home in order to be able to enroll in the in social programs like welfare. That's that's a question. that's ah That's a comment that often does not get explained. You have all these...
00:14:50
Speaker
hate influencers that love to say, well, there aren't a lot of Black men in the home. Well, historically, you have created an economic system that has put a group of people in poverty for generations. Then you say, well, we're going to give you programs, social programs, to help you economically. However...
00:15:14
Speaker
If there's a man in the house, you can't get him. So the man has to leave the house in order to help take care of the family. And that's a dynamic that these people who say black men aren't in the home, which, by the way, is statistically speaking, black men are overwhelmingly in the home. yes But that that's something that when these people bring that up, they don't they don't they conveniently leave that out.
00:15:39
Speaker
Right, because our society says the man is supposed to provide and protect. So if there is a male in the household, then there's no reason why you should need access to these social programs, except for the fact that ain't no jobs. And the jobs that there are don't pay enough. And even if both of y'all are working multiple jobs, you still might not have enough to afford daycare, and now you'll need daycare, right, to afford groceries, housing, all of these things. So you still need access to social programs anyway, but just to make it that more much more difficult to keep the Black family together, those kind of restrictions were implemented. And so we also have to make sure that we remember that.
00:16:24
Speaker
But yeah, this is absolutely true. you can't say... I'm providing for you. Be grateful. When my response is, well, I probably could do this myself. Would you let me? You're like, no.
00:16:41
Speaker
Like that doesn't, you know what I'm saying? You know, so is it that you're a provider or are you someone who just restricts access so that women are solely reliant on you? Yeah.
00:16:57
Speaker
All right, here's the last one. And this one is going to hit a little differently. So I want you guys to to sit back and think about this, like truly, truly
Maturity Narratives and Gender Expectations
00:17:05
Speaker
think about this. So they said on a podcast, notice how girls mature faster than boys is never used as a reason to give girls more power or authority. It only gets used to hold girls to a higher standard than boys and to justify grown men being attracted to teenage girls.
00:17:23
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:17:25
Speaker
If girls really mature faster, shouldn't they be the natural born leaders? Yeah, you see all these experiments, right, where they take a group of young boys and put them in a house for a week for them to run the house themselves. And then they also do that with a group of young girls. I mean, maybe around the ages of 10 and 11.
00:17:49
Speaker
And the boys devolve into complete and utter chaos. this What is that? Lord of the Flies. Lord of the Flies. Yes. The girls came up with a chore chart, rotated cooking, had like craft time that they just spent time together, completely organized and efficiently run.
00:18:10
Speaker
So, yes, if girls mature faster, which I don't know scientifically if that is the case, but I think it's more that— There's been more than a few stories that has backed up that claim that not only do women—not only do the females mature physically faster than boys, mentally and emotionally, they absolutely mature faster than boys. But how much of that is nature versus nurture? Like how much of that is we, even in the way little girls play, right? We give them dolls.
00:18:48
Speaker
We give them cooking equipment. We give them, you know, little vacuums and stuff to teach them responsibility. That's true. Right? Yeah. But boys, they just get a Tonka truck, some wrestling men,
00:19:02
Speaker
You know, right? And no one is teaching them how to care for things, who how to care for themselves. Speaking to me and our brother, because we got talking, talking to him, wrestling men.
00:19:14
Speaker
Well, all little boys did, right? so yeah so yeah So is it that girls are actually maturing faster or are we putting responsibility on them earlier than we are with boys? Yeah.
00:19:28
Speaker
i guess so I guess, yes. I guess you have a very valid point there. I want to talk about one of the main comments that they said is that I never thought about it this way. When saying that little girls are girls mature faster than boys, it gives men an out to be able to sexualize young girls. And when you look at it,
00:19:52
Speaker
Just in our generation, don't even go back to the 60s or the 70s. Go back to the late 90s and early 2000s. Britney Spears came out with, oops, I did it again. She was clearly 15 or 16 years old.
00:20:04
Speaker
Yes. Grown men. grown men. In sexually suggestive clothing, sexually suggestive dancing. she was in a schoolgirl outfit. Yes. yeah yeah and And when this, when they came, when the Pink Rx, Pink Pill Rx podcast clip came up, I was like, oh my God.
00:20:25
Speaker
Yes. It's the reason why ah Not to get political, but and go on to anyway. The Epstein files, we look at that completely different because they were teenage girls as opposed to little girls.
00:20:41
Speaker
e Because people say, well, women mature faster. So it's almost grown men being married off to teenage brides going back to the colonial times. Hell, going back to the beginning of the 19th century. beginning of time. Yeah, but well, the beginning of the 19th century here.
00:21:00
Speaker
Yeah. Being married off guys 25 years old marrying 14, 15-year-old brides. I never thought about it like that. But by that comment has a m conscious and subconscious kind of meaning to it that gives society or men a pass
00:21:26
Speaker
on young girls. Yeah. And not just that, but also it it gives older women a pass, right? Because how often have you heard, well, she out there being fast.
00:21:39
Speaker
Yeah. Right. well Even women sexualize yeah girls as a as a justification for the treatment that they receive from men.
00:21:50
Speaker
and it And I think a lot of it is tied to menstruation, right? Like they think, okay, once that the common thing is that once ah a girl starts to menstruate, well, then she's able to have children. You're a woman now. That's what everybody tells you. You're a woman now. No, I'm 11. Right.
00:22:11
Speaker
Right. You know what i mean? yeah and so they're saying, oh, well, that that is the point at which a girl is now mature and is she can have children, and so therefore she's eligible for marriage. That's a child.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yeah. No. No. And so we need to start de-emphasizing that, yes, is that a pivotal moment in a young girl's life? Yes. We should not be attaching that to maturity.
00:22:46
Speaker
Exactly. But ladies and gentlemen, once again, that is the Pink Pill Rx podcast hosted by the married couple, the husband and wife of Katie and Jay Fillmore.
The Tragic Case of Sarah Gilson
00:22:57
Speaker
You can Google search that on any social media platform. Also, they're on YouTube at KTERS88, K-A-T-O-R-S-8-8.
00:23:08
Speaker
Next up, we're going to get into a horrific story of a young woman and, uh, I don't know, ladies and gentlemen, parental discretion is advised.
00:23:29
Speaker
right, Jay, like I said, at the last segment, this next segment is parental discretion advised. This is a truly, truly sad story. And it just hit the news this week.
00:23:40
Speaker
and And there's no real way to sugarcoat this or ease into it, but her name was Sarah Gilson. She was an Oklahoma mom. She had two kids and what happens to her connects to what we just said in the last segment about independent women.
00:23:58
Speaker
toxic masculinity and patriarchy. So Sarah Gilson was 43. She was unalived just last week, July 23rd, by her estranged husband, Jeremiah Sean Duffy, who was 48, and an apparent murder-suicide. Duffy was a youth basketball coach, and he was accused, I have to stress this throughout the entire segment, and so let me say at the top, he was accused.
00:24:25
Speaker
He was accused in June of inappropriately touching a 15-year-old player, reportedly caught by another coach who stepped in. Police said the alleged conduct spanned an extended period, multiple jurisdictions, and multiple states.
00:24:39
Speaker
On June 10, Sarah was notified, got an emergency protective order, a 100-yard stay-away order, and it was later extended. On July 11, she went public on a TikTok,
00:24:50
Speaker
With that Netflix documentary trend. So this is what got her national attention, right? So she went on Instagram or TikTok. that na That Netflix documentary trend sat down and basically was like, call him a pedophile.
00:25:08
Speaker
What do you do when your husband is a pedophile or something like that? And it got 15 million views.
00:25:16
Speaker
That was July 11th. On July 20, I forgot July 23rd, her son called 911 and said his stepfather shot his mother.
00:25:27
Speaker
Two kids were left behind. To be clear, once again, he was never charged with anything before he unalived her and himself.
00:25:38
Speaker
So this story hit me because she did everything right. Yeah. She was separating from her husband. She got a protective order. And he comes and unalives her.
00:25:53
Speaker
Yeah. And then himself. Now, everything is alleged as far as his accusation, as far as the accusations against him. However... a hit dog will holler. Right. However, when you when this is your response...
00:26:11
Speaker
Yeah. So just there's more to this story, but just those are the facts right now. ah just want to get your take on things.
00:26:23
Speaker
I think, I mean, I won't claim to know his his mind or his motivations, but I think that the going public portion
00:26:39
Speaker
And his reaction to that, unaliving her and then unaliving himself, that it had everything to do with the fact that she went public and and and instead of him taking accountability, right, for what she's even saying and what he is allegedly, a you know, what he is being accused of,
00:27:06
Speaker
Instead of taking that accountability, what do you do? You put it outward and you lash out and you make two children orphans. It is disgusting, but also predictable.
00:27:23
Speaker
Right? when Because I say this a lot, but the the fear is a a woman asserting her autonomy. Right? That's the main fear.
00:27:36
Speaker
So her, you know, reporting this, getting that protective order, and then making a public statement of like, rebuke of the, or like, hey, I don't condone this. I don't.
00:27:54
Speaker
know anything about, you know, whatever her statement was. She technically didn't make a statement. It was the Netflix trend. So all she had was some words on there and her sitting down in the chair with that Netflix documentary theme. So she yeah technically didn't say she didn't say anything, but she said everything.
00:28:12
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. When instead of the quote unquote standing by your man, right? Where instead of being a quote unquote ride or die, realize that on the other side of ride is die.
00:28:28
Speaker
Yeah, yeah well yeah. Okay? So that's not really a great choice. In any circumstance, right? Ride or die. In any circumstance, yeah. Ride or die?
00:28:41
Speaker
Right. That I either support you unconditionally and unequivocally, or I die. And honestly, that unconditional support might still also lead to death.
00:28:56
Speaker
Mm-hmm. So you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. And I think it's 100%. It's like when when someone upsets you and you tell them, hey, I don't like that. I don't like what you did. i would like an apology.
00:29:14
Speaker
And they start to police your tone as opposed to taking, well, I don't like how you came at me like that just now. Hold on now. Don't ruin my closing monologue. I got a whole closing monologue about that. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you know what? We're going to get into it. But keep going on because I touch on that in my closing monologue. Yeah. Instead of him taking accountability,
00:29:40
Speaker
it's more about her outing him in such a public way. Mm-hmm. No, he couldn't live with himself. So he ultimately unalived himself, but he was going take her too, because how dare you not ride or die?
00:30:00
Speaker
And it's, it's, that's another thing I say all the time. You know, i watch a lot of crime shows. You do. i love them. I love them documentaries. I love them like most women. And what I've noticed by and large, nine times out of 10, if a woman ends up in prison or unalived, it is behind a man.
00:30:22
Speaker
It is. Can't the same kit and same thing be said about men? That any time a man ends up dead or in prison, it's over a woman? No. Oh, okay. Think about it. ah No. ah Men can end up unalived or in prison for a myriad of things.
00:30:41
Speaker
Most of the time, it might be a man killing a man. And not be woman involved. Sometimes. Take drugs. and Take drugs. You get caught with drugs.
00:30:51
Speaker
That man got caught with drugs. Hold on. He gone away. mary The woman gets caught with drugs. Hold on. But let me say, the woman gets caught with drugs. She was holding it for a man. All right. Look, I'm not a... yeah Okay.
00:31:07
Speaker
You're right. First off, let me just state... You are absolutely right. I'm about bring up some outliers okay that are exceptions to the rule.
00:31:18
Speaker
okay Mary and Barry was set up. If you watch that videotape, She kept pressuring him to to smoke that crack, and he just wanted to get him some.
00:31:30
Speaker
So when I say... He could have said no. like No, he can't say no. He wanted to get him some. He came to that hotel. He was roping all up on her. He wanted him some. And he was like, I'm just going to smoke this little bit of crack.
00:31:44
Speaker
Yeah, you can't... I don't say... i don't think that there is a world in which you say, I'm just going smoke this little bit of crack. There's no world in which that's an acceptable statement. To get to what I want, I'm just going smoke a little bit of crack but to get to where I ultimately want to go. That's not a thing. Men will do a lot to get to what they want.
00:32:04
Speaker
Case of point, Jeremiah did a lot to get to what he want, and what he wanted was to have complete control over Sarah.
00:32:16
Speaker
that's that That's why he did this. it it it it It wasn't solely because he was hurt. He was hurt because he realized, i don't have control over you anymore. Yeah.
00:32:28
Speaker
You're not doing what I want you to do. She has asserted her autonomy. And that is the biggest fear. That is why men can't stand independent women.
00:32:39
Speaker
Well, wait a minute. We got rid of that term, just women in general. We didn't get rid of it. We created independent men. Okay, you're right. Well, I want to create independent men and get rid of independent women. Because to me, women have, once again, i'm speaking in generalities, don't bring up the exceptions to the rules, ladies and gentlemen. People love to do that. Yeah, you. Yeah.
00:33:02
Speaker
No, I just did it because I just wanted to break in that Marion Barry joke. Because he was set up. He he was was set up, okay? Watch that video again. Ladies and gentlemen, watch that video again. Marion Barry. The headline is Mayor of DC Caught Crack.
00:33:20
Speaker
But my headline is, Mayor D.C. caught crack because he was trying to get him something. That's my headline. None of it is good for the mayor of D.C. So none of it's good. He was a single man, I think. Or maybe he was cheating on his wife, but that's also apropos for a mayor. All I know is Marion Barry was the mayor of D.C. and he smoked crack. That's all I know. I think that... i think people...
00:33:49
Speaker
I was talking to somebody about this earlier. And ladies and gentlemen, bear with me. I'm i'm gathering my thoughts and on how i want to explain this because I'm doing a little bit detour. I was talking to a person earlier this week.
00:34:02
Speaker
And they said to me, Bruce, you give great relationship advice. And I was like, well, yeah I'm glad I give great relationship advice to other people because I'm horrible on it myself. And I said, but that makes sense. Most people can give great advice when it doesn't revolve around them. Once your emotions are attached into something, it becomes extremely different difficult to see, oh, I'm in a bad situation.
00:34:24
Speaker
Doctors make the worst patients. Yes. Exactly. And it is tough to see when you're in a relationship that the person that you're with is abusive. Because abuse can come in all different types of forms. And you could tell a story about growing up, at a childhood story to a complete stranger. And they'd be like, are you okay? And you're like, what are you talking about? Am I okay? We laughed that off. And it's truly traumatic that you laughed off.
00:34:52
Speaker
Yeah. That it takes a stranger to point that out to you. I say all that to say this. These characteristics from Jeremiah did not just pop up out of the blue.
00:35:04
Speaker
He's always been a controlling, manipulative man. And no, I don't know him. I wasn't sitting in it on any therapy sessions, never spoke to the man. But to go from you've never been charged for a crime in your life to unaliving not only your wife, but also yourself,
00:35:26
Speaker
says to me, you have always been a controlling, manipulating person. The rug has been pulled out from under you. The only way that you know how to respond is to take the ultimate control yeah of everything.
00:35:42
Speaker
Which is deciding whether or not somebody lives or dies. Right. And the reason why I brought up this story is definitely not to glorify what happened. I'm praying for the Gilson family.
00:35:55
Speaker
Yeah. Because there are two orphans now. Mm-hmm. That... that not only lost a mother, but also lost a stepfather. And I don't know how involved that stepfather was, but it was still in their life, right? That's no longer in their life.
00:36:15
Speaker
Sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, when you're in a situation and you've got other people on the outside telling you, hey, look, this ain't a good situation.
00:36:27
Speaker
Stop getting defensive. Take a step back and look at the field. I tell my friends, some of my female friends, they'll send me voice notes of situations that's going on yeah in their dating life.
00:36:41
Speaker
And I'll say, hey, I don't even need to respond. i need you to go back and listen to what you just sent me. Just go back and listen to it. Go back and listen to what you said your situation is right now and how you're trying to explain it. And when they go back and and listen, they're like, oh.
00:36:58
Speaker
Oh, I'm like, yeah, that's in your own words. that's yeah I don't have to say anything. How many times have we gotten caught telling something and being like, you know what, now that I say this out loud. Exactly. This is don't make no damn sense. Or or somebody repeating it back to us, like just a summary of what we just said. And you're like, well, when you put it that way.
00:37:21
Speaker
It's not good, but but ah buddh you're right. like And a lot of times, domestic violence or interpartner violence is is a ramp up. You know, it's kind of like that a frog in a pot of boiling water. If you put the frog in the water and then set it to boil, the frog won't jump out.
00:37:41
Speaker
But if you put a frog in boiling water, it's going to immediately try to jump out. yeah It's that slow ramp up where to to the point where by the time you realize that you are in it, you in it.
00:37:53
Speaker
Yeah. And so, yeah, it's a tough thing. And a lot of times, you know, there's denial involved and things like that. Or, you know, you you try to minimize things. So even when other people are coming to you and like, hey, I don't think this is right or...
00:38:11
Speaker
Are you sure you're okay? You're like, yeah, I'm cool. I'm go but good. I'm good. You know, don't don't minimize your suffering like that, especially when people start to point it out to you. That means it's very visible.
00:38:24
Speaker
Yeah. More visible than you think. So the reason why I brought this story up, because once again, like every episode, there's an overall
Recognizing Danger and Ensuring Safety
00:38:32
Speaker
theme. And I'll come to the conclusion and and bring it all together at the end of the episode. But we have to learn from these things that we see in the news. They can't be a, it's in the headline, it's out the headline tomorrow, and we didn't learn anything from it.
00:38:54
Speaker
What I want people to learn from it is two things. One, women, if you see the signs, get the hell out. Two, if a woman says she's in a bad situation, shut up and listen.
00:39:09
Speaker
And try to help her out the best way we can. Don't say, oh, he's a great guy. He's here with the kids. he He's a great coach. He's in the community. No. if somebody there He's a good man, Savannah. Don't do him like that. Don't do him like that. Listen. That's what we need to do. You need to listen and and prayers for Sarah Gilson and her family.
00:39:34
Speaker
yeah And that young girl, that 15-year-old, because there's a 15-year-old that allegedly was abused. So prayers for her and her family as she battles through this as well. and We need to pay attention.
00:39:51
Speaker
This happens and it can't be on some political type tip of look at these people. No, it, this, this, this by itself has no gray areas.
00:40:05
Speaker
It is horrible. horrible. poor And you must stand on business to end this and hold those people that do actions like this.
00:40:18
Speaker
Hold them to task and make them accountable for their actions. Yeah, you have this note. So I want to go ahead and shout this out about the the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
00:40:29
Speaker
So if if you are in a situation ah of domestic violence, the most important thing to do is to create a plan. It's not always feasible for you to just get up and go. The most important thing to do is to make a plan to protect yourself. That's the that's the first step. One is to...
00:40:48
Speaker
understand and acknowledge what your situation is. And the next step is to make a plan. And so the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE, 1-800-799-7233. Or you can text BEGIN to 88788.
00:41:00
Speaker
one eight hundred seven nine nine seven two three three or you can text begin to eight eight seven eight eight
00:41:17
Speaker
All right, Jay, this is a lighter note.
Unexpected Costs and Boundary Violations
00:41:22
Speaker
like I'm just saying the title of segment three, and I'm like, okay, what happened?
00:41:28
Speaker
All right, a friend of mine told me a story. And the title of the segment, ladies and gentlemen, is Who Put These Drinks on My Tab? So, oh a friend of mine has a long-term, long-time partner. Long-time four years, right? Yeah.
00:41:43
Speaker
Partner. But he's in the family, right? Mm-hmm. His partner has two other sisters. His partner is the oldest, which means she has a middle sister and a younger sister.
00:41:58
Speaker
The younger sister's boyfriend was turning 30 and had a birthday party. Okay. So the birthday party was on this rooftop in Washington, D.C. h At first, I'm going to leave that detail out of it. So never mind. I just i just self-edited myself. I'm not going to add that that last detail in because I know they're going listening to this and watching it.
00:42:19
Speaker
Okay. So they go to the party. And my friend buys a drink for himself and the birthday boy. Yeah. His partner decided that they didn't feel well, didn't go. But the middle sister and her husband are there at the party.
00:42:37
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. They all come in together. Then all of a sudden, the husband comes to the table, their little section that they have at the party. So the husband of the middle sister comes to the table with a tray of shots.
00:42:52
Speaker
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. So my friend says, hey, that's real nice of you to buy everybody shots. And he says, no, the shots are on Uncle Blank, because I'm not go give you his name. The shots are on Uncle Blank.
00:43:05
Speaker
And my friend said, what do you mean the shots are on me? Oh, yeah, put them on your tab. So he put 10 shots of Don Julio DC-priced tequila on on my friend's tab without asking him.
00:43:23
Speaker
And the only reason why he told them is because my friend said, oh, that's nice of you to buy the drinks. And then this guy said, no, I put him on your tab.
00:43:34
Speaker
And kind of smirked and laughed in his face is like, yeah, this is on Uncle Such-and-Such. And also, it's weird that he's calling him uncle, because wouldn't they be brothers-in-law? because the middle, the middle, the sister and the husband have a daughter. And so the daughter calls him uncle such-and-such. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, uncle such-and-such. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, he's really, really close with the little girl. friend is really close with the little girl. I mean, he adores this little girl. And she, I've seen pictures of her. She is absolutely adorable.
00:44:07
Speaker
She is. Great. That's ah great. Right. And I would definitely, you know, buy her a little piece of cake or something. I don't mind putting that on my tab. But what you not going to do.
00:44:23
Speaker
That whole section, all the furniture would have been moved.
00:44:31
Speaker
Because I would, because my first reaction would be like, Are you being serious? Like, first I need to check and make sure you're not joking. And then when I confirm you're not joking, then furniture moves.
00:44:46
Speaker
Because we have a deep, comprehensive problem.
00:44:54
Speaker
because I know you lying, that it would be, it would be, okay, I can understand for convenience sake, maybe you threw my name out there and you're going to cash at me or zell me.
00:45:05
Speaker
That's also, fun that would probably be my next one. Before I get reckless, I'm going to give you every opportunity to not be a jerk right now.
00:45:18
Speaker
And if you fail, this line of questioning, then the furniture is going to move because you've got to be out your mind. That is incredibly expensive.
00:45:30
Speaker
10 Don Julio DC priced tequila shots. That's $200. I mean, you're talking about $200. I was just about to say that. You're talking about $200 for one round of shots.
00:45:42
Speaker
So my friend was like, yeah, I was expecting, you know, maybe I spend about $100. like a $300 tab. now it was like a three hundred dollars tab Is there an income disparity between, like, is your friend, like, typically pays for everybody? Like, okay. Then I don't. they I mean, they they got their own money. They got their own house. They do well for themselves. What was the response from your friend? Yeah. I need to please complete this story.
00:46:13
Speaker
ah he He told me that he just he was fuming inside, but he just... Didn't want to ruin the night. Yeah. So he kept his mouth shut. mind you, this ain't even family. It's my partner's family who I came here still, even though my partner didn't come, I still came here to celebrate with good intentions. Y'all not even...
00:46:44
Speaker
Oh, boy. and and once again, not his birthday. It's the younger sister's boyfriend's birthday. So what are you even doing?
00:46:57
Speaker
No one asked you to do this.
00:47:02
Speaker
Okay, please tell me. So he didn't want to ruin the night. didn't want to ruin it. He didn't want to ruin That's fair. Would you get... Like cussed out after? Yes. And I sincerely hope that this person cusses somebody out.
00:47:22
Speaker
They're not going to. So when they're telling me the story, I got mad. Yes. I got mad. I was like, I don't... and But I'm not... As they're telling me the story, I'm not trying to have my anger bleed into them. Because ultimately...
00:47:39
Speaker
my anger doesn't matter in this. I just feel for you because that's some foul-ish for you have to go through. And I was just like, all right, well, he was like, well what would you have done? i said, ah quite honestly, i would have, I said,
00:48:00
Speaker
Controlling my temper in that situation. I would have pulled you aside. ah Something would have been... Because what you're not going to is put something on my tab without asking me.
00:48:11
Speaker
ah And then playing my face about it. And really, honestly, wasn't going to tell me. And it wouldn't have been until I got the... And then also, not telling me, I would have raised hell thinking that I had been...
00:48:28
Speaker
charge something improperly like I would have raised hell about it and meanwhile you did this no okay I understand you don't want to upset anybody or ruin the party it's real simple hey let me holler at you for a little bit and y'all step away and you make sure that that's cleared up before we step out this establishment I don't... ah So my friend was like... He he told his partner. Mm-hmm.
00:49:00
Speaker
And his partner was like, oh, yeah, okay. But try to kind of brush it off. No, she needs to call her sister. Mm, that's... what i said I said, hey, man, gonna be real honest with you.
00:49:11
Speaker
The fact that she ain't riding for you on this one... Right. that would yeah that would make me feel a certain type of way because there is no part of this story in which you were in the wrong in any capacity. In any way.
00:49:29
Speaker
So to not have your back, if this was me, right? And it was a significant other that you were dating, one of your partners, and they had done this,
00:49:43
Speaker
ah Wait minute, that's not the same scenario. Anyway, ah if if if I was in her shoes and I had to come to you and talk to you about your partner doing some foul stuff to my partner, ah ah I'm going to come and talk to you. Yeah, if it's if it's me, somebody I am dating shows up and you put some stuff on tab and they tell me, first person I'm going, you need to cash app us right now.
00:50:13
Speaker
And if you ever in your natural black ass life do this again,
00:50:22
Speaker
we are going to have a problem because you did it. And I wasn't even there to say something till my sibling of like, yo, you need to get your husband.
00:50:36
Speaker
ah But, but yeah, his partner definitely needs to call. She needs to call her sister because that's, he did Absolutely not. My friend didn't say anything to his partner, but I would think that his partner, i was like, well, I think that she'll just naturally go and do that.
00:50:52
Speaker
Yeah. That's the first thing I'm doing. Yeah, she should because that was hundreds of dollars, right? And maybe hundreds of dollars ain't that big of a deal to you. Guess what? I don't care if it's five. Not if I was like what my to not if i wasn't expecting to pay it. yeah ah It doesn't matter how much it is. To me, it's the principle.
00:51:12
Speaker
Yes. principle is what makes you think that you have the ability to play in my face like that. Yes. And so he kept stressing to me He was like, so what would you have done? And I'm like, man, my initial reaction would have been ah to grab him up.
00:51:25
Speaker
And yeah like holding them over the ledge, like who do you think you're playing with? But that's not the right way to handle things. No, would have definitely pulled them aside and said, I would have given them the opportunity. I would asked several questions.
00:51:37
Speaker
Did you do it just for efficiency's sake? As opposed to like taking out your own car, setting up your own tab, blah, blah. You did it for efficiency's sake and you're going to reimburse me or like i will give them an opportunity.
00:51:51
Speaker
And then if they fail that, then it'll be like, hey, we're going to have a conversation. Let's go a conversation. They're going automatically fail that. You know why? Because if that was the case, they would have said something from the jump. Right.
00:52:03
Speaker
When they brought over the tray, they would have been like, hey, I put this on your tab, but don't worry about it. um We're going split that up at the end. yeah cash attbu was just It was just easier because I just wanted to get them a go. Yeah.
00:52:14
Speaker
Which still, still, still now would have been like, yo, no. It don't take long for you to have your card out and open up your own damn tab. Right. It was purposeful. Yeah. So the i was like, did you get your, um are you going to stress to get your money back or anything? Like, just chalk it up. And I was like, all right. No, because if you do that, ah hopefully this person is listening. If you do that, they will do this again.
00:52:42
Speaker
To get their money back? No. if If you let it go. Oh, yes. They will do it again. Hell yeah. If you don't assert yourself now, not only with your partner, but with her family, that you are not one to play with like that.
00:52:58
Speaker
Don't play with me like that. If you don't assert yourself now, they will, it'll just continue and it will get worse. It will escalate. There, I said that to him.
00:53:11
Speaker
And their solution was, well, i just won't do anything like that. And I was like, that's not how that works with family. Like, if you're going to be in this family, is if you're going to be uncle such and such to this little girl, you're just going to be boundaries. Well, there's going to be, you're going to be involved. You're going to be involved with this person. So if you're going to be involved with this person, guess what? You're to have to deal with this.
00:53:35
Speaker
Yeah. So that's what, that's what, Roni is killing me. So that's why boundaries... So that's why boundaries are important. Right.
00:53:46
Speaker
Boundaries are important for everybody. And I know it can be awkward because it's your partner's family, right? also people can't play in your face like that. Like, it it doesn't matter the situation. It could be family. It could be somebody at work. It could be a friend. It could be a neighbor. It doesn't matter. You need to make sure that people...
00:54:07
Speaker
know that they can't play with you like that because if you don't he'll be like well he didn't do anything last time we could do it again the next party and it'll get and it'll just get what and then where is the line it's a slippery slope in terms of like what's what will they do next if they're comfortable without asking for permission and honestly without telling you having you be charged hundreds of dollars for something you didn't ask for, nobody really asked for.
00:54:44
Speaker
If they're comfortable doing that, robbing you, because that's what it is, it was theft. And also it was identity theft. It was actually a crime and they need to take that seriously. If they think they can get away with that, it's going to get worse.
00:54:59
Speaker
yeah Say something and make sure your partner talks to her sister because what?
00:55:06
Speaker
That's what I said. What? Don't let that go. What do you want to tell the people before we get out here? Is that it? Yeah, you have to establish boundaries because people, it's honestly, it's sad, but it's human nature. People will play in your face.
00:55:22
Speaker
And they'll take advantage of things if they feel like they can. And that is just, honestly, it's a sad truth of the world that people will exploit situations if they have an opportunity to and they feel like it' it's victimless, right? But this isn't victimless. You were robbed and your identity was stolen.
00:55:41
Speaker
You know, that's so interesting that that you that you bring that up because before we end, I know these stories don't look like they belong together, but they do.
Entitlement and Respect Across Stories
00:55:53
Speaker
And I'll bring it all together now. We started with men learning how to cook, clean, parent, and actually take care of themselves. Then a woman trying to escape a dangerous situation. And somehow we ended up with a man putting 10 tequila shots on a beer on a bar tab in D.C. with D.C. prices. I keep stressing.
00:56:12
Speaker
They're all very different situations, but I keep landing on the same question. What do you believe you have the right to take from somebody else? Their labor, their choices, their silence, their money.
00:56:28
Speaker
Because entitlement doesn't always look dangerous. Sometimes it sounds like tradition. Sometimes it hides behind family. Sometimes it calls itself protection. And sometimes, the second somebody says no, the person crossing the line acts like they're the victim.
00:56:45
Speaker
That's why this thing about independence matters. Being independent isn't just making money and paying bills. It's being able to hear no without punishing somebody. It's taking care of yourself without making another person responsible for holding your life together.
00:57:01
Speaker
Controlling yourself without needing to control everybody around you. Sarah Gilson's Separated. She got a protective order. She went public.
00:57:12
Speaker
She did the things people always tell women they're supposed to do. Leave. Tell somebody. Get help. Protect yourself. And she's still gone.
00:57:24
Speaker
So I'm tired of hearing people ask why women don't leave. Sarah left. The better question is why we still can't make leaving safe. A piece of paper shouldn't be the strongest protection we offer somebody who has already told us they're afraid.
00:57:41
Speaker
Now, Jay, my sister and the co-host of this show, likes to joke on me, lovingly most of the time. She says, I'll sacrifice my peace just so I don't have to sit in discomfort.
00:57:55
Speaker
And she's not completely wrong. I get why people let things go. Nobody wants the argument. Nobody wants to ruin the mood. Sometimes you already know the other person is going to get defensive and you just don't have the energy to deal with it.
00:58:10
Speaker
But when somebody is legitimately disturbing your peace, when they cross a real boundary, you have to stand up for yourself. And when somebody tells you that you've made them uncomfortable, you should listen.
Closing Thoughts on Boundaries and Independence
00:58:23
Speaker
Don't make it about you. Don't force them to build a court case just to prove they deserve basic consideration. The man who put those 10 shots on somebody else's tab, my friend, was counting on discomfort.
00:58:37
Speaker
He was counting on my boy not wanting to make a scene. Family politics, awkwardness, that's how people get away with things. They cross a line, then depend on the person they disrespected to keep everybody else comfortable.
00:58:52
Speaker
It runs on your silence. And no, a $200 bar tab is not comparable to domestic violence or a woman losing her life. It's not even close. I'm not saying that. But smaller moments can still show you how somebody thinks.
00:59:06
Speaker
They show you who believes your boundaries are optional, who decides your money, your labor, your peace was already theirs to take. So pay attention to who expects you to carry the cost of their comfort.
00:59:20
Speaker
And when somebody tells you that you've crossed a line, pause before you get defensive. Their boundary isn't an attack on you. Listening doesn't make you weak or guilty or even losing.
00:59:32
Speaker
Sometimes it's just the most grown thing that a person can do. freedom But here's the uncomfortable part people don't want to talk about. A lot of us say we respect boundaries.
00:59:44
Speaker
That is right up until respecting one means giving up something we've already decided was ours. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank you for watching.
00:59:56
Speaker
And until next time, as always, I'll holla.
01:00:03
Speaker
That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don't forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment, and share our podcast wherever you're listening or watching it to it. Pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock will will enjoy it also. So share the wealth, share the knowledge, share the noise.
01:00:26
Speaker
And for all those people that say, well, I don't have a YouTube. If you have a Gmail account, you have a YouTube. Subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can actually watch our video podcast and YouTube exclusive content. But the real party is on our Patreon page. After Hours Uncensored and Talking Straight-ish. After Hours Uncensored is another show with my sister. And once again, the key word there is uncensored. Those who exclusively on our Patreon page, jump onto our website at unsolicitedperspective.com. dot com for all things us that's where you can get all of our audio video our blogs and even buy our merch and if you really feel generous and want to help us out you can donate on our donations page donations go strictly to improving our software and hardware so we can keep giving you guys good content that you can clearly listened to and that you can clearly see. So any donation would be appreciative. Most importantly, I want to say thank you.
01:01:20
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you for listening and watching and supporting us. And I'll catch you next time. Audi 5000. Peace.