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IVF Daddies: Don't Navigate This Alone
40 Plays2 days ago
Richard and Julio of IVF Daddies share what intended parents need to know about IVF, surrogacy, egg donation, international family building, and why community can make all the difference on your family-building journey.
Through their podcast and family-building community, they've helped thousands of intended parents better understand the complex world of assisted reproduction and family building.
In this episode, we discuss:
• Family building across international borders
• Finding trusted professionals and ethical partners
• The questions intended parents should be asking
• Why education, advocacy, and community matter
Whether you're pursuing IVF, surrogacy, egg donation, or simply exploring your options, this conversation is a reminder that you don't have to do this alone.
CONNECT WITH IVF Daddies
Website: https://www.ivfdaddies.com/
YouTube: @ivfdaddies
Instagram: ivfdaddies
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Transcript
Navigating Family Building
00:00:00
Speaker
So you feel alone, you don't want to tell anybody, but you are stuck and then you want people to, and then you realize that a problem carry more than one people is a less heavy problem.
00:00:10
Speaker
What starts as a dream of building your family quickly becomes an entire ecosystem of decisions. There are doctors, agencies, lawyers, clinics, and countless moving pieces. And sometimes you don't even know what questions you should be asking.
00:00:26
Speaker
That's why so many people turn to IVF daddies. Through their podcast, educational resources, and growing community, Richard and Julio have helped thousands of intended parents better understand the family building journey.
00:00:40
Speaker
Drawing from personal experience and years of helping intended parents, they've become trusted guides for families pursuing IVF, surrogacy, and egg donation, including across international borders.
00:00:53
Speaker
You are the master of your own destiny.
Role of IVF Daddies
00:00:55
Speaker
You have to know what's going on. You have to take control of understanding where things are. It's your family. Today, they're sharing what they've learned about finding trusted guidance, building the right support system, and why community may be the most important resource you have on this journey.
00:01:13
Speaker
Enjoy. I feel like one of the things that really stands out about IVF daddies is that your content does kind of feel like less traditional quote unquote fertility content. And it really is just on honest guidance through a very complicated process. Was that the intention from the beginning?
Personal Journeys and Insights
00:01:37
Speaker
Great question. um The intention is,
00:01:42
Speaker
It's really interesting looking back, because we we were talking about this earlier today, we're coming up to our 100th episode of the podcast. And that kind of takes you back. Congratulations. Thank you. And it's kind of crazy. I'm like, who listens? I'm like, 100? Like, really? People want to listen?
00:01:57
Speaker
They still listen. But what was what was really interesting is we started, the first few episodes really were just me talking about my book to just kind of get used to being in the camera front of the camera and doing other things.
00:02:09
Speaker
But what's really interesting is actually do the podcast, what we do is exactly how I talk to my patients when we're when we're going through this, that that talking to anybody about IVF or surrogacy, because I'm not a doctor. I'm not a lawyer. I'm just the dad who's been through this process, who's helped hundreds of people to understand and navigate. And I really do get when they sit there going, what the hell are you talking about?
00:02:34
Speaker
And also for my part, I was just like getting in the house and he was working from home and then the kids were around and I was just like, a topic will come up and I'm was just like, what what do they know? What do they don't know? What is the boob? What should I, and I was like, look over there. And I would just run. They'd be like sperm. Run.
00:02:57
Speaker
Or it would be like, did you know how babies are born? It's like, yeah, they come from a lab. Yeah. And that's the funny thing. So my children have been listening to me doing this year in year out, day in, day out, evening. Like it's generally the evenings when they're back from school. And they obviously, they're now 13. They've done sexual reproduction. They've done, know, like all of that at school.
00:03:19
Speaker
And they aced the test because they know all about sperm, eggs, vaginas. They know the whole thing. yeah from Apart from how babies were made. They were like, wait, what?
00:03:32
Speaker
The sperm is injected into the egg. What are you talking about? Yeah. Papa, did you know that sex can also make babies? And we were like, you know? Did you know?
00:03:44
Speaker
I'm like, yeah. So for me, it was more like, let me just educate myself to be a better boyfriend and a better guardian and for a guardian for the kids. Because to me, it was so foreign to understand how much how normalized does he have it in the family. And also when he's talking, we're meeting people together. I know how to understand a lot better. And then I realized that is not easy.
00:04:12
Speaker
It's like there's a marketing aspect of it that sells it to you very linear. You do this and then you do this. and then But it's like this and then you go back here and then there's nothing happening and that's okay. And then you have to wait. And then when you wait, you go back and then you go to the doctor and then the agency and then you lose a year.
00:04:28
Speaker
Yeah. I was actually talking to somebody today and they were like, i what comes next? And I was like, well... was I'll put it in the email you haven't chosen your egg donno and you haven't done your genetics but you have done your site like and he i could see his brain just as all it was like i'll put it in mouth just so you understand because the problem is we started talking a year and a half ago.
00:04:55
Speaker
So a year and a half ago, I laid out everything. It's all nicely done. And an email, he gets step one, two, three, four, five. But between then and now, there's been a million different things happening and you forget, right? So what was really good was i was that I'm going to reference back to the email. We're going to go back step. and hit These are the steps. This is literally what you have to do so that you know what's coming next. Because one of the biggest challenges is you go A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I. And then someone's what about C?
00:05:25
Speaker
And they they're like, but but nobody reminded me or nobody told me. and And you're now further down the line than potentially you should be. So it's I think that's why the podcast, to come back to a question, that's why the podcast, we do it in a really, I want to say jovial way, because I'm much more like, I know the topic.
00:05:46
Speaker
I'm not a doctor, but I've helped lots of people go through. and sure And Julio is very much of the, what the hell are you saying? Yeah. I'm like, you're when you start sounding like an insider, I just go like. He zones out. And he literally does this. He's like.
00:06:04
Speaker
But I love that so much because I think, I mean, ah being in this industry for a period of time, you really, I think you do forget, you know, how the, I call it the alphabet soup of IVF. And you're just making these references and using these words and kind of just saying these topics. And you do forget how, you know, to your point, Julio, like,
00:06:29
Speaker
I don't know what you're talking about. You just use the word R or the phrase like r E and, you know, like 10 days DPT or, you know whatever it is. And no one, the average person doesn't know what that means.
00:06:44
Speaker
It's like you need a glossary to go, hold on a Oh,
Global Perspectives on Surrogacy
00:06:47
Speaker
right. and And not only that, it's just like Richard's job is the international market to California to have like the gold standard for surrogacy, right? So when you are not American and let alone, or you're not, if your first language is not English, then you're like not only adapted to the language, but also medical terms like aneuploid, attrition, AMH, like all of these things you're like,
00:07:12
Speaker
What is that? Like, we don't use that every day. Yeah, no, for sure. Okay, you hit on something that I would really love to just kind of dive into a little bit. Richard, you are, i i mean, you do use the phrase, you know, that the United States is the gold standard of surrogacy. And so you do see you're, you were in the UK, whenever you started building your family, you chose to do surrogacy in the US. s Why is it that One, you say that it's the gold standard. And what are some of the reasons that you do have international families going outside of their own countries to build their families, particularly the LGBTQ community?
00:07:54
Speaker
familyly so I think it's the gold standard very simply because you know that everything is being done legally. It's being done ethically and it's being done in a way that people understand what is going on. what What do I mean by that? That means that when I'm starting this process, I had my own lawyer. My lawyer explained to me exactly from a legal standpoint, contracts, what they mean, what parental recognition looks like.
00:08:23
Speaker
yeah My surrogate had her own lawyer. My egg donor had her own lawyer. So we were all independently legally represented. And I think that's so important. And not only that, they got to choose their lawyers. It's not like the agency said, right, here is a lawyer for you, because that that is a conflict right there, right? So they absolutely they got to choose their lawyers, feel comfortable with them, and were legally represented.
00:08:51
Speaker
huh Two, they had a say. My surrogate had a say in how the process was working. She wasn't dictated. She was part of the entire process. Same thing with the egg donor.
00:09:03
Speaker
And I think that to me, when somebody is fully informed, fully empowered, legally protected, that just gives me the end entire, like this is the gold standard.
00:09:15
Speaker
Plus, because they're signing a contract, because the child is being born in the States and you can, in certain States get a pre-birth judgment, which means that the second the child is born, it's yours, right? Everybody knows what's happening.
00:09:31
Speaker
That child is born and it's yours. Even in England, right? Which again is is a a great country. You can do surrogacy here. The difference is that the birth, the person who gives birth to child is the legal mother.
00:09:44
Speaker
And that has to be rescinded by the court. Right. Even if she is not the genetictic biological mother. correct Correct. And if she's married, her spouse is the other legal parent.
00:09:58
Speaker
So that provides like protection. Does it really? No, I don't think it does. I go through this process. a surrogate has my genetic child and she can keep the baby.
00:10:11
Speaker
And again, we're always talking about the, the, 0.1% of times that it happens. But these this is why people ask me, would you do the UK versus the US? If money were no object, everybody would be going to the United States.
00:10:27
Speaker
The challenge, and this is one of the biggest problems we're seeing at the moment, is that it's expensive. And therefore, when money comes into it, people have a trade-off. They're going to trade certain protections, legal protections for cost.
00:10:43
Speaker
um And what we're seeing is that for those people outside of the United States, they are coming to the US because they want that protection. Because for example, you cannot do surrogacy in certain countries, it's illegal.
00:10:57
Speaker
right And so if you live in those countries, you can't do it at home, but the law does not apply outside. There are other countries there are countries where it does. So for example, in China, you're technically not allowed to do surrogacy anywhere in the world, Hong Kong, same thing.
00:11:12
Speaker
But for example, in Spain, where it's illegal to do surrogacy in Spain, you can be Spanish and go abroad to do surrogacy and then bring your child home and be recognized as a parent. There is a long legal process when you get home.
00:11:27
Speaker
But for example, if you go to the States, you have birth certificates with a name on it, your child... ah for at least for the time being, born in America, has an American passport, they can travel.
00:11:38
Speaker
So the US just affords intended parents that extra level of protection, in my opinion. One thing that you kind of repeatedly hear is that intended parents aren't fully realizing how many systems they are actually navigating all at once. It's legal, it's medical, financial.
00:11:59
Speaker
I mean, of course, the emotional aspect during all of this. What are some of the biggest things that you feel like intended parents need to understand earlier in the process?
00:12:13
Speaker
I think for me, one of the things that intended parents need to understand early in the process that is not a linear project, is not step one, two, three, four. And we've been taught our entire life to learn how to ride the wave, but also in between waves.
00:12:30
Speaker
Nobody really tells us what to do. And there's a lot of in between waves. We're not doing anything. It's doing the things that you can do. and And also to me, I think the most important thing is empower yourself to ask the right questions, because if you have a doctor or an agency or anybody that just feels intimidated or threatened or gets activated by the questions that you ask, then there's a red flag right there.
00:12:55
Speaker
Yeah, I think when I'm talking when i'm talking to people, one of the things I say is, you are the master of your own destiny. And what do i mean that? I mean the fact that you can delegate this out to everybody in in the stakeholders in this ecosystem. You can say to the agency, do everything for me. You can say to the clinic, do everything for me.
00:13:16
Speaker
But you have to know what's going on. You have to take control of understanding where things are. It's your family. You need to understand. And from the outset, it's almost like somebody needs to draw a decision tree for you and say, right, this is where, this is how the process is going to go. This is what could happen.
00:13:37
Speaker
You're in the middle of your universe and you have your agency and your donor and then the lawyers and the escrow, like all these different people that going to communicate, but you're in the middle. And if you're not getting answers to your questions, that's a problem.
00:13:49
Speaker
And if you, if you're in that situation, just keep asking and asking and asking. Because one of the worst things that you any intended parent I think can hear is, we'll tell you when you need to know. I'm like, tell me upfront, tell me the whole thing so that I can make decisions because you don't know if if you go this way, well, you've closed that door.
00:14:13
Speaker
You don't know that. And and so... The professionals in this industry should be the ones saying, okay, this is what's going to be happening next. And by doing this, this is but you you can go this way or this way. If you go this, these are downstream implications. If you do this, these are the downstream implications. and I think that's really important. I think a lot of people just think, oh, I'm going to work somebody. They're going to do all for me.
00:14:38
Speaker
And there's ah there's a lot of direct messages that we get a lot of questions, people in emails, people asking. It's like, well, ah my doctor gives me a good feeling, but this has happened and has not been successful. And there is the doctor, he should know. It's always good to get a second opinion, I believe, to to understand why if something doesn't work or is it, are you receiving the information that is easy for the doctor to do are you receiving the information that is suited for your best ah part of the your age, your journey, your livelihood?
00:15:15
Speaker
Sure. it it's i do think it's really interesting because This can be painted in a very negative light, but I don't think that's actually what's happening.
Empowerment Through Understanding
00:15:26
Speaker
I think what's happening is you've got people who are running at a thousand miles an hour. They want to help you. They want to get stuff done. They believe that the intended parents have a level of understanding and knowledge that maybe they don't have.
00:15:42
Speaker
And so when you're having conversations as an intended parent with a doctor and they start going into all of the terminology, i remember sitting there going, I've got a degree, I've got a master's, I work in finance, I've got brain, and I have no idea what he's saying. Right, you're glazed over like Julio gets. And then, yeah.
00:16:02
Speaker
and And, you know, he he walks out he he walked out thinking, great, I've unexplained everything. and And that wasn't his fault. That was my fault for not saying, hey. For not being an embryologist. For not being an embryologist. I'm sure. sorry but But again, so a lot of, and it's really interesting when I'm talking to people who, and predominantly heterosexual couples who've had failed miscarriages, they've had failed pregnancies and miscarriages and failed transfers.
00:16:27
Speaker
And I take them right the way back to the beginning. And I say, you know, this is what's happening. You've got an egg and you've got sperm and they grow. And this is, And then the majority of miscarriages happen because there's a chromosome abnormality. And they go what does that even mean? I'm like the wrong number of chromosomes. And the body is very good at figuring out this is not going to be a good baby. And you have a miscarriage and you just see people going,
00:16:50
Speaker
Was that why I had miscarriages at six, seven, eight weeks? I'm like, yeah, because the embryos weren't tested, right? When you're getting pregnant naturally, you're not testing embryos. You're just getting pregnant, right? Or you've done IVF and they didn't test them because they're like, was you going to be fine.
00:17:07
Speaker
Or it could be something else. And you should see people, it's almost like, I've been doing this for three years and nobody's ever told me that. And again, I don't think that's the fault of the doctor or the nurse or whomever they're working with. It's just they're busy and they're running through what they're doing. They're not necessarily being able to just sit back and go, okay, let's go through from the start to the beginning to where you're at, to where you got to go to.
00:17:30
Speaker
and And it's also for me, like something that we have to understand that at the end of the day, this is ultimately a luxury item that you're buying is you're not curing cancer. So it's like the the juxtaposition of medicine that is always intend to heal. So somebody comes sick, you don't promote people to get sick to come to you. And so the education of ah catering to the and the the buyer, the intended parent doesn't have the right approach or technique as in,
00:18:02
Speaker
facilitating every information of of the the journey of the product. So when you're having a baby, it's not the same as any other doctor part of the medicine industry, right? So, and it's easy...
00:18:16
Speaker
to think for us as men, we come, gay men, we come to IVF, a fertility clinic with the hope of, yay, we want to get a baby. We don't come broken. We don't come with miscarriages. We don't come knowing that we're infertile.
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah. It's a very different starting point. That's interesting that you use the phrase luxury item, quote, quote, because in the US in particular, right? Like when it comes to um any sort of IVF, one of the things that is just all over is trying to make it where it can be more affordable, particularly through insurance and things like that. And we one of the major standpoints is Anybody who wants to have a baby should be able to have a baby. And it's not a luxury item. It's just how you get there is looking different.
00:19:15
Speaker
And so I think it is interesting. I think still to your point, Julio, I think, yes, the doctors are probably, you're right, looking at it. in a different way versus a cancer patient or, you know, things like that. But at the end of the day, yeah you do need to explain what's happening. And the patient isn't always going to know what questions to ask. And that's on the medical professionals to provide that information. It's so funny. he He always says, I have catchphrases that come up every time. but One of them is, you don't know what you don't know.
Challenges and Support in IVF
00:19:52
Speaker
Oh my God, I forget a coin every time he says that. ah It's true, right? I go into a doctor and I don't know what I don't know. mean I mean, I'm expecting them to tell me.
00:20:06
Speaker
And if they don't, I don't know what they've not said. And this is, I think it's really interesting. Sometimes when, you know, I'm ah i'm at ah the clinic in California and there'll be a representative, the surrogacy agency there, for example, we're chatting away and we're doing stuff. And then you know, a surrogate will come out or an egg donor will come out and they've just done their screening and they always go, oh cool, how was it? Did they do the blood draw? Did they do this? Did they do that?
00:20:33
Speaker
And generally nine times out of 10, they've done it all, it's great. Sometimes they will have missed one thing that was on a list of 10 And that representative is like, okay, well, we need to make sure that that's done.
00:20:45
Speaker
Again, they don't know, the surrogate doesn't know, or the egg donor doesn't know what's being done. And they would have had to come back to do another test. And I think that is really important when you're working with people to know that they understand what they're doing, that you can trust them to look after you. So you're not wasting time, effort, money, whatever it is, right? I think that is really valuable. And I think to your point of, of, of,
00:21:12
Speaker
trying to make this affordable for everybody. One of the things that the United States is doing, which is amazing. Well, two things. One is fertility benefits. So companies are now putting in place fertility benefits for everybody to have a family.
00:21:27
Speaker
And two, it's the insurance mandates that are coming out. Now they're complicated and they are, I would i wouldn't say they're perfect, but they were, they're getting to a point where it hopefully over the next year, it'll be ironed out. And to your point, insurance are told you have to provide IVF coverage.
00:21:49
Speaker
I think that's great because we don't it is we don't have that here in England. For example, we don't have fertility benefits. We don't have, we've got the NHS, which is socialized medicine.
00:22:01
Speaker
But it's not available to everybody. You have to go through hoops to get in there. I was talking to somebody today who's a carrier for BRCA2 and they have to be under 40 to be tested in different things. And they're 41. They're like, that immediately rules me out.
00:22:18
Speaker
m That's the other part of the people that, like to me, it's almost like it hurts. I'm happy that I get to get people to trust us, to ask us those messages, but it's kind of painful when women send us direct messages saying, ah I've done this and the way through the help of funding of the government or, and I don't know what happened, but my doctor wants to do like the latest that I got, they want to implantation of day three. It's just like, and then she doesn't have the luxury to go for a second opinion, you know? so she, yeah, The clock is ticking and then she doesn't know how to talk to the doctor too
00:22:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and again, to your point, it is That's I think what makes it so important to find those industry professionals, whether it's you know a trusted agency, obviously your doctor, your attorney, everybody who is transparent. and will give you the universe, give you the web, but then give you the ability to take it off in bite-sized pieces if that's what you need. But still, you at least are seeing the whole universe.
00:23:29
Speaker
This episode of Create a Happy Family is brought to you by Childs & Warren Law Group. If you're building your family through surrogacy, egg donation, sperm donation, or embryo donation, you already know how important it is to have the right team guiding you through every step of the process, especially when it comes to the legal side of family building.
00:23:49
Speaker
Childs and Warren Law Group is a law practice dedicated exclusively to assisted reproductive technology law. They've helped thousands of intended parents, surrogates, and donors navigate this process with compassion, clarity, and experience.
00:24:04
Speaker
Whether you're entering a surrogacy agreement, reviewing a donor agreement, or finalizing parentage in Texas, their team understands both the legal complexities and the very human side of these journeys. To learn more or schedule a consultation, visit childswarrenlawgroup.com. And if you reach out, be sure to let them know you heard about them on Create a Happy Family.
00:24:27
Speaker
I think one of the things that you guys do a really good job of is balancing the honesty, but without becoming so fear-based while also creating this really strong sense of community for people that are navigating this process.
00:24:45
Speaker
Why do you feel like that that is so important to build that kind of space, especially online? I love your questions. I know. Oh, thanks. Yay. um I'll let you answer this one first. For me, the thing is, i ah we're in a social media platform, right? we are Right. For you for me, it's a way that if I have been ah with Richard for three years, we have 100 episodes in English and 20 in Spanish, and I still don't really fully get it.
00:25:19
Speaker
I don't even know. Yeah, I don't even want to know what is somebody that is just broken or somebody that is fighting really hard to get to embryos. And then I just got ah a message of today of of somebody that is a second surrogate that just falls through the cracks and they're going through like as the last option to get so a family member that offered to carry. And then it's just like those moments like that. I'm just like, we need to break the the stigma of like the marketing sales pitch, like success rates. Like a clinic can say 100% success rate, but they don't know that they implanted two and only one egg took and they consider success rate a baby. So, or the fact that nothing happening is part of the process or also being honest and saying, you know what, like you're going to be the least qualified person who is going to be
00:26:12
Speaker
in charge of your coordination of the project because nobody talks to anybody. It's like when you're building, the reason I call it a luxury project is because when you have a house, you have an interior designer, right?
00:26:23
Speaker
That deals with like the carpets and the colors and they gather everything, hand it to you. a general contractor. And a general contractor. And this project, you become the interior designer of your project.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yeah. And I think for me, it's, Community is so important. And the reason it's important is because growing up gay, you find your community and you find the marginalized and you find the outliers. And so, and and that becomes your chosen family, right? Right. And one of the things that I love to do is I've got multiple different WhatsApp groups of people in Belgium, in Holland, in Italy, where I'm talking to them.
00:27:09
Speaker
i talk to anybody about, I mean, literally I was in the queue at the airport the other day. i mean, yeah you can't make this up. So I'm standing there. There's somebody behind me. And then behind them, there's this guy in a baseball cap glasses and a child.
00:27:23
Speaker
And I'm just like, whatever. not paying attention. And he goes, Richard. And I'm like, and takes off his glasses. And it's somebody, we you'd know who it is if you saw him, but somebody we all know. and I'm like, oh my God, I helped him have his kid. Right. And so we're chatting. the guy in between the middle goes, why don't you just, just go in front of me and chat and then check in.
00:27:43
Speaker
Just stop talking. It was just like really annoying. It just like trying to pretend not. So we did that. And then, so He checked in first. I let him go first because I'm nice. um And then it was my turn. so he disappeared up to the lounge.
00:27:58
Speaker
And the guy behind me was like, what what was that all about? is that why I work in IVF yeah and we help people go through surrogacy. And then the guy was just like, I want to have a family. ah I'm like, well, come and join us.
00:28:12
Speaker
I've just got an invite to the lounge. So come and join us. to the end And we sat and we chatted. And that to me is community. And I do that a lot because when you are starting this process, you are reliant on other people.
00:28:27
Speaker
And if those other people don't have a vested interest, they are just people that are going through the process and they're one step ahead of you, they can help guide you as well. And my only ask to everybody, it's so sweet. People like, can I do this for you? Can I do that for I'm like, no no, the only thing I want you to do is to help the people behind you.
00:28:45
Speaker
I would love you to become a trusted advisor to them. And that community in our industry is so, it's amazing. And I love it. I absolutely love seeing groups of people getting together, having families. And now some of those WhatsApp groups, obviously they've got five, six-year-olds and it's just, it morphs into what schools are you going to? How are we doing this? Like the one in Belgium is currently, they're fighting the government to be recognized as parents. So it's all, they're all now talking about that, right? It's,
00:29:15
Speaker
And it's just amazing. These are people I would never have met before. And yet all of a sudden now I wouldn't say they're necessarily friends, but they they they know each other. They're part of a group. They're part of community. And also it's very, we have to admit that this is a brutal journey. ah The process is brutal and people show off so vulnerable because you don't know where you stand. There's a lot of uncertainty. So I usually like to joke about it to make light of it that just people are trauma bonded in this industry. So sure.
00:29:49
Speaker
So you feel alone. You don't want to tell anybody, but you are stuck. And then you want people to, and then you realize that a problem carry more than one people is a less heavy problem.
00:30:00
Speaker
And that to me, it also like in my position, I'm a gay stepfather. Like I don't have any reference. Yeah.
00:30:11
Speaker
But I mean, I get you're, Yes. This is one of the things that I am so passionate about is people being willing to share their story. So you can have the random person in line at the airport, you know, say, wait,
00:30:26
Speaker
I want to build a family. And now all of a sudden they have been brought into the conversation or, you know, Julio, you are the gay stepfather that now every other gay stepfather is trying to look to and be like, okay, wait, so what's
Setting Family Goals
00:30:39
Speaker
the footprint for this? Like, it's a big deal. And that is why it is so important to share your story. And like you said, Richard, help the other person behind you in some way, shape or form that feels comfortable. Going back to again, particularly the LGBTQ community, what are maybe some of the questions that you wish that will help with the, you don't know what you don't know? What should you be asking those agencies, lawyers, clinics? I think it starts with what is your family dream?
00:31:17
Speaker
Because a lot of people, Before you even start talking to the agencies, the lawyers, of the clinics, it's like, do you want one child? Do you want two child? Do you want twins? Do you wear, you know, it's like, what is in your mind, how does your family look?
00:31:32
Speaker
ah Because once you've got that, you can then say, okay so you want one child. Well, who's that? You want two children, same sperm, different sperm, same egg donor, different egg donor.
00:31:45
Speaker
And especially, for example, I have a lot of interracial couples and they're like, well, how do we choose an egg donor that represents us both, right? These are conversations that they have to have. I think yeah it's the the the communication between couples has to be really clear about what their desire is Because we will get you there, but unless we know what you want, it's really difficult to kind of get there. Now, in our conversations, again, we're asking the questions of what are your plans? but Do you want one child now, one in the future? how And you know how do you want to do this?
00:32:26
Speaker
And we can help navigate them through it. But generally, I think the biggest question and and for people to think through is like, what is your family goal? Because you cannot put somebody in a Ferrari with no destination.
00:32:39
Speaker
you can You just sit there. nobody not there you yeah you Get in your fast car and put in your swimsuit, your ski gear. you like We need to know where you want to go so we make sure that we take you there. But I do that. He always complains because whenever we travel, I always... I never complain. What are you talking about? i always take I always take a swimsuit, flip-flops, goggles. I'm like, just in case I swim. he's yeah we're going to We're going to a two-day conference and he brings a book, swimsuit. like I'm like...
00:33:09
Speaker
What are you intending to do? I'm like, I end up working the entire time. It's like, there may be a pool. So you know when you're a teenager and you pack everything, you pack everything that you have in your room because it's nice and it looks good, but it's not right. love that you said when you're a teenager as if we don't still do this, but that's fine. Keep going. I'm like, I'm still a teenager. I'll go with that.
00:33:29
Speaker
So a teenager? No. Yeah. My teenagers don't even know where the wardrobe is, let alone pack anything. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, yeah so i like some people show up with the suitcase half empty and some people show up with a giant, ambitious goal that is like, or so like we have heard people saying like, okay, I want to find the surrogate now and then the egg donor all of the same day. Mm-hmm.
00:33:55
Speaker
Uh-huh. They want to move, move quick. Again, i think I think one of the, I always say to people, if you want to rush this process, you're going to get stopped. It's not like, just don't rush it. Take things as they come. They're like, but I want my donut tomorrow. i'm like, great.
00:34:10
Speaker
I guarantee you're going to find a donut and then something's going to happen and it's going to cancel and you have to try a new one. i was going to say, yeah, you could rush it. It's just everything's going to take way longer ultimately. Well, it's not going to wait a year for you. now Yeah, you find your surrogate now, but you don't have embryos.
00:34:27
Speaker
You're going to sit and wait and pay her or how's this going to work? Like she doesn't want to sit around and wait. These are amazing women that want to help people and they're just sitting at home doing nothing. Like it's, it's I think it's back to your original question of what can people think through is I would really try and talk to people without any form of pre- judgment of how the process could go, talk to many different people, see how they explain. Cause this is process management at the end of the day. It's got human beings thrown in. It's the human beings that give the ups and the lows, right? So if you literally can get to understand the process from A to zd or ada Z A to Z, you can literally go, okay this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing.
00:35:19
Speaker
But if you don't know that process, then you're a bit tied together. And I think that's what I say to everybody is like, just come, basically just come and talk to me or buy my book. There you go. um There you go. Yes. That's got steps in the process. We'll listen to the podcast. It's free. And to my part of it is just to bring the the human side of it and without getting to be adversarial because when you're in social media, it's really easy to fall for like the click base. So we have to maintain a little bit of lightweight and sense of humor than saying like a lot of people are going to say yes and take your money and then realize that
00:35:57
Speaker
they cannot fulfill your dreams because it didn't allow you to ask, where do you want to go? So you need to be careful with that. I'm chuckling on the inside. Did you say you didn't want to be adversarial?
00:36:12
Speaker
Okay. So cute. Noted. i'll ah I'll give you this clip. I'm antagonistic. I'm sorry. Antagonistic. But not adversarial. I mean, i I love this. I want this to work. Are you kidding me? We have a family because IVF and surrogacy.
00:36:25
Speaker
But we right there's this is an um like surrogacy is an unregulated industry. It's like medicine and supplements or peptides. It's like they're not regulated. So anybody can have the hat of an agency. So you need to know...
00:36:38
Speaker
Where are the right people? The fortune is that I've always said we can pick like pick and choose because this is not a Sephora of ah surrogacy. There's like a handful of people and we can tell you which one do we constantly work with that we trust and we know and we can just get along like a very tight ship.
00:37:00
Speaker
It's like who does a good job? Yeah, well, again, and I think that this is this is something, again, that I love about Y'all's platform is the goal is to take down the noise. That is so easy to, if you just Google, i need a surrogate. I need an egg donor. I mean, it can get overwhelming. Talk about, and then you get into the Facebook groups or the DMs, and then it just gets, it can be, it it's wild, wild west. Like it it gets crazy. And so it is important to have those trusted voices in the industry
00:37:36
Speaker
that either have experience or can at least help guide you as you're trying to decide who are the people that you do want to work with. And again, I love that you guys are so passionate about how important it is to be transparent, to be ethical. And yes, we know you want your egg donor or your surrogate yesterday, but that's not going to necessarily result in the best experience.
00:38:04
Speaker
Right. But be honest about it. So when, when you've got an intended parent talking to you, be honest, say, you know, the waiting time is this, but this is why, or you want to do this yesterday. I get that now because that's the thing people get to us and they start talking to us. They're like, i can do this. There's, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train coming towards me. There is a light at the end of my tunnel and I want a baby and I want it now. This has been my dream for years and years and now I can do it.
00:38:33
Speaker
But sometimes it's like, okay, yes, trust in the process if you've got the good people around you. It's just finding those good people. Sometimes to your point, you go online and then all of a sudden you're going down this path and that's not necessarily Or some people guess some people get stuck on paying some VIP training or VIP prices just to make sure that that they speed up the process. Or a lot of, um now that you cannot put two embryos in in one surrogate, not as it used to be when the kids were born. A double embryo transfer. Yeah, it's not it's not the general standard anymore. And then you see you see a lot of couples that want to have twins and then they found a surrogate and the other one is not working as well as the other one. And they just completely forget about the surrogate the that is pregnant. And then they just go into anything emergency just to make sure they get so focused on, on make sure that they're twins, that anybody will take their money on like that vulnerability part of it.
00:39:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. No, you're so right. And again, that's why it is just so important to, um,
00:39:48
Speaker
be picky and ask the questions. And I think you said it earlier, Julio, the minute that somebody, you know, starts either not answering your questions or saying you don't need to ask that or, you know, whatever, like red flag, just red flag. Also, you're going to talk to many different people before you even start.
00:40:13
Speaker
And you
00:40:16
Speaker
You've spoken to five people and they've all recommended one person. That's a good sign. And when you're talking to other people, what do you think about these people? What do you think about those people? How did they work? Have you worked with them before? Are they good? How long have they been around? Do they have a huge turnover of staff? Like, do they provide support? like Those are really important.
00:40:37
Speaker
basic questions that sometimes get overlooked in the, you you just, you just want get going. And what I love the most about what Richard does, Richard makes sure is to get like a small gathering if people are open to it, where he always brings a good couple with their kids.
00:40:54
Speaker
And it's just like ah like a fresh ah pair of eyes that will look at you and and say, like, I know where you've been. and i just got out of the same spot that you're in like a year ago. And then they just immediately, it's almost like, here, don't believe what I say. This is other people that you can take their words for.
00:41:14
Speaker
And that to me is like, frankly, the best thing anybody can do when you have nothing to hide. But that that comes back to that community thing that you were talking about. For example, you know, in two weeks time, I'm organizing a dinner in San Francisco.
00:41:26
Speaker
I'm not even there. Yeah. but I love it.
Community and Connection
00:41:30
Speaker
I've got 12 people going for dinner. I've got one couple that I know that live in San Francisco. There was somebody else that messaged me. I put them in touch and then somebody else messaged me. I'm like, why don't you guys go for dinner?
00:41:41
Speaker
And it's now become 12 people going for dinner. And I love that because why not? Yeah. Well, again, it it is that that community aspect of this is so important. And it just it shows just the beauty of this industry, because it can be so easy to get bogged down in the what's not working and red flags and be weary of this. But majority of the time, it's actually pretty great. And the people that are part of this, like just want the best.
00:42:12
Speaker
They really do. Yeah. Yeah, they really do. And that I think that's what I love about the family building industry is when you talk to 99.9% of the people, they don't care if you're going to work with them as a professional.
00:42:29
Speaker
They want you to walk away from that call with information that helps you move forward. And I see this over and over. And I say to everyone, it's like, you can work with us. You can work with them. You can work with anybody.
00:42:40
Speaker
Just work with the people that make you feel good and that have explained to the process and always come back, ask me questions. I'm not going to say, Ooh, you chose them over. like I don't like ask us questions. That's why we're here.
00:42:55
Speaker
The industry really, it it has come so far. There's still more that, you know, can always be improved and things can be so different, particularly, you know, i know we've already kind of made references to Belgium with surrogacy being illegal, but then there's also kind of the added layer LGBTQ plus. We're having our own issues in various states in the U.S., just things like that.
00:43:20
Speaker
What do you hope changes people? LGBTQ families over the next decade in the fertility and egg donor surrogacy space.
00:43:32
Speaker
I would, it well, it depends where we're looking at, right? In the United States, I would like for there to be equality in the insurance mandate. I think LGBTQ families deserve the same rights as those that have got the insurance mandate. I think that's being addressed, which is great.
00:43:51
Speaker
um I would love, I mean, again, I'm going to get political. I don't, but I think we're seeing a rollback of rights. um be it LGBTQ, be it women, be it um your race, be it it where you, your nationality, where you've come from. Like there is a rollback of rights and I don't like that.
00:44:13
Speaker
I think that's not fair. um And that is a, that's a worldwide phenomenon. And we came, we've, I think we've come, we've come a really, really long way.
00:44:28
Speaker
And I think there's always that we can always improve and I'm always looking to benchmark up and I'm always looking to you know best practice. But I feel at the moment we're moving backwards. And I think what i really don't like is the fact that supporting surrogacy in countries where it's illegal um is a vote loser for the politicians.
00:44:54
Speaker
And therefore they don't even want to talk about it. And it's not on the bucket. Yeah. And and it's I think that that's not, I don't think that's cool.
00:45:06
Speaker
Can't think of a better way to put it, but i don't think that's cool. I think that it's it's not fair because you have ah small amount of trans families that they get no voice because the heterosexual families drown it out.
00:45:25
Speaker
I don't care on a numbers basis. I care on the fact that you have a human being who has a desire and they are not being allowed to do that because the politicians won't even look at it because it's it's a vote loser.
00:45:39
Speaker
That and to me, I think is wrong. And I would love for that to change. I would also love for religion to be removed from politics so that in countries like Italy,
00:45:53
Speaker
You don't get fined up to a million euros to have ah if you have a baby through surrogacy. You don't get threatened with going to jail because you've had a baby through surrogacy. Why do we think that is?
00:46:05
Speaker
Is it because it's a morally right thing to do or is it because you've got people in religion saying that this is wrong? i Again, I'm being political. and I don't normally get political. I know he's like, who is this person? know, but i it's I feel that we've got to a tipping point and it's not a tipping point in a good way. I think that we're we're going in the wrong direction.
00:46:30
Speaker
And I think it's also is a tipping point that if you don't get political, then your silence is part of the problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really appreciate you because i I don't think it's political. I think it's a human.
00:46:45
Speaker
I think it's human rights. And just period across the board. You said you were fined a million euros in Italy if you're... choosing to have your family through surrogacy.
00:46:58
Speaker
Just some of those things you can be. And I do remember it was a couple of years ago when it was the then Pope saying that surrogacy was an abomination and, you know, things like that. And there was all kinds of chatter about it over in the U S um because it is legal, not in all 50 States, but it is legal. And so there was just a comment and there was just a lot of talk about it. And I remember being just so upset by the whole thing. And then it was somebody who said to me, well, but you have to think about the context that he's saying this in There are countries where things are being done that aren't ethical.
00:47:35
Speaker
So there's it's just it's such a multi-layered process. And I guess my long-winded question to that is, can you kind of speak into a little bit of what you particularly are kind of guiding intended parents through that are in Europe and just other countries besides the US that are
Legal and Ethical Surrogacy Considerations
00:48:00
Speaker
navigating this. Absolutely. I think the first thing we do is say, talk to a local lawyer.
00:48:04
Speaker
How are you going to get home? How are you going to be recognized as a parent? Right? Yeah. and Because don't just walk into this thinking it's all going to be fine.
00:48:14
Speaker
It could not be. and A friend of mine from Australia had a baby in Argentina and halfway through the process, the rules changed, the laws changed. He got caught out because his agency didn't do something properly. He spent 15 months in Argentina trying to get home.
00:48:31
Speaker
He's finally got home, right? Yeah. Okay, thank you for saying this because you brought up this story in one of your podcasts and it was still, I think it was still happening. And I'm so glad to know that he is finally. Finally got home last month.
00:48:44
Speaker
um But again, because at the time, every time before the surrogate did a transfer, she had to sign a document saying she was okay with the surrogate, surrogacy process. It wasn't her embryo, blah, blah, blah. First transfer didn't work. She went in for the second transfer. The first time they signed the documents, the second time they didn't.
00:49:02
Speaker
And the the law is the law. the The lawyers were like, there's nothing we can do. And so again, coming back to why the US is the gold standard, right? Things like that should never happen, but why does it happen? Well, because it's being driven underground in certain countries, because the law is out. So you know imagine this, you're in Italy and all of a sudden they change the law and they say, you can do surrogacy, but here here are the the rules.
00:49:32
Speaker
And this is these are the hoops you have to go through in order to do it.
00:49:38
Speaker
What's wrong with that? right Like they did in New York. The new yorks New York State put in place rules and regulations to do it. like Why drive things underground when it's happening? Just make it legal. this is You're not hurting anyone ah in the United States, at least. i mean In other countries, there are ethical to absolutely ethical concerns.
00:50:03
Speaker
But that's only happening because They're being driven there because of like unethical, like just the rules are so like bad in certain countries that they just think I need to do this somewhere else.
00:50:19
Speaker
and i And it's just here in Europe when I'm talking to people, the first thing I do is I say, talk to a local lawyer because how are you going to get home? Or what passport are you going to get home? And are you going to be recognized as the parents of that child, which is your child?
00:50:34
Speaker
um then I talk about if they're talking about different jurisdictions I'm like okay well you can go to certain certain countries where you don't even ever meet your surrogate is that something you really want do you want a relationship with your surrogate do you want to know who she is do you want to know that she's being cared for and looked after that she's legally protected that she's medically empowered do you want do you want that to happen or do you want her just to be someone living in a commune with other surrogates like used to happen in India, for example, or, you know, it wasn't everywhere, but it definitely happened.
00:51:10
Speaker
I think it's so But it comes back to the same part of the more that you make something illegal or not regulated or not legal, the more people are going to find ways to do it. It's almost like it feeds off of each other. So if it if it's not legal, if it's not properly regulated, it's still going to happen, but in the less proper appropriate conditions.
00:51:35
Speaker
No, you're so right. And it does. it makes room for people to take advantage and then for there to be the continued, well, but this is unethical. Well, this is unethical because, and it just becomes this constant loop.
00:51:50
Speaker
We've kind of already touched on it a little bit because, i mean, this is an incredibly expensive process, period. Now throw in the fact that you are in a different country, maybe navigating this Do you feel as though that is one of the reasons why you do have intended parents?
00:52:15
Speaker
i mean, we see it in the U.S. Oh, well, I can't afford a U.S. surrogate, so I'm going to go to a different country. Well, now you have the same issues that you've already touched on.
00:52:27
Speaker
And also I, because I, I'm from Venezuela. So my first language is Spanish. I get a lot of people that I just, i don't have a visa to go to the U S it's not like I'm exchanging, I'm trading security for a cost. It's like, I cannot even get to the U S so where can I do this?
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah. But yeah, a lot of people are now looking at other jurisdictions. Um, I mean, it's, it's, does it fall under medical tourism? Does it? Cause that was a big thing in Thailand for a bit. There was a booming business and then it it stopped after a while because of baby Gammy, but the government is now looking at bringing it back because there's foreign finances there. There's money coming into the country. There's a whole industry that is creating GDP, right? It's, um,
00:53:23
Speaker
Again, it comes, and it's a real struggle because I don't, I'm a big proponent of do the best you can always, right? If you can afford it, do it and get the best protection that you can.
00:53:40
Speaker
But I see it and I see it more and more people are going to other countries and and putting themselves but in potential risk. because they're like, well, it's not gonna happen. Statistically, I've been told that it's not gonna happen.
00:53:54
Speaker
But what they don't realize is for people in the industry, it's a statistic. For them, it's binary. It either happens or it doesn't. And if it if you get stuck for one reason or another,
00:54:11
Speaker
That's when you have a problem. I just finally got it. Last podcast, you talk about statistic and binary and I did not get what you were saying. You glazed over, I know. Binary means it's either going one or zero. No, no, no. I know what binary is, but now I understand for me as a Nintendo parent, it will happen or not. I don't care if it's a 10% or 1%. I just care if it happens or if it doesn't happen. Yeah.
00:54:37
Speaker
Whereas when we're looking at 500 people going through surrogacy and six, I don't know, say 500 people going through surrogacy, 10 of them have a miscarriage. I'm like, yeah, there's a very low statistic that you're going to have a miscarriage.
00:54:50
Speaker
But if you're one of those 10, it happened to you. It's 100%. It happened to you. That's that's the thing about like when you talk to to insiders and they throw information like that, it's like,
00:55:04
Speaker
okay, you're just walking into this office feeling like I'm buying a lottery ticket and I don't want to buy a lottery ticket.
00:55:13
Speaker
Right. I mean, ultimately at the end of the day, we can all agree it is a lottery ticket, but you can at least try and buy the lottery ticket with as much knowledge as possible and at least as much guidance as possible.
Coping with IVF Challenges
00:55:26
Speaker
So if there are hiccups,
00:55:28
Speaker
they there's at least a solution or we know the route to take versus the situation with your friend in Australia where or was not in Australia, Argentina, and all of a sudden he's stuck and can't get home.
00:55:41
Speaker
Right. Yeah. And I think a measure of anybody in this industry is not how do you do things when they go right? It's how do you do things when they're not going the way they should be? And how are you going to support me through that? Either from a process perspective, from an emotional perspective, from a financial perspective, like how, what support are to give me? Because again, the people that get pregnant first go have an uncomplicated pregnancy, baby.
00:56:12
Speaker
Wonderful. Great. Great. Great. But what about the people who have three failed transfers, then a miscarriage, then they have to make new embryos, then they have to find second surrogate and then a third surrogate? Like, but how does that work?
00:56:25
Speaker
And how transparent are you on those journeys? That is like earning trust. If I see websites agencies that talk about if somebody, there's a surrogate that got diabetes or there's a surrogate that got, those are the things that I'm like,
00:56:43
Speaker
This is honesty and i love people that are disclosing things are not just all marketing. Having real conversations. Yeah.
00:56:55
Speaker
Because i mean, but you're so right. it is It's so easy and it's fun to celebrate the you got pregnant on the first time or you and your surrogate are best friends or now all of a sudden you're doing TikTok dances with your egg donor and you know just all of the things. It is so fun to celebrate that. But I love that. I love what you said head of how are you going to support me when things aren't going well?
00:57:22
Speaker
That's a great question to ask. Just nugget right there. If someone is feeling intimidated, overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted by just this whole process right now, what would you want them to know?
00:57:36
Speaker
It gets worse when you have kids.
00:57:41
Speaker
This is the best part of the process. By the way, the kids are home. Just FYI. We're
00:57:51
Speaker
I have a big, I've got two big phrases. A great friend of mine who i haven't seen for a long time was like, you know, go get a cup of tea.
00:58:02
Speaker
It's going to be fine. And then my granny used to say, this too shall pass.
00:58:09
Speaker
Like if you're struggling and you think it's not going to happen, but you've got a great team around you, they will support you through it. They will to my point just now, support you. They will be there. They will help you. Sometimes you just have to trust the process.
00:58:28
Speaker
It may not be the family of your dreams, but it's going to be a family. And it may not be the way that you thought it was going to happen, but it is going to happen.
00:58:40
Speaker
And you've got to grieve for that family that you thought you were going to have. And then you have to embrace the family that you are going to have. Hmm. Yeah. Oh, that's, so you're so right.
00:58:52
Speaker
i think there is, there can be such a struggle when you're in the midst of a journey, but you're still thinking about the what could have been.
00:59:04
Speaker
Yeah. i mean i've seen ah I've seen a lot of people and one of my best friends, she she froze her eggs really early on, like 10, 15 years ago. Then she just recently wanted to have a family and she tried all her eggs and none of them worked. And then it's a huge grief process of getting an egg donor and thinking that,
00:59:31
Speaker
you've heard that being a surrogate that doesn't affect the genetics of the that so then and i'm carrying a baby that is not genetically mine until that baby touches your arms and your hands and it's like all that vanishes but when it's real is as real as it can get but it's a matter of the support and understanding that The fixation sometimes can just get us lost in and and the forest. I always say, like, sometimes we get caught up looking at the rose and we forget the garden that we're creating. So, but but the minute that she had the baby, it's just like, all of that just went away.
01:00:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love their, I love go get a cup of tea. That could not be more just UK and beautiful. Uh-huh. Yes. But no, again, to your point, I think I always use the phrase, this is a moment, this isn't forever.
01:00:26
Speaker
And if you can, you know, yes, remember the garden. look at things, it really, yeah it can feel like it is totally taking over your life. um But it is just that moment. And like you said, it's so important when you have that support.
01:00:42
Speaker
What does ivf Daddies represent to you now beyond just the podcast and your platform? I think community. Like I keep coming back to it because I genuinely believe that And it's really odd.
01:01:05
Speaker
So I don't, I've always hated my voice. I don't like my voice. It's just one of those things. And it's really interesting when he's playing back the podcast and he's editing and he's, and it's like, hello. And I'm like, oh my God, hate it.
01:01:19
Speaker
But we can be out at, I was in, I was in, we were in Hong Kong.
Providing Clarity and Support
01:01:26
Speaker
And I'd organize a drinks thing. And and this guy, i I was talking this guy comes and goes, I know you.
01:01:32
Speaker
i How do I? I know your voice. and i was like I love it. It's like, oh, my God, this is so embarrassing. I literally. And did you go, hello? Hello. I'm Richard. And this is Julia. And he was like, oh, my God, you have a podcast. I'm like, no.
01:01:50
Speaker
and like To me, is to me as community is really important and visibility, but clarity, most of it, because it's very satisfying when when Richard is talking to somebody, with traveling and just getting to know people that in are looking to get into the process. And they're like asking that one question that just happened to be in the last episode. And then it's just we're just...
01:02:16
Speaker
You know what? go Just go to this podcast. And we'll just talk about that one question that you're asking. And that sense of clarity from both perspectives, from his perspective and from my, like, I always try to play, like, if I show up being the intended parent, the ones to get the information. And so i you' always try to to collapse the system, ask the same question in different angles to see if I'm going to get the right answer, you know? So that is that that to me, that clarity is important and also is is such a long and
01:02:52
Speaker
segregated and fragmented journey that is, I'm just like trying to like put it together like a Lego and, and it's just the pieces don't fully attach.
01:03:04
Speaker
And i don't know. It's just now I'm obsessed. I love it. I love it. Well, Again, thank you guys so much for your time. And really just thank you for everything you're doing, bringing a voice to this, you know, just across the globe. I could not be just more thrilled by it. I have one last question for you guys, and it's a fun one. um So for anyone who knows me, i know Richard, you love tea. I, however, am the classic coffee addict, and you will never find me without coffee in hand. And so I always love to ask the question, what has filled your cup today? Literally or figuratively, what has been the thing that has filled your cup?
01:03:51
Speaker
Well, for me today was ah just, we happened to just go out and meet a friend of Richard's that they knew each other for taking the kids to the first school and having them to to, the same way that you meet people in the journey, like being stuck or going through something traumatic, like both are teenagers and they're like, I saw their eyes and they were like, oh my God, they're trauma bonding right now. So so like today, that was, that was like, that filled my cup today. umm
01:04:25
Speaker
Mine's slightly
Enhancing Relationships
01:04:26
Speaker
different. So we, every Thursday we do couples therapy, the two of us. Because for, for those of you don't know, I was married for a long time um and we got divorced. And when I met Julio, I,
01:04:43
Speaker
we had a conversation and I was like, I don't want to build a new house with old bricks. And, and in therapy today, we were discussing a few things and it was great. And I think i what's filled my cup today is the fact that go back 10 years and I would never have considered ever going to therapy.
01:05:12
Speaker
And, And it really has had such an amazing impact. And it's, and what I think was the, the, it's for me has been the most impactful is I was, there's a connotation that you go to therapy because things are wrong and you're, you want to break up and you don't know how to, and you don't, need it's just all the negatives around trying to save a relationship.
01:05:37
Speaker
And actually. you know, we're at the best place we've ever been. and and it's just, it reinforces and it's just another way to get through some of the things. And that just, I, every Thursday I have a great day.
01:05:51
Speaker
Yeah. Like a side note, our therapist was like, and the two of you are still in the same page. You have not argued. She was shocked. She's great. She was shocked. ah She's great. Especially as Julio is trying to cause chaos all the time. oh my God. I love causing chaos because it's just, you fall asleep. like You go like this, I got like dopamine rush, like the cortisol level to just like spike you up.
01:06:16
Speaker
But yeah, I've always done therapy because therapy to me is like, it's the same thing as talking to people and asking questions is they give you the vocabulary of emotional language that you didn't have. And most of the issues are like, I just don't know how to voice it And then I just go to blame, you know?
01:06:34
Speaker
my gosh, you guys, thanks so much for asking. Um, literally what has filled my cup today is this is probably coffee number four. um but we won't talk
Finding Balance
01:06:46
Speaker
about that. Um, i would say what has filled my cup today. So it it's summer.
01:06:55
Speaker
um And so i said this earlier, but the kids are out of school. um But my husband's a teacher. And so he still works, though. It's not the whole, oh, you're a teacher and you have two months off vacation. No, he still is over at the school. um But life is just a little slower.
01:07:14
Speaker
And that just feels so nice. I hear The phone isn't buzzing as much. The emails have gone from like 10,000 to 1,000. Like it's just it's it's just nice. It's a little slower.
01:07:33
Speaker
It's a different vibe. but it just feels slower. yeah It's a great vibe. That is like the Instagram video that like women are like shampooing their hair and then just stop and like, you know what?
01:07:46
Speaker
We're good. We're Yes. Yes. No, you're so right. Yeah. Thanks for asking. But again, really, thank you guys so much for your time and for everything that you're doing. um This is is just so amazing. We're going to have it in the show notes, but if people want to find out more about IVF daddies, where do they go?
01:08:05
Speaker
IVF Daddies across the board. that The website is IVF Daddies.com. You have there a section of Ask IVF Daddies where you can get all of the questions that you wish to have. And IVF Daddies on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Spotify.
01:08:21
Speaker
And it's a great Instagram to follow. I'm just saying, because again, it's not only is it incredibly informative, but it does have that lovely sprinkle of hilarity. So yeah, I do appreciate that.