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Stewniverse LIVE! With Michael Legge
454 Plays7 months ago
Greetings A-stew-nauts! (that's like a Time Vine pun, not something I would do, really)
Back in February, we did an experimental live episode to see how it feels to a) let someone else talk for most of it, b) do it in front of a live audience (insert Lee Mack joke here) and c) only do it for an hour (Lee Mack Style topper goes here).
Our guest Michael Legge (one of the funniest comedians currently on the circuit and a joy to talk to) made that infinitely easier (for us, not him) because he talked for most of it, except the annoying bit at the end where I haphazardly conducted an audience game to get rid of some DVD's.
WARNING! THERE IS PRECIOUS LITTLE STEW RELATED CHAT IN THIS EPISODE, BUT A VERY POIGNANT AND REVEALING ANNECDOTE FROM MICHAEL ABOUT STEW AND A GUITAR. ALSO THE RECORDING QUALITY IS SHIT, BUT YOU DIDNT PAY TO SEE THIS LIVE AND THIS VERSION IS FOR FREE SO TOUGH FUCKING TITS!
Anyway, thanks for listening, enjoy!
PS: we are doing this again in Brighton in May (without Joe, so just me and guests!)
check out THIS LINK for details
Saturday 25th May with guests (No) Money in the Bank
Sunday 26th May Guest TBC
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Across the Shuniverse
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Across the Shuniverse podcast, the world's only podcast about the comedian Stuart Lee. My name's Dan Powell and I am your co-host along with Joe Berkwood.
Live Episode at Leicester Comedy Festival
00:00:47
Speaker
We recorded a live episode as part of the Leicester Comedy Festival with special guest Michael Legg who has
00:00:56
Speaker
He's worked with Stewart a number of times before, most prominently, I think, was when he appeared on the Alternative Comedy Experience, which was created, curated rather, by Stewart Lee. And he also provided tour support for Stewart on, I believe it was the milder comedian tour, but I could be wrong about that. Potentially 41st best, I'm not too sure.
00:01:22
Speaker
Either way, he's a key collaborator of Stu's, a paid up member of the Stu-niverse as it were. So yeah, we invited Michael along to the live recording in Leicester, which was recorded live in February.
00:01:40
Speaker
at East Street Lanes with late stage comedy. We had a really fun day actually it was good but a few teething issues here and there was the first live one that we'd done so in terms of the recording and stuff it's a little bit ropey a few things went wrong on the day. To be honest the only reason I haven't released it prior to now is because I was trying to get it cleaned up but not as au fait.
00:02:03
Speaker
with audio production technology as i thought i was so it's basically here in its unedited form everything i did too it just made it worse if i'm honest with you but no in the end it was still fun and michael was an incredible guest as you're here
00:02:21
Speaker
If I'm honest precious little Stu chat actually took place we just kind of let Michael do his thing you know when you invite a comedian of the calibre of Michael Legg onto your live podcast and there's an audience there you just let him do his thing which is what we decided to do in the end.
Challenges of Live Recording
00:02:41
Speaker
The one thing that I'd probably look back on and say that I wish we'd have done differently is we
00:02:50
Speaker
as part of the format we kind of had a bit of an audience game towards the end and really in retrospect we should have let Michael be involved in that but in true sort of narcissist style we ignored our guest for the best part of 20 minutes whilst we fucked around trying to flog Ricky Gervais DVDs for questions
00:03:10
Speaker
But, you know, you live and learn, you figure it out. Now, like I say, this was kind of like the prototype run, but we are going to be doing some more of these most notably.
Upcoming Shows at Brighton Fringe
00:03:20
Speaker
We've got a couple booked in here at the Brighton Fringe in May. That's the 25th and the 26th at Barre Broadway. I think they're at 9.15 on the 25th and 26th of May at Barre Broadway in Brighton.
00:03:38
Speaker
Saturday with special guests, no money in the bank, excellent sort of emo comedy double act from Leeds and Sunday's guest still to be confirmed but all details for that would be on the Bright and Fringe website but do come along to that if you kind of like the sound of well what you're hearing this episode to be honest with you and if you don't you know come anywhere because it could be different who knows
00:04:06
Speaker
like i said this was just really the first go at it see how the thing worked live some things worked some things didn't but it's here for you to listen to in its full unedited messy glory as i'm sure stew would intend were he to lower himself to creating such content now so yeah
00:04:30
Speaker
Without further ado, here is the live episode of the Across This Universe podcast recorded live at Leicester, as part of the Leicester Comedy Festival with Michael Legg. Assigned pronouns at Leicester Comedy Festival! Welcome to Across This Universe podcast!
00:05:00
Speaker
Hello, hello. Wow, this is apparently what the Metropolitan Liberal Elite of Leicester look like. Not what I expected. Far more non-male presence here than I expected, if I'm completely honest. But no, my name's Dan Powell, I'm the host of the Across the Shoe universe podcast.
00:05:22
Speaker
I won't say it. This little lump of loneliness here is Joe Berkwood, my co-host. Is Joe my co-host? I have no idea. I'm talking into it. Can people hear me? Yeah! Oh, that's all right. You're significantly louder than me. That's true in real life anyway. Just out of interest, just because I'm interested for a bit of market research, just give us a cheer if you were actually here because you listened to the podcast.
00:05:52
Speaker
We've got someone who's actually been on the podcast, they didn't even cheer. Okay, give me a cheer if you type the words Stuart Lee into the Leicester Comedy Festival website and found this. Right, I drove you here, you can fuck.
00:06:12
Speaker
Right okay I'm just gonna start picking on people then two lovely people here at the front and struggling with the lights how did you hear about the podcast? Got the festival brochure. Got the festival brochure okay. So the word Stuart Liam thought might be interesting. Right excellent so for those of you over for those of you under the age of 35
00:06:32
Speaker
That's the internet from before. OK, brilliant. So essentially, people have done what I thought they would do. They've looked at it and gone, there's a picture here with two faces on it. One half is of a man I recognize and like his work. The other half is of a man I have no idea who he is. Let's go see what that's about. So we're not going to mess around tonight because we've started a couple of minutes late and we've only got an hour. So should we bring on our guest?
00:06:59
Speaker
Right okay so without further ado please welcome to the stage the man who called everyone in Leicester a cunt and star of the alternative comedy experience is Michael Legg!
Michael's Apology and Critique
00:07:14
Speaker
Hello Michael. Sorry for calling you all cunts. I don't think he meant you specifically. No I definitely didn't. I was going through a terrible time.
00:07:25
Speaker
It was a gig at the wide theatre and that's how I describe a terrible time. A gig at the wide theatre. Anyway, you're not all cunts. You're welcome. What time is it? What time is it?
00:07:45
Speaker
What, eight minutes pass? Eight minutes pass. Eight minutes pass. So five two, I'm fucking dusty. Michael's got a train to catch, so we need to make sure. Just to give you a flavour of kind of how well respected this is, this is the Leicester Comedy Festival brochure for late stage comedy. And someone's used our bit as a roach.
00:08:10
Speaker
I've done that in the wild. What's it meant to make drug smoking with? Was that you? It wasn't, actually. OK, well, that's fine. But yes, thank you for agreeing to do this, Michael. We really, really appreciate it. I haven't agreed to it. I'm just here. I haven't agreed to it. It just happened to be in Leicester. Yeah. I always go to the Leicester Comedy Festival to complain about that one gay guy has the one. And go home again.
00:08:40
Speaker
Well, before we get into the stew-related stuff, there's a couple of things I wanted to ask you because I watched your special, The Idiot, on Next Up Comedy. It's so fucking funny, that phrase, isn't it? It's an American thing that we now say. Special. There's nothing special about doing the same fucking gig over and over again. If anything, because it's the last time I did the show, it literally makes it the
00:09:09
Speaker
But this is a point though, I'm trying to figure out how we as British people should refer to comedy specials. What would you recommend? I'd say if you get to the end, it's an hour. But you don't have to watch it all.
00:09:25
Speaker
You don't have to watch any of it. So it's an hour. Okay, so I watched Michael's hour. Yeah, there you go. I think that's pretty good. It's an hour. That's better. I watched your hour on next up comedy and I have a couple of questions on the back of it. First question, what the fuck have you got against ukuleles? Oh, come on. Do you play the ukulele? No, I do not. No, of course you're not. You're a fucking adult.
00:09:54
Speaker
My problem with the ukulele is not actually the instrument itself. It is the people who choose to play that instrument. They're not the people that I want to hang out with. And in particular, comedians who use the ukulele, it's fucking write a joke, you lazy prick. I hate it. It's too cheesy. There are some very good comedians who use the ukulele. Name one.
00:10:24
Speaker
Does Frank Skinner play the ukulele? I want this list to get long, like Lenny Bruce. Can you start off with ukulele? Does Izzy Suttie play the ukulele? Small guitar, parlour guitar. Yeah, actually it's a parlour guitar.
00:10:47
Speaker
parlor guitar that's even fucking worse if you brought a guitar into your living room you can't bring something that big into the you get a parlor guitar now
00:11:05
Speaker
From watching this special, I get the sense, I've said the word special again, I get the sense that you are frustrated, shocker, that you are not Iggy Pop. Yeah, aren't you? Am I frustrated that you're not Iggy Pop? No, are you not frustrated that you have had the chance to be Iggy Pop your entire life and you've chosen to be you?
00:11:30
Speaker
To be honest, I'm frustrated that I've chosen to be me for the start. The point of my show was, we all have a choice in life, and one person chose to be Iggy Pop, that's one. One person, we could've all decided to be Iggy Pop, and we still can.
00:11:45
Speaker
It's like any sort of thing, we can franchise it out. There doesn't have to be just one Iggy Pop. And it would be sad if Iggy Pop left us and no one decided to be Iggy Pop. Because then that means in future generations there'll be no Iggy Pop. But my point was, one person decided in his life, and keep in mind, our life doesn't last that long and one day we'll be dust.
00:12:14
Speaker
What I'm practically does anyway, that's what I says. But, yeah, I'm a little bit ahead of the grimery with that. But this man decided to be Jacob Rees-Morg. Imagine that being the decision you made when you could be Iggy Pop. Anyway, I got an hour out of that. He fucking did as well.
00:12:40
Speaker
By the end of this, obviously, not to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but you get to live out that icky pop fantasy and you basically end the gig.
00:12:53
Speaker
doing your impression, I thought, of Iggy Pop? I don't think it was an impression, I just took my shirt off. In fairness, what monster needs to be Iggy Pop? That's all it is. It's my notion. I'm very, very, very self-conscious of being seen in any way naked because I think my body is repugnant. So I thought, and I guess we'll be talking about Stuart Lee at some point, right? Yeah.
00:13:20
Speaker
You know, at 5'2 when I'm black. Anyway, don't worry. Point is, I genuinely, sometimes, I think I write comedy thinking, what would annoy me the most? So I think there is the character of Michael Legg, and the character of Michael Legg thinks, what would annoy Michael Legg the most?
00:13:43
Speaker
doing a show where I have to take my top off every fucking show and knowing how embarrassed I am about it and how horrible it makes me feel.
00:13:54
Speaker
And the carriage of Michael Legg, as I said, is terribly funny. Well, this is what I was going to ask you, because I wanted to ask if the Michael Legg on stage is a character. Obviously, everyone on stage for the non-comedians in the room kind of dials up bits about themselves to make it funny. We exaggerate things. But the Michael Legg that I just sat and had a lovely peppermint tea with, and the Michael Legg who I watched
00:14:21
Speaker
Quite unreasonably, yeah, berate the ukulele for an hour, are different people. Well, I mean, you can be fucking permanently angry at absolutely. I know, I'll give it a good go. Yeah, I mean, the whole point of the on stage Michael Lake is to fucking hate everything, including the audience, and to berate their presence, because quite frankly, I'd rather have the room to myself.
00:14:51
Speaker
And thanks to all the people who didn't turn up today. I can't be angry all the fucking time. Sometimes you've got to have a peppermint tea, man. I will admit, it wasn't the first time I'd ever seen someone drink peppermint tea and say come quite as much. At the same time, in between comments there were sips of peppermint tea.
00:15:21
Speaker
I say cunt a lot and now here's the thing I say it because I mean it so it's not grass or throw away I mean it and could you mind if I tell you I think I've now got a high sort of benchmark really for the use of the word cunt and it's it's we've all done bad gigs I'm doing one now
00:15:48
Speaker
Bad gigs. I've done thousands of bad gigs, but I'll be honest with you. I made a decision last year that it took me honestly six weeks to get over it. It was so horribly shocking. I did five nights in a row on a cruise ship.
00:16:11
Speaker
There's most venues shouldn't have me but I would say It's definitely high in the list and I thought do you know what it's gonna be a good experience And I don't mean like I'll learn from it what I mean was I'll get some jokes out of how horrible it is But no, it was it was so horrible that my I don't want people to be this horrible and nasty and mean and and they would like I died in my ass three times a night
00:16:39
Speaker
for five nights in a row. And yeah, you're looking at me now and going, hm? But I'm telling you, that doesn't always happen. And what happened was, I think about day three or four of me going, I'm actually shaken by how horrible this audience are. Like, they hate everything.
00:17:02
Speaker
And not just about me, I mean, they hate where they are, they hate, you know, anyone who works on that cruise ship, they hate, and they speak to them like shit. Like, everyone seems to be, you know, you know, their servant, including me. Like, this isn't funny. Why don't you tell us jokes we know? Because you know them. It literally doesn't work that way. Did you ever think of asking them if they were a sardine?
00:17:29
Speaker
I think that's a call back to a Stewart Lee break.
Cruise Ship Performance Anecdote
00:17:32
Speaker
Listen, like I say, can we keep the Stewart Lee stuff to a minimum? So anyway, what I realized was the only joy I'm going to get from this cruise ship is by annoying everyone. And I could do that really easily. And what you do there, if you ever are on stage in a cruise ship, what you do is you keep referring to the cruise ship as a boat.
00:18:02
Speaker
So we enjoyed the boat. So what's your cabin like on the boat? Anyway, if you've been on it, there's loads of bombers on the boat. And after a while, people just got angry and angry. And there was one night, and this is what I mean by a high benchmark now of that word. Because this one just went, stop calling it a boat. It is a cruise ship. And I went, it's a tin of counts.
00:18:33
Speaker
And it's a tin of cunts. And everyone, I should have told you at the beginning, you're not allowed to swear. And the room went, what? You can't say that when I fucking can and do whatever I want, I'm an adult. And this is where there's spoons in the seat. It's a bobbing skip full of unfuckable morons.
00:19:05
Speaker
They complained to the authorities. So speaking of alienating audiences, let's talk about Stuart Lee. Although it's not 5-2 yet.
Personal Anecdotes and Family
00:19:19
Speaker
So you took part in the alternative comedy experience.
00:19:26
Speaker
I played the part of Michael Legg. You did? The actor Michael Legg. I played the part of the actor Michael Legg. There's an actor called Michael Legg and I played the part of him. You played the part of him. You played the part of the actor Michael Legg and you told a little story about how your parents have no pictures of you in their house. Oh yeah, that's true. That's completely true. Yeah, well that's what I wanted to say. But the only picture they did have was a lovely painting of a horse. No, no, it wasn't a painting of horse, it was a photograph.
00:19:57
Speaker
So there's no photos of me, there's photos of, you know, my other siblings and... Right. And like grandkids, like I understand grandkids, you know, cute little kids and stuff. But there's an absolutely none of me and there's a photograph, firstly, of a horse. And I asked my dad, what's with the horse? And my dad said, oh me and your mum like that horse.
00:20:28
Speaker
No, that's pretty fucking dumb. That's a hoof in the cock, right? And then I said, so when did you take this photograph? Oh, no, we didn't take the photograph. We found the photograph for sale. And I'm like, do you know this? No. So it's a complete stranger of course. That they just like. And you chose to tell that story on Comedy Central. Yeah. It was the best material I had at the time. It's incredible.
00:20:57
Speaker
So how did the booking for the authentic comedy experience come about? Did Stuart see you? Because obviously he curated it, for those of you that don't know. Did he see you live? Well, he had no choice because I was supporting him on a couple of days. Oh, well there you go then.
00:21:15
Speaker
So, at this point, he could have just sat in his very plush dressing room, getting massaged. But he didn't. He didn't, to be fair. He did all the massaging for me, which is really lovely. Yeah, and I did a couple of, I mean, there's only a couple of gigs. It wasn't like I'd falter or anything with him. But yeah, but I think we sort of got on before that.
00:21:43
Speaker
Like, he asked me to do the tour dates, so he definitely saw me before that. And I don't know how we met. I honestly can't remember it, but I remember us definitely getting on. Someone's met Stuart and disagreed? Yeah, yeah.
Bonding with Stuart Lee
00:22:03
Speaker
Or met me. No one can get on with you. And here's the thing, I can't remember meeting Stuart Lee. I just remember generally
00:22:13
Speaker
being slightly in awe of him. And then after a while, I'm not in awe of him anymore, he's there. And then one day, why am I telling you this? One day at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, we're backstage at the Stand Comedy Club, which is the greatest comedy club in the world. Suck on up, why theatre?
00:22:39
Speaker
And we're talking about the musician, Robin Hitchcock, and I had a particularly bad day. It grinds you down, comedy. Oh, silence proves that. We've been in the presence of you for 10 minutes. We're already fucking exhausted.
00:22:59
Speaker
I did my own heckling, by the way, so you relax, I've got this. And I was having a shit day, and I was... Stu and I were talking, and he sounded a bit exhausted as well, but we were talking about the musician Robert Hitchcock, and then he started playing on the guitar a Robert Hitchcock song, which I think was the song, Glass Hotel.
00:23:22
Speaker
I might be wrong with that. And we both started singing Glass Hotel together when he hit one guitar and I was both singing. And a little thing went off my head. I think we're friends now. We're not friends. He's barely spoken to me since. What? No, I think we're friends. I think we're friends. So yeah, so I don't remember how I met him. I don't know why. I think he just likes that I'm rude.
00:23:50
Speaker
I think so, it takes a bit of a hit off him. Yeah, well that's fair enough. Obviously, you mentioned managing to lose the reverence for Stuart Lee. You've not quite managed to lose the reverence for Robin Hitchcock from what I understand. Oh, no, no, no. Well, I mean, no matter what, I mean, I can't do what Stuart Lee does as much as I'd love to, but I just can't do it. But I understand how he does it, whereas I look at Robin Hitchcock, and I don't know how the fuck he does it, because I'm not a musician.
00:24:15
Speaker
what I am. Everyone joining in? Well then I shall stop. So I mean obviously you say you can't do what Stuart Lee does but I imagine you took something away from that talk and you know you
00:24:29
Speaker
But obviously there's a very huge amount of money that Stuart rakes in. Did I take anything away from it yet? I couldn't believe that was supporting Stuart Lee. And also I couldn't believe that he gave me an opportunity to perform at the Royal Festival Hall, which is fucking amazing. And if you do get that experience, it never leaves your mind while you're on stage to go, I'm basically
00:24:59
Speaker
I'm shitting on the memory of Paul Dillon. His performance here was iconic and I'm shitting on it by fucking complaining about my petty grievances. Which Paul Dillon also does. But I mean, it's all very politically. Yeah. But I mean, in terms of like, you've obviously taken influence from Stuart Lee. I think it's, I think not only in as much as, I think, well, we're the same age.
00:25:29
Speaker
you know, we sort of have the same, we sort of have the same life really, you know, and it's hard not to sort of have something in common. Almost specifically about the exact same life. Yeah, he's a couple of months older than me, so he was fresh out of the gate, but I kept an eye on him as a baby. Everything should be fine.
00:25:51
Speaker
So which tour was it? Because I imagine Royal Festival Hall by another fucking tour. I don't fucking know what a blonde ambition tour is. I don't fucking know. Do you know what? Here's the thing. I love Stuart Lee and I love him as a comedian. I love him as a comedian. I'm a huge fan. But unfortunately, you've asked the question that I'm part of and I couldn't give a fuck because I'm part of it. And if I was there, it's not interesting anymore because I was there. I'm not kidding you.
00:26:21
Speaker
If it was me, Buzz Aldrin, right? And Neil Armstrong, I'd be like, I couldn't give a shit about any of it. I'd be like, I'd be the worst fucking astronaut if I was there. Look at this dump. It just happened. It just happened. It just happened. And I happened a long time ago. I can't remember what Apollo was.
00:26:52
Speaker
So, all right then, let's uh, I'll tell you what, let's move away from Stewart Lee, shall we? We've angered Mike. I'll get to talk about Stewart all day. You wanted to talk, I don't know what you were speaking before. Why do you like Stewart Lee? Why do I like Stewart Lee? Did you just say look at him? That's why I am the demographic. I like how he says look at him, but then he's at great pains to say every time he speaks to me. Do you know what? We look a bit alike.
00:27:22
Speaker
Why do I like Stuart Lee? Because I like comedy that makes an effort. And I think that that's... I think that that's what he does. I'm comedy that is an effort. No, you can't say that you don't make an effort. You know, we spoke about this and this is what... I've come here, haven't I? Exactly, you've made the effort. This is what I wanted to talk to you about, right? You wanted to talk to me about the character of Stuart Lee.
00:27:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not only to say this very briefly, the character of Stuart, you've heard that phrase, the character of Stuart Lee. And here's the thing, a lot of people that I know have gone, what is he talking about? Isn't he Stuart Lee? And here's the thing, but he isn't Stuart Lee.
00:28:12
Speaker
You know, he's not that guy. He couldn't possibly be that guy 24 hours a day. I mean, Stuart is really, he's really thoughtful and put it this way, the character of Stuart Lee would not sit backstage with someone and really sadly sing a Robin Hitchcock song, raise some sort of joy. He wouldn't fucking do it. But Stuart Lee would.
00:28:35
Speaker
Well the character of Stuart Lee absolutely wouldn't. So I'm totally, when people sort of go roll their eyes when he says to character of Stuart Lee, I go, now I'm a fucking 100% get it. Of course, of course, he doesn't really, you know, hate all comedians as well. One of my favourite things is watching him laugh, like actually properly laugh, like I watched
00:29:03
Speaker
of an eclipse on YouTube, where you were chatting with him and he told you a frog story, which I need to know whether that's 100% true. It's depressingly true. The frog came and fucked it.
00:29:18
Speaker
Well, there you go. Now let's go back to the beginning. The short version of the story is I decided to go on holiday on my own, which of course, you know, some people can do. I'm not one of them. And I was in a like private chalet with a swimming pool.
00:29:45
Speaker
in Bulgaria on my own and I was thinking I bet some of my friends are jealous of me and even Stuart actually was saying yeah it sounds ideal and I was telling him like how fucking sad it was like I don't want to be here on my own it's really shit and I got really depressed and I tried to cheer myself up by making myself a cocktail
00:30:05
Speaker
And it's worse, isn't it? It makes it worse. Anyway, when you're sad, treating yourself makes it worse. Have a treat. Anyway, so there I am, drinking this horrible cocktail by a swimming pool. Something that you should do with someone else. And I'm alone. And that's when a frog hopped over and sat in front of me.
00:30:34
Speaker
It was like so biblical. It was like, oh my god, this frog has come to give me comfort and company. And then another frog appeared and fucked it. And that repeated itself three times, including a frog threesome. And I'm telling you this now. You don't know what loneliness is until you're on your own with a cocktail in your hand by a swimming pool.
00:31:04
Speaker
watching Frog's Fuck three times. And listening to you tell that story to him, this is what Joe's all about, right? The human stewardly, not the character stewardly, the real man comes out and you see him- Burst him. Genuinely bursting. I think it's like the first time I've ever seen him laugh properly.
00:31:29
Speaker
I mostly haven't listened to the podcast, but when you're there, you'll know I am the beginner, obstrately, like I don't.
00:31:37
Speaker
didn't know anything about him really. I didn't expect to walk into a room full of people coming to see a live podcast who've never heard the podcast but here we go. We don't like new people. Yeah we don't like new people coming apparently. The whole conceit of the podcast. There's not many people here but they've all brought a friend. They've all brought an unwilling participant as is half of Stuart Lee's audience but
00:32:02
Speaker
The conceit of the podcast is I really like Stuart Lee and my wife said to me you need to find something else to do with this otherwise I'm going to leave.
00:32:13
Speaker
You can't just keep talking to me about this man who I don't find funny. So I decided to start a podcast and I was talking to Joe about it and he sort of knew shortly a little bit and he kind of liked him, but he not particularly seen many of his things.
Podcast Concept Explained
00:32:29
Speaker
So I said, we'll do a podcast. I'll walk you through it. You can be the newbie. I'll be the expert. And that's the idea, to be honest with you, but what that
00:32:41
Speaker
means is that Joe will ask me questions and I'll be like in the book what does the book say so yeah so that's that's kind of why we're here but I was gonna I was gonna ask you a bunch of questions about Stuart Leeds but then you basically said I don't fucking know I might know you might know well you might know so what we tend to do is what's your favourite Stuart Leeds bit?
00:33:11
Speaker
Is that because of the matter? There's songs that will get there. And they play the guitar so beautifully. Yeah, I'd have to say it's Hannah. Oh, do you know what? He's got really good skin. Really good. I sometimes, I'm in his company, and that's the thing I look at the most is his skin. I don't think he realises he's got really good skin. So what you're trying to say is that Stuart Leers let himself go doesn't work. Yeah, well, not to me. And honestly, because I'm, you know, I'm the same age as him, but I'm wrinkled as fuck. He's honestly, he's not wrinkled.
00:33:41
Speaker
He's a lot of things, but he is not wrinkled. He's jaded and gray and, you know, and often in my company dead behind the eyes. But, honestly, he's got, that man's got beautiful skin. I'll say it, beautiful skin. That was not the revelation I was expecting from today. All right, then, favourite bit of Stuart Lee material then? Not keen.
00:34:08
Speaker
Do you know what, I don't know, but what I will say is the best, I'd say the best performance that I ever saw him do, and I was so lucky about it. I was trying to save a pub. I think we all are. In our day-to-day lunch we're always trying to save a pub, one way or the other.
00:34:30
Speaker
My name is Michael Legg and I'm constantly trying to save a club. Thank you for having me at this meeting. That's fucking good material, write that down. Hey, that's copyright at that point. And I asked Stuart, would he do a spot, a comedy not there? And he was so nice of him, say yes. Well, not only did he say yes, he did a performance at this show that I went,
00:35:00
Speaker
fuck me that is it is absolutely second to none and he did it you know his bit and i've never seen it before but you'll know it now where he um he blames the audience for the gig going wrong which is you know one he's right it's one of his sticks anyway but he but then you know he's good you don't know what it's like you know
00:35:24
Speaker
Look at Robin, and he blames the audience for killing Robin Williams. Because I hadn't seen that before, and he's doing it in a room above a pub, and it's a scrappy pub. Hard to believe in this beautiful room that we're in now. But it's a pub that
00:35:54
Speaker
It doesn't need, it needs refurbishing, but also fucking just throw a vacuum room. I mean, that'll help, at least. But there he is doing this routine that I hadn't seen before, and I went, oh, well, that's it. We're done. It's not gonna get any better than that. And I mean that, because I've seen him do it since, and I've gone, it was better in the room above the house.
00:36:19
Speaker
I'm assuming you put crisps on at this benefit. He doesn't do a benefit. I know you got crisps. Doesn't have crisps. Oh, that fucker got crisps. That's why he did it. Yes. That's one of the different ways he did it. In terms of that bit, for those of you who don't know Comedy Vehicle Series 4, it's on there somewhere. It is probably my favourite bit of stewardly. I'm glad you said that one. Oh, really? I mean, actually, to be fair, the version on the telly series is perfect, really, isn't it? It is 100%, because... But I wasn't at that one, so I'm choosing my version. Yeah, well, that's fine.
00:36:53
Speaker
There was a room above a pub at the Manchester Free Trade Hall in 1977. And none of you were there for five years. With a comedian, Stuart Lee, who said, Bo, this is letting self go. That kind of thing. Glenn Matlock has let self go. That's what we all said.
00:37:16
Speaker
Yeah, I'm trying to think of ones that he hasn't done before, but it's difficult. He's been around the houses of every single and slightly grey 50s. What's that? I remember the one that he did when we were there. He did about eight of them. It basically procs his act up with little bits and pieces of that. So you don't remember the first time you met Stuart Lee? No, but I tell you one thing. What I do remember is the first time that he came to see me do a thing.
00:37:45
Speaker
And the thing is, I didn't expect that I was on his radar at all. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe he just took a punt. But I was in this sketch show called The Real Daniel O'Donnell Show. And here's the thing, because I used to do a character of Daniel O'Donnell who was just an absolute cunt. But, you know, in a jumper. Very similar to another character I do. Anyway.
00:38:12
Speaker
And it's this sketch show, so I'm in a sketch group, and I'm sort of like the first person to walk on stage in the sketch room. I do this little solo bit, you know, because it was supposed to be like a Twilight Zone kind of thing. So I sort of did the Rod Sterling sort of, you know, bit at the beginning. And so I'm
00:38:40
Speaker
They're all backstage, but I'm off to the side of the stage on my own, so I can hear them all giggling and having a good time, while I'm like, I'm on my own, fucking boring. But I'm just peeking out and I can see the audience coming in, like an inch of curtain just looking, and then all of a sudden, Stuart Lee goes by, like Jaws' Fin. Go.
00:39:01
Speaker
Right, well, we'll have to cancel the show. And we'll have to burn the venue down. And do you know what you were saying about Islam? Fuck me. Honestly, it's God. I hope it's fine too, because I should be kicked out of this venue. Because honestly, he was like fucking making Henry VIII laugh. He was like, he fucking laughed. So he was like, yeah.
00:39:29
Speaker
So it is like he thinks it is then. Because he doesn't think anything. Well, I don't know. He doesn't think anything. Well, all right. Like he says it is. He said a bunch of times that he doesn't go to circuit gigs anymore because it's like the teacher's turned on. Or it's like, I think he said. Oh, I think probably. But he knows how we feel. Yeah. Well, he certainly doesn't. He doesn't go to circuit gigs now. I would love to do a gig where the character of Stuart Lee was in the audience.
00:40:00
Speaker
That is point three. What do you think the character of Stuart Lee would say about you? Well, do you know what I'd like to think that he would heckle? But what you do is you put his glasses on and get a card out of his jacket pocket and read his heckle out. That's what I want the full character of Stuart Lee experience. Because it's not worth memorizing. No, it's not. His hatred of me is not worth remembering. Like the Liz Trust government. Well, considering...
00:40:31
Speaker
That's his joke, not mine. See why all the Tories didn't turn out. That is the only reason the Tories didn't tell us, I imagine. But yeah, with a conscious eye on the time, what I wanted to do is I've got a little game to play. Does anybody want to play a game? Yeah! Right, of the people who shouted the word yeah, can I get one person to come up here please?
00:40:55
Speaker
Let's get one hand in the air. Oh, hello, a person... Fucking hell, it's like when we went to see Stewart Lee and someone snuck in. Come back.
00:41:07
Speaker
Please. You can come back. Yes, it's where everybody will be today. OK, so you can have my seat. What's your name, sir? Emma. Emma, everybody say hello to Emma. Hello. Hello, Emma. I'm going to have to step down on this now, because it's not enough room for everybody. It's giddy up here, isn't it? It is a little bit. It is a little bit. So what we're going to do, Emma, is have a couple of games to play.
00:41:34
Speaker
This first game is called Stu's line is it anyway? Is this a line from one of Stu's shows or sets or someone else? So I'm going to read a bunch of quotes. For everyone that you get right, you get a, we'll call it a comedy DVD.
00:41:58
Speaker
So that is to get them wrong. Depending on what your taste and comedy is. Many people are prepared to suffer for their art. Few are prepared to learn how to draw. Stu Lee or not Stu Lee? Not Stu Lee, but it feels like a stu lee now. Not stu lee.
00:42:20
Speaker
It's not Stu Lee, it's Simon Murray. And for that you win a cheeky boy Lee Mack DVD. Well thank you. I will put that over my cheeky boy. Basically, basically I brought these DVDs with me. I don't want to take them home. So you're going to take them home. Okay. A lot of people say to me, get out of my garden.
00:42:57
Speaker
you know I want to say Stu Lee but like if he was a hedgehog that's a turn that I did not expect right what I would say to you is please don't feel too under pressure you will only win a Russell Howard DVD
00:43:16
Speaker
It is Stewart Lee, however, it's also a Michael Redman joke that was told by Stu and stolen by Joe Pasquale. So whose line actually is it? I don't know, but I'll give you a Russell Howard DVD for that. Well done. Right, OK. Now, this one's slightly trickier because is this the following is the following quote from Stu talking about another comedian or from someone else talking about Stu? OK. Anyone who likes him must be a moron.
00:43:48
Speaker
That's Stewart Lee talking about someone else. Oh, sorry. Is that what you're saying? Is that your answer? Yeah. Okay, bonus point if you know who he's talking about. Oh, fuck. No, but I feel like... Someone whispered something. Sorry. McIntyre. Okay. McIntyre. You know what? Yeah, that probably sounds about right. He's not talking about McIntyre. It is Stewart Lee, but he's not talking about McIntyre. He's talking about Roy Chubby Brown. Oh, yeah. To a taxi driver, surprise us.
00:44:23
Speaker
Worthwhile irrespective of whether it goes well or partly No, that's surely talking about Oh God, I do like stupidly but not to the level of How come if you get questions wrong you don't get
00:44:45
Speaker
In fairness, the next one's a Joe Pascuali DVD, so you should get it for getting it wrong. Get it wrong darling, that's not coming in now. I might not be up to it either. Okay. Mutually incompatible observations, the points of view seem to shift, it doesn't add up.
00:45:08
Speaker
No, that is Stewart Lee. You quite clearly didn't want a Joe Pasquale DVD, that's fine. That was Stewart Lee talking about comedians who use writers, by the way. Such as Jack Whitehall was the example that he gave. His words, not mine. So sophisticated and subtle and damn well enlightening.
00:45:29
Speaker
Not Stewart Lee, someone's writing about him or something? No, that's Stewart Lee. Talking about Dave Allen. We'll do one more joke one. We'll do one more joke one because I really like this joke.
Audience Game: Stuart Lee or Other Comedians?
00:45:48
Speaker
I say no to drugs but it's pointless because they haven't got any hearing.
00:45:55
Speaker
I say no to drugs, but it's pointless because they haven't got any hearing. Stu Lee or not Stu Lee? Not Stu Lee. Not Stu Lee, that's right. It's Sean Locke. And for that you get one of the other Russells.
00:46:10
Speaker
in their hutch Russell Kane DVD I only got the two Russell's that you can still talk about these days go on then we'll do we'll do a couple more because I can't I really don't want to take those home and we've still got all right I'll tell you what let's say thank you very much then and Tom can come up and answer some questions
00:46:36
Speaker
I do not want to get on that stage. All right, well that's fine. That's fine. I'll ask the questions. You can do it from there, that's fine. Right, okay. They say if you walk a mile in a man's shoes, you'll have his shoes. Stewardly. And you'll be a mile away. Stewardly. No, it's not stewardly. It's not stewardly. Okay. You will win a Michael McIntyre DVD. Which one? I love all his looks. As if it was a distinction.
00:47:07
Speaker
Hello, Hello Wembley. Ah, yes. Hello Wembley. So, yeah. They say if you walk a mile in a month's shoes, you'll have a shoe. Yeah, but you haven't answered it, though. I didn't. I said not too late. Not too late. Have we just repeated it? It's not. No, it's Simon Munnery. There you go. It's Billy fucking Connolly. Is that a Billy Connolly? Billy fucking Connolly, mate. Wow.
00:47:35
Speaker
Simon Monnery stealing jokes. Oh, I'm not saying Simon didn't come up with it first. Yeah, it's like the chicken on the end. I'm saying... Billy Colley said it. Loudest. Mind you, that's the same as well. Has everyone here seen Stuart Lee's stand-up comedian hour?
00:47:57
Speaker
Just one person, two people. Was that Eddie at the back there? Hi Eddie. You recall the joke about the tea cosy? No? About if someone not being curious enough to even check whether a tea cosy would make a serviceable hat.
00:48:19
Speaker
That is a Spike Milligan joke and a Billy Connolly joke, and then a Stuart Lee joke. So it's one of those... I mean, it's saying, why write fucking jokes? They're fucking there. Just fucking take it. But I don't know what's Billy Connolly gonna do?
00:48:43
Speaker
But, what's the state of fucking record? Conley, if you've got a fucking problem being naked, you can fucking have a word. I will fucking have you. I would love to see you too, guys. Stupid Scottish prick. Yes! Now the beef's on. Right, we finally reached the zenith. We've insulted a national treasure. Which nation? What? I didn't, no, genuinely, what you said, what? Which nation? Scotland.
00:49:14
Speaker
Well, because, never mind. Well, it's a great opportunity to edit. Is anyone else interested? I give him loads. He does give me loads, yeah, to be fair. And the opportunity is to edit. I could have been a boxer like my father. He could have been a boxer as well. This is great. I'm just telling people a joke. Not Stewart Lee. Not Stewart Lee. No, it's also Simon Murray. Did he steal that one? Yeah, from me. Oh, OK.
00:49:43
Speaker
And for that one, you win a Ricky Gervais live DVD. So you can learn how to copy Stewart Lee as well. Be careful, there's irony in there. Do you think Ricky Gervais copies Stewart Lee? I think that's how it is. In his recent special, he directly quotes him. Is that copying?
00:50:09
Speaker
That's irony, one of the many devices we'll use throughout the show. And that's a shortly bit from like, years and years and years ago. To be fair, the last time I saw it through a leak, he did do the crab dance.
00:50:29
Speaker
If you start this shit, it's going to kick off. If he starts his next hour, only 15 minutes of anti-trans would say everything. That would be incredible. And one more. This is the only one that anyone would probably actually want is Harry Hill line. To this day, I get an involuntary erection every time I look at a packet of packs. So try explaining that to the mother-in-law on Christmas Day.
00:50:56
Speaker
Apparently that's Stuart Lee. That's Stuart Lee, is Stuart Lee. That's horrible. There is context. There is context, to be fair. It's very hard to lift the Stuart Lee line out of context and have it make sense because as he says, I don't do jokes.
00:51:12
Speaker
But yeah, that's his version of a cheeky boy Lee Mack joke. So there you go. For that, you win Harry Hill and we're just about at the time where unfortunately Michael needs to leave us. Fuck, I wasn't expecting any of that. In all fairness, Michael, you are the only good bit about all of it. People wouldn't have gone with the eyebrows. You were the only good player.
00:51:41
Speaker
A door opened and that suggests like someone was ready, like had the fucking door open, ready for it. He's not where you went, you didn't go get a pint, you went and employed a person from the venue, I need the door to be open. I just said to a guy, excuse me, can you just put your son up against this door? I can have a quick exit, it's like 55 minutes time. And he was so bowled over by actually meeting someone from Comedy Central's
00:52:10
Speaker
alternative. No, he meant something. Yeah. Was Tony Law really like that? Questions on the way. Were you there the night Bridgie Christie did the... No, I've seen him do the unthink many times. Live for a bit. No. As opposed to just on a... No, no, no. I just saw her do it.
00:52:52
Speaker
Well I like nothing more than an awkward end to a segment. Please give it up for Michael Legg.
00:53:10
Speaker
And have you actually been to the Y Theatre? Yes. Cunts. Oh, fucking hell.
00:53:23
Speaker
Terrifying individual. Terrifying individual. Right, I really have to get rid of this Joe Pasquale. No, I'm going to make Tom answer another question. I'm not just going to give you it. Can the audience help me though? Yeah, all right, that's fine. There was a guy that kept shouting out. Where's the guy that kept shouting out? No, he doesn't, he's done. All right, okay.
00:53:53
Speaker
Prepare to remember anything if the fee is high enough. Is that Stuart Lee about Peter Kay? No, but it could be. It isn't. It's Stuart talking about Stuart McConey. And his tendency to appear on 100 greatest programs that you still have all the time on Channel 4. But you did get it right, so there you go.
00:54:21
Speaker
I'm just throwing things at a disabled person now. This is just not acceptable behaviour. Joe, any final thoughts before I let these people leave? No. I wasn't knowing if that was a bigger laughter. I don't think my entire hour. Give us the sun. Give us the sun. OK, all right, fine.
00:54:47
Speaker
What's that one that you talked about? I don't know. No, I will. I will. But only because I sing it to my... We've got a two-month-old baby and I sing it to the baby to get her to sleep. And one day I was watched intuitively and it came up and she immediately fell asleep. It was amazing. I had a little donkey. We kept him in the yard. One day in the wintertime when it was snowing hard.
00:55:17
Speaker
Mother said the donkey would be cold out in the storm. Tense enough. Bring him in the kitchen and let him have a warm well. Well, well, well. He come in here, kicked the chandelier, smashed up all the crockery and bit me mother's ear.
00:55:52
Speaker
There we go. That's entertainment, according to Stuart Lee. And thank you all so much for coming.
Where to Find the Podcast
00:55:59
Speaker
Given none of you have listened to the podcast before, across this universe podcast, it's on everywhere you get the podcast except Apple because they are cunts. But no, thank you very much. Thank you. Well done, boys. Proud of you.